A great fear came upon all the wise men and women. They found out they had to clean their own homes. Passover was coming, and a great scare ran through all of Chelm. Shouts of 'What do we do?' were heard throughout Chelm. The cries were heard as far as Felm and Shpelm. All townsmen were worried. Sweeping was a great fear. 
The wise men and women had forgotten about generations passed and how there had been a great panic every year. There was a pandemic, but the idea of cleaning was scary. Tidiness caused extreme fright. Discussions about how dust gets on the bristles turned to outrage and wailing. Kinot were written about gum that stuck to floors. 'Gum, you cannot sweep. Thus, we weep. And we pray for the return to Jerusalem.' 

The wise men and women met to figure out what to do. 'Take a mop,' exclaimed Duvidel. Bayla retorted, 'Duvidel. You fool. How he knows nothing. We will still have to clean.' Lipa also responded, 'How dare he?! The nerve.'  The vote came and it was agreed that moping is cleaning and Duvidel is a fool.
Fayge asked the question for all the wise men and women, 'How do we get our homes clean without cleaning?' 'Brilliant question,' Raisel agreed. And so, it was a question.
'We shall spray,' proclaimed Rivka. 'I lived in New York and Israel, and I saw them spray.' So, they all bought spray. Rivka had done her research, and she had direct proof.

They bought the spray that cleans floors. The spray that cleans sinks and floors. The spray that cleans sinks, floors and bathrooms. The spray that cleans floors and kitchens. They even had water, which they could use to spray sinks, floors, bathrooms, and kitchens. They had specialty sprays for other floors.
The shelves went empty of spray. No sprays could be found in all of Chelm. Even Shpelm sold out of spray. Before that, Chelmites only visited Shpelm to see how silly people lived. The people of Shpelm would get their cars washed regularly. Silly people.
Raid was gone from the shelves too. Malka cleaned her home with repellent. To quote Malka, 'It shpritzes.'

The spray was sprayed but nobody could figure out how to clean the spray. Felvel announced, 'We need a spray to clean the spray.' Yet, all the spray was already sold, and they didn't have enough time before Pesach to manufacture a spray to clean spray. So, panic attacks grew even greater.
Spraying the kitchen was thought to be a great idea by the wise men and women of Chelm. However, the Chelm FHIA said that had to stop, as the hospitals were filling up with Jews that were preparing for the holiday. It turns out the Food Health Inspection Association of Chelm don't celebrate Pesach. If they were religious, they would understand. It was fear of Pesach that was filling the hospitals.

They bought every spray, but they still had to clean. Spray was all over the homes, and they now had to clean the spray. Yankel let all know, 'Wiping spray is cleaning.' And he killed Pesach again for all of Chelm.
'Cleaning is not fun!!!' protests were organized at the rabbi's house. However, the rabbi had already abandoned the community for Pesach. The rabbi had sold his home, in fear he would have to clean it.
Chaya Tova started to cry, 'My mom is going to make me help.' To which all the wise men and women of Chelm responded, 'This must stop.' All were in shock, 'How can one ask their child to help? Kids mustn't help. This isn't 1985.' The teachers of the Cheder put out a letter saying children should not be expected to do anything. To quote, 'As long as the parents don't want them doing homework, they will still get a perfect score in our classes. Please note, we believe your kids are perfect and they already know everything, too.'
Now there was worry that homes would have to be clean, and kids would have expectations. And Berel the Gabai said, 'No more cleaning.' Raisel shouted, 'That's my Gabai. So wise. He understands the needs of the children too.'

They had no idea what to do for Pesach. Berel said to not clean, but the homes had to be cleaned. Some of the unwise people cleaned, while the wise didn't. The wise men and women began to pray.  
Since the spray fiasco, panic attacks were rampant. The cardiac care unit was full. The people of Chelm had no idea what to do. The doctors said the hospitals were full. They couldn’t figure out why they had full hospitals at the end of March every year.
The doctors had a meeting. It turned out that the only symptom that all the patients shared was cleaning. It turned out that when asked how they felt 'between one and ten,' the response was 'I have to clean.' The doctors didn't understand what was going on, they just knew that people had to clean. There was no medicine for this disease. So, they had the social workers deal with it.
Great panic hit the people. Shouts of, ‘We have to clean our floors. How do we do that?’ continued.

And all the wise men and women fled Chelm for Pesach.
'Where do we go?' They asked, 'The hotels are so expensive.' So they all left their homes, and paid eighteen thousand dollars for hotels. And they didn’t have to sweep and mop their kitchens.
After Pesach, they realized they had lost all their money and more panic attacks ensued. Menachem comforted all, saying, 'Next year. We will open a Pesach trailer park.' The question of going to Jerusalem next year was asked by Duvidel. He's such a fool. He doesn't understand that it's a song.

After paying for the hotels, people stopped paying their dues. The shul couldn't afford maintenance anymore. So, the members of the community had to clean the shul every Motzei Shabbat.

Epilogue
The teachers received raises right after Pesach, for noting that the children are perfect and don’t need school.

The unwise men and women stayed in Chelm for Pesach. 
It turned out that once Pesach came and they started eating Matzah, all the people who remained in Chelm felt better. From then on, the doctors started handing out Matzah to any patient who had a panic attack.
Many of the nonJewish patients were said to have taken Matzah, chewed on it, and said, 'My life is not this bad.' They went home, ate Triscuits and Ritz crackers, and did not suffer from panic attacks anymore.

What was not told to the greater public by all those who went to the Shpelm Hotel and Inn, due to embarrassment, was that the hotel had very dirty windows. All the wise men and women complained about that. And they ended up having to clean their hotel windows with spray.

The following year, the trailer park didn't work, as they found out they had to clean the trailers. They decided that the best idea would be to cover their homes in tinfoil.
It was in 2021 when nobody could see anything in their homes, be it Chametz or Matzah, as the houses were way too shiny. 

Two years had passed since the pandemic struck, and the Minyin quorom for prayer started meeting at shul again. After much discussion, the Wise Men and Women realized that the reason why there was no quorum was that nobody was getting together. All were in awe of Berel the Gabai's brilliance, when he unveiled that revelation to the board.
This was their fourth time starting up the Minyin again and reopening the shul. The shul had three weeks of excellent attendance. All attendees had to be vaccinated, wearing masks and six pairs of gatkes for safety. It was also suggested that everybody stay far enough apart so they couldn't hear one another. It was decided by the local authorities that it is dangerous to hear other people. Once Yankel started talking, it was agreed that it was best not to hear people.
Shabbat was beautiful and all were happy, even though they couldn't hear the Kaddish prayer. The shul held an amazing Chanukah party where all attendees had to be vaccinated. As discussed by the Wise Men and Women, you had to be vaccinated, wearing six pairs of gatkes and gloves with proof of showering with sanitizer, and masked in order to eat the latkes. Sour cream wasn't allowed, as it was deemed a super spreader.
For Minyin quorum safety, one Wise Man suggested what they called 'zones.' So, the congregation created shul zones. They had an orange zone, a green zone, and a zone where Israelis were not protested against. The community was finally running again.
Then, the next month, after the shul had finally opened and the community started to move again, the leaders of Chelm called for all religious services to stop meeting again. They said there was what they called 'another variant.' And that was it. The Minyin was over. Once the people heard the word 'variant,' there was mass hysteria around Chelm, as the Chelmites ran to safety. Some trampled others to find the best Holiday Sales they could.

The UnWise Men and Women Who Thought People Should Get Together for a Quorom
The Wise Men and Women decided to close the shul again. However there were some not Wise Men and Women that thought the Minyin should continue. That idea met with much disdain, and community hatred.

'It's a variant,' reproached Sarah Shaindel.
'What does the variant do?' Yankel asked. And the whole of the Wise Men and Women of Chelm ostracized Yankel for asking such a dumb question. Yankel was cut off from the community for bringing up such heresy. In ridiculing him, they used his full name, Yankel Tzvi Ben Mendel Simcha, and in unison said, 'Yankel Tzvi Ben Mendel Simcha! How dare you say that things are not that bad? How dare you bring up praying together at times like these?!' After hearing 'times like these,' Yankel had the chutzpah to reiterate, 'I was just asking what the variant did.' And from then on, it was forbidden to speak to Yankel, for he was a fool.
All the Wise Men and Women knew that when somebody said 'times like these,' that meant there was a crisis and everybody should quarantine and not see people at shul. For Yankel to have not known this, and to not know that 'variants' means to take shelter, they all knew he was too great of a fool to not be isolated.

'Times like these' was later said at the shul board meeting. Nobody could show to the meeting, as that would've meant getting together. Nonetheless, the Wise Men and Women held the board meeting. When the statement 'times like these' got out to the people, all took shelter. Running home with hands flailing, you heard yells throughout Chelm, 'Times like these.' And nothing else needed to be said, shul was closed. There was a 'variant' and there were 'times like these.' There was no room for Judaism in Chelm, at times like these. And for Yankel to not realize it was times like these.

Murmurs of Yankel's evil ways made their way around the community. He lost his friends, his job, and he was left in the cold. He caught pneumonia, but nobody cared, as it wasn't a variant.

The Similar Case: Some Fool Wanted a Minyin
Rabbi Fishel was fine with not having the Minyin. Duvidel was not happy. He didn't want the shul to shutdown again. As he said, 'There is no community if there are no people.' That was shut down by Rivka, the social chair, who said that community doesn't need people. Rivka is simply smarter than Duvidel, who always brings up dumb ideas, with his lack of knowledge. 
Duvidel said that he heard that the new variant doesn't affect people. And dissenting shouts came from all throughout Chelm, 'You fool. Only an idiot would repeat what he reads.' Conversations were had about the news that Duvidel watched. Talks were had and speakers stated, 'We must never watch the news anymore.' But they all realized that they would never hear about the other variants without the news, so the news was placed on the Chelm Jumbotron, to ensure that religious people didn't meet.

Sarah Shaindel repeated, 'It's a new variant.' Duvidel responded, 'But it doesn't affect anybody.' And all were in shock. The Wise Men and Women were oh so bothered, asking, 'How can things not be dire? It is these times.'
'What a fool Duvidel is,' Shaindel cried out. 'But it's a variant!!!' And the shul was closed. And the leaders of Chelm were happy

Duvidel went on to say that people were happy showing up to shul, and the Wise Men of Chelm ostracized Duvidel. Shlomo reiterated the feelings of the Wise Men and Women, 'How dare he say that people are happy seeing other people? Does he want to kill us?' And he continued, 'Only a fool would think you can be happy during times like these.' Other Wise Men and Women said, 'It's times like these. Did he not hear it's "times like these"?' And all knew Duvidel should be ostracized. And Shlomo happily went back to his home on the outskirts of town and was happy, as he was able to find a new series to get into. But not before he could tell Duvidel, 'It's science. We can't have a Minyin because of science. During times like these, we have to look to science.'
It turned out, Duvidel, like a fool, believed in Gd. 

The Community Is Happy
The community was finally at peace, knowing that the people who wanted to be with community were in seclusion.
'As long as there are variants, I will never go to Minyin again,' exclaimed Feivel. Berel the Gabai acquiesced, 'There will be no Minyin until the doctors tell us that there is nothing to catch.' Fayge shouted with joy, 'That's my Gabai. So wise. The only way to never catch anything is to not go to shul.' 
And the Wise Men and Women of Chelm, the Jews of Chelm all celebrated, as they never had to go to shul again. And they all met at the supermarket.

Epilogue
​Duvidel's question of whether or not the variant had anything to do with the pandemic was never answered, as it was a variant.
Nobody ever listened to Yankel again. He even had the Chutzpah to ask what 'the science' was. A fool with chutzpah.

The masks were mandated by the city council, but criminal activity went up in Chelm. They're still looking for the people who robbed the local pharmacy. The police sketch of a man and woman wearing masks went out. To this day, the whole town of Chelm is suspect.
Along with Yankel and Duvidel, the ostracized community that was put in isolation grew large and they started their own Minyin quorum of people who were not allowed to be around other people.

​The Wise Men and Women of Chelm decided that the community needs to follow new protocol. From then on, anytime somebody said 'variant' the shul had to be immediately shut down. If anybody said 'these times' or 'times like these' all had to take shelter. It was years later, when they decided on a law that you can't yell 'variant' in a crowded shul, that the shul opened and the Minyin finally met up again.

​The High Holidays were arriving and the rabbis of the community had no idea what to do. 
'We can't have people in the shul,' shouted Berel the Gabai, who didn't want to have deal with giving people Aliyahs.
Duvidel said, 'We can have them in shul. They just can't be together.' And all yelled at Duvidel. 'You fool. If they are in shul, they are together. That is against the rules. We will have a Minyin with people outside the shul.' And so it was, the community stood looking into the shul as a quorum, for Rosh Hashana, and nobody could hear the shofar. 

For Yom Kippur the Wise Men and Women decided that all needed to hear the prayers for it to be a quorum. Feivel asked, 'How can we have a quorum if we are not together?' And thus Rabbi Fishel ordained, 'A Minyin has to take place together.' And all protested the rabbi who didn't care about life. As Chaya Fayga said, 'We want to be written in the book of life.' Rabbi Fishel was shocked, not knowing how what he  and thus he remained quiet, for he wanted to keep his job.
Chaya Fayga went on, 'We will have the quorum separately. They'll come to outside the shul. We will have the ​Minyin apart. Pray together in quorum, not together.' And all the Wise Men and Women were in agreement. 'Chaya Fayga is our real leader.'
 
'We will be in a tent,' Berel the Gabai said, as he knew that people won't complain about their being called up to the Torah if it is windy outside. And he knew that the honors of opening the ark would not be a hassle if there was no ark. Bayla, in awe of his brilliance, let all know, 'That is my Gabai. That is why he is our Gabai. He knows.'
'But we can't be in the tent together,' retorted Chaya Fayga. And all looked at each other in agreement. We know all the Wise Men and Women were in agreement, as their mouths went into a half frown and they shook their heads at each other from side to side.
'We will be in separate tents then,' responded Mendel. And Chaya Fayga said, 'But if the tents are together...' And all agreed again with a side to side head nod.
 
And it was ordained by Fishel the Rabbi, who was happy to not have a Minyin, 'We will each have our own shul. That’s how we’ll bring the community together.'
And it was decided that each person should build their own shul. And it was. Each home was a shul, and nobody gave towards their building fund, and many of the Wise Men and Women ended up homeless.

Epilogue
Moishele had his shul, and said, 'I am not going to show up to my Minyin.' Feivel made it clear that Moishele never showed up to Minyin.
The rabbi received tons of hate mail telling him he should get out of the community. Most of the mail insisted that the rabbi wants people to die. To quote, ‘How can you want people to be together, in their own shuls? Do you not care about people?’
The other rabbis of the community accused Rabbi Fishel of poaching their members, to pray in their separate shuls. Another congregant said the rabbi doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Truth is, they loved saying that about the rabbi. Rivka, in support of the shuls at each person's home, insisted that separation has kept us one community throughout the ages.
The rabbi took a lot of backlash for not understanding that keeping people apart is the best thing for our people. 

The rabbis of Chelm, who didn't want people at shul, are now mad that everybody started their own breakaway Minyin.

Simchat Torah was also social distanced, as Feivel said, 'We must dance together separately. As Jews, we hold hands and dance in circles. Each person will make their own circle.' And all the Jews of Chelm formed their own circle.
When they noticed nobody was at shul the next morning, the Wise Men and Women called everybody to shul. For the Simchat Torah Dancing, everybody sat down at a proper distance of six feet from the next person. And that is how Hakafot took place.

For the first days of Sukkot Bayla used her Lulav as a way to ward off any community members that tried saying 'Chag Sameach.'