(Shemot 22:4-5) If your animal ruins somebody else’s field or you start a fire, you have to pay. You have to pay for being an idiot that nobody likes. And if you slam your locker at my gym, it’s a Mitzvah to smack you. That's a Psak.
I enact rabbinic decrees in locker rooms when I'm trying to relax in the Shvitz.

Rambam (Hilchot Teshuva 7:5) teaches "All prophets commanded us to do Teshuva.” Always telling us we have to repent. Always focused on the negative. Never, “You guys are doing great with the idols."
 
(Devarim 25:17–19) We are commanded to remember Amalek to erase their memory. And we’re commanded to read that, in order to remember them, to not remember them. It’s not easy, but we have to remember to not remember Amalek. You forget things by remembering them.
Please forget that I wrote that. But remember what I wrote, but only to not remember what I wrote.
 
Everybody must fight in a Milchemet Mitzvah. (Rambam Hilchot Melachim 5:2) A war to protect Israel from enemies “you force the nation to go out.” Rambam left out the part, “Unless if you’re Charedi.” I said it.

You should forget what I taught here. But remember what I taught, so you can forget it, to remember it.​

Due to the physical threat to our people and terrorism, we need the member security teams. And this is why Freida, Bernice and Ethel Finkelman are out there. Protecting our people. Let me just say that the membership security team does not make me feel safe. Every one of them, sitting outside of shul with their walkers.

Our shul security force. I just don't know how much I trust it. Maybe I'm a skeptic. Bernie needs somebody to help him stand. Bernie has a walker with a seat. He can't move without assistance. 
Freida and Ethel are not scaring the anti-Semites away. I don't know if attackers will be deterred by Ethel Finkelman. Though, she has a very nice smile. She can ask where they are from. Offer them lunch. Freida and Ethel will definitely make the anti-Semite feel comfortable at our shul. And I know they do a fine job of inviting them in for services. 
To round out the team, we have Sam there for conversation. He's not checking anybody. He's discussing politics and his thoughts on the new addition to the JCC with the others. Sam is truthfully just trying to get out of shul.
The only person under seventy-eight on the team is Amanda. She likes to check the bags to see their make. She's very into fashion. She held up one lady at the door for fifteen minutes before she let her in. She had a Louis Vuitton Capucines bag. 

How did we get here? A committee. A committee had a meeting and made the decision that they should be doing security. Each one of them has a graduate degree in social sciences or medicine. And they are all retired. So, they felt that works for security.
Our security team is definitely friendly. They're very into Hachnasat Orchim. And they would definitely not let the Mitzvah of inviting guests pass on a terrorist. Who they would make sure stayed for Kiddish. And that worries me.

They're CSF and they're taking it seriously. They have a name. They've acronymized it. They're actually serious about protecting us.
CSF. Congregant Security Forces. You've got to acronymize that. Other than rabbis, nobody is scared when they hear "congregant." The only time I'm scared of a congregant at my shul is if I'm sitting in his seat. They will attack you.
The CSF members are also hitting the gym. I see them at the Jewish Community Center. They're in the weight room, talking. The most out of shape people. I've never seen such a big group of people who all go to the gym for social reasons. On the treadmills, enjoying a good conversation over a stroll. Sitting on the Cybex machines because the equipment is comfortable. I heard Sam going off, "Bernie. Mendel. You've got to try this one. Excellent cushions."

This is when I knew the committee was not the right one to make these decisions.
Recently our shul started discussing new seats. I overheard Sam expressing his thoughts on the matter to a possible predator.
Many wanted pews. It turns out the shul can't get pews because they don't have armrests. Why does our shul need armrests? Turns out that nobody needs them for their arms. They don't need them for comfort reasons. They needed the armrests because membership wouldn't be able to stand without them. They need to brace themselves on the armrests. Push off with their hands. And that is how they are able to stand. They can't stand without armrests. And these are the people protecting us from attacks. People who can't stand with their legs.
I think the last thing I heard Fran say last Shabbat was, "Oy. My back."

Thank Gd we had a random guy show up for services last Shabbat. It gave the CSF crew something to do. And they showed how good they are with people.
Ethel was asking the guy where he's from. What he does for a living. She made him feel at home. Truly showed interest in the guy and his family.
If there was a terrorist, Ethel would be able to give you his lineage. What town in the Middle East he's from. She would know his favorite local restaurant.
Truth is, our security should be doing CIA work. With the amount they talk, they will get the information you need.

The shul security forces are friendly. And they should be praised for that. I've never felt so comfortable with security. Most of the time security guards are serious, standing there with no smile, taking care of securing the area. Not our security team. They smile. They make you feel welcome. Chas vShalom, they would never make an attacker feel bad.
At least they're good at asking questions. I was at my brother's shul in Teaneck. That was the first time anybody there ever asked me anything about myself. If it wasn't for Penina Shaina being on the security team, I would've said they were a very not friendly shul.

I think they're great for the shul. As a welcoming crew, CSF would be great. I'm just worried about acute security risks that can't be taken care of with a bit of shmoozing and mingling.
The CSF team is so out of shape. I've seen their vacation pictures. Our security staff should never post their Florida pictures in those bathing suits. How they can smile with that much excess body weight, when everybody else who doesn't work security somehow looks decent. And I am not security shaming. I just question how they're going to protect us.

If there is a geriatric attacker, we might have a chance. Bernie and Ethel will take them down. They took the security course. They know what they're doing. We are in good hands if we get attacked by a terrorist with a rollator.
Any assailant that can walk, we have problems. 

I hope I didn't expose our security weaknesses.
On the positive, Bernie does have an aid with him. She might be able to impede the attacker.
It’s a welcoming committee. Our shul finally has a welcoming crew. One that shows interest in you and where you come from. One that asks questions about why you're at shul today. People who are finally curious to know about you and what's in your bag. Members are finally getting the attention they need.
And at least people are now showing up to shul. They're not in shul Davening. But they're there. Talking to Sam in the hallway.

Announcements
We had a Minyin for Shacharit on Tuesday this week. The rabbi wants to thank H’ for the miracle. Even with our congregants, we had a Minyin. People showed up to shul.
 
We want to thank Baruch for not letting us know he was alone for Thanksgiving. Everybody would’ve felt bad. We would rather you be pathetic and lonely, and not have to know about it. Nobody needs a damper on their Simcha.
The congregation wants you to know that we all hope you enjoyed the pumpkin pie they were selling for lonely people at Walmart.
 
The rabbi’s Psak is that people aren’t allowed to post their workouts anymore. Nobody needs to know how out of shape our membership is.
And no advertising marathons for donations. Though, we understand people need to run after Thanksgiving.
 
Contemporary Halacha Classes: What a Shul Looks Like with A Minyin- A Field Trip to Another Shul. What Holiday Meals Look Like When Cooking for Yourself- With Baruch and Nobody Else (follow-up class with Baruch will be How to Deal with Depression and Loneliness with Congregants That Don't Care). How to Get More Out of Shape by Working Out- An Exercise Class Given by Our Congregants.

Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts
Shabbat Shalom My Pupils...
Yaakov asks for freedom. He wants out with his wives and kids. Kind of like the way I want out of dealing with this board... I understand that the Mr. Markowitz celebrates being single as freedom. But I can't support running away from your family... Yaakov wants freedom for his family. Now, I think we're all on the same page. He's not free, but his family is. Is that OK, Bernie? Can I go on?... I'm sorry I misspoke. I understand marriage is very painful. 

(Bereishit 30:27) Lavan says to Yaakov, “If I have found favor in your eyes, I have learned from divination that H’ has blessed me due to you.” Is he curing him? Then why the “you” at the end? It sounds like a curse... Even if it's a blessing, it's a curse. 
Then the "favor in your eyes" line. Trying to work Yaakov to get something. We all use it. Buttering him up. My kids use that all the time when they want ice cream... They're biblical children...
He needed divination. Lavan needs divine inspiration to realize he is blessed on account of Yaakov. It’s apparent. But he needs divine help to see it.
You need divine inspiration to realize what I have done for you guys... Because you don’t appreciate. Let me enlighten. Why have we cancelled the shul softball team? Which is an embarrassment, with the out of shape congregants... Why has this shul lost members? Why are there fewer annoying people telling jokes at Kiddish? Because of your rabbi.
Can I get away for winter vacation?! That’s all I want. Florida... If you appreciated me, you would let me go...

We can appreciate the Duadim. But can we appreciate what others do for us. Everybody loves Dudaim. Who doesn’t. I want one of those every day.
It doesn’t take divination to realize some stuff is messed up. To realize there is some stuff here that Dudaim cannot help. Some stuff that is not appreciated, and for good reason... We have a Chazin...

And you need the divine inspiration to appreciate. To appreciate H's blessings...
There was no Minyin. We were about to do the Amidah. Then, they showed, before we started the Amidah. A miracle. Was it Gd stepping in, or Pinchas twenty minutes late?... I consider every time we get a Minyin to be a miracle here. But this was a Nes Nistar. A hidden miracle. Kind of like when I don’t see congregants for a few months.
Do we appreciate the miracles?! On Chanukah there are miracles we can see. What I do for the shul, you can see...

And it's due to you and your selfish unYaakov like focus that Baruch had nowhere to go on Thanksgiving... No divine inspiration in your kindness. No holiday miracle...
So, nobody invited Baruch. You feel better feeling bad and enjoying not having to see him.
The idea is to not have to think about others at their Simchas and holidays?! I get it. This is why most of you don't do Pesach Seders, or put out a decent Kiddish for your daughter's Bat Mitzvah... Worst Kugel ever, Brian!!! You should be ashamed. Shame!!! Not even Dudaim. The Dudaim were about care... Well dude.
Bracha comes when you concern yourself with others. Just as Yaakov concerned himself with doing proper work... I'm not saying Bracha Rabinowitz. Blessing. Something good...
Baruch. You didn't miss out on anything. Just some turkey that was made in an oven. And other food that was not served in plastic containers...

Giving to your exercise is not what I'm talking about. How about if people donate to the shul, then they can donate to your marathon... What is the cause anyways? We know you're out of shape. We saw the pictures... I understand it costs money to run a marathon. Do people not pay for anything anymore?! I know they don't pay their dues or sponsor a decent Kiddish. One with a potato Kugel that has some oil in it... Your daughter's potato Kugel was a shanda...
Why is everybody posting their workout? Every out of shape person. Every congregant... I get the in-shape people on TikTok... Then post your workout in your sweater. I'm watching people working out showing how they let themselves go...
I don't appreciate your workouts. You lifting weights is not something anybody needs to see. I don't have to see how out of shape my congregants are. I see how they eat at Kiddish. Svetlana will not get a Shidduch like this... I am not out of shape shaming. I am posting your workouts shaming...
Dudaim cannot help your workouts on social media. I didn't need divine inspiration to know that.
This is the reason for Tznyut. Because of your out of shape selves. It’s like you’re always posting before pictures...
And then marathons now. We have to sponsor Rachel?!... We should have an out of shape marathon team that hasn't trained. Svetlana and Michael can lead the team. They can post it on the shul's Facebook group. And people will donate money after seeing how much help our community needs to get in better shape...
Yaakov was in good shape. And his Bracha was that he didn't have to see your posts...

It's about giving, and you all seem to only give when H' steps in. You are not Tzadikim like Yaakov. Like Lavan...
Do we need Dudaim when we have love?! When we have a nice vacation. A good getaway. Dudaim are great. When your congregation lets you go to Florida for the winter... Some Dudaim would really hit the spot right now.
It's not Dudaim. It's about seeing the Bracha. 
Sometimes H' needs to step in. Like Rachel, the Dudadim may help you feel better. But it is only Gd that grants the blessing of seeing the Bracha. 
May we be blessed to not need Dudaim for blessing. Just less members. Less pictures of out of shape congregants working out. Less single people, as they are a downer... It's a Psak. May you find favor in our eyes, with modest clothes. Because you are very out of shape.

Yaakov wants to go to Israel. When you appreciate people, you let them go. Which is why I am going to Florida for a couple months... Still keeping the job. Paid.

Rivka's Rundown
And still, nobody knows what Dudaim are.

Again, the rabbi uses the sermon to get more days off. He turned the Yaakov blessings into him deserving an all-expense paid trip to Florida. Nothing about Israel. This isn't Yaakov leaving for reasons such as family. This is for a perk. The rabbi used the Jewish people's call of "let my people go" for his vacation down to Florida.

The rabbi is correct. Any "you" at the end of a sentence sounds like a curse. Very offensive. I'm going to stop saying "bless you." It sounds nasty. From now on it's, "You should be blessed."

Us getting a Minyin. That was inspirational. It was like a rebbe story. One of miracles. No Minyin and then a Minyin.
People in our shul now believe in H’. If Shloimi can wake up for Minyin, anything is possible.

The upshot is it's selfish of Baruch to be alone.
Nobody needs to know you ate alone. That ruins other people enjoying themselves. Keep that to yourself too. 
Our congregants are so selfish. They actually asked if Baruch had dinner, just to find out how pathetic he really is. Not to invite him.
He should've lied and said he ate with people. Him eating alone made me feel bad. I'm sorry. It's sad when you have to buy a pumpkin pie at Walmart to celebrate the holiday. And then you have to budget and buy the small, personal size one. Such a Rachmanis. Wow. I'm happy I was able to say he's a Rachmanis. Feels like I did my part. Just saying he's pathetic makes me feel better.
The congregants truly do not want to help. Ever. Never visit the older members of the shul.

I had never seen the rabbi so animatedly angry as with Brian and that potato Kugel. Not even the bad egg salad got him that mad. And a good egg salad with potato Kugel is a Mechaya.
I once had cheese with potato Kugel. Melted right on it. That was Olam Haba. Sometimes you have to share inspirational stories. There was no Minyin that day. But it was a good potato Kugel. Maybe I should share that story with Baruch. Might inspire him knowing I enjoyed myself.

The rabbi made it clear. Not one in shape congregant. I believe that was the message.
That was the best argument for Tzniyut ever given.
They workout once and all the sudden it’s their profile picture. It's getting annoying. They have to stop putting up pictures. The most positive thing is where they put up a family picture and I want to smack them for being happy.

It really is getting annoying. And then Rachel did a marathon and we have to sponsor it. Had to advertise her marathon. If Rachel would work a little more, and stop running, she would be able to afford paying for her marathon.

It is a hot summer, and I am here to help. Summers get hot, which is why some say to skip it. Nonetheless, for the foreseeable future, there will be summers.
As an American Jew, I have tried to figure out ways to stay out of the sun. I even moved to Israel. That didn't help. Even so, I try.
For you, I spent time in The Mountains, The Catskills, to study the Jewish community’s techniques for staying out of the sun. The Frum American community of Ashkenazik descent has discovered countless instruments for sun defense, and fair skin preservation. And now, as a pale Jew, I bring you my findings.
 
The Baseball Hat Technique
Used by Jews to ward off anti-Semites, this sun protection device doubles as a Kippah decoy. You’re already wearing a head covering, might as well be a baseball hat. Truth be told, a baseball hat is a yarmulke with a visor.
According to many, Hank Greenberg is the greatest Jewish hitter of all time. But who’s to say Hank Aaron is not Jewish? And Dave Parker? Real name, David Parker. Probably put on the baseball hat to hide from anti-Semites. Is Joseph DiMaggio Jewish? I can't tell you. But I wouldn't be surprised if his real last name is Dimagkowitz. The answer to these questions and more can be seen in my new book, Those Who Hid Their Religion Under a Baseball Hat.
Joseph Ortiz, need I say more.
 
Huge Umbrella Placement
Go to the beach and find shade. It's almost impossible. Hence you bring an umbrella. With a huge umbrella you can go to the beach and not have to experience the beach. It’s the best of both worlds.
During the summer we use gigantic umbrellas. Tradition is to use small umbrellas in the fall. There is less sun in the fall. We can deal with rain. In rain, you wear a bathing suit.
Be careful with your huge umbrella. They’re hard to carry. I tried carrying one myself, and the wind took me. Walking groups have developed in many communities for this reason.
You’ll see women walking together. This is just in case sun comes out and they need to transport an umbrella safely.
 
Wet Towel Meothod
I don’t know what wetting the towel does for sun protection. However, it definitely keeps you colder for much longer when you come out of the pool. Pneumonia will also keep you out of the sun.
 
Wide Brimmed Fedora
Style is about a bigger brim. I don’t understand people who go to the beach with thin brims. If you’re going to block out the sun, wear a Borsalino with some body on it.
 
A Hat with a Flimsy Brim and Anything You Can Find Technique
You take any hat, then you add a cross between a net and a towel, and some kind of material on the back of it, so your neck doesn’t get burned and you can’t see. You don’t want your eyes getting hit by the sun either.
People add whatever they can once they are wearing a fully brimmed floppy hat. Once they wear the floppy brim, they accept that sun safety is of upmost importance. A sunburn will not happen, nor will meeting a potential spouse.
Once you’re free from the burdens of style, you can add anything you want. I’ve seen pillows, blankets, placemats. Whatever people can carry on their head to protect them from the sun is acceptable. I've seen many with kitchenware.

Winter Clothes Method
Layers. They always say you want to wear layers. Hence, Frum Jews wear layers during the summer. We are very good at taking instruction.
Winter clothes during the summer works as a natural sunscreen. You also look better in winter clothes. People always look so heavy during the summer in short sleeves and bathing suits. Layers will help you look like the one Frum guy who's in shape at the pool.
In addition, with a sweater you take off more weight in the sun. This helps with the summer svelte figure you’ve been working on. Now you can show up to shul at the bungalow, looking slender in the Bekishe, Shtreimel and scarf. Even more, you save money, focusing on one wardrobe.
If you're not sweating, the sun will get you.

Squint System
Devout people squint. Good Jews don’t wear sunglasses. They squint.

Go Out at Night
Do everything during the evening and squint. The street lights can have a sunlike affect.
Stay up all night and pray at sunrise. Usually, it’s the devout that pray Shacharit at this time. During the summer, it’s those trying to stay out of the heat.

Don't Picnic Technique
Also known as The Eat Inside Method, and The I Would Rather Not Have Flies on My Pastrami System, you won't get sunburned in your den.
I didn’t witness one picnic amongst Jews. Picnicking is the easiest way to burn yourself while eating, sitting outdoors. You might as well eat straight off a grill. How people are eating with a huge umbrella in hand is another thing I am trying to figure out.
As there is no way to enjoy your food while holding up a huge umbrella, there is no way to not get burnt while eating on the ground. When Frum Jews eat on vacation, we wait till we find the pizza shop. There is no sun there. And if they're a classy pizza place, they put out the Italian picnic decorative cloth. Italians seem to like the feeling of picnicking

Mid-Article Education Moment
The Don’t Picnic Technique developed because Jews like eating off tables, and not on bed sheets. We have to save the bed sheets for under flimsy hat placement.
Good Jews like chairs detached from tables. If we have a table, we don’t want it being attached to a bench. We want to be able to sit. The foot hole to get your body into the picnic bench is unattainable for the religious Jew. It takes too much stretching and agility. That's not something we work on. At the Tish, the only movement is the forward backward sway, while holding onto another's arms, just in case you fall. I myself never took acrobatics at Yeshivat Chofetz Chaim all boys high school.
 
Do Not Exercise
Why walk when you can get a sunburn, which is very not healthy.
The No Movement Technique for avoiding the sun is the healthiest. And you’re already getting a good shvitz from the winter clothes.

I hope you learned as much as I did from studying my Jewish brethren and sisteren in The Catskills. Now, I shall make it through the summer. Hopefully, this will help you make it through the Israel winter. You might need more sun protection for that.
If there is one important takeaway of value, it's how Jewish women formed walking groups to ensure there was help with carrying the huge umbrellas.
 
I will try to help with more techniques next year. 

Let's take a stroll down memory lane to David complaining about AI being anti-Semitic, praying to Gd and thanking Him too much for Chanukah and being alive, and educating us about proper modest gymwear that clashes, with Kibbitzer's pictures of laughter from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for expressing how Sufganiot don’t have enough jelly, while he still put on weight and ate them.

Summer is here and many people have asked me how to get in shape. People want to look good, in the Catskills and I get it. It's summertime and that means it's time to get that Bungalow Body where you look good at the pool in a Tshirt. 
I myself have been working on the Shul Body for many years. After hitting the gym, I've finally got my Shul Body down, and I am looking good in the suit. I wear double-breasted. Let me take you through some of the shul lifts and plyometric routines so you too can stay in shape during Musaf too.

Hagba Torah Lifts
Powerlifting at its core. This is a squat with an extra shoulder press, involving the biceps as well. What you do is take the two Torah poles and lift the Torah. Open more scroll columns for more strain on Jewish muscle. This is also a good way to showoff your strength to all the devout people in shul. It may even get you a Shidduch.
To add difficulty to the movement, allow the Gabbai (sexton) to choose a child for Galilah who has no idea how to role the Torah scroll back and cover it. You allow them to choose a child whose arms can’t reach the top of the Torah staves, with no motor skills. This forces you to sit there, balancing the Torah with your forearms for an extra few minutes, adding an unnecessary strain and frustration. Great full body workout, with one goal of the Torah not falling.
 
Kiddish Wrestling
This usually happens at what is known as a Hot Kiddish. The post service snack allows for some excellent physical altercation with Fran, by the choolent. Fran might be small at ninety-six, but her low center of gravity at 4'8" makes it hard to move her from the table. The aerobic and strength workout from wrestling Fran for a decent piece of kishka, potato kugel and sponge cake is amazing. The grappling engages the core, along with the whole body. 
You may walk away from this workout with some battle scars. There is no shame in going up against Fran.
 
Candy Attacking
At Bar Mitzvahs when the candies get thrown at the kid, this is a physical competition. Like any sport, you want to have proper equipment and gear. As you are going to have to dive on the floor and tackle some children to get the Sunkist Fruit Gems, you will want some knee pads on your suit pants.
Throwing the candy as hard as you can at the Bar Mitzvah boy is also good work for your agility.

The Carlebach
This is a full-on group dancersize workout. The prayer songs get going and you do a side to side jump, then you mix it up with a circle dance around the shul to the lyrics 'Nay Nay Nay.' All dancing should be in hop formation.
The singing actually gets your aerobic system working double time.

The Baby Cry and Carry
This is a great core workout. You lift your baby and run out of the shul. This is also works as a great excuse when you want to get out of the rabbi's sermon.
To make this work, you want to make sure your child is crying. If they’re three and up, running around the shul or talking can also be an impetus for a set. The older they are, the more beneficial the movement. I’ve seen some serious shul rats lifting their college kids and running out with them. The amount of cardiovascular and strength work a long sermon can cause is greatly beneficial to those congregants looking to for that Shul Body.

There are many other shul workouts known as Helping. But I don't want to chase anybody away from enjoying their exercise. Seeing how much dues are will also work up a sweat.
Next time we will education you on other ways to exercise in shul around the holidays with Lulav sparring and Yom Kippur floor bending with your hand on a chair for support, also known as Jewish burpees.

​Scene 1
INT - JCC GYM - Day

The exercise machines are all taken up. Bernie, a seventy-five-year-old man who just started coming to the gym, is waiting to get on the abdominal crusher machine. Max, an eighty-eight-year-old man, is sitting there with his hands on the overhead pulling handles. Bernie is sweating. We assume you understand that they're older Jewish men, so they sweat.

Max: You're shvitzing like an animal. What have you been doing?

Bernie: I've been standing. 

Max: I understand. I'm sweating right now, and I'm sitting.

Bernie: What are you doing on that machine? You've been there for ten minutes.

Max: I'm sitting. It's very comfortable.

Bernie: So you're just sitting there? I thought you were supposed to work out. Move the arm things.

Max: They're working out.

Bernie: That's true. Those people are working out. You've got a good spot. Can see the whole gym from here. How are the kids?

Max: They're supposed to be visiting for my eighty-first this summer. You should know of such goodness. They're doing so good. I'm so proud of them. Schepping nachis over here. The grandkids, the kinder, are also doing very well. One just got into Princeton. Starting next week.

Bernie: That's great. My youngest is moving to New Jersey with his family. The second is now in Israel.

A line of the people, that they were watching working out five minutes ago, has formed near the machine . Justin has his towel and is jogging in place, to not cooldown. Max is well relaxed on the machine.

Max: You don't say? I remember when I was in Israel. It was 1967 just before the Six Day War. Very hot.

Bernie: You sweat like anything in the summers over there.

Max: That's a shvitz. You want a good workout? You go to Israel. Spend some time in Tel Aviv.

Justin: We've been waiting for this machine. Just wanted to know when you'll be finished with it.

Max: A few minutes. We'll be done with our conversation soon. You know. His kids are doing great. Much nachis.
Max turns to Bernie.
Bernie. You want to sit for a couple? You've been waiting for a while. 

Justin turns to the other people waiting. Rachel, a younger woman, is there too.

Rachel: I think he's just resting his arms on the handles. 

​Justin: He just fell asleep.

Scene 2
INT - JCC LOCKER ROOM - EVENING

Half hour after sitting on four more machines, to get in the full workout, Bernie and Max are sitting on the benches by the locker.

Bernie: You want we should go to the shvitz?

Max: I've already been to Tel Aviv.
Max is sitting and content (cont'd)
You know. This feels just like those machines in the gym.

Kibbitzer's Conclusion
We at the Kibbitzer have a feeling that Justin doesn't understand what people are supposed to do at the JCC gym.
And on their way out, Max and Bernie caught up with the rest of the community. After a good five hours at the gym, Max shvitzed for eight minutes. Bernie is still shvitzing from talking to people.