Scene 1
INT - BASKETBALL STADIUM - NIGHT

Rushing to their seats. Entering the stadium.

Shlomo: Got to get to our seats. We don't want to miss anything.

They sit down. Seats are high and far from the center of the court, behind the Hapoel basketball bench area. Not great seats. 

Shlomo: Do you see?

Mike: Kind of hard. The seats are a bit far from the court. 

Shlomo: Amar'e Stoudemire is wearing Tzitzis. 

Mike: Seriously???!!! He's wearing a Kippah. This is amazing. Kippah and Tzitzis. This is the best game I've ever been at.

We see Amar'e sitting on the bench with Tzitzis and a Kippah, in nice clothes (not a jersey).

Shlomo: Did Hapoel just score?

Mike: I have no idea. Amar'e put up his feat. He's wearing Shabbis shoes.
(Mike cont'd) Why is Amar'e not playing?

Shlomo: You can't play in his Tzitzis.

Mike: I get it.

Fans jump out of their seats and start cheering. Some of the fans are jumping right in front of Mike and Shlomo.

Fans Cheering: Hapoel Oleh Oleh Oleh. Hapoel Oleh.
(Fans continue cheering)

Shlomo: Did Amar'e just kiss his Tzitzis?

Mike: I don't know. I think said a Bracha on Gatorade.

Fan 1: Hapoel Aloofim. Zeeh best.

Mike (to Fans in front of them): Please sit.

Fan 2: I'm not even sitting in front of you.

Mike is looking towards the bench. Not the court.

Mike: You're obstructing our view. We can't see Amar'e. Please move.

Shlomo: Yeah. He's right there. Scootch. 

Fans Cheering: Mashiach. Mashiach. Mashiach. Oy Yoy Yoy Yoy Yoy Yoyoy...

Shlomo: This is the best game I've ever been to.

Mike: A religious experience.

The fans are walking out. Hapoel Jerusalem fans are all cheering.

Mike: Did Hapoel win?

Shlomo: I have no idea. Amar'e had Tzitzis and Kippah.

Mike: Those were great seats. I would even pay to see him stand.

Mike turns to random fan.

Mike: Did Hapoel win?

Fan 3: I came to see Amar'e.

Shlomo: Great game.

Fan 3: I know.

Scene 2
INT - SHUL - DAY

Rabbi is giving Shabbis sermon and everybody is listening. Shlomo and Mike are sitting in shul.

Rabbi: And we are commanded to return to H.' It was the most inspirational thing I had ever seen. Amar'e Stoudemire had a yarmulke on.

Random Congregant: Did he play?

Rabbi: No. But he was sitting there with a yarmulke.

Shlomo: Inspirational.

Mike: I know.

They walk over to the rabbi as the rabbi takes his seat.

Mike: That sermon really touched me.

Kibbitzer Conclusion
It's more exciting to see Amar'e Stoudemire with a Kippah, on the bench, than to see him playing basketball.
Jews would pay thousands for front row seats to see an NBA player that's Jewish. It's almost as exciting as hearing somebody say 'Good Shabbis' on TV. It's about the religious experience. And most of the fans at the game missed davening Mariv with a Minyan.

Jewish people have forever been fans of the Super Bowl. That is the sport we love. Super Bowl. We take in Super Bowl. Most of us have no idea what football is, but we love the Super Bowl. We love the action. We love the atmosphere. There is cheering. We love it. Jews love to celebrate, and it sounds like a great dish to serve from, on the holiday.
Based on what I experienced again this year, here is what I know about why we love the Super Bowl.

Sunday Games
Every other sport has Friday night and Saturday games. The NFL is the only league that loves Jews and is not anti-Semitic. You can celebrate Shabbat and love professional football. That is why religious Jews don’t like high school football, college football, or badminton. You thought the football was a weird looking ball? Try adding feathers to it.

It is a Holiday
We love days with no work. This is why we love Shabbat and Passover. If we had to work on Shabbat, think about how many less Jews would keep it.
We would love football more if we got a day off in the middle of the week, and it was called Super Bowl Tuesday. Better yet, make it a three day Super Bowl Yontif.

There is Food
We go for the party, the dinner. At first Jews had no idea the Super Bowl was about football. They thought it was the celebration of the kitchenware the guacamole was being served in.
Last Super Bowl party I went to, most of the people had no idea there was a game going on. They were too involved with the dips. I later asked my friend about the game and he gave me a play by play about the spread, and how the potato salad went perfectly with the cold cuts.
Yes. There was brisket. It is a holiday.

Only One Day of Commitment
You can skip the rest of the season and still consider yourself a fan. It’s like not going to shul the whole year and then showing up on Yom Kippur.

Athletes and Serious Competition
As long as we don’t have to do it, we love it. It’s very relaxing seeing other people working hard and getting hit. 
It is good for our children to see these grown men flattening each other. These are the perfect role models to encourage our kids to stay in school and not get hurt. That is how you turn a child into a Torah scholar.

Two Armies Going at It
And the people being hit are not Jewish. It is like the old Jewish joke where the Jewish family is watching Ben-Hur and the mother is crying. The son tells his mom to not cry, as those are not Jewish people being eaten by the lions. A few minutes later the mother starts crying again. The son asks, “Mom. Why are you still crying?” His mother, all teared up, points to the screen, “That lion is not eating.” Great joke for the Super Bowl party. You can share it.

The Halftime Show
We love concerts. The show is the reason we watch the clock. Every Jew knows the two minute warning. It is imperative that everybody in the house hears that there is only two minutes left in the half, so that we know when the excitement of the five minute concert is going to start.
The halftime show is when everybody goes in to watch the game. We love entertainment that has nothing to do with the thing we came to see itself. Nothing is more exciting than going to a Bar Mitzvah, not having to listen to the boy give a speech, and seeing a band playing the whole time.

We Love Old Entertainers
Tradition. There is something about a laser light show with a geriatric entertainer that captures the imagination of our Jewish people. We love hearing thirteen different choruses, and no stanzas. Greatest show.
It’s the kindness of the Jewish people that gets us excited to see The Who, Paul McCartney and Bruce Springsteen coming out of retirement to perform on a stage for a couple of minutes, and to not finish a song. We understand, they're too old to finish a song. Their energy runs out.
We even like seeing a heavy 50 Cent. Something to do with enjoying a concert from a place of Rachmanis. 

Commercials
Anything to distract us from the Super Bowl makes the game more exciting for us. Food, singing, commercials. Anything but people throwing pigskin. We don’t watch the Super Bowl for that. It's not Frum. It's against our better Jewish senses, to watch a pigskin.
I've never heard a Jew talk about the game the next day. But they know everything that happened to the Geico gecko. That lizard is a hoot. He sounds like a British chap. Love it.
You have to respect Coke. The only company in the world still advertising when everybody is already drinking their drink.

Referees are Like Rabbis
We look to the referees for ordinances. It's a very religious experience for us. We like to see them in black and white, as that is more traditional garb. They are our rabbis, our leaders, the only older people in the vicinity to give a ruling. We listen to their decrees. Even when we don't agree with them, we listen to them. We have to.

Jews Love Tradition
We do the same thing every year. The same holidays, same prayers, same complaints about the rabbi. That's why we complain about the referee.
​The Super Bowl is also the same, every year. Right there on the field, Tom Brady. That is tradition. Tom Brady is still there in our hearts. A committed Jew, only played for Jewish owners. He may not be in the Super Bowl this year, but you will here somebody in shul talking about how great Tom Brady was, tomorrow.

There is a Jew Somewhere
That brings us Jewish pride. It may not be a player, but we will find a Jew to take pride in. It may the owner, it may be an announcer, it may be a fan sitting there with a Kippah. It is all good enough for Jewish pride.
We will find a way to make the Super Bowl Jewish, even if there are no Jews on the field. It could be a commercial that sells something that a Jew patented. Maybe even a commercial about something Jews like. We eat chips, and there was a chips commercial.
We will find a way to take pride in this Super Bowl, even if it is Cincinnati. I heard Jews talking about how Cincinnati and LA are cities with a fine Jewish history. If we have to go back two hundred years to find a shul there, we shall.
We love the halftime show, but if it was Yaakov Shwekey it would be so much better. Just seeing another Jew there. 

We Love Throwing Up Our Hands and Saying “Come On Ref!”
Jews love expressing disappointment. It's part of our tradition. To all of the Rams and Bengals fans out there, half of you will be experiencing this.

We love the Super Bowl because it is a Jewish holiday and there is food. Even if it's Mexican. 
Super Bowl Sunday Sameach!

RELIGION
•People of Israel are reporting lost objects from yards.
​Lag BOmer is coming up this week. Which means kids in Israel are collecting all wood. All people of Modiin and Beit Shemesh are being warned to watch over their homes and to ensure that their doors are still there by the end of Thursday night. Quoting a local mom, 'The kids will take anything that burns.'
•Yeshiva University is planning to put a stop on inperson Hebrew courses. JTA reports, 'The new Hebrew courses will be asynchronous, meaning students will not interact in real time with a teacher.' They are hoping this will help with Conversational Hebrew 101.

SPORTS
•Julian Edelman, is retiring from football. Julion won MVP of Super Bowl LIII and became recognized as Jewish at that exact moment. Due to his retirement, the non-acceptance of patrilineal descent may be back. As the Jewish pride window of MVP is already past, Edelman may not be considered Jewish by orthodox standards anymore. Julian Edelman will now be asked to convert, or he will have to join Tom Brady on the Buccaneers.
•Deni Avdija's ended his rookie year with an injured ankle. This would be considered an act of anti-semitism, but nobody touched him. I did see people clapping when they wheeled him off the court. Some say it's support. They were really clapping because they were happy the coach had to take the Jew out of the game.
•As Edelman and Avdija are not bringing anymore Jewish pride, and Jewish educators can't find a way for youth to connect to Judaism through Torah (as that is not how people connect to Yiddishkeit), the Jewish people are trying to find a way for Steph Curry to be Jewish.
Talks in the world of Jewish pride has even brought up bringing back of Goldberg as a geriatric WWE star, so that Jewish children will want to remain Jewish and wrestle.

ENTERTAINMENT
•The new season of Shtisel is up, which means Jews are not showing up to shul. As one rabbi said, 'Just as everybody in our community has been vaccinated and shuls are opening, Jews are still not leaving their homes. We're praying that our community finishes the series.' 
For the young children reading this, Shtisel is not a new form of Israeli breaded chicken. (this was Mark's addition- he added nothing else to the commentary)

STYLE
•The Kippah is now being worn on the front, right side of the head. As summer approaches, the Kippah sticking out of the black hat is back.
•New in suburban Jewish communities of New Jersey, aerobics. Sheitels (wigs) are being used while working out. As one woman said, 'It's modest headgear with a sweatband type elastic. It also keeps my hair out of my eyes.'
Jewish men still refuse to exercise, claiming it ruins the enjoyment of choolante.

ISRAEL 
•Mohmoud Abbas will address J Street at their annual conference. J Streeters are extremely proud of the auspicious day, saying, 'Finally an Israeli leader we can get behind.' The conference is also hoping to host Al Sharpton and Eddie Vedder. All guests are being brought in to speak about Jewish pride and love of Israel.

WORLD
•'Sweden’s Minister of Justice announces support for ban on Holocaust denial,' making it illegal (World Jewish Congress). The Holocaust deniers do not recognize the ban. As they said, 'We deny that too.' Caught up in their very desire to be contrary, the deniers have decided to deny that they believe that the Holocaust didn't happen.

Anti-Semitism Still Exists
•It's still there.

*Disclaimer: This is nobody's opinion. If any of Jews in the News This Week is offensive to you, it's satire.