Announcements 
No pelting candies at kids. If they are not celebrating their Bar Mitzvah, there is no reason to hurt them.
 
The rabbi is religious. He has proven himself. His Shema is now taking an extra minute and fifteen seconds. The members can now look to the rabbi as a spiritual leader. He's also covering his head with the Tallis.
 
Nobody could follow the services on Yom Kippur, and the page announcer is not loud enough for the old people, so we’re getting rid of page announcing. We're going to have a page scoreboard in the front of the shul. This way the old people and the shul's Bal Teshuvas can follow, and not bother people for page numbers constantly.
 
New Rules: No forcing stories about your past jobs. Merv yawned at his own story about lawn-mowing. And he kept on going. That is not allowed anymore. It's abusive.
No more overhand cupping on the handshak. It’s too gayvadik.
You're required to not destroy the shul and smile at people. See the new paint job, now that your relatives who destroyed the shul are gone. We cleaned the candies off the floor as well. We also said Hello to people.

Nobody sponsored Seudah Shelishit or Kiddish.
 
Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Excerpts
Shabbat Shalom My Pupils...
(Bereishit 6:13) H' tells Noach, 'The end of all flesh has come... for the earth is filled with robbery (chamas)...' And you still haven't paid your dues... Not sponsoring Shalishudis is stealing... Yes. It was hatred too. Hatred amongst people. Seeing the back left, you can understand...
If it was this shul, it would be the annoying Bal Teshuvas telling everybody what to do... Yes. It's annoying and it makes people want to destroy the earth. Nobody wants to hear you say how to daven... I know. I close my eyes and say 'LMan Tzikuru' out loud. I do a long Shema. I'm a good rabbi. You just started doing this last month... A raise should come but the shul is filled with Chamas. The board does Chamas.
People not being able to find the right page is another reason for destruction… Then don't tell people what to do, until you've learned how to find the page. You're a Bal Teshuva and it will take time. In the end, you'll be able to be annoying and tell people how to do stuff, like the Gabai does... 
Whipping candies at people. Destruction… You end up hitting Ethel.
 
With all this negativity, (Bereishit 6:16) 'A window you should make for the ark, and finish it to a cubit from above...' With all the negativity he focuses on building an ark, and finishing it. The building fund thermometer has been at 100k for the past twelve years. We need 300k... That's why the building isn't finished... When there's a leak and that causes a hole in the roof, the building isn't finished, Bernie. Maybe donate something... It's like we're davening in a Sukkah...
A window. A decent window... No. That's not a window. That's a picture of Avraham and sheep. To quote Artscroll, many commentators say it was the window Noach opened after the flood. Some say it was a precious stone that illuminated light within (Rashi).
You need light. And that comes from an outside source. Not from the board. Not from messed up construction... There is not one window in the chapel...
It's the connection. Even when inside, we are connected to the world. We're comforted by what's outside our home.
 
That's not the point. I know you don't know what a cubit is. Nobody is asking Bernie to build it. His arm is the wrong size... Measurements are off all over this shul. You've got to slide sideways into the bathroom stall...
When things get messed up, the light can’t come through. This shul has issues because light shines wrong in the sanctuary… Because you didn’t look at the architect’s sketches. The architect said a window and you put in a stained glass sketch of a sheep... Light comes through on a bright day, and I found a little spot that is clear glass...
 
We have to be honest about the destruction, so we can build. So we can see the light that is not our membership... Messed up members ruining things...

We need light. We don't need everything announced. Paying dues so we can fix the lighting issue in the congregation... Then a better window might not be necessary... Stained glass does not illuminate as well...
Cleaning is not an announcement. It’s expected… No. Cleaning is not upgrading… And we can still see the dirt on the stairs… Wait till 10am when the sun hits the stair crack dust…
You’re announcing pointless stuff. ‘The floor was cleaned.’ That’s not renovations... And why are kids throwing candies on the floor? It's destruction. That's how the world is destroyed. They threw the leftover lollipops on the ground and people stepped on them... That's at least how shoes are destroyed.
 
If it wasn’t the pages that you couldn’t find, you were just talking throughout the service… How many times can you ask somebody the page?! It looked like you were asking Felvel what page we’re on all of davening… Well, you were talking the whole time then...
You’ve been doing it for two weeks… No. Don’t tell us how to be Jews. First be religious for a year. Then you can bother people like the back left section of the shul... 
Merv. You yawned at your own story ‘Man. My story is boring.’ That's what you were saying while you were telling the story... Well your stories kill conversation. Even you were bored telling it...
We need a better Kiddish…. People come to shul for Kiddish. They don’t come for sermons… I know my sermon is important. I get across the message to have a good Kiddish. Bad Kiddeshes destroy shuls and bring no light...
 
It's all destruction. Yet. I try to find the light.
I was concentrating on Davening. Looking outside. Focusing on not being here.
It’s holiness. That’s what I do. Holiness… Yes. I close my eyes for an extra three minutes now… It’s not spacing out. It’s connecting to Gd. That’s why you wait an extra two minutes for the rabbi to finish the Amidah. Holiness. The holiness I bring. A light…

(Bereishit 8:6) Noach opened the window after the flood. The first thing you do after a crisis is to connect to the world. It's what you want to do. I can't wait to leave shul. Every Shabbat...
You guys won't even leave your homes to show up to Minyin. Minyin. A communal light for Kaddish... During a crisis, you look out the window. You see what’s outside. You see the hope. Then you leave it... Yes. COVID. Do I have to spell this out???
The shul has congregants, but the window is there. A window of Avraham. I can see out of it if I squint and find that little piece of regular glass that wasn't stained... It's called stained. The board should've known there's an issue with it when they installed it... It's hope. Hope to not be here. When I'm inside, stuck here with a Chazin who doesn't know a Nigun from his left foot. When there's a shul president who thinks we need to make a more democratic decision with Davening and vote if we should have a Minyin, there's a ray of light... A light that shines away from the board. A light of hope. And I shall open up that window when the weather permits... It's cold outside. Close it.
The ark could use some touch ups... Not a window.
 
It’s all this that causes robbery. The shul's annoyingness is what causes Chamas in the shul.
Cupping of the hands to show you’re more important...
The halls were destroyed. Relationships were destroyed with boring stories. There was hatred in the shul, and Seudah Shelishit was destroyed because nobody sponsored it...
 
Rivka’s Rundown
The rabbi went off for a long time on how we destroy the shul. I think he mentioned at least fifty things that Bernie does himself that destroy the shul.
There's hints of COVID in every sermon now.

The alt-liberals in the shul didn’t like the rabbi’s sermon. They felt that it was against Chamas. The left-wing Jews are very pro-robbery in our shul.
 
The rabbi definitely threatened to leave the congregation if he gets offered another job. 'Opening the window when the weather permits.' I know what that means.
 
Now they’re whipping candies at kids that are Bar Mitzvahed. After Simchat Torah, the board realized that they need to candy throwing rules. They realized they can’t hamper the hankering for whipping candies at kids if they can whale on Bar Mitzvah boys. It helps a lot of families, stopping family fights at home. So, they limit it to hurting Bar Mitzvah kids.
You can’t stop them from hurting Bar Mitzvah boys. It’s tradition.

Everybody jumped on that opportunity of people not coming to shul for sermons. Rabbi should not have said that. He opened it up and there were boos heard in the congregation. One lady said, 'This is the first sermon I agree with.' Another guy just shouted, 'You stink.'
I don’t know how the congregants needed the rabbi to say that before giving him trouble for giving sermons. Personally, I love the rabbi's sermons. I still enjoy the rabbi telling the members how messed up they are.
 
The board has gotten annoying. They've started announcing everything. ‘And the shul has a new ping pong table…’ A ping pong table???? ‘And we cleaned’ What does that mean? Why are they announcing that the shul did something you do every week. Then the president is announcing, 'There's going to be Minyin at shul.' We know.
And by the way. The shul had a ping pong table. Are the kids learning Torah on the table?! What’s the announcement for?
 
The shul is getting a new page number board, so people can see what page we’re on. We’re going to have a referee flipping the numbers.
The board argued for digital. When they rabbi explained that they only come on Shabbat, some of them understood why it had to be a number flipper set.
The Bal Teshuvas telling everybody what to do, though they still can’t find the page. It’s annoying. The shul's group of Bal Teshuvas seems like they know what's going on, with big Kippahs and huge Sheitels, but they still can’t read Hebrew. 
Get the spot and then tell me what to do. This new girl asked me the page and then told me that I was not focused on my prayers properly. She told me I have to close my eyes more to have proper Kavanah (prayer focus).
 
The rabbi has been closing his eyes a lot now when praying. It looks more penitent.
People stare at the rabbi during his Kriyat Shema. Our rabbi has been adding an extra focus and an extra loud 'Tizkiru.' He's proving himself as holy. He even closes his eyes a lot more during davening, and shakes his head from side to side. I think he's going for a raise. It's a contract year.
They really do stare at him. Some look at their watches. I saw one let out and angry sigh when the rabbi didn’t hit the minute fifteen on the Shema. She even threw up her arms. I think she joined a different congregation now.
He’s trying hard. He’s making us wait for him to finish the Amida now. With the Tallis over his head, he’s truly showing he’s holy.
 
The rabbi didn't really quote Artscroll. He paraphrased Artscroll, using their words. I saw the commentary right before his sermon. I want to suggest to the rabbi to not use Artscroll. It's too accessible to us, and it makes us feel too smart. He loses his rabbinic edge when he talks about stuff we know. And he loses the street cred he's gained with his long Shema.
He used 'firmament' in his sermon. Nobody knows what that means. Using a translation into English that people don’t understand (not just the Hebrew), it adds to his holiness and brings back his edge a bit. They’ve got to give the rabbi a raise.

The Bal Teshuva is causing problems. I call him the Bal Teshuva, because he's the annoying one. His parents also hate him now. He's telling them what to do too. Once he became religious, he told his mom she raised him wrong and she's going to Gehenim, unless if she gives his Yeshiva money.

​Let's take a stroll down memory lane back to Yom Kippur and Sukkot, parents using their strollers to block the entrance of the shul, and Amazon leaving your packages where your neighbors can take them, with the Kibbitzer's pictures of laughter from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for sharing his anger at happiness expressed at the Kotel and little kids helping build Sukkahs.

More food was needed. After the three multiple course meals the community realized there was more room for eating. It was only 9pm, and nobody truly had to go to sleep. There was more time to eat. That's when they added the Oneg. Kiddish was added when they realized breakfast was missing.

Onegs
In 1989 the Friday night Oneg was created at a Shabbaton. A Shabbaton is a Shabbat retreat where you eat for twenty-five hours with other people.
Oneg, meaning delight, means you should eat more. After much study in the Beit Midrash, we learned that the eight course, fifteen dish main course, first of three meals on Shabbat, with soup nuts, doesn't bring enough delight to one, unless if there is a meal right after that meal and whipped cream. That extra meal is the Oneg. After you eat as much as you can, to bring more happiness, you eat more than that. For your soul.
At the Shabbaton, Benjamin said, 'I'm still hungry.' The rabbi said, 'That's forbidden.' And the Shabbat Oneg was created. Hence, it's a Mitzvah to eat again, right away. Right after Shabbat dinner and dessert, it's required to eat a pot of choolante. And then there are another two meals. And they added Kiddish. For Oneg.
The Gemara only spoke of three meals. But as we evolved as good Jews, our stomachs were able to handle more. So, we added the Oneg to focus on the foods put out by the local bakery and Osem, who makes nicely packaged cakes. If you're lucky, you'll show up to the Oneg and there'll be a Green's babka. 
Some people date the Oneg back to the rebbe's Tish. However, Tishes don't have the financial backing to portion out that much food.

Kiddish
There is also Shabbat morning. The rabbis of the Talmud said nothing about eating before you need to. Hence, nothing was said about Kiddish, other than a Bracha over wine at the meals. Kiddish, food on Shabbat morning, was added as the final requirement.
Kiddish is the other Oneg that's not called an Oneg. Added in 1991, it's the fifth Shabbat meal. Added two years after the Oneg. It took two years to realize that there was room for a second Kiddish, between finishing Musaf prayers at 11:45am and eating lunch at 12:30pm. For millennia, forty-five minutes was waisted every Shabbat when people could've been eating. The Mitzvahs we overlook.
Kiddish was moving well, and then somebody found out about yapchik in 2018. So, we had to add that to every Kiddish. Kiddish now had choolante, kichel, potato kugel, luchian kugel, Yerushalmi kugel, whatever other kugels people heard about, quiches which are kugels if you're Frum, schnapps, herring, kishka which could also be considered a kugel, Green's babka, other leftover Oneg pastry, yapchik- which is a kugel, and gefilte fish balls. Gefilte fish balls are manufactured solely for Kiddish. That's the full business of gefilte fish balls. Kiddish.

How Do You Eat at an Oneg and Kiddish
Good question. Double portions are paramount. You need to satisfy the extra Shabbat soul and the double portions of Manna. After the math, to follow the Torah correctly, you have to take fourths. No matter how much you eat, you should still be eating more.
There was the fruit salad scare of the late 20th century. Fruit salads became a thing in 1996, but that was nixed by the religious community. So we still have dessert. B"H.
At the Kiddish or oneg you should complain that there is not enough food. Even if there's a lot of food, complaining is important. It adds to the atmosphere. Any Kiddish you go to, you should be saying 'There's never enough to eat here.' The sponsors should know.
Rabbis have convened to discuss Kiddishes with little food (a busha, embarrassment to the Jewish people, in its own right) and it's been decided that if there's not enough for double portions for everybody, somebody does not know how to cook as a Jew and they're going to Gehenim. And they're required to purchase a Hadassah and Bais Yaakov cookbook.
Machmir people who care about Torah, ensure that all Kiddishes have enough for fourthsies. 

There is Room For More
We've come a long way since the early '90s. We now have five meals. Yet, no meals have been added since Kiddish and Oneg. And that makes me question if we're eating enough as modern day Jews. Are we developing?
People have started with an afternoon snack. The afternoon snack is going to make its way. It will start with Yom Tov, as on the holidays we don't have Seuda Shelishit (the original third Shabbat meal- now the fifth).
Since there is no Seuda Shelishit on the holidays, the afternoon snack will take on full meal status on Yom Tov first. And then it will make its way into Shabbat. The foods will be the same. There won't be tuna or egg salad, as those are rabbinic requirements to eat at Seuda Shelishit, correctly known as Shalishusidis (not sure what that means, but it's the correct way to say it). 
Hence, I propose we start the sixth Shabbat meal now. I propose we call it Nishnishit. An amalgamation of Seudah Shelishit, Kiddish and snack. I understand the brilliance. 
I'm sorry for foretelling in my historical work, however our people is going to fall in holiness if we don't add Nishnishit immediately.

Predating yapchik, in 2007 the Salatim course became a Biblical requirement as well. We will go more into depth into the Salatim course next time.

​Announcements
Now that family guests are gone, hallway playing and wrestling must stop. The shul has to put money in for hallway touch-ups. We'll never see money from guests. We do see destruction of the shul from them. Thus, dues have been raised, and we are doubling your card flips.
Please think before you invite your family for the Chagim next year. We don’t want to see the Peskobergs again.
 
People have to pay up for Mishebeyrachs. You flipped the cards, you have to pay those too. Pledges are something you have to pay. They’re not an idea for how much you think other people should give the shul. They're not a vote.
Now that the High Holidays are over, the shul office will now be sending letters, to make sure you all pay. It will be a bill.
 
Community diet begins now. The shul is too heavy. Though they commanded you to eat Kugel, no blaming the rabbis for your weight.
The rabbi has declared only two huge meals a week, for Shabbis. No more twelve huge meals a week. We have six months to Pesach. The rabbi wants the shul to be in shape for the Matzah.
 
Single members are now broke. We have charged them as much as possible. Seats were expensive this High Holiday season. With all we did, single people are still coming to shul. The board apologizes for that.
 
Class on involvement in prayer will be given. Please know that when the rabbi or Chazin raises their neck and looks around the congregation, you should join in and sing at that point.
                                                                        
Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Excerpts
Shabbat Shalom My Pupils...
(Bereishit 1:2) The earth was nothingness. Tohu Vavohu. Like the amount you all donated last year. Nothingness. Tohu Vavohu.
H' creates from here. 'In the beginning' from nothingness. Nothingness, kind of like the Simchat Torah dinner... A piece of lasagna doesn't make dinner... A bite is not dinner, Fran. Nothingness. Kind of like the way the kids treated the shul. Which is why we need to create renovations and touch-ups. Nothingness. Like the energy you give... I have created from that. I have given sermons from your nothingness...
We are supposed to try to be like Gd... That doesn't mean telling everybody what to do… I understand you're president. But you're president of the shul... Godly is donating to the shul...
Those were long Mishebeyrachs. Pay up… From now on, you have to pay each congregant for their time… To listen to all your family names… You didn’t mention Pinchas by name. Pay him… You mentioned everybody else by name in your Mishebeyrach. Herman, Minachem, Rivka, Fran, Pinchas... Pay him... Then pay your pledge... We can’t create anything in this shul, on any day, without your pledges paid...
 
 
The kids have to calm down. They can’t create a jungle gym here…
Shul should be meaningful… Fun can be found in meaning… We can’t have running and races.
They were running all over
YOUR NEPHEWS AND NIECES ARE CRAZY!!!
They were playing Marco Polo… I love the game. Great game. Tons of fun… They were playing it in the shul. The Chazin was in the middle of the Unetana Tokef prayer, and all we can here is Marco Polo… It’s a prayer of life and death…
The usher should keep kids out during the UNetana Tokef… I know she lost, and it was Negiah… That’s also Asur…
Now the congregants want Torah kissing races… Who can run up and kiss the Torah first.
 
H' created... Before He rested.
He even created rest... Bernie. You're not supposed to rest now. You've done nothing. You've created nothing this week... At least pay your pledge first. And then rest. That's what H' would do...
We can’t create anything in this shul, on any day, without your pledges paid.
As people we have to create something decent. Like a new wall. Thanks to all the kids destroying the shul over the Chagim.
We have to create light. Like H' who created light as His creation on day one.
Right now we have dark. Paying your Yizkur appeal donations... You flipped the cards.
After H' creates people, he says all is 'very good.' I am trying to see it. It's hard to see it when we don't have electricity.
It's hard to see it when you have a board like this....
(1:31) 'And H' saw all that He did and it was very good.'
Why is the second day not good? There was only separation
You have to pay the doubled card flips. It’s for H’.
You have to pay your pledges… No. Pledges are not an idea. They’re an amount you promise to pay. Like a creation you made… I know. That’s the problem. You don’t create
 
I thought I was creating a singalong when I lifted my neck and looked around... You didn't join in.
 
To create, you have to be in shape
You have created out of shape bodies during the holidays. That’s one thing that you created.
Nothingness is what we have to eat now... Till we take off some weight
Everybody up. Some jumping jacks… warming up for Musaf… The kids aren’t going to be the only ones moving here. I see that gut Frank…
No. We don't support wrestling in the shul. The guests are gone... Those kids are crazy. You don't body slam somebody onto the Bima...
 
We don’t want the Peskobergs creating.
 
Rivka’s Rundown
 The sermon lasted an extra half hour as the rabbi wanted to get in a full aerobics class.
The congregation is out of shape. Very out of shape. It’s all the holiday food.
The average congregant has put on thirteen pounds. And some are still walking around with purple Kiddish tongues, from the ten Kiddishes per week over the holiday season.

The rabbi's nothingness list was inspirational. Especially when he mentioned the board and the amount of runs scored in the interhul baseball league.
 
And the way the kids left the shul. He knows what nothingness is.
 
How the rabbi turned donations into Godly, because that is how you create, is the greatest appeal of all time. And it wasn't even an appeal day
 
Apparently, the rabbi thinks pledges are something you’re supposed to pay.
Some people say the secretary is very rude with her payment requests. Especially the ones from eight or more years ago. She says stuff like, 'You should pay your pledges.' That offends people.
People truly don't pay. I even got a bill. I paid up, but they assumed that no members paid. She did threaten to turn off the electricity to our house.

People owe a lot for the MIshebeyrachs. Making everybody wait, there should be an extra fee. A fifteen dollar fee per name. The rabbi is right.
It’s like gambling for them. How much is a Mishebeyrach worth? They don’t know. They put down 180 dollars and they expect for the whole family to be healthy. I would hedge my bets and put down eighteen dollars on a Mishebeyrach. No more.

People are now saying somebody else flipped their cards. They’re accusing the executive director of rigging the cards. The congregants have now lost their trust in the November elections.
 
Simchat Torah had everybody worried. There was a weak guy on Hagba. We need to test these people. He had weak wrists. It's not hard to check out their bench press before having them lift the Torah. 
Everybody was worried. The flipping the Torah backwards Simchat Torah Hagba trick, had everybody turning their heads. I don’t want to fast for forty days, because this guy can't hold up a Torah from the least advantageous angle. From now on I’m skipping Simchat Torah in shul.
 
People are still tired from the holidays and Simchat Torah. But they're still eating.
 
The rabbi is right. He's right about everything. The grandkids and nephews and nieces are crazy. Literally crazy. Since they left, now the kids can only play tag in the shul. The rabbi had to give them an activity, other than carpet sliding, sliding down the Bima rails and body slamming.
There is now a list of games that can be played in the hallway. The quiet game did not sell.
The Peskobergs are annoying.

Kiddish Food Is Amazing
There was a great Kiddish at shul. I finished eating whatever I could at Kiddish and had a two mile walk for Shabbat lunch. I thought it was good planning. So, I filled up at Kiddish. Had the herring, kichel, schnapps, choolante, kugel, gefilte fish. I even had Danish, as that is Jewish cake.  I felt bad when some of the other congregants didn't get kichel and potato kugel, but I enjoyed it. It was a small plate, but I was right back at the table.
I didn't sit down at Kiddish, as that would interfere with the time I needed to refill my plate, possibly hindering my kugel access as well. I didn't move from the table. That was a technique I saw my friend Shloymi doing. He told me to that you pick a spot near the good stuff, blocking out other people from scooping it. The 'good stuff' means choolante to Shloymi; at least until the meat is gone.
It was an excellent Kiddish. The kind that makes it worthwhile to be Frum. It mamish makes you want to go to shul. A reason to pray. I ate. I started to walk. I should've waited. They had kishka in the choolante, and I still don't understand what that means. They told me it was stuffed innards. But it was pareve. I don't know how they created non-meat animal products. All I know is that I'm new to Frum living, so I haven't learned to time my kishka stomach abilities. 

The Walk To Shabbat Lunch
I started walking to lunch. Ten minutes in, my stomach was killing. Around twenty minutes in, I got the sweats. I couldn't hold it. As a Bal Teshuva (somebody new to being religious), my stomach was not yet coated for heimish food. I had to go to the bathroom.
What was I to do? Even my rabbi, who I asked later, had no idea. He said he hadn't had this Shayla (question) asked of him much before. I guess people don't share this issue publicly. They must go when they're stuck on a long Shabbis walk with no bathrooms. The rabbis must not consider that carrying.
I had no idea what to do. I can't knock on doors, going to strangers homes, 'My stomach is killing. I need your bathroom. It was a really good Kiddish.' They don't understand Shabbis or kishka.
Twenty-five minutes in, and I am walking slow, I had no choice. Each step, I'm taking a chance. I knocked on a door and scared the family. When they realized I wasn't there to proselytize, they threatened to call the police. If I tried converting them, they might've let me in. Converting them would've been the normal thing to do. They would've understood I had a reason to be there. 

Public Bathrooms Are Not Shomer Shabbis Friendly
Being that I couldn't knock on more random people's doors, to use their bathroom, I started walking real fast. I thought that was my only choice. That didn't help. 

I got to the library, which was open, though people don't use it. Problem! They only had electric doors to get into the library. Anti-Semites. They know Jews will hang out there on Shabbis if the doors aren't electric. The air-conditioning.
Seeing no Frum Jews, as we can't use electric doors on Shabbat, I waited there for somebody to walk in. I don't know how inconspicuous I was. I tried standing there right outside the door, waiting for somebody to return a book, with my suit and tie in the summer heat. My plan was to walk in right as they did, so that they would be the ones using the electricity. I was going to piggyback off their sin; hence; not sinning myself.
Finally, somebody came and I chased them into the library. I did everything I could to avoid triggering the doors. Sneaking behind people to get into a building takes tact. I definitely think they saw me. I was the only one going into the library on a Saturday with a suit, and it was a small doorway. I believe I rubbed up against the guy. The guy jumped a bit and I heard the guy cry out, 'He's chasing me.'
He must've thought I took his wallet. So, I ran. I made it to the bathroom real fast, before they got to security.

The toilet was electric. I hope I'm not going to Gehenim for the flush. I had to go. I jumped off the seat. I hope it didn't sense me. I hope it only flushed because there was a fly that ran past the censor. 
I couldn't wait there for somebody else who needed the bathroom. If I could've, I would've waited for them to need to sit, and jumped up right away.

Follow Up Notes
Security should know Jewish law. How many Jews throughout history have been convicted due to keeping the laws of Shabbat? Guilty due to needing a bathroom on Shabbat.
All towns with Jews should have Shabbis bathrooms between shul and the homes of the Frum Jews.

I hope Jews don't get a bad rap because of electric doors and elevators. Later that day, I had to go fifteen stories. I jumped into an elevator after that woman. She asked what floor I am on. I said I live on your floor. She was freaked out. She'd never seen me. She didn't know I was Shomer Shabbat, and just trying to get closer to the fifteenth floor, where the hosts for Shabbis lunch live.
I ran down two flights after we got off the elevator, and made it to Shabbat lunch before she could report me to security.

Next time, I'm striking up a conversation about the book. That will be more inconspicuous. As they come to the door, I'll ask what book they're returning. Ask if it's good. They'll think I'm one of those Blockbuster pros who knows how to pick out the VHS tapes right when they're dropped off. Then, when we get inside, they return the book and I'm off to the bathroom. Like they never met me.

​The Kishka was worth it. To note, pareve is Frum for vegan. Anything pareve is vegan, even eggs.
Now I know why orthodox Jews like to live next to the shul. I'm going to buy a house near the shul. My post Kiddish walking abilities are no more than ten minutes.

Jews were in the Midbar, the desert, complaining about food. So, Gd gave them Manna every day, and they still complained. On Friday, they had to take two of the Manna loaves, so they would have enough for Shabbat. They complained. And to this day, people complain about preparing for Shabbat. 
We also had to collect double portions when there was a holiday. So, now Jews prepare huge feasts every holiday. Four of them within a forty hour span. And three enormous feasts every Shabbat. And you have to eat them all. And if you don't eat them, you're not a good Jew.
Here is the extensive history:

How It Began
We were told to collect double portions. And you wonder why our ancestors were complaining all the time. Two Challahs?! That won't fill anybody up. Ever had one of those little rolls? Imagine getting stuck with a bulkie.
Worried we would get stuck with bulkie rolls, we started having huge meals. 

Meals Became Huger
In late 204 CE, to be exact, the rabbis tried to figure out what two loaves meant. That got translated as two four course meals every day of every holiday and three on Shabbat. Plus dessert.
In 1377 Shmuli asked, 'What about dessert?' And it became a requirement to add babka.

Exile Didn't Stop Us - It Only Added More Food
Wandering, Jews were worried how they will make these four course meal loaves. And they found a way to make huger meals, creating Hashgacha organizations for Kashrut. Allowing factories to cook for us, in vats that hold a hundred thousand gallons.
Yom Tov Sheni Shel Galuyot, the second day holiday of exile, became a staple in the Jewish community. So, we had to eat more. If Gd would've had in mind Yom Tov Sheni Shel Galuyot, He would've made us take three loaves of Manna. So the people decided they needed to double the amount they ate at every meal; making for two eight course meals, every meal of the holidays. As Shabbat is even greater than the holidays, Shabbat had to have three eight course meals. They needed thirty Challahs for that. And soup.
In the early 1500s soup nuts became a rabbinical requirement. The rabbis were worried that there were not enough carbs. It took years, and the founding of modern day Israel, to finally bring the crunch to the soup that the rabbis announced was missing from Shabbat joy.

Recipes Add To Weight
In the 1600s, they figured out how to make Kugel, which is anything not dessert in baked form. Truly, a Kugel is anything served in a tin that is not chicken. And we started making bigger meals. You had to have double portions of Kugel. Otherwise, you offend the Ba'alat Bayit. ​It was then that they also learned how to make brisket as well. This all doubled the amount of each course, again, doubling the main course.  
The Kugel redefined Shabbat meals, and made us fatter as a people. We have to delight in Shabbat, and Kugels brought delight. Kugels, choolante, kishka, tzimis, fish, matzah balls, desserts, chicken, salatim. It all developed at around the same time.
It was then that two Challahs turned into fifteen dishes for the main course. And you couldn't have a main course without soup. You also needed fish, so that you could use the extra smaller plate. An aside: The smaller plate became a symbol of what the Jew will not eat. We use it for a beginner course, and then we remove it from the table to show that only sinners eat such small portions.
In the twentieth century Hadassah was created to ensure that all Jews know how to make large portions.

Different Traditions Of the Ages
The food became too much to bring to the table, so the French started what is known as the buffet. They are very weak and can't carry forty pound briskets to the table.
In other countries Jews were worried. The pale of settlement came and the Jews didn't know where their next meal was coming from. So it was a new command to eat as much as you can twice, at each meal, to fulfil Lechem Mishneh.
And then we saw that there was no Challah.

An Extra Shabbat Soul
And then the rabbis started pushing the teaching of a Nishama Yeteira, an extra Shabbat soul. So, at each meal, you had to eat two four course meals with extra Challahs, soup, kishka, Kugels and soup nuts, at every meal, and extra dessert. I don't know the full mathematics. All I know is that this is where they coined the phrase, 'I'm going for doubles.' 'Seconds' was already used in the year 1,043 BCE.
How we have two Challahs still on Saturday? I don't know. So we now collect thirty-two Challahs for Shabbis. And we eat more, as we're worried we didn't fulfill the two loaves.
And then they added whip cream to dessert. Otherwise, the extra soul is still hungry.

Being a Good Jew
Then the rabbis made a decree that you have to be heavy. Otherwise it's Maaras Ayin that you're not eating enough on the holidays (Chagim). Communities started excommunicating members who were under 200lbs. If you were over eighteen and under 200lbs, you were banned. 
In some communities it became tradition to start diets after every Chag. The head of the table would say, 'The diet starts after the Chag.' Those communities became known as modern orthodox.

Next time we will go through the history of the Oneg Shabbat and other modern-day additions to the Shabbat meal, such as Salatim, adding a double sixth course to every Shabbat and Yom Tov meal.

​Announcements
We apologize for the messed up Sukkah decorations in the shul. Too many members of the sisterhood got involved in the feeling of the Holiday Season, and they ended up decorating with pumpkins and RIP signs.
 
Simchat Torah Dancing lessons will take place in the hallway. Also known as Simcha dancing, the Rebbetzin will show you how to do the kick and do the grapevine. This will ensure synchronization on the women's side. For the men's dancing, the rabbi will teach the men how to walk in a circle correctly.
 
No whipping candies at kids this Simchat Torah, though some of the kids deserve it. We had too many injuries last Simchat Torah due to sweets and bad aim. There was a lot of random bystanders hit by the gummies. You may aim at kids that will have Bar Mitzvahs soon, to prepare them.
Also, no tossing candies into the middle of nowhere. Kids become very violent when chasing candy. With that in mind, from now on, we will not allow for contact football in the shul hallway without pads.
 
Please clean up your Aravot. They were left over from last Hoshana Rabba.
 
Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Excerpts
Shabbat Shalom My Happy Congregants...
The two of you.

(Devarim 33:4) We were told at Sinai, 'The Torah that Moshe commanded us is the heritage of the Congregation (Kehillah) of Israel.'
That is our heritage... The Torah. For crying out loud. How clear can it be? Moshe tells us 'The Torah' and you still don't get it's the Torah. What do we have to do to get you guys to do Mitzvahs?! Throwing candies at kids is not a heritage... It's Simchat Torah. Not a Bar Mitzvah... Not the Torah that Phillip gave you. It's the Torah Moshe commanded us. That's our heritage... Oh. Phillip gave you a nice Chumash. Enjoy it...

Your aim was off. You hit Max and Sim... Why are you whipping candies at eighty five year olds? Bad aim... They were Bar Mitzvahed seventy years ago… You even hit the Torah... Then work on your aim. You're not supposed to hit our heritage... 
Some of the kids deserve it. They've been running around the shul too much. The parents do nothing. We should be whipping them at the parents...
I never said it was the other shul's heritage. They’re a messed up Kehillah too…

Dancing on Simchat Torah is a heritage... There's a reason we don't support hip-hop dancing in shul. Have you seen how bad it looks when Pinchas goes into the bottom rock?! In the Jewish cypher, there should only be the one handed hold and kick... Being happy on the holidays is our heritage… I know that’s hard in this shul.
Right after Yom Kippur and you’re already speaking Lashon Hara… I speak the truth… Lashon Hara is not our heritage.
 
Halloween decorations in the Sukkah are not a Bracha... Even if you got a deal, it's not our heritage.
Halloween decorations are not a heritage of Israel. Scary plastic skeletons didn't happen when the nation gathered at Sinai.
We don’t celebrate Halloween… I know we give out candy on Simchat Torah. But Halloween?... And why are you whipping them at the kids?... Your soft toss into the pile, where the kids beat each other for a Mike and Ike is wrong too…
Decorating with gourds should also be Asur (forbidden). They should've never made it into the Sukkah. They're like little pumpkins...

The kids were scared of the Sukkah. It has RIP in it. It was a haunted Sukkah… Was that your program? What were you trying to do? Get the kids to cry? We already have issues getting them to shul...
(Devarim 33:5) We're called 'Jeshurun.' Meaning straight and righteous. We're a straight and righteous people... If you threw straight. You whipped the candies. It was a haunted house where you got injured by candies flying at you... I know it gave the feeling of having bats...
Decent dancing this year. For crying out loud. Make it a heritage that we dance in a straight line for once. A straight dancing line that leads into a circle of righteousness...
 
You don't do Hoshanos and then leave all your trash in the shul. Even if it's our heritage...
Lashon Hara is not straight and upright. That’s not our heritage. Nor is how Bernie walks... You're hunched Bernie.
Decent dancing this year. For crying out loud. Make it a heritage to dance right. And to walk upright too, Bernie...

You should speak Lashon Hara about people who don't clean up their Aravot.
I have no idea what the rest of the Parsha says... My Hebrew is not that good.
 
Rivka’s Rundown
It's good to know our rabbi has limitations. I'm fine with him not understanding the Torah. 

The rabbi didn’t bring up Shemini Atzeret as part of our heritage. He just talked about Simchat Torah. When asked, he said that Shemini Atzeret is a real holiday.
 
Once the heritage conversation came up, the congregants started asking the rabbi about the house they didn’t get in the inheritance. They then started complaining about their families and how they deserved more. Sibling fights were abundant in the community following the rabbi’s speech. It turns out that a lot of people were not happy with the way their parents drew up the will. 
 
The shul tradition is to whack the Aravot (willow branches) on the ground and then to leave the leaves and all of their trash in the shul.
Some people even take their garbage bags, to the shul and drop them, as part of the tradition. Others just through their Lulav over the Aron (ark) to make it harder for the custodian to clean up.

The rabbi gave the VZot HaBracha sermon on Shabbat, as he noted, 'You people drink too much on Simchat Torah.'
After another year of extremely bad Simchat Torah candy aim, the rabbi took the congregants to the park to work on pitching skills. For shul safety at Bar Mitzvahs, and continued poor aim, the rabbi started protecting the older congregants with his Tallis.
There were a lot of injured kids this Simchat Torah, again. It’s good to not allow Rick to whip candies at the little ones. He’s an angry guy.

The rabbi also gave more dance lessons. The rabbi realized the men of the congregation are just not coordinated enough to walk in a circle. And then he went off on how the programming is also not coordinated.
The Rebbetzin tried teaching Simcha Dancing. It didn’t happen. The women couldn’t get the line right. Nor the kicks. The Rebbetzin will be teaching a course in Simcha Dancing over the winter. By the end of the winter, the women should have down the knee kick and then the regular kick, along with the crossover walk. She advertised it as a self-defenses Simcha dancing. Housewives are very into self-defense.
  
I have to commend the rabbi. For the group prayers of health and the Avinu Shebashamayim prayer, he did a great job in involving everybody. He did the head pickup and look around to have everybody join. He is very smooth with how he raises his neck and looks around to get everybody to join.
He also did a hands in the air to show connection with God during services for the prayer for rain. He’s really been showing his spirituality recently. I think he wants a raise.
 
The Sukkah was Halloween themed. It was scary, and I think we lost some congregants who felt like their neighbors did Halloween better than the sisterhood.
 
The rabbi has been crying out loud a lot the past few weeks. Maybe it’s something to do with Yom Kippur. A lot of crying out loud at the congregation.
 
The rabbi saying Lashon Hara is not our heritage had many people questioning their connection to Yiddishkeit. Many people approached the board saying their families have always spoke Lashon Hara, and they wouldn’t want to be part of a community that doesn’t. It’s tradition.
It was decided to have Lashon Hara circles in the shul, to ensure that the community tradition of Lashon Hara is never lost.
They brought in a new Chazin for the holidays, though. I argued that we didn't need a Chazin singing tunes we didn't know. We have enough people to speak Lashon Hara about in the women's section.

Dancing this holiday at the Simchat Beit Hashoeva, in the ring of brotherhood on the guy’s side of the synagogue, I felt at home. My hands were on my friend’s shoulders and I was walking around in a circle. Jews dance in a circle, by walking. I can’t wait for Simchat Torah, when I have the chance to walk in circle form, again.
The Simchat Torah ‘Two Handed Torah Lift Carry Torah Touch’ is an exciting dance move, but it is nothing without the circle. All Jewish parties (Simchas), Bar Mitzvahs, Bat Mitzvahs, weddings, Friday nights when we want prayers to last longer, the dance is in circle form. Because that is how Jews dance, in a circle. It is the people walking that make for the Jewish dance.
Side note: We will not deal with the Middle of the Circle. Do not go in here, until you have mastered the outside circle. It is dangerous in there.
As diverse as the dancing may be, the circle is the root; the circle of community, the outside circle of love. Here are the different outside circles of Jewish tradition and dance:
 
Two Handed Shoulder Hold
​A classic. You can never go wrong following the person in front of you, unless if that person is an Apikores. You place your arms on their shoulders and follow. Wherever they go, you go. It starts in the circle and will usually end in a circle. Sometimes, it will turn into the ‘Train.’ Other times, it will be to the bar. No matter what, you can’t go wrong by holding the guy's shoulders. This dance is also very useful for those who do not have good balance. For those people, I suggest to brace yourself on the shoulders of the person in front of you very tightly.
If the dance leads you to the bar or pole, duck. This is why you should always have your eyes open, even when doing the Two Handed Shoulder Hold.
 
The Hand in Hand
Intimate circle, where hands are held. Another classic. You generally want to join one of these circles with members of your immediate family. Front person should always have their hand on top. Don't make the one leading you supinate their hand. Dancing is not a power game, where you’ve always got the upper hand position on both sides. Don't ruin the enjoyment and make the ring of brotherhood and sisterhood a circle of contorted hands, so that you can feel like you're leading in a new dance where you are the king. It's not about you. It's about the community. You're just causing discomfort, and that makes the whole dancing not fun.
Front person has the upper hand position, always. Circles move faster that way. And be ready for to flip your hands if the circle ever switches directions. Hand placement is the key to any Simcha. Happiness depends on how you hold hands. If your follower ever tries to connect to your hand from above, smack it. I've seen too many of these egotistical Baal Gayvas causing communal hatred.
 
One Hand Shoulder Hold 
Where you put one hand on the shoulder. This shows the versatility of the shoulder dance genre. You can go from two to one hand. This dance allows for more flexibility, as the hand that is free can be raised. Possibilities are endless with the shoulder holds.
No matter what you do, you should always end up in a circle. Even if you go for a forward impromptu step, always fun, you come back to the circle. Like life, the Jewish dance always come back to the circle.
 
Upper Back Hold
This is a variation on the shoulder hold dances. This dance is very useful when you are having a hard time reaching the person in front of you. Generally, this dance is done with the palm on the back. Even so, I have seen it executed with fingers, when the circle was too large and the Simcha was not well attended.
 
The Run Fast
You run fast in a circle. You don’t need to be talented for this, but you do need to be in shape. Be ready for your arm to be pulled out of socket by the guy in front of you. Check to make sure there’s a doctor at this Jewish event before you get involved The Run Fast.
Please know that this is a more advanced movement. ​​For those depending on the guy in front of them for balance, this can be dangerous. Note: Circling may make you dizzy, but I trust you'll get used to it. Start slow. 
 
The Leg Lift
Popularized in the mid-90s, this is where you lift your leg every couple of steps. Kind of like the kick, many people have gotten injured doing this. I suggest to stick to the ‘Two Handed Shoulder Hold’ and walking. Safety comes first. Basically, any dance where you're holding hands can cause injury. With the arms on the shoulders, kicking ability is hampered and that is good.
Do not try to be fancy and kick out to the sides, as that can cause injury to others. For yourself, you will want to stretch before side to sider kicks as well.
Remember, safety is the most important aspect of all dances, which is why you should watch out for any movement. Any dance that involves movement should be avoided. And do not think for one second that you are dancing to burn calories from the smorgasbord. You can’t burn off that much pastry.
 
Next time, we will delve into the Hora styles of not moving while you dance. We will also explore more outside circle techniques, such as how to pick your spot and when to cut into a circle, how to execute the Hassidic Back Forth Tish arm step, how to get in shape for the circle run for weddings of those in their young 20s, how to stand and clap outside the circle, proper etiquette for when to get the circle to change directions by yelling ‘switch,’ and what to do when the ‘train’ starts or the person in front of you pulls you away from the circle, pulling you away from your Jewish heritage.
As long as your hands are placed correctly, you should be good. Holding techniques take time, but you will get them down if you're persistent. Trust in yourself. For now, work on becoming the best Jewish dancer you can be this Simchat Torah, and practice walking.

How did they travel to Jerusalem to bring sacrifices? In a car-bon. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? Karbon is Hebrew for sacrifice. Sacrifices in the Temple. They traveled there. Carbon is a chemical, and not part of the pun. I can't explain the 'bon' part. A car bomb would be wrong. When delivering this pun, focus on the 'car' part. Draw attention to ‘car.’
 
What Bracha do you make on a boat? Shehakol nehiyeh bidva row-row-row. (Mordechai)
You get it? The Shehakol blessing is the blessing everybody makes on water. A boat is in water. The song 'Row Row Row Your Boat' is about a boat.
 
Why did the entertainer take prisoners? He wanted a captive audience. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? The captive audience joke works every year. So many iterations. It's amazing. Create your own pun about people taken captive. They have to laugh at it. Amazing joke when people are locked up. Great way to start any bit. And all puns are best when done in question form.
 
Why did they visit their friends? They were told to do Bikurim. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? Bikurim is the first fruits. Also means to 'visit with,' if we're talking Hebrew and you split up the word. The Temple didn't see those fruits, as they misunderstood what to do. Some puns are not meant to be funny. They are meant to be educational.

Please remind me to say Hatarat Nedarim before Rosh Hashana. I promised I wouldn't forget it this year. (Mordechai)
You get it? Hatarat Nedarim is annulling vows. He vowed he wouldn't forget to annul the vows. Another vow. He has to annul that too. If he doesn't show up, he's in trouble.
 
I was going to do Kaparos before Yom Kippur, but I chickened out. (Mordechai)​
You get it? Kaparos is the tradition of placing your sins on something else, the day before Yom Kippur, traditionally a chicken, and waiving it. He chickened out of the chicken. He might've done it with money in the end. But that would still be without a chicken.

I paid for a top of the line Etrog, but ended up with a real lemon. (Mordechai)​
You get it? Etrogs are a citrus fruit. They look like lemons. You can't use a lemon as an Etrog on Sukkot. Kids do, because they can't tell the difference. Cars that are lemons are not good. So the Etrog wasn't good. It was a lemon.

Announcements
The Shul's communal Sukkot event will not happen at the shul. It turns out that the bouncy house Sukkah can only be used as a bouncy house. They tried placing a table in there, but found out that it flipped over when you walk. The shul is returning the Sukkah due to false advertisement of it working as a Sukkah.
 
Next year, the shul will go back to the High Holiday traditional tunes people like. They thought it would be a good idea to try tunes that aren't enjoyable. The board didn’t realize that Jewish people like tradition when they're repenting for letting their ancestors down. It has more meaning to let your ancestors down with the tunes they knew. The shul will also stick to Machzor prayers, against board protest. The board wanted more English readings, but the rabbi insisted that the Yom Kippur service is not a choose your own prayer book.
 
Next year we'll have a Chazin. People are mad they paid 200 bucks and got a second rate performance on Yom Kippur. Next year, people will get their money's worth. Yom Kippur will rock. A show with a lot of Kvetching. The board wanted a band, but due to sinning on Yom Kippur with breaking the laws while repenting for them, we're going to try to get an acapella troupe. 
 
We will have ushers for the appeals next year as well. People had no idea what to do after they flipped the tabs, and the rabbi said 'Ushers.' We are sorry for the awkward experience of flipping over a tab and then putting it back in your seat pocket. We advise everybody to not donate any money this year to the Israel Relief Fund, or the shul, as the people asking for the money may have stolen your donation cards from the pockets.
 
Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Excerpts
Shabbat Shalom My Pupils...
(Devarim 32:1) 'Listen Heavens and I will speak. And hear oh earth the words of mouth.' You people don't listen. You never listen. Did you get the message from last week? And the week before?... Then why does the shul still have a board.
Moshe knows the heavens and earth listen... It's not like talking to a wall. Walls don't listen, Bernie. And neither do congregants…
Heaven and earth are witness. They’re always there unlike your kids that don’t visit. It’s the holidays. Still not visiting… You shouldn’t have to visit them. You're old. They should visit you…
Witness that there were no ushers for the Yizkur appeal...
They are witnesses forever. Witnesses that you say stupid stuff.
The earth and the heavens are listening. If they ever have to listen to another joke from Merv... Merv. You tell jokes and... I think that is what causes thunderstorms. The heavens hears your joke and a thunderstorm comes, and the earth is destroyed... It's your jokes...
People hear it all. All is heard...
They don't listen to you. You say stupid stuff. The earth and the heavens are listening. Your kids don't. But the heavens do...

The Davening was messed up... The heavens and earth are witness that we need a new Chazin...
The heaven and earth are listening. 
The ‘Oy yay yays’ between paragraphs at Musaf were too fast… I don’t know if the earth and heavens could of heard that. I guess they don’t listen to congregants… You don’t annunciate. Groans don’t work. Groans are not penitent...

Stupid stuff. The bouncy house Sukkah??? You can’t eat in that. Food’s flying all over. The heavens and earth saw the idiots trying to place a table on that... Be penitent for your stupidity...
 
(Devarim 32:4-5) He is just and upright. 'Destruction is not His. It's His children's defect you crooked and twisted generation.' H' is just and righteous. I see you, I fell like I have to bend my head to get a decent visual... You're all twisted and crooked. Messed up...
You guys make the mistakes... I can't go through all the stupid stuff again. The heavens and earth remember... Pinchas can't even find his shoes. Can an adult help please go out to the hallway and help him remember where he took them off...
Saying 'Good Shabbis,' that's H' speaking. It's goodness. It's upright. If anybody were to help the elderly... You don't help the elderly. Uprightness would say to help. H'...
The board messes up... Then where were the ushers for the Yizkur appeal?... H' does the right tunes. Our Chazin does these messed up Yom Kippur specials that he heard on new Miami Boys Choir CD... Nobody understands that stuff. It's twisted. Sing Mordechai Ben David. Upright Chazin singing... And the heavens and the earth have to listen to this?!
If you listened to H'. Did a Mitzvah. Built a Sukkah correctly... You put the A plank next to the B plank. You stand them upright. Not crooked...

(Devarim 32:3) 'When I call out the name of H' give greatness to God'... You can't even do that right. The Pasuk said to do it. You just sat there like a wall... Earth and heaven would've said something... At least say 'Amen.' Brought greatness... Even when you answer 'Yehei Shmei Rabba...' it feels like nothing. You're not calling out... Crooked and twisted...

(Devarim 32:6) 'Is this how you repay the Lord, you disgraceful, unwise people?! Is He not your Father, your Master? He has made you and established you.'
Look at this shul. Pathetic. This is crookedness. This is not giving greatness to H's name... I feel bad saying H' established this shul. It would offend the Smith and Schwartz family who cut the ribbon in 1972...
From Chabad.org. Yes. That is where I get my translations. Is there a better translation?... They're all going to say you are doing stuff wrong as the president of the shul...
I couldn't say it better than Moshe. You're a disgrace...
And this is the Sukkah you build Him???!!! I know you eat in it…
There were no ushers. How was I to raise money for the shul… They flipped the tabs and had no idea what to do. They thought they got out of it... The request letters are going to come as a shock... I know they always come as a shock. But this year, it will be more of a shock. When they don't pay their pledged amount, they will be more in shock that they pledged it...  H’ would’ve brought ushers. He would've established ushers...
Rashi explains ‘Disgraceful… people’ to be because ‘that they forgot what was done for them.’ When you forget what was done for you, you make dumb decisions. Hence the board, no ushers and the Chazin... And this ark cover.
 
If you would remember what was done for you, you would give over decent jokes. You would have ushers, like the ushers who collected for all the Yizkur appeals years back that ended up collecting ideas for donations that were never paid, to go to the building fund. You would remember decent tunes and build a Sukkah that works to sit in and praise H,' to repay Him for what He has done for us. And we would praise Him normally with a good Chazin...
Good Shabbis. That's H.'
 
Rivka’s Rundown
The rabbi was at shul for Yom Kipur. He said he wouldn't but he showed up. It was between his job and holiness. 

The rabbi used the heavens and earth to go off on every way the congregation is annoying. He treated it like a court case against having to deal with the membership. 'And the heavens and earth said they hated the congregants, too.' The congregants definitely cried when the heavens and earth agreed with the rabbi that their kids don't love them, and that's why they don't visit. 
It would've been great if the heavens and earth could talk. I believe they would be on the rabbi's side. Merv's jokes are a bit much.
The rabbi really doesn’t want a board. That is clear. It seems the heavens and earth also don't want a board.

The rabbi went off on each sin. He stopped and pointed to Bernie for half of them
'Who has been haughty... Let’s talk about the board.' Very smooth. He also went off on other congregants in a subtle manner. One was, 'Who has spoken gossip? Fran???' 

Stupid is the right way to describe the congregants. A bouncy house Sukkah? Even the kids got mad when they tried eating and jumping at the same time. Even Chaim said it makes no sense, as he was mad he couldn't eat his mom's brisket while doing a flip.
I always wondered why the rabbi gave speeches. I now understand. The earth and heaven listen. At least he knows that. I can tell you the women who sit next to me don't.

Kids not visiting their parents is a problem. Other shuls are packed on the holidays. Our shul is a loveless feeling of Shabbis. Truth is if any of the congregants would know how to cook a decent kugel, the kids would be here.
When you don't teach the Torah of 'honor your parents' you don't get honored. Your kids have to hate you when they're young, hearing the lessons, in order for them to respect you when they're older. My kids complained all the time. That's why they visit now. To get back to me by sicking their children on me.
With all that said. A decent kugel would bring the kids home for the holiday. Children are always happy to visit kugel.
 
The rabbi ended up just quoting the Moshe. Great rebuke. He ended with a 'you are disgraceful.'

The rabbi’s Kitel was stained on Yom Kippur. Really killed the appeal. He blamed the ushers, but it was also the stain on his Kitel.
No ushers for Yom Kippur. That ruined the appeal. The rabbi looked pathetic. He announced, ‘Ushers now go around’ and nobody went. People just played it like something happened.
It was messed up. But the rabbi went around after shul was over and collected the cards. People were angry when they got the bill. They thought they got out of it.
As we learned later, the rabbi's Yom Kippur appeal was great. It was a message that spoke to all. ‘Give money. People died. Give money.’ He raised more than the shul ever raised. And there were no ushers. I am sorry I keep bringing up the no ushers. It was just awkward. Very not in sync.

I don't know why we still do the appeal. They never pay. The flip the tabs and don't pay. It's a statement of 'if I would pay, I would pay this amount.' The appeal next year should be 'this is the amount of my previous pledges I will pay.'
 
The rabbi led Musaf and did the announcements. It’s weird going from Chazin voice to page announcer voice. But he did it. He multi-tasked the whole thing after the Chazin refused to do tunes people liked on Yom Kippur. The rabbi chased him out and had to finish Musaf.
The rabbi was teaching everybody the tunes. He spent extra time with the Chazins. They were practicing and they still got them wrong. Zevulun corrected them and took over the Chazin singing, from his seat. He was louder than the Chazin. I think that's why the Chazin left.
I just hope they get the tunes right next year. Otherwise, there will be a lot of fights.
 
Many congregants have been haughty lately. The rabbi gave a class on proper hand movements in greeting, to not put yourself above other people. You can’t cup the hand. Cupping the back of the head is considered abusive as well. As is pinching any cheek of somebody over thirty. No matter how old you are, you cannot squeeze for more than eight seconds. I have seen people shake hands to wish 'Good Shabbis,' and then their faces become bright red. They look like they're going to explode, proving their Jewish dominance.
Other classes were given on when to sit and stand and how to do the ‘Nay Nay’ drone better. The rabbi also taught the congregants how to do a penitent groan properly. In order to properly drone and groan, you have to look sad and pathetic, like the shul's president, as the rabbi said.

The ushers not coming around was awkward for everybody. If somebody would've said 'this is awkward,' the congregation would've stopped looking around for twelve minutes, and we would've been able to have continued with Yizkur. They should've at least found ushers between Kol Nidrei and Yizkur, but they didn't. 
It turns out, some down and out members took the donation cards for the shul, and asked for that money. They put their names and their addresses in the donation request letters. They figured that they were members of the shul, and thus, the money in essence would be going to the shul.

A Magid came to the Gaon Rabbi Meir of Tiktin, whom the Baal Shem Tov said was worthy of having the Holy Spirit rest on him as it did with Moshe, but the generation wasn't worthy. I think it had to do with Tiktin. If you've ever been to Tiktin you would understand. Tiktinites really kill your spirit. Never had a decent football team. Tiktiners are always down on themselves.
The Magid asked permission to lecture Rabbi Meir's congregation. Rabbi Meir said yes. He didn't think the Magid was going to go on for hours. He thought it would be a fifteen minute speech about how big a Sukkah should be. He figured Magids know that congregants complain about long sermons whenever they have a chance.

The Magid spoke for hours condemning the people. If you'd ever been to Tiktin you would understand. These people deserved it. They were dishonest. They barely learned Torah. And the sins went on. The Tiknites even spoke Lashon Hara about each other, as they knew how annoying Tiktinites are.
The people of Tiktin stuck around for the speech. They felt so good that a Magid finally noticed them. For years, they've been working so hard on not keeping the laws of Shabbis, and they finally got the credit for it.
He didn't stop rebuking the community. The Magid kept on going. He was on a role. He was in the zone of letting people know they had no hope and how annoying they are. It's a lot of fun to go into a community and tell them how bad they are. He even went off on one guy's hairdo. 'Look at that thing. Flying all over. Does he ever shower?'
​Yona didn't want to do it, but that's because he was afraid the people of Ninveh would kill him. The Constitution and modern law don't allow people to kill the speaker. 

The Gaon heard this rebuke and started crying. The Magid thought it was because he spoke too long. He came to Rabbi Meir after the lecture and asked what he thought. A little Seichel would've gone a long way here. You don't ask somebody who's crying what they think. It's like a barber seeing you cry at the end of a real bad haircut and asking, 'You like it?'

The Gaon admitted that the criticism was deserved. He had neighbors in Tiktin too. He knows about the Tiktiners and their reputation. And then the annoying ones that tiktin heir friends. The Gaon Rabbi Meir continued, 'I know I sinned and done many bad deeds, but why did you have to rebuke me in public? Couldn't you have pulled me aside and told me privately, and not embarrassed me?'

The Magid said, 'Does the master think I rebuked him? I didn't. I rebuked the community. I would never talk like this to a holy saint. But the community. Have you seen the Tiktinites? All disheveled. Get a decent suit for crying out loud.'
It was confusing, as the Magid referred to the Gaon in third person. If he would've just referred to Rabbi Meir as Rabbi Meir, that would've made it easy. The Gaon probably thought that when he said 'the people of the community' that he was talked about the Gaon. This is where talking out of respect, in third person, gets confusing.

The Gaon replied, 'Don't lie. The congregation as a whole is pure from sin.' I don't think he ever met the members of my shul. The Gaon continued, 'The nation of Israel is holy. Thus, you must have been referring to me. I don't mind being reprimanded, but not in public. You shouldn't have put me to shame in front of everybody.'
The Magid tried explaining that the talk of the general public was not about the Gaon in third person. But he explained that to Rabbi Meir in third person, which made it all the more confusing.
The story continues where the Magid didn't stop defending his argument.
'You can see. They are not. Look at the back row. Shlomi is picking his nose right now. They are not perfect.' 

Lessons of What Followed
Never hang out with Tiktiners. They are troublemakers. And never tiktin your friend. That's not right.

The Magid advised the Gaon to calm down lest he have a heart attack. He told the Gaon that his congregation should pay him, and he should stop thinking about them.
Rabbis felt so bad upon hearing the story that they decided to not take blame for their communities' follies anymore. They were sick of getting greys at twenty-five. Now rabbis only take credit for their congregants' accomplishments. When a congregant makes a decent Kugel, the rabbi takes credit for being Mikarev them (bringing them closer to Torah).

Musar (moral rebuke) became a huge part of the Jewish community. And the Gaon kept on taking the blame for his community. And the Titkiners never learned their lesson.
The people of Tiktin were still annoying. For years, they were annoying.

When learning Devarim, Rabbi Meir realized that the problem was that the Magid stole his joy of putting down his own congregation. Moshe would've never let somebody else rebuke his people. From then on Rabbi Meir let his congregation know that they are the problem. And the community rabbis as a profession was developed.
And now, to get back at their congregants for being annoying sinners, rabbis give very long sermons.

***Not sure if that's exactly what happened. See Tales of Our Gaonim by Rabbi Sholom Klass page 187 to blame them.

People think that Jews aren’t handy. Not true. When it comes to the holiday of Sukkot, we pull out that architectural paper and get to work. The people who built the pyramids come to life by showing they can still build, with structures that last eight days.
Here are the four traditional Sukkahs you can build this Sukkot.

Cloth Sukkah
The Cloth Sukkah is traditional Jewish building at its peak.
For construction, you take the pre-tailored cloth and slip the metal pole through the folded over hole that runs through the cloth. This is not a simple one-person job, as the metal pole can easily get stuck in the middle of the cloth. Hence, most traditional architects suggest the builders stick to brick and cement when laying the foundations of a building. They have seen the hazards of cloth building. 
It might sound easy to stick a pole through cloth, but it takes a good half hour to finish this structure. Which is why so many young Jewish children opt out of the building business.
There is no greater feeling of accomplishment as a builder then when you take the hard side of the Velcro and attach it to the soft side of the Velcro. At that point, you know the building is complete. At that point, it's time to crack open that beer. That home is finished. Job well done. You can dwell in that and not get bit by mosquitos.
Great part of this Sukkah is the mesh work on the cloth window slats. This allows for a view of the wall you set up your Sukkah against.
 
Canvas Sukkah
A step up from the Cloth Sukkah in its ability to make noise in the wind.
You do not push the metal slats through the canvas here. For this Sukkah, we use the metal ring construction technique. Making it more complicated, you have to build with string and double knots. You also have to find decent plumbing, as your pipes must be strong. This Sukkah is best built in stormier areas. If you live near tall buildings, this may be a better choice than the Cloth Sukkah. However, make sure you practice tying knots before attempting construction. Anybody with untied shoelaces will not be of help here.
The best part about this Sukkah is that after the holiday, you can use your walls to transfer the leaves from your backyard to the curb.
 
Wood Plank Sukkah
The Wood Plank Sukkah walls are not for the novelist. Even so, it makes for great family memories. If you want the full holiday experience of family hostility, this is the Sukkah for you.
As memories are based in complication, the Wood Plank Sukkah made for my childhood memories, with yells of ‘Where is the B plank.’ My father never marked the planks, and I never knew what the B plank meant. It might have been the A or D plank that my dad was looking for. As I learned later on, it was not about the plank, but rather a chance to shout at me.
Make for family memories and add a level of complication to your holidays. Other ways to make for family memories of holiday antipathy is to live in a building and to have your Sukkah in the building’s courtyard. The 100 meter walk and four flights of stairs to the Sukkah, while carrying soup, will definitely have mom and dad yelling at the children.
 
Home Sukkah
You get rid of the ceiling and you're good to go.
Roofing problems? Hole in the roof? This is your year for a Sukkah. Some people don’t like racoons in their home. Those weak people call the roofer. You put up that Sukkah covering (schach) and you have the most beautiful Sukkot holiday you ever had. You just have to see the wooden lining.
I don't suggest you carve out your living room ceiling for Sukkot. It would be the religious thing to do. However, it will bring up the heating bill this winter.
 
I don't know if they had the Canvas Sukkah in the desert. Though, it would've made sense.
Now it's time to make for some family memories and build with your children, and yell at them. No matter what kind of Sukkah you build, remember that the Sukkah is a place to show our belief that G-d protects us from everything but flies. 

We will bring you more options for Sukkah building next time. Including the Sukkahs with wheels, Clunker Sukkahs, bouncy houses and more modern day Sukkahs like the Lego Sukkah that takes many years of commitment to build.

Announcements
No more Shofar blowing in the shul hallways. Benjamin. You know you can't blow. The Gabai didn't ask you to blow for the shul this year, for a reason. We also suggest you don’t blow with the windows open to your home either. Too much anti-semitism has been caused, due to your poor Shofar blowing abilities. Your neighbors already hear you screaming at your kids. Your children not helping take out the trash has already caused much hatred.
 
If you haven’t repented yet, the rabbi will help you after services with the Shabbat Shuva Drasha. He will tell you how annoying you are and how much God doesn’t like you right now. The message of the rabbi’s Shabbat Shuva Sermon will be, ‘If you listen to me and stop talking in shul, H’ might love you too… When you are thinking of sinning, think of what Bernie would do and don't do it. And listen to your rabbi.’
 
There will be no huge meals for kids in shul this Yom Kippur. These kids refuse to eat at school. They come to shul on Yom Kippur and gorge. The rabbi has decided it's wrong to focus on food when he is hungry.
 
Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Excerpts
Shabbat Shalom My Pupils...
(Devarim 35:2) 'Six days you shall do work.' That means to do stuff... Coming to shul is doing stuff. It means don't be lazy. Don't be like the board... I worked on this Drasha. I worked, Bernie. I wasn't lazy... A message to you all to change. To not be you. This Shabbat Shuva, return to not being you...
It's Yom Kippur. Just repent already. For crying out loud. Repent.. It's the Ten Days of Repentance. Focus... You need a year. Bernie...

'And the seventh day shall be holy to you, a day of complete rest to the Lord. Whoever does work on it shall be put to death.'
How many of you are required death? That's not the question... The question is how to be holy. Holy. When I come to shul here, I feel like holiness has been taken from me... The way you guys drone the davening. Holiness gone... You kileed my Rosh Hashana...
Moshe gathers the people and this is the first thing he says to them is to keep Shabbat... Telling you to rest is easy. You sleep all the time. The problem is you come up with ideas when you rest...
Why can't the board just rest. Do nothing. Is it that hard to understand to do nothing??? To not ruin the shul??? Just rest and do nothing while you're resting.
The Chazin should rest on Shabbat. Please… All of your work kills the shul
Are we proposing death to those who come up with dumb shul ideas?...
Moshe's talking about Milacha. Work done for the MIshkan. Doesn't mean to not walk to shul.

The board is lazy and does stuff… They should have nothing to do with Shabbis or the shul. They should do other stuff. Stuff during the other six days... Stuff that doesn't have to do with the shul. You're a board. Start up a grocery. Anything outside of the shul.
If you treated the week holy. Maybe showed to Minyin. I would understand your laziness, Mark... It's not holy to not help… In the board’s case it is.
'Holy to you.' It shall be holy to you. You've got to make it holy... By not being around Bernie and the board...
 
Yom Kippur. The day of total rest. The day where we must be cleansed is coming.
Viduy, confession, is how we repent. Regret, confession, and saying you will never do it again. I understand it's hard for Bernie to not be himself anymore. But that is how he makes it holy... Total rest would be for us to not have to deal with Bernie. Atonement...
There's a time for everything. A time to sleep... That's not during the sermon. Michal.

Yom Kippur is a time to fast. A time of total rest. A true Shabbat. I will not be here. On Yom Kippur...  
A day to fast. To repent for your messed up help…
I understand they're kids. Fasting though… They should fast a bit.
Last year, Shmuli pulled out a brisket. It’s not fair to those who are fasting… The kids don’t need a catered Yom Kippur lunch at shul… We want them to enjoy the holiday. I understand. But maybe focus on them enjoying Sukkot and Simchat Torah, and cook a decent dish for once... Work before the holiday. 'Six days you shall work' Rachel. Mike and Rachel. Work before Sukkot to put together a decent dinner for the kids.
I know the Chazin kills it for us all… You can't sleep through that stuff...
 
We rest to repent. Think about where we went wrong. Atonement.
Repent for your bad shofar blowing. It's pathetic Benjamin. It’s embarrassing...
Every preShabbis you scream at your kids… Then shower Thursday night. We know the hot water runs out on Friday. But you don't need to scream at all the kids... I've had your neighborhood showing up to my office, asking if 'shower' is a Hebrew word meaning 'I am going to spank you'... They didn't know if they should report your preShabbis showers to the authorities... Child services should come to shul and run youth groups. 
 
(Devarim 35:5-6) 'Take from yourselves an offering for the Lord. Every generous hearted person shall bring it... gold, silver, and copper, and blue, purple, and crimson wool. And linen and goat hair. And ram skins dyed red, tachash skins, and acacia wood. And oil for lighting, and spices... and shoham stones and stones for the ephod and for the choshen...'
Nowhere does it say a community quilt... We will be putting in the Yizkur appeal. Offer money. Nobody wants your leftover books... Anything in a cardboard box should not be donated. I you sealed it when you were moving. Don't donate it to the shul... If it's an old cracked shofar... Why did you give it to the shul?... You don't have room in your home for a shofar?! If you don't have room in your home, the shul doesn't want it...
It's not generous to have a garage sale and then to drop off what you couldn't sell.
Repent for that donation, Bruce. For that donation, not being holy and not keeping Shabbis...
I can't explain the Ephod  and Choshen now... It would say 'you are wrong'...
No. Don’t donate a quilt… There is a list. A list of what to donate. 
Don’t come up with your own ideas. It kills the shul… This is a message for the board.
 
And stop volunteering. Do useful stuff... You're wise. But not wise-hearted. You're booksmart. That doesn't help with building the shul's Sukkah...
(Devarim 35:10) ‘All wise-hearted among you shall come and do as H’ commanded.’ Talented people… He can play the violin. He’s not making violins. Is he? We love Menashe. We just don't want him volunteering... There is a reason the Torah doesn't say to volunteer the other six days... Because it's a job that nobody wanted to hire you for. There's a reason. There's a reason the board is messed up. All volunteers... Repent for volunteering...
Know your talents. Volunteering is not one of them.

That is what you have to do this Yom Kippur. See your talent and focus on that. Stitching is not your thing. And you have no idea how to work with acacia wood… The president’s talent is not leading our congregation.
Show up and rest. Just rest correctly. If this congregation learned how to rest right, we wouldn't have to deal with messed up stitching and quilts… The Torah says the wise-hearted. This Torah cover is not wise. Get rid of all non-wise-hearted... It's better off than having a board.
 
Shabbat Shuva is now here. Repent.
Repent and don’t do anything. That’s it. Don’t do anything. That is your Mitzvah. Do nothing… Just learn to rest… Don’t do stuff. You ruin it. Everything you do is a sin… It kills the community. 
Confess for trying to help.
 
Scary Simanim are not a way to help. The Rosh Hashana fruit and vegetable signs for killing enemies scares the kids. You scared the kids at the Rosh Hashana Seder, Shlomo. Telling the kids to that our enemies should die like a lemon... They don't know that a lemon is a messed up car... They're afraid to eat cantaloupe now... Pinchas ran, screaming, 'He's got a cantaloupe bomb'… A stroller parking area would be smart… Don't help... It's not work to help. That's volunteering. If you're not wise-hearted volunteering is a sin.
 
As the Chazin. Don’t make Yom Kippur more painful than Rosh Hashana… It's a day of rest... I can't repent when I'm thinking about killing you...
 
Rivka’s Rundown
That strong message of 'don't be you and repent already, for crying out loud' didn't touch the congregants. They figured they won't feel bad anymore. After feeling bad every year and still sinning, they realized they're going to mess up again.
The law of confession hasn't worked for the people of our shul yet. They said that their resolutions to not do are never followed. Sidney said that he has said he'll never eat chocolate again. Every year. And he eats it every year. He now said that he'll never do proper confession again, as he believes 'it's wrong to have a commandment to lie.'
 
The whole sul did repent for volunteering. And they agreed that none of them have a decent talent for stitching. It was discussed, and the board agreed that nobody is talented.

Doing stuff ruins the shul. That’s the message of the Shabbat Shuva Drasha. It's also the rabbi's message for Yom Kippur. Do nothing please. That is how you do Teshuva. You repent by not doing stuff.
If the congregation would do nothing, we would be better off. Other congregations, with talented people should be encouraged to help. But our members just ruin everything. Even the new paint job on the youth center is messed up.
I think the rabbi wants the board to do stuff. Just not with the shul. Outside of the shul. It's just a beautiful message that our congregants need to hear. 'Stop volunteering. The shul would be better off.'
If they did something helpful during the week, OK. But on Shabbat. They just kill everything.
 
And the artwork. We have a lot of very untalented people doing that stuff. They don’t buy it. They paint it. They think they are the wise-hearted called upon to bring fingerpaint to the shul.
And the walls are messed up. The new youth lounge walls. And it's not the kids painting. It's parents who think they are helping. The rabbi had to write a letter to the congregation defining what is helpful. And none of it had anything to do with anybody from the shul participating.
Though he did say that money is helpful.

Don’t be you. That’s how you repent. That was the message. Don’t be you and don’t help. Please. I hope the parents of the youth get this message.
 
The Chazin kills the shul experience for the High Holidays. He'll never repent for focusing on the words and bringing out the meaning with song. So painful.
 
The shul created a stroller parking lot. That was the only good idea. Donating that sign was useful. And I think it was made from acacia wood.
 
In Youth groups, kids expressed how fearful they were of eating fruit, after the Simanim. The signs are scary. After the congregants didn't show up for the second day Shacharit, due to fear of sleeping after eating gourds and saying that enemies should die by a witch who has a nose like a gourd, it was decided that our community isn't ready to curse our enemies with vegetation.
Rosh Hashana dunking of the apple in honey is now the only shul Siman tradition again. The scary Simanim have scared the kids too much. Getting them back to Kiddish and eating carrots dunked in Chumus will take time.

The High Holiday seats this year are messed up. They moved everybody around. It's like musical chairs for this board. Nobody was in their Makom Kavuah, set seat. There's a reason it's called a set seat. I think they feel that it will lead to better decorum, to have people sitting in 'not their seat that they paid for.' One of the board members is a teacher, and they said that it's better for classroom management to mix up the seats sometimes. She said nothing about the High Holidays and shul, and people getting angry and starting fights. I don't think she teaches eighty year olds who've been sitting in the same seat since their Bar Mitzvah.
When the congregants show up on Yom Kippur, when three quarters of the membership pops in for their yearly visit to make sure their parents are in the Yahrzeit book, they will not be happy. They won't just be asking what page we're on. They're going to be asking where their seat is, and how their family's seats got lost.
What a dumb board. Who loses family seats. I think they have to bring back the lifetime memberships. How they got rid of the first ones is an anomaly. To get the members to pay for another lifetime membership, will be a tough sale.
 
Some people are happy they have no seat. They hate their lifetime seats anyways. They’re happy the lifetime memberships are now gone.
 
The High Holiday between paragraph moan was by accident. Bernie was sitting and it just came out. It was a perfect drone. And then he fell back asleep.
 
Shofar blowing was off. An eight second Tekiah Gedola. A letdown. I will be surprised if anybody comes to shul next year.
Chazin was new. Did tunes nobody knew. Mark protested and started singing the correct tune for Areset Sifataynu after the shofar blowing. The community spoke up. The Chazin tried doing his tune. One woman said, 'Keep quiet. This is our tune. We don't need you.' The Chazin was silent the rest of the time. You couldn't hear a thing. It was the only time the rabbi smiled all Rosh Hashana. He’s not going to mess up the vChol Ma’aminim prayer again
There was no Kiddish on Rosh Hashana and nobody came the second day.
 
Rabbi’s Sermons for Rosh Hashana:
Talked about how Avraham did the journey and fulfilled his part of doing his Mitzvah of the binding of Yitzchak. And how nobody in our shul even walks half a mile to shul. He then said that H’ can stop stuff, like congregants being annoying. But even so, we have to do our part. It's the journey of the Mitzvah and having to deal with Bernie. And even though he's been dealt a messed up shul and board, he does what he can. So he still get the Mitzvah, even if they can't paint.
He then said that people with disabilities get the reward for the Mitzvahs they can do. And pointed out that nobody in the congregation at that moment had a disability and they are just lazy and unhelpful. 
There was a Frum Jew there for the one of the sermons. The rabbi used the word Hishtadlus, so the other guy wouldn't think we're Apikorsim (heretics). The rabbi tried throwing in Yiddish, but all he knows is Zei Gezunt. He said Zei Gezunt thirty times. And the other guy the Frum Jew thought our rabbi is an Apikores. Truth is he used it well when the guy sneezed. I think that's the right time to say Zei Gezunt.
The rabbi is onto something. I've noticed that the smart people in the shul always throw in a Hebrew or Yiddish word. When you use Hebrew or Yiddish, it’s a proof. Once they use that word, they win the Halachaik argument about Jewish law. Even if it’s not Torah, just throwing in a word like 'it's a Bayit SheNofel' wins you the argument. I know that was more than a word, but I needed it to make the point. They said 'a house that falls' in Hebrew, and the argument was over. They won. They were discussing how long the Shofar blow was. Nothing to do with houses. but it was Hebrew, and with the Brooklyn Yeshiva accent, it sounded Yiddish.
He started this new way of preaching where there is a call for action. He treats the congregation now like a social media post. He also used props the next day. Thank Gd that stopped after a while. He was bringing huge props. One speech he brought in a twelve gallon pot of Matzah balls, to show how important it is to feed people. His back went out, and he stopped with the props.

Thanks to the board's new focus on youth there's nothing for old people. All they talk about are the kids. Old people are not wanted in the shul's new programs, and I think the board is going to cost the shul a lot of money lost off death. If you can't tell people that one of their family members died, you can't pull in donations.
I believe they’re trying to find members that don’t lick their fingers before turning pages. The pages of the Siddurs have been hard to move recently. It's quite disgusting. And I see them licking their fingers to turn the pages.

And the Haftorah on the first day was messed up. Charles didn't prepare. He messed up so many words, but people were cheering for him at the end. He came out of the Haftorah like a champ. After the Pesukim about Chana, when he went into the Brachas, he had gustto. 
No self-awareness. Just went out like a star.
 
And nobody understood the Shabbat Shuva Drasha. The whole idea about resting on Shabbat being not resting, went over everybody's head. And the board still messed up the shul. But they were all mad at the Chazin.