A Frum beggar at the Kotel said, “I only take from a Jewish quarter.” (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? A quarter is a coin. The Jewish quarter is an area of the Old City of Jerusalem. Two different meanings, hence it must be a pun. They must have Jewish quarters there. Read the pun in Yiddish. In US Yiddish “from a” means everything, and it can make sense. “From a” can also be a political statement. In Yiddish-English that Jewish quarter is probably a person who comes from the Jewish quarter. It’s a quite lucid unshackled language.
 
Why did the photographer take a picture of dessert? Because it was cheesecake. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? Photographers say “cheese.” Cheese. Cheesecake. To deliver this pun correctly, be sure to extend the "cheese" in the cheesecake. Photographers like cheesecake. At least the ones I know like cheesecake. My lawyer friend also likes cheesecake. A lot of people like cheesecake. Why should photographers not like it?! On Shavuot we eat cheesecake. Wait till after the holiday to take pictures of the cake. Point is, cheesecake is a cake that likes to be in pictures.

The offering didn’t smell good. It was fowl. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? Fowl. Foul. Foul breath. The bird they sacrificed did not smell good because it didn’t brush its teeth. Which is why you brush your teeth and use mouthwash. A lesson for the kids. The Kibbitzer puns are here to educate the next generation. And kids, never use fowl language. Your average human does not understand what pigeons are trying to say. Our children should be educated. We are just trying to help.

Why did the Jews working in Jerusalem wear denim? They were Levis. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? Levi’s. Levis. Levi’s are jeans, made out of denim. Do Levites wear jeans when working in construction. I would like to think they wear jeans when putting up buildings.

When the spies came back from Israel, they brought not grape news. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? Great news. Grape news. Sounds the same. The spies, the Meraglim, made the land sound bad, bringing huge grapes, with not grape news. Grape is used instead of great here. We don't want any misunderstanding.
  
The earth saw what Jews did when leaving Egypt, and then it ate a Korach sandwich. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? Korach Sandwich. The earth eats Korach. On Pesach, due to the Jews leaving Egypt, we eat a Hillel Sandwich at the Seder for Koreych. The Hillel Sandwich is really a Koreych Sandwich. Here it’s a Korach. Not Koreych.

How do you know the red heifer had a cholesterol problem? She was not allowed to have a yoke. (Mordechai)
You get it? The Para Aduma couldn’t have a yoke. Yolk has cholesterol. The spelling of puns doesn't always teach the lesson you are trying to get across.

We didn’t know laws of Shechita before receiving the Torah, and the Torah was given on Shabbat, and you can’t slaughter on Shabbat, so we eat dairy on Shauvot. Some say the word Chalav, milk in Hebrew, equals forty, the days Moshe was up on Har Sinai... Any reason to eat cheesecake works. I’m fine not justifying it. As long as there is cheesecake, I will celebrate. Why do I eat cheesecake on Shavuot? Because people are making it, and it tastes amazing. I also have a tradition to use whipped cream. I don’t know what the source for that is.
Some say a two-loaf offering was brought in the Temple on Shavuot, so we eat two meals. One dairy and one meat. All good by me. That’s another meal. It's Halachikly acceptable, as long as there is cheesecake. 
 
(Berachos 16a) In order to not take away from their work, employees only recite two Berachas of Birkat Hamazon. This is why people show to work. To get out of benching.
For years I was afraid to eat bread due to the length of the post meal blessing. If I would’ve known I didn’t have to say the whole Birkat Hamazon, I would’ve got a decent job and enjoyed bread all this time. I would’ve contributed to society.

Rambam Hilchot Rotzeyach (11:4-5) teaches that one who puts themselves in danger is violating the positive commandment of (Devarim 4:9) "Beware of yourself and guard your soul." Thus, it is important to not deal with congregants. As they can be very annoying.
As with a deep ditch, for safety, a rabbi should put a fence around the congregation. At least ten handbreadths high, so the congregants stay away from you. Many are not aware of this, but the first Mechitzahs were built for the whole congregation. To keep them away.
One must also not put themselves in a danger when traveling. Thus, one mustn’t travel to date, as that can lead to marriage. I am here to answer all questions.
 
Rambam (Hilchot Melachim uMilchamot 6:7) teaches to not siege a city on all four sides. “A place should be left to flee and for all those who desire, to escape with their lives.” This is why committee meetings take place in a room with a door. So, people can escape with their lives.
The Rambam doesn’t give a list of excuses for getting out of meeting, such as “I have to pick up my child from baseball practice.” Or "I am going to renounce my membership if I ever have to see you people again." Those laws were developed later. In committee meetings.

We didn’t finish the story. We started it. We continued it. We’re still going. Maybe you want to catch up and read how I got stuck at the Kotel last week. Now, I'm still stuck. And this is all happening "during these times."
I finished Davening and I got pulled into the circle again. It was now 7am. Still there. I didn’t get sleep. You can't sleep when people are singing "Kol HaOlam Koolo," "All the whole world is a very narrow bridge..." You can't go home when people are singing "Kol HaOlam Koolo." It's rude. You leave and you're offending everybody. You're offending all the whole world.
 
Singing Continues After Your Pray 
I prayed. I was fulfilled. As I got back to the Kotel Plaza, I was drawn back into this Kol HaOlam Koolo Circle. I couldn't resist the ring of unity. Even more now. I couldn't move. Unity had made it impossible to move. 
They thought my walking backwards, away from The Wall, was a dance move. So, they pulled me into the circle again. I don't know where the traditional Jewish yank of the arm to express togetherness comes from. Nonetheless, it does cause injury, which unity can do. By this time, my arms were hurting. I was going to have to see a doctor to wedge my shoulders back in their proper sockets.
Due to the lateness, all had slowed down. We were back on the Narrow Bridge. You could feel the Ahava. The love. It might have been sweat left over from Tzachi's Hora dancing. It might have been people's inability to move due to the hour and tiredness. It might have been the heat. Whatever it was, you felt the love on your clothes.

Holding Hands In the Moment
When you're in love, you hold hands. And we were now one people, in Ahava. Holding hands with the whole of your people feels real good, unless if they just wiped off sweat from their forehead and grabbed you. We held hands and danced.
Again, The Kol HaOlam Koolo Circle had turned into a stand still. It was a very spiritual dance and I embraced the love. At this point, I had no choice. I had no idea where we were going. Are we going right or left. It was a forward and backward movement. So, I stayed in the same spot with my people.
The only thing that moves slower than a circle is a one step forward one step back movement. And we finished that song, "The main thing is to not fear. Not to fear at all." I was worried I would get fired. There was no way I was going to make it to work. But that song comforted me.
I closed my eyes. That's how I know I was connecting with H'. When I close my eyes, I'm connecting with Gd. Sometimes, I'm sleeping. Sometimes there's just a lot of sun. I think I was connecting with Gd. Connecting with Gd and my people. 

And Now "Acheinu"
All the sudden, we went into "Acheinu," "Our Brothers," and I started bawling on the narrow bridge. Tears started flowing. Who could ask for anything better. What's better than not moving back and forth with your eyes closed, and now tears?! Nothing. It's euphoric. Only thing that would've made it better is a good sneeze.
Something about that song about being brothers, while holding my brothers (could be narrow bridges- however you call your people), right after singing "Kol HaOlam Koolo" opens the heaven's floodgates of tears on my face. And it was during these times that all of this happened.
The whole Kotel, including the women's section. "Acheinu." Maybe they didn't understand the words. Maybe "brothers" also means sisters. Hebrew is confusing like that.
"Acheinu" had made its way into the circle lexicon, rivaling "Kol HaOlom Koolo." I didn't know this. I thought "Acheinu" only made it into the shuls. It moves slower than the "Jerusalem of Gold" Dance, yet it unifies us all the same in a circle enveloped by love and warmth and sweat.
I haven't felt this unified with my people since I Davened Shacharit against the request of the stewardess on an ELAL flight.

The Sun Is Rising
The sun is about to come up. I don't have my Tefillin and my phone battery ran out. If there is ever a time to lose faith in mankind, it's when your phone dies. And with the death of Samsung, I lost faith in my people. After love comes frustration.
It is during this time of unity and singing "Acheinu," "Our Brothers" with sisters, that you should try to not curse out your people. Lfum Tzara Agra. According to the pain is the reward. I was going to make it home. I made it to The Wall. I could make it home too. With the goal of celebrating Yom Yerushalayim during these times, I realized I was going to have to skip work. And so, I sang and I cried, and I got fired.

Final Conclusion
I embraced my people. Once I let everything go, I embraced "Acheinu," which went on for another couple hours. "Acheinu" lasts a long time when another inspired individual starts singing it again. You think the song is over when you say "on dry land," and then an inspired individual with eyes closed, goes into "Acheinu." Again. Song is not finished for him, and it is now not finished for the rest of us.

The meaning of the Kol HaOlam Koolo Circle. It's the dancing in the face of history. We are joyful. We have no fear. And one guy started singing "Not to fear, from flesh and blood." That said it all during these times. And then I heard, "Not to fear at all, from flesh and blood or college students."
And then, as "Acheinu" died down and all inspiration was lost, after ten hours of dancing, at 7am, the people started going crazy and doing this Israeli jump dance. Still in one spot.
And so I joined my people in jumping and I ended up disturbing other people who were trying to Daven. Maybe somebody they’ll understand that Davening is best done in Kol HaOlam circle form.

I saw that forward backward movement at a Tish, around the rebbe's table, the following Shabbat. It turns out they'd just made it back from the Kotel. The Chassidim got caught in the Yom Yerushalayim Kol HaOlam Koolo Circle and couldn’t break out of it either.

"Dance with your people." My rabbi was right, even if he's a heretic who celebrates Jerusalem Day.
I remember now. It was this same unity of the Kol HaOlam Koolo Circle that joined us together on Tisha BAv last year. Gishmak. I can't wait for Tisha BAv. Love that day. Such good times.

I stayed in Jerusalem for Shavuot. By the time I got home from Yom Yerushalayim, I didn’t have enough time to pack and head to my cousins for the Chag. Kol HaOlam Koolo Circles will change your plans.
And then I saw the picture of the soldiers looking up at the Kotel for the first time, ending The Six Day War. The blowing of the Shofar. I knew, this is what today is about. This is what Shavuot is about. This is what Hoshana Rabbah is about. This is what Tisha BAv is about. This is what our pilgrimage festivals, our Chagim, are about. It's about not getting any sleep. The soldiers definitely stayed up all night.

I can't go this Shavuot without helping you figure out more ways to stay up all night by not learning Torah.
We've discussed many ways to stay up over the years. Eating blintzes, a lot of blintzes to take up more time, drinking coffee, drinking coke, the talking to people method, meeting a potential spouse method of staying up Shavuot, even if it creeps out the ladies at the Shiur, extending dinner to stay away from the Tikun Leil Shavuot lectures. You also have the discussion technique of finding out about what people's college graduates are planning on doing after they've been crashing at their parent's home for the past three years- a great way to disturb somebody, helping them lose sleep. Last Shavuot I noticed more creative ways to stay up, and I shall share them with you, to help.
Definitely. Do not learn Torah. The idea is to remain awake for the receiving of the Torah without learning it.

The Snacks Method
"Snacks" is how secular Jews say Kiddish.
You had the meal. Meals stop. Snacks don't. The meal is over, what do you do? You can’t eat dessert all night. You snack.
The Snack Method consists of you eating more. You ate before you came back to shul to talk while others are learning. Now, you eat more. Good Jews eat more. If you don't know how to eat more, you're not a good Jew and you probably don't even keep the holiday of Shavuot. And you don't deserve to receive the Torah, which commands you to eat more than you can. You probably don't even know what “keep” means. Keep is how Frum Jews practice Mitzvot. They keep them. Religious Jews keep Mitzvot very close to themselves, which is why they hold by them.
While you are eating, you socialize. Don't stop eating. If you stop, somebody might suggest you go to another class. It's healthier to eat than to listen to a lecture at 2am.
The difference between the Snacks Method and the Gorging Method is that you can talk while eating snacks. When gorging, your mouth must be full at all times, thus not leaving space for correct pronunciation.
 
Sing a Niggun
Singing can take up a bunch of time. Nigguns can take up even more time. The Niggun has no words, nor does one know where the chorus and verses are. Hence, the Niggun only ends when it stops. And you do not stop, or the lecture will start. And lectures induce sleep.
The idea is an activity. A Shavuot dance party is a great way to spend the night. The Manhattan JCC has capitalized on Shavuot activities that have nothing to do with Torah, which is the perfect way to stay up throughout the night for the Torah. A dance party with a DJ and a decent action movie, maybe some Karaoke and a cash bar. Great ways to spend the Shavuot holiday, getting through the night, without having to think about Torah. You may even want to head to a bar or a casino and sing a Niggun there. Staying away from Jews and playing slot machines may help you stay up. I don't believe the Manhattan JCC has thought about Shavuot slot machines yet. Pictures of blintzes and cheesecake with Torahs would be perfect reels, along with Lucky Number 18. Again, we're just trying to help you stay awake. The idea is to stay up.

Politics
Get involved in a political debate with any member of my shul. That will last a good three hours, before you have a chance to share your opinion.

Play Boardgames
We've discussed Jewish boardgames. Yet, regular boardgames that don't have to do with Mitzvot may be an easier way to stay up. They're social, will helpfully disturb any lecture, and they are all Jewish. Boardgames is how you have fun when you have no access to the internet, making them Shabbisdik and Jewish.
Sit in a class and open up a Chess board. The sound of smacking down a Chess piece will definitely shift the focus of the Shiur. If you have Monopoly that is also fun. The dice make some good noise. Dice rolling, along with a loud "I will take Boardwalk - thank you," will help shift the rooms focus to the enjoyment of a game of Monopoly, which was given to the Jews at Sinai.
Games nights are a regular Friday night event in Jewish communities around the globe. Games nights used to be for fans of comics and Dungeons and Dragons, until they learned about technology and the joys of being able to play games without interacting with people. Now game nights are only for Frum people, who are not allowed to enjoy Shabbat without people.
You can play Monopoly. I don't suggest Settlers of Catan, known by many Jew haters as Occupiers of Catan.

Eating More
Remember to eat. And to not stop eating. Otherwise, you will have to learn.
The popping over to other people's homes method is a great way to lengthen eating duration and save money. You eat their food. Cheesecake can get kind of expensive.
Eating as many meals as possible also helps. This is why the first eat a dairy meal and then eat a meat meal tradition started. You finish the meat meal at 2am and you don't have to learn very much.

Do Not Learn
Anything you are doing that is not learning or listening to lectures will help.
You can also set an alarm and let it run. It's very hard to sleep with one of those things beeping all night. Let the alarm go off in the Beit Midrash. Bothering people who are trying to learn also a great way to stay up. Bothering people is a fun activity, and will help you stay awake, even if you forgot the alarm.
The exercise technique should not be overlooked. Bring a squat-rack into the Beit Midrash. Lifting weights in bro form, with other dudes cheering you on, will keep you awake and definitely bother the others who are trying to figure out why Rava is wrong again. This can also help others by keeping them in shape between Chavrusas. I am just trying to help here.
Don't forget the Niggun method. With the way people at my shul harmonize, nobody will be able to learn with that disturbance. Again, the idea is to disrupt people to help them stay up.
Even better. Get somebody from the Manhattan JCC to set up a DJ booth in the Beit Midrash.

Again. Do not learn.
If you do end up being forced to learn, ask questions. If you're learning the Gemara about the people fighting over a Tallis, ask questions about Tzitzis. You can get through a whole night asking, "Does people fighting over a Tallis apply to Tzitzis? Let's say they were each grabbing the Tzitzis? Would the Tzitzis not rip? Is it Rava or Rabba? That always confuses me, which one is which." You will be learning and bothering the person you're learning with at the same time. This all helps with staying awake. Once you move further into the Gemara and start learning Tosfot, you're spacing out and falling asleep.
Again. The eating method is the best way to stay up. Eat and drink coffee and put on a few pounds. Putting on weight, the Gorging Method, is the most accepted technique for not falling asleep. The Cheesecake Method is the most trusted of the Gorging Methods, as it offers you extra time in the bathroom. And one may not learn in the bathroom. Thus, nobody will bother you there.
And do not forget the Walking to the Kotel for Vatikin Davening Method. If you are living outside of Jerusalem that walk will definitely eat up some time. Just remember to set up the correct food parcels for the trip, thus helping you put on weight while walking to the Kotel. Therefore, practicing the Jewish holiday rituals of staying up all night and putting on weight.
Again. Do not learn.

I went to the Kotel for Yom Yerushalayim, Jerusalem Day. I hope I didn't do anything Asur. I hope celebrating Jerusalem as a Jew isn't forbidden according to Halacha. I don't know. Some of my rabbis seem to not be big fans of  the whole Six Day War and reclaiming Jerusalem. I just want to do the right thing. If it was celebrating Brooklyn, a Brooklyn Day, I would feel connected to my people. The Halacha would be clear. A decent deli and a corned beef on rye is something we have celebrated as a Jewish people. I'm still getting used to Yerushalayim and shawarma. Anyways, I celebrated Yom Yerushalayim with a Reuben sandwich.
Shavuot is a pilgrimage festival and it's coming up, and that's another question I'm discussing with my rabbi. I'm now in Yerushalayim and it's going to be hard for me to make it to Brooklyn for the Chag.

Background to My First Kotel Dance
It used to be the Koysel. Now I'm calling it the Kotel. What's happened to me. I'm not even Frum anymore. I might as well accept it. Shavuot. Now I'm going to the Kotel for Shavuot. Not even Shavuis.
I remember my first Friday night dance at the Kotel. It was the Kabbalat Shabbat service and the Yeshiva Bachurs got sick of Davening. So they started singing. Then they started singing stuff that wasn't even words. A Nay Nay Nay thing. Then they put down their Siddurs, started dancing. I didn't want to join them in their protest, as I was fine praying. But they pulled me in. And then I heard they were dancing in service of Gd. So, I joined them. It's definitely easier to focus on Tefillah without the prayers.
It was a very aggressive form of Kiruv. When I became religious, many people were trying to help bring me closer to Gd. Nobody ever pulled me physically or yanked me to be a better a Jew. The Jewish dance circle was a very violent form of Kiruv. I'd heard about what they call NCSY youth advisors who have injured many high school kids' arms by pulling them into what they called "Pre-Shabbat Ruach Circles," but I never had a shoulder pulled out of my socket for the sake of Gd before.
At first I didn't like this dancing in lieu of Davening. But then I got used to not praying and I started going to the Kotel to dance on Friday nights. I have now danced at the Kotel many of times since I became religious, to get out of having to Daven.
But Yom Yerushalayim is the holiday of Jerusalem, and we were celebrating Jerusalem. I did not know what to be prepared for. I had no idea what to expect. I came with extra shoulder protection, a sling, and knee guards just in case.

My Rabbi Said to Go "It's Yom Yerushalayim"
I was trying to make my way to the Kotel, the iconic spot of the Six Day War. My rabbi told me go. It turns out my rabbi is a Zionist. If I would've known that in advance, I would've learned somewhere else and found another rabbi. I would've probably went to learn in Poland. Now, I'm a Charedi who's saying Hallel on Yom Yerushalayim with a Bracha. The only Charedi who celebrates Shavuot. I should've known. My rabbi was wearing Techeilet. Only Zionist rabbis have the blue fringes on their Tzitzit. True ultra-Orthodox Jews do not follow those Mitzvahs. What kind of rabbi tells his student to go to the Kotel?!
Maybe I'm not Charedi now. I don't know. It changes depending on who's pulling me into what circle. But my rabbi told me, "It's Yom Yerushalayim. You join your people and follow the tradition. Listen to the rabbis' speeches at Yeshivat Merkaz HaRav for three hours. After not understanding a thing they say, you march to the Kotel. Go with your people and Daven Maariv."

Making My Way to The Kotel
I started walking to the Kotel from Merkaz HaRav at the entrance to the city. I couldn't make it anywhere. I was surrounded by random people dancing. I realized that if we're dancing already two miles from the entrance to the Old City, which is another kilometer away from the Kotel, it's going to be a long night. I was bothered, "Why is everybody dancing?! There is no reason to dance. Nobody is Davening!" To which I was told that people dance outside of the Kotel too. To which I said, "That's Asur."
We weren't moving. I shouted, "We're nowhere near the Kotel. We're only at the central bus station. If you don't stop dancing, we'll never make it to the Kotel." It was at this moment that some of the people said, "Shoot. We'll never make it to the Kotel at this pace. I don't think we've moved. The circle just goes around. I think I'm back where I was ten minutes ago." And the circle opened up, and with arms around each other we all continued dancing in the direction of the Old City. And we started moving very slowly. They were jumping side to side. They were still dancing. I tried telling them that a march, like my rabbi suggested, would get us their quicker. Though a brisk walk would work better. I'm going to bring that up at our next Shiur.
You don't move very fast no matter how you dance. You won't make it anywhere quickly dancing. It will slow down any activity. Grocery shopping, a visit to the doctor's office, Davening.
It wasn't a hop skip and jump movement. They were doing this side to side jump dance, which I've noticed they do at sporting events and protests. It was the same dance. It moves quite slowly, as the direction is not forward. If turning toward the Kotel, it might have been faster. For a moment I thought they were protesting, until I heard a cheer of "Yerushalayim Shelanu. Oley Oley Oley Oley. Yerushalayim!!!" At which point, I realized they were going to a soccer game. They were Beitar Jerusalem fans and they never made it to the Kotel.

Other People Are Dancing Too
I left that group of dancers and joined another group of dancers who were singing "Yerushalayim Shel Zahav," "Jerusalem of Gold." And we danced down Jaffa Street to the beat of the song, even slower, as another circle was formed. It took a while to break that circle. "Jerusalem of Gold" is quite meaningful in circle form. You do not move fast in circles. That's something that I learned Yom Yerushalayim night. Confirmed. It was a half hour later that we morphed into a semicircle. Opening up the blockade part of the circle allowed for some movement towards the Kotel.
I was connected with all my Holy Brethren and Sistren as we moved towards the Old City. Jerusalem. Unified. Dancing through the streets of Yerushalayim in semicircle form. Holding up traffic. Getting beeped. Getting people mad. It turns out that people trying to get home from work don't celebrate Yom Yerushalayim. They don't like circles, and it turns out they also don't like semicircles.

The Kotel Plaza - A Circle of Love
I made it through Jaffa Gate, Shaar Yafo, with a bit of pushing and running over the people that were in front of me in the semicircle. I finally got to the Kotel Plaza and people were again in circle form. It was six and a half hours since Yom Yerushalayim began. Six and a half hours of circles. The half, representing the half a day it took to clean up after the war. It turns out that groups like to form circles at the Kotel Plaza too.
Undeterred I promised myself I would make it to the wall. It may take some extra time and sidestepping along with the circle, but I promised myself I would get to the Kotel.
As I sidestepped, on my way to the Kotel, I realized I was part of another circle. I couldn't not be. I could not make my way around without being part of it. They sing and dance on Friday nights, but there are pockets of openness on Shabbat, fulfilling the words, "In the times of the Temple, nobody complained about space in Jerusalem" (misquoted from Pirkei Avot, but still a quote). But the Temple has been destroyed, and there was no room at the Kotel on Yom Yerushalayim, and I am complaining. Here, tonight, on Yom Yerushalayim, there was nowhere to go.
I joined the circle. I had to. And before I could yell or ask my people to crowd surf me to The Wall, I found myself singing. Singing the meaningful words I had sung so many times before. The words that touched my heart for so many years as a Baal Teshuva. "Kol HaOlam Koolo." No idea what it means. So I sung.
In unison, as our circles became one, our huge circle was singing "Kol HaOlam Koolo Gesher Tzat Meod." It turns out the words mean, "The whole world is a narrow bridge." So beautiful. So fitting, as I was stuck in a circle with no way out. Not even a narrow opening.

I've got to get some sleep. I finally got home. I haven't slept since Yom Yerushalayim started. I think they're still dancing.
I haven't even got to the Kotel yet. I still haven't Davened. I did. But I have to get sleep. I'll tell you more about me dancing with guys and the narrow bridges tomorrow.

Lessons of What Has Followed
"Kol HaOLam Koolo Gesher Tzar Meod." I think you understand those words now.
From "Jerusalem of Gold" to the "Whole World is a Very Narrow Bridge," that is the progression of our people. Think about that statement, meditate on it. I'm sure something meaningful pop up.

I've now adopted this new form of Davening, where I dance and serve Gd by not looking in the Siddur. I am now in much better shape. This new form of Davening has helped my cardiovascular health.
It turns out that Davening takes an extra half hour to four hours with dancing.

On Shavuot, it's tradition to stay up all night because we overslept when receiving the Torah and there’s cheesecake. When serving H', there are priorities. (The Ari and Shir Hashirim Rabbah)
 
Going to Yerushalayim for a Chag ‘don’t appear before H’ empty handed' (Devarim 16:16). Be a decent guest and bring a brisket. Nobody likes guests who show up with nothing. If you're going to Gd's house, bring a lamb for dinner. Something enjoyable. Something decent. Gd doesn't need a raspberry Danish. I don't think anybody needs a raspberry Danish. I believe bringing that for dinner makes for Sinat Chinam. Probably the reason the Second Temple was destroyed.
 
Covering food with something like a shirt, that doesn’t add heat, can be done before Shabbat, if you’re fine smelling like choolante.
This is called Hatmana and can't be done on Shabbat. Otherwise, everybody would be rubbing their clothes all over their food trying to make it edible. To Note: Cooking with clothing is not suggested. It can be very expensive. Especially when cooking with Charles Tyrwhitts.
I've always wondered why people come to shul with that musty smell on Shabbis day.
 
(Yehoshua 1:8) ‘This Sefer Torah shall not be removed from your mouth. And you shall speak of it day and night… In order that you guard it to do all that is written in it. For then your ways will be successful and you will become smart.’ From here we learn that you should talk to annoying people who go on and on, if they’re talking Torah. And the best way to make money is to learn. Working will not make you money. Smart people know this.

Staying up all night on Shavuot is the greatest quandary of the Jewish people, other than how to not starve when not eating for eight hours of a fast day. Much discussion has been had about fast days, and many have concluded that eating a pie and a half of pizza will help with the severe hunger resulting from skipping a meal. Even so, we still struggle to figure out how to stay up all night on Shavuot.
To stay up all night, people have tried the sleep for three days before Shavuot method. However, they found that they liked sleeping and went to sleep Shavuot night as well. In the past we've suggested dairy, to stay up by way of cheese and stomach issues. Preferably heartburn. We've also suggested the caffeine method, along with Ritalin and speed for those too young to drink Coca-Cola. Health comes first. We do not suggest stunting the growth of a child. And then we've suggested activities such as wrestling and learning, and we learned that learning is the worst way to stay up. Today, we shall now focus on a few Socializing Methods of staying up Shavuot night for those who find it more meaningful to not learn Torah.

Talk to People
Best to do this in the Shiur. If I wasn’t talking and snoring during that class, I would've fallen asleep. My snoring keeps me up by way of people hitting me.
We have to receive the Torah together on Shavuot. For that reason, talking to people is like learning. It is part of the communal acceptance of the Torah. Which is why people talk in shul. Tradition. When Moshe was giving over the commandments at Sinai you cannot tell me that people weren't talking in the back.
Anybody who shushes you, because they want to listen to the Shiur, doesn’t understand the spirit of the holiday. If they do shush you, in the spirit of the holiday, tell them to to shut up and go to Gehenim.
 
Meet A Potential Spouse
If you're single, this is your chance to get somebody to like you. When people are tired, judgment may be impaired. This is why Shavuot in big cities is used by single people to got to shul and not learn.
You may not want to employ conversation when using the Potential Spouse Method of awakeness. Dialogue with your potential spouse may kill any chance you have with her. You want to surprise them with your stupidity once you get married.
If you see the women going to Shiur, then you go to the class. Act interested and they may think you know something, and you might have a Shidduch. Don't ask any questions. Even impaired people recognize dumb.
The only time I learned on Shavuot night was the time I met a good Jewish woman. It was 3am and she was walking into the women’s Torah study session. I sat in the session, shaking my head a lot, and she thought I was very knowledgeable. I was sleeping and kept on waking up when my head fell. She thought I was agreeing with the rabbi. After Shavuot, she got some sleep, we got together, she started some sophisticated conversation about Torah and the importance of learning, and our relationship was over.

Go to the Kotel
In Jerusalem you can walk to the Kotel. You can talk to people there. You can even meet a spouse, if you're one of those creepy people who stares over the Mechitzah. I've done it. It works. You can also talk to people during Davening there. I've done that too. You can also wrestle at there, in the back plaza. If you're looking to get a Shulchan (table at the Kotel used to hold the Torah), wrestling will be necessary.
As we learned on Yom Yerushalayim, you definitely won't fall asleep at the Kotel. Jerusalem stone is not comfortable.
If you live outside of Jerusalem I don't suggest walking to the Kotel. That may turn Shavuot into a six day Chag. Staying up for more than two days straight can be taxing. Instead, go for a really long walk in your city. The further you are from your home, the less likely you are to fall asleep. Check out your city's crime rate map. The greater percentage of homicides a neighbor offers, the more likely you are to stay up.

Lessons
Shiurs only keep people awake if you're talking. Which is why many people become rabbis.
Definitely don't learn Torah when staying up Shavuot night to receive the Torah. Learning Torah will chase people away.
If you get caught in a Shiur, only learn Torah if it will attract a lady. For this you must judge the woman and the frumpiness of her clothes. Frumpy is the dress of good Frum girls.

Announcements
We are hosting a lactose free Shavuot for all of those who find it hard to watch happy people who enjoy life and cheesecake.

Strollers don’t belong right at the door in the back entrance of the shul. People have asked why we have to announce this. If you have to ask how oblivious one has to be to not notice they are blocking the doorway. If you look at the parents in our shul, you will understand. We all hate them.

Yom Yerushalayim Music Tefillah didn’t draw people. It turns out that adding forty-five minutes to a five-minute service doesn't excite people. Next time we will do have prayers without song to make the services more enjoyable and meaningful.

We want to apologize to Moishie for giving him Galila. Rolling the Torah scroll is for non-important Jews. We thought Moishie didn’t keep Shabbat. That’s our fault. We just found out he’s wealthy.

We want to wish our support for all of our NY Rangers fans. The Jewish community is mourning the loss to the Florida Panthers.

Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts
Shabbat Shalom My Pupils...
(Bamidbar 2:2) ‘Man by his flag, according to his signs according to his father’s house is how the children of Israel shall encamp...’ I am trying to figure out why I have to see Bernie. There is no Bernie family flag here...
You don’t set up camp without hanging a flag. You don’t identify a people with laundry... A clean flag. That’s how you identify. You hang a clean flag. This isn’t the Felsenstein residence, with laundry on the front lawn. Identifying with...
With an insignia. You need an insignia... Michael Felsenstein on an undershirt tag is not an insignia...
(Bereishit 49:21) Naftali is pale red with a doe. You need the doe. A doe is a good insignia. Maybe with a jumping doe. I can belong to that. Without the female deer, Naftali can’t identify... Our shul’s insignia is a guy talking in the back left of the shul.

Flags are important. Which is why I ask about the awning... No style. The color is white. What flag do you know that is white?! Plane white?! We don't even have the shul name on the awning... You bought it at Target. We don't identify as Target... Because we're not a bunch of snobs who like to pay an extra fifty cents for cottage cheese.
Identity is important. People think they're showing up for a Clan meeting. They have no idea it's a shul.

Through strong identity, the tribes come together at the Mikdash... The encamped around the Tabernacle with flags, because otherwise they would've had no idea where to set up tents. You can't even find the shul, Liz. They found you in the park next door, wandering... I know it's hard to find without an awning that says 'Shul.' A white awning doesn't help with identity, unless if you hate Jews...
Pikudim for going out to war. Counting army age. We’re not counting for a pickup game...

Identity. Signs of identity. Reminders of identity is the lesson... Your identity is not lactose intolerant... Intolerant. I believe the community identifies Sheryl as intolerant. Snobby. Turns her head. Says hello when she wants. We identify Sheryl as somebody nobody likes...
How do you have a lactose free Shavuot? For one day a year, you learn to eat cheesecake for H’. You identify as a Jew and eat cheese...

Strollers have to be moved. It’s like a stroller parking lot at the back entrance... The young parents identify as annoying people. Their sign is strollers. They set up camp at the entrance of the shul. The insignia should write 'Me'... Because that's all you think about.  
Are you unaware that there are other people in the shul that also need to get in???... That is a yes. You're parents and you're in your twenties.

It seems like nobody wants more prayers. Nobody identifies with being in shul longer. A musical Hallel didn’t draw people for Yom Yerushalayim.
It’s more meaningful without song... Because your singing is bad Sam. Nobody likes hearing you sing... Outside of services yes. With your guitar. But we're Davening. It's not a concert... Your guitar playing is OK. It drowns out your voice.
If it was the Great Synagogue, OK. This is Topeka. Beis Knesses Anshei Emes uSefilah...

Identify as good Jews. That’s why you get Galila and Hagba. They don’t trust you as Jews... Moishie. It's how you dress. Too dapper. That's why they have you rolling the Torah. Not getting called up for an Aliyah. You only get post Aliyah honors. After the important people go...
Galila is for people you don't trust with an Aliyah. Don't know if they keep Shabbis... Same with opening the ark and Hagba. You get the guy to lift the Torah... Works out. Probably doesn't keep Mitzvahs. Too in shape.
Do you identify as healthy or somebody who's Jewish?...

It’s about being a good Jew. The New York Rangers are good Jews. They identify as Jewish. Ever since John Vanbiesbrouck they're Jewish... They're Ohavei Yisrael as they are the Rangers... Artemi Panarin is an Ohev Yisrael. He would've got an Aliyah...
The Rangers have an insignia. That's why you bought their jersey. You identify with it. Nobody identifies with guys who won't stop talking in the back left... Exactly. They're annoying.
Which is why I bring you the new shul jersey. Only thirty-five dollars...
We do wish the Rangers a Mazel Tov on making it to the Conference Finals... Another tough loss, like the losing of the Shiva Siddurim. If anybody finds the mourners' prayerbooks...

And that is why we have an Israeli flag in the shul. And Bernie is not Israeli...

Rivka's Rundown
I think the rabbi was trying to get Bernie to never come to shul again. He used the flags of tribe encampment to list people in the shul who shouldn't come because there is no shul flag.
Though we do have an Israeli flag in the shul, the rabbi said Bernie is not Israeli.

Due to the sermon, the shul board went out and made a shul flag. It was a huge hat and Sadie yelling at Fran to move the thing so she could see the Chazin and hear the rabbi's sermon. Sadie does insist that Fran's hats are loud.
Some suggested Michael Felsentein as the insignia, like it’s camp laundry.
They thought they were classy buying the awning at Target.

The rabbi killed the board's lactose free Shavuot party.
The rabbi truly came down on people with stomach issues. It caused a big ruckus when Shaindel puked in the middle of the sermon due to Shavuot preparation. She hadn’t had dairy since she was five years old and ended up in the hospital due to the rabbi's insistence on her being more spiritual and connecting to Gd through cream cheese.

I knocked over some strollers. Probably broke one. I did my part.

Yom Yerushalayim everybody said Hallel and ran once the Chazin started singing.

You know who’s a good Jew based on what honor they get. An Aliyah is fairly important. A good Jew gets Maftir or leads Davening. Somebody who reads the Torah could still be a bad Jew. It's just that nobody wants to prepare Torah reading. The rabbi would even give that to Bernie if he was willing to do read from the Torah. The rabbi would praise Bernie as the shul's best member if he Layned the Torah. Opening the ark on High Holidays is for good Jews too. Or Jews who pay for it. If anybody pays for opening the ark, they're also good Jews.
Moishie is a heretic. He's too healthy to be a Tzadik.

We had many people mourning the loss of the Rangers. Nobody mentioned the loss of Isaac Bergman this past week. A great man in our community who was at Minyin each day. He was a great Baal Tzedakah. Gave charity without end, to all organizations and individuals. Only brought joy to everybody he met. I believe the Rangers loss outshined his passing and going to Olam Haba.
Most people didn't show up to his funeral, as they were still grieving the Rangers. Twelve people showed up to Isaac's funeral, eight of them wearing Rangers jerseys, in memory. I believe Isaac Bergman was an Islanders fan. I also believe he was actively giving to Tzedakah to around twenty organizations in the community, along with well over thirty individuals. At the funeral, the rabbi said, 'It was a shame he never did full Teshuva. Though, in his later years, Mr. Bergman became a more spiritual man with greater faith, he never did fully supported the Rangers.'
The rabbi made it clear that New York Rangers players would get an Aliyah.

The rabbi pulled out the shul jersey at the end of his sermon and said, pointed to the logo and said, 'This is the shul insignia.' I truthfully don't know if having a rabbi that's a sports fanatic is healthy for the congregation's spiritual wellbeing. 

Announcements
Lactose intolerant members are asked to not come to shul this Shavuot. You ruin the holiday.
Nobody needs people who can't enjoy a cheesecake at shul. Nobody needs to feel like they need to go on a diet when celebrating. And nobody should say anything about the strawberry jelly topping, even if Mark needs to take off a few.
Nobody likes you.

We are open to new members. Everybody should know that they are welcome in our shul and they should feel comfortable. Our membership is made up of many odd people.

All night learning will be filled with classes, so that you can sleep.

Shavuot times are wrong. Please see the last notice we sent to be sure you have the times right. This bulletin is the last notice.

Class on how to not let your kids run up to the Bima in the middle of Davening will take place in the middle of services.

Rabbi Mendelchem's Sermon Excerpts
Shabbat Shalom My Pupils...
(Bamidbar 1:46) 'The sum of all of those counted was six hundred and three thousand, five hundred and fifty.' And they are all dead... Yes. They all showed up to shul on time. And their kids did not run around the shul like it was the Shul Playhouse Funhouse...

They were part of the Jewish people. Now gone. Reuven, Shimon, Gad... All part of a people. A people who are supposed to carry on their legacy in this world... Dead. They're dead Bernie. Gone. Not alive...
I don't know what they did, Bernie. Maybe they didn't interrupt their rabbi's sermon. That's a legacy... Some may have been lactose intolerant. That may have been where the Jewish legacy of lactose intolerance started... They were not as odd as the members of our shul. They probably didn't let their kids run up during announcements... They watched their kids. That was part of their legacy. They were decent congregants. That's how they were able to count them. They didn't bother their rabbi all the time... They were accepting of all people. Even weirdos... That's what made them unique. Like our members. Different... Odd.

The tribe of Levi was counted separately... They were not losers...
(Bamidbar 1:47) 'Only the tribe of Levi, don't number, and don't reckon their sum among the children of Israel.'
Rashi teaches that 'The legion of the king deserves to be counted on its own'(Tanchuma). This is why I don't lead the congregation. I am better... I am working for H', and the congregants depend on me to count them for a Minyin. Do you not see the issue?... Half the time I'm in the office and I've got to reckon the annoyance of a member who wants a discount on dues...
It's like when the weirdos in our shul play baseball, we have fifteen on the field. Nobody cares, because none of us can catch a ball... The other teams count their players to make sure there aren't more than nine... Kind of like when none of our players were counted in the all-star game. None of our players made it.
They counted the good players separately... They were good. Not from our shul. 
I don't even think we have one Levite in the congregation... 

The other tribes were special too. Just not as special as the Levites. When you get a Yisrael Aliyah, you are not special. When the only special thing about you is an upset stomach... Being counted among Israel can be special. When they're responsible, it's special. When they show up to shul on time, they're special... You should have known the times would be wrong in the announcements... Showing up late is not special. It's annoying...
The kids are special. But they should not be running up on the Bima... You should be at that the Getting the Kids Off The Bima class... The class is now, to get you out of shul. So that we don't have to reckon you... Your kids wreck everything. Running around...

In this Olam, this world, we continue their legacy... They live in Olam Haba... I can't explain Olam Haba now. It's a place where nobody has lactose intolerance, and everybody can eat cheesecake. And even non-Levites are important.
All there. Receiving the Torah. The Torah we receive on Shavuot. We continue the Torah. Everybody is important in Torah. Even Simmy...

And if you would know when the Shiva is, you would show up late... It's all the time. The Shiva is the Shiva. The whole week. Shiva... It's called Shiva because it's Shiva. It's not called 3 to 4pm... It's called Shiva... No. You don't invite people. It's not a party. If I was inviting people, I would invite Levites.
My mom was special. A special Levite mother. One who lived the Torah and made everybody feel special. Even the losers. Every loser member of this congregation loved her...
Dead. All dead.

Rivka's Rundown
That was a dark sermon.

A lot of losers in the shul. The rabbi made that clear when he said 'different'. A bunch of lactose intolerant losers.
The 'nobody likes you' announcement had the dairy sensitive people up in arms.

Bernie truly wanted to know what each of the 603,550 people did for a living.

Shavuot all night learning went till 2am. To quote Hymie, '2am is all night.'

The times were wrong, even in the last email announcement, where they said to look at the last announcement. They had to announce the times in shul. Most people showed up too late for the announcement. According to the first announcement, they were on time.

Kids running up to Bima, where the rabbi speaks from, is a bit much.
The president of the shul was announcing the passing of a dear member and the kids were running up there. They thought the lectern was a slide. They were jumping all over the thing. One kid was swinging on the president. He thought the president was monkey bars. And as the president announced the condolences from the membership, not including Levites, one kid swung from the president's shoulder onto the side railing and yelled 'whippy.'
The class was placed correctly. We got the annoying parents out of the shul.

They are now handing out Aliyah donation cards. Mark swears he is never taking an Aliyah again. He exclaimed that he will not bless Gd over the Torah if he has to pay for it. 
On Monday, Mark showed up to the rabbi's office to bargain with the rabbi for cheaper Aliyahs. He tried getting a ten pass. The rabbi kicked him out of the office and let him know he's not a Levi.

The rabbi's mother went to Olam HaNishamot this week, and they still made him speak. He started crying mid-sermon. Who makes the rabbi speak in the middle of Shiva?! The board said he already took his vacation. He shouldn't have taken the vacation down to the Keys. He wasn't ready for the shock of losing a loved one. 
The sermon started as a downer. The rabbi truly misses his mom. Once he started berating Bernie, his touch came back.  Once the rabbi started putting down the congregants, he was at the top of his game.
Side Note: The Ahava sales last month were not where the rabbi wanted it. After Shiva, the rabbi started telling people how bad their skin looks. He added in that they can die from chapped hands. That helped the sales.

Nobody showed up on time to anything. Nobody knew to look at the last notice, which was the announcement sent to look at the last notice.

Let's take a stroll down memory lane back to Lag BOmer, Yom Yerushalayim, Shavuot and any other holidays in between, with the Kibbitzer's pictures from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for sharing how he cheats the falafel system by loading up the salads.

Last year we talked of ways to stay awake through eating, walking and showing up to Shiur late. As we learned from years past, showing up to any class on time will induce sleep. Many of you may have also figured out that once your body gets used to any form of awakeness, you become immune to it. Hence, sleepwalking.
So, I bring you new ways to stay up this Shavuot.
 
Bring Your Children
They keep you up when you're trying to sleep on Shabbat afternoon. You might as well use them properly. 
If you have a newborn, bring them along as well. When you're about to fall asleep, they'll make sure you don’t. They know what they're doing. Their screaming and crying will also keep the rest of the community awake and not liking you.
Better yet, get rid of the family’s supply of Ritalin and everybody will get some sleep next Shabbat.​

Learn in Chavrusa Form
Learning by yourself won't help you stay awake. If you ever heard yourself talk, you would understand.
Learning with somebody else, a Chavrusa, will help you stay up. A Chavrusa screaming at you is what you need. Somebody that is vehemently opposed to you. This is why the Beit Midrash (house of Torah study) is very loud, with a lot of arguments. It starts with somebody screaming and then it gets louder with developed animosity. By the time you get to the Pshat, fights are breaking out. It's all done to keep people up. Most Batei Midrash don't allow for spouses to learn together, as they don't want to risk injury.
There are a lot of people who are trying to sleep in the Beit Midrash. Once they hear that they're going to start learning a Tosafot, they get tired. It's too much concentration, and the text is very small. Couple that with sleeping in the dorms and you're only going to the Beit Midrash to catch some shuteye.
Side Lesson: Don't concentrate on what you're learning this Shavuot. To much focus tires you out.

Chavrusa Is a Two Way Street of Insult
As a Chavrusa, it's your duty to encourage your Chavrusa to stay up. To help them stay up, you can say stuff like, 'You're a nothing, and the Rambam would agree with that.' That should also help bring them closer to understanding the Mishna Torah. Tell them they're a slacker and they're a failure because they sleep, to add an extra level of hurt. Hurtful statements makes it harder for them to doze.
The tradition of yelling at your learning partner is best done with somebody you know, especially a close friend. This way, when you're arguing over Rabba and Rava, you can also bring up how nobody likes them; always a good technique to use when arguing any point, as it will bother them.
 
Board Games
Play Jewish oriented games and it's like you are learning Torah. Some great games that I played over Shavuot: Who wants to be a Mitzvahneer? Run for Shabbis. Settlers of Judea Samaria.
I was conflicted with Who Wants to Be a Mitzvahneer. I started playing that game for money, then we learned that gambling is forbidden. That killed the fun. Then that led to a theological discussion, as to whether or not it's fine to do Mitzvot for money. More learning, and that wasn't going to help anybody stay up when learning.
Run for Shabbis wasn't encouraging for my out of shape Shabbat guests, who like to rest on Shabbat. You also shouldn't be running on Shabbat.
You will need a Chavrusa to play most board games. Much suggested over a Sefer.
 
Have a Friend Smack You
If you go to the Shiur, there is a good chance you will fall asleep. If somebody is there to smack you, that might keep you up for a few minutes. Your natural instinct will be to hit back, but there's no reason to physically attack the speaker.
It will also save you from suffering the greatest form of embarrassment; snoring in public.
Remember, you can always ask your Chavrusa to do this for you. They'll be glad to, for the sake of Torah.

Wrestling
This might look awkward in shul, but it is a communal activity. Everybody wants to see the Gabai and Chazan go at it. I've heard the beedle at our shul talk about taking the cantor out in the middle of one of his long Musaf renditions.
Getting body slammed will help wake you up. Better yet, wrestle with your Chavrusa. It's the natural progression. 
If you have a chance to taunt your Chavrusa with a Macho Man Randy Savage style ‘Oh yeah! Just wait till I gave you my understanding of Tosafot. Pshat. Oh yeah!’ that will help everybody feel like they're ready to receive the Torah. Maybe don't do the Macho Man thing. It's a bit much. Use your judgment. If you full nelson somebody and then powerslam them though, you can do it.

If none of that works, sleep. You're tired. 
If we didn't learn anything, we did learn that the best Chavrusa is someone you disdain.

Here's the link to the original ways to stay up on Shavuot night

They say they Amerikay. Need keep two day Shavuot. Very funny.
We no in Chutz LAretz. We in Israel. How much blintze you need eat?

We do one day. It Israel. What you do day two? I do. You do. I don't know. More Blintze? 
Day two. I go supermarkety. Zey ehhhh eat ehhh. How much Amerkaniy eaty?

I say, 'who cook?' You no cook. No Shabbat. They cook. I mistakeee. Holiday you cookie.
I say, I go storee. Who you buy food? Zey no buy food. It miracle. Zey haveee all blintze. 2,000 blintze. I put on kilo. They ehhhh, Eight kilo. Two day celebrateee. Eight kilo Amerikay gain. Zis why they fatty. Two day Yom Tov. Two day blintze wisss cherry and cheese. Ehhh eight kilo. 
Miracle. Ferst day Chag, one kilo. Second day Chag. Second day, ehhhh seven kilo. Zey ehhh want weight. It holy fatyy.

I drivy car. I beep, say, 'Chag Sameach.' I say 'happy holiday.' I say English. Israel. One day. It Israel. We know day.
In Israel, they still wear suit. Studenties Amerikaneees very funny. We no wear suit all time. On Shavuot, no jacket. We no have suit. Very funny. We no suit. Zey wear suit to Tefilla-pray.
I go store. I say 'Shavua Tov.' Amerikay walk to Kotel. Zey walkie to Kotel in suit. I am no suit.
I drive. I beep. Zey ehhh sink I antee-Semee. I no antiee-Semite. I Jew. I beep, say 'Shavuot Happy.'
I eat meat. Zey ehhh lactoseee no. How Amerikashnazy eat blintze two day? I don't know. Nes. Zis miracle. No lactoseee, but they ehhh eaty blintze ehhh wis cheese two day. Very funny. I beep, I say, 'ehhh I milk man ehhh hereee.'

Pesach, they have one more day of Matzah. I haveee stomach BsederOK. Zey eat more Matzah. Zis vhy Amerikanee big heavy ehhh.
Then Sukkot. Simchat Torah wrong day. Zey danceee second night. We dance Shmini Atzeret. Zis Simchat Torah. I no dance sevent time around twice. Zey dance second night to be thineee. Zey need lose weight. They dance. Seven more time they dance and in suit. Lose Matzah and blintzeeee. 
​
​No holiday holiday. Very funny. Ehhhh, I don't know. I say Chag Sameachchchch

***From Kibbitzer Staff: Shmulik wrote this through dictation. We are trying to figure out how 'zey' and 'they' were both picked up.

The two main traditions of Shavuot are learning Torah and eating blintzes. Preparation for the receiving of the Torah and to eating dairy in rolled up crepe form, are holiday requirements. Known as Tikun Layla Shavuot, it is an atonement for us falling asleep before receiving the Torah in the desert.
The eating, I can do. But staying up all night, past sunrise, is hard. What people who are lactose intolerant do for Shavuot, I do not know. Maybe they skip the holiday. Myself, I take this holiday seriously and do not sleep.
Let me share some of the methods that have helped me connect with this tradition, staying awake on Shavuot:
 
Eat a Long Meal
Most people end their meals at around 10pm. They are stuck with a good six to seven hours of learning. I haven’t studied anything for six hours since my last college exam; and that was because I never showed up to class.
Eating and enjoyment on the holiday are also Mitzvahs. Hence, you want your meal to go as close to sunrise as possible. You can accomplish this by chewing. Many suggest 18 chews before swallowing, corresponding with the Hebrew word ‘Chai,’ meaning life. I just came up with that, but it sounds really good. To extend my meal, I was chewing well over 40 times. For the solids, I was chewing up to 80 times. To extend the meal even longer with conversation, I didn’t talk with my mouth full. That was the first meal in my life where I sat with other people, eating, and had no conversation. People were asking me questions, but I was acting proper and waiting till there was no food in my mouth before answering them. I never answered them.
 
Stuff Blintzes
Don’t just eat. There is a myriad of ways you can stuff blintzes. Fill them with cheese. Fill them with cottage cheese. Fill them with feta cheese. There are hundreds of kinds of cheeses. Blintzes can also be stuffed with fruit, chocolate, potatoes, chicken, brisket. Make an activity of it, and you will pass the night learning how to fill up your blintzes. Filling blintzes with different berries is a good hour and a half right there. If you want, cheese can be the night’s filling focus.
 
Do Not Learn
If you learn, you will fall asleep.
The countless number of times I have fallen asleep over the years, in the Yeshiva’s Beis Medrash, is astonishing. The only ones not surprised were the rabbis.
 
Show up 20 Minutes Late to Class
Knowns as Shiur, the classes are going to happen with or without you. So, do not feel bad if you disrupt the class by showing up late.
If you show up 20 minutes late, looking exhausted, everybody will think you just came from doing something important, like filling blintzes.
That trick got me fired. So, do not do that at your job. This trick also got me a 1.7 my sophomore year in college.
 
Walk
Go for a shpatzeer. A shpatzeer is a slow and steady walk, at a pace that ensures you will not sweat. Therefore, it's not exercise and a religious thing to do on a holiday.
After eating, you will need to walk. The Neshama Yeteira, extra holy soul we receive on Shabbat and holidays, only needs so many calories. The rest will sit on you and stay after the holiday. I have a feeling the Neshama Yeteira doesn't leave, as I put on twelve pounds last Shavuot. I didn't even have twelve pound cakes; I had one. I have a feeling the Neshama Yeteira stays and it has a really slow metabolism.
 
Walk to the Kotel
Thousands from around Jerusalem, who stayed up all night, gather at the Kotel for the morning service. Start walking as early as you can. One year, I went straight from dinner to the Kotel, and I missed the morning prayer service. That is how successful I was at staying up all night.
Walking to the Kotel will help eat away learning time. Living in the outskirts of the city, such as Gilo, can be beneficial for this technique of staying up to learn without learning. If you live in Har Nof, that is your night.
This method works even better if you're living outside of Jerusalem. It may be forbidden, but the trek will keep you up for days.
 
Drink Coffee
I would suggest a slushee mochaccino. It's more fun.
Ritalin also seems to be an excellent stimulant. Chances are that the children have it. Take the Ritalin and follow my methods of staying up all night, and you will fit right in with the academic community.
Warning: Ritalin may be addictive. Try to load up on coffee and cola instead. Caffeine is more socially acceptable. So, stick to mochaccino until you can find Ritalin in drink form.

If none of this helps, bring up anything political and somebody will get passionate. That will keep you up. Bring up COVID, travel, anything about Israel or Donald Trump, and you will be kept occupied by their opinion. Just don't try responding with any ideas of your own, unless if you want to be kept up past sunrise.