Sermons of Rebuke III: VaYechi

by Rivka Schwartz

Announcements
NitelNacht programs were a huge success. I think we had more people at shul on Xmas than they got at the churches.
 
For New Year’s we will be hosting Selichot. We understand that many of you didn’t show up for Selichot to repent during Rosh Hashana Yom Kippur period. We figure most of you will at least celebrate this New Year’s correctly.
 
We are allowing single people to not show to shul events anymore. It is awkward for everybody when Chaim shows to an event. Parents have to guard their children, and husbands have to cling onto their wives.
We will try to find a place for single people in a community somewhere. It will happen. We think. We are just not sure Gd cares about them.
 
If anybody wants to give Daniella a Bat Mitzvah gift, even though she doesn't deserve it because here parents didn't host anything decent, it is still a nice thing. We’re starting a charity fund for her parents. Parents Who Don’t Give a Kiddish.
 
The Bris. That was a sight. We want to make it clear that Chaim was only there for the Mitzvah.

Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts
Shabbat Shalom My People...

Yaakov didn’t steal Yosef’s sons. He just said, ‘They will be to me’ (Bereishit 48:5)... Some grandparents are like that. They like the grandchildren and want them instead of the kids they birthed. I can understand. I know the congregants in this shul.

In a moment of thought Yaakov says, (Bereishit 48:11) ‘I never expected to see your face, and behold Gd has shown me your children too.’ What a beautiful moment. It's like a prayer. Yaakov wants to see his family. When I’ve seen Bubbies and Zaydies in the shul, I’ve heard them say, ‘I hoped to never see your face again. But then Pesach came and we had to come in for the Seder...’
In life, we look back and we see these beautiful gifts Gd gave us. I see you here today and I am not thanking Gd for having to see your children running around the halls. Nobody is happy to see Chaim. Yes. We are amazed he is still single. Amazed and scared we have to see him in shul.

You look back on family and the times you shared. Not Chaim. He wouldn't know... Not Chinese food on Xmas. Xmas is not a holiday. Chinese food isn't Jewish... Jews eat it. But it's not Jewish. No Jew living in Asia put together a Chinese cookbook. I know, because they would be selling it at the Jewish Book Festival.
You guys come out for Chinese on Xmas, but you won’t come out for the second day of Pesach... Do you know what they used to do to our people on NitelNacht?... Not as bad as the board...

New Year’s is not a Jewish holiday... I know more Jews celebrate it than Rosh Hashana. That’s why we are repenting this year.
What you guys look back on. Yaakov would be blessing Yosef's kids over the Wag Festival... No. They weren't idol worshipers...

Nothing makes Jewish sense. You’re like the single guy at Shabbat lunch. It was pathetic. You've got a married twenty year old, and then this thirty-five year old single guy... Can't talk to the guy about anything... Anything is school for the kids. The twenty year old you can talk to...

(Bereishit 48:15-16) 'And he blessed Yosef.' Then it goes onto the Bracha of Hamalach Hagoel Oti. That’s about the kids. Efraim and Menashe. ‘...bless the lads.'
We’re blessed through our children. If your children didn't run the halls all the time... Chaim . No real blessing.

More awkward than singles is having to wish a Mazel Tov to the Bergsteins when they didn’t even sponsor a Kiddish for their daughter's Bat Mitzvah... Then what are we wishing a Mazel Tov for... You should give Daniella a gift. She should not be punished for her parents' cheapness. We should bless Daniella to not have to deal with her parents...
Yaakov wasn't blessing Yosef's kids because he was a cheap parent. Yaakov wanted to give them a Brachas of redemption from bad stuff, and fertility... I don't know how Chaim would be blessed...

The Bris was a Bracha. A Bracha and an uncomfortable situation for us all. Why Chaim was there...

Rivka's Rundown
The rabbi spoke about the gift of family. How beautiful?! Family that is not related to anybody in our congregation. If you are not related to members of our shul, that's a blessing.

The way these guys love NitelNacht in our shul, you would think they wanted to burn the shul down.
There are no Jewish Chinese cookbooks. That was the most profound point of this week's Drasha.

Our congregation now messes up every Jewish holiday with what Americans do. They thought Halloween was Purim. One of them even dunked a candy chocolate egg in the salt water on Pesach.

Chaim would have no idea what love meant. He's just happy to see Rugulach at Kiddish.
That was the saddest experience. Being the single guy at Shabbat lunch. Seeing him around married 20 year olds who got to sit at the adult table. Everybody looking at him like he’s a loser. Why is he even Jewish? The board is meeting to see if he should just give up.

Daniella Bergstein's Bat Mitzvah was amazing. No Kiddish. Nobody gave gifts. The parents were mad nobody gave gifts. They were also mad to see the small turnout. What do you expect? Nobody is coming to wish you a Mazel Tov, unless if they're mourning. If they're mourning, they might pop in to wish you a Mazel Tov. They can't stick around for the food anyway.
They started a Daniella's Gifts charity. It raised a lot of money, and they gave the gift to somebody other kid whose parents aren't cheap and sponsored a Kiddish for their tenth birthday. The people who gave to the charity insisted they get something out of it.

We have to have more private Brises. Brises that single people are banned from. Brises where you can give a real Bracha. Like a Bracha of not having to see any of the congregants of Beis Kneses Anshei Emes uSefilah. A bunch of heretics.

I appreciate our rabbi’s message so much. I felt like I was at a comedy show where the comedian just mocks the way the people look.