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As we discussed in the Halachas of Tzitzit, an Onen is not required to practice the commandment. From the death of a close relative until the time they are buried, the pre-mourner (Onen) must focus on burying their loved one. Thus, the pre-mourner is not required in positive commandments. Due to the pleasure of not having to do Mitzvot, this has led to many people not being buried for a very long time. If people would just enjoy Tzitzit.
Let’s get into the history of Tzitzit and undershirt development and why people are all of the sudden enjoying wearing Tzitzit. Wool to Cotton The first Tzitzit were wool. Back in the Balkan Peninsula in the 12th century, it was much easier to grab a sheep and de-hair it than to plant cotton seed. Wool Tzitzit first became popular in Czarist Russia, sparking the growth of the Chasidic movement. It helped those living without decent heating in the Kiev and Lvov regions. This is why Lvov has been part of every country in Europe over the years. Bad heating. Wool Tzitzit helped with warmth and allowed Jews to learn Torah during the day. Yet, it was itchy, which the snobs of Western Europe did not like. To quote a great student of a teacher who was educated by a rav, who was educated by a great rabbi and student of a sage, 'The itch of the Tzitzit tassels on my leg is enough. I don't need to walk around scratching my torso as well.' The Joy of Cotton and Linen It was the days before undershirts. Mind you. There were no undershirts, cotton was not readily available in the Pale, and there was a lot of discomfort. People were so mad, they even went out of their way to purchase Tallises to swing at others. And forget the summers. The wool Tzitzit were so warm, people were sweating all the time. Showers were necessary daily, and drought was a natural result. Thus came cotton Tzitzit. As Shlomo Yankel exclaimed, 'Now these breathe! It's hard to control on the skin, but it breathes.' And then linen came along, and life was beautiful. Due to Shatnez (the law of not mixing wool and linen), people didn't have to worry about having to wear wool Tzitzit outside of Czarist Russia ever again. Tyranny came to an end. Nonetheless, there was still a bit of undergarment movement. Polyester Tzitzit Some fool decided to introduce polyester. Shlomo Yankel was in shock, and on behalf of the Jewish people he questioned, 'How does something so thin make me sweat more than wool?!' Why people were creating new Tzitzit still was an anomaly. But we as Jews are innovative. Just look at the prepackaged Chanukah oil filled cups and Sukkot decorations with Santa Claus on them. Innovation never ceases with our people. History Of Undershirts Undershirts only developed in the early twentieth century. This explains why the Industrial Revolution truly took off in the 1900s. People needed more undershirts. The American forefathers were sick of having to put on a set of clothes under their clothes. The simple concept of short sleeve cotton against the body was revolutionary. A second Revolutionary War almost took place when John Long suggested undershirts be made from wool. That was shot down. Literally shot down. And nobody heard from John Long again. Nonetheless, we are still stuck with his thermal underwear, also known as long johns. Greatly usable in the winter. The businessman he was, he did suggest we wear them during the summers as well. It was at this moment, with the arrival of the undershirt, the modern Tzitzit became fully bearable. Though they were not required, even women insisted on wearing Tzitzit. Rav Scheinberg was so comfortable, he decided to wear tens of Tzitzit at once. The Tzitzit revolution was underway. We had cotton. We had comfort. We had normal undershirts. John Long was shot. Now what do we do? We make Tzitzit as small as possible. Would Thomas Jefferson have worn Tzitzit if he had a decent undershirt? We will never know. Mesh The tiny mesh Tzitzit era of the late 1980s. It was a very uncomfortable decade. Some people even stopped wearing undershirts. Comfort was forgotten. The rabbis got rid of the mesh Tzitzit quite quickly, as mesh is a little too provocative. Some Tzitzit were a single tiny cloth. A string with tassels attached. What the '80s did to the soul of our nation is still something we as a nation are rebounding from. It all can be traced back to David Lee Roth. The Mesh Tzitzit also moved as much as a Tallis. Undershirts with Buttons Years went by and the undershirt was remembered. Fruit of the Loom reminded us of comfort. Innovation never stops with our people, and the Hanes three pack price hike was too much for us to bear as a people. To quote, 'We need to make them into Tzitzit.' So, they created an undershirt Tzitzit that was with a button. Known as the buttoned undershirt fiasco of 1993, worst idea behind mesh, or the Neatzit Insurrection, this was the worst use of undershirts. Very loose, and a random metal button you had to snap on each side. Most mid-age Jewish men did not have the dexterity to look to the side and snap a button. And with the loose fit, our Jewish men put on an average of fifteen pounds when wearing Tzitzit. When Jewish men were told they needed to start going to the gym to work on their agility for button snapping, they protested the undershirt button Tzitzit. The phase lasted three weeks, a mourning period. To this day you can find a pair of snappable undershirt Tzitzit in your dad's closet. In protest and due to the trauma suffered from Neatzit, Jewish men have not been to the gym since. As a community, we went back to wool. Anything was better than a button. People found themselves sweating again. For some reason, the undershirt with a button was hated so much that our community reacted with hatred towards cotton. Evolution of the New Undershirt Tzitzit Ends Finally, some brilliant man in Israel in 2021 said, 'Why the button. Undershirts are comfortable.' A Tzadik. To quote Israel News Syndicates, 'Something good came out of corona.' They took undershirts, cut the sides, got rid of the button, and everybody was comfortable. A thread count of a hundred forty. Fits nice and snug. It's a joy. All the soldiers want Tzitzit now. The four cornered garment has taken off in the Israeli army. It's the stories of Jewish life saved. It's the story of the development of the modern-day undershirt Tzitzit and the comfort they offer. Either way, it's beautiful to see Jews practicing Mitzvot. And people are getting buried on time. We as Jews are forever indebted to Fruit of the Loom. No thank yous were ever sent. Epilogue to Our History To wear the undershirt Tzitzit, if you want to smell decent, you still need an undershirt. Otherwise, after two days of Tzitzit you smell disgusting. And to this day the Tassels running down the legs itch. Will they invent a Tzitzit leg separator? The Blog Tags Widget will appear here on the published site.
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Any garment with four or more corners needs Tzitzit. That being said, we don’t walk around with a Tallis, a prayer shawl, anymore.
I thus present to you the history of Tzitzit. A history which I re-edited multiple times to make sure the second ‘t’ was present in all spellings of Tzizit. Please note, we are not going to go into the history of the cloak Tzitzit. Us Jews consider Robin Hood a thief, and Friar Tuck was a bandit. And we thus do not identify with cloaks. We will leave it there. Now let us focus on the beginning of the evolution to today’s undershirt Tzitzit. Who Wears Four Cornered Garments Back in ancient times, people loved four cornered garments. Under Roman rule everybody loved the four cornered look. It was the style. Egyptians were also big on the four-corner look. Known as the quadrigape, t was very hip in the years 1,400 to 3,485 from creation. It Used to be a Tallis The Tallis was very popular in the BCEs. It was the look. Everybody was wearing long Tallises, kind of like a poncho. After years of drought, many Jews felt the poncho wasn’t necessary. So, the wrap around Tallis as we know today became popular, as well as hitting people with tassels. Many people started showing to shul with their blankets. It was comfortable, easy, and with the quick bed to dress turnover people were showing up to shul on time. However, once the rabbis started making them put Tzitzit (the tassels) on the corners of the blankets, it became too much of a chore. Blankets were thus designated for sleep. And spouses started getting along again. To quote a couple overheard in therapy, 'Every night, right when I was falling asleep, I was getting smacked by tassels.' At this time, the Tallis of today, the white 2,000 thread count sheet was introduced. People wore them over their clothes. Yet, with all the Roman tassel hatred, people were looking for something to wear under the shirt. They tried the Tallis. Yet, the Tallis under the shirt was not practical. Adjusting the Tallis Have you ever tried wearing a Tallis under your shirt? You can’t adjust it. The average Tallis wearer has to adjust his Tallis at least eighteen times during Shacharit. That’s where the meaning of Chai comes from. It’s the number of times your Tallis slips off your shoulders during morning prayers. The ancient Chai necklace used to be in the shape of a Tallis. I couldn’t find proof of this, so the source for future generations will have to be the Kibbitzer Magazine and myself, Rabbi David. Sometimes history is better given over in the form of conjecture. People also end up hitting me with the tassels each time the re-fix their Tallis. For my safety and for the times I forget to bring eye protection to shul, the Tallis has not remained in regular daytime use. Not needing explanation, in the times of the Second Temple many fights broke out in the Shuk, due to Tallis adjustment. Due to baseless hatred caused by Jewish lack of Tallis control, we developed what is known as Tzitzit (not just tassels, but what we put the tassels on- to complicate things we use the same word for both). It was too late. Too many people had been injured by the membership at my shul, hatred was rampant. The Second Temple was going to be destroyed due to hatred amongst our people. It’s hard to make peace with somebody who swings a dangerous tassel at you on a daily basis. Tzitzit Are First Developed Tzitzit, The Tallit Katan, The small Tallis which adopted its name from the commandment to have Tzitzit (tassels), was developed. Less violence, less need for ophthalmologists, future generations could have peace, and no more garment slipping off the shoulders. Redemption was now a hope again. Regular clothes were able to be worn. You put the Tzitzit under them, and you didn’t have to constantly take off your shirt in public, to adjust a Tallis. A horrendous sight. It was a practical move. A move that stopped much baseless hatred due to out of shape Jewish men adjusting their Tallis. The constant need for Tallis adjustment is also why they stopped making Tallises out of silk in 2001. Why it took so long to figure out that silk Tallises were impossible?! Epilogue to Our History Now people only wear Tallises in shul. It helps keep warm when the Gabai insists on turning up the air-conditioning. Fights still happen in shul, but they are blatant. If you get hit by Tzitzit tassels, somebody definitely doesn’t like you. Will the Biblical cloak Tzitzit dress come back? We are not sure. History will tell. As long as undershirt Tzitzit are around and not too many Jews get hooked on Dungeons and Dragons, the cloak Tzitzit will remain obsolete. The Blog Tags Widget will appear here on the published site.
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Sermons of Rebuke III: VaYeitzei11/26/2023
Announcements
Any misspelling, in all issues of the Kibbitzer, is the Gabai’s fault. We apologize for the Kristallnacht program last week. The speaker only realized later on that his house catching on fire was not the same as a Germans burning it. Though he hates Florida, he wants to make it clear. He didn’t mean to blame Ron DeSantis for Kristallnacht. No more banging the tables for Rosh Chodesh. We have a Yaaleh vYavo sign. That’s enough. Kids are now scared to come to shul because of your Clopping the table. We are also asking Shlomo to pay for the damages done to the Bima table. We want to commend all community members that went to the rally for Israel. We also want to thank all of those that stayed here for sharing their excuses for the past two weeks. For those who went to the rally, the flag blanket Tallis look is beautiful. Howeverץ We are asking you wear a suit on Shabbat. Proper Shabbat Israel Solidarity Dress: A pin. A Sheytel. A Kippah. A suit. Slacks. A Tallis. A tie would be nice. Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Herd... (Bereishit 29:1) ‘Yaakov lifted his feet and went toward the eastern lands...’ You have to put in effort, Yankel. You as well, Sarah Faiga... Pinchas. You will never meet anybody if you stay in Topeka. You have to go East. To New York... Effort. A little effort. You have to work... You have to pick up your feet. Lift them. Everybody. Lift your feet... Don't stand Bernie. Just lift your feet. It's like physical therapy for useless congregants... I understand that none of the congregants here work. They definitely don’t help... You guys show up to shul so late. You walk so slow. None of you lift your feet. You drag. The problem is you drag... Rashi says Yaakov was able to move because he felt Gd was with him. So his heart lifted his feet... Changes are hard. Dealing with the board of this shul is hard. If you saw somebody attractive, you would lift your feet. You would help clean the Mikvah... It’s disgusting. I have yet to have seen Shloimy shower before entering that thing. And you guys put your Keilim in there.. The spoons you stick into your soup, full of Shloimy. The spoons that go into your mouth. It's disgusting. Clean the Mikvah. Effort. And Shloimy. Shower before you go into the thing... It takes physical effort. Yaakov rolls the rock off the well... He wasn’t lazy. He helped with Kiddish. And he worked out. You guys are so out of shape. There is a reason you don’t feel Gd is with you. He isn’t... The only effort you put into anything is hitting the table on Rosh Chodesh. You scare the kids. You put in too much effort... He didn’t hit the rock off the well. It wasn't Rosh Chodesh. Rosh Chodesh Clopping was scary. The families ran. They got frightened. They thought there was a fight. Or the Bima broke... You attacked the Bima. You broke the the table... What are you bringing up the Holocaust for?... You’re an idiot. You don’t equate anything with the Holocaust. It wasn't a Kristallnacht event. It was a left-wing political opinion... You took Kristallnacht and turned it against republicans... Are you an idiot? You blamed Ron DeSantis for your house burning and all of the synagogues burning... It wasn’t global warming. This has nothing to do... If Baruch Pichas Clopped your house, it would’ve been destroyed... You had to lift your feet tot go to the rally for Israel. Always an excuse. never responsible. You didn’t got to the rally... You say you wanted to. No excuses... Work?! You're an accountant. It's not even tax season... Pinchas. You probably would’ve met a girl at the rally. A girl from New York... It's time to fold up the flags... You're in shul. Your solidarity can be holding a flag. You don’t have to wear it... How do pajamas show solidarity with Israel?! A tie would be nice... I know they don’t wear them in Israel. It would be a way of showing you care. A way of not looking like a shlump... Rivka's Rundown People were mad this week when the rabbi started giving sermons again. They shouted, 'We came to shul for Kiddish.' They were still in the Israel rally spirit. In solidarity with Israel the rabbi gave no speech for Chayei Sarah and Toldot. Chayei Sarah. The rabbi just said, ‘Go to the Rally.’ That's all the rabbi said. It was the most powerful message he ever gave. I think the only one people heard. To be exact, I believe he said, 'You're heretics. Go to the rally or you're not Jewish.' At Kiddish on Chaeyi Sarah, the rabbi told the single people at our shul to not marry each other. 'As Avraham made Eliezer vow to find a decent wife from Charan, you should not marry anybody from Topeka. Nobody here is decent. It's like living amongst a bunch of Canaanites.' On Parshat Toldot, he told everybody that when Moshe Stern said Ruchel is his sister he was telling the truth. Finally, the Shadchans stopped trying to set them up. Our congregants put no effort into anything. Last year's Chanukah party was just sour cream. No latkes to put it on. No latkes. No sufganiot. Just sour cream and jelly. Nobody was willing to fry. Too much work. I am happy the rabbi called out Sarah Faiga. And Pinchas. It’s pathetic. Stays in Topeka. Is he looking to meet a bubbie. They're lazy. The truth is the rabbi was going off on all the congregants because he wants a better Kiddish. Only two people help prepare it. And the way things stand, there will be no latkes or sufganiot this year either. The rabbi would’ve listed everyone in the congregation, but he wanted to get a Shabbis shluf. The whole Kristallnacht program was offensive. The guy turned Kristallnacht into a chance to go off on Ron DeSantis. I was fine with that. I just don't believe Ron DeSantis burned synagogues or Jewish books. I think the speaker got off track when they started yelling, 'I hate Trump.' I showed up to show respect for our ancestors and to commemorate Kristallnacht. The speaker is now running for town council. And they shouldn't have called it a program. It's too close to Pogrom. It should be a Kristallnacht ceremony. Even that doesn't sound good. Nobody wants to relive that. A commemoration is the right word. I will tell the Federation. He broke the Bima with his Clopp. It was vicious. I wouldn’t want to be in that guys house. He definitely wasn’t reminding people to say Yaaleh VYavo, unless if he was trying to remind them to say it under attack. I think Baruch Pinchas is just an angry dad. Come to think of it, maybe he was mad about having to say Yaaleh VYavo. He probably misses it a lot and has to repeat the Shemonah Esrei (Amida). Each time you forget to say it, you have to repeat it. That can be frustrating. I once did eight Yaaleh VYavos on Rosh Chodesh. He was probably banging the table real hard, saying, 'This is how you remind people, so they don't have to repeat it. I was stuck in shul for three hours last month. Repeating and repeating!!!' The support for Israel dress code the shul put out was to try to get people to look decent for services. One guy showed up in shorts and sandals and said ‘They do this in Israel.’ The rabbi responded, ‘That is the only form of solidarity you have shown.’ This week they showed up in pajamas again. The rabbi reminded the guy that he could've shown up to the rally in DC. They're really are lazy. The congregation wants hostages free. But our congregants have a hard time saying Tehillim. They say it's too much work. Most of them can’t even read Hebrew. A bunch of selfish lazy congregants. When it comes to having the congregation sit threw their list of Mishebeyrachs on Shabbat morning... Some of them pull out lists of third cousins. And then they include the officers of the shul. Leave the rabbi and the officers of the shul out. Nobody is saying Amen to the pain you put us through. I say no more Aliyahs to the Torah. If we have to sit threw their Mishebeyrachs. If they did a Mishebeyrach for the hostages, like real Manschim, I would be all in. Instead, it's a blessing for their child doing third grade math in kindergarten at the local Jewish day school that costs twenty-five thousand dollars a year. And I know they're doing third grade math because that got brought into the Mishebeyrach. 'My daughter who is doing third grade math in kindergarten.' We always have to here about Samantha and Tuvi's kids. And why the local day school is twenty-five thousand with only four kids a class. There are things I can't explain. The Mikvah is disgusting. Hasn’t been cleaned in years. People are leaving boxes at the Mikvah now. You have boxes and Shloimy's whatever. If somebody isn’t tasked with helping people for money, they don’t do it. Not our congregation. They asked the rabbi what 'shlump' means. He pointed to Shloimy. The Blog Tags Widget will appear here on the published site.
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It was amazing to see 300,000 people come together in support of Israel, to bring back the hostages, and to dispel the hatred of our nation. It was a time to come together. A time to understand you are part of a nation that is Israel. A time to feel guilty for not living in Israel. I commend all of the people who showed up.
Here is some of what I saw on my rally journey of Achdut, unity. I'm so excited to share. The 2am Trip The bus left at 2am from Rochester, NY, to ensure you were tired when you got there. If they held the rally later in the day, people would've got sleep. Support comes with sacrifice, and that means not getting sleep. I heard many bus drivers protested the rally by not showing up to work. Ours protested by making us take a really long trip. If your bus refused to take you to the rally, your rally experience was much more relaxing. If the bus drivers for the people from Detroit only knew that it's not the Jews that blow up buses. I want to give myself credit for going to the rally. I was on that bus for fifteen hours. I got to the rally and there were porta-potties. I held my bladder for twenty-six hours. And that is the background to my rally experience and bus drivers who hate Israel. So Many People In support of Israel, three hundred thousand people or fifteen showed up. It depends on your news sources. The counter-rally protest had fifty thousand or forty. It depends on your sources. The counter-protesters came by bus. I believe most of them were bus drivers. It was beautiful to see Hamon Am. Multitudes showed. Matisyahu said Shema, and the Jews of the Federations who organized the rally had no idea what was going on. To quote a bothered organizer, ‘I don’t remember those lyrics being in “One Day.”’ The Signs There is no better way to make a statement to the world than with a sign. Otherwise, you're just yelling at everybody. So many amazing signs saying, 'I stand with Israel.' It's important to stand when you're at a rally. Sitting is more of a protesting thing. I personally didn't bring a sign. My arms get too tired to support Israel. I saw no signs from people from Detroit. People Wearing Israeli Flags People were wearing flags throughout the Mall. This has taken the place of signs at many Jewish protests and rallies around the world. It has turned into a well-known Jewish custom to wrap a flag in solidarity. Either that or five thousand people forgot to bring their jackets. A Lot of People Taking Pictures Once a rally starts, you are either a person holding a sign or a journalist. Most people opt for photojournalism, which they officially syndicate on X. I followed many of these pundits. I must admit, I was a bit skeptical of their journalistic integrity. Their posts would hold more weight and be more official if they didn't pop their face into every picture. Tons of New Yorkers Showed So many people. It was beautiful. I know tons of New Yorkers were there. The subway was very loud. Everybody Chanting 'Bring Them Home' It was beautiful to see the support. Everybody was in unison chanting to bring home the hostages. Chuck Schumer started chanting, 'Let them go.' Chuck saw people with Yarmulkes, and he thought he was at a Seder. One of the aides had to remind Chuck it wasn't Passover. To which Chuck responded, 'I really am Jewish.' Chuck Schumer Saying He Supports Israel I didn't expect that. I saw congress saying they support Israel at the rally. Ten minutes later I saw them vote against sending aid to Israel. But they were very supportive at the rally. One representative said, 'No ceasefire until Israel does what it needs to.' That had the crowd going. Many were in shock to see so many people at the Israel rally in support of Israel. I Felt Bad about Clapping So Much I was in the rally spirit. It's hard to know when to clap. So many great speakers showing support for Israel and the Jewish people. You just want to clap. Yet. It's hard. Especially when they're making statements of affirmation. I clapped at times I want to take back right now: The speaker shouted, 'From the river to the sea is an explicit call for the extermination of the Jewish people.' Why did I clap for that? I want to make it clear to all of you, I do not support the extermination of my people. 'Jews on college campuses are being attacked.' I clapped for that too. Everybody was clapping. She ended that in a loud voice. You had to clap. I don't support attacks of Jewish students. I hope all the Jews there don't support it either. Clapping just seemed like the right thing to do. 'How anybody can sympathize with terrorists?!' I don't sympathize with terrorists, but I clapped. Thank Gd she added, 'is unimaginable.' I felt better about my show of support at that moment. The Loud Speech Clap Ender They know how to get us to clap. So many of them did that loud abrupt ender to a sentence and I just started applauding. Am Yisrael Chai I must've joined sixty Am Yisrael Chai flash mobs. On the stairs, at the mall, on the subway, in the middle of the Chazin repetition of the Amidah. That’s how you get people to join you. You sing Am Yisrael Chai and a Jewish flash mob breaks out. And I start clapping. It Was Very Peaceful There were no fights. This had me questioning if this was a rally in America. I can't remember the last time I saw a rally on American soil without extreme violence. I am guessing the rally was rigged with Israelis. There must've been a lot of Israelis there, as I noticed nobody trying to physically harm anybody else. How you can make a point without maiming other people is beyond me. And no counter-protesters got hurt. We Thanked the Security and the Police At that point, I knew it was a right-wing protest with Chuck Schumer. The Singers Were Amazing It was all about unity in the end. Peace. Peace for all. That's all we want. That's all any of the Jews want. Peace, our brothers and sisters living in safety, and for pacifists to stop attacking us with Palestinian flags. The singers exemplified that. And nobody judged the Maccabeats. That was the greatest show of care we have for our fellow Jews. True Jewish entertainers hitting the stage, bald. Nobody batted an eye when we saw a bunch of entertainers without hair at the age of twenty-eight. They just understood they were Ashkenazi. And then there was Matisyahu coming out of retirement with white hair. It was an amazing experience and show of solidarity. This is how we stand up against racism. With a bald human beatboxer. Bus Driver Not Driving Us Back I don't know if our bus driver started his protest late, but he made us wait two hours to leave Washington. He said he needed an eight hour break. At that point, I really needed to go. It was important to be there, even if your bus driver refused to drive you. Even if were stuck at the airport and had access to clean toilets, you still showed your support for our people. I just pray that the Jewish kids are able to go to school on yellow buses in New York. Am Yisrael Chai. That seems like the right way to end the journey. Hopefully your clapping right now. AM YISRAEL CHAI!!! Now you're clapping. 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The Kibbitzer Photo Album XXVII11/22/2023
Let's take a stroll down memory lane to the pain and Yachdut of last month, as David finds a way to make solidarity of the children of Israel with the soldiers something not positive, with the Kibbitzer's pictures of laughter from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for reminding us how much people hate us.
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Cars everywhere. The reserves are called up, and the Israeli heroes show for duty. And they got parking tickets. Note: This last part is a joke. The police haven’t given out tickets to the reservists around the country. It’s not like they’re parking in Jerusalem. (sometimes you get into trouble when you don’t tell people that a joke is a joke- next time I'll give people advice on where to steal cars- I'll get into less trouble)
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Sermons of Rebuke III: Vayera11/5/2023
Announcements
Shul security will be run by Mendel. The fist Yad is here. The finger will be a fist. Due to the number of ripped Tallises, the rabbi has made the decision to only use fists as fingers. Please show up for the shul’s unveiling of the fist Torah pointer fist. It will not be violent. The Tallis folding has been off. Placement as well. The rabbi will be giving a class this week on how to fold and place a Tallis properly on a shelf. Also, how to not make a mess of Tallises by throwing them. The rabbi will also teach people how to pick up their plate and put it in the trash, by not leaving their plate out for Rachel Bracha. No more slowing down Kaddish. People want to stop saying Amen for Mark's dad, due to the bothersome nature of Mark's voice and speed. Kippah clips are now required for funerals on windy days. Too many Kippas have flown into graves this fall. Rabbi Mendelchem’s Drasha Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Herd... (Bereishit 18:18-19) H’ says, ‘All the nations of the world will be blessed through Avraham for I have known that he commands his sons and his daughters and his house after him that they should keep the ways of H’, of righteousness and justice...' Nobody is being blessed through this congregation. Our one Kohen doesn't even know how to split his fingers correctly... It's about passing on the ideal of righteousness... Mitzvot?! You don't even know how to show up to a funeral correctly. Kippot were flying all over. Learn how to wear a Yarmulke on a windy day. It's like Sedom and Amora... It's about Tzadikim. That's what brings Bracha to the world. Let's talk about righteous people and passing on righteousness. Tzadik here?! Would H’ have saved the world if our congregation was the people that were left… No. I don’t believe we have a Tzadik here. Would Topeka be saved if it was up to our congregation?! A Tzadik wouldn't make Rachel Bracha clean after them every Kiddish... No. It's not her job. She's just not annoying... You don't even pay dues... That would help pay for cleaning services... Only person who has ever offered to help is Moishe Pinchas. He offered and then left his plate on the table and walked right out... Why? Because Rachel said to him that he can help with cleaning up the plates. He just stood up and walked out. He figured, 'If that's the case, I need to get out of here fast.' Have you seen the kids' table?!... Her name is Rachel Bracha because she is the only one in this shul that hasn't been a curse... Mendel is not somebody you want running security. If Mendel was running security in Sedom and Amora, nobody would’ve been saved. Why is everybody up in arms about a fist pointing to the Torah. It's to protect Tallises... Mendel should see the Yad and learn how to defend himself. The fist is more powerful than the finger. The Torah is our strength... This isn't a Kong Fu movie. Mendel would've never starred as Le Roy in The Last Dragon. He definitely can’t defend the shul... A Tzadik wouldn't make everybody wait for their Kaddish Mark... No. Everybody loves your dad. It's you. Nobody likes you... Seichel. That’s what we’re talking about. If you had Seichel, you might act right. Who puts the Tallis on the side of the table?... Of course, it slides off. Your Kippah flew into the grave… Clips. Seichel. A hat is fine… Your Kippah fell off into the grave. It's in the hole… No. You shouldn't have jumped in after it... Maybe it was meant to be... Rivka's Rundown Mendel decided that the best way to run the security team is to have a committee. To quote: ‘You don’t have security without a committee.’ And then nothing happened, and nobody was trained. But they had meetings about how the shul needs security. So, I question if the shul can have Brachas with Mendel. The rabbi initiated a windy day funeral dress code. New funeral dress code for windy days includes Kippah clips, hats, and coats that have a working zipper. I don't believe that any member of our congregation has ever fixed a zipper. Nor has anyone every resown a button. Their button breaks and they're walking around with a flapping trench coat connected on the bottom. Hats that are not allowed are derbies. Nobody wanted derbies at their funeral. A discussion was had, and nobody in our congregation likes them. He jumped into the grave. His Kippah flew off and his immediate response was to jump in with the coffin. The rabbi had to stop some of the congregants from shoveling the dirt. We had one guy that was extremely intent on shoveling the stuff fast. His intensity involved in his dirt movement was astonishing. I think he truly did not like Fishel. Fishel was a good man, but that guy was real happy to see him go fast. Since, the rabbi started giving out Kippah clips and hats to bald people. Got the Fist Yad. All leftwing people left the shul in protest. They left the shul due to the Torah pointer offending them. They said that seeing a fist represented rightwing. Now people are not allowed to close their hands in shul, due to membership sensitivity. The Torah is our strength was a beautiful lesson. Though the rabbi made clear it is our greatest weapon against evil, thank Gd nobody in our shul is strong enough to lift a Torah as weapon. That guy at Fishel's funeral would've used it on him if he had a chance. He just left the Tallis on the side of the table and walked. It slipped off before he placed it. There is no way he didn't see it fall. He just figured, he shouldn't have to bend. He shouldn't have to pay dues or bend. Some people are throwing Tallises. Why people are throwing Tallises is bizarre. I think they're expecting Rachel Bracha to clean them up. Rachel Bracha ends up cleaning after everybody. They just sit and watch. I have never seen somebody offer to help. Rachel is another girl. Rachel doesn't help. Rachel Bracha, we always use both of her names. A whole discussion was had with the rabbi about if a cleaning service would pick up Mark's plate after him. Mark has a huge issue with bringing his plate to the trash can. To quote, 'My family did not escape Iran to have to clean up after ourselves.' Mark was not happy with the love everybody has for his dad, and the hatred for his Kaddish. Kaddish is always a little slower. Why??? I don't know. No matter how slow they go, Mark Sindel goes slower. I never thought I would be so upset that I wouldn't want to say Amen, but his Kaddish is so long. I feel like smacking Mark and telling him his dad would've left in the middle of his Kaddish. The rabbi did take the Kohen aside, to teach him how to separate his fingers. He spent months doing finger exercises with the guy. The Kohen is now jacked. The Blog Tags Widget will appear here on the published site.
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Here are some brilliant Pallywood scenes. Before sharing some of the brilliantly written individual performances, I want to say that I do feel bad for all of those who have suffered staged death, and are not in the scene anymore. As seen in Days of Our Lives, it's hard for an actor to be out of work. My heartfelt condolences. [Please know that I truly do mourn for all of those who have suffered, and I do pray for all of the souls that have been taken from us in our Olam.]
Be them films from Syria, Egypt, Detroit, or some video from a family reunion repurposed to share death that didn't happen, they are brilliantly funny and I commend people for finding ways to blame Israel for these attacks on moving dead people. Here are some of the scenes I have seen of moving dead people. Thirsty Dead People One dead guy needed a drink. He flipped off his sheet, reaches for a Coke, thanks his friend and is still dead, while requesting shawarma for dinner. Jittery Dead Guy One dead guy who had to scratch himself. He had an itch. I'm watching this, asking, 'Did the dead guy just scratch himself and request a drink?! Brilliant!!!' Note: It's wrong to laugh at people who are dead with a parched throat and an itch they can't reach. Torture. Frightened Dead Guy Runs One guy was under a sheet, laying there, dead, and then he got frightened, threw off the sheet and took off. But he was dead. The people of Gaza reported it. The dead guy was running. I know it's wrong to mock dead people who have to flee. Something has to go terribly wrong for a dead guy to sprint. The extent of the Israeli evil, to even get a dead guy to run, one can only imagine. Miracles do happen. They were in the middle of the funeral, carrying the stretcher. They dropped the stretcher, and you see a dead guy jump up from under the sheet, and run. How? Miracles. He was frightened, and bam, he was out of there. And to think they were going to bury him in jeans and Nikes. A polo shirt. I believe that is wrong. Not a respectable way to bury someone. However, it is good he had on his sneakers, allowing him to take off. And now the dead guy is laid up in bed with a back sprain. One Should Not Argue with Staged Death It’s offensive, and you will be cancelled. The great thing about Pallywood is you have to know your audience. The Palestinians and BDS supporters are ensuring the college students are not offended. To support choice of those who have been staged dead, who have rights too, they have argued on their behalf, 'You are dead if you identify as dead. And to tell somebody that is drinking at a cafe that they are not dead is offensive. And wrong.' It's wrong to laugh at moving dead people. And Biden shouldn't be questioning the numbers of reported deaths. That running dead guy passed away six times last week. And then he had to have dinner with his family. Nobody should know of such things. At least the news syndicates have proper respect for these actors and their craft, and report them as part of the death toll. I believe the staged death toll is up to 400,000. They should live and be well. Next time we’ll discuss behind of the scenes of the brilliantly staged deaths, along with child actors of Pallywood. I’ve got to work on my acting skills, or I’ll never make it in Pallywood. The Blog Tags Widget will appear here on the published site.
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How these work, I don’t know. I appreciate all the healthy cookies and chips... I put on a few pounds eating a lot of healthy. It seems that too many healthy peanut butter cups will also get you fat. False advertisement.
![]() David Kilimnick - Israel's "Father of Anglo Comedy" (JPost) is not touring with his Israel solidarity show. Bring David to your community, college campus, shul, home, to share laughs of Jewish unity... 585-738-9233 [email protected]
It’s tradition to eat more fruit on Tu BShvat, to praise Gd for his creation and to walk around with an upset stomach.
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11/29/2023
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