|
Let's take a stroll down memory lane to David complaining about how he prepares for Pesach with tinfoil, and the joy of children on Lag BOmer, while justifying antisemitism with the Kibbitzer's pictures of laughter from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for expressing his anger for spending way too much on his Shmura Matzah.
The drying rack has been tinfoiled. I can now use it on Pesach.
Idea: Market Shmurah Matzah that comes not broken. Problem: I thought the $85 box of Matzah would come with one not broken piece. There must be a full piece at the factory, when they make them. All broken. They came all broken. I paid $85 for Matzah bits. They must be tossing around the Matzah in the factory before they ship it. Solution: Becky Bierman said we do have the technology. The Etrog wrapping can easily be used for Matzah.
That’s called taking a chance. I hope somebody in that building is packing. You don’t just put out Israeli flags and not expect people to hate you. And how do you mow that?… And you wonder why there’s antisemitism. It’s the little Israeli flags. It’s this support for Israel stuff. These people saying they like Jews. That’s what causes Jew hatred. And even more, to commemorate the loved ones we’ve lost. That just causes more Jew hatred. If Jews didn’t have Israel and shuls, there would be no antisemitism. Unless if somebody heard about Jews some other way. Like if they heard Jews were around somewhere shopping at a bodega, they would hate Jews… Turns out the anti-Semites who hate Israel didn’t know those were Israeli flags. They thought it was overgrown white and blue grass. Everybody is safe…
The Lag Bomer fire looked dangerous. Especially being that kids lit that uncontained fire out of everything they found in the house (the burning door is all that’s left). And then to see the kid standing less than a foot away, hanging out. Then, I learned about Emunah. Belief in Gd… Next Lag Bomer, I’m guarding my place. Making sure kids don’t get hold of my door or the cabinets. Is that the kid's shirt they're about to throw in?
Tags:
The Recommended Content Widget will appear here on the published site.
The Kibbitzer Photo Album XLIV4/7/2025
Let's take a stroll down memory lane to David complaining about Jews dancing in love of Gd, Sefardim learning from the Ari Z"L, and cleaning the floor for Pesach with a feather, with Kibbitzer's pictures of laughter from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for expressing his hardship with purchasing eggs, while destroying the egg carton.
When Jews are inspired, they do the airplane dance.
In the Sefardi Siddur, top of page 1055, calling the Ari Z”L an Ashkenazi. Do the insults ever stop?!... See Ashkenazi KaZeh to understand why this is offensive. Even if one takes pride in their Ashkenazik roots, we know what they’re saying.
Good luck purchasing eggs for Matzah Brei at three at a time... Having boxes at five dozen makes it hard to pick them out. At least some people follow rules.
Cleaning for Pesach took a long time. You’ve really got to focus on the angle of the feather to get the floors right.
Tags:
The Recommended Content Widget will appear here on the published site.
Let's take a stroll down memory lane to David complaining about healthy food that he puts on weight from, because he eats way too much of it, and not arresting Chabad youth who feel it's important to pray, with Kibbitzer's pictures of laughter from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for expressing his support of Israel through nail salons while stealing pens and expos.
How these work, I don’t know. I appreciate all the healthy cookies and chips... I put on a few pounds eating a lot of healthy. It seems that too many healthy peanut butter cups will also get you fat... As you can see from the picture, the amount of healthy snacks I've eaten over my career of vending has also done a job on my teeth.
At least the pedicures of Tenafly are on our side... We stand with Israel with nicely polished toes.
Went to the Jewish Camp Expo. Definitely worth it. I got the pens. Next year, we’re taking the kids to a conference to pick up their school supplies.
We all have heroes. I met one of mine... He even visited Israel and they didn't arrest him. The double standard.
Tags:
The Recommended Content Widget will appear here on the published site.
The Kibbitzer Photo Album XL12/10/2024
Let's take a stroll down memory lane to David complaining about people being religious and using Kosher laundry detergent, while he speaks of Israeli dancing requiring guns and graffiti not being the way to stop people from peeing on your wall, with Kibbitzer's pictures of laughter from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for expressing support for religious Jewish models who come heavier.
Israeli dancing done properly, with guns, ready to defend against uncoordinated people who will hit you doing the Hora. Balancing the gun and not getting hit as you do the step-back is not easy... Note: More people get injured by uncontrolled Tallises in shul.
Do not question if I’m religious. My laundry detergent has Hashgacha. The OU and Rabbanut say it’s kosher. It doesn’t taste very good, but it’s kosher... Between us, I’m not a big fan of Alpine flavor Tide. Supersol Febreze detergent tastes better.
Graffiti has its own beauty in Israel. Though, it didn’t seem to touch my soul like the Kotel did… I’m sure the people peeing have Kavanah. Proper intent is quite important. Even so, I do question if graffiti is the proper way to protest peeing on walls. To be honest, if one were to ever pee in an alley, that looks like the right spot.
His modeling career took off with the Dr. Shtaygen’s collapsible Shtender. Some models are discovered in malls. Frum models are discovered in the Beit Midrash or at Essen on Coney... Different standards. The Frum model is going for a heavier, more not exercised, look.
Tags:
The Recommended Content Widget will appear here on the published site.
The Kibbitzer Photo Album XXXVIII9/28/2024
Let's take a stroll down memory lane to David complaining about people not going for car washes in Israel, putting his stuff in storage and enemies that should die like gourds on Rosh Hashana, with Kibbitzer's pictures of laughter from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for taking stones from a grave, so his ancestors will stones on their headstones.
That’s how you know the man is a true settler. A true Israeli settler never cleans his car... You can’t even read the license plate. Must be very right-wing.
Storage. That’s stuff I will never go through… Thought it was a good idea when I put it in there. At least it’s in Israel.
I was at the cemetery, and I had no stones. I was trying to figure out where people get the stones to put on top of the headstones. I want to thank Moishe for helping with the stones for my family... Somebody already emptied Eli and Louis' supply... Sorry I didn’t notice your grave before I needed the stones. LAlyas Nishama.
Our enemies should die like squash. They should be squashed like squash and die... I’m just working on the Rosh Hashana Simanim and my ability to curse enemies with vegetation. I feel like the gourd family allows me to get out my anger at our foes.
Tags:
The Recommended Content Widget will appear here on the published site.
The Kibbitzer Photo Album XXXVII8/31/2024
Let's take a stroll down memory lane to David complaining about Jews joining together in song, while enjoying the food at the rebbe's gravesite, with Kibbitzer's pictures of laughter from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for complaining about people in Israel trying to make a living.
The Tisha BAv 'Kol HaOlam Koolo' song circle of love at the Kotel, killing my Davening. I can’t focus on prayers with that unity... Achdut truly ruins Kavanah.
I went to the Lubavitcher Rebbe’s Kever (gravesite) for the spread. My Kvitel was answered. Great breakfast. They had bagels and schmear. Rugulach. Great value.
How I knew a Simcha was about to happen. There was tons of dessert and it was all way too small for me to enjoy myself… They were individually wrapped, which made it hard for me to eat it all. I had to take each tiny cupcake holder separately. I had reservations taking the toothpicks out of the personally wrapped pastry, with people’s names on it. I hope Ruchel understands why she didn’t get her oat ball.
'End of the world sale' and people still won't part with their money. Tourists are still haggling... These guys at the shuk have it hard. I remember when the guy had a 'going out of business' sale for six years... Six years of having to go out of business. And the whole time he was still bringing in new product. Not easy to be going out of business that long. And then to have to stay in business after that. (Photo Credit: my sister-in-law, Esti)
Tags:
The Recommended Content Widget will appear here on the published site.
Let's take a stroll down memory lane to kids at camp competing in color war and a non-racist Israeli getting blamed for loving Israel while dealing with a real war, with Kibbitzer's pictures of laughter from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for complaining about Jewish magazines trying to make money.
I was just going to Deli Kasbah for dinner. For them to put up a whole welcoming sign... I didn't let the sign get to my ego. Though I appreciated the gesture and the Rebbe waving at me, I told them I’m not the Messiah. I felt it my religious duty to let them know.
A well put together cover page for a Jewish newspaper. I knew I was reading a Frum Jewish newspaper, as they found a way to fit 28 ads on the cover page. And the feature article is an ad for Amor jewelry... A properly written Jewish magazine should be advertisements. I once read a non-religious magazine, and I felt like a sinner when I read an article to only find there was no phone number at the end of it. I felt defiled… It’s a shame the Amor ad is so big. They could’ve got another 20 ads in.
Supporting the Israeli Army. Apparently, this guy never heard of political correctness... That kind of support for the Jewish people and Shalom in Israel will get you fired.
That's what Color War looks like nowadays. All the kids playing for the tie dye team... Tie dye shirts?! All the kids are playing for every team. Going to war against each other on the same team... That’s how kids compete nowadays. I can’t explain it either... I thought they were competing. Then I found out they were all on the same team. Still competing, but all on the same team???!!
Tags:
The Recommended Content Widget will appear here on the published site.
The Kibbitzer Photo Album XXXV7/10/2024
Let's take a stroll down memory lane to the shul with the wicker design and Arab shuk shopping for what would be weapons if they weren’t a hundred years old, with Kibbitzer's pictures of laughter from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for complaining about a birthday cake that people had the kindness to make for him.
The Shul Wicker Design. They thought the Kiddish basket pattern was proper for the shul... I couldn't take my eyes off it. All of Davening I couldn’t stop thinking about Kichel.
A picture adds ten pounds. Your picture on a birthday cake adds twenty pounds...
The Arab shuk in Yerushalayim... I question this concept of antiquities.
The American shopping cart. I needed that double size cart to put on the extra US requisite weight for living, and to hold the community size bag of chips... Need two toddler seats. Even the kids are twice the size at Costco.
Tags:
The Recommended Content Widget will appear here on the published site.
Let's take a stroll down memory lane to Lag BOmer, Yom Yerushalayim and David eating ribs on a date like a fool with Kibbitzer's pictures of laughter from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for complaining about religious Jews mourning the loss of the Temple and praying for its return.
Me on a date. Never sacrifice enjoyment when there’s meat on a bone... She took the picture. I asked her to. It was an excellent rib. I should have never let her go. She was definitely good at capturing the moment on camera.
That’s how you make a child cry on Lag BOmer... That is not a barber. Rebbes should not be cutting hair. There is no Gemara on cutting hair without leaving a cowlick.
They’re going to convict him for visiting the Kotel. They haven’t done that yet. They’ll definitely get him for that letter in the Kotel. Slipping classified documents into the wall. (Photo: Matty Stern/U.S. Embassy Tel Aviv)
Squatting at the Kotel. Just wrong. I hope they've left since Tisha BAv... And then the lounge chair. Were they having a picnic at the Kotel?
Tags:
The Recommended Content Widget will appear here on the published site.
The Kibbitzer Photo Album XXXIII5/11/2024
Let's take a stroll down memory lane to Pesach and how David cleans his home in Kibbitzer's pictures of laughter from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for complaining about people sharing meaningful thoughts at the Seder and Mitzvahs like praying with Kavanah.
You want your Passover Shpritzes to be specific. The one with the lemon is for cleaning lemons. The one with the wood is for cleaning trees. The oven cleaner Shpritz takes off a layer of grease from your oven and your finger. That stuff is strong. It will take off a finger.
That Seder started in the 1970s. That's how long a Seder can take when everybody shares their thoughts about the four sons. (Photo: Ted Spiegel - Ted’s probably getting Karet for this picture, unless if they started the Seder a day early to fulfill the family's hankering for Matazh)... I do believe that the stuff in that kid's hair is not Kosher for Pesach.
Israel Memories: How my car made it to Carmiel that day. A beautiful Tiyul.
‘In this shul there is no talking during Tefillah and Torah reading’... That’s a shul that’s a little high on themselves. Patting themselves on the back.
Tags:
The Recommended Content Widget will appear here on the published site.
Let's take a stroll down memory lane to see offensive costumes and how David is afraid to support Israel with the Kibbitzer's pictures of laughter from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for complaining about Davening in a Minyin and the chance to do Mitzvahs like eating Matzah.
Why do you go to Kosher restaurants? I go to catch Minyin. I got to baseball games, weddings, and take flights for Maariv... I believe that Minyin ruined the five-star reputation of that restaurant. Kaddish kind of killed the forshpeis for that group of girls. And I don’t know if the guy was expecting to hear he was the tenth in the middle of his soup course.
Making a good Purim costume... Dress as people more Frum than you. They’re the crazy ones... I don’t know where the Amish Frum look started. Must be a Purim thing.
What ninety dollars looks like... Sorry. I am just complaining about the cost of a pound of Matzah. Next week will be the picture of a pound of machine Matzah with the heading ‘what two dollars looks like.’
I was going to put one up on my lawn, but I don’t know how to use my shotgun yet.
Tags:
The Recommended Content Widget will appear here on the published site.
The Kibbitzer Photo Album XXXI3/15/2024
Let's take a stroll down memory lane to see how a Frum Jew looks when vacationing, admiring Frum toilets, while David complains about children giving Tzedakah with the Kibbitzer's pictures of laughter from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for complaining about Mitzvot and boardgames that teach Mitzvot.
Giving Tzedakah, I like to know where the charity is going. That charity box in the front is for kids who need help with their artwork... Very poor artistic ability expressed in Jewish Day Schools, as seen with nuts on a slab of wood making a Chanukiah.
Bothersome. The prayer puzzles are a bit much when you’re teaching the kid the bedtime Shema and he has to do a puzzle at the same time. It’s impossible to fall asleep... The Mode Ani kid is filling up that bowl too much. There is no way he is not spilling that all over the house when he wakes up. And the true lesson is only boys have to do Mitzvahs.
A toilet that’s ready for Shabbis... If you never clogged a toilet, you haven’t kept Shabbat right.
A Frum tourist. That’s the look... shorts, Tzitzis out, and a baseball hat so people can’t figure out I’m Jewish. Next vacation we will be sporting the Frumer tourist look of black pants, a polo shirt, Tzitzit out and a baseball hat... The shorts are a dead giveaway I'm Jewish, with the extremely white legs.
Tags:
The Recommended Content Widget will appear here on the published site.
The Kibbitzer Photo Album XXX2/14/2024
Let's take a stroll down memory lane to see David’s thoughts on Israeli boardgames, puzzles and cards, while he complains about a rabbi trying to make the Super Bowl a beautiful Jewish experience, with the Kibbitzer's pictures of laughter from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for complaining about Mitzvot and boardgames while our people are at war.
When education goes too far you have kids having fun with Temple replicas. At some point it’s not a game. It’s studying… You can’t fool me. I know Torah baseball was really just me answering questions of stuff you made me learn in Mishnah class.
‘Encyclopedia.’ That doesn’t seem like a fun game... No. Learning can’t be fun. There’s a reason Encyclopedias don’t make boardgames. I’m starting to think these Israeli boardgames are tricky ways to get Frum kids to study. With games like ‘Torah and Commentary’ no wonder some kids don’t have decent aerobic conditioning... And that kid sitting on the top of a world of Trivia Pursuit cards looks off. No child enjoys reading that much.
The card game of Mitzvot between man and man. My friend didn’t let me win the game. Which is why he lost. He treated me wrong. That’s the tricky part of the game. You win when you lose... I question if teaching kids card games is a good way teach how to not take advantage of other people. I don't think charging five dollars for a deck of cards helps either.
Collive.com shows rabbi prepping for the kosher Super Bowl party... We catch him serving pigskin. Disgusting. What Jews are willing to do for Kiruv nowadays.
Tags:
The Recommended Content Widget will appear here on the published site.
The Kibbitzer Photo Album XXIX1/16/2024
Let's take a stroll down memory lane to see how David stops people from talking in shul, while he complains about Israeli boardgames and having to come home from Israel to mail, with the Kibbitzer's pictures of laughter from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for complaining about puzzles educating children about how a Shabbat table looks.
The no talking in shul bookmark. The most passive aggressive gift to give during Davening. I could’ve just smacked him. Instead, I reminded him that he was poor, single and sick because he was talking in shul. And all I needed to tell him that was a bookmark about being a good Jew... I walked over and kindly gave it to the guy during Chazaras HaShas. He then started a conversation with me, asking, ‘Why are you giving me a bookmark for my Siddur. Siddurs don’t need bookmarks'... To Note: This is the most useful item for people who talk in shul. It’s not always easy to find where the congregation is at, after a conversation during Shacharit.
The front door after a week in Israel. That’s what the top layer looks like.
'Let’s Dress Yoni.' How about we do that?! Why is Yoni never dressed? Is this a game or just not proper, immodest dress?... I think his parents are manipulating him. The sequel is called Let’s Tie Yoni’s shoes. The series continues with Let’s See Yoni Eat His Chicken and Let’s See Yoni Eat Vegetables Before He Gets Dessert. And the last in the series, Let’s See Yoni Pray the Shema and Go To Sleep While Not Disturbing His Parents.
The ‘Father of Shabbat’ puzzle. This is how they teach who the head of the household is at nursery schools in Israel. And you wonder why nobody respects their elders anymore.
Tags:
The Recommended Content Widget will appear here on the published site.
The Kibbitzer Photo Album XXVIII12/9/2023
Let's take a stroll down memory lane to support for Israel by wearing Tzizit or a flag, and the joy of lighting Chanukah candles within the reach of babies, with the Kibbitzer's pictures of laughter from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for complaining about chocolate covered coins that everybody else likes.
Wearing Israeli flags. Showing their support for Israel at the rally in DC. It would’ve been smarter if they brought coats. Based on my experience as a Zionist, flags don’t work as good windbreakers... Now looking at it. All the people with jackets don't truly care. The real supporters of Israel don't need coats.
Chocolate coins have to be the biggest rip off. Inflation on this currency is beyond explanation. And 7-Eleven still doesn’t take chocolate as legal tender.
That’s what soldiers look like when they’re going to war in comfortable undershirt Tzitzit. Unity. Smiling and happy, with an unkempt beard… If the Palestinians would just be able to enjoy a decent thread count of cotton like our soldiers…
No shul family event should start until there’s fire for kids to run around... Whoever thought the three-month-old lighting is a good idea. Even Beit Shamai would be against that (probably the biggest diss in Judaism- bringing in Beit Shamai just hurts). (photo: jewishboston.com)
Tags:
The Recommended Content Widget will appear here on the published site.
The Kibbitzer Photo Album XXVII11/22/2023
Let's take a stroll down memory lane to the pain and Yachdut of last month, as David finds a way to make solidarity of the children of Israel with the soldiers something not positive, with the Kibbitzer's pictures of laughter from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for reminding us how much people hate us.
Cars everywhere. The reserves are called up, and the Israeli heroes show for duty. And they got parking tickets. Note: This last part is a joke. The police haven’t given out tickets to the reservists around the country. It’s not like they’re parking in Jerusalem. (sometimes you get into trouble when you don’t tell people that a joke is a joke- next time I'll give people advice on where to steal cars- I'll get into less trouble)
Proud soldiers, expressing their love of Israel with the Israeli flag, sporting all the drawings of support the Israeli kids made for them on the tank... just killing the camouflage.
I am guessing she disagrees... Kind of hard to have a discussion with her about women’s rights in Israel. I have a feeling she is undecided as to whether the Supreme Court in Israel should have less power.
Pallywood is so much fun. They're having a ball... That dead guy lost his next gig because he was smiling too much. You don’t want your friends around when you’re dead, making you laugh... Man. How do I get a job in Pallywood? It looks like so much fun. (Shared: Ofir Gendelman's X)
Tags:
The Recommended Content Widget will appear here on the published site.
The Kibbitzer Photo Album XXVI10/5/2023
Let's take a stroll down memory lane to the holidays with David’s visit to the graves before Rosh Hashana, his spotting of a Shofar bag in Jerusalem and the Tefillah overlooking the Old City that only David would complain about, with the Kibbitzer's pictures of laughter from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for complaining about everything you enjoyed over the Chagim.
Somebody asked me what תנצבה means... 5547 was not a good year for Jewish people. It looks like they all passed away in 1787... Whatever it means, their souls should be bound in the bond of life.
The Jerusalem Shofar carrying bag and water bottle. Perfect for when you need to blow the Shofar on a Tiyul. (saying something about a Shofar on a hike was where our creativity on this joke came to a halt)
Not one happy face. That’s what it looks like when you’ve got to sit next to people in shul on Yom Kippur. When they don’t give you an armrest and you’ve paid two hundred dollars. When the Chazin has a good voice... Anger. (Photo: sauderworship.com)
I believe the sax added twenty-five minutes to Hallel. Lesson: Never join a synagogue that has more than a one-piece band... At least we had a beautiful view overlooking Yerushalayim. That made it easier to space out forty minutes into Hallel.
Tags:
The Recommended Content Widget will appear here on the published site.
The Kibbitzer Photo Album XXV9/1/2023
Let's take a stroll down memory lane to the JNF Tzedakah box, children being allowed to choose what they eat, and other ways of extorting money from your children like My First Lotto, with the Kibbitzer's pictures of laughter from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for sharing his anger about giving Tzedakah to Israel, and how he feels about putting roof scraps on a grave of holy rabbi. The stone shortage is a real thing.
The JNF Tzedakah box. One of Israel’s artifacts. The foundation of Israel fundraising. The Jewish National Fund as been doing it for well over fifty years. They were already finding ways to extort money from your child in the first grade then... This is why kids were asking parents for money in the 40s too. (photo: collection of Avraham Goren- in the Forward)
What your kid bought at the canteen when the camp gave them a tab. They did give your child the salad bar option. Yet, your child chose this... How your child came back from sports camp fifteen pounds heavier... Why camp cost you an extra 2K. How you went broke, sending your kid away for three weeks… What allowing a nine-year-old to have a tab can do.
My First Lotto... They start the kids young in Israel. Get them hooked at three. We are not saying we support this. However, it helps the economy...
When you can't find a rock to put on the grave... Rav Kook's Yahrzeit and they’re leaving their building scraps… Recycling would be the proper thing to do. It should be for an Aliyas Nishama.
Tags:
The Recommended Content Widget will appear here on the published site.
The Kibbitzer Photo Album XXIV8/8/2023
Let's take a stroll down memory lane to the Zionists with the American flag shawls, what Simchas look like when nobody wants to be there, and what it looks like when Romans are trying to destroy Jerusalem, with the Kibbitzer's pictures of laughter from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for sharing his knowledge on when you can tell non-religious relatives will be getting an Aliyah.
Be it Yom HaAtzmaut or July 4th, the Degel Blanket is always comfortable. No greater way to show your support for Israel than the 1,500 thread count flag.
You can tell by the Kippah height, one of the relatives at that Bar Mitzvah is messing up Barchu. (mitzvahrabbi.com)
The Temple is being destroyed and they're playing tug of war with the Menorah... Something is off with this scene. Are they just killing people?! Does Caeser with his red shawl notice? Even he's a bit surprised there, looking around at the barbaric people. 'I just told them to take over the Temple. I didn't tell them stab the guy lighting the Menorah.' Either that, or he's trying very hard to protect the shawl. (Painting: Francesco Hayez)
That's what the Bdeking before the wedding looks like. He's worried if that's his bride. He has no idea... I believe I heard him say, 'I'm going to get my parents fro this one. I can't believe they put me up to this.' (photo: Marc Israel Sellem)
Tags:
The Recommended Content Widget will appear here on the published site.
Let's take a stroll down memory lane to the Israeli falafel joint and the traditional Jewish American butcher, Israeli games that educate Jewish children about how to gamble, with the Kibbitzer's pictures of laughter from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for sharing his potential Shidduchs with us.
The Falafel of Eitan. Israelis are very possessive of their falafel. Even when they have a shop, they don't like to share it… That's Eitan. Standing over them while they eat. Making sure they don't run away with his falafel.
Lotto, put out by the Israeli lottery as a gateway game, much more effective than Dreidel. The game focuses on holidays and prepares your five-year-old to play the lottery, in hopes that they will win be able to afford holiday food. Matzah and cheesecake are very expensive nowadays.
Thirty-year-old I met on JDate... Her profile said she was thirty.
That’s how they used to smoke meat... Note. The butchers used to hang the meat. This way you knew it was chicken. (photo: Library of Congress)
Tags:
The Recommended Content Widget will appear here on the published site.
The Kibbitzer Photo Album XXII6/2/2023
Let's take a stroll down memory lane to Lag BOmer angry sarcasm, and Shavuot and how Pesach and how cheesecake turns people Jewish, with the Kibbitzer's pictures of laughter from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for sharing that non-Kosher cafes are Jewish. That should help with our Kiruv project.
Now this a Jewish Cafe... There is nothing more Jewish than eating Treif. I have never met a non-Jew who told me they had Treif for dinner.
The Lag BOmer tradition of burning homes... Yes. That was somebody's door before the kids got to it.
This is what it looks like when citizens of Jerusalem walk in their city on Jerusalem Day with pride. You'll hear about this violent protest of children waving flags and singing 'Jerusalem of Gold', offending citizens of Jerusalem, in the news this Friday. (Photo: Lior Mizrahi/Getty)
That's what it looks like when you see a decent piece of cheesecake, and that is why people love Shavuot (not the learning). And that is why people become a Baal Teshuva. And then they start to keep Shabbat and eat meat. (Photo: eatthisny.com)
Tags:
The Recommended Content Widget will appear here on the published site.
The Kibbitzer Photo Album XXI4/23/2023
Let's take a stroll down memory lane to Pesach and how David went broke on mayonnaise, and how to save money on a car by using the shopping cart to bring the groceries home, with the Kibbitzer's pictures of laughter from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for sharing the fact that he stole shopping carts in Israel.
That is how the punchline of a Jewish joke should look. Like you're questioning something, dealing with serious stomach issues, or giving a sermon.
I knew Pesach was coming when... I had to pay $11 for mayonnaise. And that is the sale price… Any Pesach food less than eighty dollars is a deal... There must be Matzah in the mayonnaise.
The fridge is full again, and it all cost less than a pound of Matzah.
No need for a car. Supermarket carts in Israel only cost ten shekels. Put 10nis in the cart and it's yours. And it fits the groceries perfectly... The carts are the best deal at Shufersal. Better than their sales on drinks and nuts.
Tags:
The Recommended Content Widget will appear here on the published site.
The Kibbitzer Photo Album XX3/19/2023
Let's take a stroll down memory lane to Bar Mitzvah scarf Tallises, Yeshiva Shtenders and Egypt, for Purim’s sake, with the Kibbitzer's pictures of laughter from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for sharing his hand with us. We are sorry you have to see what happens when you use oven cleaner.
The most inspirational Makom I have ever seen. That’s how a Shtender should look. A podium with a closet on the table... The modern Shtender should reach the neck. The Yeshiva Bachurs should never have to bend when learning. Average Yeshiva Bachur height 5'4". Average Shtender 5'10"… The idea is to take up your Makom and whatever surrounding area you can with furniture. An office chair on rollers is the perfect addition, letting people know that is your side of the Beit Midrash. Pacing and knocking into people while they’re learning also helps.
When we were slaves in Egypt, everybody was wearing costumes, all the time. Look at them. No shame. Every day is Halloween... Apparently, that's a painting of Yitziyat Mitzrayim. Between us, they had the worst artists in Egypt. No attention to detail, they saw people in flat. It looks like the illustrator from South Park worked on that piece.
We want to thank the Jewish Heritage Center for this picture. After much research, we have finally come across the origins of the scarf Tallis. They forced it on the Bar Mitzvah boys when taking Simcha pictures, just in case a storm hit… As you can see, the Chazin in the middle refused to wear one, as it looked too foolish… I believe those kids were the foundation of the Jewish Mafia.
That is two seconds of oven cleaner, and I am scarred. When Pesach cleaning, be careful. The oven cleaner will take off a layer of grease from your oven, and your finger… I had to replantate my index finger last Pesach, after ensuring my kitchen was Kosher for the holiday. The picture does not capture the pain I am in. (We're sorry you had to see David's hand. It's a bothersome sight.)
Tags:
The Recommended Content Widget will appear here on the published site.
The Kibbitzer Photo Album XIX2/19/2023
Let's take a stroll down memory lane to Zoom meetings with people wearing masks, Turkish coffee and pantries on front lawns, with the Kibbitzer's pictures of laughter from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for sharing his anger at people trying to feed the poor.
We don’t play Connect Four. We play Four in One Line. In Israel, we explain the games. Otherwise, I'm trying to figure out how these things connect. They're supposed to connect in a line. And I know that now... And there is a sale on it too?! Fun doesn't get better.
Mask on Zoom Meeting... Nothing says care for life as much as wearing a mask when you're alone in your house, meeting with people virtually. It says you care about the Bar Mitzvah boys health. Maybe they didn’t want anybody to know they were there, and they didn't know about the no video feature.
Turkish coffee... How is there more coffee in the coffee when I finished my coffee than when I started the coffee. I did not put in that much coffee.
Tiny. That’s the new American food pantry. The pantry on the front lawn with a can. That's what the poor people get now. If they’re lucky, they can find a can of peas and carrots to feed the family for dinner… Nobody likes peas carrots. Why they bought it, I don’t know. People like peas. People like carrots Now poor people are stuck spending their day splitting up peas and carrots… I was disappointed. I thought I was going to take out a book. Maybe read some Dr. Seuss. I end up with peas and carrots. I’m mad. I wanted green eggs and ham (kosher ham). Now I’m stuck reading a label. There are no books about green peas and carrots I am I am. Because nobody likes them. They don't identify with them… This pantry has salt. Salt?! Reading 'give what you can,' it appears people were able to part with salt and paprika to help feed the poor families. Now the poor people are malnourished, with parched throats... I am very bothered by charity right now.
Tags:
The Recommended Content Widget will appear here on the published site.
The Kibbitzer Photo Album: XVIII1/28/2023
Let's take a stroll down memory lane to our trip to Israel, shopping for a brand named after the sale and skewer safety, with the Kibbitzer's pictures of laughter from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for sharing his shopping experience at Walmart.
Saving up for Shabbis... When you have a lot of kids you buy the store brand. When you have twelve kids, you buy Great Value. Why the brand name is the advertisement for the sale is hard to explain... Walmart may be too embarrassed to put their name on it, but we are proud of the huge family. Truth be told, I saw the ‘Great Value’ and I didn’t even need a brand. If they had a brand 80% Off, all my clothes would be 80% Off. And that would be the style the kids wore to school. 80% Off written right on the shirt pocket... They may be embarrassed to put their name on it, but I am not embarrassed to eat it. And I also bought the Equate toothpaste. So much cheaper than Sensodyne, even if it doesn't clean teeth. I take pride in Walmart. It's my supermarket. I would find it a waste if I couldn't pick up my groceries and fish tackle. And I take greater pride in my FUBU sneakers I picked up as I finished shopping for the cottage cheese. I feel like I am making the world a better place with those shoes. If I didn't buy those kicks there would be third graders in Asia without jobs. It's my way of giving back... And yes, that's a Walmart still life.
Perfect bus seat technique. That's how you keep others away, and enjoy the comfort of Egged... He has his bag under his arm, working as an armrest and person. Headphones to not hear 'I need a seat.' He is looking straight, avoiding all eye contact... allowing him to read the sign in front of him that says 'stand before old people'... Between us. I never understood why the second seat is not just a bag holder.
And they still couldn't figure out that he was Jewish. The baseball hat camouflage works. That’s how you do it. That’s how you hide the black hat. Either that or people in New York have seen this before too.
Skewers are dangerous, and should not be handled by children without parental supervision. Kids should eat schnitzel only... Even if skewers are called Shipuds in Israel, to make them sound more friendly, they are still dangerous. And with the volatile situation in Israel, people should be IDed before they're allowed a Shipud.
Tags:
The Recommended Content Widget will appear here on the published site.
|
Why do you trust somebody who says they smell a fire? She nose. You get it? She knows because she smelled the fire. We smell with our nose. She nose! “She knows what she nose.” Some puns you have to read. 
I always wondered why Costco had those chairs out… I could not fit him in the cart.
I do hope I didn’t wake him with my shopping. It’s a Chutzpah that they leave on the lights like that. 
David Kilimnick - Israel's "Father of Anglo Comedy" (JPost) is not touring with his Israel solidarity show. Bring David to your community, college campus, shul, home, to share laughs of Jewish unity... 585-738-9233 [email protected]
(Shemot 21:15, 17) Cursing one’s parents is punishable by death. So don’t drive behind your mom or dad when they get older. Old people drive slow. You’re allowed to beep your parents, as long as there is no curse behind the beep. And don’t work for your dad. It’s natural to curse anybody that makes you work. And don't help with chores around the house. That leads to cursing.
Categories
All
Archives
May 2025
|
Your Weekly Jewish Humor Magazine for a Gazunta Laugh about Life
We found
results for you
We've got nothin'!
RSS Feed
© 2021 Kibbitzer Magazine and JHF. All rights reserved.
The Kibbitzer, where we take Jewish comedy seriously!!! If you are offended, it's satire.
A friend of the Off The Wall Comedy Theater, JHF and The Kibbitzer are here to bring unity and Jewish connection for you, in honor of Rabbi Kilimnick ZT"L.
The Kibbitzer is Funded by the JHF (The Jewish Humor Foundation) and you.
Contact us to make a donation and to sponsor Harbatzas Tzchok, the spreading of tradition through laughter, with articles or series in honor and memory of your loved ones.
The Kibbitzer, where we take Jewish comedy seriously!!! If you are offended, it's satire.
A friend of the Off The Wall Comedy Theater, JHF and The Kibbitzer are here to bring unity and Jewish connection for you, in honor of Rabbi Kilimnick ZT"L.
The Kibbitzer is Funded by the JHF (The Jewish Humor Foundation) and you.
Contact us to make a donation and to sponsor Harbatzas Tzchok, the spreading of tradition through laughter, with articles or series in honor and memory of your loved ones.
5/14/2025
0 Comments