Hello
Shalom. You don't speak Hebrew? We're Kosher here. 

I speak Yiddish.
I didn't ask where you're from. 

I'll start with the prices. What are your prices?
What do you want?

It depends on the prices.
You tell me what you like. I give you deal.

Why are the prices in your store not listed?
People don't like seeing $23.99 a pound. They won't buy it. If it's in the bag, they buy it. $23.99 and the community is lose weight. I lose business.
They'll pay $250.99 for the bag though.

Who's your favorite customer?
Mr. Bergman. He buys a lot. Never asks the prices.

Do you ever get messed up requests from your customers?
All of them. One guy doesn't want juice. How am I supposed to make money on the ribs?! I sell juice. You're paying for the bones and the juice. I should put prices of bones and juice on the wall.

$23.99 for bones and juice?
Yes.
One guy wanted my best cut of steak. He said, 'Your best steak.' I don't know what the best steak is. I'm a vegetarian.

Why do you run a butcher shop if you're a vegetarian?
Money.

Is it hard for you to be part of the community and their butcher?
Worse than being a doctor. They show up to shul and people ask them about their feet. 'Oh I have heelspur.' I get asked questions about cow's feet. I don't serve that.
They all complain. They even complain to me about their doctor.

What questions do you get about cow's feet?
Are they pigeon toed. If they had pigeon toes, I wouldn't sell it. A cow with pigeon toes is not kosher. It's disgusting.

Who is your favorite customer?
Martha. She orders, says nothing. Just takes it. She doesn't care how much it weighs. 

I thought Mr. Bergman was your favorite?
I can't stand him.

Where do you get your food? 
New York. 

So you don't slaughter it?
No. I get it from MealMart and put it on the shelf. People seem to like Meal Mart.

What do you do to the animal?
We take the food out of the package. We put it on the shelf.

Why are you not a grocery then?
The sign outside says I'm a butcher.

I see some nice premade stuff. How do you make the premade food?
We take the MealMart package and open it.

That machine?
That's the cutter. How many slices do you want?

Isn't that called a slicer?
It's a cutter. We cut the meat in there. It's a cutter. Are you going to buy anything?

No. I'm here to interview you today. I thought you would offer me a taste.
Are you going to pay for it?

I would think that because I am the interviewer...
This is pointless. I thought you were going to buy something. Can we finish this?

I just thought that you would give me a taste.
You pay.

If I pay for it, it's not a taste.
Who says? You? Ever heard of taster? They charge for those now. It's classy. You want taster platter?

You've mentioned that people complain. What is the number one complaint?
Me.

Anything else about the customers?
If they didn't pay for the food, I wouldn't want to see them. Especially Mrs. Gronawitz. She wants triangle cuts. The cutter doesn't cut in triangles.

It's a sli... Thanksgiving is coming up. 
How many people need turkey? I can't give turkey to the whole world. Sukkot comes, I get thirty, maybe forty brisket orders. Thanksgiving. 200 turkeys. These Jews can care less about Sukkot, and they hate turkeys. If Jewish food would be turkey, they would celebrate the Chagim.
How much do I have to do for turkey?! She wants one that is hearty. I don't know how it feels Mrs. Goldfarb. I don't know its personality. She wants hearty?! I can give juicy. I don't know turkey feelings. I am a butcher. Not a poultry therapist.

I heard about the turkey shwarma tradition.
Now more turkey?! I can't keep finding turkey. Don't tell anybody of this tradition.

At least Chanukah is coming up. What do your customers buy on Chanukah?
Nothing. I hate Chanukah. You can't slaughter sour cream and potatoes.

But you don't slaughter. You get it from New York... Chanukah Sameach
You're not going to buy anything?

Author's Thoughts on Interview
He was very curt. I believe Micky smiled once. When I asked him about the slicer, he thought I was going to buy some cold cuts. That was the only time he smiled.
He never stopped trying to make a sale. I respect that. His Middle Eastern voice came out everytime he tried to make a sale. He even called me 'my friend' at some point. I would've liked a taste. Even in the shuk, they gave tastes.
​I think he's mad because he's a vegetarian.

He wasn't happy about the slicer question. He was very adamant that it's a cutter.
He changed his mind about Mr. Goldberg real fast. He told me later that Mr. Goldberg's business wasn't doing too well, so he doesn't care for him anymore.
He was definitely not happy about Thanksgiving. I didn't even get in the question, before he started getting angry at turkeys. I don't believe he is thanking anybody this holiday season.

Your kitchen is kosher, but is it Frum?
Many new people to Yiddishkeit, Jewish living, try to make their kitchen religious. It's not easy. You can put a Kippah on the microwave. That's cute. But that doesn't make your kitchen Frum. A Frum, religious, kosher kitchen needs a good reputation. That doesn't happen with one sink. That doesn't happen with one oven. That doesn't happen with a microwave; unless if you have a different cover for every type of food you need to heat up.
​You want people eating over? Here are some key rules for running a Frum kitchen.

Never Have Your Fridge Light On
Fridge lights must be off for Shabbat. That means 'never turn it on.' As a Frum Jew you are always in a state of Shabbat ready. This is why many Frum Jews wear black suits all week.
You should never be able to see into your fridge. If anybody can find the vegetable bin, it's a definite sign that you're not keeping kosher.

Use Tin
A lot of tin. Cook in tins. Bake in tins. Brisket in tin. Shabbat, holidays, Simchas, decked in tin. After tin, use tinfoil. Tinfoil everything. If you use a pot for cooking, cover it with tinfoil.
Paper plates. Plastic table cloths. Use plastic forks and knives. Anything that shows that you do not care about the environment will work.
After any holiday, your curb should have upwards of thirty 40-gallon garbage bags on it. 
A Little Shabbat Parable: One great Shabbat I witnessed an amazing miracle. I didn't believe it could ever happen. Yet, I experienced it. I got through a whole piece of chicken without the fork breaking. I finished the leg and all the teeth were still there.

Always Have A Sponge Cake Out
Make sure you always have a sponge cake out. Leave it out for as long as you want. You don't have to make a fresh one. Nobody will eat it anyways.
Your cake should be edible with herring. Don't worry about having out a babka. That gets too expensive, as people eat it.
Your cake should taste good with herring and schnapps.

When Pesach Comes, Use More Tinfoil
Cover your kitchen fully in tin. Your kitchen should blind guests. It helps for hiding Chametz. Seeing leavened bread is a sin. If there's enough tinfoil, you won't be able to see anything.

Dough Should Always Be Rising
Even if you're not making bread, have the bowl. A huge industrial size bowl. This way it looks like you're making Challah. A tiny bowl just looks bad. You should also have no small tins. Only the double rectangle that takes up the full oven shelf. Anything less makes it look like you're not even cooking for the minimum number of Frum people dinner attendees.
Eighteen. That's the minimum you should always be cooking for. If it's just you and your husband you cook for eighteen. Every Frum kitchen should have tins in the fridge, with leftovers. Frum people should always be eating leftovers during the week. Make sure to note that- Leftovers In The Fridge At All Times.
And braid. Always braid. Braiding is the sign of the modern Frum woman. If it's not dough, it's hair. Braid.
One caveat to the bowl is Pesach. Get rid of the bowl for Pesach.

Have At Least Two Sinks
I suggest a sink for every day of the week, and then for Pareve. That will comfort all who question your kosher standing. General rule of thumb: Never use a sink twice.
Better yet, two kitchens. And then another kitchen for Pesach. If you are wealthy enough, two kitchens for Pesach.

Eight Sets of Dishes
You should question using any dish twice. Question everything you do. There is Shabbat, holidays, guests, Pesach. There's dairy, meat, pareve, whatever your mother-in-law cooks.
You should be using paper anyways. It's about faith and not worrying whether the lost fork tooth that broke off fell in the choolante. Having to buy another set of dishes is the cost for not having faith in H' and thinking that disposable hurts the environment. The real question is- Does it hurt Shabbis?

Have a Box of Food With A Kosher Symbol You Don't Trust
Tell people you made a mistake buying it. Not trusting a Hashgacha shows you are better than that product. Frum kitchens should have pride. If that comes with belittling Minute Maid or Mott's, so be it. 
For extra shul cred, randomly say 'I don't eat there.' Not eating somewhere is the key to your kitchen being Kosher. Let it be known, 'I don't trust the hashgacha at LongHorn Steakhouse.'

Scream 'You Treifed Up My Kitchen' Every Once in a While
To make Treif is to make something not kosher. Yelling brings out the personality of the religious kitchen. It als shows you have full control of your kosher areas.

Kasher Your Kitchen Regularly
When your guests visit, pull out a blowtorch. The more dangerous your Kashering of your kitchen, the more religious you look.

All Sweet Products Must Say Paskesz on It
It just looks good. The product doesn't even need a Kosher symbol on it. If it has Paskesz, it's Frum.
Just saying Paskesz gives you Frum kitchen status. It even sounds more religious than Lieber's.

Put Stickers on Everything
All dairy areas must have dairy. Meat need meat. Pareve, needs pareve. This shows that you don't trust your family when they're getting cereal.
Don't let your husband in the kitchen ever. He'll treif it up. Husbands should be sitting at the table, because they mess things up. This is why husbands should never help.
I hope this article speaks to the modern Frum woman. That is our target population.

Just remember. The environment is not your worry. Your worry is feeding eighteen people. Weekly. Two times. Plus holidays. All savvy Frum people know that you do that with paper, plastic and tin.
Kitchen help is not going to pass. Clean dishes is a sign your husband went in the kitchen after dinner, and touched the sink that had no sticker on it. And that means it's treif. 
So, make your kitchen Frum and be accepted in a way keeping Kosher can't. You deserve friends in your neighborhood. You shouldn't be relegated to eating dinner, alone, with your husband. Nobody should have to suffer Shabbat like that.

One last note: If you don't want to braid, you can purchase Challah. Purchasing is still good enough for the Frum kitchen. Nonetheless, there should still be dough a bowl with dough in it.
​
​If you follow these rules, all will trust your kashrut, and eat in your kitchen, even if you don't invite them.