Shalom
Shalom Aleichem

You're Religious?
I said, 'Shalom Aleichem.' 'Shalom,' without 'Aleichem,' is not religious.

I just said 'Shalom.'
Exactly.

So, you're a Sheitel Macher?
Yes.

Are you wearing a sheitel?
That's offensive.

Why is that offensive?
It's a wig.

Why not just call it a wig ?
Because religious Jews wear sheitels.

If there's no difference, it should be a wig.
​A Wig Macher sounds wrong. I would lose all my religious clientele.

Is there anything I should know about a sheitel?
It's hair to put on hair, for modesty.

Is it modest?
It's uncomfortable. You sweat in these things. Ever worn one in the summer?

That's not good for sales?
Winter sales are through the roof.

Why not another headcovering?
The snood, headwrap, or bandana looks like you're in a gang. Not many Hassidic Orthodox women have a violent crew they hang with.

Why did you go into the wig business?
Have you seen this community? Tons of messed up hair.

Mrs. Feinbloom?
That's a sheitel. I sold it to her.

No. That can't be true.
Mrs. Feinbloom wouldn't wear a sheitel if her hair was normal. She's not religious enough. That's how you can tell she has bad hair.

Isn't that Lashon Hara?
No. It's not speaking bad about her. We can all see how bad her hair is. It frizzes all the time. She goes shopping early in the morning. I see it. Speaking Lashon Hara about Mrs. Feinbloom would be talking about how her kid can't get into a decent college, because their mom doesn't stop yapping. 

Can you make a sheitel from your own hair?
I don't know. Am I rabbi?!

What do you think about the customers?
Annoying. Did you hear that Tirza's daughter had a baby. Tirza's not going to the Bris.

What do you do for the community?
I sell sheitels. I'm the Sheitel Macher.

I thought Machers were the people who talk a lot and have a lot of money.
Yes.

How much do sheitels cost?
Ten-thousand.

Is it a good business?
When I sell one.

How many have you sold this year?
Zero.

Can I try one?
There's a rental fee.

How's business going?
Not well. Nobody here is Frum.

You said that the Frum people are the target clientele you're shooting for.
You see.

Do you see it picking up?
If they stop wearing hats. It's a community with bad hair.

Why don't you sell hats?
I'm a Sheitel Macher. Not a Hat Macher. She wants me to start selling stuff I don't sell. Next thing, she's going to want me to sell shorts. Maybe I should call myself the Sheitel Hat Snood Bandana Shorts Macher?

That up to you. Do you wear sheitels?
Are you crazy. They're uncomfortable as anything. I wear snoods.

Shalom
Brachas.

I just said 'Shalom.'
Exactly.

Conclusion
The Sheitel Macher is worried about the religious clientele, but there are no religious people. I think that's why she's trying to make money off the rentals.
She was very honest and offensive. She was very judgmental too.  She was a Macher. She can afford to be. She was definitely spunky and pushy. I couldn't walk out of there without buying anything. I bought a snood from her private collection. She wears snoods herself. She hasn't sold a sheitel in a really long time. She should be a Snood Macher.
She tried throwing me off with Tirza and her daughter having a baby. I didn't go for it.

I learned a lot about religion in our community. To be considered religious you have to welcome somebody in many people form, and say blessing in Yiddish form. I also learned that uncomfortable means modest. Which is why polyester is religious to wear. I even learned that you can talk bad about people's hair.
Hassidic women wear headwraps. I've seen it. If she sold headwraps or bandanas made out of polyester, that would be modest. You would sweat in that during the summer.

She's definitely targeting people with bad hair. I'm glad she didn't target me. By the end of the interview, with all the humid weather, the Sheitel Macher’s hair was quite frizzy.

I've put together huge Shabbat dinners, and then thought, 'It might be nice to have guests, if I wanted to share my food.' Personally, I love leftovers, so guests don't really matter. The crockpot chicken is for Shabbat, Sunday and Tuesday. Other people enjoy company more than food. I'm too religious for that. I'm focused on the Tzimis. For those who want to share, be sure you invite people correctly. 

Invite People and Get Confirmation
For those fancy people who like to host, and cook for immediate dinners only, be sure to invite before you portion the meal. If you know there's only five people at dinner, you don't need the industrial size potato kugel.
Whatever amount confirm, double those numbers if you invite single people. Somehow, their friends will find out there's free food, and that means your home for dinner.
If you text them, make sure they know to respond. It's always very awkward to welcome Shlomo and Rivkah at the door with an 'I didn't know you were coming.' The only thing worse than that is preemptively not inviting them with a text saying 'please don't come to the dinner, just in case you heard about it. It's only for close friends.'
Don't use email to invite people. It's too formal. They will think it was a 'save the date' and they won't show. A letter is not necessary, unless if you are inviting people for Shabbat dinner three months down the road. If that's the case, you should also have place cards.
Though the in-person invite after Friday night services is always very personal, it doesn't help those who make precise portions. Nonetheless, there is no better way to let your guest know that you weren't thinking of them.

Choose Guests Wisely
Depending on what type of dinner you're going for, you want to make sure you have the right guests. There are different methods for choosing:
You have the friendly method, where you invite people with a smile that you don't enjoy talking to. You act friendly, and try real hard for two hours, so your spouse can say they are decent members of the shul, who care.
You have the friend method, where you only invite your friends, and then you talk about the people you are friendly to.
There's the Chesed method, where you invite lonely people, like singles, who have no hope. That can be written off as part of your tithe, for charity.
The entertaining invite, where you make sure to invite a professional entertainer for the kids. They come and run some games of Simon Says. The kids are happy, and you saved a lot of money on entertainment. By the time she leaves, she hasn't had time to touch her plate, and because of your kind invite, you saved three-hundred dollars. For the grownups, you may want to invite a singer as well. Many people love opera. You ask them to sing at the dinner, they have to, and now you don't have to go see Les Miserables. 
You have the family method, where you invite family and definitely don't get a dinner gift. For those dinners, you have to buy the wine. 
The other family method, where you invite them because they are family and you have to.
There's the out of town method, where people from out of town join you for dinner and take over the kids' room for sleep. There's no reason to cut the meal short with these people. They're going to be around no matter what. For some reason, of Jewish communal connectedness, they didn't want to rent rooms at the hotel, or pay for dinner. They are good Jews who believe in Hachnasat Orchim, and they're helping you get the Mitzvah of hosting.
The guests you will get something in return for method, where you invite people that will bring the dinner or an amazing dish. Your dinner turns into their dinner. These are usually people who don't get invited out often, and they are not used to trusting other people with decent food. They might even bring a picnic basket, just in case you don't have a table for them to eat at. If they ever get used to being invited out for dinner, stop inviting them. If they ever stop flipping the bill at the restaurant, don't go out with them anymore.
The religious invite, where you invite people more religious than you that won't eat your food. They come as a statement that you're not as religious as them. You don't have to worry about cooking decent for them, as they will make it a point to not eat your food. Enjoy the leftovers.
The new method is the Kiruv method, where you invite people who are less religious than you and feed them gefilte fish, choolante and kugel, in hopes that they will become closer to God. Those meals take the most energy, as you have to pretend that you're happy about being Jewish the whole time.
The singles invite, where you invite singles in hopes that they will get married and start paying dues. Expect nothing in return from the singles. Single people will give you nothing. If you're lucky, they'll bring a bottle of Manischewitz. They won't invite you either.
The new person invite. This works when you're new, or when new people join the community. When you're new to the community, you realize that nobody is happy about your decision, so you invite the locals to your place; the locals whose moving truck already showed, that have the necessary cookware to invite people. When you have a new member in your community, you invite them so that they can see what it would be like if another member of the community ever invited them again.
The work invite, where you invite coworkers in hopes that you'll get a raise. This can also be used to offset how annoyed they are that you took off for every Chag. This will hopefully save you some Sundays.
Political dinner, where you invite people who have really strong political opinions, to see how angry they make the other people who have really strong political opinions. You do this when the entertainer is out of town for Shabbat.
You can always just be a decent person with an open home. It takes a while for your open home reputation to get out there. But once your reputation gets out there, the felons will show, and you will have Shabbat guests.

Whatever method you choose, understand that they are all judging you. They will judge how good your food is. If the choolante is off, word will get out that you're not religious. Some may even judge your presentation. Those are the non-religious ones who may even be happy being served plated, as they've been rationed food their whole lives. They eat in portions and believe in eating healthy. They've never been to a Tisch, where you have to fight for your kishka.
Whoever you invite, they will be annoying. Enjoy it. It's Shabbat.

Next time, we will focus on table seating at your Simchas, for how to anger your guests.

Shalom
Nu. Vismachta.

Why such a big keychain?
I joined Hatzalah in the '80s. 

Why the pager and the walkie-talkie?
I have a belt. And I joined Hatzalah in the '80s.

What was it like when you first joined?
It was the heyday of Hatzalah. Great times. Tons of sickness. Always busy. Always running.

How did the  saving lives at Hatzlalah start for you?
​In the '80s, we didn't have enough vans. Not many vans. Just pagers.

So what did you do?
We walked everywhere. We got a page and we started walking.

How long did it take?
To find the payphone? That depended on if you were in the suburbs or not.

How did that affect people?
They had to breath longer. They had to hold on. That was the term we used. 'Hold on.'

How did that help? How did it work?
We would keep the family member on the phone, from central office. The phone operator would say 'hold on.' They would then say, 'The person will be there soon. He's walking. Hold on.' If it was a serious case, they would say, 'He'll walk over right when he's finished with dinner. Hold on.'

How did people take that?
They appreciated it. They all have families. Eating with the family comes first.

Do you enjoy it more now, or was it better in the '80s?
The '80s. Back then I was part of something. We were a team. We walked everywhere together. It was a good way to get exercise too. The only way I get exercise now is running to the van.

Where's the van?
At my house.

Do you feel the Hatzalah guys are in better shape than the average Jewish male?
Yes. We save them.

How did you feel when you started?
So cool to drive on Shabbis.

So. You've always wanted to drive on Shabbis?
Yeah. But I couldn't until I started saving lives. First call after we got a van, I was the driver. Amazing. They wanted to put me in Chairim. They were saying, 'Look at that Jew driving on Shabbis. A shanda. Excommunicate him.' Then they said I was a Tzadik. Driving on Shabbis and being a righteous individual, it doesn't get better than that.

How did their minds change so quick?
I saved the rabbi's father.

How do they know you're saving lives?
The keychain.

You carried the keychan even on Shabbis?
You had to. That was the uniform. Walkie-talkie, pager and keychain. This way they knew you were a Hatzalah guy coming to save them.

Why not just tell them you were there to help?
When you have payis, they don't think you know CPR. They hear the keys clinging and they know they're safe.

But they have shirts at Hatzalah now.
I'm a traditionalist. This way they know I'm a real Hatzalah man. They feel more comfortable when they see the keys.

What do you use them for?
My house.

You car?
No. That's a digital key.

Any calls for Lag BOmer this year?
Fires everywhere.

Did you help out with those?
No. I was with my family. The kids had off from school.

Did any Hatzalah guys take calls that day?
I hope. I'm not sure. They all have families.

Why so many fires?
It's the Heelulah of Rabbi Shimon Bar Yoachai. The yahrzeit. Bonfires are like big yahrzeit candles.

But why not contain them, at a safe place in the park?
The parks department doesn't allow that anymore, after last year. The kids burned down the field. So, the kids started fires in their homes.

Why not use a firepit?
Do you think they had firepits back when Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai was living? Do you think they had Hatzalah?
Oh shoot. I have to go.

Conclusion
No call came in. He looked at his pager and ran. I think he uses that pager to get out of talking to people. When he's had enough of a conversation, he says he has to save a life.
Michel is a very impassioned man. Yet, I still have no idea what he does for people. I think he helps people when he isn't hungry or watching a show with his kids.
I hope he saved somebody.
​He is truly not in good shape. Michel has a gut. I can only imagine how much kugel the other guys he is saving are eating. I am guessing that most of his calls come from dinner.

Scene 1
INT - PLAYHOUSE LOBBY - NIGHT

The community is standing in front of the theater, talking. Nancy and Mark are a couple in their thirties. Nancy is trying to hide from all the people they know from shul.

Random Woman: Shalom guys.

Nancy turns to Mark.

Nancy: Is this a community event or a play?

Mark: I feel like I'm at shul right now.

Nancy: You should've just went to Minyin. Now you're going to have to do Mariv (the evening prayer service) here.

Mark: Shoot. There's the rabbi. Let's get our seats.

Scene 2
INT - PLAYHOUSE THEATER - NIGHT

Sitting before the play, Beauty and the Beast, the couple sees a friend in the playbill. The friend is a random girl.

Nancy: What are we doing here?

Mark: Supporting our friends.

Nancy: Is this going to be good?

Mark: Our friends are in it.

Nancy: Then why are we here?

Mark: Our friends are in it. It's a play that our friends are in. They invited us.

Nancy: We didn't show up to their house for dinner last Friday night. They invited us to that. Last time we were at one of these, we saw Rachel playing Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof.

Mark: That's what makes community theater great.

Nancy: The fiddler. Tevye. He is a man.

Mark: It's creativity. She was a good fiddler. We would have never seen a woman playing Tevye...

Nancy: She doesn't even play violin.

Mark: Creativity.

Nancy: We saw Beauty and the Beast on Broadway. Amazing costumes. Actors sing beautifully. They're holding masks on their face.

Mark: But they're not your friends.

Nancy: But they're talented.

In the middle of the play, Random Woman is waving to Nancy. Nancy waves back, and shows a little post-hello frustration. Mark shows Nancy the playbill.

Mark: Look at this. Rachel is in it.

Nancy: I think the pot is a woman. I hope Mrs. Potts is a woman.

Mark: It would be so much better if Baruch played Mrs. Potts. It's the creativity.

Nancy: If they really are our friends, they wouldn't have charged us to come to something they invited us to.

Mark: Look. The Candle has a Kippah.

Nancy: That's what excites you?

Mark: Yes. That's a Jewish production. Creativity.

Nancy: The rabbi should be in it.

Mark: Exactly.

Nancy leaves in frustration. An hour and a half later, sitting at the community event. Nobody is enjoying the play, but they are all showing their support. The big scene of reveal of the Beast comes, and the Beast's mask comes off. Everybody is amazed and excited.

Mark: That's Baruch. I know Baruch.

Nancy: Baruch is the Beast?

Random Guy: I know Baruch too.

Nancy: Hey Baruch.

Baruch has his time as a star, for the local members of the shul. He's the talk at Kiddish that week.

Scene 3
INT - PLAYHOUSE LOBBY - NIGHT

Huge group of people talking in the hallway.

Random Guy 2 (announces): Minyin. We need two more for Maariv.

Mark (to Nancy): It was worth it. At least I caught Minyin.

Mark goes to join Minyin. NonJewish Friend from Work goes to Nancy.

NonJewish Friend: Why are they praying in the corner? It's a Jewish event. 

Nancy: There might not be anti-Semites here. But it's hard to like these people.

Kibbitzer Conclusion
Nobody was bothered by Mark and Nancy talking. Their conversation seemed to be more exciting than seeing Rachel play a candle.
You go to the community play to show support for your friends. You don't go to enjoy yourself. You go to see your friends in the play and to talk to all the people you saw at Kiddish last Shabbat.
The great thing is that they have the artistic license in community theater.
Beauty and the Beast on Broadway is a great play, with amazing actors. A spectacle. You see it in community theater and the most exciting thing is seeing your friend. If you're lucky, the evening becomes more exciting when you go out with the cast for ice cream. Your friends that invited you to the play make you pay for the ice cream too.
Mrs. Potts was played by Shlomo. That was Mark's favorite part of the play, and when Nancy took a twenty minute break, in frustration. Nancy was also very mad having to see this poor effort after seeing Beauty and the Beast on Broadway. To now have to see the woman who sits next to her in shul holding her mask, on stage, in her hand the whole play.