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Rambam (Hilchot Yom Tov 6:18) 'One who locks the doors to his house and only eats and drinks with his kids and his wife, doesn't have the happiness of Yom Tov, but rather happiness of his stomach.' That sounds like good holiday happiness to me. I'm happy when I'm eating some decent blintzes... The Rambam might be saying it's a bad thing. The idea is that people should be able to break into your home while you're having dinner with the children.
I can tell you that being around the kids and the wife does not bring happiness. You need guests to offset having to deal with them. Each Shofar blast must be fully heard. Thus, the congregation must be completely silent. This isn’t going to happen. Tradition is to whack the Aravot on the ground on Hoshana Rabbah (Sukkah 44b), and then to leave them there. Leaving your mess and other trash in shul at the end of Sukkot works as a positive omen that somebody else will have to clean it up. (Rambam M’ Sanhedrin 10:1,1) Due to their lack of understanding, to get kids to learn you say, ‘Read and I’ll give you nuts and dates... honey.’ I liken Reese's peanut butter cups to dates. Same health benefits… The Rambam also mentions honey. I’m not a fan of that whole putting it on the Torah. My rabbi put it on the first letter of the Torah and had me lick it. I had a 'Bet' stuck to me tongue for half a year. He then put it on my Chumash, to make it sweet, I could never get those pages apart. He destroyed many Sefarim with the honey. The Blog Tags Widget will appear here on the published site.
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(Brachos 54b, Rama 64:1) It's forbidden for a Chasan or Kallah to go outside alone in the marketplace during Sheva Brachos (blessings said during Benching at meals held after a wedding). They can only go out with an escort. Some say it's because of Mazikin (harmful beings) or that they're like a King. They're also worried that after spending time with the in-laws, the newlyweds will try to run away. Nobody says it's because they don't have a date.
According to many commentators the harmful beings are in-laws. A Chupah, the canopy made of cloth, represents the home the newlyweds will be living in. With the way the economy is now... Might be able to get a cotton roof up in Metulah. Chinuch is a Rabbinic Mitzvah to educate the kids on Mitzvahs, to teach kids Torah, and to get dads very frustrated having to learn with the little ones. Never seen dad sitting there happy trying to get their child to look in a Chumash for half an hour. The Mitzvah of teaching children definitely involves yelling, especially when asking them to take out the garbage... Advice: Start educating the kids with the Mitzvah Kibud Av vEim. First Mitzvah they learn is to honor their parents, they might listen when mom and dad talk. They might even end up helping around the house. Which is the reason you teach kids Mitzvahs. Sefardim say Selichot for the whole month of Elul. Ashkenazim start saying Selichot around a week before Rosh Hashana. We feel a couple weeks is enough time to connect to H' through prayers we don’t understand… I am still trying to figure out what Titsheini means. That’s usually what I meditate on during Selichot. Titsheini and Ritzazta. After forty-five minutes of meditating over why I don't understand anything I feel like I've suffered, and that's atonement. The Blog Tags Widget will appear here on the published site.
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Rambam: Yesodei HaTorah 2:39/13/2024
Law 3: There are three types of creations. Vegans are not one of them.
Three categories of creatures Gd created in His world. There are probably more, but they're not creatures. They're probably basilisks, minotaurs, centaurs and other taurs. Gd didn't create those. If it's in Dungeons and Dragons, that doesn't mean Gd created the creature. There might be a fourth Dungeons and Dragons category, but the Rambam was not privy in 12th century Cordoba. Though he was hip and sported the turban. First: Those that have matter and form like humans, animals, plants, metals. Bodies. We're talking about bodies here. Even unattractive creatures. Gd creates those too. They come into existence and cease. All of this physical matter stuff will end. Even if you freeze your body, the ice will melt at some point. Then you're gone. Transmutating into a metal doesn't work. I understand many people have thought about it. It won't work. You may get a couple hundred years out of that. That's about it. If you marry somebody not attractive, it won't last forever. I hope that brings you comfort and inspiration. Second: Those of matter and form that don't change. Like the spheres and stars. I have no idea what spheres are. Circles. I guess. Stuff made in art class with a compass, they don't change. Unless if you have a shaky hand. If you place that sharp pointer thing in the correct place and hold it down strong, it doesn't change. Those circles and stars don't change. The first category is different as it ceases and changes. Wrinkles. The Rambam is teaching us about wrinkles. Wrinkles and dry skin are the difference. The second category doesn't have to use lotion with aloe. Third: Those with no matter at all. They just have form. We're talking about angels. Shapes with no matter. But they do matter. They matter with no matter. Angels can get down on themselves. That's why you should always tell them they matter. Their forms differ. And they weigh nothing. One guy is a human and the other an octagon. We don't judge angels. They take up no space. Probably always thin. Never have to diet. They never talk about how fat they get over a Three Day Rosh Hashana. They never complain about getting bloated from Challah. They never have to wait in lines. They never get caught sneaking into movies. They probably just sneak onto buses and take seats. You see a guy sitting in the aisle seat with an empty spot by the window, it's probably one of these guys sitting there. Some of them might be minotaurs. Weightless minotaurs. I can't promise. I'm just conjecturing. Everything has form. And we're going to die. That's the point the Rambam is teaching us in this Halacha. We're going to die. I hope that helps you understand angels. The Blog Tags Widget will appear here on the published site.
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You’re not allowed to eat meat or drink wine during the Nine Days (the days of mourning before Tisha BAv) according to Ashkenazi tradition, as food is the one thing that brings a Frum Jew joy. If there’s a Siyum (where somebody finishes a portion of the Oral Law and shares that Simcha with us) you can drink win and eat meat. Listening to someone talk works, as that also causes us pain.
During the Three Weeks (leading up to Tisha BAv, which includes the Nine Days because we have a lot of mourning, which is the only thing that makes an Ashkenazi Jew feel better than food) we refrain from joyous activities like weddings, music and dancing, so you can save on gifts. Inter-tribal marriage bans were lifted on Tu BAv. This was pertinent two thousand years ago, when intermarriage was frowned upon. Now, rabbis are trying to come up with a day that Jews celebrate not intermarrying… Known as a Chupah. (Rambam: Yesodei HaTorah 2:1) You learn to fear H’ by realizing how puny you are. How you’re a nothing. How you're worthless. How your parents are still not proud of you. H' created the world. What did you do today? Stain a deck? H’ sneezed and built a forest. That was a quick second on Day Three. I hope that helps bring up your morale. The Blog Tags Widget will appear here on the published site.
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Last week we discussed from Moshe to Rambam. We discussed the fights between men and women. Over that time, Rabbi Akiva went away for twenty years to learn Torah, to only come back home and hear his wife. At which point he went away for another twenty years to learn. He heard that nag and ran. Didn't even say 'Hi.'
Since then, over the past thousand years, Halacha has developed with rabbis who have acronyms. The first rabbis with acronyms came along. Rashi, Rambam, Ramban, Ran, Rosh, Tur. Nothing is more important than an acronym. Preferably it should start with an 'r.' Rabbeinu Yonah was an anomaly. How he made it without an acronym is studied by historians to this day. Yet, his first name 'Rabbeinu' begins with an 'r.' Most historians have not noted that. These first rabbis with acronyms were known as commentators. That lasted for a few hundred years till people got sick of the commenting. A lot of commenting. You would be at a Shabbat dinner, they would bring out the Kugel, and a rabbi would say, 'I like that Kugel.' Another rabbi would say, 'It's dry.' Another rabbi would say, 'Why the noodles?' Then they would go into a whole discussion about what Kugel means. That lasted for years, until somebody said, 'Lokshen.' And the argument was over. No more commenting on Kugel, until people started throwing in garlic. Then Rabbi Yosef Cairo, came along at around the year 1500 CE, and said, 'I will bring all the arguments together, like the Tur did, and come up with a final conclusion.' He came up with the final conclusion in the Shulchan Aruch, saying, 'I will stop all the arguments,' and people argued about that. They had acronyms too. The Taz was a cool rabbi, as he had the coolest acronym. The Rama, a contemporary of Rabbi Cairo and a bit younger, argued on behalf of Ashkenazi Jews. But Rabbi Cairo lived in Tzfat and had a cooler headdress, so they liked him more. Trying to reconcile the arguments is the foundation of modern-day Halacha. And reconciliation leads to a lot of fights. So, Ashkenazim started arguing with Ashkenazim. Chasidim and Misnagdim started fighting. The fight started when one rabbi said, 'I am better than you.' Then another rabbi said, 'I am better than you.' Then a student said, 'My rabbi is better than yours.' And students went back and forth, saying, 'My rabbi is better than yours.' Some even said, 'My rebbe is better than yours.' That lasted almost as long as the fights with the wives. A good two hundred years of arguing and fighting. Then somebody noted, 'We're all Jewish. We've all let down our parents.' That's when Jews started singing and playing guitar. The Misnagdim noticed that Chasidim had some decent songs, so they called them Jewish again. Arguments continued, but with less yelling. We had Chasidim and Misnagdim, and so came the Halacha known now as 'a rabbi will support you.' Which many people use to this day when making decisions as to whether or not they can eat Kitniot on Pesach (Kitniot are legumes- I hope that helps). Now Chasidim argue with Chasidim and nobody trusts anybody else. Which is why we have what is known as Hashgacha (kosher supervision). Another couple hundred or so years went by and rabbis started asking questions about this new thing called electricity. Being the traditional souls they were, they argued over electric current by candlelight. A lot of yelling took place with these arguments, due to somebody not filling up enough oil in the lamp. One rabbi, known as the Chafetz Chayim, came along and talked a lot about not talking Lashon Hara about people. He killed every decent conversation. He was one of those 'let's not hate each other' rabbis, which killed his street cred at the time, so nobody called him rabbi. Just Chafetz Chayim. Then came the worst thing known to Jewish leaders since exile, the crockpot. The anger was palpable. 'You're cooking on Shabbis.' 'But I'm not.' 'But you are.' 'What's considered cooking on Shabbis?' 'I don't know.' 'Then why are you yelling at me?' 'Because I'm religious.' 'Shabbis doesn't start for another half hour.' Rabbi Shlomo Zalmen Auerbach ZT"L decided, 'We need a Sefer about Shabbis.' He called it Shmirat Shabbat KeHilchata. Now people yell about people not following Shemirat Shabbat KeHilchata right. Some rabbi at an NCSY youth convention decided to spread the idea that it's really important to not touch the opposite sex. This law, known as Shomer Negiah, kept the people single. Which led to Halachik discourse as to whether or not women need men. More acronyms developed. Now, in order to be a rabbi you need the acronyms before your name. I'll put these in Hebrew. I figured that should be just as hard to understand as transliterated acronyms. גאב"ד- גאון אב בית דין ראב"ד- ראש אבות בית דין אבדק"ק- אב בית דין דקהילה קדושה אדמו"ר- אדונינו מורינו ורבינו רשכבה"ג- רבן של כל בני הגולה הרה"ד- הרב הגאון כבו"ק- כבוד קדושת הרה"ק- הרב הקדוש הרה"צ- הרב הצדיק הגה"צ- הגאון הצדיק הרה"ח (הגה"צ)- הרב החסיד And those are just a few of the acronyms that must come before a rabbi's name, if he's important. Sometimes, it takes twelve minutes to call up a rabbi in acronym form. If you have all of these before your name, you've made it, and you can now tell people they're wrong. Sometimes the Israelis leave out the Kabook acronym, because people think they're going to bring out coated peanuts. Which makes them more excited than seeing the rabbi. To be a greater rabbi, you need an acronym after your name too. Best known one is Shlita. שליט"א- שיחיה לאורך ימים טובים אמן. If your name is not followed by a Shlita, have you truly made it? After the rabbi has gone to Olam Haba (the world to come), they must have a ZT"L. At least a ZT"L. This is if you want to decipher Halacha after you have passed away. And now, we only listen to Halachik decisions of rabbis who've passed away with many acronyms. Note: Please accept my apology for leaving out many acronyms. Since this article has been released, many Talmidim (students) have proven their rabbi greater with more acronyms that were not privy to us when putting out this article. If we learned anything, you don't listen to a rabbi who teaches you Halacha, if he has a name that people know him by other than rebbe and if he doesn't have acronyms. Now, due to Halacha, Jewish men run out of their homes three times a day, to pray. And for Rosh Hashana, they've found a way to leave the country and go to Uman, just to get away from their wives. 'It's Halacha!' The Blog Tags Widget will appear here on the published site.
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Halacha, Jewish law, developed over many years of arguing.
It started when Moshe received the word of Torah from H'. Moshe passed down the word of Gd to his students, who argued. They passed it down to their students, who argued, who passed it down to their students who argued about what they argued. A lot of arguing for many years, until Jews got exiled. Yehoshua may have argued with himself before passing it to the elders. I am not sure if Moshe commanded him to argue. The exiled Jews stopped arguing. Maybe they didn't. They still argued, just that nobody was there to listen to their bickering. So, we don't know what they argued about it. Sources do teach that one argument had was where Rafi accused Baruch saying, 'It's because of you we ended up here.' To which Baruch wondered, 'How did we get here.' Somehow, this arguing ended up in the Mishna. They took the arguments and jotted them down in notes, short-form. For some reason, nobody thought that shorthand might cause more arguments. So, all of the students started arguing over what the notes meant. Somehow, this ended up as the Gemara, where they argued over the arguments and gave each other advice on how to avoid having to deal with their wives. Then rabbis argued about the Gemara. Which is why we have shuls. Now the arguments with the wives started. The rabbis did whatever they could to avoid talking to their wives. They went on long walks to bathhouses, they spent time with Lebanon cedars, and they even involved themselves in war with the Romans, just to get out of the house. They spent most of their time complaining about having to deal with what they called 'the old lady.' They theorized about why the old twenty-year-old ladies wouldn't stop whining about socks left on the floor. After much discussion the rabbis decided women are ignorant. The theory of wives being ignorant all started when one of Rabbi Akiva's students noticed that his wife used an elephant tusk to clean the laundry, instead of dandelions. Huge arguments took place. One wife got mad at her husband, she even called him 'Ben Zoma.' She said, 'You, Ben Zoma.' A point of contention which everybody discusses at Pesach, even to this day. Well, I believe it was Ben Zoma (not sure). Well, let's just say he and his wife had a spat about when to leave on Pesach vacation to the Beit HaMikdash (the Holy Temple). He thought the house should still be cleaned before heading to the Temple. Almost broke up the marriage. For hundreds of years, much of the day was spent trying to figure out new ways to tell their wives they had to be separated. They focused on Nidas. If their wife was impure, they could get away from them. Words like 'Veset,' a red stain which would consider the wife impure for extra time, were discussed on the daily. Anything close to red, they found a way to call it a Veset. They had green Vesets. Purple Vesets. All red. Metallic grey? They found a way to call it a Veset. They found a colorblind rabbi to ensure they would have more time out of the house. More time to hang out with the guys. One rabbi came in after witnessing his wife going crazy during what we call the Nida time of the month, to this day known as 'that time of the month.' He said, 'Thank Gd I am not a woman.' And the rabbis all concurred, 'That's in excellent Bracha.' 'We'll use that blessing.' Somehow, the wives heard about this. One of the rabbis, known as the first whistleblower, told his wife that she's not allowed to learn Gemara and they can't talk too much, because she's ignorant. This rabbi was put in excommunication for his stupidity. Upon excommunication it was said, 'We told you it's forbidden to speak to women.' Around a thousand years of arguments with women took place, due to this rabbi's stupidity. This is why we don't have much more Torah discussed, other than stories, known as Midrash, until the turn of the millennium at around 1,100 CE. At that point, the rabbis said that women are not stupid, it is just that they're closer to Gd. The women, being stupid, went for that. And now the rabbi could start getting back to arguing about Halacha. It was at that moment that the law of ‘Peace in the House’ was developed, so that guys could run out of the house without a fight. Then a lot of rabbis with acronyms came along. Rashi, Rambam, Ramban, Ritva, Rashba. Your acronym had to start with an 'r' for people to respect you. We shall continue next week with modern Halachic development. The Blog Tags Widget will appear here on the published site.
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Rambam: Yesodei HaTorah 2:1-28/15/2024
Law 1-2: You learn to love and fear Gd by recognizing how not important you are. I hope that makes you feel good today.
Law 1: You must love and fear H'. It's a Mitzvah. You have to do Mitzvahs. Why do you have to do Mitzvahs? Because H' said so. Look at Devarim chapter 6, verses 5 and 13. Maybe try saying the Shema and then learning Pasuk 13 too. Gd tells you should do that too. You have to love Gd. Why? Gd tells you. It would be good if I know about this years back, when dating somebody I liked. I told her, 'You should love me, because I told you to love me.' If I would've told her, 'Gd told you to love me,' that might have worked. If she was a good Gd fearing Jew. I fear I'll get in trouble if I don't love Him. That's where my fear comes from. Law 2: You end up loving H’ when you realize how great He is. When you notice His great deeds and how there is no end to His greatness, you desire to know more. This is not like loving a human. When you see how much my congregants have messed up, when you see how none of them put more than a dollar in the Tzedakah box, when you see how bad Kiddish is, you do not desire to know them at all. You desire to get out of there. You need a reason to love. With Gd, it's His Greatness that you want to connect to. With a potential spouse, it's to get your parents off your back. You desire to know more. That is love. I think we just defined it. Years of trying to figure out what love is, I think we just figured it out. The Rambam just said it. Through appreciation for H’s greatness, you learn to love Him. It’s a desire to know more. I can tell you that I have been around many women that I have not desired to know more. For many, it's the wife. I believe this is where the shadchanim/matchmakers get it from. This is what they mean when you are not attracted to somebody and they say, ‘You will learn to love them.’ They are telling you that you will desire to know more. After time, you learn to admire them due to their unattractive appearance. You start to love the ugliness you married. You will then desire to know why you made such a bad decision. You know how those parents talk about their ugly kids like they're beautiful, saying stuff like 'you're beautiful'? They're lying. Then you realize how tiny you are. A little puny man. Fear comes through realizing how small you are. H’ said, 'Let there be a world,' and there was a world. It appeared. You requested some orange juice with your breakfast and the waiter still hasn’t brought it. Fear of H' is different. It is a fear of love. If I fear somebody, it's because they're tyrants and I'm worried I'm going to get shot. That's not love. And that is not fear of them. That's fear of losing my life or money. I have to stop hanging out with these people. It's different with parents. They might be tyrants, who made me do homework throughout my childhood. They also made me sit down for dinner with the family. Even so, I fear them and love them because they support me, financially. It's a fear and love with Gd. That's why I say that prayer for Parnasa (a good living). A tiny, lowly, and dark creature, standing with his flimsy, limited, wisdom before He who is of perfect knowledge. Kind of makes you feel worse than sitting through a Shidduch pitch from a matchmaker, where they tell you how not handsome you are. Meditate on how great H' is. Do it for a minute or two. Now think about yourself. Didn't accomplish much. Did you? H' brought the world into being. What have you done today? You stained the deck. Gd just sneezed and built a forest. Kind of makes you think. Maybe fear Him. This isn't a competition with Gd, who decided to create the heavens and earth with a couple of words. You can't even build a Popsicle stick house right. When you understand how puny you are, you fear Him. Until now, I never fully understood the Musar, the moral lessons, Hons and Franz were giving over. Now you understand why you have to fight with fools to get to the potato kugel at Kiddish. Ahh. That was a good learning session of the Rambam. I feel like a nothing. An absolute nothing, right now. And I got rejected by a woman, even though I told her to love me. Didn’t work. As she said, ‘You’re not Gd.’ And then I told her, ‘You’re ugly.’ The Blog Tags Widget will appear here on the published site.
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(Vayikra 19:1-2) ‘You shall be holy.’ Rashi teaches this means to be removed from sin. From this we learn that it's a Mitzvah to not enjoy yourself.
As a rabbi, I've learned that people want to see their rabbi not smiling. A serious look of not happiness makes them feel their rabbi is holy. I once smiled. The board fired me for unholy behavior. Now, I just think of having to deal with congregants and I have the right look. (Niddah 73a) One who learns two Halachas a day, merits Olam Haba... I never learned that Halacha before. If I would’ve known that Halacha, I might have come around to learning it. This should be the first Halacha they teach. People might learn more. By the time you get to this, learning one Halacha a day, you've already earned yourself a place in Gehenim. (Shulchan Aurch 568:1) One who eats by accident on a fast must continue fasting. Making for a three hour fast to fully mourn the Churban of the Temples. I believe that break between meals fully calls to heart the true yearning of my soul over the loss of the Batei Mikdash. It's about feeling the pain of our people. You can't eat once you remember you sinned, as one who committed a sin can't commit a second by snacking once they're already full. This truly connects them to the yearning of our people. Rule: One who commits a sin can't commit a second sin. That's the idea. But I can tell you otherwise. I have congregants. They sin a third time too. We don’t get a haircut or shave during the Three Weeks, so that you can look like you’re mourning and not get a date. The Three Weeks are now. There are other three weeks in the year. I would not want to confuse anybody. Other three weeks do exist. But these are the Three Weeks. The Ben HaMeitzarim, 'Between the Disasters.' The Three Weeks between the shaves. The Three Weeks you look real bad. The Blog Tags Widget will appear here on the published site.
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On Shavuot, it's tradition to stay up all night because we overslept when receiving the Torah and there’s cheesecake. When serving H', there are priorities. (The Ari and Shir Hashirim Rabbah)
Going to Yerushalayim for a Chag ‘don’t appear before H’ empty handed' (Devarim 16:16). Be a decent guest and bring a brisket. Nobody likes guests who show up with nothing. If you're going to Gd's house, bring a lamb for dinner. Something enjoyable. Something decent. Gd doesn't need a raspberry Danish. I don't think anybody needs a raspberry Danish. I believe bringing that for dinner makes for Sinat Chinam. Probably the reason the Second Temple was destroyed. Covering food with something like a shirt, that doesn’t add heat, can be done before Shabbat, if you’re fine smelling like choolante. This is called Hatmana and can't be done on Shabbat. Otherwise, everybody would be rubbing their clothes all over their food trying to make it edible. To Note: Cooking with clothing is not suggested. It can be very expensive. Especially when cooking with Charles Tyrwhitts. I've always wondered why people come to shul with that musty smell on Shabbis day. (Yehoshua 1:8) ‘This Sefer Torah shall not be removed from your mouth. And you shall speak of it day and night… In order that you guard it to do all that is written in it. For then your ways will be successful and you will become smart.’ From here we learn that you should talk to annoying people who go on and on, if they’re talking Torah. And the best way to make money is to learn. Working will not make you money. Smart people know this. The Blog Tags Widget will appear here on the published site.
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Gd doesn’t change. Change is for beings in our low dark world. I feel like I’m sinning, defining H’ by saying He isn’t definable.
It’s only considered Chametz if it’s fit for a dog to eat. Hence, Simi’s choolante is not forbidden on Pesach... Simi is a bad cook. H' is One. 'One is H". One is H". One is H". In the heavens and the earth.' Why the song repeats 'One' three times?! It's very confusing. According to some rabbis walking four Amot in Israel is a Mitzvah. Others teach it’s a Mitzvah to have a BBQ on Yom HaAtzmaut. It depends who you hold by. When one moves to Israel it’s a Mitzvah to stay. Some never leave the Holy Land, because they never want to see their family. Lag BOmer is Shimon Bar Yochai’s Yahrzeit. Hence, kids make bonfires and shoot bows and arrows without parental supervision. All physical and emotional aspects of H’ in the Torah are but metaphor, and I have to find out why I was lied to in grade school. The Blog Tags Widget will appear here on the published site.
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Rambam: Yesodei HaTorah 1:125/20/2024
Law 12: It's Just a Visual - Not a Lie
Since H' is not affected by the physical world. All of the stuff in the Torah and Navi is just metaphor and image. Did the Rambam just say the Torah is lying?! No. The Rambam is saying we're idiots and we can't understand anything other than baseball, how to match two shades of blue that don't clash, and anything about a car other than how it works. H' doesn't laugh. H' doesn't cackle. There is no snort coming out when you make a joke. H' is not amused. H' is. He is just is. He is not amused by the joke about the guy eating non-kosher because of how apples are served. Especially because He heard well over three million times. If you're offended that I am calling H' a He and not a She, H' doesn't care. (Shemot 3:14) 'I am who I am.' H' wants to be known to us as this. Otherwise, we'll start asking Him questions, wanting to hang out. And that won't make H' happy. Why? Because H' just is and it can get annoying hanging out with you at the bar and watching you get Shikur. He figures that if we are confused we won't be as annoying, and we'll aske less questions. 'I am who I am.' That's skirting a question if I have ever seen it. I would never be able to get away with this. People ask me what I'm working in now. 'I am me.' 'No. Rabbi David is unemployed.' (Malachi 3:6) 'I, Gd, have not changed.' That says it all. He doesn't get happy or mad. H' is always H'. I feel like I am sinning defining H' by saying He is not definable. I wish they would've taught me this stuff in elementary school. I would've cared less about not knowing stuff. Come to think of it, my lack of listening in class had me understanding H' a lot better than those fools getting straight 'A's. 'I have not changed.' The last time I heard that was when that girl broke up with me. I believe she was blaming me for that breakup. This physical stuff and emotion affect people. It is for the dark and low beings. H' is above all this. He is exalted. H’ just gets bothered by you. If you felt good, just know you're a dark and lowly creature. A creature who is affected by pettiness and bathroom humor. What am I supposed to do? How do I relate to H'? We are not here for answers. We are here to confuse you. Now that we can relate to H' through metaphor it's good to know that He is not affected by what you do or think - and that is a metaphor. That should help with your prayers this morning. I am beginning to think that saying 'metaphor' is like saying 'psyche.' So did the Torah say it or did the Torah not say that H' has an outstretched arm?! Then how did H' take us out of Egypt? That wasn't a metaphor. The Rambam better deal with this in the next chapter or I will metaphorically stop learning. I am sure the Raavad has something to say about this. Now that we have finished the chapter teaching us that everything we thought about Gd is not true. And that all of our connection with H' is based on a physical world that H' is not affected by. Have a great Shabbis. And be on time to shul. You should use it as a time to connect with H'. And remember H' rested on the seventh day. Oh shoot. That's a metaphor. Now I'm confused. And I wasted twelve years in school learning about how I can make H' happy by doing Mitzvahs and how I usually make H' mad. Now that it is clear that we cannot define H', we will move onto chapter two and define H' and our relationship to Him more. Lesson: We're meant to follow in H's ways. How do you become exalted? Be very much not you. And practice Mitzvot. That's how you end a good Dvar Torah - Learn Torah and do Mitzvahs. If you do that, H' will probably not care. He definitely won't get all emotional about it. I know the Rambam is going to say something about Mitzvahs being the way to make this physical world exalted and godly. He's got to. I really hope the Rambam doesn't stop here. Oh shoot. I am worried he stops here. There is no cliffhanger. The physical stuff is petty. It's fleeting. That's my take. I'm finished for now. I'm going to go work out. Hit the weights. Try to get in shape. And I am still trying to figure out how H' took us out of Mitzrayim with an outstretched arm. Could one arm have freed a whole people from slavery? Just one arm?! I will think of that while doing some squats to connect to H'. The Blog Tags Widget will appear here on the published site.
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Rambam: Yesodei HaTorah 1:104/4/2024
Laws 10: Even Moshe Doesn't Get to See Everything
And you ask H' to let you know what you're supposed to do in this world. You ask H' to tell you the meaning of life. You ask H' to help you make sense of it. Chutzpah. Law 10: Moshe wants to see H'. Yet, Moshe only gets to see H's back (Shemot 33:23). H' tells him that 'there isn't within the knowledge of man that lives that is connected to a body and Nefesh to achieve the truth of this matter about his Creator.' And Moshe was finally put in his place. It's important to know that you will never truly know. Which is why we study. This is why we learn Torah. As a physical being, we are bound. We are limited to sports, an Amazon Prime series and having to hear Bernie cough up a phlegm wad in the middle of Davening. Nobody can fully understand H'. So, Moshe only sees H's body. But Moshe doesn't really see H's body, because Gd doesn't have a body. Chacha'ah!!! You can tell a lot from a body. I go to shul and I see many out of shape people. I know the membership is not hitting the gym. And those that go to the gym are having conversations about why one should not work so hard. Based on the bodies I see at shul, I can see the membership takes Shabbis very seriously. Not one of them skips Shalishudis. I am sure H' would be in better shape than the membership of Beis Knesses Anshei Emes uSefilah. It might be the portly suits. Portly suits make you look portly. 'Show me your Kavod' (Shemot 33:18). He wanted to know the foundations of Gd, until he knew it in his heart, like somebody knows something that he sees in his heart, such as knowing a person 'separate in his knowledge from all other people.' H' is not separate. So, how can Moshe know Gd as separate? Again, I will never truly know. But he wanted to know. I remember wanting to know about astronomy and physics. I wanted to understand it. I wanted to understand the foundations of the makeup of our universe. Then my professor said, 'You have to study.' It was at that moment, I realized I would never know. Moshe was asking for a lot. I remember once asking my dad for the car. Moshe gets to see Gd's back. That's a big thing right there. Give him that. Moshe, a physical human being, wanted a physical relationship with Gd. Gd can only be related to in a non-physical, possibly spiritual way. Which is what I tell the shul when they ask me to pay dues. Our relationship is one of the Neshama, the soul, and money is physical. Or, is the Torah teaching us that through our physical connection in this world, we can at least see a part of Gd. We can maybe see Gd's image, or some out of shape guy in shul in a portly suit coughing over the Babka. A little Chidish for you. Chidish means that somebody had a thought and was too lazy to find a source to back it up. Lesson: You can ask, but you may not get. You can ask for a car, but you may just get a unicycle for your sixteenth birthday. I don't know if I was being told to join the circus, which is kind of like telling somebody to run away. You don't get everything you ask for. If somebody can please tell that to my nephew. Maybe just tell him his uncle gives bad gifts and get it over with. Next time I'm giving the kid a dollar. I am still trying to figure out what Nefesh means. The Blog Tags Widget will appear here on the published site.
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Rambam: Yesodei HaTorah 1:91/25/2024
Law 9: Anthropomorphism: Don't be Gullible
Now that we have down the foundation of all knowledge, that we know nothing about Gd. With that knowledge, let us explain Gd. Law 9: The Torah uses physical terms to describe Gd. Gd's feet, hands, eyes and ears. Why is it there? If Gd doesn't have it, why do we attribute this to Gd? Why do not finish the full song with mouth and nose, and head, shoulder, knees and toes? There are many questions we have. None of them will be answered, because we know nothing about Gd. It's placed there as metaphor and examples, so we can understand. Since we are spiritually dumb, we need physical language to have some idea what's going on. Ask any Kabbalist living in Tzfat in the 16th century, you are an idiot. We're corporeal. No idea what that means. But it sounds sophisticated. H's hand is really not His hand. You can't slap H' five. This isn't high school. This isn't a baseball game with a high five. One thing I know about Gd. Always capitalize anything I write about Him. Why does it say (Shemot 24:10) 'Beneath His feet,' (31:18) 'Written by H"s finger.' (9:3) 'Gd's hand,' (Bereishit 38:7) 'Gd's eyes,' (Bamidbar 11:1) 'Gd's ears' and so on? I don't know. I hope that helps. Why do you insist on knowing all of this. To quote Shlomo: 'Are you trying to be better than me?!' This isn't a game. This is life. This is H'. And you think we're playing Mr. Potato Head. How did Gd write the tablets with His finger when He doesn't have one? Only Gd can do that. Gd and possibly my rabbi. Now I must be honest. I am very confused. I can tell you Shimon Simchovitz didn't write the Torah. I've seen his writing. Very poor penmanship. He couldn't even write a Mezuzah. Bigger question. Where does 'ibid.' come from? How does that mean 'same place'? If you can answer that, that is a knowledgeable human being. If you can spell knowledgeable without spellcheck, you're smart. How about these? (Devarim 32:41) 'I will sharpen my lightning sword.' What does that mean? Does H' have a sword? What's a lightning sword? It does sound cool though. Even The Legend of Zelda doesn't have a sword that cool. (Daniel 7:9) 'Clothed in snow white.' Who has clothes made out of snow? Snow shirts melt. And they don't keep you warm. Yet. H' has that. And why did they never give H' credit for Snow White? These are all very important questions. And we will not answer any of them, because we have no idea. And Moshe envisioned H' wrapped in a Tallit. Every morning, I envision myself getting smacked with the tassels of the Tallit the guy is wrapping next to me. A lot of defining about what we can’t define going on over here. Lesson: H' can't be understood or grasped by human thought. Therefore, we will keep trying to understand Him and learning Torah. We need the physical terminology because we're idiots. I'm going to get a drink with Gd right now. The Blog Tags Widget will appear here on the published site.
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Rambam: Yesodei HaTorah 1:7-81/11/2024
Laws 7-8: Oneness Can't Be Defined - So We Shall Define It
Law 7: There is only One. As it says in the Torah, (Devarim 6:4) 'H" is our Gd, H" is One.' That is another commandment. Third one in this chapter. Three commandments for a belief that we cannot believe in more than once. That is a lot of expression of one belief, that there is One. One Gd. How many gods do you need? Are there not enough Mitzvahs as there is?! We don't need more commandments. The Torah is good. Anything more than One would mean physical and that means an end. That means a board is getting involved and there are committees, and religion dies. I hope that doesn't offend you. H' is not offended. H' doesn’t have feelings, for that would mean change, and that is physical. Point is that this is very confusing. H' has no body. Hence, anything dealing with bodies is not relevant to Gd. H' is not limited or defined. Gd is simply one. Therefore, we can't describe Gd. Now I am confused, and trying to figure out why we are defining something that can't be defined. This feels a bit like math. As it teaches in the Shema, (Devarim 6:4) 'Hear oh Israel, H' is our Lord H' is One.' That's it. H' is one and there are a lot of Mitzvahs about it. Law 8: H' has no body, as H' is the 'Lord in the heavens above and earth below' (Devarim 4:39). A physical being can't be in two places at once. How my parents knew when I misbehaved in school is still an anomaly. And H' resembles nothing else. Physical beings resemble other things. That cannot happen when there is oneness. H' doesn't have a doppelganger. Nobody has ever posted a Gd lookalike on Instagram. Only selfies. Anybody who thinks they're posting a Gd doppelganger is probably posting Charlton Heston. Charlton was Moses. (Isaiah 40:25) 'To whom can you liken Me and that I will be equal.' Something with a body has equals. And H' doesn't have an ego. He's not showing off here. If Deion Sanders was saying that he has no equal, that would be egotistical. I didn't learn the rest of Isaiah. Too many chapters. Why do we not see H'? If we would've seen Gd at Har Sinai, we would've started making idols (Devarim 4:15-16). We would've got all high on ourselves and started making gods. Physical beings like Play-Doh too much. Why do you need H' to be physical? Do you have a need to go drinking with Him?! I am confused. Who is my doppelganger? Without these beliefs in Gd, it would appear that we would be following subjective laws, and there would not be a ‘Truth.' I have met many people, and I can say that I would not want them making up laws. We all see what happened in the Knesset over the past 75 some-odd years. How the Jerusalem municipality can put a stop on my bank account for not paying somebody else's Arnona... only a finite being can come up with a law like that. Want to talk about why there is no decent park in my neighborhood? Somebody in the city made that decision. Some fool who is probably printing Silly Putty on a newspaper right now. Lesson: The real idea being expressed is that us finite beings are idiots. The foundation of all knowledge is to know that you are not that smart. Because we are not that clever, the Torah commands us to believe in Gd, in three ways. The Blog Tags Widget will appear here on the published site.
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Rambam: Yesodei HaTorah 1:61/4/2024
Law 6: You Don't Get Knowledge from College
Law 6: This belief, this knowledge, of Gd is the commandment of ‘I am H’ your Gd’ (Exodus 20:2). The commandment is not the belief that you have control over your internet package. You don't. They're going to change it. It's not the knowledge that your mechanic will rip you off. Though that is a foundational truth of the world. It is that H' is Gd, and Gd is Truth. And you cannot think that there are other gods, as that would be transgressing the negative commandment of ‘You shall not have other gods before Me.’ (Exodus 20:3). Why the Rambam has to repeat the Mitzvah that is explicitly stated in the Torah? Learn a bit. Keep Shabbat. It says it in the Torah, so keep it. Do we have to go over every Mitzvah. Maybe we should spend some time reminding you to do the Mitzvah H' tells you to do. How about you don't worship idols?! Let's start there. It's like we're speaking to a bunch of heretics. So yes, thoughts count. As unimportant as you may be, and as much as you don't know, you can still transgress and/or do a mitzvah. If you help out around the house and maybe call for a new internet bundle package, maybe you're getting a Mitzvah of Kibud Av vEim. Even so, honoring your parents is not the commandment of belief. The belief is that H' is your Gd. Believing that you have to honor your parents is not a Mitzvah. Get them a decent internet package, and help a bit around the house. Honor your parents because it says it in the Torah. It's a Mitzvah. Sorry we didn't repeat that yet. This knowledge of Gd is the Ikar (main thing) that everything else is founded on. Yes. Anybody who doesn’t believe in Gd is an idiot. They know nothing. They are so dumb, they might even end up becoming a professor. And who commanded this? Gd. Exactly. If you don't believe this, you're a heretic. How many gods do you think there are? That was a trick question. The dean of Harvard would've gotten the answer wrong. And this is why I am starting a course for our Ivy League students that is Belief in The Primary Being for Fools Who Think They Are Important and Hate Jews 101. The next course will be Context 103 in which you learn that you’re an idiot who paid 500k for college. Lesson: If you don't know this stuff. It's fine. Just keep saying the Shema. Maybe you’ll see 'H’ is Truth' there too. And say the Shema (see Halacha 4). It's a Mitzvah. If people would just learn a little Torah, we wouldn't have to repeat everything. Next week, we will be back with more Rambam Halachas, repeating the Torah for you and reminding you to upgrade your internet and cable package. Prices are going down. And it’s a Mitzvah to learn Torah. It says that in the Torah. So, you have to learn the Halachas, because the Rambam is repeating the Torah. You have no choice. The Blog Tags Widget will appear here on the published site.
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Rambam: Yesodei HaTorah 1:4-512/30/2023
Laws 4-5 Gd is the Only Truth - He Keeps The World Going
Law 4: H' is Truth. That means that He alone is truth. And there is no truth like Him. You might have a moment where you thought, 'It all makes sense. Harry likes Cho Chang.' You might have a moment where you didn't lie about taking out the trash. That may be true, but that is not Truth like Gd. That is you owning up to the fact that you were asked to help a good twelve times and you did not. Feel good about that. Maybe now you can help and say you helped. That would also be truth. Where is Gd in your non-helpfulness? That is where it gets complicated. (Devarim 4:35) 'There is none asides from Him.' There is no true existence but Him. And that means pickleball. It does not exist outside of Gd. H' is the True Existence that lasts forever. And as much as it pains us, pickleball may end one day. It might happen when people learn about tennis. Law 5: Who is this? Surprise. It's H'. If I have to spell this out for you... The Primary Being who is all Truth is not the guy who told you about his first date at the birthday party in fourth grade. It is not Paul Pierce. It is H'. He does not stop. With His power that is endless and without a hand or body, He keeps the world going. And this is why we support prosthetics. Why does He keep it going? I am still trying to figure that out. There are more mistakes we can make. We can also do Mitzvahs. I am guessing H' keeps it going for the mistakes. Those happen more often. And why are you learning this and still not taking out the trash. Help out around the house every once in a while. I don't know if that’s a Halacha in the Rambam. I just know that it will get mom mad. That is the truth. The Blog Tags Widget will appear here on the published site.
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Rambam: Yesodei HaTorah 1:1-312/20/2023
Laws 1-3: We Need a Primary Nonphysical Being
That's how I sum up the first chapter. If my friend Tom was running the world, we would be in trouble. Now let's learn a bissel Torah. The foundation of all knowledge is to know that there is a Primary Being that exists. This is not the old guy in shul who spits on his fingers to turn pages. That is disgusting. That's primeval. Not primary. And that guy should be introduced to tissues. Handkerchiefs just add the disgustingness. The Primary Being is Gd. Gd doesn't spit on fingers. If you think He has fingers, you're a heretic. If you don’t have this knowledge, you will come to conclusions that Dr. Fauci is correct. That is not good. Everything else only exists because of this Being. This Primary Being. That includes badminton and pickleball. Everything else is bound by the physical world, and thus needs this Being. You are physically bound, which means you have limitations. I will be the first inspirational speaker to tell you that you can't accomplish anything you set your mind to. The only thing you have control over is where you sit in shul. And even then, you might end up sitting next to a guy who Chuchs and hocks loogies on his Siddur to turn the pages. The Primary Being does not need anything else to exist. However, nothing else could exist without Him. The world goes around because he causes it to. Gd does not need you. Gd does not need you. And you cannot accomplish anything you set your mind to. I hope that is inspirational. It inspires me. If it helps. If you follow His commandments, H' may want you. The Blog Tags Widget will appear here on the published site.
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The Rambam gives us beautiful insight into how to give Tzedakah. This is found in the Mishnah Torah Laws of Gifts to the Poor 10:7-14. Let's delve.
Level 8: The giver is pained by the act of giving Who doesn't hate giving?! Known simply as Tzedakah, this is when you give charity. For instance, when somebody is in need, and you do a kind deed and give them money to help them out. When you take that money and give it, you feel a sharp pain in your shoulder, known as kindness. This also known as dues. Level 7: They give less than they should but does so cheerfully Of course they're cheerful, they're barely giving anything. They're saving money on this. This is when they come around with the Tzedakah box at shul and you put in a dollar. I've never seen anybody put more than a dollar into the Pushke box. Level 6: Gives after being solicited This is when you're stuck at a red light and a stranger knocks on your window. You're scared. To ward off the potential threat, you pull out a dollar and get them angrier. This is also when a stranger comes to your front door. You give them money in fear they'll break in. Then they see you have a wallet and you end up giving more. Level 5: Donor gives without being solicited This never happens. I've been on a member of congregations around the world. This has never happened. The closest thing to this is when you get a calendar for Rosh Hashanah, and you feel bad that these people have been chasing you for eighteen years. So, you give them Chai dollars. Eighteen dollars of generousness. You feel you've done your job in helping purchase a house for the homeless children in Israel. If it ever does happen, if somebody donates from their heart, you'll find out. There will be a plaque. Level 4: Recipient knows the donor but donor doesn't know recipient You'll know who you gave it to when you get nasty looks at shul for being cheap. Level 3: Donor knows the recipient but recipient doesn't know donor You give money and you're constantly asking yourself why this guy can't get a job. And then they end up pledging two-hundred dollars for Maftir. Level 2: Neither donor nor recipient knows the other Somebody else is stealing this money. Level 1: Donor gives recipient the wherewithal to be self-sustaining This is the highest level of charity, as you're not even giving charity. Hence, it's also the most beloved form of Tzedakah. The greatest way to help somebody according to our rabbis is not to give them the fish, but to teach them how to fish. You give them an activity to get their mind of the fact that they're broke. Help them escape from their messed up lives for a few minutes with something to do. Maybe they'll forget they're hungry. Nowhere does the Rambam say to give a lot of Tzedkah. He knows nobody will do that. Tithing is also not mentioned as a level here. He knows. The greatest level, which the Rambam doesn't mention, is when there is a building put up with your name on it. The Blog Tags Widget will appear here on the published site.
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Don't come to the Beit HaMikdash on Chagim without a Karaban. You must show up with to the Temple with a sacrifice.
When you travel to your cousin's Bar Mitzvah, do you bring a gift? Exactly. And now you bring nothing to Gd?! Shame. Bring a gift. If we learned anything, be a decent guest. You're visiting Gd's house. Don't show up empty handed. Nowadays, people bring letters to the Kotel. That's not a gift. There's no Mitzvah for that. No host needs a postcard from a friend who's looking to get married, but can't go out of their way to visit. Hosts want food. You show up to dinner with a dish. You show up with a note that says 'please forgive us for not bringing anything,' you're not getting invited back. Well, that's what you're doing at the Kotel. You're bringing a note that says something went wrong and you're sorry. Nobody likes people who show up without a gift. You show up to the Temple with no meat, and then to top it all off, you don't have the first fruits basket. You're a Temple taker, and the Kohens are all starving and acting real smug. I am not suggesting to have a barbecue at the Kotel. It's not the Temple. Bringing nothing is a huge letdown to the hosts. I've been witness. 'Mark is here... Oh shoot. He brought nothing. He's just a letdown... I thought he makes a nice stew too... Nope. Nothing. Not even a gazpacho... I think he knows we invited him. He's here. We won't have him again. Come in Mark. Take off your shoes. Only people that bring a gift can leave their shoes on... I know we invited him, honey... Didn't he at least bring wine?! Nope. Nothing. Just here to eat. To live off the fat of the land. No appreciation... Wine and stew shows appreciation, Mark. We're having Matzah for dinner now.' A sacrifice is a lot of meat. The problem is most people show up with dessert. There is no commandment to bring a babka. Anybody can afford that. It would be much better if people showed up with a nice roast. If you're eating at our home, bring a roast and you will have an excellent dinner. Why people host that can't cook is a different story. And don't show up to my house with a broccoli lokshen kugel. A broccoli quiche is OK. If it's in lokshen form, it should be spinach. Spinach lokshen kugel is excellently tasty. I don't believe that is a commandment in the Torah, but it should be. It would make us happier. Spinach lokshen kugel and a roast. If you're eating at our home, we'll provide dessert. You provide the spinach lokshen, roast and wine. If we've learned anything from this Mitzvah, never depend on the hosts to feed you. The Blog Tags Widget will appear here on the published site.
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Make your wife happy the first year.
After the first year, don't even try. It won't happen. For one year you should make her happy. After that, you can be honest. Complaining about her cooking is suggested. After the first year, there is no reason you should be eating dried out corned beef anymore. Arguing about the kids after the first year of marriage is also tradition. You will want to blame her side of the family for anything that is off in the child. For the first year you have to smile. After that, football games are the best way to spend your time. TV should be running all the time. Don't even try to make her happy after the first year. She married you. It won't happen. The Pasuk teaches, (Devarim 24:5) ‘When a man takes a new wife, he shall not go to the army, and not obligate himself to anything. He shall be free for his home for one year, and he shall make is wife whom he has married happy.’ It's already enough to try make his new wife happy. We don't want to throw anything else on him, like war. After the first year, get out of the house as fast as you can. Problems start after the first year. At that point, you should be hanging out with the boys. That's how you keep a marriage together. After the first year, it’s better he goes to war. Usually, the wife insists, ‘Get out of the house and do something.' Many times they request the husband goes to the frontlines. Once the fights start, that's your sign to get out. Enlist. War is preferable. It allows you more time out of the house. And there is less fighting in war. Many fights have been caused by the 'not obligating himself to anything' part. Many husbands have used this as an excuse to relax for the year. Wives have used 'a good for nothing' to describe their husbands who keep this Mitzvah. 'He's a good for nothing.' Once she starts calling you a good for nothing and yells at you for not having a job, that's when you should go to war. Join a tank unit. It will be harder for her to find you there. How many old wives does he have? That’s a question. That might be why this new one is mad at him. The most important take away from our Mitzvah today is to not try to make your wife happy after the first year. That is too much already. And as we know, you can't ask somebody to keep a Mitzvah that's impossible to do. The Blog Tags Widget will appear here on the published site.
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It's a Mitzvah to permanently place a Mezuzah. As it says (Devarim 6:9, 11:20), ‘And you shall write on the doorposts of the house.’
This Mitzvah caused much anger amongst the parents pf the Jewish people. Their kids learn this Mitzvah at school, and they come home and destroy the house. They hear to write on the doorposts and they can't wait to get home. I can't tell you how many times I've heard parents reprimanding their children, 'You’re killing the door. What are you doing?!... Go to your room and don't write on it.' To which the educated child responds, 'The Torah says…' And then the kid is taken out of Jewish day school and sent to public school. It happens time and time again. At first they thought their kids were using erasable whiteboard markers. Who would command anybody to ruin a beautiful doorway?! When they found out the kids were using Sharpies, all Gehenim broke loose. Parents were outraged. 'How can H' give such a commandment?! It's enough that we measure the kid's height on the doorpost once a year.' It turns out that measuring a child's height is not a Mitzvah in the Torah. Even so, many doors have marked growth of children. Once a child reaches Mezuzah height, tradition is to stop marking the doorpost. This misunderstanding of the Mitzvah by elementary school kids and art teachers is why the Mezuzah box was created. A box to hold the words of the Torah that are permanently affixed to the door. This way the kids can do their art on that and don't kill the doorposts. So many ancient homes in the Ottoman Empire were destroyed by Jewish children and their graffiti. To this day mothers have to yell at their kids, 'No. Don't write on the wall. Here. Decorate the box...' Sometimes they even give them a little slab of wood to draw on, so that the kids can be creative on a future Chanukiah. Since the Mezuzah fiascos of permanent poor outwork on lintels, we have developed many festival art opportunities for holidays. They create Sukkot decorations, Purim masks, Pesach Seder plates. Now kids force us to hang their artwork, as commanded by the Torah, destroying the Sukkah. Next time, we will talk about how people have misunderstood the Mitzvah of Hiddur, beautifying the Sukkah with the artwork of third graders. We will also discuss ways in which to throw out the pathetic art the kids bring home from school. The Blog Tags Widget will appear here on the published site.
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The Rambam teaches that to do Teshuva (repentance) correctly, you must confess (Viduy) and say 'I will never do it again.' We learn from here that the most important part of repentance is to lie.
Rambam Hilchot Teshuva 1:1 To do proper Teshuva, you must do Viduy which consists of ‘Please H’, I have sinned by accident, I have sinned purposefully, I have sinned in defiance, before You. And I did such and such. And I regret and am embarrassed by my deeds. And I will never return to this again.’ Hence lying is the essence of Teshuva. You have to lie to God with sincerity. ‘H’. I feel so bad for having a good time. I will never do it again… Or at least until after Sukkot, when You stop judging us.’ This guy seems to have done every sin imaginable. The real question is, what is 'such and such'? 'Such and such' is a long list. It usually starts with eating chocolate. Chocolate seems to be the biggest sin people are worried about. That's why you hear about vows of not eating chocolate again when it comes to New Years. Other such and suches are 'I had the best burger of my life at Wendy's.' 'I watched too many series and didn't learn enough Torah.' 'People needed me and I enjoyed myself instead.' I've got to be honest. If somebody every tells me they did such and such, our relationship is over. Nobody does such and such to me and gets away with it. It's rude. Have you ever heard anybody regret something and not do it again? No. People always eat chocolate again. The statement my congregants should make is, ‘It will never happen again till Sukkot, when I forget about it.’ Or 'I would've never said that if I wasn't worried that I would be written in the book of death.' Or 'It's my rabbi's fault. I blame him for everything.' I pray for all that you will be able to celebrate full repentance, and stick to your lies, so you don't end up in Gehenim. And those lies should have you written in the book of life, enjoying chocolate. The Blog Tags Widget will appear here on the published site.
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What did the people of Sedom learn? Gomorrah. You get it? Sedom and Gomorroah. Gemara is what we learn. Gomorrah was wicked with Shechem. They wouldn’t have been wicked if they learned Gemara. This pun doesn’t work in Hebrew, as it’s Amorah. Amorahs are rabbis who wrote the Gemara. A very confusing pun. Sometimes, you have to leave the people not understanding what the point of the pun is. If you don't ask, it's free. They wanted 24nis for a kilo of eggplant. I took it and didn't even have to pay. I've never been so happy shopping at the Shuk. I feel like I got a great deal… With this new shopping technique, I feel like I will save a lot of money.
Visiting the sick takes away 1/60th of their pain (Nedarim 39b). That’s how little it helps. The annoyance of you being there, they feel the 59/60th. They feel that a lot.
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November 2024
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11/2/2024
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