Announcements
The singles dinner for Tu BAv will take place next week. No singles signed up for the dinner tonight. We realized that charging money chases single people away. We also learned that they're not good at committing to anything. For this reason, the event will take place next week, with no commitment from anybody. We were advised that the exact numbers we should cook for is 'a lot.' We will host them instead, so they don't have to give anything to anybody. They're not used to giving. No more Carlebach Chazins. No more jumpers. We need to be able to find you. From now on Cantors must stand at the Chazin’s podium. If you're leading services, you cannot end up in somebody's seat, or somewhere outside the shul. There are Yahrzeits in the shul this week. Don't worry. The office will send you letters to make sure you donate money. All deaths are logged for financial reasons. If you're single, please get married. It depresses us to have to see you in shul. You would look less pathetic with a Tallis or head-covering. Please. For the sake of the children of the shul and their hope for a decent future, get married. The parents of the shul are having a hard time explaining you. Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Congregants and Single People who Don't Pay Dues... The word 'VaEtchanan' comes from Chanun. Compassion. When Moshe prays to God, he is asking for His compassion. The same way I ask for compassion from my congregants to not bother me... who can't figure out what a Shoresh is... It's the root word, Bernie. Chanun is the Shoresh of VaEtchanan... Every sermon, I have to give a five minute course on what the Parsha is... Go over the Parsha. If you listened at Hebrew school... Pray for the single people. They need your help. Single people need your compassion. Look at them. They're pathetic... Moshe wants to go to Israel and H' tells him no... Moshe listens, unlike the board, who feels that baseball games is what the community needs... We need a Minyin. We need people who donate money when there's a Yahrzeit... Bills! Bills, Bernie. (Devarim 3:26) Moshe tells the people that H' told him, 'It is enough for you. Speak to Me no more regarding this matter.' I tried telling this to the board, but they're not religious. Why can't I get the congregants to stop asking me questions... If you listened, we would've had a normal singles event... I know they can't commit. That's why they're single. Your questions regarding fundraising. It's too much. Somebody dies. You make money off it. They die and you ask the family for money. It's not hard. You don't complicate it with candle light vigils... I told you we need a cantor who will get through the davening. You bring a guy to sing Carlebach songs. We can't even find him half the time. He's hopping all over. Speak to me no more regarding this matter. Rashi quotes Sifrei who translates 'Rav Lecha' (too much for you) to mean that 'you have much.' I know single people have nothing... We have a lot. Those who aren't single have a lot. A great family... We have to understand that, and see the good we have. We can't go jumping away from the good, adding to stuff all the time. Be happy with what you have, unless if you're single. Single people have very little. If anything... Just stick to what you have... The Feldsteins have very little... Everybody talks about how pathetic your home is. Even the single people... We have a beautiful Tefillah. The prayers are amazing. Accept what we have. We have beautiful prayers. The congregants have no idea what they mean, but they're beautiful. We can't have a Chazin jumping away from it. We lost the Chazin. He was a jumper… Middle of Lecha Dodi, where did he go?! That’s what we were trying to figure out all last night... We were happy to see you this morning. We thought you got lost in your jumping… The Carlbeach Chazin is too much… He jumped off the Bima and ended up somewhere in the corridor… You stay on your stage. We had no idea where you were. We thought we lost you... You have a spot. You have much. It's a beautiful spot with a podium. Stay there... We have people who love baseball. A great shul fantasy league. We have much. The congregants have no idea who Pinchas was. They know who Vladimir Guerroro Jr. is. We have much talking in the middle of Davening... H' tells Moshe to go up to the top of the Mountain and see it. Sometimes you have to notice that there's a future. You accept your spot in this world and you give to the future... Bernie. You've done enough. Sometimes it's time to move on... (Devarim 3:28) He tells Moshe, 'Tell Yehoshua to be strong and courageous.' He tells Mosh to pass the leadership on... 'Strong and courageous.' The only advice I got from the board was 'watch out for Bernie'... You support me. You don't tell me to watch out for the membership. You don't tell me that you'll be a thorn in my side... Like Moshe gave Yehoshua the correct advice, give the single people decent advice. Not hand-me-downs. Help them get married... I know Tu BAv was yesterday. Give them hope... Even if it's a lie. Tell them they have to be strong. Go to the gym and work out to meet somebody. These people are so out of shape in our shul. You can't meet anybody if you're weak... To our single people. Be strong. Start working out. And you might have some courage... They have very little to offer. Why is everybody wearing white?… It's the Tu BAv tradition to run to the fields too. You're not running. You're too out of shape. Very not strong... You’re married. It's not showing solidarity with the single people to wear white. You're stealing their dates. Single people are supposed to wear the white stuff. The women wear it and the guys know they're single. And you don't even cover your hair. How are the single guys supposed to know to not hit on you... The ring is tiny... We know the Feldsteins are poor... It's all too much. This whole shul is too much. Be happy with what you have. Don't make it too much. Even at the baseball game, you all ate so much... We have so much in this shul. Stop sharing ideas with me. It's annoying already. See all the stuff we have. Maybe open the Chumash and go over the Parsha... So, I don't have to explain everything, Bernie... Have compassion on your rabbi and stop asking so many questions. Rivka’s Rundown Second week in a row where the rabbi's message was that the shul is too much. He's correct. The congregants are painful. The shul doesn’t pay the bills. That's why we still have a building fund. Forty years running. A building fund. They built the building and didn't have the funds. We've had a thermometer outside the shul for the past forty years. I think the rabbi was too honest with the single people. They did mess up. They know it. They spent their post Tu BAv crying about how they have nothing. It's hard to know who's single in shul. When you're in the middle of the Amidah (Silent prayer) you don't know who to hit on. We need married codes. The problem is the members aren't religious enough. If they were, we would see Sheytels. Those wigs are clear. A real Sheytel lets you know that's a married woman. When you see twice the amount of normal hair on somebody, you know they're married. I think we need tags. Modern people will wear tags. They won't cover their hair. We don't have to worry about the men. Nobody hits on them. The men in our congregation look awful. I think the rabbi told Bernie it's time for him to die. Between us, his kids won't give anything to the shul. They probably won't even buy a plaque. The Chazin was jumper. Very good height on his bounces. The rabbi truly was worried we lost him. He even sent a search party out before reading the Torah. They did eat a lot at the baseball game. And they begged for more. They wanted more. They were praying for more, and the rabbi had to tell them ‘it’s too much for you. You’ve had a lot.’ This is part of the reason they're out of shape. The fantasy league is a bit much. They have a chart in the back of the shul showing where the congregants are placing in the fantasy league. They took down one of the memorial plaque boards for the chart. They said their ancestors were baseball fans. It's an embarrassment. The men can't figure out how to call up anybody for an Aliyah, but they have the order of the fantasy standings down. They have no idea what their parents' Hebrew names are, but they can name every rookie in the National League. Tags:
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Announcements
The Tisha BAv food drive is going to take place on the fast day itself. We know that you give food you don't like. Disgusting food, like peas and carrots. So, the Chesed people aren't worried that it'll make you hungry. We’re also looking to encourage poor people to mourn with us, and we believe that your food donations of canned vegetables, and bad purchase like almond butter, will help. The break-fast will take place at the Schwartz's home. Hopefully they'll cook something decent this year. We did tell them that nobody likes ground chicken schnitzel. They apologize for last year’s chicken schnitzel fopaux. They said they’ll be sure to not grind up decent food this year. We are going to have Effie do Anim Zmirot from now on. He’s the best kid and he has proven to be the most violent. The Gabai doesn't want to get between the fourth-grade boys fighting over who is going to lead services. He has a family and needs to stay healthy for them. The cause of baseless hatred is taking too long with Mishebeyrachs. We understand you want to bless your family, the shul, your neighborhood, all of Klal Yisrael, the Olam, and all of your cousins by name, but people want to eat Shabbat lunch. From now on, you can’t steal more than twelve minutes of davening with one Aliyah. The board has decided that if you're wealthy enough, we can wait. Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My People… I was late. I was stuck behind Herman. He’s a very slow walker. Then, I made the mistake of holding the door for him… Herman. You caused Davening to take another forty minutes this week, when you went up for your Aliyah… We had to wait for you to get up. Walk faster… Then get a better walker… You made us wait in shul too. You should’ve skipped the Mishebeyrachs. Those blessings for your family were way too long… There’s a certain point where you don’t bless everybody by name… Like your friends in the office… You just make us wait, Herman… And Bernie is worse… (Devarim 1:6) H’ tells the Jews, ‘You’ve been at this mountain long enough.’ ‘Rav Lachem’ are the words used. ‘It’s too much for you.’ ‘It’s too much for you to be here.’ Couldn’t dwell at Har Chorev. We were in shul way too long today, thanks to Herman... It felt like we were dwelling here. THat's the length. Too much. They were at Sinai long enough. At some point, it’s too much. God wants you out. Move on. Get out… Yes. Reuven. You’re now twenty-eight years old. Get out of the house… It’s your parent’s house. 'It's too much for you.' The proper way of telling people you want them out. Being at this shul is too much for me. Twelve years with you. Pain… I understand H’ may have not been talking about pain. I’m talking about how painful it is… There’s a certain amount of time where it turns into pain. The third month in this shul… Topeka is too much for you… 'It's too much for you.' That's what I've been trying to tell you for the past twelve years... It's a proper way of trying to get people to leave, Bernie... The Mishebeyrachs are too much. Too much for this congregation. Not all of your kids can lead davening. Just Effie…. It’s too much. Too much fighting. Too many messed up Aliyahs by the Gabai... It's too much for you. I've told the Gabai this for years. Can't get rid of him... This all causes hatred. We have Tisha BAv tonight. And there is hatred because of how you act at shul. The Mikdash Miat. The Small Temple, and there is so much hatred. It’s all too much. Can you imagine what happened when the Gabai called up the wrong lamb for the sacrifice?... It’s too much for all of us. It’s too much for the Schwartzs to host. They can’t cook…. As long as there's split pea soup and croutons, that's all you need... Need the soup nuts and split pea soup to break the fast... Tradition. What does 'too much for you' mean? In this congregation, it means 'I can't help out.' If cleaning is needed after Kiddish, 'I can't help out... I've got to leave my paper plate on the table.' If Herman needs help moving, 'I can't help out. I'm sitting.' If Tzedakah is needed, 'I can't help out. I worked overtime last week. That's my money. I can't pay dues either...' Rashi quotes Sifrei and explains ‘Rav Lachem’ to mean that God has given the Jewish people ‘much greatness’ at the mountain ‘as a reward for having lived there.’ H’ gave us ‘the Mishkan , the menorah… the Torah… Sandhedrin, and leaders.’ At some point, you have to move on. It's too much to baby you. H' has already given you enough here... I have given so much to you. Please leave. Sorry. I mean to say, 'It's too much for you'... When you become passive, it’s over. You can't depend on me for every little thing. Move on. Stop bothering me with your questions. It's too much… You need to learn something to move on… You don’t have a Mishkan… Is this a Tabernacle, Bernie?... You don’t show up to shul… Your parents should’ve taught you to cook. You can move out now, Reuven. You should’ve learned how to daven… Getting rid of some of the membership wouldn’t be bad... Chorev is Sinai. Learn something… It’s painful dealing with you. It’s too much to explain everything to you… (Devarim 1:12) Moshe goes on, ‘How can I bear your trouble, your burden, and your strife all by myself?’ That's how I feel. You're a burden... No strife? Have you heard Harriet at Kiddish? And then the Sheytel committee???!!! Strife. Rashi translates ‘trouble’ to show that the Israelites were troublesome… You do follow tradition. And that is beautiful. Yes. It’s troublesome. You're troublesome. You don't care about your leader. That's why its too much for me too. When Moshe brings up the idea of having other leaders, (Devarim 1:14) the people responded to Moshe, ‘What you say is good.’ Like they wanted him out. I get the feeling you’re ungrateful… Did you ever say, 'Rabbi. You know. Maybe you should have the honor of opening the ark for Anim Zmirot.' Ungrateful... I can take Effie... It's all too much, because you mess things up. H' realized that it was enough at Har Sinai. The people took what they could... You become complacent. Do messed up stuff. A Tisha BAv food drive. Why is everything a food drive?... I understand that Chesed is the big thing now... I think that mourning the loss of the Temple is much kinder than giving a poor person food on a fast day… It’s troublesome. You're troublesome. You're a burden. You even cause strife with poor people... They're taking this messed up food you give them and now they're mad at this congregation... Yes. They're saying it's not enough. Tu BAv, the holiday of love is coming up. I hope you are less trouble... You're Shidduch for Shaindy last year was messed up. Too much... Take it easy on the singles. Your messed up Shidduch ideas are too much... Forget about the fact that they live 3,000 miles away and don't speak English. You suggested a bouncy house. A bouncy house?... I understand that Campy Castle is fun. They're thirty-five... When something is for two and up, you look off going at thirty-five. Especially when you're single. It's wrong... Put the singles in your Mishebeyrachs. You can help the single people... Oy. It's too much. Rivka’s Rundown The rabbi just gave up at the end of his sermon. He even threw up his arms as he left the podium. It seems like a large part of the sermon was the rabbi trying to get the members to leave the shul. He wanted them to leave Topeka. To never come back to our city again. I think he feels that our congregants are too much for the county. The rabbi ended up composing a new Piyut, hymn, called 'It's too much for you.' In the Piyut for Tisha BAv, he has an acrostic that says 'The members of Congregation Beis Emes uSefilah are very annoying.' It’s hard hearing it from your parents. Can you imagine hearing God tell you it’s time to move out? I don't know how Reuven would take it. I do think he would still stay. He hasn't left his parents house. He's still there. Reuven has to get out of his parent’s house. Nobody showed up for shul on Tisha BAv. They showed up for the break-fast. The fasting is too much. And nobody helped the Schwartz family set it up. It was too much for them. People really don't help with anything in the shul. One of the kids didn't even do Barchu at his Bar Mitzvah. The Gabai called him up. The Bar Mitzvah boy went up to the Torah and said, 'It's too much.' I think they've missed the message of too much. As the rabbi said, it was about moving on, they've accomplished what they could. The rabbi did say that our membership has accomplished nothing. It might be the other lesson of giving to other people that the rabbi feels our congregation can connect with. 'Give to the community by leaving us... It's too much for you. Give to others.' The Schwartzs had no idea people were coming for the break-fast. They thought that since they didn't come on Tisha BAv, they wouldn't come for the break-fast. To note, the reason people didn't come on Tisha BAv is that there was no food at shul. The break-fast had split pea soup. You need split pea soup with croutons to break a fast. They scored big with that split pea. It saved the break-fast. I was thinking about the break-fast the whole sermon. I was worried about fasting. Once the rabbi mentioned Tisha BAv, I had a nervous breakdown. I ran home and ate the rest of the day. Everybody started saying 'It's too much for you.' It was the new code for 'I don't want to speak to you.' The congregation became very passive aggressive. Herman walks very slow. That's not a question. Calling him up to the Torah for an Aliyah is too much for everybody. Herman had the rabbi find his Mishebeyrach list. That took five minutes; which was less time than it would've taken for Herman to get back to his seat. And then he did a twenty minute Mishebeyrach or so. The new Mishebeyrach rules have been charted. The first rule is 'get the blessings over with, quick.' The bylaw reads, 'Nobody cares about your family and your friends. Don't say all their names.' Effie is a bit of davening bully. He tells all the other kids he’s better than them. The parents were mad, hearing their kids aren’t good. They already know their kids aren’t good at sports. Now they’re hearing they’re not good Jewish leaders. Shul troubles. There are many. And it is all because the congregants do stuff. I believe that anything they do is too much. People should never set people up. I believe there wouldn't be so many single Jews right now, if people wouldn't try to help. If people didn't help, people would get married. They would probably date people they're attracted to. We thought the rabbi was saying he wanted to retire. He wanted a raise. If Moshe would’ve just said he wanted a raise to deal with the people, they would've foregone the other leaders idea that Moshe was bringing up. He should've just said he wanted a raise to deal with the issues. Tags:
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Sermon of Rebukes II: Matos-Masai7/31/2022
Announcements
The shul baseball game will be next week. As the shul's softball team is pathetic, we'll be going to see local a Single-A team. The board felt it's important to see a game where somebody hits a ball. Topeka Torpedo tickets are on sale at the shul website for $35. You can also purchase tickets at the box office for $3. Make reservations through the shul, but buy tickets at the box office just in case the office messes up again. There will be food. As we’re using the Torpedoes for a shul event, we don’t want to give the Feldsteins an excuse to eat nonKosher hotdogs. Our sponsor, who is not covering anybody’s ticket, wants to ensure there’s a Kiddish feel at the game. From now on, Anim Zmirot will have security. There is too much violence when the kids open the ark. Too much hairpulling last week. In Sunday school, we’ll be educating the kids on proper shul etiquette, and teach how to scream at the Gabai when they’re mad. Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Pupils... (Bamidbar 30:3) If a person makes a vow or an oath and make something prohibited, 'he shall not desecrate his word. All that comes out of his mouth he shall do.' Be a man of your word, Bernie... Do stuff. You've desecrated the shul, and you've desecrated yourself. A lot of desecration here... You said you would go bowling with me, Bernie. You didn't show. If you say you're going to donate money... You flipped the appeal card. Your promises mean nothing. You said 'I swear' and you didn't do it... Let's say you're in court. Can't trust you... Because you lie. You're liars. It's called lying... 'Let's hang out. And then you don't show up. That's called standing people up. Standing people up is Asur... It's forbidden. You should be stoned... Be a man of your word... Sadie. Your tongue is foul... Rightfully. They're annoying. But you swear a lot. A dirty tongue... No. The Parsha doesn't talk about cursing. But you should watch that. It comes out of your mouth. Desecration... Stick to your promises. Why is your child coming to me for the bike? You promised it to him on Pesach... He thinks I'm Pesach Santa... Because you didn't get him the Afikomen bike, Shmuel... I understand a father or husband may annul an oath. But you don't want to make messed up statements to begin with... They annul it, because they know you're going to mess it up. I've seen it Katie... You mess up everything. You flipped a two thousand on the appeal card last year... You said you were going to give the money, and you didn't. You said no violence in the shul... Your kids are fighting every time they open the ark.... It's like watching Herman and the Gabai. Any time Herman doesn't get Psicha, he yells at the guy... There are other people in the shul Herman... That wasn't a Neder. The Gabai said he would call you up. That doesn't mean every honor is yours... I understand it was vague. He should've said 'I'll call you up for an Aliyah.' You expect.... I'm trying to say. Parent. Parent. You took the oath of parenthood. There's no reason your kids should be running around in shul, fighting in front of the Aron Kodesh... It's the ark, Bernie. They shouldn't be fighting to serve God together... That's a problem in this congregation. We come together to serve God in battle... Everything is a fight. Even, who gets the honor to say the prayer of peace amongst Israel... Our coach, Dr. Feinblum, said we would win a game this year. We won nothing... The Torpedoes don't count. They're not the shul team. You say it. So, do it... Stop lying. It's a desecration. It's the Nine Days. Do what you can for the community... You said you would build the Beit Hamikdash. I don't see the Third Temple... Show for stuff. You don't show for your Aliyahs either. Gavriel the Gabai calls you up to the Torah and you just sit in your seat. Move. Do something... Then stop sleeping during davening... Come to the baseball game... Purchasing a ticket is a vow. If you say you're coming to a game. If you say you'll be somewhere... By not showing, you desecrated baseball too... Don't be like Bernie... All lies. When you don't live up to your word, you're lying, and that's a desecration. A desecration of yourself... A desecration of your shul. Of your community. A desecration of your family. A desecration of your friends. Your ancestors. Your coworkers... Shabbat too... When they made this shul, they vowed to make it Jewish... Baseball isn't Jewish... Sandy Koufax did not serve in the Beit HaMidksash... Kosher food doesn't make it a Jewish event. Nothing Jewish in this shul. The baseball game and the… They’re the only events you go to… We vowed to be a Jewish shul…. Kosher food doesn’t make everything a Jewish event... The bulletin mentioned nothing but baseball. Might as well put down 'Drinking' for the next event… I know it's an Oneg Shabbat. But everything we do is not Jewish. Why add in the Jewish aspect to the event?... After drinking and baseball, maybe we can go ice skating. Ice skating is Jewish. I think a Jew ice skated before... Shabbat times weren’t even in the announcements. Just baseball... I understand we’re not getting a Minyin… People don't show to what they've committed to. You're born Jewish, you're committed to... By not showing. You desecrated baseball too... Living up to your word is Jewish. You said you would come to the game... Rivka’s Rundown The rabbi spent a very long time explaining who you desecrate. The rabbi knows how to get people to come to events. Due to this worry of vows, people stopped RSVPing for Simchas. I don't take anybody for their word in the community. The rabbi gets offended when the congregants don't hang with him. He really cares about baseball and bowling. The rabbi holds his congregants to high standards. Building the Temple is one of them. If we ever have a decent handyman in the shul, the rabbi will send him to Israel to build the Third Temple. People think the appeal cards are a scratch it game. They have no idea that flipping those tags is a pledge. They play with the card, and think that if they flip over the 2k, they've won the money. They really do fight in shul. They say prayers for peace and join together in prayer to fight with each other. Honors cause the most fights. The rabbi is thinking of running every Aliyah like it's Simchat Torah, calling everybody up as a group. I disagree with the rabbi regarding what a Jewish event is, as does the rest of the community. You add kosher food to anything and it's Jewish. Kosher food makes it Jewish. The rest of the community just disagrees with the rabbi on everything. So, I figure they disagree with the rabbi about what makes something Jewish too. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke II: Pinchas7/24/2022
Announcements
The new sign at shul will be electric. We want to thank Freddie’s Barbershop for donating it. The shul will be receiving $1,000 a month for the new flashing neon sign out front, saying ‘Freddie’s Barbershop and Ribs with Congregation Beis Emes uSefilah.’ We pray it leads to more advertisement, and Felvel has a Refuah Sheleyma (full recovery). There's lot of space in shul. Above the left women’s section we have more room for adverts, between the stained glass. We'll be filling that out. If you want to save money on your High Holiday seats, we'll place adverts at your chair, next to the Yizkur appeal cards. Micky's garage is sponsoring the adverts for better deals on tune ups. The finger licking isn't going to stop. We understand the older people can't turn pages without saliva and chaching. As discussed in the page turning workshop, the shul rule is that you can only lick fingers on your left hand. Your right hand must be available for clean handshakes. The shul will also provide volunteers to turn pages for the elderly. We also ask that people keep chaching to a minimum, in the middle of the cantor's repetition. Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Flock… (Bamidbar 25:10-11) H' tells Moshe that Pinchas 'turned My anger away from the children of Israel by his avenging My vengeance among them...' There's anger in this shul. A lot of anger. Nobody avenges for the rabbi... Then you would've kicked out the back left section... Nobody fought for Simchi's seat. It's his Makom Kavuah... It's his regular seat. You just let Bernie go over and sit there... I know he's old. But you don't do things in shul that are wrong... Like Zimri taking Cazbi in front of the congregation to do whatever. Taking somebody's seat is also wrong... Simchi wasn't mad??? He took one of the plastic chairs and threw it... I'm not saying anger is right. But this congregation can... How many times you bring on anger. The leaving the paper towel by the sink... You throw it in the garbage... The garbage is right there. Anger... It's not a basketball game. If you miss, you pick it up and put it in... You're so bad at sports. The shul softball team can't even throw to first right. You think you're going to hit a paper towel shot... indy's hat... It's too big. Women can't see. Even if nobody steals their seats, they can't see... Pinchas killed them and the plague stopped. He stabbed them. Jabbed them a bunch of times. Blood. Death... Then don't take people's chairs. Lesson learned... Sometimes revenge must be had to educate a people. You take the towel and throw it at them. Then say, 'You don't leave towels by the sink. It offends God...' The Anim Zmirot fiasco was one that needed somebody to take a stand. Fights all the time... I understand that the kids are in preschool. Pulling the ark curtain causes a lot of violence. We need people to take a step in and be there to protect the community... You can get involved in a four year old fight. It's fine. A lot of scratching. Danger. Stranger danger... When they see the grandkids visiting for the summer, that they never met, they get more violent... 'So that I didn't destroy the children of Israel'... Sticking up for God, stops the plague. Pinchas stopped the plague, because he fought against the immorality. He defended the honor of the community and the Tabernacle... The Kiddish fight of '97. I was there. Nobody stuck up for Marina and Milt... Kiddishes with nothing but Kichel. And then you have the Simcha hall. Same tablecloths... You call it sticking up for Pinny, when you set him up with these girls from Florida. They're two thousand miles away... Why are you listening to the Gabai? There is a rabbi, with an 'r' and a Gabai with a 'g'... Gabai means he's volunteering. We have to stop listening to volunteers... Paper towels all over the sink. And that's what led to the destruction of the shul... Would H' destroy this shul? I am not saying that people should hurt the Gabai. I am just saying that the Gabai, the president... People have to stand up to them... Otherwise, we get stuck with messed up food cupboards and mucus all over the pages. Rashi likens jealousy to revenge... Pinchas took Gd's revenge by killing Zimri and Cazbi... Revenge on behalf of others can be fine... Revenge isn't allowed, when you're taking revenge for the Danish you didn't get. It’s wrong when it’s your revenge. When it’s your jealousy, that’s wrong. When it’s for somebody else, it’s right. You get that Danish… There was a plague. Somebody had to do something. Stabbing people is not supported by the shul’s board. I have asked them many times, to see if there was a loophole... Sometimes you have to take a step up, on behalf of a weak congregation… Very weak. Can’t even hit a baseball. Summer league has been pathetic again... Of course they all think we can't get a Minyin on Shabbis. Our congregants can't even walk the bases... (Bamidbar 25:12) 'I hereby give him My covenant of peace.' You get a covenant of peace if you fight against evil. Fighting evil, Pinchas receives God's covenant of peace. And I fight Bernie every day... It’s wrong when it’s your revenge. When you throw paper towels at people for others, it's the right thing to do. I have been fighting against salivating on Siddurs for the past many years. I have lost the battles with Bernie and Merv. I understand they have to lick their fingers... For the next generation, I pray there will be peace and Siddurs that are not disgusting, with the look of cigar mucus on them. You stick up for other people... Helping other people is a form of sticking up for them. A food pantry can help the poor. That's a Pinchas move. Sticking up for the poor.... A pantry that holds more than a Twizzler… A decent food pantry brings peace. Stops destruction... A pantry for other people. A pantry that holds more than a Twizzler… I don’t think Pinchas would’ve held up a convenience store… He would’ve left stuff in the pantry. And that stops destruction… Destruction of the Temple is because of Bernie. If we stop the fights among the kids. If we stop taking people's chairs. If we stop people from throwing paper towels, who aren't athletes, and can't hit a garbage can, we can bring peace to our shul, and stop the destruction... And we must advertise the shul’s pantry better… The shul doesn’t need advertisements. The shul needs to let people know where the pantry is... The banner above the left women’s section. Why do we have a sign saying ‘Kohl’s is good for all Jews’?... They didn’t have that in the Beit Hamikdash, Bernie. The shul is a small Temple… I saw the downfall of the shul when I didn't see the old shul signage anymore, and I walked in today to the neon club lighting of ‘Freddie’s Barbershop and Ribs with Congregation Beis Emes uSefilah.’ Rivka’s Rundown I hate to say this, but Simchi has anger issues. How the rabbi compared Zimri violating H' and Israel to Bernie sitting down because he's tired is hard to understand. He blamed Bernie for the destruction of the Temple, two thousand years ago. The rabbi did bring up counting the congregants, to make sure we have enough people to go to war. I don't know where that came from. Though, it was a very meaningful food pantry point. I also have no idea how the pantry is going to help the soldiers going out to war. I don’t think the rabbi was promoting violence over chairs, or people taking too much pastry at Kiddish. I am not sure. He is definitely thinking about taking action about mucus on Siddurs. There is a lot of violence by the Anim Zmirot prayer at the end of services, where we let the kids go up to open the ark. The preschoolers get very violent over their honors. It's similar to the fights started over Aliyahs (getting called to the Torah) in the early 2000s. The police had to escort the Gabai out, for his safety, when one congregant turned the Chumash cover into a shank and chased him, after the congregant didn't get the Levite Aliyah. The congregant was allowed back, as he explained that the other guy didn't deserve the Aliyah, just because he doesn't show up to shul very often. The congregant with the shank Chumash cover was allowed back, as he had a good point, and pays his dues on time. The other guy who got the Aliyah is not a wealthy Levite. The board voted in favor of chasing the Gabai with a Chumash shank. They said it would've been fine to chase the Chazin as well, as he sang too many tunes that Shabbat, and services lasted way too long. After Shabbat, the rabbi took a sledge hammer and knocked down the sign in the front of the shul. The board did not give the OK on it, and many were mad, as they're fans of Freddie's Barbershop. They did agree that having pictures of the non-kosher ribs on the sign of the shul wasn't right, even if it did draw more people to shul. The next shul dinner the rabbi is slated to receive the shul's covenant of peace. The rabbi also has a problem with the signage in the shul for local businesses. He wants to bring back Bingo, as he feels that is more proper way to raise money. As he said, 'Bingo keeps people away from the casinos, and it brings people to our shul who pay for something.' I believe the rabbi has an issue with every decision the board has ever made. Nobody takes a step up and sticks up for anybody in the shul. The Kiddish fight, where the family ganged up on the non-drunk guy. It was messed up. Nobody stepped in. Yankel pulling Tzachi's hair at the ark, people were scared of Yankel. He's a four year old bully. Real bad at sports. People are even scared to step up to the plate. Nobody takes a step up with anything in our shul. Only the rabbi. He is the only one with the covenant of peace. The whole sermon, there was chaching coming from the right side of the shul. Nobody said a thing. Nobody stuck up for the rabbi. I don't know how you stop them from chaching. I don't think Pinchas would stab them. I believe that back in the times of the Tabernacle, he would've given them some lozenges. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke II: Chukat7/8/2022
Announcements
The Shul yard sale will take place next Sunday. We ask that you sell stuff people want. They were offended by your 1980s tube TVs with the huge backs. They are not carriable, and they don't fit in homes. One guy said he needed a Minyin to lift the TV. We understand you have stuff you want to get rid of, but writing 'We've upgraded to a flat screen that’s bigger and fits in our house’ on your item is offensive. We also ask that you don't sell twin mattresses that are too small for you to sleep on. If you can't sleep on it, that means it's too small for people. Wicker chairs are also discouraged. To quote a disgruntled member of the community who doesn't like to shop at Home Decor Inc., 'Am I not good enough for normal ottomans? I have to sit on wicker?! Wicker with no cushion?!' Anything that is trash, please don’t bring to sell. If it’s in a trash bag, please don't bring it this year. Unopened trash bags are also not allowed to be sold this year either. We're not having another grab bag event. The board also asks that negotiations not get too loud. It’s embarrassing. It gives our shul a bad reputation when you fight. As we know that all of our members that are into collectibles are hoarders, we ask that you don't leave your collections behind. And no leaving your trash you can’t sell behind. Last year we almost had a Hoarders TV show episode filmed at the shul, when they heard the secretary couldn't get out, due to the couch with cats in it. When they heard they were dead cats, they wanted to know what kind of membership we have. We noticed who didn't show to this year's fundraiser. We're keeping track of your lack of support for the shul. We suggest members show to events. You should all show to funerals as well. We’re all keeping track of who is coming. Simchas are now being hosted to get mad at people that don't give decent gifts. There is resentment to bad gift givers. The shul has received many complaints about the Frankel family in the suggestion box. The main suggestion was to not invited the Frankels to any Simcha. We suggest all members give a lot of money, so there's less shul hatred, and we have less to listen to at Kiddish. We also ask you spend at least two hundred dollars on gifts. That or give two hundred dollars straight. If it's not on sale, the two hundred dollars is better in cash. Sales are greatly appreciated, as that shows you put thought into the gift. For this reason, it’s suggested you keep the sale sign on the gift. We've been asked to announce that Bar and Bat Mitzvahs, as well as weddings and Brises, are an investment. There's a reason you're invited to birthday parties as well. Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Impure... (Bamidbar 19:2) H' tells Moshe and Aharon, 'This is the Chok of the Torah'.... It's a decree. I'm not going to explain... Why do I have to explain every little thing to you? You still don't trust me... Now I understand H.' If you were His congregants... 'Why? I'm God. I think that's the explanation.' Rashi, quoting Tanchuma 7-8, explains that it's a decree that you can't contemplate over... Because other nations and the Satan will ask the reasons for this Mitzvah... And because you're annoying. This congregation is very annoying... No more contemplating. When you guys think about stuff, you mess it up. The garage sale. It was on a lawn... Then call it a yard sale. Stop thinking about stuff... It's not like people like garage sales more than yard sales... It's a Satan... Yes. I've contemplated leaving this shul. Every question you guys ask is a Satan. A bunch of Satan questions... The back left. Satan conversations... Yes. You have to keep Shabbis... I won't give in. I will not tell you what this Dvar Torah is about... Every sermon, you want to know. I feel like you asking me what I am talking about is a Satan in the shul... What's the Chok? The red heifer to purify people. The mixture... You're not pure. So, let's focus on the shul. We need Shul decrees... You have to wear a tie. No looking over the Mechitza... It scares the women. I shall not explain. These are Choks. I am not a sinner. I don't explain stuff. 'And you shall go in God's ways.' From now on, I will explain nothing as a rabbi... And no more sinning... It's a Chok. I will not explain what the sins are. Just don't do them... (Bamidbar 19:20) 'And a man that becomes impure and doesn't purify himself, this person shall be cut off from the people.' Anybody who... I feel like this congregation should be cut off. You walk in without a tie. Impure... Who else should be cut off from our shul? At least from Bingo night... And Bernie. Cut him off... Why do we allow these congregants... Bad gift givers at Simchas. Kick them out. Why do you even invite them... The shul needs a registry of bad gift givers, to know who to not invite to Simchas... You know, when they give you a twenty dollar bill with a smile, you should've have invited them... And clean clothes. (19:7) You have to clean your clothes too... Before coming into the camp, you have to be clean... Shower, for crying out loud. It's the summer... It's a Chok. I don't have to explain it. A Chok. You give decent gifts. It's wedding season. If you don't do it. You're cut off... I'm not going to explain what cut off means... I will not promise seats in shul for the High Holidays. Cut off... More Choks for the shul... And rugulach at Kiddish... A decent spread includes locks, AND RED ONIONS... If you decided to place it in a trash bag, there’s a reason. It shouldn’t be at the shul yard sale. One guy literally dumped trash last year… It was his trash. There were chicken bones. Marrow sucked out. Your trash is not somebody else’s treasure, unless that treasure is leftover bitten chicken thighs… They don’t have your memories… You sold your trash as memories last year. Two hundred dollars for a Teddy Ruxpin. They didn’t grow up with Ruxpin… It was an embarrassment. Not a fundraiser. An embarrassment to the shul… Your trash is cut off from the congregation. And that includes your cans of peas and carrots to the food cupboard. You're doing nothing for the poor people… You’ll have to throw it out or recycle it yourself… The shul cannot be embarrassed anymore by your behavior. Cut off… Your trash is cut off. If you can’t dress it up right, then throw it out. Cut it off... Even Fran. Cut off... It's all embarrassing to the congregation. That’s why we have to cut you off… Haggling at the shul… You haggle all the time. You haggled for your dues. It’s Tzedakah… I saw you haggling with the guy that was begging. You don’t haggle with charity… You said, ‘How about a dollar?!’ He asked for a five… It wasn’t shuk day. It wasn’t the Israeli Independence Day event… This is the Midwest. Not the Middle East. You can’t call the amount you sell, your dues. It’s a favor we’re doing for you… People who give bad gifts. They’re cut off from the shul… We don’t want to hear it at Kiddish. We know that The Book of Our Heritage has been given by everybody… You didn't buy it... You gave the book from your son’s Bar Mitzvah. You gave it to Samantha... We understand the meal is less than two hundred dollars. But they’re doing it to make money… None of you showed to my grandfather’s funeral… I have no idea who came. I know who didn’t come. You're cut off... And you didn't give any gifts... It’s a Chok... No. I’m not going to explain what a decree is. Rivka’s Rundown The rabbi truly brought home the point of how annoying these questions are. I can't imagine how annoying it is for God to have to explain His commandments to the Jews. 'Why do we have to follow this one?' 'Because I said so. I'm God.' The rabbi left a lot of stuff in his sermon unexplained. He just said, 'It's a Chok. A decree.' It turns out that the whole shul is bad gift givers. They never even went to the registry. What’s on the shul registry? Shul membership dues. The shul registry had different options for paying dues in honor of the Ba'alei Simcha (people being celebrated). One Bar Mitzvah kid received the gift of the Lefkowitz family dues being paid in his name. He didn't like that gift. The new registry of the list of people who shouldn't be invited is out. Everybody chekcs out that registry. The rabbi wants to kick everybody out of the shul. Yes. He did say the congregants are Satan. That did offset letting them all know they're impure. After the sermon, they all accepted they're impure. I think the rabbi is getting sick of explaining the Torah all the time. At one point, he said the whole Torah is a Chok. And he stopped giving classes for half a year. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke II: Korach7/1/2022
Announcements
The shul summer diet is on. We are looking to not be the most out of shape shul this summer. We understand you are all beautiful. However, H' likes it when you look good in a non-double-breasted suit for Davening. And the shul softball team needs it too. In honor of July 4th and commemoration of Canada Day, the shul will be adding a special prayer of thanks to God that we are not Canada. Due to last year's debacle, there won't be fireworks in the shul. We know that fireworks are social. However, safety precautions don't allow for a fire in the shul's halls. Fires on shul premises are not allowed. We already received a citation on Lag BOmer. There will be a pool party for women only. Men aren't allowed, due to laws of modesty, and the sight of you being frightening looking. No hitting people to say 'Hi.' We understand that you're being friendly, but your friendliness hurts. Even if it's a shoulder hit, or tush slap, it's not appreciated. We've had too many shul injuries in our shul due to friendliness. The men’s shelter has expressed their concern. They’ve reported bruises from kind greetings. Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My People... I'm beginning to think you're not. The board decided against my idea of having a choolante cafe... Heretics. You protest. Why? Because it was my idea... Just like the board, there was Korach. We know him as Rachel. The new treasurer... (Bamidbar 16:3) Korach and his people 'gathered on Moshe and on Aharon, and they said to them, "It's too much for you. Cause the whole assembly, all of them are holy... why do you exalt yourselves on the congregation of Israel."'... What's too much for me is having to hear you at Kiddish. The conversations are painful... I don't think that's what God had in mind for the Kohens. Dealing with your complaints. 'Reuven has an issue with how long the Mishebeyrachs take. Aharon. Take care of that. It's your job to deal with the Mishebeyrach issue, Aliyahs, the anger over Malka's new hat being flashy, and lighting the Menorah, Aharon.'... When did the job of the community leaders be to field Samantha's thoughts on the new shul awning? Figuring out why Michal is still mad at Malka for the hats that she wears during the summer... She can wear whatever hats she wants. She doesn't sweat like you, Malka. And the doily is not religious… Doilys are only religious when there's kichel inside of them... That would've been to much for Moshe and Aharon... Because it's annoying. Yitro even noted it to Mosher. He told Moshe, 'This is too much for you. The people will line up with annoying questions. You can see. They have a two mile line, just waiting to complain... The Levi concert line wasn't this long...' Closing on the mortgage is not a Halachik question... I don't know how to answer. I just know that you're gathering against me... Then make the choolante cafe happen... They were 'on.' They gathered against. They didn't gather with. They were looking for their power. On Moshe and Aharon. Kind of like the Gabai, who says that everybody is worthy of an Aliyah... They get the Aliyahs, Shmuel. They all get called to the Torah. They just don't all give sermons... I know they complain. They have no idea what the Torah says. How many of you know what the word 'Barchu' means?.... 'All are holy.' Yes... You're a holy congregation. But annoying. Moshe falls on his face... That means he was praying... Whenever I say Tachnun, and I bring my head down, I'm thinking about how messed up this congregation is. Every single time... I fall on my face and think about what I did wrong to get into this situation at this shul... He didn't slip on Korach. I don't think they tripped him. He couldn't take it. Did anybody help him up? No. They were on him... I fell. I was walking up to the Bima and I tripped on the step... You didn't help me!!! I fall on my face on Yom Kippur... That's for Aleynu. That's part of the prayer... I don't know how I deal with the Gabai. Yet, he hasn't been eaten by the earth. When you have no idea how to deal with something, you fall on your face in prayer... It's hard to deal with a congregation of heretics. I understand Moshe... The amount of heretics that show up on Yom Kippur... What caused him to fall?... Exalt? He exalted himself over them? You are going to blame Moshe for exalting himself? He didn't want the leadership... You think this position is exalted? Having to deal with Bernie… The accusations you people come up. I give sermons because that's my job. It is my Tafkeed. My task. What's your task?... As congregants, it's not to come over to me at Kiddish. You all want autonomy. You have a board, to make dumb decisions... The earth didn't swallow you up. But the ceiling is leaking. The board could do their job. The Korachs... You have independence… You’re in America. You hired me!!! Exalt myself over this? This is not exaltation... Yes. We need to lose weight as a congregation... I am here to help with your health... Spiritual and physical. I'm more of an exercise guru than a rabbi... Choolante is the way to get there. Choolante and Kichel... Last year, everybody walked to first base... You hit the ball and walked. You need to run... That's why we lost and people didn't show up to shul. Half of our congregation is too out of shape to make it... Shabbat morning services are now up to three hours, because it takes five minutes for you guys to get up to your Aliyah... You deserve the Aliyah, but you can't make it up there by yourself... You asked Mark to lift you up to the Bima, Bernie... They weren't good cooks... Men did cook back then. So they took their pans and they died... I wish it was that easy... I don't know when men stopped cooking... No. They baked in the Beit Hamikdash... (Bamidbar 16:11) Moshe goes on to tell Korach that his ego is getting in the way, and that he wants to be a Kohen too... It's because of his ego. he was already a Levi... He already gets to leave services during Musaf. What else does he need? It's ego. We've seen it in our congregation... You're a Yisrael, Mark. Moshe notes that being a Levi is not enough for them. They need it all. Like Sarah with the choolante. Can't share... I didn't say to eat it all. Share it... Moshe goes on to tell them that they are 'joining against God, and Aharon, what is he that you're protesting against him?' It's for you. Not for the people... What did Aharon do?... Exactly. He did his job. He did what he was asked to do. Every time somebody fulfills a duty here, you rag on them... It's your ego. It's because you make a bad choolante, Samantha... Cook it and share, and all will get along... When you use a frying pan to make choolante, bad things happen. When you do it against other people. When you raise yourself above everybody. When you get a huge hat, like Malka... God is not part of this shul's Aliyah choolante hat ego... Korach took God out of the decision making. He made it about ego... The softball league patheticness is the next level of not trying. Just like Korach wanted stuff given to him, you want the game given to you... Then run a little... That’s not independence. When a hat is in your face, it's intrupendence... Independence from your people? Korach already had independence. He wanted power. When you want power, that is when bad things happen, like a three hour Shabbat morning Shacharit service. Like a messed up awning and hats that are independent of style... Independence from your rabbi??? Is that what you want?... You wanted me as your rabbi and now you protest. Now you want to be the rabbi... Yes. Smicha is important... (Bamdibar 16:4) Moshe fell on his face. What else do you do when you have to deal with this?... I don't know. I am looking at the back left and I am asking myself... The dumb questions you have… Korach and his people would ask questions like that… Why am I in charge of services? I’m the rabbi. From now on, when I say something that makes sense, take it as H's word. Take it as Jewish law. No more hitting arms to say Shabbat Shalom… I know you think it’s friendly, Tim. However, we’ve been cited for abuse… No buddies. Your friendliness hurts people Did Korach use violence? I’m not sure. Phil’s friendliness does hurt though. Moshe fell on his face in prayer, due to sadness… Michael fell on his face due to kindness and love. You said hello and he re-ruptured his hernia... And Yes. We need a new awning. Why is that my task?... I just don’t know why “Rachel” doesn’t take care of that…. Don’t be like Korach. Or Bernie. Rivka’s Rundown Too many people have been walking out of shul with bruises, due to friendliness. They are thinking of shutting down our shul, as people love each other too much and are too affectionate. I have to tell Thelma she's got to calm down. She’s being friendly to me by hitting me. She thinks she's a dude. She even elbowed me. It's like she's practicing her Thai-boxing on me, when she wishes me a Good Shabbis. I have no idea how to take it. I did see one guy kindly knock out Baruch, as a friendly gesture of comradery. The rabbi is correct. Choolante is holy. At least the non-religious congregants don't appreciate it as much as the ones that are going to heaven. I've never seen a doily wearer eat choolante, or speak Yiddish. We had to do something about the awning. It’s ripped. The rabbi thought that something that is stands out to anybody who enters the shul, the board might fix it. Rachel ended up purchasing a neon pink awning. I don’t know if it's what the shul was going for. The rabbi ended up calling them heretics for thinking on their own and doing something. I believe he called them Korachs. Doilies must stop. We now have nothing nice to put in the wicker baskets for the Kichel. Some of the older women are taking their head-coverings out of the Kiddish wicker bowls. They're stuck putting napkins in it. Fran was sitting and Feivel mistakenly placed his bit Kichel on her head. They do all argue about the hats. The summer hats are bigger. They're just made out of straw. Huge hats. Many of our less religious congregants head to the horse races right after shul. I think they're dressed for that. The rabbi got everybody going with that Malka's hat being too big comment at the end of the sermon. It was like an old British mob with all the women her section pointing at her, saying, 'Yew. Yew.' The rabbi stopped the mob by acknowledging how ugly each of those women's hats was. It turns out that making fun of hats is very easy. You can even say 'look at that viser,' and people will laugh. It was a great lesson in Lashon Hara, and how to un-embarrass someone by embarrassing everybody else. Now, when we mock people, we mock everybody. The rabbi is really big on losing weight. He wants somebody to be able to run to first base this season. He feels that other shuls will start respecting our congregation if they can't throw us out that easily. They lose their personalities. They lose weight and they changed. Can't drink beer anymore. If you used to drink beer and now you can't, you've lost your personality. I lost an old friend to a diet a few years back. We couldn’t eat together anymore. And now she drinks Crystal Light. I’ve lost a lot of friends with this diet. This diet thing is annoying. It changes their personalities. When somebody can't join me for a piece of Danish, I can't talk to them anymore. And then I'm trying to talk to her, and she's like, 'Let's go for a walk.' What happened to talking over Danish? Shul day camp is little Simchas way of making money this summer. It’s not even at the shul. It’s a good teenage scam. He watches the kids in his backyard. No fence. He calls it the Open Shul Camp. It's like a school without walls, that has no walls. No adult supervision. It just so happens that if you put the shul's name on something, safety is not a priority. The July 4th fireworks were nice. Everybody in the shul kept talking about them being the most exciting thing they had ever seen, as there was a crescendo, and then another crescendo. The questions to the rabbi are annoying. It's too much for anybody. The problem is that the Jewish Family Services charges for counseling. I’ve heard dumb questions to the rabbi. I just heard his side of the call. ‘You can go to Krogers. They have an excellent dairy section.’ ‘The mortgage is fine.’ ‘Pay your dues. That’s a good idea.’ Everybody complains about the rabbi. Yet, none of them have said, 'We want your position.' That is where Korach went wrong. He had no idea how annoying our members can be. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke II: Shelach6/24/2022
Announcements
Many congregants are trying to figure out what's right. What's right is for you not to talk. If you get a look with a head nod from side to side, that means stop talking. You're probably doing it without knowing. If there's no concert and swaying, shaking of a head is disappointment. When the rabbi looks at you, he's disappointed. To quote the Rabbi, 'If I'm looking at you and smiling, it's because I'm laughing at how bad I have it. I had no idea I was signing up for this.' No dropping off anything at shul anymore. The food pantry doesn’t appreciate your cans. The poor people said they don’t want the carrots and green beans. They hate the mix, like you do. To quote, ‘If you want to bring anything to the food pantry, it has to be good. We aren’t taking your trash. We eat green beans alone too. We're people. And we are offended by your children’s art, that you had to throw out of your home. It doesn't belong in the food pantry. It's not edible. Even the macaroni necklace is impossible to eat. We tried. We understand you want it out of the house. Nobody can pawn that non-talent. The food pantry is not a trash can.’ Charities are being chosen by the rabbi. Let us know which ones you want. To be clear, the Feldstein wedding isn't considered a charity, just because they want to save money on the cost of food. You still have to give a gift. Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My herd... (Bamidbar 13:2) H' tells Moshe to send men 'for you' to scout out Israel. These are the spies we learn about... I don't think they would've chosen tribal leaders from this congregation... The youth group leader is good. She does a great job with the Modeh Ani prayer... It was for them... For Moshe. I don't know. It says 'for you'... Yes. H' told them to go. They wanted to do it. Like the time you wanted to go to the amusement park and Shmuel ended up intermarrying... I wasn't for the intermarriage. I said we should learn Torah. I always tell you that we should learn Torah. Every event. But you complain... We have classes... You wouldn't know, because you don't show up... I said yes to not have to listen to you... You guys love complaining about the rabbi. I let you check for a new one... You don't remember the two months I was left without a job?!... I didn't say 'don't pay me.' I just said, 'Do you what you want already. This is getting annoying.' When I tell you to do something, don’t do it. It just means you’re annoying… I am sick of hearing you complain... Yes. I sent you to pick up new tablecloths. But not those... I know I said that whatever you pick out will be good. That's not the point. You have to do what's right. Light blue is not the right color for tablecloths... It looks off, and stains... At least white looks good before it stains... Even if I tell you to do make decisions, you shouldn't make decisions. General rule. Never talk. If I tell you to talk, know it's a bad idea to share your ideas... You've messed up the board... Because the board makes decisions. Do you see the problem?... You should just be signing that we're a non-profit... I have to make it look like you're important. So you'll join the board... Judge by the look I give... Exactly. It's usually a look of disappointment. Now, finally a congregant who understands... You're supposed to talk. Not in shul... The problem is that you can't figure out anything... From now on, we're going to be as specific as possible... Exactly. I said it. You're annoying. I think that's specific... I said give charity, and all the sudden, you're giving to the Kids for Acting Foundation, supporting kids who want to be huge actors out in Hollywood... That's not a charity. That's an ego booster for the young and the wealthy... We said the food cupboard for charity... You're supposed to bring stuff for charity. I didn't know that charity to you means your trash... I saw your donations. Tomato paste??? How much tomato paste can somebody eat? There's no food. Just tomato paste... Going to spread the tomato paste on a can?! You should've thought to purchase pasta. Then you wouldn't have to donate tomato paste... Pasta and cheese with tomato paste is amazing... The problem is that you didn't give the pasta or the cheese. You gave it 'for you.' Rashi says, 'Why is the Parsha dealing with the spies connected with the section dealing with Miriam? Because she was punished over stuff dealing with speech, for speaking against her brother, and these wicked people (the spies) witnessed, but did not learn the moral lesson from it.' You guys never learn. That's the problem... You haven't learned from the disgusting art work of your children's paper mache... You learn from nothing I say. You space out… You don’t learn. I tell you to learn... That's why I stopped saying to do stuff. It's come to the point of working reverse psychology with everything I say... The kids don't learn. Even on the slide, your kids… She burned herself. Then he did the same thing… It’s a metal slide. We have a heatwave. And that’s the punishment… When you don't learn from the past, from what you saw, you are to blame... They should've trusted H'... How many times do I have to tell you to trust H'?... The problem is they talked... Did H' tell them to talk? No. Just look... Simmy and Frank are talking in the back of the shul again... You guys talk. Always bad. Messed up shul art, because you don't listen right... The still lifes... It's a shul Bernie. How about a still life of a Torah. How about we call the Torah covers art... We don't need a fountain... You exaggerate everything I say. If you're scared of big fruit clusters... So, they're not bite size. You get a little juice on you. You stain your shirt... No. You don't clean a white shirt you stained on Shabbis... Charities you can give to are the shul's building fund. The shul's extension project. The shul's teenage growth foundation. The shul's youth group for shul kids. The shul's new Sefer Torah project. She shul's dinner program. The shul's discretionary fund. The rabbi... You still owe me for two months... The shul amusement park trip... I didn't say to do it. But if you're doing it anyways... Shul dues. If you don't pay them, they're a charity... You do stuff that is right... How do you know? You don't talk. And that is why none of you live in Israel... Lashon Hara is keeping you out... Support the shul summer day camp run by twelve year olds… No idea who’s watching over them… Calev was right. Don't be scared of big fruit. And believe. Believe that you can do it. And stop asking me questions... Rivka’s Rundown The rabbi looked at everybody. People felt like they did something wrong, when they shook his hand. So, the rabbi made an excellent point about tomato paste. That should've been in the announcement. The main lesson of 'don't share your thoughts' didn't really catch on, as the congregants kept asking questions, and complaining, throughout the sermon. They should've learned from the tablecloths. Bad idea. The other lesson of people being very annoying was taken in by everybody. The whole congregation shook their head, looked around and said, 'All of these people are annoying.' I don't believe they were thinking about themselves. I think they come to shul because everybody else is annoying. The other people are annoying. The rabbi realized that their going to do whatever they want anyways. The rabbi chose the Gabai, because the shul wanted it. He hates the Gabai. Come to think of it. Every answer the rabbi has given me was to shut me up. The problem is that the people never learn. We still see cans of tomato paste. The fact that people can't get basic stuff the rabbi tells them, and everytime they make a decision it's messed up, that's why we have the Gemara. Thousands of pages and hundreds of thousands of pages of commentary. Because people like Bernie don’t listen. And then you have Cindy on the board. When the rabbi noticed that nobody was giving money to the shul, he said they can give to these charities. The Golf Association. The Groomers Alliance. Shoppers Club Card. Rock Events Federation, which supports people who don't have enough money for tickets that are not in the balconies. The rabbi thought that because he called it charity they wouldn't give, and they would give to regular charities, for people who are in need. Instead, they bought tickets to events and concerts and skipped shul. Rabbi has chosen some new charities, which he hopes benefits our shul. Kids for Better Candy. He chose that because the kids were mad when there was no sugar powder candy at youth groups. Bingo being its own charity was supported by everybody. They gave money to Bingo, as its own fundraiser for itself. We just have to stop offending poor people. The summer garage sales are a spit in the face. Down the block, they even put the stuff out in trash bags, to show you that it's trash to them. You feel like a second class citizen buying the stuff. One family was selling a wicker chair. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke II: Behalotcha6/17/2022
Announcements
If you want to blame anybody, it's the Gabai's fault. The shul fundraising dinner will be $80 for singles. $90 for couples. $98 for families with five children. If you have more than five children, the fundraising dinner is free for the family. We've tried to keep single people and divorcees away from the community, but we have decided that we will allow them to remain if they pay a lot. If anybody has an idea for a name for the shul fundraiser, other than 'shul fundraiser,' please write the office. We just ask that 'shul fundraiser' is part of the name, as nobody will give money if they're not directed to explicitly. We were thinking of calling it the 'give money to shul shul fundraiser.' New Rule: You have to say high to people. You're not allowed to pretend like you don't notice people in shul anymore. No looking away. Our congregation is too small for people to think they're important. From now on, only classy events. All shul Simchas must start in a room where you're not going to eat. It has been decided that telling people to move to another room is classy. Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Flock... (Bamidbar 8:2) The Menorah was built from one solid piece of gold, hammered out (Ramban)... Can we get a decent contractor in this place. We've got a guy with chisels, drills, chainsaws... He does nothing. He just breaks stuff... He makes holes... He couldn't hammer a circle. The Menorah was hammered out... It's not clay. You can't mold it with your hands. It's not like the romantic scene in Ghost... Made from one piece. It's not eighty pieces put together... No reason for Chaim's artwork to be more than one piece. It's not like Chaim's drawing is the Statue of Liberty... He tore it up. That’s why it’s in sixty pieces… Why is it hanging in the shul hall? With a thumbtack?! It's in sixty pieces... It’s not art. It’s a child that had a tantrum… It's not supposed to be in pieces... It does represent the dividedness of our shul, where there is no unity... Because nobody wishes anybody a 'Good Shabbis.' They look at you and wish you an awful Shabbis... The look says it all... (Bamidbar 8:3) He kindled its lamps towards the face of the Menorah. The wicks of the branches on the side faced the middle. Again. Focused on unity. Oneness. Focus... Why do I constantly have to answer these questions? If you focused... Focus on the Torah reading for once... I don't know what you're talking about... I know you're louder than the Bal Koreh. The one reading the Torah ends up facing you... It's a stop talking look... The Menorah was connected. Pointed to the unified middle... Your head is turned and I am talking. You face the lectern when the rabbi talks... That's the unifying source. The Torah is read... Yes. You listen to it. You face it and listen to it. You don't talk and not say 'Good Shabbis'... From now on, we need symmetry... I'm not saying Aharon was an artist... He would've done better with paper mache than the Hebrew School kids. That paper mache sculpture thing is so off. Is it a shoe?... Than why is it in the entrance to the shul?... Abstracts don't count. My signature is an abstract... I write my signature poorly. Exactly. That's the point. It's not a piece of art hanging in the shul. The Menorah was beautiful and hammered out. A fine work... 'As H' commanded'... That's how Aharon lit it. It was a good work... Did H' command you to be single? No. That's bad work on the dating front... Alone. A sculpture all by itself. A poorly done piece that H' didn't command... Get married... That's why it looks good. God knows art better than Chaim... The Levites followed H's directions. That's why they don't have Jewish artifacts that look like shoe moldings... It’s a door stopper... Yes. Your kids are shameful, and there's a reason they didn't take over for the Bachurs. It was the way H' showed Moshe, that's how it was made (Bamidbar 8:4). If they followed directions, it might be art... Have you seen the Menorah by the Kotel? Beautiful... They would not put up Simcha's art. Or an abstract that looks like a messed up foot... The problem is that people think they're important. There is no room for creativity when you're commanded to do stuff the right way... The wood slab and nut Chanukiah is not cool... Even single people don't use it... (Bamidbar 8:16) 'For they are given over to Me from among the children of Israel, instead of those that open the womb, the firstborn...' The Levites took the place of the Bachors, the firstborns... They messed up. The Bachors messed up like Chaim… We don’t hang up everything the Bachors do, because they messed up. Why are we hanging up all of this art work?... The same way the Bachors were substituted out, we must substitute out all the messed up artwork in the shul... We need to find congregants that take the place of the members... Kids need to listen in Hebrew school before their place in shul is lost. They're going to lose their place if they don't listen... Their art wouldn't be this messed up if they followed directions. If they followed instructions, they wouldn't be making self-portraits that look like... Does this look like Sima?... Yes. This thing in my hand... Well. It says her name on it. This is her self-portrait she drew in art class... I know, it looks like a cat... We will substitute them... A substitute wouldn't help this work... They are holy to Me. We need people that are holy to this congregation... You've messed up like Bachors... You even get mad when new people join. Like you can't get enough attention... You're worried your spot will be taken, because you don't listen to the Mitzvot... The Mitzvot of decent art. And you don't do your part... The Ner Tamid, continual light, is neon... They didn't use neon in the Temple, Bernie. Real art comes from oneness. Connectedness... Single people aren't connected... Even single people wouldn't make a wood slab and nut Chanukiah. It looks pathetic... The concept of art is off in this shul... You're not cool, because you're a Bachor. Even if single people wouldn't take your place... It's because they're single. Connectedness through Torah. Torah in the middle. The Levites were connected to God, to the people. They followed directions... How can you be connected if you don't say Hi? If you don't listen to your rabbi... I am standing right here. In the middle.... We need to connect through something. The sisterhood can't even agree on which Danish is the best. Raising the Levites is what we do. If we can raise funds... Raising money for gifts. Gifts are not a charity. If you would give something to the shul's building fund... We're not hanging Rachel's pinata outside the shul... Whatever the paper mache thing is. It looks like a mold. Stop giving the shul stuff you don't want. It's not art... The building fund is to keep the building in tact, heat and to keep up the tent over my parking spot... No more gifts. Only donations of money. No artwork. Unless if God commands it... If you don’t want it in your home. We don’t want it. Did God ever say to give Him your trash?... That was gold and silver. Find jewelry... It's not art. Don’t throw it on the shul. If you got ripped off on a print, keep it... I understand that you were supporting a young artist in Tzfat... If you just smiled and were kind, that would bring unity and focus... They don't want to be with you. Your Bachorness... Rivka’s Rundown The rabbi has went back to referring to us as sheep and cattle. It's amazing how our rabbi always finds a way to ask for money. That's what makes him great. That and his ability to make everything holy. Only our rabbi can bring Patrick Swayze into a sermon. In the end, people gave nothing. They said that if they can't drop off their kids' artwork, it's not worth it. For the building fund, the shul hosted a garage sale for all the trash the members dropped at the door. The rabbi couldn't stop people from dropping off their kids' memories, and they were scared their children would see it in the garbage. The Bachor and Levi point was beautiful. The rabbi's member exchange for people that don't come to shul. was passed by the board. The idea of members paying and other people coming instead of them is appreciated by all. The board members stopped showing up all together. The shul art is off. The rabbi didn't mention the ark cover this time. There is so much wrong with the pieces up in our shul. We have to stop taking donations. Until they understand that donations can only be money, no more donations. The paper mache was a donation from a parent trying to get their kid's art out of the house. It's embarrassing. Chaim's mom didn't want the family name on the piece, but her son felt so good seeing it in shul. Now the name is on the piece and the family is embarrassed. Rightfully. They tried getting rid of the artwork, but nobody wanted it. I think the problem started when we opened the shul food pantry. People thought they could start dropping off anything they don't want. I had no idea people were so against sardines. Why they buy them is still a question. Many poor people are not happy receiving the artwork of third and fourth graders. What’s on the pieces at the shul? Nothing Jewish. A picture from Italy. No Jerusalem stuff. Most of the art is a child's profile. I think they make them draw that in school, and the parents don't want to hang it in the home. Very untalented children. I can't imagine that the teacher told every child to draw abstracts. We had a class on the different looks. The head nod from side to side is disappointment. That's the only head nod the rabbi gives. I don't know how the class was confusing. You never shake from side to side with a smile. It's always with closed lips of rage. The rabbi had to explain that the down and up head nod is a greeting. Yet, the up and then down can be disappointment. Single people have to pay a lot more for everything. We try to keep them out, but they pay. Now, that they pay, we give them awkward looks and try to not sit with them. The problem is that the shul dinner organizers sit them at tables. The addendum to the you have to say hi to people rule, is that you don't have to say anything to them, if they're single or divorced. Giving them head nods from side to side is encouraged. The people in our congregation don't greet each other. I feel like its turned into a Minyin they're trying to keep people out of. They're trying to keep the numbers under 10. A conversation of important and cool was had. It was decided at by the board that you can't be important or cool in our congregation, due to the numbers of people who care. The rabbi blamed it all on the Gabai. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke II: Naso6/10/2022
Announcements
There's leftover cheesecake from Shavuot. You can take some home, as everyone over-purchased. Cheesecake is very expensive. You can take it and feel like you did the right thing. We're trying to bring holiday happiness, and nothing brings more Simcha to our members than a deal. Next year, we suggest to not purchase more than eight cakes for a family of three. Softball team tryouts will be on Sunday. You have to make it to the list to sign up. If you do that, you're on the team. If you can't walk to the field, you can't be on the team. We need people that can walk this year. If there is rain, you should still come to shul. Davening does not get rained out. There are no rain delays for Mincha. Many men are angry they've been getting Galilah, and not Hagba. There is a reason why you're rolling the Torah and not lifting it. The role of lifting the Torah takes strength. To quote the Gabai, 'Work out. You're scrawny.' Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Drove... Levites are important too... I know they sit in the back and talk. They counted the Leviim... They did work back then, for the Temple... That is correct. They served the community. The Levites in our shul don't help. They haven't helped for years. They didn't even slice the cheesecake for the Shavuot Kiddish... No reason to give any tithes to them... Sam. You haven't done one Levite duty. Opening a juice factory is not a Levite duty. It's a business... You want the business and the tithe... Showing up to shul and helping roll the Torah. That’s a duty... Have you ever rolled a Torah to the right Parsha... You can't even find Bereishit... They're weak... Most of the congregation is out of shape. That's why we also lose the softball league every year. It's for out of shape people and we lose. We're more out of shape than out of shape people... Leviim can't even walk up for an Aliyah. They can't make it around the bases... Would they have been able to take apart the curtains of the Tabernacle and hauled them through the desert??? Sam. Stop. You hire farmers to help... Well your last name is Levi. And you get mad at the Gabai for not calling you up ot the Torah. Chutzpah... He can't call you up for Hagba. You're too out of shape... Maybe two columns. It’s pathetic... The Levites have families. Gershon, Kehat and Merari. I don't think one full family has shown up to shul in... Sam. You're not part of any of them... Make up your mind... It's not about benefits... Lineage back to Levi is good enough... All impure people are sent out of the camp... It's not a summer camp. They didn't have tennis and boating... The kids are disgusting. Dirty as anything. And then... It was a desert!!! They had arts and crafts. They had shop. They built the Tabernacle... That was the activity. (Bamidbar 5:1-3) 'And H' spoke... Command the children of Israel and send from the camp all those who have Tzaraas... contaminated by a human corpse... expel them, so they should not contaminate their camps that I live within...' We would never get a Minyin. This whole congregation is impure. You can't roll the Torah if you have Tzaraas... It's dirt. Might be Tzaraas. The kids at camp are just filthy. They have rest time. They have letter time. No shower time... If they do, they have to enforce it... We need the bad athletes off the softball team... Even if they're counted onto the team. Expel them to the stands... We don't need the 'spirit, yes we do'... This impurity is killing our shul's reputation... Impure people can’t join the community. Weak people can’t lift the Torah or join the softball team. Levites in our shul can’t do anything… No ability… Look at the Parsha. You had tasks… Now that we know Sam isn't a Levite… Thought services were rained out??? The rain excuse again?! Weakness is what that is. If you can't show up to Minyin because of rain... Then clean your hair before putting on Tefillin... Rain deosn't contaminate. Mikvahs are built with... No rain delays in shul. Think of it as a domed stadium. The Anshei Emes USefilah Dome, with non-athletic people... The softball league also doesn’t have rain delays… It’s not hardball. The most exciting thing in the game is if somebody slips... You were hoping for rain delays, because you’re lazy and weak… And you’re a very impure congregation… The Chazin davening is enough of a delay. The way he leads services has us staying for an extra half hour. His rendition of the Amidah is a delay... Sam. You don't work when it's sunny out. I've you heard you call off work due to sun delays... The Halacha is that you shouldn't run into a shul as shelter from the rain... It's disrespectful, like you talking now. Bernie. That's why it's a law... If there is nowhere else to find shelter. If you can't find a tree... So, you get wet. You came in and for a minute... You left when the rain stopped... If you're coming in to get out of the rain, you have to pretend like you came to shul, and join the Minyin... Tons of members don't have decent air-conditioning. That's why we get a Minyin when it's very hot... It's Halachikaly wrong if you don't stay for Minyin... But the new central air is amazing. Trust me. Check out Sadie's seat... Shul doesn’t have rain delays or Levis who work as Levis... It would be nice if people showed up next Shavuot... You stay up all night when it's not Shavuot... Rivka’s Rundown They slept right through Shavuot learning. The congregants couldn't even stay up for the all night learning till 1am. Finding out Sam Levi is not a Levite was a bit of a shocker to all of us. That's confusing. The weird thing is that he always leaves the shul for Musaf on holidays. Now we know he doesn't go out to wash the Kohens' hands. He's just taking breaks. Who's been washing the Kohen's hands all these years? The rabbi is correct. We're an out of shape shul. Most of the Leviim can't even walk up to get their Aliyah. Now, we don't even know if there are any real Levis in the shul, or people who just sneak out and steal Aliyahs. The rabbi started a shul gym class. The problem is that most of the members are contaminated and they were all sent out of the class. Rained out??? That's how you know people are weak. If you can't walk in the rain. I think some of the members are embarrassed. They think their reputation in town will get hurt if they're seen walking in the rain. The board mentioned that people walking in the rain look homeless. Which is how we came up with surrogate members. This way other people show in your stead and nobody is embarrassed. The problem is that we needed Jews. A lot of congregants do take advantage of the shul. Some have tried to shower in the sinks. When we had a drought, they were all in shul. They think of the shul more like a foodbank. The whole prayer and learning thing hasn’t caught on in our community yet. Maybe in another fifteen or so years. The rabbi is trying. He even told everybody to learn the thirteenth chapter in the Kitzur Shulchan Aruch. It’s less than a page. I don’t even think our membership can translate the name of the book. The Gabai blamed for everything. All I we ever here at Kiddish is the men talking about 'why Galila?' I even told some of them, 'You haven't hit the gym. You're scrawny as anything.' I told them they should join our crossfit class. The men are so lazy and weak. They can't them Hagba. The rabbi instituted the Chabad style Hagba recently, where you do the rolling on the table, due to lack of strength. Why the Gabai used the word ‘scrawny’ was a bit much. He sounded like a bully from the ‘70s. At the time it was a bit much, but once I used it, I thought it fit Tzivi's body type. We haven't been getting a lot of people at shul recently. Some still use COVID as an excuse. Tons of people showed for Yizkur. The memorial stuff draws a lot of people. The rabbi wants to start having more Yizkur services. He mentioned having one every Shabbat, so we can be sure to get a Minyin. A lot of people showed. I haven't seen some of them in a really long time. I thought they were dead. It's good I didn't call Fran's kids to extend my condolences. There were around 80 wheelchairs. To draw more people the board is trying to figure out if we should get rid of seats, for the wheelchair space. The buses in town do it. Yizkur appeal cards were handed out. The rabbi gave a big speech. He really performs when it comes to dead people. He knows how to get people to flip over the $1,800 donation. The pre-Yizkur appeal speech had them with the idea of getting their relatives out of hell for $1,800. I think the fundraising committee is going to start using that around Yahrzeit times too. We just have to let the congregants know that it's not a one-time fee. Hel can sneak up at anytime there's Yizkur or a Yahrzeit. It's good we don't do the census stuff anymore. It would be pathetic to count three heads. I like when the announcements have suggestions, like not to over-purchase cheesecake. It goes bad. Babkas can last years. Cheesecakes will go bad, even in the fridge. You can freeze them, but then you have to wait a week to eat it. Next week, they should make a suggestion for people to wear raincoats when it's raining. They should also put in a note of no umbrellas. The people using umbrellas look so not religious, sinning on Shabbat. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke II: Bechukotai5/27/2022
Announcements
Shabbat Mvorchim is this Shabbat. So, do not come to shul on Tuesday, Rosh Chodesh, if you're going to complain about showing up late to work. If you don't care about God, and you can't stand how Simmy davens reals slow, like myself who finds it annoying, please don't come. The Jerusalem Day performance will not take place on Jerusalem Day. It will be in August, so the Finkelwitz family can be there. The board of rabbis said we can't say Hallel then, as the Finkelwitz family showing up to a program is not a big enough miracle. If they showed for Minyin, there would be reason for extra praises to God. We still welcome the donations from the Finkelwitzs and they are still the best congregants. People are still mad about last year's performance. The Pita Hoppers last year turned out to not be a Jerusalem group. To everybody's chagrin, they were a local group from Jerusalem, Kansas. For Memorial Day we thank our soldiers for the sales at Marshalls. 60% off. Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Excerpts Shabbat Shalom vYom Yerushalyim Sameach… You're allowed to be happy, even though you're not in Jerusalem... It may be a sin. But be happy... Be happy you're sinning and don't support Israel... You're probably going to Gehenim for not living in Jerusalem. Enjoy it now... Don't go in their ways. Go in our ways. That's the message. You've been going way too much in their ways... You know who they are. Look at the back left section of the shul... Don't follow them to the Kiddish club. Tzimi is not somebody to follow... Playing pickleball. That's their ways. Ice hockey... Jews play floor hockey... Jewish girls do play with Barbie... (Vayikra 26:3) 'If you go with My decrees and guard My commandments, and do them...' You don't do them... You guard nothing. This shul has been without security for years. Nobody stands near the ark... Yeah. There's anti-Semitism... We're not talking about other... What other commandments are there? What other Mitzvot are you following? Are you following the commandments of not paying with change and Benny's Bodega?... It's a bodega. Those are rules. They called them commandments for fun. To give it a fun edge... Yes. You have to do them too. You haven't done anything for years, Michel... Your house?! You haven't worked on it. The lawn looks disgusting... (Vayikra 26:4) 'I will give you rain in its proper time...' First blessing is rain. If you treated your lawn... Well why hasn't it rained in Topeka?... It's almost June, Bernie... ‘In its time.’ Do we want rain in February? No. It turns into icicles. You want another ice storm? Michel hasn’t fixed his gutters since the last one... If you were in Jerusalem, it would be raining in August... That's a curse, Rivki... War will go well... Won't have enemies... Yes. There are a lot of blessings... You don't want it raining in the middle of a war. That kills the view. You can't get good pictures like that... You want war? We praise our soldiers who've been out there in combat... I understand you've combated people not learning enough Torah. The Army of H' is not a real army... Let's be honest. The Army of H' takes too much credit... They did not recapture Jerusalem... Going to war with the Yetzer Hara (evil inclination) is important. Memorial Day is more for the soldiers who fight for their country and defend it... We're proud of Chaim for fighting the Yetzer Hara and telling people to not speak Lashon Hara. A real soldier… If people got shot for speaking Lashon Hara, they would stop. Now, they just try to have conversation when Chaim is not around... It's action. 'And do them.' We have to do the Mitzvot. You listen to me talk about them... Do some of them. Honor the fallen... Bring some decent rain, for the sake of... (Vayikra 26:14) 'But if you don't listen to Me...' Yes. Bad stuff will happen Bernie... (26:26) '...you will eat and not be sated.' Does that not sound like Kiddish last week? One bowl of tuna... For the sake of Jerusalem and our softball team, do some Mitzvot. For crying out loud... For our soldiers. For those who gave their lives for us... At least do a Mishebeyrach... I know it costs money. You donate in their memory... Memorial Day. Blessing in memory... In respect. Even better. There are sales… We want to thank the soldiers for that... The Finkelwitzs are still the best congregants. They are not annoying. They don't come to shul. Love them... If you do bad stuff, bad stuff happens. Do I have to repeat this message every week??? We've finished Vayikra this week... You're annoying... And a Mazel Tov to our Bat Mitzvah... And the Shalom Zachor last night... Rivka’s Rundown That was a real plight to do Mitzvot, so our softball team would do well this season. I think the families of the Shalom Zachor and the Bat Mitzvah girl's family appreciated knowing that keeping Mitzvot is important. I think the Bat Mitzvah is the reason for the curse and the bad stuff happening. It was raining on Shabbat. The reason for that we will never know. The congregants wanted proof of blessing, so the rabbi had to bake and cook for everybody. When it came out bad, he blamed it on the congregants and their sinning. The rabbi said that fighting the Yetzer Hara thoughts is not an action. He explained that thoughts are not actions. Tzimi was confused, as he has thought to do Mitzvot before. The Finkelwitzs did say they thought to come to shul. I know I've thought to visit sick people. The thought has crossed my mind. I think that's good enough for a blessing. I'll bring that up to the rabbi. The rabbi made a good point, that following the rules of Target, to not purchase more than one pack of hockey cards, is not a Mitzvah. That had many of the congregants confused for the next week or so, as they said it is a commandment of Target. It would be nice if Michel took care of his house and followed the laws of Topeka, to not have a disgusting lawn. Those are Topeka commandments. Congregants started sitting in their Makom Kavuahs (set seats) again. They said the chart of new seats was not their Makom Kavuah, so they didn't listen to the rule. Had hearts of palm in the salad at Kiddish. Max was so excited. He told everybody, ‘They have hearts of palm in here.’ I explained that they’ve been doing that for the last forty years. He was still excited. Never seen him so happy. He truly brought me joy to hearts of palm. Once we introduced the avocado and hearts of palm salad to Kiddish, Max told us, 'That's what I've been praying for all these years. It's a blessing. How did you do it?' Explaining how to mix hearts of palm and avocados into a salad was not easy. It also wasn't easy explaining why this wasn't listed in Parshat Bechukotai as one of the blessings. He wanted a blessing that there will be rain, and your salads will have hearts of palm in them. The kind from the can. People are now speaking a lot of Lashon Hara and Chaim is getting violent. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke II: Behar5/20/2022
Announcements
Couples counseling is now taking place in the shul lobby on Mondays. We ask the Feigenwitzs and the Bergmans to come, to help us explain your messed up children. FA has been meeting in our shul as well. The difference between the meetings is that Families Anonymous is for couples who fight in front of their kids. No parking in shul parking lot on Shabbis. People have become too bold. Now they have reserved spots. They have Shabbis signs. The board discussed it and they decided that driving on Shabbat is forbidden. From now on, you can only park in the parking lot if you pay a parking membership fee. We formed the Death Committee this week. To capitalize on people passing, letters will go out to families around Yahrzeits, with appeal cards inside. Our new 'support the shul so your family member has a chance at going to heaven' committee will also knock on doors the day of Yahrzeits, with appeal cards. Engraved name specific Yizkur candles will also be for sale. They’re a great way to make money. Scented candles optional. Chanel Number 5 will be available for Bubbies. The new funds will help raise money for the in-shul jungle gym, in memory of whoever gives the most money. Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Pupils… There has been a lot of property fights in our congregation... I know the silver pointer 'Yad' with your name on it is yours, Shlomo... They used it, because you left it on the Shulchan. It was there, right on the table. Stop leaving your stuff around. When it comes to Israel, (Vayikra 25:23) 'the land shall not be sold in perpetuity, because the land is Mine. For you're sojourners and settlers with Me'... In the shul, you're just takers... You are a sojourner in the land. It's H's... Perpetuity here means forever. All the time... You ask me questions in perpetuity... Everything is temporary, except for questions from Fran and Bernie, and Max, and... That's why I've been late to Kiddish. Too many questions in perpetuity... Kiddish is good now. The sisterhood will mess it up. They think Kiddish is theirs... We have to understands that we are sojourners... We have to have the understanding that we are not owners. Temporary residents... They make the best congregants. That's what H' wanted in Israel. Decent congregants. Sojourners. Not people who fight over the rabbi's salary. The land is H's... He says 'Mine' but he shares. You just have to understand that you can't take everything... You take all the kichel at Kiddish and think it's yours. That's why nobody shares with you. That's why nobody asks if you want to cut them at the table... If they asked if you wanted something, you would say 'all of it'... That's why nobody does you favors... You think it's yours. H' shares with people who know it's His... That's why are blessed when the land rests in the seventh year. You wouldn't know... You also don't live in Israel... We have no real home in this world... The Finkelwitz residence is not a house... The shul is not your residence... I know you're parking right at the shul's entrance on Shabbis. That has to stop... I support Families Anonymous. I would rather deal with anonymous people than the Finkelwitzs… I know how bad the kids have it... The parents think they own everything... 'Who broke my remote!!!!' The kids live their too. You can share the remote... Life is about understanding it is not ours... You're sojourners in this shul, so share Kiddish... Your Makom Kavuah has caused so many fights... Share your seat for crying... The shul is not your home... You're sleeping, Bernie... Everything goes back to Him in the Jubilee Year. Yovel... You built a fence on his land. That's wrong... You can't now say it's yours... Stealing over time is still stealing... You squatted on His land. That doesn't mean you own it. If I do bench press in your yard for five years, that doesn't make it my yard. It makes me a bad neighbor... It's God's land. Do you own God... You put your Siddur on his shtender. That's wrong. You have intruded his shtender space... You can't overtake somebody else's land, that is renting from God... I understand it's confusing, because you've inherited everything and you've never been a renter... You get your stuff back in the Jubilee Year... It's a jubilee because finally people aren't ripping you off anymore. Garages aren't taking all your money... (Vayikra 25:14) When you sell stuff or make a purchase 'do not aggrieve one another.' Everytime I talk to the board, I get aggravated. Bad congregants.... You're sojourners... You think it doesn't aggravate him when you steal part of the land... Buyers can be annoying too. They can kill a jubilee… If you understand that it is God’s, and your business dealings are with God, you won’t be a jerk… You charged the shul to honor your grandfather with a Kiddish... You think God doesn't know how to haggle? Try ripping off God... Once you understand that you are settlers without true ownership, you will be living with God... It's His... Your shtender is His... You don’t own a parking spot at the shul… We’re Shomer Shabbis… Just mow your lawn. It's a shanda. There is no jubilee with a lawn like that... Take care of H's lawn... Maybe in the Jubilee Year, you can't mow it in Israel... You're in Topeka... Right now this shul needs a jubilee... A gymboree. All the same... All brings happiness... No jubilee has ever happened at Mike's Garage... If he had a Gymboree… Jubilee has never happened when you thought the Kiddish was yours and then ... Some of that kichel has been around for a jubilee. It's time to get rid of it... The parking lot is H’s... Respect it all. It’s all H’s… Treat it well. Understand that it's not yours and you shouldn't treat it like your lawn... And a slave. A Jewish slave must be sent free… Again. Not yours. It’s all H’s. You don’t own people… Merv pays very well. Those people aren’t leaving the shoe business… How else do you steal... You steal my time. Maybe you can rest from questions... Rivka’s Rundown Everybody was safe on Lag BaOmer. They stayed away from the kids, with their bows and arrows. Once the rabbi told everybody about the bows and arrows and bonfires tradition, the elderly stayed inside. They really are bold. Some of the members have been parking right in front of shul. Right near the door. The Seder at the rabbi's house had ten cars outside. Bold as anything. Even parked at the fire hydrant. He invited the congregants and it turned into a religious protest at his house. They even rang the bell. Squatting on H’s land was taken to heart by many, who thought it was a brilliant idea. I noticed that the parents of the kids who made the bonfire in back of the shul have set up a tent. The rabbi decreed that they pay for two Shabbat parking spots. My neighbor is squatting on my land. Why does he need to make things awkward? He's not even a congregant. People purchasing can be annoying. I've been trying to sell stuff on Ebay. They ask questions. Anybody who asks a question is not buying. The rabbi doesn't allow congregants to do business anymore with other members. He said, 'I know the congregants are annoying. Dealing with them in business, even as customers, will just aggrieve... David can't buy a thing without asking every question...' We decided to have a yearly jubilee. People were happy for a week, and then the jubilee became regular. Now everybody is back to complaining. The death committee is like the death lineup. A lot of people are cheering for them, as the NBA season comes to a close. A lot of death talk. They're very good at talking about people dying. Every conversation with them, death. I have a hard time hearing about death constantly. Everybody I talk to, 'Did you hear. She's dead... Great people. Dead... Great falafel store. He died...' I hope they're bringing in good money to the shul. 'She used to donate tons... Dead.' I heard that too. The rabbi started paying people to not be members. Members think they own everything. The Makom Kavuah just makes everyone uncomfortable. They don't share the seats at shul. All they do is kick people out of them. These people think they own those chairs. One member took their chair home and said, 'Not till the next Jubilee.' The rabbi then went on to say what members are thieves. He also went on to say which couples need couple counseling, and which families need Families Anonymous, explaining which children are wrong. He used the word 'wrong' to define the kids. Which might have led to more insecurity. The rabbi got an oil change and the garage overcharged him, five weeks ago. He's still mad about it. Everytime he goes to the garage, he works it into his sermon for a few months. A lot of anger. Every time he uses the word 'Rasha,' evil person, he's talking about his mechanic. As he mentioned in the sermon, mechanics are thieves as well. They think your car is theirs and they sojourn on it by ripping you off. The rabbi told Mike to get a Gymboree. Now people love going to Mike’s Garage, and they are happy getting ripped off. The rabbi has mixed up the shul seating chart so people can't kick guests out of seats anymore. It's uncomfortable. Even I got kicked out of my seat, when I accidently wore a big hat one day and they thought I was Mrs. Nafkowitz. Now, people finding their seats has turned into a very long activity. There's no signage, just a piece of paper with a shul chart. But you can't tell if it's the left or right side of the shul. People asking others if their seat is correct is fine. The way the men in the back left used to talk during Layning, you can hear the Torah reading better now. And it's very personable. It's like an icebreaker mixer every Shabbis, with a bunch of married people. Whoever made the chart for June third has caused a lot of fighting and aggravation. When asked about changing back to seats, so people can feel comfortable praying in a spot they are used to, to find their Kavanah (connection and focused meaning in prayer), the rabbi said he is resting this year from any questions from congregants. He also expressed how happy he is, and that is jubilating to not have to listen to congregants' questions or complaints. The rabbi was very clear that all questions from congregants are complaints. Our congregants have some wild untamed grass growing in their yards. If our congregants start to think they're sojourners, they'll never mow their lawns. Some these apartments are also a wreck. The rabbi's message of not being yours is not going to sell to the renters. As the sisterhood has started to tell me about Kiddish, ‘It’s up to H’ to do it.’ With the amount of grass, I wouldn't even call them lawns. They're fields. Small .1 acre fields, with a house somewhere in there. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke II: Achrei Mot4/29/2022
Announcements
The Israel Parade has been cancelled due to too many Jews being together. According to our city council, it's illegal to celebrate Israel. The council said Jews being happy and anti-Semitism wasn't the reason. To quote the mayor, 'Due to corona, we don't want to see Jews on the streets.' Yizkur this Pesach did not raise enough money. The Yizkur appeal didn't pull in the money we were expecting. Families don't care about the deceased as much anymore. The board decided that the shul needs to make more money off death. If the shul doesn't pull more funds with the appeal on the High Holidays we may start skipping Yizkur. The shul dinner doesn't pull enough money, so it's been decided to focus our fundraising on plaques and Shivas. Rewarding death with is medallions form is a good focus . After much discussion, the board voted to not ask for past payments of unpaid dues at people's Shivas. To celebrate Israel, this Yom HaAtzmaut we will host a vote. Israelis love voting, and thus the rabbi had the idea to vote to get rid of our shul president. The community event will have falafel made by Sima's Pastry Shop. It will be a chocolate falafel theme. That was the closest we could come to Israeli food with the limited restaurant resources. Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Holy Pack… H' tells to Moshe to tell Aharon… Would you want to be the one to have to tell him to not light strange fires, after his children were killed because of a strange fire?!... Yes. H’ is smart. He is all knowing… You don’t want to deal with those emotions… Talking about sibling rivalry. This can be a cause… ‘Now you’re rubbing it in, Moshe? What kind of brother… Not even a “I extend my condolences”... It's just like when you got the good staff’... It's bold. It's like telling somebody their family member is gone, and they died because they did something wrong, so don't make that mistake. It's exactly that... But Aharon was a good man. He took it well... Yes. He loved his sons... Nadav and Avihu were good kids. You don't bring foreign fires... This isn't an immigration issue, Lisa... People listen after their children are killed. That's why we discussed fundraising at Shivas... The Mafia has taken this lesson to heart... Rashi (VaYikra 16:1) When a doctor tells you to not eat a radish or to sleep in a damp place it doesn’t mean anything. If he says, don’t do it, because you will die like Ploni… The best way to practice medicine is to injure people… We have to learn from people messing up. Never be like Ploni. Ploni ruins everything he touches… Don’t be like the board… Just don’t be like the board… Don’t be like Bernie… He's annoying. Bernie eats radishes too... A little harsh to kill his kids for the lesson, but teachers do what they have to. And that is why our day school needs more injuries. Parents have to stop caring about their kids so much... Safety is why the next generation is getting hurt... You learn from the past... The back left doesn't... You guys showed up to the Yom HaAtzmaut party drunk last year. And you're drunk now... You just got back from Kiddish Club. That means drunk... It was a bouncy house party... There were three year olds... We have to learn from the past and what people do wrong. Ira messed up his business. We can all learn from that... His store went down the tubes. We should learn from Ira and never open a store focused on candy bars. Convenience stores should have milk and eggs, Ira… We know people eat candy bars, but it’s not convenient when breakfast is a Twix… Michelle. Don’t be like Fran and Thelma… Don’t fight over who’s husband is better… Both of their husbands were not that great… When they said ‘it’s your side’ it was the husband’s sides in those families… The Bentawitz brothers always fighting… The board messed up the fundraiser and I believe every event last year. They killed every single holiday celebration… Purim Piñata event was messed up… The adults were drunk. They took a bat and whacked a kid… Yom HaAtzmaut… There were kids. You pre-gamed a bouncy house. It's wrong. Pizza is not an Israeli dish… It’s falafel and shawarma... You guys could've killed somebody. Which is pointless, because the shul is making nothing off that nowadays... Many holy people have passed away. May we learn from the past and give money to the shul. The community Yom HaShoa program, like Yizkur, was not well attended… Let us first connect with the past and get people to shul… Rivka’s Rundown That was the rabbi’s last-ditch effort to raise money off death. At the end, the rabbi talked about caring about the deceased. He realized that people have to start to care. They have no connection or care. The rabbi sees us as a pack. We're a group. A group that has failed at putting together a decent Yom HaAtzmaut program. I think we're more of a herd. The message of learn from the congregants, don’t be like them, was well received by the congregants. I eat Twix for breakfast. To be honest, I think Ira sold me on that. He's onto something. Though, it would be nice if he had milk. Twix and milk is good. We're watching over the kids too much nowadays. Shabbat youth groups is more attended by parents. I believe they are now calling it a beginners Minyin for parents who are coming to shul for the free babysitting. Now we can’t even have an Yom HaAtzmaut event this year. I think the city council heard about the chocolate falafel balls, and said that they can’t allow this event to happen. They didn't want to make it an anti-chocolate-falafel-Semite think, so they just said, 'No Jews gathering.' WHJI will be having a public gathering. We Hate Jews in Israel said that Jews can come, as they need a target for the dunking booth. The board really does mess up every holiday. Brisket on Yom HaAtzmaut was also messed up. Though it was a legitimate mistake. It is a Jewish holiday. The rabbi didn’t mention the parade, because he also doesn’t like the idea of chocolate falafel balls. Began is turning over in his grave and asking why the membership doesn't give money to Israel. Much of the membership is thinking of starting their own committee of people who give money to nothing. They are now meeting every week, as it is hard to turn away death. As the rabbi said, 'May all of the holy people who have passed and gone to Olam Haba, have an arising of their soul. We thank all the Kedoshim and the soldiers who gave their lives to sanctify God's Name and to bring holiness to this earth, even if their family gives nothing to the shul.' Tags:
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Announcements
Pesach is next week. Don't forget it like you did the Freidberg Shiva. Sell your Chametz. You don’t need a yard sale this year. Fill out the sheet at the shul and cover it in your home. The yard sales last year, of pasta noodles, was pathetic. It had the whole of Topeka asking why Jews can't donate food to the pantry, like decent humans. Let's keep our leftover food sales private, to lessen anti-Semitism. No dropping off your Chametz at the shul. There are Jews in the shul too. We understand you want your stuff out of your house. We don't want it. Please also stop dropping off books and pans you don't want anymore. Shabbat HaGadol Drasha will be long. The Shabbat visit sing-alongs to the nursing homes are now required to have participants under the age of eighty. Last time the shul visited, the facility was worried that too many new people were looking to be admitted. They said they couldn't handle such an influx, and they didn't want Bernie there. Rabbi Mendlechm’s Sermon Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Holy People… I’m feeling impurity. Like an uncleanliness in the back left of the shul… It just smells really bad… Pesach is coming. The least you can do is shower… A lot of nasty talk about others… It's called Lashon Hara, Bernie. We understand that Fran has not done well by the Kiddish, and Mark and Menachem are still fighting over who is better at leading Shacharit. We don’t talk about others, even if our youth director is scaring the kids… Menachem is better for scaring people into saying Ya’aleh vYavo. He does bang harder. It’s still Lashon Hara, even if we all have to watch over the youth director like a hawk, to make sure our kids are safe… Though, all the kids did say Ya'aleh vYavo. How do we become pure?... First. You stop talking. You have to ask how you got Tzara’at. Lashon Hara is probably it. Sitting in the back left is how you get Tzara'at… Ask how your home grew that mold on the shingles… And soap. Use soap to clean for Pesach... (Vayikra 14:2-7) The one who received Tzara’at comes to the Kohen on the day of his purification. There are birds slaughtered... He's not going for a question. It's not a planned thing. People don't plan on Tzara'at... Shmuel could plan it daily. He could plan a Kohen visit daily, with the amount of Lashon Hara he speaks... You do a little slaughtering. That's the beginning of the process... (Vayikra 14:9) On the seventh day he shall shave his hair. Apparently, he needs to shave his haughtiness. His hair… Michael is showing off his hair again. We understand you’re young and you don’t have alopecia… It stands out in the back left. Look at all the men… They have no hair, and then you're rubbing up against them with your curls... I understand you can't control it. Nobody can control that much haughtiness... (Vayikra 14:10-21) On the eighth day he takes two lambs. One for… Yes. It’s a service. Becoming holy is a process. Seven days of separation, and then more slaughtering... Stages. That’s how you become holy. There are stages to purification. After the first day, he sits for seven, isolated… We don’t just let him back in the camp… Of course, he showers. You can’t let somebody back in the camp smelling like Tzara’at. The back left has a Tzara'at odor. Stinks of Lashon Hara... Tzara'at smells like Tzara'at... We need more isolation in this shul. If there was no Kiddish club, there wouldn't be such paleness... A very pale congregation... Now our camp has to clean. Stages... To get rid of the plae, a little more time outside... To get rid of the impurity from your home... Chametz is impurity. Your home is full of breadcrumbs... Pesach is coming. Cleaning is overwhelming and I feel the impurity in your homes. There are stages to Passover cleanliness… You spray later on. You start with the dusting. First stage is get the top. Like the hair that has to be shaved. Head first… You clean your hair first and feet last. Top to bottom… If you were a Metzora, head first. Your home is a Metzora... Everybody is talking Lashon Hara about it... The house goes, dusting, then wiping, then carpet, then hard floor… Who wipes before they dust?... Then skip the dusting. Wiping is the shaving of cleaning. Who doesn’t know that?!… Of course you use sprays. Sprays are a necessity. Why do you think they have Kosher sprays... You don't eat it. It says not to eat it. But you could, if you wanted... It's Kosher... Dusting is like combing the hair. Getting out lice... Selling Chametz is the final step of cleaning… It’s like a bad garage sale, where you don’t even put the stuff out for people to take. It’s more like a house sale, where the people can’t get in the house… Dropping off Chametz at the shul is not a stage in cleaning your house… There is no Kiddish coming up this week... Getting Chametz off your body is the step before any of the stages... Disgusting and filthy... Before all the purification, you have to stop talking… He’s still talking. That wasn’t even a hint. Shlomo. I was looking right at you… The first stage is to stop talking… That’s why they’re separated from people. You talk when you're with people. I think we should separate the back left… You don’t stop talking. And then you smell bad too. You should each pray in your separate room… You never smell bad to yourself. This is why the Kohen got involved. He let them know they were still dirty... Dirty with Tzara'at. We should have smell check Gabais. Why does the Metzora need his head shaved as part of the purification. (Vayikra 14:9) Kli Yakar teaches that he shaves ‘his head, and his beard and his eyebrows,’ because of his sin. The head represents haughtiness that he thinks he is better than the person he talks bad about. The beard represents the mouth that speaks the Lashon Hara. They eyebrows represent the narrowness of his seeing that leads him to jealousy and wanting to destroy another’s reputation... You shave your head, because you’re bald. It blends better. That has nothing to do with your humility, Baruch... Just get a haircut Michael... If you don't it's isolation. Nobody wants to see it… Back left.... Shlomo. That's a unibrow. A huge eyebrow. The amount of jealousy in that one brow... If you had two brows... You come to the community clean shaven, without haughtiness, narrowness of site, and a huge beard that you're talking out of... It's about being one and not whacking people with your hair, Michael. There is no 'eight inches of hair' in 'team'... You join the community. You come out for the sing-alongs to the nursing homes. You do things for others. You clean. You smell good. You don’t sit in the back left… You get a haircut before Pesach… We’ve got to get rid of that stuff to ensure that the process of purity happens... The stages are supposed to make us better. If you donated your Chametz to the shul, we would've had an excellent Kiddish this week... Packaged. Not perishable Chametz, that is good for Kiddish. Canned green beans doesn't help Fran make a decent Kiddish... Cheesecake is a nice thing... Not this week. It's already Pesach... Give it to the food pantry. Just make sure the packages are sealed... Closed is not enough. They can't take closed cottage cheese that's been open... Take a step back and don’t be all high on yourself… You’re not above cleaning. You have a messy home. Cleaning is the lowest thing for a haughty person. But a clean home. One that shines is respectful… Now you’re having an ego about your clean home. That’s the problem. You… Rivka’s Rundown The yard sales were a bit embarrassing. Half a box of noodles for sale was the lowest I have ever seen somebody go. The only justification is that the noodles last way after the expiration date. The congregants are going to have an ego about something. Be it their dirty home, their clean home, their humility. They are going to be haughty about it. I don't know if we'll ever have thin eyebrows that don't narrow our views of others. Shlomo's brows are huge. The rabbi’s start to his sermon was brilliance. How he called everybody holy and then said they’re impure, only our rabbi can do that. There is not much purity in the shul. It’s very dirty. They haven’t vacuumed the halls since last Pesach. The rabbi's hair has been thinning. I feel it's important to note that, before discussing Michael. Michael wasn't embarrassed. If the rabbi embarrassed anybody it would be forbidden. But he doesn’t embarrass people. He just tells them how wrong they are. The rabbi insisted that everybody get haircuts. Some think it had to do with the Omer coming up, where we have a tradition to not get haircuts till Lag BOmer, around thirty-three days away. I think he just wanted us to get rid of the haughtiness. He’s a bit bald himself. His hair is at least thinning. And he feels that thinning hair has a lot to do with humility. Michael’s hair is always flopping around. Haircuts can also help with the hygiene in the back left. What’s amazing is that many are very bald, and they still have egos. I don’t know how the Kli Yakar would explain our membership. Some of them do grow their hair out to the sides. Very far out to the sides. The older men might get their haughtiness from their eyebrows. All anybody in shul can talk about is Michael’s hair. It’s not just his haughtiness. It is the Lashon Hara. You can’t see over his huge bush of hair. It stands a good foot over his head. It kills conversations. Parents have lost their children in shul because of it. They couldn’t find the kids. You have to part his hair. And when you part his hair, he takes it as though you want to give him attention. The youth director took the six year olds on a camping trip. Insisted their parents didn’t show. He told a scary story about a bear, with a flashlight. Then, a bear showed up. Pesach is now 'Cleaning Awareness Month' in our shul. It's the first great initiative of our sisterhood. The issue is that nobody made it past their home, so the shul is still dirty. It’s good the rabbi announced that Pesach is coming up. The Freidberg home’s lawn is a wreck. I hope they clean it. I don't care if it's Chametz or not, they need to clean. It’s good the rabbi shared his cleaning technique. The people needed that. The Friedbergs definitely need some lessons. Starting from top to the bottom. ‘Wiping is the shaving of cleaning.’ Profound and brilliant at the same time. The rabbi also shared the cleaning concept of starting at the top. There are so many practical lessons in our rabbi's sermons. Starting at the top is just another amazing practical lesson. It works for homes, showers, who you give the honors to on Yom Kippur. For Yom Kippur, you look at the top of the donation chart; you give those people the Kavods, honors, first. Never let a low chart person open the ark for Aleynu. For the Friedbergs, the rabbi should've mentioned that you then clean the outside of the house, so that you can then mow your lawn. People are still dropping off stuff at the shul. They feel that because Pesach is a religious holiday, and it’s a religious thing to get rid of Chametz, they should bring their Chamtez to the shul. The shul nursing home visits are depressing for the residents. I don’t think the people in the facility like to see people in worse shape than them. Nobody seems to want to see Bernie. The Pesach class wasn’t attended by anybody. They were all cleaning. Tags:
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Announcements
The Freidberg Shiva is over. You missed it. They know you don't care. No holding somebody's arm at Kidddish. We've had too many complaints about Hymie not letting people go in the middle of his jokes. People must be allowed the freedom to escape conversation. There's no need for violence, to get people to listen. Hymie has also caused a 10% drop in membership. We're raising money for Ukraine, cause we found that nobody pays their dues. So, we're supporting another cause. The Ukraine fund won't take pledges. After consulting with our office, they understand that pledges won't work. They're only taking cash. They're also afraid that you will cancel the credit card payment and ask for a refund on your kindness. Selling Chametz means it's not yours, but it is. So sell with the rabbi, who will get rid of it for you, while you keep it in your house. We're hosting a youth convention next month. In preperation, Wednesday, there will be a class in how to lean into a picture properly. Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Excerpts Shabbat Shalom and Rosh Chodesh Tov… Rosh Chodesh. Nobody cares. OK… They should’ve smacked the table louder, so people knew to say ‘Ya’aleh vYavo.' Fear is the only way to get them to say it… They don't remember if they're not scared... Holding people hostage is Asur. It is forbidden to hold them hostage in conversation, Hymie… You trap people in conversation. I’ve seen you do the arm hold… It’s friendly? It’s a felony. You once attacked me with a joke about an imam and a priest… So what if they don’t want to hear the Shabbat Hagadol Drasha. The sermons don’t hold them hostage. Their sins do… I’ve seen it Hymie. Stop. You do the arm hold and say, ‘You’ve got to hear this.’ We’ve seen it. Pesach is coming and we must be pure. Free of sin… Chametz is not pure. Your kitchen is filthy. We’re talking about personal cleanliness. Higiene… The Beit Hamikdash was not dirty... Purity. Go to the Mikvah. And clean yourself before going in the Mikvah… You can’t just do what you want. Even if you’re doing the right thing, you can still be impure. Holy and impure… No. Bernie. You’re just impure... (Vayikra 12:4) After her days of impurity, the mother that gave birth has to sit for extra days. ‘She shall sit in the blood of her purity. She shall not touch anything holy, and to the Sanctuary she shall not come…’ In those days of purity, she cannot come… She didn’t sit in blood. It wasn’t a collected puddle from children who injured themselves at the playground… Watch the kids. Giving birth is not a sin... That's exactly what I'm saying Benjamin. She did a Mitzvah and she still has to separate herself. Sometimes we have to separate ourselves for good. Some of our members separating would be appreciated. It would be good if Hymie separated himself from prospective members at Kiddish… This way they would want to join… Chametz is good, but we separate from it on Pesach. There are times to separate, even when we are pure... That is why I am going away for Pesach. Even in her purity she cannot touch the holy stuff. Even in a good pure and positive state, it is better to not be around Kodesh sometimes… Holy has its right times as well… In our congregation, it’s not the right time for holy… When will it be? I don't believe there will be. Can't think of a holy time... That Bat Mitzvah was messed up. Sucked the holiness right out of the sanctuary... That wedding? I believe there was an annulment before it happened... We don't do annulments, but it was that messed up. Sucked the wedding right out of the hall that day. Couldn't even call it a Simcha... When there is life, we should stay away from Kodesh sometimes. To support the living. To support somebody else who needs our aide… Watch your kids already. It is getting to a point of… You visit the sick. You go to a Shiva house. Show you care... The Friedbergs would've appreciated that. I know you didn't. That's the problem. you also didn't come to shul... Yes. We're in a sanctuary right now... You didn't go to the Shiva house or shul... There is more to life than being holy… You’re not holy anyways. At times, there is more than Kodesh, holiness. And that is your requirement. Being with this membership brings down my level of holiness, but I do it… To stop you from sinning more, I have to be unholy. That's why I party sometimes. To connect with you all, I have to drink... The children need their mother. Do they not?... You abandoned your children. Look at Jennifer. She's on the stairs to the Bima, stage, right now... It's a sermon. That's abandonment... Yes. There are times to not be in the sanctuary. Maybe playgroups is a place to be. If you watched them, they wouldn’t be knocking their heads into poles at the jungle gym. There is a reason you get off of work… It’s not time for a vacation for you. Getting off work itself has a different kind of holiness… Your kids are running around the shul. That's when you don’t come into the Sanctuary. You watch over them. Because they’re loud. There are sharp tables for a reason... You have a requirement… They wouldn’t be walking around with blood dripping all over if you watched them... Who shouldn’t come into the Sanctuary? Little Pinchas. Running around the shul again… He shouldn’t be in the sanctuary. His parents should be in the sanctuary, to take him out. If we separated some members, it would be good for our congregation... The softball team. Some people shouldn't be on the baseball field... Nothing to do with holiness. They're just bad. It hurts our chances... Requirements cause us to separate sometimes… Usually we want people back, but… The Friedbergs aren't here because you let them down... We would like to welcome the Janklowitz family to our community. Jayson, Jess, Julie, Jill, Jack, Jake… Jack and Jake are the same. Jillian, Jermey, Joseph. It’s a pleasure to have you… Sorry. We also welcome Jennifer Janklowitz… The Janklowitzs should be here. We're happy to have you... No. Nobody gave birth. They just don’t come to shul… Stay away from the Janklowitzs. Your staying away makes for greater holiness in our congregation, Hymie. At least more people wanting to be members… Take that seat. They don’t show. We welcome them. We spend time welcoming them, even when it takes away time from Davening. We nurture… I nurture. Nothing nurturing in the back left… Nurturing comes before holiness. It's time for repentance. Rosh Chodesh... Nobody cares. We'll talk about repentance on Rosh Hashana... That's Rosh Chodesh too... Watch the kids for crying out loud. We're about to start Musaf... And that is the Shabbat Hagadol Drasha. Here's a packet… Rivka’s Rundown The rabbi gave the Shabbat Hagadol Drasha a week early. A faux pas. The three Torahs that were brought out had everybody in a bit of daze. The Drasha was great. Many sources. It was good he just handed out the packet and stopped right after that. As long as there are sources. That’s what the congregants want. There was also a Nietzsche source and a Freud. They love the nonTorah sources. Anything to do with Torah just lets the congregants down; they don't want that from Judaism. A beautiful sermon and teachings on the thought of separation being holy in itself, even when it’s separating from holy, for another requirement. The whole idea of not showing to the sanctuary, the rabbi couldn’t get a Minyin the following week. Parents have to do their job. They take no responsibility. It’s like they come to shul to throw the kids on the congregation. They make it a point to not send them to groups. Groups are the place we throw kids. They come to shul and we relegate them to groups. Kids belong in batches. That's how we educate them, and keep them from bothering us in shul. I believe they had groups in the times of the Temple. I'm not sure. During the summer, there are no groups, as we throw the kids in summer camps. If the parents don't do send them to groups, we get Shmulik on it. Shmulik scares them enough to want to be with other people, for protection. The problem is Shmulik took his winter vacation last week. The Janklowitzs showed up. That was a beautiful welcome to their family. It took the rabbi three months to tell them they're not right. I like that the Janklowitzs kept to the ‘J’ theme. I commend them for sticking to it. After the rabbi said it was Rosh Chodesh, twelve people got up to start redoing the Amidah, the silent prayer. They all realized they forgot to say ‘Ya’aleh vYavo.’ So, the whole congregation waited for them to finish that before the rabbi continued with the Drasha. It was messed up. Nobody remembers to say Ya'aleh vYavo unless if the rabbi scares them into it. I once had to repeat the Amidah eighteen times. I suggested to the board to have a banger, a loud first Ya'aleh vYavo caller, a look given to each congregant from the rabbi (one that exudes guilt), and to have Shmulik walk around and command them to say it. If we cover all the bases, some of the members will remember to say it. People started reporting conversations with Hymie, when he told them a joke. They walked to shul the following week with ‘I’m a victim of conversation’ Tshirts. The rabbi did a great job of justifying his vacation. He didn’t even stay to sell the Chametz for the congregants. He ran and said it was because of their misdeeds. We were all confused. He just wanted out. In the end, he told us to sell it online. He said there's less of a chance of a random person walking into your house if they're online. Finally, a seat was shown and there wasn’t an uncomfortable conversation about sitting in a person’s seat. First time. Usually, new people come and they’re told they can’t sit. Then we have to explain that people have seats. We should tell visitors to carry seats from their homes. That would be more welcoming. People have stopped asking how the kids are doing. The're afraid it will be a conversation. Once people stopped saying ‘good’ and added information as to grandkids and college, we lossed members. Now people can’t show they care anymore. I couldn't get away from discussion about the sick family member. I hope they're OK. I just don't have the time to listen. I care, I just have to run. I wanted to say, 'I'm out of here. I hope they make it.' Though Hymie never assaulted me, I was a victim of having to care. I joined in solidarity and as a victim the following week. I sported the shirt, 'I am a victim of conversation.' Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke Year II: Shemini3/25/2022
Shul Announcements
•Mazel Tov to Dr. and Dr. Mendelwitz on the birth of their new granddaughter they won't see for the next year and a half, as their daughter hasn't visited Topeka since she needed more funds for college. We would appreciate it if you did pay your dues. •The shul softball has been cancelled, due to lack of decent athletes in our synagogue. As Felvel said, 'It's a Chilul H' to see you people play sports.' •No more taking coats from the coat room, unless if they are yours. If anybody stole Rivka's coat, please return it. We have no idea where Fran got the new coat. It is very similar to Rivka's maxi coat, and it is big on Fran. •The rabbi's class in 'The Hidden Torah Because You Don't Open a Sefer and Learn It' this week cannot be attended by Bernie, due to rabbi’s request. •No taking all the Kichel from the Kiddish table. We understand some of the older members are teething. Even so, some under eighty-five enjoy Kichel. Rabbi Mendelcehm’s Sermon Excerpt Shabbat Shalom To All Who Criticized Me Last Week… Yes. That’s to all of you… Much sinning. Lashon Hara… I have never heard a conversation not about me. I understand I’m the rabbi… You stole my coat too... Taking coats from the coatroom is stealing. Even if it’s a similar jacket. It's a sin… They don’t make them Hefker when they use a hanger. They did not deem their property ownerless, because they didn’t want to wear their trench into the sanctuary... I know that it's an open area. Did you take my Sefer? No. You did not take my Torah book, because you don't learn. You leave the coat in a coatroom and assume it's not going to be taken... And not being in shape enough to play softball… Taking care of your body is a Mitzvah. As is not eating eight pounds of Kichel at Kiddish… It’s softball. Do you know how out of shape you have to be to not be able to play softball? The question is how does this shul repent. (Vayikra 9:7) Moshe said to Ahron. ‘Come to the Altar and do your sin offering, and your burn offering, atoning for yourself and the people. And perform the sacrifice of the people, atoning for them…’ Yes. The Lord commanded it… First be decent, Bernie… I know you focus on others. That’s great. Aharon has to atone for himself first... I would assume you have stuff to atone for... Right there. Interrupting me. Atonement... You have to be decent before making decisions for others. Our president is not decent. Focus on yourself first… I know you focus on my sins as a rabbi who teaches classes and visits the sick… How about you first atone for yourself and visit the sick… I know they’re sick. That's why you visit... So you catch something. Now we have to get rid of Bikur Cholim. Visiting the sick isn't a positive thing to do anymore. Just lock them up so they can be more depressed... Maybe if you were in shape... Yes. The Lord commanded it… I have to explain that too... How about Bernie read the Torah Portion and atone for not learning Torah… Yes. It’s a Mitzvah. You wouldn’t know that, because that Mitzvah is in the Torah, and you don't learn it to. Rashi explains the word ‘Krav,’ approach, come to. ‘Aharon was bashful and feared to approach. Moshe said to him, “Why are you bashful? For this you were chosen.”’ You should be bashful. This congregation needs a bit of relcutance. A little humility would go along way. We wouldn't have this gauty window and art work if… It got Aharon the Kehuna... Don’t be bashful when it’s your calling. You’re very bashful when giving Tzedakah. Never give it. A lot of humility when you're donating to the shul... Thelma. You didn't even give for Matanot LaEvyonim. Gifts for the poor on Purim... A dollar is not a gift. Very bashful with your money... No need for humility when it’s your thing. When it's a commandment. When it's a Mitzvah that you're called upon to do. You think I like giving sermons. You need it. You need to be told... Bernie and Hymie and Saul and Merv should be bashful. The back left should be bashful. The way you lost the softball game... Your socks need bashfulness. Why all the annoying designs. And they're flashy. Right in our face... Socks need bashfulness. Running to do a Mitzvah doesn't need... Exercise. Assume you're not in shape. Assume your wife is not attracted to you... 'Atoning for yourself and the people.’ Aharon, becoming a better person and focusing on himself, atones for others as well… Work on your softball game and we might be a better team and not look pathetic… Yes. Get in shape. That doesn’t mean ‘you’ve got to do you.’ That means ‘you’ve got to be the best you’… What’s with this ‘you do you?’ That’s not Jewish to be selfish… It’s about being the best you for the community and not stealing people’s coats… You can start atoning by returning the jacket. You focus on me.... What am I doing? Rebuking. That’s what my calling is… I don’t speak Lashon Hara about you. I rebuke you. A big difference. I tell you how annoying you are... When you find your calling, it’s also good for everybody else... If you don't force the congregation to have to see this piece of... It's the worst work of art for a shul. It has a fluorescent purple hue. It goes with the quilt on the Ark. All messed up... Don't mess up anymore. That's how you atone... No. You can't atone for me... Rivka’s Rundown Visiting the sick isn't a Mitzvah anymore. COVID killed Bikur Cholim. It seems like nobody in our shul cares about anybody that is not at shul. 'They don't show to shul it's on them... Can't walk. Their fault they got old... Let them die alone. They're sick. I don't want to catch old...' They're all worried about catching whatever the old people have. So, now the old people are stuck, alone, with their disease. Age. Everybody in the congregations assumes they're perfect. I don't think one guy in this shul has ever sinned. Ask them. It's not a sin. I don't even know why they come on Yom Kippur. I think they come to find out who the ones that sinned are. They see who is crying and they castagate the penitent one who incriminated themself. The art of the quilt and whatever that purple sun thing is are all very messed up. There seems to be a thing in our community where people get lavish gifts that they have to use. The Feinwitz family can't even get a TV, because their in-laws forced a painting on them. That takes up the den, and they can't get rid of it, as the in-laws will be offended. The husband blames the wife's parents for it, and the wife blames the husband's parents for it. Don't get me started on the huge Chanukiah in the Bergman home. The Vergstein family gave them that as a housewarming gift; which decorated their whole dining room for them, without their permission. So, now the shul is stuck with this stuff. Some of the kids didn’t get the correct message. They started a rock band and made it a point to perform without their shirts. They said it was a Jewish rock band and it's their calling. They could’ve at least performed with their Tzitzis. Bashfulness of socks would be appreciated by all. I can't stand having to see these kids with pants coming down to their shin, with these multi-colored annoyance I have to see. I say we kick the twenty year olds out of the shul. The shul needs to place security at the coat racks. The guard is at the entrance to the building. The criminals, like Fran, Hymie and Merv are stealing from the coatroom. I don’t know if it’s a safety measure. If somebody did try to take Hymie’s coat that wasn’t his, from him, it might get violent. I don’t know. Hats have also went missing. The rabbi’s announcement from his seat at the end of Davening was not inspired. He just said, 'Adon Olam and Hatikva.' The final prayer and Israel's anthem were about to come and he just said their names. No page. Half the people probably didn't even realize it was an announcement. I think he just gave up. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke: Tzav3/18/2022 
The rabbi was gone and the shul was packed. Finally. People came out to shul. I think they thought there wouldn't be a sermon.
He mailed in his sermon and Hymie read it. What's amazing is that the breaks were perfect. He knew exactly when Bernie and Fran would interrupt. It's a talent. More than he knows the Torah, he knows how annoying his congregation is. We had some new Simchas in the congregation. However, they didn't announce it, because nobody gave enough money to sponsor Kiddish. There was a Bris. That was a huge party. A lot of happiness. They even had a Shalom Zachor to welcome the new son on Friday night. A Shalom Zachor is where the dad leaves the wife alone with the newborn boy and gets drunk on Friday night, with his buddies, in order to welcome the newborn. There was also a newborn girl, to the Flomowitz family. Nobody knew about it. They could've done a Simchat Bat to welcome the girl. A Simchat Bat is where you celebrate with nothing. It's a party I have never seen people at. They could've at least done a Kiddish. It seems like the Flomowitzs were not happy. As if it was a letdown. Mr. Flomowitz sat at home and drank alone, in embarrassment. People have to be more prideful of the girls. People are afraid to wear coats to shul. It seems like Fran and Saul think that once the coat is in the coatroom it's anybody's to take. They see a green coat and it's now theirs, as their coat was foresty and almost green. The shul trip is being organized as we write, for a third time. The last two shul trips didn't work. So, the rabbi is reorganizing it and calling it a different trip. He said he needs to do research, so he has to travel. He really used it as a vacation to get away from the members. What happened on Purim? The little kids were heckling the rabbi’s announcements. I don’t think the kids were drinking. They were five and six years old. Snobby little ones. These kids don’t say 'hi' anymore. Just walk right past you. Very moody. They look like little drunks walking around the shul. Some of theses kids are annoying. I’ve got favorite nephews and nieces. Had the dad come to the front to pick up his kid. The dad grab is a big shul move. You pick up the kid and carry him out. It has to be a scene. Love the scene. We get to see the discipline that dad forgot to do at home. It's the number dad move in shul, generally used to get out of a sermon. The grab and carry out. It's a swoop. Almost as important as clopping the table for Al HaNisim and YaAleh vYavo. The swoop was miraculous as the kid was dressed as Superman. The cape was flying, as per the great speed of the dad swoop. I believe most of the congregants got extremely heavy over the day of Purim. Old double-breasted suits came out for Shabbat. It's that Mishloach Manot post Purim fat from the candies. People need to get away after Purim. I think the shul trip will sell. Which is why I am starting a Jenny Craig. The congregants are going to buy it. They always diet before vacation. I would've given Jenny Craig food in the Mishloach Manot, had I not wanted to make money on the business. Them gaining weight on Purim is my number one sale. I love the holidays. We always put on weight. Youth convention this weekend. We're excited there will be people at shul. The kids have to come. They have a meal after Minyin. They also have some of the main kids doing stuff throughout the day. A few of them are going to be Laying (reading from the Torah). So, most of our members are going to not come. Nobody wants to hear these young kids read. It's not a 'Read for Tomorrow' programming, where we need to sit for an extra forty-five minutes, to give the kids a chance. They're going to end up shul members who complain Davening takes too long, in twenty years. My kids went through it. They don't Layn anymore. They learned their lesson. Rabbi Mendelchem’s Drasha Shabbat Shalom My Bunch… You shall keep the Shabbat. I am saying this, because many of you don't… Nothing to do with the Parsha. Just keep the Shabbat for once... I saw your car, Tzvi... It was moving... You were driving it... I saw you. You waved at me and said 'Good Shabbis'... This week's Parsha begins with the words 'Command Aharon.' The Olah, the elevation offering, was lit all night… If you did anything all night that is not watching TV, drinking and sleeping through morning Minyin, maybe you wouldn't need commandments... (Vayikra 6:2) ‘Command Aharon and his sons.’ It was a command ‘Tzav.’ A Tzav to keep Shabbat, Tzvi… If you weren’t commanded, would you have come to Megilah reading?... Nobody has joined the shul trip, because it’s not a commandment… You have to also command the kids. They do nothing, unless if they are threatened. You’ve got to tell them it’s a sin… The parents do nothing nowadays... They don't even threaten nowadays. Not even a 'if you say that one more time, you don't want to know...' That's why the kids turn out like this... It's that not wanting to know that 'you don't want to know'... Look at them... We have the convention here this weekend. It’s an honor to host the kids and to try to make them into good Jews who understand the commandments… Their parents do nothing… That's why they send them to conventions. To get rid of them... They send them to camp for the same reason. You see. Lin's parents hate feeding her on Shabbat. Rashi teaches, The word Tzav- Command, is used to hasten, or speed something up... Faster than how you walk to shul. I've never seen anybody walk so slow... It must be done quickly, because money is involved in the Olah offering, Unlike the day school which has not had one parent who paid tuition this year… We should command the kids to pay too... The parents don't pay tuition. They all go on vacation... ‘Aaron and his kids’… When money is involved people become weary. Such as when we do the Yizkur appeal, many of you pledge a lot of money, and then the synagogue never sees it. A lot of weariness. Years of weariness. It's amazing how the Berksteins can't even answer their phone when the office calls. Too much energy to click the answer button... That's why they have that new twenty-four hour fundraiser, Match the Grant, at the day school... They know you'll give nothing if you think about it. They get in and get out, and you don't even know its them calling. One call, they got your credit card number, and now they're matching your money up against Milton Dufray's inheritance of the steal manufacturing plant of the Midwest... Animals are not always cheap, and that makes for a financial loss. I'm trying to find a good deal on dog food, if anybody knows, as my daughter cannot part with her only friend, and I cannot afford this puppy she got. Raisel, please take Mapu out for our sermons. I do not understand why we have to tell the ushers to keep the dogs out... I can care less if she's my daughter, have her buy some bones... Again. We must command children... If I thought about it, we wouldn't have got the dog. That's why she spent the whole day crying... The shul office manager should cry when calling you. Maybe you'd pay your pledge... The loss of money stops people when they think of it. Hence, we never see the donations that have not been donated… I am sure you wanted to pay your dues, Mr. Feldstein. But then you thought about it and you noticed money was involved, you ran... Yes. You ran fast. That's not the message... I have to work on accounting for the Feldstein's needs, when they interpret my sermons... You always create a commentary that suits... What about when you learned that people should purchase goldfish, because you had a goldfish farm and you wanted to make money. I was talking about the fifth day of creation. Not goldfish. All about money... You might lose money if you don't work on Shabbat, or if you don't go to the country club, or don't go shopping on Shabbat. Or don't park across the street and walk to shul. But these are the Mitzvot. Commandments... You can't do a shorter Shabbat. That's not what 'Tzav' means... You are commanded. Think about them and when your rabbi is invited over to your home, maybe you do want to put up some steak. Make it a nice Shabbat dinner. Put your money where your tradition is. And don't be a cheap... Pinny won’t even pay to come out to the singles meals. Chanan. You should’ve done the singles trip to Spain… I don’t know why they chose a trip to Spain to meet Jews from New York… You didn’t even give Matanot LaEvyonim… The gifts to the poor, for meals on Purim is a Mitzvah, Rachel. Don’t get me started on the pathetic Mishloach Manot. I would’ve burned that stuff on the Altar... When was the last time you sponsored a Kiddish… We made the grandkid announcements so much… No more announcements until you sponsor… I understand that the Kichel doesn’t cost five dollars a Kichel, but it’s expensive… It’s a donation, Rachel. You sponsor Kiddish, so we can fund the Shul trip... That's how sponosrship works. H’ has to tell us it’s important sometimes… Because you people don’t get it. I have start every sentence at the morning Minyin with ‘It’s important…’ You people think nothing is important… You rush to get to shul… You don’t run in the shul. You don’t saunter and then start running once you hear the Chazin, to get out of shul… It’s a command. (Vayikra 6:2) Yes. This one is important. It was lit all night, ‘and the fire of the Altar should be kept aflame on it.’ The flame keeps going… Last Lag BOmer you couldn’t get the fire lit for more than eight minutes. We couldn't even get through one decent folk song... Because there was no bonfire... The eternal light, above the Aron, ark, here is not… You need to pay electric bills. The electric bills were paid in the Temple… You kindle wood on it in the morning (Vayikra 6:5). The elevation offering also caused the peace offering fats to ‘go up in smoke.’ (Vayikra (6:6) ‘A permanent fire shall remain lit there, it shall not be extinguished.’ Always elevating... We elevate. When dues are paid, we elevate... We can't cook a decent choolante if we don't have the gas for the stove. Basically, you pay the bills... And the Kohen dresses correctly for the job… Our Kohens come up there like schlumps... Your Tallis didn't even cover your arms, Dr. Cohen... A Kohen doesn't wear a scarf Tallis... Their for the youth, and the nonFrum... That's Kyle, from Wichita. He's not religious. He thinks it's cold in the shul... No. Meal offerings are different… They were all done in the Tabernacle and Temple… Aaron’s kids brought it. Yes. His family. That is the same... Families that eat together, stay together... (Vayikra 6:7-11) The meal offering used flour. Three fingers full. That was the measurement… One finger isn’t enough for a meal… It was a measurement of Aaron’s children’s fingers… Levi fingers aren’t the same… No. You can’t measure with a Yisrael’s fingers. They're different fingers. This is why things are messed up here. You have roles and you have different natural abilities. Yisrael’s can’t measure flour right… Then let’s see you bake, Simcha… It’s a ‘satisfying aroma.’ Frankincense is a good aroma… If Rivka used frankincense in her baking, it would come out decent. Frankincense and correct finger measures... The Kohens eat the leftovers. Jewish tradition of eating leftovers began with Moshe and Aharon… They didn't have freezers back then. It was at most a day. The sun got to it... They eat it in the Courtyard of the Tent of Meeting… It has to be a holy place. They take it out of there. Yisraels, with bad measurements can't eat it. That’s why I eat my food in the office. It’s far away from the congregants… I would rather sit at a table alone than at a table with people who can't measure. Holy people have to eat the offering. They become holy if they eat it… Yisraels can’t be holy. Congregants are not holy… Don't eat my shnitzel. I just hope you got these kids a decent dessert. They like the creamy stuff… In this shul, not all Yisraels should be baking… You can't even offer these kids a pudding, and you want to be able to join the meal in the courtyard... Meal offerings are not leavened… Pesach is coming up soon and you’re asking about leavening... Shabbis is a commandment. You have to keep it too, Tzvi... And eat Challah... I know it's leavened. It's Shabbis... Does everything have to be a commandment? Here are some shul commandments: No offerings brought in the shul… Have to wait for the Temple. Kiddish has to be decent. Bernie. Stop talking. Sadie is correct. Whatever she says, you have to do. This kid, in front of me right now. The same one that heckled me on Purim. She cannot be wandering around the shul during my Sermon… As cute as it is… People have to sign up for the shul trip... Donations have to be made when you flip a tab. It’s a vow… You can’t make vows and not keep them, even if nobody listens to Fran… The back left cannot drink more than three shots on a Shabbat morning… Even if it’s a club… Keep the Shabbat and make it holy... Singles have to chip in for dinner every once in a while... The board has to pay the electric bills, so we can have an eternal flame... And no more sauntering. It’s a command... You can't eat certain fats... Human fat cannot be eaten, even if you put it on over Purim, due to Mishloach Manot... You took their coat... I understand it was the same company... Just because it's in the coat room, doesn't make it Hefker. That's probably a sin offering... No stealing coats. New command. No taking coats from the coatroom, unless it is yours. And do it all fast. Come to Minyin fast. Return the coats you stole. Now! I am enjoying my vacation right now, keeping holy, down here in Florida... I know the shul trip is to Europe and Israel. I'm doing research for it... There are flights from Florida to Israel. I know that now. You see. The youth listened more than the back left. Fourteen year old listen better than you Frank. Command. Listen to my sermons. I hope the youth learned something from this sermon... Don't be like Bernie... Rivka’s Notes on Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Hymie is not a fast reader. That sermon took an hour and a half. Double the time the rabbi usually takes to get out his message, that we have to show up to shul on time. We need numbers on coats or lockers. People just take the stuff. Stealing is a sin, but when it comes to coats, they think that it's mixed in with all the others, so you can steal it. There must be a Halachik leniency when it comes to merged items. I wouldn't trust my mink in the coatroom. They would see that thing and feel like it's theirs too, as they have winter coats, and that is close enough. We are having real problems convincing people to give the money they pledged. All the shul hears is, ‘We didn’t flip the tab.’ Everybody denies flipping the tabs on the appeal cards. There must be an underhanded tag flipper running around the shul on the holidays. Those Matching the Grant campaigns have me feeling worthless. Our whole community has to chip in to match Milton's donation. He's all high on himself now, thinking that he is more important than the whole community. The shul office would agrees. And he even gives more than he flips. The rabbi's explanation of sponsorship made all the sense in the world. It also helped clarify why the youth were being served rice, when they spent $240 on their Shabbat convention. It even helped explain why they ended up staying in homes and crashing on the shul floor, instead of staying in a hotel. It's important they know that their money is going towards seniors programming, and gin rummy in the afternoon, and not to their convention. The rabbi is all about messages. Commanding to hasten stuff is such a beautiful message. I hope the Chazin caught onto that message. He hastens nothing with his repetition of the Amidah prayer. The elevation fire offering would've lost its fire by the end of the repetition. Commands make life move a lot faster. I'm always thinking about sales. If somebody commanded me to buy the shoes, I would be in and out of Walmart. Now, I spend two hours figuring out which pair to get, because nobody tells me what to do. 'Families that eat together, stay together.' What a brilliant quote from our rabbi. I heard that the Orthodox Union adopted it as their slogan a few months back, thanks to our rabbi's brilliance. The reform and conservative say 'that sit together.' Orthodox now says 'that eat together.' Eat together and fight together. Shmulik was standing the whole time Shira read the rabbi’s sermon, with his arms crossed. Shira took over the reading of the sermon fifty eight minutes in. All the kids listened out of fear of Shmulik. They all ended up also keeping the laws of Shabbat, as Shmulik and the security guard were extremely threatening looking. And they went to programs real fast, out of fear that they would see Shmulik with nobody around. Shmulik was hired by the NURY youth movement, as a senior scary guy. Due to the rabbi's message, all the men in the back left ran to Kiddish club. I don't think they caught the message of doing things fast. They definitely took their time coming back to shul. Definitely sauntering. The shul trip command was brilliant. People ended up signing up. From then on, the rabbi started commanding stuff he wanted done. He commanded the board to give him a raise. A new command of the rabbi's was that all families had to send their kids to summer camp, as the kids were all turning into bad Jews. At summer camp, they wouldn't be around their parents or Bernie, and all would be well. The kids all started keeping the commands, as Aharon’s did. They listened to Sadie. They even gave the rabbi a raise. They paid more for youth programs. They even found camps to go to, that week. As I heard from the parents, the camps the kids found were very expensive. And that didn't bother the kids. As my argument about focusing on adults for programs and not kids was taken to heart, we had a lot of injuries. The bouncy house for the seniors wasn’t a good idea. In the end All in all, it was an amazing week. The youth group convention was nice. There were a lot of pictures of friendship taken, and a lot of headleaning for the pictures. Leaning and neck out sticking. You're able to tell good youth group kids by how much their head sticks into the picture, closer to their friends. I noticed that their bodies were not part of the group, but their necks and heads were. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke: Vayikra3/11/2022 
The new assistant rabbi in shul tryout was good. We hired him as a youth director. The rabbi decided that this way he'll be able to focus on the issues of keeping the kids out of the sermon. Kids running around during the Drashas has been very annoying. The rabbi feels that assisting in making sure kids are out for the sermon is a great way to assist him.
We were talking Michael taking off weight in the women's section on Shabbat. That's what we did for the Musaf service, and Kiddish. Everybody always tells Michael he took off weight. How fat do they think he is? He can't always be taking off weight and still be fat. It doesn't make sense. Even so, they always say he's taking off weight. Michael has a fat reputation. Rachel also has a fat reputation, but they don't always say 't looks like you took off weight' to her. At some point, she would take offense and ask how fat they thought she was. But she does have a fat reputation. That's how people remember her. So she also looks like she took off weight. You can tell Michael though. He's a guy. It's fine to let him know he's got the fat reputation. It started back at his Bar Mitzvah. He was chubby, and those pictures got out. I think it's because he got a little beard. He can't grow a good beard, but he forgot to shave. So, it looks like a beard, and that is fat camouflage. I hope he meets a girl he fancies before he shaves. The funeral of Mrs. Fleegelman was well attended. A lot of people were happy to see her go. Again, we need to have a class on funeral and Shiva etiquette. This community shows their happiness too much. There are times to not be laughing. At the procession they were smiling and laughing. They thought it was a community event. Bill thought it was a BBQ and baseball game at the park. They see community and they talk. They think the rabbi is talking, so they talk. Festivals are coming up. That means preparation. A lot of shul emails about giving charity. Why the poor people can't afford the holidays is simple. The price of Matzah is crazy. Shmurah Matzah is not affordable. And then the Hamentashen at the local bakery are crazy high prices. You've got to pay for the product and a donation to be Jewish. It's Matzah plus the community being supported by your keeping the Mitzvah. You're buying Kosher for Passover food and lights for the shul. It makes it hard to afford simple Mitzvot. I started trying to keep less Mitzvot, for financial reasons. The school bought the bakery. Now the school is running the thing and it costs a lot. Everytime I go to the bakery I feel like I am getting hounded for a fundraiser. Purim is coming up. Kids are still dressed not proper for shul on Shabbat. The kids are wearing these fighter things. They’ve got face paint. They’re celebrating Mardi Gras. And then you got some dressed as crusaders. Is history not taught in elementary school anymore? Since it’s a holiday this Wednesday, we have some non-Jewish people joining us for services. Groups from the college come around holiday time, and hear about how messed up our community is. The rabbi loves when these groups come. He loves it when he sees people that aren't Jewish. They listen to the sermon. We have a planned Havdalah Ceremony. We can't just do Havdalah. Now it’s an event. What happened to people just doing Havdalah? Can’t be traditions anymore. Nothing can be done because we do it, and it's the right thing to do. Now everything has to be an event. You've got to call it an event. Jews don't keep traditions anymore. They keep events. The rabbi is now trying to host a daily, Shacharit service event. Rabbi Mendelchem’s Drasha Shabbat Shalom My Dear Livestock You amazing congregation of Jewish people and a few of you awesome goyim who are joining us for services today. You make me more proud than my congregation. Bernie, please stand... That's why. (Vayikra 3:1-17) We learn in this week's parsha about the Olah offering, also known as the burnt sacrifice, which was brought twice a day... You could do a little learning yourselves every once in a while and also look at Wikipedia. This way I wouldn't have to explain everything to you… Learn a little about your tradition and browse the internet. There are some excellent sites about the Jews of Hollywood.... In the seventh verse we see how the priests had to bring the sacrifice. They would put a fire on the altar and then lay out branches on the fire. This wasn't a BBQ. Bill wasn't the guy standing there, flipping burgers, thinking he's doing his religious duty... You come to shul Bill. Manning the grill isn't a job for a sexton.... You're not a Kohen, and they didn't make burgers back then. They ate the steak whole... I don't know if they had buns. They probably used Challah… Flipping burgers doesn’t count for atonement. How the Kohen did this on the altar? No idea. Didn't see it when preparing the Dvar Torah. Nothing on WIkipedia... Like how chefs are able to touch fire. They got used to standing on the altar... Rashi explains that the fire came down from heaven. Nothing to do with my message, but very neat... It wasn't an event. It was a ceremony. A daily ceremony. A tradition. They didn't need to make flyers for it. Rashi goes on to comment on the meaning of 'The sons of Aaron' to explain that he had to perform this service as the priest, in his priestly garments and not the garments of ordinary Kohanim. It couldn’t be done by ordinary Kohanim. Why we call up these guys to the Torah is a question I ask… Just your clothes are offensive. Your garments are off. You need better garments to join in ritual at the shul. That is the new rule. And kids can't go to junior congregation, with the assistant rabbi, dressed for Mardi Gras... The Chazin looks all disheveled... You're leading Musaf. Iron it... Purim is coming up. Maybe your costume should be to dress like a Chazin. Dress like somebody who's leading services... The priestly garments were priestly... That means made for priests. They had a priestly thing. They were priestly. That's what made them priestly... You don’t trust congregants to do important stuff. You don’t have Fred, the president, making decisions… You can’t dress up as a Kohen for Purim and do the service… The clothes have to be appropriate… That is true. People who wear suits get paid more and don’t have to work. Which is why I ask why nobody here is wearing a suit. You don't work… I see how you helped with the renovations... Maybe if you wore a suit, you would get an Aliyah to the Torah. We don't need people in Hawaiin Luau outfits opening the ark... Aharon's outfit looked nothing like a Luau. Yes. The service had some good roast, There were fires... No ukuleles. How about you dress up like a decent Jew for Purim. There’s a reason I am asking for another raise... The Goyim are dressed more like Kohens. Bernie, see how Tyler is dressed. That’s how a Jew dresses… They didn’t wear shorts in the Temple… Skirts. That’s why they didn’t go up on the altar. You respect it. It is the clothes that make the service acceptable. The dress is important. You play football in your soccer clothes, you dance with your dancing shoes, you come to shule in a suit... That's the shul uniform. A suit or a skirt. Not a Hawaiian floral arrangement on your chest... You don't wear shorts on Shabbat in this congregation. Hana, how do you expect H' to hear your prayers with sandals?... What were you thinking Ben, when you got that haircut? Stand up. I want everybody to see what happens when we don't follow dress codes. Turn around. Show them... That is not acceptable for anything. Such a high cut in the back. Embarrassing... It embarrasses us to have to see you. It's the clothes and the person. It’s everything... Yes. The clothes make the person. Look at the board. Without clothes, they would be more pathetic... The altar couldn’t be made of metal… Because you make weapons out of that stuff... So certain costumes shouldn’t be worn to shul... Even in Purim. It’s like you’re sinning in order to repent. Can’t do that… That’s why we don’t cut the altar stone with material used for weapons… That's why I don't have the congregants over for dinner. You would make me want to sin... That's why it always looks like Michael is losing weight... With all that we have. With all the blessing H' gave us. That means, not the back left of the shul. What did you bring? (Vayikra 1:1-2) ‘From animals. From cattle, and from sheep you shall bring your offering.’ You don't give H' something he doesn't want. You don’t give something I don’t want. You don’t bring me a vegetable platter… I don’t like celery. Nobody wants celery in there… It’s not a good offering and it gets stuck in your teeth. You don't have a Purim Carnival with a plastic figures as prizes... They need to be elastic. You want to be able to stretch your G.I. Joe... You don't have an apple bob. It's disgusting... No. Bob. To bob for apples is disgusting. All the germs... You guys made such a big deal about COVID, and now the kids are bobbing for apples. Is there any happy medium... (Vayikra 1:3-17) We brought the elevation offerings… When you messed up you brought an elevation offering. This shul would’ve had a set guy at the Tabernacle, on the elevation offerings. Just standing there, taking notes for how bad this membership messes up… Rachel dropped off her kids late to school to school again. Then, she forgot to pick them up. The back left section spoke Lashon Hara again. We ate too much at the BBQ. Hired the Chazin. Bad decision. The men’s section is dressed like a schlump. Michael is still living with his parents, and he hasn't lost any weight. Chanan isn’t married. Sarah hasn’t done any Mitzvahs. Shprintza can’t even use a crockpot… All day. He would be standing there, elevating for all your sins... OK. Not sins. Mistakes. Also, when you feel like you could’ve done a Mitzvah… You need somebody telling you to feel guilty. Bernie thinks it’s Purim all year. Dressed like that. When was the last time you did Mitzvahs?... Another reason for elevation offerings. Bernie's being here. You guys mess up all the time. When do you not mess up? We would need a Gabai at the altar all year.... You even mess up the choolante. Rules. You don't follow them. You bring an elevation offering... No. It goes up. You can't eat it... You've already messed up. Now you want to mess up your Olah, elevation, too?... We can't bring offerings nowadays. We can just feel guilty. This congregation has to feel guiltier. Rules. There are recipes. You bring the cow a certain way. The sheep a certain way. The turtledove… It’s a type of dove. It’s not a flying turtle. You take apart the innards of the cow and the sheep… The Torah tells us that…. Of course you put it on the altar. You don’t cook it in an oven… Then where does it go. You roast. The point is that you cook things correctly. You do it according to the recipe and it coes out good. (Vayikra 1:14-17) Birds were allowed. Yes. But only for the poor people… The cheap ones too. This shul would've brought birds... I saw the anual campaign. Birds are different. There is no blood sprinkling… They didn’t sprinkle it like a modern art abstract. It was clean. Rules. You don't want to ruin decent clothing if you don't have to. No heart. These were rituals. Not events… People only show up for events in our shul. That's the new thing. You show up for what is important. You don't need a flyer to tell you to show up... (Vayikra 1:4) ‘He shall lean his hand on the head of the elevation offering, and it shall be acceptable for him to atone.’ It has to be acceptable. The Kohen has to look decent. The animal has to be right. You have to be part of this offering, not like last week's Bat Mitzvah, where nobody wanted to be there... Agreed. It was not a smorgasbord. It got everybody in a bad mood, when we didn't see the pigs in a blanket... ‘Wanted’ is the word. ונרצה. Nobody wanted potato puffs. Everybody wanted pigs in a blanket... ‘Allowed.’ H’ doesn’t want just the animal. First we have to commit. It has to be wanted, like Rachel. Michael was an accident. We have to know we sinned. Acknowledge it. That's why we lean our hands on the elevation offering. (Rambam- Maaseh Karbanot 3:13-15) ‘While doing so, he confesses the sin or shortcoming that prompted him to bring the offering.’ You have shortcomings… Yes. I’m quoting Artscroll. Finally, somebody follows along. Reads for themselves… You can’t deny the sin and shortcomings and not bring the offering… That’s why you’re sinners. You can’t even see… From now on, I am going to offer a service. You come to me and I tell you how you’re a sinner. It’s a pre-Teshuva service… Yom Kippur is not enough for this flock... Put your hands on it, then you can have it work for atonement for you… You lean on it and you’ll fall asleep, Sid. I’ve seen you falling asleep leaning on the pole over in the back… They didn't fall asleep on the sheep. It can’t atone for you if you don’t feel it. If you don’t acknowledge what you did wrong. You don’t just send it and say, ‘Here you go Kohen. Make it good.’… I know. That’s how you daven. You pray with no soul… I heard your Adon Olam. It’s with no heart. You can't just show up and say 'So. I messed up like the president of the board. Don't we all... No. I don't feel bad, but there is a ritual. It's an event.' There’s a reason everybody puts their arms in and says ‘Go team’… Other teams do it… Yes. They do. They win. They say ‘Go team.’ They feel like a team. Then they win. They’re committed… They put their hands together (Menachot 93a) He leans both hands. Sports teams only do one… There isn’t room for the two hands. The circle doesn't allow for more than one. If it did, they would do two hands... If it's a team of more than three people, it doesn't work. You've got to sideways in, the outside hand doesn't fit. Once you’re committed, Gd gets involved. The fire may come down from heaven and aide you... Yes. It aides you. But you have to first lean. You have to do the first move there... You offer no aide to the shul. That's why we ask for donations. You have to first aide the shul, then it aides you. Like the sheep. You lean on it first... Do something already. If you gave money, I wouldn't have to do an appeal every weak. Pinny. The cards. Please go around with the flip downers... The fire came down. Unlike Paroh. Unlike Haman. Unlike Amalek. Unlike Bernie, who do not put in their effort for atonement. You can atone. I think... Not sure... You dress like Amalek Bernie. Let’s get some heart into what we do. The heart aides. It aides in you not being hyou… A little sing along. It’s fine. You can cry, Bernie. You dress right. You act right. You cry at the funeral. Feel the loss. It's not conversation time. It's not Kiddish with the buddies... The coffin was right there, Shlomo. Just like Amalek. No heart. I hate Amalek. Hate them. Oh!!!! I hate Amalek!!!! I hate them so much... Haman. Booooh. We all have Amalek in our lives… Just like El Guapo. They are in our lives. For some it’s school work… You can learn a lot from The Three Amigos. Elevation happens when we humble ourselves. We put in the effort to prepare. We bring an animal. We look decent. It’s the person, the object and the dress. You don’t wear a Hawaiian shirt to a funeral… She was Jewish. She was living in New York. New Yorkers don't wear Hawaiian shirts... That's after they moved down to Florida. When they're old. And they do Teshuva down there. They lean a lot. On everything. On Purim. You dress up in proper ways of other cultures… After Purim. You atone with an elevation offering... Because you even messed up Purim. You even messed up dressing not like yourself. You can't even be a decent not you... The problem is you’re not humble. Moshe starts Vayikra with a small Alef, as he is being humble. Alef, meaning to teach, is how we should learn Torah… Humility. See the Artscroll. Couldn’t even read the first page of the Parsha... Humble means not coming up with crazy dress ideas that are not Shabbisdik... That means meant for Shabbat. Such a not Frum congregation. After Shabbis, we're doing ancestry checks... And certificates of conversion. For those who want to atone, we're starting an Artscroll Parsha Daf Yomi... This week, we start with The Parsha of the week... We'll also start an Artscroll Gemara Daf Yomi. We'll start with Mesechta Megilah... So you'll be prepared for next Purim. You think ahead. That's being humble... I'll put out a flyer for people to learn, be humble and dress right, and to sacrifice according to rules. This way, it will be an event, and people will do it... Rivka’s Notes on Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Daf Yomi is learning a page of the Talmud everyday. It takes seven years to finish all the Gemara like that. Artscroll splits up those pages into around 10 pages. So, it would take seventy years to finish the Artscroll Daf Yomi, focusing on the English. The rabbi knows how to keep a job. Great technique, telling the congregants how good they are, before going off on them being unhelpful, and bad Jews, dressed all disgusting. The non-Jewish people who joined definitely feel better now that they know how bad Jews can be. How the rabbi mixed Bernie in with Amalek was very powerful. It was his shirt. He just went to an AC/DC concert last week. He was very excited and felt the high watts of AC/DC. It made for an interesting Shacharit that Bernie led, when he high-pitched and kind of rock-screeched the repetition of the Amidah. Bernie said something about Purim. The rabbi didn't care. First the AC/DC shirt, then covered it with a Hawaiian shirt. Now we know why there is so much guilt in our community. We can't bring the guilt offerings anymore. So, we are left with guilt. Truth is, my community doesn't have any guilt. They've been able to overlook the Jewish guilt, and sin with comfort. Haven’t seen Bill very much. Last time we saw Bill was at the summer cookout. He identifies with Judaism through grills. I think he feels that manning the grill is a religious service. The rabbi was trying to tell him that a baseball game and a BBQ is not a religious service. A Chazin doesn’t need to man a grill for us to do it right, as the rabbi explained. Truth is, if we knew how to Daven, pray correctly as a Jew, we wouldn't need the Chazin. Very confusing, as the rabbi says the Chazin doesn't know how to lead either. A whole discussion took place after Davening (prayers) at Kiddish, where the rabbi had to explain how it’s forbidden to sacrifice animals in the parking lot of a baseball stadium, to ask Gd for your team to win. The rabbi hates the Chazin’s gown. Anytime he has a chance to mock it, he does. The rabbi had a hard time explaining 'priestly.' I know he had a hard time, because he repeated 'priestly' seven times. Truth is that nothing in our shul is priestly. Clothes are off. Rules are a question. Most of the members definitely don't keep Mitzvot. We need to come up with rules, just to have rules that we can enforce. We can't ask people to keep Mitzvot. That would be offensive. But to follow rules, we can do that. A certain recipe for the kugel, I think we might be able pull. Just not with Jessica. She's going to do her own thing. Now everything in shul has to be advertised. That's what events need. Advertising. Now we have flyers for Shabbat. Minyin has a flyer. Pesach has a flyer. The calendar isn't enough. It needs a flyer. Kiddish has its own flyer, so that people know when to show up to miss Shacharit. Funding has been off because we never sent out calendars this year. You need to send out calendars. Flip downers are great. The problem is the shul has to collect that money. It's amazing how quickly the people who donate forget. Is it even a donation if they don't donate the money? Is flipping a tab considered a donation? Point: If you don't send out calendars, you don't have donations. Bernie got emotional with the concept of being allowed to cry. The rabbi said, 'You can cry,' when talking about shul uniforms and a shul crest on the blazers. It reminded Bernie of his Scottish friends. He always wanted to be from Northern Britain. Some more stuff that Happened this Week: Michael didn’t take off weight. He grew his beard longer. Fat camouflage. Timed Shivas has been instituted and put out to the shul membership. No more than three hours visits. This way you can get Hymie and Fran out. We also want people to not become hungry while at the Shiva. The community was donating the food, and eating it. The Kleinwitzes sent a chicken pot pie and ate it while at the Shiva, as they got hungry. The rabbi's class on funerals without Kiddishes, was well accepted by the mourners, who didn't have food to eat. The question of why a hard boiled egg can't be a reason to socialize came up at the class. It was decided that you can only enjoy a Kiddish if the hard boiled egg is in egg salad form. Thus, making it a Kiddish. And thus, egg salad was banned at Shivas. Shul potluck dinner. Couldn't eat anything. Nobody trusts anybody else's Kosher standards. That was an issue again. The Mitzvah board finally has Mitzvahs on it. Shmuel got up for Yedidiya to sit down. Shmuel wanted to leave shul. He didn't come back in for Minyin, but he got Mitzvah points. The assistant rabbi came full-time a few months later and the rabbi had him on the youth. He also had him running to pick up his lunch at the grocery last week. He had him running around a lot for him. He even had him do a car-wash and set up an appointment with his accountant. I believe the rabbi has a messed up idea of what an assistant rabbi does. The rabbi didn't let the assistant rabbi give sermons, but he did allow him to bring him copies of his sermons. The rabbi really hates Amalek. Nobody showed for the reading of erasing Amalek. Idea of snow keeps people from a Torah command to hear wiping out Amalek. They said there would be a storm. There wasn’t. So, people didn’t come. Many of the congregants have expressed that we should kill Amalek with love, because that's how you fight in the modern day. You fight with love. Wiping out has thus been translated to cleaning Amalek, by Devorah. Making sure Amalek showers. The rabbi ended up giving a class on how to dress for Purim. It turned into a class on proper dress for shul. Purim prep turned into a fight. We should've just had a fight, and called that the carnival. The carnival itself was excellent, though there were a lot of line fights. You don't mess with a fifth grader when they are tossing beanbags at a Tic-Tac-Toe board. The Puirm carnival had the apple bob. They didn't listen to the rabbi. Everybody got sick. Nobody caught COVID. There was just a lot of puking from the disgustingness of the apple bob. Bill insisted on a Purim BBQ. It was decided against, due to it causing another fight at the carnival prep meeting. It’s also hard to get smell out of costumes. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke: Pikudei3/4/2022 
Rabbi tried talking to the Millennials and Gen Zers. They were offended. Just hearing the rabbi talk offended them. It turns out that anything that is related to the Torah offends them. That means the rabbi offends them. Just seeing him. Seeing a Torah covered, not allowing it to breath, offends them. They were offended by themselves coming to listen to the rabbi. Once the rabbi said 'Torah' it was over.
We ended up kicking them out of the shul. We have a new rule: Nobody between the ages of fourteen and forty-five are allowed at shul. Leo's Kosher Deli is doing well, being that nobody has come there over the past year. Leo needed a break and he's happy not having to see any of the community. We're trying to get him to reopen. Leo said, 'As long as I don't have to see people, I will happily run the deli.' He also seems to be angry with the Kosher guys. He doesn't understand the job of Kosher supervision. The guy is a supervisor. He's a Kosher watcher over. He watches over. Leo wants him to work. Rabbi Mendelchem explained that his job is to not work. Leo doesn't like that. He's also trying to figure out how a fifteen year old landed a job where he doesn't have to work. In the meantime, our community has Kosher all messed up. We have some members of our shul using blue for meat. What kind of a heretic uses blue for meat? Blue is dairy. Red is meat. The Feinblums don't know this. Biggest mistake ever made at a Kiddish is the Feinblums sharing this. Now we know why some of the blue silverware was 16-karat gold. How decent silverware got mixed into the dairy is an anomaly. At least it was till the Feinblums solved the mystery with their heresy. Now, nobody wants to eat in our shul. Every good Jew knows that you never use good silverware or china for dairy. It's stainless steal or plastic. The best Jews use plastic for everything. Now I know why nobody trusts the level of Kosher in our shul. Leo's is doing fine, as he only uses plastic silverware. As he says, 'It's less service.' People trust him. We call it plastic silverware, as it sounds classier. The classiest is the silver covered plastic. That's when you know you're eating by people with class. The Gen Zers were offended by Kosher. They were offended by laws. Just having laws offends them. Kiddish conversations have been on the down-low. The congregants decided to stop smiling. Not smiling keeps people away. Looking very unfriendly is a great way to ensure that you have space at the Kiddish table. I am happy not speaking to couples. Couples talking is annoying. Got to hear the stories. Got to hear about how they met, their trips, those stories where they end up love slapping the other's arm. Now, I don't need to find an excuse to get out of there. Cute couples talking bothers me. Biggest news this week. Mike picked up a two liter Kedem Grape Juice for $6.50. Wouldn't stop talking about it. At the local butcher it was $13. Youth programming has been a big topic at the shul. Not one person brought up programming for the elderly. No programming for older people. We need older people groups. Not just a youth groups. It would be good if the older people left shul too. People didn't even discuss the sick. They just said, 'Let the sick be the sick and let the older people die.' That's what I heard. Mazel Tovs: The Simchasteins had two grandchildren. Their smiles bothered everybody, as if they were rubbing it in. There were a bunch of birthdays. We've got to stop announcing birthdays. Either we announce birthdays or Simchas. Can't do both. I propose only announcing birthdays that are connected to Simchas. Bar Mitzvahs, Bat Mitzvahs. A kid reaches eight days old. Ninety. We announced Bella's ninetieth. I was fine with that. That's a birthday to announce. That's a Simcha of surviving this community. Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Shabbat Shalom My Cattle… My herd is fine too. (Shemot 38:21) ‘These are the reckonings of the Mishkan (the Tabernacle)…’ It’s the English translation… I don’t know what a Tabernacle is either… So, we’ll call it the Mishkan… Because it’s the Mishkan, Bernie… In the Mishkan, there were reckonings. There was counting. There was accountability. They had to follow a plan. The shul board didn’t mess it up. They couldn't. Betzalel was on top of them… Baruch. You can’t even figure out your income. Bookkeeping is a problem in this community… The only smart financial move made the past week is Mike’s deal he found at Tinoli’s Supermarket… $6.50 for a two-liter bottle of Kedem is amazing. Good job Mike. You should be reckoning for the shul. You'll reckon a better kitchen for us. You'll save money for us with your penchant for sales. You should probably reckon Baruch's taxes... They weighed the ‘gold, the silver and the copper, and counted all the vessels for all the work’ (Rashi). We can’t even find a serving spoon for the choolante… Accountability, Bernie. Service platters are all over. We can’t find a thing. The Kosher is setup wrong… You don’t use a blue marker for the meat… Now we have no idea what's meat. It's reckoned all wrong. We can't even use any of them for Kiddish work... Kiddish is holy work, and we have messed up blue vessels... She’s a fool. She used the red for dairy. I know. It’s messed up. Now everybody’s afraid to eat in the shul… Because you reckoned wrong. It’s wrecked. No accountability. No reckoning... The shul president is no Betzalel Ben Uri Ben Chur… Do you even know the name of your great-grandfather, Fred?... When he got called up to the Torah, he might have tagged on that extra generation… We’d have to send emissaries to Ellis Island, and get research teams on the grounds in Europe, just to get through Revi'i... Because nobody has ever reckoned anything here. You have no idea who your ancestors are. You don't even know who showed up to the shul BBQ... Where are the utensils? Nobody knows. Exactly. Do we have an Ohaliav?... Exactly. Nobody names their children Ohaliav. You should start… He reckoned right. (Shemot 38:23) ‘Ohaliav the son of Achismach of the tribe of Dan, a carver, a weaver, an embroider of turquoise, purple and scarlet wool, and linen.’ He did it all. He knew what he was doing. He didn’t say, ‘This should be the program for older people.’ There were professionals… Crocheting is fine. Painting is also good. But not when it’s the piece that is hanging in the front hall… Or the cloth quilt covering the ark… Renovations is not a good program for older people. Look… We need people who reckon with talent... Then why are they on the committee. We need people with talent to work on stuff… Then hire a handyman. The bathroom stall’s door is still flimsy as anything… You hire a guy with no talent. Worse, a volunteer with no talent, who doesn't reckon... Because there is no accounting, they thought they were fixing a leak... The materials were a lot. People donated stuff... No plaques, even with the silver and gold. They just donated, Sheril. (Shemot 38:24-31). A lot of talents… This wasn’t a sing along. It was talents of gold, silver… It’s a weight… I would rather see that then to have to see Menachem at another violin recital. I don’t know if we can call that a talent… The talent is exciting because they did stuff with it. They made the pegs, the sockets… A hundred talents of silver from the community. And then another 1,775 shekels… We can’t even get a decent person. One decent community member. One person to go to the hardware store and pick up brackets… The shekels had a better exchange back then. Inflation… We need a plan. We need better organization. We need for Fred to not be the president. (Shemot 38:27-31) They were the sockets for the Sanctuary… And more. Sockets for the Sanctuary, the holy, And then copper used for the Tent of meeting and the copper altar and the vessels… Copper works for vessels. And they didn’t paint them blue… Because they weren’t dairy… It was a copper altar. You use copper for the copper altar. Not gold or silver… Because it was a copper altar, Bernie! A lot of sockets. They made the holes of what held everything together with the community donations… What held it together? Staves. Rods. Stuff you stick through it… They were holy sockets. Like you. You are holy sockets. Sockets waiting to be filled. Filled with reckons... Community is like a hole. We put everything in and we make holes. You did that with the new renovations. A lot of holes. The question is, what is going to hold it together… Souls hold it together. A decent contractor holds things together. Not the senior citizens of our shul... No. You do programs for them. You don't ask them to do renovations. If they can't paint... Paint night was messed up. Our members missed the canvas. We're not looking to paint the floor... Our shul doesn't need splatter. It's not a Warhol. The individuals are holes. When we come together and do something positive… I said to do something positive. Not like Menachem’s violin playing. Not like the community theater production of Little Mermaid… It was Tzanuah. Very modest. We all appreciated that. Fran was a great mermaid. It was an excellent call by the director… What holds the holes together? That’s coming together… I am staying away from renovations and building supplies, because there is too much contention right now. Renovations makes holes… Our shul board holds nothing together. We know we can’t depend on them. What are going to be our rods?... $6.50 for grape juice can do it. We need to bring the holes in the kitchen together… Throw out all the vessels… No idea what red means anymore… It’s like blue scarlet. The vessels make no sense… You didn’t reckon. You wrecked it. The blue marks are holes in the Fleishiks (the meat)... The way to fix it is by saying 'Shalom.' Greeting people bonds us together. Shalom is the stick... It's a figurative rod. Shalom doesn't mean rod... Somebody has to reckon Hebrew lessons in this shul. The beautiful community focus on Tehillim. We all come together. I love it. Everywhere they come together for huge Tehillim prayer gatherings. Except our shul… You don’t even care. There’s a war… Somewhere, there is a war. Let’s focus on clothes. On looking decent. If people looked good, maybe we would come together… At least you would want to be seen in the shul. If you washed that shirt... It was white. Iron the thing... (Shemot 39:1) The turquoise and purple and scarlet wool made the clothes to serve in the Sanctuary, and Aharon’s clothes… It’s kind of hard to feel together and… You dress decently for shul. For service in our sanctuary. You build right. Get the right people on the project. Not Sam… You dress right. It’s hard to have Kavana when your Chazin is all disheveled… It’s not white. That gown is off white. It’s stained… How about less white... Nobody here can keep anything white. The sockets were clean. Not full dust, like the ledges... They are holes in our shul that need to be held together. With love... We must start reckoning better. I reckon we come together more often. We join as one. We take all the holes and bring them together as one. But with reckoning. Together, properly, using strengths, not the board's ideas... The board comes up with ideas and it just makes holes. Unclean holes... Because you can't even get somebody to clean the shul. Reckon that... (Shemot 38:21) ‘… That was reckoned by Moshe’s word. The work of the Levites…’ The didn’t mess up because they listened to Moshe. They’re leader… You have not listened to me. There is still no program for the elderly… Minyin doesn’t count. They don’t show up… Reckon right. Does everything have to be youth? Does nobody care about the older people… Not talking about using them for labor... Adult labor is almost as bad as child labor... The old people are annoying, but we should still care about them. We do teenage programming. Are the teens not annoying? Are Chanan and the singles not annoying… Then we should do a Dor LDor. A generation to generation program... This way the kids will know about the holes in the community and Sadie, the only one who holds them together with her choolante, and why they don't want to come to shul. The kids will know how things used to be reckoned. They will learn what goes into community… Hymie and Bernie cannot attend. Only Fran and Sadie… Saul can go too… We don’t want to kill their hopes of a future, Bernie. You will bring them down. They will have a sad Purim. Will we get a bookkeeper for the shul? Somebody to ensure we don't go into debt with our next Purim party... There is no reckoning in this shul... It's all wrecked... We're broke. I don't know how to stick a stave in the hole of our bank account... Rivka’s Notes on Rabbi Mendelchem’s Drasha I think everybody knows what reckoning means now. It was a good focus for the Sermon. We need accountability. If we're accountable, we can do things right. We can look good. Individuals can look good. As the rabbi said, 'If we just got rid of the board.' It's like that New York broken glass thing, where they cleaned up the graffiti and there was less crime. Crime in our shul would drop if it was cleaner. If we were organized, there would be less Chumashim (The Five Books) being taken out. And they never bring them back, so it's stealing. Stealing is a crime. All because there is no reckoning. A shul needs reckoning. If we reckoned. If we had a decent board, and the office did their work, we would have talented people doing the work we reckoned too. When a community is reckoned, it is proper. And we need decorum in shul that makes sense. Right now, the decorum is to wear what you want and pin your artwork wherever you want in the shul. No reckoning. We're all holes. We need strong sockets and staves to hold us together. To make us a reckoned community. Why the rabbi had to tell people to start being friendly, and saying 'hi' again, is beyond me. He has killed Kiddishes for me. A lot of reckonings this week. Turns out there is a lot of stuff the shul doesn’t need. Nothing has been reckoned recently. It turns out the shul has not done any reckoning for many years. We’re in debt and we didn’t know it. Ignorance is not always bliss. Not when heating goes out in the middle of Musaf. We finally figured out why the heat has been off, and the plow stopped coming. Bills. We’ve got to reckon bills. We reckoned the Mazel Tovs. There are a lot of kids that nobody cared about at their Bar and Bat Mitzvahs. The rabbi has decided to leave all Mazel Tovs out of his speech recently. As he said, 'There is no Mazel in this shul. There aren't enough staves.' People tried helping by bringing their broom sticks, but the rabbi refused Mazels. Mazel Tovs have been relegated to announcements. Even Bar Mitzvahs are just mentioned in announcements. The family has to find their own way of expressing joy with the relatives that are sitting with them, from overseas, in the front row. Last week the president's announcement was, 'Look in the bulletin. Naftali celebrated his Bar Mitzvah today. If you didn't notice.' And then, when they hear there's a Kiddish, you can see the people in the shul smile, and they shout 'Mazel Tov.' Then, they get to Kiddish and stop smiling. It's easier to not say 'Shabbat Shalom' when you don't smile, too. The new rule is that the rabbi will only mention the Simcha, celebration, in his sermon, if there is a large Kiddish. You need kugels, choolante, cakes, drinks, soft and alcohol, salads, tune salad and egg salad, coleslaw. The list goes on. Multiple kugels was mentioned as a necessity by the rabbi. Included must be lokshen kugel, potato kugel, apple kugel. Rabbi specifically mentioned coleslaw. He said it's a good topping for everything Jewish. The Gen Zers were offended by the word 'Jewish.' The rabbi did a great job of educating about the Copper Altar being made of copper. It was very educational. People felt the speech was impassioned. It hit everybody in the heart. Now the congregants feel like they have holes in their hearts. A bunch of holes in the shul. The people have no idea how to put together the holes, but they feel like they have holes. A lot of holes. As Pinchas said, ‘We are each a hole.’ The hope of coming together for anything more than Tehillim, for the holes, is for not. It was a very touching sermon with hope that depressed everybody. Some felt the hole was not knowing their ancestors. Trips of members were planned all over the world to find their families, but they didn’t know who their families were. So it was just destination trips to where there families might have come from. It turns out, after they let us know what they saw on their ancestor trips, everybody looks American. Talk got around the Feinblum’s dairy red. Can't eat in their house anymore. The shul's kitchen also wasn't reckoned. They used a blue for meat. Mrs. Feinblum got into the kitchen, and caused that problem. Everybody now knows, red is for meat. It’s simple. Those are the Kosher laws. Red is for meat. Blue is for dairy. That's the law. Everything else in Kosher falls into that. The rabbi is looking for the source in the Torah where it says blue is dairy, and green is Pareve. He said he will find it. Nobody ate in the shul for a few weeks, other than the ones who only keep Kosher in the home. We started using paper plates, till we got somebody to rub the paint off the dishes. Then everybody started eating again, and we still used paper plates. It's much easier for the sisterhood, and we are sure the environment appreciates that. The rabbi's lesson of filling the holes in the shul didn't hit most of the congregants right. I think most of them fell asleep during the sermon. The concept of spackling didn't even dawn on the board, as a way to fix holes. Much of the board was focused on the destruction of Jerusalem, as their argument for the poor renovations. Donations were stopped as people kept on giving books and not money. We got copper, which nobody knew how to use. Even the Machatzit HaShekel, half shekels given around the time of Purim, came in the form of people dropping stuff off at the shul, they don't need. One person dropped off a book with a swastika. Said it was a Jewish book about how bad the Nazis were. It was still offensive. For some reason, it was still offensive. They said they wanted to get rid of the hole in their house. Right after Shabbis, everybody went to Tinoli’s Supermarket. They ran out of Kedem grape juice. Worst deal. Just a waste of money on gas. A day later, Costco had three liter bottles for $4.50. Everybody was mad at Mike for all the excitement he caused. That same day, Tinoli's was restocked with grape juice. Our whole shul returned their bottles. It was like a shul event. It was either a shul event or a Tinoli's protest, for their sales prices. It was definitely the most attended shul event of the year. The board put it in the books as a success. It was clear from the response of the membership that they didn’t want to do anything for the older people. The board decided that the programming for anybody above sixty should be dues and donations. Leah brought up a class on how to write a proper will as a program. Everybody thought that was a great idea. The focus was where the shul belongs on the page. The Dor LDor, generation to generation, program didn’t work out. The seniors said something about not being on phones the whole time. That caused a ruckus. I have never heard Sadie curse, but she said something about 'these Gen Z and millennial ---edy ---- ---- selfish ----s.' Nothing was mentioned about the war. The rabbi figured that there is enough destruction in the Ukraine now. If anybody from our shul got involved, they would just cause more damage. He used the shul's renovations to express his point. We are praying that this Purim, Frank's drunkenness doesn't destroy more of the shul. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke: VaYakhel2/25/2022 
Sign language has been part of the rabbi’s sermon since Shmulik was told that he should only be up there, with the rabbi on the Bima, if he signs. He took up signing and he stands there with his hands crossed, looking very serious. I believe he is doing the sign for security. Nobody in the shul reads sign language, except for the Silverwitz nephews, and they only visit once a year.
Since Shmulik started signing, less people have attacked the rabbi. We started the fundraiser for Purim three weeks before the holiday. I don't think Purim itself needs a fundraiser, but Frank and Milt can't support the alcohol they consume. I believe the shul started the fundraiser, years ago, to support the consumption of alcohol. As more members of the community joined AA, we now use the fundraiser as the annual shul telethon. The telethon consists of people calling and asking for money. This year, it was me. No entertainers are involved in our shul telethons. We would lose all the money if we had a famous person asking for money. We ask for money and we offer a meal. It has to be a meal too. We tried doing a fundraiser carnival for Purim one year, but people will only pay for a carnival if it’s food. The meal is the thing they pay for. The only booth that worked the year of the Purim carnival was the 'throw the meat in my mouth' booth. As the brunt of fundraising fell on me this year, I realized that asking people to donate does not get them to like you. I have never had so many unreturned calls in my life. I left messages on friends' phones and nobody got back to me. Even when I called to invite them to my house for Shabbat dinner, they didn't pick up. Once I was part of the Beis Knesses Anshei Emes uSefilah Purim Telethon I was not able to get any answers from my calls. I lost all of my friends. My mother stopped taking my calls as well. I heard that she doesn't want me calling anymore, as she fears I will ask for a donation. She is the only mother in the community that doesn't complain that her child don't call enough. Fundraisers have caused family fights. I heard Beth gave too much and her husband now can't go golfing till August. There are many fundraiser issues in our community. I believe the best way to deal with it would be to have a fundraiser scholarship fund. This way people could make their donations and not have to worry. The kids are coming to shul not properly dressed. There is proper shul attire, and nobody is doing it. The last year people stuck to proper shul attire was 1998. Since then, I see kids showing up with shorts and sandals. Waiters at the last Bar Mitzvah had Tshirts on. I don't believe they realized they were at a Simcha event. It might be the Israeli influence. However, we are not always in the middle of summer here. The rabbi should mandate double breasted suits. Torah classes have not been attended recently either. I think people are worried they will have to give a donation if they show. There is a big fear of donations in our community right now. Rabbi Mendelchem’s Drasha Shabbat Shalom My Drove, Congregants who do not care about your rabbi’s health or well-being, as the board has decided to not give a raise this year, due to finances that the rabbi has 'used'… A gym membership is very important to my role. Gym. Exercise. Health. Have to perform funerals… I deal with death all the time. I need to be healthy to deal with death… Try dealing with Bernie… B”H it’s not a double Parsha this year… Two portions are not read. Just VaYakehl. As I care about you all, I will not review the Parsha of Pikudei; so, don’t worry… I could still go over Pikudei, as it’s usually a double Parsha. We commemorate, so I give a double sermon. But I am not. Do you want… I believe we're all tired enough. Last year, we were all very disappointed when we thought we were going to end the Parsha, at which point the Chazan kept on going. I remember this, as I am still having flashbacks. We saw Rishon (the first ending segment) end, and then it didn't. It went into Sheini (the second segment), with no stop. We all knew it was going to be long, as that process continued with Shelishi (the third segment), which only ended at Shishi (the sixth segment). I am not down on the Chazan, nor should any of us be... I had a talk with the Chazan about raising people’s hopes. I told him it’s wrong to raise their hopes and think that an Aliyah (segment) is ending, and then to not have it end. So, we are happy it’s a leap year and we don’t need to read Sheini with Rishon… It was confusing. ‘Stop. No. Don’t.’ I have never seen a Chazan or Torah Reader corrected so many times… Everybody thought he didn’t end right. ‘It’s an ender!’ They called it an ‘ender’… You need to be in shape for dealing with double Parshas. That will get the heart-rate going… (Shemot 35:1-3) Shabbat… Can’t make a fire… Yes. That means work, Bernie. Fire is work… You’re making me work right now to explain the laws of Shabbat. Just stop driving to shul. How about that? Let’s start with not planning a road trip for Friday night… I don't know what Shmulik is doing. I think he's working. Didn't even move his hands to show work... VaYakhel, ‘Moshe gathered all the nation of Israel.’ We can’t even get a softball game together… You can’t play with five people. You need a Minyin… Let's start with ten. We can't jump to a nation. The first thing he speaks about is Shabbat. He tells them, no driving on Shabbat. No stitching. No breaking... That means no renovations. Because you break everything. And he tells them 'no renovations.' The point is to not ruin stuff, like the Mr. Bernwitz... Worst paint job on the shed... Nobody can see it, and yet, it is till bothersome. Right after Shabbat, and rest, and not ruining everything, Moshe gives over the Tabernacle stuff. Then he talks about the Temple/Tabernacle. Might as well make your work holy… No. I don't necessarily think it's holy to sell lottery tickets... It does stop people from going to the casino... Nobody purchased shul lottery tickets, because it was a fundraiser... He gave sermons too. Moshe’s Drashas were longer than mine… Moshe also talks about these two things, when he 'gathered' us. First is Shabbat. Because Shabbat is what makes us a people. When else do you see Hymie?... I know you don’t want to hear his jokes. But you don’t see him when you’re working. When you’re tanning leather, you don’t see him. When you’re tying a rope, you don’t see Helen. When you’re stitching… You never look up when you’re stitching. You’re focused on the crocheting… Shabbat is the first thing mentioned when we’re brought together… As Rashi notes that Moshe begins with Shabbat, to teach us that the work that is done for the Mishkan (the work on the Tabernacle is known as 'work' when we speak about Melachot) is not done on the Shabbat… Hammering was done on the Mishkan. You can’t do renovations on Shabbat… How can your neighbors sleep when you’re banging away? When they know the neighborhood is going downhill... Because you're not a handyman Mr. Bernwitz. You're very not handy. We had to move a bench and your side fell... A double Parsha is work. I don’t know if they did it in the Mishkan… It is not one of the thirty-nine Melachot... Good point Michael. I will bring that up at the next rabbi conference. (35:4-20) Right after Shabbat, and being commanded to work for six days, it talks about the work in the Mishkan… ‘Six days you shall work.’ Do stuff… Do holly stuff. They donated all the stuff… The people donated to the Mishkan. And that was the last fundraiser that worked... People still spoke to Moshe and Aharon afterwards... Working is right after Shabbat. A requirement to work. You need to be in shape to do work… To work with the back left. That's why I go to the gym. You sleep the whole week... No. The command is not to be lazy. The sisterhood can still help around the shul, like they used to.... The whole week '6 Days, you shall do work and on the 7th' you shall not do any work. You keep the Shabbat and you do not use it as a day to go to the park and push your goods. Nobody cares for the Ahava products... Your sale is mocking the people. You tell them how disgusting their hands are... So stand in the park and mock people. You can just tell them how ugly they are. That's fine on Shabbat... '6 days, you shall do work...' That means to work during the week. You lazy people in this congregation. The problem is half of this congregation is made of people who went to college....Went to college and now think you can be successful if you work on the Shabbat... That's money. Money doesn't mean success. Mitzvot is success... If you were thinking about getting a job, why did you go to college? What were your thoughts about your financial future when you are putting down $40,000 a year that you don't even have, for a job that might pay $50,000 a year, six years later... Moshe was telling you to rest. Relax. No studying on the seventh day... That's work. Land rests on the seventh year too... You can still donate, and answer your phone... Sunday is super, and you can work on it. You can give money on Sunday... Saturdays are only for tag flipping. Felvel. Please handout the appeal cards... What makes Shabbat Kodesh?... Hymie telling jokes does not make it holy. Felvel laughs at his jokes. That’s the one positive. We're not depended on to laugh at them. He does that himself. That allows us to rest... Hymie laughing at his jokes would be painful... He shouldn't tell jokes during the week either. (Shemot 35:10) ‘All the wise of heart among you shall come and make everything that H’ commanded.’ All the stuff… Even the staves. You need to hold the stuff in place… The clothing of the Kohens... You're not going to have dumb hearted people working on the Mishkan... The Pinkowitzs are not wise of heart... Giving all their money to their youngest for camp... He could've went to Gan Yisrael for a fifth of the amount... So they paid for their kid to go away. Now they're in debt and can't donate anything. Dumb of heart... Chacham Lev (wise of heart) shall come and do all the H' commands In building the Mishkan, it was the 'Wise of Heart' that are now invited to come and build the Tabernacle and its parts. It would seem that it is not just Betzalel and Ohaliav that helped make the objects of the Beit Hamikdash... Same objects in the Mishkan and Beit Hamikdash. It wasn't like a whole new idea because it was permanent... A foundation was needed. You don't want the Beit Hamikdash flying away. It would've never made 500 years... Why nobody names their kids Ohaliav is an anomaly... Putting it as the third name doesn't count. I know you name them after your grandparents with a Yasmin Jessica Rut... That's not naming her after Rut, unless if you're dumb of heart... In this week's Torah portion, it would seem that all people who are wise of heart joined....Wise, because they were working towards something. They had a goal. The end game was there. They knew what they were going to do. They didn't go to university and spend $40,000 a year... Sorry. Forgot about room and board... They were there. To see it come to fruition... Money doesn't fruit. It needs heart to fruit... That's come to fruition. The wise-hearted didn't stop at the donation. They had the skills to... It takes divine inspiration. We don't want Bernwitz mishaps on our shul... Sometimes, it takes a wise-hearted to not help out... These were the people who went to Community College and got an education, then a job.... The point is- Ben, Shira, Shana, Max, Eliezer, Esther, Gavriel and Karen- get out of your parents' homes. You are all above thirty and doing nothing with your lives. It is time that you pay off your student loans, so that you can become Wise members of this Synagogue, who pay dues... Help out with something already. Learn hot to layn, read the Torah... Can you imagine how much longer this Dvar Torah would be with Pikudei... A few words from your wise rabbi who works real hard during the week and... Yes. I hit the gym. Wise-hearted. And I pay gym membership, which the shul should pay for... Fundraising has to be done… Rivka. Way to go with the fundraising for the Purim fundraiser... We can't upkeep the building without funds. The first step in upkeep is money. We need the donations... Can't be wise-hearted with no donations... We do the city census to see who to fundraise for. It turned out that we need to give more money to the Dollar Tree... It turns out people like the Dollar Tree and they feel they're paying too much there... We can't hold services there... The kids like basketball cards too. That was part of the census... No donations to the shul... School was deemed unimportant, as past graduates have not shown wise of heart tendencies... Ben, Shira, Shana, Max, Eliezer, Esther, Gavriel and Karen. Please stand... Exactly... We have the census. Lots of censuses... We do them, because that's the only way to get half shekels out of you... You don't give, so we can't even do the shul census... It’s about tradition. I remember when I used to come to shul as a kid… Yes. I did, Bernie. We used to get baseball cards. We would flip them. Cheesecake Kiddish. Bar Mitzvahs. Everybody wore tuxedos… You’re in shul. You look good. You wear a suit. You don't wear shorts and polo shirt... It's shul. You get cards when you donate, dress decently... Why not a cheesecake Kiddish? Let's take a census... (Shemot 35:20) ‘And they left from before Moshe.' They probably didn’t want to do the work, like this membership... That's how you have to fundraise from now on Rivka. Tell them they'll have to help if they don't give money. Some did do the work. The wise of heart. They gave money and did the work. You immerse yourself physically... Not work on Shabbat. You don't do renovations on Shabbat. That's not wise. Baruch is going to lose money this month... You immerse yourself in shul on Shabbat. (35:22-25) ‘Men came with the women, everyone whose heart motivated… And all the women who were wise of heart spun with her hands’... Not on Shabbat... Because Shabbat is communal. I have seen you crochet. You're impossible to talk to... The community quilt doesn't count. That's not spun with wiseness... Families get involved. Wise of heart means all encompassing. They know the Torah is a way of life. Mitzvot... Missing a game of golf... I understand its sixth months. You can volunteer at the shul during that time... You can also yell at your wife for donating money to the shul... It’s the work that is done by the wise. The heart motivates to give. The wise heart does the actions... Being there. Doing stuff... If you showed to Minyin, you would understand... Your plaque doesn't count for a tenth. The action of giving charity. The action of doing work. The action of the whole family sharing in the process. It's all encompassing action... If you gave too much Tzedakah to the shul, you would feel it. You would see your debt everyday. That's all encompassing... Working for Kodesh is a good heart. On Shabbat, we sleep for Kodesh. Kodesh, holy, is all encompassing. We are encompassed by the holiness as Shabbat, as we are encompassed by the labor of the week... Make it holy. Do positive stuff then... If you want to be a social worker, that's fine. A social worker for the Temple... We're encompassed by community. Just stop with the jokes, Hymie. They're painful. And let us not be encompassed by an extra Parsha... After Shabbat, answer Rivka's calls... I am going to engulf myself at the gym, to deal with this all encompassing membership... Rivka’s Notes on Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon We lost people last year, after the double Parsha. We lost them all. For three weeks, we couldn’t get a Minyin. Our congregation is very uneducated and it's embarrassing. To correct the Chazan and Torah reader with English terms like 'ender' is pathetic. Here, they're reading it in Hebrew, and these guys are screaming 'ender.' 'It's an ender.' I have no idea how they all sit through the whole service in Hebrew every week. They must be sitting and spacing out for three hours. It's a meditative process to say words you don't understand, wrong. The rabbi put in for Siddurs with translation, so that the congregants would have something to do, other than faking like they're praying. They still all glance up when they bow, to make sure they're doing it at the right time. We have one woman who's a perpetual bower. The rabbi started using the gym thing to his advantage. He was playing pickleball regularly. He was spending three hours a day there and saying that was part of his job. He said something about Pikuach Nefesh, saving a life, and how he had to work up his cardiovascular system to deal with the membership. He said, ‘This is the kind of work I have to do during the week. Bernie…’ And then he called it office time. Office time is very vague nowadays. My son says he's going to the office when he goes to the washroom. The people in our shul really do focus on their work, on Saturday. The rabbi telling people to keep the Shabbat was revolutionary. No rabbi before him ever brought up Shabbat on Shabbat. They were too scared to find out what would happen if the congregants learned about Shabbat. Our congregants had no idea that separating was a Melacha, an action you can’t do on Shabbat. The rabbi just said ‘separating can’t be done,’ and the divorce rate in our shul went down. It turns out that most divorces happen on Shabbat. The Friday night dinner turns out to be the number one cause for families separating. Time together with one’s spouse seems to be detrimental to marriage in our community. Then he told them to work the other six days. That killed them. People protested as they wanted Sundays off too. The rabbi turned into a Jewish boss, demanding people clock in on Sundays. The Christians in our shul were very hurt by this. The rabbi lost the congregants, and his message, when he said something about money not being success. Five members left right then to try to sell some cars. Baruch's Used Car Lot went right back to business that day. He said later that he didn't want Shabbat to get in the way of his success. He lost money that month, but it wasn't for lack of not keeping Shabbat. Everybody thought the rabbi was a Navi for saying Baruch would lose money. The rabbi said he wasn't a prophet. Just that Baruch is not good at sales. Baruch also had a hard year, like me, as the head of the fundraising comedy. More members left the shul when the appeal cards came out. We have a fidgety membership who are worried they'll accidentally pull down a tab. They twiddle a lot. That will lead to a phone call and a donation, or more phone calls. I think it was fifteen years ago when the sisterhood started complaining; complaining, and doing nothing else. They used to complain and set up Kiddish. They used to complain about flowers and buy them. Now, they just complain about how ugly the flowers are. The rabbi saying 'dumb of heart,' he meant dumb. The babies are being named after favorite athletes and TV personalities. We have a Harvey in the shul. It's Harvey Moshe. If the first name is not after your grandparent, you're not naming your kid after your grandparent. You can't shtup a name in the middle of five names and say that's a Kavod, an honor, to Grandma. Family Fights I have Witnessed in Our congregation: The we should've not walked in the rain fight. The you're going to catch pneumonia fight. The it's your side of the family fight. The why did we move here fight. The davening is too long fight, and it's your side of the family's fault that the Chazan is leading services way too slow. The we should've hired another rabbi fight. The the last rabbi was worse fight. The why did you donate money fight. The it's our square in the community quilt that ruined the quilt cover of the ark fight. The why fight. When Flevel laughs at his own jokes I am so appreciative. It’s a relief. I don't have to put in the laugh energy. Now I don’t have to laugh. Thank Gd. It's a good way to hear jokes on Shabbat and rest. We finally got Shmulik to stop signing, as there are no deaf members in the shul right now. He’s been relegated to Kiddish bouncer. He stands there with the front arms crossed. We tried buying cards for the kids, to encourage them to come to shul. They’re too expensive nowadays. We tried a fundraiser for the cards, but that just caused more people to run from the shul. I appreciate the rabbi supporting me, though he hasn't donated anything to the fundraiser. He did donate to the rabbi's parking canopy fund, and the rabbi's gym membership fund. Since I started fundraising, I have lost all my friends. People have been blocking my number. Some have taken their number out of the phone book., in fear they will be found. Our congregation has the highest number of unlisted numbers in Topeka. The rabbi shouldn’t have mentioned the census. It turns out, the city lost five thousand Jews last year. Nobody wrote down they were Jewish, in fear of being found for a fundraiser. Purim fundraiser was also a really bad idea. It’s supposed to be a happy holiday. Nobody smiled all of Adar. Knowing there was a fundraiser killed the holiday feel. It turns out that fundraising chases Jews away. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke: Ki Tisa2/18/2022 
Electricity went out on Wednesday and it lasted through Friday night. We had the chance for spirituality, but nobody sang. Singing would've made it spiritual. When there are no lights, you sing. It's spiritual. Jewish tradition is, you light a candle, somebody says something about how that is a Neshama, and the soul lights up a room, and then you sing Dveykus songs, and people cry. Spiritual means there is crying. But we don't have a program director, so nothing happened.
We need a committee to decide to sing. And nobody shows up to committee meetings anymore. So, nothing happened. There was no soul. No spirituality. And no candles lit. There weren't even candles. People can't even purchase candles by themselves nowadays. They need a professional for everything. Poverty is where spirituality is found, and we had that chance to bond. Poor people bond. They talk to each other. They can't afford other forms of entertainment, like paying to watch a monologue. No electricity. Instead of singing, everybody complained. And they blamed the rabbi. And they still were mad there was no choolante. It's a shame that nobody can take a step up and start a song. I think most are worried the harmony is going to be off. You start singing in our shul and it turns into the worst choir ensemble. You can hear all the bad voices in non-unison. Announcement for Rosh Chodesh: 'The molad. The appearance of the New Moon will be Tuesday, at 5 and three Chalakim.' He pronounced the English 'Chalakim.' We can’t have non-Hebrew readers announcing stuff. It looks pathetic. Our leaders don’t even know their religion. They can't even say the Hebrew word for 'life' correctly. It's embarrassing. We need to ship in an Israeli who is also a program director. They decided to bring in a prospective assistant rabbi. The search committee brought him in. The requirement was a rabbi who wants to be in Topeka. That's the standard. We don't need an assistant rabbi. We need a program director. We already have somebody who fields complaints. And most of our complaints about the rabbi, which makes it easy for the rabbi to field them. The trial rabbi gave a speech, then Rabbi Mendelchem still gave his Dvar Torah Sermon. I have a feeling that even when he is not around, Rabbi Mendelchem will find a way to always give a sermon. One time, his internet was down and he mailed it in. Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Shabbat Shalom My Congregants and Those who come every week but do not pay dues, and send their children to Junior Congregation, while they sit in the nice plush movie theater seats… The theater was going out of business, but we had to refurbish all the seats. That costs money… We refurbished them in the 1970s. Maroon was considered nice back then… When the Jews were building the Beit Mikdash, the Mishkan, there was an understanding that there were some donations that everybody gives. AKA dues… It had to look good. Gd designed it... I don't think there was 1970s maroon. Counting chairs now. Stop counting chairs. Stop counting people. All you do is sit there and count… (Shemot 30:12) H’ tells Moshe, ‘When you take a census…every man will give H’ an atonement for his soul… and there won’t be a plague among them when counting them.’ We don’t need another plague here. We already have the board… We are not singing that Hoshea et Amecha song again… The half shekel is an atonement. We need an atonement all the time. Every time I think of the congregants of this shul, I think, an atonement is needed. When I count a Minyin, and make sure there are ten, I see the members and think, an atonement is needed. How many donate nothing to the shul? Dues... Kiddish is atonement. It’s bad, when you serve gefilte fish balls... There’s no way those are gefilte fish. They taste off. And a toothpick?! Gefilte fish on toothpick? Censuses are needed. When we go on a shul trip and have to find Phillip… Where does he go? Always wondering. He comes on the trip and then does his own tour… Being here with you, and leading you as your shepherd, should be an atonement for me… It’s painful, and I always feel like you guys get lost... Then tell me what page we're on right now, Pinchas. Lost... Paying dues is important for you, Rachel... You complain, you help with nothing, your kids are the loudest runners... Giving money is not just for counting... Yes. They count at Bingo, but your dues are for Teshuva. A repentance for all the pain you have caused me... I don't need an apology. A raise is fine. (Shemot 30:13-16) It’s half a shekel. You can afford it, Ben… (Shemot 30:15) ‘The rich does not give more, and the poor does not give less than half a shekel… to atone for your souls.' There aren't scholarships for everything... It's half a shekel. Why do you need to get a deal all the time? Machatzit Hashekel, the half shekel. When it comes to Kapara, an atonement, we all have the same path to share. Atonement comes as one. We’re all in a shul with Bernie, Thelma, Francine, and Frank’s section in the back left. Nobody is better in Kapara… Because we all have to be around these people. Once we understand that we have the same pain of dealing with them, we can do Kapara. We can atone, once we understand we are together in this pain. This pain of having to come to shul and see the membership. It makes me want to atone for something. I must have done something wrong. An offering of H’ repents for our 'souls.' Our collective… I know people give nothing here. Stop putting it on Feygelstein. We know he’s wealthy and doesn’t donate anything… Invest better, Ben. We’re a group. A people. Purim is coming up. You give a half shekel. You don't just show up drinking your paper bag. You give too. You share what you're drinking... Then bring cups. Selfish. You can't be atoned for if you're selfish. Taking up the full armrests... Couldn't even sit next to you in a movie theater. You're selfish. You probably don't even buy your kids popcorn... You sit there with your hand in the bucket the whole time… You don't share. Do you pay your dues?... Please put the popcorn away. We're in shul... I understand the seats are comfortable.... (Shemot 30:16) That money is what is used for the work of the Tent of Meeting... The clean money. It's clean. It should be donated from money that was not stolen... What do you think we use your dues for?... We do need to fix the leak. The shul president should deal with that in the next meeting... I am sure they used money to fix leaks in the Mishkan. ‘And it will be a remembrance for the children of Israel before H,’ to atone for your souls.’ That money is used for good, and it is a remembrance. If we were to build something nice here, it would be for positive thoughts before Gd... Down the road, they have a lookout into a beautiful forest, from the sanctuary... That window?! It hasn't been cleaned in years. And we don't even have a gardener. You have to do something decent. And we push that. Your leaders push that to Gd… So He doesn’t think of all the stupid stuff you do. The Kohen Gadol even has your names on his shoulders, for a remembrance... The names of your forefathers were good. You should think of naming your kids Dan, Shimon... Chelsea is not Jewish... She's Jewish, but the name isn't. Dina is Jewish. Got to look to the first people with the names. If the first person with the name was a Crusader's wife... That's not a good remembrance... If you did good deeds, we would remember. We would hang it on the wall. We would put up a plaque... We’re not remembering the faux pas of the congregants of Beis Knesses Anshei Emes uSefilah. You want us to remember how we messed up. You want a list. Here we go: When Rachel had her sons Bar Mitzvah and forgot to bring candy. People were throwing tie clips at the kid. When Mark... That was a messed up wedding, in a shared wedding hall... You were at the wrong party. When Bernie showed to the funeral and thought it was a big celebration, because all of his friends were there. Yelling across the room to Hymie, 'Great to see you.' When Sadie... Even Sadie messed up with the shul calling tree fundraiser, when she said the money was going to a wealthy congregation who doesn't pay their dues... The Rosh Chodesh announcement of 'CHalakim' in English... One thing is definite. You need to atone. This congregation needs to atone. Rosh Chodesh is a chance for Teshuva. It’s not Rosh Chodesh. You need to pronounce it in Hebrew. The Molad 10 CHalakim. Nobody knows what American CHalakim are. You need to pronounce the Hebrew. It’s not Halakim or Chalakim. It’s got to be read with a Hebrew. Not a 'cha.' It's not a dance from the 1960s. And Rosh CHodesh. It makes no sense... A lot of stuff has to be done. A lot for you to atone for. It's a gift that the membership gives. The laver (Shemot 30:17-21)… Yes. Water was to be put in it. You're thinking beer... the Kiddish club has got to stop... Anointment oil (Shemot 30:22-33)… They spread it on everything. They anointed it... We are not anointing anybody hear… You don’t know the recipe and you can’t do it. It's not a soap that you... I know soap making has become very popular among our congregants. I don't think they were washing with berries in the Beit Hamikdash... Chemicals clean better. (Shemot 30:32) ‘Don’t make anything like its formulation… anyone who makes a compound like it, or who puts it on a random person shall be cut off from the people.’ They didn’t just shpritz it around. It wasn’t an Ahava product... I don’t know if the everything bagel spice is the formulation. I don’t think so… Then stop using the everything bagel seasoning on everything. I want to cut off your chicken from the shul potluck dinner menu... Chicken isn't an everything bagel. And incense (Shemot 30:34-38). Incense is important. You want it to smell good… I don’t know what frankincense is. Frank do you have any idea… He has no idea too… Don’t copy this either. You’ll be cut off from the people… If you guys were cut off. I am getting the feeling this congregation would’ve been cut off or killed… You guys count all the time. Every time we go on a shul field trip… It’s Topeka. They’ll find their way home themselves… If they get lost? They live here. They go to baseball games themselves. No reason to count… And you spray the bathrooms. How much potpourri... And you don’t pay your dues… That’s a form of Machatzit Hashekel not coming to your rabbi... You would be cut off. And they don't want to deal with bad jokes... If they came to a Kiddish, Hymie, they would cut off the whole community... Because you have the wrong people doing stuff. Wrong people telling jokes... We need to give out certificates for people being allowed to do stuff here... (Shemot 31:1-11) Betzalel and Ohaliav were appointed to not mess things up. They had the ‘spirit of God, with wisdom and understand, and knowledge and with every form of work’… You couldn’t even renovate right. The light is still hanging off to the side. No wisdom behind the update of the shul... This is why you hire professionals, like this man sitting to my left. To not mess things up... And Shabbat (31:12-17). Don’t mess it up. If you are Mechalel. If you desecrate it, you will die… The Machatzit Hashekel doesn’t count for everything. Purim is coming up. Give your Machatzit Hashekel. Let’s sing ‘VShamru Bnei Yisrael’… That is more important than worrying about the plague. But you don't keep the laws of Shabbat… You’ll die if you don’t sing 'VShamru Bnei Yisrael.' If you don’t sing ‘Hoshea et Amecha,’ you can still be fine.... (Shemot 30:29) ‘And you shall sanctify them and they shall be holy of holies. Whoever touches them shall become holy.’ We sanctify and it is holy. We have to put in effort… No. Bernie, you have not put in effort for the past eighty years. Be holy… Achrayut is what we’re talking about. We are all responsible for each other. And that is why everything is so messed up... The people who are responsible for other people's responsibilities have no idea what is going on, too. Not asking anybody to put in more effort… I understand Michael. You are broke. But don’t put it on Mr. Feygelstein to give more money, just because he owns Feygel’s supermarket chain... You can give a different donation. Other than the Machatzit HaShekel. When you give no money to the shul, you have no soul. You are a taker. It's not the volunteer offerings we are talking about. It is the minimal offerings you must give to be an active member of the people. You go golfing every day Dr. Rosenberg. 'The poor' I understand that we have poor people in our congregation. Dr. Rosenberg's accountant mentioned to me that he only pulled in $120,000 last year.... Everybody calm down, we have already started a shul fund to get him out of poverty. We want him to be able to afford full membership to the St. Nicholas Country Club. However, you still have to pay your dues. For the shul? No. For yourself. To share in the community and to be atoned for... Nobody wants to be here. We just need atonement. It is this, communal contribution, which is used for the work done in the Tent of Meeting. The objects that have day to day use, as a 'Remembrance before H', to atone for your souls.' The physical labor of the Tent of Meeting is to atone for what we did or didn't do. The actions connect to our souls... Your sinfulness affects your soul. Yes. When you talk in the middle of my sermon and don't get the message, it affects the soul... We are dependent on our community as a whole, to come together, to be part of a communal atonement. Our are affected by each other. Even if you have no soul. If you pay your dues, you may be counted in the communal atonement of our people... Minyin is with community. The idea is for H' to not look at you. Then, maybe He'll not see how bad you are, Bernie and back left of the shul... We pray that the Gabai and Chazan also receive a soul this year. We pray that all the women who sit in the back with their huge hats and talk throughout the sermon, receive a soul this year, along with their new face-lift. We pray that the children of our shul, who take kiddush food before everybody, receive a soul and share the Stella D'oro chocolate on the inside... Eat around the chocolate and the chocolate lasts on the cookies. May we all have souls... Like the Stella D'oro chocolate soul, we have a soul. We pray the parents receive a soul, and find their runners... Do you need a program director for everything? Can nobody in this shul step up anymore... The sisterhood used to do stuff. Now you hire somebody to put together the Kiddish. We even hired somebody to say 'Shabbat Shalom'... There was a friendliness committee and they decided to hire somebody to make our shul more friendly... You can't even be friendly... That's the stuff the sisterhood does. You pay for a woman to be the sisterhood... The Men's Club doesn't exist... A brotherhood sounded too scary... We're now looking for a professional to have a soul for us. So, you bring in an assistant rabbi to have a soul... Purim is coming. Start thinking of how we will witness this redemption of atonement and finally make this place holy… Maybe bring a soul to the shul. You're already drinking. Let Purim bring a soul out of your binging... We have to make it holy, but H’ makes it holy. We have to make space… You think this room, with this lighting, makes holy. We have to do it. We have to keep Shabbat… That doesn’t mean parking a block away from the shul. It does mean paying dues. (Shemot 31:13) ‘Observe my Shabbat, for it is a sign between me and you for your generations, to know that I am H’ Who makes you holy.’ We don’t make holy. We have to make the space. H’ really makes it holy… So what are we doing? Exactly my question… It’s a relationship Bernie. Like the way you interrupt my sermons… We need a soul and decentness for H' to remember. We need Bar Mitzvahs that make sense, and people knowing when they're at a funeral... Fundraising correctly. With Sadie's fundraising technique, they would've never got anything for Tabernacle building... It’s holy and those who profane it will die (Shemot 31:14)… You want to die?!... Then pay your dues. Wow. That was a long Aliyah. I will give the sermon later. Rivka’s Notes on Rabbi Mendelchem’s Drasha That wasn't a sermon? I'm considering that a sermon. The length of the sermon was an atonement. Pinchas counted the minutes. He's now the board secretary. He takes the worst accounting at the meetings. But when it's the rabbi's speech, he does a great job of accounting for the minutes. That goes on record. That was a long Aliyah and a long Parsha. That was only the rabbi’s Aliyah notes. He said he would give a sermon later, but half the congregation slipped out during the rest of the Torah reading. Holiness is a dangerous thing. That’s what I learned from the Dvar Torah. I also learned that death and excommunication don’t phase the congregants. They still park a block away from the shul. The neighbor started charging for parking. He opened a lot. He’s making good money off the Jews. Should the shul open the lot? That's the question. The board is figuring if we should valet on Shabbat. This way, the congregants can still park a block away from the shul. The valet would bring the car to the lot. Nothing gets done. It's true. Nobody participates anymore. We need to hire a program director to be a professional congregant. We need professional congregants. If we paid everybody in the shul, they would participate and maybe have a soul. The rabbi did mention the idea of paying people to come to Minyin. I think that will help with the idea of people showing up daily. As long as shul is a job, people will be there on time. The shul’s seats are comfortable and ugly. The Maroon doesn’t go with the brown checkered carpet. I believe board members in the 1970s made the original renovation decisions. They were board members then too. The rabbi started calling the kids runners. It wakes the parents up. Hearing their kids are runners has them worried for some reason. They finally started counting the kids at Junior congregation. The youth director just spaces out. She has no idea where the kids are. Still, this week, many did not show up. They said it had to do with the snow. The plows didn’t come. What does your driveway not being plowed have to do with walking to shul? It must be something to do with the worry of what you’ll have to do after Shabbat. Such a powerful message. In order to atone, I now look around the shul, see the other people, and wonder what I've done wrong to deserve this. The names in the shul not being for good remembrance was true. Many are named after people who have possibly played Jews on TV. Would the rabbi wear the congregants' names on his shoulders? I don't know. I don't think so. He might die if he did that. We did start a Mitzvah board. That was a great project. Posting Mitzvot for remembrance. It was blank for the first two weeks. There were no Mitzvot done. The next class at shul was an investment seminar. The rabbi realized that he has the least successful congregants. They would have no chance of making it as Jews in New York. Every Jewish child from Topeka would end up in public school. How they’re in private schools in Topeka, and still don’t pay their dues, is another question. At a hundred thousand dollars a year, the congregants are not wealthy enough to be Jewish. Personality certificates was also a good idea. Certification to tell jokes at Kiddish had many people very happy. I think the rabbi just didn't want to have to hear more bad jokes. I have a feeling the rabbi wants to cut off our shul from the people. He definitely wants to cut off the board. They do count everywhere we go. When we went on the shul sledding walk to the hill, they counted thirty or so times. The numbers never the same, because people were sledding. It's pathetic that we need to hire somebody to have a soul for us. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke: Titzaveh2/11/2022 
Lashon Hara, talking about other people, is what keeps our community going. It is forbidden, but it keeps people coming to shul. It is the engine that keeps our community moving. If we didn't have Lashon Hara nobody would want to talk to Mendel. He's annoying. You talk to him, and you have something to talk about.
I don’t know if it’s Lashon Hara to talk about the intermarriages. I do know that you have to watch who you share your intermarriage thoughts with. Betting on Ebay has become a big thing since COVID. I think they call it auctions. Our congregants have been very into auctions since Bingo has been down. People need to spend their time doing something that is not Torah. The members spend most of their time doing stuff that isn't Torah. They definitely don't show up to the rabbi's classes. Ebay auctions are a great way to ensure there is no Torah. I have been on the auctions myself and I have yet to see a Torah auction. Usually you have to start the bidding at a dollar or so to get it moving. People would think it was a fake Torah if they got it for a dollar. We need Bingo back in our shul, it's a more passive way of gambling. The shul auction fundraiser was called off last year, as people said, 'We can go to the Ebay auctions.' It's hard explaining the excitement of the auction house to this generation. Other fundraisers we’ve tried don't work. It has to be gambling. Two deaths this week. BD"E. I was traveling. I missed them. What am I supposed to do? I can't keep track of community on the road. It's too much. I leave, I want to take a break from community. Every time I travel, I miss out on stuff. I hate reading the bulletin. Always death. Is my traveling bad luck? We need a death chart. Or just death emails. When I'm traveling, I can't hear about who had a baby. I don't care whose grandkid had a baby. I'm on vacation from caring about who showed up to Shalishudis. I don't need to hear about the community sledding event, when I am not in town. I just need to know who died. Rabbi Mendelchem’s Drasha Shabbat Shalom as Always My Pack… It’s always Shabbat on Shabbat. So I wish a Shabbat Shalom… I always wish a Shabbat Shalom on Shabbat. I don’t say Yom Shelishi Shalom on Shabbat… That’s Tuesday. It’s about continuity. We do things that are continual. From day to day. Generation to generation. Except for the Felsensteins who have all intermarried… You are my flock. I feel that with all the violence in Topeka recently, I would empower you and call you my pack... It's empowerment, Bernie. You need empowerment and to do things right. Empowered to not mess up... (Shemot 27:20) ‘Now you shall command the children of Israel and they shall take to you pure olive oil, pressed, for illumination, to kindle the continual light’… This is the Ner Tamid. The continual light. It says nothing about flashing neon green above the ark… It’s for illumination, Bernie. The neon green does not illuminate. There is no pure neon green. I look up and I feel like I’m at a pool hall. I am praying at a pool hall… Yes. It’s messed up. The Temple didn’t have neon green… We’re trying to attract people, not flies… The Ner Tamid is in our shul, because it was placed outside the Tent of Meeting. So, it is above the ark... The ark was in the Tent of Meeting... Yes. It sounds better in Hebrew, but there is messed up schooling here... We are a Small Temple. That’s what a shul is. And that is why you don’t have neon green lights… Gd did not command Moses to have the Cohens hang neon green light strips around the Temple… The Temple did not have Bingo… Yes. We need Bingo. We should have the neon green lights at Bingo. People buy more cards with the neon green lights. A continual Sunday night green light for Bingo… The Ner Tamid was a candle always lit. Constant, because it was done every night. It was not lit all the time. This is a conundrum. A question as I stand before you today and give my sermon, which I always give… I only give it once a week, but the message lasts all week. Continual… Zalman likes this. He only shows up to Minyin once a week. He says that’s all the time... Your Shabbat candles go out in forty-five minutes. If you would come to Minyin for Shacharit, I would say that we had a constant Minyin… We have to chase down people. That's a constant. I need to run a fifty yard daily dash to catch somebody for Kaddish. That's constant. That's tradition... We have constant talking in the shul. It’s always there. Continual talking in the middle of my Drasha. In the middle of Musaf there is talking. During announcements, talking. It’s continual… In the Beit HaMikdash, the Temple, there wasn't always talking. In the Mishkan, the Tabernacle... Yes. They talked to figure out whose sacrifice it was. They would yell, 'Marvin. It's your sacrifice now. Felvel's is on the altar. Next up, Esther, bring your lamb...' They communicated. That's why they didn't have neon green lights... You don't just make a random decision by yourself. Especially, when it's going to be constant... You make a decision to not come to Minyin, constantly... If you do something every day, it becomes part of you. An essence of your being. That’s why everybody knows Hymie as the one with the bad jokes… You tell bad jokes every day. Esther is the one whose hats bother everybody… Because you wear annoying hats all the time... Bernie is the one who interrupts and says the wrong thing at Shiva houses… Sarah has no idea what bagels to pick out… You always bring us plain. Get a garlic bagel or something… Going to shul for Minyan every day, which you do not do, so it is not part of your life and who you are. What else do you not do every day? Thank H', show appreciation to your parents, give charity, pay your dues… You don’t even pay them once a year. You might give a donation, but how many of you pay your dues. Not your half dues, while complaining you cannot afford to go golfing this Shabbat… Ripping out grass. Another one of the Melachot of Shabbat, you should not be doing on Shabbat Mr. Felsenthal... Nor should you be practicing your swing in the back of the shul. Sit down. Nobody cares you won the shul tournament, 10 above par... You’re a bad Jew… You golf all the time… We don't have to see your two hand, open handed swing in the back of the shul in the middle of Shema... Make right decisions, at least once a day. Make it constant. Going to get your late night drink of alcohol, before you go home to your family, everyday. That is a part of you; walking into your home wasted... Because you do that every day. That is who you are. Your tradition. A dad who doesn't pay for your children's education.... The activity is a nice feeling, might affect you, but it is not who you are... It shouldn't be who you are. Drinking shouldn't be how you define yourself... The Mishkan and Beit Hamikdash represent us as a Jewish People, the same way all the non-Jewish basketball teams think we are bad athletes, because our day school team can't buy a basket and loses every game.....Commitment is what we are talking about. Continuity is what makes a woman, man... Person. I should've said person. I get it. Drink less often. The first thing commanded to Israel, after erecting the Mishkan is to light a candle every night. That candle being considered Tamid- Always... You don't make decisions on a whim. This isn't an auction. What's going to be the thing in your life that defines you? Your tradition? For Mark, it's drinking... I feel like I have to play pool right now. I see the neon green lights every time I come to shul. Rashi comments on all the Tamids that were in the Temple, which took place daily. The constant offering, which took place daily. Even the show-bread which was put out weekly, around Shabbat. Something that is done on a cycle is continual. What are you doing that is Tamid? What are you doing always, other than drinking, messing up shul renovations and on Ebay auctions? Everybody wants changes. In this congregation. 'We want a new rabbi'... I am for that... The board brings up that the rabbi doesn't show up enough. Tamid. The rabbi shows up every Shabbat. OK, not all the days. But he is committed. It is habit. Some of you have bad habits. Such as speaking Lashon Hara, daily. Mr. Felsenthal, that is not the idea of the Tamid... It has to be something good... That means commanded by H.' When you guys make the decisions. Look around the shul... What is cushion art doing in the back now?... It's a pillow. The Tamid is a way of life, and that is what the Mishkan and Beit Hamikdash represent. A way of life of serving H.' We have a day school. We have a beautiful synagogue. Our Tamid is what we do, daily, nightly, weekly.....For that, we thank Mr. Greensfield for being a man without a job, and lighting up the Yahrzeit candles every night. Ever since he lost his job, his commitment has been to the shul... The rest of you. Some don't show up unless there is a decent Kiddish... Coming for Simchas is not a Tamid... You always whip the candies too hard. May we turn our costumes to positive this Purim... No more Cruella Deville... May we all change ourselves for good and great new habits, as the day school finally won a basketball game. May we all be champions, holding up the torch to H'... and whiskey too, Mr. Felsenthal. How do we do things Tamid? We need to appoint leaders. (Shemot 28:1-2) Moshe has to take his brother and his nephews to serve H’… They light the stuff. Not random people… Because that’s how you get neon lights. H’ tells Moshe to make holy clothes for Aharon ‘for glory and splendor.’ You don’t show up to shul in disheveled. You call that a sports jacket… In jeans? It’s shul. You’re not in Israel. Jeans are not classy here… They’re Wranglers. You never dress classy. That’s your continual thing… Yes. It’s a habit to not shave… So start shaving. You’re in shul. Who makes the clothes? (28:3) Those who are filled with the ‘spirit of wisdom.’ Those are the ones that make the clothes… You can’t even hem the bottom of the pants… ‘Wise of heart’ is used again. They’re the ones. If you don’;t have a wise heart, you can’t have the spirit of wisdom. It all starts with the heart… Wisdom doesn’t come from books. It comes from the heart. How do you make the Breastplate, Efod, Tunic, Turban, Sash and Robe? Correctly. You do things correctly. (Shemot 28:4-5) You use the right materials. You don't use synthetics... Nobody donated polyester... It doesn't breath, Pinny. H' didn't want that in the Mishkan. Or in your suits... The Efod was made correctly too (Shemot 28:6-12)… Yes. There was gold in there. You use the real stuff. And they put ‘stones of remembrance’ on the shoulder strap of the Efod ‘and Aharon will carry the names before H.”’ He carried the names of the children of Israel. For the children of Israel. It remind H’... H' needs to be reminded that we are not mess ups. If Sim were to wear the names, it would be bad. If Mark wore them with neon green... The Efod is the Efod. Exactly... We have to be reminded to do stuff correctly... I don't know how tall Aharon was. Maybe they could see his shoulder. We have to be reminded about people. If we don’t have those remembrance stones, we forget. Why do you think the grandkids never visit... All the best to the Pinklwitz family who lost their brother this week. And a Mazel Tov to the Simovitzs... We remember Harry. We put a plaque... That's a remembrance stone... Plate. Trophy. Whatever you want to call it. Plaque... You do things correctly. And you remember those things. You can look to the Beit Knesses Anshei Sinah... At least they have a decent Ner Tamid... Shiva house. Don’t talk till they talk to you… You say stupid stuff… Yes. It’s uncomfortable. But it’s more uncomfortable hearing you talk about how hard work is, when they lost their grandfather… They lost their grandfather, Yaakov. Do at least one good thing a day. Make it a constant. Make it a constant so that H' will remember us for good. You will remember the good... Bernie. Going to a Shiva house doesn't count for you... Sometimes intentions are not right. When you do them the wrong way... Rivka’s Notes on Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon The men really do look disheveled. Always. They are always dressed poorly. Since double breasted suits went out, they have been disheveled. Three decades of bad looking men. One thing I can say about our congregation is that the wisdom in our shul does come from the heart. It comes from nowhere else. Nobody reads. Our library has barely any books in it. Nobody shows up to the classes. Debates between members usually end up with 'I know you are, but what am I.' And there is no retort to that. We need continuity in the shul. Continued stuff. Stuff that happens all the time, other than bad decisions by the board, and polyester. Tradition is all the time. The rabbi didn’t stray away from intermarriage. I love that. My kids haven’t intermarried, so I love hearing about it. I look around the shul and I can see who hates the message. Laura’s kids are intermarried, and they go to shul more than her. Love the message. Something you do every day is continual, even if you’re not doing it all day. I don’t know if that’s Torah, but I like it. I give Tzedakah in the Pushke and it’s like I’m giving charity all day. One dollar. That's it. One greeting a day. One Bracha. I’m going to start doing Mitzvot less often now. A good decision once a day was a great message to our members. If the rabbi focused on more than one good decision, it wouldn't happen. That would be too much for them. They have to really focus to do something that is not messed up, like Faye's new car purchase. The neon green lights had me praying for a dance party. Bingo is huge. We need it. They would’ve had Bingo in the Temple if they knew how many people like it. Huge amounts of money would've come in. They would've had more people with a generous and smart heart playing Bingo, and they wouldn't have needed side donations. Bingo would've brought in enough money for all the sacrifices. I like using the word huge. That’s one thing Trump gave America. A lot of hugeness. They were rightfully mad that I didn’t read the bulletin. As a community member, I should be on top of death. I just never got used to reading anything. When I was a kid, my parents told me who died. Every night, they shared the community death toll with me. I am not for Shiva house etiquette rules, but our congregants need it. You bring food. You don’t say stupid stuff. The rule of not talking till the mourner talks to you is perfect. Nobody would talk to Hymie. They would just let Bernie sit there. I have a feeling the rabbi would like Bernie more if he followed those rules during his sermon. How the rabbi switches from deaths, BD"Es, to Mazel Tovs so quickly is a finesse mastered over many years of professional community care. He's better than the local news anchor. 'She died, and there is a new life somewhere else in America.' Such a quick change in emotion. We never have new kids in our congregation. They're always kids of people who moved away. Sometimes, generations removed. I can't care about their grandkids that haven't visited Topeka since their uncle was Bar Mitzvahed, having a baby. And there is such pride. The rabbi's announcement should be, 'And another kid that won't visit was just born. We wish a Mazel Tov to the Feinblums who have another grandchild they will never see.' Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke: Terumah2/4/2022 
The shul had less people this week than last week. That's what happens when eight of your finest get injured, due to ice and ankle injuries. The Minyin team is down, and the rabbi had to call in the backups to help with the ten this week.
Snow is still blocking people from coming to shul. How did I get into shul, through the window? The board can't figure it out. The numbers went down. It was so bad last Shabbat. Nobody helps. Nobody even threw out salt. Forget about the shoveling. And then the Gabai tries to help, coming out with a hand full of table salt. The consensus conversation amongst the members was, 'I am going to shul to pray for my health. If I get injured before I get to shul, that doesn't help my health. I am just injured, with no prayer.' Fran and Sadie slipped. They were holding each other. All of Kiddish, people were trying to figure out who the cause was. Fran had on high heels. She got most of the blame. The walkway with snow and ice is slippery. So, the rabbi decided we should pray for them. They were hung up on the couch in the coatroom. I personally think we should get rid of that couch. People come, take off their boots and get stuck. The comfort of the couch beats going into shul. The following week, they shoveled enough to open the door. Too many people ripped their clothes going through the window. The devout members had to purchase new suits and dresses. This was after two weeks of injuries. The Shiva house was horrific. The level of remorsefulness was not high enough. People were bothered a bit though. The way the street plow left the snow, it was almost impossible to get a decent parking spot. That bothered everybody at the Shiva. All of the conversation was about the plows and how hard it was to show respects for Merel. The most meaningful statement at the Shiva house was, 'Merel was a good woman. She would've wanted there to be decent parking.' That brought people to tears, as it reminded them that they had to move their cars, before getting tickets. We had a wedding. I enjoyed the Shiva more. Asides from not being able to find parking, the smorgasboard was messed up. It was the worst of times. The wedding was more depressing than the Shiva house. Family fights were happening the whole time. It was all based on parking. First it was everybody showing up late. Then suits getting ruined. Then 'where in the Gehenim is the photographer.' It was all blamed on the other side. The Shiva house on the other hand. If they would've had half as good of food at the wedding, as the Shiva, it would've been a success. Florida vacation time is now over. They are all back. We wouldn't know. The vacationers won't even step outside. If they see snow anywhere. they stay in. The older Jews in our community signed a petition to get rid of all snow in Topeka. The mayor is working on it. At least he told them that. I am just trying to get the shul board to do something about the snow in front of the shul. If people can't come, we don't have people. And they still blame the rabbi. Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Shabbat Shalom My Drove (Shemot 25:1) 'And make for me a Mikdash and I shall dwell there.' Not a ping pong club. I know a lot of you have recently got into ping pong. The shul tournament sounds great... It says nothing about making a ping pong house in the Torah. A Midkash is a Tabernacle… I don't know. They call it a Tabernacle.... No. We are not building a Tabernacle, Michael. We're not building. You even messed up the shul renovations. You can’t even clean your gutters right… You can’t use a Swiffer for everything. It doesn’t work in gutters… Gd dwells in a home that we make for Him. We have to build it… A tent is probably the best we can do. Even on the camping trip last year, you messed that up. Couldn’t even put pegs in the ground right… You smack them in. Pound them in. Let's first get down the tent. The small Tabernacle will be our shul... Tent tabernacle... Does Gd dwell in this shul? Not with Frank and Mike talking the whole time. Back left is not Gd’s dwelling. Maybe in the front right, with Yoel… If your names where Feivel and Micha'el, would you stop talking... We have to make a decent place for Gd to dwell, without noise pollution. The renovations are not what Gd wants. He doesn't need a sleek open floor plan with neon walkway strips... Where does Gd dwell? Not in the back left of the shul. Mikdash- a Holy place. H' commands us to make for Him a Holy Place for Him to dwell. Not a place where kids run through the halls and run up on the Bimah, in the middle of the rabbi's sermon… They're drawn to the neon lights. They're exciting. With renovations like this… It feels like a playground. Got a mural in the back of the shul. The board tagged our shul… H’ doesn’t dwell with your crew, Francine. H' tells Moshe to make for him a Mikdash, but not until he has received the 'Trumot, from those who hearts are inspired’ (Shemot 25:2). Moshe is to tell the children of Israel that they may give gifts to the Temple… Your old Siddurim and Sefarim are not gifts. You dropped them off in a box… Dropping stuff in a box at the door, because you need room in your house is not a Terumah. That’s not a donation to the shul. That’s the shul helping you. That’s a recycling program… Yes. You started it with your trash… Your chipped serving platter is not a Terumah… We end up burying the books anyways… We’re happy that H’s name is not defamed anymore, in your filthy homes… Shmuel didn’t even leave a box. He just dropped the books… Gifts from those whose ‘hearts are driven.’ They have to want to give the gifts. It's the worst when you get a gift they don't want to give. I had to give back the calendar my aunt gave me when she couldn't find her doctors appointments anywhere... Your gifts are the worst thing… You don’t want to give them. I've seen those Chanukah gifts... Maybe you want to give some of them. I think the Fersteins were going took back their box they left at the shul and made it a Chanukah gift... It was ripped socks. Chanukah in this shul is a downer. Trumot are offerings and they have to be good... You don't offer your trash... H' is telling Moshe to give the children of Israel a chance to not just give the required offerings, but to give what their hearts desire. A chance to be unique in what each one gives, or doesn't... Not that my children would have wanted the books you gave them for their Bar Mitzvahs. Some have bad ideas... That book should've been in the box you dropped at the door... Let's give the rabbi's son another book he won't read. One of you even read the book and then gave it. Your gift was something you didn't want yourself, Mrs. Kahn. H' does not want your trash, unless if it 's the oils, cloths, yarn or stone that is needed for the Beit Mikdash... This does not include another copy of the Book of Our Heritage... He got eight of them for his Bar Mitzvah... However, it is what is desired, within the realm of what is useful. It's a great Sefer. You should've given the Hebrew version though... Cheaper is better. What do you give? H' tells you. Your kids have tried to tell you what they want, but you give them socks... That's not a gift, Sharon. That's a staple. You buy those when there are holes. The worst Chanukah. The only kids I know that don’t look forward to Chanukah. At this shul... They even hate sufganiot and latkes… Because the gifts are that bad. (Shemot 25:3-7) ‘These are the portions that you shall take…’ Portions are gifts… Yes. Donations too... There is a list of stuff they can give… Tin pans are not a donation. It has to be gold, copper, silver, decent materials… Tin pans are not decent. There is a whole box of donated pasta… They wouldn’t take pasta for the Mikdash. The Tabernacle couldn’t use almost expired macaroni… It’s good for the kid necklaces, but that’s it… What are we going to use the almost expired spaghetti for? You can’t make necklaces out of those. Even new spaghetti is not usable... Everybody likes rice with their meatballs... Yes. More than spaghetti. Unless if you want to stain your shirt... You need gift coaching. You don’t give the Book of Our Heritage for weddings. It’s for Bar and Bat Mitzvahs… There are proper gifts for proper times… Nobody ever needs socks as a gift. Especially ones that you sewed... Look at a registry, for crying out loud. The registry... The thought? They put thought into it. They are letting you know, 'After the thought that we've put into it, this is the gift you should get us. Not the Book of Our Heritage'... That Torah cover was your table cloth. You were getting rid of it... It says ‘Kiddish’ on it. That was not donatable to the Mikdash. We now have 'Kiddish' written on the Torah's cover... I know that's when you go out for the Kiddish club, and drink. It's like a reminder to go out and drink... You're not supposed to listen to the Torah drunk. You don't pregame Torah reading. It's enough that you pregame Musaf... That's why you don't understand the importance of good gifts. You're tipsy when you hear it. Now I know most of this Synagogue has not been inspired as of recent, as there has been nothing given towards the building fund... Does Mrs. Hurvitz even have a heart? We don't know. She hasn't given much to the shul, ever... After the triple bypass. That's when you donate. Things were real bad. We expected a donation. But nothing... Why do we need to visit you for gifts to the shul. You give it to feel better. Now what would be useful for the shul is a new chair for the rabbi... Yes. You give that. Because it’s useful. Gold is useful. Do you give anything to the Levi? Do you give to the poor? You don’t give to your rabbi… A dollar in the Tzedkah box is not charity. Two dollars is inspired... Donate books that are meaningful to children, They need it… Picture books are great. The kids have the worst Hebrew school education... As long as the books have pictures. They can’t read Hebrew anyways. The kids need meaning. The names you gave them aren’t meaningful. Kyler. Is that Yiddish? Jules. Who is she named after?... What is the meaning in names. David is beloved. Menachem is compassion. Terry? Fabric. Your kid is a kind of cloth... It's comfortable. Yes. You want your kid constantly coming out of the shower and terrycloth toweling... The Shiva. That’s a good time to donate. H’ dwells in a place where we donate stuff that He tells us to donate. Not stuff that is your decision. Not the decision of our members. We don’t put a pasta design on the Mikdash… No. We don’t use motor oil… It doesn’t light well, Fred. I know your garage uses it... We make the Mikdash and then H’ dwells there. We have the stuff, but how do we make it... You just donate none of it to the shul. You have it... What do we do with what you donate? You leave it to me, your rabbi… (Shemot 25:9) ‘Like I show you, the form of the Mishkan and the form of the vessels. That shall you do.’ H’ knew to not trust people like you. You have no idea how to follow directions… I’ve seen you with Ikea... Thank Gd, I was able to talk you out of getting the Ikea ark... Don’t start making up stuff to form. Only what H' wants. You make up stuff. That’s how we have the community quilt for the ark… And the art work in the hall. Who came up with the idea of abstracts? Abstracts?!... Gd doesn’t want abstracts in the hallway. It’s shul... How do you make an ark? Well let’s see. The directions are right in the Torah. (Shemot 25:10-16) ‘And make the ark of acacia wood’... Not oak, Bernie. I know oak is good. This is why we don’t let you make decisions. We need instructions. ‘…cover it in gold…’ Gold covers up any mess ups. It’s a good filler. If we would've used gold to cover up all the renovations… Yes. There are staves. You have to carry it. It’s part of the Mishkan. It wasn’t the Temple in Jerusalem… I know you wanted to move the shul to the other side of town… Who is going to carry the quilt, the abstracts and the retaining wall to the other side of town, and rebuild… You need a permit, Tehillah... Why do we treat it well? The tablets were put in it. So, H' doesn't dwell in our shul. I believe that was the message. We put in the effort, we give gifts and we build the Mishkan and H’ dwells there. Not in our shul... The Testimonial tablets are put in the ark that we build… Covered in gold, Tzvi. It has to be covered in gold. The kids of the day school don’t do a mural on it. It has to be built right. Only then can we have the Torah inside of it… With a quilt like this, I question if the Torah can be there. That's why I insist on opening the ark all the time... The kids didn't tag the Mishkan. The wedding was messed up, because it wasn’t set up right… You never sit the bride and groom’s families together… Of course they hate each other. And now they hate our community... The gifts were messed up. Nothing from the registry... Gd doesn’t dwell in a wedding with no Torah... Does Gd dwell in your home? I don’t know if the Minkowitzs fight as much in their home as they do in shul?... Your home is full of filth and shmutz. If somebody sponsored a cleaner… The Cohens and Levis were good cleaners. They cared. The shul is a Mikdash Mi’at, a small tabernacle… No community quilt would’ve been on the ark... It's not wanted. Never seen one in a registry... Even if it's cold out. You don't wear a quilt in the cold... Rivka’s Notes on Rabbi Mendelchem’s Drasha People drop their stuff at the shul. They feel bad throwing out the holy books, so they drop them at the shul. We bury the books. I wish the members of the congregation would send that message to their relatives. It's become a modern thing to not bury people. They burn the bodies of close family members. Nobody would burn the books they like, as that is a sign of protest. I am sorry for bringing that up. I felt bad at my friend Mike's funeral. They burned him. It felt like they were protesting his existence, his life. I had an argument with another friend who wants to be cremated. I was very bothered. He said he couldn't be buried, because he's claustrophobic. I tried explaining to him how tight jars are. He then said it was too much money to get buried. People in our community worry about money so much. Even after their dead they're working their finances. That's why we can't get a decent donation from anybody. They're thinking about how much stuff costs after they're gone. Where does Gd dwell, was a question that had us all thinking. Does Gd dwell in our homes? The Minkowitzs haven’t cleaned for anything. I know. They invited me last Shabbat. Great meal. But Gd doesn’t like unclean feet. And they do fight a lot. The renovations were messed up. The flashing neon lights for the continual candle, above the ark, is messed up. It kills my Kavanah. How do you have proper intent when you feel like you're at a casino? If there was a dealer walking around shul, we would probably get more people showing up. It was such a beautiful message. I could've listened for another hour. You give donations from your heart that are wanted. If it's not wanted, your heart kills the gift. Gd's Torah is like His registry for the Mishkan. Love it. Hopefully now I'll get less gifts and Rosh Hashana cards from people, and I will have to write less thank yous. I hate writing thank yous. And then, what do we do with the gifts? We don't let the board decide. They'll ruin it, like they did the renovations. It was so meaningful. It also explains why my in-laws are always around. They gave us that painting when we first moved into our new house, and now they want to make sure we're using it right all the time. Weddings in our shul are messed up. The gowns are too long. You have four people walking behind the bride. The mom is offended. Always offended that a random Gabai is there walking her daughter to the Chuaph. I have never seen a mother asking why there are four other random people walking around the groom, under the Chupah, holding her daughter's dress with her. And the gifts are messed up. Always wrong for the time. They gave the newlyweds pink onesies, and a get well soon card. The rabbi is trying to teach about gifts. The message at his last gift giving class was that you don't give the Book of Our Heritage for everything. No matter how many people give you the book, you can't give it away indiscriminately. He even gave a class on proper gifts, again. Twice in one week. He's given gift classes many times. And yet, nobody has given our rabbi a gift yet. He barely gets a raise. I think the message gets lost in the class. He should just say he wants a raise. The rabbi was right. You don’t sit the bride and groom’s families together. Many fights. And then more fights about the gifts. They do pregame Torah reading now at our shul. Kiddish on the Parochet, Torah cover, is a beyond subliminal message to drink People have to stop talking at the Shiva houses. I have never heard Bernie say the right thing. The law of being silent is the key. We need youth groups back. They say that it’s because there aren’t many kids. It only takes two to run in the shul and play hopscotch on the seats. The education in our shul is off. Baby namings in our shul are off. Jewish education starts there. Mitch. Who was Mitch named after? Nobody knows. His granddad was Berel. Frank and Mike are their Hebrew names. That’s why they feel they can talk in shul. Their parents messed up their Jewish education with their names. If they were a Feivel and Micha’el, or Mendel, they would have Kavanah. The rabbi is right. Rice with meatballs is amazing. And it's Jewish. Our rabbi is the best. Shalishudis was nice. The third Shabbat meal is always great. After eating two huge meals, I am fine with tuna fish and egg salad with peanuts. They dedicated Shalishudis this week in honor of the bride and groom. That wasn't on their registry. I think they would've rather got the Maytag washer they wanted. Two people were at Shalishudis, because they didn't leave the shul once they got in. The snow has hurt the shul morale. The only positive is that there's only two people witnessing it. The Miniyin has to calm down. They're giving nasty looks to people for not showing up, when they do showup. The backups came in and the regulars were angry at them. How do you expect the backups to come back. They're backups because they don't have the Gd guilt. Maybe the backups have something important going on. A personal thing, like a Shiva. Maybe they don't have enough snow gear to make it to shul. I truly hope they shovel. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke: Mishpatim1/28/2022 
We started the Friday night dinner program. Dinner on Friday night. That's the program. Dinner. It’s like a soup kitchen for people with money.
It took the programming committee a while to come up with a successful program. They finally realized that food is why people go to services. Food is why people go to shul. They came to the concert last week for the same reason; food. Without food, nobody would've showed up to the concert. That's the difference between rock music and Jewish music. People go to Jewish shows for food. Even nonJews show up for food. Why do homeless people show up to soup kitchens? There’s food there. If there is food, people show up. Look at the grocery store. Draws everybody. The kosher section doesn’t draw too many people. It’s too expensive there. If the kosher section was free, it would be packed with people all the time. Now, the members are coming back. We have re-poached, and we are now retaining with food. The walkway in front of the shul wasn’t shoveled before Shabbis. It was almost impossible to get in the shul. Eight men were dog digging to make room in front of the shul's entrance. They finally opened the door two hours into Shabbis. They skipped Mincha, as it was too cold outside to stand still and do the silent pray, Amidah. It’s hard for toddlers to come shul in the snow as well. Pushing the carriage in the snow is almost impossible. I am trying to figure out why we are focusing on the toddler community so much. I believe the rabbi likes them, because they are the only ones that don't complain about him. The shul membership has got to stop blaming the rabbi for everything. They blamed him for the walkway, for the lack of toddlers, and for not plowing the other day. His station wagon isn’t fit for plowing. I say that he is at least representing Frum Jews correctly. The only car more Frum than a minivan is a station wagon. Everybody is doing the front arm cross now, holding their hands over the belly. Shmulik had a great affect on the other members. The people are talking about how the front arm cross is very formal. It works well everywhere. Ot wprls fpr bouncers. Teachers are using it to scare the kids. It works when standing at Kiddish, amazingly, as we know. It also works well at funerals, along with a serious face of solemnity. Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Shabbat Shalom My Herd (Shemot 21:1) ‘And these are the decrees…’ These are the ones. This is it... The ones from Gd, Bernie. It's not like Rivka came up with a new decree for how we have to setup the shul's Bingo program. It's not like the Pizza Parsha events now have decrees for what you have to wear… I know I came out strong today, but that’s OK. You should listen to the decrees… Herd and Flock are the same thing. When I sermon, I am herding you. Like a shepherd… You need herding. I see you guys wandering around… How many of you make it to Minyin on time? I have to herd you. Then I have to herd you to pay your dues. A lot of herding. I hope you're hearing the decrees right now… Daven and do stuff. Stop being slaves to your desires... Your desires are messed up... I know them. To be the best at SheshBesh... Backgammon. Whatever it is. It's all pride. This week's Torah portion starts off with the servant or slave, depending on which one is politically correct for this congregation to not fire your rabbi... I am personally offended by servants. I like to call them staff… OK. We’ll call them slaves. Does that make everybody happy?... Excellent... Slaves have laws too. (Shemot 21:2-3) If he came in single, he leaves single… It’s a Jewish slave, Bernie. Read the Parsha before the sermons. For crying out… It’s the first Psukim of the Parsha… Your marriage is enslaving. That's a good point. I understand this is confusing now. A single person can be enslaved too... A Jewish slave that is bought. After seven years he ‘goes free, no charge’… The master took his money. He wouldn’t be able to pay anyways… You guys can pay your dues. Not giving Tzedakah to the soup kitchen and supporting your shul, is you not living up to your obligation… I’m a slave to this… This stupidity. No more questions. He goes with his wife that he came with. He doesn’t leave with another wife. He leaves with his wife… It's not like you can just flip wives and gazunta heit, the grandkids have a new Bubby. Read the Parsha, Bernie… I don’t know how they chose them. Felvel wouldn’t have made a good slave. He saunters. He gives no energy… The master may not let him leave with less than he came. He may not diminish this man from what he was. As you have done to your rabbi, with all your complaints. You don’t make your slave less. You don’t make the people that serve you less than what they were. I serve this congregation… I’m a slave to this shul. My last job, I had congregants that listened. They made amazing Kiddishes. They paid their dues. They volunteered… Yes. They gave to the poor and even volunteered at the soup kitchen. They gave me a raise... You can still enslave and give a raise. Is a raise too much to ask for... We see that he leaves with what he came with. It's like pointless years of his life. Kind of like the meeting I had with the board this week… The shul board which has accomplished nothing the last seven years. Seven years of my life, gone… Stuff costs money here. My savings are down the tube now. I have sat through seven years of board meetings. The slave gains nothing. Over that course in time, he gains nothing. Kind of like each and every one of you living in this town who are paying 35% taxes, who are then paying town taxes, supporting your family, with children who don't appreciate it, paying for public school education while sending your kids to private school, while not being able to afford a vacation to Disney World, after 40 years of still not paying off your house, and then you die… I am not saying you're slaves. The question is 'have you listened?' Do I need to pierce everybody's ear here?... Piercings look good. Nothing is gained... Exactly, like my relationship with Bernie. (Shemot 21:4) If the master gives him a wife, he leaves alone, he leaves single… His wife stays… His wife is the master’s. But it’s his. Kind of like when you take away every good idea we ever had at this shul, Sima… The soup kitchen Kiddish was a great idea. You killed it… You gave no money. Poor people need Kiddish too… How are they supposed to know to come if we don’t call it a 'soup kitchen' Kiddish?... It’s your food. But you let them eat it… Exactly. That's what community is about, giving away food. Shiva, Brisis, Kiddish, Shalishudis, breakfast which nobody donates to. Bar Mitzvahs... They expect you to host their guests. That is money. you've got to put out for breakfast and coffee... The host gets the leftovers. You don’t walk out with the leftovers, Binyamin. They belong to the Ba’alei Bayit. The people who invited you, it’s theirs. If you don’t eat during the meal… You don’t take it. They take that back. They can eat it the next day too... You don’t stand there and put down the slaves with insults. The job of the master isn’t to rag on the guy all day... Eating what's somebody elses is a thing of freedom and wrong... If he doesn’t want to go free in the seventh year (Shemot 21:5-6)… Yes. You take his ear to the doorpost. Of course you do that. You let him hear that he should go free. The ears that heard the giving of the Torah. You be a slave to Gd. Not to a random guy who bought you on sale and got you a decent wife… In the door. The door that represents freedom… The Pascal lamb, Pinny. And the ear that heard the Mitzvot from Gd and that we are His chosen people… You want to be a slave to a random guy… It’s in the Artscroll. For crying out loud. Read the English, Bernie… We are servants in this world. We end up in a place of 'dirt, worms and maggots,' to quote Akavia the Son of Mihalel. We come into this world and we go out the same... Just in case you were feeling decent about being free. I don't want you to think it's worse to be a slave... You'll die. Yes. Worms and maggots will eat you... Exactly. The point is to be a slave to Gd. You're not going to take the physical being of your family to heaven... You complain when you've got to splurge on a family dinner, Lenny... He can leave with his connection to Gd. That's what he's leaving with. The only thing you can take with you is spirituality… Yes. It’s a lesson. For crying out… The spiritual connection to your family... The greatest gifts of this physical world, you can't take. other than Mitzvot... Mitzvot are a gift. Yes. They are... Because you don't do them. Maybe if you kept Shabbat... You don't get it, we nail your ear to the door... I am going to pierce everybody in this congregation, right now. Piercings... Poor people have connection to Gd... I think they do. They definitely don't have the greatest clothes.... Look at the Minkowitz family... Now that we speak of the spiritual. We must understand how to act in our physical world... Yes. Mitzvot. For crying out loud, I give the same message every week... You don't get it... Soup Kiddishes is what we need. If you give Kiddish, you can take the rugulach to Shamaim... That's heaven, Bernie. What do we make of our lives???? What do we keep???? The children? The next generation? The people we care about? The actions we do? The last kichel that Dr. Fergowitz took from Dr. Pockstein? What we take is where we are the master. Our actions. That is where we are the master... I know that is profound. Finally, somebody listens. And they have a piercing... We are slaves in our actions we must do, and Dr. Fergowitz cannot keep on evading taxes... These are Mishpatim... Rules of how to act. To make sure our actions don't ruin the day with killing people... Killing the Kiddish for poor people isn't good either... If you knock out somebody’s teeth, you at least give them soup... When you're free, you give of what is yours. You use your actions for good... But you don’t have a plaque Bernie. There are rules. If you don’t have a plaque, the donation means nothing… We know who the cheap people are… Shmulik, please sit down. I don’t think I need you guarding the Bima for my Dvar Torah. The sermon is fine with you in the seat… If you don’t know sign language… I don’t think I’m going to get shot. Most of the people in the back left are sleeping already… Stop blaming me for people not coming. We have to clear the snow in front of the shul… People are slaves to the snow. They can't be good Jews in snow. That’s why Mishpatim are clear. It’s stuff you should do. Like clearing the walkway… No. It’s an easy decision. You’re the shul president… And the snow hurts people. After we speak of Jewish slaves and how they should go free. And after we speak of a dad who sells his daughter into slavery, where she is hurt by not being wanted (Shemot 21:8)… That's what they did when they couldn't provide. Slave sales of daughters gave hope... You wanted your daughter to have the best opportunity at a decent breakfast. You're buying store brand cereal... It hurts to be rejected by your dad and your new husband. Nobody providing anything for your. Kind of like a shul board who does nothing for you... Difference is the daughter goes free... Rejection hurts. Look at Chanan... You reject, you're taking away from somebody. (21:10-11) You have to provide food, clothing and marital relations… With her, Bernie. Your wife… You have to provide for your family, Mark. If you don’t provide, ‘she goes free without payment’... If you can't treat the kids to pizza, that is grounds for divorce... Then downsize if you have to. We talk about striking other people and damages after this, because you hurt her. You didn’t want her... They still have the custodian who complains about having to clean... They don't want her. The board complains about her. They do nothing... They have committees... Committees don't do anything. They talk. They do nothing... They take time. What are the laws (Shemot 21:12-19)? Treat people well. Don't take from them. Be free, so you can give... Yes. That's the message of the sermon... Yes. I say that every sermon, but you don't get it. You need me to spell it out... Then why did the soup Kiddish fail?! There are other laws too, that you have to hear... Don’t hit your parents… We can curse your dad. You can’t… No. You can’t hit anybody. Hitting your parents is worse… They have to learn to share at Kinder Shabbat Groups. They're Lincoln Logs. You share them... If a random person lives. You get in a fight and hit him, but he lives. You just have to pay for his lost time and healing… I wouldn’t say it’s worth it, because you don't have to get killed yourself… The shul president should pay for anybody who injures themselves in front of the shul… Then clear it. Make a path. Hymie is 89 years old. How is he supposed to walk on snow?... If it’s not intentional and ‘and Gd caused it,’ he runs to a city of refuge… Striking somebody with a rock and them dying is not Gd causing it… You can’t blame Gd for everything Sarah. Your choolante last week was horrendous… Not Gd’s fault. This whole, ‘Gd makes the choolante.’ Stop blaming Gd… You not giving Tzedakah is not Gd’s intervention... No. Kidnapping is not allowed. Even according to the Torah... You can't blame Gd for people dying when you hit them. The 'Gd did it' has to stop in this congregation. Mark took all the meat out of the choolante. It’s about caring. It’s about caring for the slave. It’s about caring for other people. It’s about not killing them... Then we speak about hitting a slave (21:20)… No. You shouldn’t hit your slave… You say, 'Please clean up the field and make sheaves'... Yes. They will do it. If you ask nicely... Just like you have to pay for your wife. You have to pay damages... Not for nailing the slave's ear to the door. You're supposed to do that. That's damage with consent of Gd... For crying out loud. If you knock out somebody’s teeth, you at least give them soup... Most of the poor people don't have teeth. Pay for their dental work... Does the slave want to stay because the master is feeding him, and it's free? That is the real question of this week's Torah portion... When you're free, you do stuff. You do stuff and you don't hurt people when you're free. You go to Disney World and you don't cut lines... The real question is, can you afford to go to Disney World? If you can't, are you really free... Do you even have a woman to go with?... Chanan is free and he doesn't even have a wife. I told Chanan to hang out at the grocery to meet a Jewish girl… You won’t meet a good Jewish girl in the organic section. No good Jewish girl will pay those prices... Don't enslave and thank Gd for your freedom... Damages enslave. And now we have a leak in the roof... The board doesn't fix anything. Damages. Rivka’s Notes on Rabbi Mendelchem’s Drasha The rabbi turned sermon into a verb. I respect that. His literary prowess is amazing. A master can’t take away what was this person’s, even when he is a slave. An amazing thought shared by the rabbi. I am working on coming up with a lesson from it. The way to use vacations was pertenanant, as many of the congregants were away for the winter ski vacations. Maybe they'll get the sermon sent to them. It's a shame we can't use a stenographer on Shabbat. The rabbi was quite contemporary with asking the congregants if he should use the word ‘servant.’ Very neuvo of him to give us a choice. He even brought up the possibility of ‘helot’ or ‘rabbi of this shul with poor wages.’ I’m also, happy we went over the practicalities of how to treat a slave. I don’t support slavery coming back, but if it does, we know. There are messages within slavery. I like to think of my boss as a slave master. We learned a lot about treating people right. From now on, if somebody comes to our shul with a wife, we’ll let him leave with her. You also have to marry the Jewish slave woman. That’s beautiful. She shouldn’t be a slave and single. The rabbi took all the singles aside later and told them it’s worse to be single than a slave. At least a slave woman has somebody. And then there was the lesson of what we’re slaves to. All I know is that I don’t want to get my ears pierced. Never had them done. The rabbi wasn't sure if it is Halachikly correct to get your ears pierced, though he was fine with it for the congregants, because they don't listen. Very modern. The rabbi had a group ear piercing. Most rabbis would be against that. The rabbi now thinks they'll pay their dues. The rabbi’s message was don’t be a slave or a congregant in our shul. We are all slaves to the new town mowing tax. 35% is crazy. Everybody was fine with the tall blades of grass. I showed up at the board meeting. Listening to them complain is a form of slavery. Kiddish soup kitchen was a bust. Nobody volunteered. The consensus among the congregants was that ‘if we’re not feeding ourselves, there is no reason to be cooking anything.’ And it was agreed that 90 percent of our congregation doesn’t like soup. And they weren’t going to start a gazpacho kitchen. The shul treasurer said that poor people don't eat gazpacho, 'it's a known thing.' Truth is that I have been giving free food away for many years here. The rabbi is correct. Community is about free food. That hosting for Bar and Bat Mitzvahs, and any Simcha, is a scam. I end up going broke on pastries. Guests always eat a lot of pastries. Nobody eats pastries at home. When they're a guest, they eat pastries and drink orange juice. Always expensive pastries like napoleons. Everybody is trying to lose weight until they're guests. Free food doesn't have calories. Free food on Shabbat, with that extra Neshama soul for Shabbat, you're losing weight. That's what I hear. I haven't seen it on our congregants yet. We had a big issue in the shul where people were taking doggie bags from Shabbis meals. Word got back to the rabbi that people don't know how to be guests. Their good at inviting guests, as the rabbi stresses the Mitzvah of Hachnasat Orchim. Invites went down. We need somebody to shovel. That’s what they decided at the board meeting. They needed a board to make that decision. We couldn't trust any one person to think it was a good idea to remove the snow from right in front of the shul's entrance. We needed a vote. The board could only meet the following Monday. That was two weeks of people not being able to get into the shul. The real committed crawled on the snow and snuck through the window. Once they met and discussed it, they decided that they had to clear the pathway by removing the snow. That decision, with the board, took two and a half weeks. Then they put together a committee to get rid of the snow. That took another three weeks and meetings. They got rid of the snow in March. After Kiddish, people had to stay at shul, as they couldn’t get out. It was snowing during the services. We all felt like slaves to the president not shoveling. The rabbi is our shepherd. There is much herding done in our congregation. At Kiddish, many congregants graze. I appreciate being part of a herd. I don't feel like I am flock. 'Soup Kiddishes is what we need. If you give Kiddish, you can take the rugulach to Shamaim...' That was profound. That said it all. Rabbi is right. If you don’t have a plaque, the donation means nothing. You won’t be remembered. Nobody will care about you. The sermon turned into a dialogue about what’s considered damage. I have a feeling that Chaim was thinking about how he can destroy stuff legally. He had a lot of questions. After Kiddish, the rabbi pulled the singles aside and gave them their own speech regarding keeping the laws. He let them know that he felt for them, as it is hard to meet somebody nowadays, and it looks pathetic to be alone. As he said, ‘I am against slavery, and sale of young women. However, it would be easier for many of you if dads were selling their daughters. We understand that in the times of the Torah they did this if they were poor… No, Isaac, we don’t support it nowadays, even if it's a financially sound interaction. Though, it would make Shidduchim easier. And that is why I feel for you.’ The rabbi then told the singles how the Torah teaches us to date. ‘We need ordinances for dating. There should be clear signs. If a man doesn’t want the slave daughter, he must let her go free. You shouldn't marry somebody you don't like.’ Beautiful lesson from our rabbi. The divorcees really took that message to heart. A lot of ex-couple fighting followed. It was very freeing to hear the women telling their ex-husbands 'I hate you. Pay for the kids' doctors bills, you good for nothing.' That segued to the rabbi's next lesson for the singles. He also said, ‘A man needs to provide food, clothing and marital relations.’ At this point he had a diatribe about how it’s hard to know if you are allowed to touch, and you shouldn't risk getting locked up, even if you are married. For this reason, he said that marital relations means cooking together and cousins. He also said to ask before doing anything, like visiting relatives. He then concluded from this, ‘These are your dating signs. If you don’t like somebody, don’t pay. Let them go and pay for themselves. And you young ladies should know to never date a man who says “we should go Dutch.” If he doesn’t pay for you, he’s not your husband.’ The girls were shocked, as they didn’t think a first date made a husband, but the rabbi was right. The rabbi knows that we need clarity in the Jewish community. Dating is too hard on these kids nowadays. They have no rules. They’re just offended by everything. Half of the crowd walked out saying 'I can pay for my own meal,' and they didn't meet any men that day. Those women are still single. They have no time to date, as they had to find work to pay for food. Free food is what is important. That's what people come for. Bingo is important, and the shul can now use Bingo money. But it's not there. Smoking killed Bingo. People stopped coming because of smoking. What's worse is the new 'no smoking at Bingo' laws. Now we have nobody showing up. Our caller is boring as anything. What are you supposed to do at Bingo if you're not smoking? It was the last safe space for smokers in Topeka. If we had free food, people would come back to Bingo. I know you can take off your mask for food. I am not sure if you can take off your mask to smoke. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke: Bo1/7/2022 
We just retired the first seat in shul. Michel deserved it. Would’ve hung his Tallis in the rafters, but everybody in the shul is scared of heights.
Now everybody wants to be honored. The shul is now planning an awards ceremony. The problem is that an awards ceremony needs awards. The Best Kugel Award is the most I can hope for. I’ve never gotten an award. I think I should quit. We started a new Chesed project where we do everything kind. We don’t do much of it, but we do it all. We collect money. We shop for people. We visit the sick. We told the school in the area that we'll help with the kids after school. I think the teachers are scared they'll get a bad reputation if the kids come to our after school program and start talking. We even started a thing where we help old people cross the street. I believe that has turned into an offensive campaign, where people started yelling at us for accusing them of being old and decrepit. Many people have yelled police and hit our volunteers, as they thought we were trying to steal their purses. We even took up a new ‘care for orphans’ program. It’s a good program. Nobody thought to take any of them in. The sisterhood feels like adopting one would kill the program. I saw the list of orphans in our community. The orphans each have their own card. The center shows them to you like that. They feel that people like baseball cards, and the kids will be seen as more valuable if they look like The Babe. Pictures of the toddlers with bats is very cute. It gets the money hungry potential parents thinking that they could make some good return on investment in the future. I think that’s wrong, but they’re trying to do good for the kids. The cards are numbered. I wanted to get some so my grandkids could make a set. One kid that I felt bad for never got picked up. The social worker said she wasn’t draftable. It would be nice if we donated the money somewhere. We've collected it though. It's nice to have money. Rabbi asked his kids to share what they shared at the Friday night dinner before we started reading the Torah. That was very painful. It was like an extra three speeches. They also give long sermons like their dad. I would’ve been happier if they didn’t learn anything at school. Seeing the kids reading off their notes from Morah Felicia was very painful. Israelis in the community has me questioning. A lot of Israelis are moving from Israel. It's a new wave of Jews moving from the Holy Land. There must be a new youth movement in Israel spreading the ideals of Yiridah. I've asked and none of them support the Beitar youth movement. Rabbi Mendelchem’s Drasha Shabbat Shalom To sum up the plagues a bissel, the Egyptians are not happy. Nobody likes frogs jumping everywhere… I know Michael likes frogs. He collects them. If they were jumping all over the house. It’s an irritant... Try eating Cornflakes with frogs jumping around... I feel like the back left of the shul is an irritant. A plague… If frogs were jumping in the back left, it would be less of a distraction during the Torah reading... You are all very loud! In last week's parsha, we see that Moses gives over H's message. 'If you refuse to let the Jews go, and you keep holding onto them... the hand of H' will come to your livestock.' I know we have a lot of farmers here. What's my retirement package looking like? That’s the question… People like snow. Hail is different, Yossi… The hail with fire. You like that? You want fireballs landing on your house? Little comets shooting fire with frogs jumping all over your bed? Then listen to H’… Simcha. You had a fit when your car got a ding from the ice storm last year… I don't know why H' doesn't kill the firstborns first. Sometimes, I get the feeling like the older people are the ones causing problems... H' is building up the drama… Yes. I'm giving the story over again, this year. It’s my duty. (10:1-2) H’ brings the plagues as signs, ‘in order that you will tell your children and children’s children…’ Not just grandkids. But it’s also grandkids grandkids. You should be telling everybody. Like the joke you've told us all about the rabbi and the imam, Hymie... You repeat it all the time... Exactly. Because you forget that you told us... You have to repeat and let everybody know. There's a reason our Beis Kenesses Anshei Emes uSefilah Sunday School spends half year on the 'Let My People Go'... It's not just a song, Rachel... It’s our duty, Bernie!!! Pesach. Do we not do Pesach now?!... Yes. This speech is a Seder... It takes a while to teach the songs. Now, we have to show The Ten Commandments and Prince of Egypt too... Beautiful songs in that film. We play them all the time... We want the kids to look good at the Pesach Concert this year. Now. Let us learn the lessons of Paroh. It’s like running another Seder here… Got to deal with all these questions… Read something. Look it up in a dictionary. Open up a Torah. Even Sadie doesn’t read anymore. All questions… Paroh is afraid to let the Jews go. He is afraid to let go... As we've noticed in our community with the leader of the Federation of Monies taken for Our Organization We Never See... A tight hold onto anything makes it hard. It makes it hard on the people. It makes it hard on our shul's renovations... Paroh is a hoarder. Parohs have always been known to be hoarders. With the hoarding of all the food before the famine. That is how the Jews ended up in Egypt... Hoarding is how the Jews ended up in Mitzrayim. The hoarding in this community… We have fifteen hundred Siddurs piled up in the lobby. All ripped… I'm saying to bury them. Let our Siddurs go. Show respect… Then fix them, Bernie. It’s a pile… It’s a Siddur obstacle course. Tripping over Siddurs is not respectful… If we do it right, it's respectful and it praises H.' Letting go is a praise. It shows trust… This is why Chanan isn't married. He doesn't let go. He holds onto the girls. You're choking them with your helicopter dating. I'm not saying to throw out the new siddurs... Keep some of the old ones. They're beautiful. Each family should have one... OK. Keep some of the old ones. Look to the right side of the congregation. Old is beautiful. Sometimes you have to let go. You only have so much room in this world… It’s shameful how you protested retiring Michel’s seat. Shameful… Letting something be known that it was great is honoring. It’s respectful. We have to let that seat go and retire it… If it’s with H’ and you’re doing a Mitzvah, it shows respect… No. Disgusting. Siddur tossing is disgusting. We do Shaimos. We bury the Siddurs. Paroh doesn’t let the people go, and thus he loses his livestock… If you don't want to lose your cattle, stop hoarding and give me a raise. They don't get rid of the Jews. They lose their livestock. The money of their past. All that accumulated wealth they held onto. Our Tzadik, Michel, never held onto livestock… Hakol Bidei Shamaim. 'All is in the hands of Gd.' That is the religious belief, and the belief of most of our congregation... Yes. Menachem. People who don't believe that, work.... They have jobs. They pay dues. We need to find a solid base for our beliefs Menachem. I think people in this congregation are using Hakol Bidei Shamaim too much. When they messed up the ark, it was in Gd's hands. When they didn't adopt any orphans, that was Gd's fault. Not visiting the sick. Leave that up to H'. Why do we have the Chesed Project of acts of loving kindness, when you all expect H' to do it?... Then pray. Pray that H' will help them and relax... 'In the hands of Gd' is about partnering with Him. It's about being able to let go for the future... Exactly. Your a Paroh because you don't believe and can't let go. It is then, that we come to this week's Parsha... Yes. The Dvar Torah is starting here... My kids talked before Torah reading. That's not part of the speech. The other stuff was a preamble... My contract says no more than thirty minutes. That's of the Dvar Torah. The sermon can't be more than thirty minutes. The preamble isn't part of the sermon... Why can’t Paroh let go? H' says, (Shemot 10:1) 'For I have hardened his heart and the heart of his servants…' H’ hardened Paroh’s heart and that of his servants. Paroh became mean, and he had the support, like the people who can't retire Michel's seat… Michel's a Tzadik. Should I explain Tzadik to you? One who shows up on time for shul. One who gives to the needy, visits the sick, honors their parents... Honoring somebody who donated a lot of money doesn't count... Not adopting makes you worse than Paroh... At least he took in Moshe. He didn't say Hakol Bidei Shamaim... H' hardened his heart. It was hard... Like a rock. Yes. When you do bad, you harden your heart and becomes hardened... He didn’t learn from the past. The no hamburgers at the baseball game fiasco. Hotdogs are not enough!!! People are enslaved to them... He made the decision to keep it bad for the Jews, like the board. Now. He has a hardened heart... Somebody with a hardened heart doesn't serve hamburgers. I see Michel’s seat and it makes me happy. He deserved for it to be retired. It unhardens my heart. I see the good… Paroh couldn’t see good. Kind of like Bernie. I can’t see any good in Bernie… We have to hoard the good... Keep it with us. But it doesn't have to take up half the shul. It’s an obstacle course with the Siddurs thrown out like that. You’ve got to treat them with respect. Unharden your heart for the Siddurs. Pray with an open heart... You didn't listen till now. Your heart has been hardened. Your family is gone. When you got in all those family scuffles... We saw them at Kiddush. 'Eat the herring Shloimy... we're not having lunch at home.' It is no wonder your family left you Pinny. Pinny, the whole community hated you. They stopped serving whiskey at kiddush because you noticed it was free. Now they have to serve the plastic bottle stuff... We saw you in the parking lot. Your kid didn't want to go to the Bar Mitzvah. I think we are all sick of hearing the same Shweky song again. Played but not Shweky. But Pinny, you hold onto that Rachem song... You embarrass your kids and you make do stuff they don't want to... Then let him run barefoot. Just stop yelling at Kiddish. Yelling at Kiddish and forcing little kids to eat herring, hardens the heart... Stop trying to control. Your control is a plague... Herring is a plague to a third grader. Even when H' is in control, we don't see it, for our hearts are still hardened. Like a puppet who has no control over her actions. She cannot bend the arm, unless bent for her. However, if we give up and understand H' is in control, we can then bend our own arms and create a new life, of joy and care, and a willingness to create new. Like a puppet who has a good master... 'Master of puppets, I'm pulling your strings. Twisting your mind and smashing your dreams'... Yes. I'm quoting Metallica... If your dreams are good, the master is good. You won't have a hardened heart, like Bernie... We'll have that soft heart, which Pinny doesn't have. The soft heart of a man with a family. And a woman, unlike Pinny's wife, who doesn't bring her man to take down the whole bottle of the shul's Balvenie... A hardened heart with no shame. Because she never let him go out with the guys... And what happens? (Shemot 10:7) After all of this warning and the first plagues, and being told that locusts will come, Paroh’s servants have a change of heart. ‘Paroh’s servants said to him, “Until when are you going to be a snare to us? Send out the people that they can serve H’ their Gd. Do you not know that Egypt is lost?”' The servants know H’ already. Even they have seen H’ greatness. It’s hard to see that in this shul... Why don't you trust your rabbi? Rivka sees the goodness of her rabbi. She has a soft heart. She gives kids Stella D'oros at Kiddish... Paroh can’t change. He has become blinded by his hatred of Jews... Yes. I am getting there... He can’t even see that Egypt is lost. I saw when this shul lost the choolnate competition. I didn’t want to, but I saw when this shul needed to stop serving alcohol at Kiddish. Thank you Pinny… Yes. I see the hoarding going on with the Siddurs and people depending on Gd to visit the sick... Ms. Frankowitz is not Avraham our father... (Shemot 10:3-6) Paroh gets the warning of locusts now. He gets H’s word from Moshe and Aaron. Does it mean anything? No. At this point, he can care less if the children of Egypt are forced to eat herring... Paroh doesn't have the heart anymore to see the importance of community. Of children. Of Women. (Shemot 10:9) Moshe said, ‘With our youth and with our elders we will go, with our sons and with our daughters, with our flocks and with our cattle we will go, for it is a festival of the Lord to us.’ But Paroh doesn’t allow this. He doesn’t understand the concept of community. The concept of not getting drunk in front of little kids. ‘Bo. Come for Shabbat lunch.’ Mark and Shani never hear that… You don’t remember because you’re too drunk to remember. An invite for Shabbat lunch is what Tzadiks do. They also visit the sick… Mark was sick. Nobody cared… If you want to get your Tallis in the rafters, invitations can get you there. If you invite them, you’ll get their vote. You'll be a Tzadik in their minds… Adopting can get you vote as well. If you don't try to cash in when the kid becomes an athlete, you might get Tzadik status... We have retired a Tzadik’s seat this past week. We have also given out the shul awards… No trophies. It was word of mouth awards. Frank was honored the least likely to understand his prayers. Bernie was the one who interrupts the rabbi the most. Sadie was awarded head of the sisterhood, though she is not the president… You shouldn’t hate her for being better than you, Sarit... You just moved here, Sarit. Your family will be awarded, maybe even get a dinner in your honor, when you know more people. The shul needs money from honorees... Don't let the members of this shul harden your heart... Rivka’s Notes on Rabbi Mendelchem’s Drasha The way he honored Michel was beautiful. Now, everybody else thinks their parents weren’t Tzadiks. Finally. They finally know it. The speech felt like a second Pesach Seder. It was long. The rabbi even started a game of H' Says. He said that is more Jewish than Simon Says, as there are only three Jews he knows, named Simon. People were very into the game, especially the devout members. They didn't want any other sins on their plate. 'If Gd says to do it, you do it.' That's what Rachel told me, even though she hasn't visited one sick person, and I can't remember the last time she gave Tzedakah. H' says took a good twenty minutes, but the rabbi said it wasn't part of the sermon. Even so, he definitely linked it to the Parsha, telling people that H' says to kill the firstborn. Some people wanted to win real bad. The firstborns ran out of shul. The rabbi brought ‘Hoarders’ to the shul for the Siddurs. They ended up going to the houses of the congregants. The amount of stuff they’ve stolen from the shul. The old ark cover was in the Mitzkowitz house. The havdalah candle we've been looking for, at the Cohens. The handkerchief for holding the parchment, Saul was blowing his nose in it. I made it a point to not watch that episode of 'Hoarders.' Now they have another things to blame Jews for. As if having good jobs in Topeka isn't enough. Now they're going to say we're hoarding them. If I can't store it in my home and have it take up space that I need, it's not hoarding. Whatever the rabbi said, many of the farmers stopped hoarding. Their barns were finally able to be used for a shul farmers market and dance we've been planning. Yankel, the little kid who's now our singer, did a great job performing on hay. It was good to be able to say 'Yankel,' as being in a barn didn't feel Jewish. The farmers in the shul are very proud of their livestock. We had a cattle competition at the shul fair. Of course, the Mitzkowitzs brought their pigs. They’ve always been sinners. People said the rabbi saying ‘hail with fire. You want that?’ was religious coercion. It got a cross the message to do Mitzvot. I think he got across that point real well. I think it was a good way to get across the message of how hardened the heart of the congregants is. All I know is they started doing Mitzvot, and they started playing H' Says with more fervor. Pinny's kids hate Kiddish. They hate having the weekends with their dad. Nobody likes the herring. It's about time they started serving schmaltz herring. People like that. Going to plastic whiskey bottles was the best move in recent years. The real drinkers are staying away from the whiskey. They don't drink it if it's not in a glass bottle. The shul has saved a lot of money. Pinny is still getting drunk, but we're saving on the bottle material. He also has a harder time pouring the two liter bottle once he's tipsy. He just gives up and falls down near the Kiddish bar; his size and length, and the inability of the others to step over him, saves us money on extra shots. The discussion was had to retire seats based on the Yom Kippur name tags on the back of the seats. As Phil said, 'Those seats have been retired for years. Those people never show up.' Years ago, the shul stopped branding the names on the seats themselves, as they realized how quickly the lifetime members stopped paying their yearly dues. The board made it clear that there is no more lifetime membership. They want most of the congregants out after three years. They want the choice as to whether or not they have to spend Kiddish with them. Should lifetime members have their seat retired? That’s a good question. We need rules for retiring seats. If you led the sisterhood and didn't get in any fights, your seat gets retired. If you're under Bar Mitzvah age and don't run around the shul, because your parents don't watch you, your seat gets retired. If you hate the Chazin too, the rabbi said your seat gets retired. Tallises are not making it up to the rafters. Our men are scared of heights and we’ve got to get better with our hands. The shul has too many people who are scared to do renovations. They end up calling handymen. Not craftsmen. Handymen. There is not one Jewish handyman in all of Topeka. Jewish men are not handy. I don’t even know if any of them have hands. They say they have hands. If they do have hands, they don't use them. I think that's why they lick their fingers to turn the page. It turns out that to be honored, you have to know people. You need to be somebody that people will pay for. Social climbing is back at the shul. People want to be friends with Himlowitzs. Maybe there's a plague in Israel. Maybe that's why so many have left Israel and come to our community. I know that my nephews and nieces in Israel read Dvar Torahs at the Shabbat table. Hearing their school notes being read is very painful. If they didn't read it, that would be less of a punishment. I did hear about them quarantining over in Israel. Maybe there is a plague. The rabbi told the school that teachers can’t give Shabbat notes anymore, as they are painful to the whole congregation. The rabbi got a lot of complaints from the congregants after his kids spoke. It was hard, as each one of them tried to tell him that it wasn’t his kids, but the notes. He wants his son to be a childhood preacher. He now knows that won't happen if he reads Morah Kimmy's notes. The money we've collected for the Chesed project still hasn't been allotted. They're saving it to do Chesed. Nobody in the congregation wants to help other people yet. I hope we can give it to the Jewish orphan center. I think they need to make a new 2022 collectibles series, to keep interest in their brand. Tags:
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Sermons of Rebuke: Va'eira12/31/2021 
There have been too many donation letters sent to all the houses. We thought it would be over after the calendars we got for Rosh Hashana. Now there’s the holiday charity rush. Most Jewish organizations seem celebrate Christmas. Christmas and New Years are big times for Jewish donations, and they don't even give calendars.
The problem I'm having is that I threw out my bills. They got mixed in with the donations. I like to think of bills as my donation to Topeka Water and Electric, also known as TWE. The rabbi said it doesn't count towards Ma'aser. I still consider it charity though. Bar Mitzvah kids reading is painful. Very painful. I am going to show up late to these things from now on. I can’t listen to these kids anymore. I see a lot of members have already learned this lesson, as they show up for Kiddish. Everybody is scared and now people aren’t leaving their homes again. There’s apparently another variant and everybody is blaming the rabbi for it. The rabbi wants to introduce people to the president and mayor of the city so they can stop blaming him. Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Shabbat Shalom My Congregant Why are there no people? Because COVID came up again... Another variant. I don’t know the science behind it, Bernie. I just know that people are depressed… a government order that people should be depressed and shouldn’t show up to shul… Is it slavery? I don’t know. Their variants of Paroh. Little variants that cause a tiredness amongst the people of our community. Little Parohs… Not showing up to the shul is not a variant. There is no ‘I won’t pay dues’ variant.… What other excuses do you have for not coming to shul?! The Kiddish has been good recently. We have to talk about the leftovers… You don’t take rugulach before the Kiddish is over. I understand they said people can take it home. Not before the Kiddish starts. You loaded a bag. That's a variant of stealing… The rugulach was a nice tray, laid out… H' commands Moshe to take the Jews out of Egypt. Moshe is called upon to begin the greatest revelation of all time. Recognition of H' by a nation and the world. I should take the Jews out of this shul. That would be a great revelation of not dealing with the board. No more having to listen to messed up Torah readings by Bar Mitzvah boys who don’t practice… Laziness is not the ‘lack of spirit’ the Jews had… We don’t need cheerleaders. This isn’t a sporting event. The Bar Mitzvah kids need to not be lazy… They’re blaming COVID for not being able to read the portion. Others don’t come to shul… There are twelve people here today... I think a choir is enough to draw people. We don’t need cheerleaders… Why does Moshe give in so easily? (Shemot 6:9) Moshe tells the Jewish people that Gd will take them out of Egypt with an outstretched arm... to be a nation. 'And they did not hear (listen to) Moshe, from lack of spirit and hard work'… You haven’t worked for years, Bernie. You retired thirty years ago… Your laziness is killing me. I need somebody to take me out of this congregation... I can see this congregation doesn’t listen even when they do nothing. Your lack of spirit. Your laziness. Your lack of enthusiasm is what is killing this congregation… No. It’s not the new variant. It’s the laziness… I wish some people were here to hear this. You’re lazy. That’s why there is no deli in the shul. You can’t have a deli with no enthusiasm… When totally down and abused, it's hard to see the future. Sometimes, one cannot foresee positive. Right now. After the Chazin's repetition of Musaf, I cannot see anything positive. When I look to the left side fo the shul, nothing positive... They become stuck in the bad. Even the psyche is affected and there is only a negative perspective. Here it was a whole nation, and Moshe was also affected. Now we have just sat through a 15 minute Kaddish. The Chazin in this congregation has abused us... It’s hard to listen when you’re overworked. I know a lot of annoying bosses… This congregation doesn’t work. There’s no excuse for the depression… The Chazin and this Bar Mitzvah. Yes. The Bar Mitzvah was oppressive… Having to listen to that brings us back to slavery… We have to relive slavery. ‘We were slaves to Paroh in Egypt.’ We have to remember the redemption… Hearing the Chazin and the Bar Mitzvah boy is exactly what the taskmasters would do... The Bar Mitzvah not reading the Torah ever again is one of the calls of redemption. When you work real hard and there is no energy from the people. What I deal with here... Exactly. Back left of the shul... You give nothing. No spirit... It is the lack of spirit. Our lack of spirit affected Moshe. He gave up. Your lack of spirit is killing me… Yes our synagogue can have spirit, as we saw in the last inter-shul choolante cookoff, when our synagogue was the loudest singers of 'We've got spirit, yes we do. We've got spirit, how about you?'... We were strong there. We had hope. The other congregations didn't even sing back. They have not spirit and they're not losers.... But that is what spirit is about. And we had it. How do we get that back?... Their choolante tasted excellent, but it had no spirit. They won, but with no spirit. What happened to our spirit? When people are tired and worked, they cannot see a synagogues the future. They worked too hard on the choolante. Their choolante tasted good, but they were too tired to enjoy it. That is why they had no spirit. We had the worst choolante out there, and we loved it... Now we do need better cooks in our community, as Michael's family also put no effort into the Kiddish for his Bar Mitzvah... Kiddish can be better. We should get the sisterhood from Anshei Sinah to come over to make our Kiddish... Moshe goes with the negativity a bissel, as there is effort involved, and the people give him no energy, like this congregation who takes away your energy with depression and laziness. You don’t try… Kind of like Michael, last week, when all he did was the Barchu for Maftir. Mazel Tov on your Bar Mitzvah and finding a way to put no effort into it. I am sure you'll be back here layning (reading the Torah) every week, for pay, once you dropout of high school… Let’s turn to this week’s Bar Mitzvah who read the whole thing not well… Moshe is met with opposition, kind of like the time I met with Carol and she wanted to put flowers on the ark… Carol. It wasn’t after Sukkot, and you didn’t mention putting Lulavs up there… This isn’t a Christian gravesite. The Torah is alive… You killed it. Yes. The time you didn’t join my idea for the new kosher delicatessen in the shul’s social hall… And if the shul smelled like deli, everybody would come. Everybody loves a hot corned beef sandwich on club… Exactly. We would get a Minyin on a weekday if there was a deli here. But the board was too lazy to put in the effort… You volunteer for Bingo. You can volunteer for a deli. It's opposition that kills a community. The negativity brings a community to the point where there is no deli... (Shemot 6:12) ‘Moshe spoke before H’, saying, "Behold, the children of Israel did not hearken to me. How then will Pharaoh hearken to me, seeing that I am of closed lips?”’ Moshe is still complaining. H’ already told him he had Aharon. It’s like he forgets all the good advice. The same way nobody took my advice for the valet parking... It's an anomaly that I haven’t converted, with congregants like you... Nothing positive. Just negative. You empower a man to think he can't do anything. You think you're going to get me to stop giving the sermons by falling asleep? It shall not happen... (6:13) ‘And H’ spoke to Moses and to Aharon, and He commanded them concerning the children of Israel and concerning Pharaoh, the king of Egypt, to let the children of Israel out of the land of Egypt.’ H’ didn’t even respond to Moshe this time. He just told him what to do. He gave him the command. Moshe’s excuse of them not listening gets annoying… I know nobody on the board listens to you. But that is not an excuse for not talking. At a certain point you stop listening to complaints... I know you blame me for COVID. I don't care. The difference between Moshe and the board is that Moshe listens... Do we have an Aaron in this congregation, to lean on? Do we? Do we? Do we?! H' would've told me to leave this congregation and let these people stay... The Gabai is not an Aaron. If speaking out against the leader is what you mean by Aaron, the Gabai might be... You rabbi has been affected by this negativity... Yes, there was a raise, but with the down payment, your rabbi cannot afford the mortgage.... We are now going to do an appeal for positive perspective. That includes a raise for your rabbi. A new deli. A decent choolante from other shuls. No Chazin... It's hard to have that positive perspective, but we must. The donation letters have bombarded our homes… Their depression hit Moshe. Being a rabbi here… So what about another variant? You can’t let the past bring you down. H’ didn’t listen to Moshe when he complained again. I will not let this variant enslave this congregation… It's the fourth variant this year. It does nothing. You worried you’re going to catch the sniffles? It’s the winter time. Sniffles come… The cough is really annoying. Next time a Bar Mitzvah boy has a cough, we're cancelling his turning thirteen... (Shemot 6:2-5) H’ appears to Moshe as ‘H”,’ His name of truth (Rashi). With Moshe, H’ fulfils the covenant with the Jewish people. Truth is the fulfillment of a promise. Promising is not the truth. Saying you will do renovations is not the truth… You broke down a wall and left it… I get that there’s the destruction of our Great Temples. I commemorate that when I see this congregation… Nobody is here… I commemorate the destruction when I see the shul's renovations... H’ hears the pain of the Jewish people… No. You complain. It’s not pain. It’s complaints… It’s painful for me. I hear my pain… It's our duty to fulfil the truth of H’s promise to Avraham, Yitzchak and Yaakov. We can’t do that if we’re tired. We can’t do that if you’re falling asleep in the middle of my sermon… As a Bar Mitzvah, don’t mess it up for your ancestors. You are here to fulfil being a decent Jew on behalf of your ancestors, unlike your parents. Don’t let them down and read Torah like you did today… Don’t be like the board. Be a good member of our nation… You’re not going to be a Moshe. We know that. Bring nachis... Rivka’s Notes on Rabbi Mendelchem’s Drasha The choolante cookoff was a glimmer of hope for the congregation. We're not talented, but it showed our pride. We've got beat in every contest. We got killed in the inter-shul knitting contest, and still hung up the quilt. There was a Minyin in shul, as the rabbi blackmailed the men into coming. Other than that, I was the only one in the women’s section. I think this is the fourth variant of members not coming this year. We’ve had variants of people not showing up for the past eight years. Variants are coming and going. Members are not coming. There are many variants of excuses people have for not coming to shul. Family, shopping, golf, sleep, kids, dinner, the Chazin. The rabbi’s message that the shul members are not tired, but lazy, was brilliant. The problem was that half of the ten guys that showed up fell asleep during the sermon. They didn’t get the message. The board hasn’t done anything other than complain over the past two years. I don’t think breaking down a wall is doing anything, if you don’t fix it. The rabbi shouldn’t have mentioned the cheerleader idea. The next Shabbat Chatan, Ufruf, religious bachelor Shabbat at shul, other names for it, had girls cheering ‘Shlomo,’ when he got up for the Aliyah. The Gabai called him up and before anybody could say ‘Amen,’ the girls where cheering ‘Go!!! Shlomo! If you can’t do it, no one can. Shlomo’s got spirit.’ That caused a big ruckus, as the Gabai turned to the cheerleaders and said, ‘Gd can.’ The rabbi started a protest against letters for donations. The rabbi made a fire and threw the letters in. Simmy thought we were burning Chametz too early this year. He thought it was a Jewish leap year. Now, the congregants are not allowed to donate to organizations that send them letters. So, people stopped donating. Without the letters, they have no idea who to donate to. Dues were paid though. The Bar Mitzvah was painful. We had to listen to his messed up reading. His family didn’t even show up to shul, due to the variant. It got out that they just didn’t want to have to listen to him. They heard him practicing at home and knew how bad it would go. The double Kiddish was great. We celebrated the Bar Mitzvah and the Civelsteins' sixtieth. They were kind and told people they could take home food from the Kiddish. Leftovers were gone before the rabbi made the Kiddish blessing. Simon took all the rugulach. He filled up his bag right away. He poured the tray into the bag. He brought a garbage bag to pour into. Otherwise, the rugulach would've spilled all over the floor. He needed the bag to cover the tray. When Simon was asked why he took all the rugulach, he said, 'They said you can take.' It was later explained that it's not leftovers if it's before people eat at the event. The leftovers policies are now in the shul's bylaws, thanks to Mark and his unhappiness with not getting rugulach at Kiddish. Since the deli closed eight years ago, people have questioned if any real Jews live in Topeka. The deli at the shul was a great idea. The problem is that all of the congregants would want to take the sandwiches for free. They would walk in for dinner and ask ‘who’s sponsoring my sandwich tonight?’ No matter the situation, they would find a way to eat for free. If it wasn't sponsored, they would take it and call it leftovers, and not pay. Tags:
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They met for coffee on their Shidduch date. A few minutes later they were engaged in drinking.
You get it? Engaged to get married. They're just drinking. Engaged works for both. Coffee leads to engagement. 
That sidewalk is known as a great pickup spot. Check out the guy putting on the moves. Great line. ‘Nu. You going to Ma’alot Dafna?’ It works all the time. Many people have met their Bashert due to buses showing up late...
The other couple is killing the vibe. They've got to give some space. They’re the same people that sit next to the date at the coffee shop. Single people need space. It's awkward talking about how many kids you want in front of other people. (photo: Adam Jones, seen on Wikipedia) Archives
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The Kibbitzer, where we take Jewish comedy seriously!!! If you are offended, it's satire.
A friend of the Off The Wall Comedy Theater, JHF and The Kibbitzer are here to bring unity and Jewish connection for you, in honor of Rabbi Kilimnick ZT"L.
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The Kibbitzer, where we take Jewish comedy seriously!!! If you are offended, it's satire.
A friend of the Off The Wall Comedy Theater, JHF and The Kibbitzer are here to bring unity and Jewish connection for you, in honor of Rabbi Kilimnick ZT"L.
The Kibbitzer is Funded by the JHF (The Jewish Humor Foundation) and you.
Contact us to make a donation and to sponsor Harbatzas Tzchok, the spreading of tradition through laughter, with articles or series in honor and memory of your loved ones.
8/14/2022
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