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INT - JCC GYM - Day
The exercise machines are all taken up. Bernie, a seventy-five-year-old man who just started coming to the gym, is waiting to get on the abdominal crusher machine. Max, an eighty-eight-year-old man, is sitting there with his hands on the overhead pulling handles. Bernie is sweating. We assume you understand that they're older Jewish men, so they sweat.
Max: You're shvitzing like an animal. What have you been doing?
Bernie: I've been standing.
Max: I understand. I'm sweating right now, and I'm sitting.
Bernie: What are you doing on that machine? You've been there for ten minutes.
Max: I'm sitting. It's very comfortable.
Bernie: So you're just sitting there? I thought you were supposed to work out. Move the arm things.
Max: They're working out.
Bernie: That's true. Those people are working out. You've got a good spot. Can see the whole gym from here. How are the kids?
Max: They're supposed to be visiting for my eighty-first this summer. You should know of such goodness. They're doing so good. I'm so proud of them. Schepping nachis over here. The grandkids, the kinder, are also doing very well. One just got into Princeton. Starting next week.
Bernie: That's great. My youngest is moving to New Jersey with his family. The second is now in Israel.
A line of the people, that they were watching working out five minutes ago, has formed near the machine . Justin has his towel and is jogging in place, to not cooldown. Max is well relaxed on the machine.
Max: You don't say? I remember when I was in Israel. It was 1967 just before the Six Day War. Very hot.
Bernie: You sweat like anything in the summers over there.
Max: That's a shvitz. You want a good workout? You go to Israel. Spend some time in Tel Aviv.
Justin: We've been waiting for this machine. Just wanted to know when you'll be finished with it.
Max: A few minutes. We'll be done with our conversation soon. You know. His kids are doing great. Much nachis.
Max turns to Bernie.
Bernie. You want to sit for a couple? You've been waiting for a while.
Justin turns to the other people waiting. Rachel, a younger woman, is there too.
Rachel: I think he's just resting his arms on the handles.
Justin: He just fell asleep.
INT - JCC LOCKER ROOM - EVENING
Half hour after sitting on four more machines, to get in the full workout, Bernie and Max are sitting on the benches by the locker.
Bernie: You want we should go to the shvitz?
Max: I've already been to Tel Aviv.
Max is sitting and content (cont'd)
You know. This feels just like those machines in the gym.
We at the Kibbitzer have a feeling that Justin doesn't understand what people are supposed to do at the JCC gym.
And on their way out, Max and Bernie caught up with the rest of the community. After a good five hours at the gym, Max shvitzed for eight minutes. Bernie is still shvitzing from talking to people.
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They wanted to clean the silver on the Torah. Instead, they Polished it.
You get it? People from Poland are Polish. They should‘ve polished the silver. Nobody knows what it means. Maybe put a Polish person on it. If you're Polish, we do not mean to offend you. At the Kibbitzer, we are sure that many Polish know how to polish very well.
The Jerusalem Shofar carrying bag and water bottle. Perfect for when you need to blow the Shofar on a Tiyul. (saying something about a Shofar on a hike was where our creativity on this joke came to a halt)