Sign language has been part of the rabbi’s sermon since Shmulik was told that he should only be up there, with the rabbi on the Bima, if he signs. He took up signing and he stands there with his hands crossed, looking very serious. I believe he is doing the sign for security. Nobody in the shul reads sign language, except for the Silverwitz nephews, and they only visit once a year.
Since Shmulik started signing, less people have attacked the rabbi. We started the fundraiser for Purim three weeks before the holiday. I don't think Purim itself needs a fundraiser, but Frank and Milt can't support the alcohol they consume. I believe the shul started the fundraiser, years ago, to support the consumption of alcohol. As more members of the community joined AA, we now use the fundraiser as the annual shul telethon. The telethon consists of people calling and asking for money. This year, it was me. No entertainers are involved in our shul telethons. We would lose all the money if we had a famous person asking for money. We ask for money and we offer a meal. It has to be a meal too. We tried doing a fundraiser carnival for Purim one year, but people will only pay for a carnival if it’s food. The meal is the thing they pay for. The only booth that worked the year of the Purim carnival was the 'throw the meat in my mouth' booth. As the brunt of fundraising fell on me this year, I realized that asking people to donate does not get them to like you. I have never had so many unreturned calls in my life. I left messages on friends' phones and nobody got back to me. Even when I called to invite them to my house for Shabbat dinner, they didn't pick up. Once I was part of the Beis Knesses Anshei Emes uSefilah Purim Telethon I was not able to get any answers from my calls. I lost all of my friends. My mother stopped taking my calls as well. I heard that she doesn't want me calling anymore, as she fears I will ask for a donation. She is the only mother in the community that doesn't complain that her child don't call enough. Fundraisers have caused family fights. I heard Beth gave too much and her husband now can't go golfing till August. There are many fundraiser issues in our community. I believe the best way to deal with it would be to have a fundraiser scholarship fund. This way people could make their donations and not have to worry. The kids are coming to shul not properly dressed. There is proper shul attire, and nobody is doing it. The last year people stuck to proper shul attire was 1998. Since then, I see kids showing up with shorts and sandals. Waiters at the last Bar Mitzvah had Tshirts on. I don't believe they realized they were at a Simcha event. It might be the Israeli influence. However, we are not always in the middle of summer here. The rabbi should mandate double breasted suits. Torah classes have not been attended recently either. I think people are worried they will have to give a donation if they show. There is a big fear of donations in our community right now. Rabbi Mendelchem’s Drasha Shabbat Shalom My Drove, Congregants who do not care about your rabbi’s health or well-being, as the board has decided to not give a raise this year, due to finances that the rabbi has 'used'… A gym membership is very important to my role. Gym. Exercise. Health. Have to perform funerals… I deal with death all the time. I need to be healthy to deal with death… Try dealing with Bernie… B”H it’s not a double Parsha this year… Two portions are not read. Just VaYakehl. As I care about you all, I will not review the Parsha of Pikudei; so, don’t worry… I could still go over Pikudei, as it’s usually a double Parsha. We commemorate, so I give a double sermon. But I am not. Do you want… I believe we're all tired enough. Last year, we were all very disappointed when we thought we were going to end the Parsha, at which point the Chazan kept on going. I remember this, as I am still having flashbacks. We saw Rishon (the first ending segment) end, and then it didn't. It went into Sheini (the second segment), with no stop. We all knew it was going to be long, as that process continued with Shelishi (the third segment), which only ended at Shishi (the sixth segment). I am not down on the Chazan, nor should any of us be... I had a talk with the Chazan about raising people’s hopes. I told him it’s wrong to raise their hopes and think that an Aliyah (segment) is ending, and then to not have it end. So, we are happy it’s a leap year and we don’t need to read Sheini with Rishon… It was confusing. ‘Stop. No. Don’t.’ I have never seen a Chazan or Torah Reader corrected so many times… Everybody thought he didn’t end right. ‘It’s an ender!’ They called it an ‘ender’… You need to be in shape for dealing with double Parshas. That will get the heart-rate going… (Shemot 35:1-3) Shabbat… Can’t make a fire… Yes. That means work, Bernie. Fire is work… You’re making me work right now to explain the laws of Shabbat. Just stop driving to shul. How about that? Let’s start with not planning a road trip for Friday night… I don't know what Shmulik is doing. I think he's working. Didn't even move his hands to show work... VaYakhel, ‘Moshe gathered all the nation of Israel.’ We can’t even get a softball game together… You can’t play with five people. You need a Minyin… Let's start with ten. We can't jump to a nation. The first thing he speaks about is Shabbat. He tells them, no driving on Shabbat. No stitching. No breaking... That means no renovations. Because you break everything. And he tells them 'no renovations.' The point is to not ruin stuff, like the Mr. Bernwitz... Worst paint job on the shed... Nobody can see it, and yet, it is till bothersome. Right after Shabbat, and rest, and not ruining everything, Moshe gives over the Tabernacle stuff. Then he talks about the Temple/Tabernacle. Might as well make your work holy… No. I don't necessarily think it's holy to sell lottery tickets... It does stop people from going to the casino... Nobody purchased shul lottery tickets, because it was a fundraiser... He gave sermons too. Moshe’s Drashas were longer than mine… Moshe also talks about these two things, when he 'gathered' us. First is Shabbat. Because Shabbat is what makes us a people. When else do you see Hymie?... I know you don’t want to hear his jokes. But you don’t see him when you’re working. When you’re tanning leather, you don’t see him. When you’re tying a rope, you don’t see Helen. When you’re stitching… You never look up when you’re stitching. You’re focused on the crocheting… Shabbat is the first thing mentioned when we’re brought together… As Rashi notes that Moshe begins with Shabbat, to teach us that the work that is done for the Mishkan (the work on the Tabernacle is known as 'work' when we speak about Melachot) is not done on the Shabbat… Hammering was done on the Mishkan. You can’t do renovations on Shabbat… How can your neighbors sleep when you’re banging away? When they know the neighborhood is going downhill... Because you're not a handyman Mr. Bernwitz. You're very not handy. We had to move a bench and your side fell... A double Parsha is work. I don’t know if they did it in the Mishkan… It is not one of the thirty-nine Melachot... Good point Michael. I will bring that up at the next rabbi conference. (35:4-20) Right after Shabbat, and being commanded to work for six days, it talks about the work in the Mishkan… ‘Six days you shall work.’ Do stuff… Do holly stuff. They donated all the stuff… The people donated to the Mishkan. And that was the last fundraiser that worked... People still spoke to Moshe and Aharon afterwards... Working is right after Shabbat. A requirement to work. You need to be in shape to do work… To work with the back left. That's why I go to the gym. You sleep the whole week... No. The command is not to be lazy. The sisterhood can still help around the shul, like they used to.... The whole week '6 Days, you shall do work and on the 7th' you shall not do any work. You keep the Shabbat and you do not use it as a day to go to the park and push your goods. Nobody cares for the Ahava products... Your sale is mocking the people. You tell them how disgusting their hands are... So stand in the park and mock people. You can just tell them how ugly they are. That's fine on Shabbat... '6 days, you shall do work...' That means to work during the week. You lazy people in this congregation. The problem is half of this congregation is made of people who went to college....Went to college and now think you can be successful if you work on the Shabbat... That's money. Money doesn't mean success. Mitzvot is success... If you were thinking about getting a job, why did you go to college? What were your thoughts about your financial future when you are putting down $40,000 a year that you don't even have, for a job that might pay $50,000 a year, six years later... Moshe was telling you to rest. Relax. No studying on the seventh day... That's work. Land rests on the seventh year too... You can still donate, and answer your phone... Sunday is super, and you can work on it. You can give money on Sunday... Saturdays are only for tag flipping. Felvel. Please handout the appeal cards... What makes Shabbat Kodesh?... Hymie telling jokes does not make it holy. Felvel laughs at his jokes. That’s the one positive. We're not depended on to laugh at them. He does that himself. That allows us to rest... Hymie laughing at his jokes would be painful... He shouldn't tell jokes during the week either. (Shemot 35:10) ‘All the wise of heart among you shall come and make everything that H’ commanded.’ All the stuff… Even the staves. You need to hold the stuff in place… The clothing of the Kohens... You're not going to have dumb hearted people working on the Mishkan... The Pinkowitzs are not wise of heart... Giving all their money to their youngest for camp... He could've went to Gan Yisrael for a fifth of the amount... So they paid for their kid to go away. Now they're in debt and can't donate anything. Dumb of heart... Chacham Lev (wise of heart) shall come and do all the H' commands In building the Mishkan, it was the 'Wise of Heart' that are now invited to come and build the Tabernacle and its parts. It would seem that it is not just Betzalel and Ohaliav that helped make the objects of the Beit Hamikdash... Same objects in the Mishkan and Beit Hamikdash. It wasn't like a whole new idea because it was permanent... A foundation was needed. You don't want the Beit Hamikdash flying away. It would've never made 500 years... Why nobody names their kids Ohaliav is an anomaly... Putting it as the third name doesn't count. I know you name them after your grandparents with a Yasmin Jessica Rut... That's not naming her after Rut, unless if you're dumb of heart... In this week's Torah portion, it would seem that all people who are wise of heart joined....Wise, because they were working towards something. They had a goal. The end game was there. They knew what they were going to do. They didn't go to university and spend $40,000 a year... Sorry. Forgot about room and board... They were there. To see it come to fruition... Money doesn't fruit. It needs heart to fruit... That's come to fruition. The wise-hearted didn't stop at the donation. They had the skills to... It takes divine inspiration. We don't want Bernwitz mishaps on our shul... Sometimes, it takes a wise-hearted to not help out... These were the people who went to Community College and got an education, then a job.... The point is- Ben, Shira, Shana, Max, Eliezer, Esther, Gavriel and Karen- get out of your parents' homes. You are all above thirty and doing nothing with your lives. It is time that you pay off your student loans, so that you can become Wise members of this Synagogue, who pay dues... Help out with something already. Learn hot to layn, read the Torah... Can you imagine how much longer this Dvar Torah would be with Pikudei... A few words from your wise rabbi who works real hard during the week and... Yes. I hit the gym. Wise-hearted. And I pay gym membership, which the shul should pay for... Fundraising has to be done… Rivka. Way to go with the fundraising for the Purim fundraiser... We can't upkeep the building without funds. The first step in upkeep is money. We need the donations... Can't be wise-hearted with no donations... We do the city census to see who to fundraise for. It turned out that we need to give more money to the Dollar Tree... It turns out people like the Dollar Tree and they feel they're paying too much there... We can't hold services there... The kids like basketball cards too. That was part of the census... No donations to the shul... School was deemed unimportant, as past graduates have not shown wise of heart tendencies... Ben, Shira, Shana, Max, Eliezer, Esther, Gavriel and Karen. Please stand... Exactly... We have the census. Lots of censuses... We do them, because that's the only way to get half shekels out of you... You don't give, so we can't even do the shul census... It’s about tradition. I remember when I used to come to shul as a kid… Yes. I did, Bernie. We used to get baseball cards. We would flip them. Cheesecake Kiddish. Bar Mitzvahs. Everybody wore tuxedos… You’re in shul. You look good. You wear a suit. You don't wear shorts and polo shirt... It's shul. You get cards when you donate, dress decently... Why not a cheesecake Kiddish? Let's take a census... (Shemot 35:20) ‘And they left from before Moshe.' They probably didn’t want to do the work, like this membership... That's how you have to fundraise from now on Rivka. Tell them they'll have to help if they don't give money. Some did do the work. The wise of heart. They gave money and did the work. You immerse yourself physically... Not work on Shabbat. You don't do renovations on Shabbat. That's not wise. Baruch is going to lose money this month... You immerse yourself in shul on Shabbat. (35:22-25) ‘Men came with the women, everyone whose heart motivated… And all the women who were wise of heart spun with her hands’... Not on Shabbat... Because Shabbat is communal. I have seen you crochet. You're impossible to talk to... The community quilt doesn't count. That's not spun with wiseness... Families get involved. Wise of heart means all encompassing. They know the Torah is a way of life. Mitzvot... Missing a game of golf... I understand its sixth months. You can volunteer at the shul during that time... You can also yell at your wife for donating money to the shul... It’s the work that is done by the wise. The heart motivates to give. The wise heart does the actions... Being there. Doing stuff... If you showed to Minyin, you would understand... Your plaque doesn't count for a tenth. The action of giving charity. The action of doing work. The action of the whole family sharing in the process. It's all encompassing action... If you gave too much Tzedakah to the shul, you would feel it. You would see your debt everyday. That's all encompassing... Working for Kodesh is a good heart. On Shabbat, we sleep for Kodesh. Kodesh, holy, is all encompassing. We are encompassed by the holiness as Shabbat, as we are encompassed by the labor of the week... Make it holy. Do positive stuff then... If you want to be a social worker, that's fine. A social worker for the Temple... We're encompassed by community. Just stop with the jokes, Hymie. They're painful. And let us not be encompassed by an extra Parsha... After Shabbat, answer Rivka's calls... I am going to engulf myself at the gym, to deal with this all encompassing membership... Rivka’s Notes on Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon We lost people last year, after the double Parsha. We lost them all. For three weeks, we couldn’t get a Minyin. Our congregation is very uneducated and it's embarrassing. To correct the Chazan and Torah reader with English terms like 'ender' is pathetic. Here, they're reading it in Hebrew, and these guys are screaming 'ender.' 'It's an ender.' I have no idea how they all sit through the whole service in Hebrew every week. They must be sitting and spacing out for three hours. It's a meditative process to say words you don't understand, wrong. The rabbi put in for Siddurs with translation, so that the congregants would have something to do, other than faking like they're praying. They still all glance up when they bow, to make sure they're doing it at the right time. We have one woman who's a perpetual bower. The rabbi started using the gym thing to his advantage. He was playing pickleball regularly. He was spending three hours a day there and saying that was part of his job. He said something about Pikuach Nefesh, saving a life, and how he had to work up his cardiovascular system to deal with the membership. He said, ‘This is the kind of work I have to do during the week. Bernie…’ And then he called it office time. Office time is very vague nowadays. My son says he's going to the office when he goes to the washroom. The people in our shul really do focus on their work, on Saturday. The rabbi telling people to keep the Shabbat was revolutionary. No rabbi before him ever brought up Shabbat on Shabbat. They were too scared to find out what would happen if the congregants learned about Shabbat. Our congregants had no idea that separating was a Melacha, an action you can’t do on Shabbat. The rabbi just said ‘separating can’t be done,’ and the divorce rate in our shul went down. It turns out that most divorces happen on Shabbat. The Friday night dinner turns out to be the number one cause for families separating. Time together with one’s spouse seems to be detrimental to marriage in our community. Then he told them to work the other six days. That killed them. People protested as they wanted Sundays off too. The rabbi turned into a Jewish boss, demanding people clock in on Sundays. The Christians in our shul were very hurt by this. The rabbi lost the congregants, and his message, when he said something about money not being success. Five members left right then to try to sell some cars. Baruch's Used Car Lot went right back to business that day. He said later that he didn't want Shabbat to get in the way of his success. He lost money that month, but it wasn't for lack of not keeping Shabbat. Everybody thought the rabbi was a Navi for saying Baruch would lose money. The rabbi said he wasn't a prophet. Just that Baruch is not good at sales. Baruch also had a hard year, like me, as the head of the fundraising comedy. More members left the shul when the appeal cards came out. We have a fidgety membership who are worried they'll accidentally pull down a tab. They twiddle a lot. That will lead to a phone call and a donation, or more phone calls. I think it was fifteen years ago when the sisterhood started complaining; complaining, and doing nothing else. They used to complain and set up Kiddish. They used to complain about flowers and buy them. Now, they just complain about how ugly the flowers are. The rabbi saying 'dumb of heart,' he meant dumb. The babies are being named after favorite athletes and TV personalities. We have a Harvey in the shul. It's Harvey Moshe. If the first name is not after your grandparent, you're not naming your kid after your grandparent. You can't shtup a name in the middle of five names and say that's a Kavod, an honor, to Grandma. Family Fights I have Witnessed in Our congregation: The we should've not walked in the rain fight. The you're going to catch pneumonia fight. The it's your side of the family fight. The why did we move here fight. The davening is too long fight, and it's your side of the family's fault that the Chazan is leading services way too slow. The we should've hired another rabbi fight. The the last rabbi was worse fight. The why did you donate money fight. The it's our square in the community quilt that ruined the quilt cover of the ark fight. The why fight. When Flevel laughs at his own jokes I am so appreciative. It’s a relief. I don't have to put in the laugh energy. Now I don’t have to laugh. Thank Gd. It's a good way to hear jokes on Shabbat and rest. We finally got Shmulik to stop signing, as there are no deaf members in the shul right now. He’s been relegated to Kiddish bouncer. He stands there with the front arms crossed. We tried buying cards for the kids, to encourage them to come to shul. They’re too expensive nowadays. We tried a fundraiser for the cards, but that just caused more people to run from the shul. I appreciate the rabbi supporting me, though he hasn't donated anything to the fundraiser. He did donate to the rabbi's parking canopy fund, and the rabbi's gym membership fund. Since I started fundraising, I have lost all my friends. People have been blocking my number. Some have taken their number out of the phone book., in fear they will be found. Our congregation has the highest number of unlisted numbers in Topeka. The rabbi shouldn’t have mentioned the census. It turns out, the city lost five thousand Jews last year. Nobody wrote down they were Jewish, in fear of being found for a fundraiser. Purim fundraiser was also a really bad idea. It’s supposed to be a happy holiday. Nobody smiled all of Adar. Knowing there was a fundraiser killed the holiday feel. It turns out that fundraising chases Jews away. Tags:
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Jewish Scenes: Community Theater2/23/2022 
Only thing worse than having to see your friends in theater is having to see your friends' kids on the stage. (www2.schechter.org)
Scene 1
INT - PLAYHOUSE LOBBY - NIGHT The community is standing in front of the theater, talking. Nancy and Mark are a couple in their thirties. Nancy is trying to hide from all the people they know from shul. Random Woman: Shalom guys. Nancy turns to Mark. Nancy: Is this a community event or a play? Mark: I feel like I'm at shul right now. Nancy: You should've just went to Minyin. Now you're going to have to do Mariv (the evening prayer service) here. Mark: Shoot. There's the rabbi. Let's get our seats. Scene 2 INT - PLAYHOUSE THEATER - NIGHT Sitting before the play, Beauty and the Beast, the couple sees a friend in the playbill. The friend is a random girl. Nancy: What are we doing here? Mark: Supporting our friends. Nancy: Is this going to be good? Mark: Our friends are in it. Nancy: Then why are we here? Mark: Our friends are in it. It's a play that our friends are in. They invited us. Nancy: We didn't show up to their house for dinner last Friday night. They invited us to that. Last time we were at one of these, we saw Rachel playing Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof. Mark: That's what makes community theater great. Nancy: The fiddler. Tevye. He is a man. Mark: It's creativity. She was a good fiddler. We would have never seen a woman playing Tevye... Nancy: She doesn't even play violin. Mark: Creativity. Nancy: We saw Beauty and the Beast on Broadway. Amazing costumes. Actors sing beautifully. They're holding masks on their face. Mark: But they're not your friends. Nancy: But they're talented. In the middle of the play, Random Woman is waving to Nancy. Nancy waves back, and shows a little post-hello frustration. Mark shows Nancy the playbill. Mark: Look at this. Rachel is in it. Nancy: I think the pot is a woman. I hope Mrs. Potts is a woman. Mark: It would be so much better if Baruch played Mrs. Potts. It's the creativity. Nancy: If they really are our friends, they wouldn't have charged us to come to something they invited us to. Mark: Look. The Candle has a Kippah. Nancy: That's what excites you? Mark: Yes. That's a Jewish production. Creativity. Nancy: The rabbi should be in it. Mark: Exactly. Nancy leaves in frustration. An hour and a half later, sitting at the community event. Nobody is enjoying the play, but they are all showing their support. The big scene of reveal of the Beast comes, and the Beast's mask comes off. Everybody is amazed and excited. Mark: That's Baruch. I know Baruch. Nancy: Baruch is the Beast? Random Guy: I know Baruch too. Nancy: Hey Baruch. Baruch has his time as a star, for the local members of the shul. He's the talk at Kiddish that week. Scene 3 INT - PLAYHOUSE LOBBY - NIGHT Huge group of people talking in the hallway. Random Guy 2 (announces): Minyin. We need two more for Maariv. Mark (to Nancy): It was worth it. At least I caught Minyin. Mark goes to join Minyin. NonJewish Friend from Work goes to Nancy. NonJewish Friend: Why are they praying in the corner? It's a Jewish event. Nancy: There might not be anti-Semites here. But it's hard to like these people. Kibbitzer Conclusion Nobody was bothered by Mark and Nancy talking. Their conversation seemed to be more exciting than seeing Rachel play a candle. You go to the community play to show support for your friends. You don't go to enjoy yourself. You go to see your friends in the play and to talk to all the people you saw at Kiddish last Shabbat. The great thing is that they have the artistic license in community theater. Beauty and the Beast on Broadway is a great play, with amazing actors. A spectacle. You see it in community theater and the most exciting thing is seeing your friend. If you're lucky, the evening becomes more exciting when you go out with the cast for ice cream. Your friends that invited you to the play make you pay for the ice cream too. Mrs. Potts was played by Shlomo. That was Mark's favorite part of the play, and when Nancy took a twenty minute break, in frustration. Nancy was also very mad having to see this poor effort after seeing Beauty and the Beast on Broadway. To now have to see the woman who sits next to her in shul holding her mask, on stage, in her hand the whole play. Tags:
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Jewish Love Notes2/22/2022 
Valentine's Day just passed, so we can finally talk about love as Jews. There is time to Tu BAv, so let's start preparing now.
As I have recently turned religious, I have much experience dating, and I want to help us, as Jews, bring Kedusha (holiness) to the idea of love notes. Here are some Jewish love notes, that you can use. I love you so much. I want to see you in a shaytel. Make sure you really love them, before telling them you want to see them with a head-covering. You can't play with people's emotions. Especially telling them you want to see them in a shaytel, another person's hair; that is the next level love and commitment. Tichels or bandannas are not as intimate as another person's hair. You want to go to Kiddish with me? Sharing Kiddish is an intimate experience. If you've been together for many years, you can let them know that you will make space for them to get to the choolante. Fighting off other people for them shows that you are their night and shining armor. Your scholarliness makes me want to learn Torah with you. That may be forward, as it shows a lot of passionate intention. I want a beautiful Shabbat table. That is the line. Nothing will win the love of a Jewish woman more than saying 'Shabbat table.' Just say 'Shabbat table' and you are good to go. I want to share a Shabbat table with you, at my parents' house. If you are young, that is a safer bet. You don't want to be stuck writing a note that requires you to make a Shabbat meal. It's easier to depend on your mother. I want to introduce you to my parents. They are going to be involved in the relationship. You have no choice. Might as well introduce them right away. Start off the relationship with proper expectations. I love you so much, I will treat you to a Kosher restaurant. That takes a lot of savings. Anything more than a Kosher pizza shop is going to force you to lose a lot of money. I want to treat you to a candle lit dinner at a five star restaurant. This is great, as there are no Kosher restaurants in your area. The thought means everything, and you save money. This is why you don't mention having a dinner at your place. You would have to pay for that. Will you go to the separate beaches of Israel with me? You have to go to different beaches. But to go at the same time, that is romance. I want to see you on the other side of the Mechitzah. Telling them you want to see them in shul, on the other side of the partition, is love. Only share this with somebody you want to marry. Remember, we don't play with emotions, especially when it comes to separating in public. With this note of love, you will also be suggesting that you will be driving to Frum weddings in the future, where you will not be seeing each other. Will you be my Shidduch? You can even ask if they will be your spouse. Saying 'Shidduch' chases away less girls, and it can push off the marriage for many years. What's great about saying 'Shidduch' is that it allows you to feel like a whole community is part of your relationship. It also helps you feel like you are always on a first date, and that you have to report what happened to other people. I am going to ask the Shadchan about you. Wow. Hold on there young lad. That is as forward as you can get. Saying that you are going to get the matchmaker involved in asking her out, that is a bit crazy. Getting a Shadchan involved is saying marriage. Once the matchmaker is involved, you are not going on dates to enjoy yourself. That's what I've learned over my time as a Frum Jew. You get the matchmaker involved and you're now accountable for your relationship, and birthing the next generation of Jews. That Shadchan is going to be following up on your relationship, daily. You Want to be my plus one. In the days of polygamy this was the number one sold Hallmark card. I believe our forefathers used this. I want five kids. State the fact that you want five kids. Nothing else. No need to tell them with whom. Just stating it, they will know you are serious about a relationship. With whom is not important. I had my tonsils taken out. Nothing more intimate than sharing your medical history. Truth be told, any form of complaint is the greatest show of love to your Jewish romance. Clean the fridge. And don't leave your stuff out. Insinuating a fight should only be used if you are already engaged and committed to marriage. Whatever your note, don't pull the strings of one's heart, unless if you are ready to commit to their parents as in-laws. You should all find love and share a home of many notes that don't only express anger. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke: Ki Tisa2/18/2022 
Electricity went out on Wednesday and it lasted through Friday night. We had the chance for spirituality, but nobody sang. Singing would've made it spiritual. When there are no lights, you sing. It's spiritual. Jewish tradition is, you light a candle, somebody says something about how that is a Neshama, and the soul lights up a room, and then you sing Dveykus songs, and people cry. Spiritual means there is crying. But we don't have a program director, so nothing happened.
We need a committee to decide to sing. And nobody shows up to committee meetings anymore. So, nothing happened. There was no soul. No spirituality. And no candles lit. There weren't even candles. People can't even purchase candles by themselves nowadays. They need a professional for everything. Poverty is where spirituality is found, and we had that chance to bond. Poor people bond. They talk to each other. They can't afford other forms of entertainment, like paying to watch a monologue. No electricity. Instead of singing, everybody complained. And they blamed the rabbi. And they still were mad there was no choolante. It's a shame that nobody can take a step up and start a song. I think most are worried the harmony is going to be off. You start singing in our shul and it turns into the worst choir ensemble. You can hear all the bad voices in non-unison. Announcement for Rosh Chodesh: 'The molad. The appearance of the New Moon will be Tuesday, at 5 and three Chalakim.' He pronounced the English 'Chalakim.' We can’t have non-Hebrew readers announcing stuff. It looks pathetic. Our leaders don’t even know their religion. They can't even say the Hebrew word for 'life' correctly. It's embarrassing. We need to ship in an Israeli who is also a program director. They decided to bring in a prospective assistant rabbi. The search committee brought him in. The requirement was a rabbi who wants to be in Topeka. That's the standard. We don't need an assistant rabbi. We need a program director. We already have somebody who fields complaints. And most of our complaints about the rabbi, which makes it easy for the rabbi to field them. The trial rabbi gave a speech, then Rabbi Mendelchem still gave his Dvar Torah Sermon. I have a feeling that even when he is not around, Rabbi Mendelchem will find a way to always give a sermon. One time, his internet was down and he mailed it in. Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Shabbat Shalom My Congregants and Those who come every week but do not pay dues, and send their children to Junior Congregation, while they sit in the nice plush movie theater seats… The theater was going out of business, but we had to refurbish all the seats. That costs money… We refurbished them in the 1970s. Maroon was considered nice back then… When the Jews were building the Beit Mikdash, the Mishkan, there was an understanding that there were some donations that everybody gives. AKA dues… It had to look good. Gd designed it... I don't think there was 1970s maroon. Counting chairs now. Stop counting chairs. Stop counting people. All you do is sit there and count… (Shemot 30:12) H’ tells Moshe, ‘When you take a census…every man will give H’ an atonement for his soul… and there won’t be a plague among them when counting them.’ We don’t need another plague here. We already have the board… We are not singing that Hoshea et Amecha song again… The half shekel is an atonement. We need an atonement all the time. Every time I think of the congregants of this shul, I think, an atonement is needed. When I count a Minyin, and make sure there are ten, I see the members and think, an atonement is needed. How many donate nothing to the shul? Dues... Kiddish is atonement. It’s bad, when you serve gefilte fish balls... There’s no way those are gefilte fish. They taste off. And a toothpick?! Gefilte fish on toothpick? Censuses are needed. When we go on a shul trip and have to find Phillip… Where does he go? Always wondering. He comes on the trip and then does his own tour… Being here with you, and leading you as your shepherd, should be an atonement for me… It’s painful, and I always feel like you guys get lost... Then tell me what page we're on right now, Pinchas. Lost... Paying dues is important for you, Rachel... You complain, you help with nothing, your kids are the loudest runners... Giving money is not just for counting... Yes. They count at Bingo, but your dues are for Teshuva. A repentance for all the pain you have caused me... I don't need an apology. A raise is fine. (Shemot 30:13-16) It’s half a shekel. You can afford it, Ben… (Shemot 30:15) ‘The rich does not give more, and the poor does not give less than half a shekel… to atone for your souls.' There aren't scholarships for everything... It's half a shekel. Why do you need to get a deal all the time? Machatzit Hashekel, the half shekel. When it comes to Kapara, an atonement, we all have the same path to share. Atonement comes as one. We’re all in a shul with Bernie, Thelma, Francine, and Frank’s section in the back left. Nobody is better in Kapara… Because we all have to be around these people. Once we understand that we have the same pain of dealing with them, we can do Kapara. We can atone, once we understand we are together in this pain. This pain of having to come to shul and see the membership. It makes me want to atone for something. I must have done something wrong. An offering of H’ repents for our 'souls.' Our collective… I know people give nothing here. Stop putting it on Feygelstein. We know he’s wealthy and doesn’t donate anything… Invest better, Ben. We’re a group. A people. Purim is coming up. You give a half shekel. You don't just show up drinking your paper bag. You give too. You share what you're drinking... Then bring cups. Selfish. You can't be atoned for if you're selfish. Taking up the full armrests... Couldn't even sit next to you in a movie theater. You're selfish. You probably don't even buy your kids popcorn... You sit there with your hand in the bucket the whole time… You don't share. Do you pay your dues?... Please put the popcorn away. We're in shul... I understand the seats are comfortable.... (Shemot 30:16) That money is what is used for the work of the Tent of Meeting... The clean money. It's clean. It should be donated from money that was not stolen... What do you think we use your dues for?... We do need to fix the leak. The shul president should deal with that in the next meeting... I am sure they used money to fix leaks in the Mishkan. ‘And it will be a remembrance for the children of Israel before H,’ to atone for your souls.’ That money is used for good, and it is a remembrance. If we were to build something nice here, it would be for positive thoughts before Gd... Down the road, they have a lookout into a beautiful forest, from the sanctuary... That window?! It hasn't been cleaned in years. And we don't even have a gardener. You have to do something decent. And we push that. Your leaders push that to Gd… So He doesn’t think of all the stupid stuff you do. The Kohen Gadol even has your names on his shoulders, for a remembrance... The names of your forefathers were good. You should think of naming your kids Dan, Shimon... Chelsea is not Jewish... She's Jewish, but the name isn't. Dina is Jewish. Got to look to the first people with the names. If the first person with the name was a Crusader's wife... That's not a good remembrance... If you did good deeds, we would remember. We would hang it on the wall. We would put up a plaque... We’re not remembering the faux pas of the congregants of Beis Knesses Anshei Emes uSefilah. You want us to remember how we messed up. You want a list. Here we go: When Rachel had her sons Bar Mitzvah and forgot to bring candy. People were throwing tie clips at the kid. When Mark... That was a messed up wedding, in a shared wedding hall... You were at the wrong party. When Bernie showed to the funeral and thought it was a big celebration, because all of his friends were there. Yelling across the room to Hymie, 'Great to see you.' When Sadie... Even Sadie messed up with the shul calling tree fundraiser, when she said the money was going to a wealthy congregation who doesn't pay their dues... The Rosh Chodesh announcement of 'CHalakim' in English... One thing is definite. You need to atone. This congregation needs to atone. Rosh Chodesh is a chance for Teshuva. It’s not Rosh Chodesh. You need to pronounce it in Hebrew. The Molad 10 CHalakim. Nobody knows what American CHalakim are. You need to pronounce the Hebrew. It’s not Halakim or Chalakim. It’s got to be read with a Hebrew. Not a 'cha.' It's not a dance from the 1960s. And Rosh CHodesh. It makes no sense... A lot of stuff has to be done. A lot for you to atone for. It's a gift that the membership gives. The laver (Shemot 30:17-21)… Yes. Water was to be put in it. You're thinking beer... the Kiddish club has got to stop... Anointment oil (Shemot 30:22-33)… They spread it on everything. They anointed it... We are not anointing anybody hear… You don’t know the recipe and you can’t do it. It's not a soap that you... I know soap making has become very popular among our congregants. I don't think they were washing with berries in the Beit Hamikdash... Chemicals clean better. (Shemot 30:32) ‘Don’t make anything like its formulation… anyone who makes a compound like it, or who puts it on a random person shall be cut off from the people.’ They didn’t just shpritz it around. It wasn’t an Ahava product... I don’t know if the everything bagel spice is the formulation. I don’t think so… Then stop using the everything bagel seasoning on everything. I want to cut off your chicken from the shul potluck dinner menu... Chicken isn't an everything bagel. And incense (Shemot 30:34-38). Incense is important. You want it to smell good… I don’t know what frankincense is. Frank do you have any idea… He has no idea too… Don’t copy this either. You’ll be cut off from the people… If you guys were cut off. I am getting the feeling this congregation would’ve been cut off or killed… You guys count all the time. Every time we go on a shul field trip… It’s Topeka. They’ll find their way home themselves… If they get lost? They live here. They go to baseball games themselves. No reason to count… And you spray the bathrooms. How much potpourri... And you don’t pay your dues… That’s a form of Machatzit Hashekel not coming to your rabbi... You would be cut off. And they don't want to deal with bad jokes... If they came to a Kiddish, Hymie, they would cut off the whole community... Because you have the wrong people doing stuff. Wrong people telling jokes... We need to give out certificates for people being allowed to do stuff here... (Shemot 31:1-11) Betzalel and Ohaliav were appointed to not mess things up. They had the ‘spirit of God, with wisdom and understand, and knowledge and with every form of work’… You couldn’t even renovate right. The light is still hanging off to the side. No wisdom behind the update of the shul... This is why you hire professionals, like this man sitting to my left. To not mess things up... And Shabbat (31:12-17). Don’t mess it up. If you are Mechalel. If you desecrate it, you will die… The Machatzit Hashekel doesn’t count for everything. Purim is coming up. Give your Machatzit Hashekel. Let’s sing ‘VShamru Bnei Yisrael’… That is more important than worrying about the plague. But you don't keep the laws of Shabbat… You’ll die if you don’t sing 'VShamru Bnei Yisrael.' If you don’t sing ‘Hoshea et Amecha,’ you can still be fine.... (Shemot 30:29) ‘And you shall sanctify them and they shall be holy of holies. Whoever touches them shall become holy.’ We sanctify and it is holy. We have to put in effort… No. Bernie, you have not put in effort for the past eighty years. Be holy… Achrayut is what we’re talking about. We are all responsible for each other. And that is why everything is so messed up... The people who are responsible for other people's responsibilities have no idea what is going on, too. Not asking anybody to put in more effort… I understand Michael. You are broke. But don’t put it on Mr. Feygelstein to give more money, just because he owns Feygel’s supermarket chain... You can give a different donation. Other than the Machatzit HaShekel. When you give no money to the shul, you have no soul. You are a taker. It's not the volunteer offerings we are talking about. It is the minimal offerings you must give to be an active member of the people. You go golfing every day Dr. Rosenberg. 'The poor' I understand that we have poor people in our congregation. Dr. Rosenberg's accountant mentioned to me that he only pulled in $120,000 last year.... Everybody calm down, we have already started a shul fund to get him out of poverty. We want him to be able to afford full membership to the St. Nicholas Country Club. However, you still have to pay your dues. For the shul? No. For yourself. To share in the community and to be atoned for... Nobody wants to be here. We just need atonement. It is this, communal contribution, which is used for the work done in the Tent of Meeting. The objects that have day to day use, as a 'Remembrance before H', to atone for your souls.' The physical labor of the Tent of Meeting is to atone for what we did or didn't do. The actions connect to our souls... Your sinfulness affects your soul. Yes. When you talk in the middle of my sermon and don't get the message, it affects the soul... We are dependent on our community as a whole, to come together, to be part of a communal atonement. Our are affected by each other. Even if you have no soul. If you pay your dues, you may be counted in the communal atonement of our people... Minyin is with community. The idea is for H' to not look at you. Then, maybe He'll not see how bad you are, Bernie and back left of the shul... We pray that the Gabai and Chazan also receive a soul this year. We pray that all the women who sit in the back with their huge hats and talk throughout the sermon, receive a soul this year, along with their new face-lift. We pray that the children of our shul, who take kiddush food before everybody, receive a soul and share the Stella D'oro chocolate on the inside... Eat around the chocolate and the chocolate lasts on the cookies. May we all have souls... Like the Stella D'oro chocolate soul, we have a soul. We pray the parents receive a soul, and find their runners... Do you need a program director for everything? Can nobody in this shul step up anymore... The sisterhood used to do stuff. Now you hire somebody to put together the Kiddish. We even hired somebody to say 'Shabbat Shalom'... There was a friendliness committee and they decided to hire somebody to make our shul more friendly... You can't even be friendly... That's the stuff the sisterhood does. You pay for a woman to be the sisterhood... The Men's Club doesn't exist... A brotherhood sounded too scary... We're now looking for a professional to have a soul for us. So, you bring in an assistant rabbi to have a soul... Purim is coming. Start thinking of how we will witness this redemption of atonement and finally make this place holy… Maybe bring a soul to the shul. You're already drinking. Let Purim bring a soul out of your binging... We have to make it holy, but H’ makes it holy. We have to make space… You think this room, with this lighting, makes holy. We have to do it. We have to keep Shabbat… That doesn’t mean parking a block away from the shul. It does mean paying dues. (Shemot 31:13) ‘Observe my Shabbat, for it is a sign between me and you for your generations, to know that I am H’ Who makes you holy.’ We don’t make holy. We have to make the space. H’ really makes it holy… So what are we doing? Exactly my question… It’s a relationship Bernie. Like the way you interrupt my sermons… We need a soul and decentness for H' to remember. We need Bar Mitzvahs that make sense, and people knowing when they're at a funeral... Fundraising correctly. With Sadie's fundraising technique, they would've never got anything for Tabernacle building... It’s holy and those who profane it will die (Shemot 31:14)… You want to die?!... Then pay your dues. Wow. That was a long Aliyah. I will give the sermon later. Rivka’s Notes on Rabbi Mendelchem’s Drasha That wasn't a sermon? I'm considering that a sermon. The length of the sermon was an atonement. Pinchas counted the minutes. He's now the board secretary. He takes the worst accounting at the meetings. But when it's the rabbi's speech, he does a great job of accounting for the minutes. That goes on record. That was a long Aliyah and a long Parsha. That was only the rabbi’s Aliyah notes. He said he would give a sermon later, but half the congregation slipped out during the rest of the Torah reading. Holiness is a dangerous thing. That’s what I learned from the Dvar Torah. I also learned that death and excommunication don’t phase the congregants. They still park a block away from the shul. The neighbor started charging for parking. He opened a lot. He’s making good money off the Jews. Should the shul open the lot? That's the question. The board is figuring if we should valet on Shabbat. This way, the congregants can still park a block away from the shul. The valet would bring the car to the lot. Nothing gets done. It's true. Nobody participates anymore. We need to hire a program director to be a professional congregant. We need professional congregants. If we paid everybody in the shul, they would participate and maybe have a soul. The rabbi did mention the idea of paying people to come to Minyin. I think that will help with the idea of people showing up daily. As long as shul is a job, people will be there on time. The shul’s seats are comfortable and ugly. The Maroon doesn’t go with the brown checkered carpet. I believe board members in the 1970s made the original renovation decisions. They were board members then too. The rabbi started calling the kids runners. It wakes the parents up. Hearing their kids are runners has them worried for some reason. They finally started counting the kids at Junior congregation. The youth director just spaces out. She has no idea where the kids are. Still, this week, many did not show up. They said it had to do with the snow. The plows didn’t come. What does your driveway not being plowed have to do with walking to shul? It must be something to do with the worry of what you’ll have to do after Shabbat. Such a powerful message. In order to atone, I now look around the shul, see the other people, and wonder what I've done wrong to deserve this. The names in the shul not being for good remembrance was true. Many are named after people who have possibly played Jews on TV. Would the rabbi wear the congregants' names on his shoulders? I don't know. I don't think so. He might die if he did that. We did start a Mitzvah board. That was a great project. Posting Mitzvot for remembrance. It was blank for the first two weeks. There were no Mitzvot done. The next class at shul was an investment seminar. The rabbi realized that he has the least successful congregants. They would have no chance of making it as Jews in New York. Every Jewish child from Topeka would end up in public school. How they’re in private schools in Topeka, and still don’t pay their dues, is another question. At a hundred thousand dollars a year, the congregants are not wealthy enough to be Jewish. Personality certificates was also a good idea. Certification to tell jokes at Kiddish had many people very happy. I think the rabbi just didn't want to have to hear more bad jokes. I have a feeling the rabbi wants to cut off our shul from the people. He definitely wants to cut off the board. They do count everywhere we go. When we went on the shul sledding walk to the hill, they counted thirty or so times. The numbers never the same, because people were sledding. It's pathetic that we need to hire somebody to have a soul for us. Tags:
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Those are millennials. You can see by the way they're sitting in a circle and talking. They're learning Torah and smiling. Definitely millennials. They’re coming up with new commentaries. People who sit in circles create new ideas... And they're sitting on couches. Millennials learn in libraries, on couches, and they try to look like Herzl, who they think is a rabbi too… I truly hope AI gets better so that not everybody looks like a bird person.
All of the Torah. All of it offends them. With that said...
I went to a class this week about relationships in the Torah. That wasn't a good idea. The rabbi didn't think about how much Torah can turn people off to Torah. Anything about relationships is offensive to the kids. The rabbi should have just quoted The Giving Tree. The young ones would've been offended by people using the tree, but they wouldn't have blamed God for it. I have seen that modern day people can't hear Torah stuff mixed with the modern day. They will be offended. Let's call these annoying members of the congregation that are offended, millennials, or Michael and his friends. These are Torah statements I have heard, what I saw, and some of the reactions of millennials. Man has to Provide Food, Clothing and Marital Relations To His Wife Millennial Thoughts: This is offensive. Women don't need men for families. They can feed themselves too. They have hands. Men should provide nothing. They shouldn't have wives. Marriage is offensive. Torah is offensive. Families are offensive. Can’t believe they had families back then. Be Fruitful and Multiply Millennial Thoughts: We are killing the environment. And how do people breed fruit? I heard the stork story, but nobody births an apple. Millennial Thoughts: Now you are saying women need kids too. Offensive. Men Make More Money Than Woman This offends them too. It's a fact. And facts are offensive, even if they're not in the Torah. Don't mention facts. You have to argue against them without talking about them, or you will offend the children. You mention this fact, they are offended. You say you are against this, they're still mad at you. If you say, 'Men shouldn't make more money,' they are offended. Why? I don't know. It happened at Kiddish. Millennial Thoughts: Don't share any Torah or facts with me, until you change them. Slave Millennial Thoughts: You're not allowed to say 'slave.' 'Servant' is offensive too. You say 'butler.' They're butlers that didn't get paid, and were not allowed to leave their masters. Slavery They hear the word 'slavery' and conversation is over. They skip that part of the Torah. Forget about the whys and hows of a Jewish slave. Skip Shemot. Millennial Thoughts: This offends me. No idea why, but I am offended. Things were not different back then, so please don't talk about slavery anymore. I am going to skip Pesach this year. Father Sells His Daughter to Slavery Between us, I have seen these single millennials. I am not pro-slavery. I am against slavery. However, if dads were selling their daughters, it would be a lot easier for people to meet. It would solve the Shidduch crisis. Millennial Thoughts: Mothers should sell their children to slavery... Why do dads get to sell their children? I don't care if it turns into marriage, or that we don't do it anymore, it offends me. Yitzchak Was Forty, Rivka Was Three The kids can't accept that times have changed. They still don't know that people used to drive station wagons. The fact that people were riding camels back then, for transportation, doesn't phase them. They believe Avraham had a decent sewer system and electricity. They are taught everything in century twenty-one terms. The think the Crusaders flew first class and went through security check. TSA confiscated their pocket knives. Then they went in to kill the Jews. Millennial Thoughts: She should've been sold to slavery. And I am offended. Anything in Bereishit Teach anything in Bereishit and they are offended. Millennial Thoughts: We did not come from Adam. Did a man write the Torah? Not the point. We don't come from women either. Is God a man or a woman... He has to be one of those. If He isn't, I don't get it. And I am offended. Yaakov Had Four Wives Two, four. Whatever you want to call it. Back then. Men had more than one wife. Millennial Thoughts: No he didn't... Well. That is disgusting... In Jordan, it's fine. That's their society. That doesn't offend me. What bothers me is that they did it three thousand years ago. Torah offends me and wives are offensive. Concubines Oh shoot. Never say that. Shemot Don't teach them about consequences. Consequences offend them too. Millennial Thoughts: If I knock out an eye, I shouldn't be responsible for that. It was their eye. Consequences offend me. If You Damage Something You Have to Pay For It But it was an accident. You hit somebody else and they die, means you have to give them another chance, to these kids. Millennial Thoughts: Accountability is offensive. If they burn down somebody's house, let them know to not doing it again. If you let people know to not do it again, that is enough. Men and Women Have Different Roles Oh! No! Men Don't Give Birth They should. Men Should Pay for the Date That's chauvinistic. Men Shouldn't Pay for the Date How dare you say that. You Should Get Married 'I can do this by myself. I don't need a man.' You Should Do What You Want 'I need to get married. I can't find a good man.' Men Are Attracted To Looks Never start anything with this statement. The modern day men are not attracted to anything. The whole 'beauty of appearance' of Sarah, and Rachel, and Tziporah, and every other good looking woman in the Torah, we've got to nix that stuff. At least it should only mean beauty of the soul. That had beautiful souls. Our forefathers were attracted to good looking souls. Millennial Thoughts: I am offended. The cartoon depiction of Tziporah and Miriam in Prince of Egypt is offensive. Good looking caricatures. I am offended. Conclusion Don't mention the word 'Torah' to anybody under the age of 40. It offends them. Don't teach Torah to millennials. The ones in my shul are too dumb to understand that servitude used to be something. We need a Judaism that is not based on Torah to teach. No Torah is the only way to draw the millennial closer to Judaism. Any Torah will offend the millennial. We need Judaism without Torah. If you change the Torah, they can connect with it. Take out the people and all relationships from the Torah. That will make it a better, non-offensive reading. If we need the Torah for the kids, skip the text and just tell the stories about how Yaakov's children got along. We need to create something about how Avraham was really Sarah and Sarah was Avraham. They are really the same person. That will make it good. The young ones in my should would love their tradition if it wasn't for the Torah. Tags:
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Why Jews Love the Super Bowl2/13/2022 
Oceanside Jewish Center Super Bowl Party. Jewish, because the Super Bowl is a Chag. Maybe it's the deli. (Photo: LI Heralrd)
Jewish people have forever been fans of the Super Bowl. That is the sport we love. Super Bowl. We take in Super Bowl. Most of us have no idea what football is, but we love the Super Bowl. We love the action. We love the atmosphere. There is cheering. We love it. Jews love to celebrate, and it sounds like a great dish to serve from, on the holiday.
Based on what I experienced again this year, here is what I know about why we love the Super Bowl. Sunday Games Every other sport has Friday night and Saturday games. The NFL is the only league that loves Jews and is not anti-Semitic. You can celebrate Shabbat and love professional football. That is why religious Jews don’t like high school football, college football, or badminton. You thought the football was a weird looking ball? Try adding feathers to it. It is a Holiday We love days with no work. This is why we love Shabbat and Passover. If we had to work on Shabbat, think about how many less Jews would keep it. We would love football more if we got a day off in the middle of the week, and it was called Super Bowl Tuesday. Better yet, make it a three day Super Bowl Yontif. There is Food We go for the party, the dinner. At first Jews had no idea the Super Bowl was about football. They thought it was the celebration of the kitchenware the guacamole was being served in. Last Super Bowl party I went to, most of the people had no idea there was a game going on. They were too involved with the dips. I later asked my friend about the game and he gave me a play by play about the spread, and how the potato salad went perfectly with the cold cuts. Yes. There was brisket. It is a holiday. Only One Day of Commitment You can skip the rest of the season and still consider yourself a fan. It’s like not going to shul the whole year and then showing up on Yom Kippur. Athletes and Serious Competition As long as we don’t have to do it, we love it. It’s very relaxing seeing other people working hard and getting hit. It is good for our children to see these grown men flattening each other. These are the perfect role models to encourage our kids to stay in school and not get hurt. That is how you turn a child into a Torah scholar. Two Armies Going at It And the people being hit are not Jewish. It is like the old Jewish joke where the Jewish family is watching Ben-Hur and the mother is crying. The son tells his mom to not cry, as those are not Jewish people being eaten by the lions. A few minutes later the mother starts crying again. The son asks, “Mom. Why are you still crying?” His mother, all teared up, points to the screen, “That lion is not eating.” Great joke for the Super Bowl party. You can share it. The Halftime Show We love concerts. The show is the reason we watch the clock. Every Jew knows the two minute warning. It is imperative that everybody in the house hears that there is only two minutes left in the half, so that we know when the excitement of the five minute concert is going to start. The halftime show is when everybody goes in to watch the game. We love entertainment that has nothing to do with the thing we came to see itself. Nothing is more exciting than going to a Bar Mitzvah, not having to listen to the boy give a speech, and seeing a band playing the whole time. We Love Old Entertainers Tradition. There is something about a laser light show with a geriatric entertainer that captures the imagination of our Jewish people. We love hearing thirteen different choruses, and no stanzas. Greatest show. It’s the kindness of the Jewish people that gets us excited to see The Who, Paul McCartney and Bruce Springsteen coming out of retirement to perform on a stage for a couple of minutes, and to not finish a song. We understand, they're too old to finish a song. Their energy runs out. We even like seeing a heavy 50 Cent. Something to do with enjoying a concert from a place of Rachmanis. Commercials Anything to distract us from the Super Bowl makes the game more exciting for us. Food, singing, commercials. Anything but people throwing pigskin. We don’t watch the Super Bowl for that. It's not Frum. It's against our better Jewish senses, to watch a pigskin. I've never heard a Jew talk about the game the next day. But they know everything that happened to the Geico gecko. That lizard is a hoot. He sounds like a British chap. Love it. You have to respect Coke. The only company in the world still advertising when everybody is already drinking their drink. Referees are Like Rabbis We look to the referees for ordinances. It's a very religious experience for us. We like to see them in black and white, as that is more traditional garb. They are our rabbis, our leaders, the only older people in the vicinity to give a ruling. We listen to their decrees. Even when we don't agree with them, we listen to them. We have to. Jews Love Tradition We do the same thing every year. The same holidays, same prayers, same complaints about the rabbi. That's why we complain about the referee. The Super Bowl is also the same, every year. Right there on the field, Tom Brady. That is tradition. Tom Brady is still there in our hearts. A committed Jew, only played for Jewish owners. He may not be in the Super Bowl this year, but you will here somebody in shul talking about how great Tom Brady was, tomorrow. There is a Jew Somewhere That brings us Jewish pride. It may not be a player, but we will find a Jew to take pride in. It may the owner, it may be an announcer, it may be a fan sitting there with a Kippah. It is all good enough for Jewish pride. We will find a way to make the Super Bowl Jewish, even if there are no Jews on the field. It could be a commercial that sells something that a Jew patented. Maybe even a commercial about something Jews like. We eat chips, and there was a chips commercial. We will find a way to take pride in this Super Bowl, even if it is Cincinnati. I heard Jews talking about how Cincinnati and LA are cities with a fine Jewish history. If we have to go back two hundred years to find a shul there, we shall. We love the halftime show, but if it was Yaakov Shwekey it would be so much better. Just seeing another Jew there. We Love Throwing Up Our Hands and Saying “Come On Ref!” Jews love expressing disappointment. It's part of our tradition. To all of the Rams and Bengals fans out there, half of you will be experiencing this. We love the Super Bowl because it is a Jewish holiday and there is food. Even if it's Mexican. Super Bowl Sunday Sameach! Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke: Titzaveh2/11/2022 
Lashon Hara, talking about other people, is what keeps our community going. It is forbidden, but it keeps people coming to shul. It is the engine that keeps our community moving. If we didn't have Lashon Hara nobody would want to talk to Mendel. He's annoying. You talk to him, and you have something to talk about.
I don’t know if it’s Lashon Hara to talk about the intermarriages. I do know that you have to watch who you share your intermarriage thoughts with. Betting on Ebay has become a big thing since COVID. I think they call it auctions. Our congregants have been very into auctions since Bingo has been down. People need to spend their time doing something that is not Torah. The members spend most of their time doing stuff that isn't Torah. They definitely don't show up to the rabbi's classes. Ebay auctions are a great way to ensure there is no Torah. I have been on the auctions myself and I have yet to see a Torah auction. Usually you have to start the bidding at a dollar or so to get it moving. People would think it was a fake Torah if they got it for a dollar. We need Bingo back in our shul, it's a more passive way of gambling. The shul auction fundraiser was called off last year, as people said, 'We can go to the Ebay auctions.' It's hard explaining the excitement of the auction house to this generation. Other fundraisers we’ve tried don't work. It has to be gambling. Two deaths this week. BD"E. I was traveling. I missed them. What am I supposed to do? I can't keep track of community on the road. It's too much. I leave, I want to take a break from community. Every time I travel, I miss out on stuff. I hate reading the bulletin. Always death. Is my traveling bad luck? We need a death chart. Or just death emails. When I'm traveling, I can't hear about who had a baby. I don't care whose grandkid had a baby. I'm on vacation from caring about who showed up to Shalishudis. I don't need to hear about the community sledding event, when I am not in town. I just need to know who died. Rabbi Mendelchem’s Drasha Shabbat Shalom as Always My Pack… It’s always Shabbat on Shabbat. So I wish a Shabbat Shalom… I always wish a Shabbat Shalom on Shabbat. I don’t say Yom Shelishi Shalom on Shabbat… That’s Tuesday. It’s about continuity. We do things that are continual. From day to day. Generation to generation. Except for the Felsensteins who have all intermarried… You are my flock. I feel that with all the violence in Topeka recently, I would empower you and call you my pack... It's empowerment, Bernie. You need empowerment and to do things right. Empowered to not mess up... (Shemot 27:20) ‘Now you shall command the children of Israel and they shall take to you pure olive oil, pressed, for illumination, to kindle the continual light’… This is the Ner Tamid. The continual light. It says nothing about flashing neon green above the ark… It’s for illumination, Bernie. The neon green does not illuminate. There is no pure neon green. I look up and I feel like I’m at a pool hall. I am praying at a pool hall… Yes. It’s messed up. The Temple didn’t have neon green… We’re trying to attract people, not flies… The Ner Tamid is in our shul, because it was placed outside the Tent of Meeting. So, it is above the ark... The ark was in the Tent of Meeting... Yes. It sounds better in Hebrew, but there is messed up schooling here... We are a Small Temple. That’s what a shul is. And that is why you don’t have neon green lights… Gd did not command Moses to have the Cohens hang neon green light strips around the Temple… The Temple did not have Bingo… Yes. We need Bingo. We should have the neon green lights at Bingo. People buy more cards with the neon green lights. A continual Sunday night green light for Bingo… The Ner Tamid was a candle always lit. Constant, because it was done every night. It was not lit all the time. This is a conundrum. A question as I stand before you today and give my sermon, which I always give… I only give it once a week, but the message lasts all week. Continual… Zalman likes this. He only shows up to Minyin once a week. He says that’s all the time... Your Shabbat candles go out in forty-five minutes. If you would come to Minyin for Shacharit, I would say that we had a constant Minyin… We have to chase down people. That's a constant. I need to run a fifty yard daily dash to catch somebody for Kaddish. That's constant. That's tradition... We have constant talking in the shul. It’s always there. Continual talking in the middle of my Drasha. In the middle of Musaf there is talking. During announcements, talking. It’s continual… In the Beit HaMikdash, the Temple, there wasn't always talking. In the Mishkan, the Tabernacle... Yes. They talked to figure out whose sacrifice it was. They would yell, 'Marvin. It's your sacrifice now. Felvel's is on the altar. Next up, Esther, bring your lamb...' They communicated. That's why they didn't have neon green lights... You don't just make a random decision by yourself. Especially, when it's going to be constant... You make a decision to not come to Minyin, constantly... If you do something every day, it becomes part of you. An essence of your being. That’s why everybody knows Hymie as the one with the bad jokes… You tell bad jokes every day. Esther is the one whose hats bother everybody… Because you wear annoying hats all the time... Bernie is the one who interrupts and says the wrong thing at Shiva houses… Sarah has no idea what bagels to pick out… You always bring us plain. Get a garlic bagel or something… Going to shul for Minyan every day, which you do not do, so it is not part of your life and who you are. What else do you not do every day? Thank H', show appreciation to your parents, give charity, pay your dues… You don’t even pay them once a year. You might give a donation, but how many of you pay your dues. Not your half dues, while complaining you cannot afford to go golfing this Shabbat… Ripping out grass. Another one of the Melachot of Shabbat, you should not be doing on Shabbat Mr. Felsenthal... Nor should you be practicing your swing in the back of the shul. Sit down. Nobody cares you won the shul tournament, 10 above par... You’re a bad Jew… You golf all the time… We don't have to see your two hand, open handed swing in the back of the shul in the middle of Shema... Make right decisions, at least once a day. Make it constant. Going to get your late night drink of alcohol, before you go home to your family, everyday. That is a part of you; walking into your home wasted... Because you do that every day. That is who you are. Your tradition. A dad who doesn't pay for your children's education.... The activity is a nice feeling, might affect you, but it is not who you are... It shouldn't be who you are. Drinking shouldn't be how you define yourself... The Mishkan and Beit Hamikdash represent us as a Jewish People, the same way all the non-Jewish basketball teams think we are bad athletes, because our day school team can't buy a basket and loses every game.....Commitment is what we are talking about. Continuity is what makes a woman, man... Person. I should've said person. I get it. Drink less often. The first thing commanded to Israel, after erecting the Mishkan is to light a candle every night. That candle being considered Tamid- Always... You don't make decisions on a whim. This isn't an auction. What's going to be the thing in your life that defines you? Your tradition? For Mark, it's drinking... I feel like I have to play pool right now. I see the neon green lights every time I come to shul. Rashi comments on all the Tamids that were in the Temple, which took place daily. The constant offering, which took place daily. Even the show-bread which was put out weekly, around Shabbat. Something that is done on a cycle is continual. What are you doing that is Tamid? What are you doing always, other than drinking, messing up shul renovations and on Ebay auctions? Everybody wants changes. In this congregation. 'We want a new rabbi'... I am for that... The board brings up that the rabbi doesn't show up enough. Tamid. The rabbi shows up every Shabbat. OK, not all the days. But he is committed. It is habit. Some of you have bad habits. Such as speaking Lashon Hara, daily. Mr. Felsenthal, that is not the idea of the Tamid... It has to be something good... That means commanded by H.' When you guys make the decisions. Look around the shul... What is cushion art doing in the back now?... It's a pillow. The Tamid is a way of life, and that is what the Mishkan and Beit Hamikdash represent. A way of life of serving H.' We have a day school. We have a beautiful synagogue. Our Tamid is what we do, daily, nightly, weekly.....For that, we thank Mr. Greensfield for being a man without a job, and lighting up the Yahrzeit candles every night. Ever since he lost his job, his commitment has been to the shul... The rest of you. Some don't show up unless there is a decent Kiddish... Coming for Simchas is not a Tamid... You always whip the candies too hard. May we turn our costumes to positive this Purim... No more Cruella Deville... May we all change ourselves for good and great new habits, as the day school finally won a basketball game. May we all be champions, holding up the torch to H'... and whiskey too, Mr. Felsenthal. How do we do things Tamid? We need to appoint leaders. (Shemot 28:1-2) Moshe has to take his brother and his nephews to serve H’… They light the stuff. Not random people… Because that’s how you get neon lights. H’ tells Moshe to make holy clothes for Aharon ‘for glory and splendor.’ You don’t show up to shul in disheveled. You call that a sports jacket… In jeans? It’s shul. You’re not in Israel. Jeans are not classy here… They’re Wranglers. You never dress classy. That’s your continual thing… Yes. It’s a habit to not shave… So start shaving. You’re in shul. Who makes the clothes? (28:3) Those who are filled with the ‘spirit of wisdom.’ Those are the ones that make the clothes… You can’t even hem the bottom of the pants… ‘Wise of heart’ is used again. They’re the ones. If you don’;t have a wise heart, you can’t have the spirit of wisdom. It all starts with the heart… Wisdom doesn’t come from books. It comes from the heart. How do you make the Breastplate, Efod, Tunic, Turban, Sash and Robe? Correctly. You do things correctly. (Shemot 28:4-5) You use the right materials. You don't use synthetics... Nobody donated polyester... It doesn't breath, Pinny. H' didn't want that in the Mishkan. Or in your suits... The Efod was made correctly too (Shemot 28:6-12)… Yes. There was gold in there. You use the real stuff. And they put ‘stones of remembrance’ on the shoulder strap of the Efod ‘and Aharon will carry the names before H.”’ He carried the names of the children of Israel. For the children of Israel. It remind H’... H' needs to be reminded that we are not mess ups. If Sim were to wear the names, it would be bad. If Mark wore them with neon green... The Efod is the Efod. Exactly... We have to be reminded to do stuff correctly... I don't know how tall Aharon was. Maybe they could see his shoulder. We have to be reminded about people. If we don’t have those remembrance stones, we forget. Why do you think the grandkids never visit... All the best to the Pinklwitz family who lost their brother this week. And a Mazel Tov to the Simovitzs... We remember Harry. We put a plaque... That's a remembrance stone... Plate. Trophy. Whatever you want to call it. Plaque... You do things correctly. And you remember those things. You can look to the Beit Knesses Anshei Sinah... At least they have a decent Ner Tamid... Shiva house. Don’t talk till they talk to you… You say stupid stuff… Yes. It’s uncomfortable. But it’s more uncomfortable hearing you talk about how hard work is, when they lost their grandfather… They lost their grandfather, Yaakov. Do at least one good thing a day. Make it a constant. Make it a constant so that H' will remember us for good. You will remember the good... Bernie. Going to a Shiva house doesn't count for you... Sometimes intentions are not right. When you do them the wrong way... Rivka’s Notes on Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon The men really do look disheveled. Always. They are always dressed poorly. Since double breasted suits went out, they have been disheveled. Three decades of bad looking men. One thing I can say about our congregation is that the wisdom in our shul does come from the heart. It comes from nowhere else. Nobody reads. Our library has barely any books in it. Nobody shows up to the classes. Debates between members usually end up with 'I know you are, but what am I.' And there is no retort to that. We need continuity in the shul. Continued stuff. Stuff that happens all the time, other than bad decisions by the board, and polyester. Tradition is all the time. The rabbi didn’t stray away from intermarriage. I love that. My kids haven’t intermarried, so I love hearing about it. I look around the shul and I can see who hates the message. Laura’s kids are intermarried, and they go to shul more than her. Love the message. Something you do every day is continual, even if you’re not doing it all day. I don’t know if that’s Torah, but I like it. I give Tzedakah in the Pushke and it’s like I’m giving charity all day. One dollar. That's it. One greeting a day. One Bracha. I’m going to start doing Mitzvot less often now. A good decision once a day was a great message to our members. If the rabbi focused on more than one good decision, it wouldn't happen. That would be too much for them. They have to really focus to do something that is not messed up, like Faye's new car purchase. The neon green lights had me praying for a dance party. Bingo is huge. We need it. They would’ve had Bingo in the Temple if they knew how many people like it. Huge amounts of money would've come in. They would've had more people with a generous and smart heart playing Bingo, and they wouldn't have needed side donations. Bingo would've brought in enough money for all the sacrifices. I like using the word huge. That’s one thing Trump gave America. A lot of hugeness. They were rightfully mad that I didn’t read the bulletin. As a community member, I should be on top of death. I just never got used to reading anything. When I was a kid, my parents told me who died. Every night, they shared the community death toll with me. I am not for Shiva house etiquette rules, but our congregants need it. You bring food. You don’t say stupid stuff. The rule of not talking till the mourner talks to you is perfect. Nobody would talk to Hymie. They would just let Bernie sit there. I have a feeling the rabbi would like Bernie more if he followed those rules during his sermon. How the rabbi switches from deaths, BD"Es, to Mazel Tovs so quickly is a finesse mastered over many years of professional community care. He's better than the local news anchor. 'She died, and there is a new life somewhere else in America.' Such a quick change in emotion. We never have new kids in our congregation. They're always kids of people who moved away. Sometimes, generations removed. I can't care about their grandkids that haven't visited Topeka since their uncle was Bar Mitzvahed, having a baby. And there is such pride. The rabbi's announcement should be, 'And another kid that won't visit was just born. We wish a Mazel Tov to the Feinblums who have another grandchild they will never see.' Tags:
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How did Ha-Shem get the burning bush to ignite? It was a match made in Heaven.
You get it? The bush was from heaven. Sometimes, a pun is about the meaning it brings to your life. Why did the Jews want to leave Egypt? Because the juice was bad... Mitz Ra'im. (Rabbi Mendel) You get it? Mitz Ra'im means bad juice. Egypt is Mitzrayim. Another brilliant bilingual Biblical pun. We stayed away from the Jews juice pun, because we have high standards. What do you give a dog who's good at math? A chesh-bone. You get it? Cheshbon is an invoice in Hebrew, also used to mean math. Really smart dogs say Matimatikah. Plagues affect the animals. The Parsha last week... To understand our puns, we suggest you take up Semitic languages. Why couldn't they figure out the type of wheat it was? Because of the way it was spelt. (Rabbi Mendel) You get it? Spell a word. Spelt is a type of wheat. Tu BShvat is about the seven species of Israel. One is wheat. Educational too. The guide dogs that wandered with the Jews were called Seen-eye Dogs. (Rabbi Mendel) You get it? Mount Sinai. Seeing eye sounds like Sinai, if you pronounce 'Sinai' in proper Hebrew. And, maybe Ten Commandment dogs did help blind people. A spiritual pun, and phonetically sound too. Note: You have to say 'seeing eye' very fast, and without the 'g,' for it to sound like Sinai. Unlike a Canaanite slave, if you knock out a Jewish slave's teeth, he doesn't go free. He's only an in'denture'd servant. You get it? The Jewish slave's teeth aren't real. Dentures. They celebrated a lot in the Mikdash (the Temple). That's why they used acacia wood. It's good for all acacians. (Rabbi Mendel) You get it? Acacia, Occasions. We did our part. That's close enough. Tags:
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No mask protest in Israel, and everybody is wearing masks. That's how we protest our government... I love protests. I had a great time. They're good times festivals for the poor. Right there is a guy teaching son how to play an instrument when dad has no money.
I have learned much about myself since law stated that I can't be friendly anymore. Here is some of what I learned, and how it doesn't fit my Jewish community lifestyle.
I Like Seeing People's Faces I have no idea what people are thinking under those masks. And if they can't see what I am saying, everything I say offensive. I have to learn how to stop being sarcastic. It's not going to happen. Till masks are not allowed, I have to stop talking. I Can't Meet A Girl With a Mask I didn't realize how shallow I am. I met a girl, we went for dinner, she took off her mask and it was a totally different person. I imagined wider nose and a mouth that looked horrendous. It was horrendous. I now understand why the groom unveils the bride before agreeing to marry her. You see just the eyes, and... I never knew how much a mouth can throw off a decent set of eyes. Everybody looks good with a mask. For Shidduchim, there has to be a no mask rule. For singles it is the worst. It's like a bait-and-switch. The eyes are always good. They take off the mask and it's like one of those messed up mix-and-match face cards. Nobody looks better without a mask. You can only look worse. From the eyes, it can only get worse. I Can't Breathe in A Mask By me, not wearing a mask is Pikuach Nefesh. It saves my life. And I can't see. They also fog my glasses. There is more of a chance of me ending up in ER from More of walking into a building then COVID. Not wearing masks saves me from doing something stupid. No idea how doctors do it. The final test to be a surgical candidate must be sticking somebody underwater for five minutes and blindfolding them. If they can do that, they have a place as a resident. I Can't Hear Anybody Everybody sounds like Kenny. I Have Found a Way to Eat All the Time I have mastered the art of constantly eating, just so I don't have to wear my mask on planes. Quarantining Doesn't Make Me Feel Good I like watching TV, binge watching every series. I just want to make that decision myself. I feel like there is no point in binge watching if I am not missing out on something important that I have to do. Locking Up People in Nursing Facilities Bothers Me As fun as staring at a ceiling can be, I am bothered by people in nursing facilities not being allowed visitors. These facilities need to have TV screens on the ceilings, where the residents are staring for twenty hours a day. I Like People Yes. The people at shul are annoying. Yet, it's good to see them. For around a year, I had nobody to talk about. How am I supposed to speak Lashon Hara (chatting about others) if I have nobody to talk about? I Like Saying 'Shalom' To People I didn't know this till I saw a kid run in fear from me, for being a person. He looked at his mom, yelled 'people,' and ran the other way. People Get Mad at Me When I Shop I was at the supermarket, picking up groceries and people were veering their carts away. They gave me nasty looks. I tried letting them know I am not diseased, but they didn't believe me. At one point, I made it to the dairy section. I got some real nastiness from people there, when I reached for the cottage cheese. They were disgusted with my tolerance for dairy. I just said, 'I need cottage too.' The worst was when I said, 'Hello,' to one lady. She berated me, 'How dare you greet me. It's dangerous to welcome people.' I Am Trying To Figure Out How Traffic Patterns Made it To Supermarkets They've got aisles going one way. I have a hard time going down one way streets in the right direction. If it's quicker, I drive wrong. I Get Mad at People When I Shop Have to wait at the end of the aisle. Fifteen minutes for this guy to pick out dressing. I'm screaming, 'How long does it take to pick a dressing? I just need some mayonnaise. Pick something already. Take the ranch. Everybody likes ranch. Get out of the aisle. Can you toss me the mayonnaise already?!' I Have No Idea What Six Feet Is Another thing I get berated for at supermarkets. People are still yelling at me. 'Six feet!' I have no idea what six feet is. I've got people screaming, 'Get on a sticker. You're between stickers. You stand on a sticker. If you have to, you jump it. Hopscotch it if you must. You don't not step on stickers. And next time, you walk down the aisle in the right direction.' I Don't Like Politicians Making Decisions for Me They don't listen to me even after I vote for them. If they would listen to me, I would listen to them. If they brought down my taxes, I would happily wear the mask. I Studied Science in High School I have a say in this too. People Love Not Going to Shul I have noticed half of my community watching the news, praying for another quarantine, so they have an excuse to not show to shul. They're like kids praying for a snow day. I want to see these people at shul, but they never come. I called an older gentleman to see why he wasn't in shul. He said there was an outbreak in New Zealand. Any excuse. They're exploiting COVID, to get out of events. They haven't bought Bar Mitzvah gifts in two years and they're loving it. I've seen them in shul, praying for the governor to shut down the state, so they don't have to listen to the rabbi's sermon. How all of this leads to them golfing and shopping together, I do not know. People Are Disgusting People need to be told to clean themselves. Why do you think they were telling people, 'Wash your hands,' in the beginning of COVID? Because people are disgusting. We have to tell the people to clean themselves. COVID protocol: clean your hands, shower and don't sneeze on others. 'Sanitize your house'? Beforehand, counters were full of mold. People were thinking it's fine to let it grow. The people were not taught right at my shul. They are disgusting. Very unsanitary. I suggested we get everybody to come out and get their hands washed with the Cohanim. They need us watching over them. In shul, these people are shaking my hand. They sneeze in the right hand and then come for a shake. I was giving elbows before this whole COVID thing. If you're going to shake my hand, clean it first. I Don't Like Being Attacked Some people in my shul came at me with elbows. I thought we were doing an elbow shake. He's coming in with an attack. It was a kickboxing move he must've used at the supermarket, when somebody was coming in for some cottage cheese. What I learned that I want more than anything is for people to be healthy, so I can talk about them. It's forbidden, but it gives me something to do. I like community. No matter how unsanitary it is, I want to be around people, to have something to complain about. Right now, I feel better about complaining about not being near people. But, next week, I'm going to need something to do. Maybe I'll start going to the supermarket more often. I am sure I'll see them there, trying to get some cottage cheese. They'll cut me off and get mad at me, like they do when I also want choolante at Kiddish. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke: Terumah2/4/2022 
The shul had less people this week than last week. That's what happens when eight of your finest get injured, due to ice and ankle injuries. The Minyin team is down, and the rabbi had to call in the backups to help with the ten this week.
Snow is still blocking people from coming to shul. How did I get into shul, through the window? The board can't figure it out. The numbers went down. It was so bad last Shabbat. Nobody helps. Nobody even threw out salt. Forget about the shoveling. And then the Gabai tries to help, coming out with a hand full of table salt. The consensus conversation amongst the members was, 'I am going to shul to pray for my health. If I get injured before I get to shul, that doesn't help my health. I am just injured, with no prayer.' Fran and Sadie slipped. They were holding each other. All of Kiddish, people were trying to figure out who the cause was. Fran had on high heels. She got most of the blame. The walkway with snow and ice is slippery. So, the rabbi decided we should pray for them. They were hung up on the couch in the coatroom. I personally think we should get rid of that couch. People come, take off their boots and get stuck. The comfort of the couch beats going into shul. The following week, they shoveled enough to open the door. Too many people ripped their clothes going through the window. The devout members had to purchase new suits and dresses. This was after two weeks of injuries. The Shiva house was horrific. The level of remorsefulness was not high enough. People were bothered a bit though. The way the street plow left the snow, it was almost impossible to get a decent parking spot. That bothered everybody at the Shiva. All of the conversation was about the plows and how hard it was to show respects for Merel. The most meaningful statement at the Shiva house was, 'Merel was a good woman. She would've wanted there to be decent parking.' That brought people to tears, as it reminded them that they had to move their cars, before getting tickets. We had a wedding. I enjoyed the Shiva more. Asides from not being able to find parking, the smorgasboard was messed up. It was the worst of times. The wedding was more depressing than the Shiva house. Family fights were happening the whole time. It was all based on parking. First it was everybody showing up late. Then suits getting ruined. Then 'where in the Gehenim is the photographer.' It was all blamed on the other side. The Shiva house on the other hand. If they would've had half as good of food at the wedding, as the Shiva, it would've been a success. Florida vacation time is now over. They are all back. We wouldn't know. The vacationers won't even step outside. If they see snow anywhere. they stay in. The older Jews in our community signed a petition to get rid of all snow in Topeka. The mayor is working on it. At least he told them that. I am just trying to get the shul board to do something about the snow in front of the shul. If people can't come, we don't have people. And they still blame the rabbi. Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Shabbat Shalom My Drove (Shemot 25:1) 'And make for me a Mikdash and I shall dwell there.' Not a ping pong club. I know a lot of you have recently got into ping pong. The shul tournament sounds great... It says nothing about making a ping pong house in the Torah. A Midkash is a Tabernacle… I don't know. They call it a Tabernacle.... No. We are not building a Tabernacle, Michael. We're not building. You even messed up the shul renovations. You can’t even clean your gutters right… You can’t use a Swiffer for everything. It doesn’t work in gutters… Gd dwells in a home that we make for Him. We have to build it… A tent is probably the best we can do. Even on the camping trip last year, you messed that up. Couldn’t even put pegs in the ground right… You smack them in. Pound them in. Let's first get down the tent. The small Tabernacle will be our shul... Tent tabernacle... Does Gd dwell in this shul? Not with Frank and Mike talking the whole time. Back left is not Gd’s dwelling. Maybe in the front right, with Yoel… If your names where Feivel and Micha'el, would you stop talking... We have to make a decent place for Gd to dwell, without noise pollution. The renovations are not what Gd wants. He doesn't need a sleek open floor plan with neon walkway strips... Where does Gd dwell? Not in the back left of the shul. Mikdash- a Holy place. H' commands us to make for Him a Holy Place for Him to dwell. Not a place where kids run through the halls and run up on the Bimah, in the middle of the rabbi's sermon… They're drawn to the neon lights. They're exciting. With renovations like this… It feels like a playground. Got a mural in the back of the shul. The board tagged our shul… H’ doesn’t dwell with your crew, Francine. H' tells Moshe to make for him a Mikdash, but not until he has received the 'Trumot, from those who hearts are inspired’ (Shemot 25:2). Moshe is to tell the children of Israel that they may give gifts to the Temple… Your old Siddurim and Sefarim are not gifts. You dropped them off in a box… Dropping stuff in a box at the door, because you need room in your house is not a Terumah. That’s not a donation to the shul. That’s the shul helping you. That’s a recycling program… Yes. You started it with your trash… Your chipped serving platter is not a Terumah… We end up burying the books anyways… We’re happy that H’s name is not defamed anymore, in your filthy homes… Shmuel didn’t even leave a box. He just dropped the books… Gifts from those whose ‘hearts are driven.’ They have to want to give the gifts. It's the worst when you get a gift they don't want to give. I had to give back the calendar my aunt gave me when she couldn't find her doctors appointments anywhere... Your gifts are the worst thing… You don’t want to give them. I've seen those Chanukah gifts... Maybe you want to give some of them. I think the Fersteins were going took back their box they left at the shul and made it a Chanukah gift... It was ripped socks. Chanukah in this shul is a downer. Trumot are offerings and they have to be good... You don't offer your trash... H' is telling Moshe to give the children of Israel a chance to not just give the required offerings, but to give what their hearts desire. A chance to be unique in what each one gives, or doesn't... Not that my children would have wanted the books you gave them for their Bar Mitzvahs. Some have bad ideas... That book should've been in the box you dropped at the door... Let's give the rabbi's son another book he won't read. One of you even read the book and then gave it. Your gift was something you didn't want yourself, Mrs. Kahn. H' does not want your trash, unless if it 's the oils, cloths, yarn or stone that is needed for the Beit Mikdash... This does not include another copy of the Book of Our Heritage... He got eight of them for his Bar Mitzvah... However, it is what is desired, within the realm of what is useful. It's a great Sefer. You should've given the Hebrew version though... Cheaper is better. What do you give? H' tells you. Your kids have tried to tell you what they want, but you give them socks... That's not a gift, Sharon. That's a staple. You buy those when there are holes. The worst Chanukah. The only kids I know that don’t look forward to Chanukah. At this shul... They even hate sufganiot and latkes… Because the gifts are that bad. (Shemot 25:3-7) ‘These are the portions that you shall take…’ Portions are gifts… Yes. Donations too... There is a list of stuff they can give… Tin pans are not a donation. It has to be gold, copper, silver, decent materials… Tin pans are not decent. There is a whole box of donated pasta… They wouldn’t take pasta for the Mikdash. The Tabernacle couldn’t use almost expired macaroni… It’s good for the kid necklaces, but that’s it… What are we going to use the almost expired spaghetti for? You can’t make necklaces out of those. Even new spaghetti is not usable... Everybody likes rice with their meatballs... Yes. More than spaghetti. Unless if you want to stain your shirt... You need gift coaching. You don’t give the Book of Our Heritage for weddings. It’s for Bar and Bat Mitzvahs… There are proper gifts for proper times… Nobody ever needs socks as a gift. Especially ones that you sewed... Look at a registry, for crying out loud. The registry... The thought? They put thought into it. They are letting you know, 'After the thought that we've put into it, this is the gift you should get us. Not the Book of Our Heritage'... That Torah cover was your table cloth. You were getting rid of it... It says ‘Kiddish’ on it. That was not donatable to the Mikdash. We now have 'Kiddish' written on the Torah's cover... I know that's when you go out for the Kiddish club, and drink. It's like a reminder to go out and drink... You're not supposed to listen to the Torah drunk. You don't pregame Torah reading. It's enough that you pregame Musaf... That's why you don't understand the importance of good gifts. You're tipsy when you hear it. Now I know most of this Synagogue has not been inspired as of recent, as there has been nothing given towards the building fund... Does Mrs. Hurvitz even have a heart? We don't know. She hasn't given much to the shul, ever... After the triple bypass. That's when you donate. Things were real bad. We expected a donation. But nothing... Why do we need to visit you for gifts to the shul. You give it to feel better. Now what would be useful for the shul is a new chair for the rabbi... Yes. You give that. Because it’s useful. Gold is useful. Do you give anything to the Levi? Do you give to the poor? You don’t give to your rabbi… A dollar in the Tzedkah box is not charity. Two dollars is inspired... Donate books that are meaningful to children, They need it… Picture books are great. The kids have the worst Hebrew school education... As long as the books have pictures. They can’t read Hebrew anyways. The kids need meaning. The names you gave them aren’t meaningful. Kyler. Is that Yiddish? Jules. Who is she named after?... What is the meaning in names. David is beloved. Menachem is compassion. Terry? Fabric. Your kid is a kind of cloth... It's comfortable. Yes. You want your kid constantly coming out of the shower and terrycloth toweling... The Shiva. That’s a good time to donate. H’ dwells in a place where we donate stuff that He tells us to donate. Not stuff that is your decision. Not the decision of our members. We don’t put a pasta design on the Mikdash… No. We don’t use motor oil… It doesn’t light well, Fred. I know your garage uses it... We make the Mikdash and then H’ dwells there. We have the stuff, but how do we make it... You just donate none of it to the shul. You have it... What do we do with what you donate? You leave it to me, your rabbi… (Shemot 25:9) ‘Like I show you, the form of the Mishkan and the form of the vessels. That shall you do.’ H’ knew to not trust people like you. You have no idea how to follow directions… I’ve seen you with Ikea... Thank Gd, I was able to talk you out of getting the Ikea ark... Don’t start making up stuff to form. Only what H' wants. You make up stuff. That’s how we have the community quilt for the ark… And the art work in the hall. Who came up with the idea of abstracts? Abstracts?!... Gd doesn’t want abstracts in the hallway. It’s shul... How do you make an ark? Well let’s see. The directions are right in the Torah. (Shemot 25:10-16) ‘And make the ark of acacia wood’... Not oak, Bernie. I know oak is good. This is why we don’t let you make decisions. We need instructions. ‘…cover it in gold…’ Gold covers up any mess ups. It’s a good filler. If we would've used gold to cover up all the renovations… Yes. There are staves. You have to carry it. It’s part of the Mishkan. It wasn’t the Temple in Jerusalem… I know you wanted to move the shul to the other side of town… Who is going to carry the quilt, the abstracts and the retaining wall to the other side of town, and rebuild… You need a permit, Tehillah... Why do we treat it well? The tablets were put in it. So, H' doesn't dwell in our shul. I believe that was the message. We put in the effort, we give gifts and we build the Mishkan and H’ dwells there. Not in our shul... The Testimonial tablets are put in the ark that we build… Covered in gold, Tzvi. It has to be covered in gold. The kids of the day school don’t do a mural on it. It has to be built right. Only then can we have the Torah inside of it… With a quilt like this, I question if the Torah can be there. That's why I insist on opening the ark all the time... The kids didn't tag the Mishkan. The wedding was messed up, because it wasn’t set up right… You never sit the bride and groom’s families together… Of course they hate each other. And now they hate our community... The gifts were messed up. Nothing from the registry... Gd doesn’t dwell in a wedding with no Torah... Does Gd dwell in your home? I don’t know if the Minkowitzs fight as much in their home as they do in shul?... Your home is full of filth and shmutz. If somebody sponsored a cleaner… The Cohens and Levis were good cleaners. They cared. The shul is a Mikdash Mi’at, a small tabernacle… No community quilt would’ve been on the ark... It's not wanted. Never seen one in a registry... Even if it's cold out. You don't wear a quilt in the cold... Rivka’s Notes on Rabbi Mendelchem’s Drasha People drop their stuff at the shul. They feel bad throwing out the holy books, so they drop them at the shul. We bury the books. I wish the members of the congregation would send that message to their relatives. It's become a modern thing to not bury people. They burn the bodies of close family members. Nobody would burn the books they like, as that is a sign of protest. I am sorry for bringing that up. I felt bad at my friend Mike's funeral. They burned him. It felt like they were protesting his existence, his life. I had an argument with another friend who wants to be cremated. I was very bothered. He said he couldn't be buried, because he's claustrophobic. I tried explaining to him how tight jars are. He then said it was too much money to get buried. People in our community worry about money so much. Even after their dead they're working their finances. That's why we can't get a decent donation from anybody. They're thinking about how much stuff costs after they're gone. Where does Gd dwell, was a question that had us all thinking. Does Gd dwell in our homes? The Minkowitzs haven’t cleaned for anything. I know. They invited me last Shabbat. Great meal. But Gd doesn’t like unclean feet. And they do fight a lot. The renovations were messed up. The flashing neon lights for the continual candle, above the ark, is messed up. It kills my Kavanah. How do you have proper intent when you feel like you're at a casino? If there was a dealer walking around shul, we would probably get more people showing up. It was such a beautiful message. I could've listened for another hour. You give donations from your heart that are wanted. If it's not wanted, your heart kills the gift. Gd's Torah is like His registry for the Mishkan. Love it. Hopefully now I'll get less gifts and Rosh Hashana cards from people, and I will have to write less thank yous. I hate writing thank yous. And then, what do we do with the gifts? We don't let the board decide. They'll ruin it, like they did the renovations. It was so meaningful. It also explains why my in-laws are always around. They gave us that painting when we first moved into our new house, and now they want to make sure we're using it right all the time. Weddings in our shul are messed up. The gowns are too long. You have four people walking behind the bride. The mom is offended. Always offended that a random Gabai is there walking her daughter to the Chuaph. I have never seen a mother asking why there are four other random people walking around the groom, under the Chupah, holding her daughter's dress with her. And the gifts are messed up. Always wrong for the time. They gave the newlyweds pink onesies, and a get well soon card. The rabbi is trying to teach about gifts. The message at his last gift giving class was that you don't give the Book of Our Heritage for everything. No matter how many people give you the book, you can't give it away indiscriminately. He even gave a class on proper gifts, again. Twice in one week. He's given gift classes many times. And yet, nobody has given our rabbi a gift yet. He barely gets a raise. I think the message gets lost in the class. He should just say he wants a raise. The rabbi was right. You don’t sit the bride and groom’s families together. Many fights. And then more fights about the gifts. They do pregame Torah reading now at our shul. Kiddish on the Parochet, Torah cover, is a beyond subliminal message to drink People have to stop talking at the Shiva houses. I have never heard Bernie say the right thing. The law of being silent is the key. We need youth groups back. They say that it’s because there aren’t many kids. It only takes two to run in the shul and play hopscotch on the seats. The education in our shul is off. Baby namings in our shul are off. Jewish education starts there. Mitch. Who was Mitch named after? Nobody knows. His granddad was Berel. Frank and Mike are their Hebrew names. That’s why they feel they can talk in shul. Their parents messed up their Jewish education with their names. If they were a Feivel and Micha’el, or Mendel, they would have Kavanah. The rabbi is right. Rice with meatballs is amazing. And it's Jewish. Our rabbi is the best. Shalishudis was nice. The third Shabbat meal is always great. After eating two huge meals, I am fine with tuna fish and egg salad with peanuts. They dedicated Shalishudis this week in honor of the bride and groom. That wasn't on their registry. I think they would've rather got the Maytag washer they wanted. Two people were at Shalishudis, because they didn't leave the shul once they got in. The snow has hurt the shul morale. The only positive is that there's only two people witnessing it. The Miniyin has to calm down. They're giving nasty looks to people for not showing up, when they do showup. The backups came in and the regulars were angry at them. How do you expect the backups to come back. They're backups because they don't have the Gd guilt. Maybe the backups have something important going on. A personal thing, like a Shiva. Maybe they don't have enough snow gear to make it to shul. I truly hope they shovel. Tags:
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The Kibbitzer Photo Album VI2/3/2022
Let's take a stroll down memory lane back to Tu BShvat and Shabbat Kiddish with the Kibbitzer's pictures from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for sharing what he's done for Kiddish development around the globe.
I love Kiddish in quarantine. I took a piece of cake and everybody said the rest was mine. Something about me touching it. I was happy. I'm going to touch more stuff at Kiddishes. I also drank straight from the bottle... The miracle is how I ate while still being socially responsible, with my mask on.
The gentile oranges, 9.99 shekels... Now Jews are down on Israeli produce too? We can't even believe in our own farmers? I understand the laws of the seventh year, but that just looks like branding against Israelis. The sign basically says, ‘Jews didn’t touch it. Don’t worry. It’s non-Jewish oranges. They’re better. Jews didn’t ruin them.’ It should be, 'We like our produce too. But we also support non-Jewish oranges when it's easier for Halacha (Jewish law). Not working the field is too big of a pain…’ I personally feel we have to stop the religious anti-Israel, Shmita BDS movement.
That's how real Charedim, ultra-Orthodox, go swimming. Full suit and hat. If you've seen Frum Jews in bathing suits, you can appreciate the Bekishe swimsuit apparel. It should be Halacha (law) to have to wear full body coats into the water. The black hat also keeps out the sun. That's Pikuach Nefesh, saving a life... Nothing like the Israeli all man beach to find people that just love to swim. You focus on the swimming, you don’ have to see that guy standing there… Israelis have mastered the art of the budget vacation and sleeping on the beach. You can see how they use the pergola to hang their clothes... That dad is happy because he's vacationing right near his home. He's not getting hit by any sun and he doesn't have to pay for anything; that's how religious Jews vacation. And that is what makes Israel great. (Credit: Alex Levac- Haaretz)
I found this book in a Jerusalem used bookshop. It reads, 'Dear Sam...'?! Why is the book not in Sam's home? Sam thought that the English readers of Israel wouldn’t find it, but we did Sam. 'Hope this book keeps you laughing...' I will laugh for you, Miller. I don't downsize friends, like Sam. Shame on Sam. I'm not very impressed with Sam right now. Sam has no heart. You don't recycle friends like that, Sam!!! In a used bookshop?! Like a used friend. Is that what you do with your friends, Sam? Use them?! I hope Sam gets this message. [Kibbitzer Note: We're not trying to put used book stores out of business. We just feel that books with personal notes should not be for resale, even if they broke up.]
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Israelis have mastered the art of the budget vacation and sleeping on the beach. You can see how they use the pergola to hang their clothes. (Credit: Alex Levac- Haaretz.com)
Finishing off the Florida Trilogy, as it is winter and Jews are still there. All fine pieces of cinema and literature should be written in trilogy form. Hence, the third article about how I can’t afford vacation.
Vacation is a week of me turning homeless. I Am Homeless I show up to the airport and I am a homeless man looking for a place to sleep. A week as a homeless man. That's vacation. Me as a dispossessed person. That's vacation to me. I leave the warmth and enjoyment of my home, and try to find another place to stay, really far from my home. Homelessness is a realization I came to upon arguing with the hotelier at the forty dollar a night motel resort, when I found out that there were resort fees. Arguing that a chair on pavement patio doesn’t make one a resort, was the realization of homelessness. Some call it a motel. It's a homeless man looking for shelter. Homeless in Florida Still Need Shelter I learned that I can't sleep on the street. As warm as it is, I need a place to stay. Growing up in a Jewish middle class neighborhood, I did not cultivate homeless beach sleeping skills. Truth is, all the good spots on the beach were taken by other New Yorkers who made their way south. I should’ve done a Mitzvah and started an awareness campaign. My Jewish charity upbringing had me thinking that we need to raise money for vacationers down here. Next time I vacation I’m starting a Tzedakah. If the vacationers have any hope of enjoying Disney World, they’re going to need assistance. I Found The Place To Stay Online Even homeless people have internet access nowadays. I went to Booking.com and found the cheapest place. It was a motel. What's worse is they called it a hotel. The only thing worse than a motel, is a motel they call a hotel. That’s how I ended up at the motel resort. That first night, I rolled my luggage in and made it clear, 'I just need a decent shower, some hot water and a roof over my head for the night.' I was homeless. Like any homeless man, I just wanted a decent place to sleep and shower for the night. The local migrant homeless already took up the beach. All the good spots for cardboard were taken. I Can’t Call It A Hotel or A Resort This motel is where homeless people stay. I know it is politically correct to allow people to identify how they like. However, offensive as it may be, I had a hard time calling the Silver Spray Motel a hotel. It was gutsy to use the brand of insect repellent in their motel name. I respect them for that. Even so, I couldn’t go along with them self-identifying as a hotel. For that matter, it was hard to call my homeless motel room, with the last guy’s sheets on my bed, a resort. Self-identifying has its limits. A hotel needs a lobby. At least a cushioned chair to sit on when I’m waiting for my room. Folding chairs don’t bring resort status. Homelessness is Expensive It’s expensive to not have money. Ask my bank and the credit card guy about the fees for not having money. And it's more expensive to be homeless than to live in a home. Even when I go camping, I'm paying more than staying at my house. Camping is another scam we can talk about. You are literally without shelter, and they charge you for that. Staying At Home Is A Better Vacation I gave up heat, a nice kitchen, surround sound, a good shower that I know how to adjust. I'm going to travel to my house next time. My home allows me to stay. The hotel kicks me out at 11am. From 11am to 4pm I was literally without lodging. That's why I have to vacation someplace warm. The only positive in Florida is that I didn't freeze when I was on the streets. I am going to stop traveling really far for vacation. The problem with vacation is that my house is really far away now. I didn't think about the commute home when I went on vacation. If it's an option to vacation and commute home every night, that shall be my next destination. I Now Travel with A Backpack The new travel baggage fees have brought me to this. I now travel with as little as possible. Tooth floss, phone and Tefillin. That’s it. Tefillin and Tallit fill the limit. If I can justify a coat, I'll smuggle a sandwich. Thanks to Spirit Airlines, I travel with nothing. No clothes. The fees scare me. I show up to Florida, a homeless man who has to go shopping. I pick up new undergarments in every city I visit. It’s cheaper to buy pants there too. I’m a backpacker. A forty-four-year-old backpacker. I would stay at youth hostels, but I can get arrested for that. Charging for me to carry stuff on the plane? For me to hold stuff?! I Have To Eat Where do I get food? I had food in my fridge. Vacationing at home is better. I have to go to a restaurant, a mini-mart that charges fifteen bucks for milk, or I have to show up to Shacharit at some shul and hope somebody is sponsoring breakfast. I spent my money on my carry-on during my last trip. It’s going to have to be shul. When I’m traveling, I’m a dear member of all Jewish communities where I don’t pay dues. Your Simcha is my happiness when I need food. I Got to Know the Locals When you don't have money for the sites, you get to know the people. Getting to 'know the culture of the locals,' is the homeless man's way of vacationing. I Slept On Public Transit I was on a bus and I fell asleep. It was comfortable. Thank Gd for buses. At the time, I felt like I was connecting with the locals. Then, I saw the locals driving. Not even public transportation. Public transit. That's how you know you're homeless. I didn't even care where the bus was going. I didn't ask. It was all an experience. A homeless experience. Don't tell me to take Uber. I spent that money on my carry on. And most cars don't have the legroom necessary for a decent nap. I Was Going to Jump Into Waves That sounded fun to me, and my Israelis brethren and sistren were also doing it, which meant it was financially sound. The shekel does not cover amusement parks. The sand was too comfortable. I fell asleep. As I talked about last week, next time, I'm going to relegate myself to Florida visitations. I don't have vacation money. I have visitation money. I can visit. If nobody takes me in, I’m vacationing at home. I'm going to enjoy my vacation. If I turn up the thermostat a bit, I can be warm in Rochester. Shoot. Now I have to start saving up to pay for the gas. There is no way around it. Yeshiva Week is expensive. Tags:
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Esav was mad his Birthright didn’t allow him a free trip to Israel… He was already there. You get it? Esav sold his birthright to Yaakov. Birthright gives free trips to Israel. Esav didn’t get that. That’s probably the reason he was mad at Yaakov. If he wasn’t living in Israel, he still wouldn’t have got it. They didn’t have Birthright back then. 
His modeling career took off with the Dr. Shtaygen’s collapsible Shtender. Some models are discovered in malls. Frum models are discovered in the Beit Midrash or at Essen on Coney... Different standards. The Frum model is going for a heavier look.
David Kilimnick’s One-man Reunion Tour
David performs his Original Songs of Israel Love and Peace such as 'Marzipan Rugulach' and 'Smack Your Little Kid'... Click on the picture for your tickets in Rochester
Speaking Lashon Hara is like ripping a pillow open and letting feathers fly all over. You don’t know where they all go. You can't collect them... teaching that you can repent for Lashon Hara by littering. Ripping up pillows and throwing trash on the street does not stop Lashon Hara from spreading.
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The Kibbitzer, where we take Jewish comedy seriously!!! If you are offended, it's satire.
A friend of the Off The Wall Comedy Theater, JHF and The Kibbitzer are here to bring unity and Jewish connection for you, in honor of Rabbi Kilimnick ZT"L.
The Kibbitzer is Funded by the JHF (The Jewish Humor Foundation) and you.
Contact us to make a donation and to sponsor Harbatzas Tzchok, the spreading of tradition through laughter, with articles or series in honor and memory of your loved ones.
The Kibbitzer, where we take Jewish comedy seriously!!! If you are offended, it's satire.
A friend of the Off The Wall Comedy Theater, JHF and The Kibbitzer are here to bring unity and Jewish connection for you, in honor of Rabbi Kilimnick ZT"L.
The Kibbitzer is Funded by the JHF (The Jewish Humor Foundation) and you.
Contact us to make a donation and to sponsor Harbatzas Tzchok, the spreading of tradition through laughter, with articles or series in honor and memory of your loved ones.
2/25/2022
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