Announcements
We ask our congregants to calm down with their Shtenders. We cannot have everybody bringing their own Shtenders. The uniformed look of our shul has brought down the value of our sanctuary. We don’t feel it has helped with the renovation process. Stuff is happening this week. There is weekday Davening. Then there will be Shabbis. And Shalishudis. There will be Bar and Bat Mitzvahs. Probably weddings. And Classes Happen. You should show up. The rabbi is now allowing people to post Simcha pictures, as annoying as your family looks. Rule: All pictures must have club style pull up signs. The rabbi does want everybody to know that your social media pictures are still annoying. Contemporary Halacha Classes: How a Shul Can Waste Millions on Renovations and Still Have Every Congregant Show They Disagree with What They Agreed On- A Shtender Protest and A Halachik Look into Community Decisions. Our Shul’s Announcements and How to Make Announcements Like Our Board Who Gives No Details- Vagueness and Why Nobody Shows Up When They Don't Know What Is Happening. Follow-up Class- Dealing with Idiots. How Congregants Can Be More Annoying When You See Their Pictures on Instagram. Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Pupils... When your snake staff gets eaten by somebody else’s snake staff, you listen. That's a life truth. A credo... Paroh was stubborn like the people of our shul who think it’s important to post their family vacation pics. Being happier than everybody else’s families... Nobody cares about the Simchovitz family Florida trip... (Shemot 7:22) Paroh sees that his necromancers do their thing and also turn water to blood, like Aharon just did. “And Paroh’s heart is made strong and he does not listen to them...” "Them" is Moshe and Ahron. It was not Yanky and Rachel. If Paroh had to listen to our board, Paroh would’ve let our congregants leave. He would’ve thanked H’ for getting rid of our members. When we think we can do stuff, we choose not to see H’. Yes. Many of us can ruin water. I have been to many of our congregants for Shabbat dinner. You can ruin that too... Very bad Kugels. See Gd. That's the message. See Gd and you won't mess up everything in our shul... Nobody wants to see the Simchovitz family vacation in swimsuits. Even necromancers couldn’t create something that horrific. If there was blood in the water at the Bahamas. If we were just so lucky that you couldn’t go into the water on your vacation... That’s what he saw. You see what you want to see. This is why Sadie loves this shul. She can’t see the bad. That’s her shortcoming... How his sorcerers change the water to blood when the water was already changed to blood, I don’t know. That’s what he saw. That’s what he chose to see. I choose to not see the Simchovitz family vacation picture. And that helps me see Gd better. We have to choose to see that we can't do sometimes. That H' is doing... Because when you think you can do stuff, we end up with members. Committees. Bernie and Fran. See stuff for what it is. See H’ in what is. And see how our congregants mess it up. Let’s see the Shtenders. This is the most ununiform congregation. Like Ramot Polin. The ugliest thing I've ever seen... Because I see the Shtenders. Chairs are in their spots, like the renovations called for. But now we have Shtenders everywhere. Different Shtenders. They would’ve never done this in the Temple... Shtenders are great for a Beit Midrash. We’re talking about a shul where people can’t read Rashi. Now with your Shtenders, shul capacity is down from 200 to 80 people... In the Third Beit Hamikdash they will not allow Shtenders... The Kotel is different. You can have Shtenders at an open shul... If you would've had stackable plastic chairs in the sanctuary plans, like the Kotel, Shtenders would make sense... Keter chairs do not cost five hundred dollars apiece. The construction team didn't take into account Yankel's Shtender with the wood and the metal piece. They didn't take into account all of your Bar Mitzvah gifts, Yankel... Why didn't you bring it up at the meeting. "We need a bunch of chairs that cost five hundred dollars each, and Shtenders that come with the chairs for an extra two hundred dollars. And then I'm going to bring my own Shtender..." Shmuli Pinchas didn't bring up his six-foot tall Shtender either... You're the only person who looks up at his Shtender... Nobody can see the Aron over your Shtender. Because of your Shtender, you can't see Gd in this shul... Show up to what? There are no specifics and no times. We saw nothing in the announcements other than "stuff is happening." We want to thank our office for being very not specific with the announcements... I don’t know when Minyin is either. The board is fine with just putting it out there that there’s Minyin... The announcements say "Minyin. They will happen at some point. Probably at another shul." We all see it. We don't need a committee meeting. We need normal announcements that tell you things. Announcements need to tell you where stuff is... When is also important. Very good Chaim... H' doesn't want to see your family pictures. It's like a plague of not happy families... There is no way that teenage girl of yours was happy. She smiled because... That was not a smile. There is no way she was smiling. It was a smile but not a smile... Your family celebrating brings no Simcha to anybody. You look like a bunch of losers. But if you want to post your sideways standing pictures, we will allow it... Your family is heavy. The forty-five-degree angle didn’t help. Nor did the buttoning of the suit jackets. They were portly jackets. Your jackets were fat... Retractable banners make it clear that it’s a Simcha. When we see “Chani and Moishie’s Birthday Bash” we know it’s Asur. Birthdays are not Simchas. Nobody cares about Chani getting older... We have to see things that are godly. Weddings, Bat Mitzvahs, Bar Mitzvahs, Brises, kids leaving for college... We as a community celebrate that. I’m allowing it only if its Simchas. But your pictures on social media are annoying... You choose to see or not to see. I choose to not see the back left of the shul. Can't stand them... (Shemot 7:22) Paroh didn’t listen to Moshe and Aharon “as H’ had spoken.” When you don't see H's work, you don't listen to His word. Everybody in the back left, listen to me... H’ knows the ways of the evil. The "it's my Shtender generation." Might have Shtenders. That's a good creation. But it's not H's way. H's way is sharing. Do you share your Shtender, or is it yours. Is it all about your power?! And Paroh’s heart is made strong. A strong heart is good when you’re a congregant who doesn’t do stupid stuff. A strong heart is good when you need to run a marathon. A strong heart is good for pumping blood... Paroh had a stubborn heart. That was his strong heart. It was hardened. Evil. Like the heart of the Shtender mob... That is evil. Like the board. The hardened heart causes one to not to listen to the sermon. To the words of your rabbi... Don’t let your Bar Mitzvah harden your heart. Even if the pictures are messed up. Find that smile. That godly smile. See H' and show up to Minyin. Whenever that is. No one would know because the board doesn't have the heart to allow us to see the times... If your hearts weren't hardened by the board, you would have not wasted money on chairs. You would've went with Keter plastic chairs. And nobody would've posted the Simchovitz family pictures online. Forcing us to see that... Rivka's Rundown The rabbi and Simchovitz family got in a debate about what is actually smiling. The rabbi contends that if you smile because your parents make you, it's not a smile. "You have to smile from within." The Simchovitzs contend that you can't see a smile from within, "as the mouth is on the face, on the outside." I contend, I don't need to see the Simchovitzs smiling in their bathing suits. The whole Kiddish, the members were discussing the philosophy of smiling. And not one of them smiled. It turns out that our congregants only smile for pictures. It's a quick reflex. They hear "cheese," they smile by accident, realize they smiled, and then stop. I feel like families smiling and posting it is a way to rub their vacations in your face. Their Yeshiva week trips. It's also a chance for annoying people, that think the Simchovitzs have money, to tell them they all look "so good." I don't see it. H' doesn't see it. H' sees the smile within, and how annoying teenagers are, and how the Simchovitzs have to join a gym. The rabbi truly defined the people with the "it's my Shtender generation." Perfectly defines our children. Especially when they get back from Israel. Selfish. Shmuli Pinchas' Shtender is taller than the Bima. It's messed up. He's got this Shtender ego. Carries it around with that Shtender pride. Parading the gold writing on brown and navy-blue book covers. The Shtenders look awful. Everybody brings in their own style of Shtender. We got standing ones. We got the ones that open up from flat to a simple angle. We have the robotic Shtenders with five positions, so people never have to bend. So, they spent two million on the shul renovations, and everybody decided to bring in their own lawn chairs. That’s what it looks like. Announcements never announce Shabbat times. This is why nobody shows up for Minyin when it starts. They never tell us when Rosh Chodesh is. Which isn't the worst thing. You save on Hallel and Musaf. That cuts twenty minutes off Davening. They never announce holiday times. Or even weekday Zmanim. The announcements focus on Sadie’s new hat she bought last week. We don’t even know who’s getting married. Or if there is a Bar Mitzvah. I forgot to wish the Kallah a Mazel Tov last week. Had no idea she got married. I thank them for not announcing it. I saved on that gift. The problem with pregnancies is it's hard to avoid not knowing. The real problem is, our idiot members don't get Jewish calendars. The funeral home doesn't feel our membership is wealthy enough to waste their time on, by giving us calendars to mark our planned deaths in. I think that's why they give the calendars, so you can think about what day you want to die. I hate to say it, we need a calendar committee. The rabbi said no pictures last week. But now he allowed Simcha pictures back into the community. Social media pictures are still annoying. So, you can only gloat and put your Simcha pictures on Instagram or Facebook. You can put them on LinkedIn as well, but you'll probably lose your job for looking like a fool. The rabbi came up with Simcha stipulations for pictures. And this is what the picture committee came up with. Basic rule is that if the whole family is turned sideways, it’s a legitimate Simcha picture and can be taken. Everybody in our shul has been standing sideways now. Some even walk sideways, just in case somebody gets a good inaction shot. It’s a loophole for Mutar social media posting. Now, some are carrying pull up retractable banners. They have pull ups with Caribbean background scenes now. Wherever they go, they have a Caribbean background. They took a picture in the mall, in front of the Apple store, with the Caribbean in the background. They were at the waterpark. Pulled out the banner. Edwin's first baseball game, they pulled out the Caribbean pull up. The sideways standing truly doesn't work. They all look heavier with that side shot of the heavy. And then the suits make it look worse. Portly just makes everybody look fatter. I left that out. The other stipulation is you need to be wearing a suit or an evening gown. That suit made Edwin's first baseball game, at six years old, a bit awkward. They are now known as the Simchovitz pictures. An episode our congregation does not want to remember. The rabbi is right. Those vacation pictures are evil. They're a plague. A plague of horror to those who see it. People didn't show to the classes this week. The topics were way too long. The congregants didn't know if those were the names of the class or if the rabbi was making a statement of anger. They also didn't know when the classes were. The announcements didn't say. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke V: Shemot1/11/2026
Announcements
We celebrate with our Venezuelan congregants. We pray that you can leave and go back to Venezuela. You haven’t paid dues since you’ve been here. Golf on Sunday of your son’s Bris. That is wrong. Even if it’s nice out. The rabbi has put out a Psak: The first eight days after your child is born, you have to help your wife. Other than that, it is probably best you're not in the house. We ask our Balei Tefilah to Daven faster. Some people have to get to work. It has been reported that the congregants don’t appreciate singing on a Tuesday. Please focus on Davening and not wishing every single person a Yashkoyach. We support greeting people. We don’t feel everybody needs affirmation for being great at walking up for an Aliyah. Contemporary Halacha Classes: How Our Shul Did Nothing for the Venezuelan People in Halacha. How to Raise Children with Abandonment Issues and Very Bad Golfers. Davening Class Will Take Place on Tuesday. How to Talk in Shul and Wish Every Single Person a Congratulations with A Conversation That Bothers People Who Are Trying to Pray- Class Given by the Back Left of The Men's Section. Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Pupils... (Shemot 3:3) Moshe says, "Let me turn now and see this great spectacle why the bush doesn’t burn?" It was a burning bush. First time you see the burning bush, it's a surprise. You've got to see the spectacle.... A burning bush that doesn't burn is spectacle. It's a burning bush but not burning... You have never seen a burning bush not burn. Stop Bernie... You turn if the burning bush is burning too. You put out the fire. Point is, you turn when you see a bush burning... Moshe turned to it. He recognized it. He gave it time. Later on, Moshe is used to it. He sees all the miracles. But now, he’s not letting it pass... He’s used to seeing seas split. Staff snakes. A Frog in toast is a regular occurrence... (Shemot 3:5) That place of the miracle is holy. Don't let it pass. Turn to it. There is a reason for the spectacles in this world... The miracle places in our life is holy. Celebrate them. When I got away from this shul last Shabbat, I celebrated that place. It was a miracle to not be with you... Gd saw that Moshe looked, and that is when He called to him. If you don’t look. If you don't take note, there will be no holiness. If you don’t see how messed up this shul is, we won’t progress. We will not witness redemption. We will always have committees... What great things have happened?! Nothing. Nothing at any board meeting at this shul. Nothing with the shul renovations. Nothing with our sisterhood. But we still note it all. We take minutes... We've seen some crazy stuff in this shul. But have we given it time?... Not miracles. Spectacles. Talya pulling Allison’s hair. The wrapper on the floor. Still there. Going on three weeks. The renovation committee and the new elephant mural. Life-size?! It's because we don't turn that there is no holiness here. Let’s turn and give time. Let the crazy not be regular... Miracles should remain holy to us. Like when the board doesn’t mess up... We don’t have one Venezuelan congregant. They're Argentinian. It's a miracle that our office staff doesn't understand that there is more than one country in the Southern Hemisphere. If they would turn to a map... I hope I don’t offend anybody by supporting the overtaking of the regime. We support all of our congregants moving to Venezuela. None of you pay your dues... It's amazing how the Argentinians lasted so long without supporting the congregation. Almost as long as our locals, who grew up here, who haven't paid dues for around forty-five years.... We will never witness the miracle of the shul raising money, if people don't turn to dues. It's about turning and facing what is important. What Gd puts there... H' put a family in front of you, Eric. Maybe focus on the family and not golf... What are you going to do with golf? Feel good. Who needs that?!... I understand the weather was nice. You could've seen the nice weather with your baby... H’ didn’t tell Moshe, “You saw the bush burning. That's cool. Want to go for eighteen?” Did you see your son’s Bris?! Did you turn to it?!... I understand. The proper thing was to turn away... Davening is going crazy long. That is just a curse. A curse and a miracle that people still end up coming to shul. Who sings on a Tuesday... Shabbat is different. You're allowed to have sermons too. Do I give sermons on Tuesdays?! No!!! People work. And some play golf. And none pay dues... I can't turn to congregants during the week. I do not want to see them. I see them on Shabbis... Part of the problem is the Yashkoyachs. The most Yashkoyach oriented shul. I've never seen people so focused on Yashkoyachs. The guy did nothing. He walked up to the Bima and walked down. And you're congratulating him. It’s like a miracle he didn’t mess up the Aliyah... He didn't read the Torah. He just said the Bracha... No. He shouldn't be taking credit. He should be coming down from the Bima and apologizing for not putting in any effort. For not going over the Parsha... Greet people. How about welcoming people. You're a depressed bunch. You don’t say Hi to people. I turn to you and I get depressed. That's why I now have my seat facing the ark... But when they come down from walking up to the Bima, it’s like a bro party. You need that communal affirmation. You are the most fragile congregants. Got Mark asking everybody, “Did I pull the string right?!” No, Mark. You didn't. Not the first time. It took you three pulls and there are only two directions. And you still got a Yashkoyach... You turn and you recognize how little these congregants do. And then you give Yashkoyachs on Tuesday... You're a Gabai. You call up people. And then you get a Yashkoyach announcement. The Bal Koreh didn’t even get a Yashkoyach. He reads the Torah and doesn't even get a Yashkoyach. Let alone an announcement Yashkoyach. And this guy gets Mark and Pinchas' names right and he's a champ. It’s pathetic... The Gabai even made mistakes with his Hebrew. The Bal Koreh prepared. You just got up there... I understand, Yashkoyachs... Why did you stroke his ego for reading Hebrew with mistakes. I turn and I see pathetic. And great job playing golf. Well. Yashkoyach. Note it. Wish people a Yashkoyach. Just don’t make it a whole spectacle... It’s an Aliyah. It’s not a burning bush. Calm the Gehenim down... You turn. You bring yourself close to the miracle. You get the calling to mess up the shul... It can only be done with humility. (Shemot 3:19) When Gd tells Moshe to be the one to take the Jews of out Mitzrayim, Moshe says, “Who am I that I should go to Paroh, and that I should take my nation, Bnei Yisrael, out of Mitzrayim...” You’re just trying to get out of helping. Shlomo. You have not helped in years. You didn't even volunteer for shul security... You're in bad enough shape to do it... You first recognize the place is holy. And then, you don’t do anything... Otherwise you mess up the shul. Did Gd tell you to Daven real slow? To keep people from going to work??? Did He tell you to wish everybody a Yashkoyach.? Did Gd tell the board to make any decision?... No. Gd told the board to listen to the rabbi... Don’t take off your shoes. In shul, we don’t take off our shoes. That’s why we have a Torah SheBal Peh. I think Gd said something about getting rid of Maduro... Well, the Venezuelans did. Maybe Venezuela is holy to Venezuelans... That’s a different burning bush. Give the recognition to holiness. But don't belittle that holy place. Don't wish everybody a Yashkoyach. You belittle the Anim Zemirot kid who reads the Tana Dvei Eliyahu stuff in full. Redemption is born in our recognition of Gd. The miracles... That, and you all crying all the time. And you being humble enough to recognize you are not helpful... You have to see your calling, recognize it, and do it with humility. And circumcise your child. And Eric. You're not good at golf... Rivka's Rundown That took a while to educate our congregation on the importance of turning when you see a fire, and not ignoring it. During the week, the rabbi thought it was important to bring in a firefighter to go over fire safety. To quote, "Maybe our very out of shape volunteers will be better at putting out a fire than working security." After Davening and complaining about the length of services, the rabbi made it clear, “It’s a miracle we got out of shul today.” Yitzchak noted, “The rabbi’s sermon was so long.” I don’t think our congregants see anything. There’s been a lollipop wrapper in the middle of the hallway for three weeks. They’ve all passed it. Not one of them has turned to it and picked it up. The rabbi’s message is that you can’t do anything unless you turn. But our congregants are too out of shape to turn. That’s why they can’t do security either. Bernie wouldn’t stop talking about his burning bush. He was convinced he saw a burning bush not burn. It turns out that he has no idea how to get a fire started. Last shul camping trip, he said he got the bonfire started. When we got there, we saw nothing. He said it was a miracle, and that it was a burning bush and it wasn't burning. Now, he thinks he's holy, because he has no survival abilities. Our board and office consider everybody who is not born in Topeka to be South American. That’s it. South American. And if you're South American that means you're from Venezuela, El Salvador, Argentina, Chile, and Mexico. And they think that it's called Chile because, as they said, "The peppers are from South America." And that's our congregational understanding of the map, and dictators. I think people start paying dues at sixty. Before that, Tzedakah doesn't exist. The golf focus is a little much. And then they gave him a Yashkoyach for playing golf. Even at the Bris they're wishing Yashkoyachs. Not Mazel Tovs. I've got Yashkoyach fatigue. You have to help your wife sometimes. That is the rabbi's Psak. Rabbinic declaration. He declared this is the Halacha. The men have to help when there is a huge lifechanging family event, like having a child. They don't have to help more than once a year. He didn't even declare they had to help with holidays. He just figured that if the wife is recovering from bringing a child into the world, the husband should not leave the house for four hours to hang with his buddies. This guy is meditating on a Tuesday?! Took just as long as Monday Davening. No Layning, and we're still there for upwards of forty minutes, on a Tuesday. Who meditates on a Tuesday?! It’s not even hump day, and he’s sleeping on the job. I like the Yashkoyachs. It’s very communal. I wanted to make that clear. I just feel there is proper use. We shouldn't abuse Yashkoyachs. And some do mess up pulling the string. Some try to open the curtains without the string. They pull the curtain straight. That's how you know they’ve never been to shul. And they still get a Yashkoyach. He messed up pulling the string, and people got up, wished a Yashkoyach, and cheered. It was a like a support group for people with shul disabilities. Shul-capable people. Our shul is full of Shul-capable people. Youth group-capable, sisterhood-capable, Gabai-capable, Bal Tefilah-capable. It's a special Davening. It was pathetic last week when the guy got congratulated for doing a great job at calling up people to the Torah. That was kind of weird. The Bal Koreh who prepared for twenty hours gets nothing. This guy that showed up to shul late and calls up a guy to the Torah, the president starts giving Mazel Tovs to. And then, the president, not knowing if he said the right thing, wished him Yashkoyachs. Fact is they've belittled Yashkoyachs. I walked in on Tuesday morning. Not one "good morning." Just Yashkoyachs. Now Yashkoyach means have a good day too. Davening class on Tuesday brought some protests from the normal people who said, "It's Tuesday. Who does a class on Tuesday." Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke V: VaYichi1/4/2026
Announcements
We ask all guests to follow our shul Kaddish speed, tone and volume. Your Aveilut scares our members. They’re not used to Chicago mourners, and their loud bully Kaddish. You are passing through for a day. You are not running our shul. We are with you in your mourning. Please be with our mourners in their Kaddish. Please join in our congregation's sadness correctly. The rabbi will not be here this Shabbis. Shul will end earlier. Do not get too excited. Last time members got drunk in celebration. Please relax in your happiness. We ask that you celebrate by leaving shul earlier. To note: We still have Kiddish. And it will be earlier. A lot earlier. Davening goes at a normal speed, an hour and fifteen minutes faster, without our rabbi. The shul New Year’s party will take place on Rosh Hashana. The program committee decided that hanging out with shul members is a New Year’s buzz killer. Last week, Zalmy did the full pre-Anim Zemirot Tefillahs. The first kid to ever read the silent stuff himself. The congregation is proud of you. Please never do that again. We want to get out of shul. Contemporary Halacha Classes: Techniques in Taking Over a Minyin with Your Kaddish- Lessons from Our Guest Last Week. Importance of Long Minyins to Keep Congregants Out. The Blessing of a New Year Not Celebrated with Congregants- A New Year's Party Without Our Members. How To Give Your Kid More TV Time So They Don't Read All the Tefillahs and Slow Down Davening. Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Pupils... I understand the Gabai is reading the sermon this week. I'm not here... Slow him down. If he reads the sermon like he Davens, nobody will understand a word... You think I know what Yaakov said to them? I don’t understand that. Those words didn’t make it into modern Hebrew. “Sreikah”? No idea. I don’t even understand the English. (Bereishit 49:9) “He binds his foal to a vine, and to a tendril his young donkey. His garment with wine, and with the blood of grapes binds his raiment.” Somehow, that has to do with Yehuda. What’s he doing to his garments with wine? Staining them?!... If “raiment” means clothes, then say it!!! How am I expected to give a sermon about something I can’t understand?! There is stuff we don’t know. But it doesn’t stop us from learning... It stops Moshe and Michael Yaakov, and Shloimi from learning, because they like to waste time. But it doesn’t stop good Jews from learning. And it never stopped our board from doing something dumb... I don’t know if the sons understood what Yaakov said to them at the end. I do know they were questioning if their father was blessing them or cursing them. Were they Brachas or Klalahs? Very confusing... You can't not be there when your father calls you and he is about to pass away and curse you. Might be blessings. He might have blessed them... You all make it hard. You just have to know that Yaakov was not proud of Shimon and Levi. They saved the family, stuck up for their sister, and they got blamed for it their whole life by their father. And I have to pretend like I'm proud of the shul's geriatric crime fighting security force... The only thing you have kept out are members... Yaakov was happier with Yehuda, who sold Yosef... Some is a Bracha in life. Some is not. But you don’t let not understanding what is going to be keep you from doing the right thing. Don't overtake a Kaddish. If you don’t know how the shul does Kaddish, you hold back. You all noticed how the guy took over last week. Random guy passing through, all the sudden, "Where the Gehenim did he come from?"... I'm not saying his family member went to Gehenim. The guy took over. Not a member. Loud as anything. A Kaddish tune I never heard in my life. I think the tune was "loud." It was either "loud" or "I'm the only one whose mourning counts in the US"... First time. Passing through. You follow the Kaddish... You don’t go to another shul and be loud the Kaddish guy. You're Sefardi. We’re an Ashkenazi shul Fatim. We are not switching to Sefardi Kaddishes. You're a guest. Do what we do... You’re a selfish mourner. We want unified mourning... If you look at our congregants, you will notice unified depression... Be in unison with them. Have you heard them? They sound bad as it is. None of them are helping anybody. Even the deceased. It's just that we want to maintain a decorum of depressed people... It's a very depressing Kaddish. I understand Fatim. We're Ashkenazim. Our congregants mourn everything. Including death... They come to our shul for a Minyin and they take over like they're running the place with their Kaddish... That other guy shocked me last week. If you ask members of our shul what scares them the most. It's not public speaking. It's not death. It's a guy from Chicago saying Kaddish... You will be a shul with random scary mourners passing through... I see more of you showed this Shabbis. I still made sure to have a sermon... I understand I'm not at the shul. And I know you are all excited getting out a half hour early. Shema will be back to normal next week. You will wait for me as always. I will also extend my Amidah to make up for lost waiting... You will be a congregation of people who have a very long Shabbat morning Shacharit. Of upwards of two hours and forty-five minutes... Be there for the occasion... You celebrate on Rosh Hashana... Because that's when the New Year starts, Fran. The New Year is called 2026-27. That’s how we count years. It's not 2026. It's 2026-27... It’s not fun partying with shul members. I’ve partied at Bar Mitzvahs with you. You can't even get the middle circle one hand hold kick right... Right now, we are celebrating 2025-26. That is the year. We're in in the middle of it. Your resolutions can wait nine months... You will be a congregation of annoying members who are a bunch of heretics. Your oaths will be in of vain, inopportune times. An annoying membership... The Anim Zemirot kid did all of the post Ein Kelokeinu stuff. First time ever the kid read it all. And that goes to show that our day school is doing a very bad at teaching our children to read Hebrew. That was so slow... It was amazing. I was happy. It only added an extra six minutes to Davening... It's beautiful. You don't understand it, and you make the congregation wait. You will be a people who waits for its children, and its rabbi, to finish Davening... Not knowing what will be, they still show up... (Bereishit 49:1) Yaakov gathers his sons and tells them he is going to tell them “what will happen at the end of days.” That's how you get a crowd. Rashi teaches that he was going to reveal “the End, but the Shechinah was removed from him.” So, he said other stuff. (Pesachim 56a). That's a nice way of saying he forgot. Yaakov had an audience and he had to keep going. He had an attentive crowd. He had to say something. So, he started going off on Shimon and Levi. And now, I am left with congregants who have no idea what’s going on. No idea what will happen. Just really dumb ideas for renovations... Bernie. Stop. You're wrong... We don't always understand. At the end, not everything happens. There was no Kugel at Kiddish last week. But that doesn’t stop us. You go on. Sometimes, we have to improvise, like Yaakov... I want to tell you what is going to happen with the shul this year... Shoot. I forgot... You can forget what you’re going to say, but you go on. In the end. At the end of days, we understand. We can understand about Yehuda’s raiment. That is what Yaakov was saying. Live your lives. Just don’t mess up like our congregants. And if you don’t have a board, things will make sense at the end... The lesson? In the meantime, don’t be idiots. Don’t think that you will ever get out of shul this early again. And where is that Anim Zemirot kid’s parents?! Tell them to educate him right and to stop him reading the whole thing. He should learn how to Daven right and skip some of those Shir Shel Yom prayers... You don't want everybody to hate him like the Chazin. Don't let your inability to understand stuff. Don't let yourself being dumb stop you this year. Don't let not knowing what to do stop you from doing it. It never stopped the board. He is saying. At the end. You have to be you. And I have to deal with that... Enjoy 2026-27. No matter what. Whether you want to be there or not. Whether you understand or you don't. Whether you have tendrils or raiment. Be there. At the end, you have to be there... Be there and do the right thing. I have to tell you guys to do the right thing, or you'll get another chandelier for the sanctuary. Don't be like our congregants who ruin a good New Year's party. Or like our guests who ruin a good Kaddish. Our shul has a good tune. A good pace... The children of this shul do not bring Bracha. Maybe the next generation will be decent... Sometimes there will be a Bracha. A year of Bracha. And Yaakov did give a Bracha. We do know that the Efraim and Menashe got a blessing. He liked his grandkids... Rivka's Rundown "Don't let you not knowing what you're doing stop you"??? Why did the rabbi empower the board like that?! The Gabai got through the sermon in three minutes. He speed read it. It's amazing how everybody paid attention. It’s amazing how our rabbi knows what we're thinking. He can be not here and not even give a sermon, and he's giving a sermon and responding to what we're saying. The rabbi gave a sermon and he had no idea what he was talking about. It didn’t stop Yaakov and it never stops our rabbi. I believe we just saw the rabbi work through an existential crisis. At the beginning of the sermon, the rabbi was having a rabbinical crisis. He was stuck with stuff he didn’t understand. But then he triumphantly turned his inability to understand Torah as a rabbi, into a lesson. That’s what makes our rabbi great. He won't stop his sermon, even if he has no idea what he's talking about. The rabbi blamed the security team for the lower membership numbers this past year. He is starting to blame those guys for everything. Volunteering is truly not worth it. This was the first time our rabbi told off a guest. The whole congregation was relieved. Rachel was so happy. She shouted, "It's not just us. He's mad at all Jews." We have too many selfish mourners. I am going to start standing up to these Kaddish bullies. These guys come and take over. They think every shul is theirs. They’re a member of a shul in Chicago and now they can control Kaddish everywhere. Like all shuls are controlled by Skokie. Skokie people are scary. It's a Chutzpah to come to a shul and take over like that. Selfish mourners. Thinking about their loved ones who passed away. Rabbi wasn't here. Davening only took an hour and forty minutes. Everybody was out a half hour earlier. And that's how Hashkama Minyins start. The people realize things go much faster without a rabbi, and they start to think not having a rabbi is a pretty good idea. Like usual, most of the people showed up at 11am and were shocked to see we were already at Kiddish. Some were even mad. Like it’s a Chutzpah we Daven on time. Davening starts at 9am. They show up at 11am. They get mad when the people who pray don't have to be there for an extra hour waiting for them to show. They want the people who show up on time to feel the pain of serving Gd. So, as Jews, we celebrate New Year's with circle dancing and a very complicated way of saying the years. Celebrating 2025-26. The rabbi makes everything complicated. Even the year. That New Year’s 2026-27 idea is messed up. Let us just say we don't celebrate. I think we can accept that we don’t have cool congregants who want to go out and drink. Some do, but not with other members. Friday night Oneg is the extent of our partying together. Somebody opens a bottle of schnapps and we don't have to pay, that's how we party. The rabbi ended up writing everybody to wish them a Happy 5786. For some reason, I can't remember the years since creation. The two thousand or so years is hard enough. Adding another thirty-seven hundred is too much for me focus on. I can’t remember it. I'll stick with the 2026-27 idea, even if I have to wait another nine months to wish people a good year. The rabbi's message to Zalmy about his Anim Zemirot was a bit confusing. "Go slow, but don't go slow." Supporting Zalmy saying the words to the prayers. That’s too much. Total pain. Almost as bad as a long sermon. We have to sit and watch this?! It's like watching childhood education fail. The rabbi has no problem staying in shul for hours. He’s talking. It’s good times for him. Yet, he did take into account the congregants. I guess he feels that if it's not him talking, the rest of the services should move fast. It turns out, the rabbi is now adding six minutes to his speeches. I think that's why the end of his sermon turned that message around on Zalmy, telling him to go faster. It's like when they raise the price on milk, it never goes back down. The class on Taking over Minyin with Kaddish was interesting. We learned to be loud. It was a kind of shul self-defense class. The rabbi insisted the security team be present at the class, to learn how to protect our shul. In the class, the rabbi made it clear that the security protected nobody from the scary guy from Chicago, mourning. Scariest morning I experienced in this shul. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke V: VaYigash12/28/2025
Announcements
The renovations committee has decided that the shul will get AstroTurf for the sanctuary as many stadiums now use it. The head of the committee said, "It's used in the place of grass. Why should it not be used instead of carpet?!" We’re asking our congregants to participate in the Davening. It's been reported that our shul is very depressing, by the people who are depressing. Please greet people. Please smile. And please help with the singing in Davening. Make our shul less depressing by you not depressing everybody. Musaf’s repetition tune was messed up on Rosh Chodesh Chanukah because nobody finished off the Kedusha "Halleluka" with the tune to lead the Chazin. You have a job as congregants. And sometimes that might mean helping with the tune of Al HaNisim throughout a holiday, for every prayer. We put in a petition to our Christian neighbors to give us more than Adam Sandler’s Chanukah song over their six months of Christmas. Contemporary Halacha Classes: How to Be Angry and Depressed in Shul- A Day with Our Members. How to Be a Congregant- A Class with Guest Speakers from Other Shuls. How to Fit the Words of Every Prayer into Al Hanisim- A Course in Jewish Music. Jewish Identity Found in Santa's Lap at the Mall. Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Pupils... Yosef sends his brothers to Israel to bring the whole family to Mitzryaim... Why not? It's winter. It's a bit warmer than Israel. Why should the family not go down for a visit? Yosef makes sure to take care of his brothers. (Bereishit 45:21-23) He sends them with changes of clothes, all the good stuff from Egypt for Yaakov and donkeys and wagons and food. Last time I went down to Florida, I had to pack my own sandwich. Not one member of this shul packed a lunch for their rabbi. Not even a corned beef on club... I like club. And a little mayonnaise. I'm not a corned beef on rye guy... It’s care. It’s concern... I have no idea what the good stuff in Mitzrayim was. It could've been Hashish. (Bereishit 45:24) Yosef sends his brothers and he says, “Al Tirgzu BaDerech.” “Don’t become agitated on the way.” When he sends them, it’s not the stuff, it’s the focus. The safety of the way. Have you ever traveled with my wife?!... It was the way that Yosef cared. Sent them on the mission. More importantly. He and Paroh made sure they had everything. And more important than that, it was the peace of mind. You can't travel. You can't do your mission right when you have congregants that are so annoying. They get under your skin with their stupidity... AstroTurf???!!!!! How can I focus on being a rabbi with AstroTurf?! Am I supposed to slide into the Bima?! Is the Gabai going to tackle me?!... And what do you need most? Peace of mind. “Al Tirgzu BaDerech.” You can have everything. But the wrong focus. People like Bernie, will throw you off... Rashi gives three explanations for "not becoming agitated" and not dealing with congregants. Just thought you might want to know... Don’t discuss Halacha... Ever seen a Chavrusa. Yelling at each other. A lot of fighting about Rava. Even worse. Ever fielded a question from one of our members?! I never knew I would have to field questions about artificial grass. Don’t rush. Stop properly on the journey... A bathroom break. Yosef is telling them to take bathroom breaks, Fishel. And now I am agitated. How this is a Halachik question. And don’t fight about who is to blame for selling Yosef... I don’t know which one Yosef meant. He might have wanted to think they would fight on the way. The same way Ruchel wants to know that we appreciate her Tzimis... When you send someone on a mission. When people are traveling, you think about them. “Don’t become agitated on the way.” You have that responsibility to support them. Don't give them the mission to be the rabbi and then ask him to deal with a membership who harmonizes... It's annoying. Kills my Davening every day. I'm hearing a ringing in my ear right now. Now is not the time to think about where you went wrong. How you ended up in Topeka. The individual has to focus on the mission. The other people have to support them correctly. Let your rabbi do his job and don't do stupid stuff. Don't be a board member... The renovations committee needs to know they are fools. We have to support them in that way... Artificial turf?!! We have not one athlete in this shul... How will it save people time in shul? Who in Gehenim mows carpets?!... You don’t mow the lawn in front of the shul anyways. And now we have to get down on AstroTurf on Yom Kippur?!... The Chazin needs our support... The Tefillah is out loud. There is singing. You are expected to not be a bunch of depressing congregants... Yes. You are supposed to join in the singing. Rebecca has no problem harmonizing. Sounds awful... You don’t even pay dues. How can you expect the Chazin to Daven for you... He needed support. He needed the Hallelulaka at the end of Musaf Kedusha to get the tune right... This is agitating. Hold on. You’re the Chazin. You have to be able to figure it out yourself... You think anybody can depend on our congregants?! Have you seen the dues? Can’t even depend on them to be congregants... They’re members but they’re not... If you haven’t paid your dues, you’re not members. You're people who take Kichel at Kiddish every week and don't pay... At least help the Chazin out with moving into the Musaf Kedusha. That’s your job as a congregant. And to pay your dues. And to make sure your rabbi gets a raise... You're congregants. You're still agitating. Couldn't even figure out the Al Hanisim tune for Kedusha. How can you be our Chazin. Getting a new one... Always messes up his mission... Well. We need a Chazin who can look at our congregation and say, "These people are very not helpful"... You should be singing Al Hanisim eight days straight. That is how you celebrate Chanukah... Tirgzu also means to become angry. “Don't become angry.” When others have a holiday. Don’t become agitated... I have spoken to the pastors about their celebrating Christmas months before their holiday starts. Their Christmas in downtown Topeka lasts from Shavuot to Purim. We have eight holidays in the time they celebrate one... Chanukah and they're wearing Christmas hats already. Can't give us the week. Eight days. That's all we want. I told them. They’ve taken over the radio with Christmas songs since July. It's not fair. Give us a song... They play those songs on the radio all year. That Mariah Carey and Bruce Springsteen... One Chanukah song is all we have. We have one song. "I Had a Little Dreidel"... And Al Hanisim. Correct... Maybe a Jew could support his people and focus on writing a Chanukah song for once... Always writing Christmas songs. I have a feeling a Catholic wrote "I Had a Little Dreidel"... You might have a little Dreidel. I had one. That's how I sing the song... (Bereishit 45:19-21) Paroh tells Yosef that he should tell his brothers to take from the best of Egypt. And they do that. Why not?! Enjoy. If I told you to take from the best of the shul. You would be stuck in a long drown out conversation with Chana about turf. Yosef though, focused on their journey. Yosef would’ve packed up a bunch of corned beef sandwiches for his brothers. The best corned beef. The fatty stuff... They didn’t have corned beef back then. Bernie. It's hyperbole, Bernie. Hope... We all have a mission. We're all on a journey in this world. Don't take Bernie along. He will throw you off. You take my wife. Next thing you know, you're shopping for Chanukah tinsels... But more than that. We have a requirement to not mess up other people's missions. Let me enjoy my vacation down in Florida this year, for crying out loud. Let me have some peace of mind. A week with no Christmas songs, and no renovation ideas dealing with AstroTurf. Idiots... Rivka's Rundown The rabbi was hoping somebody would put together a corned beef on club for his next trip. Always hinting to stuff. He went off for three minutes on how he likes his sandwiches. Why lettuce with a touch of dill made it into the sermon this week is a question I still ask. "Don't be a board member." Some of the most profound words from our rabbi. Best Musar, rebuke, our rabbi has ever given. The Renovations committee felt it was important to get artificial turf because they had extra money. To quote the committee chair, “We have money. I think.” They said the shul is like the Astrodome, as the sanctuary has a ceiling. That was their thought. I agree. A Chazin should be able to do every Tefillah to Al HaNisim. That is how we’re going to start checking who's allowed to lead us in services. They're depressing. Our shul’s members bring a feeling of sadness to Chanukah. The rabbi later explained the responsibility of congregants. Which is something they pay for. You pay to help the Chazin. That's what a member does. He also let people know that they have to be ready to sing the Al HaNisim tune at least a hundred forty times over the course of Chanukah. That's the requirement of a Jew. Payment. And then to sing Al Hanisim all hundred forty times with a smile. The rabbi did make it clear that the congregants have bad voices. Nonetheless, they need to be part of the services. Which is why things sound very bad. Truth is I don't know if them singing will help the Chazin. It hurts me. Our kids sat on Santa for Chanukah. That’s what the mall gave us as Jews for Chanukah. They allowed our children to enjoy Santa too. I couldn't get one "Happy Hanukah" this year. Not even a Hanukah on Chanukah. It's Chanukah and they’re already celebrating Christmas. which isn’t even happening. So, for Chanukah, Santa wished us a Merry Christmas. I'm just amazed at how much they celebrate Christmas in our town. No Jewish neighbor of mine is celebrating any Jewish holiday longer than they have to. Chanukah. We are not giving people more gifts. The fact they have to get eight gifts they don't want already is painful. We’re not singing Al Hanisim till Purim. Pesach. We are looking to get out of there. The holiday is over. We're not singing those songs anymore. Maybe Kel Bnei. Because it’s amazing. Tags:
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Marcie got no gifts this Chanukah, and she is happy. She asks that nobody gives her anything. She’s sponsoring Kiddish. To quote: “Kiddish this Shabbat is in honor of not getting anything I didn’t want. I’m so happy nobody thought of me this holiday.” Marcie also wants everybody to know, "I didn’t need any new winter accessories with Chanukah images that I wouldn't have worn on Chanukah. And that means I now don’t have to shop for people, for stuff they didn’t ask for.” We want to thank our funeral director, Mark, for showing up to the shul Chanukah party, just in case somebody from our shul dies too. We love having Mark at our services. We understand that other shuls also have a good chance of people passing away at services. The eighth night of Chanukah we will have a memorial service for our Jewish brethren in Australia. We ask Bernie and Marty not come. Note to Our Baal Tefillah this Chanukah: You don’t have to do every Shabbat Tefillah to the tune of Al HaNisim. Contemporary Halacha Classes: How to Ruin Somebody’s Holiday with a Sale You Found at Five Below. Chesed Shel Emet- A Reason to Show to Shul. Chesed Shel Emet Part Two- The Financial Benefit of Caring for Our Loved Ones. When You Shouldn't be Present- People Who Are Not Comforting to See Like Bernie and Marty. How to Fit All of the Words of the Repetition of the Amidah to the Tune of Al HaNisim. Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Pupils... The famine starts... It wasn’t the shul Chanukah party, where the sisterhood didn’t make enough Latkes... (Bereishit 42:1) Yaakov sees there is food in Mitzrayim and tells his sons to g. And then he asks his sons, “Why do you make yourselves be seen?” Seemingly not much to do with the going down to Egypt. Just, "Why are you wearing your baseball caps off to the side?"... It's annoying. And I would appreciate it if your kids stopped doing that. It's not cute. It's annoying... "Why are you making yourselves conspicuous?" That is the question. And I ask that of our congregants who harmonize so off-tune. Tone-deaf... Yes. That is offensive to deaf people. I'm sorry for comparing you to these people with awful voices, Kimberly. Our deaf congregants sing much better than you... Kimberly. Please sit. I appreciate your support of that last statement. They do sound awful... Benjamin signs it and he sounds better than the rest of the conversation. At least his harmonizing doesn't ruin the song... When you have it better than others, don’t show that to them. Don't be a Baal Gayva. Be on the people’s level. Rashi quotes Taanit 10b, “Why do you make yourselves seen before the children of Yishmael and Esav as if you have plenty?!” For this kind of behavior, will lead to envy and ill will. Now. I know nobody in this shul has anything to show off. I've seen your homes. You all have it very bad. I see your lawns. It’s depressing... Your lawn only looks good now because of the snow... "I understand they were running out of food too. But don’t show them you are OK." Sometimes you have to look bad too. Like one of our congregants... Your harmonizing is not showing off. It's just offensive. When you have the big house, people will hate you... You go to New York. New Jersey. Everybody has to show off what they have. Yaakov asks, “Why do you make yourself conspicuous?!” Truth is the statement has nothing to do with going to get provisions. The Jewish way is one of modesty... I know it’s not. But it is. Jews should not show off... Why? Because Yaakov says it. Do I need more proof?! How much proof does this congregation need for every little thing... It's my parking spot, because it says "Rabbi's spot"... I see little Samantha showing off her Chanukah gifts. That’s not what Jews do. Unless if it’s one of those electric ride-ons. You get one of those, you show it off to everybody. And you don’t share... Because those are awesome. Being seen is not always good, especially when it’s our shul. We all saw what happened in the inter-shul basketball league... There’s a reason our shul sticks to Davening... Of course Marcie is happy not being noticed. She didn’t get any gifts. She has nothing to show off. She doesn’t have to thank people for giving her something she didn’t want... You’re going to flaunt a new scarf with Dreidels on it?!... For some reason, I will not be wearing my gifts. I got gifts and I am disappointed. Marcie is happy and she doesn't have to worry about people being offended that she didn't give them anything they didn't ask for... A gift is something I made a point of not buying. I had to write thank yous... Because I didn’t give them gifts. It’s either a gift or a thank you for something I didn’t want... Money. That makes sense. The one time to flaunt money is when giving a gift... What has Mark ever flaunted, other than his Lincoln Navigator... It’s a hearse. A little respect for Mark. He’s a great funeral director. He shows to all the shuls, because he understands that you go to shul for business. You’ve got to drum it up. Our shul is not the only synagogue where people die... Of course he spends his time talking to the old people... Marty. You ruined the Chanukah party last week. Nobody thought that could be done. But you made it worse than the sisterhood... Showing off your ability to down whiskey in front of the families... Marty seen at an event makes it bad. I am sorry for Shlomo’s Kabalat Shabbat. There is no Chanukah tune other than Al HaNisim or the lighting songs... Lecha Dodi to Al HaNisim... You did Kedusha to Al HaNisim too. We need another Chanukah song... I know you tried changing it up, but you got caught at Lo Teyvoshi and right back to Al HaNisim. You didn’t show off your ability to sing. Or to pick tunes. Very modest. Nobody is jealous of your singing... They were bothered by it... You only do the lighting songs for lighting. Because it's Mutar to do Chanukah carols around the Menorah... There are times to be seen, and that is when you need to be with the people. Show up to the memorial service, you selfish pieces of... You don't show off at memorial services. Marty and Bernie should not be seen... Bernie. They said "thank you for coming" right when you got there, because they wanted you to leave. It was like they were saying, "Thank you for coming. Now please go." You have to join. But you have to sometimes not let yourself be known. Be part of the people... My grandmother would say, “Don’t let them know how much money you have.” She always looked good. Made herself up. She was sick as anything. Nobody ever knew. She always had jet black hair. She was born with jet black hair and she went to Olam Haba with jet black hair... She could've been two-hundred. Jet black hair... It was always status quo. Going on a vacation. Status quo. Going to shul. Status quo. Going to get a heart transplant. Status quo... Don't bring attention to yourself. Only to your hair... You join in the community struggles and care for others. The point is don’t show your selfishness, and you might end up being a good person... I know you're selfish. If you cared about us, you wouldn't sing. Please just don't sing... We have enough troubles. Keep your struggles to yourself. Don’t ruin Kabbalat Shabbat for us with your inability to figure out how to fit Al HaNisim to a Tefillah. Don’t share your messed up family pictures from your vacation Don’t buy your messed up gifts that you had to find on sale because you’re poor... I am saying to be humble... Not when you give gifts... "Why do you make yourself be seen?" "Titrau." With an Aleph. "Titrau" with an Ayin means "make yourselves bad." The Torah doesn’t say that. Yaakov's children were not part of the Markowitz family. The Torah writes it with an Aleph. Even so, we can learn something... If you listened, you could learn something... We can learn that when you make yourself be seen, you make yourself bad. Being seen. A desire to be seen. To show off. That makes yourself bad. "Titrau" with an Ayin... I request you don't sing. Were Yaakov's sons singing? I don't know. Maybe they were wearing nice clothes, showing they had a lot of food, and harmonizing in front of the Yishmaelim. Maybe it's your harmonizing. That is where antisemitism is from... The reason nonJews hate our congregants is pure hatred. Nothing to do with money... You drive disgusting cars. You have nothing to show... You can't show off a KIA. Sharing Latkes with them would not help the situation. There are not enough Latkes to share. And the sisterhood did a very bad job with them... They would hate us for bad food. Our shul is not gloating with Latkes. If you're going to give a gift, make it money... Gifts are Asur because of Maarat Ayin. You see the package. You see the bad. You think it's going to be good. Then you open it and notice that Bracha found a sale... Rivka's Rundown Definitely not enough Latkes at the party. Crazy amounts of Sufganiahs, and nobody eats them. Maybe there were very few Sufganiahs, but nobody eats them. I can't tell you. One person ate the Sufganiahs and said they make you fat. So, nobody else ate them. After looking around, I just assumed that every member in the shul was eating them all year. The deaf congregants thanked the rabbi for letting the hearing congregants know how much better the deaf members sound than them. One deaf congregant said, "It's so painful. Every time they sing my hearing aid starts buzzing." The sisterhood truly didn’t make enough Latkes. I have a feeling they were taking Yaakov’s lesson to heart and making sure nobody had anything. They had nothing to show for. Just people asking why there were no Latkes at a Chanukah party. The rabbi gave a class on how Latkes started with the Chashmonaim, who created french fries. He didn't have sources. But he had a lot of intuition. I believe he said it was Ruach HaKodesh. He's been using the spirit of holiness to explain a lot of Jewish history and our traditions the past few weeks. I think he just got sick of looking up the sources. He was using the statement, "We learn this from Chazal." But he stopped using that when people asked him where that source of the rabbis was. Now that people have found a way to argue with the source of Chazal, he's went to Ruach HaKodesh. We got killed in the Chanukah basketball tournament. I have a feeling our shul is more religious. It seems like these other shuls keep in shape. We need another Chanukah song. These guys think that every Tefillah works with Al HaNisim. I must have sung Al HaNisim in seventy different forms this past week. Gifts are a pain. The rabbi suggested we get rid of the idea of gifts on Chanukah. To quote, "To bring joy to Chanukah, you give nobody a gift." The rabbi truly wants more gifts. Just in the form of money. He noticed that nobody was catching that message, so he banned gifts. By Sunday, the rabbi realized you can't get away without gifts on Chanukah, because the malls have Santa. How Santa is now affecting Chanukah gifts is something the rabbi explained based on Ruach HaKodesh. So, the rabbi started a Chanukah gift registry business for next year. He said that if you get people stuff they can't afford, it's appreciated. So now, for Chanukah you have to buy people dishwashers and fridges. Mark pops in every few months just in case the old members forget he can do their funeral. I am happy the rabbi finally called out the selfish Jews who just take. It’s the same people that take all the Kichel at Kiddish. They take the Kichel and flaunt their plate. I am happy our community is finally coming together for our nation. At least a quarter of the community showed up. The others didn’t show for religious reasons. They said Ruach HaKodesh told them they didn't have to go to the memorial service. I think the rabbi has to define who's allowed to use Ruach HaKodesh. Me and my husband went for a movie and we came back to find the babysitter had her friends over at our house. She said that Ruach HaKodesh said she should eat our leftovers with her friends, and pay her by the hour. Tags:
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Announcements
The community lighting program will take place in the park. Chabad is taking more chances this year with the fire safety laws. They decided that the rabbi carrying torches on scaffoldings is not dangerous enough. They want trees around. Marty will be drunk at the community Chanukah party. Thought it would be good to announce that. This year he will be drunk too. There will be a bouncy house. It’s a Jewish holiday. Tradition is very important. There will be a bouncy house and drunk Marty. No more family pictures are allowed to be shared by our membership. This is a Psak from our rabbi. You all look bad. When your families get together and smile, it’s a horrific experience for everybody. To add, nobody wants to see your family smiling. Nobody wants to see your family happy. The rabbi has forbidden the posting of you and your family having a good time on social media. This holiday, keep your pictures to yourself. Nobody wants to see that you were down in Florida. And nobody wants to see you in sweaters. Contemporary Halacha Classes: At What Point Is It Pirsumei Nisah- The Yearly Growth of the Community Chanukah Menorah. The Mitzvah to Get Drunk on Purim and How Marty Thinks Every Holiday Is Purim. The Mitzvah of a Bouncy House at Every Shul Event. How to Get Other People Mad- The Art of Sharing Pictures of Your Family on Vacation. Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Pupils... Happy Chanukah. Bert went down to Florida last week. B"H. It is a Happy Chanukah to all... (Bereishit 38:7) Yehuda's children get killed for spilling seed... It’s rude to drop sunflower seeds in Israel... We’re talking about vacation and sexual promiscuity. Not following the proper way of intimacy. And people like Tamar remind you. It will catch up to you... Women can be evil. Just like Larry. He went on vacation. Met a woman. Got married. And now he has a family. Vacation will mess you up. Bad things happen on the road and they stick... (Bereishit 38:25) As Tamar is being brought to be burned, she sends word to her father-in-law, Yehuda, “I am pregnant by the man to whom these belong.” Now. All the sudden. Nobody has a signet ring. In all of Israel, not one signet. Amazing how everybody is quiet about the signet when there's a child. And she adds, “Whose signet-ring, cloak, and staff are these? Please acknowledge that you are the father.” Catch this. It was Yehuda’s ring and cloak. And like a kind man, he decides that they don't have to burn her... Women will remember stuff. That is the lesson... Acknowledging you are the father is a hard thing in this shul. We all see little Yanky. An embarrassment. I get it. None of you want to acknowledge these are your kids. They’re messed up. (Bereishit 38:26) Yehuda says it is his. And the twins that come out don’t die so quickly by Gd, like his first ones... No apology. They didn’t say “I’m sorry” back then. They gave cloaks. The lesson from Yehuda is to be honest. And never give up your signet-ring, cloak or staff... Your bad catches up with you. And that is why you shouldn’t have fun on vacation... On vacation, you should be learning Torah. You go to Disney World. That’s how you celebrate Chanukah. Now you're paying two-hundred dollars for a picture with Minnie Mouse... I am trying to say, as you go on your vacation, do not enjoy it. I came out here. I thought the job interview was a bit of a vacation. Now. I’m stuck... You pay for your vacations. You get caught when you take things for granted. Yehuda's kids took their progeny for granted, as did Yehuda. When you take your responsibilities for granted and don't take ownership of them, that is when you are cursed. When you don't fess. I have not seen any fessing around here... You need to fess more... Chabad takes responsibility for lighting huge Chanukah Menorahs... It’s fine to light with a candle, unless if you’re Chabad. It’s Chabad tradition to use torches and bonfires in the Chanukiah. They have more faith than you... I know lighting Chanukiahs around trees is dangerous. But Chabad is spreading the light of our people. And for that the Chabad rabbi take chances. They take chances for what they believe in. Something Yehuda didn't do. And he was brought to justice for it... I know he’s not a builder, but he was up in a scaffolding lighting last Chanukah... The Menorah is now up to forty feet tall. It grows around a foot every year... Of course we can find the Menorah. It's huge. We know that belongs to the community... Don't give anybody your Chanukah Menorah, or they will claim it is your child. Being drunk is where it starts. You’re drunk. You make a mistake... Dumb decisions. Like our sisterhood serving potato waffles... It's pancakes, Sharon. Latkes are potato pancakes. What happened to tradition in this place?!... I need to be honest, so we can have some morality and a future of good children. Like Peretz and Zerach... Not kids in our shul. Yehuda and Tamar's kids. Has anyone in our shul named their child Peretz or Zerach?... Exactly. That's why things are messed up here, and nobody takes responsibility. And the kids don't clean up after themselves... Well. That's the party. That’s the shul Chanukah activity. Marty being drunk... Marty being drunk is shul tradition. There will also be prizes for the kids... OK. Call it Chanukah gifts. I don’t call the Chinese finger lock thing a gift. It’s a prize... You give somebody a finger cuff thing and a fake nail through the finger, or a kazoo as a gift, and they will not want to be Jewish. They will convert to another religion for the holiday. One that gives better gifts... Of course there will be a bouncy house. It’s a holiday. We have tradition here... We cannot keep Marty out of the bouncy house... Then you share your vacation pictures. And people hate you... Vacations are an issue. You see what happened to Yehuda... Did he share pictures of his signet ring?!... There would've been more problems for Yehuda if he shared signet pictures. No family pictures anymore... You all look off. People see pictures of your families smiling and... Nobody wants to see your family happy, Chani... If you’re always so happy, why is it that you’re always screaming at each other at shul... You bother people with your vacation pictures. Take responsibility for being decent to others, and not posting your family smiling in the "Schwartz" T-shirts... Marty in the bouncy house is a mistake. And taking a picture of it ruined our shul's reputation. It's the signet ring our shul doesn't need. But we have to take responsibility for our members... Bracha happens when we take responsibility. Raise our kids right. Which is why there is no Bracha on the board. We have to take care of the next generation... Not with bouncy houses or drunk Marty. Not with annoying pictures... A nice Chanukah candle lighting in the house is a good way to do this. See the importance in your progeny. Take pride in your work. And get them off the Bima for crying out loud. I'm giving a speech. Whose one is this one?... Pick her up and take her out... Yes. Not having your four-year-old in the sermon is the proper thing to do. And no pictures... I don't know if you take Shabbis pictures. A bunch of heretics here... Acknowledge your mistakes. Take responsibility for Yanky... It is then that we can have redemption. That people can be saved from evil. Once you are honest. Acknowledge how you've wronged your rabbi... If you don’t, the women will remember what you did. They’ll remind you. Point is be careful on vacation. You might have kids. And you might have to acknowledge they’re yours... You can’t run away from them at Disney World. They have cameras... Rivka's Rundown The rabbi got out a lot about his wife in the Drasha. Yet, he then thanked her for making him accountable. And as he was accountable, they went on a vacation together for Chanukah. Got out of town. Took his family to Disney World. Took pictures. He said she made him. I have never seen somebody so happy to not see Bert. After the sermon, the rabbi had to explain to everybody that learning Torah is fun. To quote the rabbi, "I was just saying you guys don't find it fun... Then have your face show it. Maybe smile every once in a while." There was something in there about baby fathers and Yehuda living in a low-income community. The rabbi tried bringing the idea of vacation into shul, so people would be happy. He called it "Shacharit Vacation." You come to shul on Shabbis morning as a vacation from your regular life. It turns out there is no sun in the shul in December. And it turns out, nobody posts social media of themselves at shul. Why? Because their families don't smile at shul. The rabbi made us have a second Chanukah party on Sunday to redo the depressed shul feeling. It was really just a meet up for a shul portrait with some Latkes. Everybody had to line up at the Chanukah party, standing sideways and smile. It was not easy. Our congregants are not good at standing sideways. We're the only Jewish people in the world that take Simcha pictures standing straight. Looking straight at the camera. You could see how awkward it was. The board made an executive decision to not post the picture. To quote, "I have never seen such unhappy people." For the next shul party they've decided to bring in a beach. After researching the social posts of our membership, they said the bouncy house is fun, but the beach seems to bring our congregants smiles. They're going to have the bouncy house on the beach next time. They just haven't thought it through yet. Always need a bouncy house. It’s part of Jewish tradition for every holiday in our shul. Latkes and a bouncy house. Purim is Hamentashen and a bouncy house. Sukkot, the Sukkah is a bouncy house. The shul Chanukah party is not a place I would take the family. Forget about Marty being drunk. The gifts are so bad. I got a bathroom spray and shampoo. It's not gifts. It's prizes. I think the flyer should say that. Like the rabbi said, "Prizes... and your children won't want to convert." If it was prizes, I would've enjoyed it. Gifts are a gesture I have to repay. Something somebody put thought into. If they put thought into a nail through the finger, I am not happy. I get a nail through the finger prize, I'm good. It's like a trophy. A very cheap trophy. I’m always worried about our community Chabad rabbi when he lights and takes chances at such extreme heights. Four years ago, he lit on a tightrope. Walked on a tightrope to the Chanukiah, holding a torch. It was definitely a community miracle, as our Chabad rabbi is now eighty-five years old and uses a walker. So, the rabbi Asured vacation. He said his trip to Florida is not a vacation, but a necessary tour. He even called it a "furlough." He views his job as a military operation. His assignment is to stay away from congregants. Nobody can stand the happy family pictures. It’s the worst part of the holiday. “Look at them. On vacation. No wonder we didn’t see them in shul." We are now teaching our children to keep their pictures to themselves. They are attacking each other. But at least they're not sharing their pictures on Instagram. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke V: VaYeitzei11/30/2025
Announcements
We had a Minyin for Shacharit on Tuesday this week. The rabbi wants to thank H’ for the miracle. Even with our congregants, we had a Minyin. People showed up to shul. We want to thank Baruch for not letting us know he was alone for Thanksgiving. Everybody would’ve felt bad. We would rather you be pathetic and lonely, and not have to know about it. Nobody needs a damper on their Simcha. The congregation wants you to know that we all hope you enjoyed the pumpkin pie they were selling for lonely people at Walmart. The rabbi’s Psak is that people aren’t allowed to post their workouts anymore. Nobody needs to know how out of shape our membership is. And no advertising marathons for donations. Though, we understand people need to run after Thanksgiving. Contemporary Halacha Classes: What a Shul Looks Like with A Minyin- A Field Trip to Another Shul. What Holiday Meals Look Like When Cooking for Yourself- With Baruch and Nobody Else (follow-up class with Baruch will be How to Deal with Depression and Loneliness with Congregants That Don't Care). How to Get More Out of Shape by Working Out- An Exercise Class Given by Our Congregants. Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Pupils... Yaakov asks for freedom. He wants out with his wives and kids. Kind of like the way I want out of dealing with this board... I understand that the Mr. Markowitz celebrates being single as freedom. But I can't support running away from your family... Yaakov wants freedom for his family. Now, I think we're all on the same page. He's not free, but his family is. Is that OK, Bernie? Can I go on?... I'm sorry I misspoke. I understand marriage is very painful. (Bereishit 30:27) Lavan says to Yaakov, “If I have found favor in your eyes, I have learned from divination that H’ has blessed me due to you.” Is he curing him? Then why the “you” at the end? It sounds like a curse... Even if it's a blessing, it's a curse. Then the "favor in your eyes" line. Trying to work Yaakov to get something. We all use it. Buttering him up. My kids use that all the time when they want ice cream... They're biblical children... He needed divination. Lavan needs divine inspiration to realize he is blessed on account of Yaakov. It’s apparent. But he needs divine help to see it. You need divine inspiration to realize what I have done for you guys... Because you don’t appreciate. Let me enlighten. Why have we cancelled the shul softball team? Which is an embarrassment, with the out of shape congregants... Why has this shul lost members? Why are there fewer annoying people telling jokes at Kiddish? Because of your rabbi. Can I get away for winter vacation?! That’s all I want. Florida... If you appreciated me, you would let me go... We can appreciate the Duadim. But can we appreciate what others do for us. Everybody loves Dudaim. Who doesn’t. I want one of those every day. It doesn’t take divination to realize some stuff is messed up. To realize there is some stuff here that Dudaim cannot help. Some stuff that is not appreciated, and for good reason... We have a Chazin... And you need the divine inspiration to appreciate. To appreciate H's blessings... There was no Minyin. We were about to do the Amidah. Then, they showed, before we started the Amidah. A miracle. Was it Gd stepping in, or Pinchas twenty minutes late?... I consider every time we get a Minyin to be a miracle here. But this was a Nes Nistar. A hidden miracle. Kind of like when I don’t see congregants for a few months. Do we appreciate the miracles?! On Chanukah there are miracles we can see. What I do for the shul, you can see... And it's due to you and your selfish unYaakov like focus that Baruch had nowhere to go on Thanksgiving... No divine inspiration in your kindness. No holiday miracle... So, nobody invited Baruch. You feel better feeling bad and enjoying not having to see him. The idea is to not have to think about others at their Simchas and holidays?! I get it. This is why most of you don't do Pesach Seders, or put out a decent Kiddish for your daughter's Bat Mitzvah... Worst Kugel ever, Brian!!! You should be ashamed. Shame!!! Not even Dudaim. The Dudaim were about care... Well dude. Bracha comes when you concern yourself with others. Just as Yaakov concerned himself with doing proper work... I'm not saying Bracha Rabinowitz. Blessing. Something good... Baruch. You didn't miss out on anything. Just some turkey that was made in an oven. And other food that was not served in plastic containers... Giving to your exercise is not what I'm talking about. How about if people donate to the shul, then they can donate to your marathon... What is the cause anyways? We know you're out of shape. We saw the pictures... I understand it costs money to run a marathon. Do people not pay for anything anymore?! I know they don't pay their dues or sponsor a decent Kiddish. One with a potato Kugel that has some oil in it... Your daughter's potato Kugel was a shanda... Why is everybody posting their workout? Every out of shape person. Every congregant... I get the in-shape people on TikTok... Then post your workout in your sweater. I'm watching people working out showing how they let themselves go... I don't appreciate your workouts. You lifting weights is not something anybody needs to see. I don't have to see how out of shape my congregants are. I see how they eat at Kiddish. Svetlana will not get a Shidduch like this... I am not out of shape shaming. I am posting your workouts shaming... Dudaim cannot help your workouts on social media. I didn't need divine inspiration to know that. This is the reason for Tznyut. Because of your out of shape selves. It’s like you’re always posting before pictures... And then marathons now. We have to sponsor Rachel?!... We should have an out of shape marathon team that hasn't trained. Svetlana and Michael can lead the team. They can post it on the shul's Facebook group. And people will donate money after seeing how much help our community needs to get in better shape... Yaakov was in good shape. And his Bracha was that he didn't have to see your posts... It's about giving, and you all seem to only give when H' steps in. You are not Tzadikim like Yaakov. Like Lavan... Do we need Dudaim when we have love?! When we have a nice vacation. A good getaway. Dudaim are great. When your congregation lets you go to Florida for the winter... Some Dudaim would really hit the spot right now. It's not Dudaim. It's about seeing the Bracha. Sometimes H' needs to step in. Like Rachel, the Dudadim may help you feel better. But it is only Gd that grants the blessing of seeing the Bracha. May we be blessed to not need Dudaim for blessing. Just less members. Less pictures of out of shape congregants working out. Less single people, as they are a downer... It's a Psak. May you find favor in our eyes, with modest clothes. Because you are very out of shape. Yaakov wants to go to Israel. When you appreciate people, you let them go. Which is why I am going to Florida for a couple months... Still keeping the job. Paid. Rivka's Rundown And still, nobody knows what Dudaim are. Again, the rabbi uses the sermon to get more days off. He turned the Yaakov blessings into him deserving an all-expense paid trip to Florida. Nothing about Israel. This isn't Yaakov leaving for reasons such as family. This is for a perk. The rabbi used the Jewish people's call of "let my people go" for his vacation down to Florida. The rabbi is correct. Any "you" at the end of a sentence sounds like a curse. Very offensive. I'm going to stop saying "bless you." It sounds nasty. From now on it's, "You should be blessed." Us getting a Minyin. That was inspirational. It was like a rebbe story. One of miracles. No Minyin and then a Minyin. People in our shul now believe in H’. If Shloimi can wake up for Minyin, anything is possible. The upshot is it's selfish of Baruch to be alone. Nobody needs to know you ate alone. That ruins other people enjoying themselves. Keep that to yourself too. Our congregants are so selfish. They actually asked if Baruch had dinner, just to find out how pathetic he really is. Not to invite him. He should've lied and said he ate with people. Him eating alone made me feel bad. I'm sorry. It's sad when you have to buy a pumpkin pie at Walmart to celebrate the holiday. And then you have to budget and buy the small, personal size one. Such a Rachmanis. Wow. I'm happy I was able to say he's a Rachmanis. Feels like I did my part. Just saying he's pathetic makes me feel better. The congregants truly do not want to help. Ever. Never visit the older members of the shul. I had never seen the rabbi so animatedly angry as with Brian and that potato Kugel. Not even the bad egg salad got him that mad. And a good egg salad with potato Kugel is a Mechaya. I once had cheese with potato Kugel. Melted right on it. That was Olam Haba. Sometimes you have to share inspirational stories. There was no Minyin that day. But it was a good potato Kugel. Maybe I should share that story with Baruch. Might inspire him knowing I enjoyed myself. The rabbi made it clear. Not one in shape congregant. I believe that was the message. That was the best argument for Tzniyut ever given. They workout once and all the sudden it’s their profile picture. It's getting annoying. They have to stop putting up pictures. The most positive thing is where they put up a family picture and I want to smack them for being happy. It really is getting annoying. And then Rachel did a marathon and we have to sponsor it. Had to advertise her marathon. If Rachel would work a little more, and stop running, she would be able to afford paying for her marathon. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke V: Toldot11/23/2025
Announcements
We figured out who was stealing from Kiddish. It was Francine. And we are proud of our security team for taking her down and tackling her with rugulach in hand. We want to thank our investigative team for noticing the member walking out with a shopping trolley full of Latkas Bakery baked goods. Why she took the egg salad is still a question nobody can answer. It tastes disgusting. We are asking our congregants to smile. As we’re working on membership retention, we ask everybody to look as if they want to be at shul. We don’t believe there has been a look of non-anger coming from Pinchas since the guy has joined the shul. People have been asking about the Thanksgiving menu. To celebrate America, the shul’s Thanksgiving dinner will consist of Kugel, borscht and Kishka. And pastrami. Contemporary Halacha Classes: How to Spot a Thief with a Granny Cart Full of Food- Discoveries in Detective Work by Our Shul's Security Task Force. How to Smile- How to Make it Look Like You’re Not Angry at Everybody at Shul. How to Smile Part Two- Joining Another Shul. What Makes a Food American- Our Congregants and Their Understanding of American Cuisine. Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Pupils... After kicking him out, Avimelech comes to show Yitzchak some love, because Yitzchak has money... If you want people to love you, you need money. (Bereishit 26:28) Avimelech and his friends say, “We see that H’ is with you. And we said, ‘Let the oath between us be between us and you, and let’s make a covenant...” When you have money, you get covenants. Nobody is making a covenant with Chaim, who hasn't paid his dues... Here's a covenant. We'll call it paying your membership. Yitzchak rightfully asked (Bereishit 26:27) “Why have you come? You all hate me, and you sent me out.” Sounds like dealing with our neighbors in the Middle East and our board meetings... But they go on and they tell us the truth of anti-Semites... Not that they think Jews can’t play basketball. (Bereishit 26:29) They continue, “If you do with us evil... Just as we haven’t molested you, and as we have done with you only good and sent you away in peace. Now you blessed of Gd.” That’s the kindness of an anti-Semite. "Well thank you for not molesting me.” If they do everything but kill you. Pogroms, forcing us from our homes, calling us cheap, congregants... You are cheap... You can be loved if you are a good Jew who does Mitzvahs too. Sometimes... Sending away in peace means sending you off without molesting you. That’s kindness. Sometimes it’s what they do to our land. They take our wells. As if that’s an act of kindness. When it comes to Jews, they're doing kindness. “We didn’t kill you. We just took all of your stuff.” They want to hurt us... The only reason why not is a covenant with Avraham. They want that blessing of Gd. It’s hard to hate Jews, unless if you’re a member of our congregation. And Avimelech doesn't even see it as antisemitism. It's accepted. It's normal. Like people showing up late to Minyin... Avimelech sees the blessing of Gd. Where do the Jews see the Bracha? It is Rechovot where we see the blessing. (Bereishit 26:22) “For now H’ has made expanded space for us, and we can be fruitful in the land.” Rachav. Expanded. Only once we have that space, can we be fruitful. They were able to make a well there. Let’s focus on our Bracha... That didn’t happen. Let’s focus on why we have no Bracha. No wells. No Bracha in this shul. Absolutely no space. Those new joint chair shtenders. No arm room. Got Matt right behind you, breathing on you... Oh. He uses Crest. Did not know. Thank you, Shlomo. Crest is a blessing sometimes. Count your blessings. They focus is us. Our focus is a place to serve Gd... Only loving us when we are successful. Sounds like what Israel and our people deal with every day. But our shul is not successful. We don’t have cattle and herds. I don’t see a well anywhere in our community, or a feeding trough... All I see is people gorging at Kiddish... When people like and appreciate us here in Topeka, they are truly lovers of Jews. We must accept them. But we need that blessing of expanded space. That is what we need for antisemitism to come to us and to want to be friends. We know our enemies. Every committee in this shul... But Yitzchak’s focus is his Bracha for his people. Space. Not money. Space to do Mitzvot. To not steal our wells... We found the perpetrators of the Kiddish thievery. Our own Philistines... Stealing the egg salad is not a crime. That stuff is disgusting. If somebody walked into Shlomo’s house and took his clothes, that would not be stealing. That would be doing him and his wife a favor. They’re disgusting... A three-piece tweed. Tweed, Shlomo. Who wears tweed?! How do you have space for tweed?!... Not a blessing from Gd. Nobody likes people in tweed... It was a granny cart. In shul. On Shabbis. It doesn't take a security team to figure this out. And no need to take Francine down. She's ninety-three. If you figured out who was making the disgusting egg salad, that would be something to figure out. An investigation... They think they're Dragnet. "There's been an assault on the leftover herring." Our Bracha comes from goodness. Greet everybody with a nice countenance... That’s not me. That’s Pirkei Avot. A nice countenance is what I don’t see here. Nobody in this shul smiles. Like you’re mad to see people at shul. You come here and it looks like you’re taking care of your kids... You can't have a quorum of just yourself. That's not how quorums work. Bernie. You chase people away. It looks like you want to kill them. And I can understand. Even with all the Bracha, with egg salad like that... The eggs chase people away from the shul. Nobody can smile after they eat the Kiddish egg salad... And when we have the Bracha, we celebrate. We make a covenant... How we celebrate Thanksgiving is messed up. With deli. Like the Pilgrims descended on the Lower East Side... How is Kishka American?!... Pastrami is not American. It’s deli... Delis in America do have it. Pizza is American... I was joking. Pasta and pizza are not American. Neither is chicken curry... I know Americans eat it. But... Like the first words spoken in America were “Oy!” The pilgrims weren't kicked out by Avimelech... They were fleeing the British. That's why they changed it from salt beef to corned beef. And that is why we eat Kosher Reuben sandwiches on Thanksgiving... We should be blessed to build a well. To be in Rechovot. To be In Be’er Sheva. To antisemitism... And this is why the Kansas City Chiefs lost last week. No Bracha. I think we’ll get blamed for that. Are we looking for Bracha or love?! You will never get love here... Because our congregants are all broke. With messed up egg salad. But we may find Bracha. If the members would give Sadie a little more room for her arms. These new chairs... Shalom!!! Peace!!! Rivka's Rundown So now we know about antisemitism. And our congregants are the reason. They're only nice to us when we're successful. That's why the nonJewish community here hates us. But then they hate us when we're successful. We just can't be successful around them or not around them. It's confusing. I think it's like the rabbi said. It's because of Bernie. The Christian inspirational speakers preach about money, and that is how they're blessed. Our rabbi speaks of people staying away from him and giving him space. When the rabbi said count your blessings, people started actually counting. They thought it was a task. We have no Bracha because the chairs in our shul are too small. This was the first time I ever heard the rabbi advocate for pews. Shlomo sits in front of Matt. That's how he knows he uses Crest. The rabbi went off on him for not using Tiadent on Shabbis. The reason being that Tiadent is so potent, it kills all germs and makes it hard to talk. Which the rabbi feels is a blessing. The rabbi pulled Baruch aside at Kiddish and let him know women might like him if he used Tiadent. Nothing about cologne. Just Tiadent. The rabbi had to explain that cologne in the mouth does not taste good. It turns out they were using water in the egg salad. Water and cumin. Water makes cumin taste worse. A discovery made by our congregants. In Argentina, they came on dolce de leche by accident. In our shul, the sisterhood came on another bad recipe. We had some detective work going on with the Kiddish thief fiasco. People stuck around after Kiddish last week to see what happened. They figured it out. It was Francine. The janitor took some too. He was the culprit, and he downed some of the gefilte fish. We all know. The crazy thing is that they threw out the stuff they didn’t want. Who doesn't like the bottom of a babka?! It's the best part. Crystalized sugar with cinnamon. Amazing. If you have any taste, you smuggle the babka bits. And to be honest, that was very bothersome. This week, Francine still snuck food out in her purse. This is why we don’t allow purses at shul. And we also know our congregants aren't giving donations. Figuring out who was eating at Kiddish is the greatest piece of security work our Congregants on Patrol Security Force has done. They are taking a lot of pride in taking down a ninety-year-old who's hungry. They had a celebration for their first sting operation. Shlomo’s style is off with the tweed. He can also use a barber. Lashon Hara is wrong. But we are helping Shlomo here. Everybody knows, so it’s not Lashon Hara. And that is why people have been meeting up to discuss Shlomo's life all week. It's nice that the shul is coming together to talk about how Shlomo is such a Yutz, and how they want to help him. And everybody talked, and catch this, now everybody thinks Shlomo is a Yutz. And that is how our community helps people. Thanksgiving at our shul is a great way to celebrate European cuisine. I didn't understand that corned beef is salt beef. The Puritans protested by using corn for everything. That was their protest against Britain. Now we know the reason for bourbon. The class on smiling was just awkward. Getting these people to smile is more painful than sitting next to Sadie. It was even more painful than having to look at Shlomo's tweed. The most forced thing I ever saw. Fran smiling. I had nightmares. Our congregants smiling is not a Bracha. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke V: Chayei Sarah11/16/2025
Announcements
We’re having a blood drive. We don’t know where the blood drive will be. Due to the Red Cross' stance on Israel, members are worried the blood will be earmarked to terrorists. The board discussed it, and they’re trying to figure out if lives should be saved. The board definitely does not help the shul. There is a Kiddish thief going around after Kiddish, or a fool who is throwing out the pastries. Are they being stolen and taken home by somebody who is enjoying local baked goods from Latkas, at five times the price of Stella D’oros. Please call the office with any leads. Please make your decision as to whether you want a Mishebeyrach blessing for your relatives before your Aliyah. If the Gabai starts the blessing, we will consider it a business transaction and charge you. Even if you back out. Contemporary Halacha Classes: How to Feel Good About Not Saving Lives - A Congregation of People Who Has Anti-Blood Drives. How One Can Steal Food That Has Been Given to Them for Free- The Case of the Kiddish Burglar. Mekach Taot and How Our Gabai Sells Aliyahs Under False Pretenses. Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Pupils... Avraham tells Eliezer to find his son a wife... Not from Canaan, Bernie. Everybody knows you don't take a Canaanite wife. There's something off with the Canaan girls. You marry one of those, you're marrying their family. Very annoying mother-in-laws. They even have jokes about them. "Take my Canaanite mother-in-law, please"... Eliezer was sent to find a girl from Avraham's family. Avraham says she also has to move to them. And people say Chaim is picky. Eliezer goes on the mission and finds a good woman. Rivka... She happens to be the sister of Lavan. Don't blame her for her brother. It's not one of the Lefkowitz kids. Lavan sees that Eliezer has money, and like Baruch, he goes over to welcome Eliezer and offers him food... Baruch. You only talk to people who have a gold collar on their Tallis. Oh!!! That was a good one. That was a zinger... I'm just telling the story. Can I continue... (Bereishit 24:33) Eliezer insisted to not eat or drink until he spoke his word of Rivka and how he asked Gd, Who answered his prayer. He wants to know if Rivka is going to go with him to Israel... I know Israel doesn't exist yet. But it does. I have to deal with Jew haters right in the middle of my sermon. I don't even live in Israel and they are protesting me... The mission comes first to Eliezer. He doesn't want anything to get in the way. Lies happen when people try to butter things up with small talk and food. Which is why the board meetings always have refreshments... Did you ever have a business meeting with Mechanic? No food. Exactly. It's clear they're ripping you off. Let's not let food cloud our judgment. Eliezer recounts the story. Eliezer wants it to be known that Rivka is a good person... He doesn’t just look at "her figure," Chaim. You sicko. He's not shallow. Who even uses that language anymore?... Other than the Shadchans at our shul. She brings the camels water too. That's all he wanted to know. That she thought about other living beings. Didn't need somebody telling her what to do to be kind... You guys need a sermon. When speaking of the experience with Rivka at the well... Yes. That's how you fall in love Chaim. At wells. Eliezer says, (Bereishit 24:46) vAysht "And I drank." The same word for drinking here is the word for a wife. The one who cares. A true Eisheit Chayil worries about people's wellbeing. Their life. Water. They think about others. They ask why the Chazin takes so long. Why does shul have to be so painful?!... Hearing this, Lavan gives in. He understands it’s the word of Gd... Hearing about Rivka and how she acted. Not about our Chazin and messed up Gabai who still can't figure out how to call up the right person... It's a Simcha, Shmuel. You call up a family member... A family member of the people celebrating. It's not hard. The fact I have to tell you is because you're not a Rivka... Lavan then says, (Bereishit 24:50) “We can say to you neither bad or good.” He knew at that moment Rivka must go. When it’s Midot, it’s Gd’s word. When it's Mitzvot, it's Gd's word. When it’s Gd's word, it’s not good or bad. It’s right. You do it. What is bad is our membership. Which is why I don't listen to the board or take requests... The back left of the shul. All the sinners want Kiddish right now. Our first responsibility is making sure we take care of what Gd wants. After that we can eat... We are not going to Kiddish until this sermon is over. Don’t let money and food get in the way of what is right... And I know our congregants are very good at not giving donations. Let's not butter things up. Let's just get into it. For Gd. What is Gd's mission? And if it is from Gd, it is, let's do it... Not knowing where the blood drive will be is not a safety concern. The Red Cross are a bunch of terrorists. We don’t support terrorism. Therefore, we don’t give blood... We give blood to the Red Cross, next thing you now, they’re hiding Jewish bodies with it... They will use it to shoot bombs into Israel. Very good point, Hadasa. Finally, somebody in this congregation says something that makes sense. They will be shooting blood over from Gaza and Yehuda Shomron... Blood bombs. The bloodiest type of bombs. The Red Cross offers us gifts. Before we get the gifts, we have to understand if it’s proper to give blood. We all love the towel with the red cross. Love it. Excellent thread count. Get the bag. Maybe you get that Amazon $10 gift certificate. Makes you feel good. Ten dollars off on fabric softener. And then they try to kill you... Saving lives is important. Giving blood is very important. Sometimes. I am not sure... Well I don't know where else to give. I understand these questions aren't comfortable. Which is why we deal with them like Eliezer, before we eat with the Reshaim... Kiddish is important. And the sisterhood feeds you without you asking. The only righteous people in the shul... Because they force-feed you. That's what Rivka would've done. But what is the mission? With our membership, where is the holiness? And where is the food. Last week there was no leftovers. But there was leftovers. What has happened to the Kiddish food from the Bat Mitzvah? Are people throwing it out, or taking it?! Does our shul have a bunch of Kiddish thieves?... Let us deal with it before we eat. You don't eat with sinners. You first work through the issues. In other words, our membership... Who throws out the pastries from Kiddish?! Who is taking all of the food?! Which one is it?! Latkas Bakery is expensive. We know it. One cookie is a full Stella D’oro sleeve. And they deserve that at Shalishudis... Yes. That was the discussion at the third Shabbat meal, at shul. They couldn't figure it out. Yet, I know that nobody would do Bal Tashchis to Latkas baked goods. They're too expensive to throw out... We will get to Kiddish. But you can’t eat if people are stealing and not following Gd’s word. Let’s first find the Danish cookie thieves. Taking black and white cookies. The real question is who would buy from Latkas when you can take it from the shul... The board can help. If they stay away from the shul, they will be very helpful... We need commitment from people. You decide what is right and do it... Because H' said so. That means that if you decide a Bracha is correct, you go with it. Even Lavan would do that... MidBracha you backed out. You basically said, “I don’t care about my family that much. For anything more than a dollar their memory should be for a curse”... I understand you weren’t in the will. But it’s a matter of our responsibilities. Know what you are getting into. Then you do it. And then you feel decent about yourself and eat... You're not hungry, because you're a sinner, and you are not following in Gd's ways. Eliezer took responsibility first. Wasn’t going to eat until he knew if Rivka would be a wife to Yitzchak. In life. We have to take responsibility. That means not throwing out Kiddish pastry... Because it’s good. And giving blood is important. And there is a responsibility to not give to the Red Cross. And if we don’t first take responsibility, we can’t eat... But he drank right away with Rivka. When she offered him the drink, he took it right away. Because she was a Tzadeiket. When it comes to Tzadikim, you don't have to wait for a conversation to drink. You can drink right away... For health reasons, drinking right away is also important. Why Eliezer was traveling without a canteen is an excellent question. A water bottle would've been called for. When you're with a Tzadik the mission is complete. You know Gd is already there. You can eat and drink with them. It's already holy. With a Rasha, like one of our congregants, you have to first talk Torah. You're not sure Torah and Gd will make its way in, unless you do that first. Which is why I have to give the Drasha before Kiddish every Shabbat. And this is why I don't eat at your Simchas... And I don't trust the Hashgacha. With Reshaim you need Tanaim. You need stipulations. Like Gd. Which is why we have Mishebeyrach agreements. Which is why we have to put together blood drives... Because you people wouldn't donate a thing without it. A Tzadik truly cares. They make sure you drink. And they want nothing in return. You already know you're with the right person. There is no need to know anything else. You marry that, Chaim. You have a relationship with that... Whatever you do, make sure Gd is there. And I don't think Gd is stealing Kiddishes. Rivka's Rundown The rabbi went off on Canaanites. Many of the more liberal congregants were very mad. They found it offensive on behalf of their Canaanite friends. To be clear, the rabbi was talking about Rivka Imanu. Though, he knows I'm a Tzadeket, as I do help out the sisterhood. And I do force Kugel on people. I am in their face if they finished their Lukshen Kugel, scooping it onto their plate. After the sermon, the board reminded the rabbi that they can fire him. So, he agreed to give classes and talk to the membership again. His contract said that even if it's not Gd's word, he still has to listen to the members complain about how they messed up. "Because H' said so." You can't argue with that. I think the rabbi just doesn’t like giving blood. That was the reason for the Drasha. It makes him woozy. We are the only congregation that put together a program to not give blood. We held a blood drive pass-by. A blood donation protest. And yet we are a pro-life congregation. So, now we don’t help save lives, because of terrorist blood banks. The Red Cross supports the West Bank and Terrorist Blood Banks. In the middle of the week the congregation changed its mind and decided that giving blood was important again. Nobody said "important again," as they would've been branded as Trump supporters. Even though they support Trump, they said that being called a Trump supporter is a curse. The rabbi didn’t know about the hospitals. There was a lot of discussion in our shul, as people don’t want to learn Torah. They feel the Mitzvah they can do is giving blood. So, we had our drive at the hospital. We filled up the emergency waiting room. Just to get a person into the drive took two hours of waiting. We are going to try to get an ICU waiting room next time. The emergency room moves real slow. One guy had blood flying out of his arm. They had him waiting three hours in the ER. They should’ve used his blood for donations. Somebody should be in the emergency room taking blood to give to people. The ER is for very slow emergencies. Like for slow emergency death. They're very helpful when you have a good half a day to wait for your emergency. They have the waiting part down. The rabbi acquiesced that giving blood is a big Mitzvah if they’re not using it to kill Jews. We have to give blood. Saving lives is a Mitzvah. A huge one. Somebody took the Kiddish leftovers. Everybody knows, Kiddish leftovers are from Shalishudis. One idiot asked, "Aren't you supposed to throw out stuff that was taken out of the kitchen?" This isn't a restaurant. This is shul nobody cares about health. We also donate that stuff. Out of the kitchen ten times, that's when the food kitchen gets it. Nothing to eat at Shalishudis is a crisis. The Kiddish cookie fiasco was messed up. They had some food at Shalishudis, but no cookies, and no egg salad. By the way, the egg salad is still disgusting. The sisterhood still can't figure out how to sprinkle salt. For some reason, even with the extra salt I pour on, it tastes disgusting. The egg salad is a curse, and I think it's because we have a lot of sinners at shul. Some people think you don't need that much for Shalishudis in the winter. With short Shabbat, they finish lunch at 3:30pm, and they are hungry at 4:40pm. It's over an hour. They need the food. The case of the Kiddish Pastry Thief is a real thing. The office got a lead on Ephraim who put on eight pounds. They're checking into it, and forced him to come for a daily weigh in before Shacharit. To make it clear, this was not a boxing match, he kept on his clothes. He went up for family Mishebeyrach for a dead relative. Might have been the Kel Maleh. The rabbi put in “in order that he will give Tzedakah.” Right there, he took back the blessing. Got mad at the rabbi, and yelled, “You threw that on me. That was a Bracha and switch." I am no giving blood to the Red Cross. I know they're earmarking it for terror. Terrorist blood. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke: VaYeira11/9/2025
Announcements
We ask people not offend the religion and culture of others. Based on the nonreligious members of our congregation and what they dressed as for Halloween, it would appear that our community is full of a bunch of racists. Please note, though are members are idiots, not all Asians are from the Han dynasty. We have a Canadian that just moved here to get away from antisemitism. We want to commend them on not making Aliyah and taking a chance with their life. Welcome to Topeka. The shul now has Takana decree weddings and Bar or Bat Mitzvahs. Brisses too. Now the most expensive thing at the Simchas is the gifts. The rabbi figured you guys are already very cheap with your gifts. Giving eighteen dollars. Point is, you still have to pay your dues. There are no Takana dues. Just members we don't like. We are celebrating Mark’s fifty-fourth birthday. How that’s a celebration is beyond us. The office discussed it and we still can’t figure out how that’s something to celebrate. But we have to announce it. Contemporary Halacha Classes: How to Ruin a Holiday- How Our Congregants Ruining Halloween By Dressing as Themselves and Scaring People. Why It's Asur to Live in Canada and How Maple Syrup Can Be Found in America. When Takana Simchas Go Too Far- Decree Parties and How The Hundred-and-Fifty-Dollar Band Did Not Practice. Why Nobody Wanted to Celebrate Mark's Fifty-Fourth. Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Pupils... Lot has to leave Sedom. He asks to flee to a city where he can be accepted as a decent man... In Birmingham, nobody would like you. Stop that Fruma. Nobody would like you there... You have one friend here. And they think you’re a sinner... Lot doesn’t want to go to the mountain. It’s too much... The angels concede, don't make Lot go to the mountain, and don’t destroy this city that Lot wants to go to. Not everything has to be a fight, Freida... (Bereishit 19:22) And the angel says to Lot, “Hurry. Flee there. Because I can’t do the thing until you are there...” When has anybody here ever rushed for anything. Waiting for you guys to get an Aliyah is the most painful... And then your Mishebeyrachs. You guys get up there with lists. How many times have you heard me say, “Hurry. Finish your Mishebeyrach. Nobody cares about your family. We can’t do the thing until you finish”?... The “thing” is Musaf. And then the Chazin takes his time. Move. Sometimes you have to move. Or we can’t get things done... The angels had to destroy Sedom and Amorah... I can't tell you why there's a "G" in Amorah, Alex... And you guys are in the way. Like right now. You're in the way of an amazing sermon. Felvel and Sadie, and Rivka, are taking it in. But you all are also here... Sometimes you can't get stuff done when congregants are in the way. Like trying to wash the Kohen's hands for Duchening... We had to hold off on the High Holiday priestly blessings because congregants were in the way of the washing station... Yisraels can wash in the bathroom. During Musaf, when we're trying to get the Kohens up to the Bima, to do the Birkat Kohanim, so we can finally leave shul... You guys hold things back. Good stuff... You fleeing to Birmingham would be appreciated... We can’t fix it if you don’t get out of the way. This is why we never get anything done. This is why there is still a leak. Bernie just sits there. Why you don't move your seat when there is a leak right above it... Hurry. Flee, Bernie. Where do you flee to? Lot wants to thrive. Where can you thrive? Lot thrives where people aren't that good. Which is why our congregation flourishes... Not Birmingham. Here. If you moved faster. If hustled a hustle a bit, here... You move slow and you ruin everything. The Chazin knows he’s annoying. Which is why he goes slow... If you got out of the way, at least the shul could thrive. If you hustled out of the way. Don't think. When you think, bad things happen. That's how we ended up with a board. And that is why we’re stuck here in Topeka... Lot thought and it slowed everybody down. His wife starts to think. Looks back. She turns to salt. Bad things happen when our congregants don't move... Out of town. Stop thinking and move faster. When you think, you do dumb stuff, and I can't thrive... I am blaming you. You thought about what to dress up as for Halloween. And you dressed as Jews... You are Jews. And you still found a way to offend Jews with your dress... Halloween being Friday night was messed up. Coming home from shul, little kids were asking, “Why are so many people dressed like Jews?! That’s offensive..." Jews don't do Halloween, unless if they're my congregants... Not just that you're bad Jews. And then you get dressed up, and you mock other cultures... I also don't think it's fine for our kids to walk around on Purim dressed as Chinese from the Han dynasty. Not all Asians look like that. And the pagans are thinking you have to be real offensive to still be dressing up like that in March... Well. That's how our nonJewish neighbors see it. "The Jews are getting dressed up like Chinese and it's not even Halloween"... On Halloween, global Psak is you can offend people. Why is your kid wearing shorts in shul? Is he dressed like an Apikores?! Or his dad? Oh!!! You would've thrived if you realized that Jews don't celebrate pagan holidays... Because they're not Jewish. The problem is your thinking. Good Jews think, "We shouldn't do Halloween." You shouldn't think. Canadians move very slow. Which is why their economy is... The problem there is they think. The police are still trying to figure out if the attack on the shul was an attack. The congregation was attacked again in Toronto... We don’t live in Canada. Everything will be OK. The problem is Canadians sometimes move to America. And if those are the cops that defunding the police gets us, we will never be able to do the thing... The thing we need to do. The police are not protecting them there. They're still figuring out if a swastika is a hate crime. The problem is they're thinking too much. Let us not be Canadian. Let us not have cops who start committees... Because they're not a congregation. They don't need a committee. You slow down our shul enough... It's simple. A Takana Simcha is a party where you can't spend more than a certain amount. It's a decree to make the Simchas more enjoyable by not having a carving station... Because they take too long. There is nothing to think about. That's the beautiful thing about the Takana party. It's a set amount... Mr. Bergman. You can't even do a Takana Bar Mitzvah if you guys don't pay... Yes. You have to pay something. It's not free. It's not a Mamdani Simcha... You don't negotiate a decree. The decree is the amount. You negotiate and we can't do the thing... The thing is the Bar Mitzvah. And we can't do it, because you guys are arguing about the set amount. Which is the set amount that everybody pays... Your enjoyment of haggling is slowing down our community... The gifts you guys give are real cheap. We should have Takana gifts so you guys will give more. The gift Takana is you can't say eighteen dollars is meaningful... I don't care if it's the numerical number of life. The Takana is it has to be at least double Chai to be meaningful. At least give something people want... Like a pledge you'll move faster with your Mishebeyrachs, and you won't bless every cousin by name. The Takana is there make it good for everybody... It’s not a Mamdani thing. It’s not about killing Jews. it’s not a Canadian thing where people get to attack Jews in the name of free healthcare... Dues are Takana. And you don’t do that. You still have to pay for the hall. Just less. It’s not free... Mamdani did not create this. I can't believe I have Jew haters in my shul... I am annoyed by Jews. My congregants are annoying... Then move to New York. Mamadani may give free Jewish weddings. And that’s how you know he’s an anti-Semite... Everything is free but Jewish day schools and Simchas. Mark’s fifty-fourth is being celebrated because his wife is paying for it. I hope that answers everybody’s questions. Your questions slow me up. Now, I can finish the sermon... Mark. Nobody would care if your wife didn’t pay. We celebrate birthdays in five-year increments till you’re eighty-five. After eighty-five people care every year, a bit. After ninety. Then people truly care. If you don't reach ninety, people won't even know you died... Nobody cares about your birthday, Mark. Truly. Nobody cares. We really don't care. Nobody wants to celebrate this thing... Mazel Tov. Because your wife paid for Kiddish... There is no Takana for fifty-fourth birthday, because it's not a Simcha. Can I finish the Drasha?!... (Bereishit 19:22) They couldn’t destroy this city Lot was fleeing to... Because Lot was there, Sharon. This is why you people shouldn't be thinking. Because you are idiots. “So they called the city Tzoar.” Which means small. It was a small city. Lot was asking to go to small place. A place he could thrive... He did not say Topeka. He specifically did not say Topeka. Nobody thrives in this congregation... Tzoar was the one surviving city. And he had to be pushed by the angels to go. Even though he requested, he needed a little push. When the world is getting destroyed with fire balls it might be a little stifling. Kind of like having to celebrate a fifty-fourth birthday that makes no sense... Tzoar also means grief. Pain. When you’re the only one surviving, you feel grief. When you’re the only one who has to deal with a shul of Apikorsim, where people get dressed up for Halloween, you feel grief. There is loss. When tragedy hits, you get stuck. And you need an angel to help you move forward to your place... This isn't an ad for Visiting Angels. But they're good. You know when else there is grief. When you have to give these huge gifts at weddings. I never felt so bad at a Simcha till I saw how much my wife spent on the vase... Honey. I don't care if it was on the registry list. Of course it was. Nobody wants to spend that kind of money on a cup for flowers. Why didn't we just buy them a house?! They had that on their registry too, honey... With all that happened, Lot moved to a place of grief. A place of pain. But he moved. He continued. It's a pain to have to wait for you to walk up to get an Aliyah. So slow. But we go ahead. Even with the pain of you being a member. To make it through. Sometimes, you have to move ahead. You have to take action. You have to thrive in some way. You can't let it debilitate you, like the congregation debilitates me... You all hold me back. You're painful. You don't have to climb a whole mountain. You just have to not mess up the holidays for everybody. Maybe to not force everybody to celebrate every single celebration. Nobody cares that you had another grandchild... We have enough holidays to celebrate... Mark. Max turned ninety-four. Nobody said a thing. We need Takana birthdays. Like no forcing the community to celebrate every one of Mark's birthdays... But there is Kiddish... Move a little. Move out of town. Go to a place of pain. But go there... Don't get stuck in one spot, or you'll end up having to be the rabbi to the members of Beis Knesses Anshei Emes uSefilah... Say what you want about Lot, but he was self-aware. He knew he was a small-town boy. He wouldn't have joined the board... Because he was Avraham's nephew and he knew he would mess things up. Rivka's Rundown Marissa went on a trip to Birmingham. She won't stop talking about it. The people really do move slow. Everything our membership does is at half speed. Shmuel Baruch pulled out a list of his extended family for the Mishebeyrach blessings. From his hand to his pocket, it took three minutes. Why Bernie is getting blamed for a leak above his seat that should've been fixed during the week, not explainable. There are other things to blame Bernie for. The rabbi didn't have to focus on the leak. When the rabbi said, "Hurry. Flee. Bernie," he was trying to get rid of him. I'm happy the rabbi finally brought his wife into the sermon. She deserved a ribbing too. Ever since she paid dues on behalf of the family, she's fair game. The rabbi said we have to hustle. He got so into the idea of hustling, he said he’s going to coach the shul softball team next year. On Halloween, they gave the nonJewish kids Paskesz. That's got to be a culture shock. Just hearing "Paskesz" these kids know there's something Jewish about it. There is no more Jewish word than Paskesz. I don’t love Paskesz sour sticks. I love Trader Joe’s fish gummies. They taste better. Trader Joe’s gives a good name to the Jews. That's why I give out Trader Joe's gummies for a Jewish Halloween experience. Dressing like Jews on Shabbis. It's impressive how they found a way to offend their own people by dressing as them. That’s what non-religious Jews do. They dress as Jews, and it's offensive. I'm just offended we have some members that get dressed up for Halloween, but they can't wear a suit to shul. Canada is bad. Their police need to know too many languages to be effective. Due to French, they're still trying to figure out if breaking windows and doors to a Jewish institution and painting a swastika on a shul are hate crimes. Due to our rabbi pushing this Takana pay very little idea, we have gotten more congregants. The supporters seem to be the people who don’t like going broke on Simchas. Which I believe is everybody, except for the Hermans, whose daughter is a fan of Miley Cyrus. Bringing Miley Cyrus to a Bat Mitzvah is not in the Takana plan. If they could've just convinced their daughter that Hannah Montana is now forty years old, they might have been able to go the Takana route. It took that little girl years to understand that Hannah is not Jewish. The rabbi tried the idea of Takana Jewish day schools. Not happening. Nor are Takana dues. Though, with Takana dues we would've gotten a lot more members. And with Takana day school, the day school would've got a lot more students. It turns out that money deters people. Every wedding is the same. Why pay??? I agree. Keep it cheap. Get it over. Nobody cares about Bracha and Menachem's wedding. How Simchas are more enjoyable without a carving station, I don't know. I think that's the only issue. Carving stations are a decent argument against Takana Simchas. I appreciate the rabbi telling us why we’re celebrating a fifty-fourth. It really makes no sense. It’s like celebrating a granddaughter’s Bat Mitzvah. Nobody cares. The rabbi made it clear, "it’s the Kiddish." Our shul would be much better off announcing Kiddishes and not Simchas. Announcements should be: We are celebrating Mark's Kiddish and the Herman's daughter's Kiddish. There's a birthday and a Bat Mitzvah, but nobody cares. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke V: Lech Lecha11/2/2025
Announcements
We have decided to change the Congregants on Patrol Security Force (CPSF) to a greeting committee. It has come to our attention that people are not scared of Eileen and Ethel. There are a lot of depressed people at shul. We figure, with the help of CPSF task force and less Davening, people will be happier. To help with this goal of happier people, we’re hoping Ira doesn’t show to shul anymore. The Kiddish cookies and egg salad are disgusting. Just want to let everybody know, your complaints have been heard, and Tova Bracha is not coming to shul anymore. We want to thank Joe for showing up to daily Minyin. We hope your presence has helped you get more plumbing work. Joe is a great plumber and he paid his membership dues. Contemporary Halacha Classes: Sakant Nifashot and The Importance In Being In Good Enough Shape to Walk to Work Security- Why Ethel May Not Scare an Intruder. Mitzvah Gedolah LeHiyot BSimcha- The Great Mitzvah to Be Happy And Why It's Important For the Rabbi to Not Have to See the Membership. How to Chase Members Away- The Result of Honest Feedback. How to Get Business By Showing Up to Shul- Our Funeral Director Who Belongs to Every Shul. Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Pupils... Lech Lecha... No Martin. Leave for me. Leave shul for me... Avraham hears about Lot being taken captive and he goes in. Right away. He goes. He doesn’t think about. He doesn’t have a committee meeting... Because then Lot would’ve died. If the committee met about it, he would've died. (Bereishit 20:14) “And Avraham heard that his kinsman was taken captive, and he armed his disciples..." You guys could care less. When Mark was stuck in the bathroom, you all went home. Abandoned him. When Eugene was in the hospital, what did you do? Nothing... Who here thought to arm themselves and rescue him??? Health concerns is not the point here, Bernie. The point is he was in a bed with no Kosher food... He passed away from a, Bernie. And he was a hundred and three... You don't even think. You guys discuss stuff. But when do you take action?! Three hundred and eighteen “disciples who had been born his house.” He took them to battle. They didn’t complain. They weren’t congregants. They were disciples... I want disciples. People that are enjoyable to be around. When it comes to family you run. You do it. You don’t question if we have enough. It's our duty. It's our duty to help... Doing your kid's homework is your duty. That's how they get good grades... And the kids complain when you ask them to take out the trash. Only three hundred and eighteen... I didn’t say it was a Yeshiva. If he was a Yeshiva he would’ve made other people go to battle for him. Three hundred and eighteen. That's it. It’s not the numbers. It’s the quality. It’s the heart. Yes. We’ve lost a lot of our membership, because people don’t want to be around you, but where is the heart?! Heart comes from Avraham, their leader as well. (Bereishit 20:16) “And he returned all the possessions.” All the spoils. He didn't want anything for himself. He was on a mission... What have I gotten from this congregation? Tzaris. It was pure. It was of heart... Because they were disciples, they followed their leader. If they were congregants, they would've fired Avraham. Sometimes you just have to do. And to be inspired to help, you need heart. A pure heart. A heart that says, "I just want to do a Mitzvah"... In your case, Sheloh Lishma Bah Lishma. Just do it because you don't want to, and you might end up being a good person in the end... Our security team thinks a lot. They see somebody coming to shul. They ask questions. You're not helping the situation. You're making people late for Davening... Sometimes you have to act. When it’s serious, like Malkie pulling Freida’s hair, you jump in and act. And you give back the hair that was Freida’s... You don’t take it as spoils. You need ability too... That's just a side point. Our security team has a lot of heart. No idea what they’re doing, But a lot of heart... You need to be able to move to do security... Ethel. If people can run away, what is the help?!... Your hand shakes when you hold a gun. What is Eileen going to do in security??? Ask people about their kids? "Where are you from? Who are you visiting? What do you do for a living? Do you need a Shidduch?"... Are you trying to protect the single people from Chaim hitting on them?!... As greeters, it all makes sense. You should be a Greeter Task Force. The questions are nice questions. It makes the person feel cared for... Without Eileen, I would've said we're an unfriendly shul... From now on, our Congregants on Patrol Security Force will be there to make people feel welcome... Because the rest of you are depressed and not friendly. You're the least friendly people. Even our security person is nicer to talk to... People feel more welcome in our shul when they're being accused of being terrorists... You all are depressed. No smiles. CPSF will enforce smiling... Heart. Doing for others. Smiling for others. Thinking of others. They’ll also make sure Ira doesn’t talk to you... Talking is important, but not during Davening, Fran... And not during my speech Bernie. Talking should be done at Kiddish. Where people can't get a decent egg salad anymore. Here is the security idea. Keep out depressed people. Keep out congregants... It takes heart to smile. To fight the war against our unfriendly congregants... Eileen is fighting for friendliness. That's a worthwhile fight. We have to join her to help get rid of the shul's president... Davening is not the problem. You can be happy Davening. Mitzvah Gedolah LeHiyot BSimcha. It's a great Mitzvah to be happy... I understand it's hard when you have a Chazan leading Davening with too much Kavanah... Your connection to Gd through prayer takes too long for us. The tunes are bad enough. Now, you're concentrating on the words!... Just show up late, Ira. How about that. Just show for Kiddish. Everybody will be happier... And he's still talking. Talking in shul is not right, Ira... You all come to me with questions... And yes, I do answer them right away. Have I ever done research to help you get an answer? No. Because I want you to have an answer right away. And when Ira asked me if he should come to shul, I said "no." Right away. When the board asked if they should make a decision, I said "no." Right away... It doesn't make a difference. Any decision they make is bad... You come to me with questions, I answer them. You want to know, who's a good plumber. Use Joe. He shows up to Minyin. Joe is a good guy. SheLoh Lishma Ba Lishma... Don't judge. You’re not even doing Mitzvot for your own benefit... I get it. You come to Minyin to get a job... Don’t complain to me about Kiddish. I agree. I’m just happy less people want to stay after shul. The eggs and Danish are disgusting... Tova Bracha's eggs are disgusting. If she can't stand hearing it, that's on her. And Avraham wanted nothing for himself. He was a giver. He wanted people to be happy. That's what givers do. They jump up to help people. They take pride in their egg salad. They put a little garlic and mayonnaise in it... And we need to help people with decent Kiddishes and smiles. We need more giving to make people feel good. We need Eileen asking questions about their felonious past as single people. Avraham even gave Malchitzedek Mayser. He tithed his own stuff to Malchitzedek (Bereishit 14:20-24)... Pay your dues. For crying out sake... Jump in. Get that heart moving. Maybe even get some exercise. And when you are there. When you are battling, make sure it’s pure. Make sure you’re doing it for the right intentions. Make sure you're thinking of others when you're putting together the salads for Kiddish. And make sure they're not bland... As a giver, as somebody who does Mitzvahs, Avraham doesn’t deny others a decent Kiddish. When it's from the heart, you do. You do it for others. You sacrifice for your family. And you live a life of duty. You put your life on the line. You put together a good Kiddish spread... Our security team will not defend anybody at war. They will stay home and relax. For everybody's safety... Avraham was magnanimous in his act of going to battle. Just like a good Kiddish spread. Just like Eileen asking if you're a felon... Eileen and Ethel taking military action is not a good idea. CPSF has got to calm down. For everybody's safety... Rivka's Rundown The rabbi answers questions from the congregants right away. Like Avraham, running to save Lot. He does no research. He just answers them. No thought. Like Avraham, he's trying to get rid of the Reshaim, the evil people. The congregants. The rabbi wants disciples. Not congregants. He was talking about opening a Chabad for people who are against Chabad. He likes the idea of people following him, and not asking why he gets to show up late for Davening. How Kiddish is on par with Avraham going to battle to save Lot?! I am trying to understand that part of the sermon. Nonetheless, the message was very meaningful. In the end, the rabbi put the security team on Mitzvah patrol. He realizes Eileen and Ethel are talented at what they do. Now, if you don’t keep Mitzvahs or if you show up to shul late, they will nag you. They've decided to stick with the acronym, as it brings more of a philanthropic tone to what they are doing. CPSF sounds like they’re raising money for kids starving in Africa. I'm not going to lie. Eileen and Ethel as security officers scared me. And it was a committee decision. That's what happens when committees are put in charge of decisions. The ones running it end up making decisions. And those decisions are that they can do stuff. For some reason, they can do stuff nobody would ever hire them for. The rabbi stepped in with a Psak, and not having Ethel guard the shul was the correct Halachik thing to do. I’m happy about the new idea of having people around who can take security measures when they’re needed. Our congregational team of security people with yelling abilities didn't have me feeling safe. "PLEASE DO NOT ATTACK!!!" That was what we learned in the security course. I must say, CPSF did have one tricky move. Last week they got friendly with somebody who was trying out the shul. They followed that lady around all day, to make sure she wouldn't steal a Siddur. I've never seen such friendly people before. I guess they figured that they've chased away a lot of people with conversations during Kiddish. If a terrorist had to deal with the nagging, they would surrender of themselves. Possibly kill themselves, just to get out of the conversation about every single grandchild of Bernice. You use your strengths. At Kiddish security sat at table with our visitor, who made it clear she was from the other synagogue. Once we found out she was from another synagogue, questions of treason and imposter came up. They asked, "Why would anybody try out our synagogue?" Exactly. An excellent question, which I cannot answer. Once they found out the visitor was from another shul, they went back to being not friendly and ignoring her. Treating her like everybody else. The lady from the other shul pulled out her phone. CPSF got on that heinous act. Walkie talkies were going off, "She's got a phone." Now they’re helping with depression. And now I have to talk to Eileen every time I go to shul. Eileen has never said Hi to me once in her life, until she became the security person. Now she knows about my grandkids. Ira is a good guy. But I understand that people don't like to see him. It's weird. If you're part of the shul in-crowd and you're annoying, you're loved. If you're Ira and you show up to shul, and you ask if a seat is open, they hate you and want you ousted from the congregation. Ira has never been invited to anything. I'm beginning to think I'm in a community full of jerks. Jerks who are nice when they think you're going to attack them. For happiness reasons, the rabbi actually told people not to come to shul. He felt it would be a happier shul if people just didn’t show. It would be less depressing. To quote, "If the members of this place didn't show, I would find joy in that." “Cookies and egg salad at Kiddish are not good.” The sisterhood got the message, and Tova Bracha quit the sisterhood. B"H. The cookies at Kiddish are now good. And Latkas Bakery got the message too. They’re now charging the shul twice as much. Complaint from complainer was heard. B”H. I'm happy. And if Tova Bracha never does Kiddish again, I will be happier. Lesson: Complain about something and you will lose a congregant. The rabbi never used Joe, but he knows he’s an excellent plumber because he shows up to Minyin. Turns our Joe paid his dues on condition he gets the announcement about paying the dues. He only started wearing a Kippah two months ago, so that the membership would think he's honest. He saw our Bahai garage guy wearing a Kippah. That mechanic’s business shot up. Every Christian started using him. "We hate Jews, but we can trust them." A Kippah and shul membership gains trust. I’m going to tell my tailor to start wearing one. I’m starting to think she’s not cutting my clothes right. Our funeral director does belong to every shul. I'm amazed at how many people come to shul just to get work. And the rabbi supports it. It's the one thing the rabbi supports. He wants a Minyin no matter what. He even gave a speech about how back in the times of the Gemara the water drawers had their own Minyin. So, Minyin is really about business. Which is why people give very little Tzedakah at Minyin. In our shul, the most they give to charity is a dollar. You give more than that, you might walk out of Minyin without a job and down two dollars. Sometimes they give a ten, just because they need the change. They also took the water drawing lesson quite seriously and started doing the Netilat Yadaim, ritual washing, Halachikly correctly, using the full pitcher cups. Joe comes for plumbing jobs. Shirel comes to give haircuts. Thank Gd the rabbi hasn't allowed for haircuts in the sanctuary. I show up to shul to see my doctor. When I get seen at shul there's no copay. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke V: Noach10/25/2025
Announcements
Winter is coming. We ask people stop coughing again. Samantha coughed the other day. She shouldn’t have. She was wrong for trying to kill everybody. She’s evil. If she ever sneezes, she belongs in Gehenim. People can come back to shul. The holidays are over. There will be no appeals. The shul has given up. We’re going to pray that the congregants at least pay dues. H’ Yishmor. Gd should protect us from our board and renovations. Many people have complained about the Grossmans’ family last week. They hosted the relatives, and the cousins didn’t bring gifts. We want to let everybody know that the Grossmans did give bags of stuff for you to give to their guests that were staying at your homes. That is considered a gift. You missed the Simcha last week. If you didn’t see it in the announcements, it wasn’t there. You missed the celebration. Contemporary Halacha Classes: How to Cough on People and Feel Fine About It - A Congregation With No Manners. The History of The Hidden Families Who Are Not Seen at Shul - The Hidden Jews of Appeals. What to Expect From Your Guests and The Torah Mitzvah of Hosting People to Get a Bottle of Wine. How To Miss a Simcha With Our Office Staff - A Series in More Announcements They Forgot. Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Pupils... We ruined the world, but Gd orders us to go back and work it... We’re descendants of Noach. And the board has ruined the shul... After being on the ark for a year, the land is dry and Noach is told to leave the ark. (Bereishit 8:16) H’ tells Noach, “Leave from the ark. You and your wife and your sons and your sons’ wives with you.” Sometimes we have to be told to go out. Leave... No. I mean it. Bernie. You are a disturbance. Every sermon, you talk. Leave... When you go from the ark, you have to take your wife with you. I think we all understand that Noach might have wanted to run from the kids. Those things can ruin a vacation. Having to deal with them on a ship for that long... H' had to make it clear to go from the ark. Noach knew what he had to do. H' told him. He had to leave the ark. Mitzvahs are easy. H' tells you what to do. You keep Shabbat... If you believe and are not a heretic like Gideon, it's easy. But when you all come to me with questions like, "Can I at least go on a little trip on Shabbis?" No. You can't. It's Shabbat. It's easy. When you're not trying to weasel your way out... Only thing complicated is the president of the board. You take direction from her and you're stuck asking what the... Shul is easy. You have an ark, an Aron. That's the command. A Bima... Your ideas ruining shul renovations. You're renovating quilts. Things aren't clear when you put your "personal touch" touch on it. Because you're selfish. The land was dry. Noach could've figured it out. It's dry, you can go outside. It wasn't Topeka in the fall. Why didn’t he just go outside?... It was a year. He was used to being inside. Have you seen the pale members of this shul? Been inside for two hours and this is how they look. We have to be told to go out. Children have to go outside sometimes, or they get chubby like the junior congregants... Paper football is not a way to keep in shape... You don't run in paper football. It's football with a paper towel... When we're stuck. We lose a sense of clarity. We have to be told. And this is why I am telling Bernie to leave... B"H. He let. Elokim is used here to tell Noach to leave. Elokim, Gd, in his aspect of judgment tells us to leave the ark. Sternness. We need a push. You get stuck. After more than a year of hardship and catastrophe what do you do? After a year of seeing how much renovations can kill a decent looking shul. How much damage a committee can do. You leave that place and you start anew... I am proposing to get out of here, because this place isn’t safe anymore. The committee has ruined the structure of the building... I don't trust Fran and Duvidel with decisions of construction... Duvidel ruined the Sukkah when he touched the screwdriver. He just touched the screwdriver and the Sukkah fell. Didn't even use the screwdriver. His being around tools breaks things... The foundation of our shul is compromised... I understand you've worked in foundations. But we are not asking donors to reinforce the concrete... Haamek Davar teaches that to leave the ark, it is the Elokim, Gd who created nature. Not just Gd of judgment. It is Gd who rules over nature. Gd's aspect of judgement created nature, because it needs order. It needs understanding. It needs people that are not part of our shul to run it right... We must outsource all committees. From now on, all shul committees will be outsourced to non-shul members... Creativity comes once we first have the sternness. We have to be told to work nature. Told to bring out the animals. When overcoming trauma, we need a little push. A promising push. And now that we're overcoming the board, I am giving a little push. We need a push. We need to be told it's fine to go... And be the ones to take out the animals. We need to be told to have compassion. When we are finally out in nature, we need compassion to continue it. We have to bring the animals with us... We have to follow in Gd’s ways. We are now told to come together. To not hurt one another. To not kill. The youth of our shul have to hear this. I have never seen such violent paper football... People have feared coughing since COVID. You need to be told you can cough. I shall say it. You can cough! Some of you haven’t coughed in years. You should all be thanking Samantha. Her Yom Kippur cough open the floodgates of COVID. You heard here cough and you started hacking away. Sneezes... All afraid of being deemed evil for sneezing. Now you sneeze... Thanks to Samantha for letting us know, it’s fine... All afraid of being evil and getting others sick. Shlomo sneezed in his mask. Disgusting Shlomo. Leave the mask... I for one am happy COVID is over. Cough deprived. Menachem held it in for 5 years. People haven't been able to chuch without being kicked out of shul. For years. We're here to tell you it's fine. Samantha did the Chesed of letting us know you can chuch... Loudest chuch I've ever heard. Five years of chuching. Now Merv can finally turn a page... He needs to chuch to get out the spittle, so he has the stickiness to turn the page. If I have to explain... Masks came off, all the sudden these people aged five years. In my shul that's twenty. You guys look twenty years older. You are being told. "Leave the mask"... You are leaving the masks uglier than I remember them. You guys look better when I can just see the eyes... Due to Samantha's Chesed and my telling you to leave, you can finally be kind again and visit the sick. Till now, the COVID protocol of Chesed was to stay away from the sick and let them die... If for nothing. Thank you, Samantha, for giving us that moment of relief. Even if the Finkelwitzs think you're evil for having allergies... And once the masks came off, one or two of you even smiled. Disturbing. But it was a relief. You can come to shul now. This is something you can do... I thought nobody came to shul for the holidays because you were worried about appeals. The shul is just full of bad Jews who don't show... I didn’t even do appeals this year... You still haven’t given your appeals from last year. Once you're out in the world, going to shul, you have to act right. You have to give a gift for meals. You go to a house, you give a gift so people don’t complain... A bottle of Manischewitz doesn't suffice... The big questions is, “Do you have to give a gift when crashing at somebody's home for a Simcha???” I have no idea how to answer that... They did you a favor, but they don't know you... I agree. The favor was for the Grossmans. Nobody knows their cousins from Ottawa. It’s on the Grossmans. It was their daughter’s Bat Mitzvah... It’s a Chutzpah for the shul to get involved. They didn’t even announce the Bat Mitzvah. It shouldn't have been in the announcements... However, the Grossmans didn’t even give one of those little paper bags... Henry. You have to give a little paper bag with handles. What you put in it is not important. A paper bag with handles and flimsy scrunchy paper... Yes. The flimsy scrunchy paper needs to be a color!!! We're not talking about the Finkelmans now... They did give you a gift. I know they came over for dinner and they gave you wine. A bottle of wine is a gift? Is it not?... It wasn't Manischewitz... Manischewitz peach wine?! That's better than wine. That suffices. That's value. They don't even make that anymore... How much do you need to spend on a gift? What do you expect? There is no end... I don't care if they bought it. Our board put up a quilt Sarah Malkah messed up and said it was valuable... They should've coughed on you. And stop going off on the Grossmans. Are they supposed to do renovations on your kitchen for hosting the mother’s sister?!... I am trying to help you all become decent people, but it is hard. Gd has compassion. He smells Noach’s offering and has compassion. Right after the flood, H' is compassionate. (Bereishit 8:21) Because we are bad from our childhood. “Man’s heart is evil from its youth.” Like the kids of our shul. H' realizes that the only way to deal with these evil people is to be compassionate. Again. We must follow in H's ways for this world to exist... H' would've been fine hosting without receiving a gift. It's called Hachnasat Orchim... Having guests is the Mitzvah. It's clear. Giving gifts is not clear. Hence, people don't want you as a guest, Bernie. Why is he back?! Chamas. Robbery. This is why H’ wanted to destroy the world. It was destroyed already. They didn't have compassion on each other. The world can't exist like this. You rob people of life. You rob people of coughing. You rob people of wanting to come to shul. You rob people of enjoying a good brisket at your home... Because you invite them to bring you schnapps... How do you enjoy yourself as a guest when you paid more than the what you're getting out of the meal... Enjoyment as a guest is a mathematical equation. You subtract the retail price of the gift from what you ate at the meal. If the cost of your guest is within ten dollars of what you ate, you got ripped off... There have been meals where I overstuffed myself, so that hosts could get the Mitzvah of Hachnasat Orchim. If I paid forty dollars for a bottle of whiskey, I have to eat a lot of brisket and kugel. Otherwise, the host is going to Gehenim... Hachnasat Orchim is beautiful, but you people mess it up. You turn having guests into an Aveirah. Thank you for owning the fact that the board ruined another Simcha. Thank you for letting us know we missed out on another Kiddish, because the Grossman Bat Mitzvah was not in the announcements last week… It was a Bat Mitzvah. If it was a Bar Mitzvah, nobody would've wanted to be there. Do you really want to be at those things? Do you want to hear those kids Layn?... It’s better to not know. To have to listen to that kid messing up the Torah reading... Like the people in the time of Noach. You have brought down society. You make Simchas not enjoyable. Celebrations with you causes hatred and violence... Simchas don’t cause hatred and violence?! Did you see what happened to the Gabai when he called up the wrong uncle up for an Aliyah?! After we have the clarity of what to do, we need to do it with compassion. Push yourself out to the world. And when you’re there, have compassion. Don't bother your rabbi when he's trying to relax in his office with peach Manischewitz... Go out. Work a little. Do something decent. Be useful, unlike Katherine, who still hasn't coughed since COVID. Don’t eat the blood of people, like the board who are a bunch of parasites... How do you celebrate when you have a board? I want to apologize to the Grossmans. It takes acceptance. We have to accept people suck... I have given up on you doing what's right. On you being decent people. We need compassion. That's the lesson. With a membership like we have. With a board and renovation committee that let you down. The only way for us to continue is through compassion. My Bat Mitzvah from last week. We're proud of you. If you're still here. Get out there. Take a chance with these people who don't give gifts and don't pay dues. Invite them for dinner. They'll be bad conversation. Don't fear. You can't mess up more than our congregants. Take that screwdriver. No matter how many generations of messed up trauma and parents telling us we are Jews, we have to push ourselves out to have that confidence... Don't use the screwdriver on Shabbat. It's Muktzah... Just look at the kids of this shul. Issues. They have issues. And we have to have compassion... Without compassion you just want to hurt them... Rivka's Rundown After much convincing that the building won't collapse, even though Fran is in charge of construction, the rabbi allowed us to keep the shul. In his argument for a better world, and H' not destroying it, the rabbi talked of how it is forbidden for members of our shul to make decisions. Our members involved in anything is bad. I think that's what the rabbi was saying. That is the clear message from Gd in the Parsha. The rabbi started outsourcing everything. He outsourced the board to the church. He outsourced the building committee to what he said are builders. It turns out it was just nonJews, and a guy who knew immigrants. That no coughing announcement was crazy. The board is crazy. I think it was a committee decision. The shul still has a COVID Committee. It’s an alliteration so they think it’s a program. I am getting sick of the left-wing members. I want to be around right-wing people who are fine getting other people sick. I think the rabbi was telling the congregants it's fine to go out from the shul. It's fine to leave the shul. It's fine to not be members anymore. He wants them gone. The rabbi almost got fired for saying COVID is over. Some of the Jews had no idea what to do, without a cause that made them better than you. They needed a new cause. One or two defected, went to New York and joined a campaign to vote for Mamdani. People were thanking Samantha. Opened up the floodgates of COVID for everybody. We're just happy for Menachem, who's now allowed to finally cough in his house. After five years of no coughing and sneezing, he owes Samantha a thank you. The rabbi is correct though. The membership is a lot uglier with masks off. There is something to the niqab. If the singles in our shul went with that style when dating, they'd have Truth is the shul just gave up. They didn't even do a Yizkur appeal this year. They know nobody will give anything. Everybody’s given up. Even the fundraising committee has given up on fundraising. When a committee says they’re not going to meet, there’s a problem. These are people who have nothing to do. The committee is all they have. It's got to be a day of not wanting to bother the rabbi for them to give up. The fundraising committee hasn’t even paid their dues. Arguments as to what gifts are necessary from a guest has taken over the community discussion this week. Israel has not been mentioned once. I think our community is more worried about a bottle of alcohol than Israel. At least if they have to purchase it. And not one member of our community has ever brought a bottle of Sabra liqueur for a dinner. The lack of Israel support is almost as bad as their lack of support for shul. The board has decided that when you visit for a Shabbat dinner, you have to bring more than one bottle of wine. This is the Manischewitz Rule. Due to the worry that our members will go Manischewitz on gift cost, the two-bottle rule is there. When crashing at somebody’s house, you don’t have to bring anything. The Baalei SImcha do, as they're the ones who have the guests coming in from out of town for the Simcha. The conclusion is the community is doing the Baalei Simcha a favor. The family guests coming to town are Simcha bystanders. It's not their fault the girl is having a Bat Mitzvah. Expecting gifts is crazy. I don’t want anybody to bring anything. Just themselves. The Frum people say to bring nothing for dinner. They’re worried we’ll Treif up the kitchen With this whole gift discussion, I don't want to be a guest anymore. I'm going to start staying in hotels. It's cheaper. And I will make it a point to not tip them. Due to the rabbi not wanting the board to make a decision, because it will lead to disaster, the rabbi came up with Takana Gifts. When you're a guest, you can only give a gift up to ten dollars. This is the decree. Now people want to be guests again. And nobody wants to have guests. No more Hachnasat Orchim. It follows the idea of Takana weddings, where the families running the Simchas only pay up to forty dollars a head, and nobody wants to show, because they know the brisket will be dry. And they will skimp on the pigs-in-a-blanket. The idea is that now all Simchas cost less, and nobody comes. The true idea is to figure out a way for people to not want to be at these parties. Nobody likes them. They just want to go, smile for two minutes. Let the Chatan and Kalah know they were there. They want to hear that they don't have to give a gift. It's really about getting out of gifts. The rabbi is right. And in our shul, it's also about not wanting to see people. The Stuff That Our Announcements Missed class turned into a list of stuff they forgot to announce. High Holiday seats were forgot. The shul softball team tryouts were forgot, for the better. Danny's eightieth birthday. You don't miss an eightieth. You can miss a wedding. Not an eightieth. People here an eightieth and they get a warm feeling of love in their heart. They hear about a wedding and they're trying to figure out "how?!" And you don't announce it when it's a woman's eightieth. Very complicated what to do in that situation. You just celebrate. Call it a Bat Mitzvah. I am fine with them missing the announcements. There's too much celebrating. I like hearing when I missed a Simcha. There were a lot of chuchs in the class. The board called off Minyin, as there were worried somebody would catch COVID from a chuch. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke V: Bereishit10/19/2025
Announcements
No more playing in shul. It turns out that fun is very dangerous. Due to fun, Sara ended up in the hospital. We will thus be banning the Bouncy Bima for two weeks. It’s the beginning of the year. Bereishit. The first Parsha. Please don’t kill it for the congregation again. Do not do what you did last year. Be a different you for the rest of the shul. Just don’t be you. Simchat Torah was dedicated to the living hostages coming home. It was also dedicated to the soldiers and all of the victims of the terror attacks since October Seventh. Contemporary Halacha Classes: How to Get Injured at Junior Congregation- A Psychological Study of Children of Our Congregants at Play. How to Not Be You- The Art of Making Other People Happy. Simchat Torah and How Our Dancing Embarrassed a Nation. How to Forget Something Very Important and Then To Dedicate It The Next Week Because Your Board Got A Lot of Complaints. Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Pupils... Bereishit is about the beginning. In the beginning Gd did not create you. It was the Garden of Eden. Things were good... If He would've seen our membership right away, He would've destroyed the world before Noach. It's good we came around six thousand years later. It’s the first Parsha. Everything you did last year was wrong. It’s time for resolutions. Resolutions of you not to mess up again... You’ll be able to apologize for the new resolutions that you mess up, again this year, when the High Holidays come around next year. In the meantime, I pray that at least the Baal Koreh reads Bereishit right... You messed it up last year. The way you read it, I was starting to think that octopus was created on the third day. It was like you were reading "and the serpent was good"... Well, that's how your reading sounded... Nobody wants to hear about your vegetable patch in your backyard, Fran. Gd didn’t care for Kayns... Let’s talk about kids. Wild brothers. Kayn and Hevel. Now everybody listens. This speaks to you. You see the kids in our shul... Hundreds, mid-thirties, kindergarten. It was all the same back then... Kayn kills Hevel. I wouldn’t be surprised if something goes down at youth groups. Paper football is the cause of much violence... We're talking about Cain and Abel. But we're Jews, so we pronounce their names correctly. Menachem. (Bereishit 4:10) Gd asks Kayn, “What have you done?” Kayn throws off responsibility like any member of Congregation Beis Knesses Anshei Emes uSefilah. Plays dumb. "Oh. I don't know what happened to the ice machine"... Then who threw it out?! No fessers. Nobody fessses up... Like he didn't do it. Kayn then throws this line, (Bereishit 4:9) “Am I my brother’s watcher?!” Of course, this is after he killed him... Guarder is more correct than "keeper." I know "keeper" sounds cooler. But you are not cool. Watch you brother... You're not coole enough to not care. Nobody here cares about anybody else. Care about saving life at least. Can't even do guard duty at the front of the shul correctly... You let in Pinchas. He's annoying. What have you done? Ruining Shacharit for everybody... I thought we all knew Moishie walks real loud, getting in his steps in the back of the shul. Keep him out. We all have the responsibility to be decent to people. We can't disregard our responsibilities in this Olam. In this world, you're supposed to keep a Mitzvot, and a tidy home... There is a chance for Teshuva. Even if you work shul security and bring your kids to shul to run around the Bima. Kayn threw off the responsibility of guarding his brother. And Rashi teaches, when H’ asks “Where is your brother” it's in this soft tone to give Kayn a chance to do Teshuva. And he throws off that responsibility to repent too. At that point, what do you do? In our community, you don't invite him over for Friday night dinner. And that is rude... We have the responsibility to guard our community. To watch over it. To care for each other. And you all throw that off. Not very far. None of you have a decent arm. We saw that last summer, on the shul softball team. Couldn't even throw to home plate from the infield... What have you done? Like Kayn. You messed up the shul. I ask "what have you done" at every board meeting... He is cursed after he doesn’t take the blame. Again. We speak of responsibility. Take responsibility. For your kids especially. They’re crazy... Fran. You care more about the vegetable patch than your grandkids... "Am I the guarder of my children?" Yes. "Am I the watcher of my children?" Yes. "Am I watching too many series on Max?" Yes. It is now time to do Teshuva. We ask parents to watch their kids. A big ask. That won’t happen. Maybe a New Year’s Resolution... OK. A Bereishit Resolution to watch your kids. At least watch that they don't bother everybody else... Yes. They bother people. Your cute little kids? Nobody likes them... If it’s not a Bouncy Bima, why are they doing floor routines on it?! Simchat Torah cannot happen again. No more fun in shul. This Beis Knesses Anshei Emes uSefillah Playhouse Funhouse is chasing away members and families... When kids aren't having fun because other kids are having fun... The kids are crazy. I saw tumbling in shul, a kid running across the Bima and the stage in front of the Aron, yelling out during announcements. And then I saw a commando crawl in front of the Aron. And that was one kid… It was your kid. He was yelling, "What's up, Doc?" Where does it say that in the Torah. No. Show me. Where does it say that in the Siddur. I want to know. Kayn didn't even say that... During announcements, the same kid re-apologized for the shul president and yelled, “He said he apologizes!!!” Between us, still people hate the president, and I can't stand him. Then your child stood on the chair and repeated, "He said he apologizes!!!" Be a dad…. How did you not see that. The whole shul saw it. You should apologize to the shul. Where are the parents!!! There's more. I saw a kid bouncing a ball during Layning. Other kids were throwing a ball during Ein Keylokeynu. I saw them playing over the Mechitzah, like it was a game of Newcomb. I saw three girls picking up their skirts. But I did not see that. Want to make that clear… The girl with the pink checkered jacket with matching purse was cute. Cutest thing we ever saw. Which is why kids are allowed in shul. I saw kids tumbling the aisle. Cartwheels. Followed by a somersault. I saw a kid running the back aisle. Doing laps… Probably gets it from Samantha who gets her steps in during Davening. Wait. Kids were yelling…. Crazy thing. They were all in shul. How? I do not know. Where are the parents!!! No Teshuva. No ownership. This is why we read Kohelet last Shabbat. Because this is what happens when there is... Why is this child up on here right now?! Where are the parents!!! You lose a sense of life and our duties and everything is Hevel, vanity, or kids going crazy... Other people cannot whack your child. So we will have a police force to sign off on our public servants enacting the law. They will parent for you… Like a Kibbutz. The great thing about Kibbutzes is that everybody parents your child. So it's legal to tell your child to shut up... Potching is allowed. We want to thank our police force for keeping kids quiet during Adon Olam. All parents have to sign that they can lock up your children if you want to bring them to shul. The document reads, "If my child's parent is incapable of shutting up my child during the Torah reading, my child will be sentenced to elementary school in prison." They got a child police person. Need these kids fearing lock up for them to behave. They now call the junior congregation service “the yard,” because it’s violent. One kid, a third grader got his head bashed by a Tonka, due to fun. Got to stop fun. Fun is dangerous. Where are the parents!!! Whenever there is fun, we must ask, "Where is your brother?" And your kids overreacted on Simchat Torah... It’s your fault they couldn’t handle the three pounds of candy in a responsible way... The dancing was for our people. Commemorating our nation. Our living nation. It was a resolution to live for our people. Still have no idea what Merv's dancing was about... First we must take ownership. Bereishit resolution... Yes. Another resolution. Rosh Hashana resolutions, you already messed up. Three weeks and you're already eating chocolate. The resolution this congregation needs is to change everything. Your kids... Not to adopt new ones. Just change your kids... And change the toddlers too. At least clean them. Disgusting little things. A resolution to not talk about your tomato patch. H' wants Teshuva... Yes, I'm talking in a soft voice. That's how you get people to do Teshuva... Teshuva cannot exist with justification... No justification for your children. This passive justification leads to Kayn becoming a "wanderer on earth" (Bereishit 4:12). When you shun responsibility. When you damage. When you don't fess up. You are a wanderer. Kind of like your kids who wander the halls and destroy the shul. Without ownership, our deeds remain wrong. You end up with a shul board. Let us take ownership so we don't become wanderers. Pay your dues. Fess. We need more fessing. Where is the Yad for the Torah? Who took it? Fess up. Rivka's Rundown People ran to Kiddish after the sermon. They thought the rabbi was saying to Fress. The congregation agrees. Hearing about Fran's vegetable patch is getting annoying. I am beginning to think our shul has a lot of board meetings. And it seems like they're doing nothing there, other than throwing away important stuff in the shul and not fessing. And it’s this lack of fessing that leads to softball team where everybody thinks they’re good. Boy, is that annoying. When they think they’re good and for some reason nobody can catch a ball. The rabbi dealt a lot with brothers. vZot HaBracha he talks of Zevulun and Yissachar. Here he speaks of brothers that don't get along. Our congregants like the Cain and Abel relationship more. To quote, "I see my kids, and I like to think they're kind of like those two." Why they couldn’t do two bulletins, one for vZot HaBracha and one for Bereishit. I think it's wrong. VZot HaBracha never gets its own thing. Just because it wasn't on Shabbis doesn't mean it's not a Parsha. VZot HaBracha deserves more credit. That’s all I’m saying. Maybe the shul should give it a little more of a shoutout in the announcements. Anyways, I hope the sermon got parents to accept that they suck. Nothing about Israel for Simchat Torah was mentioned. No announcement last week. That is usually how our office works. The announcements go, "We missed the Simcha last week. Wish the Grossmans a Mazel Tov on their daughter's Bat Mitzvah. We hope people showed up. We also missed the Israeli Parade of Support. But we support it now. Walk around the block for Israel if you can." Did the rabbi ban Simchat Torah next year because of little Brenda and Barry pulling hair during Adon Olam? I don't know how Kayn messed up the shul. I think that was part of his message. I know the kids destroyed the hallways. The rabbi was hoping Bereishit would help make things good. A new start. But as he said, "There are still congregants." "No justification for your children." That hurt. Crazy kids in the shul. They are whacky. No question about that. The rabbi used safety and security to get everybody to agree that fun has to stop. You say safety and security nowadays, the shul has to do what you said. We have security in junior congregation. It turns out that when there's security, the kids focus better during the Chidon HaTorah quiz. We also implemented the cop presence at playgroups. Which has led to less biting and more sharing of the huge non-eatable LEGO bricks. The rabbi proposed somebody watch the parents. The security watched the parents. It turns out, the parents don’t watch the kids. The security team reported back that they watched the parents not watching the kids. I've never seen so many parents in support of their kids going to the state penitentiary. Everybody cheered for the police force. A bunch of left-wingers who are against locking people up, unless if their kids who make noise in shul. But they're still worried about their kids eating candy. I don't know if the locking up of children who talk during Torah reading is enforceable. Even so, the bylaws were written into shul policy, and police have thrown some of the children and parents out of shul. We have brought it to city council and city court. They are still discussing whether biting in playgroups and jumping on the Bima during Adon Olam are criminal offenses. And then there was a Bar Mitzvah on Shabbat Bereishit. The amount of candy is crazy. Now the kids got more candy. These parents don't want their kids eating the candy, yet the kids are loading up bags. I have a feeling these parents are using it for Halloween. Parents are stashing the candy, saving money on the Laffy Taffy. Then they give it out on Halloween. That's why Simchat Torah gets so many people showing up. Save on the Walmart trip. The Bar Mitzvah wasn't mentioned in the announcements. They might announce it for Parshat Noach. "You missed the Bar Mitzvah last week. If you want more candy, show up to the Lefkowitz home for Halloween. They will have Kosher candy." It's hard giving a Drasha in a Frum shul. The rabbi can’t even say the words of the prayers. “Keylokeynu.” I started picking up that when the rabbi uses a lot of Ks, he’s referencing Gd. You see how Frum I am. When I reference Gd, out of respect, I don’t write Gd. Tags:
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Announcements
We ask people get their exercise at home. People are complaining about congregants getting in their steps during the silent prayer. It has been reported that Moishie walks very loud. Kids have to be watched over by somebody. We are asking anybody other than parents to help. Anybody other than their mothers and fathers. We have given up on those people. We will be throwing candies at the kids on Simchat Torah. So make sure they don’t get excited. Please do not injure children with candy. We are asking for Simchat Torah safety. We also ask people dance normally, out of respect for the Jewish people and our nation, Israel. Contemporary Halacha Classes: How to Annoy People in Shul with Walking Groups During Shacharit. How to Not Parent- The Art of Bringing Your Kids to Shul. When Hitting a Child with Candy is Fine- History of the Bar Mitzvah. Dances That Are Offensive to Our People- Merv and The Evolution of a Messed-up Hora. Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts Chag Sameach My Pupils... Let us dance with our nation this Simchat Torah. Not Merv. No idea what he's doing with the Torah. He thinks he's doing a salsa out there... It's for our nation this year. So, let's do it correctly. Let's keep it simple and stay in circle form... We end vZot HaBracha and immediately start the Torah again, with Bereishit. Because you already forgot it... You don’t keep the Mitzvot and your kids are already messing up again... How do we practice the Torah again? Let's look to Moshe's blessing of Zevulun and Yissachar. Zevulun and Yissachar had a good relationship. Unlike the Schwartz kids who can’t get along. And run around the shul like a bunch of Vilde Chayas. They were two brothers who benefited each other. Zevulun provided the money and Yissachar learned and provided the spiritual reward for both of them. And for some reason, Yissachar didn't complain. He wasn't being supported by his parents like Yankel who's now spending time at Yeshivas Shaar Yashuv, due to his complaints about his parents being heretics. Which they are... The shul benefits nothing. Even the last benefit wasn't a benefit. We lost money... (Devarim 33:18) Moshe tells Zevulun, “Be happy in your going out, and Yissachar in your tents.” Be happy in what you do... Going out means working. It doesn’t mean getting hammered, you drunk... The answer is to practice with happiness, in your going out. I'm not Rav Nachman of Breslov. Even so, as we learn from his lessons, being with this congregation does not lead to happiness... Maybe, if Nachum wasn't a downer when he's going out with the ladies... You're happy when fulfilling your role. And our board has done nothing. Which seems to be their role. To do nothing of help... I don’t know what Ben and Simcha’s roles are in the shul. I don’t know what Menachem and Baruch are doing here. Nobody knows how to lead the Davening. Can’t read the Torah. You even mess up the Torah blessings. You messed up an Aliyah... Moishie's role is to bother people while they're Davening. Which is why he's a happy person. It was their strengths. The brothers were happy with their strengths. Please let me know if anybody here has a strength... Zevulun made money and used it for something positive... What have you done with your money other than the membership at the country club?! You haven't even paid your dues... The shul renovations are not positive. And they're not your money. You can't spend the shul's money on the shul and call it your Tzedakah. The shul is now poorer... Why are we all depressed here? Not happy. Because our role as a community is to be kind. To give. Like Zevulun and Yissachar. We don’t share anything. You told the guy to leave the shul because he took your seat. You didn't even say, "This is my seat." You said, "Leave." You could've at least said, "Leave. This is my seat." He thought you were a random guy kicking him out of shul. Bullies aren't happy... No responsibility. This is why you're all depressed. You're doing nothing. You're on the board. On committees... Exactly. Doing nothing. Can we be happy here? No. Let us explore your roles... Your role is not to get in more steps during Shabbis Davening... How do you get in steps during the silent prayer. It's the Amidah. You have to keep your feet together. How do you get steps in, standing in one spot?!... No walking during the holiday. There's enough walking around on Simchat Torah. You don’t need to get more steps... It's not a dance. What you guys are doing is walking in a circle. I think Moishie has gotten two hundred thousand of his yearly steps in during Musaf. I know because I hear each one... Fifteen thousand a day. Crazy. Maybe you'd be happy if you trained other people. Gave them some of your steps... By the way. On Simchat Torah we will be throwing candies at your kids. But watch them. Make sure they behave. Make sure your children are not wild when they have all of Hershey's and every gummy of every creature thrown at them... It's not hard for them to not to be excited. Just have them look at you and they will be reminded of depression. I see you at shul and my excitement is gone. I'm not happy anymore. You bring depression to my holiday... Yes. We are saying you're not good parents... Your child is getting whacked by candy. No helmet. No vest. Just slacks and a button down. No knee pads. You're fine with your child getting hit... You don't even let them eat candy. Find your rule. Moishie and Rivki know their role is to throw candies at kids and to get in steps... We read Kohelet last Shabbat. I was uplifted. After seeing the members of this shul, Ecclesiastes was a pick-me-up... If he would've seen our membership, King Solomon would’ve said "there is no time for these people." There is a time to walk and there is a time to not walk. And the time to walk is in shul... You don’t walk in shul Harry... There is a time to be with congregants and there is never a time to be here... This shul is Hevel Havalim. There is no time for Merv to dance. There is never a time for our shul president to be involved. If the board just stayed out of shul decisions everybody would be happy... Your calling is to stay out of shul decisions... Watch your kids too. The time to watch your kids is until 10am and after 11am when groups end... Zevulun and Yissachar will be nourished by the sea (Devarim 33:19)... I don't know if they liked salmon. I would like to think they did... You eating squid is forbidden. Don't try to use the nourishment argument for sin... Rashi makes it clear that the Torah mentions both Yissachar and Zevulun, because the sea gives them both money in abundance. How is Yissachar benefiting? Because Yissachar receives the money from Zevulun's going out to sea. And the shul has benefited nothing from its membership... (Devarim 33:20) Gad who is on the boarder, protecting Israel, is living like “a lion.” Not like a middle class family in Topeka... You couldn't protect the shul. The new security team of the aging with earphones... You're listening to music on Shabbis. Might as well be eating squid. Both Aveiras... Have you seen squid? Not Kosher. Doesn't look like sardines. Maybe eating squid is worse than protecting the shul. The point is Gad would've at least had Byrnas... Artscroll teaches that Gd gives us gifts that are “commensurate with responsibility.” Which is why nobody in this shul got anything last Chanukah... None of you live up to anything you're supposed to do. A responsibility to see how depressing our congregation is. A responsibility to not get your steps in in the middle of Davening. It's Simchat Torah. We have a responsibility to not injure our children, and we are given the correct amount of candy to do it. And that is what leads to happiness. When we follow our responsibilities. Take Gd’s gifts and use them right... Not Gad. Gd. Oh Gd... You have the gift of candy from Gd. Throw it at kids... H' provides the nourishment from the sea, because that is what Zevulun and Yissachar needed... Don't blame H' for the board. The shul needs other people... H' provides. But we first need to know take responsibility. Maybe somebody can have a relationship with Merv. A Zevulun Yissachar relationship, where they give him dance lessons, and he gives them nothing. Somebody who has the gift of not looking like an idiot when they dance... Merv truthfully has nothing to offer. Just salsa dancing with the Torah. Which still makes no sense... Our new members from Puerto Rico had no idea what you were doing. They thought you were tangoing with it. May H' provide people who don't look like fools when they dance. If Merv danced not like an idiot, we would have a chance at communal joy. Somebody just has to take responsibility. Responsibility and blame... It takes two to Hora. If we lived up to our responsibilities, we could make this a happy congregation... Throwing candy at kids is how you find joy?! Throwing candy at children the way you do it is wrong. It's too violent... Is the Bar Mitzvah boy a child? No. The Bar Mitzvah is a man. Bar Mitzvah. I whipped that sucker at the Bar Mitzvah man!... And maybe the shul could get some money. How about this? Be a Zevulun to this shul and donate something. You don't learn. None of you learn Torah. Maybe give money so your rabbi can get a raise, and you can be happy too. And when we have our roles down, H' will provide... Your role is to not talk during the sermon... You should be Zoyche to live your role. Good luck. Rivka's Rundown Getting back the living hostages right before the holiday brought the inner communal Simcha. It added to a sense of not hating everybody in shul. The dancing was meaningful. We took responsibility to dance for our people. It was beautiful and it brought joy. Still have no idea what Merv was doing. I am happy the rabbi made it clear that we cannot be happy in our shul. I think the rabbi's message was take responsibility and you will be happy, which is why nobody on the board is happy. Or the message might have been to be happy in your work and hurt children by throwing suckers at them. Hurt them but don't injure them. The president talks about the shul's money like it's his. He said he gave Tzedakah to the shul, because he used the shul's money to pay for the new dry wall in the garden. What idiot puts up Sheetrock around a gazebo?! The rabbi left it at "good luck." He doesn't see hope for any of us. A lot of walking in shul. That's how they dance too. They walk in a circle. That's it. There is no skipping or jumping, or hopping. Just a walk. A leisurely pace. That's how our men dance. They dance to get in steps. Moishie took the rabbi's lesson to heart about training other people. Now, he has a walking group in shul. Seriously. The guy walks around shul. Not even in the back. He goes up and down the aisles now. To quote Harry, “I feel like I get more steps when I go around the shul.” Moishie truly took that lesson and flipped it on the rabbi. The rabbi is doing what he can to stop the walking in shul. The rabbi is now promoting less health, so people can concentrate on the prayers. And then all the candies. The kids are filling up huge bags of candy. We're throwing candies at the kids on Simchat Torah. Tons of candies. Anything that can hurt. They've got black and blue eyes from candy whoopings. They're stuffing their faces with the taffy, loving it, and their parents are there. The parents that don’t let them eat sweets. I've given up on the parents. It's these same parents that don't let them play sports because it's too dangerous. Yet, they bring them to shul to get a candy whopping. I don’t get it. Candy violence has to stop in our shul. It was hard to figure out exactly when the rabbi is saying that throwing candies at kids is fine and when it's not. I am guessing that when you're passing them in a car, whipping candies at them is wrong. Even if they love it. In our shul, candy is meant to hurt the kids. The congregants are fine with the kids getting that sugar, as long as the kid gets hit by it first. The candy committee argued that it's not abuse if it's with Ferrara Pan. I don't know if that is their Jaw Busters ad. But it sounds wrong. And then everybody blames the kids for being too wild. How we expect kids to be responsible when the rabbi is dropping every candy from heaven. I'm not going to lie. I get candy thrown at me, I'm happy. If it's candy, I will jump on the floor, kill the skirt. I don't care. I'm happy, even with a black and blue eye and a broken arm. Why they threw the whole box of Dum-Dums. Idiots. But I got the lollypops. Injured, but with some lollypops. Bittersweet moments. The fact that they need an announcement to watch the kids is messed up. Though the kids are crazy, and I can understand parents being fine with their children running away. That sounds wrong. The kids in our shul walk. They're very out of shape. The point is, they're crazy. With all the candies, by the end of Simchat Torah the kids were skipping with Harry around the shul. Bar Mitzvahs do not compare with Simchat Torah. So much more candy on Simchat Torah. I hope the candy added to the meaning of our nation. Tags:
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Announcements
Please keep your Carlebach singing to a minimum. Since Yom Kippur there has been a lot of Sinat Chinam, baseless hatred, due to the hatred of people for having to be in shul longer. So, please just say the words quickly, so that Jews can get out of shul and love each other. And do not add any NayNayNays to songs. NayNayNay is not a word. We will have a Kiddish in the Sukkah on the second day of Sukkot, and it will not have dried out pastry (like the stuff we now serve every Shabbat). We’re hoping the rain will bring some moistness to the Danish Sharon has been bringing lately. The board will not do renovations over Sukkot. Otherwise, we will be measuring the shul in handbreadths and elbows. Our contractor has been doing a bad job with measurements, even when using tape measures. He has a very weird handbreadth, and he has been listening to the board, which all leads to a messed-up foundation. The rabbi has declared that he will be choosing people’s Lulavs this year. There are safety concerns from last year with people who have no Lulav control. They will receive smaller Lulavs with rounded edges. Contemporary Halacha Classes: How to Injure People With Mitzvahs- Bernie’s Lulav and Why Nobody Sits Next To Him. How to Lose Every Member in Your Shul With A Tune That People Like- The Carlebach Method of Extended Prayer. How to Choose Really Bad Pastry- A Day of Shopping With Sharon at Latkes Bakery. Techniques Used By the Board to Ruin the Building- A Guest Speech from Our Contractor. Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Pupils... What provokes H’? It’s ignoring and snobbiness and people who sometimes say "Hi"... You greet people even when they're not popular. Even when they're not part of the committee that is messing up this building... I am saying you are not good people. Exactly. Annoying, snobby people who only say "Shalom" when you think you'll get something out of it. Shabbat Shalom. My Congregants... Yes. I am angry. Because you’re angry people. I am angry because you mess up everything. You are the worst congregants. The worst people. Shallow... And this leads to kids who don’t follow Torah. Like our youth group. We’re the only synagogue youth group for atheists... Our shul's chapter is called My Parents Raised Me to Hate My Religion... I don't know how National Torah Youth accepted our chapter. Kiruv, bringing people closer to Judaism, only works so much. I think the name is MPRMHMR. They acronymized it... When an acronym is impossible to say, I don't know if it's useful. The point is the problems come from ignoring. You all ignore Gd. You ignore people. You ignore kindness. And that is how you get junior congregation... Junior congregation where the blessings go, "Blessed be standing straight. Blessed be wearing clothes. Blessed be preparing men's steps..." No Gd. You can't say Amen to that, Bernie. Your grandkids are not Nachis... I have no idea what preparing steps consists of. I don't believe it has anything to do with the pacing Shalom is doing in the back of the shul right now. Will you please sit... Pacing bothers the sermon. Correct. As does ignoring... You ignore H’ (Devarim 32:18). You ignore me too. Ignoring people makes them angry. I would appreciate if you ignored me and didn't ask questions. But you still bother me with questions. (Devarim 32:19) H’ sees this and He will be provoked by the “anger of his sons and daughters.” The rabbis ask why daughters are included... Women should be included Bernie. Disgusting... You didn’t say it, but I saw your look... the general term for sons always includes everybody... That includes daughters too. Bernie. Daughters are part of everyone. They’re people Bernie... even before women’s rights... You provoke Gd’s anger when you pray to clothes and steps. Ramban teaches this has to do with the First Temple destruction where women were idol worshippers... Not everything about women is positive. They ignore. They definitely ignore Nachum. We all see that. They don't talk to him. The guy is still pathetic and single... Women's rights is about the negative things women do. It's about how they mess up everything, like men... It starts with ignoring. Something that women do to Nachum. And the would've ignored him in the First Temple, because his shoes are never polished. It's attitude. Ignoring leads to hate in your heart. Your snobbiness leads to hatred. Your selfishness leads to anger... I will say it is the sons and daughters. The family. The family that messes up shul with anger. Gets mad when Davening goes a little too long. (Devarim 32:20) Gd says, “And I will hide My face... for they are generation of reversals, children whose upbringing is not in them.” Because you all messed up. Anger leads to Gd hiding His face. And that is how you get our congregation... Because you raise the kids wrong. When they look at you in your anger and the dried our Danish, they want nothing to do with that. And how can you not be angry when the shul has a board?! A bunch of idiots, throwing out everything. Who throws out the shul’s history?! You threw Gd out of the shul... You threw out our original shul document from 200 years ago. You throw out history. That can only come from anger... You threw out the Mitzvot. You literally threw out the Melachot chart and the Chesed Kindness Mitzvah chart. And it is that throwing away that can only come from anger. Leading to kids like our youth who bless clothing the naked... They're blessing clothes and people getting in steps... Ignoring is what leads to H' hiding His face. Let’s not ignore the issues of our shul. Let us not be angry. But deal with the stuff that makes us angry, so we can have a Geula... Coming to shul makes us angry, because we have to see you... Now that Bernie is gone, let's deal with the other issues we have ignored. The other issues that hide Gd from this shul. Sam has now left. And Francine is not in the women's section right now. OK. We can now deal with girls not talking to Nachum... Where does the anger come from? Let us not ignore the issues. There's a lot of frustration in our shul. Yom Kippur Davening took more than three hours. A problem. Again. Causes anger. Faster Davening will bring Shalom. If we got in an eighteen-minute Yom Kippur Shacharit, there would be happiness. H's presence in our shul. Friday night Davening has to be quicker as well... You sung Yehi Shalom which is beautiful. It’s the kind of song that will get all the congregants mad... It takes too long. They come to shul because they want out. The Yehi Shalom brought the Kehillah together. All frustrated... At least you didn’t NayNayNay it. Mizmor LDavid gets at least one NayNay run-through. The only song that has a NayNayNay in its lyrics is Mizmor LDavid. A NayNay verse is there. Written in by Carlebach... You NayNayed the NayNay verse. Again. Anger... Because we ignore. We have anger. We will have a Sukkah Kiddish. There’s a Mitzvah to pay happy. vSmachta bChagecha. To be happy in the Chag. And that is where Gd is found. And the pastries the shul has been getting has gotten nobody happy… Yes. Happiness is found in food. Not in dried out Danish... Dried out Danish. It’s disgusting Sharon. With the Hamentash filling. Nobody likes it. Especially five days old… Of course, the bakery gives a deal on it. It’s disgusting. And the sponge cake. No Simcha in a sponge cake. They only put out the sponge cake at the weddings because the Temple was destroyed. We must bring a bit of mourning to our Simchas... Of course the sponge cake and Danish was eaten. It was the only thing they put out. Ever see the peanut butter squares with the crystalized peanut butter and then the chocolate on top. You don’t see them because they’re always gone… I know people eat the black and white cookies. Because there’s nothing else. All the other stuff is gone. So, they eat it at the end of Kiddish. Something finished at the end of Kiddish doesn’t constitute... You get to the Kiddish table five minutes in, you think all they're serving is black and white cookies today... You didn't know the Mitzvah to be happy on Chags because you threw out the Mitzvah chart. It's on the chart. You have to be happy on holidays, and you have to serve Green's Babka... Because it's amazing and it brings Simcha. Sharon. You're the head of the sisterhood. Delegate Kiddish. Delegate it to Little Debby. Great cakes. Moist... Nobody cares about preservatives. It tastes good. Don't ignore what tastes good. You ignore what tastes good, you ignore H'. And that means exile. H' doesn't want to be seen around dried up pastry... Flaky dough is fine... No. We don’t measure biblically anymore. Even if the rabbis say we must for the Sukkah... It’s not an excuse for Shul renovations. The renovations got people mad. Because you ignored decent ideas. Godly ideas given by your rabbi... Tables were placed in front of the pews. Great idea??? Allows for a place to put down the Siddur??? Now there is no room to stand. People can’t get into the row... You put the tables where people stand... Yes. People like to put their Siddurs down where they sit. If there is no room to sit... Tables in the Sukkah?! It's a pop-up Sukkah. A four by six Sukkah... Calm down with the tables. They don't fit. The community Sukkah seats three, without chairs. And now we have a messed-up foundation... The building too. Very messed up. When you ignore Gd, you end up with drywall that crumbles... When you renovate by throwing out tradition, you end up with a pop-up Sukkah... Gd is permanent. Some people need the rabbi to choose for them. You can't ignore safety. People get hit with a Lulav, they get mad, and it leads to idol worship... I will choose your Etrogs and Lulavs, to bring Simcha to your holiday. And to ensure safety. Rich. You get a small Lulav this year... You injured Merv and Pinchas with your Hodu Lulav swing last year... You should've turned around first to make sure nobody was there, when you pointed your Lulav straight out... You don't ignore safety. You point the Lulav up... Rich. Like you care. You don’t even know that the willow is the Arava... I know Arava sounds more like a myrtle. Hadas should be a willow. But it’s not... This is why I learn Halacha... Because you’re not big Lulav worthy. You also injured Faye last year. Your Lulav went through the Mechitzah and knocked out her eye... We can’t let this anger us. We have to deal with it. Make it good. Make our congregation good. Stop the cause of anger. Keep out Bernie and Francine. Bring Gd back into what we do. To not ignore Nachum. Maybe talk to him and let him know you're not attracted... Lulavs hitting me in the face causes anger... And this shall bring Gd back into our lives. Long Davening is a reason to be angry. I understand. And where are the Mitzavh charts... And the stars. Yes. The stickers. The star stickers. You put them on the Mitzvah chart. And happiness through better pastries to bring H' into our presence this Sukkot... Let us bring Gd into Sukkot without our membership. A reason to pray to Gd. Rivka's Rundown The rabbi had everybody yelling at Bernie for being a chauvanist. He said nothing. He just sat there. I didn’t know a look you got when you sneezed meant women don’t deserve the right to vote. We truly have the most heretical youth. They had a Halloween pumpkin carving event for Sukkot. A bunch of pagans. They didn’t even have a Sukkah hopping event. They had a Sukkah Treat event. For a shtick they called it Sook-or-Treat. It is messed up when you leave Gd out of blessings. Blessing steps??? "Blessed are steps." It makes no sense. I can understand why Gd is mad. You leave Him out, you ignore Him, and you start making blessings to counting how much you walk in shul. Now you're worshipping treadmills. From what I understand, the order is we ignore Gd, Gd hides Himself, girls ignore Nachum, we end up with children, and then the sisterhood picks up dried out Hamentash filled Danish. It's a rabbit hole. And then you start making blessings to what your trainer told you to do. There is a new thing in our shul where the president just throws out stuff. No questions. No thoughts about what is good for the shul, what is good for the structure of our shul. No thoughts of tradition. They threw out the Torah covers. Said it was an old towel with some guy's name who dedicated it in honor of his grandparents. No tradition in our shul anymore. Nothing has meaning. They threw out Merv's Yom Kippur lifetime seat reservation. He threw out a pole. A structural pole. The president thought it was tradition, as the pole has been there since the shul was founded. So, he threw it out. It's this new idea of "new is better." So, they're making everything of sheetrock. Nothing old is good. The rabbi feels awareness is important. He brought awareness to how awkward and alone Nachum is. A lot of ignoring and snobbiness in the shul. And Nachum can’t get a girl to pay attention to him. I believe the lesson the rabbi was giving was that it's fine to ignore Nachum if he scares you too. He's an old single guy. He scares people. The security team, headed by Ethel, agreed that for safety, you can ignore him. The shul came up with a NayNay quota. No more than two rounds of NayNayNaying for any service. We have the worst Kiddish food. This generation of Kiddishes is awful. That is one thing we can all agree on. One thing the board is behind as well. The rabbi gave a class on what makes a good pastry. And it all came down to anything not made at Latkas Bakery. The rabbi shot down the bakery, saying it's an illegitimate bakery, as he said, "Latkas aren’t a pastry." People have been now watching over dessert. They did the study. It turns out the rabbi is right. The Danish and black and whites only get finished at the end of Kiddish. I even saw plates filled with them. One bite and then they leave the rest. They said I can’t say blacks and whites anymore. I have to say black and white cookies. I apologize if my explanation of pastries is racist. I just understand that everybody likes the peanut butter chocolate squares. It turns out that the study showed that those got finished right away, and there was no leftovers on plates. And countless EpiPens were used as well. I really hope Sharon got the rabbi's message. Which was "believe in H' and don't ignore His amazing Danish. The fresh ones with cinnamon and chocolate." The most profound lesson of the sermon is that sponge cake is for mourning. I was always wondering why they have a non-moist dried out sponge cake in marble form at Simchas. It's to remember the destruction of the Beit HaMikdash. They truly measured everything tiny, like idiots. Like they're building the shul as a one-person Sukkah. Walls are a handbreadth. That was a discussion at the board meeting. Nachum learned some Halacha, and he thus argued that like a Sukkah is fine with a handbreadth wall, the back of the shul Mechitzah counts as a wall. Now the back of the shul is fully open with one handbreadth jutting out. Nachum also said that the handbreadth Mechitzah is fine. The Frum membership will understand it's our religious duty if they know we measure it with handbreadths and cubits. The contractor is an idiot. The rabbi said he ruined everything by listening to our congregants. The rabbi blamed the contractor for the poor Yom Kippur appeal results. Nobody went with the rabbi's idea of him choosing Lulavs for people, due to safety concerns. They wanted a chance to figure out what would hurt other people the most. People took to the Lulavs, trying to figure out which one would cause the most damage. Bernie asked the rabbi, "Does a pointy Lulav hurt more, or a very sturdy hard one that you can swing?" The Lulav and Etrog choosing this year was way too much. We had people looking for hours to figure out which Etrog to get. They have no idea what makes a good Etrog. Marty was like, “This looks like a lemon.” Took him two hours to come to that conclusion and choose it. People Davened in the Sukkah. They said it is more structurally sound than the shul. To quote the rabbi, "The board had nothing to do with the Sukkah. So I trust it." In a sense, the rabbi was trying to not ignore Gd, by going back to tradition and letting the board now he hates them. The Techniques Used By the Board to Ruin the Building- A Guest Speech from Our Contractor class, was really just a board meeting. The rabbi gave the meeting that name. Tags:
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Announcements
We ask that congregants stop detailing their sins to the other members when asking for forgiveness. There have been way too many physical altercations since our community learned the idea of asking for forgiveness for specific sins you have done to others. Please stay away from exactly what you said that set off the divorce. They say you shouldn’t sleep first day of Rosh Hashana or during the rabbi’s sermon. Please stay awake during the sermon. The sleep apnea in this shul is very disturbing. We thank security for keeping everybody out of Shul this Rosh Hashana. They did a great job of not recognizing people they know. We also ask you allow members into the shul for Yom Kippur. We hope people show up for Yom Kippur. We don't want to have to refund seats. Contemporary Halacha Classes: How to Not Speak Lashon Hara- Understanding Your Annoying Self. How to Not Speak Lashon Hara- Stay Away From the Annoying Members of Our Shul. When Falling Asleep Disturbs Everybody in Shul- Hy and How Loud He Snores. How to Keep A Safer Space- A Shul That Keeps Out Its Members Stays Together. Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Pupils... This is the Shabbat Shuva Drasha. Why do I have to hand out sources?! You guys need to see fifty sources and you're satisfied. You need it printed... The effort is there. I don’t need to write a whole Torah and hand it out. Moshe wrote it and handed it to the Kohanim (Devarim 31:9)... Because the Kohanim don’t lose everything. You still haven’t returned my rake... I let you borrow it last fall. I need it now. But you lost it... Point is Moshe didn't have to hand out sources. He gave us the Torah. The Torah is not a syllabus. (Devarim 31:11) Moshe tells the elders and Leviim, “You shall read this Torah before Israel, in their ears...” "This Torah" is the Torah. There wasn’t another Torah, Simcha. Ever since you got involved in security you started questioning everything, even people you know. You don't have to question Torah now... They don't come to shul because you don’t let them in. You stopped letting them in... You have to read it in your ears because you people don’t listen... Now do you understand. Now that I said the Dvar Torah in your ears... Phil. You can't hear anything. Everything has to be said right in your ears. If it was for Phil, Moshe would've said to scream it in their ears... At the end of Sukkot at the end of seven years. Hakhel... When you read it all the time you end up with Baal Korehs like we have at our shul. If you guys read faster, like Menachem, maybe we would read the whole thing every week... (Devarim 31:12) Hakhel. "Gather the nation. The men, the women, and small children and your stranger... that they will hear...” We need everybody there to hear the Torah, because you don’t pass on anything. You don’t educate your kids. At least once every seven years they hear they have to shut up during Davening and clean their room... Hakhel. Not heckle. Which is all you do Bernie. You heckle the rabbi. Hakhel is listening to me... We read and we learn the Torah. The Kohanim, the tribe of Levi, guard it for us. But we have to know it. We have to hear it. You have to listen. Everybody. Even the kids. Please listen already!!! Let me give a sermon!!! These are things you have to do... We don’t trust you, because you're not Kohens. But you still have to do it. Now listen. It is almost Sukkot. It’s time you finally listened to something. With your ears... The way you people listen with your... I don't even know what you're listening with. You hear nothing. LISTEN!!! Don’t detail the sins. To Gd, detail them... I don’t think Shlomo needs to hear how you told everybody how he steals everything from his job. He's been unemployed for six years, because you said he took a pen... We all know Faye is nasty and jealous. No need to let her know you said that. And we know her hat selection is quite disturbingly hideous. Just ask for forgiveness. How do we stop Lashon Hara? That is the question... I have no idea. With annoying congregants that don't listen, it's hard... Don't go into detail, Brian... Brian. You went out with his wife after they got divorced. And you were the one who... Everybody should do atonement for falling asleep during my sermons. Brilliant sermons... And you slept first day of Rosh Hashana. Didn’t even do Tashlich. At Hakhel they didn’t fall asleep. If they would've heard Hy snoring at Hakhel, an ambulance would've been on top of that. Hatzalah would've jumped up... There were a lot of hockers back then. A lot of Hatzlaha guys. But they all listened. They heard. We have to get Simcha off security.... Because he's not a Kohen and he has no Seichel. And he doesn’t listen... You kept them out and you know them... They didn’t have a ticket?! It was your daughter... It’s a uncomfortable. You eat Kiddish with them every week and now the relationship is a ticket. And why call it a ticket??? Are they going to a High Holiday concert?!... That’s why it takes so long. The Chazin thinks he’s performing. He was performing for very few people, because Simcha kept everybody out... It's pathetic. You say, "We need your ticket. We have set seating." Look. Do we need set seating? Do we need set seating when there are 250 open seats?! Why did you say seats were reserved?!... Guy got inside. Snuck in. Sees 10 people... No. I don’t think they had our congregants running security for Hakhel. Nobody would’ve gotten in if Simcha was running security... You can't hear the Chazin's Davening when you're not allowed in shul... It is loud though... At Hakhel they let the Jews in. The Kohens should’ve been trusted to watch over who gets in for Davening... Stop listening to all the stuff the people are feeding you. Listen to the Torah in your ears... It rings. I know. Especially when Chaim is the one Layning... The point is to listen. Our people are called together to listen to the Torah. Not to talk during the rabbi's sermon. He's still talking. Bernie! It's a sermon... "Hakhel." Not "heckle." You listen to the Torah... It is Shabbat Shuva. The Shabbat of repentance. Where we return to the way of Torah... You never do Teshuva, Bernie. What are you talking about?!... Still talking. Listen. If you listened, there would be Teshuva. The community would let in the members to shul... Why they pay membership to not be allowed in by members is very weird to me. But I guess that is security. We're safe, as long as Ethel isn't in shul... If we had Levites running security… Not talking allows us to be better people. Not hearing you... Everything you say is Lashon Hara. We just need to listen to the Torah. And that means letting Jews into shul... You can't hear it if you're not hear, gathered with our people in Topeka. Repent by being quiet. How you guys listen with your mouth... Rivka's Rundown The way the people usually listen is by looking at their phone. But they're not allowed to bring phones into shul on Shabbat. If securities job was to keep phones out, I would say that having Hymie and Bernie sitting outside is safe. If they're sitting outside checking phones, and the guy with the gun is checking people, our shul is in good hands. The rabbi called him up and said the Shabbat Shuva Drasha in Melvins ears. Melvin is hard of hearing. Phil is 98. These people can't hear. I don't think the Jews entering Israel with Yehoshua were that old. Then, the rabbi walked over to Bernie to finish the Drasha. He said the ending part in Bernie's ear. The rabbi put no effort into his Shabbat Shuva Drasha. If I don’t see printouts with source numbers, it's not improvised. I need sources. You hand me a source packet, I respect you. What you say means nothing to me. I just like the feeling of knowing the rabbi went on Sefaria to cut and pasted the stuff. Our congregation would be happier if we didn't talk. If we just listened. Brian truly ruined that marriage. He shouldn't have said anything. If people heard what I said about them, they would be egging my house. I ask for forgiveness. They all know I spoke Lashon Hara about them. I talk, it's Lashon Hara. I can't help it. You see people like Brian ruining that marriage, and then you see the renovations committee making quilts because they ran out of money for a curtain, you have to talk. The only positive is knowing Melvin and Phil can't hear. I don't think Fran can hear either, which is why she's on the security force. Thanks to their inability to hear, my Lashon Hara sin count is sixty percent lower than it would've been. A hard of hearing congregation is good. The rabbi tried having a class on Lashon Hara. They just spoke more. It started with, “How do I not talk about Penina? She is so annoying.” And it went from there. They talked about Penina for half an hour. The rabbi then went into the annoyingness of each individual to get out the idea of Lashon Hara should not be spoken. Then somebody told the story of the Chafetz Chaim on the train. Where he said he deserved to get hit for talking bad about himself. So the rabbi called up Penina and had somebody hit here. The idea of speaking good about people came up. But that turned out to be Avak Lashon Hara. Dust of Lashon Hara, which causes people to speak bad. Anything good said about anybody in our congregation turns bad. The kind thought of Bernie always showing to shul turned into a tirade of how the guy doesn't shut up. So, final decision is that people in our community should not talk. Which I don't like, because every time I need salt now, I have to stand up at Kiddish and walk around the table. Then I have to go to the other side of the table for the dressing. Rosh Hashana was hard. I couldn’t sleep. I tried falling asleep by counting my sins. It’s hard to fall asleep counting those. I tried going with the regular way of falling asleep by counting sheep, but then I started thinking about all of those prayers where we’re Gd’s flock. And then I thought about passing under His staff and how I'm going to hell because of my sins. And I started counting those again. A lot of sins to count. They do snore loud. For some reason, everybody can hear Melvin and Phil when they snore. Even Fran wakes up. I thought snoring was fine. I don't believe it's part of the lexicon of COVID yet. Coughing isn't fine. You cough, you're accused of trying to land others in the hospital. You cough in our shul now and they attack you. They get security on you and throw you out for intent to kill. Somebody sneezed by accident, they got carried out of the shul. I held in a sneeze out of fear of being tossed into the street for murder. The thought of somebody killing you will stop you from sneezing. It probably helps with hiccups too. Next time a hiccup is coming on, I'm going to think of the possibility that a member of my shul will see me and shoot me. I do believe that the new reaction to sleep apnea was a bit much. Renouncing people's memberships was a bit much. The office said to my friend Sheindel, "Until you have health, the community doesn't want to see you." How that works with the blessing "you should have health" that everybody says, I do not know. We stopped saying that blessing. Nobody cares about sick people anymore. They just want sick people away from them. I think they changed the blessing to "all people who are not healthy should stay away from shul." And how it all works with the idea of visiting the sick?! I do not believe it does. The new idea is to leave them alone till they die. I checked with the Gabai. It turns out the Mishebeyrach blessing for sick people is only for people outside of the shul. If somebody is sick in shul, they are not part of the blessing, and we find a way for them to die. Unless if they are wearing a mask. The Gabai said it's fine if they sneeze into the mask. The fact that they're wearing a mask they blew their nose into is pain enough. They're thus allowed to stay in shul. There was nothing about the Yizkur appeal cards to give money to the shul for family members who died. Nothing said on Yom Kippur. Nothing mentioned. No talk of monetary appeals. The shul finally gave up. They realize nobody pays them. They put out the cards and then said nothing. They just had the cards out there. By the way. That was a Chutzpah. Right after Kol Nidrei, they hand out appeal cards. Right after we annulled all our vows and oaths, we are asked to flip a tab that says I'm going to give the shul $500. And now, they want another vow that I'm not going to keep. Now with security nobody feels comfortable in the shul. Forget about the discomfort of flipping the $1,800 tab on the appeal card, getting into shul to pay it is too uncomfortable. You have Simcha on everybody's back for not being trusted as a member. And I agree with Simcha. I wouldn't trust any of the guys in our shul to do a decent job Layning the Torah. The security is truly off. With questions like "where are you from?" It's awkward. I heard six people in a row say, "Topeka." And that makes sense. Our shul is in Topeka. Interrogation is done better by EL AL. If we had a guy at the door asking people who packed their Tallis bag, that would be legit. And then after the interrogation of what address in Topeka they live at, which is the same one they've been at for fifty years, they have to show their seat number. They get inside and see 250 empty seats. 250 empty seats. Apparently, all reserved for not you. This all has you questioning if the shul wants you. And that is what makes the High Holidays meaningful. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke V: Nitzavim9/21/2025
Announcements
The Chazin for Rosh Hashana will be doing the services very fast. We will be out of shul by 3pm. No need to wait till the High Holidays to donate money to the shul in honor of your loved ones. You can give money right now. You can always give us money. The office of the shul is always happy to help take your money. We are raising money for honey for the poor. The rest is on them. Though, our congregants have graciously volunteered to make sure poor people have the condiment. We ask people to calm down with the Shofar blowing. We understand it’s exciting to see somebody blowing a horn for more than five seconds, but we do ask people also think about Davening this Rosh Hashana. We ask that you don't break into discussion because we did a Mitzvah. Contemporary Halacha Classes: Why the Chazin Thinks People Want to Be in Shul Longer on Rosh Hashana- Discussion in People Who Think Other People Want to Hear Them. Why Rabbis Are Amazing and People Want to Hear Them. Why You Should Give More Money to the Shul and Why the Rabbi Deserves a Raise. How Donating Honey Helped Nobody in Our Community. Shofar Blowing and How Exciting It Is to See Somebody Who Has No Idea How to Blow a Saxophone. Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Pupils... Everybody was in front of Moshe when he was talking. The whole people. Where is Binny?... Well. He’s not here. He’s a little child. Somebody should be watching over him... They watched over their children in the Midbar. The desert... (Devarim 30:3) “Then H’ your Gd, will bring back your captivity and have compassion upon you. And He will return you, gather you in from all the nations that H’ your Gd has scattered you”... It's not a prayer to bring back captivity. "Bring back captivity" means to bring back the captives of our people... I know it sounds like having more captivity. But we don't want that. I don't think. And this is why I don't like translating things for you... Because you take what I say and think it's the correct translation of the Torah. That's a problem. Now listen to me. H’ is in charge... I don’t know why there is all the scattering. Maybe we bring it ourselves and H’ allows it. Have you seen the Finkelman den? Toys are scattered everywhere. A lot of scattering. H' has to bring us back from that... It's not up to H' to clean the Finkelman's family room. Lesson is we mess up. We need H's compassion. Without compassion nothing is happening. If our congregation was organizing the return of our people to Israel, it wouldn't happen. No amount of compassion could... The board can't even get seats right. Scattering people all over. If the board is in charge, we’re not having services this Rosh Hashana. Nobody is getting a seat. H’ stepped in. We did Selichot. We asked Gd for compassion, and somehow, some of you got the seats you wanted... It was the same seats they had last year, Ruchel. That’s what they wanted... No. I don’t want to sit next to the Gabai. But it seems that I have to... The word is “then." "Then H' your Gd will bring back your captive." That sounds better... After what? After we return. We return after we return. We are returned to Israel after we return in Teshuva... Teshuva means to return... If repentance meant Bernie returning to himself. Something is wrong here... We have to do Teshuva and “listen to H’s voice” (Devarim 30:2). The Pasuk starts, “And you returned to H’.” Before H’ brings us back. We have to return... You should probably return Nachum’s Siddur to his spot. That is the correct thing to do as well... After that, we can talk about redemption. After Nachum's Siddur is back in his spot and Sam and Sarah Finkelman cleans their house... There's a preamble to returning. And that is effort. It is only when we put in that little effort... When have you put in effort, Sam? You clean your house with a Swiffer. No elbow grease. You slide the thing over the floor like you're petting the dirt. Redemption begins with our efforts. With our noticing we've done wrong. With looking at the shul renovations and the drapes on the Shulchan... What table has drapes?... That is not a table cloth. That is a drape. It's on the side of the table. It's a drape... Then get a table cover. Let's return to table covers... Redemption begins with Teshuva. Returning to normal things. With not listening to the board of this shul... Where is He bringing us back to? Not to Topeka. B"H... The effort this congregation puts in... You're all scattered. That’s the problem. Look at the seating charts for the High Holidays. Geulah comes with our effort. It is then that H’ helps us... We need help. Look at how everybody is sitting scattered around the shul. Everybody's worried they're going to have to share an armrest. Those things are tiny. I told you to double up on armrests between seats. The way the chairs are, you can't sit next to anybody without an armrest fight... It’s then... It’s only a seven-hour Davening?! That's not effort. That's painful. We will miss the redemption... Fast is two hours. I will be sure the Chazin doesn’t go over three hours... I will heckle him. I will be on top of him, hemheming and tapping my watch. I will say faster. I will blow the Shofar during his uNitanah Tokef if I have to... You saw that I did what I could with Shacharit. But the Chazin sung a song. I even gave a fast tap. It did nothing... Point is I put in effort to make things better... You can always donate in memory of a loved one. That's a good way to put in effort... I understand that you sweat when you give your money to charity. It's like a workout for you. How much it pains you... The shul is a good place. I also have the rabbi’s discretionary fund. You should give to that. A very worthwhile charity and everybody knows where the money goes... Your rabbi. That is me. I have discretionized the funds to go to me, for charity reasons and holiness. Because your rabbi puts in that effort. And you get a place in Shamaim. In heaven... And thus, you will be deserving of H's compassion... Honey for the poor is important. But what about all the other food they need for the holidays?! Kugel? Gefilte fish? Soup? What about brisket? They have to buy their own?!... So, we supply the honey to put on the brisket. And that doesn't even taste good. What about garlic powder?!... Honey for the poor. The most useless charity I have ever heard of. Again. No effort. It’s like “Gd will provide for the poor.” There’s no commandment for Gd to provide for the poor. We’re supposed to give Tzedakah... "Gd will provide" is what you say when you've given up. Whenever someone asks me how the shul is doing, I say "Gd will provide." First we give Tzedakah, and then maybe they’re helped. It's a communal deliverance and therefore we are our brothers' keepers. Give more to the poor. Some effort... You can give love. You can invite them for a meal. As long as it's not the Horowitzs who have the worst food... Last time I was there for a holiday meal, I asked for more honey. I just had honey on Challah... The Shofar guy puts in effort. You saw his face got red... The Shofar blowing turns into a whole conversation. “Ooh Ahh. Hebrew a Shofar for eight seconds.” In my day, I could go for fifteen seconds... Are all the kids here? Time it. I will hold my breath. Check out how long... And that is your rabbi. It takes effort. Practice. And it is with H’s help, I’m still alive after holding my breath that long... Why the blowing gets applause and a discussion?! You should do it for other Mitzvahs. "Oh. Did you see?! Bentzi just laid Tefillin!!! Oh Yeah. Bracha washed her hands for Hamotzi. Oh Baby!!! Awesome!!! Got all the way to the wrist. They just buried Simon. Chesed Shel Emet. High Fives!!!" And that is how redemption happens. If we don’t put in effort and watch our children, will they be at the Geulah?! No. Because they got lost. If somebody can please return the Torah to the Aron right now. The fact that hasn't happened yet is messed up. Why the Torah is still out. The Gabai put in no effort to find a decent Torah carrier. The Chazin doesn't want to hurt his back. No effort... Gd will help us if you don't show up to shul. If you weren't here... May we be deserving of H's compassion. May we put in at least that effort to have help from H' and to get out of Davening quickly. May we have a year of normal seats, where we don't have to fight over an armrest... A year where people are quiet for Shofar blowing. When they blow the Shofar on Rosh Hashana. Just then. Put in some effort to not talk... It takes more effort for you to not talk, Bernie... Rivka's Rundown The armrests in the shul are truly tiny. Every fight in our shul, all hatred, comes from sitting next to somebody during Davening. The rabbi brought up pews. The shul even picked up a couple of pews for Rosh Hashana, to check them out. Each person insisted that the pew was their seat. Just a big one. The thing holds five people. It's a huge chair with no arm separations. One guy sat at the end of his pew, and still fought with the guy in the pew next to him over the armrest. Morty started a new cause, "One pew per person." The rabbi held his breath for six seconds to make the point of working hard. “If you keep in shape, H’ will keep you healthy enough to hold your breath for six seconds.” That was his message. Between us. The rabbi wanted attention. I think the rabbi is jealous of the attention the Shofar guy gets. The rabbi puts so much effort into his translations. I appreciate him telling us that his translations are not correct. "We return after we return." Confusing but brilliant. The congregants truly put in no effort to anything. Cleaning with a Swiffer. That's how they do it. They drag the thing. Mark opened up the ark halfway for vChol Maaminim. Sadie put Schach on her recycle bin and said it was her Sukkah. The new roller recycle bins are huge. The High Holiday seating was truly messed up. You had Ethel next to Faye. Not smart. You had Bernie next to Sy. Sy passed away. That was the only positive. Sy didn't have to listen to Bernie talking the whole time. The rabbi was strong with the Chazin. Very forceful. He clapped to get the Chazin to move faster. He knows some of them can have Kavanah. And that’s not wanted. The rabbi pushed the Chazin, and we were able to get out of shul by supper. The office doesn’t want to wait till the High Holidays. They don’t trust the congregants will ever give. They’re trying to get whatever they can right now. They know who they’re dealing with. As the office staff says, "Always be closing. We want their money and we don't want them coming back to shul." The appeal cards, those never get paid. I think the office is trying to say to not wait till Yom Kippur to donate in your loved one’s memory, because they’re worried the appeal cards will only be a verification of what the members already didn’t give last year. That's what the congregants are doing. They think the cards are there to let the office know they haven't given that amount. That's the amount they will not give. We all know where the discretionary fund money goes. The money from the Rabbi’s discretionary fund went to the rabbi’s new car and summer home last year. Which the rabbi said are holy objects. “Give more to the poor” is the rabbi’s new slogan. And he also added “And the rabbi’s discretionary fund.” Many people showed up to the packaging day. They each took a jar of honey. It should’ve been a “package your honey for yourself because you deserve as much as the needy” program. Edith said Krogers was charging too much, and "that ruins the holiday spirit." The holiday spirit is getting a decent deal. The rabbi just wanted to show off about his Shofar blowing skills. That was the real point of his Drasha. The kids were enthralled. He called in the kids for the end of his sermon, so they could hear the stories of the legend, their rabbi. The rabbi wanted the Shofar attention. That's all it was. Tags:
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Announcements
We’re sorry that our announcements are going backwards a month to September. We thought August was October. And thus, they were written as October. Our secretary is from Florida. She’s used to hotter weather in the summer. She thought it was already winter. To not worry. The Shabbat handout will have October after September as well, when it's October. It turns out there is another October then too. We will not be celebrating Menachem’s Bar Mitzvah again. The Kiddish the first time was Shvach. The rabbi says everybody has to go to Israel. He does not want to see you in our shul. Israel needs volunteers. To quote our rabbi, "The shul does not need volunteers or congregants. Hopefully you don't ruin Israel to." The rabbi suggests everybody purchase new Kippahs, because the shul membership looks like a bunch of Apikorsim. You all look like heretics with the silver tinted satin Yarmulkes, doubling as safety reflector Kippahs. Contemporary Halacha Classes: How to Miss School and Holidays by Listening to Our Board and Reading Our Shul's Announcements. How Long to Spend Trying on Kippahs for Purchase- The Art of Not Wearing Menachem's Bar Mitzvah Yarmulke as a Style. The Chiyuv of Moving to Israel and Away from Topeka- An Obligation to Not Be a Congregant in Our Shul. Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Pupils... Help people... Yes. The Parsha says to be useful. There's a Mitzvah to help. The Parsha does not say to be a congregant of Beis Knesses Anshei Emes uSefillah... Forget about a horse. You didn't pick up Bernie's phone. He dropped his phone and you left it. You said, "There goes my back. I don't have to keep Mitzvahs"... (Devarim 23:10) “When a camp goes out against your enemies, you must guard against anything evil.” Have you seen the kids at Camp Rachok MeiHorim? Little devils. There's not even a war... We learn that this is for those going out to war. Rashi teaches, “Because the Satan goes offensive at times of war.” You think you're fighting the Canaanites and the Amalekites. Next thing you know, you're fighting Satan. You have Ruchel coming at you from one side. And the shul renovation committee coming at you... I've always been against Color War. Color War also brings out the worst in people. They go to battle, they start singing "Bang Bang Clap B-Bang B-Bang Clap Clap" and it turns ugly real quick. Evil overtakes. Next thing you know, they’re never wearing blue T-shirts again... The blue team was the Amalekites. That's what my kid at Camp Rachok MeiHorim said... It’s easy for those in battle to sin. As the Ramban talks about the stress. Color War is a curse. And then that capture the flag thing. Like taking captives and sinning... It's all stressful. Losing at the wheelbarrow and egg on a spoon race is very stressful. It's our homes. Our neighborhoods. When people are out, we have to keep our camps holy. Those left in the camp have to keep it going. That’s the task of the non-warriors. The shopkeepers. Not to try to steal when war brings their business down. To keep the business going when nobody is buying anything. The congregants of Beis Knesses Anshei Emes uSefilah are excellent at being unsuccessful... Morality can get lost when you’re dealing with chaos. When people are far from home. This is why I tell you to not go on summer vacations... You go on vacation. Nobody is taking care of the shul. And then you can't afford dues. Have we kept our camp holy?! In this time of war, have we guarded from evil?! It’s easy to lose a sense of morality when something so serious as war is going on, and when you have a membership like ours. The Mitzvot of acting right. Helping others with their animals. Not acting perverse like Shmuli who tells the dirtiest jokes... Not in Shul, Shmuli. The one about the priest and the imam has got to stop. We're in shul. Do you know how easy it is to tell dirty jokes in times of war... And so many things went wrong due to you all losing sight. We can’t let Satan have us lose sight as to what’s important. Even in times of war. And that is a decent Kiddish. Menachem's Bar Mitzvah Kiddish was awful. Kichel?! Gefilte fish balls?! It's a Bar Mitzvah Kiddish. At least have loaf fish... When you go on your vacations are you wearing Kippahs... Yes. You should wear Kippahs in war too. How war and vacation are the same thing is baffling. To this American congregation, going to war is making sure you don't get cut off on line at Disney World. Battling to keep your spot at the Snoopy Roller Ride... In war, you camouflage. You don't wear Menachem's Bar Mitzvah silver foil reflector Yarmulke... Trying on Kippahs from the Bar Mitzvah Kippah box is messed up. HaKipah is a brand. Menachem's Bar Mitzvah- October 18th 2025, is not a brand. And it was August 18th 2025... You look like idiots. Like Satan got into your Kippah. Guard against looking like an idiot. Satan is in your Satin... The board went the whole month calling August October in the newsletter, and nobody said a thing. Is that Satan?... I understand it's the board. Same thing... Nobody reads the Shabbat announcement. Nobody said anything about the fact we missed Rosh Hashana in August?!... Nobody reads it Ruchel. I don't know how you can call it announcements if nobody reads it?... Announcements to nobody. "We are announcing the Shiva to nobody." That's why nobody shows up. Because they don't read it. Maybe if you made announcements like normal people, with the correct month, people would show up at the right time... I don't know what we're going to do with all of Mencahem's friends and cousins who are planning to come in October... Wherever we are. Whatever we do. Even if we're showing up in the wrong season, because of the board. We have to be strong in our convictions of following the Mitzvot. Menachem's Bar Mitzvah Kiddish was evil. It had people fighting to try to find decent food. It was a Satan filled Kishka... Nothing is the same as being in Israel. Keeping the Israel camp in Israel... Camp Rachok MeiHorim has a Hebrew name. But it is not in Israel... It's not keeping the camp of Israel holy... No. It's not a summer camp. It doesn't cost 12k. It's our people-hood. Where we're supposed to live... You talk about it. You send stuff. If you’re not there, you’re not on the front lines. You're immoral. You're not keeping the camp from evil... You can go to Israel now. You can leave our congregation. There is no COVID... OK. So there are missiles. Satan keeps you from helping your people with missiles. You are letting the war keep you from what is right. (23:10) “When a camp goes out against your enemies, you must guard against anything evil.” Which is why I'm trying to get you all out of here... Don't let war take away your moral compass. That is Israel. Israel is our camp. And it's cheaper than Camp Rachok MeiHorim. There's a war going on. Go to Israel. Volunteer. Help... I am not telling Nachum to go. The guy hasn't helped with anything. He will just bring dumb ideas with him. He will hurt Israel. He'll probably start a committee... The Mitzvah is to help fight evil. To help your people remain strong. The Mitzvah isn't to go to Israel to complain about your back... You have to purchase the Kippah correctly. You don’t just take one. You fit it. See how it hits the back of the head. You take two mirrors... You guys just slap the thing on your head. It looks pathetic. And you don't even pass on morals to your children. I saw you drop a Kippah and you didn’t pick it up. Your child didn’t help. There won't be morality and Mitzvahs in time of war, if your camp is already not Mitzvahdik... Your home is the camp here. You have to guard something from evil... It's not your new wall to wall flat screen. It's Mitzvot... I understand the Kippah was ugly. I know. I saw it. Guarding your reflector satin thing perched on your skull is maybe not something important to you. Make sure you have something to guard, other than a decent TV. You don't even have Max... Give them values to guard. Your child didn't help pick up the Kippah because they have no values. That’s what they teach these kids at Color War... Acting with purity, even in times of war. (Devarim 23:15) “For H’ your Gd walks in the midst of your camp, to rescue you and to deliver your enemies before you. And your camp will be Kasdosh. And He will not see a shameful thing in you and turn away from behind you.” When H' walks in the midst camp. You have to guard that. Why this shul has so much security now makes no sense... What are we guarding? The new quilt you put up on the wall?! It's not holy... It's not even a community quilt. Brenda donated it because she had to get rid of it. She put it in the laundry and brought it. For some reason, the renovation team decided to hang it up... Not all quilts bring community together. She didn't even bring the duvet... I know. You would've hung it up if she gave it. The quilt is shameful. It’s about holiness. Even in war. Keeping the Mitzvot in the hard times. Not messing up August for everybody. Having them worried about snow days at the end of summer... Something to guard. We have to create something to guard. Something worthwhile to keep Satan from it... Is it in the camp that we must guard, or those who are out to war?! I propose it is both. We must guard against board members everywhere... Our holy people of Israel have acted properly in this war. Keeping Mitzvahs. Tefillin... Don’t know if you're supposed to lay Tefilling while being shot at. They wore their Kippahs correctly in Gaza. Not shiny Yarmulkes. Also, in the communities. They wore their Kippahs proudly. Everywhere except for Topeka. Their kindness was guarded. Quilts were donated. Not by our community... Why we put one up on a wall, when kids can be sleeping with it. And in our camp of Israel, everywhere, we kept it good. We still saw H'. A holy people... When we are weakest, the Satan is there for us. Be it temptation. Be it war. Be it Nachum’s back... We must keep morals no matter what. For Gd. Even at the worst of times. Even in battle. Even at Menachem's Bar Mitzvah... We have to keep whatever camp we are in holy. To guard against our evil at home. And that is the board. We have to do something about the board. Maybe get them to move to Israel... We have weak kids. Not one of them made the high school football team. Evil is in that camp. There's too much arts and crafts going on at Camp Rachok MeiHorim... Rivka's Rundown The rabbi blamed the problems in our congregation on people too focused on vacation. Our congregants can care less about war. They forget about Gd when they're on vacation. To quote Nachum, "It's a battle every time we go to Orlando. It's so crowded." Our Jewish people have been an Ohr LGoyim in this war. A light amongst the nations. And Israel has gotten blamed for it too. Israel has fought off Satan. As the rabbi said, "Some of our members visited Israel, and Israel still survived." Menachem's Bar Mitzvah Kiddish was not an Ohr LGoyim. If nonJews start serving post service refreshments like that, people will leave their religions. I agree with the rabbi. The things that go wrong in Israel are because our membership makes dumb decisions. I believe he called the members of our shul Congregites. Here are things that go wrong: Kippahs. Messed up Yarmulkes that shine. I can't Daven in shul with the glare coming off the Kippahs, hitting my Siddur. The wall hangings. They should be meaningful. Not somebody's bedding. I thought community quilts were made with meaning. Not slept in. Kiddish without loaf fish and schmaltz herring. They served the salty water herring. Taste buds have changed over the past hundred years. Our board. Committees. People showing up to shul. Everything goes wrong. And we wouldn't even know when it went wrong because I think we're in November now. Our congregants are just not helpful. They sin even without war. Our kids won't help if somebody falls. I believe Nachum said, "If somebody lost the shirt off their back, I wouldn't bend." It might have been, "If somebody needed a shirt. I would give them a decent place to buy one." Maybe blaming our members is a myopic view of the world. But at least it gives the rabbi and me somebody to blame. Somebody has to be blamed for the messed up Kiddishes we've had lately. I can’t believe I missed that they were calling August "October." I just thought we were having a very hot October this year. The leftists in our shul used the October mistake to prove their argument of global warming. The rabbi argued, “You can’t argue global warming is happening because our board is a bunch of fools. Brenda's community quilt for Shalom was worn out. It was an old blanket with fraying corners. The rabbi got many congregants to go to Israel. They all felt good being in the Holy Land after five years of not visiting. COVID, the war, and Yankel the tailor who wouldn't stop talking about how the price of flights to Israel right now, kept our members from visiting for a while. When the rabbi suggested our volunteering in Israel to our members, he was hoping they would volunteer to move there. The members were mad the rabbi said there was no COVID. That was more controversial than rockets hitting Israel. They wanted more COVID. One congregant yelled, "THEN WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH ALL THE MASKS, RABBI?!!!" The guys in our shul truly look like heretics, walking around with reflector Yarmulkes. What Menachem's Bar Mitzvah with the free Yarmulkes did to them. They're messed up Kippahs. Due to the need for non-reflector Kippahs, so people don't get blinded when Davening, the shul purchased new Kippah box Kippahs. There is now a Kippah policy. We used to make everybody wear jackets for Davening. Now, they need to wear normal Kippah. As the rabbi taught, if you're Pinny, you might want to spend more time trying on Yarmulkes "because you look like a fool." I think the real message of the sermon was "Satan is in your Satin." Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke V: Shoftim8/31/2025
Announcements
We commend our clapper. We want more people in the shul taking after Ruchel Tova and expressing themselves. Even if it is not to a beat and it throws off the congregation. We support the Carlebach inspired clapping, even if nobody in our shul is singing. The board has decided it’s too dangerous for our older members to dance. So, we shall not have a Carlebach Minyin. It might cause them happiness and that will lead to a heart attack. Our membership is not used to smiling. Support Israel. Visit. The rabbi has proclaimed that walking for Israel does not have the same effect as walking in Israel. Though, there is a nice breeze in Topeka. Kids are back at school. And they are back at shul. H’ Yishmor. Contemporary Halacha Classes: How to Support Israel by Never Visiting- Israel Thriving Without the Members of Beis Knesses Anshei Emes uSefilah. Carlbeach Minyin and How to Get in Shape for the Necessary Jump Dance and Walk Around the Bima. How to Walk in Jerusalem to Get in Shape and to Not Have to See You in Our Shul. Additional Prayers for Dealing with Your Kids. Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Pupils... Yes. Leviim do get something from the sacrifices... Because they have to deal with you. They deserve something with you and your questions. “Why do you slaughter with your left hand? Why not use a steak knife?” They should get more sanctified animals for having to deal with you... Why are you so against religious leaders not starving?!… I can use more money. (Devarim 18:13) “Be Tamim with Gd your Gd...” Well. Gd is your Gd... “H’ is your Gd.” Is that better?... Well H’ is Gd, so He is your Gd. That’s Gd. Gd. Do we understand Gd now, with all your questions about Gd’s phrasing... Tamim means pure... Not Tahor pure. But complete, sincere. Like a wholehearted pure individual that you can trust. Not like Cindy. Very fake. Not like Baruch either. We have very insincere congregants… If you paid your dues and didn’t talk about how you're going to pay your dues, maybe there would be sincerity. I’m just going to talk in Hebrew from now on, so I don’t have to explain anything... Exactly. Because you won’t understand it... Rashi teaches this means to go with Gd in Temimut... It’s better you don’t understand, as that is simple purity. That’s how you should go with Gd. Not understanding a thing. Like when you’re Davening in shul. “Rather than investigating the future. Instead, whatever happens to you, accept with Temimut, and then you will be with Him and be His portion.” You worrying about the renovations does not make Gd like you. The point is to not ask questions. “Where do we put the ark?”… Well, thanks to that question, the Aron is on the west side of the shul. So, we have to turn sideways like idiots to bow east… Because you ask questions instead of just doing the right thing. Be Tamim with Gd. The shul has no portion right now because the board made a dumb decision. And then they investigated it. And even after meeting with the architect they did it. And now we're broke... Broke because idiots investigated. Had meetings. And why did you decide to do it wrong?!!! What part of the research told you, "The wrong way is the best way?!" What good has ever come from you thinking about something? What good has ever come from your “creative approach” to synagogue living?… You can’t be in a relationship if you’re constantly investigating. You saw what happened with the Himelstein family. It killed that marriage… If there was no investigating, nobody would’ve known he was cheating. Investigations kill relationships. You need trust. You need to trust in H’… Yes. That’s Gd. Your Gd. I can’t explain this anymore. I can't explain death. Asking me about death when you don't even purchase plaques... You discuss buying plaques with your family. It doesn't happen. Because it's not Tamim... I’m done. And I don’t trust you… I don’t trust the board. Which is why I didn’t marry any of our membership. Don’t cheat on Gd. Point is your questions kill Judaism for me... Just Daven. Stop asking me why we pray. Just do it. Stop asking me what the prayers mean. The more you know the meaning of the Tefillahs, the longer Davening takes. And nobody wants to be with Gd, waiting for you to finish the Amidah... Be simple. Be pure with Gd. Thinking about the future??? The Siddur Emergency Fund for Siddurs that go bad. What's bad is the way you guy's Daven with no excitement. No simple enjoyment of praying to Gd. No clapping. Just clap and be with Gd… We need to have more tuna and peas and carrots cans. That’s what Gd wants if there’s an emergency. The point is you think too much. When our membership thinks too much, bad things happen, like committees… You worry about everything. How about you just do good and worry about Levites eating a decent sacrifice... Just be simple. A simple man... Lynyrd Skynyrd’s mom knew what she was talking about. Be present in your service of Gd. Present and offbeat... Why is Ruche clapping now? It’s the sermon. I am speaking. What tune are you clapping to?... Extremely offbeat. Beautiful in your Tamim expression of love, but offbeat. At least Ruchel Tova is excited... Ruchel is simple. She's in the moment. She hears a song, and she claps. I commend your excitement, Ruchel... So offbeat. Now isn't the time to clap. This is not being in the moment. This is after the moment for us. In her mind she's in the moment. She is serving H’ Tamim... Let's try to be Tamim at the right time, Ruchel... Because it’s off. The energy is off. Carlebach didn't have people clapping during his sermons and jumping up and down to a NayNayNay when he was talking. And I understand the harmony in our shul is off as well… They’re only three seconds off the melody. You’re fifteen minutes off… There’s a point where self-expression throws off the Chazin. He jumped to Anim Zemiort... That’s where he thought your clapping was. It was that offbeat. We are not a Carlebach service. Have you ever seen anybody in this shul smile?! Do not try to get us to dance. We shall not dance... We are not in Carlbeach Minyin shape. You have to be in jump dance condition. Our congregants have heart conditions. Ruchel Tova is living with H’. Not like Bayla and Nachum, sitting in the back of the shul working security… Most messed up security team. What committee meeting led to ninety-year-olds being the ones to chase away terrorists?! Ruchel is definitely not thinking. And that is why you’re our best congregant... The rest of you judging. Not with H’. Not going Tamim with Gd. Making dumb renovation decisions. Dumb security decisions. Dumb education decisions… When you make decisions, they’re dumb… You trying to understand. Stop. Do. Be in the moment Everything you do is in support of Israel. It helps just as much as your harmonizing to “Etz Chayim Hi”… Your shopping at the Topeka Center Mall doesn’t help Israel. Stop lying. You went out to dinner last night for yourself. Eating a hamburger “in support of Israel” somehow doesn’t help the food shortage in Haifa. You didn’t even say Birkat Hamazon… How do you support Israel? You visit... Not Florida. I know Israelis live there. All you do is think. You over-think. You thinking is over-thinking. Because you have dumb thoughts… I’m saying you program too much. Just do a trip. Stop planning it. Go to Israel. Stam. It’s an easy decision. Just be there… The last shul trip that went. That was twelve years ago. Would have been a great trip if you didn’t ruin every day with programs. If you just let people do what they wanted… They wanted to not show up to programs. They wanted to walk around, shop, support Israel… Exactly. We haven’t had a trop since then, because you all organized trips every year. If you just didn’t organize the trips, if you didn’t prepare for Israel, we would’ve went… Your money support isn’t enough. I’ve seen your donations. This is why we’re worried about not being able to afford Siddurs... Kids are back. We’re going to say Tehillim so that we can deal with them… Your creative approach to childhood education is how we end up with your children. And Sarah Malka gouging out eyes in the middle of Ashrei… I understand the chant bothers her… It’s a chant. A chant tune. If you want it to be a tune, that’s fine. But it’s a chant... We could have a funkier Ashrei tune. A funkier chant, if that exists. But then Ruchel Tova would be clapping even more. How she claps for the Ashrei chant now… Be Tamim and your kids will end up normal. They end up loving Gd… I get it. In our shul loving Gd is not normal. The point, deal in the now. Show respect for people in the now. Support Israel now… Fly there. Support by being there. Donate yourself not talking. That would help our people. Bernie not talking… Thinking about it?! Investigating it?! You're not with Israel. You’re not doing. Just be Tamim with it. If you think about Israel and the EL AL price gouging, you won’t go… Sarah Malka at least does stuff. She’s committed to her eye gouging. Somebody thought about it, privatized, and realized you can make good money off antisemitic airlines… I don’t know who hates Gd more. All the airlines not flying into Israel, or quadrupling the cost for me to visit my sister. They all thought about it… Cindy and Baruch are always trying to get something. Not Tamim. They don’t even look at you. They’re thinking what they’re going to get out of the conversation. That’s not a holy relationship. A holy relationship is where you clap for no reason. Ruchel is still clapping… (Devarim 18:9) “Don’t learn the abominations of the other nations to act like them.” Because that’s not being Tamim with H’. You don’t learn. What Torah have you learned… If you showed up to one of my classes, Mark. If you were Tamim… Going to the Baha'i revival class… That’s not supporting Israel. You don’t pass your kids through fire to support Israel... You really have to stop saying you support Israel. Your going for a Shpatzir in Topeka is not supporting our Home Land. You cheat on Gd by not being in the moment with H’. By not supplying the Levites with food. By learning about the forms of idol worship and splatter painting. You cheat on Gd when you listen to the dumb ideas our board brings up. When you have meetings, you end up with the youth that is screaming in the halls right now, missing an eye. When you show up to committee meetings and talk about renovations, you're not with Gd… Because at Gd’s committee meeting, He didn’t say to put the Aron in the wrong place… And it’s because of your dumb questions. It’s because you talk. If you didn’t talk, I would be able to serve H’ Tamim… You’re the only people who I think it’s maybe better you don’t visit. Israel. Just this shul. Now that I thought about it and investigated our congregants, it’s more supportive of Israel for you not to be there… Rivka's Rundown At least the rabbi was clear. Don’t be like Cindy or Baruch. They thought about it, investigated the best option, and decided to put the Aron in the wrong spot. The congregants thought about the rabbi’s sermon, and they forgot what he said. Don’t cheat on Gd was such a profound statement. This sermon broke up the Himelstein family. His wife had no idea, until the rabbi told everybody. But it was a beautiful lesson. Himelstein tried keeping his marriage intact by telling his wife he never cheated on Gd. Ruchel being in the moment is Ruchel being in the moment later. She’s more offbeat than the harmony coming out of the men’s section. She clapped mid-sermon. Might’ve been her Hodu prayer song clap. Might have been a song that was going through here head yesterday. The inspiration just finally hit her. Middle of the rabbi’s speech. She’s very inspired. She went to a Carlebach Minyin once. Been clapping ever since. At work, they’ve kicked her out of the cubicles. Her co-staff at the call center said the customers were wondering what the applause was for. Her boss said she was clapping to Ashrei. Now Ruchel wants people to dance. The rabbi told the ninety year old security in the back of the shul to kick her out if she dances in the middle of his sermon. The rabbi is just mad he has to spend so much on flights now. That’s what inspired his anger today. He hates that new owner of EL AL. The rabbi went off on the Israel programs in the community doing nothing for Israel. To quote, “Eating falafel balls from Costco has not helped the Sderot community. It did not boost the economy in northern Israel. And somehow, it didn’t stop missiles from the Houthis.” The rabbi’s point was that being in Israel is how you help Israel. “Saying, ‘This is in support of Israel’ does not support Israel. Even if the hamburger at Deli Kasba Kosher Grill was amazing.” The rabbi is very against Rachmanis. Israel doesn’t need sympathy. It needs our community suiting up and going to war. And it doesn’t seem like Ethel and Bernie are going to do that. The membership hasn’t gone to Israel in years. But somehow, they support it. They “think” about it when they’re at TJ Max. To quote Nachum, “My thinking of Israel is Israel advocacy for my mind. It’s Hasbara.” I’m happy the rabbi is calling out this fake support of Israel. The local Israel fundraiser day pulled in three million dollars less due to the rabbi’s speech. Some members even flew to Israel to show support. But they didn’t go out to eat or spend any money. The EL AL flight was too expensive. They flew to Israel and had no money to support it. We’re still trying to figure out what we should do as a community. The rabbi’s class sold us on not going to Israel to show support for Israel, because we make really dumb decisions with shul renovations. They actually said Tehillim to help the community deal with the kids back at home. Stopped saying Tehillim for Israel. But they said the Psalms for camps to last through the school year, so we don’t have to see the kids. Mark made a Mishebeyrach for his kids to get out of the house. “And they should all have a long life away from me.” Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke V: Re'eh8/24/2025
Announcements
Words can’t express the feelings on the loss of Harry and Silvana. We want to thank Jake for knowing about cars and picking up new tires for the president of our shul. Jake also knows English, if you have any kids that need tutoring for free. He does favors for free. Our shul is now open. The right-wing table has been getting traction at Kiddish. Conservatives in our shul can now express their opinion, at the table in the left corner of the Kiddish room. If you do express your opinion anywhere else, the board will see to it that you are kicked out and lose your job. We want to commend the Gabai on an excellent head nod given to the Bal Tefillah. The nod made it clear when to start the repetition. Contemporary Halacha Classes: How to Express Nothing at a Funeral by Saying “Words Can’t Express.” How to Give a Continue with Davening Nod Correctly and How to Space Out- The Art of Making People Wait Even When the Gabai Does His Job. Reasons to Never Tell Members of Our Shul You Can Help. How to Lose Your Friends by Sharing Your Opinion- A Torah World View and Why People Hate You for Loving Gd. Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Pupils... (Devarim 14:1-2) Don’t cut yourselves and do not make bald spots between your eyes for dead people... I don’t know why people would do that Bernie. I understand your section is already bald. Them being bald is not a sin. Them driving on Shabbat is a sin... "For you are a holy people to H’, your Gd, and H’ chose you for Himself to be a treasured people...” And this is why people hate us. Because they think we have money. They think Gd chose us to give us money... Treasured people don’t make bald spots between the eyes. Or even at hairlines. Bald just looks bad. Treasured people at least wear toupees... Gd doesn't want to have to look at the bald heads. You show up to pray to him. He doesn't want the light shining off your... The baldness in the back left of the shul just looks bad. H’ doesn’t want to see that either. Put on a Kippah for crying out loud... I truthfully do not know why He chose you. I believe nobody picked any of our congregants to join their team in pickup softball last Sunday. Nobody chose any of our members. The point is you have to be a treasured people. You are definitely not athletes... The Perek starts with “You are children to H’.” Children have to act in a certain way. When you are children to the Minkowitz family you act like idiots... Children of H', Bernie, of course have to act in a certain way. Proper. Holly. Bernie. You are chosen to not act like any committee I have ever seen in our shul... The worst hairlines. Rashi teaches that children of H’ don’t follow Amorite practice, like pulling out hairs, like a fool. The hair pulling at junior congregation has to stop. The Amorites would’ve done that, Betsy... I think the Amorite kids would've scratched and bit also. We have to eat holy... I don’t know why the split hooves... Why are you asking me about the hooves? H' said we have to do it. We need hooves split. And fish need fins, because they swim better that way. And there are birds you can’t eat... You can’t catch a fish, let alone a bird, Simmy. Just eat holy food... Eat what you’re commanded to. That's what children do. They eat holy stuff. What they're told to... You can make a lot of good stuff out of brisket. The fact that your children listen to nothing is a problem. That's why we have a little Amorite gang running the youth group. Being treasured means eating decent salmon sushi... No hooves. Nobody likes P’tcha. As children of H’, a treasured people, we have to express holiness in all our actions. In the way we eat. The way we talk. To be a Kiddush H’. “Words can’t express”??? What were you expressing at the Levaya? Nothing. It was the worst funeral... If the board had something nice to say, ever, they would say it. "Words can’t express," because you have nothing to express. Harry and Silvana were great people. If anybody would've expressed that... And because you can’t express anything like a normal person at their funeral. Now, because you said nothing and showed no Kavod to such kind souls, everybody wants to pull out their hair... You don't express holiness by taking. The problem is you all take advantage. You all want for free. You’re takers. Not givers. Rav Dessler would’ve given you Musar... Yes. For free. He wouldn't ask for an honorarium to let you know how annoying you are. I am saying it because you don't care about eating Kosher. You care about getting Kosher food for free. What kind of a treasured people doesn't pay. Doesn't want to give?!... Jake. You should’ve never told anybody you know about cars. Now they're going to choose you to call when their car breaks down. Of course they’re going to call you. It costs $800 to visit the mechanic for a brake. You have free time... And then the president of our shul. Yes. You’re the reason no professionals come to shul anymore. Because it's free when it's in shul. There are no copays at Kiddish... Jake is not going to last here. You even asked him to pay for your tires... That's not help. That's charity... Because he was helping?! And now you're conspiring. I heard them talking Jake. "Jake knows how to work on cars, and he also knows how to pay for cars." Good luck Jake. The congregants like you. We have a shul of takers. People who have chosen to take... That's not what Gd wants. Thanks to our president, the only decent person around, who helps, will not want to be part of the community... He doesn't tutor. Jake did not offer to tutor for free... Would children of H' charge as much if they were mechanics?! Very good question. I can tell you, they wouldn't show up to shul... Finally, the right-wing people have a safe space... I want to thank the board for including them in synagogue discussions in their area... They understand that if they are heard, they will be kicked out... My fault. I didn't realized Bernie is left-wing. Bernie. I am sorry. You can express your views during my sermon... As you have noticed, I have only been speaking to the front right of this shul throughout this sermon. I have only expressed that we are chosen to the front right of the shul... The Gabai is a holy man. A child of H'. He stopped eating shark... The Gabai's head nod is a holy talent. The most important talent in shul... I know the Gabai can’t Layn the Torah or lead Davening. He bobs very well. This is why we chose our beadle... I still can’t stand Bob. He’s talking again. Bob, it’s a sermon now. Shut up. You're right-wing. I'll kick you out... You guys can stop cheering. I want to thank the Gabai for that look he just gave. You are so good at looks and bobs... The Bal Tefillah gives a lookback, the Gabai gives the head nod. That's the order of holiness in the shul... What do you want? The Gabai to yell?! Children of H' know of the holy head nod. All of the stuff you can’t eat, it’s about the holiness. The word used for what we can eat is "purity." Holiness depends on purity. And you are not pure if you can’t figure out when the Gabai is telling you to start the repetition of the Amidah... I don’t know all the Tamei, impure, birds. Do you know what a Yanshuf is?... I did not know that was an owl. Well, you can’t eat it. I do know that if you can't figure out when the head nod is coming, you are not pure and you shouldn't be leading Davening... H' did not task His treasured people with listening to Shloimi lead service... Children of H' are pure. Our Gabai doesn't eat Treif. He wouldn't nod for that... They don't eat carcasses Rivka... Because H' says so. (Devarim 14:21) “You shall not eat any carcass.” You give that to the stranger or sell it to them. They can enjoy it... When you’re called upon by Gd to be holy, you have to purchase Shechted meat. You have to pay more for stuff. That is what makes you a treasured people. Paying more. You're chosen to pay a lot... To mechanics too... It says any carcass. Why am I hearing now about rabbit foot?! And don’t cook a kid in its mother's milk. It’s wrong... I don’t know why H’ put that here. I truly have no idea... The reason. H' said so. Because you are children of H', you have to do this. And you also have to provide a brisket carving station for Kiddish... Rivka's Rundown I feel holy right now. I paid twenty-five dollars a pound for the brisket this past Shabbat. I believe everybody connected with the rabbi’s message of being the chosen people meaning that we have to pay more for stuff. They know that from the Kosher Mart which doesn’t sell pig for less than thirty-eight dollars a pound. The rabbi's explanation of why we have to keep Kosher was extremely profound. If Martin would've said to not eat shellfish, I wouldn't have listened. It really depends on who's telling me stuff. They back left of the shul looks bad. If Gd has to look at that, He is not enjoying listening to their prayers. Wealthy people wear toupees. The rabbi is correct. A treasured people invests in hair. There's a lot of hair pulling at junior congregation. I don't think the Amorites were as violent as our youth. They probably didn't play gaga and whack balls at each other in the name of fun. I have never seen a group of individuals have that much fun crying. I think Betsy is a bit of an Amorite. She will not stop pulling hair. Our congregants truly make everything out of brisket. They're worried that cooking anything else will deem their kitchen Treif. It's just brisket and Manischewitz. Nobody can express anything about Harry and Silvana. Losing them both at once was harsh. Their funeral was quite quick, as "words couldn’t express" anything about them. Their friends got up and expressed absolutely nothing. I had no idea what to think about them, other than they lived a whole life with very boring conversation. Jake is not coming to shul anymore. That was a quick stint for him in our community. After tires, and then changing brakes in everybody’s backyard, Jake decided it was a better financial move to go Christian. As Jake said, “Then I can charge Jews.” This is the same reason the population of Jewish doctors has went down in our town. At the heyday of Jewish pediatricians, this shul was packed with kids and parents asking doctors what to do about headaches at Kiddish. Never let anybody in our shul know you have a skill. Our membership liking you is the worst thing that can happen. The rabbi is right-wing. I don’t think he’s expressed his opinion for ten years. The rabbi now sits at the right-wing table. And he lost his job. He got the job back real quick. He got rehired, when he went to say "Good Shabbis" to the Democrats. The rabbi is worried about getting cancelled again, as a rabbi. To quote the secretary of the shul, "You don't talk Torah in a shul environment. It's offensive." He has started only speaking Torah to the front right of the shul. He's worried that if he addresses the rest of the shul with his views, they will cancel Judaism. We’ve had Gabai yellers in the past, because we’ve had idiots leading Davening who have no idea what a head nod means. Reuven's head nod is so blatant. No scream is ever necessary. You feel the wind flying off his hair smack you with the jerk of his head nod. He's an impressive Gabai. Very right-wing, as expressed by the bob of his head. We had one mourner who thought the Gabai had a twitch. That was the one time the Gabai had to yell, “Start. People here have jobs.” They then had to explain to the mourner that the Gabai's twitch only comes when you have to start repeating the Amidah. And then the Gabai went up to the guy, put that mourner in a headlock. "How to Give a Continue with Davening Nod Correctly and How to Space Out- The Art of Making People Wait Even When the Gabai Does His Job." I think that class was a complaint against the guy Davening. The rabbi was supporting the Gabai though. The Gabai gave a follow-up class on why it's Mutar, permissible, for the Gabai to give the Baal Tefillah a headlock. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke V: Ekev8/17/2025
Announcements
We ask mourners not be selfish. The Davening leader should be the person with the highest level Chiyuv requirement on the chart of tragedy. A fisticuffs shouldn't break because Steve's father passed away last year. We understand that nobody wants to hear Felvel lead. But he is going through Shloshim. Being that it’s the first thirty days, he leads, unless if somebody has Yahrzeit. So please be sure to be here for your Yahrzeit, so we don’t have to listen to Felvel. The rabbi is on vacation. The Chazin will read the Drasha. The rabbi wants everybody to know he feels it necessary you all hear a sermon, as you’ve all been sinning this summer, and you’re bad congregants. The rabbi forbids Malkie’s Fat Loss Clinic. You can’t be a Frum Jew, and get thinner, when there’s Shabbat... Vegan Shnitzel is forbidden. Contemporary Halacha Classes: How to Offend the Death of a Parent By Not Sharing the Amud and Praying in with Our Congregation of Heretics. Leading Davening Not Like Felvel So People Want to Stay Jewish. Healthy Diets H’ Hates - Because There’s No Kishka. What Makes You a Sinner- A Look at the History of Beis Knesses Anshei Emes uSefilah. Rabbi Mendechem's Drasha Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Pupils... (Devarim 7:20) H’ will send the hornet swarm to get the hidden enemies. But that’s if you listen and do the Mitzvahs... The military plan doesn’t work if you’re all sinning. You have to keep Shabbis for it to work. I tried getting hornets to go after the board. A bunch of sinners... The idea is the hornets go into the tunnels, and they run out. I’m not a military expert, but it works, Bernie. It just works... Moshe fights for everybody, so you are still alive and H’ doesn’t kill you... He fights with prayer. It can work. I have seen the way you guys attack the Gabai. You're alive, not because we had our first decent shul softball game on Sunday. And you are only going into Israel because the other people are so bad. The Amorites and their cousins, the ites, are just sinning more... Basically. You’ve done nothing, other than get Gd mad. But Gd is madder at them... I know this, because I've been around this congregation for a very long time, and I've seen how Jews are when they're on a board. If it was the board making decisions, we would've never made it to Yericho... Exactly. The shul trip to Israel hasn't happened for four years now. Because the board is involved. Sinners... (Devarim 10:11) H’ tells Moshe, “... let them come and possess the land that I swore to their fathers, to give them...” Earlier in the Parsha we see that we'll get kicked out of it. Because we're going to mess up. Ruchel will get involved as board president and she'll mess up the finances... The rebellious people that we are, we don’t necessarily deserve to go into the land. We have to go all the way back to our forefathers for a reason for Gd to like us. Which is why we have plaques in the shul. To remind Gd that at some point there were decent Jews here. Jews who paid dues and didn't mess up the finances and ruin the rabbi's contract... The Levites get nothing. The Leviim don't get any land. Does that sound fair?... Well, it’s fair. I'll answer the questions I ask here. (Devarim 10:9) They have H’... Stop blaming the Levites. I know they do a bad job of handwashing in our Shul. But they're not the reason. They’ll be fine doing Gd’s service. We are talking right now about you guys messing up everything that your forefathers worked for... Let’s see. The Leviim didn’t ruin everything with the Golden Calf. Or a new Torah crown without silver. They're not a reason for us to not be in Israel. In our shul, they're a reason to think that maybe the Levites shouldn't be the ones singing Tehillim on the steps of the Temple. You all have just as bad of voices as the Chazin... I have to explain this. This is why we have sermons. Leviim don't need a physical heritage. They have Gd. Can you get over the fact the Levites don't get land. It's not a punishment. Smirking in the back left. It's called spirituality... Yes. It does make you feel better to have Gd when you're broke... The point is you can't do anything good. Our congregants are not the reason for anything positive. Even so, as I've witnessed, you are very good at messing things up. Like Torah reading... Don’t mess up everything. Gd is doing a favor to our forefathers and me, letting you into Israel... If you moved to Israel, Topeka would be happier. Stop blaming the Levites. They're not the reason. They have Gd. You. You. I'm talking to you. You don’t mess it up. Once you understand you’ve done nothing good, your heritage will be there. It will be protected, even through hornets... Your kid getting bit up at camp was your fault. The Torah does not say to not spray your child. Just don't do anything and your heritage will be fine... No Bernie. Just stop. You're bothering everybody. Mitzvahs. Do Mitzvahs. Everything else will be taken care of. There are things we have to do. Leading Davening should be done right... You want hornets on us?! Then don't mess it up. The rules are. To lead the Davening, you have to have something awful happen to you?! If nothing awful has happened to you, you can't lead services. That's what a Chiyuv means. That or a Bris... I have had to deal with you. That is why I lead services sometimes. It's a deep pain I feel. A loss of joy... If somebody had something awful happen to them, let them lead. Don't be nasty. There shouldn't be Amud, prayer leading fights... You’re selfish, Vitaly, when it comes to Kaddish, never joining the community tune... You are so off beat. And this is an Ashkenazi shul. You’re stuck doing this fifteen-minute Edut Mizrach Kaddish. Nobody knows when to say Amen... We're asking you to not mess up the decentness your ancestors gave our community. Don't mess with plaques. They're the only good thing we have left in this shul. To not cause more Galut. We are asking mourners to be considerate of other mourners. To not be selfish mourners... Felvel. You're not the only one to lose somebody... He said, “I lost my dad last month.” Your response, “Then I should be leading. Yahrzeit trumps Shloshim.” There were no condolences. No LAliyas Nishama. No Hamakom Yinachem. You told him to leave. That is not comforting... And then a fight with Steve. You got mad at him because he had a Yahrzeit. The day his father died, and you want to throw punches... And what’s a fisticuffs. Are you fighting 17th century style? Is this one of those things where you start hitting each other and nobody ducks the punch?! And stop singing. We are going to ask the Chazin to stop singing. His voice is off. If the Jews sang like this in the desert, Moshe's prayers and calling on our forefathers to help with H' wouldn't have done a thing. Come to think of it. Nobody leading Davening at the shul would bring redemption. You are all so bad at it. I ask that you all be better Jews. There is no way a good Jew can take off weight during the summer. With late Shabbis, you are eating till 9pm Saturday night. From 11am to 9pm. That is at least four pounds of babka. Shnitzel for. A popcorn machine. And Rose finally is making good Shnitzel. So, you are eating that... Kol Hakovd Rose for finally having a decent recipe and not messing it up. A thing that somebody didn't mess up. Rose is not the reason we are living in Galut. With her amazing new Shnitzel we would be in Israel. It's the board... And then you need a Melaveh Malka. That means Saturday night pizza. If you were decent Jews, you would've put on at least eight pounds this summer. So far. And what is vegan Shnitzel? Are you even Jewish? Vegan is not Jewish. Pareve is Jewish... The idea is to bring spirituality. To be connected to the elevated Leviim. To eat more Shnitzel. This is our way of being connected to Israel, where we can't afford homes... You're poor, because you messed up your ancestor's inheritance. The Levites get nothing. Are they part of this? (Devarim 10:8-9) The Leviim are commanded to minister to H’ and carry the Aron. A spiritual bunch. “Therefore Levi doesn’t have a share and heritage with his brothers. Gd will be his heritage...” Don't worry about the Levites. Worry about famine. When you're connected to Gd, there is good. You don’t need land. The Levites are good Jews. They put on weight every Shabbat... You don't lose that heritage of Gd when you eat. If the people don’t kill everything, the Levites will be fed by the tithes. And they'll have homes based on what they receive by the people not sinning... The problem is they're connected to the people they minister to. If there's a famine and no tithing, what do the Levites eat? And this is why my contract is messed up... The military plan is to keep the Mitzvahs. It’s to not do anything stupid. That’s the plan. Mitzvahs. And it will help run Kosher Mart better too. And it will help with Davening. Keeping Mitzvahs will have you leading prayers faster, because you will think about loving your neighbor, and you will do it fast. And where is the name Kosher Mart from? Is it named after a family member?... The Levites got this. And they got their lot with H’. Because they wanted that. They didn't mess up. If you don't mess everything up, we should merit Israel and hornets. Celebrate your ancestry... And they will not eat the plaques. And get some bug spray for your kids already... Rivka's Rundown The rabbi spent half hour explaining military strategy. It came down to, pray to H' and show up to shul on time. And that leads to safe living in Israel. So heritage means you've done nothing. And that is a good thing. The redeeming lesson is that we might have a chance to not mess up things more than we have. And that is a win for our congregation. Everybody felt inspired after the sermon to not mess up more than they have. I’ve ran into some nasty Kaddish guys. Especially from the women’s section. When a woman is saying Kaddish and the woman is on tune, they can't deal with it. They They go off beat even more. These guys are vicious when it comes to leading services too. Ralph says” It’s my Minyin.” Like the guy owns the Minyin. Like he's the best guy for it. Ralph hasn't even paid dues. To be honest, everybody hates Ralph. And he runs up there. He gets there early just make it uncomfortable for the mourners to kick him off the Bima, so they can rightfully lead. Felvel has to go over to him every day. “I lost my mom.” And then Ralph gives no response. Just a nasty look. And Ralph is worse at leading than Felvel. He runs up there because nobody would ever ask him to lead Davening. No matter what, he's leading. He considers his birthday a Chiyuv. This guy always leads. After this whole violent ordeal, Michael was looking to purchase a pair fisticuffs. He was bothered that he lost his last pair of cufflinks. "Get out of here" is how the men in our services comfort the mourner. And that announcement. "Be sure to be here for your Yahrzeit so we don't have to listen to Felvel lead Davening." It was like the shul was hoping that more congregants would experience more family death. Just so that Felvel doesn't lead. It's like he's even worse than the Chazin. I think mourners should be a little selfish when mourning one's parent. It shows Kibud Av vEim, honoring parents, when you're a jerk to others, in honor of leading people for Chiyuv. Faster Davening, and not having to listen to these people lead, is the greatest Mitzvah. "Love thy neighbor as thyself." Seeing the anger expressed when other people lead, it is true. The rabbi left for the week and he still had a Dvar Torah. I think he just gets out his anger on us. It was inspired. He even threw in the how annoying Bernie is. He knew exactly where they wouldn’t shut up. The Chazin having to read his own voice is off. That hurts. Rose's new Shnitzel is amazing. I agree that she should be praised, as she is our only hope for redemption as Jews. I agree with the rabbi, our congregants have taken off weight this summer and they are thus not religious. Malkie is taking off weight. I don’t think she’s keeping Shabbis. Keeping Shabbis during the summer means ten hours of eating on Saturday. You can't take off weight sitting at a Shabbat table for that long. What else do you do with your Shabbis? Talk? While you're talking, what do you do? Eat. I never understood eating on Saturday night. After eating for fifteen hours on Shabbis you have to eat more. Are there any Mitzvahs that aren’t eating? I should ask the rabbi. When he got back, the rabbi ended up making all the vegans in the shul bring proof of Judaism. The rabbi being away, nothing changed. They all still talked during his speech. Which was really the Chazin's speech. Very confusing. Especially because in his speech he said we don't need or want a Chazin. He got back for his class later in the week because he didn't trust that the vegans were Jewish. Tags:
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It’s tradition to not greet people on Tisha BAv. The Markowitz family is very good at that. They have not said Hi to anybody since they moved to Topeka. Some have the tradition to do a Taanit Dibur on Tisha BAv, where they don’t talk at all, throughout the fast. The rabbi is asking that Bernie adopts this tradition. To quote: “We might witness Geulah, redemption, if Bernie doesn’t talk.” Our community needs a Kosher restaurant. If anybody knows anybody that can cook, let them know the community will support them. Anybody who wants to run a place. The rabbi says he can care less if the guy is proHamas. We need a restaurant. "We have nothing else to offer, other than a committee meeting. And that only draws Jews who like to bother the rabbi." Contemporary Halacha Classes: How to Celebrate Tisha BAv and Feel Pain By Dealing with Our Congregants. How to Lose Every Jews In Your Town by Not Having a Place to Eat in Your City with Examples Given By Jews Who Won't Support Anything That is More Expensive Than Costco. How to Keep Silent So the Rabbi Can Give a Class- Lessons from Tisha BAv for Bernie. Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Pupils... So. You all hear you can’t go into Israel. You are all going to die in the desert, because you take the idea of really good fruit and ruin it. You see ripe grapes and all the sudden, the people are going to kill you?! I have no idea how that works. It's like seeing a decent pastry at Kiddish and saying you're going to die because of the rugulach... The Jews are not going to Israel because of rugulach... You didn't trust H' because the rugulach was too good. And you got H’ angry. I can see it. This is why none of you have gone to Israel the last couple years. Good rugulach... And so, H' tells the Jews in the desert, they are going to die there. (Devarim 1:41) All the sudden they’re telling Moshe, “We sinned to H’. We will go up and fight.” They even got all the weapons. Suited up all the gear. They hear they're going to die and all the sudden they're a bunch of heroes who trust Gd. Like the time I said the trip to Water World is off. You all got in your bathing suits. All you did was offend the shul. You don’t wear bathing suits in the sanctuary... (Devarim 1:42) H’ then says, “Don’t go, because I am not with you.” It makes no difference what you do. If H’ isn’t with you. You can't go prancing around a water park if H' isn't with you... Like fools, they went without H'. Just like the board deciding on this renovating the sanctuary. Do you think they were having meetings about renovating the altar in the Beit Hamidash... No. Exactly. They even got beaten up by the Amorites. Who gets beaten by the Amorites?!!! (Devarim 1:45) “Then you returned and wept before H’ and H’ didn’t listen to your voice...” At a certain point, forgiveness just isn’t there. You just can't hear it. At a certain point it gets annoying listening to your ideas of chandeliers in the sanctuary from people who are about to go swimming... I can hear you, Bernie… (Devarim 1:39) The kids that knew nothing at the time of the spies, they will go to Israel. The kids at our day school. They know nothing. Absolutely nothing. They don't even know Hebrew... It's called the Hebrew Day School, Ruchel!... Even though they're not very smart, we don't take it out on them... And Yehoshua and Calev. The ones who trusted in H’. Yes. They go to Israel. Because they didn't listen to the people. Listening to you ruins lives. We see what it did to the kids who actually listened in class. Their damaged... You can’t mess up and expect everything to always be good. You’re the reason for Tisha BAv... H’ is not with us. You haven’t messed up Tisha BAv. You are good with that. You have not listened to H’ and you have done a good job of keeping Galut going... It’s tradition to not greet on Tisha BAv. The Markowitz family is very good at Tisha BAv. Since they moved here, and not said Hello to anybody, they’ve been preparing for Tisha BAv. They are also very good Shiva house guests... They don’t say Shalom either. They see the rabbi and understand he is mourning, dealing with this congregation... You're not supposed to greet people when visiting a Shiva house. The Mullins come to Shiva Houses like it's a party. Like the guy is running for mayor... You see Bernie, you are talking. Taanit Dibur. It means a fast of words... I would even be fine with you eating. If you didn’t talk, I would say you could eat on Tisha BAv. I would even cover your dues... Our congregants should start the no talking fast before Tisha BAv. It might help bring redemption if you all stopped talking. Let’s stop talking now. How about we stop talking during my sermon?! So much messing up. You can't backtrack sometimes. You can't make things good when you lost H'. When you have to pay twenty-thousand dollars to send your kids to Jewish summer camp... We need food... When it's not Tisha BAv, we need food. We need a restaurant. People leave this town because they can't forgive this community for not having a Kosher place to eat. You can't backtrack on not having decent food... Chuck E. Cheese is not Kosher. Even if Jews eat there... How do you expect people to respect our community when there is nowhere to eat?! There are no Kosher restaurants... It's pathetic when going out means you’re going to Nachum Schwartz's for dinner. And even if makes a decent casserole, his house is not a restaurant... The pop-up thing Michel did is not a restaurant... You can call it a restaurant for a night in Michel's living room. But I know what it was. It was eating in the guy's living room. And they charged us. Ganavim... You are not a respectable Frum community without a shop. A pizza shop. A falafel shop... It has to be a shop. A shop where the owner is happy taking Jewish money. Jew haters are fine taking Jewish money. Anti-Semites are fine. We don't need a Jew running the shop. The last guy with the Kosher sushi complained all the time... I was fine with that guy closing. Every time I went in, he had a complaint for me... I'm the customer. I'm supposed to be the one complaining. I’m not going out to eat to deal with a congregant. I understand why he was always mad. He rightfully complained. He was dealing with our community... I am not saying Jews are cheap. I am saying you guys are impossible to run a business for. You don't support anything. You price compared everything with Kroger... Restaurants can charge more than a supermarket. The food preparation part costs. This is why the Jews were stuck in the desert. No support. Wanted everything handed to them. Like a free slice of pizza... (Devarim 1:45) Moshe praises Israel for repenting, acknowledging their sin. But H’ had taken an oath already (Bamidbar 12:21-23). He wasn't going to change that. Sometimes it's too late and we have to take the punishment. Repentance doesn't change things. It doesn't make for a better sanctuary with chandeliers or less complaining from every single one of you. Teshuva isn't going to get you a better deal on Jewish summer camp. Whatever our punishment for not having decent food. Having a messed up a community. Having this Markowitz family that doesn’t say Hi. Having to listen to people even when we have a Taanit Dibur. At least repent. You may not be forgiven. But do Teshuva. The Jews that went with the spies didn’t see Israel. But at least they did their part in Teshuva. Your children have hope... Because they're not you. And you paid twenty-thousand dollars to send them to camp. Even if you don’t see the Bait HaMikdash, your children might. What we learn from our ancestors is Teshuva. You repent even things may not change... And we’re still not going to Water World. I saw you all in your bathing suits. Some things are not to be forgiven... Seeing you... You can't backtrack kids coming to shul and having to see the bathing suit debacle. Let's not take it out on the kids that are spaced out and don't listen... They shouldn't go to the water park either, because they don't follow rules. That's dangerous... Rivka's Rundown It was horrific. I believe we need to wait till a healthier generation comes, to go back to Water World. Everybody was truly happy the rabbi brought up the cost of Jewish summer camp. They felt like he was speaking out for them. The rabbi was just complaining about how much it costed him. Either way, it turns out that Jewish summer camps are the cause for Galut. The rabbi has been going off on the Markowitzs the past couple weeks. I think he now appreciates the fact they don’t say Hi and he doesn’t have to talk to them. He wants more congregants that ignore him The rabbi pushing for the Taanit Dibur had a few not talking at Kiddish. They at least made it a point to not go over to the rabbi. I believe they got the message. The rabbi thanked everybody for helping make his Tisha BAv a meaningful one, by staying away from him. He said that was his best Kiddish ever. He sat and ate herring, and nobody disturbed him. He just focused on balancing herring on the Kichel. As he says, "It has taken years to master this. I need to focus." He didn’t have to give any advice. And four divorces happened this week. I believe it was because they didn't ask the rabbi for guidance. The rabbi usually advises them on how annoying they both are, and that they both have no chance of meeting anybody else, and they stay married. The rabbi said he had nothing to do with the divorces, as he was enjoying the herring. We have the only rabbi that feels that divorce helps with redemption of our people. To quote, “I am fine with the divorces. As long as they don't bother me. I understand why nobody wants to be married to our congregants.” The sushi owner complained because the community didn’t support his business. They said they wanted the place, but never ate there. It was the restaurant they "didn't go to." They thought as religious Jews there was a place they should go to. They didn't realize that joke was about shuls. I think community support means coming in once every half year to buy the cheapest thing on the menu and to check it comes with a lot. And then to tell the owner how they can do it better. The no kosher restaurant is a topic of conversation. It’s pathetic. The only town where Jews think it’s good to be a Jew with nowhere to eat. People visit and ask what Jews do. The answer, “We eat at home.” That’s how Jews go out. They eat at home. And the visitors want to know how we are all so heavy. The rabbi was adamant about the shop. It has to be a shop. Restaurants should be shops. The rabbi ended up getting a Hamas guy. He was fine. He said the guy is not in Israel, he can make good falafel. The Hamas guy scared everybody. He even put up a sign, “Our falafel is the bomb.” That scared the Jewish community. Great sense of humor. He uses Humus and Hamas interchangeably. "I put Hamas on your pita? HaHaHa." Turns out the Hamas guy is a regular American college student. He started hating Jews a couple years ago, when he didn't have Donald Trump to protest anymore. We got rid of the last caterer at our synagogue because he was a KKK member. The rabbi regrets that to this day. He said, "The best thing that can happen to the shul is to have more people that hate our members, other than me." We truly lose people because of this restaurant thing. They travel to other cities to eat out and then they stay there. They stay in the restaurant. They rent beds in the restaurant. They get very excited when they see what possibilities are out there. Anything other than Topeka is exciting. Anything outside of Topeka, even a shop. The keeping silent class was not successful. I've never seen so many questions thrown at the rabbi in one class. The rabbi thought his subtle message of not talking during the class would come out in the name "How to Keep Silent So the Rabbi Can Give a Class." Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke V: Matos-Masai7/27/2025
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No violent greetings even if you are friends. Hellos shouldn’t hurt or injure people. And loud hugs must be kept to a minimum. Our seniors thought Zev and Nachum were fighting when they were saying "Shabbat Shalom." We are going to ask our Chazin only sings two tunes for Kedusha. Due to the use of modern songs in Kedusha, our congregants think that the lyrics to every Jewish song are “Naaritzcha vNakdishcha.” We want the new members to know that saying Hi to people is welcome in our community. We understand that you come from an area with a lot of Jews, where people like being ignored. Our shul is full of losers who like saying Hi and you’re the reason for Tisha BAv. Contemporary Halacha Class: How to Hurt People With a Shabbat Greeting. The Real Words to All the Tunes Our Chazin Steals and Uses for Naaritzcha. How to Run a Not Friendly Shul With Our New Congregants. Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Pupils... Happy Tisha BAv everybody. It’s coming up next week. I want to enjoy it this year... How do you enjoy? You mourn with your people. Not with the people of Beis Knesses Anshei Emes uSefilah. Mourning with you all is depressing... Reuven and Gad want to stay in this land they just got. Not in Israel. The same way ya’ll love Topeka. If there was Topeka in Egypt, you would’ve asked to stay... It’s nice. OK. It’s not Israel. You don't even have a Kosher restaurant here. How can you want to stay. As a Jew??? Reuven and Gad want to stay. They have good land. They have a guy willing to open a falafel shop... They at least got permission from Gd. The verdict. (Bamidbar 32:20-22) “Moshe says to them, ‘If you do this thing, if you arm yourselves before H’ for battle. And every armed man of yours crosses the Jordan before H’, until He drives out His enemies before Him. And the Land shall be conquered before H’..." Israel’s enemies are H’s. We have to drive them out. That is part of our calling as a nation... I have driven many potential congregants out of this shul. For Gd... "This thing" means joining your nation in battle... Well. Moshe didn't have your parents. Gd didn't live by your parents' grammatical rules. Vagueness was allowed, because everybody knew what they were talking about, and they weren't annoying. And they knew Torah. Unlike you all that sit in the back left... You guys wouldn't even join a discussion about Israel. Let alone a battle... Moshe continues, "And after this you shall return. And you shall be clean from H’ and Israel, and this Land shall be a heritage for you before H’.” Only once they go in and join their people in battle, is it a heritage and connected to H’ and the Jews. When you do nothing to help your people. When the only thing you do is watch FOX News. When you don't even pay your dues... I get it. FOX News is more pro-Israel. But if you're not fighting for your people. And I know some of you fight at Kiddish over the herring... It's not holy. None of this hear is connected to H', because you don't fight for your people. And you don't even mow your lawn... At least mow your lawn. H' appreciates decent lawns... We go out and we fight on behalf of H’. That is when we can return and know that our homes are good. That we are vindicated from H’ and from Israel. It's about not having to feel guilty... When you are part of that, you can be blessed. If you are not. If you’re sitting here all relaxed with herring on Kichel, which is amazing, while those that are fighting for you are not safe, your land is not blessed. It is not a heritage. You're living in Topeka for Moshe’s sake. Gd would have probably said no to Reuven and Gad going to Topeka. You go to Topeka to run away from your people... Is it not blatant? Do I have to say the soldiers??? Of course. It’s the soldiers. Tehy are the ones that bring us blessing. Not your children... Maybe before learning, go out there with your people. Fight. At least go to the back left of the shul and tell them to stop talking. Tell Bernie to be quiet. Do something for your people. Of course I am making the point that Americans should do the army. Your people are out there fighting. Nothing gives you the right... I know you can do what you want. But Gd and the Jewish people don't like you. That shouldn't be a shock. Sadie doesn't like you either... That’s why we’re proud of the Berkstein children, who joined Tzahal... Tzahal is the IDF. They are doing the army, unlike the Finkelman children and the... Fight for your people until they are safe. Have you fought for your people. Are you connecting with your people's plight?... Other than YouTube videos... It’s all fine and dandy. It’s not, until your people are resting secure. And not helping your people is not helping Gd... Because Gd wants that. If join in our brother's fight "this Land" is ours. Is it the land on the other side of the Jordan or does "this Land" mean Israel?... I don't know. That's why I'm asking. The one time you people choose not to talk... You haven’t helped your people. You've attacked with your Hellos. That's about it. Your greetings are very violent... Truth is I'm scared to get hugged by you. They're loud, and I will get hurt... You would think our people would have Shalom amongst ourselves. Zev is still attacking people to say Hi. This is why nobody wants close friends in the shul. They even hug violently. And it’s loud. We are not meant to fight each other with greetings... If you went in and hugged Hamas, the war would be over in a second. I don’t shake your hands, because... I get you work in construction. Calm down. We know you have a good grip. Don't have to prove you've used power tools this week. We get it... Sinat Chinam, baseless hatred, was caused by people saying Hello. The Chazin’s tunes have just confused our people. I don't believe they've helped. I am getting confused by the Chazin myself. The Chazin even got to me. I started thinking that the words to "Am Yisrael Chai" and "Kol HaOlam Koolo" are "Naaritzcha..." Those are songs. Their words are not "Naartizcha." Even "Adon Olam" isn’t "Adon Olam." "Lecha Dodi" to Chumbawumba’s "Tubthumping"? Is nothing out of limits... Oh. That song is "Keitzad Mirakdim Lifnei HaKala"? I thought it was "Lecha Dodi." I even corrected them at the wedding. I told them we sing that song Friday nights. Not for the newlyweds... Because of our Chazin misappropriating every Jewish song. We need regular tunes to the songs. I even had to ask why the Beach Boys are singing "Dror Yikra"... Join the army and then you can use whatever tunes... Do that Mi Shebeiyrach for Tzahal tune for Mi Shebeiyrach for Tzahal. Not "Naaritzcha" or whatever it is. I can't say I know... We can all fight in some way for the army of H’ by being nice. By fighting for Shalom in our people. That is our fight now. That and Hamas. And Iran. And everybody on college campuses, and everybody who hates Jews, your neighbors... There are a lot of people that hate us. I didn't realize is was that many. I thought it was only had to fight against the board... I am not supporting violent Hellos. Just Hellos... If you’re not joining in this battle, if you are not there with your nation (32:23) “you will have sinned to H’, and know your sin that will find you.” This congregation found me, and I take blame for that. The new family found us... We can’t stand the new family. The Markowitzs. I have to agree. You don’t say Hi. You think it’s cool to ignore people. The one thing our congregation does is not ignore people. Our congregants get in your face, ask about your family, and make you want to kill yourself. The one positive Mayla of our membership is we know everything about you... If you’re going to be here, say Hi. at least talk... Now you talk. First time you talk to anybody, when I’m giving a sermon... I thought you were fine being snobby... You pass people and don’t say Hi. How do you expect people to take it? Reuven and Gad wanting to stay on the other side of the Jordan. How do you think our people going to battle would take it?!... It's the unfriendliness that causes a disconnect amongst our people. How can you go to battle with your brothers if you don't even say Hi to them?!... You are the reason for Tisha BAv. Lashon Hara. You cause it. It's your not telling Samantha every single thing about your kids and how your cousins are doing, at Kiddish... I understand it's easier to stay away and enjoy Shabbat, not saying Hi to the other members here. I wish I could. But I go to battle every day against the congregants here... And now the Torah can go over all the travels of the Jewish people. Now that everything is understood. That we all have to fight for our people... Nothing here is ever understood. That's why we never have shul trips. The last trip to Slide and Fun as a shul was the most horrendous display of non-unity. When Avromy knocks over Shimmy for a horse on springs... The horse doesn't move. The springs are so hard... Sinning to your people is sinning to H'. And sometimes you have to fight. Which is why I am saying that the Chazin has to calm down with his songs. And you all have to greet people correctly... Then you will be part of the nation, and not sinning like you always do... Once the battle is over, OK. You can go back to being selfish. Being congregants of Beis Knesses Anshei Emes uSefilah, singing "Naaritzcha" for every Jewish song. But when your people are fighting, you go out there. If you are with your people at those moments, you are vindicated. And I know we've fought some battles with members. And yes, they keep coming back. Some battles never end... May we all merit to be safe from congregants who ruin Kiddish, and a Chazin who ruins every Jewish song for me. And may we finally get a little Kosher restaurant here, so we can say this is Jewish. What kind of Jews have nowhere to eat... Rivka's Rundown The rabbi made everybody line up, and he coached them one by one, how to greet each other properly. In the middle of the sermon. He started with the handshake, then the look into the other person's eyes, then the part where you say "I have no idea what tune the Chazin is singing." He then held a class on greeting people correctly, according to Halacha. There was a lot of debate as to whether the greeting should be Good Shabbis, Good Shabbat or Shabbat Shalom. The rabbi squashed the debate, and said, "It's Tuesday. Just say 'Hello.'" I think the rabbi put telling Bernie to shut up on the same level of importance as fighting for the State of Israel and the Jewish people. The rabbi listed the good members of our congregation whose kids are serving in the IDF. He also listed all the kids who are in college and working as professionals, who bring no Nachis. And that included the Chazin. The rabbi wants a good Tisha BAv. He wants to enjoy it this year. He truly gets Hana’ah, enjoyment, out of mourning. Fran called 911 when she saw Nachum and Zev say "Hi." She got scared. Asked why there is gang violence in the shul. Fran said she carries her phone on Shabbat for emergencies. She said she drives her car on Shabbat for emergencies too. Just in case she has to get to the hospital, or pick up some groceries. I would put my money on it that Fran would call 911 to help with her groceries. The rabbi was saying the Beit HaMikdash was destroyed because people injured each other by saying "Hello" with too strong of a grip. I am happy I am a woman, I think a guy Hello might injure me. It does get confusing when we misappropriate every American song. Even Jewish songs. The liberal members of our congregation started holding up “We shall not misappropriate Naaritzcha songs” signs. One member held a sign saying “Give "Yankee Doodle" back to its rightful owners." There are a lot of people that hate us. The rabbi was going to say the fight is only with those close to us. Because they are very violent with how they say Hello and herring. It turned out that almost every nation hates us. Not just the members at our shul. The Markowitzs passed me without saying "Hi." We're not talking about passing my house. We're talking about in shul. Two hours after they met me, they already feel that we are close enough that they can ignore me. The rabbi gave the class on how to say hello to people. He also showed how a no look pass by might be taken as unfriendly, and might cost an invite to a Bat Mitzvah. Which is why the Markowitzs probably do it. They don't want anybody to like them. They don't want to have to go to Simchas. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke V: Pinchas7/20/2025
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No Simcha Kiddish this week. It’s the Three Weeks. We understand how happy you are, living in America. Nonetheless, it was your lack of decent Kugel that destroyed the Temple. From now on, congregants should not pass by people’s homes without knocking on the door and saying Hi. It’s offensive. Like you don’t want to see them. Like you are protesting, letting them know you don't want to see that family. We want to commend the Berksteins on their family’s ability to look depressed and not happy. You are greatly spiritual in your depression. The Tisha BAv program this year is the movie Happy Gilmore. As it is tradition to screen a movie on Tisha BAv, we shall continue that tradition. We also want to thank the greater Topeka Jewish community for organizing the Jewish Film Festival during the Nine Days. If we didn't have some decent Jewish romcoms, we might have been a little down, due to the destruction of the Temples. Contemporary Halacha Class: How to Not Be Happy By Joining Our Shul- Lessons in Spirituality and Hatred of Members. Mourning By Having to Deal with Beis Knesses Anshei Emes uSefillah- After the Nine Days Should the Rabbi Still Have to Deal With You. How to Knock on Doors and Bother People When They Don’t Want to See You- Board Advice. How to Keep Chipper During the Nine Days By Watching Movies about Family Trips. How Our Synagogue Turned the Berksteins to H'. Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Pupils... I don’t know why nobody names their daughter Chaglah. Noa, Milkah and Tirzah. I’ve see those. Even Machlah gets a name. They'd rather name their daughter “Disease” than Chaglah... (Bamidbar 27:6-7) H’ says to listen to the daughters of Tzalfchad and girls should receive land if they have no brothers... Brothers do kill everything. Look at Junior Congregation. The Plotnik kids... We listen to women when they complain. But not the sisterhood, whose only goal is to not have an enjoyable Kiddish... But it’s more. (Bamidbar 27:8-11) There is a list of the tiers of who gets the land of inheritance, and it ends with the closest thing to family.... You're not considered the closest when you get them to sign over their bank account to you. Good question, and reason for loving your parents... And you don’t even show up to funerals. You can care less about previous generations. You just want to take. We don’t just pass on the land to the next generation. (Bamidbar 27:15-17) Moshe is going to die. He asks H’ to ensure there will be a leader... Yehoshua. Sorry, I didn’t want to give away the story... Well. Yes. You should know that Yehoshua is the leader after Moshe... Then read the Torah in English. There is a whole book in Neviim about Yehoshua leading the Jews... Ruchele is a decent leader. I do not believe H' voted her in as president of the shul... Our shul is not divine. I did not say, "H'. We need a new president..." Our congregants don't learn the tradition, and you have ruined every old house. Every decent home is now infested with this generation... Of course there is no foundation, you don't even put in new gutters. The water... Yes. The water of strife is killing your homes. Fighting over who the house belongs to... When there is no tradition, you fight and you get a house like the Finkelmans, all infested... Moshe is thinking of his people. Not the money... It’s amazing how our previous generations thought about how they will pass on the tradition. Our peoplehood. How to ensure that at the least, their future generations will have a decent Kiddish. We pass on tradition... Sometimes through land. You wanted your parents to go so you could inherit... I don't think the laws of Yerushah hold the same weight in Topeka. Progeny is about understanding our past and what we come from.... You don’t just take the land. You remorse. You mourn for our loss as a people. You think about how we ended up with members like Bernie and... The Beit HaMikdash was a loss. And I don’t think it was because there were no Chaglahs... This is why the one time of year of mourning, and you're all having a blast. I've never seen you guys so happy. The only time you want a Simcha Kiddish is now. The only time you celebrate is when the Beit HaMikdash was destroyed... “Our people are being massacred. Let’s celebrate now”... Stop it Shmuli. You wouldn’t even sponsor Kiddish if we had it. Stop trying to look good now, Shmuli... All the sudden Shmuli is willing to throw a huge party for the whole shul, for Tisha BAv. You wouldn't even spend on a Kiddish. Not even Kichel... If Mashiach comes, you will find a way for him to cover the Kiddish... Tradition is not to speak Lashon Hara... I know your parents and your parents' parents spoke Lashon Hara. Tradition is to get along. To be kind... Well. Then sometimes we're not supposed to follow tradition. Point is the Beit HaMikdash was destroyed because we didn't get along and you're all passing the Feldowitz home... You're offending the Feldowitzs. You all walk past their house and they think everyone is mad at them... Well that's what it looks like... Then at least wave. Do not knock on my door. The rabbi doesn’t want you knocking on his door. I am not offended when you don’t stop by my house. I am bothered when I have to see you... So nobody wants anybody at their home?! I'm the rabbi. For me it's a job to have to deal with you. Very painful... So nobody wants anybody in their home. Hachansat Orchim is off in this congregation. Walking past the Feldowitz house has killed the idea of having guests. It's the board's fault. Making that dumb announcement of stopping by the Feldowitz Mishpuchi, who doesn't even offer coffee. Worst advice. Knocking on People's doors. This is what we deal with in board meetings. Dumb ideas. And then they turn into programs and people moving away, just to get away from our membership. Worried they'll have to see our members during the week... Again. No brothers. No understanding of progeny and getting along. No understanding that Yerusha, inheritance, is something people want to keep for themselves... The Berksteins are closer to H’ than you all. They are more devout.... Because they do not smile. They did not get any Yerusha... Looking down means you're closer to Gd... They used to smile. And then they started coming to shul. They saw the kids at Junior Congregation and the Feldowitz family. They had Kiddish put together by our sisterhood... Spirituality is when you are not happy. When you don't have parties during the Three Weeks. When you don't have movie-a-thons during the Nine Days. If you were spiritual, you would also not look happy... One day to become more spiritual is to have more of our members pop over and knock on your door to say Hi... It’s about respect. Doing things the right way. The way our ancestors did it. Delis. Not smokehouses... That is when we’re deserving of... I understand we’ve shown movies every year on Tisha BAv, but Happy Gilmore... I know Adam Sandler is Jewish. And we can mourn intermarriage... But it's always been a screening of Schindler’s List. It’s not any movie you see on Netflix... The fact that you all walk out saying, "It was such a good movie." You're loving the Three Weeks... It's between the bad times. That's what time it is. I know Shabbat with you all is not good times. The days between Shabbat in this community are between the bad times... Shabbat is great times, when you are with a sisterhood that makes a decent Kugel and people aren't all knocking on the rabbi's door... The Three Weeks is the national bad times. And our board would've destroyed the Beit HaMikdash. Our Jewish Community Committee would've also... It's the bad times, even with Happy Gilmore and a Simcha Kiddish... Don't get me started on the film festival. What idiots. Organizing it during the Nine Days. Any excuse to not mourn. The greater Jewish community of Topeka now does Shivas as a program. One day. A Seven Minute Shiva... All selfish. All about your own enjoyment. Moshe wants to ensure the people don't enjoy too much... Because then you get kicked out of the land, Bernie. The reason I'm still here is I do not enjoy it. Moshe appoints Yehoshua in front of the people... Because you people question everything. The board is still getting questions as to whether or not I was hired. I had to post the contract on the shul bulletin as proof... (Bamidbar 27:23) “And he put his hands on him and commanded him, as H’ had spoken through Moshe”... H’ did command Moshe to put the hands on Yehoshua... Yes. Moshe put his hands on Yehoshua. He didn’t smack Yehoshua. It wasn’t a fight in front of all the people. He leaned his hands on him. That is Smicha... It wasn't like Mr. Feldowitz, when he ran after Gershman to whack him for passing by his house... Rabbi Moshe Feinstein teaches that hands on a head force one to lower their head. A student has to follow his rabbi, therefore the head is bent. It is the bending of the head that symbolizes following. Rabbis have to be subservient to their rebbes’ teachings. And I believe Rabbi Feinstein said this to everybody who got Smicha from him... Be subservient to Torah. Tradition... Moshe's last name was not Feinstein. Rabbi Moshe Feinstein did not lead us out of Mitzrayim. Moshe’s last name was Son of Amram... They didn't have last names back then. You had to describe, "Oh. The Moshe with the curly hair. The one that wears the pleated pants. Yeah. That one." “You mean Amram’s son.” It is the passing of tradition. That's why you keep a home in the family... Portion. You keep the portion in the family... Not cake. A portion... And this is why it is so important that land remain with the families, even if girls asked. Reading the Torah and knowing who Yehoshua is part of that. You should not get your parents' stuff without knowing who Yehoshua is... Rivka's Rundown You have to be an idiot to ask our rabbi what he meant when he said Yehoshua. Every sermon has the lesson. You have to follow Torah, and this shul is full of a bunch of fools. And the Tzelafchad explanation. They should've never asked the rabbi to explain what the daughters of Tzelafchad wanted a portion of. The rabbi trying to explain that the portion wasn't a bigger serving of soup, added an extra twenty minutes to the sermon. It then took another thirteen minutes for people to agree on how to spell Tzelafchad. Which ended up on them deciding to spell it in Hebrew. The women started complaining about the rabbi saying that we learn from the daughters of Tzelafchad that we listen to women when they complain. The rabbi was in a catch 22. He had no idea how to respond to that complaint. I think the rabbi said that even Gd didn’t want to hear the girls going off. He gave in just to not have to hear them anymore. The rabbi started giving Yerusha tests, to decide if people should receive their inheritance, due to connection to our past. People ended up finally learning Torah in our shul. All it took was inheritance. To note, we did a congregational study. It turns out that once people receive their inheritance, they stop coming to shul. This is why parents don't give the Yerusha to their children while they're alive. Our congregants have the worst timing. The fact that they're planning a shotgun wedding for Michael and Sarah before Tisha BAv is crazy. The rabbi is correct. It’s all the people who never sponsor Kiddish that are screaming about it not having the Simcha Kiddish now. Because they know it won't happen, they are saying they're willing to pay for it. It was the same when it came to paying for day school. Every one of our members was willing to pay full tuition to the Jewish elementary day school when their kids were in college. Somehow, the day school did not accept university students. To look good, some of these shnurers even complained that their kids were qualified, and would do well in the fifth grade. Now everybody is praying for Mashiach, so that we will have a huge Kiddish they don't have to pay for. This is what our congregants have been pining for. Choolante that is covered by Gd's messenger eternally. The rabbi maintains that if the sisterhood made a decent Kugel, the Beit Hamikdash would've been rebuilt. What respect for progeny and tradition has to do with people walking through my house, I do not know. I would also rather see families walk by. The Feldowitz home is in the wrong spot. They can see everybody passing. You can’t read into everybody walking by your home. Now, you can’t go for a Shpatzir without the Feldowitzs feeling slighted. The truth is that everybody goes to the Hermans. They walk past the Feldowitzs to go to the Hermans. The Hermans give you coffee and Danish. People don't like the Feldowitzs. I don't even think they like the Hermans. But they do like a decent cheese Danish and coffee. Now people walk an extra half mile to get to shul, so that Simi Feldowitz doesn’t get offended. People ended up moving away because of the board’s ordinance of friendliness. It turns out most people don’t want stop bys. Other than the Feldowitzs, people appreciate seeing people pass their home. It turns out that people have anxiety attacks and worry that they might have to see other members during the week. Petitions were signed. Now there is a list of people you can’t say Hi to. People you have to stay away from due to the threat of you waving at them when passing their homes. There were restraining orders. People now don’t have Shabbis guests. People have now started hiding when people passed their homes. Hiding when I'm passing your home is more offensive than not stopping in. Seeing them through the window, shutting the shade real fast because they see me. That hurts. I am going to propose the no shutting shades ordinance next board meeting. The Berksteins don’t smile. They are truly devout. I see them with their eyes closed too. They squint a lot. Very devout people. They must walk like that. The rabbi hates the greater Jewish community more than our shul. He said that to some of the people after services on Shabbis. Those were the kindest words the rabbi has ever said to our membership. It was touching. I think the exact words were, "I couldn't believe it. Topeka has greater heretics than you." A Jewish Film Festival for when Jews aren't supposed to watch Films. The federation is saying, "That's makes it Jewish." It was the timing of the film festival, during the Jewish mourning period, that triggered the rabbi. He stood outside and let everybody know how wrong it was. He even protested the Israeli movies. That just looked bad. The Hamas supporters started hugging the rabbi, thanking him for helping in their cause of BDS. The New York Times somehow got hold of this, and put our rabbi on their cover. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke V: Balak7/11/2025
Announcements
This Sunday is the 17th of Tamuz. On this day, Moshe broke the tablets, the Jews had to stop the daily sacrifice in the Temple, Apostomos burned a Torah, an idol was placed in the Temple, and the walls of Jerusalem were breached in 69CE. Please don’t cause any other tragedies for our people. We understand you’re members of our shul and the reason people hate Jews. We ask Nachum uses suntan lotion. It’s painful to have to see him all sunburned. We ask he speaks to his dermatologist before boating. The Simchovitz Zayde’s Yahrzeit is this week. He was a good man. He did a lot of good for the community. His children haven’t even donated a Kiddish. Contemporary Halacha Class: The Reality of Connecting to Our People's Sorrows By Spending Time with Our Congregants. How to Put Your Life at Risk on a Boat By Being Pale- Like Nachum. How to Get Every Older Woman in Shul to Worry About You- Like Nachum. How to Connect to Your Ashkenazi Roots- Like Nachum. How to Get Everybody to Hate You and Cause More Exile By Not Sponsoring Kiddish. Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Pupils... They truly do hate us even when we are good... I am not referring to our congregants. I am referring to our people. There's reason to not like the board as well... Like the donkey who says to Bilam (Bamidbar 22:28-30) “Why did you strike me... Have I not been your donkey forever? Have I ever acted like this?” They blame us for stuff. Have we ever been accustomed to violence? Have we ever... Other than trying to get a good deal, what has our people done? That and the membership of our shul... At that point, shocked that his donkey would have the Chutzpah to talk to him like that, Bilam backs down. Sometimes, we have to questions ourselves. Our decisions. We have to not blame others. We have to take blame for our children... Sending them away is a way to deal with it as well. The children are not here right now, and that's what matters. Let's focus on that Bracha... Bilam shouldn’t have gone to curse the Jews, as Balak wanted. But Bilam’s ego got in the way. The same way the Michel's ego got in the way when he pushed Bernie over to pull out the Torah himself... You weren't even called up. You ran up to the Aron and pulled it out. You also got an Aliyah that you weren't called up for that day. You were possessed. If you would've just been decent at ping pong, your ego would've been satiated. Bernie would've taken out the Torah... And yes. We do now have a ping pong committee... It wasn't your Aliyah. Your Michel Avraham Ben Simcha HaKohen. It was the fourth Aliyah... Bilam is now with Balak and he goes off to hear from H’. Balak wants Bilam to curse the Jews. Balak was diplomatic. Political leaders can't do that themselves. They have to find other people to do it for them. Which is how we have the EU. He tells Balak that he can only say what Gd tells him. This is how you get out of trouble. You say "H' made me say it." Do you know how many times I got smacked for cursing out my teachers as a child, and then blaming it on H'? I believe you have to be older to be inspired by H'. You can tell somebody they're ugly "because Gd says so," once you're in your fifties. (Bamidbar 23:5) "H’ puts words in Bilam’s mouth and He says, 'Return to Balak, and thus shall you speak.'" "Thus" is not my words. Did H' speak ancient English? I do not know. The words are not revealed until Bilam is in front of Balak again. For some reason Bilam couldn't be trusted. The same way you can't trust the board. (Bamidbar23:7-12) Beautiful words of blessing and solidarity come out of Bilam’s mouth. Balak doesn’t like it. But he is speaking words of Gd. Many people don't like the word of Gd. It kills their day. Bilam is possessed by money here. Money and fame. His ego gets in the way of our following H'... If the board would've let H' speak, He would've said, "Give the rabbi a raise. Let him vacation. Let him enjoy not seeing you"... They would've heard H' say, "These people are idiots." When we are not influenced by our ego, pure words come out. Blessing. Words that I have not heard spoken at Kiddish. "That was a good Kugel"... I have never heard anybody say that, because not one of our members can make a decent Kugel. Not one meeting for the renovations of the shul has had H’ involved... You chose a water slide over a Torah... It’s not about being the popular shul. It's about H' and listening to what He is saying... H' didn't say to have a Bouncie Bima. He didn't say to have the Beis Knesses Anshei Emes uSefilah Lazy River... Thank Gd we got rid of it. It took a half hour to get from the Bima to the ark after Torah reading... When Bilam is looking over the Jewish camp, you think he’s thinking "they’re cool." "Those are the people I want to hang with. Davening Mincha. A bunch of with it people. I want to sit at their table. They even have that Matzah stuff"... That's how they used to talk. "With it" is how you say a ninety-year-old still has a personality... You have a low standard of awakeness. Like Bernie is awake for a couple minutes of Davening. He's old. So, he's with it. If he was thirty, we would be calling the paramedics... Truth is Michel saved us. Why is Bernie taking out the Torah. He might fall asleep when opening the ark... Thank Gd Bilam didn't see Camp Menashe Himmel in the Catskills. He would've said, "The Jewish people are bad athletes." When you are pure and don't have the ego in the way, you don't blame. You praise. Purity of thought. No congregants... Our congregants have the reputation. We can judge them. They cause tragedy. Curse. Not Bracha... I don’t know if it’s ego. Maybe it’s just stupidity. Lack of hearing H’... It's the ego. That's how you make your dumb decisions... It's because you don't listen to me... What happened in the WNBA this week? Tragedy. Caitlin Clark got hit again... It might have been because our congregants are fans... Turns into a curse for Caitlin. The shul trip to watch her play in Chicago is going to be painful... The renovations committee. A total tragedy. Our shul was destroyed. Didn't even need Bilam... It was not listening to H'. Making ego decisions like a bigger Aron. How big of a Torah do you plan to get, that you need a twenty-five-foot-high ark?! Our congregants can't even lift the one-and-a-half-foot Torah... Nachum. You’re just not good looking. Always wear something on you... The burns all over you. Ouch. It hurts having to see you... Gardening? Were you gardening on a stove? My pure thoughts say Nachum doesn’t think... If you thought, you would've worn a hat... The big red thing on the top of your head... If you gardened without an ego, you woud've heard H' saying, "There is sun right now. It's the middle of the summer"... Point is that Bilam would've even worn a hat... He wouldn't have joined our people for Matzah. This isn't jail. Benjy thinks this is the whole joining Kosher because you're in jail thing... Your Zayde was a good man Mr. Simchovitz. You guys. That’s a different story... It was a different time. Jews were good people back then. They were kind. They listened to H'. They listened to their rabbi... It's ego to not sponsor Kiddish. H' would've said, "Serve an excellent Kugel that people will like. Something not made by the Sisterhood." Good people who used to have purity. Before social media. A time when Lashon Hara was pure. When people meant it. That's what Balak wanted from Bilam. If we put our egos down and let H’s words come out, it is words of blessing... Yes. Torah. Pinchas. And holiness. What else would it be. Lord of the Rings?! Are those H’s words???!... Lord of the rings is not the one to listen to. It's not Gd. Of course, Bilam gets out a bit of a curse later on. You can always find a way to curse the Jews. Anti-Semites have an uncanny ability... Even when we’re not talking about our membership at Beis Knesses Anshei Emes uSefilah, an anti-Semite will find it. I feel like cursing somebody. Right now, looking out at the shul. Even right before Yud Zayin Tamuz.... Rivka's Rundown I think the rabbi just used the whole Bilam story to let the congregants know how much he can't stand them, by saying what he says is what Gd wants. If I'm not mistaken, H' wants us to give the rabbi a raise and to let him go on vacation. He also wants Samantha to stop chewing gum in shul, and for Max to stop coughing. And for Bernie to not talk. H' also wants to get rid of the board. He wants no committees too. So many bad decisions have been made in the congregation due to ego. Nobody looks at our shul and thinks we're cool. We will never get people coming here to be part of the popular crowd. We are dependent on spirituality for membership. That's how big of losers we are. The rabbi even taught people how to close their eyes to look more penitent in shul, and shut up. If Bilam would've seen our congregation and the camp our kids go to, he would've been cursing. If he got charged how much we have to pay for camp nowadays, he would've been cursing. And H' would've supported it. Benjy is still living with a jail mentality. Just got out for the fifth time. I don't know why we let him in the shul. He just got locked up again for grand larceny. And the rabbi gives him the code. They even voted him as the Gabai for next year. That's how much nobody wants to be Gabai. Why Benjy doesn't steal smaller items, I don't get it. But the rabbi trusts him with the Torah. Michel is truly bad at ping pong. Once his ego got hit, he got possessed. He ran with the Torah. They thought he was stealing it. He was just running with it because his ego got shot in ping pong. Hence, he didn't listen to H' and he got tackled by Benjy. Benjy won't let anybody else steal anything. One bad decision and that's it. Ego gets in the way, you knock over a ninety-year-old, and you lose your job managing a nursing home. There is a ping pong committee. It started as a club. But it was in shul so the board voted and said they had to call it a committee. You have to have a committee for everything in our shul now. The napkins committee voted on cheaper napkins. Now we have those wax style napkins at Kiddish and people are just rubbing the food from one side of their face to the other. What has the ping pong committee done? They've played ping pong. Have they discussed ping pong? As a committee they have to host a requisite two hour meeting every month, where they discuss playing ping pong. The committees are more of a discussion group. They're book clubs for people who don't read. By the way, in shul, we have a book committee who changes over the Siddurs when the holidays come around. Thank Gd we got rid of the water park idea. They brought in a slip and slide to the sanctuary and used that as the lazy river around to test out the concept. The water park and bouncy shul idea did draw people. None of them were Jewish. B"H, we didn't take entrance on Shabbat. So, nobody was wearing a bathing suit in the sanctuary. Even the Simchovitz family, those heretics who can't get us a Kiddish. would've been offended by bathing suits. Mark did suggest that bathing suits should be allowed in the sanctuary, as they are suits. Point the rabbi was making is it's not just about drawing people. It's about what H' wants. Based on the feedback and support of the young families with kids we're trying to draw, H' does seem to want a bouncy themed temple. The rabbi sees having to deal with congregants as a tragedy. They ask him when a Bris should be, that’s a tragedy. What time Davening is, it's a tragedy. I think he is extremely frustrated with us. I think any member of our shul is a tragedy. A reason to hate Jews. I think I understand the rabbi. The renovations committee is messed up. They are the reason the Beit Hamikdash was destroyed. It was their decisions. Nachum was gardening this week. He should hibernate during the summer. The guy burns when he walks to shul. We need more Zaydes in the congregation, to tell the parents they’re doing stuff wrong. The Simchovitz have given nothing to the shul. Other than joining the renovations committee and insisting that they be on the demolition sub-committee. Why we need a sub-committee to decide a second time to destroy the place makes no sense. They just better not destroy the bouncy house. The bouncy house is what draws people to shul. Even there, on the renovations sub-committee, they destroy what their dad built. I have never seen the rabbi as passionate about a class, as he was when he gave the Shiur for the Three Weeks, Bein HaMetzarim, on The Reality of Connecting to Our People's Sorrows By Spending Time with Our Congregants. Tags:
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The shul had a juicing event. Bernie said, “I didn’t come to shul for a choir.” You get it? Juicing sounds like “Jews sing.” Juicing is how you make smoothies. They were making smoothies. They were also singing. Jewsing. 
Grave of Chana and her sons. I love visiting graves of Tzadikim in Israel... The greatest miracle that I believe my tour guide discovered is that every person who was buried a long time ago was famous. The dentists didn’t get buried, unless if they were a dentist who wrote the Mishna.
We saw an unmarked grave. Our tour guide was on it and made sure to figure out what Tana it was. 
International stand-up comedian, David Kilimnick, brings The Humor Hour of laughs to the resident seniors at your facility…
Also book David (Israel's "father of Agnlo comedy") for your shul Stand-up night and community Comedy Kumzits Singalong Show- To Book David to bring the joy and laughs contact [email protected]
(Rambam: Teshuva 7:2) For Teshuva, always view yourself as if you’re about to die. It also forces you to think more when going down a flight of stairs.
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The Kibbitzer, where we take Jewish comedy seriously!!! If you are offended, it's satire written by David Kilimnick and poorly edited by David Kilimnick.
So, blame his pseudonyms.
A friend of the Off The Wall Comedy Theater, JHF and The Kibbitzer are here to bring unity and Jewish connection for you, in honor of Rabbi Kilimnick ZT"L.
The Kibbitzer is Funded by the JHF (The Jewish Humor Foundation) and you.
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The Kibbitzer, where we take Jewish comedy seriously!!! If you are offended, it's satire written by David Kilimnick and poorly edited by David Kilimnick.
So, blame his pseudonyms.
A friend of the Off The Wall Comedy Theater, JHF and The Kibbitzer are here to bring unity and Jewish connection for you, in honor of Rabbi Kilimnick ZT"L.
The Kibbitzer is Funded by the JHF (The Jewish Humor Foundation) and you.
Contact us to share ideas, make a donation and to sponsor Harbatzas Tzchok, the spreading of tradition through laughter, with articles or series in honor and memory of your loved ones.
1/18/2026
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