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Valentine's Day just passed, so we can finally talk about love as Jews. There is time to Tu BAv, so let's start preparing now.
As I have recently turned religious, I have much experience dating, and I want to help us, as Jews, bring Kedusha (holiness) to the idea of love notes. Here are some Jewish love notes, that you can use.
I love you so much. I want to see you in a shaytel.
Make sure you really love them, before telling them you want to see them with a head-covering. You can't play with people's emotions. Especially telling them you want to see them in a shaytel, another person's hair; that is the next level love and commitment. Tichels or bandannas are not as intimate as another person's hair.
You want to go to Kiddish with me?
Sharing Kiddish is an intimate experience. If you've been together for many years, you can let them know that you will make space for them to get to the choolante. Fighting off other people for them shows that you are their night and shining armor.
Your scholarliness makes me want to learn Torah with you.
That may be forward, as it shows a lot of passionate intention.
I want a beautiful Shabbat table.
That is the line. Nothing will win the love of a Jewish woman more than saying 'Shabbat table.' Just say 'Shabbat table' and you are good to go.
I want to share a Shabbat table with you, at my parents' house.
If you are young, that is a safer bet. You don't want to be stuck writing a note that requires you to make a Shabbat meal. It's easier to depend on your mother.
I want to introduce you to my parents.
They are going to be involved in the relationship. You have no choice. Might as well introduce them right away. Start off the relationship with proper expectations.
I love you so much, I will treat you to a Kosher restaurant.
That takes a lot of savings. Anything more than a Kosher pizza shop is going to force you to lose a lot of money.
I want to treat you to a candle lit dinner at a five star restaurant.
This is great, as there are no Kosher restaurants in your area. The thought means everything, and you save money. This is why you don't mention having a dinner at your place. You would have to pay for that.
Will you go to the separate beaches of Israel with me?
You have to go to different beaches. But to go at the same time, that is romance.
I want to see you on the other side of the Mechitzah.
Telling them you want to see them in shul, on the other side of the partition, is love. Only share this with somebody you want to marry. Remember, we don't play with emotions, especially when it comes to separating in public. With this note of love, you will also be suggesting that you will be driving to Frum weddings in the future, where you will not be seeing each other.
Will you be my Shidduch?
You can even ask if they will be your spouse. Saying 'Shidduch' chases away less girls, and it can push off the marriage for many years. What's great about saying 'Shidduch' is that it allows you to feel like a whole community is part of your relationship. It also helps you feel like you are always on a first date, and that you have to report what happened to other people.
I am going to ask the Shadchan about you.
Wow. Hold on there young lad. That is as forward as you can get. Saying that you are going to get the matchmaker involved in asking her out, that is a bit crazy.
Getting a Shadchan involved is saying marriage. Once the matchmaker is involved, you are not going on dates to enjoy yourself. That's what I've learned over my time as a Frum Jew. You get the matchmaker involved and you're now accountable for your relationship, and birthing the next generation of Jews. That Shadchan is going to be following up on your relationship, daily.
You Want to be my plus one.
In the days of polygamy this was the number one sold Hallmark card. I believe our forefathers used this.
I want five kids.
State the fact that you want five kids. Nothing else. No need to tell them with whom. Just stating it, they will know you are serious about a relationship. With whom is not important.
I had my tonsils taken out.
Nothing more intimate than sharing your medical history. Truth be told, any form of complaint is the greatest show of love to your Jewish romance.
Clean the fridge. And don't leave your stuff out.
Insinuating a fight should only be used if you are already engaged and committed to marriage.
Whatever your note, don't pull the strings of one's heart, unless if you are ready to commit to their parents as in-laws. You should all find love and share a home of many notes that don't only express anger.
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How do you daven in shul with an infant? You need to get a baby siddur.
You get it? Babysitter. Baby Siddur. It sounds the same. A Siddur is a prayer book. Babysitters take care of kids. Brilliant and practical.
What parents do to get a cute nursery school graduation picture. It's wrong. It should be Asur.