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On Shavuot, it's tradition to stay up all night because we overslept when receiving the Torah and there’s cheesecake. When serving H', there are priorities. (The Ari and Shir Hashirim Rabbah)
Going to Yerushalayim for a Chag ‘don’t appear before H’ empty handed' (Devarim 16:16). Be a decent guest and bring a brisket. Nobody likes guests who show up with nothing. If you're going to Gd's house, bring a lamb for dinner. Something enjoyable. Something decent. Gd doesn't need a raspberry Danish. I don't think anybody needs a raspberry Danish. I believe bringing that for dinner makes for Sinat Chinam. Probably the reason the Second Temple was destroyed. Covering food with something like a shirt, that doesn’t add heat, can be done before Shabbat, if you’re fine smelling like choolante. This is called Hatmana and can't be done on Shabbat. Otherwise, everybody would be rubbing their clothes all over their food trying to make it edible. To Note: Cooking with clothing is not suggested. It can be very expensive. Especially when cooking with Charles Tyrwhitts. I've always wondered why people come to shul with that musty smell on Shabbis day. (Yehoshua 1:8) ‘This Sefer Torah shall not be removed from your mouth. And you shall speak of it day and night… In order that you guard it to do all that is written in it. For then your ways will be successful and you will become smart.’ From here we learn that you should talk to annoying people who go on and on, if they’re talking Torah. And the best way to make money is to learn. Working will not make you money. Smart people know this. The Blog Tags Widget will appear here on the published site.
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Gd doesn’t change. Change is for beings in our low dark world. I feel like I’m sinning, defining H’ by saying He isn’t definable.
It’s only considered Chametz if it’s fit for a dog to eat. Hence, Simi’s choolante is not forbidden on Pesach... Simi is a bad cook. H' is One. 'One is H". One is H". One is H". In the heavens and the earth.' Why the song repeats 'One' three times?! It's very confusing. According to some rabbis walking four Amot in Israel is a Mitzvah. Others teach it’s a Mitzvah to have a BBQ on Yom HaAtzmaut. It depends who you hold by. When one moves to Israel it’s a Mitzvah to stay. Some never leave the Holy Land, because they never want to see their family. Lag BOmer is Shimon Bar Yochai’s Yahrzeit. Hence, kids make bonfires and shoot bows and arrows without parental supervision. All physical and emotional aspects of H’ in the Torah are but metaphor, and I have to find out why I was lied to in grade school. The Blog Tags Widget will appear here on the published site.
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Rambam: Yesodei HaTorah 1:125/20/2024
Law 12: It's Just a Visual - Not a Lie
Since H' is not affected by the physical world. All of the stuff in the Torah and Navi is just metaphor and image. Did the Rambam just say the Torah is lying?! No. The Rambam is saying we're idiots and we can't understand anything other than baseball, how to match two shades of blue that don't clash, and anything about a car other than how it works. H' doesn't laugh. H' doesn't cackle. There is no snort coming out when you make a joke. H' is not amused. H' is. He is just is. He is not amused by the joke about the guy eating non-kosher because of how apples are served. Especially because He heard well over three million times. If you're offended that I am calling H' a He and not a She, H' doesn't care. (Shemot 3:14) 'I am who I am.' H' wants to be known to us as this. Otherwise, we'll start asking Him questions, wanting to hang out. And that won't make H' happy. Why? Because H' just is and it can get annoying hanging out with you at the bar and watching you get Shikur. He figures that if we are confused we won't be as annoying, and we'll aske less questions. 'I am who I am.' That's skirting a question if I have ever seen it. I would never be able to get away with this. People ask me what I'm working in now. 'I am me.' 'No. Rabbi David is unemployed.' (Malachi 3:6) 'I, Gd, have not changed.' That says it all. He doesn't get happy or mad. H' is always H'. I feel like I am sinning defining H' by saying He is not definable. I wish they would've taught me this stuff in elementary school. I would've cared less about not knowing stuff. Come to think of it, my lack of listening in class had me understanding H' a lot better than those fools getting straight 'A's. 'I have not changed.' The last time I heard that was when that girl broke up with me. I believe she was blaming me for that breakup. This physical stuff and emotion affect people. It is for the dark and low beings. H' is above all this. He is exalted. H’ just gets bothered by you. If you felt good, just know you're a dark and lowly creature. A creature who is affected by pettiness and bathroom humor. What am I supposed to do? How do I relate to H'? We are not here for answers. We are here to confuse you. Now that we can relate to H' through metaphor it's good to know that He is not affected by what you do or think - and that is a metaphor. That should help with your prayers this morning. I am beginning to think that saying 'metaphor' is like saying 'psyche.' So did the Torah say it or did the Torah not say that H' has an outstretched arm?! Then how did H' take us out of Egypt? That wasn't a metaphor. The Rambam better deal with this in the next chapter or I will metaphorically stop learning. I am sure the Raavad has something to say about this. Now that we have finished the chapter teaching us that everything we thought about Gd is not true. And that all of our connection with H' is based on a physical world that H' is not affected by. Have a great Shabbis. And be on time to shul. You should use it as a time to connect with H'. And remember H' rested on the seventh day. Oh shoot. That's a metaphor. Now I'm confused. And I wasted twelve years in school learning about how I can make H' happy by doing Mitzvahs and how I usually make H' mad. Now that it is clear that we cannot define H', we will move onto chapter two and define H' and our relationship to Him more. Lesson: We're meant to follow in H's ways. How do you become exalted? Be very much not you. And practice Mitzvot. That's how you end a good Dvar Torah - Learn Torah and do Mitzvahs. If you do that, H' will probably not care. He definitely won't get all emotional about it. I know the Rambam is going to say something about Mitzvahs being the way to make this physical world exalted and godly. He's got to. I really hope the Rambam doesn't stop here. Oh shoot. I am worried he stops here. There is no cliffhanger. The physical stuff is petty. It's fleeting. That's my take. I'm finished for now. I'm going to go work out. Hit the weights. Try to get in shape. And I am still trying to figure out how H' took us out of Mitzrayim with an outstretched arm. Could one arm have freed a whole people from slavery? Just one arm?! I will think of that while doing some squats to connect to H'. The Blog Tags Widget will appear here on the published site.
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Rambam: Yesodei HaTorah 1:104/4/2024
Laws 10: Even Moshe Doesn't Get to See Everything
And you ask H' to let you know what you're supposed to do in this world. You ask H' to tell you the meaning of life. You ask H' to help you make sense of it. Chutzpah. Law 10: Moshe wants to see H'. Yet, Moshe only gets to see H's back (Shemot 33:23). H' tells him that 'there isn't within the knowledge of man that lives that is connected to a body and Nefesh to achieve the truth of this matter about his Creator.' And Moshe was finally put in his place. It's important to know that you will never truly know. Which is why we study. This is why we learn Torah. As a physical being, we are bound. We are limited to sports, an Amazon Prime series and having to hear Bernie cough up a phlegm wad in the middle of Davening. Nobody can fully understand H'. So, Moshe only sees H's body. But Moshe doesn't really see H's body, because Gd doesn't have a body. Chacha'ah!!! You can tell a lot from a body. I go to shul and I see many out of shape people. I know the membership is not hitting the gym. And those that go to the gym are having conversations about why one should not work so hard. Based on the bodies I see at shul, I can see the membership takes Shabbis very seriously. Not one of them skips Shalishudis. I am sure H' would be in better shape than the membership of Beis Knesses Anshei Emes uSefilah. It might be the portly suits. Portly suits make you look portly. 'Show me your Kavod' (Shemot 33:18). He wanted to know the foundations of Gd, until he knew it in his heart, like somebody knows something that he sees in his heart, such as knowing a person 'separate in his knowledge from all other people.' H' is not separate. So, how can Moshe know Gd as separate? Again, I will never truly know. But he wanted to know. I remember wanting to know about astronomy and physics. I wanted to understand it. I wanted to understand the foundations of the makeup of our universe. Then my professor said, 'You have to study.' It was at that moment, I realized I would never know. Moshe was asking for a lot. I remember once asking my dad for the car. Moshe gets to see Gd's back. That's a big thing right there. Give him that. Moshe, a physical human being, wanted a physical relationship with Gd. Gd can only be related to in a non-physical, possibly spiritual way. Which is what I tell the shul when they ask me to pay dues. Our relationship is one of the Neshama, the soul, and money is physical. Or, is the Torah teaching us that through our physical connection in this world, we can at least see a part of Gd. We can maybe see Gd's image, or some out of shape guy in shul in a portly suit coughing over the Babka. A little Chidish for you. Chidish means that somebody had a thought and was too lazy to find a source to back it up. Lesson: You can ask, but you may not get. You can ask for a car, but you may just get a unicycle for your sixteenth birthday. I don't know if I was being told to join the circus, which is kind of like telling somebody to run away. You don't get everything you ask for. If somebody can please tell that to my nephew. Maybe just tell him his uncle gives bad gifts and get it over with. Next time I'm giving the kid a dollar. I am still trying to figure out what Nefesh means. The Blog Tags Widget will appear here on the published site.
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Rambam: Yesodei HaTorah 1:91/25/2024
Law 9: Anthropomorphism: Don't be Gullible
Now that we have down the foundation of all knowledge, that we know nothing about Gd. With that knowledge, let us explain Gd. Law 9: The Torah uses physical terms to describe Gd. Gd's feet, hands, eyes and ears. Why is it there? If Gd doesn't have it, why do we attribute this to Gd? Why do not finish the full song with mouth and nose, and head, shoulder, knees and toes? There are many questions we have. None of them will be answered, because we know nothing about Gd. It's placed there as metaphor and examples, so we can understand. Since we are spiritually dumb, we need physical language to have some idea what's going on. Ask any Kabbalist living in Tzfat in the 16th century, you are an idiot. We're corporeal. No idea what that means. But it sounds sophisticated. H's hand is really not His hand. You can't slap H' five. This isn't high school. This isn't a baseball game with a high five. One thing I know about Gd. Always capitalize anything I write about Him. Why does it say (Shemot 24:10) 'Beneath His feet,' (31:18) 'Written by H"s finger.' (9:3) 'Gd's hand,' (Bereishit 38:7) 'Gd's eyes,' (Bamidbar 11:1) 'Gd's ears' and so on? I don't know. I hope that helps. Why do you insist on knowing all of this. To quote Shlomo: 'Are you trying to be better than me?!' This isn't a game. This is life. This is H'. And you think we're playing Mr. Potato Head. How did Gd write the tablets with His finger when He doesn't have one? Only Gd can do that. Gd and possibly my rabbi. Now I must be honest. I am very confused. I can tell you Shimon Simchovitz didn't write the Torah. I've seen his writing. Very poor penmanship. He couldn't even write a Mezuzah. Bigger question. Where does 'ibid.' come from? How does that mean 'same place'? If you can answer that, that is a knowledgeable human being. If you can spell knowledgeable without spellcheck, you're smart. How about these? (Devarim 32:41) 'I will sharpen my lightning sword.' What does that mean? Does H' have a sword? What's a lightning sword? It does sound cool though. Even The Legend of Zelda doesn't have a sword that cool. (Daniel 7:9) 'Clothed in snow white.' Who has clothes made out of snow? Snow shirts melt. And they don't keep you warm. Yet. H' has that. And why did they never give H' credit for Snow White? These are all very important questions. And we will not answer any of them, because we have no idea. And Moshe envisioned H' wrapped in a Tallit. Every morning, I envision myself getting smacked with the tassels of the Tallit the guy is wrapping next to me. A lot of defining about what we can’t define going on over here. Lesson: H' can't be understood or grasped by human thought. Therefore, we will keep trying to understand Him and learning Torah. We need the physical terminology because we're idiots. I'm going to get a drink with Gd right now. The Blog Tags Widget will appear here on the published site.
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Rambam: Yesodei HaTorah 1:7-81/11/2024
Laws 7-8: Oneness Can't Be Defined - So We Shall Define It
Law 7: There is only One. As it says in the Torah, (Devarim 6:4) 'H" is our Gd, H" is One.' That is another commandment. Third one in this chapter. Three commandments for a belief that we cannot believe in more than once. That is a lot of expression of one belief, that there is One. One Gd. How many gods do you need? Are there not enough Mitzvahs as there is?! We don't need more commandments. The Torah is good. Anything more than One would mean physical and that means an end. That means a board is getting involved and there are committees, and religion dies. I hope that doesn't offend you. H' is not offended. H' doesn’t have feelings, for that would mean change, and that is physical. Point is that this is very confusing. H' has no body. Hence, anything dealing with bodies is not relevant to Gd. H' is not limited or defined. Gd is simply one. Therefore, we can't describe Gd. Now I am confused, and trying to figure out why we are defining something that can't be defined. This feels a bit like math. As it teaches in the Shema, (Devarim 6:4) 'Hear oh Israel, H' is our Lord H' is One.' That's it. H' is one and there are a lot of Mitzvahs about it. Law 8: H' has no body, as H' is the 'Lord in the heavens above and earth below' (Devarim 4:39). A physical being can't be in two places at once. How my parents knew when I misbehaved in school is still an anomaly. And H' resembles nothing else. Physical beings resemble other things. That cannot happen when there is oneness. H' doesn't have a doppelganger. Nobody has ever posted a Gd lookalike on Instagram. Only selfies. Anybody who thinks they're posting a Gd doppelganger is probably posting Charlton Heston. Charlton was Moses. (Isaiah 40:25) 'To whom can you liken Me and that I will be equal.' Something with a body has equals. And H' doesn't have an ego. He's not showing off here. If Deion Sanders was saying that he has no equal, that would be egotistical. I didn't learn the rest of Isaiah. Too many chapters. Why do we not see H'? If we would've seen Gd at Har Sinai, we would've started making idols (Devarim 4:15-16). We would've got all high on ourselves and started making gods. Physical beings like Play-Doh too much. Why do you need H' to be physical? Do you have a need to go drinking with Him?! I am confused. Who is my doppelganger? Without these beliefs in Gd, it would appear that we would be following subjective laws, and there would not be a ‘Truth.' I have met many people, and I can say that I would not want them making up laws. We all see what happened in the Knesset over the past 75 some-odd years. How the Jerusalem municipality can put a stop on my bank account for not paying somebody else's Arnona... only a finite being can come up with a law like that. Want to talk about why there is no decent park in my neighborhood? Somebody in the city made that decision. Some fool who is probably printing Silly Putty on a newspaper right now. Lesson: The real idea being expressed is that us finite beings are idiots. The foundation of all knowledge is to know that you are not that smart. Because we are not that clever, the Torah commands us to believe in Gd, in three ways. The Blog Tags Widget will appear here on the published site.
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Rambam: Yesodei HaTorah 1:61/4/2024
Law 6: You Don't Get Knowledge from College
Law 6: This belief, this knowledge, of Gd is the commandment of ‘I am H’ your Gd’ (Exodus 20:2). The commandment is not the belief that you have control over your internet package. You don't. They're going to change it. It's not the knowledge that your mechanic will rip you off. Though that is a foundational truth of the world. It is that H' is Gd, and Gd is Truth. And you cannot think that there are other gods, as that would be transgressing the negative commandment of ‘You shall not have other gods before Me.’ (Exodus 20:3). Why the Rambam has to repeat the Mitzvah that is explicitly stated in the Torah? Learn a bit. Keep Shabbat. It says it in the Torah, so keep it. Do we have to go over every Mitzvah. Maybe we should spend some time reminding you to do the Mitzvah H' tells you to do. How about you don't worship idols?! Let's start there. It's like we're speaking to a bunch of heretics. So yes, thoughts count. As unimportant as you may be, and as much as you don't know, you can still transgress and/or do a mitzvah. If you help out around the house and maybe call for a new internet bundle package, maybe you're getting a Mitzvah of Kibud Av vEim. Even so, honoring your parents is not the commandment of belief. The belief is that H' is your Gd. Believing that you have to honor your parents is not a Mitzvah. Get them a decent internet package, and help a bit around the house. Honor your parents because it says it in the Torah. It's a Mitzvah. Sorry we didn't repeat that yet. This knowledge of Gd is the Ikar (main thing) that everything else is founded on. Yes. Anybody who doesn’t believe in Gd is an idiot. They know nothing. They are so dumb, they might even end up becoming a professor. And who commanded this? Gd. Exactly. If you don't believe this, you're a heretic. How many gods do you think there are? That was a trick question. The dean of Harvard would've gotten the answer wrong. And this is why I am starting a course for our Ivy League students that is Belief in The Primary Being for Fools Who Think They Are Important and Hate Jews 101. The next course will be Context 103 in which you learn that you’re an idiot who paid 500k for college. Lesson: If you don't know this stuff. It's fine. Just keep saying the Shema. Maybe you’ll see 'H’ is Truth' there too. And say the Shema (see Halacha 4). It's a Mitzvah. If people would just learn a little Torah, we wouldn't have to repeat everything. Next week, we will be back with more Rambam Halachas, repeating the Torah for you and reminding you to upgrade your internet and cable package. Prices are going down. And it’s a Mitzvah to learn Torah. It says that in the Torah. So, you have to learn the Halachas, because the Rambam is repeating the Torah. You have no choice. The Blog Tags Widget will appear here on the published site.
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Rambam: Yesodei HaTorah 1:4-512/30/2023
Laws 4-5 Gd is the Only Truth - He Keeps The World Going
Law 4: H' is Truth. That means that He alone is truth. And there is no truth like Him. You might have a moment where you thought, 'It all makes sense. Harry likes Cho Chang.' You might have a moment where you didn't lie about taking out the trash. That may be true, but that is not Truth like Gd. That is you owning up to the fact that you were asked to help a good twelve times and you did not. Feel good about that. Maybe now you can help and say you helped. That would also be truth. Where is Gd in your non-helpfulness? That is where it gets complicated. (Devarim 4:35) 'There is none asides from Him.' There is no true existence but Him. And that means pickleball. It does not exist outside of Gd. H' is the True Existence that lasts forever. And as much as it pains us, pickleball may end one day. It might happen when people learn about tennis. Law 5: Who is this? Surprise. It's H'. If I have to spell this out for you... The Primary Being who is all Truth is not the guy who told you about his first date at the birthday party in fourth grade. It is not Paul Pierce. It is H'. He does not stop. With His power that is endless and without a hand or body, He keeps the world going. And this is why we support prosthetics. Why does He keep it going? I am still trying to figure that out. There are more mistakes we can make. We can also do Mitzvahs. I am guessing H' keeps it going for the mistakes. Those happen more often. And why are you learning this and still not taking out the trash. Help out around the house every once in a while. I don't know if that’s a Halacha in the Rambam. I just know that it will get mom mad. That is the truth. The Blog Tags Widget will appear here on the published site.
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Rambam: Yesodei HaTorah 1:1-312/20/2023
Laws 1-3: We Need a Primary Nonphysical Being
That's how I sum up the first chapter. If my friend Tom was running the world, we would be in trouble. Now let's learn a bissel Torah. The foundation of all knowledge is to know that there is a Primary Being that exists. This is not the old guy in shul who spits on his fingers to turn pages. That is disgusting. That's primeval. Not primary. And that guy should be introduced to tissues. Handkerchiefs just add the disgustingness. The Primary Being is Gd. Gd doesn't spit on fingers. If you think He has fingers, you're a heretic. If you don’t have this knowledge, you will come to conclusions that Dr. Fauci is correct. That is not good. Everything else only exists because of this Being. This Primary Being. That includes badminton and pickleball. Everything else is bound by the physical world, and thus needs this Being. You are physically bound, which means you have limitations. I will be the first inspirational speaker to tell you that you can't accomplish anything you set your mind to. The only thing you have control over is where you sit in shul. And even then, you might end up sitting next to a guy who Chuchs and hocks loogies on his Siddur to turn the pages. The Primary Being does not need anything else to exist. However, nothing else could exist without Him. The world goes around because he causes it to. Gd does not need you. Gd does not need you. And you cannot accomplish anything you set your mind to. I hope that is inspirational. It inspires me. If it helps. If you follow His commandments, H' may want you. The Blog Tags Widget will appear here on the published site.
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The Rambam gives us beautiful insight into how to give Tzedakah. This is found in the Mishnah Torah Laws of Gifts to the Poor 10:7-14. Let's delve.
Level 8: The giver is pained by the act of giving Who doesn't hate giving?! Known simply as Tzedakah, this is when you give charity. For instance, when somebody is in need, and you do a kind deed and give them money to help them out. When you take that money and give it, you feel a sharp pain in your shoulder, known as kindness. This also known as dues. Level 7: They give less than they should but does so cheerfully Of course they're cheerful, they're barely giving anything. They're saving money on this. This is when they come around with the Tzedakah box at shul and you put in a dollar. I've never seen anybody put more than a dollar into the Pushke box. Level 6: Gives after being solicited This is when you're stuck at a red light and a stranger knocks on your window. You're scared. To ward off the potential threat, you pull out a dollar and get them angrier. This is also when a stranger comes to your front door. You give them money in fear they'll break in. Then they see you have a wallet and you end up giving more. Level 5: Donor gives without being solicited This never happens. I've been on a member of congregations around the world. This has never happened. The closest thing to this is when you get a calendar for Rosh Hashanah, and you feel bad that these people have been chasing you for eighteen years. So, you give them Chai dollars. Eighteen dollars of generousness. You feel you've done your job in helping purchase a house for the homeless children in Israel. If it ever does happen, if somebody donates from their heart, you'll find out. There will be a plaque. Level 4: Recipient knows the donor but donor doesn't know recipient You'll know who you gave it to when you get nasty looks at shul for being cheap. Level 3: Donor knows the recipient but recipient doesn't know donor You give money and you're constantly asking yourself why this guy can't get a job. And then they end up pledging two-hundred dollars for Maftir. Level 2: Neither donor nor recipient knows the other Somebody else is stealing this money. Level 1: Donor gives recipient the wherewithal to be self-sustaining This is the highest level of charity, as you're not even giving charity. Hence, it's also the most beloved form of Tzedakah. The greatest way to help somebody according to our rabbis is not to give them the fish, but to teach them how to fish. You give them an activity to get their mind of the fact that they're broke. Help them escape from their messed up lives for a few minutes with something to do. Maybe they'll forget they're hungry. Nowhere does the Rambam say to give a lot of Tzedkah. He knows nobody will do that. Tithing is also not mentioned as a level here. He knows. The greatest level, which the Rambam doesn't mention, is when there is a building put up with your name on it. The Blog Tags Widget will appear here on the published site.
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Don't come to the Beit HaMikdash on Chagim without a Karaban. You must show up with to the Temple with a sacrifice.
When you travel to your cousin's Bar Mitzvah, do you bring a gift? Exactly. And now you bring nothing to Gd?! Shame. Bring a gift. If we learned anything, be a decent guest. You're visiting Gd's house. Don't show up empty handed. Nowadays, people bring letters to the Kotel. That's not a gift. There's no Mitzvah for that. No host needs a postcard from a friend who's looking to get married, but can't go out of their way to visit. Hosts want food. You show up to dinner with a dish. You show up with a note that says 'please forgive us for not bringing anything,' you're not getting invited back. Well, that's what you're doing at the Kotel. You're bringing a note that says something went wrong and you're sorry. Nobody likes people who show up without a gift. You show up to the Temple with no meat, and then to top it all off, you don't have the first fruits basket. You're a Temple taker, and the Kohens are all starving and acting real smug. I am not suggesting to have a barbecue at the Kotel. It's not the Temple. Bringing nothing is a huge letdown to the hosts. I've been witness. 'Mark is here... Oh shoot. He brought nothing. He's just a letdown... I thought he makes a nice stew too... Nope. Nothing. Not even a gazpacho... I think he knows we invited him. He's here. We won't have him again. Come in Mark. Take off your shoes. Only people that bring a gift can leave their shoes on... I know we invited him, honey... Didn't he at least bring wine?! Nope. Nothing. Just here to eat. To live off the fat of the land. No appreciation... Wine and stew shows appreciation, Mark. We're having Matzah for dinner now.' A sacrifice is a lot of meat. The problem is most people show up with dessert. There is no commandment to bring a babka. Anybody can afford that. It would be much better if people showed up with a nice roast. If you're eating at our home, bring a roast and you will have an excellent dinner. Why people host that can't cook is a different story. And don't show up to my house with a broccoli lokshen kugel. A broccoli quiche is OK. If it's in lokshen form, it should be spinach. Spinach lokshen kugel is excellently tasty. I don't believe that is a commandment in the Torah, but it should be. It would make us happier. Spinach lokshen kugel and a roast. If you're eating at our home, we'll provide dessert. You provide the spinach lokshen, roast and wine. If we've learned anything from this Mitzvah, never depend on the hosts to feed you. The Blog Tags Widget will appear here on the published site.
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Make your wife happy the first year.
After the first year, don't even try. It won't happen. For one year you should make her happy. After that, you can be honest. Complaining about her cooking is suggested. After the first year, there is no reason you should be eating dried out corned beef anymore. Arguing about the kids after the first year of marriage is also tradition. You will want to blame her side of the family for anything that is off in the child. For the first year you have to smile. After that, football games are the best way to spend your time. TV should be running all the time. Don't even try to make her happy after the first year. She married you. It won't happen. The Pasuk teaches, (Devarim 24:5) ‘When a man takes a new wife, he shall not go to the army, and not obligate himself to anything. He shall be free for his home for one year, and he shall make is wife whom he has married happy.’ It's already enough to try make his new wife happy. We don't want to throw anything else on him, like war. After the first year, get out of the house as fast as you can. Problems start after the first year. At that point, you should be hanging out with the boys. That's how you keep a marriage together. After the first year, it’s better he goes to war. Usually, the wife insists, ‘Get out of the house and do something.' Many times they request the husband goes to the frontlines. Once the fights start, that's your sign to get out. Enlist. War is preferable. It allows you more time out of the house. And there is less fighting in war. Many fights have been caused by the 'not obligating himself to anything' part. Many husbands have used this as an excuse to relax for the year. Wives have used 'a good for nothing' to describe their husbands who keep this Mitzvah. 'He's a good for nothing.' Once she starts calling you a good for nothing and yells at you for not having a job, that's when you should go to war. Join a tank unit. It will be harder for her to find you there. How many old wives does he have? That’s a question. That might be why this new one is mad at him. The most important take away from our Mitzvah today is to not try to make your wife happy after the first year. That is too much already. And as we know, you can't ask somebody to keep a Mitzvah that's impossible to do. The Blog Tags Widget will appear here on the published site.
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It's a Mitzvah to permanently place a Mezuzah. As it says (Devarim 6:9, 11:20), ‘And you shall write on the doorposts of the house.’
This Mitzvah caused much anger amongst the parents pf the Jewish people. Their kids learn this Mitzvah at school, and they come home and destroy the house. They hear to write on the doorposts and they can't wait to get home. I can't tell you how many times I've heard parents reprimanding their children, 'You’re killing the door. What are you doing?!... Go to your room and don't write on it.' To which the educated child responds, 'The Torah says…' And then the kid is taken out of Jewish day school and sent to public school. It happens time and time again. At first they thought their kids were using erasable whiteboard markers. Who would command anybody to ruin a beautiful doorway?! When they found out the kids were using Sharpies, all Gehenim broke loose. Parents were outraged. 'How can H' give such a commandment?! It's enough that we measure the kid's height on the doorpost once a year.' It turns out that measuring a child's height is not a Mitzvah in the Torah. Even so, many doors have marked growth of children. Once a child reaches Mezuzah height, tradition is to stop marking the doorpost. This misunderstanding of the Mitzvah by elementary school kids and art teachers is why the Mezuzah box was created. A box to hold the words of the Torah that are permanently affixed to the door. This way the kids can do their art on that and don't kill the doorposts. So many ancient homes in the Ottoman Empire were destroyed by Jewish children and their graffiti. To this day mothers have to yell at their kids, 'No. Don't write on the wall. Here. Decorate the box...' Sometimes they even give them a little slab of wood to draw on, so that the kids can be creative on a future Chanukiah. Since the Mezuzah fiascos of permanent poor outwork on lintels, we have developed many festival art opportunities for holidays. They create Sukkot decorations, Purim masks, Pesach Seder plates. Now kids force us to hang their artwork, as commanded by the Torah, destroying the Sukkah. Next time, we will talk about how people have misunderstood the Mitzvah of Hiddur, beautifying the Sukkah with the artwork of third graders. We will also discuss ways in which to throw out the pathetic art the kids bring home from school. The Blog Tags Widget will appear here on the published site.
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The Rambam teaches that to do Teshuva (repentance) correctly, you must confess (Viduy) and say 'I will never do it again.' We learn from here that the most important part of repentance is to lie.
Rambam Hilchot Teshuva 1:1 To do proper Teshuva, you must do Viduy which consists of ‘Please H’, I have sinned by accident, I have sinned purposefully, I have sinned in defiance, before You. And I did such and such. And I regret and am embarrassed by my deeds. And I will never return to this again.’ Hence lying is the essence of Teshuva. You have to lie to God with sincerity. ‘H’. I feel so bad for having a good time. I will never do it again… Or at least until after Sukkot, when You stop judging us.’ This guy seems to have done every sin imaginable. The real question is, what is 'such and such'? 'Such and such' is a long list. It usually starts with eating chocolate. Chocolate seems to be the biggest sin people are worried about. That's why you hear about vows of not eating chocolate again when it comes to New Years. Other such and suches are 'I had the best burger of my life at Wendy's.' 'I watched too many series and didn't learn enough Torah.' 'People needed me and I enjoyed myself instead.' I've got to be honest. If somebody every tells me they did such and such, our relationship is over. Nobody does such and such to me and gets away with it. It's rude. Have you ever heard anybody regret something and not do it again? No. People always eat chocolate again. The statement my congregants should make is, ‘It will never happen again till Sukkot, when I forget about it.’ Or 'I would've never said that if I wasn't worried that I would be written in the book of death.' Or 'It's my rabbi's fault. I blame him for everything.' I pray for all that you will be able to celebrate full repentance, and stick to your lies, so you don't end up in Gehenim. And those lies should have you written in the book of life, enjoying chocolate. The Blog Tags Widget will appear here on the published site.
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A well put together cover page for a Jewish newspaper. I knew I was reading a Frum Jewish newspaper, as they found a way to fit 28 ads on the cover page. And the feature article is an ad for Amor jewelry... A properly written Jewish magazine should be advertisements. I once read a non-religious magazine, and I felt like a sinner when I read an article to only find there was no phone number at the end of it. I felt defiled… It’s a shame the Amor ad is so big. They could’ve got another 20 ads in.
(Shulchan Aurch 568:1) One who eats by accident on a fast must continue fasting. Making for a three hour fast to fully mourn the Churban of the Temples. I believe that break between meals fully calls to heart the true yearning of my soul over the loss of the Batei Mikdash... You can't eat once you remember you sinned, as one who committed a sin can't commit a second by snacking once they're already full.
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July 2024
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7/18/2024
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