It's almost Tisha BAv, and we are coming on the Three Weeks. It's time we look at bettering our community and ourselves, so we can rebuild the Temple. And the only way we can do this is with politicians. 
To rebuild the Beit Hamikdash we could focus on construction. But let's not. That takes a lot of effort. It's easier to work on our Midot, our character traits. And for that, we look to our politicians. As they are our moral compass.
We are a society based on Halacha and Dina DMalchuta Dina. The law of the land is the law, and we know many Members of Knesset are not following Halacha. So, we need bills. 
We need to get along, as this is the reason it’s taken so long to rebuild the Temple. With Sinat Chinam, baseless hatred, nobody agrees on the plans. It’s like a committee. And we know committees don’t help. To promote love and getting along, I propose yet another Israeli bill for change in Jerusalem.

BILL 5 - Give People Room on the Sidewalk to Pass
Note About Bill for Members of Knesset: This one was created right after Shabbat, when a guy and his kids wouldn’t move. They were standing in the middle of the sidewalk. If there would have been bills passed to lock these people up, I would not have to have written this bill. People like this, who walk on sidewalks should be locked up. Prison is the only place for them.

Act
Be courteous. Jerusalem doesn't have that much room. Since the destruction of the Temples people have been complaining about space in Jerusalem.
This falls under the same bills that require one to not cut people in line, or move into the turning lane at the end, when I am sitting in traffic for fifteen minutes. This may also fall under the "do your shopping before you put your cart on line" act, so that I don’t have to stare at your cart wondering why you're still shopping while your cart is on line. Again, wondering where you are. Also known as the "why are they bringing two items at a time to their cart, which I am waiting behind, because I finished my shopping" bill. Also known as the "it is not my job to stand on line and guard your spot" bill. Also known as the "I can't stand you" bill.

Problem
a) People do not share.
b) They don’t move aside for anybody, as that would make them a fryer. And fryers are good people, because they allow me to use the sidewalk too.
c) I have to walk down the sidewalk sideways, balancing myself on the curb. This is due to my American, non-Middle Eastern upbringing, which dictates that being giving to others is something positive. They told me growing up that being courteous doesn’t makes you a "Gever." Which is why Americans are falling behind. The education system in America is messed up.
d) People think that if they take up the sidewalk, it is theirs. Being the high taxation rate, they believe they have already purchased it. Which means my taxes are not at work.
e) They're using baby carriages as an attack mechanism. They're taking full ownership of the sidewalks with strollers. And it is hard to knock over a baby in full conscience. But it is not impossible.
In Tel Aviv, they're using dogs. Either way, these things are in strollers.
e) Other people might have jobs too. They need to use the sidewalk and street to get to those places. I'm not promoting employment. But we have to deal with the mistakes of capitalism.  
f) The Temple has not been rebuilt, and thus there is less room in Jerusalem. Ask the rabbis of the Mishna to explain.
Pirkei Avot teaches that nobody complained about space in Jerusalem during the times of the Temple. Which means that they didn’t have Chol HaMoed Sukkot traffic on Highway One.

Solution
a) Share. Have a course on how to not be a jerk. Just like traffic school, you have "don’t be a jerk" school. Also known as "don't be you" school, you teach the jerks about neighbors, and how they are people that live near you. You teach them to say hello and to not leave their garbage in the hallway, in front of their neighbor’s door. To practice, you sit people next to each other in a movie theater until they learn to share the armrest.
b) No couples holding hands, unless if they are willing to walk sideways while passing me. Just because you are a couple does not mean that you have more rights to space. Whatever happened to Israeli dance techniques and maneuvers.
I accept your affection, if you are willing to hold my hand too. Either hold my hand or Mayim Mayim BSason bridge dance with me. Make the bridge so people can go under, and let us all enjoy our day. Make others feel part of the love, and let us take up the sidewalk together in a Jewish London Bridge is Falling Down.
c) Have Gan (nursery school) teachers on patrol, and have them teach people to share. We can start with LEGO. The really big ones. Otherwise, these people will be placing the tiny LEGO all over the sidewalk, just to watch people kill their feet. And stop teaching musical chairs. It teaches bad Midot. We should be teaching kids to offer a chair when the music stops.
d) Courtesy. Teach people to turn sideways. If somebody is coming towards you on the sidewalk, shift a little. At least shuffle the legs and make it look like you tried. Maybe a shoulder tuck, which gives an centimeter to the oncoming.
e) If none of this works… Teach Americans to not be pansies, and to stop complaining about every little thing. Toughen up. No crying just because you're not from the Middle East. It’s an act of weakness to give up any of the sidewalk and to not walk straight ahead. Don't be afraid to knock over elderly people. If they're ninety and can't handle it, it's time they grew up.
h) Be a decent person. Do unto others as you would want done to you. You see somebody walking down the sidewalk, hail a cab for them. Scratch the backside of their ear for them. Follow them home and do their dishes.
i) Lock them up. Anybody who does not make room for me, put in jail.
This will get the Temple rebuilt.

Backup Solution
More space. Jerusalem needs more room. At least until we rebuild the Beit Hamikdash and there are better roads to the Old City.

A Frum beggar at the Kotel said, “I only take from a Jewish quarter.” (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? A quarter is a coin. The Jewish quarter is an area of the Old City of Jerusalem. Two different meanings, hence it must be a pun. They must have Jewish quarters there. Read the pun in Yiddish. In US Yiddish “from a” means everything, and it can make sense. “From a” can also be a political statement. In Yiddish-English that Jewish quarter is probably a person who comes from the Jewish quarter. It’s a quite lucid unshackled language.
 
Why did the photographer take a picture of dessert? Because it was cheesecake. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? Photographers say “cheese.” Cheese. Cheesecake. To deliver this pun correctly, be sure to extend the "cheese" in the cheesecake. Photographers like cheesecake. At least the ones I know like cheesecake. My lawyer friend also likes cheesecake. A lot of people like cheesecake. Why should photographers not like it?! On Shavuot we eat cheesecake. Wait till after the holiday to take pictures of the cake. Point is, cheesecake is a cake that likes to be in pictures.

The offering didn’t smell good. It was fowl. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? Fowl. Foul. Foul breath. The bird they sacrificed did not smell good because it didn’t brush its teeth. Which is why you brush your teeth and use mouthwash. A lesson for the kids. The Kibbitzer puns are here to educate the next generation. And kids, never use fowl language. Your average human does not understand what pigeons are trying to say. Our children should be educated. We are just trying to help.

Why did the Jews working in Jerusalem wear denim? They were Levis. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? Levi’s. Levis. Levi’s are jeans, made out of denim. Do Levites wear jeans when working in construction. I would like to think they wear jeans when putting up buildings.

When the spies came back from Israel, they brought not grape news. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? Great news. Grape news. Sounds the same. The spies, the Meraglim, made the land sound bad, bringing huge grapes, with not grape news. Grape is used instead of great here. We don't want any misunderstanding.
  
The earth saw what Jews did when leaving Egypt, and then it ate a Korach sandwich. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? Korach Sandwich. The earth eats Korach. On Pesach, due to the Jews leaving Egypt, we eat a Hillel Sandwich at the Seder for Koreych. The Hillel Sandwich is really a Koreych Sandwich. Here it’s a Korach. Not Koreych.

How do you know the red heifer had a cholesterol problem? She was not allowed to have a yoke. (Mordechai)
You get it? The Para Aduma couldn’t have a yoke. Yolk has cholesterol. The spelling of puns doesn't always teach the lesson you are trying to get across.

(Peninei Halacha, Zemanim 4:5:1-4) It’s a Mitzvah to celebrate when we were saved, like on Yom HaAtzmaut, or when we got out of shul early. You have to celebrate the gifts from Gd. And not having to hear a sermon is one of them... This is why we celebrate Chanukah and Purim. There were no sermons or Chazins on Chanukah and Purim, and we were saved. At least there was no singing in my shul until some of these guys decided that it would be a good idea to pull out a guitar for Hallel.
We celebrate being saved from Mitzrayim, from slavery. Kal vChomer, even more so we must rejoice when we are saved from death. And I sometimes feel the need to hurt a Chazin who goes too long. Hence, we should celebrate getting out of shul early. And that’s how we Halacha is developed. And that’s how drinking schnapps at Kiddish started.

The Chatam Sofer (Yoreh De'ah 233) wouldn't do Lag Bomer parties as there are no new Yom Tovs after the destruction of the Temple. And that’s why birthdays in the Chatam Sofer's house were depressing. The kids were sitting on the floor waiting to build the Third Beit Hamikdash so they could get a decent cake with a number on it. Some of the grandchildren are still waiting to celebrate being ten.
Though, he did say that those who celebrate Lag Bomer with pure intention will be blessed, which now makes it confusing. And I'm stuck between the two, celebrating in an unhappy way.
And I'm now trying to light fires with pure intention, which has people worried.
 
(Shemot 21:15, 17) Cursing one’s parents is punishable by death. So don’t drive behind your mom or dad when they get older. Old people drive slow.
You’re allowed to beep your parents, as long as there is no curse behind the beep. And don’t work for your dad. It’s natural to curse anybody that makes you work. And don't help with chores around the house. That leads to cursing. You take out the garbage to honor your parents, and the next thing you know, you're cursing them for giving you a beautiful life.
 
Jerusalem wasn’t given to a tribe in the times of Yehoshua. It was for all the tribes. Now, the Churches own a good half the land, representing the Christian tribes of Greece, Armenia and Rome. I don't think they were mentioned in the Torah, which must be how they got a great deal on it. Either that or by murder. Which is a great way to save money...
The Jewish tribes are sticking to the Halacha and still don't own it, and thus Jews pay a very high rent, known as mortgage. And they are going to heaven broke.
How mortgage is rent is something even I can't explain. It's one of the many miracles of Yerushalayim. That, and the guy at the Shuk still yelling the price of Rugulach, when he has a sign saying "25nis" right there.

We didn’t finish the story. We started it. We continued it. We’re still going. Maybe you want to catch up and read how I got stuck at the Kotel last week. Now, I'm still stuck. And this is all happening "during these times."
I finished Davening and I got pulled into the circle again. It was now 7am. Still there. I didn’t get sleep. You can't sleep when people are singing "Kol HaOlam Koolo," "All the whole world is a very narrow bridge..." You can't go home when people are singing "Kol HaOlam Koolo." It's rude. You leave and you're offending everybody. You're offending all the whole world.
 
Singing Continues After Your Pray 
I prayed. I was fulfilled. As I got back to the Kotel Plaza, I was drawn back into this Kol HaOlam Koolo Circle. I couldn't resist the ring of unity. Even more now. I couldn't move. Unity had made it impossible to move. 
They thought my walking backwards, away from The Wall, was a dance move. So, they pulled me into the circle again. I don't know where the traditional Jewish yank of the arm to express togetherness comes from. Nonetheless, it does cause injury, which unity can do. By this time, my arms were hurting. I was going to have to see a doctor to wedge my shoulders back in their proper sockets.
Due to the lateness, all had slowed down. We were back on the Narrow Bridge. You could feel the Ahava. The love. It might have been sweat left over from Tzachi's Hora dancing. It might have been people's inability to move due to the hour and tiredness. It might have been the heat. Whatever it was, you felt the love on your clothes.

Holding Hands In the Moment
When you're in love, you hold hands. And we were now one people, in Ahava. Holding hands with the whole of your people feels real good, unless if they just wiped off sweat from their forehead and grabbed you. We held hands and danced.
Again, The Kol HaOlam Koolo Circle had turned into a stand still. It was a very spiritual dance and I embraced the love. At this point, I had no choice. I had no idea where we were going. Are we going right or left. It was a forward and backward movement. So, I stayed in the same spot with my people.
The only thing that moves slower than a circle is a one step forward one step back movement. And we finished that song, "The main thing is to not fear. Not to fear at all." I was worried I would get fired. There was no way I was going to make it to work. But that song comforted me.
I closed my eyes. That's how I know I was connecting with H'. When I close my eyes, I'm connecting with Gd. Sometimes, I'm sleeping. Sometimes there's just a lot of sun. I think I was connecting with Gd. Connecting with Gd and my people. 

And Now "Acheinu"
All the sudden, we went into "Acheinu," "Our Brothers," and I started bawling on the narrow bridge. Tears started flowing. Who could ask for anything better. What's better than not moving back and forth with your eyes closed, and now tears?! Nothing. It's euphoric. Only thing that would've made it better is a good sneeze.
Something about that song about being brothers, while holding my brothers (could be narrow bridges- however you call your people), right after singing "Kol HaOlam Koolo" opens the heaven's floodgates of tears on my face. And it was during these times that all of this happened.
The whole Kotel, including the women's section. "Acheinu." Maybe they didn't understand the words. Maybe "brothers" also means sisters. Hebrew is confusing like that.
"Acheinu" had made its way into the circle lexicon, rivaling "Kol HaOlom Koolo." I didn't know this. I thought "Acheinu" only made it into the shuls. It moves slower than the "Jerusalem of Gold" Dance, yet it unifies us all the same in a circle enveloped by love and warmth and sweat.
I haven't felt this unified with my people since I Davened Shacharit against the request of the stewardess on an ELAL flight.

The Sun Is Rising
The sun is about to come up. I don't have my Tefillin and my phone battery ran out. If there is ever a time to lose faith in mankind, it's when your phone dies. And with the death of Samsung, I lost faith in my people. After love comes frustration.
It is during this time of unity and singing "Acheinu," "Our Brothers" with sisters, that you should try to not curse out your people. Lfum Tzara Agra. According to the pain is the reward. I was going to make it home. I made it to The Wall. I could make it home too. With the goal of celebrating Yom Yerushalayim during these times, I realized I was going to have to skip work. And so, I sang and I cried, and I got fired.

Final Conclusion
I embraced my people. Once I let everything go, I embraced "Acheinu," which went on for another couple hours. "Acheinu" lasts a long time when another inspired individual starts singing it again. You think the song is over when you say "on dry land," and then an inspired individual with eyes closed, goes into "Acheinu." Again. Song is not finished for him, and it is now not finished for the rest of us.

The meaning of the Kol HaOlam Koolo Circle. It's the dancing in the face of history. We are joyful. We have no fear. And one guy started singing "Not to fear, from flesh and blood." That said it all during these times. And then I heard, "Not to fear at all, from flesh and blood or college students."
And then, as "Acheinu" died down and all inspiration was lost, after ten hours of dancing, at 7am, the people started going crazy and doing this Israeli jump dance. Still in one spot.
And so I joined my people in jumping and I ended up disturbing other people who were trying to Daven. Maybe somebody they’ll understand that Davening is best done in Kol HaOlam circle form.

I saw that forward backward movement at a Tish, around the rebbe's table, the following Shabbat. It turns out they'd just made it back from the Kotel. The Chassidim got caught in the Yom Yerushalayim Kol HaOlam Koolo Circle and couldn’t break out of it either.

"Dance with your people." My rabbi was right, even if he's a heretic who celebrates Jerusalem Day.
I remember now. It was this same unity of the Kol HaOlam Koolo Circle that joined us together on Tisha BAv last year. Gishmak. I can't wait for Tisha BAv. Love that day. Such good times.

I stayed in Jerusalem for Shavuot. By the time I got home from Yom Yerushalayim, I didn’t have enough time to pack and head to my cousins for the Chag. Kol HaOlam Koolo Circles will change your plans.
And then I saw the picture of the soldiers looking up at the Kotel for the first time, ending The Six Day War. The blowing of the Shofar. I knew, this is what today is about. This is what Shavuot is about. This is what Hoshana Rabbah is about. This is what Tisha BAv is about. This is what our pilgrimage festivals, our Chagim, are about. It's about not getting any sleep. The soldiers definitely stayed up all night.

Let us continue the Yom Yerushalayim dancing we were talking about yesterday. It's just a meaningful story. No Torah. But there is dancing, and the Kotel. So, it's meaningful.

Kol HaOlam Koolo or Davening During These Times
The Kol HaOlam Koolo (Whole World) Circle began and I was in it. Once you're in the circle of unity, you feel the unity and you're not leaving it. Unity takes up a lot of room in a very small space. It's very hard to maneuver around unity. Not being able to move is very unifying. "The whole world is a narrow bridge" and I was on that bridge with my people. You sing those words, especially during these times and you feel the unity. The unity of our people, packed together, making it very hard to get to The Wall.

During These Times
"During these times" is what you say when you're talking about bad stuff. I learned that from my Israeli rabbis. It's always "During these times." It's never "In these times." In these times things are not that bad. It's during these times that something is very wrong. Nothing good has ever happened during these times. "In these times" all is fine and dandy. "During those times" is not bad. During those times, they had flower petals on beds and unicorns. Things are always bad during these times. It's been "during these times" in Israel for a very long time.
When you sing about a narrow bridge, it somehow all makes sense. These times makes a lot of sense. And there I was, touching and swaying many narrow bridges. It was hours of narrow bridges. Greater than any Tefillah. It was Achdut, unity and a narrow bridge. Too narrow to make it to the Kotel. Perfect for crowd surfing. Which would've helped me get to the Kotel sooner.
I needed to be part of my people during these times. That was my only choice. I had to dance with my people. I was stuck.
Why would anybody want to leave a narrow bridge during these times?! It was during these times that I am talking. I've never heard a good Frum Jew talking about in these times. Such a merit. A Zechus. I have to tell my rebbe. I was at the Kotel on Yom Yerushalayim during these times.

Still In the Circle
We stayed in a circle. There was nowhere to go. We were at the Kotel already. The Kotel Plaza. Then, all the sudden, the Kol HaOlam Koolo Circle turned into a Hora. Movement was faster and I side-danced with the circle till I could break to the Kotel side. I had to time the angle on the Kotel side of the circle. There was some Hora back-stepping, which impeded my sideways progress. Nonetheless, I finally got to The Wall side.
It was on this Yom Yerushalayim that I felt the beginning of redemption, the hand holding, the circle. That is how we dance: circle, sometimes get the middle cypher going, one hand hold kick and switch the kick. The idea is to touch the guy next to you.

I Finally Made it to the Kotel
I finally made it to the Kotel, side-stepping with the Hora. I'd practiced this move on Friday nights, trying to make it to The Wall during a Carlebach Minyin. You dance with them and at the 180 degree point, you separate from the circle and join the next circle. A circlized mixer dance. Some men have a very tight grip, developed from years of Tish dancing. Yet, I made it to The Wall after pinching one of the guys hands to get out of his vise grip.
I was worried I would never make it. Yet, once they moved into Hora and Shwekey songs, it started to move. Hora circles move. Sometimes they move backwards, but they still move.
The singing did disturb my Davening (prayers) and I did tell them to stop singing for a few minutes, so I could focus on my Amidah silent prayer. It turned out that my voice was not heard by the nation at the Kotel. So, I Davened. I was not willing to part with tradition. Then I remembered, I like dancing during Davening. Which is hard to do during the Amidah, where I have to keep my feet in place. So, I started swaying. Known as Shuckling, one could not tell if I was dancing or Davening to "Hava Nagilah."

I Finished Davening and My People Kept Going
I thought I was done after Davening. I had finished the journey. I did what my rebbe wanted. I danced to the Kotel with my people and prayed. It was meaningful. I had united. What now?!
After I Davened, or danced- I don't remember which one- I meant to pray to Gd- there was definitely dancing, I heard them back on the "Kol HaOlam Koolo." The Hora can only last so long. After 3:30am it's hard to keep the Hora energy up. Even the young people decided to join the Kol HaOlam Koolo Circle.
I was trying to figure out how to get past the circle before 6am. I had work that morning, and I did not have a car, or the ability to beep at people who were celebrating.
As I was leaving the packed Kotel wall, I walked backwards in deference to the holiness of the place and to make it easier to look like I didn't mean to knock over the people I was walking into. You actually move faster that way. When you walk backwards and you injure people at the Kotel, you get out of there faster, and they forgive the action as religious duty.
I got past a few people, walking over them. I was ready to continue Yom Yerushalayim with sleep.
 
Singing Kept Me
I couldn't continue walking backwards from the Kotel. The unity drew me in. This time my heart was open. Without a need to go to The Wall, I found myself holding hands with my nation. Finally, back in the Old City of Jerusalem, celebrating Yom Yerushalayim, all different types of Jews defined by their Kippas. Kippot Srugot (knitted yarmulkes) Jews, satin and velvet Yarmulke Jews, known as Charedim, soldiers, Sherut Leumi, kids, adults. All heretics. None of them looked like me. If they learned from my rabbi, they might not have been heretics. Nonetheless, they were all my people and not one of the heretics was rebuking another. One people with this new heretical form of Davening, singing "Kol HaOLam Koolo" and dancing real slow, with smiles, taking over the Kotel.
During these times, nobody attacked my people, asides from myself trying to get out of the Kotel.

Conclusion
It's all more meaningful during these times. Being with my people, unifying in song during these times.
Unity doesn't move.
Unity keeps our people together.
Unity had me Davening with a bunch of heretics.
Unity keeps us rooted in the past.
Unity keeps us from running.
Unity keeps us from getting home and stops buses from getting out of the Old City.
Unity keeps people from waking up for work.
Unity ruins my Kavanah.
Unity makes Davening meaningful.
Unity is a Kol HaOlam Koolo Circle.

It is being together in Yerushalayim. That's what the holiday is about. It's not about getting anywhere. It's about being there. At least that makes me feel better about not moving very far and skipping work the next day.
Note: “Singing ‘Kol HaOlam Koolo’ and dancing real slow” has a nice ring to it.

I went to the Kotel for Yom Yerushalayim, Jerusalem Day. I hope I didn't do anything Asur. I hope celebrating Jerusalem as a Jew isn't forbidden according to Halacha. I don't know. Some of my rabbis seem to not be big fans of  the whole Six Day War and reclaiming Jerusalem. I just want to do the right thing. If it was celebrating Brooklyn, a Brooklyn Day, I would feel connected to my people. The Halacha would be clear. A decent deli and a corned beef on rye is something we have celebrated as a Jewish people. I'm still getting used to Yerushalayim and shawarma. Anyways, I celebrated Yom Yerushalayim with a Reuben sandwich.
Shavuot is a pilgrimage festival and it's coming up, and that's another question I'm discussing with my rabbi. I'm now in Yerushalayim and it's going to be hard for me to make it to Brooklyn for the Chag.

Background to My First Kotel Dance
It used to be the Koysel. Now I'm calling it the Kotel. What's happened to me. I'm not even Frum anymore. I might as well accept it. Shavuot. Now I'm going to the Kotel for Shavuot. Not even Shavuis.
I remember my first Friday night dance at the Kotel. It was the Kabbalat Shabbat service and the Yeshiva Bachurs got sick of Davening. So they started singing. Then they started singing stuff that wasn't even words. A Nay Nay Nay thing. Then they put down their Siddurs, started dancing. I didn't want to join them in their protest, as I was fine praying. But they pulled me in. And then I heard they were dancing in service of Gd. So, I joined them. It's definitely easier to focus on Tefillah without the prayers.
It was a very aggressive form of Kiruv. When I became religious, many people were trying to help bring me closer to Gd. Nobody ever pulled me physically or yanked me to be a better a Jew. The Jewish dance circle was a very violent form of Kiruv. I'd heard about what they call NCSY youth advisors who have injured many high school kids' arms by pulling them into what they called "Pre-Shabbat Ruach Circles," but I never had a shoulder pulled out of my socket for the sake of Gd before.
At first I didn't like this dancing in lieu of Davening. But then I got used to not praying and I started going to the Kotel to dance on Friday nights. I have now danced at the Kotel many of times since I became religious, to get out of having to Daven.
But Yom Yerushalayim is the holiday of Jerusalem, and we were celebrating Jerusalem. I did not know what to be prepared for. I had no idea what to expect. I came with extra shoulder protection, a sling, and knee guards just in case.

My Rabbi Said to Go "It's Yom Yerushalayim"
I was trying to make my way to the Kotel, the iconic spot of the Six Day War. My rabbi told me go. It turns out my rabbi is a Zionist. If I would've known that in advance, I would've learned somewhere else and found another rabbi. I would've probably went to learn in Poland. Now, I'm a Charedi who's saying Hallel on Yom Yerushalayim with a Bracha. The only Charedi who celebrates Shavuot. I should've known. My rabbi was wearing Techeilet. Only Zionist rabbis have the blue fringes on their Tzitzit. True ultra-Orthodox Jews do not follow those Mitzvahs. What kind of rabbi tells his student to go to the Kotel?!
Maybe I'm not Charedi now. I don't know. It changes depending on who's pulling me into what circle. But my rabbi told me, "It's Yom Yerushalayim. You join your people and follow the tradition. Listen to the rabbis' speeches at Yeshivat Merkaz HaRav for three hours. After not understanding a thing they say, you march to the Kotel. Go with your people and Daven Maariv."

Making My Way to The Kotel
I started walking to the Kotel from Merkaz HaRav at the entrance to the city. I couldn't make it anywhere. I was surrounded by random people dancing. I realized that if we're dancing already two miles from the entrance to the Old City, which is another kilometer away from the Kotel, it's going to be a long night. I was bothered, "Why is everybody dancing?! There is no reason to dance. Nobody is Davening!" To which I was told that people dance outside of the Kotel too. To which I said, "That's Asur."
We weren't moving. I shouted, "We're nowhere near the Kotel. We're only at the central bus station. If you don't stop dancing, we'll never make it to the Kotel." It was at this moment that some of the people said, "Shoot. We'll never make it to the Kotel at this pace. I don't think we've moved. The circle just goes around. I think I'm back where I was ten minutes ago." And the circle opened up, and with arms around each other we all continued dancing in the direction of the Old City. And we started moving very slowly. They were jumping side to side. They were still dancing. I tried telling them that a march, like my rabbi suggested, would get us their quicker. Though a brisk walk would work better. I'm going to bring that up at our next Shiur.
You don't move very fast no matter how you dance. You won't make it anywhere quickly dancing. It will slow down any activity. Grocery shopping, a visit to the doctor's office, Davening.
It wasn't a hop skip and jump movement. They were doing this side to side jump dance, which I've noticed they do at sporting events and protests. It was the same dance. It moves quite slowly, as the direction is not forward. If turning toward the Kotel, it might have been faster. For a moment I thought they were protesting, until I heard a cheer of "Yerushalayim Shelanu. Oley Oley Oley Oley. Yerushalayim!!!" At which point, I realized they were going to a soccer game. They were Beitar Jerusalem fans and they never made it to the Kotel.

Other People Are Dancing Too
I left that group of dancers and joined another group of dancers who were singing "Yerushalayim Shel Zahav," "Jerusalem of Gold." And we danced down Jaffa Street to the beat of the song, even slower, as another circle was formed. It took a while to break that circle. "Jerusalem of Gold" is quite meaningful in circle form. You do not move fast in circles. That's something that I learned Yom Yerushalayim night. Confirmed. It was a half hour later that we morphed into a semicircle. Opening up the blockade part of the circle allowed for some movement towards the Kotel.
I was connected with all my Holy Brethren and Sistren as we moved towards the Old City. Jerusalem. Unified. Dancing through the streets of Yerushalayim in semicircle form. Holding up traffic. Getting beeped. Getting people mad. It turns out that people trying to get home from work don't celebrate Yom Yerushalayim. They don't like circles, and it turns out they also don't like semicircles.

The Kotel Plaza - A Circle of Love
I made it through Jaffa Gate, Shaar Yafo, with a bit of pushing and running over the people that were in front of me in the semicircle. I finally got to the Kotel Plaza and people were again in circle form. It was six and a half hours since Yom Yerushalayim began. Six and a half hours of circles. The half, representing the half a day it took to clean up after the war. It turns out that groups like to form circles at the Kotel Plaza too.
Undeterred I promised myself I would make it to the wall. It may take some extra time and sidestepping along with the circle, but I promised myself I would get to the Kotel.
As I sidestepped, on my way to the Kotel, I realized I was part of another circle. I couldn't not be. I could not make my way around without being part of it. They sing and dance on Friday nights, but there are pockets of openness on Shabbat, fulfilling the words, "In the times of the Temple, nobody complained about space in Jerusalem" (misquoted from Pirkei Avot, but still a quote). But the Temple has been destroyed, and there was no room at the Kotel on Yom Yerushalayim, and I am complaining. Here, tonight, on Yom Yerushalayim, there was nowhere to go.
I joined the circle. I had to. And before I could yell or ask my people to crowd surf me to The Wall, I found myself singing. Singing the meaningful words I had sung so many times before. The words that touched my heart for so many years as a Baal Teshuva. "Kol HaOlam Koolo." No idea what it means. So I sung.
In unison, as our circles became one, our huge circle was singing "Kol HaOlam Koolo Gesher Tzat Meod." It turns out the words mean, "The whole world is a narrow bridge." So beautiful. So fitting, as I was stuck in a circle with no way out. Not even a narrow opening.

I've got to get some sleep. I finally got home. I haven't slept since Yom Yerushalayim started. I think they're still dancing.
I haven't even got to the Kotel yet. I still haven't Davened. I did. But I have to get sleep. I'll tell you more about me dancing with guys and the narrow bridges tomorrow.

Lessons of What Has Followed
"Kol HaOLam Koolo Gesher Tzar Meod." I think you understand those words now.
From "Jerusalem of Gold" to the "Whole World is a Very Narrow Bridge," that is the progression of our people. Think about that statement, meditate on it. I'm sure something meaningful pop up.

I've now adopted this new form of Davening, where I dance and serve Gd by not looking in the Siddur. I am now in much better shape. This new form of Davening has helped my cardiovascular health.
It turns out that Davening takes an extra half hour to four hours with dancing.

Let's take a stroll down memory lane to Lag BOmer, Yom Yerushalayim and David eating ribs on a date like a fool with Kibbitzer's pictures of laughter from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for complaining about religious Jews mourning the loss of the Temple and praying for its return.

People have a tradition to walk around Jerusalem on Yom Yerushalayim
For those who cannot make it, I will take you on a little virtual tour of the Old City, so you can feel like you are there yourself this Jerusalem Day, even if you've made no effort to visit Israel this year.
Along with Hoshana Rabbah and Tisha BAv, Yom Yerushalayim and Shavuot Night are two days where people flock to the Old City of Jerusalem and the Kotel. In honor of this tradition I will take you on a tour of the Kotel itself and explain what is going on.

The People Walking Fast
The religious men of Jerusalem walk very fast. A religious tradition. A defining attribute of Chasidim, the ability of speedy gait is a gift from Gd. The greater miracle you can see is how the Rebbe is walking slow, and yet he is still in front of his Chasidim who are walking three times faster than their rebbe.

The Kotel
Let's take a step back and speak of the Kotel. The Western Wall, the retaining wall of the Great Temple, which the Divine Presence never left. The Catholic Church also owns this, according to Roman law.
The Temple area is on the other side of the Kotel. The Temple was a house of prayer for all nations ['My house shall be called a house of prayer for all nations' (Yehsaya 56:7)], until around 1,350 when it became a house for all nations but Jews. People who built a dome there around 1,350 years ago get mad when Jews pray there. Many also get mad when Jews pray in Israel.

The Wall in The Back of the Kotel
It's another wall. Just in case.
This separates the main prayer section from the open plaza area. It's there to keep the stalkers away. They call themselves tourists, with the cameras. They're a bunch of stalkers.

The Wall on The Side
Known as a Mechitzah, this is there to separate the men's and women's sections so you know where the ladies are. That's how I always understood it.
The Mechitzah is greatly appreciated by the women. With men praying for wives, we don't want them sitting with women getting the wrong idea thinking girls like them. You will notice men sitting right next to the Mechitzah, they're peeking through the latticework. In Hebrew, the word is 'Klavim.'
You will also notice women looking over the wall. It's obvious. When given the chance, women use Bar Mitzvahs as a chance to stand on chairs and check out the guys' side. They pretend like they're related to the Bar Mitzvah boy, stand on a chair and say it's because they want to hear the Bar Mitzvah boy reading the Torah. The Torah is not read in the afternoon. A bunch of peeping Taliahs.

The Plaza Behind the Wall in the Back
This is there for tour groups, army initiations, sleep on Shavuot, and a bunch of losers or singles to score a Friday night meal with Jeff Seidel.

Tefillin Booth
This is run by Chabad. Chabad likes booths.
That is Hebrew he is speaking.  The black-hatted man is letting them know, 'You can wrap the Tefillin, even if your parents denied you a Jewish education. Just believe in yourself, even if they didn't.' This is why the Tefillin guy is yelling at the young guys and chasing them down with black straps.
You will notice religious people walking fast here. The religious people walk fast because they're trying to get by the Chabad Tefillin guy without him attacking them. They've already put on the Tefillin.

The Guy Screaming at You
He is not angry at you. He is inviting you to join him in prayer. He needs a Minyin/quorum. He is yelling at you for the sake of Gd. That is religious fervor coming out in the way of, 'Minyin!!! Minyin!!!' He is standing right next to us and he is screaming right at us. It appears he needs a Minyin. I don't believe he is leaving. I am going to pray.
I prayed the afternoon prayer eight times the other day. You're only supposed to pray to Gd once in the afternoon. But I was more scared of the guy.

Papers on the Floor
Many people have a tradition of writing notes and then discarding them at the Kotel. Most people have a tradition of sticking the notes in the wall. Other people have a tradition of not cleaning up.
The tradition began back in the days when most people did not have access to Israel. Recycling was not an option at the time, and littering was illegal. So people had their friends bring their papers to the Kotel. This gave a sense of connectedness, knowing that their clutter made its way to Israel.
Right now, you can all stick notes in the Kotel. I suggest to not stick love notes in the wall. Last time I stuck in a love note at the Kotel I was hoping it would make it to the ladies' side of the Mechitzah. That didn't happen. Due to that experience with Shloimy, I am not going to be writing any more notes.
Warning: Sticking notes in the wall can become addictive. I knew I had to stop bringing notes to the Kotel when I found myself caulking my bathtub with little bits of paper.

Next time we will go for a more in-depth tour of the Kotel and and why the people walking backwards are not doing the moonwalk. We will also help you figure out what Minyin to join.

As we continue to modernize our Holy City and Land I find it important to address this bill I have set forth in honor of Yom Yerushalayim. A bill that will make Olim happy living in Yerushalayim this Jerusalem Day.

​BILL 3 – No Eekooling

Act
Government agencies cannot access or close ones bank account without them knowing. Government agencies have to take me to court before screwing me over.

Problem
a) I woke up that day and looked at my phone. Killed my day, and then the next two months.
b) They shut down your bank account before you get the bill. Known as an Eekool, it's a preemptive strike against your being able to pay the bill you don't know you have. They know you will not pay it, since it is not yours to pay, so they want to ensure that.
c) They shut down my bank account because I was not paying property tax on an apartment that I was not living in. An apartment other people were renting from somebody else. It took me a while to understand that my living there before them is my fault and I should've gotten taxed for that. But they did explain it to me.
d) If they shut down my bank account, how am I supposed to pay?! I believe that's an obvious question. I asked. Nobody had an answer. I believe they repeated 'Eekool' thirty times. The more you repeat something, the more it is understood. I believe that's the case. 
I accepted it was my fault for paying Arnona (property tax) on that apartment when I lived there, and ever letting the city know I lived there. In life you make dumb decisions sometimes.
e) I lost my electricity. My credit card stopped working. The next two months were spent trying to convince everybody I ever met that I am not an idiot.
f) I had no access to money. My friends didn't want to pay for Tzvi's Arnona, as they have never met him. Neither have I. My friends also didn't wanted to pay for my electricity which Chevrat Chasmal was looking for. Chevrat Chasmal was angry they couldn't get money out of my bank account. I had to explain 'Eekool' to them a good thirty times.
g) Guy got rid of the Eekool for me because he was having a decent day. Laws should not depend on somebody finding a decent deal on a 56-roll package of toilet paper (carrying the 56-roll package brings joy- known as a Metizah for the family and the extended Mishpuchi). My bank account should not be affected by a guy who got lucky and made it to the Doar post office when they were open (not easy to achieve as hours to change daily - an achievement that will make anyone happy).
h) This is the number one reason for Yeridah. People leave Israel once they realize they have no access to their bank account. Eekooled is a verb, meaning ‘we are screwing you over and we do not have to explain why.' Alternative translation: 'You are going to get kicked out of your apartment because we screwed you over and we don't have to explain why.'
i) Government. I believe this is the issue. Government making decisions. The government is not very good with money. The way they like to spend, they should not have unrestricted access to my bank account. With the 2,500nis I have saved in there, they might splurge on another park in the middle of a traffic circle.
j) That truly ruined my day. Eekools can do that.

Solution
a) Assume the government is wrong. Assume the Iriyah (municipality), Mas Hachnasa and the new tax agency they are going to create with no laws to screw me over, are wrong. Assume that David doesn’t live in three different homes in Jerusalem. Assume that David cannot afford more than one apartment on a new Oleh salary of 4,000nis a month. Assume that the people that are living in the apartment, on the lease, are the ones living there. And maybe they didn’t think it was worth it to come to your office to tell you. If they told you, they would've had to pay property taxes on their apartment. Assume they would rather David pay their taxes for them. Assume that when they changed their address and said they were living there to everybody in the country, they were living there. Assume the people living in the apartment will not complain about the Eekool on David's account.
b) Court. Use the system. There are courts in Israel. I know. I once put a flyer on a bus stop. I was taken in for flyering in the first degree. I got caught. I had tape. They took me in. Rightfully.
c) Let me know before you shut my bank account, so that it doesn’t take me a half a year before I can use a cellphone again. This way, you might receive the money.
d) When judging in court for a city fine, the person who gave the fine, lawyers and the judge, cannot all be getting paid by the city. Everybody involved in the Eekool was on the city payroll. If that is the case, I am hosting an appeal in my apartment, with my friends. That should allow for fair judgment.
e) If you are a company that sees your customer is Eekooled, contact them before shutting off their service. You have been living in Israel, you have been screwed over. When you see their phone has been cut off... I'm at a loss right now.
f) Laws. Work with laws!
g) No fining people once you shut down their bank account. If they don't have a bank account, and they need a bank account to pay you, I am assuming they can't pay you. This one is an assumption, and I am probably wrong.
h) If you don’t want to do it for the whole country, allow Olim who come from countries where there are laws to have due process before screwing them over. It is hard for Olim from America to understand Eastern European laws from 1894.
i) Laws are not allowed to be based on if the guy at the municipality was able to pick up his registered mail that morning.

Backup To Solution
If the laws don't change, as closing people's bank accounts is fun and gives an activity to government staff, make it more understandable. Use a word people know, so that they can figure out what the bank is talking about when it tells them their bank account belongs to some Member of Knesset. Some MK who had to come into work that morning. Something that makes people not happy.
Change the name from Eekool to ‘we are screwing you over and we do not have to explain why.’

I hope this was educational as well. And I do look forward to meeting you upon your Aliyah.

Announcements
The community Lag BOmer marshmallows were Paskesz. You should all know you had a religious Jewish experience eating the marshmallows, even if most of our community thought it was a good idea to sing folk songs by the fire pit. Our board would like to officially apologize for the people who brought their guitars. Especially the classic guitar. 
We assure you all that the rabbi has sat with them and they now know that the only songs that are allowed to be sung at a bonfire are Carlebach songs.

Yom Yerushalayim is this coming Thursday night. As nobody in the community knows what it is, we won't celebrate it.

The weather committee would like to announce that the shul air-conditioning has been fixed and is working. It will be very hot in shul this Shabbis.

We pray for our brothers and sisters in Israel, and for their safety. With that in mind, don't go to Israel this summer. Show your solidarity by vacationing in The Mountains.

Rabbi Mendelchem's Sermon Exerpts
Shabbat Shalom My Pupils...

It is the Jubilee year and nobody is jubilizing. Everybody is worried about what to eat. The same way we must worry about what is going to be with Kiddish after the horrific Berkman Bat Mitzvah. And after you found out that two bags of Paskesz marshmallows is not enough for a community Lag BOmer... You can't jubilize when you have food rationing... We're living in 2023 America. If you don't have leftovers, nobody is happy. You can't jubilize with one rugulach, Bernie!

What is everybody worried about?
(Vayikra 25:19) If you follow the laws of Shmita and Yovel 'the land will give fruit and you will eat to satisfaction, and you will dwell securely upon it.' There is no security when you have a board that can't figure out that people like to eat. Would anybody have kept the laws without food?! H' promises us food. This is why we listen to Him. There is no reason to listen to the president of the shul. Do not listen. He supports the worst Kiddishes. His anniversary party didn't even have sour cream and onion dip. No jubilee there. You can't jubilate with the president of our shul. And there is no security guard this Shabbis... Just saying, Mark.
 
And it wasn't during Yovel (the jubilee year)... If you believed in Gd, Mr. President, we would have more food. Good religious Jews have more food. Why? Gd provides. That's why the Frum shul has potato kugel every week... It's from H'... If you served better food, we wouldn't have lost the two families last year. Membership would be up and there would be lox spread... Gd provides. Yes. Gd provides. It's not just a saying. Gd provides Kichel and marshmallows... If you would've had smores, there would've been jubilating...

It's about being fair. H' is fair. Hence, we trust Him. (Vayikra 25:21) The sixth year will give fruit for three years. I feel like we're suffering a famine in this congregation. With a marshmallow Lag BOmer and that horrific Bar Mitzvah Kiddish, I'm thinking that I should not come to shul for three years...
The land goes back to the ancestral heritage. You don't sell land forever because we are only sojourners. That doesn't mean to not mow your lawn. You're still responsible for your house... The world is H's and it is owned by Him... It's not like an apartment rental. You have to fix your own faucet... You can pray to H' that you don't get a leak.
​
On Yom Yerushalayim we praise Gd... Because He gave Jerusalem to us. Why I have to explain this?! I'm talking to AmAratzim. A bunch of Apikorsim in this place...
We now celebrate Yom Yerushalayim this week. Let us jubilate with more food. We are going to have a food committee that has nobody from the board on it... Because all of you members of the board make bad decisions, like Tzimis, and you are annoying... It was a board member that rationed marshmallows on Lag BOmer...

If he has money or somebody pays for the land, you give it back early. But he has to pay... (Vayikra 25:27) '...shall reckon the years of his sale and return the remainder to the man that he sold it to.' You can't rip people off. The housing rentals in Topeka are crazy... It's Topeka Bernie. Nobody makes 5K a month... You can't go knocking on the door at Pilgrimage Boulevard. You sold that house... Topeka is not Israel... We are not Mormon...
It's the selfishness and lack of giving that has caused for no jubilation in this congregation. We must give a decent amount of food to enjoy Yom Yerushalayim... No rationing falafel balls. 
Fairness comes when you understand it is not yours. When you understand that Kiddish isn't yours. When you understand that nobody wants you to sing at a bonfire. When you learn about Yom Yerushalayim.
You jubilate with Paskesz... Paskesz candies are religious. Sadie. They are part of our tradition...

I am sweating. Hence there is no joy... Ancestral heritage without a decent AC unit? Gd would never have done that... The land was returned with AC. You didn't take the unit with you when you left...

And go to Israel... Even for Yom Yerushalayim. How do we celebrate Israel by not going??? Exactly. I don't understand the board of our shuls... I know they have Paskesz in The Mountains. You get Osem in Israel....
Stop worrying about money. The shul raised 300k last month. That should've covered a third bag of marshmallows. That should cover a jubilee.
Where is the money? 

Chazak Chazak vNitzchazek. Be strong and there will be food... I am moving to Israel. I'm sick of this AmAratzut...

Rivka's Rundown
The rabbi didn't move to Israel. He said he has more inheritance in America. Even so, he was mad about nobody visiting Israel. He noted that if the nonJews of Topeka knew what Jews were, it would be dangerous in Topeka, and there would be no Paskesz.

The shul raises money and then they charge for everything. I think they just raise money to raise it. 

When the rabbi now goes to a Simcha, if there isn't a good spread, he notes they're godless people. The Hendelmans didn't have a smorgasbord. The rabbi told me they're heretics.
If you believe in Gd you will trust that He will provide food for all the guests, and there will be enough for you for the next three years. That's unless it's a Kiddish by one of our congregants, a holiday with our board, or a Hendelman Simcha.

Yes. The shul has a weather committee. At the beginning of their meetings they watch the news and look at the ten day forecast. Then they discuss who is going to come and who is not. And they still have no idea how to work the AC unit.
They've called the weather station to get the anchor to announce a snowstorm so people would come to shul. They figured that if the congregants couldn't go to the lake, in fear of an incoming storm, they would go to shul. It turns out that even when our congregants have nothing to do, they would rather not go to shul.

AC has been fixed. Meaning, a new unit has been installed. The weather committee did the finances, and they realize it's too expensive to run the unit. 
The casing of the AC unit looks nice. A beautiful white coat.

The rabbi created a new rule that you have to serve Paskesz at all shul events, so that we can go to Shamaim. To quote the rabbi, 'Heaven is lined with Paskesz soursticks.'

All members of the shul cancelled their Israel trips. Thanks to the shul announcements, Israel lost a hundred thousand dollars.

They listened to the rabbi and there were three falafel balls a person at the Yom Yerushalayim celebration. It was still pathetic. No jubilating. There was no Tahini.

​BILL 4 – No Third Grade Kids Directing Traffic
This is an issue in Jerusalem. Hence, I bring it up on Yom Yerushalayim (Jerusalem Day). One of the few days the kids aren't in school, and thus it is safe to cross at a crosswalk.

Act
The post school stop sign to cross the street cannot be held by children until they are old enough to cross the street by themselves.

Problem
a) Children are directing traffic in the middle of the day, when school is out. The only traffic pattern they know is walking home from school with a whistle.
b) The whole of West Jerusalem is held up and traffic is stopped at 2:30pm, because the kid is too small to lift the stop sign, to let cars go.
The bigger kids are waving the signs and pointing them in random directions, aloof, smacking people on the sidewalk. One spaced out kid had people held up in the middle of the sidewalk. He was pointing the sign the wrong way. The kid didn't realize cars don't drive on the sidewalk. 
c) These kids aren’t old enough to cross the street themselves.
d) This falls under the issues brought up in all the safety bills I have proposed, of which each one consists of motorcycles and Toostoosim.
e) I see a fluorescent orange vest, but I see nothing inside of it. These kids are tiny. It looks like one of those tiny person sketches where somebody acts as the hands for somebody else. I just see two hands and a vest.
g) No child should have to deal with road rage until they get their license. I saw a fifty-year-old native beep and curse out a kid. He thought he was getting mad at the car in front of him for holding up traffic. It was the kid that was holding up traffic, as she couldn't lift the sign, and that is who he ended up cursing at. I believe it was his child, as the kid screamed back, ‘Keep your eyes on the road you idiot.’
h) These kids are going to be going to the army, there is enough danger then.
i) Teachers finish teaching and then abandon them, leaving them in charge of the running of the school, city traffic, and the municipality.
j) I get held up. That ruins my day. And then I hate kids.

Solution
a) Spend money and have a grownup directing traffic.
b) If we are using children, give them sumo suits or something that will protect them. The fluorescent in the middle of the day does not work the same as in the dark. If they're going to have the fluorescent orange vests, make them stay in school till 6pm, after rush hour. 
c) No beeping until you know who caused the problem. Then you are allowed to get out of your car and hurt them for driving at the speed of traffic.
d) Send kids to traffic school. At least, make sure they are not drinking. I don’t know what Petel does to the brain, but it does not have them focused on my getting past Beyt Sefer Yisodi Pelech.
e) Get them on a weightlifting regimen or have them work in groups. Get four kids on each sign. The only issue with this is teamwork. Which is why they should take up rowing and join a crew before being allowed to run the city at 2:30pm. 
f) Teach the kids directions. If they can't point right, they can't run city traffic.
g) Make it clear that the children are the ones causing traffic, so that we know who to blame. Grownups will stop fighting with each other.
h) Have a huge blinking sign 'Warning: Delays Up Ahead. Child Who Was Educated in the Jerusalem School System Running Traffic Patterns.'

When I think of Yom Yerushalayim, I think of the Jerusalem hotel buffet. That is what I celebrate when I am in the Holy City. And that is how to celebrate Jerusalem Day. 
I must get personal here. Growing up in Rochester, New York, with its limited kosher options, I didn’t even know what an all you can eat buffet was. An excellent childhood nonetheless (not knowing it could've been better, if I had choices other than cereal for breakfast. Then, I moved to Israel and found out the exciting news that the Holy Land is full of all you can eat buffets. Called hotels. Sometimes, we get emotional at the Kibbitzer magazine. If you have a little tear now, it's understandable. Redemption can do that to people.
Be it Shabbat, Pesach or any day of the week, I’ve learned to master the art of the Israeli hotel buffet and I would like to share some of these skills with you. If you haven’t been to Israel, don’t worry, you can apply these techniques to your local kosher buffet. Not in Rochester.

​Eat Fast
​Some hotels only give you two hours. That is not enough time to eat everything there, and to reach your goal of eating twice the 250nis entrance fee. You must focus and eat fast.
The enjoyment of the buffet is dependent on getting more than the 250 shekels out of it. Then, there are family and friends that eat very slow, and some diet (the kind of people that can ruin a buffet). I've tried giving them nasty looks for being thin, but they still eat too slow. Some of them even chew. I have to eat for them. Hence, I eat faster.

Don't Talk
I for one know that two hours isn't enough to eat 1,500nis worth, if I am having to eat for the weak ones who talk during buffet hours, thinking it's biscuits and tea time. Hence, no conversation. I eat fast and I don't converse. Unless if I need to find out where the shakshuka is.

Use Two Plates
Plates can only carry so much. Thus, always bring back two plates to the table. Gd gave you two hands for a reason. And that reason is so that you can save a trip to the buffet tables.

All Courses Are Meat
Any non-breakfast buffet, you fill your plate with meat.
Appetizers, entrees, mains, dessert, soup. All of them should be meat. Rarely, have I seen a fish plate brought back to the table by a good religious Jew. Let me just say that I have met many heavy Jewish people in my life, and not one of them wastes calories. They go straight for the meat.

Bring Dessert for the Table
​I learned this from my aunt. This is a misdirection technique.
You pick it up for yourself, but you realize that you look like a disgusting animal with a loaded plate of rugulach, eclairs, chocolate cakes, six different mousses, after telling everybody you’ve been watching yourself. When you get to the table and realize how disgusting you look with a platter in your hands, you say, 'This is for the table.' And then you leave the platter right in front of your seat. If it's not right in front of you, other people at the table might take some of it.
Don’t pass it around. You did the right thing. The platter is at the table. That makes it easier to take down more food.
Remember: You load up, as you should, and take doubles just in case somebody else at the hotel is hungry and wants mousse as well.

There Are Other People
They’re allowed to eat too. Be warned. I thought that all of this the food was mine. I paid for the buffet. I didn’t realize other people were going to be here. Apparently, the hotel takes money from other people as well. You can't yell at them and grab burekas off their plates. Security frowns at that. It would have been good to have known this.
Learn the rules of the buffet. Most hotels don't have them written. If they did, I would never order a Coke. They charge extra for that.

Take Food with You
You ate breakfast. Yet, you have to eat lunch and dinner too. 
You want to smuggle out as much food as possible. For this, you bring a baby carriage. The carriage is a great smuggling mechanism. This is why you leave the toddler in the room. With the blankie, nobody will know that the challah rolls for the family is not a child.
For those without baby carriages on them, such as soldiers, use your duffel. 
That is how you enjoy an Israeli buffet, and meals for the rest of the day. It is not the company. It is the food. 

​It is the buffets that make Jerusalem great. And as such, on this Yom Yerusahalayim, we pray for the Third Temple to have a decent spread. I am getting emotional just thinking about the Geulah (redemption) and pizza burekas right now.
Along with a violent approach to the Kichel, you can also use these techniques at Kiddish. Note, at the Israeli hotel buffet, security might kick you out if you elbow the elderly to get to the choolante.

BILL 1 – Streets Must Have Same Street Name on Same Street

Act
To give streets uniform street signs with the same name, continuing on a street for more than a block.

Problem
I can’t figure out what street I am on half the time.
a) King George does not need eight different names. People get lost trying to continue straight, just trying to figure out if it is the same street.
b) I can’t give directions to people in Jerusalem, telling them, ‘Continue straight onto Strauss St., and then straight onto King George St., and straight onto Keren HaYesod St. Then continue straight onto Emeq Refaim St. And then, continue straight, with a tiny bear to the right, which is straight on Yochanan Ben Zakai St. And then straight at the roundabout, which is right, but straight, to Pat...’ I cannot justify how that is all one street, by explaining that it is still King George, even though it's not. Even Waze can’t figure what straight it is, at that point.

Solution
One street name per street.
a) Find other ways to honor citizens and historical figures that no child knows. Though they should know the names of Israel’s presidents, Talmudic figures and those of the Bible, our street signs do not need to be used as educational tools. Street signs will be used as ways of helping traffic flow better, and a useful tool for finding my friend Mark’s house, on Emeq Refaim.
School will be used to educate the children.
b) History class must provide historical textbooks, with historical figures, so that students don’t have to tour the city anymore to learn who Miriam, Rebbe Zeira and Ben Gurion were. Which also slows down traffic.
c) Plaques. Give people plaques. That is how you honor them. That is what shuls do. Find a spot in Jerusalem and fill it with plaques. I understand that many synagogues have a problem with this, because too many people die; even so, they find room. I believe we can take away one of the walls of the Nachlaot area of Jerusalem, which people hanging out in the shuk have designated as a place to pee late at night, and we can make the wall holy and memorable, with plaques. I do suggest we clean it. The Kotel also has a lot of space. Thank God, that is not in Nachlaot.
d) No honoring anybody that was born within the last sixteen hundred years. We have too much history in the Holy Land. We are still having a hard time finding new streets for the rabbis from the Talmud and the first destruction of the Temple.
We have stuff from 3,000 years ago. Let’s focus on that for a bit. We should be honoring Pinchas Ben Elazar Ben Aharon. Why is there no Pinchas Street? The corner between Yochanan Ben Zakai and Pat should be Pinchas Street. He deserves it.
e) Keep street names for a street, as that street continues. No changing street names every half a block. The names will remain the same, even if we have to use house numbers that go into the hundreds.

A future bill will deal with roundabouts and numbers of buildings jumping from 2 to 6 to 149 to 38, on the same side of the street.

Let's take a stroll down memory lane back to Lag BOmer, Yom Yerushalayim, Shavuot and any other holidays in between, with the Kibbitzer's pictures from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for sharing how he cheats the falafel system by loading up the salads.

How did staying up all night become a tradition on Yom Yerushalayim, Jerusalem Day? That is a good question.

The first people who stayed up all night on Yom Yerushalayim were those devout students who came to learn Torah in Israel in 1967. They thought it was Shavuot. Yom Tov Sheni Shel Galuyot, the second day of the holidays that Jews celebrate in the Diaspora, had them all discombobulated (a term used a lot in the 1960s). They heard there was a holiday at the end of the Omer, and they thought to celebrate Shavuot the right way, staying up all night and going to the Kotel.
The rabbis caught the devout pupils and let them know that Shavuot is a week away, and that they miscounted the Omer. One of the pupils responded, 'We lost count of the Omer weeks ago.' The other Talmid said, 'I stopped counting with a Bracha after the second day.' And the rabbis knew they had done a good job with these Talmidim.
When these trailblazers of the late ‘60s noticed all the religious Jerusalemite Jews driving, they understood that their rabbis were correct even though they speak English, and it wasn't a Torah holiday. First, they questioned if the Jews were in their cars to flee the war, but the Six Day War had ended. That was another argument. Some people thought it was a six-year war. The military insisted that it was called the Six Day War because they stopped fighting after six days. The political arguments and fighting in the Knesset lasted six years, causing for the confusion.

Dumbfounded Students
The students still didn't understand. The pupils asked what the day was, and the rabbis told them it was a day to celebrate the reunification of Jerusalem. The students didn’t understand, as Jerusalem was already unified. They argued that they could go anywhere in the city. The Yeshiva students were forced to learn about the military and what history is, and thus became heretics.
Discussions of how long two thousand years is took place. That got nowhere, as the Jewish people decided to agree to disagree.
The Talmidim were still trying to figure out why there was another Aliyah LaRegel, going up to Jerusalem for the holiday, if this wasn't a Regel. Yet, the rabbis said, ‘This is a holiday, and Jerusalem is part of the name. So, you go up to Jerusalem. Jerusalem. Jerusalem.’ The students didn’t know how to take this. To quote Menachem, 'Rabbi. There are so many holidays in the Torah. I've already lost my last three jobs due to holidays. I don't think I can take more days off for another holiday.' So, the rabbis all agreed that you can shower on Yom Yerushalayim. The rabbis also declared that you can work on this day, which is why nobody works on Yom Yerushalayim.

The Rabbis Insisted
The rabbis explained that it's because of this day that we can go up to Jerusalem for the holidays, so they insisted on the holiday. And the rabbis started to give speeches till late at night, at Merkaz HaRav, to continue to convince people that this is an important day. Thus, every year, we start Yom Yerushalayim by listening to speeches by rabbis at Yeshivat Merkaz HaRav; the people need to be re-convinced every year that Yom Yerushalayim is an important day.
The students were confused by having to listen to rabbis. To quote Menachem again, 'This feels like Shavuot.' So, they decided to be safe and to stay up all night, like on Shavuot, and go to the Kotel. They didn't learn. Though, it was still very meaningful as they stayed up all night.
The students still had questions. 'How is it a holiday if we can shower?' The rabbis had no answer. They just knew how bad the people smelled from walking to the Kotel, and they didn't want to have to deal with students coming up to ask questions, smelling real bad. The rabbis then reiterated the Yom Yerushalayim tradition of going to the Kotel, and 'you can't shower at the Kotel washing stations, as the basins are too small to bathe in.'

Arguments of Tradition Continue
It turned out that walking was big in the '90s and started to die out in the early 2000s, until 2018 when Jewish people thought that it would be a great tradition to walk to the Kotel on Yom Yerushalayim, to show their love for Jerusalem and to get in steps.
Health is very important. To quote the mayor, 'Obesity is the new war of Jerusalem.' Everybody hates that mayor for being the cause of baked falafel balls. As they used to walk from Merkaz HaRav, larger groups started walking from the entrance of the city to the Kotel. And the tradition thus remains of walking to the Kotel on the night of Yom Yerushalayim, as the traffic is too bad to take a car.

Why Not Sleep?
Ever tried sleeping at the Kotel?! Staying up all night began once they realized how uncomfortable it is to sleep on Jerusalem Stone. 
I once heard of a man falling asleep on Jerusalem Stone, at which point they started the tradition of thousands of Zionistic Yeshiva kids dancing all night. They even started bringing bands. You can't sleep through that. They take out flags. Bands are playing. It's Gezel Sheyna (stealing sleep), and stealing sleep is forbidden. 

Why Not Go Home?
The dancing would go till 3am, at which point there’s no way for these kids to get home. Nobody thought that part out. Thus, you have the Yom Yerushalayim tradition of staying up all night at the Kotel and homeless shelters in Jerusalem.
There were heretics who claimed that staying at the Kotel all night was not important. Once the deniers of all night Kotel staying got the Kotel, they realized that they left their cars at the entrance of the city.  To quote Shmulik, who proclaimed that deniers should also keep the tradition, 'That's too far.'
When they noticed it was after midnight, and the streets were closed, due to people walking, they had no idea what to do. They couldn't catch a cab, so they decided to stay at the Kotel.

Kids Stay Out This Late
The kids who got caught in the flow of the dancing stayed out all night and realized their parents didn't care. Which is how underage drinking became a tradition on Yom Yerushalayim. It took the rabbis much convincing to get their pupils to not read the Megillah on Yom Yerushalayim.

Now there are thousands of Jews staying up all night at the Kotel on Erev Yom Yerhsalayim, and nobody showers.

Next year we will discuss the history of the Yom Yerushalayim Flag March and the flag shortage of 2013.

Yom Yerushalayim, Jerusalem Day, is here and I want to take you to the some of my favorite spots outside the Old City, going towards the entrance of town. I love it all. The history. The immigrants. The movies with Hebrew subtitles. The ancient passport looking thing that pops up at the beginning of the movies. I love it all. In honor of Jerusalem Day, let's connect with some of the places I love in the new Holy City.
 
Tachana Merkazit
Jerusalem is about tradition and that is Jerusalem’s central bus station, the Tachana Merkazit. They have not cleaned it since 1998. You think your favorite store in Israel closed. It's at the Tachana Merkazit; keeping Israeli tradition alive with the chicken-dog hotdog stand and the Tshirt store that sells Tshirts with no thread count. One-time-use only clothing, sold along with disposable plates.
The safest place in the city, you'll also notice the extra security setup, to ensure that you miss your bus. Allowing you to enjoy Jerusalem longer.
 
Light Rail
I love the new tram and any form of transportation I don’t have to pay for, if I don’t get caught.
 
Shuk Machane Yehuda
Prices shouted out loud, I love shopping there. There's no greater feeling than a retailer letting me know what to purchase,  by yelling at me. In America, I'm thinking too much, wasting time. I have no idea what vegetable I want. In the Shuk market, they scream at me, I am scared, I buy it. And I'm back home in no time with avocados.
 
Nut Shops
Any nut spot. Open nut stands. I'm taking that stuff for free. If you don’t ask, it’s free. There's nothing like the huge peanuts and sunflower seeds. Israel has mastered making sunflower seeds that easily pop out, making for great Shabbat enjoyment. The greatest part of all is that you can spit them out anywhere in the Shuk.
 
Machane Yehuda Bars
There's nothing like evening time at Machane Yehuda, when the place turns into one big bar that you're walking through. The only place where it's legal to drink on the street, because the bar is located there. 

Meah Shearim
The streets are thriving. Jewish bookstores are everywhere. I didn’t know so much Judaica could exist. Growing up in Rochester, I thought the glass showcase at the shul was all the Judaica. I didn’t know there was anything more to Jewish art than a Mezuzah in Claymation form.
The area is the most lively in the city. Religion in living form. You can feel the hustle, the constant movement, the excitement of people running to find choolent. Choolent twenty-four hours a day. In Meah Shearim, it's Shabbis all week long. It's like Monsey.
 
Pizza Uri
Better than Pizza Hut, this place has the ultra-Orthodox Pizza sauce, and they created it. There is nothing like Charedi sauce, and I'm willing to buy pizza to get it.
Charedi sauce is a spicy mayonnaise style dunking sauce for the pizza that adds all of the flavor and makes you believe in God. To change Israeli pizza into something that tastes good is a miracle. In addition, Pizza Uri offers separate seating, so I don’t have to worry about spilling the sauce on myself. Amazing.
 
Ben Yehuda
A little taste of Israel, if Israelis were American Yeshiva kids. Nothing makes me more excited than walking down a huge sidewalk.
Some call it a promenade. I just think of it as a place that cars should not be driving down, because it's illegal. They should have a sign, 'This is a very big sidewalk. We messed up the flow of traffic when we planned this. Don't drive here. Go wait at the light with all the other cars.'
 
Café Rimon
Everything else may leave Ben Yehuda, Café Rimon and the one hat store on the top will not. Tradition.
 
The Falafel King
I love the name. The sovereignty it claims over its pita. The Shawarma Sultan, The Sabich Ruler, I love restaurants that claim dictatorship.
It's still only 10 shekels or so for a falafel, as low prices is how you control the commoners.
 
The Dollar Store
I love that all products are five shekels. In The Dollar Store, the dollar went up before the American Dollar Tree ever though to raise the dollar to a buck twenty-five. The Dollar Store gives me hope. That is the best rate you will get.
 
Off The Wall Comedy Theater
I perform there. No better time found in all of Jerusalem. Now located at the King Solomon Hotel.

The Sidewalks
I love it all. I love walking down the sidewalks made of Jerusalem stone, in the spring, when I don’t slip on them. Then, I see the homes made of Jerusalem Stone. I love how our city claimed limestone as ours, scientifically.
Yes. I love the whole city. It all looks the same. You love one neighborhood, you love them all.

I love anywhere in Jerusalem that has Jerusalem Stone. If there is falafel, there is tradition. To me, that's meaningful. It's the meaning of Jerusalem, the connection with our tradition and Tshirts that come apart when I wash them, that I connect with on Jerusalem Day.
I hope that you feel like you're in Jerusalem right now, or Monsey.