Due to the physical threat to our people and terrorism, we need the member security teams. And this is why Freida, Bernice and Ethel Finkelman are out there. Protecting our people. Let me just say that the membership security team does not make me feel safe. Every one of them, sitting outside of shul with their walkers.

Our shul security force. I just don't know how much I trust it. Maybe I'm a skeptic. Bernie needs somebody to help him stand. Bernie has a walker with a seat. He can't move without assistance. 
Freida and Ethel are not scaring the anti-Semites away. I don't know if attackers will be deterred by Ethel Finkelman. Though, she has a very nice smile. She can ask where they are from. Offer them lunch. Freida and Ethel will definitely make the anti-Semite feel comfortable at our shul. And I know they do a fine job of inviting them in for services. 
To round out the team, we have Sam there for conversation. He's not checking anybody. He's discussing politics and his thoughts on the new addition to the JCC with the others. Sam is truthfully just trying to get out of shul.
The only person under seventy-eight on the team is Amanda. She likes to check the bags to see their make. She's very into fashion. She held up one lady at the door for fifteen minutes before she let her in. She had a Louis Vuitton Capucines bag. 

How did we get here? A committee. A committee had a meeting and made the decision that they should be doing security. Each one of them has a graduate degree in social sciences or medicine. And they are all retired. So, they felt that works for security.
Our security team is definitely friendly. They're very into Hachnasat Orchim. And they would definitely not let the Mitzvah of inviting guests pass on a terrorist. Who they would make sure stayed for Kiddish. And that worries me.

They're CSF and they're taking it seriously. They have a name. They've acronymized it. They're actually serious about protecting us.
CSF. Congregant Security Forces. You've got to acronymize that. Other than rabbis, nobody is scared when they hear "congregant." The only time I'm scared of a congregant at my shul is if I'm sitting in his seat. They will attack you.
The CSF members are also hitting the gym. I see them at the Jewish Community Center. They're in the weight room, talking. The most out of shape people. I've never seen such a big group of people who all go to the gym for social reasons. On the treadmills, enjoying a good conversation over a stroll. Sitting on the Cybex machines because the equipment is comfortable. I heard Sam going off, "Bernie. Mendel. You've got to try this one. Excellent cushions."

This is when I knew the committee was not the right one to make these decisions.
Recently our shul started discussing new seats. I overheard Sam expressing his thoughts on the matter to a possible predator.
Many wanted pews. It turns out the shul can't get pews because they don't have armrests. Why does our shul need armrests? Turns out that nobody needs them for their arms. They don't need them for comfort reasons. They needed the armrests because membership wouldn't be able to stand without them. They need to brace themselves on the armrests. Push off with their hands. And that is how they are able to stand. They can't stand without armrests. And these are the people protecting us from attacks. People who can't stand with their legs.
I think the last thing I heard Fran say last Shabbat was, "Oy. My back."

Thank Gd we had a random guy show up for services last Shabbat. It gave the CSF crew something to do. And they showed how good they are with people.
Ethel was asking the guy where he's from. What he does for a living. She made him feel at home. Truly showed interest in the guy and his family.
If there was a terrorist, Ethel would be able to give you his lineage. What town in the Middle East he's from. She would know his favorite local restaurant.
Truth is, our security should be doing CIA work. With the amount they talk, they will get the information you need.

The shul security forces are friendly. And they should be praised for that. I've never felt so comfortable with security. Most of the time security guards are serious, standing there with no smile, taking care of securing the area. Not our security team. They smile. They make you feel welcome. Chas vShalom, they would never make an attacker feel bad.
At least they're good at asking questions. I was at my brother's shul in Teaneck. That was the first time anybody there ever asked me anything about myself. If it wasn't for Penina Shaina being on the security team, I would've said they were a very not friendly shul.

I think they're great for the shul. As a welcoming crew, CSF would be great. I'm just worried about acute security risks that can't be taken care of with a bit of shmoozing and mingling.
The CSF team is so out of shape. I've seen their vacation pictures. Our security staff should never post their Florida pictures in those bathing suits. How they can smile with that much excess body weight, when everybody else who doesn't work security somehow looks decent. And I am not security shaming. I just question how they're going to protect us.

If there is a geriatric attacker, we might have a chance. Bernie and Ethel will take them down. They took the security course. They know what they're doing. We are in good hands if we get attacked by a terrorist with a rollator.
Any assailant that can walk, we have problems. 

I hope I didn't expose our security weaknesses.
On the positive, Bernie does have an aid with him. She might be able to impede the attacker.
It’s a welcoming committee. Our shul finally has a welcoming crew. One that shows interest in you and where you come from. One that asks questions about why you're at shul today. People who are finally curious to know about you and what's in your bag. Members are finally getting the attention they need.
And at least people are now showing up to shul. They're not in shul Davening. But they're there. Talking to Sam in the hallway.

Americays worry about everysing. All time. Worry.

Worry About War
We've been in war so many year. Every tree year, we have war in Israel. Zey bomb. Boom. Ve know. Amerikay worry. Ehhh. Israel, we go ehhh drink. Eat falafel. Leeve life. You worry. Amerkay say and cry, 'I no travel to New York. Danger.' It's all the way Israel. You worry about other world side, ehhh. In Israel we feel bad for Amerikay. We got bombed. We worry, ehhh, they cry in America.
We feel bad, but we always bombed. When last war America? America go war, no soldier in America. All soldier far away.
You worry war now. It Europa. Russia live in Israel. Ve see dis. All goodie. Ukrainies and Russia same. 
No idea where Europe on map. Ehhh. You sink Ukraine one of fifty state. You cry, 'Oh no. Zey attack us.' You need look map. Ehhh. Map show you where you leeve. You leeve US. They leeve Ukraine. Ukraine no US.
You cry, sink zey move to US? Ehhh. Emmm. Ehhh.

Money
How ehhh muchie you need? You cry like baby, wah wah, 'Ehhh. I only two-hundred sousand dollar last year?' You worry. Saving of 5 million dollar. Ehhh. You need buy more house?! We make sirty sosand shekel. We rent. We happy.
How muchie you need? You need for after you die? (crying) 'Why? I no money to send great-grandchild to university.' (Crying with scream) 'My life too good. Why? Why? Why?'
You need two million shekel a year. Ehhh. For what? You visit Israel?

College
War. Now you worry college. (Amerikay cry gain) 'Need degree. Where I get 70 sousand dollar a year?!' There war. Now you worry university. 
Everysing worry. Ehhh. College. (Crying more) 'Oh no. Where I vacation spring break. Life so hard.' College fun. You learn. You stupeed. 70 sousand dollar stupeeed. You no make dis. I work Yanky's falafel, we make twenty thousand shekel. Ehhh.
You spend dees seventy sounand on college. you never Aliyah. You come Israel, everybody sink you stupeed. College Israel, seven sousand shekel.
Sevety sousand dollar for good jobe. Good jobe? Ehhh. Why? Why? Why? You work dis Walmart? 
Israel, you move? You no job. You sound no right. You sound Amerikay. Go to college and sound stupeed. Amerikay accent. No jobe. College and university 500 sousand dollar. No even say 'Ehhh Shalom' normaly. You need course college, ehhh no sound Ameirkay.
No college. No spendie all your money.

Health
​You no eat falafel. Eat falafel. Zeees ehhh healsie.
Amerikay eat helsy, dees eight falafel sandweech. Lunch. Amerikay eat helsy, ehhh, dees eatie eight healsie time. One meal. Eight meal. We eat one meal at one meal. Amerikay eat eight meal. (Cry) 'Why I so fat?' We give one falafel, you say, 'More.' You no eat meal. You eat day. All day. You no sit meal. Ehhh. You sit for day. Zen, you worry you eat too much. You do.
I see Amerikay eat. You eat dis. No ve-ge-ta-ble. Ehhh. (Crying Again) 'I want healsy. I no eat more.' You eat Amerikay or you starvie. You no can seet one falafel.

All Worry
Worry about hels. Worry about college. Worry war. Worry Money. Ehhh. Worry money, zen worry not shopping enough. (Crying more) 'We no shop. Need more clothes.' How much clothes you need? Ehhh. Your closet need more clothes? I see you new clothe everyday. Need shop. Need work. Ehhh, worry work. We have no jobe, Israel. Just Yanky's. I no work. I happy.
Worry politica. Ehhh. Zen worry more politica. (Cry) 'Why government no give money? Why government tax? Ehhh? Why gas?' You worry gas. You worry. You need bad. Ehhh. Bad. No worry. You say, 'Zis bad. OK. Life no good. I happy it bad.'
Leeve in Israel. No worry. We know we have no money. Ehhh. School government pay for. Zey take our tax. We know. We no worry. We no eat. We helsy.
Stop worry. You worry, you going to worry. All you do, worry. Zis activity for you. Ehhh. Worry time. (Crying again) 'What I do today? I worry. Zis what I do. I worry and shop. And worry I no shop ehhhh enough. And worry I spent too much. Zen I worry war... No idea where war is. But I worry leave home. I zen worry about college. Ehhh, my grandkids go college. Need to worry for zem. I no worry, who will worry for the next generation?... It's ehhhh zeh worry zath I worry zat is zeh hardest. I need helsy too. I need be helsy to worry. Ehhh. Zen I need money visit Israel where zey no worry. I shop zer too. I no have money to shop zer too. Zey have no Amerikay money. I worry for zem. War in Ukraine. What zey do in Israel? I worry.'
Zen, ehhh, you worry travel Israel, because you hear war in Ukraine. Worry it same country. We know it no same country. Ukrainiaim live in Israel.
Leevee Isrealie. Nosing have. Ehhhh. No worry. When bomb, you no worry. You know zer bomb. Zen you move to Israelie, you worry you good Oleh.

And zen zey worry. (Huge cry) 'I have kids. Oh no. Too much Nachis. Ehhh. Why me? Zis so nice.' Even good. You worry. Ehhh.
What we do for Ukraine? We worry. Ehhh. We stand in worry wis zem.

Kibbitzer Disclaimer: Please do not blame us for the grammar. Shmulik dictated this article. He demanded that he speaks the language correctly. He was literally crying every time he quoted an American.
To note, for your understanding. we wrote the headings in English.
We do not know if Shmulik really thinks that Russia is in Israel. He might be trying to say 'Russians live in Israel.'
He did use 'Ehhh' for a whole sentence. 
We do commend Shmulik's ability to mock people with anxiety. He mocked all of America for having anxiety. We have never met anybody else who could do this.

The Russia-Ukraine War is underway and many of us are praying and hoping for the safety of the people. Nothing is worse than life lost. Especially, innocent life. I pray we don't bear witness to any more of that in this world, which is why we focus on peace.
Here are reasons we need peace.

We Love Saying Shalom
Shalom, means completeness, wholeness, peace. It's how we say 'Hi.' We love greeting people. You know how awkward it is to say 'Shalom' to somebody you're warring with? It's almost impossible. 
You can't say 'Shalom' and then shoot the guy.

Rebbes
Ukraine is where the great Chassidik Rebbes are. I don't know if the Russian government knows this. The Ukrainian government makes enough money off this. They know it.

Uman for Rosh Hashana
This is going to kill my Rosh Hashana plans. Rav Nachman of Breslov is buried in Uman, and many thousands of Jews go every year for Rosh Hashana. Us Jews have enough to pray for, focusing on our sins and repentance. We don't need to be by Rav Nachman's grave, praying that we also don't get hit by rockets. If we wanted to pray for protection from rockets, we would spend Rosh Hashana in Sderot.
Aeroflot has better not start charging more. I understand bad stuff happens in war, but raising the cost of flights is uncalled for, to say the least. Rise in baggage fees is collateral damage that we must fight.

It's Going to Turn into A Megilah
It's going to turn into another Megilah. Trust me. The media is already telling stories about Russia and how Trump is the cause of the war and Haman for saying America is great. How Trump has something to do with the war, not being the president of America or anything in Europe, is something the Megilah will have to explain to me.

More Tehillim
I'm swamped with Tehillim for people. Got lists of people. Got the sick people, the army, the kids, a friend with emotional hardship. The list of names, without prayer, takes me fifteen minutes. Now, I've got to focus on another war. I'm worried my Tehillim are being spread too thin.
I think I overuse Tehillim. I'm saying Tehillim for everything now, as my go to for all prayers. I lost my digital watch, I started saying Tehillim. I was hoping to find it, and then I started praying that it is safe and doing OK. There should be a Tehillim hierarchy. Prayers for health and life should come first. At the bottom are the Tehillim for your team to win.

McDonald's
What is McDonald's going to do? This is what worries me. Can Russia still franchise McDonald's if we go back to Cold War relationships. No American should have to experience the world without fast food. They should never know of such things.

Refugees
Let the rest of Europe and the US hear about refugees and then this can turn into a global war. They hear ‘refugees’ and they start saying, 'Oh shoot. Now we have to take in these people too? Jobs…' Jobs comes up and it’s attack time. Not even in the war, they’ll start shooting their own missiles to keep the refugees out. It can be refugees from Chile, it makes no difference. They hear refugees and that’s when the real violence starts.

More Russian Speakers in Israel
If this war continues, more Russians Ukrainians will be moving to Israel. Kibbutz Galuyot, ingathering of the exiles, is a beautiful positive thing. Even so, once they're in Israel, peace is a good thing. I’m just worried about Avigdor Lieberman getting more votes.
 
Ukrainians Have Never Gotten Credit for Being Ukrainians
A lot of Russian Jews moved to Israel. It's about time we started calling them Ukrainian Jews. I've never met a Ukrainian Jew that we've called Ukrainian. We always call them Russian. If anybody could just find somebody who speaks Ukrainian, that would help. 

War Kills the Neighborhood
You thought it was drugs. The housing market takes a real hit with war. As cool as it is, rockets, missiles and soldiers shooting at your house, brings down property value.
It's hard to sell in a war zone. The earthquake excuse doesn't help when the earthquake is followed by bullets flying through the den.

They Are the Same People
The languages are fairly the same. I can't tell the difference between Russian and Ukrainian. Does anybody speak Ukrainian? I still don’t know.

Matryoshkas
Everybody likes matryoshkas dolls. Those lovable dolls that look like past presidents or babushkas, if grandmothers were made out of wood. That's a great doll and activity. Idea: Try opening one of those dolls. That will get their mind off war and extremely frustrated, trying to figure out why those things never finish opening. Maybe have them work on it together. They can all laugh while yelling, 'Will this thing ever stop opening?!'
The problem is that these people in Eastern Europe have too much free time. If they spent their time on matryoshkas, they wouldn't have time for war.

​There is Commonality
​They all hate Jews.

People Are Sharing Opinions About the War
I have heard enough uneducated opinions over the past year. It is extremely bothersome. Now I have to see these new posts from my American friends on social media. I think these people believe Ukraine is a strand of COVID. One guy at the grocery insisted I stay away from him and said, 'I don't want to catch Ukraine.'

People in Ukraine are Protesting
The country is turning into a democracy. That will just cause more people to share their opinions on Instagram and TikTok. It's a nightmare.

Soon Ukraine Will Be Part of the EU
Western Europe is supporting the Ukraine. Now, Ukraine is thinking about joining the EU. We don't need more European countries bonding. We know how that story ends.
Anything Europe scares me as a Jew.

Israel is Going to Get Blamed
They will find a way. Give it time.

I Don't Want to Hear 'Peace in The North East'
It's going to happen. It almost rhymes, so they’re going to start chanting it. Don’t call me a prophet. Call me somebody who gets annoyed very easily. It was enough hearing Vanilla Ice saying, 'Peace in the Middle East.'

Shalom Is The Reason for Torah
To quote Wikipedia's quote of Proverbs (3:17), 'Her ways are pleasant ways and all her paths are shalom (peace).' The Talmud (Gemara Gittin 59b) explains, 'The entire Torah is for the sake of the ways of shalom' (ibid. Wikipedia- this is a scholarly work, and we believe in scholarship at the Kibbitzer). If somebody would just tell Putin. If Putin knew this Torah, he wouldn't attack Ukraine, he would ask for it, kindly. Did Putin ask in a way of Shalom? Did he say, 'Shalom Volodymyr, would you kindly give me Ukraine'? This is what we must ask, as Jews. I've played Risk. You ask nicely for the land, and the dice work for you. Did he even ask Volodymyr why he spells his name like that?
Somebody must educate Putin and the people of Eastern Europe about Torah. We're trying to do Kiruv in the former Soviet Union. Many organizations are out there in the Ukraine and Russia, bringing Jews closer to the love of Torah and Mitzvot. You can't do good Kiruv with war, unless if you have a dynamic leader like Avraham Avinu. We don't want the Russian government getting in the way of our Outreach. And between us, we don’t need the Army of H’ getting involved in this. You don’t mess with Chabad.

Zelenskyy is Jewish. If Putin was Jewish all would be good. It would be two Jews arguing. They wouldn't get along. Their mothers would get involved. And each of their countries would be the country they don't go to. But there wouldn't be war.
They should stop the war, because Shalom is a Mitzvah. If we can just let Putin know that it’s a Mitzvah. Right now, I’m deeply worried for McDonald’s. 
I hope my words bring peace.