Scene
EXT - CAR - DAY

The car is with this man for three days. He hasn't even checked it yet. He gave the car a quick glance and came back to David to explain the situation.
David sits in the Israeli mechanic's car, and the mechanic gives a soft inspirational speech to David. 
The mechanic is religious, with a Yarmulke on. As is David.

Mechanic: ​You must to have Emunah. Faith.

David: I need my car fixed. I need somebody I have faith in to fix my car.

Mechanic: You need Emunah. Dis is de problem.

David: I have belief in God. Can you fix my car?

Mechanic: You in rush. If you have Emunah, you no rush.

David: Yes. I am in a rush. I only have two days to get the car fixed. Then I have to go to America.

Mechanic: If you Emunah. You won't no be in a rush.

David: It sounds like Emunah moves very slowly. Why does Emunah move so slow? Can you fix the car?

Mechanic: I have Emunah.

David: Your car works. We're sitting in it. It drives. If I had a car that drove, I would have Emunah. Can you fix the car?

Mechanic: You must to relax and have Emunah.

David: I don't have time to relax.

Mechanic (giving a soft look to say 'you see'): See. You no have Emunah.

David: I'm taking the car to another mechanic. One who works and doesn't have Emunah.

David is leaving the car.

David: And I know that you didn't used to wear a Kippah. You can't fool me with that. I know you're ripping people off.

Kibbitzer Conclusion
This guy had Emunah. But he didn't fix my car. Why couldn't he just fix my car.
I believe, at some point, he thought my name was Emunah.

I am still trying to figure out how the mechanic turned into my rabbi. It is beautiful to have such devout mechanics in our country. The only issue is, the devout mechanics charge more.

The cab driver also gave me a spiritual speech, when I told him I'm late to the wedding. He told me you have to have Emunah, and he drove very slow. And the cab ride ended up costing a lot.

Hebrew is important and we have to connect with the Holy Land. However, more important than Hebrew is sounding Israeli. Otherwise, you will get ripped off. Here are some of the secrets I have learned over the many years, for how to sound like a native.

Sound Angry
They're not angry. It's just how they sound. It's how you greet people. You want to sound and look angry.  The angriest sounding person I ever heard was a father giving a speech at his daughter's wedding. He angrily said, 'My daughter just got married!!! Mazal Tov to me!!! I am very happinessie. I want to thank everybody for coming and sharing in our Simcha!!!' Such joy.
Note: And add letters to words. An 'ie' goes well at the end of every word.
Sounding angry also helps you when there's a long line. If you sound extremely angry and unstable, people will let you cut. I have also used this technique in American inner cities, and it has helped with my safety.

Ehhhh
Say 'Ehhh' whenever there is a pause in what you want to say. Otherwise, the other person will have a chance to talk. You don't want that. That kind of give and take will kill a conversation.
To note, also touch the other person's arm in the middle of the conversation. It forces them to stay and listen to your other jokes.

Talk in a Voice Four Octaves Lower Than Your Natural Voice Allows
I don't know how these tiny men and women have such deep voices. However, they are extremely deep, and scary. 
It might have something to do with the wars and all the enemies surrounding Israel. The Israelis talk in real low voices and the enemies think they are huge and angry. They run. It's like voice camouflage. And it gets you better deals at the shuk.

Welcome People with a Command
When you say 'Hello,' say it in command form. We are very connected to the Tzahal, the Israeli army, and we support it.
The first time an Israeli said hi to me, I got scared. They came over to me, 'Shalom!!!!' My response was, 'I'm sorry. I didn't mean it.' And then I started doing push-ups.  Very scary.
Attack them with a 'Mah Shlomcha!!!!' You ask that question of greeting with a strong command of 'How are you?!!!!!' This way, you get an answer.

Hello is a Competition
Be ready for the greeting competition. If you apply yourself, you can win. There will be back and forths, even during the week. Don't back down. Give and takes: Be healthy. Be Mazal. Be strong. Enjoy your new shoes. Enjoy your new sandals. Blessed be God. Never use, 'Blessed be God' until it's over. It's too easy. Once you get them to go there, they've lost.
Shabbat is very hard to be prepared for. They will one-up you. You come at them 'Shabbat Shalom,' and they're going to top you with 'uMvorach!!!' And a blessed Shabbat to you!!! You've got to be ready. Holidays are much harder. You come to them with a 'Moadim LSimcha' and immediately they got you with 'Chagim uZmanim LSason!!!' To translate, 'Times of Happiness.' 'Holidays and times of rejoice to you!!!'

Command Your Kindness
This is how you welcome guests. The beautiful Mitzvah of Hachnasat Orchim isn't a question. You ensure they are coming. Kindness is better when they have no way out. 'You come for dinner!!! I feed you!!!' Now there is no question if you're having guests. They are coming.
You command them, 'I pass you salt!!!' You now know they will respond, 'OK. I will have salt.' No need to worry if they're enjoying the dinner. You command them, ​'You have a good time!!!' They will.They're too scared to not enjoy themselves. 
Note: Leaving out words from your sentences scares them into enjoyment even more.

Leave Out the Last Letter When You Speak English
Monopol is Monopoly. Shop is the verb. Hence, 'We go shop.' Even better, leave out words. You don't say, 'We go to the Kotel.' Proper Israeli English is, 'We go Kotel.'

Pronounce Every Silent Letter That Not Supposed to Be There
This Knowledge. Pronounce the 'K.' Always pronounce it. Knife. Knowledge. Listen. 
​Add letters, if you like. Happinissie. Just remember to pronounce the letters you add yourself. Knowledge? No. 'Knowledgie' is the correct word. You added the 'ie.'
LincoLon. That was the presidentie.

Make People Feel Like They Did Something Wrong
Use your hand for this. You put your fingers together, with your fingers facing up. Then bring your hand out to chin level, with a slight bend in the arm. It is at that height that the other person will know they did something wrong.
Make a 'ti' sound with your tongue while holding your hand out with fingers together. This ensures that there is no mistake that they did something wrong. When you address them, it should feel like you're calling a dog. If you bring bend a little, they might even think you have food for them.
You can also bend your head, and then shake it. That's the topper. They will think they did something wrong.

​Don't Sound American
Every other citizen from anywhere else in the world sounds closer to an Israeli than an American. 
If you're American, chances are you will never fully master these techniques, without my coaching. I would suggest you just grunt and point a lot. Maybe do an 'ehhh' sound. Otherwise, you will get ripped off.

We'll work on Arabic names next time. Machmud, Achmad, Waleed. Just open your mouth, yawn and growel. That's the best I can do to help you pronounce Middle Eastern names properly.

Israelis are amazing people. Take their kindness and understanding of the true use of silent letters, and enjoy the beauty of their giving. Just make sure they don't use words like sheet, beach, or focus. It sounds wrong.

Israel's Independence Day is here, and you're thinking about how to celebrate. That's what good Jews do. They think about what to do for a holiday. You have that love of Israel and love vacationing at the Dead Sea. How can you share in the celebration? 
There are many ways to celebrate as an Israeli. Last year, we focused on the Mangal, known as the Israeli BBQ that comes in tiny matchbox form. You walked away from last Yom HaAtzmaut hungry, due to the size of the grates and your solidarity with the tininess of Israel. This year, we will focus on other ways to celebrate the Chag. 

Salt Water
You just dunked your food in it, for Pesach. Now, dunk your body in it. Pour salt in your bathtub, to share in the Dead Sea experience. Better yet, pour salt straight on your wound, and you will feel like you were there.
If you had canker sores at the Seder, you have already shown your commitment to the Holy Land.

Go to the Park
The tradition is to go to the park, see there are no spots for your Mangal, and then to go back to your house.

Play Football on a Basketball Court
Whatever you call it, you'll see this at the park in Israel. A soccer pitch on a basketball court. I'm still trying to figure out why every basketball court in Israel has football goals. Maybe there are extra points if the ball goes through the hoop and then into the goal.
Take your soccer ball and start kicking it in the middle of a basketball game, and you will bring a Yom HaAtzmaut experience to all on that court. If a fight starts, you will enjoy the full Israel experience of athletics.
 
Skip Work
No Israeli goes to work on Yom HaAtzmaut, or Wednesdays. Not working is a tradition in the Holy Land, as we have belief (Emunah). As Rabbi Chanina teaches (Berachot 33b), 'Everything is in the hands of God.' People who don't believe that, work. And all employees at the post office have a strong connection with the Lord.

Wave Israeli Flags
Flag waving is a huge part of the holiday in Israel. Wave the flag with pride and make your good morning greeting political.
If you live outside of Israel, buy an Israeli flag for your car and hang it out of your window. You will know you're celebrating correctly if you get beeped at. If people stop yelling at you in disgust, check to make sure your flag is still there.
If you're worried about being attacked, and have not been showing up to your self-defence Krav Maga lessons, join a parade. There's safety in numbers. There is a reason why thousands of people meet up on the streets of New York to show their support of Israel. It's for safety.

Sit in Traffic
You can connect with the day of no work in the country, the inter-city travel of every citizen and the parades, by finding the longest traffic light in your city at rush-hour.
Go a step further by stopping your car and causing traffic yourself. This will encourage other people to beep, making you feel like you are in Israel proper.
 
Israeli Dancing
The hop, skip, twirl, arm raise, reverse hop, skip, twirl, arm raise. There is nothing like it. Nothing says love of Israel more than doing your dance, and then skipping right back to your original position. Do that with a circle, and you have community.
Join towns and cities all over Israel and skip to a Hebrew you song. Better yet, hop and twirl with your supinated arm raise to a Spanish song. Spanish is how Israelis celebrate their independence.

For A Relaxing Yom HaAtzmaut- Leave your Kids at Home
I've seen way too many soccer balls, from basketball games, land in BBQs for any parent to enjoy their holiday. And I've never seen a parent smile when serving their child a $22 steak.
If you make a mistake and bring your children along to the park, distance yourself from them. However, be responsible and keep them within eyeshot. You might want to bring something with a scope on it, to show you're a responsible parent.

Shpritz People With Stuff
Getting hit by shaving cream is my tradition. If I remember correctly, I spent many Yom HaAtzmaut wearing a decent shirt, getting sprayed with shaving cream and yelling at kids. 
Shpritzing people seems to be fun for the kids of Israel, and not very fun for the grownups who get hit by it. How the children all have shaving cream has something to do with how quickly the people of the Middle East hit puberty. I saw one kindergartener in Israel with a beard. He might have got left back. However, he was tiny and still couldn't trace an Aleph very well.
The real tradition accepted by all is to yell at the kids.
 
Say Hallel
If you're a heretic, like myself, you do this. Praising God is the least religious thing you can do on the Holiday. The religious people will explain this.

Vote
Vote Day is the only day more joyous on the Israeli calendar than Yom HaAtzmaut, as it shows Israeli pride, independence, and it's a day off of work. The only problem is that everything is closed on Vote Day, because those people have off work too. Anyhow, celebrate it.
Israelis love Vote Day, which is why we do it so much.

Eat Falafel
Falafel is the American way to celebrate Yom HaAtzmaut, so they can feel like they're in Israel. Israelis celebrate with a BBQ, so they can feel like they're not in Israel. It's a vacation day.
Note: Not all falafel is Israeli falafel. As an American-Israeli, I've had the Yom HaAtzmaut US falafel, and it helped me fulfil the Israeli tradition of feeling like I am not in Israel.

If you follow through with these suggestions and do it at the park, you will have a very Israeli Yom HaAtzmaut. As long as you Mangal, and show your independence through dead animals on a tiny grill.

Let's take a stroll down memory lane back to Israel with the Kibbitzer's pictures from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for sharing what he's done for decorum in the Holy Land.

It's the new year and international travel is painful again. Quarantining can be very scary, if you have to do it alone. It's a nightmare, and I purposefully entered that nightmare when I flew back to Israel, knowing I would be put in a quarantine hotel for two weeks.
The quarantine is back, and I bring you my story. It is here to inspire you, and to let you know that you can visit Israel and make it through the quarantine, as long as you're fine with your vacation being spent in the hotel. Now, the quarantine is for seven days, and my story may mean very little to you. Even so, I shall take you into my little journey of how I made it through quarantine in Israel, with my fellow returnees to Zion.
 
I Was Scared
I was in solitary confinement in a five-star hotel with a bath.
 
A Corona Hotel
They call the hotel “Corona.” The hotel itself  had the virus. I didn’t know if I could touch the closet. Do the walls have the virus? Do I catch it from my bed? I decided it was safest to live out of my suitcase and sleep in my clothes.
 
Food Rations Don’t Make Jews Happy
I thought I was going to get the Israeli hotel breakfast buffet. I asked them. Then they dropped a bag outside my door. This was worse than being locked up in solitary. At least in solitary they slip the food through a window; you get a bit of service.
They should’ve never called that room service. Three square meals is not... Other people deciding what I should be eating hurts the hotel experience. I don’t want people deciding which cheese I should be eating. I need choices, and they didn't provide that at the corona buffet.
Yes. I complained to management. The same food every day isn’t the five star hotel experience I was expecting. Not having eight cheeses to choose from, and cereal dispensers, is not something I would have chosen. It was hard. I liked cottage cheese two days ago.
 
No Washing Machines
They turned me into a manual laborer. I was a slave to my dirty clothes, and I was not a good one. Maybe I don’t know how to twist enough. I smelled like Badin detergent suds for a week.
How Do You hand wash? I’ve seen washboards in bands. Other than using it to strum a spoon, I don’t know what that is supposed to be used for.

Why is the Army Here
Soldiers were working the concierge booth. I have to say, they know very little about what there is to do in Jerusalem, when you're quarantined. Their lack of knowledge regarding Jerusalem nightlife was bothersome. They should at least been able to tell me the coordinates.
It was scary coming out of my room and seeing the gun. I ran right back in, and that's where I spent the first three days.
 
A Shabbat Retreat Where You See People Less
On Shabbat, it’s a religious duty to quarantine together.
 
Lighting Candles is a Social Experience
As lighting Shabbat candles always do, they brought light to my darkness and people into my quarantine.
We lit candles at a big table in the lobby, as opposed to our rooms. The organizers of the quarantine experience felt that a fire is more dangerous than seeing somebody who you sat next to on the flight. I went to light Shabbat candles, and that was my first interaction with people that weren’t behind plexiglass, or with a gun. I was relieved to hear that they also don’t like cottage cheese anymore. I realized I’m not in this quarantine alone, and there are other people that have no idea how to ring out a shirt.
 
The Minyin
As I was lighting the candles, I heard about the Minyin, a community praying together in isolation. They said, 'You must stay out of your room to join us.' I said, 'Yes. If me leaving my room is a requirement, I will be there... I will be early.' I had never felt so thankful for ten men in my life. I let them know that I’m happy to join, as long as I didn’t have to hand wash their clothes.
The Chazan did not have a good voice. However, he had to wear a mask, and that helped.
 
Oneg – Delighting in Shabbat
One deed leads to another and we must share all of Shabbat in quarantine. You’re supposed to delight in Shabbat, and you do that with food. One quarantining congregant brought cake, cashews, peanuts, Coke, herring. One guy really enjoyed it. The first guy who took the cashews loved the experience. After he touched them, the cashews were his. He delighted more than the rest of us. As we learned, big bowls of food are not optimal for pandemics. 
When it came to the pound cake, I went in after the first guy. I wasn’t that scared. I had eaten too much cottage cheese to be scared. If I hadn’t caught corona by now, from the corona hotel bedding, I wasn’t going to catch it from a decent pound cake and a cold cup of Coke. In life, you have to be brave and take chances. And when it comes to a wet dense pound cake, those are the times.
How I ate with my mask on is a miracle one can only speak of.
 
Ingathering of the Exiles is Motivating
After Shabbat we had a big circle where everybody shared their story.
Stories of journeys from around the world were vast. One from Cape Town, one from Buenos Aires, one was from New York, one from Thailand, one from France. Each of us had our own journey back to Israel. Each expedition was more intriguing than the next. Some sat first class. Some sat economy. One even had somebody sitting next to them. A true journeyman. The most interesting story was given by the voyager from France who did not even get a kosher meal on her flight.
 
Chilonim Became Religious
Everybody became religious. Once the Chilonim, secular Jews, realized they can leave their rooms, they joined the Minyin. They were early. They were devout. They sat there praying, focused on the words of praise. In the end, the secular Israelis felt so comfortable that they also had no problem talking during the services.
This was the first time in my life that I saw so many people return in penitence. Chabad has been trying for years to put Tefillin on people. One week of quarantine is the best outreach I have ever seen. 
Religious relationships even developed around the hotel, where new Chiloni couples dated without touching, sitting six feet apart.
 
Stuff I am Left With
In quarantine, you learn something about yourself.
 
I learned that I am fine smelling like bath gel if that’s all I have to wash my clothes with. I don’t like cottage cheese anymore, but that may change in a day or two after I get out. I learned how to make going to the reception to pick up milk take twenty minutes, and how to keep a friend on the phone for forty-five minutes when they have to run. I learned that afternoon naps can last five hours, and touching cashews first during a pandemic is much smarter than touching peanuts. Cashews are more expensive; you want them for yourself. I learned that when it comes to leaving my room, I am extremely devout. I even show up two hours early to services. I learned that solitary confinement can be depressing without a Minyin.
 
Minyin saved me. Shabbat Saved me. Lighting candles saved me. The comradery that quarantining together as a religious nation allows for, saved the secular Israelis. 
Only in Israel do people share their quarantine with other people. Everything beautiful about living in Israel is seen in the quarantine hotel, how we isolate as a community next to one another. A nation reuniting in the hardest of times, distancing together in solitude with all of the people, praying right next to Jews from all over the world. When you’re together there is nothing to fear, other than the coronavirus.
Being quarantined in Israel was the greatest experience of my life. Book your ticket. Skip the Kotel and go to the Corona Hotel.

People accuse Israelis of not being proper. If they were living in Britain and didn't say how pleased they were, throwing in a 'thank you' to the person who just slammed the door on them, I would agree. However, we are talking about Israelis in Israel. They do not have to live by British mores, standing on the queue when every other person in Israel is knocking them over to get on the bus.
People blame Israelis because they don't understand the society. This is why Israelis don't say 'thank you.' 

You Have To Deserve It
What did you do to deserve a 'thank you'? You held a door? He could've done that. You purchased some milk from his bodega? He's providing you the milk. And it's called a Makolet. Did you thank him for teaching you how to pronounce Makolet correctly? Who should be thanking who? You paid the cab driver for the ride? He's taking you to dinner. You should be thanking him. You should be bringing some horderves out to him.
They may appreciate your business. I am sure that your kind gesture of holding the door is well taken. Did they curse you for holding the door? Then, it was appreciated. Take it as a 'thank you.' They just don't waste their words in Israel.
You need to reach a level to be thanked. Did you pay for his daughter's wedding band? Then, you would deserve a thank you.

When Israelis Say Something, They Mean It
The real reason you don't hear a 'thank you' is because when we say something in Israel, we mean it. When you say 'thank you' in Israel, it's from the heart. Somebody pours me a drink, I don't thank them, because my level of Israeli sincerity is too much for a pour. Somebody helps me move, I can give an Israeli 'thank you.' I'll 'Todah Rabbah' you, cup my hands together and give a curtsy.
When an Israeli tells a co-worker to have a good day, they want them to have a good day. They mean it. They're bringing blueberry pancakes to the cubicle for breakfast. They're playing Sarit Hadad on the radio at work, because she is the light of Israel. They're taking over the second half of your shift, making sure you get paid for it. They really want you to have a good day. They said it and they meant it. They didn't say 'shalom' the day before, because they wanted that day to be not good.

There Are Repercussions
You better mean something when you say it in Israel. I made a mistake and said 'thank you' once. The fact that I acknowledged my appreciation now had me obligated to him. The guy helped me close the trunk of my car when I was pulling out groceries. I didn't realize I was now indebted to him. Next I know, I'm taking him to the airport. I'm stuck checking in his bags and checking on his house while he's away. I'm not saying 'thank you' again. Not unless I know you and you're paying for the gas.

Israelis Take Words Seriously
This isn't Britain. Sarcasms is you lying. When we hear CNN and the BBC talking about Israel, we think they actually mean what they're saying. Israelis don't know that they're joking when they report about the 'Israeli oppressors.' I'm from America, so I assume that CNN is doing a satire piece on how Israel should be thanking Hamas and their northern neighbors for shooting rockets at them.

Time Is Important
I don't have time to stop and say 'thank you.' Do you also need me to give you a foot rub after you got the door for me? How much do we have to do for you.
I'm in Israel, where we're working towards redemption. You need a 'thank you' from the guy at the falafel shop. I'm sorry if I was the guy who didn't say 'thank you.' Maybe bringing in the dispersed Jews from the diaspora back to our Home Land is more important.
​Your holding the door should be expected. You might be holding the door for Mashiach.

They Did the Army
Did you do the army? Maybe you should be thanking them. Maybe you should be thanking them that the door is still there and wasn’t blown up.
Maybe, if you spent five months in a tank, defending Sderot, they would thank you. I am sorry they didn't thank you for holding a door.

A Lot of Israelis Do Say 'Thank You'
That's a mistake. They weren't educated right.
Come to think of it, I've been in America for a while and American kids don't say 'thank you.' Israeli kids say 'thank you.' Somebody is educating the next generation wrong. Kids should know that they deserve stuff. They should not have to show appreciation.
An Israeli wouldn't know that was sarcasm. American kids should be saying 'thank you.' You see how hard it is to do comedy in Israel?! It's hard to be funny when people are genuine. You do a joke about mother-in-laws and you've got to then spend half an hour explaining how we all love mother-in-laws and how they are the rock of the family.
To note, I've started letting the door close on the American kids. They have no reason to not say 'thank you.' They did not do the army.'

It's Hot
Ever heard of a Chamsin? Imagine a heatwave with sand that penetrates into your living room. 
Try talking in 120 degree desert heat. You can't. Your mouth is dried up. They can't get it out. They gave you a look. Whatever that look was meant 'thank you.' It might have been intimidating, but it meant they appreciate what you did. 
I'd be surprised if they even realized you were holding the door. Try realizing anything going on around you when it's 120 degrees outside. They probably thought it was a hallucination. After years of hallucinating, it became tradition to not say 'thank you.'
My big question for you is, why are you judging a whole society because one guy didn't say 'thank you'? 

Now that I think of it, your holding the door is not appreciated. Your holding the door is killing the air-conditioning. You're letting the 120 degree Chamsin into the building. At best, you’re bringing in another inch of sand.
Todah Rabbah for caking the floor in 200 degree sand. The sand is hotter than the whatever it is outside. The sand holds the heat so that you can't enjoy going to the beach.

Showing appreciation is important. It's just that they're saving the 'thank you' for that time you give them a drink of water. Hold the door and bring me a bottle of cold water, and I will take a break from helping to ingather the exiled, and say 'thank you.' 
Please know that you did the right thing, holding the door. If it's not extremely hot, you probably did the right thing and you should be thanked. There's just more that is expected in Israel.
I hope you appreciate that the Israelis are making you a better person, teaching you that you need to deserve a 'thank you.' Maybe you'll stop letting the heat into the building. Maybe you'll allow the doorman to do his job, instead of having everybody asking why they hired the guy. Maybe you'll volunteer and serve the country. Do the army and hold the door, and you'll get a 'thank you' and a 'Kol Hakavod' from everybody.

Amereekayis orderring falafel is funny. I tell story.
​
Ameicano want line
He ask, 'Why you no wait line?' So cute. Amereekaiy comee and make line. I say, 'You see falafel, you go to where is.' He look for line. The line is at the ball. I get before heem.
I call Israeli friendees of me. Ehhh they come too. Whole neighborhood come and he steeel wait on line. I finish, he steeel line wait. 

How Much
Amereekaiy come and ask how much. 'How much?' Is thees steakeetyada. It no steak. It falafel. 500 shekel. What he sink?
Like he ehhhh get reeped off wis all. It's falafel. You pay extra five shekel. You sound funny. You speak wis that Americano accentee.
Dis no good. 
Come to falafel stand, like ehhhhh, 'what you have heere?' He sell falafel. It falafel stand. Like, they want salat. You want salat, I give you. I charge more. 

Dis vhy they ehhhh get reeped off. They ask like idiote. I no ask, I take.
He say 'why dis.' I say 'yes dis.' We both say 'I do you do.' So we do. Very funny.

Want deal? Falafel deal? What Amereekaiy sink? You get deal on all? Everyting ehhhh sale. He sink dis eees ehhh Marshall's. He look for clearance rack. No clearance rack at Amos Falafel. 'Falafel balls from last season. Three month old falafel, we give deal.'
Always want deal. American sink two for price of one. They give two balls for one.
He charge five more shekel. Price on wall. Amereekaiy no see it. 

He sink, zis Amereekaiy, zis falafel shuk. What he bargain? Like ehhh 'Two falafel for 20.' Zer sign here. And he walk away wis no drink. It say ploose drinkeee. He no read math? 

No Spicey
Two hours zey wait on line. He get to order. Wait. Somebody cut heem in middle of heees question about deal.
He finally order. He say, 'No Chareef.' No spicey? What you eat zen? Ehhh. Dis no gefilte feesh. 
So ehhh zey wait two hour for no spicey hot gefilte feesh balls. 

Deeees so funny. I stay. I eat two falafels. Laugh. And he pay.

I tell you of knew Olim next time. Why they move America?

***From Kibbitzer Staff: Sorry about the grammar. We tried. Spellcheck didn’t work.