How did staying up all night become a tradition on Yom Yerushalayim, Jerusalem Day? That is a good question.

The first people who stayed up all night on Yom Yerushalayim were those devout students who came to learn Torah in Israel in 1967. They thought it was Shavuot. Yom Tov Sheni Shel Galuyot, the second day of the holidays that Jews celebrate in the Diaspora, had them all discombobulated (a term used a lot in the 1960s). They heard there was a holiday at the end of the Omer, and they thought to celebrate Shavuot the right way, staying up all night and going to the Kotel.
The rabbis caught the devout pupils and let them know that Shavuot is a week away, and that they miscounted the Omer. One of the pupils responded, 'We lost count of the Omer weeks ago.' The other Talmid said, 'I stopped counting with a Bracha after the second day.' And the rabbis knew they had done a good job with these Talmidim.
When these trailblazers of the late ‘60s noticed all the religious Jerusalemite Jews driving, they understood that their rabbis were correct even though they speak English, and it wasn't a Torah holiday. First, they questioned if the Jews were in their cars to flee the war, but the Six Day War had ended. That was another argument. Some people thought it was a six-year war. The military insisted that it was called the Six Day War because they stopped fighting after six days. The political arguments and fighting in the Knesset lasted six years, causing for the confusion.

Dumbfounded Students
The students still didn't understand. The pupils asked what the day was, and the rabbis told them it was a day to celebrate the reunification of Jerusalem. The students didn’t understand, as Jerusalem was already unified. They argued that they could go anywhere in the city. The Yeshiva students were forced to learn about the military and what history is, and thus became heretics.
Discussions of how long two thousand years is took place. That got nowhere, as the Jewish people decided to agree to disagree.
The Talmidim were still trying to figure out why there was another Aliyah LaRegel, going up to Jerusalem for the holiday, if this wasn't a Regel. Yet, the rabbis said, ‘This is a holiday, and Jerusalem is part of the name. So, you go up to Jerusalem. Jerusalem. Jerusalem.’ The students didn’t know how to take this. To quote Menachem, 'Rabbi. There are so many holidays in the Torah. I've already lost my last three jobs due to holidays. I don't think I can take more days off for another holiday.' So, the rabbis all agreed that you can shower on Yom Yerushalayim. The rabbis also declared that you can work on this day, which is why nobody works on Yom Yerushalayim.

The Rabbis Insisted
The rabbis explained that it's because of this day that we can go up to Jerusalem for the holidays, so they insisted on the holiday. And the rabbis started to give speeches till late at night, at Merkaz HaRav, to continue to convince people that this is an important day. Thus, every year, we start Yom Yerushalayim by listening to speeches by rabbis at Yeshivat Merkaz HaRav; the people need to be re-convinced every year that Yom Yerushalayim is an important day.
The students were confused by having to listen to rabbis. To quote Menachem again, 'This feels like Shavuot.' So, they decided to be safe and to stay up all night, like on Shavuot, and go to the Kotel. They didn't learn. Though, it was still very meaningful as they stayed up all night.
The students still had questions. 'How is it a holiday if we can shower?' The rabbis had no answer. They just knew how bad the people smelled from walking to the Kotel, and they didn't want to have to deal with students coming up to ask questions, smelling real bad. The rabbis then reiterated the Yom Yerushalayim tradition of going to the Kotel, and 'you can't shower at the Kotel washing stations, as the basins are too small to bathe in.'

Arguments of Tradition Continue
It turned out that walking was big in the '90s and started to die out in the early 2000s, until 2018 when Jewish people thought that it would be a great tradition to walk to the Kotel on Yom Yerushalayim, to show their love for Jerusalem and to get in steps.
Health is very important. To quote the mayor, 'Obesity is the new war of Jerusalem.' Everybody hates that mayor for being the cause of baked falafel balls. As they used to walk from Merkaz HaRav, larger groups started walking from the entrance of the city to the Kotel. And the tradition thus remains of walking to the Kotel on the night of Yom Yerushalayim, as the traffic is too bad to take a car.

Why Not Sleep?
Ever tried sleeping at the Kotel?! Staying up all night began once they realized how uncomfortable it is to sleep on Jerusalem Stone. 
I once heard of a man falling asleep on Jerusalem Stone, at which point they started the tradition of thousands of Zionistic Yeshiva kids dancing all night. They even started bringing bands. You can't sleep through that. They take out flags. Bands are playing. It's Gezel Sheyna (stealing sleep), and stealing sleep is forbidden. 

Why Not Go Home?
The dancing would go till 3am, at which point there’s no way for these kids to get home. Nobody thought that part out. Thus, you have the Yom Yerushalayim tradition of staying up all night at the Kotel and homeless shelters in Jerusalem.
There were heretics who claimed that staying at the Kotel all night was not important. Once the deniers of all night Kotel staying got the Kotel, they realized that they left their cars at the entrance of the city.  To quote Shmulik, who proclaimed that deniers should also keep the tradition, 'That's too far.'
When they noticed it was after midnight, and the streets were closed, due to people walking, they had no idea what to do. They couldn't catch a cab, so they decided to stay at the Kotel.

Kids Stay Out This Late
The kids who got caught in the flow of the dancing stayed out all night and realized their parents didn't care. Which is how underage drinking became a tradition on Yom Yerushalayim. It took the rabbis much convincing to get their pupils to not read the Megillah on Yom Yerushalayim.

Now there are thousands of Jews staying up all night at the Kotel on Erev Yom Yerhsalayim, and nobody showers.

Next year we will discuss the history of the Yom Yerushalayim Flag March and the flag shortage of 2013.

Announcements
Shabbat Mvorchim is this Shabbat. So, do not come to shul on Tuesday, Rosh Chodesh, if you're going to complain about showing up late to work. If you don't care about God, and you can't stand how Simmy davens reals slow, like myself who finds it annoying, please don't come.
 
The Jerusalem Day performance will not take place on Jerusalem Day. It will be in August, so the Finkelwitz family can be there. The board of rabbis said we can't say Hallel then, as the Finkelwitz family showing up to a program is not a big enough miracle. If they showed for Minyin, there would be reason for extra praises to God. We still welcome the donations from the Finkelwitzs and they are still the best congregants.
People are still mad about last year's performance. The Pita Hoppers last year turned out to not be a Jerusalem group. To everybody's chagrin, they were a local group from Jerusalem, Kansas.
 
For Memorial Day we thank our soldiers for the sales at Marshalls. 60% off.
 
Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Excerpts
Shabbat Shalom vYom Yerushalyim Sameach…
You're allowed to be happy, even though you're not in Jerusalem... It may be a sin. But be happy... Be happy you're sinning and don't support Israel... You're probably going to Gehenim for not living in Jerusalem. Enjoy it now...

Don't go in their ways. Go in our ways. That's the message. You've been going way too much in their ways... You know who they are. Look at the back left section of the shul... Don't follow them to the Kiddish club. Tzimi is not somebody to follow... Playing pickleball. That's their ways. Ice hockey... Jews play floor hockey... Jewish girls do play with Barbie...
​
(Vayikra 26:3) 'If you go with My decrees and guard My commandments, and do them...' You don't do them... You guard nothing. This shul has been without security for years. Nobody stands near the ark... Yeah. There's anti-Semitism...
We're not talking about other... What other commandments are there? What other Mitzvot are you following? Are you following the commandments of not paying with change and Benny's Bodega?... It's a bodega. Those are rules. They called them commandments for fun. To give it a fun edge...
Yes. You have to do them too. You haven't done anything for years, Michel... Your house?! You haven't worked on it. The lawn looks disgusting...

(Vayikra 26:4) 'I will give you rain in its proper time...' First blessing is rain. If you treated your lawn...
Well why hasn't it rained in Topeka?... It's almost June, Bernie... ‘In its time.’ Do we want rain in February? No. It turns into icicles. You want another ice storm? Michel hasn’t fixed his gutters since the last one... If you were in Jerusalem, it would be raining in August... That's a curse, Rivki...
War will go well... Won't have enemies... Yes. There are a lot of blessings... You don't want it raining in the middle of a war. That kills the view. You can't get good pictures like that...

You want war? We praise our soldiers who've been out there in combat... I understand you've combated people not learning enough Torah. The Army of H' is not a real army... Let's be honest. The Army of H' takes too much credit... They did not recapture Jerusalem... Going to war with the Yetzer Hara (evil inclination) is important. Memorial Day is more for the soldiers who fight for their country and defend it... We're proud of Chaim for fighting the Yetzer Hara and telling people to not speak Lashon Hara. A real soldier… If people got shot for speaking Lashon Hara, they would stop. Now, they just try to have conversation when Chaim is not around...
It's action. 'And do them.' We have to do the Mitzvot. You listen to me talk about them... Do some of them. Honor the fallen... Bring some decent rain, for the sake of...

(Vayikra 26:14) 'But if you don't listen to Me...' Yes. Bad stuff will happen Bernie... (26:26) '...you will eat and not be sated.' Does that not sound like Kiddish last week? One bowl of tuna... For the sake of Jerusalem and our softball team, do some Mitzvot. For crying out loud...
For our soldiers. For those who gave their lives for us... At least do a Mishebeyrach... I know it costs money. You donate in their memory... Memorial Day. Blessing in memory... In respect. Even better.
There are sales… We want to thank the soldiers for that...
 
The Finkelwitzs are still the best congregants. They are not annoying. They don't come to shul. Love them...
If you do bad stuff, bad stuff happens. Do I have to repeat this message every week???

We've finished Vayikra this week... You're annoying... And a Mazel Tov to our Bat Mitzvah... And the Shalom Zachor last night...

Rivka’s Rundown
That was a real plight to do Mitzvot, so our softball team would do well this season. 
I think the families of the Shalom Zachor and the Bat Mitzvah girl's family appreciated knowing that keeping Mitzvot is important. I think the Bat Mitzvah is the reason for the curse and the bad stuff happening. It was raining on Shabbat. The reason for that we will never know.
 
The congregants wanted proof of blessing, so the rabbi had to bake and cook for everybody. When it came out bad, he blamed it on the congregants and their sinning.
 
The rabbi said that fighting the Yetzer Hara thoughts is not an action. He explained that thoughts are not actions. Tzimi was confused, as he has thought to do Mitzvot before. The Finkelwitzs did say they thought to come to shul. I know I've thought to visit sick people. The thought has crossed my mind. I think that's good enough for a blessing. I'll bring that up to the rabbi.

The rabbi made a good point, that following the rules of Target, to not purchase more than one pack of hockey cards, is not a Mitzvah. That had many of the congregants confused for the next week or so, as they said it is a commandment of Target.
It would be nice if Michel took care of his house and followed the laws of Topeka, to not have a disgusting lawn. Those are Topeka commandments.

Congregants started sitting in their Makom Kavuahs (set seats) again. They said the chart of new seats was not their Makom Kavuah, so they didn't listen to the rule.

Had hearts of palm in the salad at Kiddish. Max was so excited. He told everybody, ‘They have hearts of palm in here.’ I explained that they’ve been doing that for the last forty years. He was still excited. Never seen him so happy. He truly brought me joy to hearts of palm. Once we introduced the avocado and hearts of palm salad to Kiddish, Max told us, 'That's what I've been praying for all these years. It's a blessing. How did you do it?'
Explaining how to mix hearts of palm and avocados into a salad was not easy. It also wasn't easy explaining why this wasn't listed in Parshat Bechukotai as one of the blessings. He wanted a blessing that there will be rain, and your salads will have hearts of palm in them. The kind from the can.

People are now speaking a lot of Lashon Hara and Chaim is getting violent.

Yom Yerushalayim, Jerusalem Day, is here and I want to take you to the some of my favorite spots outside the Old City, going towards the entrance of town. I love it all. The history. The immigrants. The movies with Hebrew subtitles. The ancient passport looking thing that pops up at the beginning of the movies. I love it all. In honor of Jerusalem Day, let's connect with some of the places I love in the new Holy City.
 
Tachana Merkazit
Jerusalem is about tradition and that is Jerusalem’s central bus station, the Tachana Merkazit. They have not cleaned it since 1998. You think your favorite store in Israel closed. It's at the Tachana Merkazit; keeping Israeli tradition alive with the chicken-dog hotdog stand and the Tshirt store that sells Tshirts with no thread count. One-time-use only clothing, sold along with disposable plates.
The safest place in the city, you'll also notice the extra security setup, to ensure that you miss your bus. Allowing you to enjoy Jerusalem longer.
 
Light Rail
I love the new tram and any form of transportation I don’t have to pay for, if I don’t get caught.
 
Shuk Machane Yehuda
Prices shouted out loud, I love shopping there. There's no greater feeling than a retailer letting me know what to purchase,  by yelling at me. In America, I'm thinking too much, wasting time. I have no idea what vegetable I want. In the Shuk market, they scream at me, I am scared, I buy it. And I'm back home in no time with avocados.
 
Nut Shops
Any nut spot. Open nut stands. I'm taking that stuff for free. If you don’t ask, it’s free. There's nothing like the huge peanuts and sunflower seeds. Israel has mastered making sunflower seeds that easily pop out, making for great Shabbat enjoyment. The greatest part of all is that you can spit them out anywhere in the Shuk.
 
Machane Yehuda Bars
There's nothing like evening time at Machane Yehuda, when the place turns into one big bar that you're walking through. The only place where it's legal to drink on the street, because the bar is located there. 

Meah Shearim
The streets are thriving. Jewish bookstores are everywhere. I didn’t know so much Judaica could exist. Growing up in Rochester, I thought the glass showcase at the shul was all the Judaica. I didn’t know there was anything more to Jewish art than a Mezuzah in Claymation form.
The area is the most lively in the city. Religion in living form. You can feel the hustle, the constant movement, the excitement of people running to find choolent. Choolent twenty-four hours a day. In Meah Shearim, it's Shabbis all week long. It's like Monsey.
 
Pizza Uri
Better than Pizza Hut, this place has the ultra-Orthodox Pizza sauce, and they created it. There is nothing like Charedi sauce, and I'm willing to buy pizza to get it.
Charedi sauce is a spicy mayonnaise style dunking sauce for the pizza that adds all of the flavor and makes you believe in God. To change Israeli pizza into something that tastes good is a miracle. In addition, Pizza Uri offers separate seating, so I don’t have to worry about spilling the sauce on myself. Amazing.
 
Ben Yehuda
A little taste of Israel, if Israelis were American Yeshiva kids. Nothing makes me more excited than walking down a huge sidewalk.
Some call it a promenade. I just think of it as a place that cars should not be driving down, because it's illegal. They should have a sign, 'This is a very big sidewalk. We messed up the flow of traffic when we planned this. Don't drive here. Go wait at the light with all the other cars.'
 
Café Rimon
Everything else may leave Ben Yehuda, Café Rimon and the one hat store on the top will not. Tradition.
 
The Falafel King
I love the name. The sovereignty it claims over its pita. The Shawarma Sultan, The Sabich Ruler, I love restaurants that claim dictatorship.
It's still only 10 shekels or so for a falafel, as low prices is how you control the commoners.
 
The Dollar Store
I love that all products are five shekels. In The Dollar Store, the dollar went up before the American Dollar Tree ever though to raise the dollar to a buck twenty-five. The Dollar Store gives me hope. That is the best rate you will get.
 
Off The Wall Comedy Theater
I perform there. No better time found in all of Jerusalem. Now located at the King Solomon Hotel.

The Sidewalks
I love it all. I love walking down the sidewalks made of Jerusalem stone, in the spring, when I don’t slip on them. Then, I see the homes made of Jerusalem Stone. I love how our city claimed limestone as ours, scientifically.
Yes. I love the whole city. It all looks the same. You love one neighborhood, you love them all.

I love anywhere in Jerusalem that has Jerusalem Stone. If there is falafel, there is tradition. To me, that's meaningful. It's the meaning of Jerusalem, the connection with our tradition and Tshirts that come apart when I wash them, that I connect with on Jerusalem Day.
I hope that you feel like you're in Jerusalem right now, or Monsey.

The Kohen was lambasted for sacrificing a sheep of questionable lineage. (Mordechai)
You get it? Lamb is young sheep. Lamb is in the word 'lambasted.' Sacrifices. Sacrifices are in the Parsha. Lamb.
 
Why did they clean with Pledge? Because they had to annul their Chametz. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? When Pesach comes, you have to clean your house, get rid of all of your Chametz, and annul it. You make a pledge. Pledge is a cleaning product. A pun with a brand. A pun that also works as an advertisement. Multiuse.
 
I was determined not to clean the cemetery for Pesach, but they foiled my plot... Sorry. That was a grave injustice. (Mordechai)
You get it? Cemetery plot. Foiled the plot, so he cleaned it. And then the double pun there, with 'grave' injustice. Grave means a place of burial, or something that causes alarm. Love it when words have two meanings. Always helps with the puns. Whoever came up with the second meaning for words had a good sense of humor. And people always use tinfoil to cover stuff on Pesach. That's almost three puns right there.

To celebrate Independence Day, my nephew moved out of the house. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? Israel Independence Day is coming up. And he misunderstood the use of 'independence.' It was a bad decision. He has no money.
 
They said the milkshake was divine, which is forbidden, because you shouldn't eat molten ice cream. (Rabbi Mendel)​
You get it? Malt sounds like molt. Molten gods. Forbidden. Another educational pun, to bring Torah to your lives.

What drink do people drink on the thirty third day of the Omer? A Lager. (Rabbi Mendel)​
You get it? Lag BOmer is the thirty third day of the Omer. Lag, Lager, a pun. Take out the 'bom' and you have Lager, even if most Jews don't drink it. The real answer is milk, but that's not a pun.

Announcements
Couples counseling is now taking place in the shul lobby on Mondays. We ask the Feigenwitzs and the Bergmans to come, to help us explain your messed up children. FA has been meeting in our shul as well. The difference between the meetings is that Families Anonymous is for couples who fight in front of their kids.

No parking in shul parking lot on Shabbis. People have become too bold. Now they have reserved spots. They have Shabbis signs. The board discussed it and they decided that driving on Shabbat is forbidden. From now on, you can only park in the parking lot if you pay a parking membership fee.
 
We formed the Death Committee this week. To capitalize on people passing, letters will go out to families around Yahrzeits, with appeal cards inside. Our new 'support the shul so your family member has a chance at going to heaven' committee will also knock on doors the day of Yahrzeits, with appeal cards. Engraved name specific Yizkur candles will also be for sale. They’re a great way to make money. Scented candles optional. Chanel Number 5 will be available for Bubbies. The new funds will help raise money for the in-shul jungle gym, in memory of whoever gives the most money.
 
Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Excerpts
Shabbat Shalom My Pupils…

There has been a lot of property fights in our congregation... I know the silver pointer 'Yad' with your name on it is yours, Shlomo... They used it, because you left it on the Shulchan. It was there, right on the table. Stop leaving your stuff around.

When it comes to Israel, (Vayikra 25:23) 'the land shall not be sold in perpetuity, because the land is Mine. For you're sojourners and settlers with Me'... In the shul, you're just takers... You are a sojourner in the land. It's H's... Perpetuity here means forever. All the time... You ask me questions in perpetuity... Everything is temporary, except for questions from Fran and Bernie, and Max, and... That's why I've been late to Kiddish. Too many questions in perpetuity... 
Kiddish is good now. The sisterhood will mess it up. They think Kiddish is theirs...

We have to understands that we are sojourners... We have to have the understanding that we are not owners.
Temporary residents... They make the best congregants. That's what H' wanted in Israel. Decent congregants. Sojourners. Not people who fight over the rabbi's salary.
The land is H's... He says 'Mine' but he shares. You just have to understand that you can't take everything... You take all the kichel at Kiddish and think it's yours. That's why nobody shares with you. That's why nobody asks if you want to cut them at the table... If they asked if you wanted something, you would say 'all of it'... That's why nobody does you favors... You think it's yours. H' shares with people who know it's His... That's why are blessed when the land rests in the seventh year. You wouldn't know... You also don't live in Israel...
 
We have no real home in this world... The Finkelwitz residence is not a house...
The shul is not your residence... I know you're parking right at the shul's entrance on Shabbis. That has to stop...
I support Families Anonymous. I would rather deal with anonymous people than the Finkelwitzs… I know how bad the kids have it... The parents think they own everything... 'Who broke my remote!!!!' The kids live their too. You can share the remote...
Life is about understanding it is not ours... You're sojourners in this shul, so share Kiddish...

Your Makom Kavuah has caused so many fights... Share your seat for crying...
The shul is not your home... You're sleeping, Bernie...
Everything goes back to Him in the Jubilee Year. Yovel... You built a fence on his land. That's wrong... You can't now say it's yours... Stealing over time is still stealing... You squatted on His land. That doesn't mean you own it. If I do bench press in your yard for five years, that doesn't make it my yard. It makes me a bad neighbor... It's God's land. Do you own God...

You put your Siddur on his shtender. That's wrong. You have intruded his shtender space... You can't overtake somebody else's land, that is renting from God... I understand it's confusing, because you've inherited everything and you've never been a renter... 
You get your stuff back in the Jubilee Year... It's a jubilee because finally people aren't ripping you off anymore. Garages aren't taking all your money...
(Vayikra 25:14) When you sell stuff or make a purchase 'do not aggrieve one another.' Everytime I talk to the board, I get aggravated. Bad congregants.... You're sojourners... You think it doesn't aggravate him when you steal part of the land...
Buyers can be annoying too. They can kill a jubilee… If you understand that it is God’s, and your business dealings are with God, you won’t be a jerk… You charged the shul to honor your grandfather with a Kiddish... You think God doesn't know how to haggle? Try ripping off God...
Once you understand that you are settlers without true ownership, you will be living with God... It's His... Your shtender is His...
You don’t own a parking spot at the shul… We’re Shomer Shabbis…
Just mow your lawn. It's a shanda. There is no jubilee with a lawn like that... Take care of H's lawn... Maybe in the Jubilee Year, you can't mow it in Israel... You're in Topeka...
 
Right now this shul needs a jubilee... A gymboree. All the same... All brings happiness... No jubilee has ever happened at Mike's Garage... If he had a Gymboree… Jubilee has never happened when you thought the Kiddish was yours and then ... Some of that kichel has been around for a jubilee. It's time to get rid of it...
The parking lot is H’s... Respect it all. It’s all H’s… Treat it well. Understand that it's not yours and you shouldn't treat it like your lawn...
 
And a slave. A Jewish slave must be sent free… Again. Not yours. It’s all H’s. You don’t own people… Merv pays very well. Those people aren’t leaving the shoe business…
 
How else do you steal...
You steal my time. Maybe you can rest from questions...
 
Rivka’s Rundown
Everybody was safe on Lag BaOmer. They stayed away from the kids, with their bows and arrows. Once the rabbi told everybody about the bows and arrows and bonfires tradition, the elderly stayed inside.

They really are bold. Some of the members have been parking right in front of shul. Right near the door.
The Seder at the rabbi's house had ten cars outside. Bold as anything. Even parked at the fire hydrant. He invited the congregants and it turned into a religious protest at his house. They even rang the bell.

Squatting on H’s land was taken to heart by many, who thought it was a brilliant idea. I noticed that the parents of the kids who made the bonfire in back of the shul have set up a tent. The rabbi decreed that they pay for two Shabbat parking spots.
My neighbor is squatting on my land. Why does he need to make things awkward? He's not even a congregant.
 
​People purchasing can be annoying. I've been trying to sell stuff on Ebay. They ask questions. Anybody who asks a question is not buying.
The rabbi doesn't allow congregants to do business anymore with other members. He said, 'I know the congregants are annoying. Dealing with them in business, even as customers, will just aggrieve... David can't buy a thing without asking every question...'

We decided to have a yearly jubilee. People were happy for a week, and then the jubilee became regular. Now everybody is back to complaining.
 
The death committee is like the death lineup. A lot of people are cheering for them, as the NBA season comes to a close. A lot of death talk. They're very good at talking about people dying. Every conversation with them, death.
I have a hard time hearing about death constantly. Everybody I talk to, 'Did you hear. She's dead... Great people. Dead... Great falafel store. He died...' I hope they're bringing in good money to the shul. 'She used to donate tons... Dead.' I heard that too. 
 
The rabbi started paying people to not be members. Members think they own everything.
The Makom Kavuah just makes everyone uncomfortable. They don't share the seats at shul. All they do is kick people out of them. These people think they own those chairs. One member took their chair home and said, 'Not till the next Jubilee.'
The rabbi then went on to say what members are thieves. He also went on to say which couples need couple counseling, and which families need Families Anonymous, explaining which children are wrong. He used the word 'wrong' to define the kids. Which might have led to more insecurity.
The rabbi got an oil change and the garage overcharged him, five weeks ago. He's still mad about it. Everytime he goes to the garage, he works it into his sermon for a few months. A lot of anger. Every time he uses the word 'Rasha,' evil person, he's talking about his mechanic. As he mentioned in the sermon, mechanics are thieves as well. They think your car is theirs and they sojourn on it by ripping you off.
The rabbi told Mike to get a Gymboree. Now people love going to Mike’s Garage, and they are happy getting ripped off.

The rabbi has mixed up the shul seating chart so people can't kick guests out of seats anymore. It's uncomfortable. Even I got kicked out of my seat, when I accidently wore a big hat one day and they thought I was Mrs. Nafkowitz.
Now, people finding their seats has turned into a very long activity. There's no signage, just a piece of paper with a shul chart. But you can't tell if it's the left or right side of the shul. People asking others if their seat is correct is fine. The way the men in the back left used to talk during Layning, you can hear the Torah reading better now. And it's very personable. It's like an icebreaker mixer every Shabbis, with a bunch of married people. 
Whoever made the chart for June third has caused a lot of fighting and aggravation.
When asked about changing back to seats, so people can feel comfortable praying in a spot they are used to, to find their Kavanah (connection and focused meaning in prayer), the rabbi said he is resting this year from any questions from congregants. He also expressed how happy he is, and that is jubilating to not have to listen to congregants' questions or complaints. The rabbi was very clear that all questions from congregants are complaints.
 
Our congregants have some wild untamed grass growing in their yards. If our congregants start to think they're sojourners, they'll never mow their lawns. Some these apartments are also a wreck. The rabbi's message of not being yours is not going to sell to the renters. As the sisterhood has started to tell me about Kiddish, ‘It’s up to H’ to do it.’
With the amount of grass, I wouldn't even call them lawns. They're fields. Small .1 acre fields, with a house somewhere in there.

Scene 1
INT - BASKETBALL STADIUM - NIGHT

Rushing to their seats. Entering the stadium.

Shlomo: Got to get to our seats. We don't want to miss anything.

They sit down. Seats are high and far from the center of the court, behind the Hapoel basketball bench area. Not great seats. 

Shlomo: Do you see?

Mike: Kind of hard. The seats are a bit far from the court. 

Shlomo: Amar'e Stoudemire is wearing Tzitzis. 

Mike: Seriously???!!! He's wearing a Kippah. This is amazing. Kippah and Tzitzis. This is the best game I've ever been at.

We see Amar'e sitting on the bench with Tzitzis and a Kippah, in nice clothes (not a jersey).

Shlomo: Did Hapoel just score?

Mike: I have no idea. Amar'e put up his feat. He's wearing Shabbis shoes.
(Mike cont'd) Why is Amar'e not playing?

Shlomo: You can't play in his Tzitzis.

Mike: I get it.

Fans jump out of their seats and start cheering. Some of the fans are jumping right in front of Mike and Shlomo.

Fans Cheering: Hapoel Oleh Oleh Oleh. Hapoel Oleh.
(Fans continue cheering)

Shlomo: Did Amar'e just kiss his Tzitzis?

Mike: I don't know. I think said a Bracha on Gatorade.

Fan 1: Hapoel Aloofim. Zeeh best.

Mike (to Fans in front of them): Please sit.

Fan 2: I'm not even sitting in front of you.

Mike is looking towards the bench. Not the court.

Mike: You're obstructing our view. We can't see Amar'e. Please move.

Shlomo: Yeah. He's right there. Scootch. 

Fans Cheering: Mashiach. Mashiach. Mashiach. Oy Yoy Yoy Yoy Yoy Yoyoy...

Shlomo: This is the best game I've ever been to.

Mike: A religious experience.

The fans are walking out. Hapoel Jerusalem fans are all cheering.

Mike: Did Hapoel win?

Shlomo: I have no idea. Amar'e had Tzitzis and Kippah.

Mike: Those were great seats. I would even pay to see him stand.

Mike turns to random fan.

Mike: Did Hapoel win?

Fan 3: I came to see Amar'e.

Shlomo: Great game.

Fan 3: I know.

Scene 2
INT - SHUL - DAY

Rabbi is giving Shabbis sermon and everybody is listening. Shlomo and Mike are sitting in shul.

Rabbi: And we are commanded to return to H.' It was the most inspirational thing I had ever seen. Amar'e Stoudemire had a yarmulke on.

Random Congregant: Did he play?

Rabbi: No. But he was sitting there with a yarmulke.

Shlomo: Inspirational.

Mike: I know.

They walk over to the rabbi as the rabbi takes his seat.

Mike: That sermon really touched me.

Kibbitzer Conclusion
It's more exciting to see Amar'e Stoudemire with a Kippah, on the bench, than to see him playing basketball.
Jews would pay thousands for front row seats to see an NBA player that's Jewish. It's almost as exciting as hearing somebody say 'Good Shabbis' on TV. It's about the religious experience. And most of the fans at the game missed davening Mariv with a Minyan.

Shalom
Nu. Vismachta.

Why such a big keychain?
I joined Hatzalah in the '80s. 

Why the pager and the walkie-talkie?
I have a belt. And I joined Hatzalah in the '80s.

What was it like when you first joined?
It was the heyday of Hatzalah. Great times. Tons of sickness. Always busy. Always running.

How did the  saving lives at Hatzlalah start for you?
​In the '80s, we didn't have enough vans. Not many vans. Just pagers.

So what did you do?
We walked everywhere. We got a page and we started walking.

How long did it take?
To find the payphone? That depended on if you were in the suburbs or not.

How did that affect people?
They had to breath longer. They had to hold on. That was the term we used. 'Hold on.'

How did that help? How did it work?
We would keep the family member on the phone, from central office. The phone operator would say 'hold on.' They would then say, 'The person will be there soon. He's walking. Hold on.' If it was a serious case, they would say, 'He'll walk over right when he's finished with dinner. Hold on.'

How did people take that?
They appreciated it. They all have families. Eating with the family comes first.

Do you enjoy it more now, or was it better in the '80s?
The '80s. Back then I was part of something. We were a team. We walked everywhere together. It was a good way to get exercise too. The only way I get exercise now is running to the van.

Where's the van?
At my house.

Do you feel the Hatzalah guys are in better shape than the average Jewish male?
Yes. We save them.

How did you feel when you started?
So cool to drive on Shabbis.

So. You've always wanted to drive on Shabbis?
Yeah. But I couldn't until I started saving lives. First call after we got a van, I was the driver. Amazing. They wanted to put me in Chairim. They were saying, 'Look at that Jew driving on Shabbis. A shanda. Excommunicate him.' Then they said I was a Tzadik. Driving on Shabbis and being a righteous individual, it doesn't get better than that.

How did their minds change so quick?
I saved the rabbi's father.

How do they know you're saving lives?
The keychain.

You carried the keychan even on Shabbis?
You had to. That was the uniform. Walkie-talkie, pager and keychain. This way they knew you were a Hatzalah guy coming to save them.

Why not just tell them you were there to help?
When you have payis, they don't think you know CPR. They hear the keys clinging and they know they're safe.

But they have shirts at Hatzalah now.
I'm a traditionalist. This way they know I'm a real Hatzalah man. They feel more comfortable when they see the keys.

What do you use them for?
My house.

You car?
No. That's a digital key.

Any calls for Lag BOmer this year?
Fires everywhere.

Did you help out with those?
No. I was with my family. The kids had off from school.

Did any Hatzalah guys take calls that day?
I hope. I'm not sure. They all have families.

Why so many fires?
It's the Heelulah of Rabbi Shimon Bar Yoachai. The yahrzeit. Bonfires are like big yahrzeit candles.

But why not contain them, at a safe place in the park?
The parks department doesn't allow that anymore, after last year. The kids burned down the field. So, the kids started fires in their homes.

Why not use a firepit?
Do you think they had firepits back when Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai was living? Do you think they had Hatzalah?
Oh shoot. I have to go.

Conclusion
No call came in. He looked at his pager and ran. I think he uses that pager to get out of talking to people. When he's had enough of a conversation, he says he has to save a life.
Michel is a very impassioned man. Yet, I still have no idea what he does for people. I think he helps people when he isn't hungry or watching a show with his kids.
I hope he saved somebody.
​He is truly not in good shape. Michel has a gut. I can only imagine how much kugel the other guys he is saving are eating. I am guessing that most of his calls come from dinner.

Announcements
We understand the excitement of being called to the Torah, but high-fiving the guy getting an Aliyah is not allowed anymore. It has to be a handshake. There has been cheering and yells of 'you're the man' by Tuvi. It disturbs the Mi Shebeyrachs for sick people and it's now considered forbidden. Acceptable phrases are 'Shabbat Shalom,' Yasher Koyach,' or 'Chazak uBaruch.' It's at a point where the older congregants are scared.
The rabbi wants to note that pride is OK. Yet, we must keep in mind the guy with the Aliyah is doing nothing. The guy who read the Torah did all the work. Even so, you can still wish a Yasher Koyach to the guy who did nothing, to bring some undeserved pride.
 
Lag BOmer bonfire will take place with the fire department's consent, only in the park's fire pit, due to last year's home burning and illegal protest. We've met with city council and explained that it was not a protest, just incapable people. The rabbi explained our congregation to them, and they understand.
 
The shul softball game for God will take place next Sunday.
 
Shul rule: No hitting Sadie in the middle of the Amidah, even if you're worried she passed out, due to her eyes being closed and snoring. It is her way of following the teachings of Chana. Chana did not fall asleep, as she wasn't eighty-five. More rules to come next week.
 
Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Excerpts
Shabbat Shalom My Holy Congregants…
Yes. There are limitations. You can't eat all the kugel at Kiddish. It's not right... You have to sometimes not do what you want to... The shul has rules in place to keep Hymie from telling jokes...
(Vayikra 21:1-2) H' tells Moshe to tell the Kohens 'he shall not contaminate to anybody among his people, except for a relative that is closest to him...' This means his wife (Rashi)... I understand you're not close to your wife. We've talked about this... The Minkowitz family has to work on their relationship. They have many Netflix fights with the big TV... They also fight over Amazon shows. Good question. We talked about you playing the news to bring you together... You are old. Old people watch the news...
Who is closer? Your cousin?... I understand you're friends, and you shared a room at the Kosher Convention. But you can't... You can. You're not even a Kohen. A Kohen can only become Tamei (impure) for parents, childrens, siblings... Yes. His wife... It's his wife... Even if they are married, they are close. I understand they hate each other. They are close in hate... Very similar in hate. Hate brings a marriage together...

It speaks in singular to everybody, because each person has to do it... Each person has to be holy... I know you like to throw off your responsibilities on the Kohens... That's their family name. They're not Kohens... I know it's confusing...
You can go to the Shiva. Kohens can go to a Shiva. You're not a Kohen Frank... Laziness is not the calling of the Kohen...

You're not a Kohen, but you do need a better hairstyle… (21:5) ‘They shall not make a bald spot on their heads…’ I understand it’s natural. It still looks bad.
Lag BOmer is coming up. Get a haircut… You should shave it to a one. Camouflage your bald..
I get you're not a Kohen, but you shouldn't do what you enjoy... Don't be you.
To be holy, you need limitations... That also means not going with a harlot... I understand you're not a Kohen. Doesn't mean you should not be close to your spouse...
We need to get rid of stuff... We must throw it in the fire this Lag BOMer. The Feinblum art exhibit...
Let's get rid of our non-holiness. We all serve God... No. You can't go around asking for people's tithes... You're not a Kohen Frank...

Be holy... We're supposed to be a holy community... Do what is right. Get a decent haircut. Go to the Shiva houses. Share Kiddish. Get an Aliyah and don't have an ego about it. Let Sadie daven without hitting her... You don't have to be a Kohen to not be a fool...
 
Rivka’s Rundown

The Kosher Convention was amazing last year. They even had Kosher food. It was exciting to go to a hotel and have Kosher food. That was the event. Kosher food in a hotel. Two years ago they had a scholar-in-residence. He killed the good times. So many complaints came in, as was said, 'We could've been eating.'
 
We have to change names of people in our congregation. It’s getting confusing. We have the Kohens that are Israelites. We have the Levis which are Kohens. We have the McDougals that are Jews.
 
The don't be you part of the Sermon really touched everybody, especially the singles. It really got them thinking about why they're single. At Kiddish, Chanan discussed this with his table and came to the conclusion that it was because he was him. The idea of 'not being you' helped with many marriages as well.
I hope the other members got the message of responsibility. Otherwise, they still won’t pay their dues.
 
Limitations. Community is about limiting yourself so that other people can get to the Kiddish table too. The problem is that they think that since they're not Kohens, they can take all the good danish, kugel and kichel.
 
With Lag BOmer coming up, the rabbi should've spoke about limitations of how big the fire should be. Last year it was not under control. I hope that the new Boy Scouts troop at the shul learned how to contain a fire.
Other than last year’s burning fiasco, the burning of Chametz caused a town hazardous smoke warning.  Apparently, burning plastic bags is not wanted in our town.
We learned a lot about haircuts during the sermon. The rabbi brought up messed up hairstyles, and then focused on Michael for fifteen minutes. The rabbi went through the whole right ladies section and back left mens section, to show how haircuts can make you look bad. 
 
The shul softball game was messed up. It was a non-relaxing community get together. More family fights took place there than at Kiddish. The ball was thrown in the Lag BOmer fire out of anger, which caused more family fights. Next year, husbands and wives will be on different teams. We have realized that being against each other causes for less hatred than being with each other.
 
We threw out a lot of stuff into the bonfire. The shul bonfire was amazing. We burned the table cloth donated by the Feldmans. We burned the candy wrappers the parents don't clean up after their kids. We burned the chair and books that the Zeldman family dropped off, because they didn't want them in their house. It looked like a protest.
The Zeldmans were not happy they didn't get a tax write off for dropping their garbage off at the shul.

Couple counseling is starting in the shul. The focus will be to not be you. The therapy sessions will focus on being like the Bergsteins and not the Minkowitzs. The Bergsteins are a happy family, as Mr. Bergstein is usually out of town on business.
Many people are asking for support to be able to attend the counseling, and to vacation away from family, to help with Jewish family unity.

​Let's take a stroll down memory lane back to Pesach and Yahrzeits with the Kibbitzer's pictures from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for sharing how he spent his time eating, and not in shul.

Last year, we discussed the bonfires. Celebrating the passing of Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai, the Heelulah, is best done with huge Yahrzeit candles. The bonfire is thus the ultimate Yahrzeit candle, and the number one way to celebrate Lag BOmer, the day of Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai's passing. It's bigger than a shot glass and it brings more happiness to the celebration of death. 
This year, we will focus on the traditions of bows and arrows to commemorate the life of Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai. There are other dangerous traditions that some have, like singing and haircuts. We will focus on three-year-olds crying another time.

No Rainbows
Bereishit Rabba (35:2) says that not a single rainbow appeared in the sky during the lifetime of Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai. Many spiritual artists blamed him for this. Tzfat is the artist capital of Israel and he was living right near it, in Meron, and he killed the multicolored semicircles market. Many spiritual people love the rainbow, and the artists had nothing to go on. Sales went down, as all they had to draw were stuck to still lifes and flowers.
Only later on did Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai receive the appreciation he deserved for presenting the Kabbalah to the people, when a whole world of artists would  make millions off the ten ten sefirot (emanations of God). They would circle it and sell it. And then they would make thousands more by going to a print shop and printing their art, and selling that too.
No rainbow is a good thing. The rainbow is a sign from the times of Noah, that God's won't destroy the world. It was the covenant, and God shows it every time he wants to kill us. Every time somebody gets cut off in traffic by a selfish individual who skipped the off-ramp line, a rainbow appears. A rainbow is thus also a good thing, as I would shoot them.
When God wants to destroy the world, now, He shows us a colorful thing in the sky, so that everybody can talk about how great it is. It's on account of Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai's (we're going to call him the Rashbi from now on- when you acronymize a name of a rabbi, it shows they're important) merits that H' didn't want to destroy the world during his lifetime. If the world not being destroyed was contingent on the shul president, we would all be goners. 

Bows Are All The Same
The Hebrew word for rainbow is 'Keshet,' which also means bow. As the shooting of an arrow represents a rainbow with no colors, there is a tradition for the children to go out and play with bows and arrows, to add to the danger of uncontained fires. Side note: You can also give them plastic bags to throw in the fire.
Why not have people play a violin? You don't shoot a violin bow. We also don't go to McDonald's, even though they have arches which are like a yellow rainbow, because it's not kosher. We also don't eat Lucky Charms, even with their rainbow, because they're not kosher, and it's really hard to injure somebody with them. ​You’ve got to take that sugar rainbow and poke them real hard for them to even feel a pinch.

Ideas for Childhood Danger
As the main focus of the holiday is about safety hazards, here are more ways to celebrate the Heelulah of the Rashbi:
Stick a Lego in the middle of the floor and have them step on it.
Allow them to leave their toys out, and then run around. Maybe it will give them a chance to step on the figurines this time.
Let them go to the jungle gym attended. Something will happen.
Have them eat with their mouths open.
Let them build ramps. If they shoot off a ramp with a bike, that can look like a rainbow while they're hurting themselves.
Let them give each other haircuts. The larger the sizzers, the more of a chance for danger.
Give them matches. Even without a bonfire, there's a good chance they'll do something unsafe. 
Whatever activity you choose, be sure to leave your children unattended. Even without an an activity, they will find something to do that's not suggested. The children in my neighborhood were running around the fire and throwing stuff at it. That was a great way to celebrate the day. Though, it would've been more fitting to shoot arrows at the fire.
Just remember, even without bows and arrows, you can recreate a safety hazard in the middle of your home by letting your children do what they want.

Countries Where You Can't Shoot Bows and Arrows on the Street
If you cannot make it to Israel, where Jewish children are free and allowed to carry weapons on Lag BOmer, I suggest that your children do not run around the streets with bows and arrows. Walking the streets of your city armed might not be legal. It also might not be legal to leave your children with uncontained fires.
If you're worried about the cops, the children should use the bows and arrows in the house. That's dangerous too. They might have already ransacked the home for their bonfire, so you don't have to worry about anything breaking.
In countries where weapons are illegal in public, I would also suggest celebrating this aspect of the Heelulah of the Rashbi (Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai) by making it more of a ribbon type of bow. Celebrate the rainbows by tying bows and ribbons. Maybe even send the bows to people in your neighborhood who are bad Jews, to let them know about the tradition, with a note telling them that they're the reason we see rainbows.
If you're living in a dangerous country, with a lot of anti-Semitism, I would suggest the kids celebrate by shooting arrows at people. A better way to celebrate the holiday would be to leave.

Take Away
The most practical way to celebrate the Rashbi is to give the children a bow and arrow. The idea is a dangerous rainbow, because H' didn't destroy us. And make sure they're doing it near a fire.

Announcements
Yom HaAtzmaut was a success in Israel. The programs there were good. We can forget about our town's blue and white falafel fiasco. The community will stay away from eating Israeli flags in the future. It's offensive to Jews.

No bothering the doctors in the middle of davening. Please, wait till Kiddish. We appreciate people coming to shul to avoid visits to doctors’ offices and copays. To answer Rivka's question, during Torah reading, it is also not proper, as some of the doctors try to not interrupt services, like the men in the back left. Only ask about your child’s illness at Kiddish. It's common courtesy.

The in-shul jungle gym will hopefully bring more kids to the shul. The idea is to get them here. We don’t care if they’re inside or davening. We want them at shul and outside of it. We will also have a weekly Shabbat freeze tag game during services. The ark will be used as base, for reasons of Chinuch. We want the kids to love shul, and the only way to do that is for them to not daven.

We will continue to host Zoom classes for those who don't want to be in shul. It's clear that you are happy not being around community.
 
Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Excerpts 
Shabbat Shalom My Holy Humans…
Be holy. Is it that hard??? I know we have a pingpong table in the lobby...

(Vayikra 19:2) H' tells Moshe to gather us and tells us to be holy. Why?... Have you ever tried getting a Minyin? It's impossible. You delegate that. You need people out there knocking on doors. Phone chains... People will do anything to get out of coming to shul... They're still using COVID... We do prayers for health every Shabbat. They can come and pray for health. The members are not committed to being holy... We have to be holy... No. I am not saying Bernie is Holy. We have to be holy (Vayikra 19:2) 'for holy I am, H' your Gd.'
Why are we holy? H' is. That's the reason. No other reason. It's not because you get better deals at Costco. A Mitzvah to be like H'... Holy. That means don’t be like Bernie.
It does not mean to gather people and go on a hike... If you're saying Brachas on the hike...

And then we have to fear our parents and keep Shabbat. Why? (Vayikra 19:3) 'I am H' your Gd.' You would do nothing... Chaim doesn't even do his homework... Because H’ doesn’t tell him… His parents tell him, but he doesn't fear them... He doesn't fear Gd either. If Gd told him, he would do it... Gd has a scary, very forceful voice. You do what He tells you.
Parents are the messengers. Like Moshe. Telling you to do homework, Chaim... All the hard work, H' sends messengers.

Don't worship idols. Why? (19:4) 'I am H' your Gd.' You guys would be moltening everything… Art is questionable… H’ does art. Interpretive… You don’t even look at Rashi. You interpret stuff… It’s messed up. It’s not holy. Your interpretation of respect is good. Look at the commentaries every once in a while. Not everything is art. Deciding if you're going to keep Shabbat and fear your parents is not art… Idols don’t tell you to keep Shabbat… Being holy? There's an art to that. 

You leave stuff on your fields for the poor and you deal honestly with people. Why? H' is our Gd... You would leave nothing on your field. I've been over for Shabbis lunch. Dr. Minkowitz. You and your kids leave no leftovers...
We don't mess up, because H' is our Gd. You don't lose an inter-shul choolante contest, again... It's a Chilul H.' You're profaning... 
How many times does He have to tell us, that He is H' our Gd?... If you listened the first time, Fran...

If it was up to you, you would take whatever you could.
(Vayikra 19:13-14) You don't cheat and you don't rob. You don't curse deaf people... I know they can't hear... H' hears. H' hears you talking during my sermon.
You don't put stumbling blocks in front of blind people. And you don't do that thing where you get down on your knees behind somebody so they trip over you... They can't see it, Chaim... 'Fear Gd'
We can't trust your judgment. You guys think the kick me sign is funny... It's because we have to be holy... Like Gd...
And we have to fear Gd... Without fear, you wouldn't even come to shul. When would you be holy?
If you didn't fear Gd, you would vote to keep the shul president... He doesn't fear Gd. That's why he's president... Fear of Gd keeps us right. It reminds us to be like H’, because He is holy.

You don't mess up judgment. Don't talk Lashon Hara. Don't hate in your heart. Rebuke if you must. Love your neighbor as yourself. 'I am H."' These are commandments... Not from the shul president. From Gd. Who can strike you down and kill your crops. Destroy your house... Storms... Now. Are you going to keep the Mitzvot? Are you going to come to shul on time? Are you going to gather now?... Moshe tried using that, but they didn't fear Gd yet... Gd didn't tell them to fear Him yet...
You come to shul... COVID isn't an excuse. Health is an excuse. You run at the JCC... Why is COVID not an excuse for the JCC... You're supposed to run to shul... Not in shul. H' doesn't run in shul.
We do it? Because H'. If we followed Sam, this congregation would consider it holy to hit the casino every Tuesday... You can catch COVID there too, Sam.
 
If you feared Gd you would be in shul, even on Tuesdays... You need fear. That's why we're going to start yelling at you when you show up to shul late.
No excuses. That's how you are holy. You do good with no excuses, even if you're sitting next to Bernie... You gather with people and you make sure to not be like them...

Jungle gyms cause kids to fear Gd. Ever been up on the slide ladder with fifteen kids? You fear for your life... Violence. And then going down the slide, you can burn...
Drawing kids with jungle gym. That's the new shul plan... Other things to draw kids? Weekly magic performances. Prizes... Like an arcade. No shul or Torah activities. That won't draw them...
We need the arcade to instil fear... A casino can also instil fear of losing all their money... That's why you leave a corner of your field...
 
Be holy. We’re now going to make Kiddish… To remember Shabbat… You keep holy like H' by eating the middle of your field, and gathering with people...

So, be in shul.
 
Rivka’s Rundown
This message was given to the people who are in shul. That part was confusing.
 
The rabbi's been giving great messages of not to be like Bernie and Sam. We really learn a lot from them.

COVID is the congregants' excuse for everything. Can't call parents because of COVID. The local kosher kitchen's got bad lettuce because of COVID. Drinks on tap are not working, because of COVID. No service because of COVID. We call it a kitchen, because it's a charity now. It's a soup kitchen for people who keep kosher and can't find their food anywhere.
Never heard Samantha say she can't go to the supermarket or miniature golfing because of COVID.

The rabbi started using Gd a bit too much. To win any discussion, he started saying, 'Gd says...' and everybody agreed. It was like Simon Says, but the rabbi got a new house because of it. Chaim started doing his homework, in fear that he would be struck dead by Gd.
With the help of Gd, the rabbi finally got votes at the board meeting, for the shul bouncer idea, to stop people from talking during his sermon, to hold them off if they drank too much at Kiddish club for Musaf pre-gamming, and to not lose anymore inter-shul softball games.
 
The jungle gym in shul did ruin my focus a few times, as did the running around. One kid hid under my siddur for hide and go seek.

To instill fear and help make the congregation holy, the rabbi put together a few shul goons to yell at people when they show up late. The new shul Saturday morning bootcamp program has helped reform many of the congregants to people who show up on time, due to fear that Shmulik will hurt them.
With the fear of Shmulik and Gd, our congregants have been better Jews recently. At least the ones the come to shul. The ones that don't have too much fear to come now.

​Not a rebbe of Torah, but Itzhak Perlman is a rebbe of violin. We learn lessons from Itzhak Perlman's violin playing. It's like learning Torah, without Torah. You get to create the moral Torah lesson, even if it's not Torah. Kind of like a sermon.

This is about the famous show where Itzhak Perlman had a string pop on him in the middle of a performance. He should've fired the string guy. He didn't. That's the first lesson I learned from the story. Don't hold your staff accountable, and they will stick around.
People have asked me, 'Was he doing staccato?' 'Was he smacking the thing with the horse hair bow?' 'Was he angry at the conductor, and did he try hit him with the instrument?" All I know is a string popped. That's the story. That's what he's known for. I heard he is good at violin too. But he's known for the string.

Side Note that Adds to the Story: To see Itzhak Perlman walk on stage is a spectacle. He was stricken with polio as a child and walks on stage with leg braces and crutches. Seeing him walk across the stage with calculated steps is a sight. Some people go to his show just to see that. In the lobby, you can hear them, 'Paid two-hundred dollars. What a walk?! Amazing.'
That night, nobody cared about overcoming polio, and becoming one of the greatest violinists the world has seen. There was a broken string. Broken strings are a true sight. When they pop. Wow. That's inspiration.

The string popped. I don't know which string it was. I am guessing it was the E. You say hello to that string and it pops.
He didn't leave the stage and nobody brought him another string. At that point, he should've fired the whole crew. They all saw it, and just stood there. 
After a brief moment, he continued playing. He realized nobody was going to help him. They all saw him walking on stage, and yet, nobody did anything. After noticing that nobody was going to help, and it was going to take a good half hour to get off the stage, to fix his violin, he said, 'The hell with it. I'm going to just continue the thing.' He knew it wasn't time for the intermission yet, and if he got off the stage the audience would complain and Kvetch the whole night. So, he went on.
The orchestra did nothing. They just stood there and stared at him. They were all trying to figure out if he would go all the way back off the stage. As one of the viola players said, 'We waited a sonata for him to get to his seat. Is he going to make us wait again?!' Viola players are very snobby. They think they're better, because they have bigger instruments. To quote, 'My violin is bigger, and thus I am better.' As the viola players took bets, Itzhak Perlman kept on playing.
All were amazed. His mother wasn't impressed. She was noted as saying, 'He still has to practice. He still doesn't know how to tune the thing right.'

It was to everyone’s amazement that Itzhak Perlman kept playing that violin, when a concerto cannot be played with only three strings. And all who were at that show were amazed, and wanted their money back.
The fact that Itzhak Perlman didn't know that a concerto needs four strings was very bothersome. One columnist let it be known, 'He's a professional. He should know that a concerto needs four strings.'
As the complaints came in, it turned out that many felt like they got ripped off, not being able to see Itzhak Perlman with a full violin. To quote, 'That was the most amazing show I've ever seen. It will be talked about for generations. Sermons will be given for generations about this inspirational performance. Great to be there. We loved it. We will never see a show this great again. Priceless. We want our money back. We paid for a four string violin performance.'

Back to what happened on the stage.
Itzhak Perlman continued that concert, thinking nobody would ask for money back. He played with more passion than ever. That's what anger can do. Nobody coming out and helping him, he was mad. A bunch of yutzes.
It was a show put on from the soul. He had to recompose the piece in his head, to make it all fit into three strings. Ever tried doing bar chords on a guitar? This was harder. He even had to retune strings in the middle, to make new sounds. The orchestra was trying to figure out what to do, as they had already tuned their instruments. The crowd loves hearing instruments being tuned; that's why I go to the orchestra. I love hearing them tune.
All with three strings, Itzhak Perlman put on a passionate and uplifting performance. Can you imagine if he played with that much passion on four strings. His mother went on, 'He should learn to play a four string violin.'

At the end of the show, to huge cheers, he said,  ‘You know, sometimes it is the artist’s task to find out how much music you can still make with what you have left.' He should've continued, 'My staff that didn't help. They're all fired.'
And the audience members used that as an excuse to get their money back, pointing out that not everything was at the performance.

And rabbis have been giving sermons ever since.

Lessons of What Followed
People will never help you. No matter how bad you have it. They won't lift a finger. Not one person came to help him with the violin. In the whole theater, not one decent soul. I hope he didn't play that town again.
His mother continued, 'If he would put in that much effort with a four string violin he would be a something.'

Much of the audience said they didn't connect with his message. One woman in the back said, 'I'm not an artist. I work in the medical health field.' Another guy said, 'I play guitar. I don't play violin. I'm not an artist.' Another young lady said, 'I don't know.' She didn't finish college.
After the show, many said he's not an artist. He is a violinist. Since then, in his later years, he has made it a point to prove them wrong and has taken up painting, sculpting and graffiti.
Lesson: The only way people will pay for your art is when you're gone.

Since this inspirational performance, support for polio research has gone down. Support for violins and the needs of the Suzuki method has grown immensely. Much money has been raised for research to make the neck brace more comfortable for violinists. The head of the research center for softer violin neck holders is quoted as saying, 'This. The neck. The way you have to turn it and contort. This is an epidemic.' They went on to explain why violinists are always looking to the left, even at dinner parties.

Rabbis have been using this 'how much music you can still make with what you have left' since. It has especially inspired those Bar Mitzvah kids who mess up the Torah reading and their families, letting their parents know that this is what the Jewish people have left. As the rabbi of my shul said after Yankel read the Torah, 'We have to do the best we can with what we just saw. It won't be easy, but it's what our people have left.'
Quoted more than Moshe telling Paroh to let the Jews out, three sermons a year are based around this story in every congregation. What making music means? Nobody knows. Sermons are more meaningful when they're not understood. 

Without the broken string story Itzhak Perlman would be a nothing. Nobody cares about the violining. They especially don't care about overcoming polio. It's the string that popped.
I am changing this story to 'His String That Wasn't,' about a guitar player who ran on stage. That's more meaningful.

***To fact check the story, please see https://www.atime.org/chizuk/with-whats-left/

​Yom HaAtzmaut got me thinking of all the great people who moved to Israel, making Aliyah. One thing all who make Aliyah have in common is that their style ends once they make the move. You can tell somebody’s year of Aliyah by the clothes they wear.
You make Aliyah and your wardrobe is set. And there are reasons. Style stops when you are not willing to pay more than 35 American Dollars for a new pair of pants; especially when they're wrinkle touch and you have to iron. They might sell it in Israel, but I don't buy anything when I can get it cheaper in America. That is my motto, and I have held onto it since I moved to Israel. I have not purchased anything inedible in Israel, since my Aliyah. I'm surprised that I have even purchased dinner a few times. Even so, Olim have to eat, and perishables can go bad, even when Amazon ships it. All of that said, even if they were cheap, I still wouldn't buy new clothes. Style is what I made Aliyah with, and it looks good.
Us American Olim have a warped sense of this American style we hold so dear. And that style is at a permanent place in time, from the eternal day that we made Aliyah. The day where America was perfect and people had personalities. A time where we couldn't stream our favorite sitcom. A time when Marshalls and Kohl's were a place I could be proud to shop at. A time when one could be proud to flash a 20% off coupon. A time where I could ask for an extra discount at the desk, and get another two dollars off the sales price. Do mis-stitches not exist anymore at Marshalls? A time when Land's End and Geoffrey Beene did free exchanges. No questions. The time when I stopped buying clothes. To us Olim, the lifetime guarantee means we wear it the rest of our lives.  Some say a lifetime guarantee does not mean fashion. They never made Aliyah. And I must say, I feel good wearing my pleats.
Here are ways I've learned to tell the immigrant time period.
 
Immigrant by Clothes
Walk the streets of Israel and you can tell when the Oleh left America:

• Polo symbol on shirt – 1985
• Tommy Hilfiger – 1996
• Girbaud sign on jeans – 1993
• Shoulder pads – any year in the 1980s
• ACDC shirt – 1979
• iPod shuffle on sleeve – 2008
• Bell-bottoms – 1971 or 2006
• Corduroy – hand-me-downs from any decade
• Parachute pants – Fan of Vanilla Ice or MC Hammer. I don't believe that style lasted a full year.
• Jean skirt – 1980s or girl who is still in seminary
• Members Only jacket – 1987
• Free Soviet Jewry scarf – 1987 with style
• Jerusalem No for Sale Tshirt – 1988
• Non-ironed shirt with fraying collar – 2003 or boy who is still in yeshiva
• Anything you have to iron – pre-1998
• Breeches – 1490-1920 or you moved from England.
• Turban – 1200s or friend of the Rambam
• Spandex – Girl living in 2010 and on that is not Frum, or a big fan of aerobics in the 1980s. 
• Leg Warmers – 1980s die hard aerobics fan.
• Pants that are really tight and not breeches – Still living in New York
• Anything brought to a cleaners, to make sure it is spick and span – not an Oleh (that person still lives in America)
• Double-breasted suit – 1986-1991 or a hand-me-down that the Oleh cannot figure out how to button right.
• Paisley Anything – From dad, or something the Salvation Army rejected.
• Nefesh BNefesh shirt – 2001 and on. Cannot tell the year, as the shirt is free. Prior Olim may also wear the shirt, as they have shown up to the Nefesh BNefesh office and explained that the grandfather clause allows them rights to the T-shirt. 
• Hand-me-downs – Complicate the Aliyah equation. They surpass all style, as they are cheaper, and thus part of the Oleh wardrobe. Personally, I have thirty-two sports jackets in Israel. I have not purchased one of them. All hand-me-downs, and I will not donate one of them. Dates of hand-me-downs can be up to seventy years off the Oleh's Aliyah year. For this reason, if you have any questions as to whether or not it's a hand-me-down, try to do get a hold of their Oleh ID card.

As may be seen, all 1980s styles lasted the whole decade. For this reason, we just say that most Olim that made Aliyah in the 1980s made Aliyah in the '80s. It's too hard to tell which year the jean skirt is from. To make it more confusing, some Members Only Jackets were made in 1984. So, we just say 'they made Aliyah in the '80s.'
​
Next time we will delve deeper into the topic of clothes and the reasons for Aliyah suits, as well as clothes that fit vs new styles. As the manifesto continues, we will also discuss what an immigrant does on their visit to America, when they're tempted to purchase clothes. Aliyah hairstyles can be cross-generational, as long as you don't have bangs.
Whatever you do, embrace your Aliyah and wear the clothes you loved in your early twenties. Until they make Aliyah rings, that is your only way to identify with your Aliyah class.