Sermons of Rebuke III: VaYeshev and Chanukah

by Rivka Schwartz

Announcements
The Chanukah Gala program will include a Chinese Auction. It will also include latkes and a Dreidel gambling circle. All children are expected to attend. They should all have a Dreidel experience.

Parent Child Learning this week will include a psychologist, a social worker and a representative from child services.
We have noticed a lot of parents who are not impressed with their children’s Gemara skills. We remind you that the children are only in elementary school. They still have not learned Rashi script.

Please don’t make Shlomo look bad again. Our children are dependent on a decent Secret Shlomo this year. To quote the kids at youth group last Shabbat: ‘We are not expecting anything decent from our parents. Their gifts are pathetic. We are praying that Secret Shlomo loves us more than our parents and buys us decent gifts.'

Rosh Chodesh is Wednesday. Please show up to shul. We understand it’s a long Davening. Please don’t pretend like you’re sick again.

Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts
Shabbat Shalom My People...
VaYeshev... He wasn’t just sitting. Yaakov wasn’t lazy like the president of our board... Did you settle Israel? No. Exactly. Yaakov settled in the land of his fathers... Far Rockaway is a good area too.

(Bereishit 37:14) Yosef is told by his father to check on his brother’s 'Shalom.' He went for peace. Kind of like the way I came to the shul. The way I was hired as rabbi. At the time, I didn’t know there would be a Gabai and a president...

(37:17) The man Yosef sees in Shechem tells him his brothers went to Dotan. The Midrash teachs that Dotan comes from the word ‘Dat’ which means law... I know it means religion in modern Hebrew... Because there are laws, Bernie. If you kept the Mitzvot, you would understand our religion is about keeping laws. Not driving to shul on Shabbis... 'Law' meaning ‘they are seeking legal advice to put you to death'... How many religious people have died? A lot, Bernie. Yosef's brothers were looking to find a legal way to kill him... I have nothing to do with the last president that we have not seen in many years...
You can’t have Shalom and judgement together. You can’t have a kind rabbi who loves the people and a shul board...

We need peace. We need honesty. We need a simple shul that does stuff right, unlike our board. We need a reason to not judge each other... You guys mess up so much. You lie. You ruin Chanukah...
You weren’t sick. We saw you shopping at the mall and working out... You just didn’t want to go to Davening. There is no Shalom if there is no Minyin. If we can't pray together... I can't pray with Bernie and Merv because they're chuching the whole time...

You overdo everything. A Gala? What is the gala? Latkes do not make a gala.
And a Chinese auction??? Why not call it a raffle... It’s offensive to Chinese people.
Shalom with the Asian community...

You guys jump the gun with your children. Take it easy... Why don’t you learn how to learn Sam?! Before yelling at your kid for not knowing the Sugiah of Shnaim Ochzin, maybe you should stop fighting over Tallises with people.
If you want Shalom, maybe you'll stop whacking people with the tassels. Learn how to put on the thing...

The brothers see Yosef and say 'let’s kill him, or buy him really bad gifts'... It’s the same thing. Getting a Rubik’s Cube for Chanukah... Who is Rubik?!
How about you buy better gifts for your kids... Nobody knew that Shlomo secretively buys really bad gifts.
If you buy your children decent gifts they’ll love you. They will not want to kill you...
That's why they yell all the time. Bad gifts. I feel abused by you. The gifts you give me are so pathetic. If family services came to this shul, they would take me away to another shul...
And the Dreidel. Now we have eight year olds showing up to gamblers anonymous.

(37:17) The man thus began by teling Yosef, ‘They have journeyed on from here.’ Rashi teaches, ‘They have left themselves from brotherhood.’ There is no peace here. Yosef was looking for peace. He found really bad gifts. He found a congregation who hosts gala events with a Rukik's Cube as a prize...

A gym membership would be a good gift, if our members used it to get in shape and not skip shul...

Rivka's Rundown
It’s pathetic how the members have to pretend that they’re sick to not show up to shul.

The Gala event had a bouncy house. That is what constitutes class in our shul.
I believe churches and synagogues have Chinese auction to keep Asians from converting. We had a Chinese Auction to offend Asians.
The rabbi wants Shalom with the Asian community of Topeka. He told them that Chinese is another word for raffle. Now we have a few new members from Beijing.

We have a lot of gambling addicts in our shul. And they wonder why. I told them to stop with the Dreidel.
Why AA and GA are always in churches is an anomoly. Saint Catheran's has more Jews from our shul going there for gamblers anonymous than we see on Shabbis.
If we had GA in our shul and the Minyin saw them, there is no way anybody would be anonymous. If Shirley saw them, everybody would know.

Nobody showed up to Parent Child Learning. The parents want to help their kids advance too much. They have aspirations for their children, and that means abuse. At least it means a lot of crying. Kids cry when their parents have hope, and they give bad gifts.
Parents were worried they would have to deal with their kids crying about the Chanukah gifts. And child services would break up families due to lack of electronics.
A lot of screaming at shul. Believing your child is smart is abusive. Unless if you give them drones.

Decent gifts do equal love. That was what the rabbi was teaching us. Even if your parents are broke, if they love you, they’ll buy a good gift.

The shul apologized for the Secret Shlomo. From now on, they will not trust the congregants with gift giving.

There is a lot of hatred in our shul. Not much Shalom. I don't even hear 'Shabbat Shalom.' They just say 'Good Shabbis' now.
People judging each other in our shul is well deserved. If we can find a way to ligellay take action against people paying dues, that will be appreciated.

People literaly hit others with their Tallis. There is no legal justification for that.