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Let's take a stroll down memory lane to the pain and Yachdut of last month, as David finds a way to make solidarity of the children of Israel with the soldiers something not positive, with the Kibbitzer's pictures of laughter from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for reminding us how much people hate us.
Cars everywhere. The reserves are called up, and the Israeli heroes show for duty. And they got parking tickets. Note: This last part is a joke. The police haven’t given out tickets to the reservists around the country. It’s not like they’re parking in Jerusalem. (sometimes you get into trouble when you don’t tell people that a joke is a joke- next time I'll give people advice on where to steal cars- I'll get into less trouble)
Proud soldiers, expressing their love of Israel with the Israeli flag, sporting all the drawings of support the Israeli kids made for them on the tank... just killing the camouflage.
I am guessing she disagrees... Kind of hard to have a discussion with her about women’s rights in Israel. I have a feeling she is undecided as to whether the Supreme Court in Israel should have less power. (Photo: Mark Boster Los Angeles Times Getty Images)
Pallywood is so much fun. They're having a ball... That dead guy lost his next gig because he was smiling too much. You don’t want your friends around when you’re dead, making you laugh... Man. How do I get a job in Pallywood? It looks like so much fun. (Shared: Ofir Gendelman's X)
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The Kibbitzer Photo Album XXVI10/5/2023
Let's take a stroll down memory lane to the holidays with David’s visit to the graves before Rosh Hashana, his spotting of a Shofar bag in Jerusalem and the Tefillah overlooking the Old City that only David would complain about, with the Kibbitzer's pictures of laughter from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for complaining about everything you enjoyed over the Chagim.
Somebody asked me what תנצבה means... 5547 was not a good year for Jewish people. It looks like they all passed away in 1787... Whatever it means, their souls should be bound in the bond of life.
The Jerusalem Shofar carrying bag and water bottle. Perfect for when you need to blow the Shofar on a Tiyul. (saying something about a Shofar on a hike was where our creativity on this joke came to a halt)
Not one happy face. That’s what it looks like when you’ve got to sit next to people in shul on Yom Kippur. When they don’t give you an armrest and you’ve paid two hundred dollars. When the Chazin has a good voice... Anger. (Photo: sauderworship.com)
I believe the sax added twenty-five minutes to Hallel. Lesson: Never join a synagogue that has more than a one-piece band... At least we had a beautiful view overlooking Yerushalayim. That made it easier to space out forty minutes into Hallel.
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The Kibbitzer Photo Album XXV9/1/2023
Let's take a stroll down memory lane to the JNF Tzedakah box, children being allowed to choose what they eat, and other ways of extorting money from your children like My First Lotto, with the Kibbitzer's pictures of laughter from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for sharing his anger about giving Tzedakah to Israel, and how he feels about putting roof scraps on a grave of holy rabbi. The stone shortage is a real thing.
The JNF Tzedakah box. One of Israel’s artifacts. The foundation of Israel fundraising. The Jewish National Fund as been doing it for well over fifty years. They were already finding ways to extort money from your child in the first grade then... This is why kids were asking parents for money in the 40s too. (photo: collection of Avraham Goren- in the Forward
What your kid bought at the canteen when the camp gave them a tab. They did give your child the salad bar option. Yet, your child chose this... How your child came back from sports camp fifteen pounds heavier... Why camp cost you an extra 2K. How you went broke, sending your kid away for three weeks… What allowing a nine-year-old to have a tab can do. (photo: Incase/Flickr)
My First Lotto... They start the kids young in Israel. Get them hooked at three. We are not saying we support this. However, it helps the economy...
When you can't find a rock to put on the grave... Rav Kook's Yahrzeit and they’re leaving their building scraps… Recycling would be the proper thing to do. It should be for an Aliyas Nishama.
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The Kibbitzer Photo Album XXIV8/8/2023
Let's take a stroll down memory lane to the Zionists with the American flag shawls, what Simchas look like when nobody wants to be there, and what it looks like when Romans are trying to destroy Jerusalem, with the Kibbitzer's pictures of laughter from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for sharing his knowledge on when you can tell non-religious relatives will be getting an Aliyah.
Be it Yom HaAtzmaut or July 4th, the Degel Blanket is always comfortable. No greater way to show your support for Israel than the 1,500 thread count flag.
You can tell by the Kippah height, one of the relatives at that Bar Mitzvah is messing up Barchu. (mitzvahrabbi.com)
The Temple is being destroyed and they're playing tug of war with the Menorah... Something is off with this scene. Are they just killing people?! Does Caeser with his red shawl notice? Even he's a bit surprised there, looking around at the barbaric people. 'I just told them to take over the Temple. I didn't tell them stab the guy lighting the Menorah.' Either that, or he's trying very hard to protect the shawl. (Painting: Francesco Hayez)
That's what the Bdeking before the wedding looks like. He's worried if that's his bride. He has no idea... I believe I heard him say, 'I'm going to get my parents fro this one. I can't believe they put me up to this.' (photo: Marc Israel Sellem)
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Let's take a stroll down memory lane to the Israeli falafel joint and the traditional Jewish American butcher, Israeli games that educate Jewish children about how to gamble, with the Kibbitzer's pictures of laughter from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for sharing his potential Shidduchs with us.
The Falafel of Eitan. Israelis are very possessive of their falafel. Even when they have a shop, they don't like to share it… That's Eitan. Standing over them while they eat. Making sure they don't run away with his falafel.
Lotto, put out by the Israeli lottery as a gateway game, much more effective than Dreidel. The game focuses on holidays and prepares your five-year-old to play the lottery, in hopes that they will win be able to afford holiday food. Matzah and cheesecake are very expensive nowadays.
Thirty-year-old I met on JDate... Her profile said she was thirty.
That’s how they used to smoke meat... Note. The butchers used to hang the meat. This way you knew it was chicken. (photo: Library of Congress)
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The Kibbitzer Photo Album XXII6/2/2023
Let's take a stroll down memory lane to Lag BOmer, Yom Yerushalayim angry sarcasm, and Shavuot and how Pesach and how cheesecake turns people Jewish, with the Kibbitzer's pictures of laughter from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for sharing that non-Kosher cafes are Jewish. That should help with our Kiruv project.
Now this a Jewish Cafe... There is nothing more Jewish than eating Treif. I have never met a non-Jew who told me they had Treif for dinner.
The Lag BOmer tradition of burning homes... Yes. That was somebody's door before the kids got to it.
This is what it looks like when citizens of Jerusalem walk in their city on Jerusalem Day with pride. You'll hear about this violent protest of children waving flags and singing 'Jerusalem of Gold', offending citizens of Jerusalem, in the news this Friday. (Photo: Lior Mizrahi/Getty)
That's what it looks like when you see a decent piece of cheesecake, and that is why people love Shavuot (not the learning). And that is why people become a Baal Teshuva. And then they start to keep Shabbat and eat meat. (Photo: eatthisny.com)
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The Kibbitzer Photo Album XXI4/23/2023
Let's take a stroll down memory lane to Pesach and how David went broke on mayonnaise, and how to save money on a car by using the shopping cart to bring the groceries home, with the Kibbitzer's pictures of laughter from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for sharing the fact that he stole shopping carts in Israel.
That is how the punchline of a Jewish joke should look. Like you're questioning something, dealing with serious stomach issues, or giving a sermon.
I knew Pesach was coming when... I had to pay $11 for mayonnaise. And that is the sale price… Any Pesach food less than eighty dollars is a deal... There must be Matzah in the mayonnaise.
The fridge is full again, and it all cost less than a pound of Matzah.
No need for a car. Supermarket carts in Israel only cost ten shekels. Put 10nis in the cart and it's yours. And it fits the groceries perfectly... The carts are the best deal at Shufersal. Better than their sales on drinks and nuts.
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The Kibbitzer Photo Album XX3/19/2023
Let's take a stroll down memory lane to Bar Mitzvah scarf Tallises, Yeshiva Shtenders and Egypt, for Purim’s sake, with the Kibbitzer's pictures of laughter from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for sharing his hand with us. We are sorry you have to see what happens when you use oven cleaner.
The most inspirational Makom I have ever seen. That’s how a Shtender should look. A podium with a closet on the table... The modern Shtender should reach the neck. The Yeshiva Bachurs should never have to bend when learning. Average Yeshiva Bachur height 5'4". Average Shtender 5'10"… The idea is to take up your Makom and whatever surrounding area you can with furniture. An office chair on rollers is the perfect addition, letting people know that is your side of the Beit Midrash. Pacing and knocking into people while they’re learning also helps.
When we were slaves in Egypt, everybody was wearing costumes, all the time. Look at them. No shame. Every day is Halloween... Apparently, that's a painting of Yitziyat Mitzrayim. Between us, they had the worst artists in Egypt. No attention to detail, they saw people in flat. It looks like the illustrator from South Park worked on that piece.
We want to thank the Jewish Heritage Center for this picture. After much research, we have finally come across the origins of the scarf Tallis. They forced it on the Bar Mitzvah boys when taking Simcha pictures, just in case a storm hit… As you can see, the Chazin in the middle refused to wear one, as it looked too foolish… I believe those kids were the foundation of the Jewish Mafia.
That is two seconds of oven cleaner, and I am scarred. When Pesach cleaning, be careful. The oven cleaner will take off a layer of grease from your oven, and your finger… I had to replantate my index finger last Pesach, after ensuring my kitchen was Kosher for the holiday. The picture does not capture the pain I am in. (We're sorry you had to see David's hand. It's a bothersome sight.)
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The Kibbitzer Photo Album XIX2/19/2023
Let's take a stroll down memory lane to Zoom meetings with people wearing masks, Turkish coffee and pantries on front lawns, with the Kibbitzer's pictures of laughter from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for sharing his anger at people trying to feed the poor.
We don’t play Connect Four. We play Four in One Line. In Israel, we explain the games. Otherwise, I'm trying to figure out how these things connect. They're supposed to connect in a line. And I know that now... And there is a sale on it too?! Fun doesn't get better.
Mask on Zoom Meeting... Nothing says care for life as much as wearing a mask when you're alone in your house, meeting with people virtually. It says you care about the Bar Mitzvah boys health. Maybe they didn’t want anybody to know they were there, and they didn't know about the no video feature.
Turkish coffee... How is there more coffee in the coffee when I finished my coffee than when I started the coffee. I did not put in that much coffee.
Tiny. That’s the new American food pantry. The pantry on the front lawn with a can. That's what the poor people get now. If they’re lucky, they can find a can of peas and carrots to feed the family for dinner… Nobody likes peas carrots. Why they bought it, I don’t know. People like peas. People like carrots Now poor people are stuck spending their day splitting up peas and carrots… I was disappointed. I thought I was going to take out a book. Maybe read some Dr. Seuss. I end up with peas and carrots. I’m mad. I wanted green eggs and ham (kosher ham). Now I’m stuck reading a label. There are no books about green peas and carrots I am I am. Because nobody likes them. They don't identify with them… This pantry has salt. Salt?! Reading 'give what you can,' it appears people were able to part with salt and paprika to help feed the poor families. Now the poor people are malnourished, with parched throats... I am very bothered by charity right now.
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The Kibbitzer Photo Album: XVIII1/28/2023
Let's take a stroll down memory lane to our trip to Israel, shopping for a brand named after the sale and skewer safety, with the Kibbitzer's pictures of laughter from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for sharing his shopping experience at Walmart.
Saving up for Shabbis... When you have a lot of kids you buy the store brand. When you have twelve kids, you buy Great Value. Why the brand name is the advertisement for the sale is hard to explain... Walmart may be too embarrassed to put their name on it, but we are proud of the huge family. Truth be told, I saw the ‘Great Value’ and I didn’t even need a brand. If they had a brand 80% Off, all my clothes would be 80% Off. And that would be the style the kids wore to school. 80% Off written right on the shirt pocket... They may be embarrassed to put their name on it, but I am not embarrassed to eat it. And I also bought the Equate toothpaste. So much cheaper than Sensodyne, even if it doesn't clean teeth. I take pride in Walmart. It's my supermarket. I would find it a waste if I couldn't pick up my groceries and fish tackle. And I take greater pride in my FUBU sneakers I picked up as I finished shopping for the cottage cheese. I feel like I am making the world a better place with those shoes. If I didn't buy those kicks there would be third graders in Asia without jobs. It's my way of giving back... And yes, that's a Walmart still life.
Perfect bus seat technique. That's how you keep others away, and enjoy the comfort of Egged... He has his bag under his arm, working as an armrest and person. Headphones to not hear 'I need a seat.' He is looking straight, avoiding all eye contact... allowing him to read the sign in front of him that says 'stand before old people'... Between us. I never understood why the second seat is not just a bag holder.
And they still couldn't figure out that he was Jewish. The baseball hat camouflage works. That’s how you do it. That’s how you hide the black hat. Either that or people in New York have seen this before too.
Skewers are dangerous, and should not be handled by children without parental supervision. Kids should eat schnitzel only... Even if skewers are called Shipuds in Israel, to make them sound more friendly, they are still dangerous. And with the volatile situation in Israel, people should be IDed before they're allowed a Shipud.
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The Kibbitzer Photo Album XVI11/25/2022
Let's take a stroll down memory lane back to Parshat Chayei Sarah and good times at graves in Israel, the board games of Israel, and how people at David's shul will do anything to park in a handicap spot, with the Kibbitzer's pictures of laughter from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for sharing his anger at the congregants, and the amazing Israeli board games that teach our children that you need another person to play the game with.
Even the smilies have Yarmulkes in Israel. It's about educating the kids, and smilies are Jewish... Teaching children to get along with others, this is Memory for Two. We don’t play Memory by ourselves in Israel. It’s not a one-person game. It’s a group game. Sharing… Is it ‘for two people’ or ‘to remember two places on the board’? Either way, two is the number… I don’t understand how people are playing competitive memory for one in other countries. Are they flipping the cards and saying to themselves ‘I found one. That’s it. I won.’? That’s just cheating.
That game took me a while to figure out. I guess we do have Monopoly in Israel. They just got rid of the 'y'... Correct, Monopol is Monopoly in Hebrew, which is why it costs an extra $35... They have a space for the Jerusalem light rail. Nobody buys it, because when the other players land on it they never pay, unless if they get caught.
Exactly. That's exactly what the people at shul do. The sign explains it. You only need the permit. The permit and enough health to walk. That's how healthy people in our shul understand the sign. Display the permit. That's what you need to do. No wheelchair. Just a permit. A graphic of somebody with a wheelchair. Park and display the permit and run to Minyin... You need the tag. You need your health and a sticker you got from family. Preferably a member from the family who’s not healthy… All I know is I never see a wheelchair coming out of that spot. The people in wheelchairs are usually being pushed from the other side of the lot.
This is how religious Jews party in Israel. They go to gravesites. Be it Parshat Chayei Sarah, a Sukkot concert, or just a good times night out in Hebron or up north by the Rashbi's tomb with some Hisbodidus and rugulach. It’s always good times at the Beit Kvarot… Sometimes there’s some good schnapps. They love it. ‘What are you doing tonight?’ ‘I’m hitting the Rambam’s grave.’
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The Kibbitzer Photo Album XV10/28/2022
Let's take a stroll down memory lane back to Yom Kippur and Sukkot, parents using their strollers to block the entrance of the shul, and Amazon leaving your packages where your neighbors can take them, with the Kibbitzer's pictures of laughter from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for sharing his anger at happiness expressed at the Kotel and little kids helping build Sukkahs.
Designated stroller parking area. Something every shul needs, so I can get through the entrance on Yom Kippur... Truth is they should have stroller parking all the time. Parents think the entrance is the right spot for strollers. Right where the door opens. Right at the spot where I can get in… Problem: Merv and Bernie will end up parking there. They already take the disabled parking spots and walk just fine. To get the good spot, when it comes to parking every member of our congregation is disabled. If they see the opportunity to park in the shul, they’ll be toddlers if they have to...
Child labor is wrong, even if you're teaching them to build a Sukkah. Using children to save money is wrong… Chinuch has limits.
The Kol HaOlam Koolo circle at the Kotel. Beautiful. And it killed my Davening... I couldn't concentrate on my prayers, thanks to this act of brotherly love… This is what Yeshiva kids do now, with Tefillin on. A Hora. Shameful. I asked them to stop, as I won't part with tradition for shalom... When did singing and dancing start take the place of davening? Oy. How can you pray the Amida, circle dancing?... Side Note: It was nice to see them all together, holding hands, all different types and streams of people, all with kippot srugot (knitted yarmulkes). Even if they were Apikorsim, and not rebuking anybody for this heretical form of davening with smiles, the love took over the Kotel. Nobody attacked them, asides from myself. And yes, I am worried for the future of the Jewish people, with this kind of behavior from kids in the army.
Some stuff I never got... Amazon left those outside my front door on Simchat Torah, for my neighbors. I hope my neighbors also appreciate the Kleenex I purchased for them a few weeks back.
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The Kibbitzer Photo Album XIV9/30/2022
Let's take a stroll down memory lane back to our trip to the Jewish Homeland, Rosh Hashana, and Israel's commitment to cats, with the Kibbitzer's pictures of laughter from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for sharing how he isn't willing to donate money, even when the nonprofit gives him a calendar.
National pride can truly ruin the camouflage
The scary thing about the Mifletzet (Jerusalem's famous monster slide) is that new huge building right above it, falling on it… I was never scared of the Mifletzet until now.
Israel is the most cat friendly country... Many people used to be scared of cats. Scared to throw out trash in Jerusalem. Scared to get attacked for leftover scraps. Now, we appreciate what Israel does for the preservation of the feline. New Deli, we thank you for what you do for your kindness to animals, and your excellent burgers... To note: The tables were full of food. Not one person cleaned their table for the half hour the cat was there.
Rosh Hashanah is coming up and I now have enough calendars. To note, they will not get any donations from me. At least until they start sending books about rabbis again, they’re getting nothing from me... I apologize to all. I had more calendars, but I threw some of them out when I realized they all had the same date for Yom Kippur… Side Notes: I shall not fall for this calendar mailing scheme this year. Until they go back to sending me books, they're getting nothing... And somebody please tell them that once somebody goes to Olam Haba (the world to come), they can't send you money anymore. LAliyas Nishama to all of those who have moved to Olam HaNishamot (world of the souls) and are still receiving letters from Jewish organizations (they never give up).
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The Kibbitzer Photo Album XIII8/31/2022
Let's take a stroll down memory lane back to the joy of BBQs during the Nine Days, Tu BAv love and excitement of seeing your name on a Coke bottle in Hebrew, with the Kibbitzer's pictures of laughter from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for sharing how the only thing in Israel that excites him is a Coke bottle.
That's what I think about on Tisha BAv and the Nine Days... That's how I connect with the destruction of the Temples, and the suffering of our people. I mourn decent food.
That sidewalk is known as a great pickup spot. Check out the guy putting on the moves. Great line. ‘Nu. You going to Ma’alot Dafna?’ It works all the time. Many people have met their Bashert due to buses showing up late... The other couple is killing the vibe. They've got to give some space. They’re the same people that sit next to the date at the coffee shop. Single people need space. It's awkward talking about how many kids you want in front of other people. (photo: Adam Jones, seen on Wikipedia)
No feeling like having your name on a Coke bottle. And in Hebrew. Is there any other reason to move to Israel???! That's the reason for Aliyah right there. Jerusalem is a close second. BTW If somebody finds Boris, please let him know I have his bottle. I would like to return it to him. Hashavas Aveida.
‘The Race to Shabbis’ is the real title. The English name is off, as the Israeli movie title translation team worked on it. Package says, 'the game of Shabbos preparation- lots of fun...' Kids can play this instead of cleaning the house and running to the grocery, to help their parents prepare for Shabbis. Not helping makes Shabbis more fun... So much education in this game. I want to thank Feldheim’s for these educational games they put out, which teach the children that as long as you are preparing for Shabbat, it is fine to steal from the grocery store. The real question here is, who is that kid running from?... And why do they see Jewish kids like that?
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The Kibbitzer Photo Album XII8/2/2022
Let's take a stroll down memory lane back to expensive Shabbat food during the week, another great Jewish board game, and some of Jerusalem in commemoration of the Three Weeks of Jewish mourning, with the Kibbitzer's pictures of laughter from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for sharing how he writes notes at the Kotel, and then crumples them up.
Are you a millionaire if you're not practicing God's Mitzvahs? Yes. That's not the point of the game though... The game of Jewish values teaches kids how to do Mitzvot, the commandments, correctly, allowing the child to buy good deeds. The true goal is to not have to do Mitzvot, as they are not very profitable. Economics. You focus on making money, so you don’t have to do Mitzvot yourself... The real question is: Do you want to be a millionaire or a Mitzvahnaire? I want to be a Mitzvahnaire... Other questions that arise include: Why do Mitzvot if you’re not going to make money off it?... Based on the cost of the game, the store is definitely making money off it… And those are Jewish children on the game. That’s how they see Jewish kids.
Amazing. Shabbis all the time. I thought I didn't have to pay. I went in and wished them a good Shabbis and they charged me... I think these people are exploiting Shabbis to make a lot of money... Corned beef at twenty-eight dollars a pound. If that's what Shabbis costs, I don't have enough money for Shabbis anymore… I’m going to stick to the one-day Shabbis. I’m going to have to start saving up to do the one-day Shabbis.
That's the Kotel. It's not a reptile that ate a lot of memos... It seems that people will do anything to get their requests read by Gd. Even if it means crunching in somebody else's note, so it can't be opened... After going to the Kotel daily, I started caulking my bathtub with little bits of paper.
That's what your city looks like when you don't do renovations for 2,000 years... Kol Hakavod, all the honor, to all of those that are still mourning the destruction of the Beit Hamikdash, the Temple, refusing to give into modern architecture... They did have graffiti in the times of the Temple, and it lasted till Hadrian started killing people for bad handwriting.
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The Kibbitzer Photo Album XI7/13/2022
Let's take a stroll down memory lane back to community dinners, food in bulk for Kiddish and graduations, with the Kibbitzer's pictures from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for sharing how he buys huge store brand drinks, because they're cheaper.
That's what a singles community dinner looks like. A bunch of people focused on food. Nobody talking. A lot of effort trying to figure out how to approach the chumus and matzah balls... Asking to pass the chumus might have been the only words exchanged. Some of the singles even consider that quite forward, as you can reach for it. (Photo: NY Times- Moishe House)
Do we play Monopoly? No. We play Good Business. It’s not just a game. We are playing for a place in heaven... I always knew Monopoly was educating the next generation wrong. You shouldn’t be charging two thousand dollars for a one-night stay in a hotel, even if it’s the boardwalk. Good Business shows the children that you should be giving charity. Welcoming guests is a commandment in the Torah. Let them stay for free. You may lose the game, but you are winning a spot in heaven... The tagline, 'The Game of Jewish Businesses,' also makes it clear to the kids that Jews run the airlines, hotels, and have a lot of money. For fear of perpetuating more anti-Semitism, they left out banks and media; even though Jews are running all of those in Israel... I do have to say that the little kid in that picture, with the tie and purple shirt, looks a bit too slick to be doing honest business. I wouldn’t trust that sketchy little guy for a second, even if I saw him in shul.
What parents do to get a cute nursery school graduation picture. It's wrong. It should be Asur. (Photo: tipjunkie.com)
Frum family size. Three liter huge cola. The religious man’s dream portion… Thanks to Price Rite, we've had Kiddish for generations. We have religious families that can enjoy Friday night dinners. We have Shabbatons with heavy kids… Not Coke. That's fine. The Kiddish fund doesn't have that kind of money... I would trade Coke for three liters any day. I'm Frum... Todah Rabbah Price Rite, for focusing on largeness.
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The Kibbitzer Photo Album X6/9/2022
Let's take a stroll down memory lane back to Lag BOmer, Yom Yerushalayim, Shavuot and any other holidays in between, with the Kibbitzer's pictures from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for sharing how he cheats the falafel system by loading up the salads.
This is why Jewish summer camp is dangerous, and I stay inside on Lag BOmer. Jewish kids with bows and arrows... And the counselor is standing there watching, as if these kids with weapons is OK... My take on all of this is that kids shouldn't be practicing archery when we have guns... The biggest issue with this picture is that kid in the background. (Photo: iaujc.org/choosing-jewish-summer-camp - these parents chose the dangerous one)
Respect for our members of Hatzalah. What these guys are willing to do to drive a car on Shabbis... That guy on the right looks too comfortable to save anybody. The guy on the left is the one I would want showing up. He’s got more keys, and that’s the sign of a Hatzalah man that knows what’s going on... I respect them stopping and posing for the picture. It’s a great photo. I just hope the guy they were on their way to made it. (photo: Hatzalah.org)
They don’t let me serve myself at the all you can eat falafel place anymore. I enjoy it too much... There's now a limit on enjoyment quota at Jerusalem falafel stands… Last time, they didn't have enough salad for the family that came after me, too... I want to thank Shmulik for taking the picture, even though he lost a few customers.
Shavuot and these families are using the Mitzvah of harvesting to get kids to bring food home. Not to the Temple. Once again, using Judaism to exploit kids for child labor. Almost as wrong as when our day school made us sell World's Finest chocolate bars… Are these kids even getting prizes? Probably not. Probably getting Mitzvah points. Try trading those in for a rubber ball connected to a paddle. (Photo: New England Jewish Ledger jewishledger.com)
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The Kibbitzer Photo Album IX5/12/2022
Let's take a stroll down memory lane back to Pesach and Yahrzeits with the Kibbitzer's pictures from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for sharing how he spent his time eating, and not in shul.
People have got to keep it down around here... Why we have to tell people they're resting. Some consideration. Please! Keep it quiet. People are sleeping. Whatever parties you’re running around these parts, it’s inconsiderate. Keep it down.
Ten masks for the plagues, and not one of them helps with COVID... The frog isn't very scary. If Kermit was a plague, I can understand why the Egyptians didn't want to let us go.
That's how you celebrate the ending of Pesach... You throw out all the plastic plates. It's a Mitzvah. Frum Jews understand that disposable utensils and dishes are part of the Mitzvah of Pru uRvu, to be fruitful and multiply. When you have that many kids, you don't clean plates.
Oleh style is the clothes you made Aliyah in. I know some of these people, and they're still wearing the same shirts fifteen years later. Some of these Olim were planning their Aliyah for many years, as seen by their unwillingness to purchase new clothes since the start of the millennium. To note, as the Nefesh BNefesh shirt is free, that is also part of the Aliyah style. The shofar was purchased in Israel, as it is not an article of clothing or an electronic gadget. Thus, Olim are fine purchasing it in Israel. (Photo: JTA- Brian Hendler)
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The Kibbitzer Photo Album VIII3/31/2022
Let's take a stroll down memory lane back to Purim and Putin with the Kibbitzer's pictures from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for sharing more offensiveness.
What Shalom looks like. The heads of Ukraine and Russia as matryoshkas (traditionally babushkas). Say what you want, but they look good as babushkas. We're sure Putin would give his grandkids anything they wanted. Even Ukraine... Try opening one of those dolls. That will get their mind off war and extremely frustrated, trying to figure out why those things never finish opening... We've seen David throw a few of those out of frustration. Throwing the matryoshka did help get it open. (Photo: The Moscow Times- we want to thank the Kibbitzer's affiliate)
These are the costumes for this Purim. Offensive is OK on Purim. As long as it is of a culture that you are not... The Chasid outfit is perfect for the secular Jew. They also sell jeans, so that Chasidic kids can dress like the Chiloni, secular Israelis.
To Quote David: That's my Mishloach Manot... I had to get rid of the Wacky Mac and oatmeal. Had it for a year and Pesach is coming. I have no idea what the Bergmans are going to do with it. It's on them to figure that out now... To note, the green and red Hershey's Kisses, along with the Hershey's Kisses eggs, is the Purim holiday themed stuff I found at Walmart, on sale.
Israelis know how to protest when there's a war. Firstly, that guy in the middle looks so cool telling people not to kill animals, The sunglasses bring a level to the protest. You want to show up to the demonstration ready to meet a lady. The girl to his right is definitely digging it, along with the Lincoln beard (the beard of rooster solidarity)... The sign on the left of a treat animals well line was offensive... That guy's sign reads 'Animals think about themselves,' which supports the dislike of selfish chickens.
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The Kibbitzer Photo Album VII3/10/2022
Let's take a stroll down memory lane back to Israel with the Kibbitzer's pictures from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for sharing what he's done for decorum in the Holy Land.
The anti-Semites in the airport were looking at us like we were doing a ritual sacrifice. I will admit that the Tallit colors didn't speak to the South Africans... Boarding killed my Amidah. My connection with H' during the silent prayer would have been much better if the plane was delayed.
No mask protest in Israel, and everybody is wearing masks. That's how we protest our government. It's a protest with consent. We let them know we're against them, while showing agreement... I love protests. Protests are festivals for the poor. Right there is a guy teaching his son how to play an instrument when dad has no money.
We don't think the waiter knew he was working a wedding… They must not tell you what gig you're working in Israel. The photographer had on a tank top. The DJ had on a tank undershirt... Maybe they don’t know people wear suits to weddings. Somebody must’ve told that waiter to make sure he has an undershirt. He didn’t know to throw a button-down on top of it… The photographer did make his way into a few pictures. His sidekick got him in the background, looking like a guest that forgot his shirt and jacket... Maybe he was told he’s working a concession with plated service.
Those are millennials. You can see by the way they're sitting in a circle and talking. They're learning Torah and smiling. Definitely millennials. They’re coming up with new commentaries. People who sit in circles and smile create new ideas. Smiles of heresy. (Photo: Laura Turbow- Kevah Teacher Training)
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The Kibbitzer Photo Album VI2/3/2022
Let's take a stroll down memory lane back to Tu BShvat and Shabbat Kiddish with the Kibbitzer's pictures from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for sharing what he's done for Kiddish development around the globe.
I love Kiddish in quarantine. I took a piece of cake and everybody said the rest was mine. Something about me touching it. I was happy. I'm going to touch more stuff at Kiddishes. I also drank straight from the bottle... The miracle is how I ate while still being socially responsible, with my mask on.
The gentile oranges, 9.99 shekels... Now Jews are down on Israeli produce too? We can't even believe in our own farmers? I understand the laws of the seventh year, but that just looks like branding against Israelis. The sign basically says, ‘Jews didn’t touch it. Don’t worry. It’s non-Jewish oranges. They’re better. Jews didn’t ruin them.’ It should be, 'We like our produce too. But we also support non-Jewish oranges when it's easier for Halacha (Jewish law). Not working the field is too big of a pain…’ I personally feel we have to stop the religious anti-Israel, Shmita BDS movement.
That's how real Charedim, ultra-Orthodox, go swimming. Full suit and hat. If you've seen Frum Jews in bathing suits, you can appreciate the Bekishe swimsuit apparel. It should be Halacha (law) to have to wear full body coats into the water. The black hat also keeps out the sun. That's Pikuach Nefesh, saving a life... Nothing like the Israeli all man beach to find people that just love to swim. You focus on the swimming, you don’ have to see that guy standing there… Israelis have mastered the art of the budget vacation and sleeping on the beach. You can see how they use the pergola to hang their clothes... That dad is happy because he's vacationing right near his home. He's not getting hit by any sun and he doesn't have to pay for anything; that's how religious Jews vacation. And that is what makes Israel great. (Credit: Alex Levac- Haaretz)
I found this book in a Jerusalem used bookshop. It reads, 'Dear Sam...'?! Why is the book not in Sam's home? Sam thought that the English readers of Israel wouldn’t find it, but we did Sam. 'Hope this book keeps you laughing...' I will laugh for you, Miller. I don't downsize friends, like Sam. Shame on Sam. I'm not very impressed with Sam right now. Sam has no heart. You don't recycle friends like that, Sam!!! In a used bookshop?! Like a used friend. Is that what you do with your friends, Sam? Use them?! I hope Sam gets this message. [Kibbitzer Note: We're not trying to put used book stores out of business. We just feel that books with personal notes should not be for resale, even if they broke up.]
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The Kibbitzer Photo Album V1/6/2022
Let's take a stroll down memory lane back to Chanukah, with the Kibbitzer's pictures from the past couple months. We want to thank David Kilimnick for sharing what he's done that can incriminate him in Israel.
Chabad will do anything to bring all closer Yiddishkeit. Here, the rabbi is doing Kiruv on the Turkey. Kiruv means to bring closer to Jewish practice. (Photo: chabadmineola.com)
The Christmas Tree Shop. Where I buy everything I need for Chanukah, including the paper dreidel.
This is how it looks when not Frum people are at Kiddish. Not one of them is attacking the fish. No one is holding their spot, keeping others away from the herring. It seems as though they're making room for others. Bothersome. If they were Frum they would be much heavier, with hands on the sponge cake. (Photo: congregationshirami.org)
How the Q&A looks at every Jewish event. That guy is not asking a question. He knows it's time for the Q&A, which means it's time for him to give his speech... You can see the passion. He's definitely not asking. He's speaking to the guest speaker... The people around him are not happy to have to hear his speech too. (Photo: Jan Karski Educational Foundation- Polish Jewish Studies)
I don't know why I took all that from the restaurant... I don't use Sweet'N Low. I just felt that it's the right thing to do. It's something my ancestors did.
We were quarantined in our rooms at Israel's corona hotel, but we lit Shabbat candles together, in the lobby... That was when I realized there were benefits to being religious. The Chilonim (secular Jews), who started leaving their rooms for Minyin, also realized this.
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The Kibbitzer Photo Album IV11/18/2021
Let's take a stroll down memory lane, with the Kibbitzer's pictures from the past couple months. We want to thank David Kilimnick for sharing what he's done to hurt the reputation of Jews.
David participated in the ending of Sukkot tradition of whacking the Aravot and leaving your trash in shul... He left his lulav there, his Aravot on the floor. He also left an old Tshirt he's been trying to get rid of for a while, on the floor.
The reason we moved to Israel. Kosher Burger King. Menu on the wall... As David shared upon his Aliyah arrival, ‘The burgers are kosher. We’ve been redeemed.' Then, he ate and expressed his amazement at how they already knew what he wanted, like a miracle, as the burger was ready before he ordered... That one guy is not happy. He didn’t want sesames on his bun.
This is why kids love Torah. Because they have Oodles in them. (see onlykoshercandy.com for how to educate kids)
Rav Goren dancing in an Israeli Army Simchat Torah celebration in 1969. You can see how shocked he is that somebody is taking a picture on the Chag. He didn't realize that his non-religious relatives followed him to Israel. (Photo: I.P.P.A.- Dan Hadani)
Mashgiach at work. And people say that kosher work is easy. Here is an example of a rabbi working hard, sitting at his post, making sure the food is kosher. To note, this rabbi received employee of the month for his commitment to staying at his location and watching over the food. (we want to thank Brian, who shared this photo with management)
Married people praying for the single people behind them to get married. The singles are sitting in the back, as they are pathetic and nobody wants to look at them. The single men are praying that there is a single woman on the other side of the Mechitza. Their prayers are not answered, but they won’t know till the end of davening. (Photo: Amanda Borschel-Dan's article in TOI)
With nursing facilities closed, this guy is trying to figure out why his kids are trying to break into the room, scoping it out. He's asking when his kids turned into a bunch of stalkin hoodlums. (Photo: The Guardian)
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The Kibbitzer Photo Album III9/30/2021
Let's take a stroll down memory lane, with the Kibbitzer's pictues from the past couple months, including the holidays. We want to thank David Kilimnick for sharing what's wrong with his life, with us.
We love the Kosher Chinese place... The chow-mein noodles were free. Deal!!!! We paid for the sweet and sour chicken. Should've just taken the noodles... We also love 7-Eleven, due to crushed ice in our drinks. Even if it’s watered down and it doesn’t taste like Coke, it’s crushed ice... The crush ice is free too, if you bring your own cup.
All yarmulkes in the skullcap box at shul double as reflectors. Safety first... I got called to the Torah and they wrapped a scarf around me. I asked for a Tallis... satin Kippah and a wrap, I might as well stop keeping Shabbat.
My makolet (bodega) turned into a Doar post office. We thought the message from the Doar was telling me that us that we got some Graeter's ice cream shipped to Israel that we had to pick up... His freezer was full of packages and he has stopped selling frozen chicken... B"H, he didn't charge us his unmarked prices, that he usually creates when we go in there, on the mail.
Proof. Max Stock is a Jewish store... The holidays are coming. That means, tins. They know that you don't cook for 80 people with pots and no leftovers... I bought 35 tins because I can care less about the environment when I'm celebrating. I also picked up the Costco plasticware bundle. I'm not cleaning anything... There was no more tinfoil at Max Stock. I bought it all. I’m religious and I celebrate the holidays. I’m ready for Sukkot. I bought them out of tinfoil.
That guy is not happy. It's 6am and this guy decides to blow the shofar right in his face. No warning. Just blowing the shofar, doing his duty to wake up the Jewish people. Doesn't even ask the other guy if the kids kept him all night. Just blows the shofar right in his face... No Minyin... And that guy is not loving the tradition of people randomly blowing shofars. For some reason, that guy blowing next to him, before 7am, is not making him feel a closeness to his Creator. (Photo: Menahem Kahana, AFP Getty Images, in International Business News)
No Sukkah is fully decorated until the Christmas lights are hung... Tradition is to not buy these until January. Jews don’t purchase Christmas products, until after Christmas, when they go on sale. That's when we are allowed to use them... We picked these lights up in the religious area of Meah Shearim. Our eighth Sukkot in Israel and we started celebrating Christmas in Fall. The weather outside was delightful. I say, what us religious Jews don’t know shouldn’t hurt us... If you look close enough, you can see that the guy with the red hat has a long white beard. That’s Jewish.
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The Kibbitzer Photo Album II8/5/2021
Let's take a stroll down memory lane, with the Kibbitzer's pictues from the past few months. We want to thank David Kilimnick for sharing what's wrong with his life, with us.
The shul sink. They're now using hand sanitizer as soap... They pushed away the washing cup and poured sanitizer on the Kohen. They told him that it’s not sanitary to clean with water... We know that they ran out of spots for the sanitizer in the sanctuary. The siddur holders are full of the stuff... (They either have too much of it, or the vaccinated people still wearing their masks are making another statement. Or somebody now thinks soap doesn't work either.)
How Americans dads give to the next generation. Adopting a highway. We take pride in our interstates... The true gift of pride, knowing you don't have watch over another kid... They know nobody’s going to adopt a kid. This is much easier.
I think this guy stole the flags. That's why he's running. The only difference for Israelis, with the independence celebration taking place in America, is that there are Palestinian flags here. it's beautiful to see them showing support for America too. They're probably standing on the side of the road because they didn't steal those flags and they're following traffic rules. (photo credit to the NY Times, whose photographer didn't stop any of this)
The pantry at my friend’s bungalow. She wanted to make sure no bugs made it out of there alive. I don't know what vendetta she had against the hexapoda kingdom. I'm assuming they got into the cereal. The ants had no chance. Three of those were ant execution shpritzes. (I’m still trying to figure out how that stuff works to keep food from sticking to the pan.)
Littering at the Kotel has got to stop... Unless if it's H' reading those letters and then dropping them after He’s finished. Either that, or the requests are not very interesting. Probably another letter for Parnsah. Everybody wants money.
I went to the Kotel to meet up with my friend. He said to meet him in the men's section. I had a hard time finding him. He said he had a kippa.
Candies in fruit form and whatever freakish watermelon that is. Yogueta, the creators of the gateway candy, doing anything they can to wean the kids off the fruit.
Arcades are casinos for little kids. Half the games had JACKPOT in flashing neon lights. I realized it's Asur and a breeding ground for gambling when I heard her say to her dad, 'Just one more. I'm feeling it. I'm going to win this time.'
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Yaakov’s brother was always deceptive when playing cards. He’d just say, ‘Esav.’ You get it? That‘s his name. When you‘re playing cards and that‘s all they say, you don‘t know if it‘s an ace of diamonds, an ace of hearts, spades... You don't know. He's only saying Esav. Not very helpful. 
Wearing Israeli flags. Showing their support for Israel at the rally in DC. It would’ve been smarter if they brought coats. Based on experience, flags don’t work as good windbreakers.
Come out to see David Kilimnick in Rochester, NY. September 19th and 20th... Click on the picture for tickets
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The Kibbitzer, where we take Jewish comedy seriously!!! If you are offended, it's satire.
A friend of the Off The Wall Comedy Theater, JHF and The Kibbitzer are here to bring unity and Jewish connection for you, in honor of Rabbi Kilimnick ZT"L.
The Kibbitzer is Funded by the JHF (The Jewish Humor Foundation) and you.
Contact us to make a donation and to sponsor Harbatzas Tzchok, the spreading of tradition through laughter, with articles or series in honor and memory of your loved ones.
The Kibbitzer, where we take Jewish comedy seriously!!! If you are offended, it's satire.
A friend of the Off The Wall Comedy Theater, JHF and The Kibbitzer are here to bring unity and Jewish connection for you, in honor of Rabbi Kilimnick ZT"L.
The Kibbitzer is Funded by the JHF (The Jewish Humor Foundation) and you.
Contact us to make a donation and to sponsor Harbatzas Tzchok, the spreading of tradition through laughter, with articles or series in honor and memory of your loved ones.
11/22/2023
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