Let's take a stroll down memory lane to Pesach and how David went broke on mayonnaise, and how to save money on a car by using the shopping cart to bring the groceries home, with the Kibbitzer's pictures of laughter from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for sharing the fact that he stole shopping carts in Israel.

Growing up in a Jewish community, and now being the rabbi of a community, I have studied the art of how the Jewish joke is told, while being forced to listen to them. And we all know, it's about the delivery. So, here is how you deliver a Jewish joke with style.

Must Have a European Accent
That means talking like a New Yorker.
To deliver a Jewish joke correctly, talk like somebody who immigrated from Europe a hundred years ago, or a New Yorker. It's all the same. They both sound foreign to anybody in the Midwest.
When delivering as a New Yorker always pronounce an 'a' when pronouncing an 'r'. The caveat, that is unless the 'r' is in the beginning of a word. And anytime you have an 'i', stress the letter and add an 'u' to it. Also add 'oy' to words with a 'y', so that you can complain more while talking. And then add vowels wherever possible. Any joke delivered in this way is now Jewish. 'Whoy did the chicken crawss the road? To get to the otha suiide.' Now, it's a Jewish joke.

Start Each Joke With 'You Know the One About...'
This lets them know that you're not talking about yourself, and you're not the one who moved to the Lower East Side in the 1930s to see Ms. Nafkowitz.
You can also use, 'Have you heard the one about...' 'About' must be in there. The 'I saw' or 'This guy I know' joke methods are not Jewish. 'About' must be there.
The 'you know the one about' method also give the other person the chance to say, 'I know that joke,' so that you can continue to tell the joke yourself.

Grab the Person
Make sure to grab your friend's arm. You start with a touch and then you grab. If you don't grab their arm, they may not stay for the whole joke. I learned this method by watching Mervin at Kiddish. He was the only one who could get people to hear him finish his jokes. Other people who did not use the grabbing technique lost their subjects mid-joke.
You want to cup their elbow. You don't want them to be able to escape. Pull them into you if possible. Squeezing tight helps if there is a long setup. The tighter you squeeze, the easier it is to hold their attention. Literally. You want to think of the arm touch and grab as holding their attention till you get to the punchline.
Now people stay away from Mervin, in fear that they will suffer physical harm from his humor. Nonetheless, violence can help with delivery.

Laugh at The Joke Yourself
You can't depend on anybody else to laugh at your joke. All joke delivery should end with you laughing. This way people can see you enjoying it. Somebody should enjoy your jokes about mother-in-laws.
Note: Mother-in-law jokes should not be told in front of mother-in-laws. That can make for an awkward conversation at Kiddish.

Stare at the Person Until They Laugh
After the joke stare. Fix your eyes on them. It will trigger a response. Hopefully they realize you just told them a joke and are expecting a laugh.

Every Statement Should Be in Question Form
Your joke should start with a question and end with a question. This way, the listener will not know if you're done.
'Why do Jews answer questions with questions?' 'Why shouldn't we?' That tone of 'why shouldn't we?' is how you must end every joke. Every punchline should sound like that, with a New York accent. Hence, making it a Jewish joke.
Shrug your shoulders while supinating your hands for correct delivery posture. A bit of a forward head tilt, with widened eyes and closed lips, helps with the question form pose. While supinating your hand, do not loosen your grip on their elbow. Even if it hurts the delivery, you don't want to take a chance with them walking towards a conversation they want to have.

To help the audience, add a 'nu' at the end of the joke. That works like a George Burns cigar, ending the joke for them. Allowing them to know they're supposed to laugh. If you don't add a 'nu' they won't know to laugh. Never depend on the material or your stare. You must have a 'nu' or squeeze their arm tighter.

That's how a Jew tells a joke. That's tradition. And if you can, corner the subject, so they can't slip out of the joke hold and get away in the middle of the joke.

'My son, the doctor.' The most quoted saying of any proud Jewish mother with Nachis. Let's do a few of those jokes.
Before we get going, I want to praise the medical field. Doctors are amazing. Some of them can even add ten years to your life, just waiting in the reception room. We stole that one from other people who stole that joke too.
To note: Nachis means your son is a doctor.

The One About President
Every joke is about something. That's how you reference jokes. You say, 'The one about.' If you somebody ever asks you, 'Did you hear the one about?' Run. Get out of there as quick as possible. They're about to tell you a joke, and they will probably grab your arm to make sure you listen to them tell you the whole thing. Even if you heard it before. So, this is the one about the president.
The Joke:
About to be honored in the inaugural ball he calls his mom. 'Mom. I want you to come.' His mother is trying to get out of it, asking 'why, what's the big deal about this president thing. I don't know know from such...' He tells her, 'I just became president of the USA. I am the leader of the free people. I want you to be at the dinner. And make sure you look good.' Finally, after his mom argues with him about what a free people is, she agrees.
The next day, she's at the beauty salon. She shows up all decked out in an evening gown. The stylist notes how beautiful she looks and that she hasn't been there for years. He then asks, 'Why are you here?'
The mother answers, 'You know my son the doctor?!His brother is getting honored.'

Three Women Praising Their Children
Jewish mothers praise their children. If your friend's child sounds better than yours, you've failed as a Jewish parent. It has nothing to do with what your child has done. We know they're a failure. At home, they've failed you. You would never trust your child to put together a bookcase. You're a Jewish mother. However, when it comes to your friends, your child is the best builder around. At home, you yell at him that he should call somebody to step on the ladder. With your friends, 'He's the best ladder stepper. He was also the greatest at on the balance beam as a third grader.'
Years have been spent at Kiddishes with Jewish mothers letting their friends know how great their children are. I have even heard mothers praise their Jewish children as the best athletes. Athletes that will one day choose medical school over the NBA. Why? It's better money.
The Joke:
These women are sitting at the pool in Florida and talking of their children.
'My son. You know what he does for his motha? He flies me in to see him every year for my birthday. What a boy.'
The next one says. 'My son is even better. For my birthday, he comes down to Florida. He flies in all of my friends. He puts together a party. You wouldn't know of such things.'
The other friend joins in, 'My son is the best. Better than them all. He goes to a psychiatrist three times a week. Each time he spends five hundred dollars. And you know what he talks about? Me.'
Appendix to joke: She then goes on to add, Schepping Nachis, 'His mother. He talks about his mother the whole time.'

The Daughter Who Got Divorced
Three women are talking. It's the same three. That's what they they do. They sit by the condo pool and talk. It's the same three Jewish women in every joke. They start asking their friend Fran about her daughter.
The Joke:
Talking of Fran's daughter, Ethel asks, 'You mean the one who married the docta?' Ethel is from New York and doesn't know that doctor ends with an 'r'.
Fran breaks it to them, 'They broke off that wedding.'
The next friend adds, 'You mean, the one who's with the lawyer.'
Fran notes, 'That also didn't work out.'
Another one of the friends sitting on the side hears the conversation and joins in, 'Isn't that the girl that was with the real estate develapa?' She was also from New York.
Fran looks at her and says, 'Ahh. That didn't work out either.'
Ethel is amazed, 'Wow. From one daughter, so much Nachis?!'

Conclusion
If you're not a doctor, your parents don't love you.
Nowadays, a good Jewish mother wants her kid to work in computers. 'My son! The computer technician!' It doesn't have the same ring as 'my son the doctor.' It's hard to fully garner the same Nachis from the computer guy. 'My son. The computer guy. What a boy. He saves hard drives.'
The 'my son the computer engineer' genre of jokes has not made its way into the Jewish joke lexicon.