The shul Thanksgivakah didn’t work last year. The animal rights activists in our shul were not for lighting and burning the turkey. They like their turkey more juicy.
The rabbi’s gift forum was well attended. People thought they were going to get gifts. They were told what not to buy, as the rabbi doesn’t want to get any bad gifts this Chanukah. The rabbi made it clear that he does not want anything knit; nothing made by hand. People are going to be giving chocolate bars to the kids this year. The rabbi explained the laws of Ma’aras Ayin, showing something that is not what it appears, and he is still mad you can’t buy stuff with coins that have chocolate in them. He wants to take Elite to court for faulty sales on the coins last year. The problem is he ate his proof that they’re not real coins. Rabbi Menelchem’s Sermon Shabbat Shalom vHappy Chanunkiving... We all have stories… The tales about other people have to stop. No more tattle-taling… Stories about Chanukah are good. Tattle-taling on Yehudah HaMacabee is not going to get him trouble... They might have had 'snitches get stitches' back then. I don't know how many felons were connected with the Maccabees. With Yosef and his brothers, it was 'snitches get sold'... That was the saying... Our history is important. Yet. We shouldn't sell any of the children... I know they are constantly tattle-tailing at junior congregation... (Bereishit 37:1) ‘And Yaakov sat in the land of which his fathers lived.’ The Torah goes through the generations of Yaakov in detail. Rashi says our ancestors and generations that follow are important. That's why there is detail, Sadie. Our ancestry and genealogy is important. You don't need to detail the menu for a Pareve Kiddish. Important… You could be important. Do your ancestors want to know about the deal you found at Marshall’s, Tim?... It was a great deal. I was very impressed. I wanted to know about it. I just don't know how they connect to it in heaven... Make yourself important. The Pilgrims were important… Yes. The Maccabees were important. You could be important… Many of you live here, still. You received a good inheritance. I commend you for not running away from your family's wealth. The shul hasn’t seen any of it… I’m guessing your grandfather, Shlomo, would’ve liked to give a donation. Just saying. If you knew that you came from people that paid their dues... Your fathers shared it with the synagogue when they lived here... Your fathers did not receive free trips to Israel... They couldn’t sojourn there. They married into the hardware business… That keeps you in Topeka... When you're making money and not donating it... Generation affect each other… Yaakov affected his children. (Bereishit 37:3) They saw that dad loved Yosef more than them, ‘and they hated him, and they couldn’t speak to him peacefully’… This is why Fran and Sadie always fight. They hate each other… Nobody likes people who are loved... Sadie is just more lovable... (Bereishit 37:5) And he shared his dreams with his brothers, ‘and they continued to hate him. If there is one thing we learn from Yosef, it's how to get your siblings to hate you. Tell on them, get a decent coat and then tell them you're better than them in a passive aggressive way, through a dream... Nobody wants to hear about your dreams.... And he told them what his dreams were about, and they hated him even more. Nobody likes people who dream and then tell people what their dreams are about... I'm not a psychologist. Let's not go there right now, Benji. I understand that you were told in the dream that there was a stalk in the shul and the stalk withered and your stalk was stepped on it... Nobody likes a good kid, who gets special gifts and gets good grades....Stop asking questions when class is about to end. I teach Sunday school. The kids don't want to be there, but the parents force them. And then there is one kid who cares... Sharona, they hate you. Stop caring. You are causing baseless hatred with your 'wanting to learn'... You're the reason... There's no necessary exile at the end of this, Sharona.... So what do we learn from this week's Parsha? Keep your dreams and aspirations to yourself. Nobody wants to hear about your new summer home. We are not happy for you. Good for you. We hate you. And Mrs. Kandymen, with a new dress every week... Yes. They hate you. It is good you all connect with the wealth of your parent's generation... Do you know their names? How many Ben Avrahams are there in this synagogue? You do not even know your dad's name... Michael. Last week, we had to break the Shabbat to go into the shul's Yizkor list to see what your dad's Hebrew name was, just so you could get an Aliyah???? What were their dreams?... To have a shul where dues were paid, Tim... But you had no problem naming your daughter Alexis, after her great grandmother Faygil... She paid dues... Yes, you all have friends, you all have money, you all have wealth. But none of you are willing to take a chance for other 'cool' people to hate you, and to dream. The cool people who have no dreams, but like to relax....Dream of a great community where dues are paid and the rabbi likes you. Dream of a community where your rabbi has a new car, to represent you... Yes. Yosef's brothers were wrong. Let people dream. Just don't share them... The guys in the back left will hate you. Let's get back to how dreams are bad... What are you doing for your ancestors? Is there hatred? The big issue is that they couldn’t speak to him in peace. It wasn't the dreams. It was the result. (Bereishit 37:4) The brothers saw that Yaakov loved him more than them, ‘and they hated him and they couldn’t speak to him peacefully.’ There was separation. There was built up hatred. Look at Fran and Sadie... Exactly. Years of anger building up inside. That is what caused for the inability to speak with Yosef in peace... I know you're still angry about the Fleishick Chanukah party three years ago. It builds up overtime. Now, Fran can't even say 'latke' with a smile. She's mad about it... Relationships are over when there is no peace. When there is no smile. When there are no latkes... Was Yosef wrong or right? I can tell you that your grandmother wouldn't mind if you gave her money to the shul, Michael… It led to what was going to happen. Human interaction is what we’re learning. Don’t cause hatred, Bernie. He was telling tales about the other kids. He was snitching… In our shul, for Shalom. From now on, snitches get stitches… They had reason to hate him before. He snitched, he got the love of Yaakov. People hate bad Chanukah gifts. They hate the Clopping for Rosh Chodesh… It scares them. You bang the table… There are a lot of reasons to hate. I've mentioned just a few in this sermon so far. You can see, it all builds up, and then you have our shul... From now on, only share the negative in your life. Stop telling people the good you have... Yosef shares his dreams and all the negative builds up… Don’t dream… If you're going to share it, don't dream. If you see positive in others, we might have a chance at fighting Bernie. (Bereishit 37:11) His brothers were jealous of him, and his father guarded the matter’… He couldn't make a coat for all of them. Where do you find those colors?... You want to get into parenting? Are you sure, Mark? Your kids are running the halls again… Only once there was jealousy did Yaakov watch over the matter. Jealousy is what kills. There was hatred. Once it turned to jealousy... When you give Chaim a G.I. Joe, and Samantha a Barbie Gocart… Chaim is jealous. Yes… His gift is pathetic. You have to stop being jealous. That’s what causes the sin. It goes from hatred, to nastiness, to jealousy to slave trade. Then you have our shul... We don’t know if it’s because he was loved more. Was it because of the dream? Was it because he tattle-taled? Was it because he got the gift?... Give your kids decent gifts already… I’ve seen the socks, Michaela. They’re sewn. A gift is not valuable if you make it… You have to buy it. The same way Ephraim buys the Aliyas… There are multiple factors involved in hatred. You can hate Phillip for sneezing too loud… He sneezes all the time. In know. It’s too much. Bill walks past people and hits them with his Tallis… You don’t notice, because you don’t care. The tassels are whacking people… You walk too fast. Looking like tasseled Superman… I see you, because I sit up here. They can’t, because the tassels are whacking their eyes. Should we sell the shul? Good question… We’re not allowed to sell the members… The hatred you cause could lead to that though… Not loving the lives around you. Not realizing the importance of the individual leads to slavery… Yes. It’s hard to deal with these people... If anybody had a reason to be jealous of Phillip or Bill... I know, they have the most pathetic homes... The question is why does nobody in this shul smile… Nobody smiles in the men’s section... Is there hatred? Is there jealousy? I know the Gabai does a bad job of divvying Aliyas… You show favorites. I see it. You call the same person up every week, Ephraim. It’s the same guy. Is he giving his donations to you?... There is definitely a scam going on. I am watching the matter Ephy… Are you jealous because of the lack of gifts? The shul doesn’t get the gifts you flipped over on the Yom Kippur appeal cards. Haven’t seen those donation… The shul is not inviting now… People don’t come because of security and you not smiling at them… There is already a security guard at the door staring them down and not saying ‘Shalom’… The clopping for Rosh Chodesh scares people. Nobody greets you, and then you hear a bang on a table… Does it remind you to say ‘YaAleh vYavoh’ or does it scare you?... Yes. They don’t feel welcome. All they hear is a loud noise after people have been giving them evil looks… We all dream. You have the cool Simchoni group mocking dreams... What’s going to be next? Selling congregants?... Ephraim sells the Aliyas. Makes a good buck calling people to the Torah… You’re causing jealousy. It’s Feivel’s inheritance. The money should go to the shul… What we see is that families being together is not always the best thing… Smile… Yosef missed out on living in the land of his ancestors, because people couldn’t smile… Get over it. We need love. Love each other… Your ancestors smiled. Your parents were important because people liked being around them. They didn’t sell people. They gave excellent gifts… A Monopoly set was a good gift in the ‘80s. You can’t give that now, Kim… They paid their dues… They smiled, Mark... Mrs. Kandyman, they say they like your dress, because they're trying real hard to keep peace. It's not easy... There was no smiling and that led to slavery. This shul… Rivka’s Notes to Rabbi Mendelchem’s Drasha Each part of Rabbi Mendelchem's sermon was a sermon. I believe he gave a private sermon to fifty congregants within the sermon. Each paragraph was a special piece of rebuke. No other rabbi I know can show such hope for his congregants and see such negative within them. The message I got was to smile. The rest of the congregation didn't seem to get that message. I don't even see a smirk under Mrs. Kandyman's new hats she wears with her dresses. The rabbi called it Chanukiving, as he feels that the Jewish holiday should come first. Thanksgivikah is offensive to our people. He also feels that Kiving is very important. It brings happiness and love in families. He is truly worried that siblings hate each other in the congregation, because, as the rabbi said ‘there has to be better Kifts this Chanukah.’ The rabbi's lesson was brought home though. And it was a valuable lesson. Bad gifts is what causes hatred. The Tivels haven’t been invited to Simchas for years, due to the mirror they bought for Michael’s Bar Mitzvah. It was a mirror. A plane mirror. That’s it. No reason to invite them. Seevan is always pulling Asher’s hair. I think that can lead to some future hatred among our kids in the shul. It started with last year's gift outing to 5 And Below. The kids realize that not all $5 gifts are the same. Seevan got plastic headphones and Asher got a cool board game. After going to Walmart, they realized the board game was worth more. It was also a board game of many colors. The ancestry lesson of importance worked for a few people. The others realized they came from a bunch of criminals. The rabbi caused a lot of problems in the shul. Now everybody hates each other. They all know about Feivel’s inheritance. Now they’re all jealous. Everybody hates everybody now. The rabbi correctly noted good reasons to hate each other. And nobody smiles. The Gabai is now on the top of the hate list. There was an actual list outside the sanctuary. The rabbi put the Gabai’s name on it as a plaque. The rest of the names on the hate list were written in dry erase marker. The membership is happy that the majority of the congregation didn’t move away, after the rabbi let it be known that family together causes fights and the slave trade. The steel plant is what kept the families in town for the past four generations. I don't know if anybody had a calling from Gd. I do know that many have left to get away from family. The rabbi turned the shul into a penitentiary with this no more snitches policy. People thought payback was a good use of the security guard. To stop violence in the coatroom, the rabbi had to say that he meant that those who snitch get stitched Chanukah gifts; meaning, they get the sewn stuff, like socks. That is a curse that nobody wants. A lot of mixed messages this week. Yosef’s dreams brought us together as a people, so they dreams have to be good. Then the rabbi says we shouldn’t dream. He then said to dream but don't talk about it. He knows that there's not one congregant who can keep their mouth shut. They'll talk about anything. The rabbi has been to enough Kiddishes. A lot of hope was lost this Shabbis. But then he brought up Chanukah gifts, and the kids started dreaming again. Now, the kids are dreaming of new PlayStation models. The rabbi is correct. People don’t say ‘Hi.’ They don’t smile at you or greet you. The rabbi had to stop calling us a community. Due to the nasty faces, he started calling the men’s section by gang affiliation. You have the back left corner. You’ve got the front rights. I don’t know how the Chanukiving program the rabbi came up with is going to go. Thanksgiving was before Chanukah this year. But he still wanted to teach a lesson. I think he felt that more people would show up if Thanksgiving was involved in the program. He knows that Jews don’t want to celebrate anything Jewish. Now, all the kids in the shul think they’re supposed to get gifts on Thanksgiving. Something about the pilgrims hiding their Judaism. Clopping for Rosh Chodesh scared me. We did the Rosh Chodesh prayer preparation on Shabbat. I’m not going to show up to shul until after the Amida prayer is done, and there is no more banging by the shul zealots. The guy bangs the table way too hard. Scary. He would be the first one violently throwing congregants in pits. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke: VaYishlach11/19/2021 
The mega shul down on the other side of town has tons of members. The rabbi wants big crowds, and we can't satisfy that for him. We realized that in order to become a mega shul, we needed to go non-Jewish with our membership. If we opened up to Islamic prayer, we would be able to host the mega shul the rabbi wanted.
Sitting at Kiddish is like figuring out where to sit in high school. The popular table picks on everybody else by taking big scoops of meat out of the choolante. The doors to the shul are now locked all the time. Ben couldn’t get in for Shabbat Mincha. He wasn't happy. And the shul is trying to figure out how to draw more people. You can’t get people, if they can’t get in. Ben has decided to not show up anymore. He's angry about not getting in and nobody apologized. He wanted an apology, but the board considered locking out Ben to be the right thing. He said that he won’t go to a shul that doesn’t let him in. Most shuls don’t want him anyways. I think all shuls in Topeka are going to start locking their doors, just in case Ben wants to join. The visiting the sick is not happening. They’re doing that on Zoom now. That doesn’t help any of the older sick people who can’t figure out how to use the computer. Now the sick person has to work and study technology for people to be nice to them, and not visit them. We’ve started Chanukah and Thanksgiving prep. Recently, Thanksgiving and Chanukah have fallen out on the same days. Many of our congregants believe that Thanksgiving was celebrated in the Beit Mikdash. Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Shabbat Shalom My Congregants… What happened to making people feel good... I'm not talking about giving massages. We did that once and Sadie was sued for harassment... They’re sitting alone for Kiddish… I know you’re not sitting alone. That’s the point. Sit with them… Yes. You’ll be without the other people... It’s not about you. Nobody cares if you’re popular. The Simchonis aren’t popular. You just sit with them… They look popular… You can care less about people feeling good... You want to feel good. You want to appease yourself... Yes. That's a problem... Community is about community. We need open doors. Open friendliness… If we can’t have the doors open, how are we going to have services??? How is it security? The doors to the shul are locked. People are locked out, Mike. It’s not friendly to be locked out… People can't even get in... They can’t use the doorbell… It’s Shabbis, Mark. If we're protecting the people, we have to put security at their homes... They're not coming to shul, Mike... They can't get in. When the doors are open, it's also a problem... It’s not inviting to have a 6’9” guy with a gun standing right outside the doors of our shul… It’s not about you. It’s about other people wanting to come to shul. And it's not friendly. You make them sit alone. And now they’re scared to even come in… Because there is an anti-Semite standing with a gun right outside the shul… He looks like an anti-Semite… You do nothing for other people. This shul has chosen to not be inviting recently… Clicks are not a good thing… No. They’re not a good thing. They’re selfish… You share nothing. Sharing your conversation is not a gift… You give money for Chanukah... Locking doors does not help with people get in… Locking doors doesn't help with membership... Social distancing doesn't help with membership... They don't come. And those that do come, ‘Come and we won’t talk to you unless if you’re the Simchonis.’ People are scared and you're not friendly... Yaakov does everything he can to appease Esav… That's how you get members... Everybody hates each other. That's fine. Esav hated him. I’m not saying to give gifts to the security guard… He doesn’t hate us… Yes. The president hates Ben… Then why are you locking the doors on him, Mike?! (Bereishit 32:4) ‘Yaakov sends angels.’ What have you sent to your brother, Dennis? What have you sent him… I know you get along. But did you send angels?... A box of chocolate coins is not a way to get your brother on your side... Money, Dennis. Give real money. It's a sham. Elite runs a sham... What has this shul sent the anti-Semites? If we sent them angels, we wouldn’t have to lock the door… I don’t want to go to a shul I can’t get into, Bernie… Yes. They padlocked me out once. And then they complained there was no Minyin. There’s got to be a better way to appease the local Jew haters… What did Yaakov do? He sends angels. He tells them to tell Esav that he lived with Lavan… It’s not fun living with Lavan. It’s like living with Michael. Always complaining and wanting more… Yes. Your daughter is like that too, Dennis. Does anybody raise congregants that don’t constantly want? Congregants that don’t constantly take and want more… When Yaakov hears Esav has 400 men with him, he splits up the camp. We should’ve split up the shul a long time ago… We lost a lot of members when we didn't split the congregation, years ago… Now, people don't join because you don’t sit with them at Kiddish… You can’t have a mega shul without congregants. Sit with them… Those were Esav’s congregants. Very similar to much of our congregation. They sat together to eat though... Yes. Yaakov was worried… He cared about his kids. He didn’t let them run around the halls in shul. He sent them to junior congregation… Reuven and Levi weren't running around the shul, doing cartwheels in the aisle… It’s crazy that your kids feel that free. Their freedom is wrong. (Bereishit 32:8) ‘He split up the people that were with him.’ Yes. I am suggesting the shul split up. He cared about them. Yaakov figured that if Esav gets one camp, at least the other camp can get away. Nobody can get away from Sarah’s kids, jumping on people in the middle of davening… I have no idea how they’re everywhere… He wanted people to be safe. I’ve seen families split up to enter shul at separate times... I understand the security guard is scary… The husbands want to be early for Shacharit. Oh. I get it… (32:9) ‘If one camp is struck, the other camp can escape.’ Keep the good congregants… Yes. We need doors unlocked... So we don't lose the good congregants. They can't get in, Bernie... Appease people. Let them in. Give gifts. Channukah is coming up... When something is scary. When there is fear. You have to prepare. Not one member on the right side of the shul can prepare a decent Shabbat dinner... Yaakov splits up the camp. He then prepares to appease… Safety comes first. Which is why the children are not going to use the new children’s siddur anymore… They’ve been whacking each other with the hardback prayer books… (Bereishit 32:9) Rashi says Yaakov prepared for three things when encountering Esav. For a gift, for war and for prayer… What have you ever prepared for, Simmy? Your son’s Bar Mitzvah didn’t even have the Kiddish. The Friedmans sponsored their five year old daughter's birthday. They beat you to the dedication… It was Simcha’s Bar Mitzvah. You prepare… The shul’s gala wasn’t even prepared… There goes our president again. It was a bring your own dinner. Not even potluck… Yaakov appeases Esav with 'Doron.' He gives him gifts. Because he 'fears’… Appeasing, meaning to initiate. You didn't initiate a decent Kiddish, so Simcha didn't get gifts... Of course he prays. It is about appeasing… Your ego gets in the way. Yaakov appeases Gd… He prays, Mark. Praying is important. It gives Gd a good feeling… I know that we’re having problems with good feelings in the shul. People can’t get in. The security guard hasn’t smiled and makes people scared... He stares them down. It’s scary. People are sitting alone. They don’t feel appeased. Have you gotten any gifts for anybody?... Exactly. No gifts. Chanukah is coming up and you haven’t prepared... You prepare gifts for three days... There are shul programs and community candle lightings on the others. (Bereishit 32:11) In his prayer to H', Yaakov pleads, 'Oh, I have become small, because of all Your Kindness.' We are humbled when someone shows us kindness. There has been no kindness shown… I have not been humbled as a rabbi here. I have been… It's not humbling to be locked out of shul... If you can't enter the shul to pray... It's not humbling. It's humiliating to sit alone. You selfish... Yaakov pleads and even brings up the crossing the 'Yarden' river with his staff. Even before droughts, when the river was higher than 2 feet, Yaakov passed the river... Yes. He needed a staff. How else can you tell the depth... It is about getting your feet wet. And Yaakov did not like water. H' places those rocks in the river, for us... You slip on the rocks, because you don't have a staff... Being taken advantage of for 20 years, by Lavan, having the famous daughter for daughter switch, is not something to bring up when thanking H' for kindness. It was the crossing the Yarden. Three feet. Which he had to do by himself… Caution. We learn caution from Yaakov… We shouldn’t have to be cautious because of the security guard that we hired… When Kindness is done, we respect... We should respect and apprecaite. Yaakov pleads to Gd. Asks for His kindness to continue and to let them live. It’s not kindness to let Kim sit alone. It’s not kindness to Zoom visit the sick… The security guard is scary. Yaakov is in a scary place and he turns to H'. He pleads out of respect. What teenager in this shul has ever showed gratitude?... Your prayer may get answered, but you won’t get the allowance raise you wanted…. Do they kiss up to their parents? Yes. Because they want something. Do they show appreciation, bring up their kindness that they have done for them? Are they humbled, due to respect? No. But they want chocolate coins... Your parents gave you life. They gave you a roof over head. They gave you school. Do you thank them? No... They gave you school! Yaakov, out of 20 years of servitude, still thanks H' and sees H's kindness. For he knows it is up to H' whether the rock is slippery or not. I think that it was around 20, and I think I know that because my parents forced me to go to school... Yaakov does not plead to man. He offers gifts, he appeases man. But he does plead to H.' He pleads to H' because he honors H' and knows that H' decides and has given him life. You give gifts to man… It’s Chanukah for crying out loud… Appeasement.... I have no idea where this Dvar Torah is going.... You must honor your parents. You must also fear them.....Commandments.... When you fear, you appease. When you honor, you kiss up. When you honor who you fear, you plead for allowance... Your parents decide. They decide where you will go to school. They decide where you will go to camp. They decide where you will grow up. They are the ones to blame... They haven't paid dues... You must see the kindness, even through the pain of life they put you through. You will have challenges, and you will need your parents. The challenges you will need to appease. When you need the help of those who you respect, it is your parents you must plead to for money.... It's hard to cross over that Yarden by yourself. Many Jews have done it. When you make Aliyah, there is always a point where we have to plead for financial help... Nobody gives you a staff. You have to take that staff yourself... For safety. There's security... Yaakov prepares for fight.... Splits up the camp. Protect the important people. We care when bombs come into Tel Aviv... And he fights when he needs to. Yaakov struggles with the angel... There’s enough fighting in this shul... We don't need to be worrying about a security guard. That's not a struggle for the soul of our people, to hire a guy who scares us... I understand you don’t like people that are not hanging with the Simchonis… If they’re going to be members, we need to treat them better. Give them gifts… Chanukah is coming up. Give them something… We learn from Yaakov that we have to appease people. We need to be kind… Sheep are good. They’ll take them. We have to humble with our kindness. Give gifts. Give something of ourselves. You sit with people other than the Simchonis. You selfish… Don’t make your life great. Make it meaningful. Show respect to others. Keep the Mitzvot and be kind. Don't be like Mike. He refuses to give me a raise. Not even a Chanukah bonus... (Bereishit 32:5) Rashi says that when the Torah says 'with Lavan I lived,' Yaakov is saying he kept the 613 mitzvot. ‘Garti’, the word for lived, in Gematria is 613. The number of Mitzvot... If it was this congregation, it would be the eight mitzvot. H' watches over us. When we keep the Mitzvot, H' watches over us... Because you don't keep the Mitzvot, Dennis... May H' protect us from the security guy… Rivka’s Notes on Rabbi Mendelchem’s Drasha The rabbi was never invited to sit with the Simchonis. They invited me once. I think that was the week I got my new hat. It was marvelous. You can't wear a hat like that more than once. It was the nicest hat I ever bought. If you don't throw it out after you wear it, you're pathetic. The rabbi made his point though. 'Community is about community' was the most profound thing I have heard, since the previous rabbi said, 'Shul is shul.' The kid siddurs are dangerous. Hardcovers and pointy edges. The kids do the 'thank You for waking me up' prayer and then get whacked with the thing. The youth director added a 'thank you for my eye not getting hit today' prayer. So the losers aren’t left alone, they’re assigning seats now at Kiddish. The rabbi was correct. People can’t get in if they’re locked out. There are a lot of anti-Semites in shul though. The membership really hates each other. I feel safer outside, away from the members. They had another program that people got locked out of. Trivia night only had seven people. Forty-eight were knocking. At the board meeting they all complained that the event was not well attended. Nobody could figure out why. But it was a meeting. They sat and talked about it. Many opinions were shared. Then there’s the security guard scaring people when the doors are not locked. People were so scared of the security guard, they started bringing him gifts. They treated him like Esav and tried to appease him. One of the members couldn't find cattle, so she gave him their dog. The dog was scary too, barking at everybody coming into shul. The people that weren’t friends with the Simchonis felt like the shul truly didn’t want them. The shul started a phone chain to let the losers know the security guard was not there to keep them out, even if nobody wanted to sit with them at Kiddish. By the way, assigned seats just embarrassed the losers. The rabbi wrote the names of the losers, on the place cards, instead of table numbers. He called it 'Kim’s table.' It was embarrassing. Once people started sitting together and talking, we lost fifteen members. They expressed how annoying it is to have to talk to ‘these people.’ That's what they called them, once they had to spend time with them. 'These people.' Some of the families that left suggested the shul should've split for fear of annoying people. That was a bold move by the rabbi, telling the members he doesn’t want them. The shul split may just happen. The rabbi is not happy that fifteen of the good members left. The locked doors and security hasn't stopped any anti-Semitism. I believe it's there to keep Ben out. Minyin has problems. Members never give more than a dollar to Tzedaka. No matter how much they make, when the charity box comes around, it's a dollar. i saw one guy pull out a $100 bill. Gave a dollar. And the members never bring anything less than tens. The charity box has now run out of dollar bills. The Gabai picked up three hundred one dollar bills, five months ago. They're all gone now. The rabbi gave a class on charity, and it appears that giving a dollar does not count for a full tithe. The Minyin needs more speed at davening if we’re going to get new members. Jack davens too slow. He can’t lead. The guy doesn’t know the Chazaras HaShas repetition nod. They nodded to him and he still looked back. You turn around and start the repetition. Even I know that you start the repetition right when you get the nod, or Bernie will yell at you. For the Chanukah party, they're planning a gift swap, and the rabbi is concerned the gifts are not going to be good. He's planning on hosting a gift prep forum, to teach the members to not give anything made at the house. That includes, sweaters, socks, scarves and anything made in an oven that the cook might think is good. If it's oily and fried, it is fine for Chanukah. The rabbi said he'll allow for that. Due to the rabbi’s sermon, and the lesson of Yaakov and Esav, people only gave gifts on Chanukah to people they hated. Gifts were mainly books about self-improvement. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke: VaYeitzei11/13/2021 
Nothing went wrong in the shul, nobody did anything wrong, and the rabbi still found a way to give Musar. Our rabbi is brilliant. He always finds a way to rebuke the congregants. Even when they did nothing, he rebuked them. Greatest orator I have ever seen. As the rabbi said, ‘You people do nothing.’
There has been too much joking from the congregants, since Frank was a called a funny guy. Now everybody thinks they’re funny, because they can also do puns. It all started when the rabbi let Frank come up and do the announcements. The board thought it would be good for a member to make the announcements. The rabbi can’t stand it anymore. He even put up on his office door, ‘No puns. I will not listen to them anymore. They don’t pay me for this. I can’t pretend like you guys are funny. It makes me sick to listen to you. I get paid to deal with family crisis issues and lifecycle events. The lifecycle events have issues too. Nobody told me I would have to deal with the issues of congregants thinking that plays on words are funny. That was not in my contract. Frank is banned from the shul until this is fixed.’ Just seeing our congregants working on their homes on Sunday is embarrassing. The bad Shiptuzim, renovations, is embarrassing. Shmuel and his son were cleaning his roof with a Swiffer. I had to let Shmuel know that you can’t use a Swiffer for everything. Chanukah preparation has begun. A lot of chocolate coins. Simcha is not happy that he can’t pay his dues with them. The local butcher has made a lot of enemies with too much juice in his premade stuff. His food is amazing, but he is putting in too much juice. He’s charging $22.99 for juice. Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Shabbat Shalom My Dear Congregants, Do I have to laugh at the congregants’ jokes? Is that my job? To listen to not funny stuff. Everybody wastes my time… ‘The rabbi is here, let’s waste his time. Got a question? Got a joke?’… If you don’t have a question, why are you coming to see me with a joke? Are there spiritual issues with your humor?... Yes. There are, Bernie… Dirty jokes would be less offensive than your humor. It offends my senses... From now on, I am making the announcements... Ever since Pinny left town, this shul has been mourning bad humor... I am going to go. VaYeitzei… That means to leave. I am going to leave if you guys tell me more bad jokes… You will feel the loss when the sisterhood and board start making all the decisions… Please stop talking in the back of the shul… Even during davening. When we are praying, you shouldn’t be talking either. The week's Torah portion begins with travel. Yaakov goes to Charan… If I knew where Charan was, I would be there. I would go… You haven’t done anything wrong. That’s the problem. You don’t do anything. You just tell me bad jokes… Do something. Do something right... Yes. I complain when you do wrong stuff... (28:10) 'And Yaakov left from Be'er Sheva.' Why does it say he left Be'er Sheva? Excellent question, which is why Rashi asks it. 'And Yaakov left’? Nobody has ever shared that piece of information. They say 'she used to live in St. Louis'... Who says 'she left'? Tell us, Bernie. It's that she moved from. Nobody says 'left this place'... Only when speaking about Topeka, because people want to leave this shul... We don't say it. They say it. They tell people they left. Does anybody remember the Goldblums? No. They left. They stopped paying dues. Nobody cares… It's not part of their life's description. Nobody showed up to Hymie Goldblum’s funeral saying he left Topeka. Nobody cared. So, he is gone. Good. Better for the community. Nobody could stand his family… We kept on sending the bulletin and calendar because we thought they would give something… They didn’t even give a donation. Somebody should’ve mentioned that at his funeral. ‘And Hymie never gave a donation, like the Feldblums’… Even more so, it's Be'er Sheva. I moved from America to Jerusalem. 'Didn't you live in Be'er Sheva in between?' I am trying to forget that. You see, they leave it out of the news.... Nobody cares about Be'er Sheva. Even when bombs were landing there, nobody in all of Israel cared. Once they came to Tel Aviv and Jerusalem, that is when the news started caring about the rockets… Nobody cares about Be'er Sheva. Even when bombs were landing there, nobody in all of Israel cared. Once they came to Tel Aviv and Jerusalem, that is when the news started caring about the rockets… Because nobody cares about Be’ar Sheva. Yaakov left. They are the Topeka of Israel. If I left Topeka… Tel Aviv and Jerusalem are important cities... Nobody cares about Be'er Sheva, and nobody cares about people leaving Be'er Sheva, since Yaakov... If you already lost Yaakov, it's not a big deal to lose Avigail... We’ve got to start caring about people leaving our shul. Be’er Sheva is still mourning Yaakov’s departure… It's hard to care when the Goldblums leave. I understand. The only question is how will the community survive. We need new members. We have to stop people from moving to Israel. Who is going to pay the dues… Rashi teaches why we start this week's portion with stating that Yaakov left Be'er Sheva. Because when a Tzadik leaves a city, it is felt. We miss the presence of a righteous individual. We care. Nobody cared when Yankel left… It leaves a mark on the town. When a Tzadik is in a city, 'He is the beauty,' he is the good of the city… If I left Topeka… Is there truly anything else beautiful here? Nobody felt a thing when Mr. Horwitz left. To be honest we were all happy. He is not a tzaddik, nor are his children. Is there anybody in this community we would care about? If Mrs. Tabkook left, I believe we would be relieved. Maybe the person that took her seat would pay dues... We would care if Sadie left. She makes a good choolante. That would be felt… We don't care about the Goldblums... Because people get involved and ruin it. If Sadie left, Michelle would start making choolante. It would be messed up... Pinny was a Tzadik... His humor was better than Franks... OK. Not a Tzadik. Just somebody who didn't ruin the personality of the shul... May we all merit to do at least some good for this congregation and may we have a reason to care about Be'er Sheva again... What happened on his journey? (Bereishit 28:11-14) He takes rocks and places them around his head and he dreams about a ladder going up to heaven and ‘angels of Gd are going up and down it’… Pillows weren’t fluffy back then. They didn’t have My Pillow… People probably slept on ladders. You sleep right in the middle of davening, Yossi… Pews are not more comfortable than ladders. They make pews uncomfortable so that people don’t sleep during services. The 95 degree angle, hard unpolished wood... H’ stands over Yaakov and tells him that the land he is lying on is going to be for his seed. Yaakov is fleeing and H' is talking about his offspring... The focus isn't on himself. It's on his future. Does anybody care about the future of this shul?... You wouldn't be raising Michael and Tizi like that if you cared... They run around. Little Pinny is crazy... H' continues to tell him He is going to have offspring like the dust of the earth… You make people not want to birth... People work for their next generation. They want it good for their kids. You won't even hire a youth director... We need somebody directing these kids away from the shul... So, that we can daven, Rachel. (Bereishit 28:15) H’ continues to tell him that he will be with him. He continues, 'I will guard you wherever you go… I will not forsake you until I have done what I promised you’… H’ sticks around, unlike the Michaelson family who left to Florida last week, for the winter... I’ve been forsaken but the congregation… Every winter, half of the congregants forsake us for heat... Charan wasn't warmer than Be'er Sheva... Then he wakes up from his dream… That’s enough of a dream. Ever have one of those dreams where Gd is telling you that your offspring is going to be running the land... Not building a house. The ladder was for the angels. What do we do on our journey? Do we dream or do we do. Nobody remembers the dream. The dream is what gets us there. Yaakov didn't just dream. We remember Yaakov because of what he did in Be’er Sheva. The people missed him... After the dream, he does. He doesn't just write it in his journal... They didn't have psychologists back then... People weren't crazy talking to Gd, because they didn't have people analyzing... Dr. Froidman is a heretic. The dream about leaving Congregation Beis Emes uSefilah was reality. If you leave, this shul the kids will want to... (Bereishit 28:16-22) He takes the stone from his head and makes a monument. He says that if he returns in peace, as H’ promised, this will be a place of worship, of H’… Yaakov does stuff. He made that vow and he did it... You haven't built anything. Your paper mache is messed up too.... He doesn’t say, ‘If I come back, I will make a calendar’… No more shul calendars. The times never change… Every organization thinks they’ll make money off a calendar… Yakov was aware, as he says, (Bereishit 28:16) ‘H’ is in this place and I didn’t know it.’ How many times are we not aware of our surroundings?... Then you realize you're in shul and you still talk the whole time... The whole of Shacharit you're talking. Aware!... It’s about doing something when you have that chance. When you realize. Yakov realized he didn’t notice something. Once he noticed, he did something… Nobody has fixed the leak in the ceiling. Nobody has fixed the quilt… Nobody cares that it was put together by the community. We need something nice... A nice quilt would be nice. Nobody gave the rabbi a raise… You know you haven’t given him one… Yaakov was speaking of the future spot of the Beit Hamikdash, when he made his monument. And we build a small shul here. We need a mega shul… Yes. The Beit Hamikash was a Mega Shul… No microphones, but great acoustics. It’s amazing what you can do with acoustics… Things happen when there is Hakarat Hatov. Recognizing the good. Yaakov’s good was recognized by the people of Be’er Sheva. Yaakov recognized H’s good. Nobody recognizes what I do for this shul... When you care, your presence is felt… When you sit in the back, like Frank, and go to Kiddish club, nobody cares about you... Stealing is wrong... Lavan steal from Yaakov. The butcher charging 22.99 for juice is theft... The Goldblums should give a donation to the shul. Rivka Thoughts on Rabbi Mendelchem’s Drasha Everybody went back to buying raw meat. The rabbi considered the people to be the personality of the shul. I thought he meant the personalities. But he meant the personality, in singular. I thought the personality was the quilt by the ark. He realized that one person with a bad sense of humor can kill the whole shul. He never ends his sermons with a pleasantry, kind of like he’s writing a letter. He always starts relaxed and then gets angry at the end. Always ends very abruptly. They were talking the whole davening. You could hear them. The whole shul. They didn’t even try to whisper. It was a loud talk. Not a scream, but a loud talk. More than room level. That’s how Bryan talks. Very loud. The whole shul could hear it. Bryan thinks he's talking to Bernie or Max all the time. He thinks it's tradition to talk loud in shul. Yes. There are old people. You reserve loud for them. You scream at old people. Max once asked me what he did wrong. I had to yell at him, 'It's not your fault. You're old.' He was talking to Dave. Dave's fifty. He hasn't even reached his sixties yet. There's no reason to yell at him. After the Bryan screaming fiasco, the rabbi decided it was good to let them all go out to the Kiddish club. This way he wouldn’t have to see them in the shul. It was between talking in shul or talking at the Kiddish club. I checked out the Kiddish club. Bryan doesn't talk when he's drinking. The board brought up the idea of a bar in shul. Kim figured it will help reduce the noise level if they're drinking. She didn't realize that after they're drinking they start talking again; if you're not drinking, that is louder. The rabbi went off on the calendars. I asked other members of the shul. It turns out that each of them got fifteen to twenty calendars this year from organizations. The rabbis right. You only need three. The rabbi did start speaking about his beauty, which made everybody uncomfortable. Later on, he said he was talking of his spiritual beauty, but it was still uncomfortable. He sounded like a wrestler from the 1980s. Most similar to ‘The Macho Man’ Randy Savage. When he stopped talking about his beauty, a breath of fresh air was felt. The rabbi said that breath of fresh air was his beauty. His spiritual beauty. Come to think of it, nobody really did care about the Godlblums leaving. The rabbi said how unimportant every person is in the shul was. He went through all of the names. He mainly focused on the back left. We have to take more pride in our rabbi. Other shuls are pushing their rabbis on all their flyers. Their websites are full of their rabbis. I think our rabbi was mentioning his beauty to get on a flyer. He's hurt that he hasn't been pushed. A couple weeks down the road, the shul put the rabbi on the flyer and he stopped threatening to leave. We tried building a mega shul, but we didn’t have the membership. The 110 family membership didn’t call for a stadium. Before My Pillow, I couldn’t find a decent pillow. Now, I go to Walmart and pick up some Mainstays. Love it. Great brand. I am sticking with Mainstays. I think that My Pillow commercial got me thinking to buy a new pillow. When the rabbi brought up Hymie Goldblum, many were saddened. They started thinking about their demise, and they went out and spent their money. There was a shul trip to the casino, at The Passings. Nobody donated money to the shul. After seeing the age of the people hanging out at The Passings, Francine called it The Passings Away. That got the rabbi mad again. Francine started going at least twice a week. She believes it is preparing her for her afterlife. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke: Toldot11/5/2021 
Anti-Semitism has reached new heights in the shul. The cleaning staff that comes in for the week blames the Jews for the dirtiness in the shul. One of the cleaning staff complained that they don’t want to come into a place that is dirty. The shul’s secretary told them that cleaning didn’t sound like the right job for her, as people are usually cleaning dirt. She told the rabbi she was offended, and she only wants to clean places that are clean. She loves cleanliness. To quote, ‘That’s why I got involved in cleaning.’ So, she’s also blaming the Jews for the dirt; the dirt and sacrificing children for Matzah.
At the minor league baseball game, somebody blamed the Jews in the front row for the loss. Asides from the fact that Pinchas caught the foul ball that would’ve ended the game, it should not have been blamed on Jews. The whole people was blamed for Pinchas. It makes me question if Pinchas should wear his Kippah in public. It appears that these local anti-Semites will blame Jews for everything. It’s always ‘those Jews.’ One anti-Semite stubbed her toe on the bus and yelled, ‘Those Jews.’ Now the kids are reading the Parsha sheets at the table. The rabbi’s plea to stop sending home sheets to be read has been overridden by the teachers. Now they’re having the kids read the Parsha Divrei Torah. It is so much worse. It went much quicker when the parents were reading. These kids read so slow. Which is why I suggested to have after school reading lessons for the kids; to help us get through Friday night meals in our town. The new shul president is big on kiddish catering. Everybody is enjoying the food. The fact that the sisterhood has no say anymore is loved by all. Now, the sisterhood members have to fight with their spouses. We started a community retainment program. The new concept is to keep people in the shul, once they come. We’ve extended Kiddish with dinner and then board games. The Chazin is doing his job. He's extended his notes. The rabbi is not a fan of the Chazin's role in retainment. He's not happy with the Chazin's role in the shul. The youth group kids don’t leave shul at all. They stay all day on Shabbat. The services are not the draw. People come for food. We retain people now with promised Kiddishes every Shabbat. We don’t allow people to take it home. If we did, they wouldn’t be in shul. We’ve noticed that the Bikur Choim Matzah Ball soup campaign draws more people to shul, when we serve it to the sick people at shul. I suggested building an apartment complex at the shul. That will allow for more retainment as well. If they don’t leave, we’ll have a better chance of retaining them. If they leave, they might find another shul, or golf to do on Shabbat. The rabbi converted four more people last week. That’s four more people that won’t pay dues. If there were dues paid, we wouldn’t need Bingo. But we need the Bingo volunteers. Some are arguing its gambling. They suggested to have slot machines instead. People can play the slots when they come to shul, and the members would end up paying their dues. Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Shabbat Shalom uMvorach We’ve retained new members… The food does it… Nobody wants your puns, Chaim. You chase away people with your annoying conversation… It’s not a retainer. We're talking aout retainin members… Money would work to retain members… The new shul parking lot is going to be built two blocks away from the shul. That is where you all park on Shabbat already… This way, the shul parking lot will be used... Exactly. You shouldn’t drive on Shabbat. But we have to think about our members… We saw what happened at Sinai. When members making decisions, bad things happen… The shul is now dirty as anything… Because you pick up nothing. Your kid eats half a lollipop and drops it… You don't pick up after him Mark. And now we've lost a cleaning lady... She doesn't want to work around dirt. There’s been much fighting in this community this week. Many of you feel that Bingo is gambling, but there are people in this synagogue that understand the importance of a building fund… If you paid your dues, we wouldn’t need Bingo… The building fund is because you don’t pay your dues… Then help with something. Fix the leak. Get a wrench and fix it… All the fights about Bingo. And now you’re fighting about the parking lot being too far from the shul to have Bingo… This week is when we see the constant bickering of Yaakov & Esav, like Sadie and Francine… The sisterhood fights… They were even fighting in her stomach... There were no Legos. No Weebles. No Tonka in there. But kids still fight. Rashi continues to say they were running different ways. Yaakov would try to run out when passing the Beit Midrash, house of Torah study. Esav would try to run out when they passed the house of idol worship (Rashi 25:22)… Torah was always around… Yes. Even before there was Torah. Before Torah, there was Torah. That was the Torah that Yaakov learned… How? I don’t know. But he learned it. Good and evil can’t get along. Look at me and the shul’s president. Look at him. It’s a Shanda… (Bereishit 25:22) Rivka asks 'If this is so (after living fine without having kids and not having to pay for their Jewish Day School education) Why is this happening me?' A question I ask myself about this shul every Shabbat… I see the evil and I see Sarah. One decent person in this shul, and she’s not on the board. (Rashi) She wants to know why she has to deal with this pregnancy. Why a pregnancy that she will have to remind her children about every day of their lives?... Francine is still complaining about Mark. He’s seventy-two. Let it go… Why a pregnancy that the Jewish people will have to hear about forever? I've heard of mother's complaining of a hard labor. But this is millennia of complaints. The most talked about labor, and it doesn't stop.... It doesn't stop, because that fighting is still going on in the world, today. And that fighting is still going on in our congregation. Look at the sisterhood. And mothers are still complaining. And dads are still educating their children wrong and picking favorites. And the quilt is still right here. Ugly as anything… You fight it. You fight the evil and talk of it all the time. Bernie... When will it stop? (Bereishit 25:23) H' tells her 'There are two nations within you.' Nothing positive. Nothing redeeming. Just that your kids are going to constantly bicker. Like the children of this congregation who... Mrs. Goldwitz, I don't know if you're disciplining your children at home, but nobody likes hearing the domestics in the middle of Musaf. 'Get out of shul!!!' You're screaming at the kids… I got scared... I’ve left the synagogue on occasion; scared you were screaming at me. If there is any time for an abortion this is it.... Is that what we want in this shul? Two different people fighting all the time... 'Gambling is wrong,' they say. 'Fighting is wrong,' I say. We don't want a Jewish Edom experience. Now, I understand the shul has not seen much of the Bingo monies and many people claim the rabbi is siphoning funds... Changes can happen. (Bereishit 25:21) Yitzchak prays for Rivka to have a baby, and she conceives. H’ has to accept our prayers… Be better. Be better than Michael and your prayers will be answered… You don’t even pray to have children. You have them and you don’t even thank H’... Prayer can help with change. I am praying that people will raise money for the building fund… We need retention. We need liveliness. We need a Chazin who doesn’t… The tunes kill our retention efforts… Nobody cares if they’re meaningful. Are you at the Kiddish club? Do you hear the fights… The tunes are killing the shul. There would be no Bingo fights if the Chazin did a better Musaf… We can make things better. We are here today praying. Is anybody praying to get rid of the Chazin?... There are two ways to run a shul. Two different ideas. The messed-up way, and then there is listening to your rabbi… That’s the right way… Why are you listening to Linda? Who is Linda?... Less food is messed up… Bingo is not gambling. It’s hoping that you’ll win. Hope is prayer. It’s the thrill of yelling ‘Bingo’… It happens not very often. But when you have that thrill… Bingo is a fundraiser for the shul. Bingo is a Mitzvah… Inviting anti-Semites is not the right way to run the shul… If they’re playing Bingo. It’s fine. The point is that we can't run the shul the wrong way. There will always be hatred of good by the wrong way. Such as Bernie... As Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai says, ‘Esav hates Yakov.’ Morty hates Max too. The cleaning crew hates to clean dirt… Yes. The cleaning staff are anti-Semites. (Bereishit 25:30) Esav tells Yakov to ‘pour into me some of your red red stuff…’ He hates him, but he’s fine with him, as long as there is soup. Nobody fights when they’re eating soup… We need soup to retain the membership. We need soup at Bingo… A watery choolante is fine. Add some croutons to that… You never offered the cleaning staff Kiddish... At least make some decent soup. Sharing soup can make it all better. It can bring down the level of hatred. Even if just for a day. People will come for soup… Everybody gets along when there is enough soup… It’s winter. We don’t need gazpacho. How many times do I have to argue with Rachel about this… No. That’s not the smell of lentil soup. That’s from Bingo… That’s smoke, you’re smelling… You can’t have Bingo with no smoking… When you gamble, you lose stuff. When you’re going off a whim, you lose stuff. You make bad decisions. The shul quilt. Bad decision… Bingo is not gambling. It’s a fundraiser… Esav would’ve parked in the shul parking lot… You retain people when they have a place to park. You retain people when you do Mitzvot, have a Bingo campaign, give them food, a decent lentil soup, and give them a place to park… We already have evil members not doing Mitzvot… The Chazin’s Musaf doesn’t retain… Soup. Lentil soup every Shabbis. The new shul catering staff… We’re paying people now, because they cleanup after they finish. We can't retain the cleaning crew if we don't cleanup. They're mad about cleaning... The sisterhood was fighting too much… You never cleaned. You just fought about the Stella D’oros. A lot of evil. This is why the shul can't move along. Thank you to the president. Evil… Rivka’s Notes on Rabbi Mendelchem’s Drasha The rabbi’s speeches getting longer also helps retain people. The rabbi blames the Chazin for everything. Even the lack of retention is being blamed on the Chazin. His tunes do go real long. The long tunes keep people in shul though. There's something redeeming about the Chazin there, but the rabbi won't see it. Rabbis hat Chazins, to quote a Gemara somewhere. The rabbi hates that quilt. He talks about it every Shabbis. The following week, no kids came to shul. The principal reported that all kids in school that week were complaining that their parents were complaining about how hard it was to raise them. One kid, for show-and-tell brought in her birth certificate which had a handwritten ’30 hours of labor.’ Her mom kept that as proof. She showed it to her everytime she didn't take out the garbage. Bingo wasn’t making enough money, so they consulted with a casino arcade. The religious themed slot machines in the front of the shul are a bit gaudy. Even so, there is no feeling like getting three Lords in a row. The rabbi got rid of that machine after a couple months, claiming that there is only one Lord. He then went on from the Rambam's teachings of one Gd, to reading Lord of the Rings to the congregation, to saying Lord of the Rings is forbidden. It was all very confusing. The cleaning staff still hasn't helped clean from Bingo. They still call the people that come for Bingo, Jews. There might be a couple of Jews, but it's usually local people who can't afford the new casino in Faytville. They're convinced Bingo is a service. They won't accept that the caller is not a Chazin. A few months later, we had to get a new cleaning crew. When they saw the place was clean, they noticed that they had time to dust. Dusting got them real mad. The parking lot was built and it was a great success. The problem is that many of the more almost Shomer Shabbis members don’t like people seeing them park. So they started parking four blocks away. Himelstein is parking further away than his home. I think he has an issue with walking from his home on Shabbat. The soup campaign started working. More members were coming to shul. The sick people came. The whole ordeal of delivering soup to their homes was over. They started coming to Kiddish. They got their soup and they were happy. More people in the shul got sick, but it was fine, as we had soup there. After a couple of weeks of people not feeling well, they added Matzah Balls to the soup and everybody felt better. The sisterhood always fights. They make Kiddish and fight. If they went to the Kiddish club before going to set-up for Kiddish, they would be more relaxed. They're not even setting up anymore, and they still fight about the caterer. The caterer gave up after two weeks and let the sisterhood takeover the setup, so they could fight while doing something. We still have the caterer, to ensure that nobody gets injured. The rabbi just got back from Israel. He went on a quick trip because he missed going for Parshat Chayei Sarah. He came back with the ‘uMVorach’ added to the ‘Shabbat Shalom.’ We learn that Yitzchak is told not to leave Israel, so the rabbi became very Israeli, and then left. The shul needs a cleanup. People are letting things just stay on the floor. Kids drop stuff and that is fine somehow. These parents nowadays can’t parent anymore. They’re afraid to tell their kids they’re wrong. They’ll scream at the soccer referee. The soccer ref has kicked parents out of games for thinking their kids are the best. I was happy to see our rabbi adopt this method of getting the annoying parents out of the shul. The rabbi gave a red flag to Mark's mom. Finally. It's been ninety-two years. A new fitness facility was built in the shul. There are no mats, just carpeting. The board refuses to change the carpet-look of the shul. It's tradition. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke: Chayei Sarah10/29/2021 
The unemployed people are all coming in purple, from the grape juice and wine crush. Somehow, word got out that they needed Jews to work. Otherwise, the wine won't be kosher. Pinchas was the first one out to the crush. He was bragging about the value of his Jewish hands. He was telling everybody at the Kiddish club that he is 'getting paid for these, baby!' Those were his words.
They want orthodox Jews that keep Shabbat to be watching over the grapes. All I know is their hands are disgusting. Fish cakes somehow showed up on the kosher shelf at the supermarket. Nobody knows what they are. It is assumed they were first in the kosher freezer section. People are worried that the greater community thinks that Jews will eat anything. Since receiving the free packages this past summer, I am convinced that they will feed their kids anything they get for free. I even saw a pizza sandwich in one of those. Fish cakes and pizza sandwiches, cold. The JCC was closed for a few days. Their sewage was backed up. The congregation put on a good 280 pounds total. Shul talent show. We had time. Nothing happened. It was so bad, the rabbi didn't even mention it in his sermon. The rabbi doesn't like embarrassing people. The show was an embarrassment. It was people sitting around and waiting for somebody to signup. The sheet was the show. There's no talent in our shul. One person got up and gave a speech. No poetry. I wouldn't even call it prose. It was a thought they had. They shared it on stage because nobody talks to them during Kiddish. There was one instrument. One of the kids took up the harmonica. They figured it was the next step up from human beatboxing. The shul got yellow tape to finally put around the shul, on the edge of the step in the back. Max was complaining about it for months, after he tripped and ended up in the hospital. He chose not to sue, but to complain instead. We didn’t go to Chevron as a community, though the rabbi suggested it. Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Shabbat Shalom Ya’ll, We had a Minyin this week. The JCC was closed. It’s too cold for golf. People came to shul… It’s either physical activity or caring about Gd. Can’t do both… Then do them both… It takes the closing of the JCC… I have been telling everybody here to take care of their health. I wanted to start a weekly dodgeball game in the social hall… First dibs on the Chazin… (Bereishit 23:1) ‘And it was, the life of Sarah…’ Sarah lived. She didn’t just mope all day like Rachel. She lived… I walk into this shul, I feel death. It's like a whiff of fresh death every time I see the back left of the shul. It's so depressing... Let’s see how Sarah lived… Did she go to workout or did she connect with Gd?... She did both, Rachel. You can’t serve Gd and breathing like Benjamin who can’t sing anymore. How do you get too out of shape to sing?!... Cooking in the 2,000 BCEs, you have to be in shape. You had to catch the gazel first. You had to plant the dough. Singing, you also had to be in shape... You sung and mountain lions would attack you... If you hit a high-pitched harmony. Like in Tov Lehodos... You don't live to 127 by eating fish cakes... No. She didn’t cook fish cakes. What’s with these fish cakes? What happened to fried fish? She was an excellent cook… To live, you have to eat healthy… Who eats fish for dessert? Are they serving fish danish... Gummy fish are a dessert side dish. (Bereishit 23:2) 'And Sarah died in Kiryat Arba, which is Chevron.' Which is quite convenient… How did she pass away by Ma’arat HaMachpela, where she is buried? Convenience. As H' has shown us again and again. Why does the Torah have to tell us all of this? Because none of you study your geography. The Torah has to spend its time telling you where Kiryat Arba is… Then visit Israel every once in a while. And where was Chevron?... In Canaan! It was not in Palestine. A little lesson in geography, from your rabbi... What's with Palestine and this congregation? Is CNN teaching Jewish History at the day school now?... Are we doing the shul trip to Chevron?! It talks of Sarah's life. Not her death. 'Chayei Sarah.' Sarah's life. And what have you to show of your life?... She mothered a nation, Rachel. A whole people… You have two kids… Benjamin is out of shape… Couldn’t even play freeze tag with Bayla… Stop thinking about death... I know that Simmy passed. But he lived a life more meaningful than the back left... He paid his dues, Frank... Why did she pass away? There was no biopsy, so we are not sure. Rashi quotes Genesis Rabbah and the midrash teaches that the death of Sarah is reported right after the almost sacrifice of Yitzchak to teach us that it was the news of the sacrifice that caused the death. Have you seen the local news? It’s always murder. It scares you. It’s a shocker. News is never good… Whenever Bernie says ‘I have good news,’ I’m very skeptical… Because it’s always bad, Bernie… It’s death or Israel is moving someplace outside of Israel… Every day, I hear about different locations of Israel from this congregation. But Sarah lived. It was the shock of her son doing something crazy... Not doing anything with your life is crazy, Benjamin. Her son was willing to be sacrificed... No, Benjamin. I don’t know which one is crazier. Her son was willing to have himself sacrificed. You do nothing. A mother cannot bear to hear either… Back then, they lived in the house till their hundreds. It was a different time... Palestine’s location in all of Israel is crazy… She would’ve killed herself because of this shul… Hide your hands. They're purple, Pinchas. It's an embarrassment. Your mother would kill herself if she saw... She would have a lot of nachis that you finally got a job. And she would have nachis that your hands touched everything that Jews drink. And then she would kill herself... Don't they have machines? Are you crushing by hand? They are so purple... Her son was willing to have himself sacrificed... No, Benjamin. I don’t know which one is crazier. A mother cannot bear to hear about her son sacrificing himself. Bryan. The only decent player on the team. He sacrificed. Could've won if other Jewish kids in our town could play basketball… Even if the reasons are holy. The emotional pain is what killed her… The sacrifices I make for this shul… When my mother heard I took the job for this shul, she was shocked. She knew I would never make good money with congregants who don’t pay their dues… No nachis... This congregation is too out of shape to hear bad news… Does this congregation even care? Do you care if your parents are living? They can’t live with you in the house at thirty-two, Benjamin… Yitzchak helped out around the house... He slaughtered the cattle. Your hands aren't even purple, Benjamin. And how many of the members in this congregation don't take into account their parents? Not getting jobs out of college. Your parents spent $35,000 a year on college and now you are back at home without a job? Do you want to give your mom and dad a heart attack? The emotional pain of having to see your child again, after university is a cause of much early death... You being at home is not a sacrifice Benjamin. You have sacrificed nothing to play NBA 3K... Purple hands. At least. Stay out of the gangs. I understand that there's good money to be made on the streets, with drugs. However, you have parents and they worry. We're all worried, asides from Mrs. Chayshenbaum who just bought her new home with the help of Locos MS18. Our local community, upper middle class gangsters. Chai! My man. I wish you much success with your new gangster raps about growing up in the private schools and gated hoods genre works out... Think about your parents. And think about your synagogue. Support your shul and use your money well. Make your parents proud. Shlomki Chayshebaum, thank you for the big donation. Locos MS18 your plaque is going up this week. We will put it on the outside of the building. This way you won't have to tag the shul anymore... It’s about love and care. Efron says he will give Avraham the land to bury Sarah for free. Avraham insisted on paying Efron for the field. (Bereishit 23:13) ‘I’ll give the price of the field, take it from me, and I will bury my dead there.’ He buries Sarah. That is his Mitzvah. He wants to do it. He insists on paying. Does anybody here know how much Kiddish costs... You eat it... I am suggesting that you donate Kiddish. Avraham would've donated Kiddish for Sarah... He already bought the field and it's a Mitzvah... Making brachot and eating on Shabbat is a Mitzvah... (Bereishit 23:15) Efron says, ‘400 silver shekels, between us, what is it?’ It’s a lot of money… He charges that for Avraham to bury Sarah, even though he was going to give it to him for free. Efron is a good negotiator… I don’t know what Benjamin negotiated with his parents. He definitely has not paid dues. He’s still on the family plan… That ends at twenty-five, Benjamin... You're thirty two. At least donate a Kiddish... We'll take 400 shekels. For the shul, what is it? A lot of money... Sarah cared. She 'lived.' When you care, you are living. Avraham cared. He buried Sarah... That's part of life. Let us use our life, our money for good. As Abraham who used his money to bury Sarah, the truest form of kindness... Donate a Kiddish. Pay your dues. Donate lessons to our children. Basketball can work. They are clueless... Music lessons. Talent in this shul would be appreciated. Singing lessons. That would make Shacharit bearable. Show care for your rabbi. Rent an apartment for yourself and show some kindness to your parents. 400 shekels is very little nowadays. Give your parents some money. Nachis is not happening… At least exercise. Move… Join the shul walking group… I know the JCC is not open... A mother who cared about her child. The loss hit her… She loved seeing their talents... This shul has no talent. Harmonica is not talent. You can’t live if you don’t care about your children. You can’t live if your child is running around the shul. It’s not even the halls Rachel. She is running around the sanctuary… THe sanctuary is not a place for hide-and-go-seek... Eliezer is not a good example. He’s also messed up. The Grunfelds can’t parent… Where is Adam… I know he’s your husband... Can somebody find him. The shul cares. They got yellow tape... For safety. Safety is key for living. That's why we don't play hide-and-go-seek in the shul. We have yellow tape... And the nation lives on through Ma’arat HaMachpelah... Rivka’s Notes on Rabbi Mendelchem’s Drasha I believe 15 people became religious upon hearing that it's a Mitzvah to eat on Shabbat. They all said, 'We can do that for Gd.' Benjamin is still living with his parents, and I think the rabbi gave pride to the gang members. The Grunfelds just moved to our town a month ago. The rabbi immediately included them as important members of the congregation. Them, along with the new Gabai, the rabbi is ripping on all of them. How the rabbi took Akeydat Yitzchak and turned Sarah’s death into an appeal for him to get a raise, is brilliance that can only be seen from Rabbi Mendelchem. He can do anything with a Dvar Torah. It’s an art. Middle of his sermon, the rabbi threw a paper towel at the Chazin. Said, ‘Got you.’ The rabbi turned back around and everybody ducked. It turns out he was demonstrating dodgeball. Nobody was excited about having used paper towels thrown at their face, let alone a ball. The talent show was a hit. Had a concert series in the shul, to follow. Some of the guys were talking during the show. That got a lot of nasty head turns. Turned out that the one who shushed them talks in shul all the time. But this was a concert. You don’t talk during a concert. Everybody knows that. It’s disrespectful. Talking in shul is a different story. Speaking about the shul, the bright yellow tape is a real hit. People like it much more than the quilt. We later had a dedication ceremony for Max. There was a plaque put on the tape, ‘Dedicated in honor of Max.’ Now he wants handrails on the sides, to help people take the step. The shul already spent $5 on him, and now he wants more. He thinks the shul is made of money. He eats all the Kiddish food, at least $5 a Shabbat, and now he wants more. Others are now complaining about other steps in the shul. Many trip at the back door. Now they want bright yellow tape everywhere. I’ve tried encouraging people to look when they walk. The rabbi went off on how being healthy is important. So, he started a walking group to shul every day. Then the JCC opened a week later and that stopped. Yet, they did walk that whole week. The people of Topeka were confused. They thought the Jews were keeping Shabbis all week. With all the out of shape congregants, the rabbi insisted that everybody go into the halls and play freeze tag with the little kids, during the Chazin’s repetition of the Amidah. Hide-and-go-seek is too dangerous. Congregants have hid behind furnaces. One guy was lost till after Shabbat. They locked him in the shul Saturday night. On Sunday, he came out for food. Eliezer insisted on going back to shul to catch him. Since the JCC reopened, the members haven't gone back. They just didn't want to exercise. With all the out of shape members, there were less at services for the next few weeks. Once they stopped keeping Shabbat again, and started driving their cars, the shul picked up the numbers bigtime. They stopped keeping Shabbat, because they realized they could keep the Mitzvah of eating on Shabbat, and gaining weight, better by driving. The rabbi seems to think that Topeka is in the South. We’re more like the Midwest. I don't think the rabbi has ever cooked or baked. He definitely doesn't know how dough is made. The rabbi is still very angry about the changing of the name on the package from fish patties to fish cakes. He believes it comes from kids not being able to share; the same root as the cupcake pandemic. He believes that the rabbi who gave the hashgacha should have his semicha revoked. People think the fish cake is dessert. The Maras Ayin fiasco is another community issue. The community is still arguing about fish cakes. Willie, a new member is trying to figure out what fish cakes are. As he said, ‘I have never had fish cake. I’ve had chocolate cake, but not fish cake. Are they making carp pie? Is there a salmon Danish? Lobster pudding?’ We’re still trying to get Willie to keep kosher. It’s a big move for him. Even so, he fits right in with the new members that show up for Kiddish. Our members show up for Kiddish and Kadish. After seeing Pinchas and the other Jews getting paid for having Jewish hands, the rabbi started making Kiddish on whiskey. He said that the alcohol content kills Jewish hands. Nobody drank Tedem grape juice or Nanshewitz wine till Pesach. Their hands were disgusting. And nobody paid a Shiva call, even after the reading of Chayei Sarah. Some members sent checks for 400 shekels. They figured the passing of Simmy was best treated like a Simcha. Leter, we'll get involved in the new Shiva registry business that Simone started. I have mixed thoughts. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke: VaYeira10/22/2021 
Singing is off again. Now it’s the pace. Jim Grunfeld went on his own pace this Friday night, singing the 'Yedid Nefesh' real loud. Nobody could keep up. Since he was so loud, we all had to go along with him. We all had to catch up to him. Each verse, we had to skip three words, to keep up with his speed. And then he led the congregation in Friday night prayers and it was hard to keep up. Most were happy, as they were only up to Lecha Dodi when he finished the Amida.
Jim is loud and getting older. He can’t hear others, so this is what we're going to have to deal with for the next twenty or so years. Frank's youngest, Eliezer, is playing puzzles in the back of the shul. All of davening. In the beginning of 'Lecha Dodi' on Friday night, we're all singing and he’s hitting the table. Everybody got into it. The whole shul starts banging the tables, as they loved Eliezer's beat. We turn around for ‘Boee vShalom’, and all see the kid smacking his puzzle pieces, banging them into place. Menachem was let down. He thought the kid was a little rebbe leading us all. A rebbe with a big beard was passing through this past Wednesday. I've never heard our rabbi say 'Baruch H"' so many times. It seemed like he was afraid he was going to lose his ordination. I believe he said it fifteen times in eight minutes. It might have been his rabbi from yeshiva. All I know is that he was excessive about it. The rebbe asked him how many congregants there are. He said, 'Baruch H",' and that was it. No numbers, just B"H. A couple minutes later, the rebbe started speaking with Max in Yiddish. The rebbe seemed to love Max much more than Rabbi Mendelchem, as the rebbe started smiling. I think the rebbe even asked Max why this other guy, who's not the rabbi, is constantly saying 'Baruch H".' Max has been licking his fingers again. He's even started chuching, to get better saliva for the page turn. Every Siddur in the shul has his lickings on it. Jim is having problems turning pages, it's only a matter of time before he starts licking his fingers. So they bought new sanitizer at Ollie’s. I know this because the price tag is still on the bottles. It was $1.99 a bottle. I think the board wanted to show everybody that they bought the only item at Ollie's that's not a good deal. I think this whole COVID issue is because these older guys lick their fingers. We wouldn't need sanitizer if they didn't turn pages. There is definitely a lot of talking in shul. A lot of people chattering the whole davening. It's hard to hear the Chazan. They've been mostly quiet during the rabbi's sermon, so the rabbi hasn't addressed it yet. He's fine with the tradeoff of talking only during his the prayers. There are many new congregants that have joined. One took over Gabaiship right away. So, their kid runs around with nobody watching them. Being that the new Gabai started running stuff a week into joining the shul, because nobody else wanted to do it, we're now following the Hollywood, Florida traditions. That's probably why there's a lot of talking in shul. The gabai's kid was running around with Kippah and shoes in hand. Went up to the Bima with shoes in hand. Kippah was understood, but the shoes had everybody asking. Nobody could figure out how that was protesting Gd. Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Avraham was sick, but he still took in guests. He wanted to do a Mitzvah, even when he was sick. Jessica won't even take in a guest when she stubs a toe… Just look at the beginning of the Parsha… Angels are guests too… He was circumcised and he still took in guests, three days later... I know people get out of surgery fast nowadays, but you give at least a week... You have the hiccups, you don't have guests for two weeks... It might have been a chutzpah to visit without calling first... They didn't have phones then, Bernie. They were doing a mitzvah. The shuls Bikur Cholim committee hasn't visited anybody in the past month and a half... If everybody on the Visiting the Sick committee is sick, what good is it?... It was the heat of the day and he was sitting there, circumcised, waiting for guests (Bereishit 18:1). You won't even leave your car in August, because you have air-conditioning... No matter which side you are on, you've got to put in the effort. Jessica, listen. The food Avraham gave his guests was excellent. It was tasty. I was at the Friedblums for Shabbat dinner. Food was not that good. I would not call that Hachnasat Orchim... (Bereishit 18:6-8) ‘Kemach Lushi’… That’s good stuff. Fine flour. Not the rough Challah. It wasn't the village bread. It was fluffy… Yeah. I like village bread. But that's a side dish. It was bread… ‘he took a calf, tender and good.’ It wasn’t the bad stuff. It wasn't the first cut that the Friedblums had. It had a decent amount of fat. Good taste… You don't serve meat and then say you want to lose weight right then... Vegan meat is not meat, even if they call themselves a butcher... He took butter and milk… It might have been the 'I can't believe it's not butter.' Maybe it was margarine. Maybe those laws weren't laws yet. Maybe he understood the laws of 'don't cooke a kid in its mother's milk' literally, at that time. Maybe he served the milk first... I was invited out last week with my wonderful family, to a mishpacha in this community. Mr. Grunfeld, please tell me. Do you call what was served for dinner Hachnasat Orchim? The mitzvah of welcoming your guests? ‘Avraham hurried… ran to the cows’… He wanted to feed his guests. You don’t make them wait… If you have to, you use a microwave, you use a microwave… No. Nobody is coming for conversation... Then you go to the bodega, Makolet (whatever you want to call it). You don't go grocery shopping once your guests have already showed. You had guests and that was good. We appreciate that. However, for educational purposes, do you consider chicken that is dried out to be welcoming? Quinoa?! You call that food?! You know the rabbi and the rebbitzin are not vegetarian... Sarah went inside and made them cake. Fresh cake. She didn't serve Entenmann's doughnuts. She definitely didn't think that the plane doughnut leftovers that nobody chose to eat were respectful enough for her guests... If that's the case, you get another package, so people can have the brown droplet and chocolate glazed doughnuts... He fed them under the tree and not in the tent... Maybe they wanted more of a picnic feel... They could've been robbers, and there was a nice breeze... When Avraham runs to welcome the guests, he says to Gd, (Bereishit 18:3) 'If I please find favor in your eyes, please don't pass from in front of your servant'... Yes. He was proper. He said 'please.' Avraham understood that you don't get stuff without saying 'please'... You act proper and respectful. And I am still trying to figure out why Eliezer's feet are up on the chair... Rashi first says he was talking to the angels. I chose Rashi's second explanation of the translation, that he was talking to Gd... I chose that because you don't understand the importance of welcoming people to your home... Then welcome the sick. If you're not going to deliver matzah ball soup, serve them matzah ball soup in your home... He asked Gd to wait. Some things H' wants you to do right away. We have obligations in this world. Caring for other people is something H' wants to see... If you're not going to have them in your home, then go sleep at theirs... Avraham asked H' to wait for him, as he welcomed guests. He didn't keep on with his discourse with H' for he had to fulfill the mitzvah of Hachnasat Orchim. Which is why I, as the rabbi, am still trying to understand why the Grunfelds decided to give such a lengthy Dvar Torah. So boring. We wanted to eat and nobody cares what little Shloimy learned in cheder/school... I give Dvar Torah things every week, I don't want to hear it. You can go back to your connecting with H' later. When we are gone... When we are there, you feed us. The questions of when to relate to H', when to relate to our fellow man. Do they connect with each other? Does H' like dried out chicken, Jim?... We serve H' together, and that is hard when the chicken is not juicy... You don't serve H' together when the other people make you wait... Microwave it... You didn't even give Rachel the finger. You give the one second finger... At least ackowledge that you know she is there... We are talking about bringing in guests. Not building a fence around your home to keep out your neighbors away.... What you would do to get rid of your neighbors, to not see anybody. That is why I suggested to the local police forces that the homicide last week on Madison St. was probably one of the neighbors who wanted some privacy. After investigation, we do know it was not the Grunfeld family. But we do ask, why are you trying to keep people away? That quinoa stuff was disgusting. Even if you do not want guests, give decent food. Respect the world enough, H' enough, to cook something decent. Fine flour... Quinoa? Are you trying to never have guests again?... He had them wash up outside... They weren't clean.... He didn't give the guests sanitizer... Because it doesn't clean, Pinchas... Now we have many freeloaders from the TriState area this week. As Avraham would, please welcome them in and make them wash their disgusting selves, as they have been without water and electricity for a couple of days... Every time there is rain, somehow, New Yorkers make their way to Topeka... Not the sanitizer. Sometimes, you have to ask H' to wait, so that you can do a better job of serving Him. Look at this shul. Let's fix it a bit... Before Musaf, pick up a wrapper... Then teach your kids how to find a garbage. Treat it like hide and go seek... I heard them screaming 'I'm going to catch you' in the halls during Torah reading. We're layning, and half of the congregation runs out to see if she caught Eliezer... This is not how you present your home to guests… Yes. The shul is your home. That doesn’t mean to fall asleep in the middle of the sermon, Bernie. The shul is our home and we must be inviting. We must have better potato kugel... This is the most tacky shul… You don’t leave price tags on bottles… We saw you got a deal… Stan gets deals all the time… That’s his style. We know that because he always talks about the bargain he got… Even he doesn’t walk around with the price tag… Our home will not be tacky. We're not looking to be entertainers. This is not a comedy. We're looking to entertain the guests properly, unlike the Grunfelds... (Bereishit 18:12) 'And Sarah laughed at herself'... She was old, and she couldn't imagine having kids, like the angels said she would... She didn't think she could have kids again... Look at Sharon. 55. Had kids. And we're all asking questions... It was messed up. Even so, we support you... We laugh about it. We all know that she's going to have to be paying for college when she's 75... H' asks Avraham why she is laughing (Bereishit 18:14) 'Is anything impossible for H'? At the time I will return to you, at this time next year, and Sarah will have a son'... If H' were to say that He would give our shul a Minyin during the week, I would laugh... Because it never happens... It's not impossible. H' can make anything happen. He can even make a decent chicken of the Grunfeld's dinner. It's about making our home welcoming. And that starts with how we raise the children... The kids are messed up, but we cannot laugh at this anymore... Take control of your kids. We finally have babysitting again... We don't want to lose her... We lost the last one, because your kids are crazy... I would laugh if somebody told me your children can sit in shul and daven without doing flips... Anim Zemirot ark opening is dangerous… These kids are crazy… Yours was on the floor, rolling. The other is dancing… The other is doing the back and forth skip in place… Can any child stand there in penitence… Your Bar Mitzvah and Simmy passed… We're going to miss Simmy. Even so, we will always have the Siddurs that he licked to remind us. Mazel Tov on your Bar Mitzvah, Benjamin. Have guests... Here is your Siddur. Rivka’s Notes on Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon The rabbi protested the vegan butcher, along with his protests of Jessica, the Friedblooms and the Grunfeld family. The rabbi wrote a lengthy letter to the teachers, telling them to stop sending home Parsha notes and Divrei Torah to read at the Shabbat table. He made it clear to them that it is very annoying to everybody at the table to have to listen to whatever these kids are learning in second grade. He said it is fine to teach them a song about the Parsha, to sing at the Shabbat table. Yet, anything more than that will not be tolerated in our community anymore. As the rabbi wrote, 'It is painful and boring to hear what the second graders learned about the Avraham and Ytizchak story at the altar, this year. You, the teachers, are stopping parents in our community from wanting to birth more children...' The passing of Simmy was hard on all. He was a smoker. 95 and he is now gone. He was also a finger licker. A turn the page finger licker. We will always remember him from the yellow pages in the Siddurim. He turned them all yellow with his cigar spittle. The new members didn’t care. They just complain about the stickiness of the pages. I don't know how the rabbi is going to deal with the new members. I think that they can't afford to go back to New York. Now, they're just going to complain. The rabbi will probably be out of a job next year, as the big city people don't understand the concept of dues. Joining the Bar Mitzvah and Simmy’s death was a bold move. Don’t know how the kid’s family took it. The kid will remember the message. Also, giving the kid the licked siddur was quite meaningful. Sanitizer is being placed right at Max and Jim's seats. I hope they get the message. The shul is afraid there is going to be an injury with the ark opening. The kids are treating the carpet on the Bima (stage) as though it's a tumbling mat. It’s better than the fighting that happened to open up the curtain five years back. They were violent. It was a mosh line, to open the ark. Those kids would elbow each other. The kids now are so unaware and ADDed that they don’t even notice the curtain is being open. Do they realize we’re all looking at them?! They're jumping around and doing tushy dances. Everybody in the shul is watching this. During kiddish, half of the conversation in shul was about the children and their issues. Every kid has issues nowadays; the reason, they are kids. Most of the congregants think they are child psychologists now. The issue is apparently the parents. It always comes down to the parents. The few that are not proclaiming to be psychologists are suggesting the kids go to a psychologist, due to excessive movement. Kids moving is now a problem according to our congregants. They seem to support kids playing video games all day. I don't think the kids realize that the whole congregation is watching them We lost another babysitter a few weeks later, as one of the kids decided to just yell. No reason. Just a lot of yelling. Talking in shul was still going on the whole service. The rabbi made an announcement, in which he shared another Dvar Torah about Sodom. I think he called the congregants Sodomites, as he talked about the evil people. He said that Avraham asked H’ if Sodom could be saved if there were just ten good people (Bereishit 18:32). At that point, he looked around the shul and shook his head. He also mentioned that the angels were doing a Mitzvah by visiting Avraham when he was sick. Whereas, the congregants just disturb people when they visit and ring the bell. We’re still working on how to do Bikur Cholim correctly. The next lesson is going to be on how to knock correctly. The rabbi started a new fundraiser to put together a cookbook for those who want to do Hachnasat Orchim correctly, with decent food. He is calling it the How to Not Cook Like the Members of Beis Kneses Anshei Emes uSefilah Cookbook. With all the talk of Hachnasat Orchim, the rabbi did not complain that the Grunfelds didn't sing at their Shabbat table. The singing is off in our shul, and Jim is to blame for that. If Jim would've sung, the rabbi would've talked about how Avraham didn't sing for his guests, as that would not have been proper Hachnasat Orchim. Hide and go seek has become a big game in shul. The little ones found Eliezer when they opened up the curtain for Anim Zmirot. The vegan butcher is still a debate. The rabbi says it's Ma'aras Ayin, the law of how things appear to the onlooker, to call anything vegetarian a butchery. As the new Gabai, who loves puns, said, 'They're butchering the butcher.' Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke: Lech Lecha10/15/2021 
The rabbi is now working as a Mashgiach at the wine crush. We gave him a raise and he’s taking another job. We never see him at shul, so the board is making a big deal about it.
The way it works is that the rabbi is supposed to take other jobs. That's what the contract says. That's what a spiritual leader does. That's why we hired him. We pay him to be our rabbi to do the other stuff. Most of the other work is Mashgiach work. He watches over stuff. Now it's the grape season and his hands are purple. He’s working everything. I saw him working at Marshall's the other day. He was checking prices. He is getting paid for being Jewish. As long as his work is Jewish, it's OK. On his shift at Marshall's, he was waring a Kippah. Marshall's did good business that day, as all the congregants who had questions about upcoming Simchas showed up to shop. Christians thought he was a priest working the cash register for part of the shift. They were confessing that they felt they were paying too much at other stores. There was another fight with Bernie. This time it got physical. It was over cereal at the men's breakfast. Bernie got mad when the new congregant took the Wheaties. He was told they were Bernie's Kiddish Club left with 20 people. 12 were left in shul at the time. One wasn’t Bar Mitzvahed. They started capitalizing ‘Club.’ It’s a thing now. The rabbi couldn’t stop it. I think the rabbi was not happy, because he forgot to pull out the foosball table during Haftorah this week. Next week he wants to have a tournament during Haftorah, so the rest of the shul has something to do during Kiddish club. The only place the rabbi doesn't work in the city is the Kiddish club. He doesn't consider that Jewish. Rabbi Mendelchem’s Drasha Shabbat Shalom My Kehillah. The Kiddish club has left again… It’s 20 people, Bernie. 20 people left for the Haftorah… There were only 12 inside… Didn’t even look back to see how many… You saw the people leaving and you thought, ‘I should go there.’ That’s what the Exodus looked like... It looked like Jews running out of shul to drink schnapps. If there was schnapps in Israel, the Jews would’ve run there and fought every war. Single malt and no services, the spies would've suggested to go… Schnapps in Israel? Nobody would’ve complained… They would’ve partied without a calf. Giants drinking Binyamina liquor in Israel. The Jews would’ve joined… and not davened… They didn’t even turn around to see if there was a Minyin… That kid? Look at him. He’s not Bar Mitzvahed… He’s eight years old… You think he’s 13, because you’re drunk… You left to drink… (Bereishit 12:1) Lech Lecha. ‘Go for you’ does not mean to go out and drink in the middle of services… I understand the drinking is for you. Nobody appreciates it when you come back to shul… Your conversations are louder… You wouldn’t know… And H' said what to Abram? Lech Lecha- 'leave for yourself' from your place....to the land of Israel… That’s the place He will show him. We know how the story goes, Bernie… And you are still in America. How do you feel? How do you justify your existence as Jews?... And you ask why 'if it's for yourself' your rabbi is here? Kiruv... For other people, is for yourself. Avraham took his people with him. I am here to bring you closer to being good Jews... No. I have not been successful. That is correct, Bernie!!! I am trying though. Max can try to stay awake... Try Max. I know you just got back from drinking with Yonatan... have an excuse. I am here to bring you closer to the Torah, to educate you, to set an example, like Avraham; as you do not know. Which is why I also work at Marshall's, the grape crush and 7-Eleven. I was shown... It's my calling. You called... You were hiring. That was my sign from H.’ He showed me you needed a great leader to kill your idols... Whatever that artwork is. It’s disgusting and poorly done. It looks like Michael’s papier-mâché. It's a papier-mâché idol... Which leads me to the synagogue trip I will be hosting this year, to Israel. We will be stopping off in France, Australia and New Zealand. I have never seen New Zealand, so I am sure you will love it. All of the congregants joining will be able to save money, as this year's trip will not involve a return ticket. Although, there is a planned cruise to Africa for those who need another vacation... I will be on the African cruise as well... They need a spiritual leader, and I will do that... Abraham is told to leave 'for himself', 'from your land, your birthplace and your father's home' How do you leave to a new place? Start over? Obviously, you leave your national homeland last... Nobody's house is outside the town that the house is in, Bernie. Why am I getting an argument here?! The Torah has a message... H' is speaking from an emotional standpoint. First you leave your land... Emotionally. If you don't hate your parents, this makes sense... You must lose some connection with your nation. Do not vote. Very important, to not vote, as a citizen, stay away from voting. 'Oh, who do I vote for? Let's vote for the guy that lied to me?' You all rocked the vote the last elections and see what happened... It says your Father's house last???? That doesn't make sense. If you're leaving your land, then you have left your father's home. It is hardest to leave your parents' home. We see in our community… Baruch you're 31 and you live in your parents' basement… Not even their house. It’s a basement. Get out… Leave for your parents... Breana are you ever going to give your parents a rest? Get out of their home. They've already fed you for 38 years. They put out money for day school, university… In Baruch's case it's... Get a job... The final step is leaving your parents' home. In our community, it is physically. We see that nobody wants work. Nobody will leave their parents home... Baruch would make Aliyah, move to Israel in his parent's basement... Avraham's mother was doing his laundry for him. She was cooking dinner. At sixty-five... In those days they stayed longer. They didn't have Vedem Grape Juice factory jobs. Money? They had to make it. They made it from scratch. It was dollar bills, but they had to make each one separately... Physically, but more important, emotionally... They don't need you calling and crying about your roommate... Then get married. Leave your parents' house for yourself. Baruch... you will never get married… You’ve dated every girl in the shul… They don't like the basement living... I'm not a prophet, but the girls don't like being taken back to meet the parents, because you forgot something in your room... I am exiling you from our community... (Bereishit 12:2-3) ‘I will make a great nation and I will bless you and make your name big, and you will be a blessing’… all will be blessed through Avraham… To where? 'To the place I will show you.' You must believe Baruch and all the young adults of this synagogue. Yes, many of you are not set-upable. You have the right to feel like there is no hope... OK, you were not blessed with the looks that say 'Shidduch. Oh, I have a good match for him.' Nor were you blessed with the personality that says, 'I like her.' Nor was anybody in this community blessed with the finances to say, 'He or she is worthy of a spouse.' As we see with the lack of concern of the new building fund… and Mr. Funskils new idea for what he calls a business and non-payment of his dues... Good way to make money Frank. Yes, don't spend it or donate it.... You can't be a great nation in your parents' basement... Avraham was living there. But he was married... Get married. Then move to your parents' basement... (Bereishit 12:5) When he went to Canaan… Yes. That’s Israel… Now we’re going to have to give the land to the Canaanites… This shul is like a Model UN… Got Gaddafi off to the side. Bernie… ‘And Avram took Sarai, his wife’… Sarai is Sarah are the same person… He didn’t leave her like Mr. Fishwitz… ‘and Lot his nephew and all the possessions he acquired and all the souls…’ He didn’t leave the money. He took it. And he took all the inheritance and the souls he made in Haran… His congregants paid him… What am I going to take from this congregation? Yes, your rabbi lived in Israel. I took all the souls with me… That’s how I ended up here, with you… My last community moved to Israel. They made Aliyah… They listened to my sermons, Bernie. That's how I lost my job… I came back for… Money is not the reason. We took the possessions and money to Israel… When you leave America, you take your family with you. You do not give up your traditions and your past... Lech Lecha... We do not know where we are going, but that is where we have to be. We must believe there is 'The place,' that Gd will show up. Because if we do not, then we are going to be stuck here, in Topeka... And I know my parents want me and my family out of their home... You need a wife. When they go down to Egypt, Sarah tells them she is Avraham’s sister… A good wife lies for you. She'll tell you, you're the best… She was good looking… (Bereishit 12:11) Avraham tells Sarah ‘his wife, “Behold, I know you are a good looking woman.”’ It took being scared that they will kill him (12:12) to finally pay her a compliment... Compliment her. It is for you. That's when they'll help you out. if you compliment them… When you do good to others, it’s for you… Alcohol is not good for anybody… You lose your wife and all the possessions… Yes. That’s how you lose your money. I want Arik to go. He is annoying. Ever since he joined the congregation, he is complaining… He tries to weasel his way out of everything… It’s shul. You come and have complaints about being in shul… Then go for yourself… It’s annoying. Do you show up to work and complain for nine hours that you are there? He even shows up late for work… See. That was me telling Arik to go to the place H' will show him, outside of the shul... H' apparently shows nobody shul during the week... We don't get a Minyin... (Bereishit 12:1) ‘To the land I will show you.’ Avraham is told to go to a specific place, that H’ will show him… Showing up late to work is not when H’ told you to show… You showed late for Minyin. That’s not where H’ showed you. He did not show you the Kiddish club… Baruch has to leave his house. We pray that H’ shows him how pathetic he looks. We pray He also shows him how to get a decent job. To donate to the rabbis discretionary fund… New Zealand needs aid… The shul trip can use some funding… You don’t just leave. You go to the land… Not New York. Make Aliyah… There are good looking single girls in Israel… They will lie for you… No. Baruch. H’ did not show Avraham the Kiddish club... Rivka’s Notes to Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Baruch thought that H’ showed Avraham the Kiddish club. It would've been an incentive. Rabbi was right. There is no way these people will meet anybody if they stay at their parents’ homes. This community is not wealthy enough for that. Avraham meeting Sarah doesn’t happen all the time. In Charan, Baruch would have a chance. Why are Baruch and Breana not together? There would be too many fights figuring out which one of their parents they would move in with. The rabbi was right. Baruch was exiled and he got married. Now, he still can't get back into the community. The rabbi has to lift the ban. Somebody just has to remind him to lift the ban. The Kiddish Club didn’t get the rabbi’s message. They were still out drinking. They even got mad at the rabbi for not bringing them fermented stuff from the grape juice crush. The rabbi's hands were purple the whole sermon. I couldn't catch most of it, as my eyes were focused on his purple palms. Arik has complained way too much. He showed up to the community three weeks ago and he keeps on telling the rabbi that everything he does is wrong. He's like an American moving to Israel. My friend moved and tells the Israelis how to live. She complains that everything they do is wrong. Shul is the most depressing thing when you show up in the mornings. The congregants have this depressed angry look on their face, as if they are extremely peeved to be Jewish. Then they go out and drink and start talking. They’re all the sudden happy. The rabbi tried telling them to stop, but it’s hard to reason with drunk people. Poaching from our shul has been something that the new shul down the block has been doing recently. Their rabbi came into shul and handed out his business cards. It seems like he is poaching members and even trying to take our rabbi's job. The artwork in the shul is idolatrous. Even the paint on the walls is stucco. The rabbi really wanted to see New Zealand. If he doesn’t get the sabbatical, we’re hitting Hawaii on the next shul trip. I have a feeling the rabbi wouldn’t mind if the congregants got stuck in New Zealand and stayed. Last I heard about the New Zealand trip, the rabbi worked at Ballantynes Department Store for a couple weeks. The kids at the Sunday School did a Lech Lecha rap. They still know nothing about the Parsha. However, they are learning how to human beatbox. We are working on talent in our community. Parents don't send their kids to music lessons, due to fear that the instruments will be played in the house. We are praying the human beatboxing leads to more talent. Dancing is out of the question. There is too much movement in that for our children. If you ever saw the inter-shul basketball league, you would understand. Even with the 80s themed human beatboxing, they are not going to be breakdancing. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke: Noach10/8/2021 
Nobody is visiting the sick. I believe the sick people are much happier. The last time I saw Nava visiting the sick, she stared at them the whole time with a pout. It was the most condescending thing I have ever seen in my life, after hearing Frank say that Michael is good at basketball.
Teenagers have been giving the rabbi weird looks lately. Anything he says, they respond by giving each other a side-glance. It's very unsettling. I appreciate Max telling the kids they've accomplished nothing, and they're breaking out. They're fool of acne with weird voices and no accomplishments, and they still look down on others. Fran is still saying 'they're the future of our people.' I don't know if that is hope or if she is saying how the Jewish people may not survive. They've got to be making the rabbi feel awkward. They're giving 'uggg' looks, with an awkward snarl. They think that's cool. His own niece started it. She was visiting and thought it was cool to make an awkward look anytime somebody over 40 talked. Double that with Mendy’s groan for Kaddish, and you have a very unsettling community where nobody wants to talk to anybody. His Kaddish is like hearing death happening in the now. He needs a shidduch too. You feel somebody died when you hear his bass groan. He should be a funeral kvetcher. He really brings the Kaddish feeling of the shul out. After Mendy's Yahrzeit month (why he says Kaddish for a month, nobody knows) the shul had a much more jolly feeling. Teenagers were probably the reason for the flood. In Noah’s time, it was probably those moving into their snobby 100s. Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Shabbat Shalom My Congregants. The land was full of bad stuff. Like this congregation. This town is also full of bad... The hotel room break in was sad news here… I understand that nobody was in the room and the safe… The safe couldn’t be broken into… If they had digital codes back in the days of Noach, who knows?... (Bereishit 6:11) 'The earth was corrupt before H' and it became full of robbery'. Not visiting the sick is robbing them of chicken soup... There is corruptness. That's why the youth group has such annoying kids in it... Rashi teaches that corrupt means immorality and idolatry, and Chamas means robbery… The real question is how many of you are members of Chamas?...A little play on words for my fine congregants. Chamas and Chamas… No. This is not political, Fran. Chamas means violence, cruelty or rapine…. Yes. They were doing everything wrong then too. When you are corrupt before H’, you are corrupt to other people… That's why teenaers snarl and Nava pouts... They were robbing each other Bernie… That means nothing to you because you stole the towel from the hotel… Have you ever met a teenager that doesn’t steal? Mine stole my sleep my whole thirties... And look at you all now corrupting the world. Showing up to shul in your fitted suits, slicked hair and shaytels from India… No. It’s not made out of chickpeas. Chamas is not Chumus… I'm sure the members of Chamas like Chumus… Back to the point of how each one of you robs the congregation of a new building when you don't pay dues. It is also immoral to be sitting in that seat Mr. Holzberg. The seat which Mr. Finblum and Dr. Horvitz paid for, for many years... They paid their dues Mr. Holzberg. They were not immoral, and thus they were not corrupt and hence they did not steal. Nor did they misappropriate funds… You stole their seat. That’s how you destroy shuls. Misappropriating placement of people … Yes. By taking people’s Makom Kavuah… That’s their set seat. You know who take somebody’s set seat? Chamas… And did they rob their kids of an education, of Chinuch? No. They did not. Education of their children was important to them and that is why they sent their children to public school... Corruptness leads to robbery. As we have all seen with lack of style in our congregation... It was for this reason the world was to be destroyed, as H' said to Noach (Breishit 6:13), 'The end of all flesh is coming...because the earth was full of Chamas.' You can't have earth without proper behavior. Look at them... That is not earth... It's because of corrupt behavior, such as talking during shul that the world was to be destroyed. The same word used for corruptness is the same route as the word for destroyed... נשחתה… You have already destroyed this sermon with your little whispering in the back there, as you have all destroyed this shul's Junior congregation by not properly choosing a good cantor. Melinda cannot do the Anim Zmirot, nor can Shmuel lead in the Ashrei... I went into junior congregation and it was pathetic. If our toddlers are singing this bad, imagine how much worse they will sound at their Bar Mitzvahs... We allow them to lead Adon Olam, because they are in first grade and we have to give them a chance to learn. NO! We have to teach our kids correctly. Teach them what shul is really about… Dues, Bernie. Pay them... Mendy's groan is a good start... Teach them how to listen to a chazan or we will destroy the community… Yes. It’s painful. But that is how the community… the chazan will be out of a job. Neither here nor there, but he should come up with some new funkier tunes... It is painful to listen to you because you sound like Kermit the Frog. That's not a tradition... It is due to the corruptness of robbery, as Rashi notes, that the world is destroyed. Let us not rob our children of the experience of sitting and listening to a chazan sing his same tune, again... Your tunes don't change. Ashrei sounds just like the Amida. And then you join 15 words together… Because the tune doesn’t fit the words. You corrupt the songs with words that don't fit... There had already been corrupted. H' wasn't going to destroy the world, because the world was already destroyed. When something is messed up, it's already destroyed. There is no use for it anymore. The quilt should've been gone years ago. You and your slicked back hair and shaytels from India... Are we closing down the shul? No, Mr. Holzberg has already closed it. Enjoy your seat.... You've already robbed people of the chicken soup project... You don't visit the sick. That destroys the world too... What else destroys the world? Not showing up to Minyin. Not learning. Not respecting your elders... You took her seat... You got up because she hit you with her wheelchair... You never visited her... Old isn't a sickness... She can't move... (Bereishit 6:9) Noach was a righteous man ‘in his generation.’ We are not looking for a righteous man or woman. We are only looking for somebody who is better than this congregation… We are now taking donations for the rabbi's discretionary fund.... Rivka’s Notes on Rabbi Mendlechem’s Sermon The ending of the sermon brought everybody together. It really spoke to the congregants. During announcements, the rabbi reiterated, 'It's stealing when you don't pay your dues and use them on a shaytel... We are now taking donations for the rabbi's discretionary fund....' He wanted more money for his new Shul Torah Trip program. He knew nobody else would go, once he added the Torah concept to the trip. He needed that vacation from the congregants. Even my father said the play on words with Chamas went too long. It got to be too much when the congregants sincerely thought that Chumus planned the attacks on Israel last year. I believe the rabbi lost most of us when he said ‘deluge.’ We’re not that educated. He could’ve said ‘flood’ and everybody would’ve understood. The rabbi believes it is more rabbinical to use words that nobody understands. This way it is closer to the Hebrew. We had a class last week where the congregants were trying to figure out what ‘firmament’ means. ‘Rapine’? Did he have to? People were pulling out legal books after shul, to understand the rabbi's sermon. We started a Bikur Cholim committee. You start committees when people do nothing. This way they can talk about doing the thing they don't do. In this case, it's visiting the sick. They came up with a great plan to rotate not visiting people in the hospital. The rabbi added visiting the elderly. He already knows that the congregants abandon their parents and throw them into nursing facilities to die. He's mentioned that a bunch in passing. He doesn't talk about that in sermons, as most of the congregants forgot their parents are still around. They would stay in for Yizkur, but they have a tradition of stepping out. At one point, the rabbi had to argue with the Kiddish Club, who insisted on drinking during Yizkur. The rabbi got a lot of backlash for saying that it's wrong to drink when people are praying for their loved ones who have passed. Mr. Fishberg insisted that it made no sense to make Yizkur candles in shot glasses then. After mentioning the elderly, the rabbi had to spend eighteen minutes explaining that they are not diseased. The congregants couldn't understand how being old isn't a sickness or a disease. The rabbi made it a point to look at any older person, other than Bernie, and they could see it wasn't a disease. As the rabbi said, 'Bernie is annoying. That is his disease. Don't catch that, or nobody will want to talk to you at Kiddish.' The rabbi tried explaining how age is beauty. But our congregants are not that dumb. Nobody went along with that farce. I hope these people don't visit the sick. If they do, they need lessons on how to be normal caring people. Nava has spent every committee meeting teaching people the importance of pouting and staring at the sick. She even went right up to people's faces to show them that there is a greater effect of staring when you are right up in the face of someone on morphine. The shaytel issue of idol worshipping wigs is over. We just accept that everybody in the shul is probably an idol worshipper. This is why the rabbi only makes Kiddish on cooked wine. The rabbi was correct about seat appropriation. Sitting Frank next to Bob and Paul causes way too many problems in the shul. Teenagers have to be separated as well, or you have a gang developing in the aisle. And then the rabbi finds himself looking at a whole section of people pouting. Every appropriation in our shul has been inappropriate. The teenagers are annoying. Everybody who is not a teenager in our shul agrees with that. We love the little kids though. We hate the teens and love the kid. Every person in our shul is hated at some point. Our community took a census. We love old people and hate young people. The rabbi ran a Jewish Life Cycle class in which he showed us how you hate people in their teenage years. He ran that class for the youth group as well. Crux of the class: We love babies, then we buy them stuff for years, then we deal with teens while hating them, then we forget your birthday and want you out, then we expect you to get a job, then you become a jerk who wants to be a success, then we expect you to support us, then you lose all of your friends, then we all realize you are never going to be a success, then you realize you might as well not be a jerk anymore, then you get old and we like you again. The rabbi ended the class, 'Then we like you again, unless if you're Bernie.' The youth group program the following week, Navigating Coolness, was given by Nava. She showed the teenagers how the pout is best done by those who learned to snarl as teens. The rabbi blames the Jewish day school for this messed up generation. He told the principal that kids are not always right. That's the new concept. Kids are always right. They can't cross the street alone, but they are always right. The rabbi let her know that she is never right and kids give bad stock tips. The toddlers need to work on their Adon Olam and ark opening. You can't tell me they are opening the ark correctly. They're definitely going to turn into annoying teenagers. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke: Bereishit10/1/2021 
We buried the Sefarim, holy books. Burying the Shaimos is an annual tradition at the shul. We do it just in case anybody didn't have to show up to a funeral. We want them to feel a sense of loss and guilt. It reminds them about how bad they already messed up since the High Holidays. So, the rabbi takes Sefarim that none of the congregants understand, and none of the congregants have used, and has a burial ceremony. The rabbi's eulogy is always meaningful, when he talks of the next generation, saying 'you and your children,' letting the congregants know that they have killed Judaism for all Jewish future 'and that is why we are burying the Sefarim. Because you killed them.' And then he points at Bernie.
The rabbi also made the point that people shouldn't use the shul as a dumping ground for their books. One time, I think it was the Simelsteins, brought a set of Gemaras and a collection of Mother Goose books and dropped them. Just left them at the shul, in the hallway. There were so many good books. They should’ve had a Sefarim take what you want night. Some real valuable old stuff was being thrown out. Frank jumped into the grave to grab some of the Gemaras. I believe he took as many as the old books as he can, and started an Ebay business. The shul was packed this Shabbat, with congregants who didn't want to kill the Torah a second time. The problem is that the rabbi buried most of the Chumashim. How the pages of the Sefarim are not clean, when nobody has ever used them, is a mystery in our shul. The youth group advisors were visiting. I think we have more advisors showing up to events than high school kids. The idea of the youth group in the shul is that the youth meet. The advisors need it more than our kids. They're already 19. They have to get married. After 22, it's harder to meet somebody in the community. People start questioning what's wrong with them. If you were to see Nathan and Sima, you would understand. They're the new single members of the shul. We have just had a New Year’s resolution meeting for the whole congregation, where the rabbi made it a point to note everybody’s sins in the congregation. Bernie thought the meeting was best used to bring out a more tenacious congregational feel. 'Resolute' was the word. So, Bernie and Fran became determined to argue for everything they felt the congregation should do. They fought. However, the congregation still voted. Bernie’s idea of the new revolving bima (cantor’s platform) did not pass. The cantor still prays to the East. It was a hard hit to Bernie, as he already got shot down last year for his idea of a revolving congregation. The rabbi was very much in favor of having new members every week. He was also in favor of kicking a member out every week. The rabbi insisted we pray to the East, and the congregation went back to the conversation about Michael and how embarrassing it was for the community that his voice cracked when he read the Torah. The fact that it was his Bar Mitzvah was not discussed. Nobody should be forced to have to sing publicly when they are on the cusp of puberty. No resolutions were made at the meeting, and every congregant is still allowed to eat chocolate and cake. Rabbi Mendelchem’s Drasha Shalom My Congregants, We are now beginning the New Year of the reading of the Torah, as we just began the New Year itself, and Michael just began to go through a voice change, which is making it very hard on everybody in the congregation…. How do we make this a good start? (Bereishit 1:1) 'In the beginning, H' created the heavens and earth.' What have you done? Since the year began, have you accomplished anything? Gd created the whole earth already. Animals... Mrs. Hortman has already started eating chocolate… You made a resolution to not eat chocolate… I told you it wasn’t the Gregorian New Year’s Day… I don’t know Greg. I just know that nobody hear has done anything close to creating heavens and earth… You didn’t even plant the tomato tree you said you would… What do you have to show for your days? You don’t even show up for services... 62 years and you created nothing... H' created the earth in a day. The still life is not that impressive... Gd created the fruit and you drew it... We are embarking on the New Year and you said 'I will,' 'I will not.' No idea what you were resoluting. It seems that Michal said 'I will not,' and that was it. Many statements of resolution that were unqualified... H' said ;let there be light' and there was light. You said 'let there be weight loss' and there was... You took off nothing. This congregation put on 80 pounds last year… Yes, it is a big deal, Bernie. 80lbs is a lot… There was definitely chocolate. How do you feel about that Mrs. Slonadowskwitz?... I said, ‘Let there be a decent Kiddush’ and there was not... You say stuff and you never do it. H’ created light because He said so. You cannot create a decent watermelon basket. The watermelon carving is horrendous… We emulate H', as we are 'created in Gd's image.' But how? You do something. You get off your tuchus… Maybe don't learn from H's actions. We have enough congregants who like to complain and nothing gets done. H' said it and He willed it. You all just sit on your recliners at home and complain about the rabbi... Because you are lazy… You won't create. You say stuff and don't follow up... You work on your voice Michael. It cracks… Say you will work on it… You’ll have Hatarat Nedarim next year. We already need it. Less than a month into the year and you already broke your vows… So don’t make the vows, just do stuff. Plant the tomatoes already… You’ve been saying it for five years… Give the chocolate away on Halloween... Don't say you will, just do it... You were taking candy out of kids buckets last year... I even saw you taking from the children's Simchat Torah bags. Were you throwing the wrappers on the floor?... There was 'Tohu Vavohu' which translates to nothing. Kind of like our Minyin last week… There was nothing. I ask you all, my congregants, who have accomplished nothing with what little you have and to emulate your creator. Do something. Create something... Don’t say it. Just do it. You say stuff and walla, nothing happens… The quilt is pathetic. Don’t create that. Art is not for this congregation. Create goodness, like a decent brisket… Use what H’ gave you… Create a decent dish. Create a fruit basket that doesn’t look like a shark took a huge bite out of a watermelon… If H’ wanted to create an amazing fruit basket, made out of watermelon, He would have… He knows they always look messed up. That’s why he created the watermelon and didn’t cut it… Learn how to carve… Better yet, just say it and don’t do anything… When you do stuff, it makes everything bad. That is the lesson. Even though it is not the message of this Dvar Torah, to do, but rather to say and then it gets done. We do not support domestic abuse… Husbands and wives should both help around the house… After creating the land and vegetation (Bereishit 1:12) Gd sees it 'And it was good.' And the same with the sun and moon and stars… have you done anything remotely decent with yourselves over the past few weeks?... Your Etrog wasn’t even that good… It was a bad batch this year. Sorry. But it was meaningful. The heart of our people needs a boost... We need to do something about the teenagers. They scare people and make nasty faces... Your year just started. It is a chance to do good… The kids need help in this shul… Look at them. They are all walking in shorts this week… They killed their pants diving for candy on Simchat Torah… That is not good… Nobody here knows how to hem… I just wish I could say 'good,' but I look at this quilt... I see how heavy Marty got... I know it's the holidays. So, resolute something else... like 'I will get new pants that fit.' (Bereishit 1:31) ‘H’ sees all that He did and it was very good’… I asked for a decent kiddush. Didn't even get that… I didn’t ask for a very good Kiddish. Just decent… You cannot even create a way to take-off weight… The holidays are done, B"H. That is good… For me. I need a break from you people. I need to rest… Not just that, He created the land, animals, vegetation… I am sure He created the stars too… He created you and me. (Bereishit 2:1-3) H’ finished all the creations by the seventh day, ‘and he rested on the seventh day from all of his work… and He blessed the seventh day and made it holy…’ I can’t bless you, because you don’t let me rest. I can’t get any sleep in this place. The Chazin goes on with his notes. Then I have to answer your questions during Kiddish… What have you done since we started this year? What have you created? Let's create something now. Let's hear it. 'I resolute'... I resolute that... Resoluting to take out the trash is good. No more throwing candy wrappers on the floor... The kids on Simchat Torah. We had a three year old running around, taking two bites and dropping the lolly... Is she old enough to chew? I think she was teething on lollys. Here is proof... You see the marks on the side of the lolly? And the carpet stuck to the back side? I resolute to learn. Not just to sell the Sefarim on Ebay... I heard you when you jumped into the Shaimos, Frank. 'I am going to make a bundle on Ebay'... Have you even created a new diet? No... You are still eating, even after you resoluted... You haven't learned any Sefarim either. He created the heaven and earth!!! You can't even make a decent split pea soup... You put croutons in it... Creating a business is a thing. Why H' made no money off the creation is still baffling... Rivka’s Thoughts On Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon The rabbi seemed to figure out the lolly case. He did tell us later that week that he studied forensics. The maintenance staff is still picking up candy wrappers off the floor. The Gusher wrappers clogged up the vacuum. Since Simchat Torah, kids are not allowed back into the shul until they sign a waiver that they will not drop every candy wrapper. The four year olds get to trace their signature. Mr. Heinwitz is an excellent candyman. The board was wrong for making him cleanup after the kids. He's 85 and bending everywhere. The shul almost got sued with his last candy debacle. Collectors items became a big thing in the congregation. Now the congregants are collecting and trading old Jewish Sefarim. They had a baseball card show last year that didn't pan out. All the cards were basketball, football and hockey cards. Not one baseball card. The crowd was calling it a bait and switch, and they were happy. Nobody wanted baseball cards. Now the shul is being used as a Goodwill drop off center, and then being used for an Ebay shipping hub. Frank was making a killing on the Sefarim he grabbed out of the grave. Michael and Shana noticed how well that was going, so they dug up the Shaimos too. They were digging up everything they could. When they realized it was not a Shaimos plot, Mr. Tobokman's grave should've been reseeded. They should've known that the Seforim don't get stones, as they have been killed too many times by the congregants at our shul. It's hard to figure out their date of death or hallway drop-off. It would be nice if they got more boxes when they throw the books into the hallway. Some of the boxes are overflowing. The youth had a Jenga event, trying to pull out Sefarim from a crate. The youth group, NJP (National Jewish Pride- which people still think is a right-wing underground movement or LGBTQ support group) has taken control of the Ebay sales. The kids are wearing a lot of new swag, but the youth group is still running a huge deficit for the shul. The advisors are also rolling into the shul parking lot with souped up cars. As Bereishit is about new beginnings and creation, the shul purchased 150 of the same Chumashim they buried. I don't know why new beginnings was a theme. Everytime we start a new project we get a quilt. The shul needs money. The new fundraising campaign is they’re starting to charge for parking. Got the idea from the hospital. Somebody opened a lot across the street for Shabbat parking, when they saw how much money is to be had by Jews who want to look religious when driving on Shabbat. With the parking and Ebay, they're raking in a killing. The shul cut a deal with them. Flippy tab cards are still lacking. We need more flippy tabs. Otherwise, the shul will never make the money. Even with the parking, the tab gets flipped for 6 or 18 dollars, then they leave that in their car, till they leave the parking lot and hand it to the usher. This stops people from coming into the shul and walking up to the Bima to ask the rabbi to validate on Shabbat. Michael has been having it hard recently. His voice cracked again. He could not respond to the rabbi’s point, as his voice would have cracked. I don’t think the rabbi should be getting down on him for that. Nonetheless, his voice is really annoying and everybody wants him to stop singing the ‘Eitz Chayim Hee.’ Mrs. Slonadowskwitz has a thyroid issue. She bothers the doctors every week. She gave birth two months ago. I have no idea where her kids are. We have lost many doctors in this congregation, as they are sick of getting bothered at Kiddish. They want the insurance money, and they can’t bill on Shabbat. Their secretaries don’t come to shul. I am still trying to figure out why all New Year’s resolutions in Gregorian come down to not eating chocolate. The point that H’ could have created a watermelon basket really spoke to everybody. I asked the rabbi why he didn’t bring up Israeli creations and the new Start Up nation thing, but the watermelon was a big winner with the congregation. Even so, Bernie did not like the point. At least he said he didn't like what the rabbi was saying. I am proud of my rabbi though. He made it a real sermon by calling out the congregation on not showing up for the weekday services. Husbands helping around the house should have been brought up at the meeting. The joke about ‘who sliced the brisket’ had everybody laughing at last year's third annual board meeting. The rabbi had to host an impromptu vow nullification ceremony after this sermon, as he found that everybody in the congregation was a liar. Somebody suggested to wait till next Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur, as the congregants were lying about annulling their vows too. Tags:
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On Yom Kippur they read the English part of the service. They called up Sharon and she read it as a reading. That is all the she understands. They started with this new English reading. It has picked up, as people find the service more meaningful as a reading.
I'm amazed how she sits in shul with no idea how to read Hebrew. She just sits and spaces out. Sits there for three hours every week, spacing out. Finally, we start the reading in English and she understands it. She was glowing. It's the new tradition in the shul. They even had a reading about the Lulav. Something about the 'spine of our people, the pole of our lives.' It did sound more meaningful as a reading. People were hugging their four species of Sukkot. With the readings, now the shul is becoming very touchy-feely. There was dancing in shul at the Friday night service. It wasn’t even Simchat Torah. The rabbi gave a speech on Simchat Torah. That was not appreciated. Even so, the rabbi said it was necessary for the meaning of the day. It went along with the touchy-feely theme. The big herring fiasco of last week is still not resolved. Mr. Himelman brought herring to Kiddish. He didn’t sponsor the Kiddish. However, he brought herring and wanted it to go out there. Nobody knew there was herring. He took it and poured it into a bowl and got it on Sadie. Nobody is happy with this herring right now, but they are all eating it. I believe the real anger started when Mr. Himelman was screaming, 'I bought the herring. It is hear now. Where are the crackers?!' He didn't buy crackers, by the way. Thank Gd the shul had extra crackers. The kids got lost at Sukkah Hopping. The Teens are back from the summer and everybody is scared. All teens scare the older people in the congregation. ‘The hoodlums are here.’ That’s what Bernie said when he saw his granddaughter and her friends. Some of the old people almost had a heart attack. Teens are scary. People were worried that other teens attacked the teens on the Sukkah hop. At the last board meeting it was proposed to send teens away to summer camp all year until they are in their early 20s and don't scare society anymore. Frank suggested that at least Michael not show up with his scary long hair. A lot of new people coming to the shul. The security guard chased away a good Jewish boy with tattoos and piercings. Now, the kid who got chased away is saying the shul is anti-Semitic and racist. The rabbi thing has been getting to the rabbi. He now believes he has a calling. Now that he really cares, the community is thinking about getting rid of him. He’s been giving sermons everywhere. I heard that there was an extended line at the scan yourself checkout at Kroger’s. He gave a sermon about how life is like waiting for death. People have stopped Krogering. The rabbi says it was for meaning. I think he gave his sermon because everything he says now is in sermon form. He has to stop changing the world, before another herring fiasco takes place. They were throwing candy on the floor for Simchat Torah. It wasn’t even a Simcha and kids pants are gone. Ami filled up a garbage bag with candy. Wouldn't share it. There was too much drinking on Simchat Torah. Ben, has been drinking a lot at shul, and denying it. That is when you know they are drunk. We just wanted the truth, as we noticed the bottles missing from the Kiddish room. He's denying it, saying he can drink a lot more, his hair is messed up, shirt is unbuttoned, got the tie off to the side, eyes glazed. Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Happy Simchat Torah My congregants. Don’t want to hear it??? Dancing to Kabbalat Shabbat? It’s too much. We’re not doing Kiruv... We're not bringing people closer to Torah here. The meaningful stuff must stop... You dance on Simchat Torah. That's a designated time for dancing... I want to get home for Friday night dinner, Bernie... The dancing adds an extra fifteen minutes, with the Nay Nay Nays... And we come to an end. What a Bracha… Moshe blesses… It wasn’t a ‘have a year of blessing.’ He puts thought into his blessings, Bernie. It’s not just ‘Shabbat Shalom uMvorach’… Dan was leaping from Bashan… That’s how you bless. You tell the truth. They messed up… Blessing for this congregation is ‘You should not be as annoying as the back left section.' That is my blessing to you, as we finish the Torah on this Simchat Torah. Don't be annoying like... And they're not even here. Are they drinking again?.. The great line is right here. (Devarim 33:4) ‘The Torah Moshe commanded us is the heritage of the congregation of Yakov’… I wouldn't call this a congregation... The back left section is out drinking all the time. They think Simchat Torah is a Kiddish club... Yakov. That’s Israel… No. We don’t call it Yakov, because nobody would fly to Yakov. It sounds like a messed up country. Not one Birthright trip would’ve went there… Schottenstein would not fund visiting Yakov for the first time… You don’t say it every morning, because you don't understand the heritage of the Torah. That is why we have to stop dancing on Friday night and start dancing tonight... It's Simchat Torah... That’s the foundation of our connection with H’ at Sinai. It’s the Torah from Moshe... It's not cooking kids. R’ Mordechai Gifter, as brought in Artscroll explains that an inheritance is belongs to people to use ‘as they please’... I know they passed away. You could've paid their dues... Your grandmother never paid dues. You could've paid them and held off on the vacation... Vacationing is not an inheritance... R' Gifter continues to say that a heritage is ‘the property of generations before and after; it is incumbent upon the heirs to preserve it intact’... That's why we are not selling the shul... This shul is apparently an inheritance. I see how the back hallway is not preserved. The awning is disheveled... You use the money for stuff like a community quilt and that is what happens. The Torah is a heritage... Yes. You take it on vacation... The shul has to be kept intact... It's not your inheritance. If it was, it would have the Milky Way in the ceiling... The shul will not be a planetarium... Herring is our heritage. Mr. Himelman was correct. You eat herring with crackers... (Devarim 33:5) H’ became King when we ‘the tribes of Israel were in unity.' What unifies us is dancing not on Friday night... We can’t chase away other Jews with messed up quilt wall hangings. It's about bringing people together. It's about hopping to Sukkahs together... We must preserve Gd's kingship. The Sukkah walk was great. Older people can't hop. That was the best program we ever had. It unified everybody, as we lost some of the teens... Teens were hopping and the people we want in the congregation were walking. That was unity... That made us a congregation. When we lost the teens... You can't have unity when the Challah s placed all the way on the other side of the Sukkah... You wash inside and then can't talk to all the people you're passing on the way to the Challah... Nobody thinks it's the Challah. Fran knows you don't want to talk to her... Unity is when single people meet. Simchat Torah is the perfect time... It's social, Bernie... We're not mixed dancing this year... The security guard did not help with unity... I don't think we will see Gd's Kingship in this congregation if Jews are not allowed in... My bracha to the children is more candy. More alcohol is not a blessing… Kingship doesn’t last around you holding a Torah all tipsy… Nobody wants to unify with you, Mark. Not when you're leaning on them, tell them how much you love them... You drank too much Mark... The one handed Torah grab switch to the left was an impressive move… Your hagba was also impressive under the influence. But we are looking to preserve the Torah. Not to puke on it… It is our heritage, along with Airhead taffys... No. You can't do with it what you want... It's not going to Kiddish. Rivka’s Notes on Rabbi Mendelchem’s Drasha The rabbi gave his whole speech as a reading. It was more sentimental and solemn than usual. He read it from a paper and had excellent cadence. People said it was meaningful. It is clear that the kids had no idea it was Simchat Torah. They knew that there was candy. The taffy was gone. The little pellet gushers were gone. They didn’t hear the Torah. They were out during the reading of vZot HaBracha, eating the candy. The security guard chased away the Jews. The security guard is not Jewish. I don't think anybody knows that. A meeting was held to not have scary people staring down Jews when they enter shul. Because of this security guard, Jews are being blamed for being anti-Semitic. I believe the new security guard is an anti-Semite. He placed himself in the perfect position to be an anti-Semite. Jews are always going to shul. He can hate more people in a day. Somebody had to explain to the guard on the next shift that many Jews have piercings too. The security guards now know that Jews can have tattoos, and Jews are sinners. That security guard should’ve realized that Jews are sinners the first Shabbat, when Sadie asked him to park her car. Everybody left shul on Simchat Torah wanting to dance. I think they were too tired from Friday night dancing. And then, once they dealt with Mark and his drinking, and not finding herring crackers, people were not up for dancing in shul. COVID might have had something to do with it as well. The herring was used for Simchat Torah, and the cousins that came to visit and dance for Simchat Torah are allergic to fish. I think that the whole fish thing on Simchat Torah had everybody down. That was the first speech that has ever been given on Simchat Torah. Rabbi Mendelchem said, ‘It’s a Parsha. Should we forget it?’ That was his statement. The question mark denotes a statement. He also said it with a high pitch. It was a very strong statement. And we lost members. The rabbi’s plea for a Birthright trip did not happen. To this day, people are still amazed that Yakov and Yisrael are the same thing. The rabbi has had to give eighteen classes on how Yakov and Yisrael are the same person and the same nation. He also had to give Torah dancing classes, as the Jewish grapevine does not work with the two-handed Torah hold. People also didn't touch Torahs correctly on Simchat Torah morning, when they were doing the Walk in Torah Raise Bang. Herring eating was another course the rabbi had to give. Nobody in the shul can balance their herring correctly. We may not have a Kiddish luncheon next Simchat Torah. Too much food was left on the floor. Mark spilled everything, as he fought his hangover with more alcohol. The kids left all their candy wrappers like a trail to Ami's bag of unshared candy. How they all got to Ami's bag that he wasn't sharing was amazing. I think Ami just left it there, like he did the lollipops he was licking and leaving all over the carpet. The rabbi stepped in cake. Spent the next two days showing everybody the bottom of his shoes with mousse on it. Kiddish Club is still going out. That happened on Shabbat Chol Hamoed. The rabbi made an executive decision to stop services when they are out. They’re now taking a break when Kiddish Club goes out. Minyin stops when they go. The non-alcoholics play foosball. The rabbi also brought in an air hockey table. This new plan got many people off alcohol. Especially the teenagers who used to join the Kiddish Club. I think they’re just drinking faster and then coming to play foosball. Simchat Torah had some drunk kids running around. That was disturbing. The parents said, they want their child to enjoy the holiday or forget it. Nobody met on Simchat Torah. It turns out that due to the rabbi’s sermons everywhere people couldn’t meet. He came into the hallway, where a shidduch was happening, and started talking about holy matrimony. I think he believes he’s a Jewish priest. Everybody is becoming more religious now. The young couple who’s about to get married, isn’t touching anymore. She told him that she loves him and wants to be Shomer Negiah (not touching). Because it’s a meaningful relationship, she wants to be Shomer Negiah just with him. She has dated every other guy in the community. Only with him does she want to be Shomer Negiah. Ben is now looking at every guy in the community with contempt. It all happened because the rabbi gave a speech about saving the physical part of the relationship for marriage. He’s worried that if she still loves him when they get married that she will never touch him. He's given up. He started eating herring. I think that whole sermon by the rabbi and the Shomer Negiah results is what got Ben drinking in the first place. Kiddish setup is off. Got to put the challah near the door. I am surprised the people still don't get that. I am happy the rabbi dealt with that in one of his sermons. They placed the Challah on the other end of the Sukkah. So now, you have to walk past everybody, after cleaning your hands, dissing each person, not talking to them. That's why there is no unity. I was gone for the first days of Sukkot and all goes haywire. One week and Kiddish setup is messed up already. I got involved in helping at Kiddish, because I couldn’t stand listening to the kids’ Anim Zmirot. Teach them the stuff beforehand. I feel like every Shabbat, we have to watch a Bar Mitzvah lesson. Then the toddlers opening the ark is another nightmare. These kids need to get down the strings. It's like watching the non-religious people on Yom Kippur in shul. Herring is still the issue in the shul. As Mr. Himelman said, 'I didn't tell anybody I brought it, and I didn't sponsor Kiddish. But they should've smelled it.' The shul now has cases of backup Tam Tams, just in case herring is on premises. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke: HaAzinu9/20/2021 
The Kiddish Club has leaving shul down to an art. They fly out of there right after Torah reading. I have noticed that they move much faster when they're getting out of services. When they're coming to shul, they move much slower.
The problem is that fifteen guys are running out every time. We were left with nobody in shul last Shabbat. Just the Haftorah reader who got called up for Maftir. Nobody in shul- they have to make an announcement ‘before you go to Kiddish club, please make sure there’s a minyin.’ I am beginning to think the rabbi loves the Kiddish club. He always wanted to get rid of most of the members. Even so, he has to pretend like he doesn't want it to happen. The rabbi decided that the shul needed to be cooler. So he started calling everybody by their last names. Rabbi Mendelchem’s Drasha Sabbat Shalom vChag Sameach Did you build your Sukkah yet?... Because you don't listen. I told you to build it right after Yom Kippur... Can’t trust you… Because you don't listen. Can’t depend on you guys for anything… We’re going to start giving Maftir to the Kiddish Club people… This way you have to be inside for the Haftorah reading… You didn’t even check. Fifteen people left and we had no Minyin for Rosh Hashana Musaf… I understand social distancing. But, you were sitting together outside… You drank together. So, if it’s not in shul, you don’t need to distance…It’s about depending on people… Want to thank Fitzy for helping with High Holiday seating. You're dependable Fitzy… Also want to thank Broyman, Finkelstein and Goldfarb… Our shul needs to be cooler… It’s cooler to use last names… I regret to say, I don’t understand a word that is said in this week's Parsha... There is something about heavens listening and the earth hearing. I am not going to lie. This is too much for your rabbi. You hired me because of my charisma. I did give some good sermons for the High Holidays over the years. You must admit your rabbi did good… I went out to drink with the Kiddish club a couple times. Kiruv... I understood the Rashi, which teaches that Moshe called upon the earth and heavens as witnesses. That was in Hebrew… This other stuff about ‘chirvivim,’ I have no clue… ‘As witnesses,’ because they will always be there, Fitzy. Unlike the witness in the trial last week of our good friend, Maydit the gambler guy who doesn’t pay dues, who backed out of the case for some reasons of death threats to his family… The heavens and earth which will reward and punish us… No. The earth and heaven did not threaten anybody… They’re not part of the mob... It[s not an ancient Moshe Mob. Capone wasn’t summoning them for a hit… Just do good stuff. That is the lesson… They’re better witnesses… I didn't learn this kind of Hebrew in Hebrew school. I don't even know if this is Hebrew. I learned words like אתה, הם, תשמע. Not יערף כתמר לקחי. I don't know what that is. If it is Hebrew, then it is a different dialect… Yes. People were smart back then. They understood stuff about dew and how it affects us on a daily basis. I would translate it if I could, but I don’t understand it. I have no clue what’s going on… I am going to study this language so I can explain this to you next year. I thought 'vav HaHeepuch'- the 'vav' that changes the past to present was complicated enough… I can't even understand the translations. 'Firmament'??? That's harder to understand than the Hebrew... All I know is that I can depend on the heavens and the earth. We need witnesses for what I am dealing with… They're dependable... At least the heavens and the earth didn't mess up the Simcha last week... The tablecloths looked just as bad as the Aron's curtain. Did Sadie and Fran sew them together too? Yom Kippur was messed up… You can’t even open the ark right… This Yom Kippur can’t happen again… The heavens were in shock… We need ark lessons. Everyone of you spaces out… That’s why none of you would make good witnesses. Moshe couldn’t have trusted you… You miss it… No. You missed it. We had to call your name. We screamed out ‘Finkelstein’... Five times, 'FInkelstein. It's time for you. To open the ark'... They pointed. They headnoded you to the ark... You finally came up. You see. you forgot you went up… Then, you open it the wrong way. Thank Gd there was no dew… 15 minutes later, they can’t remember they were supposed to go up where it says ‘open ark.’ They told you ‘Aleynu’… We need ark opening rehearsals… There were a lot of poetic liberties taken in this week's Torah portion. But Moshe can do that… That is the lesson… Because you take liberties. You make dumb decisions and assume the earth isn’t listening. That’s why the shul’s front yard has patches in it. It’s mad. You even make the earth angry, Schwartzie… That is why we need to study. Breishit is coming up next week. Another year if Torah. Are you going to try to understand it this year? Are you Hebrew school teachers going to educate the next generation and stop teaching the cheezy song 'HaKova Sheli Shalosh Pinot Shalosh Pinot Hammmmmm Sheli’? There is nothing like that in the Torah and 'mmmmm' is not a Hebrew word... There are better Purim songs... I cannot promise that I will understand HaAzinu by next year... May we be rewarded this year by the heavens and earth with decent teachers, so our next generation isn't a bunch of fools... Let’s see what the Artscroll says. The earth hears… It hears you talking when you come back from the Kiddish club… the whole shul does hear you… You're loud. That's one of the reasons... (Devarim 32:1) ‘Give ear heavens and I will speak, and the earth will hear the words of my mouth.’ Because you deny everything I say… Rashi says that they will outlive Moshe and therefore, they are witnesses. Moshe says, ‘I am only man. Tomorrow I will die… heaven and earth are witnesses that last forever…’ We all remember how badly Yankel messed up at his Bar Mitzvah. The heaven and earth will remember that forever. 'Yankel didn't prepare. He was not dependable.' You’re messing up… Worst Bar Mitzvah gifts... No. He didn't deserve them. You messed up the word 'VaYomer' Yankel... I am going to call on the heavens to be a bit of witness that our congregation is messing up and that we don’t deserve dew… We're not even in Israel. Don't worry about the dew. Finkelstein. You were yawning during the Ashamnus… You expect H’ to forgive that… It’s better than Godlfarb… Your whole section was loving it… I have never seen people singing so happily about their sinning… The earth heard that. Getting all involved in the Ashamnu tune ‘Ay Ay… I sinned… I partied… I had a great time…’ No. Mr. Cotter was not loving it… He doesn’t sin… Neither does Fran… They missed out on all the fun… I look at the congregation and I see a bunch of sinners. I feel like I am praying for you... We say 'we sinned' and not 'I sinned,' because you people mess up so much... You need my prayers. Of course no money came into Israel Bonds... The Appeal cards weren’t handed out. You messed them up… what good is my appeal when there are no cards… Need the card flipping… If they can't flip the tab, they're not giving to the shul... The earth is hearing, but you are not hearing it... You spit on it... I tried raising money for the environment, but no cards with flippy tabs were given to anybody... That's why nobody gave... And we want to welcome Maurice, our new congregant… Listen. Just moved to Topeka at 85 years of age to start his life… When we call to H’ give Him greatness. Do you not realize what H' does for us... No. You messed up the ark opening. Don't blame Gd for not being dependable. You thank Gd... (Devarim 32:6) ‘A vile and not wise generation. Is He not your Father? Your Maker? He made you and formed you.’ You messed up. Rivka’s Notes on Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon The fact that the rabbi could give a sermon without having any idea what the Torah is saying is was makes our rabbi unique. That’s why we love him. The rabbi started going to advanced Hebrew classes, till he realized the teacher couldn't translate HaAzinu. Due to the board's decision and the rabbi's idea of giving them Maftir, Kiddish Club had to stay in for the Haftorah. They got mad at each other when the others left. They started drinking in shul. The Haftorah is like a test for these guys. They stumble over the words. One of them becomes very animated on the last blessings. I believe he thinks we forget how badly he read the Navi part of the Haftorah. He goes out like a champ. No more Book of Our Heritage in English. The rabbi is making all the Bar Mitzvah kids read it in Hebrew. He insists that they don't read enough Hebrew and mess up the layning too much. Ark opening lessons went well. In the end, Finkelstein was teaching people how to pull the string. When Finkelstein is awake, he is the best ark opener we have (other than the kids that go up for Anim Zemirot). He kept on saying, ‘pull the back one… that’s not the right page. You’ve got to lick your fingers to turn the page, or you’re going to miss it… No. The back one.’ Now that the rabbi is calling everybody by last names, it feels like camp. The problem is that all the Finkelstein kids think the rabbi is talking to them too. Later that week, the decision was made to only call single people by their last names. Maurice joining the shul at 85 was amazing. He paid his dues. Very old hat. The first meeting the rabbi had with Maurice, he told him 'Israel would’ve been a better idea.' It turned out that Maydit was involved in gambling. He had to steal to support his gambling. After much argument, it was decided that investing is not Tzedakah. So, it was decided that Israel Bonds is not charity. Depending on the year of investment, many congregants now believe the return is less than the charity they get for not working in the USA. There are flippy tab cards now at all seats, at all times. Many people have developed Tzedakah tics, as they are scared of the constant thought of giving charity. They see the flippy tabss and they start twitching. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke: VaYelech9/15/2021 
Dr. Maydit stole money from the local bank. He then broke into the art gallery. It was a local school exhibit, called ‘Stuff The Parents Would’ve Thrown Out.’ He also takes money from the poor and gives to the rich. He’s like a modern day Robin Hood. And he gives money to the shul.
The Old people are now coloring their hair some kind of orange red thing. Don’t know who’s convinced them that it looks good. I think the eyes go and they think ‘that looks like a redhead.’ They take the redhead part literally. They ignore the fact it’s orange. Now the older congregants are licking their fingers. I can’t use a siddur to daven anymore. All the pages are stuck together. The rabbi was really mad about the Rosh Hashana tunes. He literally took the Bima. He kicked the Chazin off and took over. Then he started singing the tunes he loves. He started with the Mordechai Ben David (MBD) stuff. People were in shock when he threw in a Carlebach. The MBD songs are perfectly sad. That reflected everybody's mood when they realized how much they sinned. Especially the sinners who were trying to harmonize with the Chazin. Sinner enablers was a new concept spoken about in the rabbi's class on Teshuva, and they definitely have to repent for enabling the Chazin. The rabbi was so happy the rest of the week, humming the tunes, even on Tzom Gedaliah. It was a fast day and he felt it. It was inspirational to see him. I have never seen somebody so content in being a sinner and singing about how bad they are. For the sake of community Shalom, there was a Simcha seating chart workshop. You’ve got to know who not to sit next to each other at Bar Mitzvahs. Many community fights were caused by poor seating arrangements. I still don't know how Frank ended up at the kids' table. Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Shabbat Shalom vChatima Tova Oy Oy Oy Oy Bratzon… Sorry. Still thinking of the Rosh Hashana songs I sung… Love them… Once I kicked the Chazin off the Bima, it was great… You’re a felon… You’re not opening the ark on Yom Kippur… you stole huge funds… It’s in the news… we’re taking the money. That’s fine… No Kibudim. No honors… You couldn’t even sponsor a Kiddish… It was 3 million. In the news. At least some whitefish salad. You also stole his seat… You sat in the wrong seat for Rosh Hashana… That's stealing. Just one more thing to ask forgiveness for this High Holiday season... It's not the season of forgiveness. It's the season of asking for forgiveness... Yes. And giving money to shul. This is an appeal... Chazin did the wrong tunes again… You’re probably going to get the 'Ki Anu Amecha' on Yom Kippur wrong… Need the beat down… I can’t do this anymore. Moshe tells the people he cannot lead anymore. Moshe is getting old… I’m forty-eight. It’s enough… (Devarim 31:2) 'I am 120...I cannot go out and come anymore.' He was too tired to work anymore. Because you Jewish people burn a man out… I don't know if I can work with this congregation anymore, either. You always ask for help here, help there. Figure out the Halacha for yourself. For crying out loud. I am now also thinking about retiring, unless if I get a raise... Who told you to get red metallic hair dye??? Figure things out. 120 years old and you’re still asking him questions. ‘Can you put hot gravy on cold meat?’… Learn the laws of Shabbat. Open up a Sefer… That’s a book. Another question. You see. None of you repent. The Chazin doesn’t repent. Dr. Maydit with his three million… You couldn’t even give candies to the kids. Be a candy man at least… And now the olde people are coloring their hair metallic orange. Red. I don't know… It’s not a color. Ronald McDonald is not Jewish… Yom Kippur is coming up. How about asking your rabbi for forgiveness. For stealing his time. For parking in his spot… And you stole my parking spot… Rashi says that Moshe said that Moshe says ‘Today I have filled my days and years. This day I was born. This day I will die…’ I got hired on Yom Kippur. I was in shul and you offered me a job. The rabbi was giving a sermon and Bernie walked over to me in the middle of it and asked if I wanted to work… He was mad that the rabbi was saying that it’s important to repent… It is important, Bernie… The day you hired me was like death... Rashi continues to comment on the words, ‘H’ said to me “you won’t cross the Jordan.”’ He says it’s because H’ said so. It was then that his wisdom was lost… H' gives us our wisdom and power. Moshe knew that was it. He came full circle... H' did not tell you to not go to Israel. That's a lie. Sadie. You should be going to Israel... Moshe was not trying to get out of a shul trip to the Holy Land... He would've enjoyed the falafel... What have you done because H’ told you?... That’s the problem… You do stuff in this shul because you said to do it. And that’s why the Siddurs are all misDedicated… You dedicated it in memory of their great-grandchild’s granddaughter… They’re not even around… Moshe is saying he can’t lead the people who are there, and Yehoshua is going to take over…Because H’ said. It's all from H.' Even the misDedicated Siddurs. But you don't see it... You don't see it, because it's misDedicated... Next time, dedicate the Siddur to H.' How about that... Let’s play a game of H’ said… H’ said you are sinners. Who is going to lead? H' will lead you. It says Joshua. But we know it's H'... Have a little faith. Go fight the wars by yourselves… The inter-shul basketball league is going to start and H' is not on our side… We don't hear H' telling us to be (31:6) 'strong and courageous' because you're sinners... This is when Moshe steps down… He had to answer too many questions… Learn the Halachas already. If there would’ve been a Mishna Berura, Moshe might have continued a bit… He said he was old and tired, but he didn’t decay at all… He just got sick of having to answer questions... Yes. Sukkot is coming up. Build a Sukkah. You see. I have to answer these questions still. Can't look it up on the internet... Song Break. Mey'eylitz Yoshe... Speaking of grandparents. Metallic orange red hair??? I have no idea if it’s orange or red. That’s not a hair color… No. It doesn’t look good… It works on cars. We know… Ronald McDonald is not Jewish… His houses are beautiful… Because he donated money… The point is that time is of the essence. There are wars to fight. You’re wasting your time with baseball cards… Teshuva. You only have 120 years… Give the kids baseball cards… We need more kids to love shul… They hate it because they don’t get candy… They need candy. That’s why they come to shul… Cards? You won’t even give cards. You’re stealing them, but you won’t give the kids cards. And you expect me to lead this… Kids come to shul for convenience store items... Sorry I was singing the tunes the whole day… The Rosh Hashana tunes are still in my mind. Love the MBD... Yes. It’s Shabbat Shuva and that was a Drasha… Repent… Repent. I can’t lead these sinners anymore… You see. I have to tell you to repent. Just do it. Stop asking me... And stop licking your fingers. It’s disgusting. The pages don’t turn anymore. We have cigar lick on some of the pages as well… The pages don’t age that fast, Bernie. We bought them two years ago… COVID means nothing when you’re reading. You have masks, sanitizer, PPE, but when you’re turning pages… It’s disgusting. Teshuva. Repent for your disgustingness… I can’t lead you because you’re dirty and carrying disease. I’m too old to be near your disgustingness. If you want me to continue, the older people have to dye their hair normal... The color is 'normal'... Brown will do. I can't lead metallic orange congregants... It's not racism. It's not a haircolor... No more licking paper. All Siddurs are going to have a wash down. And no more asking me questions... That was a question... No speeches from congregants either... Because at QandAs you each give a speech... No. You didn't ask a question last time, Bernie. You shared your political thoughts and ended it with an upper note... A high note at the end of a two paragraph statement is not a question... And no more sitting me with... Did they ever apologize to Moshe? Rivka’s Thoughts on Rabbi Mendelechem’s Drasha The rabbi stood up to Dr. Maydit. He didn’t want a felon opening the ark. I think he was afraid he would steal the Torah. And to note. He stole, but he didn’t pay his dues. The rabbi's abilities to turn any sermon into an appeal and reprimanding is amazing. The dedication to H' siddur campaign brought no money to the shul. There was not one congregant that claimed to be a relative to Gd. Rosh Hashana seating was messed up. The chart was put together by the Grosefelds, who had put Frank at the kids table. One guy stood at the Chazin’s spot. He stood right at the prayer table. Put his siddur up on the table. He claimed that it wasn’t marked. The rabbi had to explain that it’s because it wasn’t a seat. It’s where services are led from. Nobody in the shul went over to him to tell him. Nobody says anything in our shul. Somebody could be dancing and people would feel it proper to let them go, jumping around the shul. Nobody would go over and tell them, ‘It’s Yizkur.’ Mr. Simlowitz would say that our loved ones who passed would love to see dancing. The Yizkur tune does not call for dancing. Cards and candies were in abundance at shul for the next month. Kids from all over town were coming. Even adults were coming to get the cards. Non-Jewish adults were lining up during Musaf. The MBD tunes were amazing. The rabbi protested the barber who was giving those haircuts. All the sudden, the shul wanted a long Shabbat Shuva Drasha. They didn’t feel like the rabbi gave them enough time to repent. His message of 'Repent' said it all. The rabbi kept his job afterwards. He got a bit of a raise. That’s all he wanted. He was truly fine with Dr. Maydit, after he paid his dues and ensured the rabbi’s raise. The rabbi didn’t speak much of COVID, but he did speak about how people should follow the rules of social distance, to not sneeze on him. He also made it clear that people were disgusting before the whole COVID thing. That’s why they had to tell people to clean themselves. He insists to not shake anybody's hand, until they have proven their ability to only sneeze into their left hand, as he always shakes with the right. I believe elbow pounding is going to be happening for a while in shul. I hope that Max doesn't injure anybody else with his elbow attacks. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke: Nitzavim9/3/2021 
Rosh Hashana preparation is going on. The Steinmans are sinning. They don’t feel they have enough to repent for this year. They've been wreaking havoc all over town. They even pulled a knife on the minimart guy and told him they hadn't done enough this year. They even said 'thank you for making this a meaningful High Holidays for us.'
Everybody is worried about the pandemic. So, we closed down the shul. Now that people had no idea where to daven, we opened up another shul. Even with the separation, the rabbi pulled everybody together for the speech. He claimed that speeches don't spread pandemics, just prayers. Kids are all back from camp. They’re running around the shul, scuffing up the floors, and missing their camp friends. That will end by next week, when they realize their camp friends don’t care. The rabbi is doing his best to bring the whole community together. He feels that the Jewish community as a whole can use more Achdut, oneness. The rabbi said, ‘We are one community and that means that we should all be together even if we daven, pray, at different shuls.’ The rabbi received tons of mail telling him he should get out of the community. Most of the mail insisted that the rabbi wants people to die. To quote, ‘How can you want people to be together? Do you not care about people?’ The other rabbis of the community accused Rabbi Mendelchem of pouching their members. Another congregant said the rabbi doesn’t know what he’s talking about. She insisted that separation has kept us one community throughout the ages. The rabbi took a lot of backlash for not understanding that keeping people apart is the best thing for our people. In castigating the rabbi, they all mentioned what is known as ‘these time.’ They are saying that the rabbi should know how important the pandemic is to our people, and that he should not be bringing anybody together. Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon A Guten Shabbat Everybody standing here today… It’s Parshat Nitzavim… You stand. You are part of the community… Today!!! Stand. Everybody stand… Bernie is still sitting… I know you’re 92. Did the 90-year-olds not stand, when Moshe said ‘all of you standing here today’? You think they were sitting, saying ‘I have a bad back’?... Maybe they were dead. Good point… The Levites didn’t die… If they weren’t killed beforehand, they were standing… As long as you are standing, you don’t have to separate. It’s safe… In this week's Parsha H' calls us together in order that we be a nation to Him… How are we to become a nation?... No. To Him. To be a nation not to Gd... To be a nation not to Gd, you can sit. You guys sit all the time in shul... A nation to Him? Everybody. The people of Israel, who left Egypt, saw the miracles of H'… Now, those who were born in the desert come together… They stand. All of them. The Jewish people. (Devarim 29:9-10) 'You are standing today, all of you, before H’… The heads of the tribes, the elders, the police, the children, the women, the converts, from the wood cutter to the water drawer'… Everybody stands before H’… Not just the Chazin. You fall asleep in the services and... His tunes are not good. i know. But, you have to also do your part. Stand... You stand for the Amidah... When we do an action, we do it as one... Minyin. You don't show for Minyin... Of course, the water drawers. You don’t see water drawers because you don’t invite them into the community. They’re a people too… ‘Standing Today.’ The only requirement is we stand before H' together… Stand... No. Together. Put your arms around each other… Let’s sing 'Bilvavi' for a second… Feel the sway. You build a Temple in your heart. Exactly… No excuses… Now they’re leaving shul… I said nothing about the pandemic… The CDC said we can’t sway??? Everybody, Even the annoying people. And we all know how annoying the woodcutters can be… We have to accept them… We cannot leave Mr. Kirshnowitz out of shul activities. He gets in everybody's way. Brings up very offensive conversation. Yes he is annoying, but we still have to invite him to our children's bar and bat mitzvahs. He's part of the community, even though he is very irritating. The Fleishblooms too… Even with their dog that licks everybody… And Max with his harmony… No. We have to accept him… Yes. He’s loud. But we have to accept his annoyance to our prayers and how he throws off all the songs… It's not Lashon Hara. Everybody knows it and he's right here. Mr. Kirshnowitz would say exactly what I'm telling him. He's annoying and he... You don't tell people they are not looking healthy, because they are overweight. You don't equate that with why nobody likes them... It's offensive... That is what community is about, the annoying people... How much life do they bring? A lot. The annoying people in our congregation allow us the chance to complain. Which is why we joined this congregation. It's the annoying people that make us a nation… They give us something to do at Kiddish… An ‘Am Kshei Oreph.’ And how annoying are the stiff-necked people?! So thank you Mr. Kirshnowitz for being an annoyance. We are all standing… Got to stand… Stand already… Another second of swaying… OK. We can go on. We cannot do it alone. I know that the Gabai doesn't want helpers, but you have to work together with the congregation. It must be done together, unless you are Jammy… We are very proud of you for winning the game the other day and making the right decision. You should never pass the ball to your teammates. Passing the ball to your teammates is what loses games… The Gabai needs help... You don't even know Max's Hebrew name. You have to look on a card... He's been a member for 80 years. Mr. Kirshnowitz, please tell him how bad he is at Gabaiing... Soon, people are going to have to call themselves up to the Torah. That's how bad... We become a nation to H'. Not just the people that are there that day, but all the people. Now. Then. We are a nation... If you stand, we're a nation... You're sitting. Together, as the nation is the people that even weren't around then. All of this, in order that we will be a nation to H.' Not a nation to futz around in the shul library… It’s a Beis Medrish. Stop calling it a library. You're futzing… A Beis Medrish. A House of Torah Study with picture books about Israel. Exactly… You can learn Gemara or trace pictures of Tel Aviv. It's all Torah… We have to include everybody. Even the heretics that think Israel’s capital is Tel Aviv… No. We are not getting chairs. ‘Stand Before H.”’ Only standing in the Beis Medrish… That’s why everybody stands at Kiddish. You eat choolante before H'... As taught by my Abba, Shlita… Can't quote my dad? You get mad at me when I quote Artscroll. I'm going to quote my dad... So, he doesn't have an acronym. He's still an important rabbi... He taught, even water drawers… The word 'Nitzavim' is used for standing before H'. It is the same root word used in VaYetze, where it speaks of Yaakov's ladder, 'Mitzuv artza,' standing in the ground- as we must be rooted in the ground, if we are to reach Heaven… Can you stand with your feet in the air?... Exactly. You need to be rooted. Like a water drawer… They're not rooted in the water... You have to be rooted in this world, in order to be a nation. You have to be connected. A nation connected with H'... I know it's a nice lesson. Thank you. You can come up with acronym for him... This is why we are not for the Jewish children living in Nachlaot... They have to get jobs… Does it say ‘and those who don’t draw water’? It says ‘from water drawers to woodcutters’… Yes. It’s a job. $1,000 a tree in my front yard. It’s a job… Well. I'm paying. A nation together, with goals. Goals together… (Devarim 29:11) ‘To pass in the Brit (Covenant) of H’ your Gd and His curses that H’ your Gd seals with you today’… We have to stand together to pass in the Brit… It’s today. It’s always today. We have to be ready for the covenant… The goal is the Brit... It's active. That's why you stand... If we don’t accept the Brit, it kills the curses… Yes. The curses are good. Ever got a good curse… A British extended ‘you’ makes an excellent curse. Like with the witches… The Torah was not talking about the British. H’ was not being derogatory against the commonwealth when He said ‘Brit’… I know you don't like British people, Bernie... He was talking about the covenant… With the Jews. Not the British. The British people are not part of the covenant. They’re not good woodcutters… She can’t give a curse, because it sounds too nice. Americans don’t have good cursing ability… You’ve got to get passion in there. Moshe expressed the curses with passion… Because he led you people. I understand him… A good curse means He cares… Mr. Kirshnowitz. Can you please show us how to curse somebody... See, Bernie. That's how you do it... You stand the kids there. They’ve got to do the stuff too… The kids have to do something… You’re the youth director. Do you daven with them?... Have them play a game. Something... No. Your kids are messed up. You're messing them up... Today. We can’t wait. Do something already… Rosh Hashana is coming up this week… That’s today. We’re going to be standing before H,’ together. Just don’t kill it for us, like the woodcutters… Repent now, as one... Standing is necessary for repentance. It's painful enough to be considered atonement. Standing and spending twelve hours in shul. We’re going to be inviting everybody on Yom Kippur at Kol Nidrei… And we have to stand then too… Yes. The annoying people. Even the ones that don’t share the armrest… And yes. The water drawers are a very important part of our community. You wouldn’t know, because you don’t invite them… There are people drawing water all the time… We stand together. Even with Bernie… Yes. He’s a non-believer… Well, you don’t believe in me, Bernie. Every day we have to stand before Gd like we are receiving the Torah, together… Even more so on Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur... You don't want to end up in hell... The board voted. This Rosh Hashana, everybody is going to be standing alone. Very far apart. Standing away from other Jews… It is against the shul’s policy to stand together to pray. We're going to have a Minyin apart... For the speeches, we can stand together. You usually don’t like what I say, Kim. It’s like a protest… Shabbat Shalom Rivka’s Notes on Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon There are a lot of British people in our congregation. People standing for the rabbi’s sermon really helped. Not one person fell asleep. For the first time, all were listening. Now the rabbi is making people use an acronym when they call him. The rabbi's talk about unity got people real mad. Many didn't want to come back to shul. They insisted that unity is the worst thing for our people. The rabbi seemed to have made up pandemic rules. I think he said that you can’t catch COVID if you’re standing. He said that he didn’t come up with that rule and it was one of the CDC guidelines. The rabbi brought up the protests as proof that you can’t catch a virus while standing. With all the standing, I have a feeling there was a pandemic going on in the desert. That's why Moshe told them to stand. Maybe it was a protest, and protests don't transfer diseases when people are standing. The crazy thing is that once he said 'the CDC,' everybody believed him and went along with it. He started using the CDC to get people to keep Mitzvot. He said that the CDC said you have to keep Shabbis and not talk Lashon Hara, because of the pandemic. He even brought up the state's DOH to tell people they can't drive on Shabbis. After Rosh Hashana, we stopped following the restrictions. Everybody in the community hated the restrictions and the rabbi’s speeches are too long to stand for. The rabbi really cares about the water drawers. I think he knows that people don’t draw water anymore and that the faucets work. He just likes the idea of not having to deal with congregants. Mr. Kirshnowitz was empowered by the rabbi's speech. He told Sadie she is too old to enjoy a Chag. He said that holidays can only be enjoyed by people who are not 90 years old. The rabbi had a High Holidays Repentance Seminar on how to treat people. He brought in Mr. Kirshnowitz and told everybody, 'This is the perfect example. Don't be like Mr. Kirshnowitz.' Mr. Kirshnowitz was extremely honored. With the singing, the rabbi really had the people feeling it. I could tell, because their eyes were closed. Some of them closed their eyes because they didn't want the virus getting in them. They didn't have eye masks on. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke: Ki Tavo8/27/2021 
Kids were running all over the stage. No candy was thrown. They’re just running. They were using the ark curtain as a cape. It’s out of hand.
This new parenting thing is not working. The parents bring their kids to shul and let them run wild. They believe that as long as the children are contained, they’ve done their job as a parent. The fact that I can’t say the Amida and pray without a child knocking into me is not the parents’ worry. The new ideal is for your child to love religion. I think the kids love jumping. They jump on the Bima (stage). They jump on the chairs, in shul. They used the community Chanukiah as a slide. I don't think they love religion. They love playing on religion in our shul. It's either let the children play, or send them to camp. If you teach them Torah, they will hate their religion. If they toss the books, they'll love it. Need that kid who gives the Mussar, ‘you have to learn Torah or you’re going to hell.’ I love when he gives the Dvar Torahs. The rebuke is amazing. It makes me feel good knowing that the other members in the shul are going to hell. The little ones need to hear that, so they’ll stop running on the Bima. For candy it’s fine. You can run in the shul for candy. It’s fine to throw candy at the Torah, if a Bar Mitzvah boy was reading. Ufrufs also. Truth is they do such a bad job reading. I believe that the candy throwing dates back to the stoning rituals. If you can’t read the Torah well, you’re definitely not keeping the Mitzvot. And they must’ve stoned the Bar Mitzvah boys for that. They turn thirteen and they’re required in the commandments. It only takes one day of sinning to deserve a stoning. So, we hand out candy to whip at them, because we know they're going to mess up. I’m really not happy with these Sunkist jelly candies being thrown. I think it’s making our kids weak. That’s what the rabbi says. He wants us to bring back the jawbreakers to throw at the Bar Mitzvah boys. I think he’s mad because he has to teach them Bar Mitzvah lessons, and they can’t read Hebrew real well. Stone them. It well definitely help toughen them up for basketball season. We lost again to Beit Kneset HaGadol vHaMitzuyan. We’ve got to toughen our kids up, and we have to stop feeding them Sunkist jellies. Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon A Guten Shabbos My Kehillah. I want to welcome the new Candyman. Our dear tailor, Mr. Heimlowitz… No need to throw candy now… I know it ruins the kids’ pants, Mrs. Borstein. It’s indirect though… There’s no Mitzvah to jump on the ground for candy… Your kid was dancing on the Bima… It’s the middle of my speech… I threw candy so people would think she was up here, crawling, for a reason… Great Kippahs at the Feinblum Bat Mitzvah. A shoutout… I know. It fits great. Check it out… I took eight… The family didn’t need them. They all came to shul with their own… I don’t know why the Wisemans all wear the same Kippah. You’re not taking pictures on Shabbat. Don’t need a uniform. It’s not a Simcha… Every Shabbat is a Simcha. That’s correct. And that’s why I took extra Feinblum Kippahs. Amazing cooking at the Bat Mitzvah too. Great to have Kimmy back… The Bal Teshuva is judging me for putting down the Kippahs. Can you please stop judging everybody?! You stare at us and we feel like you think we’re heretics… I know you think we’re heretics. But we practice the traditions correctly… Upon bringing the Bikkurim (the first fruits required to be redeemed)… There were baskets... Yes. Wicker… I don’t know if they had the doilies or Bar Mitzvah Kippahs in the baskets, like we do at shul… Doilies are a very important tradition. That’s how we tell who the heretics are. Doilies and Bar Mitzvah yarmulkes that don’t fit… The Feinblum one fits. It’s for religious people. That’s how you judge people, Mr. Bal Teshuva. And they didn't have Bal Teshuvas judging them for not bringing decent fruits... Gd was judging them... (Devarim 26:11) The Torah teaches ‘And you shall “BE HAPPY” with all the good that H' has given you and your house’… Yes. You put good fruits in the wicker… Because Gd gave it to you. You don’t put the cucumbers that have been sitting in the fridge… The bottom gets spoiled. You’re going to bring H’ your spoiled stuff? Does that make Him happy?... You’re sharing your happiness with H.’ You don’t bring your bad stuff and thank Him for giving you the Simnowitz Cheesecake… It tastes disgusting. All soft and spongy. It’s a sponge cake. Not a cheesecake. You must be happy. Happiness? That is a hard demand… Yes, it says it. A commandment to be happy. You have a house, you selfish, good for nothing, entitled ingrate... You have no right to not be happy… And the children of this congregation running around the halls who have never shown an ounce of appreciation, as you have told them they deserve. Deserve? They deserve nothing… Candy at Bar Mitzvahs and Kippahs from decent Bat Mitzvahs they were invited to. They deserve that… They don’t deserve… Why is she still running up here? Usually, the dad does the carryout at this point. The quick pick up and carryout… Yes. That disturbs the sermon. But the kid is out and you can give her candy… Then bring candy next time. Stop with the Cheerios bags. They want candy... No. Take her. I have no more candy on me. Rashi speaks about Happiness meaning a time of happiness. The holidays. But the point still stands, to be happy… Ever seen yourself in shul on a Chag? It’s depressing, Bernie… I hear countless complaints from your spouses. ‘I’m slaving… the preparation’… Then help. You think that nobody helped carry the Bikurim baskets to Jerusalem? The family helped… You proclaim the Viduy… You confess because you messed up. I’ve seen you carry stuff. It spills… You definitely mess up your tithing... Everybody here has been complaining about the upcoming holidays for the past few months. Wahwahwah. The services are too long. You have services. You have a Chazan (cantor or chazin) who you have to pay for. Appreciate him… Yes, he went long again today. And it was painful. Very painful… Somebody should’ve thrown candy at him… You should be happy all the time… Because Gd gave you life. Appreciate it. Eat candy. And stop complaining about the kids’ pants… They’re in kindergarten. What are you shopping at Prada for?… You see. You don’t deserve… If you would just find joy in wicker and dried fruit... How do we learn to appreciate? How do we become happy? See the statement that we are told to declare upon bringing the 'First Fruits' to the priests, in Jerusalem. You state how our fathers were slaves in Egypt, they were tortured, H' heard our cry and brought us to Israel... Yes. There were more attacks. Remember the bad stuff. That's how you celebrate... (Devarim 26:5) ‘An Aramean (sought to) destroy my forefather’… You don’t want people to sought after you… Rashi explains that Lavan pursued Yakov. He wanted to annihilate all the Jews… There weren’t too many at the time. It was a family… Yes. We’re a family… Since Lavan wanted to do kill the Jews, and that was what he intended, H’ considered it as though he had done it (Sifrei 26:5)... Intention of evil is like doing it yourself. It’s as if you perpetuated the act (Yerushalmi Peah 1:1)… Yes. Got that from the Artscroll. I have seen the looks the Bal Teshuva… OK. Reuven. We’ll call you Reuven… Intention of evil is the act itself… You couldn’t ruin the Kippahs. You wanted to… Yakov is too great. Just like these Kippahs. They fit so well... But you intended evil. You messed up the candying of the Bar Mitzvah boy last week... It's tradition to hurt him with sweets... You perpetuate bad when you don’t realize the good you have. Lavan was looking at Yakov and what he had. He didn’t think about what he has himself. Lavan didn’t think to share his wealth… He complained. Just like Ms. Feinblum who complains about having to prepare for the holidays, and doesn't pay her dues… So how do you find happiness?... Exactly. You remember the real bad stuff. That's how you celebrate. Family fights... Remember what you have and appreciate it. Appreciate that you're able to bring gifts. Appreciate where we were as a people. How bad it was. And give a gift. I didn’t get any gifts for my birthday last year, as the congregation doesn’t care… If you would just realize that life is not good, you would love it… You expect too much from the family… Have the kids ever helped?... Exactly. Expect nothing and you will love them… I’m sure they yelled when the kids joined them on the Bikurim trip. Family trips are awful. And that makes happiness... If you just loved dried fruits and wicker... H' gave us the land of Israel. We cried out to H', when it was bad… Prayer works. Why you don’t come to shul?... You’re not grateful. I get it… When we see the land of Israel, we see Gd's gift to us. You might not know, because none of you paid to go on the shul trip last year… It’s when we feel appreciation, and give back, that is when we feel happiness... You can give back. If you gave Tzedakah (charity), you could give back… You don't give. You feel happy upon recognizing who you are, where you come from, and who has done you good. HAKARAT HATOV. Recognizing the good... You appreciate the racist country club didn't accept us for $30,000 a year... They didn't want you and you had to fight to give them money, instead of paying our shul's fees, or tuition to the day school... Mr. Silverberg, yes, the other parents are paying for their children. The school needs the $18,000 tuition to pay for the teachers' $28,000 a year salary and it is chai חי. חי is meaningful and thus we pay it. We cried out when they were beating us with whips and H' answered us and gave us Israel. Which is why we pay teachers $28,000... Yes. And paying full tuition… So, that other people can afford a Bar Mitzvah. You can’t be the only one bringing the baskets. Others need to be able to afford to plant too… Their kids are starving, because you don’t pay tuition… The bodega guy hasn’t done any of us a good. $5 for a half gallon. No. I don’t appreciate him… We feel good when we give back… Appeal… Your rabbi has given you so much, what have you given him back? There is the new rabbi fund supporting the rabbis new home for children of the rabbi. Have you shown your appreciation? Given back? Are you happy?... You should give money to the kids going to Israel appeal… They can buy dried fruits there. That’s good enough. Many people put those in wicker… You would be happy if you gave something and stopped going on vacations down south… No. Pay tuition in full and you’ll be happy... You can’t be happy when you have it good… They probably covered the wicker with a napkin on the inside... Giving teachers money could be considered Tzedakah. Good question... And stop giving to your children... No. They’re not perfect… That’s why they’re ingrateful. They think they deserve candy. Coming up on the Bima… You’re spoiling them. Giving them fruit jellies. Don't hurt the next generation and make the think they are worthy. Those selfish little... Running to kiddush and taking all the food before the adults get there. The adults also like the chocolate glazed Entenmann's. How can adults be happy when all they have are plain doughnuts? Sometimes just doughnut holes... Make them say thank you. Is the candyman the only adult that expects a little 'Todah'? Appreciation. Give back. Take yourself out of your spoiled little entitled world, and be happy... Have a give candy to Mr. Candyman Shabbat. Be happy… Fruit in wicker made them happy. We have to look back to when things were real bad… (Devarim 26:1) Can only bring Bikurim when in Israel… Lavan was trying to keep us from keeping the commandments of a people in their land… Aliyah? Anybody? Not going to happen… Lavan could’ve seen the blessing of Israel, but he didn’t. Like the whole left corner who doesn’t send their kids to Israel… After high school, they do a gap year. That’s what they do. Tradition… Then maybe signup for the shul trip next spring. (Devarim 26:9) H’ brought us from Egypt and our affliction to ‘a land flowing with milk and honey.' They even appreciated milk and honey… They appreciated what they had. It wasn’t flowing with steak… Good point. Who doesn't love honey in their cereal... Yes. Golden Grahams are the best... And when you have had it bad and you now have it good, you want to share… We're not asking you to share your post cereal milk. We know it's amazing, Frank. Thank you for... If we understand who we were, and that all we have is a gift, then we wouldn't be so selfish. Maybe you would stop complaining about the shnurrer guy, asking for charity, who has not stopped knocking on my door this week... I support your Yeshiva, Rabbi Carterberg. It is nice to have you here this Shabbat, where you cannot bother the congregants. Hit up Mr. Silverberg after Shabbat. 24 Horthorne Drive… You want to share. (Devarim 26:11) ‘then you shall rejoice… you the Levi, and the stranger…’ Rejoice with all. Share. After acknowledging Gd’s good, you share. That’s how you rejoice. You send invites. You give something to the Levis. You pay tuition… Yes. I am a Levi. And you have the chutzpah to expect a gift… You give a Levi a gift on his birthday… Joy comes from Gd’s good. You share it with Gd. And you share it with the Levi and the stranger… Then leave your doors open every once in a while. Somebody might come in. You might get a Mitzvah… The Gerwitzes didn’t share that last week… You didn’t send any invites to the Shabbat Chatan… It’s after understanding the hardship that we shall be happy. Happiness isn’t running on the Bima… Can you please get your kids off the thing… I will tell them. An Armeanean wanted to destroy your forefather… Now I have to explain what a forefather is? Who is educating these nursery schoolers??? You share candy at the Bar Mitzvah, and you make sure to hit the Bar Mitzvah boy. You send invites, so people know to come… Did Lavan share candy with Yakov?! That’s the issue. They probably fought over it… Didn’t have a good candy sharing system, which our shul is working on… Lavan probably didn't even invite Yakov to his son's Bar Mitzvah. That's what hate can do... In Israel, they share… The Bal Teshuva shares nothing… Comes to our house, eats and judges us… You share. You appreciate. You parent. You don’t let your kid run on the Bima… She’s back up here… I ran out of candy. Parent. Parent, so we can have Simcha… You give gifts. That’s what makes you happy. Knowing things are bad and giving gifts… All gifts have to be in baskets. Bikurim are about sharing and fighting. We finally have this beautifulness to give... When somebody comes to a Bar Mitzvah, you give them a yarmulke or a doily... Yes. That is an appeal for gifts… Good Shabbos. Even though you don't deserve it... I hope that brings you all joy. Mazel Tov. Rivka’s Notes on Rabbi Mendelchem’s Drasha That may have been the longest speech I ever heard. I believe there were five appeals in that speech. Each one was a twelve minute appeal. Then, the rabbi gave a message to the Bat Mitzvah girl, who got up and talked. The Israel message got lost again. Nobody is moving. They don’t need first fruits. Krogers has excellent local produce. Everybody's fine with the newest fruits when they go Krogering. Krogering is a great activity that we should do as a shul. Every event, people complain about the food. We should go to the source, so nobody can complain about it. The rabbi did the shoutouts for a couple of weeks. He was trying to be hip. He thought it would connect him more with the youth. He didn't realize the youth wasn't forty years old. The kids were trying to figure out why the rabbi wanted to yell.' He wanted to do kiruv and bring them closer to Yiddishkeit (Judaism). After seeing Reuven, the Bal Teshuva, even the rabbi was not in favor of people becoming more religious. Reuven was constantly critiquing the rabbi. Nobody knows what the low teacher salaries has to do with reparations. How the rabbi brought that into the sermon. He was again, trying to connect to much with the young congregants and all that was happening last summer. The rabbi really looked good in the Kippah. The Feinblum Bat Mitzvah Kippah really fit his head. It cupped it perfectly. He’s been looking for a decent Kippah for years. The knit ones always look they’re falling off him. They don’t cup on the sides. I think people were listening to the sermon more this week, because they weren’t thinking about when the rabbi’s yarmulke is going to fall. Many of the interruptions have been because of fallen Kippahs in the middle of a rant of fervor, or people worrying the rabbi’s Kippah will fall off. The rabbi really went off on the congregants who don’t share. The next week, he forced the Felsenblums to have an open house. Their house is huge and he insisted they are not deserving of it if they don’t share it. They didn’t go for starting an orphanage in their home because they have a lot of money. I am with the rabbi. An orphanage would be right. I think only rich people should be sharing their stuff. They should be bringing it to Israel and sharing all of it. I asked the rabbi and he said poor people have to give Tzedakah too. That wasn't very woke of him. I don't know how he's going to give that message over in a sermon to the youth. People were worried they couldn’t use their money anymore, as they weren’t going to be bringing baskets to Jerusalem. The rabbi said that as long as they give money to the shul, they're fine. People also stopped complaining about holiday preparation, which caused a lot of family fights. He really did call them ingrates. I was so happy to see that. The kids all think they deserve candy. They get that from their parents that complain about Kiddish, and never donate the Kiddish. That’s a whole other issue right there. They take all the Entenmann’s and complain. Then you buy the Stella D'oro Swiss Fudges. Some of the entitled suggested a Ninja Warrior course in the shul's halls, so that their children can love Judaism. If it’s a tradition, they’re not ingrateful. The rabbi explained, if you spend 200k on a wedding, that’s not a waste, because it’s a Mitzvah. As long as you’re sharing. If you eat the 600 plates of halibut yourself, that’s not a Mitzvah. Monty’s International Gift Wicker pulled in tons of money from our congregants after the rabbi’s speech. The congregants sent a lot of baskets to Israel. The gift basket idea really killed it for the Bar and Bat Mitzvah kids last year. The kids just wanted gifts. With the wicker, they got a lot of dried fruit. They couldn’t appreciate the gifts or share, as none of their friends wanted dried prunes. Their friends wanted candy. I think all were not grateful about the apricots. The Bal Teshuva got in a big lesson this week, from the rabbi. Appreciative? He appreciates nothing. He comes to our homes, eats and tells us we didn’t wash right. Somebody's got to do something about Reuven or he's not going to get anymore Shabbat meals. The tailor taking on the Candyman position is the smartest business move I have ever seen. He even got his phone number printed on the candies. The complaint about the kids’ pants turned into the congregation complaining about the rabbi saying that kids should go to Israel. There was a group in the shul that wanted to get the rabbi fired for trying to separate families. The Mitzvah of Aliyah was not discussed for the next few months. The rabbi was too scared. He already got in trouble for the three families that moved four years ago. Their love of Israel was hated by the congregation. And those families made up thirteen members. The rabbi was blamed for losing them. The give candy to the candyman appeal taught the kids to give back. But then the candyman gave the kids the candies back. It was a cycle of disturbance throughout the service. Kids were making two lines to the candyman. One to give and one to take. The candyman refused to give though. He insisted on throwing the candies on the ground. Tags:
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Sermon of Rebuke: Ki Teitzei8/20/2021 
Two Simchas this week. Nobody knew which one to go to. In the end we all knew who was liked more. It wasn't the Gerwitz family. Not many came to the Shabbat Chatan.
How important is a Shabbat Chatan? Probably more important than a Bat Mitzvah. Kids are tough. All on the floor. Parents are angry about the carpet ruining their children’s pants during candy throwing. It's the parents' fault. The shul has sent home a newsletter suggesting the kids bring kneepads to shul. The parents insist that kneepads aren't Shabbis clothes. That's on them. When my kids were growing up they wore a suit jacket, knee pads and chest protector. When going for candies you have to also watch out for elbows. My youngest wore the full hockey goalie gear. Every time there are two kids walking away with all the candy. Other kids have a black and blue eye. I can explain that. Kids do whatever they want now. They go up to open the ark and play up there. Running around the shul, doing tumbling. The carpet is good for ripping suit pants and tumbling. The new Bal Teshuva is getting on everybody’s nerves, judging everybody. Just turned religious. He was staring at my husband’s shorts for three minutes, in shock that somebody could wear shorts, as they are not modest. My husband was coming back from a jog. He doesn’t jog in a suit. You want to judge me with your eyes, I'll stare at you all of services. I was giving him looks all of Davening. He felt like he was on the wrong page the whole time. He's still questioning what he does, being new to it. I'll make him question more. Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Shabbt Shalom My Congregants Want to welcome the Gerwitz family... Nobody else is here. They're all at the other shul for the Bar Mitzvah.... You send invites. Nobody came because you didn’t send invites… The other shul poached our members again… Shalishudis needs more chips… Yes. I'm talking to you. You sponsored Shalishudis... OK. Seudah Shelishit. The third Shabbat meal. Whatever you want to call it. There should be more chips there... You didn't pick up any. You got tuna and egg salad... Chips taste good with them... The point is that Pinny is getting married and we want him to do it right... If there is a woman that you lust after… She's Jewish?... OK. Well if there's a second wife... Yes. You give her chips with the tuna. It tastes good. Right after speaking about war, the Torah talks about lusting after the captive women… Not focusing on what to do in the land. First we focus on the captive woman. Because you're all shallow... Just like this congregation, there is either fighting or lusting. Either fighting over who has the right to open up the ark on Yom Kippur, or lusting after a good Danish... We all know Stella D’oros are not coming back… Even in a war, if you took a Yodels captive, you would lust after it… If you would just lust after chips… (Devarim 21:11) If you desire the good-looking captive woman, ‘you may take her for a wife’... She’s captive… Her husband is gone. We’re not reliving the Fleishman Fiasco… This was war. Not somebody sneaking into your house at night… As H' knows man's desires, He does not say, 'No. Don’t take her.' Instead of forbidding the relationship… Men are shallow. Were you at the Migelberg Bar Mitzvah. Gaudy. For what? Nobody’s giving a gift more than $36. Double Chai is all you get here… Yes. They use it as an excuse. '$100? No. We'll give $36. That's double life. They'll like the meaning'… Oh, how many intermarriages in our congregation and nobody took the non-Jewish child captive first. Instead of forbidding, we are told to shave her head and to let her fingernails grow long… If you would’ve just waited a month and seen her nails, you would've married Jewish... If she cleaned them, that would be different. Good point. I don't think the Torah let her clean her nails... We are also told to remove her captive clothes. Rashi comments, 'Because they are nice'… Beautiful. Nice. It’s the same thing… Have you ever met somebody who was kind and not beautiful??? Because you’re shallow. H’ knows that… They dressed their women beautiful, to entice. Unlike the night gowns the women wear when they go shopping in Brooklyn… You win war by dressing women nicely… And Kol hakkavod, all the honor, to those women dressing in the nightgowns. They are צנועה, modest… They're not drawing any attention. Ever shop at Chanshie’s Catskill Gowns. You put those on her... You should always make sure that your marriage is not based on attraction. Testing is good... We're not in the middle of war, Bernie. We're not idol worshippers trying fool our enemies with Swiss Fudge. I've seen the way you scrape it with your teeth. Disgusting... No. Your shorts are not attracting anybody. You have the most pale legs. Nobody would want to take those legs as a captive spouse... (Devarim 21:11) Rashi explains that the Torah doesn’t say ‘no’ because ‘the Torah is only speaking against the Yetzer Hara, evil inclination. Because if H’ didn’t permit it, he would take her illicitly.’ The same way the kids took all the candy… Attacking anybody in their midst. I'm literally afraid of the next Bar Mitzvah… We tried saying one candy bag a child, but you remember what happened in the halls after the throwing... Deals were going down with some of those nursery schoolers. This is why we do the shul programs. Because you would all be doing Asur, forbidden stuff. You would follow your Yetzer Hara and go lusting after candy... We would have learning all the time, but you wouldn’t do it. So we have shul movie night. Hookah in the Sukkah. Pizza Parsha. Either rhymes or alliterations. That's how we decide on programs. Alliterations entice you. Which is why we are stopping all programs... The only way to get you interested is to dress up the programs nicely. Look at you all, coming to shul in clothes that fit. Clothes that look decent. Why? Because you want to cause promiscuous shul activity. Eating choolante all sensually the way you do, with kishka coming off your cheeks. You should all be ashamed of yourselves, enticing… Let the choolante sit and you wouldn’t want to eat it. It's for the rabbis to buckle down on this and stop the disgusting way of dressing. The laws of proper dress are complicated. It should be asur/forbidden to wear clothes. The way you people dress, no more clothes... The Torah notices that the men are disgusting, shallow people. It has been too long that we have been blaming Dr. Fleishman for not being a faithful husband. It is time we blame the women... It is not his fault. It's only because she dresses in really nice clothes... Well would his wife let her sit in the house and grow her nails?... She doesn't dress within the rabbinical laws of Tzniyut, modesty. So please, stop blaming Dr. Fleishman. It's only because there are other available women that he does not take care of his family... (Divarim 21:12-13) The captive woman stays in his house. ‘She shall shave her head and let her nails grow'... That's what she does for the month. Can you think of something else to do with your time?! Maybe she mourns her husband... You have to have a heart for captives too. The Chazin care less. he goes on for a forty-five minute Kedusha... We have to go home. Your holding us hostage... We can't shave on Shabbat... I don't know if growing nails on Shabbat is Asur or not. Good question, Sir. (Devarim 21:13) Rashi says that he will stumble upon her, see her weeping and see her unsightly appearance. All this, so that she should become despicable to him. [Sifrei 21: 9]. Have you ever seen uncut fingernails and cut hair? It’s disgusting… Long unwashable hair… No. She can’t file her nails down… Because then he would love her for her nails. We don’t want him to care about her because she has a nice shine on her nails… Is mourning unsightly? If this guy had a heart, he would've set her free. In the meantime, he's mocking her for mourning... He doesn't deserve her Dr. Fleishman. You don't stand there laughing, 'Boo Hoo Hoo. Just lost your husband... So disgusting looking when you care'... If he allows the woman to mourn her family for a month, then he may take her for a wife. Because then we know he cares.... You run when she starts to cry... Say you have a meeting you're late for... No man wants to see a woman cry, or mourn, or deal with her emotions. As Dr. Fleishman never wanted to deal with his family's emotions. Don't worry Dr. Fleishman, I am on your side... That's why he ran away. He didn't care about them, he just wanted his beautiful wife. Then kids got in the way and made it emotional and too intimate. It is not his fault. No man should have to show sympathy or empathy... The whole point is to care. Even when you're lusting, you have to care... You don't eat like a slob. I've seen you with the Stella D'oros and choolante. Would've been chips too, if we had... No. You can’t take her as a slave... Does that show care? (Devarim 21:14) If you don’t want her, you have to let her go. You can’t keep her as a servant ‘on account that you have afflicted her’ You can’t keep people you don’t want… Doesn’t mean to throw out your eight year old because he is annoying... It’s a matter of being truthful in love… You have to care about the person. Shaindel has to stop setting people up… Because you have to love them physically first… You have to be attracted Shaindel. Rachel is still single, because you set her up with horrific guys… Rachel is fine. She cuts her nails… No. They shouldn't go shopping at Chanshie’s Catskill Gowns until they're married... Let him learn to care later... The great teaching we learn from this episode is that it is only after she has mourned, and he saw her mourn her family, that he is allowed to have an intimate relationship with this woman. For it's only then, that the man has had a chance to see the woman as a human being, who he must empathize with. Once he is there, that means he really cares about her. She has suffered enough and she should not have to suffer more, from your disgusting vile, man behavior… Marrying her is adding to her suffering... Have you seen yourself? May we be zoyche to a life of true love and care. Where there are no clothes used to entice. No clothes used to eat choolante. No clothes... And now the wayward son… Not one of the four on Pesach. The annoying son is not the wayward son… (21:20) Sorer uMoreh= And they shall say to the elders of his city, "This son of ours is wayward and rebellious; he does not obey us; [he is] a glutton and a guzzler."… You told them to take the Sunkist gummy candies. But he gluttoned after them. He attacked the other children... He has no empathy. No ability for care.... You stone that... No. Once they take candy from other children, stone them... At least throw jawbreakers or fireballs. You're throwing Sunkist gummies. That's not going to teach the kid a lesson. It just makes them more glutton for candies... I know we tell them not to eat. We even had the sharing is caring campaign... Because they're wayward... Not forward. Wayward. (Devarim 21:18) Doesn’t listen to his parents… The wayward child doesn't listen to parents. That's the problem. They don't obey. You all don’t listen to your rabbi… Why right after the captive woman? Because the wayward son thinks about himself. The wayward son lusts, like Dr. Fleishman, who ruined his family… We have to teach these kids to share... (Davarim 21:21) ‘Pelt him with stones and he shall die…’ That’s how you discipline. Detention is not doing the job… Saw Breakfast Club… No Stella D’oros in the movie. They had chips though... Yes. You stone people. How else are you going to get the others to listen?... No favorites. Nothing special for your favorite wife who cuts her nails. The showoff… The first born is the first born… Learn to care for your family, and stone the children that don't listen... Rivka’s Notes on Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Shul was empty. They all chose the Simcha at the other shul. It was really hust the Gerwitz family and a few others who knew they would be able to approach the Kiddish table quicker, with everybody else at the other shul. People saw food in a new light after the rabbi’s speech. The new Mendelchem diet plan took off. The choolante had to sit for a month. After that, nobody wanted to eat it. Danish got stale, and nobody was eating anymore Danish. The Stella D’oros remained the same. Those lasted two years. Everybody ate those. People ended up getting real heavy downing sleeves. The new rule was that before marriage there was no nail cutting for a month and all had to shave their heads. There were no marriages that summer. That rule had to change. The message of love and care based on looks was beautiful. Many divorces happened over the next few months when people realized that they’re not attracted to their spouse anymore. I heard some husbands complain that their wives never get haircuts. The rabbi was speaking about the foundations of love. Once you’re already married, looks don’t count. He was talking about the shallowness in the courting process. To be shallow and use tons of makeup, so that people didn’t get to know you, was considered fine, as long as they were Jewish. But she couldn’t stay in your home for that month, due to Yichud. With Jews, you develop care through attraction. The rabbi also started convincing people not to intermarry, with his new ‘grow the nails’ campaign. The idea was that anybody who wanted to intermarry, had to let their intended grow nails for a month. He also added the rule that they can’t file them. Nail polish was also not allowed. He banned nail polish remover, as the chipping was considered not attractive. Stopping the programs meant no more learning Torah in shul. The rabbi brought back alliterations and pizza real fast. Stella D’oros and Danish were also back the next month and going strong since. Even in COVID they went strong. We got the packaged kind and told people to eat those at home. They still came just to get the pastry. For Kiddish, the packaged food was fine, as some came to davening for the food. It was less than usual. The rabbi still believes that bags of Lays chips would've drawn the masses. For the classes, they gave the packaged pizza and told people to go home to heat them up. So nobody studied the Torah Parsha. There was no other good alliteration with food and Torah, so there were no classes over the pandemic. Nobody showed up to the Zoom classes. They were there, but they had no pizza, so they decided to turn off their screens while the rabbi taught. This allowed the opportunity for doing other work on the computer, and catching up on series. The rabbi stayed away from stoning the congregants, even though they are wayward and don’t listen. Though, we did start purchasing harder candies to pelt at the kids. We’ve been working on shul food and the Simchas killed the shul reputation. They brought in catering and now people are got worse food than our regular choolante. The caterer is giving our shul a bad rep. We need the sisterhood on it. We need more potato chips. The board had a chips meeting and they couldn't figure out why they never saw the chips they bought. Reason: Because people eat them. They're gone right away. So, they decided to save money and buy pretzels, as there was always leftovers of those. It's just adding to our bad Kiddish and Shalishudis reputation. The tailor was in shul. He made calls to the parents that Monday. He got some good business that week. Thinking back, he became the new candyman in shul. He started a tradition where he throws candies, even when there isn't a Simcha. Pinny got the message. He is lusting after his wife. We'll give that another couple of months, until he realizes they're married. Tags:
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Sermon of Rebuke: Shoftim8/13/2021 
There was a lot of business going on in the community this week. A lot of garage sales. A lot of wheeling and dealing. People getting rid of stuff. Some deals were crazy. One shul member bought a Chanukiah for $3. She overpaid. Nobody buys anything for more than $2 at the local garage sales. You've got to go to Wichita to find big spenders like that.
They asked $2.50 on the couch. The people at the sale were not happy with that. They settled on the leather L shape couch, with the recliner and pull-out bed, for a buck. The hosts of the garage sale, the Mintzkowitzes, the ones whose home it was, were happy with the dollar they made on the couch. They were moving and I think they were trying to find a way for other people to get their trash out of the house, before having to call Garbonzo. Garbonzo is a company that comes in, takes your stuff and charges you. They did tell everybody it was a shul fundraiser. I think they sold less because of that. Had a Shul games night. What was that? That should have been one of the questions. Nobody knew who donated the Aron Kodesh, the ark. The questions about shul history really messed up the fundraising program that year. Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Shabbat Shalom My Dear Congregants... You all have the same Yarmulkes. It’s not a rule. Not a law… Bar Mitzvah is over... You’re worried you’ll lose them? It’s not a family trip. You could've bought hundreds of Bar Mitzvah Yarmulkes at the Mintzkowitz garage sale... Yes. It's wrong to steal. I don't think they stole those. They went to the Bar Mitzvahs, and then decided to sell the Kippas back to the families that celebrated... Why do they print their names on the inside of the Kippas anyways? With the oil from Dr. Mintzkowitz's hair, it rubs off... Let's not judge. Even if they gave the Kippas back to the families they took them from, it's not a bribe. In this week's portion (Devarim 16:19) we learn about not taking bribes. Judges shall not take bribes as 'Bribery blinds the eyes of the wise and perverts the words of the righteous'... They don't become blind. It's harder to see with your heart... Truth is harder to see... It's not an object. They can still see who they're judging... We may not bribe judges… Do I really have to answer… Am I hearing that bribery is fine? So wealthy people should always win in court… We must make for ourselves judges... Law is important. You want no accountability?! You sure about that? See what happens at the shul board meeting... You want accountability. However, we may not bribe the judges. How do the judges then make their money? I do not know… I do know that many people in this congregation have started some very legit businesses thanks to bribes. Thanks to these businesses, the shul was able to pay for its new social hall. The Eisenstein Memorial Social Hall. Mark had a great business thank you to the bribes he was able to give. B"H… No. Donations aren't bribes... They deserve a better seat in the chapel, because they donated the social hall... It's not a bribe. They have seats on the board because of the social hall... Because they care and they showed it with their money... Thus, we shall not talk about giving bribes. As we must thank the politicians who have taken the bribes that have allowed for our community thrive... They're not judges. They are politicians. 'Judges shall not take bribes'... They're politicians. Their words are already perverted. It's OK. We shall focus on judges. Judges may not take bribes. It is judges that the Torah is talking about. Bribing politicians is a complicated question. Your rabbi needs a raise… Judgment is there to bring righteousness. It is 'righteousness' that we must 'pursue' as a people צדק צדק תרדוף (Devarim 16:20)... We’re not courting righteousness here. It’s not a woman. You don’t take righteousness to dinner. That’s a bribe. And bribery does not bring truth or righteousness. The same way Max and Maxine met. We shall not talk about that... Righteousness is not an enemy... Yes. We pursue it. We chase it... It's not courting. It's in court... We need better grade school teachers in this community… Rashi notes that righteousness means a Beit Din, a Jewish court. It is through the court that we become righteous. It is through truthful uncontaminated judgement that we inherit the Land of Israel… We have no court system in our shul… That's why we are not in Israel. The holy place of the court, where we must have truth, must also be righteous. The place itself must be righteous. Rashi teaches, 'Even for righteous judgement' we may not take bribes… That was not a bribe. It was a gift… How can judgement be truthful or righteous if a great man, such as Mr. Eisenstein, is so generous, when Mr. Fishbaum is so cheap?... Pay your dues... Bribing is considered wrong, because the other people are not bribing. Generosity is forbidden, for if everybody were to have bribed like Mr. Eisenstein, it would be considered a salary... What your rabbi makes now is not what one would call a salary... We are not generous enough, so in the most basic palace of Truth, the court, we must remain not generous- as to not be dishonest… If all were generous, like Mr. Eisenstein, there would be no bribes… It was a gift, and they got the High Holiday seat they wanted… Now, many people in this congregation want to blame Mark Eisenstein for a bribe he gave. You say 'he bribed you.' He paid for the down payment on your home. He didn't just bribe you. He bribed me. He bribed the chazan to come to this congregation. He drew us in, because he was such a kind man and he bribed us with money. Who are we to judge? The man never bribed a judge. And now he is in front of the Judge of all judges, in his final Judgement. We pray that you have enough money to bribe your way into Olam Haba (the world to come); to pay the salary of life. We will bribe for you and show the new Social Hall that we will be using later on for Bingo... Now, Mr. Fishbaum, who hasn't paid his dues. Who have you bribed? What wing of the building have you added? What wing has Madelan added... Bribes are good when they're donations. We need more donations... For better Kiddishes Bernie. The Torah does not say to not support your community's leaders... The Torah speaks of not taking a bribe. Yes, I am to blame for taking the role of rabbi in this congregation of heathens, because the starting salary was $200,000. The Torah does not say, 'Do not bribe,' It teaches that a judge must not take a bribe... Many of you are religious, and you want to put a fence around the Torah, you have taken that to mean 'You shall not pay'... That is not the teaching... You pay for stuff. You don't bribe to get an advantage over someone else. Paying for stuff you buy is not gaining advantage... their team is just better than our kids at basketball... The 'fence' is not to keep you from finally giving me a raise... We keep the Torah in an Aron Kodesh. It's safer in there than behind a fence... The kichel and herring kiddush was not a beautiful religious act. It was an act of sadness. It is not bribing the congregation to like you, if you have a nice spread. Ms. Flanigan that is a very fine skirt you took from the Salvation Army. You should have paid for it... Payment is not bribing...... Now I promised Mr. Eisenstein that I would give this speech upon his passing, as he did put me in his will. I do hope these words have not been perverted, as Mark would have never wanted that with his money... (Devarim 19:21) ‘You shall not plant idolatrous trees...' There will be no trees planted over Mr. Eisenstein's grave... Ramban notes that at idolaters used to try to make their temples look nice with trees. Whereas, H’ wants the Temple Altar to be the focus… Doesn't mean that we make a quilt to cover the Aron... It looks disgusting. Nobody can focus on the Aron Kodesh... It looks pathetic. If you would've given some money to the shul for the nice Parochet cover, it would've been a Kiddish H', to guard the Torah... That's a good fence... Those trees are like bribes... Why we are trimming the hedges of the shul is beyond me… We need to focus on the shul. Look at the paint. It’s chipping… Your concept of beauty is wrong... The way the family came with fullon makeup was... It wasn't a wedding... Whoever made that call was unqualified. (Avodah Zarah 52a, as seen in Artscroll)… Yes. I use Artscroll… You don’t give me time to learn… You ask these messed up questions and I know nothing about gardening… I’m a rabbi and I care about the inside of the shul… No. You still mow the lawn… ‘An unqualified judge is tantamount to one who plants an idolatrous tree’… You should've come judged better than getting a community quilt of love going as the Parochet cover... You have not learned enough Torah to make shul interior design calls... Yes. There is a reason all Jewish books have gold or silver trimming... The Quilt cover should've been sold at the Mintzkowitz's garage sale... Took too much money for the social hall… That is idol worship. The money should've paid for the parking spot cover too... (Devarim 17:1) No blemish on the offering… ‘it’s an abomination’… Have you seen the food that’s brought out for Kiddish… You can’t bribe the Kohen to take a blemished offering. It’s the court of Gd… The quilt is a blemish... Yes. There is a lot of heart in it, but it's a blemish... If somebody were to offer money for a new Parochet cover... You see. We can't even do a fundraiser right... The reason nobody knew who donated the Aron Kodesh, at games night, is because they're embarrassed to let people know they donated it... Because it's an abomination. Just like a planted tree by the altar, a bribe to judges and lamb that has a scratch on its hoof... (Devarim 17:6) You kill idol worshippers. You stone them… That’s why they threw stones at people coming to the Kotel… Because our congregation is a bunch of idol worshippers… (Devarim 17:8-14) You listen to the Kohen’s and Levites… You listen to your leaders… Yes. If I say something, you have to follow it… I am not sure if we kill you for not listening. But we have to ‘wipe out the evil from among us. And all the nation shall listen and fear’… So that they’ll practice the Mitzvot right... No. You don’t go ‘right or left’ from where you are told. If I say ‘right,’ that’s right… We need stoning so people will listen... You listen to your leaders and pay them. You give them a raise. That's how you instil fear and bring redemption... We will miss the one congregant who listened to the leader and voted to give the rabbi a raise... Rivka’s Notes on Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon We are going to miss Mark Eisenstein. He was a good man. He supported the shul. He supported the rabbi. He was the only one who supported the rabbi. The rabbi got emotional, knowing he is not going to get a raise this year. All of the money is going to the social hall. The rabbi made a good point that people shouldn’t be paid. Even so, he took it right back when the congregants said his salary should come down a bit. I think that's what changed the course of the sermon to bribes talking about judges only. It led to the correct words about Mr. Eisenstein. Painting is OK, but no more planting at the shul. The new artistic look, with the quilt, is not becoming. Truth is I don’t like the shrubs either. I don't know who would worship those things. If idol worship comes to that, I am worried a big fight will take over the next shul pruning meeting. The community setup a court system. Sadie headed the court. She’s tough and she loves banging. She scared everybody last Rosh Chodesh, when she clapped. Clapping is when you hit the table, to let everybody know they are supposed to say the extra prayer of Ya’aleh vYavo, and that you are mad. Nobody forgot to say it that week. They were too scared Sadie would come over and hurt them. It was loud. Fran fell asleep in the middle of the hearings about when the next shul games night should be. Community stoning was a bit much. Target has been overcharging for a long time. Even so, we cannot consider the manager an idol worshipper. High Holiday seating always leads to a lot of fights. Nobody wants to sit next to Bernie. He coughs and chuchs a lot. Frank davens very loud, when he is davening. He is usually talking. He does that loud too. Mrs. Fialikman got a new hat. That’s an eyesore. That’s going to take up two seats. Won’t be able to see the ark if you’re behind her. Sadie is tough as nails. You sit next to her, you’re not getting an armrest. She’ll clapp it if she has to. And Fran always waves a piece of paper like she is at the kabuki theater. If anybody gave money, like Mark Eisenstein, they would have decent seats too. Call it a bribe. I call it the right use of a donation. Mr. Eisenstein's seat was auctioned off. It takes up three seats and has a footrest, right next to the Bima. It's still respectable, as he donated the social hall. The Mintzkowitzes got sued after one of the kids got caught in the spring-loaded pull-out bed. They let the bed go too soon and the kid got flipped into the couch and sat on. Tags:
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Sermon of Rebuke: Ekev7/30/2021 
Rabbi explained that his long speeches are inspired by Moshe’s speech in Devarim. At the shul's open meeting he spoke for two days.
Shabbat board games are a new thing in this congregation. We've had games nights every Saturday. It's during the day, but we have no idea what to call it. Game days drew nobody. We did one gameday and the non-Shomer Shabbat people showed up to the baseball stadium. They were mad the rest of the shul wasn't there that Shabbat. The rabbi thus ordained we can't call events game days or rain delays. Since we started, it’s been going on every week. Settlers of Catan seems to be Michelle's favorite game. It's the most talked about game. Nobody else knows how to play it. Monopoly is still huge. Rummikub is great. It makes people feel connected to Israel. It’s like playing with a lot of decks of cards, but with tiles. It was a beautiful memorial service this week for Shimon. There was no committee involved. I think that is the key to good shul events. No committee. Less people show up, as there is no committee to ensure that people will be there, but the event gets done. Next event I run we're going to have an attendance committee. The event will get done and they will argue about attending. The Matzah Ball Soup committee is doing well. It turned into a side hustle. Nobody is delivering to the sick, but people want the soup. We've been pocketing some decent money, we're pulling in off the sick people. That's the key to Chesed. Acts of loving kindness are best done for people when they're paying for them. Shul baseball outing was rained out. We still had the shul BBQ indoors. Nothing is going to stop our congregation from eating burgers. And there was no committee involved in that. Just a bunch of older guys, and all of them manned the grill. They don't man the Minyin. But they all show up to man the grill. Rabbi Mendelchem’s Drasha Shabbat Shalom My Congregants You step on stuff. ‘Ekev’. Your heal... No. It's not a pun. Yes. There is double meaning... You’ve stepped on the new couch. I don’t understand why anybody would put their shoes on a couch… Even if they’re off your feet, if they’re on a couch, you’re stepping on it… It’s the Mitzvot you step on. Stuff you think is unimportant. That is why we merit Israel… The Mitzvot you think are unimportant like Shabbat, speaking Lashon Hara, stealing… You steal from the shul. You don’t pay dues… You talk about Fran all the time… Yes. Bernie is annoying… Shabbat is. You just hauled your branch to shul for the shul sing along fire pit… It’s Shabbat, Frank… I am going to speak about the first Pasuk this week. I didn't have much time to prepare. I had other more important stuff to do, then work on a speech… Yes. Family. Sometimes you go to the baseball game. We did the doubleheader as a family… I’m an Abba. I vacation too. For my child. We already paid for the rained out one. And it was more enjoyable than having to sit with the congregants… I would’ve had to sermonize then… Every time I talk to you, I have to sermon you… Because you step on the Mitzvot… You stepped on my family vacation time... You call me with every question... I will still talk; as you all expect me to talk every week. I don't take off work, Dr. Fishbaum. Neither does Mrs. Goldbaum. That is why she can pay her dues… Even when I vacation, I’m still working… You call me with questions. And it is always Lashon Hara… There is a beautiful teaching this week, which the rabbi in our sister shul, Brith HaKehunah Hagadol vHaMitzuyan, the synagogue with an ego (calling themselves the Priest Great & Awesome Shul), will also be talking about. It’s a speech being given everywhere. Their new rabbi is not original. Even if they are great. They are not original. Talks just like me. Sermons… Last week, we learned in the Torah that H' repays those who do not follow His commandments and ordinances; as Rashi explains, with no place in the world to come, and a condo in Florida... in this world… Yes. There’s retribution. It’s divine. Which is why the game got rained out… Because you don’t take Shabbat seriously and you don’t walk in the rain. And it rains a lot in Florida too... Yes. The condo is very enjoyable… We are happy not seeing the Feldblums for three months a year… I am assuming some of the Feldblums would have a place in the world to come. What of the next world? Are we thinking of that? It all starts with a good relationship with Gd. I'm not asking for a good relationship with your spouse. I know too much about what goes on in the homes in this congregation... (Devarim 7:12) It will be 'because' we hear and practice these 'ordinances' which He commanded us, that H' will live up to his covenant of good with our 'fathers'… Avraham, Yitzchak and Yakov. I don’t know if Mark got anything good out of the divorce. That’s not a decent covenant for Cooper and Vanessa. They’re good kids… If they keep the Mitzvot, they’ll be good kids. Do you want the covenant of Israel and a nation, or alimony? That is what our children must think about… I do not know what the covenant is, but it is good. Rashi (Devarim 7:12) expounds on the word used for 'Because', עקב, as it means heel. It is the 'easy commandments that one tramples upon.' It is because we view the easy commandments as not important. You trample on them. You don't think about them. You space out… Yes. Shabbat is important. The congregation doesn’t view it like that… They would come on a rain day if… This isn’t a baseball game. Shul doesn’t get rained out. You trample on rain… Shabbat can be easy if you love it. It’s not easy to space out though… Mark’s kids space out… They are constantly listening to phone fights between their parents. We need a shul covenant... To get a Minyin. You never show up. Which Mitzvot do we step on, as if they are not important? Lashon Hara for one. Speaking bad about other people... I am speaking about Lashon Hara again... In the same speech. The same way you talk about Chaim all the time. And Fran... Am I correct Mrs. Feigeinbaum. Nobody can stand next to you at kiddush without hearing some story about how there has been weight gain in the community… Mr. Bergstein. Which Mitzvot aren't important to you? Lets see. Your neighbors aren't very important. You stepped on your neighbor's flowers. What else did you step on? Your neighbor’s driveway. Coveting your neighbor’s wife is not a positive commandment Mr. Bergstein… We step on this shul's floor with our heels. Dr. Fishbaum, people's dues paid for the carpet… And the couch. You don’t put your shoes on a couch. I still don’t get it. What kind of home did you grow up in?... (Devarim 7:12) If we heed these commandments as important and 'guard them, to do them', then 'H' will guard his covenant and kindness that he swore to our forefathers.' It's a relationship of deeds we share with H'... H' helps. You wouldn't know. You don't guard the MItzvot... You heed nothing. The shul can't even get a security guard to stay... It is those commandments you people in this congregation step on, of acting kind… You snobby people who care so much about building a Sukkah, that looks like a group of homes built by building disabled Jews… It's not a soup kitchen. Soup goes cold right away out there... It’s an embarrassment. But you don't care to do a chesed for your friends. Instead, you build these gaudy Sukkahs that brings down the value of the neighborhood… You built the Sukkah out of concrete. Can’t take it down. People now climb it and step on it… A Sukkah. It's a Sukkah, but you step on the rest. Guard the other commandments too... Yes. They're all important... Your rabbi needs to sleep, but you steal that… Stealing sleep is an Aveirah. You can't even heed my sleep... It’s stealing. You expect him to do all these Bar Mitzvah parties and smile for these kids who show up once a year… It’s a Bar Mitzvah. They did nothing. Mike did more, yelling at the kid for messing up… The speeches are embarrassing: 'Hear is a siddur. Put it next to your Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue. Maybe you will open it then. Maybe you will use one of these if your family ever makes it to shul, after Yom Kippur'... We need more heeding... I do that act of Chesed, with the children of this congregation, even though I do not want to, and see no value or Jewish future for this kid... We do it, because it is Chesed. The covenant of hope. Like H', who gives us a chance. We give these heretic families a chance. And we pay our dues… Yes, Dr. Fishbaum. The heretic Bar Mitzvah kids pay dues... Their parents pay. We must heed. It is painful. If we want to enjoy the life after this one, we have to suffer with congregants who are apikorsim. Heretics… Trample on Apikorsim. We have to trample on Apikorsut. Heresy must be trampled on. This congregation must be trampled… You trample on the Mitzvot. Heed!!! Trample the heretics for the blessings of this world... Yes. Israel is a blessing... The heel is about connecting with the lower part of the body, what we assume is not as important… None of you do squats. I’ve seen you at the JCC gym… Just as the kids in our school view their footwork, when that is why they are losing the games. That is why I gave you this speech, as not important as it is. It is the unimportant, which connects us to Gd. It is the unimportant that view, which is what keeps our relationships holy… I didn't say to do the important stuff... Mr. Bergstein, being faithful to your wife is unimportant to you. But it is that faithfulness which is what your covenant with her is based on. Covenants are about the unimportant. Forget about the commandment to not kill. A relationship is not based on not killing… The Ramban explains that in Torah, the 'head' refers to the beginning and the 'heel' refers to the end. You are shallow. You do not care to see the end effect… When you hired me, it was all smooth. It was great... I should've seen what was coming... The game was rained out… We bought the tickets already… No need to list the amount of money that went into the new faces we see here today in this congregation. Your doctors did a great job, and you are supporting members of the congregation when you do your reconstruction. But where is that money going to in the end? Has Dr. Fishbaum paid his dues...You are sure?... So I am not correct. He has paid his dues. I am sorry Dr. Fishbaum. It is the easy stuff that we trample upon. It is the easy commandments that we overlook. In the end, it is the easy commandments that will bring our redemption of the covenant, and our new rabbinical lounge wing... Yes. There will be couches there. And no shoes… Learn Torah and do Mitzvot… That’s the lesson… Yes. That’s been the lesson every week… Bat Mitzvahs should learn… If you learn you can conquer the land… 'Remember Egypt' (Devarim 7:18)… Keep Shabbat and you will win the war... We lose all the time because of Lashon Hara... Yes. Food comes from learning… It’s not from the sweat of your brow, but from H’… Exactly. That’s why we remember the Manna… If you remember the relationship, the small things are important... You have to cook and work for food... I know the Manna was given to us... So learn and food will be given... Yes. The sisterhood will cook for you and the brotherhood will man the grill... (Devarim 7:21) ‘Don’t be broken because H’ your Gd is amongst you.’ When H’ is with you, you are whole. You have a family... Because you didn't trample on it... Know that Gd is with you... He would be if... Flowing with milk and honey. Also got land made out of iron... Yes. It would be perfect for Settlers of Catan. But you don't know how to play it... Gold and silver is an abomination (Devarim 7:25) ‘lest you be ensnared by it.’ To be fascinated by money is an abomination. Did you see the new rims on Fran’s car? An abomination... Know what you are using it for... Don't trample on the gold and silver and use it as grills.... Would ever step on gold or silver? That’s the question Used in the Temple, it’s holy. Keter Torah. the crown of Torah, is not an abomination... Use the rims that were worshipped to make a Keter Torah, that’s an abomination. There’s holiness. Heed it... Think about what you trample on. Don't waste the money. Use it for a gym membership and do some squats... Rivka’s Notes on Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon The rabbi is sick of speaking to an out of shape congregation. It's the summertime and people are wearing shortsleeves. You can see how out of shape they are. The lesson of the Manna was beautiful. Everybody stopped working. Shul had more people there. People thought it was a better financial plan. Once they started losing money and mortgage hit, the shul went back to having a hard time getting a Minyin. Mark and Simone’s divorce was a tough event for the community. Nobody showed up to that event. It was raining that day. It was supposed to be a celebration, but nobody showed due to rain. The members refuse to go anywhere in the rain. It frizzes up the hair. The rabbi brought up the divorced population to make the point of how messed up the housing is. Renovations on homes needs to be done. He also used that to segue back into how he needs to spend time with his children. The rabbi did use his family to get out of work. He guilted us into the family importance speech. He vacationed with his family, by himself, at a spa. The rabbi brought around the whole lesson of Ekev being the Mitzvot you step on with your foot, when he told people they step on the driveway when they’re walking. Putting shoes on the couch was a bit much. Every woman that walks to shul has walking shoes. They call them walking shoes, because they walk in them. I’ve never heard of walking shoes anywhere else. I’ve heard of running shoes and skating shoes. Until I joined Congregation Beis Emes Usefilah, I had no idea that walking shoes was its own category. Then, when they get to shul, the women put on their Shabbis shoes. Those are shoes you wear on Shabbis. They can be flats or high heels. That depends on the woman. Shabbis shoes can never be ultra-high heels. Fran might wear ultra-highs, but we wouldn’t know. She’s getting close to 90. People are now treating the couches with respect. They think that's their key to getting Olam Habba (world to come). The rabbi brought up Brith HaKehunah Hagadol vHaMitzuyan because they are also trying to poach our members. When he said that the rabbi there also gives long sermons like him, all the congregants decided to not go there. Many said they would never step foot in there. It was a good move by the rabbi. ‘The evil you know is better than the evil you don’t know,’ to quote Sadie. The rabbi really cares about the youth summer basketball league. He wants his daughter to finally win. She’s not good and he’s depending on the other families to help her win. I think his message of keeping Shabbat and not speaking Lashon Hara, along with the idea of not trampling on the commandments, lost their message in the rabbi's anger at the loss in the inter-shul eight year old summer basketball league. Though it’s not a Mitzvah, people ended up working on their basketball. Many even decided to take up pickleball. Some even stole courts to play. Michelle hosted a Settlers of Catan lesson day. She seems to be teaching it every games night, to the same people. They are calling it 'Settlers' now. That's cool. Just shortening the name is real cool. She has also got the right-wing members of the congregation to play. They feel like they're supporting the Jews living in Yehudah-Shomron by playing it. They are going to get rid of ore and change it for milk and honey. The rabbi's question to us all was profound. 'If a synagogue outing day game gets rained out, does anyone see the shul's name on the billboard?' The shul sing along is not happening again. The harmony we hear in shul did not get better with the firepit and the guitar. Tags:
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Sermon of Rebuke: VaEtchanan7/23/2021 
Committees met. A lot of committees met. The shul is now working on a new ‘committees’ concept. The board feels that more people need to be involved in meetings. Otherwise, things will get done. When things get done, we end up with a communal quilt for the ark cover.
The board wants less accomplished, so they are forming more committees. This way they can get more people involved in arguing. It helps with the new concept of people feeling like they have a stake in the shul. The rabbi was fielding most of the anger till the committees began. Why do we need a committee to visit the sick? I believe that is a good question. As the rabbi said, this way we’ll know why it’s not getting done. My argument is that it’s a Mitzvah and we should do it due to the basic commandment of ‘following in H’s ways.’ The other congregants on the committee didn’t agree. They believe that Avraham was sitting outside the tent to get a tan. He wanted some sun, and then Gd sends angels and has him worrying about Sarah giving birth. This has led to nobody delivering soup to the sick, due to fear of bothering the sick. Matzah ball soup has been in the shul freezer for three months. Nobody is delivering it. Politics is still big in our town. The local government hates Jews. They made that clear a few weeks back when they said ‘we hate Jews.’ Mrs. Milt is now bringing in anti-Semites from other communities, as our town doesn’t house enough Jew haters. She considers the lack of Jew hatred racism. And she vows to fight that. Mrs. Milt said it’s OK for the non-town members to be at the town meeting, as they are activists and they hate Jews. She is a big supporter of activism. She doesn’t support ‘Jews for getting rid of Mrs. Milt’ though. That’s where her activism stops. As she said, ‘It has to be against Jews for it to be considered activism. If it's against Israel, it is pro minorities.’ She also made it clear that there are no minorities in Israel. Only majorities. Our friend, Tony, started a town jogging group. Mrs. Milt doesn’t support that. Mrs. Milt insisted that they run with picketing signs. Tu BAv Shabbat is this week. The Jewish holiday of love and marriage is upon us. There’s no love. We need more singles in the community. We’re thinking of getting Mrs. Milt to bus in singles. She knows how to bring in the activists. Maybe some of them have very strong feelings about getting married. Rachel is still single. At least we have one single person in the community to talk about. Otherwise, this holiday would’ve been a letdown. She needs a committee. We have an important Yahrzeit this week of a Tzadik in our community who passed. The community usually mourns this week by having a dinner with whitefish and tuna salad. Mourning should always be done with stuff that tastes good on bagels. Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Shalom To all of the heretics... We welcome all. Like at the seder... In this week's Parsha, Moshe continues to tell the people how much they messed up his life. What I could have been if I wasn't a rabbi, listening to you all nag and complain all the time about the rabbi's wages… It’s the same way our people complained in the dessert. But do I complain? No… I would’ve never complained about Moshe’s tent… Even if it was nice, Bernie. Moshe continues to tell his story. He’s about to die, so the people finally listen. This is the first time they’re not complaining... If they thought he wasn't going to die, they would've complained about water again. Do you know what I go through with the board?!... We ran out of soda at Kiddish. So drink water. There's no drought here. We have a fountain... Ice again?! At this point, Moshe tells them about how he prayed to Hashem. He prayed to enter the Land of Israel. He tells the Jewish people that he prayed… Because they messed it up for him. Do you know how many vacations you messed up for me? I was supposed to be in Israel this summer. You didn't let me see it... I am not praising the board. H' already allows me to go to Israel... How does the board override H'? It's wrong... The prayer didn't fully work. Moshe doesn’t get to go to Israel. He wants to go Jerusalem, the good mountain (Devarim 3:25, Rashi). I wanted to go to Haifa and the Golan too. The board killed that vacation. Moshe can’t go, but he gets to see it… As we know, praying doesn't always get you what you want. Our children's basketball team lost again… How much praying can we do for Pinny to hit a foul shot? Shimon wanted to go to Israel again… It’s his Yahrzeit. Can we talk about him? He prayed. You prayed… Shimon would've love to visit Israel too. But he is no longer with us... You can let your rabbi go... He passed. It's his Yahrzeit A few minutes about a Tzadik... Can we talk about him? Can you stop complaining about Kiddish for a bit?... He didn't talk during prayers. You guys prayed for him... What kind of Tehillim were you saying?... Do better next time… Do a better job. You don't focus. I've seen your Amidah. You've got to focus more in prayer... So that people can live... You pray wrong. Moshe describes his prayer with the word ואתחנן/VaEtchanan (Devarim 3:23). I don’t know what that means. Rashi explains that ואתחנן is a form of prayer in which we ask for Gd to be compassionate… We need a lot of compassion if these committees are going to work out. Do you have any compassion for the sick… You don’t deliver the chicken soup. At least send a matzah ball. The shul chef thought it was stock… There were Matzah Balls in the Kugel. Nobody makes Matzah Ball Kugel. Moshe is a Tzaddik… A righteous person. A standard that the members of the committees don’t live up to… Yes. Every member of the shul has been placed on a committee. But you know who was a Tzaddik? Our great community leader, Shimon, who passed away. Always gave us whitefish. He knew that whitefish was better than tuna for everything, other than a tuna melt… Moshe doesn't bring the people to Hashem over here… How much does a leader have to carry a people… No. I am not speaking out against Moshe. I am not an activist. I am bringing up the fact that Moshe asks for compassion from H.’ If he brings the people, H’ sees them, we don’t know if there will be compassion… In defense for his prayer, he goes at it alone. The same way our children didn't play defense against Saint Catherine's… If I were to have to carry you in my requests all the time... I do. That's why I never get a decent answer. Moshe knows that he's still the leader and the people are holding him back. Like the way Shana held me back the other day when I was trying to get home from dinner. ]Moshe asks for a gift. That's his prayer. Rashi (Devarim 3:23) says that VaEtchanan, the word used for prayer, comes from the word ‘chanun,’ and that is the language of a ‘free gift.’ Moshe is asking for a free gift. A gift in which he wasn't deserving… He was a Tzadik and he is begging H’ to have compassion to give him a gift. You don’t deserve the Care Bear. You lost the ring toss at the Chanukah carnival last year. Get over it... And you lost at Simon Says too… We don’t deserve anything. It’s a gift from Gd… No. You pay dues. Gd gives you the money to pay your dues... We're not entitled. He is teaching us that we have to pray for our gifts... Of life, Bernie... It comes from Gd's kindness. The home, job, kids... So you lose sleep and your savings... Rachel is single. We have to pray for her. She needs a gift from Gd if she is going to meet somebody… It’s Tu BAv. This is her chance… She needs Gd's help. It’s Tu BAv. This is her chance… We are going to say Tehillim right now... For Rachel When we get something from H’. Just the ability to pray. It is a free gift. A gift from Gd. Rachel hasn’t met anybody, so she has not received a gift. This is why we mess up prayer. Complaining. You all expect... You expect that the committees will do something... The Jews were always complaining in the desert. Entitlement was their issue. Kind of like every child in this congregation that doesn’t say ‘Thank you’ when you hold a door for them. You are entitled to nothing, but you still complain. You do not ask for gifts, because that is beneath each and every one of you. Instead, you demand. You have to much pride... How you can be prideful when your lawn looks like... You deserve a free membership? Well apparently you think so Dr. Fishbaum. You haven't paid your dues yet... Yeah it is painful- but we pay dues. What else do you all in this congregation think you deserve? A faster davening. Moshe prayed. He didn't do it fast. He also didn't have a chazan that likes to sing the same tune, over and over again... Yes, it sounds the same. Spice it up a little. Maybe a bit faster. Maybe H' won't fall asleep too. Yet, you all pray with a sense of entitlement, for your big house and big car, and then you lose it to the bank. But you don't pray to the bank. Do you? Do you? Do you!!!! You pray for the meaninglessness of a house, when you are living in a desert. And you pray for it all in America. We are a Jewish congregation and you all pray for your promised land in America... This is not a Mormon congregation. And they do correctly pray for their promised land; which is why they also beat our children in basketball. Moshe prays for entrance into the Land of Israel... Maybe he had it wrong. Maybe he should have been praying for entrance into America; like most of our Jewish brethren, as America has a better retirement plan… That seems to be what you all pray for. And Marshall's has better deals... You can't find a decent clearance section in Israel... You pray for the wrong things. Moshe just wanted to see Israel (Devarim 3:25). And we can’t even make a shul trip happen… You would rather go to Marshall's. Moshe prayed for something meaningful. And how many of you have been to Israel? How many of you care to go? How many of your children think it is their Birthright? Birthright? It is your privilege.... Your children go. They pay nothing and then say it is too hot and you didn't give them enough money for alcohol. Josh didn't bring you back Ahava lotion. Dr. Fishbaum, he spent your dues on alcohol. But he was drinking with Jews. Beautiful... Moshe didn't expect it. He prayed to enter the land... And he didn't even think about what bars he was going to hit, Mitch. And maybe that is why he had the most successful congregational trip to Israel of all time... He didn't make it, but his congregants went. Dvarim rabba- teaches that at a time of pain, is when we pray for the free gift from Gd. The gift in which we understand we are not deserving. May we be fortunate enough to feel that pain, so that we can appreciate what we receive from H.' I feel that pain every day I have to see the people at the Minyin. It’s painful to see their depressing faces. It’s the worst way to welcome in the morning. And every day, I pray for the gift of a happier crowd at Minyin… Smile. I know it’s six thirty in the morning. But smile, Bernie. And may our children not be an embarrassment. May we pray, and realize we are not deserving. And may the children practice a bit, so we can win a game. On this here day, following Tu BAv, may we all pray for all the desperate single souls in this congregation for each and every one of them to find their spouse, so that we may procreate the Jewish people, and that they may be useful members of the community... They are not deserving. They know it. Single people should be praying well. All the single people please stand up. Rachel. Stand up… She’s single. You can all see them in the back of the room, as they are too embarrassed to be seen. Feygel, please help set them up at kiddush. May we bow our heads in prayer. 'Oh H'. May these undeserving souls; as they have not deserved anybody yet. Please find a special somebody, to help them have some sort of meaning in their life. Give them something to make their lives not totally meaningless. May they also be able to smile one day, like me and my wife. Look at her. She is so amazing. And they have nothing. May they have a home, in which to yell and get out their anger too. A home in which they care enough, unlike the other members of this congregation, to go to Israel, as Moshe. To let their rabbi go to Israel.' Amen. And now, may all the single people please remain standing, as we are going to match you up... Rachel, remain standing... Anybody have a white dress for her... Moshe just wants to see Israel. Why? He wants to make sure all will be good. He wants to see a positive future that he affected… We want to see Rachel get married already. Shabbat Nachamu is this Shabbat... Does VaEtchanan not sound like Nechama? It all comes together to me comfort. We need Nechama. We need something decent to happen this week in this congregation. We messed it up for Moshe. H’ was angry with Moshe because of us (Devarim 3:26)… Yes. You mess things up for your leaders. I should be on vacation now… It’s the summer, Bernie. We don’t always get what we want. Moshe understands he is not entitled when H’ tells him to stop asking. But he gets to see it. There is a Nechama knowing things will be decent in the future. I don’t see that with our youth. Pinny is our best player and he can’t hit a shot... He doesn’t cross the Jordan. H’s compassion only goes so far for Moshe. But He tells Moshe to give Joshua strength and resolve, ‘for he is to cross before the nation and cause them to inherit the land’ (Devarim 3:28). I am here to give you all strength now, knowing that you are deserving of nothing. It is all H’s gift. Compassion. Understand that and you shall be strong my pupils. We are praying for a decent future. I just want to see it good for the next guy that will have to deal with you... There is no hope for me. You've been painful. Instead of going to Israel, Moshe is told to strengthen Yehoshua. The same way I try to strengthen the Gabai... I put him on a decent training program but he never hits the gym. His hagba is horrendous... And what is Moshe’s first move? To talk about Mitzvot. Keeping the commandments… The strength of Yehoshua is the Jews keeping the Mitzvot… I feel weak right now. This shul keeps none of the Mitzvot. Simmy sins... if you said Tehillim better, the gabai would be able to carry a Torah... Strength on the congregants. A leader gets his power from the congregants. Don't blame me for the messed up shul BBQ... I told them 'hamburgers'... As Perek Daled starts (Devarim 4:1) ‘Now Israel hear the decrees and laws that I teach you today to do’… Yes. You have to do them… I know it’s a nice thing… I don’t teach the Mitzvah class so that Yanky can space out. Or so that Rivka can think about how hard they are to keep… ‘in order that you shall live, and come and inherit the Land...’ That says it all. How do you keep the Mitzvot? (Devarim 4:2) ‘Don’t add a to the word that I command you, nor shall you subtract.’ You don’t have committee meetings about Torah. You don’t get to make up Jewish laws based on if it’s too hot outside… You added that strawberry to the chocolate and peanut butter cake... You killed it. There was peanut butter. It was perfect... No. We are breaking up the Halacha committee… Bernie and Sadie should not be deciding what Mitzvot we keep as a congregation… We are going to continue with Rosh Hashana this year... I know the two days is a lot, and the cooking is hard. But it's rewarding. That's how we celebrate... No. We're not going to have a countdown and a party. We celebrate with asking for compassion. A free gift. I am asking for everybody’s compassion here. A simple gift of prayer… Prayer that is not as painful as listening to our Chazan. When a community does their best, does the Mitzvot, they can follow in H’s ways, and the sick people can merit to see their Matzah Ball soup. Rachel. There’s a simple commandment to have kids… I am just saying. Somebody should have compassion for Rachel. Find her a Shidduch. Maybe pray for her... A free gift for her. A guy finally paying for her drink for once. My wife never has to pay... As Shabbat Nachamu is upon us, somebody should have compassion for Rachel. Find her a Shidduch. She needs help. Pray for her soul. May there be Nechama and may we merit a shul trip to Israel soon. May Rachel have Nechama knowing that the other kids in the congregation are all dating. They have a chance to get married soon. She should merit to be there at the wedding to see it. And to see how nice it is when my wife and me are together... She wants to go to Israel too. Rivka’s Notes on Rabbi Mendelchem’s Drasha The ice complaint was valid. The sodas are never cold enough. And if we had ice, all would be so much happier. The Kiddish committee should be on that. Crushed ice. Is anything better in a drink than crushed ice? The rabbi wants everybody to see Israel. One of our rich congregants asked him and the rabbi explained that flying to Saudi Arabia does not count. He wants us to see it and travel there. He blamed us for him not being able to visit Israel last summer, though it was only one person who complained about a drought. They wanted crushed ice in their cola. You can't blame them. The rabbi didn't have to hit the cup out of her hand. He was really going at the congregation this week. He did hurt Chaim's feelings a bit, when he brought up losing Simon Says. Chaim took that real hard. The rabbi used the double questioning technique a bunch this week. It's a great technique where he gets louder with each question. It really gets people listening. The more frightened they get, the more they listen. We sung, ‘Nachamu Nachamu Ami.’ Nobody understood what it meant, but it was meaningful. Everybody's eyes were closed. You could see they all connected. I think it's the lack of understanding the words that makes it more meaningful. We’re now praying that H’ has compassion on his people in Topeka and let’s us live without Mrs. Milt. She is calling her hatred of Jews, 'activism.' The shul committees are still trying to figure out if activism justifies anti-Semitism and racism. One of our members decided to be an activist for open land. He’s been walking on people’s property and randomly entering people’s homes. He’s the only Jew that Mrs. Milt supports. She says that it is his duty, as an activist for non-ownership, to do whatever he would like, and to walk into anybody’s home he would like. He was caught walking into the home of somebody that is not Jewish. Mrs. Milt called that trespassing and had him locked up for being Jewish. I joined the Matzah Ball Soup committee. Yes. It needed a committee. Otherwise, there would’ve been no argument over whether the pre-made Manischewitz balls were the best or not. It’s the only committee that you can depend on in the shul. Other committees don’t always have arguments. The committees were empowered by the idea that Yehoshua needed the people the practice the Torah in order to have the support for his strength. They used it against the rabbi. They stopped showing up to the weekly Bingo game, and the rabbi felt helpless running Bingo himself. He had to sell the cards and call at the same time. In the end, the rabbi told them they don't have to come to Minyin, as long as they help out at Bingo. Rachel felt that message, as it was focused on her. She is feeling really down now, as the rabbi and his wife (the rebbetzin) have it so good. The idea that the people who didn’t listen to H’ were destroyed, had people thinking that they should do Mitzvot. Even so, most of the people didn't listen to the sermon. Anyhow, we formed a Rachel committee. The committee is focused on finding a special someone for Rachel. Pure focus. This will also only allow each community member one idea a week for Rachel. She insists that she can't hear more than eight ideas a week for men that live more than a fifteen hundred miles away. There is still a lot of entitlement at the shul. Everybody thinks they deserve meat in their choolante. There’s never enough meat in there. And nobody shows up early enough to shul to pray for it. All came away from the sermon feeling spiritually uplifted. The rabbi let all know that they're not deserving of anything, like Moshe who prays to H' for a 'free gift', and the congregation felt great (especially Rachel who is single and needs to meet somebody this Tu BAv). As nobody deserved meat, the rabbi decdied the shul was going to start serving a pareve (meatless) choolante at Kiddish. The rabbi had to explain the concept of prayer being a free gift. It took a while for people to understand that if you pay for it, it's not a gift. Costco's new ad about the gift of saving money and paying less for shoes and mixed nuts, had them confused. The Tehillim for Rachel and her singleness was a beautiful idea. The rabbi was going to let her lead, but he didn’t want to embarrass her. Entitlement is bad. Everybody took the Tehillim for Refuah comment seriously. They stopped saying Tehillim for the soldiers and only for sick people. And they wanted to get paid to say the prayers for people. People are still not praying. They want to get paid to show up to Minyin. This entitlement thing is an epidemic. I think they just don’t want another shul trip to Israel. The last trip was a disaster. Bernie got stuck in the Golan. Tags:
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Sermon of Rebuke: Devarim7/16/2021 
Rabbi came up with a psak, rabbinic ordination, that dog owners are selfish and can care less about people. ‘Put them on leashes’ is his new citywide campaign. Some of the local townsmen have an issue with putting people on leashes. Mrs. Milt is fine with it, as long as it's Jews. The rabbi didn't like that, as he said it sounded anti-Semitic. Though, he has brought the concept upto the board before.
His new campaign for putting people on leashes is because there is no other way to ensure they’re not using their dogs to scare people. The no extendable leashes fight is on its way. There is consensus that dog owners use those to scare people. Make people think the dog is really being watched and on a leash, and then all the sudden the dog is right there, ready to bite your arm. I walked past this neighbor of mine at 210 West Doxin Street and she let the extendable leash go. Neighbors is why there is hatred in the world. That’s why we have to have a Tisha BAv. There is still Jew hatred in town. I believe it is part of the Tisha BAv experience for our neighbors to blame us for everything. We were blamed for racism just now, because we are Jewish. I think that is racism to blame us for being racist, because we are Jewish. Either way, I would rather get blamed for that then getting my arm bit. I definitely don't like dogs who try to bit me, or their owners, no matter what color they are. Simon Says has been a big thing this summer. I like the beginning of Moshe’s speech to the people, telling us that he can’t lead us anymore. I think our rabbi is feeling it. He needs a real vacation. Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Shalom My Congregants. Moshe begins his final speech before his death with rebuke. As we all know, many of you are not perfect… Many aren't decent. Many of you are just not good people... I'm rebuking here... I'd be fine if this was my last speech... Unlike Moses’ lengthy speech in which he goes through all the laws of the Torah, mine will only be 40 minutes… Already complaining… The Shelah HaKadosh teaches that we don't just tell people 'you did this wrong,' because then they will hate you. You have to butter them up and tell them stuff like, 'a smart person like you did this?...oy, I can't believe that.' Then they will listen to you. As we learn from the Shelah, you should be condescending… I say you're good... Sometimes I do... It's important to be condescending. Then they listen… Yes. You need to exaggerate. How else will they know you don't mean it? You have them think they are doing OK, with sarcasm... You know your lawn is messed up. The trimming is off... Let's start with praise... The back section over by Frank always shows up on time… I'm not praising you, Sadie. You always follow the services... I’m buttering up Frank's section… So they’ll listen to how messed up they are… I'm getting there. Wise, caring people of this shul, who care so much for the next generation, who are smart, though you don't understand the prayers and don't read Hebrew, the congregants who want for their children's Jewish education and give no money to the Hebrew school, and care so much about your parents, who you never see, who you stick in a nursing home, with nobody who cares about them. Why don't you take a little time to learn some Hebrew so the rabbi doesn't have to announce every page? Why do you complain about the rabbi's parking spot... Hatred. Baseless hatred... I can’t deal with this. You need another leader. I've buttered up and you're still complaining about the canopy over the rabbi's parking spot... I turned too fast?... No. I can’t deal with this anymore. You need another leader. (Devarim 1:9) Moshe tells them, ‘I said to you at this time saying, “I cannot carry you alone. H’ your Gd has multiplied you…”’ I can’t carry you anymore. I've been carrying this shul alone for too long. The other leaders do nothing… The community has grown so much. No idea how you've multiplied. We've lost all the good members. Need other leaders… The gabai messed up. The president is thinking she needs to protest Jewish lives for her political career to take off. The Chazan is singing these tunes that are off... 'Yankee Doodle' doesn't fit Na'aritzcha. The head of the sisterhood still brings out kichel. The brotherhood is a local gang inside our shul... You’re messed up. Your kids are…. Moshe found an easy way out. He was dying. He knew he would have to deal anymore and it would be Yehoshua’s problem… The sisterhood can't deal with it. If I left the shul in the hands of the sisterhood... Who is going to lead you to Israel... The shul trip to Israel last year was a ball... So what if we lost Saul and Thelma. You don't think that Jews got lost in the desert? You think Moshe was able to watch over all of them? There's a reason they were wandering... That is how you are supposed to rebuke. As we have just seen, once you put in a little praise, nobody feels uncomfortable… You see. Everybody understands now how messed up. And they except it… You would’ve listened to the spies... This is why we have Tisha BAv. H’ said that we cried about the big grapes the spies brought, we’re now going to cry forever… Yes. It was on Tisha BAv that the spies gave the report. Kind of like last fall when the report of no raking team coming to the shul came in. You all ran. Nobody helped... I broke my back. Slippage of a vertebrae suffices for a broken back. But I didn't cry. I didn't run away. I took upon myself the task, and now I can't lead you anymore... I've been carrying you on my back all of these years... I would love for there to be no Tisha BAv, but you still cry and don't help... No good leaders to take the community out of here... I've don't my part already... Your kids cry all the time. Not even on Tisha BAv... I saw them crying in school... It was homework, Frank. You don't cry because you got homework... They need to stop complaining about the amount of candy. I give lollipops. They should be happy with that… Always complaining. I tried giving fruit, but they complained. It’s amazing how your children don’t want fruit unless if it’s in candy form… They complain... It causes Tisha BAv, Bernie. The crying... As Tisha BAv is upon us… Yes. I’m detailing your bad Midot (character traits), so you can do repentance… repent for your sins. I beseech the heathens of this congregation to work together, let your friend know what they are doing wrong, so that we may not encounter more Jewish destruction because you are lazy and don’t care about your mother... Mrs. Himmilman, we know you are a lovely daughter and do care about the inheritance; however, I was just visiting your mother in the nursing home and she said she hasn’t seen you in 5 months... She was very happy about that. She says it was the happiest time of her life... Not having to lead this congregation, I can see joy at the end of the hallway... May we have a Tisha BAv this year of redemption and support for the Hebrew school? A good Tisha BAv… First, let’s get rid of the leaders of the school who have messed it up and turned it into a sub-Sunday school… I feel like the school is being run by the shul board... That's how bad the leadership is... Rebuke should not be done by all. That’s the problem with this congregation… You mess up rebuke. Even in your rebuke you sin… There is baseless hatred because you all are rebuking and you don’t know how… Where have you rebuked incorrectly Rebuke correctly. Watch. Hey Frank, nice tie. Where did you get that? The Salvation Army… You see how now Frank is thinking about his tie and how he shouldn’t wear it. Rebuke… This is why there is hatred in this shul. This is why people hate each other. You rebuke wrong, you don't help with the Israel trip fundraiser, and you you all take. Let her get to the kiddish table… I know you like the whitefish, Ethel… You don't just jump into rebuke. It takes years to master it. Years of seeing Congregation Beis Emes uSefilah in action, to really no how messed up people are... Rashi, quoting the Sifri (Devarim 1:3) comments on Moshe's speaking to the children of Israel now before his death. That is what the rabbi… When I talk with you all, I feel like I am around a lot of death. That’s why I rebuke weekly... Have you seen yourselves? Depressing. I see you wish a Shabbat Shalom and I'm thinking life might not be worth it... Smile. There are four reasons why we do not rebuke people, only close to death… Because we don’t want to rebuke and then do it again… You think I enjoy having to see Michael's haircut, every week?... If you were his congregants, Moshe would've always been rebuking… You complain about Kiddish all the time... The spies scared the Jews with grapes, and your kids are scared of fruit... You're scared the kichel will take out your teeth... Yeah. It's hard... Can you just get a normal haircut Michael? I would stop rebuking... In order that his friend doesn’t see him and get embarrassed… The non-mowed lawn is embarrassing… Now he's embarrassed about the ugly lawn, bringing down property value. Simmy’s grass would’ve been mowed sooner if his neighbor didn’t wait till he was dying to tell Simmy he ruined the neighborhood… It’s a forest now… That it shouldn’t be in your heart for him, and that he should leave from him in peace, as rebuke brings peace… I am just trying to make it all peaceful. You guys mess it all up… I don’t know what ‘in your heart for him’ means… No. It’s not an attraction thing... I can tell you that I am holding a lot in my heart right now... Because you... This is why we have Tisha BAv. And you all rebuke each other. Giving each other advice on how to live? Diet???? What do you know about diets, Bernie?... You diet, but you never take off weight... It's not a diet. I know many of you are angry that the rabbi doesn't visit the sick enough. However, I do visit this congregation every Shabbat… Many sick people... And the mishebeyrachs are also very long… I am sick of you and retiring. Or close to retirement. I can be honest now I understand many of you think I am young, but I am already 36 years old. I am getting old and tired. I have listened to you all for way too long. It is time for me to retire, as I have had too many years of arguing with the board about another raise. Your $300,000 has been invested well. Thank you Donald for the help on the taxes. You used parsonage real well on that... On that day, close to his death, Moshe speaks and says 'All that H' commanded him, onto them' the children of Israel. Moshe did not use that moment to get out his built up frustration, saying, 'You people didn't trust me.' He focuses on how they messed up to Gd... I remember the ark cover. I told you to not do a group embroider… You should've trusted me, for the H'. I see it every Shabbat… It’s a quilt… Moshe used that moment to let the people know they have to be better… We have Mitzvot in this congregation... The Torah. It's the Torah, Bernie. Those are our Mitzvot. It’s time to move on. (Devarim 1:6) As Moshe tells the people ‘H” our Gd spoke to us at Chorev, saying, “It’s enough of you sitting at this Mountain.”’ We get comfortable… We become content. Sitting in Topeka, all have it easy... Because you do nothing for the shul. You don't pay your dues. You lead nothing. You don't visit your mom... Chorev is Sinai. We accomplished a lot there (Rashi) ‘made the Mishkan, Menorah…’ But it is time to move on… You have to move on. It’s time to move to Israel… You’re praying for the final redemption. Let’s do it. Everybody up… This is why we have Tisha BAv. Crying and contentment. Crying because of contentment. Crying because the kids can't get candy... Because Ethel takes it all at Kiddish. You have to share Ethel. Rivka’s Notes on Rabbi Mendelchem’s Drasha Nobody got up. They were too comfortable. The seats at the shul are too plush. Nobody was going to move. It’s not like our shul is Mount Sinai. I don’t think we’ve accomplished building anything here. The kids made a Chanukah Menorah slab. They took a piece of wood and glued nuts to it. The rabbi thought he was doing something revolutionary. Nobody cared. They were not going to go to Israel. If the earth would've swallowed people up, some of the congregants would've went on the shul trip for a week. Nobody moved when the rabbi said ‘everybody up.’ Even the ones who didn't know it had anything to do with Israel. Most of the shul doesn't listen to the speech anyways. Bernie is too old. He’s not getting up or going anywhere. The kids thought the rabbi was playing Simon Says, and they didn't want to lose. There’s been a lot of Simon Says this summer too. It’s the new game in the community. We’re not athletes. The president of the board feels it's good movement. Though, usually most of the people get out when Simon says 'Hands Up,' and then they go and sit down. The seats are very plush. The rabbi went a bit too quick from the buttering up into how bad the congregants are. He didn’t spend much time in the buttering up. I don’t know if the Shelah HaKodesh meant a quick sarcastic word. He definitely meant to be condescending. I don’t think the rabbi put any bread on the compliment sandwich. I’m not a fan of the compliment sandwich. The bread usually can’t hold the messedupedness of what’s inside. I saw how the heads of the Hebrew school did a compliment sandwich. It started with 'your child is trying real hard,' then it went into a thirty minute tirade on how Jackson can't pick up a word of Hebrew and how he starts fights and doesn't finish his lunch. I don't know how lunch was on the inside of the sandwich. It's not that negative. All I know is that Jackson's sandwich was extremely overstuffed. Moving to Israel seems to be what the rabbi's message for ending Tisha BAv was. I think we can end this curse if we put extendable leashes on dog owners. The rabbi didn’t move to Israel and he didn’t retire. Moshe’s move of telling everybody how bad they are before he died was a smarter move. The rabbi was hearing complaints about his comments about the congregants' children for weeks. He should’ve at least moved to Israel. Between us, the kids are messed up. Jackson is the best kid in the community. Moshe knew how to give a speech, and the rabbi has definitely mastered the Moshe style of telling the community that they messed up. The rabbis is right. The congregation is depressing. They walk into shul and nobody smiles. They're all worried Ethel will get to the whitefish and finish it. We already know that Bernie's going to down all the gefilte fish with his schnapps. We had voting for all positions, as we need new leaders. Two people voted. The other people were too tired to raise their hands. Some thought they shouldn't as Simon didn't say. I think Simon Says can bring people together. Make for peace. If somebody were to tell Ethel to get the whitefish and candy, she wouldn't. She's really good at Simon Says. The rabbi said he was leaving, but he didn’t. He just really connected with Moshe’s message of not wanting to lead anymore. I am also beginning to think that shorter speeches can bring our congregation together more. It’s one thing we all agree on; including the rabbi. If he starts to bring down the speeches to thirty minutes, we’ll all feel a sense of redemption. The following week though, the rabbi said that he gives long speeches so that we can feel what it is to be cursed in the diaspora. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke: Matot-Masai7/9/2021 
The other shul is poaching our members. For their minyin, they come to ours and take people for their services. I think they view us as a farm shul for theirs. We get them to start coming to Minyin. Help them learn the prayers and then they take them.
Our shul only has an early Minyin on Shabbat. I think we’re losing members, as nobody wants to add two hours to Shabbat. One of our members suggested we end Shabbat early, as the Saturday night shows begin before Shabbat is out. The argument was that just as we start Shabbat early because it's nicer for the family to eat together before 10pm, it's nicer to show up to the performance on time. The rabbi had to explain that Shabbat was a specific day of the week, not dependent on our needs. He ended up showing Blazing Saddles to the congregation, so that all would understand what ending Shabbat on Saturday night meant. Many congregants are still ending Shabbat on Friday evening, when they went to the clubs. Summer vacation was taken by the rabbi, but he came back to give a sermon about how families should act on summer vacation. I believe that he had some issues with his children. Giving for others was another topic of the week. Our congregation has to be more giving. There’s been no money handed out. Russian families have joined the community recently. They’ve been living in the community, but everybody forgot about them since the late 1980s, when they moved to the community and we threw them on the other side of town. Our previous rabbi was for their living on the other side of town. As he said, ‘If they live with our community, they will definitely not want to be Jewish.’ He didn’t want them ending up longing for Russia, because of the members of our shul. We miss Rabbi Kuplowitz. He would’ve been our rabbi emeritus, but he said he wanted nothing to do with this shul. We do have a nice Tehillim group. That is giving. People saying prayers for others to be healthy is beautiful. As long as it’s not money, people give. If it’s something that nobody needs, our congregation will give it to them. A table with three legs that's sitting there; they’ll go out of their way to take it off their curb and drop it in somebody’s home. And they will also pray for you. I think we all need that. I know our shul needs that. Nobody in our shul understands the prayers. It's best somebody does their praying for them. And it feels good to have people praying for you. Rabbi Mendelchem’s Drasha Shabbat Shalom My Congregants, (Bamidbar 31:1-2) Moshe is told to lead the war against Midian, and H’ tells him, ‘Afterwards you will be gathered to your people’… That means death, Bernie... I know you're old. When somebody dies, we gather them… Not like a crop. Crops are not people. He is told about his death and yet, he goes to war right away. The next Psukim speak of Moshe getting the people together to go to war… It is about duty. What is our duty? Max, Hymie, Bernie, Sam. You’re all in your nineties. The least you can do is come to Minyin on time. You said you would… You're not being asked to go to war... Well, it's not stopping you from gorging at Seudah Shelishit... A man’s word is his word… (Bamidbar 30:3) ‘A man who makes a vow… to prohibit something on himself, shall not desecrate his word. All that comes out of his mouth, he shall do.’ You said you would come to Minyin... Yes. You say a lot of stuff that is wrong and makes no sense… That’s why you don’t haze yourself and say you’ve got to run into the store, yell, bang a table and run out… It’s dumb. But it’s your word… The Hebrew school head lies all the time. That’s his word… Yes. That’s why he has to stick with it. All that he says, he must do. He says he has to mess up our children. So, he does it… If she swears, the husband can take it back for her… Same with the dad… People say stupid stuff. They make oaths. If nobody is around for her, she can’t take it back… If they don't know, how do they... The laws are in the beginning of the Parsha… No. If you’re in a fight and she says she hates you, she means it. I don’t know if you can take that back for her… Parshat Masai begins with the travels of the Jews in the desert. Everywhere they complained… They should add Topeka to the Jewish journeys. You guys complain all the time. Summer trips to the mountains with family. It’s a journey. You complain… Yes. It feels like a desert. The Mountains is a desert with trees and rain… You swear you don’t want to be with the kids… You swear at them… You swear you’ll never do another vacation… Wife swears she is slaving. She says she’ll never do it again… I took that oath back for her. I told her that the kids will be out of the house soon and she’ll want to vacation again… This week is a double Torah portion. And as thus I feel it is my duty to speak extra long. That was the plan. However, being that it was a double portion and the Bal Koreh (Torah reader) read the Torah double slow. I will have to speed it up. You have my word…. Next time, please read faster. Some of our members have to make it to their golf games… You are killing me. I have a sermon prepared and now I cannot give it the way I wanted. Next time speed it up a little. It is Hebrew. They don’t understand it anyways… That guy that corrects you is crazy. He is just angry at his wife. He is the only one who pays attention… He’s screaming at you because something happened in the house. I think they just went on vacation. That is why… I will speak faster… In the beginning of this week's Torah portion, it clearly states, 'Whatever came out of his mouth- he shall do' (Bamidbar 30:3). How many of you are men or women of your word? You talk a lot… I know I say that a lot. I can never mention that enough… Most of you don’t think about the consequences before you talk. How many of you made a New Year’s resolution last year?... And you still ate chocolate. I saw you eating some chocolate glazing. Double Dutching. Oh, a girls scout cookie you call it. Does that make it OK? You said you were going to stop eating chocolate. What were you thinking when you made that resolution? You wanted to take off weight… That is ok. Why not resolute to be in shape. We shall not desecrate our words and we must stop eating chocolate… Double Dutch. That's twice the amount of chocolate. Chocolate double. How they chocolate in the Netherlands... It will never happen. Never resolute to get thin... I’ve seen you all try. You are just lying. You are lying to H’. We're a heavy people.… Jenny Craig is a sinner… It's hard to stick to our words. Part of repentance according to the Rambam is saying, ‘I will never do it again.’ After you confess your sin to Gd, you are supposed to say, ‘I will never do it again'… Yes, You have to lie to H’. Who resolutes to not do something enjoyable again? I understand you don't understand Hebrew, and you enjoy that hitting the chest to the 'Ashamnu Bagadnu' tune. It's catchy. But are you a man of your word? I have not done this part of repentance, because I am not good at lying. If eating chocolate was tasty, I know I am going to do it again. Speaking of which, where was the chocolate crumb cake at kiddush last week?... No. There was kichel again. Are the sisterhood women of their word? Did the dairy Kiddush take place? No. Because nobody picked up the cheesecake. You promised and I was looking forward to my Mother’s Black Forest Cheesecake, with chocolate chips on top and crumby stuff on the bottom. But no. You brought in a homemade cream cheese battered tiny cake with no chocolate chips; not even strawberries. Your commitment to your word was not there. Is it a cheesecake with no topping? Where were you for us, when we needed the chocolate chips, Mrs. Hortman? Were you eating them?... For Mother's sake... Not my mom. Mother's... Think before you make promises Mrs. Hortman. As, we learn from the Torah and all action movies, your word is your bond… I know you said, 'My dad said we are going on vacation to Disney World this year...I hate him'… Yes, your daughter hates you, because you made a promise you cannot keep… We are not blaming Mr. Kinsley for this. You didn't foresee the economic crisis. Your wife also didn't see the problems with the breakdown of the family structure in your home... Why we don’t make promises... You shouldn’t have planned that wedding. We all said it was a mistake... Shotgun style... Otherwise, you make promises, vows and six months later you already hate them... That is a beautiful new dress Mrs. Kinsley… She is looking… The point is that they don't sell Mickey Mouse's fur in Disney World. And Christina, you should hate your dad for not being a man of his word… Who can afford Disney World anyways? $50 to see Mickey Mouse. Watch it on TV Christina… You haven’t even paid your dues. How are you going to afford the ears… Yes. You can wear that as Kippah. You can Mickey Mouse in shul. Commenting on a spouse’s ability to erase his wife's oath, The Sforno (a rabbi for you Am Aratzim that don't know this) comments that, 'To remain silent when somebody has the ability to protest, is akin to agreement. To remain silent is to agree with what they are doing.' I’ve seen you watching the news… You have never screamed at the screen… You yell at the screen. They’re coming up with stuff about Israel…You tell people off… This congregation knows I disagree with them… I don't agree with everything you do... I am saying that to help you all. Just in case you thought the ark cover looks nice. I for one will not remain silent and passively agree. You promised Christina Disney World, you give it to her. As your rabbi, I resolute, that there will not be another dairy kiddush in this synagogue without Mother's Black Forest Cheesecake. And I resolute again, if you have people that have to get to golf and not one of them understands Hebrew, you read the Torah faster… No. You do a family journey to Disney World. And you complain there... Now I must stop, because we are out of time… I am going on, because I resoluted to give Sermons… Till I die. I am going to give you the rebuke you need… Because you say messed up stuff… When she says she's starting a diet. Any resolution she makes. Just say, 'It's not going to happen.' You know she's going to eat the chocolate. It's Double Dutch. I’m committed like Moshe. Moshe was committed. Right after he’s told to go to war and he will die, we see the nation going out to war. We’re a people of duty. A people of our word. Moshe didn’t correct H’, nor did Moshe delay in his reaction… Nothing like the shul president… He reacted much quicker than the Torah Reader reenacted, in his slow motion play by play of the Parsha. But he did not react with words to Gd. He reacted by leading the people, with action. He didn't react slowly. It is getting late, and you have your golf to attend to. As your leader, I notice that. I have a lot more brilliant Divrei Torah on the subject of oaths and vows, but it will have to wait till next year… That's not an oath. I may be on vacation next year, away from my family... Mr. Weil promised he would stop cursing. But did that piece of ----- stop? No. The importance of our words. Our vows. Our word is our bond. Our commitment… And you don’t have to say it. Just do it… Moshe didn't have to say he was going to follow Gd's word. He did it... Then don't say you agree with me. Just do it. Bring the decent cheesecake. Take your daughter on vacation. Show up and say ‘shalom’… It might be a little weird at first to have random friends popping up at your door in the middle of the night… You get used to it… And don’t remain silent. Moshe told the people they’re going to battle. It didn’t just happen. The sisterhood thinks cheesecake just pops up at kiddish… Silence is agreement. The dad and husband have to take back her word for her… Why I go to protests… Our Moshe should go to protests to meet girls… You’ve got to get married young man… I understand that everybody is trying to set you up. That’s why you should be protesting… Meet women… Protests are the perfect spot... Who cares about the cause. If they think you're passionate... Let me make it clear, I do not agree with you people. I am just trying to keep my job… I know I don’t have forever. The husband and dad take her oath back on the day. Something negative can only be taken back at a certain point. Otherwise, it’s a mistake. It’s something wrong... Should’ve taken back the vacation to the Mountains… What was the early Shabbat Minyin decision? Can’t take it back now… They’re kids. We don’t need them for Friday night Minyin. Men can’t take back their word… How many times have you donated to shul and taken it back?... You flipped the appeal card… Don’t say stupid stuff. That’s the lesson. Don’t say stupid stuff and do what is right for the people. (Bamidbar 31:2) ‘Vengeance.’ Again. We see that it is OK to take vengeance for our nation. Gd commanded it, as it rids the evil from the world... I would've venged on many members... Who is killed in Moshe’s last war? (Bamidbar 31:8) Bilam. The one who tried to curse the Jews. Used his mouth for bad. He’s killed… Am I cursing you? No. But you deserve it… Because you all lie. In your last days, what do you do? Moshe fulfilled a commandment, a mitzvah of H’s knowing he will day, as Rashi says (31:2) ‘with Simcha.’ He did it with happiness… Are you going to at least be happy? Are you going to live upto your word? Are you going to pay your dues and donate your appeal? If you don’t, I swear… Are you going to use your words to curse? What are you saying... You're going to live your last days wondering if somebody took your seat in shul... That's your Simcha. Making people feel uncomfortable. Telling them they can't sit in shul... No. We are not going to do a Siyum. Everything is a finishing party with you guys. We finished the Sefer. We say Chazak Chazak and that's... No. We don't need to celebrate with a... We didn't accomplish enough. You get a Yasherkoyach. No Siyum party. We'll have a kiddish after davening. Rivkas’s Notes on Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Next year, the rabbi should give out Tehillim appeal cards. No money, just prayers for others. I think the congregants might do that. If they could say the prayers while watching TV, they would do that. The rabbi swore at the Bal Koreh, Torah reader, but he didn’t make a vow. I think he supports people playing golf on Shabbat, which is forbidden, more than the guy reading from the Torah. Due to the time, he spoke real quick. The rabbi cannot say less, ever. The rabbi forbade vacations. He said that 'for the sake of Shalom Bayit, peace in the house, vacations are not allowed.' Vacation fighting continues into the house. I know this, because we're hearing about it in shul too. I think he just didn't want to have to do another summer trip with his kids complaining. When the rabbi said he felt like Moshe, I think he was referring to his children saying they were thirsty. The rabbi made everybody write down resolutions that they were not going to do. He said that making resolutions was forbidden, as nobody in the congregation keeps their word. He also said that people can’t make plans in the congregation, as they never kept them and that was lying. After nobody showed up to Minyin, he took that back. He still said that they couldn’t plan a board meeting. That got him out of having to hear from the board for a month. Due to the worry of people not keeping their word, there were twelve weddings celebrated in unison on Tu BAv. This way all these engagements had no chance of dissipating. The rabbi ended up allowing people to do Teshuva as well, even if the Rambam was making them lie. To ensure people were keeping oaths they might have made, the rabbi employed the angry husband who corrects the Torah reader all the time. The rabbi had him following people around and correcting them whenever they didn’t keep their word. Angry guy was hanging out at the kosher supermarket, in the pastry section. Nobody could go into the grocery without angry guy yelling at them. He was very threatening. The average shul member lost twelve pounds. After that whole experience, they were finally able to understand why the Torah reader said ‘I am sorry’ in the middle of layning (Torah reading), even though Gd didn’t write it in the Torah. The only thing people were allowed to eat that was enjoyable was Mother's Cheesecake. I think they stopped making it though. Haven't seen it in years. Yet, the rabbi is still stuck on it. I think he saw it at Kiddish recently because it was in the freezer for a few years. The rabbi encouraging Moshe to go to protests led to our congregation supporting the 'Get the Jews out of Israel' movement. When the congregants heard you could meet people at protests, they thought the rally with the speech of 'we hate Jews' was the perfect place to go to for social interaction. Thank Gd, at least it got some of our congregants out of the bars for a couple of days. The rabbi's point about the husband not able to take back the wife's words of 'You are the worst husband' was well received by the women. Finally something the feminists could get behind. Early Shabbat is killing us, but it was a decision. The rabbi called it a Bilam move, as it's a curse. It's almost as bad as the guests feeling uncomfortable sitting in shul. They're worried they're sitting in somebody's seat. Every time a guest a comes, somebody comes over to them and tells them, 'Don't sit there,' then walks away. The guest is dumbfounded with no idea what to do. The seats in shul fiasco is getting very uncomfortable for everybody. Guests are constantly told to not sit, due to every seat belonging to Sim. It at least appears that way. Gursts are left without seats. There are thirty regulars and 400 seats, yet the guests are always kicked out of a seat. The guys at shul want credit for everything. I'm with the rabbi. It's not a huge deal to finish Bamidbar. We don't need to have a Siyum. They should feel good with Chazak Chazak vNitChazek. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke: Pinchas7/2/2021
Shul’s annual meeting was this week. The shul was looking for a Pinchas. A leader. The rabbi wanted to stab somebody.
We started the Three Weeks of mourning, between the two fasts, when all the bad stuff happened to the Jewish people throughout history. The rabbi blamed it on the fact that there is no Pinchas in the congregation. Yid Zayin Tamuz was uneventful. I thought something would happen on the fast day, but it was just a fast. No buildings were destroyed this year, and there was no graffiti on the shul. Nothing bad happened to the Jews in Topeka, other than the town council hating the Jews and the shul board. Nonetheless, the rabbi blamed the destruction of the Temples and the exile on us. Once, somebody did write ‘Jew’ on our shul. We didn’t know if that was anti-Semitism, or somebody letting us know that Jews go to synagogue. There’s a Pinny in our shul. The rabbi said that doesn’t count for a Pinchas, as he took off half his name and never stabbed anybody. Mendy has a lot of Yahrzeits this week. That means he’s leading the davening (prayers), all week. That also means they are going to be long. In preparation for this, most of the members of the shul skip Minyin. They didn’t get the 10 number the first day, so there were no services. After that people started showing up and tagging out half way in. There was an understanding that it was too painful to be there for all of Mendy’s davening. The Yahrzeit is a big day. We commemorate the ones we lost. Our shul takes it very seriously. For the rabbi, it’s an extra day of mourning. He mourns yearly on the days of those who have passed, as he is in such sorrow about the children that they left him with. Rabbi Mendelchem’s Drasha Shabbat Shalom My Congregants, We had a hard time getting a Minyin for Mendy this week. I am not suggesting to stab anybody that’s not on the board. Though, people have been showing up late to shul… Somebody should take initiative and… At least let people know that what they’re doing is wrong. You all just stand there and let people… The guy stands at the Bima (the Tefillah stage). Walks to the front of the shul and stands there. Sneezes on it… He’s not leading services. He stands in the Chazin’s spot… No. He’s not even a member… Because nobody talks to him… There is not one Pinchas in this shul. We got one Kaddish guy totally out of control… It’s a group thing, Henry. You follow the leader… People are leading their own Kaddishes… He's two beats behind... Where’s the Gabai… We need a leader. We need a Pinchas to do avenge for us. Pinchas stepped in and took control. There were rules that had to be followed and he followed them… And if you don’t follow rules… Yes. Somebody has to do something for H’… We need rules. Procedures to follow. What happens when somebody hangs something on the bulletin board?... I see signs for haircut deals. Is the shul opening a barber shop in the social hall?... They engrave names into the back of the head. It’s called Clippers Hair Engraving. What frum Jew is going to this barber for the engrave your name under the Kippah style?... You put the name on the Kippah. That's what they did in the ‘80s… You can’t see it under the Yarmulke… Then they should be wearing one. Where is Pinchas when you need him… Pinny’s not a Pinchas. He shortened his name... He engraved 'Pinny' in his scalp… Rules. Who gets up to lead services? It seems like whoever wants just jumps up… what’s policy?... He led Kaddish for his hamster. You don’t say Kaddish for hamsters… What did you vote on at the annual meeting?... Do we need a Pinchas to take a stand? At the end of last week's Torah portion too many teenagers were having too much fun… I’m keeping this kid friendly Bernie. Because of this fun, as I will not repeat what I saw behind the shul, there was a plague. And I want our children to hear this. Sometimes these plagues are known as STDs… Sometimes your parents are… (Bamidbar 25:11) H’ says. ‘Pinchas… turned away My wrath from the children of Israel when he avengend My vengeance.' The Hebrew word used for ‘avenge’ is the same as used for jealousy. Kinah/קנאה. Pinchas stepped up and avenged Gd's קנאה, by killing two of the responsible parties... I am not saying that you should kill somebody if they have a decent yard... You shouldn't be jealous. It's a sin... Rashi does not translate קנאה with jealousy, but instead uses the terminology of revenge and anger, from the Hebrew words נקמה וקצף, also translated into Hebrew as 'revenge and whipped-cream.' We can learn from here that taking revenge is good. Revenge is right... In our shul, revenge is needed. Somebody's got to get back at some of these people who take extra time with their Amidah. Making us all wait... Like Pinchas stopped the plague by avenging, we must stop the plagues of our community. We take back the cantor’s spot at the Bima. We have the rightful people saying Kaddish, like Mendy… He had Yahrzeits all week… You wouldn’t know because you skipped Minyin… I know. It’s too long. Simmy's leading davening is a blasphemy to the community, too. Though, I don’t know if it warrants stabbing… If you feel for H' and can take that revenge for him, then maybe. It does extend davening too long. Pinchas gets the covenant of peace because he felt for H'. Because he was jealous for Gd... No. Being jealous for yourself is wrong... Karen has been coming to the shul for much longer than you, Sarah. That's why she has a better seat... We know it's right in front of you. Somebody should tell her hat is too big. Many people find it hard to understand, as jealousy is wrong. However, vengeance for others is not... If the others is H'... We're not taking vengeance for Karen sitting in her seat. This congregation is full of too many whiners. 'Oh, the choolante is too cold. Oh, the rabbi talks too long. Oh, whay whay whay...' Yes. The ‘why’s sound like Hebrew. Everybody complains, but nobody does anything. You have a leak in your home, You do nothing. You call a non-Jew to fix it. You’re whiny… Because you do nothing. Pinchas would’ve gotten up and fixed the shower… He would’ve caulked it. For Gd. As a community, we have to get angry more. We need more vengeance. Our very own Sunday School lost to St. Paul's Christians this past weekend and not one parent got on the floor to beat the non-Jews. Do we just forgive the Crusades and let them win? No. We have to be more proactive and win the game for our kids… I’ve seen Dr. Kramer on the basketball courts… So, you get kicked out. You get banned… You’ve already been banned from the country club anyways… You don't move much, but you can throw an elbow for your child. What are we teaching in Sunday School if our children are not taking revenge?... For others. Not for yourselves... You shall not be jealous for yourself. That's a commandment... It doesn't say 'for you.' But if this congregation's congregants took revenge for jealousy, anybody who's not overweight would be dead... You take revenge for H’. Pinchas is jealous and takes revenge for Gd… It’s fine to be jealous for Gd. Not to be jealous for the loop earrings… Whose mom lets them wear that?... Are you also letting her engrave her name on her head? For somebody else, it’s fine to be jealous. You can be out there fighting for others. Fighting for yourself to have somebody else’s house is wrong. Fighting for your Aliyah to the Torah is wrong. Fighting to lead the services for you is wrong… Because it’s Mendy’s week… The stabbings downtown are not for Gd. They’re for better prices on shoes. Foot Locker didn’t have 20% off, then a stabbing and a bunch of people running out of the store… Who gave them the bags? The plague ceased, due to Pinchas' revenge on Gd's behalf. What is wrong with jealousy? What is wrong with revenge? It's that when you do it, it is selfish, Pinny. Pinchas fought for what is right. He didn't do it because he was jealous. He saw something wrong... Mr. Bergenthal didn't get an Aliyah last week. We should commend Mrs. Stein for avenging Mr. Bergenthal's wrath, by keying the gabbai's car (gabbai is the sexton). She stopped an all out Mi Sheberyach blessing aggression on the congregation. The next Aliyah opportunity, Mr. Bergenthal would have went on 15 minute blessing prayer for his son's children's friends and the whole community… No room for lengthened blessings for family… They’re selfish and they steal time for the congregation… We don’t have time for you to be pulling out lists of third cousins… One general Mi Shebeyrach blessing per person. There is community blessing etiquette… Nobody cares to hear everybody's name in the community mentioned, no matter how rich they are. There are times when blessings are wrong, and that’s when I want lunch… Shabbat lunch is for H’. Where is our Pinchas?... Mrs. Stein stepped up. What are we doing to prevent these plagues from happening to our future generations? What are we doing for morality? Are we staying at home every night and forcing our children to watch the news with us? Are we following our children to the movies? Are we dressing them in family shared uniforms on vacation so that nobody will be attracted to them?... Summer vacation is not easy. Family uniforms make it easier to identify the child… Nobody else would dress their kid in the ‘Bergenthal Family Vacation’ shirt. That's how you ensure the children will act proper... If they look like losers... Pinchas took initiative. He would’ve kicked the guy off the bima and davened faster. The services are taking too long… They were hurting the congregation. It was a plague of time. That’s why he gets the rights of being a Kohen. Because he took that holy initiative… Yes. That’s correct Frank. He was already from a Kohen family. But those alive when leaving Egypt didn’t get the Kahuna rights... You had to earn it. Pinchas is the one who deserved it. As it says (Bamidbar 25:12) ‘Therefore say, “Behold I have given him my covenant of peace.”’ What is peace? It’s sticking up for people. It’s getting rid of a plague. It’s allowing for people to live. For Gd to be present… Sometimes you need to stab somebody. Yes… The covenant of peace is noticing someone else's needs. Noticing the community's needs... There was a plague, Simmy. And then you do what you can to stop it... By avenging. Showing his care and love for H' and the people... He turned back the plague with his action of avenging (Bamidbar 25:13). Sometimes you have to fight. And that war of yours lasts forever. It helps our people live… If somebody were to just get that guy away from the Bima… We need people to stick up for stuff… Chilul H’s all the time. It’s an embarrassment to H.’ Nobody is holding the door for people leaving shul… And the kids don’t say ‘thank you.’ Thank you. That is correct… It makes Jews look bad. And then you leave the parking lot… They were leaving before you. I saw it… No. You can’t cut off people outside of New York… We need a Pinchas to stop this. It’s a plague. The other shul is poaching our members… they come and take members for their Minyin. They have no shame… Other than nobody showing up, that’s why Mendy didn’t have a Minyin… We have to go to their shul and scare their members to leave… If we send our members there, that will scare them… They won’t want to go back to that Anshei Gneyvas Das… It's the middle of our Minyin and they take our members... The even take numbers... People think they're an offshoot of our shul... They announced their Mincha times at our Shacharit today... I announced it and then their cantor announced their times... Random people from their shul came... Where is our Pinchas to deal with the issues?... He put his tissue on my shtender. It’s my siddur holder… It holds it on a nice angle. I like that. Tissues don’t need an angle. Tissues shouldn’t even be on the table… First he stands at the Bima… Does nobody else see a problem with it… It was a used tissue… I used the sanitizer in front of him… I was as passive aggressive as possible… I sprayed him… Mrs. Stein is the only one who would've done something. She would've at least done a car tissue rub... I don't know what that is. But at least she would've done something... It all comes around. The Midianites that tried to get the Jews to sin are to be smitten (Bamdibar 25:17-18). They try to get us involved in their idol worshiping. They lead us astray. There is vengeance. Avengeance for Gd… Does it happen after the plague? After the idol worship? After my shtender has to be sanitized? Or, do we take an initiative and end it before the full plague takes fruition and people are sneezing all over the shul… Clean up at least. If you’re not going to venge, then clean up… We want unity, but the unity of hate destroys us in the end… The board is unity of hate. They’re trying to not give the rabbi a raise. Just like the Midianites and Moavites who tried to get the Jews to sin… It’s the same thing. They only join together in hate of the rabbi. Due to his sticking up for Hashem, Pinchas is rewarded with an everlasting covenant of peace. As we take on this new week, may we also take on the vengeance of what is right. Now I know many of the people in this community don't have a great grasp on reality and if you took into your hands what is right we would have kichel every kiddush. Let us learn from Pinchas. Let us not be selfish. Let us be strong. Let us be virtuous. Let us get a decent coach for the Maccabi School basketball team. And may we have an everlasting peace, with few MiShebayrachs… Otherwise, we could have another crusades. It is thus that we have the army. Chapter 26 (Bamidbar 26:1-4) begins with taking a census for those who go out to the legions for Israel... To stick up for H’ and what is right in this world. To stop the plagues of disease. Of people’s tissues on my stuff. Did we not see our members getting poached? Who is fighting for us… Pinchas. That is what a Jewish army does. Rivka’s Notes on Rabbi Mendelchem’s Drasha That was the third annual meeting of the year. I think the rabbi calls anything painful the annual meeting. With his stabbing rhetoric, everybody thought our rabbi was getting too involved in the summer's protests. The rabbi sounded just like the congregants when he complained about the cold choolante. It sounded just like Fran. The rabbi started bringing in shul goons. I think people are going to start fighting for H'. There’s a lot of angst in the shul, as everybody wants to be a Kohen. I am happy that the rabbi recently told people that they can’t turn into a Kohen. The prerequisite of being born a Kohen holds true for all nowadays. The problem is that the Kohens in our community are sitting and learning Torah. They’re not equipped for stabbing people who put their tissues in random places. The rabbi adding in 'for others' helped all understand the commandment of not coveting. For a moment, people thought they should go around beating other people up for what they wanted, as a mitzvah. That didn't sound like on of Gd's commandments. New shul Pinchas initiatives: No more sneezing in the sanctuary. Tissues go in pockets. Mishebeyrachs for no more than two people, no matter how much money you give to the shul. Bulletin board cannot have up any sign people want. The other shul is posting their services times, for members they didn't poach. No standing at the Bima, unless if you are the Chazin. Even if you have to say Mishebeyrachs, and you're at the Bima for that, you should be moving away before anybody feels the need to get up and stab you. No stabbing for shoes. Stabbing must have a legitimate reason. You must hold the door and say 'thank you.' You must attend a 'thank you' workshop. If you don't say 'thank you,' you get stabbed. You can only be jealous for other people. Yahrzeit davening leaders have to be fast, and not mourning rodents. Poach from other congregations. No meetings. Annual meetings are now annual speeches given by the rabbi. Kiddish must not have kichel more than three times a month. Like Pinchas, from now on, people have to do what is right. The Pinchas rule caused a lot of problems, as random members started taking initiative. Once the rabbi noticed how bad initiative is for our congregation, he took back the message of his sermon and told people that fighting for Gd means showing up for Minyin on time. The rabbi had to take back the idea of being jealous for other people, as well. People mistook that for saying how much they hated others, with words like, 'Why do the Feldsteins own that house. The Greenfelds are so much nicer than they are. They should live there.' Nobody ever argued with Mrs. Stein again. She even growled in the middle of the sermon. She's a beast. The 85 year old women in this congregation are tough. The rabbi did the Keil Maleh prayers for the deceased. There were eight in Mendy’s family. It’s a hard week and it’s during the Three Weeks of Jewish mourning. The rabbi told Mendy how easy it is to mourn during this time when the whole community is mourning. That didn't make Mendy feel any better. As Mendy asked, 'How many members lost their parents in the destruction of the Second Temple?' Yahrzeit candles have been handed out in the congregation. The rabbi’s message of commemorating and honoring our loved ones was taken to heart. The candles are great. The seven day candles last eight days. It’s made it hard on the people who have to keep Shiva. In order to get the days correct, they’ve started using calendars. Before having to figure out the exact days, many in our community tried following the ancient tradition of counting moons. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke: Balak6/25/2021 
The ‘Anti-Jewish Hate and the Jewish Community: A Virtual Conversation with Town Board Members’ went great. I didn’t know if I should go, as I didn’t know if it was supposed to be pro or against Jews. I think it was in support of hating Jews. That’s what the town board members seemed to feel, when they told us how much they hated Israel. Half of the community is from Israel, and the rest have grandkids that live there. And the rest of us are Jews. The town board members were already voted in, so they were fine being honest. It’s good to know who your representatives are.
The town board has a bunch of Balaks on it. They’re afraid the Jews will take over the town council. I think they’re also worried that we’ll take over Israel. Jewish identity is key. Some of the board members that hate Israel are Jewish. I call them self-hating Jews, but they really only hate other Jews. They’re fine with themselves. Census numbers were down. We need more people identifying. The Federation is on it. The focus is not Mitzvot. Nobody cares about that. We need numbers. It’s becoming a big deal. We need people to check the box. How do we help people identify as Jewish? Anti-semitism has helped in the past. Falafel parties were good. We sent a mission to the mall to find out if people were Jewish. My neighbor, a very religious woman denied she was Jewish. I think that random people banging on your door asking you if you're Jewish scares some Jews. There's got to be a better way to do a census that doesn't remind our community members of the Inquisition. New Shabbat Kiddish luncheons have begun. The breakaway started coming back. They did the financial breakdown of lunch vs dues and it’s worth it. The whitefish salad is excellent. A segment got offended when the rabbi referred to a woman as ‘she.’ He then said ‘her.’ That was even worse. He then called her ‘Mrs. Lifshitz.’ ‘Mrs.’ Even worse. The rabbi decided to refer to everybody as ‘them.’ Rabbi Mendelchem’s Drasha Shabbat Shalom My Congregants… Them… No. When I say ‘them,’ I am talking to you. When I say 'them,' it's you... It's also you. But I am talking to him... The meetings were messed up… The annual town board meeting shows how much they hate Jews… Not you. Them... The whole Jewish community comes and complains, and they still tell us they hate us… That's them... Is the idea of the meeting to curse Jews? Is it to raise taxes on our homes??? Yes. That is anti-Semitism. Meetings should be in person… If you’re not in person, you’re not really meeting… When you meet. You shake hands Bernie. You can’t shake hands on Zoom. Moav sent emissaries to meet Bilam. They shook hands. You can't close on anything without hands… She got voted into town council... She said she hates Israel... It's as if she has control over our identity. Bilam couldn't do that... Because Gd didn't let him curse the Jews. The Jews voted her in. When Moav met with Midian, they hated each other. It was the hatred of Jews that brought them together. That’s how our town council was formed… I’m surprised more people don’t get along in our shul. Raise your hand if you don’t like Bernie... You see. Pinny? And who doesn't like Karen? There is so much dislike here, we should all be getting along... There's enough hatred in the shul. The issue is that there is no fear here. That's why nobody joins together in their hatred. That's why you vote like fools... Rashi (Bamidbar 22:4) Midian and Moav hated each other. ‘They only made peace between them because of their fear of Israel.’ Fear can bring people together… Fear of not getting to the whitefish at Kiddish can pull people apart… I've had to conspire against Jews before to get some smoked fish... I'm not saying that our town councilwoman likes whitefish... We need to bond together. How do we do that? Fear?... Nobody wants more home taxes... Israel is always making peace. If we would stop making peace, we would have peace… We make peace. Yet. The town council calls us evil… You voted for her. You don't join with the person that hates you... What fools join with people that hate them?... She said she hates Jews and Israel and you said, 'we are not Jewish'... You didn't check the box. You voted for her and didn't check the Jewish box... She thinks you're Palestinian... Hymie is Palestinian. Mo is not. Mo was born after 1948... Mo goes for the whitefish right away. That’s wrong. That causes fear. But what else have the Jews done? There is fear… He fears that all the whitefish will be gone. Due to the town council meeting, we have many visitors today. Your presence is appreciated… Ms. Milt saying that she hates Israel and the Jews was great advertisement for our community… We appreciate the town's hatred and fear that a Jew will beat you in the election… If I may now address… Yes. Bernie. The sermon starts now. Dear congregants and visitors from other synagogues, temples and churches in the community. We are happy to be celebrating Johnny's turning a man today with you. Joining forces in fear and hatred of our Bar Mitzvah messing up. I know many of you are not used to the dynamic sermons as given in this congregation. Enjoy your experience here. There are donation envelopes in the back… They help support the new building fund, being built next to Congregation Beth Torah Chadash. The donations also go to help our ongoing programs, such as classes, as you have in your temples and churches, and the rabbi's parking fund… We’re still working on the cover for my car… Not sure if we’re going to build a new building for my car. It is a fund. So you can give… The town council is voting against it. Anti-Semites. And they hate Israel. I'm going to give a very short sermon this week, as I am very tired and I'm not in the mood to speak with my congregants... They never donate… Can we have all the members move to the back of the shul, so that Ms. Milt's people can move to the front with the other anti-Semites… At least they support the congregation, Bernie… There's nothing more dangerous than fear. Moav feared the children of Israel. Due to their fear, they are ready to go to war. No talk of peace. No talk of a July 4th BBQ. Just fear. They heard of Israel's military victories and feared. What did they fear? Who cares? That is not the point. The point is they feared. They were scared. They even joined with their enemies, in order to destroy somebody that could have been a friend. Israelis are always willing to be friends. Ever met somebody from the Middle East? Ever go to the shuk? They always say 'My Friend.' People I never even met in Israel are calling me 'My Friend'... You go to the shuk... Yes. You're scared they're going to rip you off. But it's your friend ripping you off. Many people have fears. Our bar mitzvah is going to be reading the Torah today. He fears that people will be screaming at him for messing up the reading. He fears that people will be whipping candies at him. He fears that his voice is going to crack and that he will have to write 350 thank you notes after he gets his Bar Mitzvah gifts. We wish you much mazel, Johnny. I fear that your parents didn't give you a Hebrew name, Johnny. The point is, stay away from people… At least make friends with the Gabai. He's going to be on your back from the beginning to the end of your Layning... Any word you read wrong, he'll be right on it. It all happens because we think negatively about ourselves. (Bamidbar 22:3) They 'jumped.' It was a knee jerk reaction. Kind of like the way that Sadie decided on the new ark cover. It's messed up... Silver embroidery?! You embroider with gold. Fear is a negative reaction to ourselves. It leads to bad decisions, like Michael's new haircut... He only had a few hours to get a haircut, before the Three Weeks and this is what he gets... It leads to voting for Ms. Milt. They feared. Rashi ‘They became disgusted with their lives.’ That’s what fear does. That's why the team loses every game. Forget about joining with other people or cursing the other team. We have to see ourselves as good... How? We have to identify. 'Go. Beis Emes uSefilah Catchers'... I know we have the worst pitching in the league. We have catchers though... Fear you'll show up to shul late. Don't fear other people. Could’ve been friends. But they feared. They went the route of hate… That’s what brought Shalom between Midian and Moav... If we're disgusted with the town board... We need hate. That will bring us together. If there was more hate, the Jews would identify... Hate is bad. But we need identity... The word used for fear in this week's Parsha is the same root word as used for living. 'VaYagar' and he lived… It is through fear that people live. It is through fear that people walk this world. It is through fear that people come together. If there’s one lesson we can learn from this week's Torah portion, it is that unity is bad... Let's explain for our Bar Mitzvah, who is confused right now... The whole women's section over there... The men's too. The whole congregation is confused. I shall explain. Fear is bad. You have congregants not marking that they're Jewish because of fear. They live with fear. And the only way to live with fear is joining in hatred... Who did you vote for?... Exactly. How much longer will Jews have to wear baseball hats in this city?... We do that to hide our Yarmulke. How many baseball games will we have to go to, so that they believe we love the game?... You can sit at a park, the grass is nice there too... We have to be strong and live. Not in fear. But live as in 'Chaim,' everlasting life. To identify as Jews for life... How do we do that? You check the box. Number 2 pencils work... Jews are not an 'other.' Jews are hated too much to be the 'other.' You check it. They conspire with Bilam to fight the Jews with words. As Rashi comments (Bamidbar 22:4), based on the Midrash, the elders said that the strength of the Jews is their mouth, as that is where Moshe’s strength is from. Due to this, they employ Bilam, a man whose strength is also derived through speech. Sticks and stones my Bar Mitzvah, may break bones, but names do hurt. People use words to hurt... Ever been called a poopie face? It hurts… The Midrash presupposes that Jews talk a lot. A bit offensive. Maybe there would be less anti-semitism if Sadie and Shlomo’s section didn’t talk so much... It’s the middle of Davening… Maybe if we were a less witty and less sarcastic people, we would have friends, and people would fear our big words like, euphemisms. Which, yes Johnny, Jews can use; because we are smart… That’s what the Moavites heard from the Midianites. Thus, he wants to curse. We all have strength in our mouths. Do we use it for fear or blessing? Fear or life?... I heard so much fighting going on about the meatballs last week. There weren't enough. I was scared I wouldn't get a meatball... They were tiny. Fear cause fighting. There was much cursing in the shul. Meatballs were thrown... You didn’t get them a wedding gift??? Even if you didn’t go… You trying to curse them… To not give them something… (Bamidbar 22:12) H’ Tells Bilam, ‘You shall not curse them because they are a blessed nation.’ In H’s eyes, we’re blessed. No matter how anti-Semitic. The town council cannot curse us. They can't stop us from checking 'Jew'... This way they know why the cost of housing went down... The curse is ours to give. It's Jews not wanting to be Jews… The town council can't curse us. We voted for Mrs. Milt. We started wearing the baseball hat to voting booths and covering up our Jewish stars... Their fear of us has turned into our fear... Moav fearing the Jews is fine. They can join forces and speak of how annoying Bernie and Karen and Pinny are... They are annoying. But once we we don't click the box, we're separating from them. We're now fearing the ones we love... Yes. They're annoying. We love them, but they are annoying... The curse is not from Gd. It’s from us. We need more Jewish people connecting. Our Bar Mitzvah boy, Johnny... How do you connect? You check the box... Not by going to shul or visiting Israel. Just check the box. We need you to check that box, ‘Jewish’… It’s not enough to vote. We’ve seen what voting can do to the shul board. The vice president… You’re not Jewish? It’s fine. It’s for the census… You’re not town council? You’re here for the Bar Mitzvah?... You can still donate. The question that H’ has for us is, ‘Who are you hanging around?’ Who are you voting for? What is it these people want from you? Did you ever realize that I don’t hang out with any of the congregants?... The casino? I go alone. Never with a congregant. (Bamidbar 22:9) H’ asks Bilam, ‘Who are these people with you?’ H’ doesn’t care. He’s not jealous that He wasn’t invited for the sleepover party. They're annoying anyways. You can't get any sleep in a sleeping bag. We must ask ourselves who we are around. That is where are blessing is from… Who do you spend your time with Johnny?... I mean. Who do you spend your time with them?... Are you hanging out with Mrs. Milt? Are you spending time with people that hate Jews? Are you sitting in Shlomo's section, in the back left of shul? When you spend time with the wrong people, you start to hate. You start to curse... I know the kids are coming back from camp, using foul language. Pirkei Avot ‘Go to a place of Torah.’ ‘Stay away from bad neighbors and don’t be friends with an evil person.’ Why anybody lives here… It’s not you. It’s because you're spending too much time in Shlomo's section. That is where the curse is coming from… Other people may want to curse us. Don’t hang out with them. Why do you want to be around people that are putting you down all the time?... ‘Hey dumb one… And you should die… Poopie face...’ That’s not the kind of people you should be hanging with… Spending time with people who put others down all the time… Because they fear. And that fear brings a hatred. And then those people want to curse. And the next thing you know, they're calling people a Meshugana. It's offensive... If we can learn anything from this week's Torah portion, it is that there is only one way for unity, and that is hate. It’s staying away from people. As you go out to this world, our dear Bar Mitzvah, do not join with anybody. Be an individual. People only join together to do bad. They will work together to bring you down. When they fear you, that's when they become one. Look at Shlomi's section. Conspiring as we speak. Look at the Ms. Milt supporters. Look at Sadie... I know you don't like the tent over my parking spot. It's hate Sadie... You'll see how they all join together to correct every mistake you make when you read the Torah... You have the chance to be a good Bilam. Don't hang around people who fear Jews. Don't become disgusted with yourself. Make the right decision and donate to the new building fund... Come to shul, but stay away from them. Check the Jewish box... Don't worry about coming to shul. Check the box. May we be zoyche to the final redemption, of unison without them. Rivka’s Notes on Rebbi Mendelchem’s Drasha The rabbi's short sermon was very long, as he gave a sermon before his short sermon. And then he started speaking to the Bar Mitzvah boy. Which means, he repeated what he said, for the Bar Mitzvah boy. He does this thing where he talks to the Bar Mitzvah boy, but we are all still there. So, we have to listen. And then he gets mad when we talk during the sermon. But we have no idea he is talking to us. I think we're supposed to watch the Bar Mitzvah interaction. It's proper etiquette to not talk. And the new seats in shul are theater seats. Referring to everybody as ‘them’ confused people. Everybody thought the rabbi was specifically not referring to them throughout the speech. He had to change it back to ‘you,’ ‘he’ and ‘she’ so that they knew who he was rebuking. I think the problem is that people are identifying as ‘they.’ We need them to be identifying as ‘Jewish.’ The Bar Mitzvah boy was confused. I think the family was trying to figure out why there was so much hate in the community. The rabbi was very taken aback at the town council meeting. He brought that all to the shul. The Bar Mitzvah boy also didn’t know if he should be going to shul where people are or not. It was a big day for the Johnny. He was told he was turning into a man. I heard he got back home and told his parents he's moving out. He claimed that he had more of a chance of supporting his family if he moved to New York. The speech being given before the Bar Mitzvah boy's reading of the Torah instilled a lot of fear in the kid. The rabbi was not happy with the town council meeting. He also didn’t like that there was no handshaking on the screen. He later complained that nobody identifies with people sitting in their home and watching TV during a meeting, with a blank screen. As he said, ‘Nobody says I want to be part of that community, where you can’t see half the people.’ The rabbi does feel that it would be better if most of our communities were not seen. Many of them are nosy and annoying, and we’ve lost many potential members because of shul regulars not being absent on Shabbat. If Bilam would’ve cursed the Jews with the members of Beis Knesses Anshei Emes uSefillah, Moav would’ve had a chance. Kiddish didn’t have enough meatballs. Said they were bringing it for the table. That was a lie And one of the members decided they should share their opinion on how we should vote for the Town Council. They called us all racist and said that we should vote knowing we are all racist. His message was that even though they are anti-Israel and anti-Semitic that doesn’t mean we should be racist and not vote for them. I didn’t understand it. It was nice that they sponsored the Kiddish in honor of the kids graduating. Everybody left the kiddish and went home. In the end, the Jewish community voted anti-Semitic. The rabbi took excellent advantage of the visitors from around the community. Making an appeal to non-members was the right thing to do. Members don’t donate to the shul. It’s much smarter to ask people who never come to give. It’s also good he caught them before the Kiddish. If they would’ve had any of the sardines, they would’ve given nothing. Who serves sardines at Kiddish?! They definitely weren’t happy not getting meatballs. Only members know how to maneuver their way to the Kiddish table violently. Handing out donation cards after his sermon was brilliant. They all flipped high hundreds. Some thousands. Our secretary figured out who they were. She’s into forensics. She figured out their addresses based on their fingerprints. She misses nobody. I think they learned well that if they want to curse Jews, they have to pay dues. To get more Jews to check the box and identify as proud, we decided to bring in an athlete who was not Shomer Mitzvot. We don’t even think he is Jewish. He has a Jewish parent, but he himself is not Jewish. Once he came and said ‘being Jewish is good,’ the census numbers went up. Less people kept Mitzvot. But the number of people wanting to be Jewish rose. They thought their kids had more of a chance at making the NFL or the NBA if they were Jewish. We also served falafel at the event. And we had some people on the sides saying that they hate Jews. As many are looking for friends, they thought it would be good to help if they had an identity. Mark and Simone as names isn’t enough to make for identity. The annual board meeting helped with the anti-Semitism. The members of the board decided to run for town council. Their platform, ‘We hate Jews.’ Shabbat Kiddish luncheon had no challah. People had to eat twice. The whitefish was gone and there was no challah or crackers. How that happened is a miracle that our congregation will be discussing at the next board meeting. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke: Chukat6/18/2021 
Rabbi’s Bar Mitzvah Parsha. I don’t think he practices it. If more of our congregants read Hebrew, it would’ve been embarrassing.
The Women’s Issues class got everybody mad. They thought it would be a good discussion. Fran just wanted to complain about women’s voting rights in America. She kept on going off on how it was granted too late. She blamed the rabbi for that. They’re always mad at the shul about the women not being required in time-bound Mitzvot. The sisterhood is never on time to shul. I don’t get it. Barbara shows up late to every meeting anyways. Got a new booth for COVID. It’s a plastic separator. When people get up for an Aliyah, it looks like they’re making Matzah. We had a no mask rule in our town, but some people wore it for over a year. Even after their vaccine. Right now, I believe Dan is making a statement. He’s been vaccinated and is triple masking in his house. He posts the pictures on social media. His wife never looks happy in the pictures. In one of the pictures, you can see her sneezing right on him. Speaking about the lack of care. Wishing people a Refuah Sheleyma, ‘a full healing,’ is starting to mean nothing. The congregants like to say it. Saying ‘feel better’ makes them feel like they did their duty. The proverbial wearing of the mask once vaccinated, but staying far away. Nobody visited Yanky, who got injured during Hagba last week. The guy lifted the Torah and opened it six columns, and whacked Yanky with the wooden stake. Everybody has been adding in an extra prayer to their postAliyah Mishebeyrach, as could be seen in shul. But nobody showed the actual care of doing. Of visiting Yanky. Nobody invited the rabbi for lunch last week, and nobody visited Yanky in the hospital. They all said ‘Amen’ that somebody else should take care of him. Mishebeyrachs were extended real long, with extra prayers for Yanky, which showed that they also didn’t care about people’s time. The Parah Aduma seems to be about duty. Caring is pure when it is a duty. Rabbi Mendelchem’s Drasha (Sermon) Shabbat Shalom My Congregants We need healing. This shul needs a healing. A repentance. A way to turn around… Refuah Sheleyma to Yanky and all of Klal Yisrael… Non-Jews as well. Yes. They can be healthy. Maybe they should be… Can somebody at least say ‘Amen’? No care in this place. Very impure… Let’s focus our prayers. Tefillah. Too much impurity. I can barely breath… Sweat is also a form of impurity. Next Friday, please shower. You all smell so disgusting… Sprinkling the Red Heifer blood mix on you would help. But we don’t have it. So what do we do?… Who set the air-conditioning… There’s no air-conditioning. 70 degrees is not a setting for air-conditioning. It feels like we’re burning an offering. It should be a for an atonement… That’s why everybody’s sweating. We’ve found the Teshuva… This week’s Parsha talks of atonement… Everything we do has a chance for atonement. I don’t know if Sarah can makeup for her potato kugel… I heard there was a lice breakout last week… I told you to not use the Kippahs from the Yarmulke bin… You’re wearing masks, but Yarmulkes worn by 90 different people who haven’t bathed… How do we deal with impurity? How do we atone? Does anybody have a red cow?... Exactly… (Bamidbar 19:3) ‘And he slaughters (shechts) it before him.’ Elazar goes with the Parah Aduma, red heifer. Another guy goes with him and shechts it… Do Kohens do any work? We even have to wash their hands here at Shavuot Musaf… Parshat Chukat begins with one of the most perplexing statements. (19:2) ‘This is the Chok/statute of the Torah.' The red heifer is a statute. No questions... This way, nobody's asking why we don't use Tim's green heifer. Rashi comments, saying that you may not think about it. Meaning, that you do it without questioning it. Like everytime we try to have a decent shul breakfast and everybody's wondering why we don't have mashed potatoes, when have hash browns. Even if it doesn’t make sense to you. Even so, we are still commanded to do it as much as any Mitzvah, even if there is no apparent reason… You mess up the Mitzvot that have a reason… Visiting the sick? You don’t do it!!! When I tell you to bring out watermelon for Kiddish, you bring out a watermelon basket… Now we’re eating watermelon with toothpicks. It’s disgusting… Just do. If the Jewish people had a choice with tithes… No. They wouldn’t tithe… Does changing the curtains and tablecloths to white make sense?... It’s not Yom Kippur all year long. You see the dirt… Does having a shul BBQ with twelve hamburgers make sense?... Saving money? You use the building fund money. Does the building fund make sense?… Why Fran wants to be required to be in shul for prayers?... If she was, she wouldn’t show… You don’t… Stop thinking! There are many in this congregation that think it’s fine to question the rabbi. To the plastic seat section with them… You don’t deserve to sit in the seats we got from Finny’s Cinematics… Everybody loves the flip down seats. Except Brian who constantly rips his pants, because he doesn’t do the pocket hold slide back… Yes. It makes noise when everybody gets up for the Amidah and the chairs flip back… These are rules and they are correct. Some rules may not be questioned. Like my parking spot… Members attacked the decision to siphon the building funds for the new rabbinical parking spot campaign. When we give, we don’t question… It’s Tzedaka. We don’t question. When the rabbi takes, it’s not something you question. Questioning makes you impure… You make dumb decisions anyways. We are not going to question this campaign anymore… Because it’s a campaign, Bernie. You don’t question campaigns… You think I know what the $2,000,000 building fund is going for? I hope it’s going to pay for a new curtain… Shandy’s pick of an ark cover is… The money should be used for our new Refuah Sheleyma Sick Visit fund… We need a fund, because you don't do it! There is a going to be a cover put up over the rabbi’s spot. There are reasons… The rabbi’s car not getting hit by rain. Sun doesn’t hurt the car?! We’re not going to discuss… Not white. What is important is that it’s a stature made by the rabbi. ‘The rabbi’s spot must have a cover and a weekly scrub by our dear custodian, Sam.’ Religion is based on trust. We trust the Parah Aduma… Yes. Even if we don’t know what it’s supposed do… Do you trust Fran?... Exactly. The trust of the Parah Aduma makes you holy. It purifies. It’s purified water of impurity (Bamidbar 19:12-13)… You must trust the decisions made by the rabbi. The summer day camp being in the evenings. Who didn’t love that? The rabbi’s decision, so that you don’t have to see your little ones at night… The Kashrut plan for all bakeries. Thanks to me we have the heaviest Jewish community per capita… A raise for the rabbi… No questions. I am bringing you closer to Gd. Which is why the rabbi gets a new car… To put in the spot… We understand so little. But we don’t accept that… None of you know how Yanky feels. Do we know how kids going to sleep late during the summer affects them? The board doesn’t know how to use an air-conditioner correctly… 70 was the winter temperature. For heating… The Parah Aduma/red heifer may not make sense to us, but we still depend on it to be holy… There are times in life where many of the Mitzvot don’t make sense. The building fund. There’s got to be a point where the building is OK. But you always have to give to the building fund… We don’t know why there’s always an issue in the building… Sometimes it doesn’t make sense to keep kosher, when you’re at a business meeting in McDonalds. I’ve been to McDonalds and they don’t sell kosher meat… If it was a bakery, I would’ve made it kosher. It's the moments of starvation and extreme non-enjoyment that have us questioning. But we keep the Mitzvot, and that is what makes us holy… So too, we must accept all the decisions of the rabbi as correct, in order to be holy... Parking spot cover! And get a new awning for the parking lot. It’s the same material… I am asking you to come to shul and to not think. Do stuff that makes no sense to you, so we can have a Minyin. I am asking you to bring your own Yarmulkes… Kippa box was used… That's disgusting. Bring your own Yarmulke… And bathe... There was a lice breakout in the shul because of the nylon yarmulkes… You don’t even know the Millmers… The Goldmans? It wasn’t your Bat Mitzvah to wear a Kippah from… Why do I have to explain? You weren’t there. The problem is we are contaminated. If he contaminates the Tabernacle, ‘he is cut off from Israel’ (19:13). Cut off… You can’t join in the services with lice all over you… Who should we cut off? We have to purify ourselves. You touch a dead person, you have to purify with the water of sprinkling on the third and seventh day, or you remain impure (Bamidbar 19:12)… Do you know how many dead people have worn those Kippahs?... It’s from the Goldman Bar Mitzvah of 1930… The word used for purifying is ‘Cheyt,’ which is sin as well… You’ve got to use what you have to purify. All you have are sins… And bathe... Yes. The Golden Calf. You would’ve been part of that… You’re making up for that… There's no red heifer now. You can't purify those hair follicle stains... (Bamidbar 19:9) ‘A man who is clean shall gather the ashes of the cow and place them outside the camp in a clean place, to be kept for water of sprinkling for Israel… It is for cleansing.’ Still. We must be cleansed. We still make up for it…. Sin… All your good deeds and purification is to make up for your sins… Red Cow, Golden Cow, what’s the difference?... You purify for it. The Golden Calf was our first… ‘A safekeeping.’ A safekeeping links us to our past. The Parah Aduma ashes are to be guarded. It reminds us to do. Tradition. To repent. To follow your rabbi. It is there to make holy. We are talking about making holy. We need our shul to be holy. How do we do that? By following. Not thinking. But following the rabbi. (Bamidbar 19:4) ‘And Elazar the Kohen shall take of its blood with his finger, and sprinkle it…’ Elazar did do work, as you rabbi does… I am going to sprinkle on the front row… (19:3) The person who went with Elazar to shecht was another Kohen. (19:5) Somebody else seems to have burned it in front of him. You can’t ask people to do too much… We sometimes need to focus what we do… Do something. Be part of the shul and do something... The less, the better. As we see with the curtain and the air-conditioning. Visit the sick. We are all part of that Mitzvah… Even women. We all have to take part. We have to see the holiness of the congregation and safeguard it… What are we safeguarding? I can’t answer that. It’s the Chukim. It’s a statue… It’s not annoying. It’s visiting the sick. It’s women not being commanded in time-bound Mitzvot… I don’t know why. They’re just not commanded… Do it. Nobody is saying not to do. Just not required. Don’t ask questions and Daven three times a day. Rivka’s Notes on Rabbi Mendelchem’s Drasha Nobody liked the rabbi dumping water on them in the front row. The sprinkle was more of a throw. When he threw it, he hit the fifth row as well, and the lady’s section. The rabbi’s message was very strong. We all know what a Chok is now. The rabbi didn’t have to answer questions for two months following that speech. He just said, ‘It’s a Chok.’ Once people started asking for Lulavim and Etrogim, around Sukkot, the rabbi had to give an answer when they asked how much it costs. The rabbi got his parking spot covered. The board had a meeting about the car. The rabbi didn’t like that. The women were happy to hear that they were part of the Mitzvah of visiting the sick. That made up for voting. The women were not happy that they were required to visit Yanky. Fran complained that it killed her day and she had no time to run errands for the family. The ‘Red Cow, Golden Cow, what’s the difference’ line got a lot of people mad. They thought it was anti-Semitic to blame Jews for the Golden Calf. It was too similar to the Goldberg, Iceberg joke. Campaigns in the community started using the Chok idea. They just said that we’re going to be using the money. The IRS wanted to know what it was for, so the rabbi called the IRS a bunch of heretics. The rabbi had many people excited about going to McDonalds. He spoke about it like it was heavenly. I believe their eating out was his sin. Though, he did make every bakery and ice cream shop in town kosher. I don’t know how he did it, but Belinda’s Blondie Shop is kosher too. He really likes desserts. They decided to clean the kippahs in the Kippah bin. They also decided to clean the doilies. Cleaning them with blood-stained water did not do the job. I think that was against the law itself. They had to put it in the wash, after everything was tie dyed red. People were using the doilies for challah too. The wicker baskets were full of them. Hygiene is now a thing. They think that’s why people got sick. The elbow handshake is turning into a thing too. People used to sneeze into their hands and shake. Right hand. That’s the shaking hand. Yanky got a lot of visitors. Not because people wanted to go. But because it was a statute of the rabbi. He lost a lot of sleep and felt sicker. It was a 24 hour loop of visitors. The shul had to refigure what the Mitzvah of visiting the sick should be. Yanky presented at that meeting, saying, ‘I was in the middle of a good series and everybody interrupted me.’ They decided to not work the air-conditioning for a while, as it was blowing too much heat. Then they brought down the temperature and it worked. I just hope the rabbi works on the layning (Torah reading) for next year. That added another twenty minutes to services. Not including his forty-five minute sermon. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke: Korach6/11/2021
Nobody is inviting anybody for meals anymore. They figure that they are lonely, and if they were invited then they wouldn’t be lonely anymore. That would kill their identity to Judaism. Identity is the big focus now. Keeping Mitzvot is not important. We don't care if people are showing up to communal events right now. We need numbers. We just want people saying they're Jewish. The last town census showed a 20% loss in local Jewry. Martha and her family left. That brought down the numbers. We need more people checking the 'Jewish' box. Do what you want, be alone, say you're Jewish. So, the decision was made to not tarnish their reputation and identity with invites.
Rabbi had no Friday night dinner. Nobody invited him. Nobody knew he didn’t know how to cook. He talked about it a lot. It was painful. I think the rabbi took that into the sermon, when he called everybody a defector. Not having decent matzah balls on Friday night can do that to a good Jewish leader. I think him and his wife agreed that she can’t travel out of town without him anymore, unless if Shabbat dinner is made. His kids were starving and the shul had to start a ‘feed the rabbi’s kids more stuff with potatoes’ fund. Rabbi is mad. He called everybody a Korach. I think it’s because nobody invited him for dinner. No Kohen this week, again. The Gabai just yelled it out from the Bima, ‘Is there a Kohen here.’ Then, he looked around and remembered that he knows everybody. There were no guests. The Mindlowitzs were there. They still didn’t join. I don’t think they’ll ever pay dues. They come in once a month, so they don’t need to pay. It’s a good scam. It was hard to be in shul this week. A lot of fights amongst the board. Nobody can decide if the Kiddish should be dairy, meat or pareve. So there was no Kiddish too. Everybody looks depressed. The following week, we had half the turnout, due to no Kiddish. Everybody is complaining about the shul this week. The chairs are tiny. They’re so small that some people even requested pews. For people to request pews, to have armrests eight feet apart, and wood, the chairs have got to be bad or too small. The seat padding on the pew in the chapel flies all over. It's only half a cushion. The shul chairs were put up in the ‘60s. People were smaller then. People are huge now. Mark can’t sit without ripping his pockets. The armrest gets him every time. He sits and the pocket tears. He comes with new pants every week. He hasn’t figured out how to slide back into the seat with an inward pocket push. I do it with my dress. Ripped at least eight dresses last year. Sitting in a shul is a Psik Reisha (something forbidden on Shabbat because you will definitely violate a Shabbat law, passively, if you do it- such as cutting off a chicken's head, which kills it- sitting in a chair kills pants). You sit and you’re definitely going to do something forbidden, like ripping. It should be illegal on Shabbat. People are very confrontational now. Pinchas is mad about the glare he gets with the Tachnun, every time he lays his head on his arm. I told him to cover the glare with his arm. He doesn’t get it. He’s bending in supplication. If the glare makes him feel closer to Gd, he shouldn’t be complaining about it. At Kiddish last week, somebody took crackers with their hands. She got berated in front of everybody. This new shul situation, with this pandemic, has everybody on edge. Before this whole pandemic everybody was sneezing and shaking hands, coughing in the Tam Tams. All are blaming it on the rabbi. The rabbi is right. They’re a bunch of Korachs. Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Shabbat Shalom My Congregants. Anymore complaints? Please let them out now. The Gabai is in the back on the right. He’ll… I’ve been listening to complaints all week… I’m not a priest. I don’t have a complaint booth… Who here would be confessing? You would be coming to complain on the daily… The small seats in shul. The glare. Earlier babysitting... I'm sorry the sun rises on your side... You're the only one who comes with a three year old before 10:45... Don’t be a Korach. You asked if there was a Kohen… Why didn’t you ask before?... You’re shy??? You yelled it out in the middle of shul ‘A Kohen here?’… That’s not shy… This isn’t a shteibel… We don’t turn people into Kohens… You walk over… Yes. You interrupt the davening. Nobody cares about the Chazan’s repetition anyways… Asking if there is a Kohen? Are you trying to start an uprising? (Bamidbar 16:1) Korach ‘took himself.’ Bad happens when you take yourself. It’s the selfishness… Sit two seats over and there's no issue with the armrest… You think it’s going to be better with pews? Frank will take up two pew… It’s meant for four. With Frank, we’ll get one and a half on it… Selfish. It’s going to be better with pews? It's a seat with no armrests, Bernie... You clamp the pockets, do the slideback, they don't rip on the armrest... Rashi explains that he separated himself and the people. ‘To take’ means to separate. That was the sin… You take for you… You don’t think about anybody else… At the shul BBQ last year. How many hot dogs? You took twelve, Bernie… You separated the hot dogs for yourself... It's for you. You take matzah ball soup and you don’t share. You don’t do Mitzvot… You don’t invite the rabbi for dinner when his wife is out of town… Don't get me started on your kids at Kiddish... How many Stella D'oro Swiss Fudges does Pinny need? He took the platter... Coughed on them... Many start an uprising in the Parsha this week. They join Korach and ‘gather’ against Moshe and Aaron (16:3). How many of you joined Felvel in his march for bigger latkes? The breakaway Minyin for yam latkes... Yes. Seven months later, I am going off on this. Who else makes the latkes for latke night?... They gather, like this congregation, to complain… You complain about everything. The chairs. The length of the Aliyahs. The Kiddish food. The sales at Kroger’s… I have nothing to do with the coupon system… They gather against… If you guys gathered for a Minyin in the middle of the week, that would be great. You gather to complain… If you gathered to feed the lonely. Maybe to let the Gabai know when a Kohen is visiting… He wouldn’t be screaming it out in the middle of shul. Causing a Kohen uprising… I’m not a Kohen. I’m a rabbi… You hired me!!! Firing would be an act against Gd at this point. Yes… ‘Kahal’ is the root word. The same root as congregation… The question is what are you gathering for? If it’s to open up your homes to give people a bit of matzah ball soup, when their spouse is out of town… A bunch of Korach followers... He's dead... They rose up against Moshe... It was all against. It was selfish. They wanted to take for themselves… (Bamidbar 16:3) ‘Why do you raise yourself above this congregation?’ Moshe and Aaron were met with a struggle for those who wanted power. Next time, Moshe and Aaron will maybe think twice when H’ asks them to lead the Jewish people… Next time they want me to stay at Congregation Beis Emes uSefilah, I’ll be thinking twice. I’ve heard you talking behind my back… My children roam the halls and they hear talking… Your children repeat… No. You hate Trump… Your five-year-old does not have an opinion… You hired me. That’s why I’m here. How many times… And you don’t invite for dinner… I don’t know how to cook… My wife was gone… The kids ate fish sticks for Shabbat. Not even gefilte… You were all too busy complaining to care about Mitzvot. You all just wanted to be noticed… They rose up against Moshe. It was ‘men of name’ (Bamidbar 16:2). It was the leaders. The leaders always mess things up. The awning committee. You did nothing... It's still flapping... What kind of leaders are you? Are you like Korach and his followers? Are you like the spies, ‘leaders’ of the tribes (13:2)? The spies were leaders and men of name too… Do we want leaders or followers… We want people that will follow. You just all have to learn how to sing… We’re going to sing right now. I’m going to teach you a song. It goes, ‘And the whole’… Wait for me to start and then you repeat it… Men who were chosen to be leaders of the people. That is who are complaining about their not being leaders… People always want more. It’s not enough that there are cushions on the seats. You want bigger seats… Then we are going to start a shul diet. It’s when people have power, they want more. Men of name. Meaning, they were important people in the nation. They were the sons of Levi… Nobody cares about Benjamin’s children. The Pinkskowitz family is… Korach already had connection to the holy service. But it wasn’t enough. It’s never enough. They were not able to see Moshe and Aaron as the designated leaders… They weren’t talented. The spies were people with names and leaders. We need people without names leading this shul. Mr. Cohen has a name... He's not a Kohen... You called him up as a Kohen. We’re not changing the Gabai. We respect the leaders. We respect the Kohens of this shul… Are there any Kohens here?... Not one Kohen. And you all still rise up and complain. Unlike Korach, in this congregation, we chose people for their post based on their place. Mrs. Frankel is in charge of keeping that section quiet… Because they talk there, and she is sitting there. If she were to have to keep the front right quiet, that would make too much of a raucous… I understand that all of Levites think you’re hot stuff, leaving shul to wash the hands of the Kohens… There are no Kohens. You just get up and leave. You’re separating yourselves… It’s not even a Chag. Our tradition is to only wash hands on holidays. We all want to get out of listening to the cantor’s repetition. But we suffer through the ‘Yismichu BMalchutcha tune, again. For 20 years. Every Shabbat. We deal with it… Because we don’t separate… No Hymie. You have to get some melodies people like… Yes. We all want to cry. Tears of emotional connection to our departed. Not tears of pain of having to listen to… Exactly. We have no new members, just as we have no new tunes. The new tunes stopped with the last new member. People stopped joining… We need new beats. Funk it up a little… Some Billy Joel… Moshe tells Korach (16:9) ‘Is it not enough that H’ separated you… to do the work of the Tabernacle…’ Instead of attacking the leaders, lets see how we can do the work with them and help… Help the Gabai. He has no idea who the Kohens are. There was a Mr. Cohen Number Four. He got three Aliyahs this week… He has no idea. He just calls him up Kohen Ben Kohen… He’s the son of a Kohen. To see the attacking of Aaron bothered Moshe even more. ‘What is Aaron that you complain about him?’ (Bamidbar 16:10). Is it that great? He has a role. Does the Gabai know what he’s doing?... You make it difficult with your names. Michale Ben Moshe Efraim… How many ancestors? Korach takes. Takes for himself to start an uprising. If you’re going to gather. Gather for Kedusha, for holiness. Be inside so that we can have a Minyin… You gather outside for shots... Don’t start a rebellion and take away the members… I know you’re trying to start a breakaway. I am telling you to not gather, as Korach and his people, for Kavod. Honor doesn’t come when you have a Minyin in a basement for five years… It's not fun when you're eating breakfast and Simmy is knocking on your door to see if you need a tenth... It’s the service of H’… Yes. Korach is killed with his followers. Maybe they’ll get injured on the steps of the house. I don’t think the breakaway shul has insurance… It looks like the walking dead. This shul is depressing… Looking out at you is depressing… Who's not hear because of Kaddish?... Watch this. Sid. Come up here… Look at how depressing it is to see the congregation… People are breaking away from this… Are they getting a Minyin? What are you following in? What are you leading in? Are you doing it for the people? To take… You’re like Korach. You want more Aliyahs for yourself… There is no answer for Moshe when he asks what Aaron did to protest against him (Bamdibar 16:11). It’s hard to justify selfish. It’s hard to justify not inviting the rabbi for Friday night dinner when his wife is out of town… They had no answer because they wanted nothing. They just wanted what he had. The Kehuna. No reason. Wanted to sit in a pew... Everything was a pew back then... Share. I went to youth groups today. The kids don’t share. The kids don't share their Pokémon cards… Even their football figures... They're takers. They take. Is that what you teach... One cried, and then they took the tea cup from the other kids... It wasn't even a real tea cup. It was a plastic tea cup that looked real... Maybe it should've been real. Everything about it was real, but it was part of a kitchen set... The kitchen set was a toy. So, it was a toy... Datan and Aviram continued the poor perspective of the spies. Instead of joining Moshe and Aaron, and the people, (16:13) they justify with ‘you take us from a land flowing with milk and honey, to die in the desert, and you seek to dominate us…’ They create a new story. They take the story of going to Israel and liken Egypt to what Israel is promised to be. The same way you likened a dairy Kiddish to a meat Kiddish. The same way you likened what a kosher restaurant is supposed to be… You have no seats. It’s not a restaurant… A takeout is not a restaurant. It’s a way to tell people they’re not invited. ‘Take out.’ Might as well have a sign, ‘Don’t eat here’... It's a takeout... A dairy choolante is not a choolante... No more new stories. No more making up stories to justify how much you complain… So much lying in this congregation… Yes. Politics. Shul politics… You're running for shul board. Don't call her an anti-Semite... Her running against you doesn't make her an anti-Semite... Yes. Even if it helps your campaign... They were already the Shabbat Abba. They had to be the Shabbat Ima too... Not everybody can be a Shabbat Abba. Not everybody can be a Kohen.,,, Yes. Mr. Cohen's cousin is a Kohen. He doesn't complain... Fake drinking... Yes. They made the sip noise... Maybe it should've been real. The kitchen set was a toy. So, it was a toy... They were already the Shabbat Abba. They had to be the Shabbat Ima too... Not everybody can be a Shabbat Abba. Not everybody can be a Kohen.,,, Yes. Mr. Cohen's cousin is a Kohen. He doesn't complain... Be a follower. But don't follow Ezra and his wanting huge seats disguised as pews. Rivka’s Notes on Rabbi Mendelchem’s Drasha This was the longest sermon Rabbi Mendelchem ever gave, and he's given hour long speeches before. People are going to invite him for Shabbat dinner. Billy Joel was the rabbi’s suggestion for a new beat? This is why Jewish tunes are forty years behind. The Chazan came the next week with a new song. The rabbi hated it, but word got out that there was a new tune and people started joining the congregation. The shul became a center of Jewish growth and weight loss. Singing lessons were mandatory. The rabbi didn’t get past the first verse. He realized that the harmony was just people singing off tune. It seemed as though the rabbi was mocking Korach his whole sermon. Anything bad was ‘Korach.’ Korach got blamed for the nursery school charging too much. Even ‘Mommy and Me’ was blamed on Korach. The sisterhood was called Korachs for not bringing out the brownies on time, at Kiddish. Don’t ask about Ms. Feinblum who took the Kiddish food before the rabbi said to. Korach would take before others. The baseball team was all called Korachs. They lost this season. The whole board? Korach. The Gabai couldn’t find a Kohen. He called out in the middle of shul to see if there was a Kohen. That's when the rebellion fiasco took place. He had nobody to call up for the Aliyah, so he called up a Yisrael in place of a Kohen. The rabbi called him a Korach. The Gabai has been scared to call up people to the Torah for months. He only calls up people after rabbinic approval. The rabbi charges $150 a month for Hashgacha. It's a decent price for his kosher certificate. He made a deal with the Gabai, that he only has to pay $125 a month for the rabbinic approval on the Aliyahs. The Gabai looks for the rabbi’s OK before any Aliyah. Based on the message from Shelach and how the rabbi giving an OK is not his consent, the Gabai is in a hard place right now. No. He doesn’t get paid. It’s a volunteer position. And he has to read the whole Parsha every week, as well. The Gabai has no idea what to do. Only longtime members have been called. No guests are called up. Everybody is offended. The rabbi is right. I walked to the front of the women’s section and looked out. Looking out at the congregation, it does look like the living dead. If the rabbi has to see that everybody Shabbat, I can understand. You look out and you want to say Kaddish. Most of the members started coming once they started saying Kaddish. That’s what they’re thinking about in shul all the time. They come to shul and think about the empty seat next to them. We're having a hard time renting out the shul Simcha Celebration Hall. Now the rabbi is teaching people how to sing, lose weight and to be happy about the loss of loved ones. He thinks that will bring more members. We aren't getting rid of Kaddish. It was discussed, but that will lead to the end of the Minyin. The idea of a cooking competition was brought up, to see who had the choicest dish. But people didn’t want to risk the ground opening, to swallow up Mrs. Schwartz’s babka. Nobody likes her babka, and it wouldn’t have been chosen. The rabbi had his wife cook for him, so he was able to keep his job. Her apple kugel was chosen by the board, and thus the rabbi proved again why he was the rabbi. He was allowed to keep his job. The kids are all fighting in their desire to lead. First it was the Shabbat Abba and Ima. Now they're fighting to open up the ark for Anim Zmirot. Pinny walked out with a black eye, after he made it to the curtain puller real fast. Tuvy attacked him. Tuvy wanted to be the opener, not the closer. There's a lot of politics with the ark opening. Don't get me started with who gets to stand next to the flag for Hatikva, at the end of services. A lot of fighting and crying. Somebody's got to step into this. I think the parents are scared of the violence. They're modern parents and whatever their kids do is right. I saw a parent walking with a limp, because their daughter wanted Honey Nut Cheerios. hey need an organizer. It used to be one kid who got to open up the Ahron (ark). A sibling might be allowed to spot. Now, because no kid has been told 'no' in fifteen years, a lot of violence. Calling them future leaders put a lot of responsibility on the nursery school kids. A lot of politics in youth groups. Hair pulling. They all had their own stories. A bunch of lying five-year-olds. A lot of taking and no sharing of Legos. Complaining was not allowed this week. It was decided that complaining was selfish and done to separate. Not to bring together. Everything had to be said positively. People were keeping it positive. People were coming to the rabbi saying, ‘This shul is so great. We should get new seats and a new rabbi.’ At one point, the rabbi let Bernie give a speech. The rabbi went down from his seat and sat in a regular chair. His suit pocket ripped. The shul got pews. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke: Shelach6/4/2021
It was decided that face masks have to be worn during Kiddish. Not very much was eaten at Kiddish. Kichel lasts a long time, so that’s a positive.
For those who don’t know, Kiddish is the post services snack social. Most of our shul shows up eight minutes before Kiddish. They know that if they show up after announcements, the Kiddish will be gone. Nobody waits for the rabbi to make the Kiddish (blessing) on the wine before taking the Kiddish. Though, Mrs. Forestein is on top of them, and makes them all feel guilty. I’m impressed at how people can load up herring with Mrs. Forestein staring right at their plate and saying ‘you’re going to Gehenim if you take before the rabbi makes Kiddish.’ Matjes herring is worth hell to people over 80. The kids load up their plates with cookies. I don’t think an adult has had a cookie since the Gedayberg family came to town. I also don’t think that there’s been a speech without a child running on the Bima (stage) since the Gedaybergs joined our shul. I think security should be standing by the choolante until after Kiddish. It’s proper etiquette to wait for the rabbi. I’ve been to dinner with some of our members, and they eat before the hosts sit down. At the Simchavitz house, the potato kugel was gone before the wife made it to the table. One of the guests took it from the kitchen, said they were helping. I think they even ate some of it on the way to the table. We have to work on shul ettiquete. A few weeks later, they had the Kiddish as a take home, individually wrapped. That was as social as the Kiddish got over the pandemic. Had meeting about security this week. Decision was made to keep the guard. We tried figuring out other methods of security, but the camera and the guard were it. There’s not much more than a camera and a guard. Someone thought for people to not show up. That was the only other novel security measure that has come up in shul security meetings over the past 20 years. A drone camera was brought up, but somebody shot that out of the sky last time, as an act of anti-Semitism. The rabbi took to H’s message of telling Moshe to send the spies only meaning that He gave permission, even though it was not what they should’ve done. Anything that went wrong in the shul that the rabbi OKed, like the new secretary, the rabbi said he did not give his consent for. It was very confusing for all. It was a very bizarre week. The rabbi told the runner to round third and go home, in the softball game. When he got out, the rabbi said that he did not suggest to do it. Though his arm was swinging huge circular motions and everybody saw it, and he was yelling to go home, he said that he was just saying it was fine, but he did not want him to do it. He said that he knew the runner wanted to do it. Had another Bar Mitzvah reader this week, and a Bat Mitzvah. Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Shabbat Shalom My Congregants, You don’t even say ‘Shabbat Shalom’ back. Be friendly… If the spies smiled, the Jews would’ve gone to Israel. People are affected by what they are told. Even more so, how they are told… When people aren’t welcomed to the shul, they are affected by how they are told nothing… You people are selfish. You are social climbers. If I told you that they owned a football team… Now you’re all mad at me… No. They don’t own a team. They are nice people. You’re the reason why people convert to Christianity… They say ‘Hi.’ Protestants say ‘Hi.’ That’s all people want is a Hello… At Kiddish. Nobody said ‘Hello.’ Or ‘Shalom’… We’ve lost twelve members because of masks this year… What do you want to be part of?... (Bamidbar 13:1-2) H’ tells Moshe to send people to go to the land to check it out. That was a mistake. Ever sent Erwin to pick up some soda for Seudah Shelishit? He comes back with three leader bottles and some brand with a star on it… One star, for bad. Rashi tells us that it was permission, but not suggested. H’ is saying ‘For your knowledge. I am not commanding this. If you want, send.’ If H’ would’ve commanded it, we would be sending spies every year to check out the Beitar Jerusalem soccer club. But our shul sends nobody to Israel… The last Israel trip was twelve years ago. It was the rabbi, his wife and a Yeshiva student who was learning there for the year… He was from Houston. We met him on Ben Yehuda... We needed somebody to call it a communal trip. There was no tour guide… Visit the Holy Land. You don’t even visit. You guys spy out everything… How is it that you all know when Tzachi got his American visa?... I can’t tell you everything to do. If you want to redo the walkway… Yes. It was nice. I didn’t command you to redo it… Yes. It’s worse now. You sinned… It wasn’t suggested. It’s on you… (Bamidbar 13:17) Moshe tells them to ‘go up in the south, and ascend to the Mountain.’ Rashi tells us that this is the way of merchants, to see the Psolet, the bad part, of the land first. The problem is that we always see the bad part first. We see a tiny piece of schnitzel at a fundraiser that we paid $250 a plate for. It’s hard to focus on the asparagus spear... You never get the chance to see the Mountain. You don't go there... I left before dessert. And I heard it was chocolate and peanut butter squares. Every Kiddish I go to, they run out of those... We always see the worst parts first… You go on a tour. Cab drivers are beeping you… Yes. Anywhere in Europe, Bernie. The tour guide takes you to the shops that have the scarves with the country on it… It’s July… We’re in the northern hemisphere… You tour and the shopkeepers are the first people you see. ‘Welcome to Italy. We charge you too much.’… Why the spies didn’t check for mechanics is a good question. But they did go up in the south, so there must’ve been some mechanics and shuk people there. They were checking for people who were in shape and ready to defend their homes. (13:19) ‘Are they strong or weak…Is the land good or bad… are the cities open or fortified… is the land fat or lean… trees or not…’ Land can be attractive. Yes. Fat is attractive. Back then, it was attractive… They didn’t have preservatives… You stay for Shabbat, you see the decent people… That’s what we’re trying to do hear… But you don’t say ‘Shalom.’ That’s why they leave. Ever traveled to Disney World? You end up seeing the characters first. Where are the rides? Ever come to this shul… You first meet the talkers in the back… That’s the only time you say ‘Hi.’ Middle of Tefillah… It’s the middle of prayers and you’re… Welcoming is good. But you don’t sit down the guy for a conversation about his family lineage and what happened in the playoffs yesterday… I think they understand that it’s the middle of the Chazan’s repetition of the Amidah… It doesn’t make a difference if they know what the Amidah is… The front row isn’t talking… A silent handshake… OK. A ‘Shabbat Shalom.’ That’s what I’m talking about. But you don’t yell it… You say ‘Shabbat Shalom.’ Which only two of you do. The rest of you stare at the people like they are fat and unfortified… That’s why they don’t come back. That’s why people don’t go to shul. That’s why the spies didn’t go to Israel. The spies sold the people wrong. They were selfish leaders who gave false information… They told us it was bad. They misrepresented what they showed the people… You smile, say ‘Shalom’ and take them to the front row, so they can see the good people…. Big grapes can throw people off. When you don’t know if it’s a plum, it’s quite unsettling. The question is, ‘Is it a good land?’... No. They wouldn’t want to end up in Topeka. You send some people to survey… What kind of houses? Chimneys? Do they mow? When you see a community, you want to see the homes. You want to see the architectural layout of the city… They should’ve built the mall in the middle of the town. I am meeting with the town council this week about that decision. I said ‘OK,’ but only because I knew they would do it anyways… Now everybody has to travel to the East Wedge. Whatever that is… It’s the Psolet. Do people want to move here? The Shreigen family was thinking of moving here, but they only saw the Psolet of the shul. They didn’t see the beauty and kindness. They saw a Kiddish with huge strawberries and they were thinking, ‘we will never be able to eat these things without staining our clothes. It definitely squirts onto the shirt…’ It was the ripe grapes that scared them… It’s about interpretation. It’s about how you say ‘Shalom’ to people. That’s what gets them to want to be part of our community… We want to welcome the Mindlowitz family to our community. There’s a lot of good here. And we shipped in small, tart, strawberries from Israel this week… It's the leaders that throw people off. The leaders create positive in the shul. The Gabai is a downer… Then smile… (Bamidbar 13:4) ‘All of them, leaders of the children of Israel’… They were leaders. That’s who they sent. Nobody cares what Michael does… If Michael would’ve come back and said they had tiny grapefruits, nobody would’ve listened. They wouldn’t have believed him, and we would’ve went to Israel… I am asking the leaders to stop messing up… There were representatives from each tribe. Even in bad stuff, we need representatives. The fundraiser dinner needed representatives… Now, we know who to blame for the schnitzel… They were tiny pieces… $250 a plate. How much is a piece of schnitzel?... As Moshe prayed for Hoshea and changed his name to Yehoshua (13:16), meaning ‘May Gd save you,’ I am praying for the leaders of this congregation… They are already sinners and influenced by evil forces, like the spies. Even so, I pray for their souls. So they don’t ruin the congregation anymore and cause us to lose members for another 40 years… I pray that our congregation are saved from your foolish decisions. We lost every member with a wheelchair… Yes. I OKed it. But I didn't mean it. Wheelchair accessible doesn’t mean to make a walkway and ramp out of cobblestone… I pray that the Bar and Bat Mitzvah are saved from you. Nobody wants to be part of a bunch of people complaining about grapes… And they didn’t say ‘Hi’… I gave permission to say ‘Hi.’ I mean it. Be kind and friendly and stop messing up the Kiddish… This is why we have Tisha BAv. Our dear Bar Mitzvah and Bat Mitzvah. Don’t be like that side of the shul. Rivka’s Notes on Rabbi Mendelchem’s Drasha This was the most powerful message the Rabbi every gave to a Bar and Bat Mitzvah. It was a joint celebration, where nobody could eat at Kiddish. The families wanted to know why they didn’t save the money and tell people to eat at home. Even so, nobody would’ve come if there wasn’t food; even if they weren’t allowed to remove their masks. It was only later that month where the rule of not being able to spread COVID when eating came out. The strawberries were very nice. I snuck a couple home. The rabbi blamed the congregation for being a bunch of spies. We do have to be more positive about coming ton shul. It’s about how you represent it. Huge grapes are a great thing at Kroger’s. We lost a lot of members because of lack of ‘Hellos.’ Lack of friendliness and negativity bring a congregation down. The rabbi is right. We would’ve had better Bat Mitzvah parties. With a more positive mental attitude, we would’ve made the softball playoffs. Inter-shul play wasn’t affected by Hindy’s leaving the faith, as she didn’t join another shul. I saw her in the supermarket the other day and she said ‘Hi.’ I think she’s trying to convert me. Whatever the rabbi said in his sermon that met with conflict, he said he did not mean. He said he was just saying that it was OK, but it was wrong (without saying it was wrong). He made it clear that we have to know what he's thinking when he gives us the OK. As he said, 'Do what I'm thinking.' Many were trying to figure out if the rabbi has a secret wink. But nobody saw it. Everything that ever went wrong, he blamed on us. He told us that we shouldn’t have done it. When we asked why he told us to do it, he said, ‘Because you wanted to. So, I told you it was a great idea.’ This is why we have a social hall that holds eighteen people, for Chai. We haven’t been able to host a Simcha in years. The only time we hosted a party was over COVID, where three were allowed at six feet apart. Nobody knew if we should take what he was saying about our community, homes and shul to heart. Many repainted their facades. Nobody renovated the insides of their homes, or cleaned. They figured that as long as they didn’t have guests, they didn’t have to worry about people spying on their homes. The Gurvy family stopped allowing their little ones to have playdates, as the little ones get too much information on the home when they come to play with Shayna. The Gedayberg kids also make a mess. The Mindlowitz family was not impressed with the way our shul was built. They didn’t like the layout and the architecture. We know this, because they didn’t come back. They weren’t impressed with the Psolet in the back of the shul either. The cobblestone walkway looked really ancient. If the spies had to walk on something like that, their feet would’ve hurt. Telling the people that you can’t push a carriage, or walk without injuring your ankles, would’ve kept our members from going to Israel. All the people in the Feinwitz section love wearing high heels. Due to mask mandates, nobody said ‘Hello’ or ‘Shalom’ after shul. Truthfully, at Kiddish, everybody just stared at the new people. They didn’t know what to do with the masks. They were scared that it would offend the new people if they welcomed them during COVID. The Bar and Bat Mitzvah didn't give a speech, as the rabbi was scared that their speaking abilities weren't up to par. And the rabbi didn't want the community to see the Psolet of the Sunday School education. And the congregation got the real message. From then on, every Kiddish had backup chocolate peanut butter squares. Tags:
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My kids left half-eaten Chanukah gelt, and I was stuck with some Bitcoin.
You get it? A lot of times, Chanukah gelt is chocolate coins. People bite those, makin them bit. Bitcoin is... 
The Christmas Tree Shop. Where I buy everything I need for Chanukah, including the paper dreidel.
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The Kibbitzer, where we take Jewish comedy seriously!!! If you are offended, it's satire.
A friend of the Off The Wall Comedy Theater, JHF and The Kibbitzer are here to bring unity and Jewish connection for you, in honor of Rabbi Kilimnick ZT"L.
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The Kibbitzer, where we take Jewish comedy seriously!!! If you are offended, it's satire.
A friend of the Off The Wall Comedy Theater, JHF and The Kibbitzer are here to bring unity and Jewish connection for you, in honor of Rabbi Kilimnick ZT"L.
The Kibbitzer is Funded by the JHF (The Jewish Humor Foundation) and you.
Contact us to make a donation and to sponsor Harbatzas Tzchok, the spreading of tradition through laughter, with articles or series in honor and memory of your loved ones.
11/26/2021
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