Sermons of Rebuke IV: Emor

by Rivka Schwartz

Announcements
We forgot Mother’s Day last week. They are the most important people in our lives. We just forget them.
 
Yom HaZikaron. We are announcing it now. No more complaints. Now you know for next year.

We want to apologize for Michel and how bad he is at reading the Torah. He will read again this Shabbis. If you don't want to come to shul, we understand. Kiddish will be at 11:30am for those who still want to come to shul and avoid the pain of hearing Michel. We understand it's not Yom Kippur and there is no reason to cause yourself the pain of hearing Michel Layn.
 
Shmuel has already messed up the Omer count. He has had it messed up since the third day. He missed it due to lack of thought. He is also a very bad Gabai.
 
Marriage class on how to get out of marriage without losing all of your money will take place this Tuesday. Wednesday is the Pinkovitz wedding. We want to wish the Pinkovitz family a Mazel Tov. We also pray Yossi Pinkovitz doesn't get caught up in debt because of this one.
 
Contemporary Halacha Classes: How to Know How to Read the Torah Before You Get Up to Layn, So That People Don’t Want to Shoot You. How to Not Forget the Omer Count Like Our Gabai.

Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts
Shabbat Shalom My Pupils...
(Vayikra 22:32) ‘And you shall not desecrate My Holy Name, and I should be sanctified among the children of Israel. I am H’ who sanctifies you.’ H’ has done all He can to sanctify this congregation... There’s only so much that can be done. When you have congregants like the back left...

Why? Because He took you out of Egypt, Bernie. I believe that's a reason. I think that's a pretty decent reason to sanctify. A little sanctification is called for.
(Vayikra 22:33) You sanctify Gd ‘who took you out of Egypt, to be a Gd to you.’ Does that not make sense? You sanctify the Holy Name that freed you from slavery... He did what He could there. He tried to help you get out of your first marriage. We had eight rabbis show, ready to sign the Get (document of divorce), and then she said she wanted four million dollars, and you stuck with the marriage... The least you can do is send your kids to Jewish day school, so H’s name can be sanctified amongst your children...
Being decent athletes with cool friends is not sanctification. It’s sacrilege. Look at the Moskovitz boys. Very out of shape. Good Jews. Sanctifying.

Let's talk about desecration and Bernie, and the back left over there.
Well let’s see how you desecrate. You mess up the Layning. Michel should never read from the Torah... With the way you read, they should’ve thrown the candies harder at your Bar Mitzvah. If they would’ve nailed you, you would’ve learned a lesson... Frank hasn’t mowed his lawn since April. Desecration... They know you're religious Frank... Because you don't mow your lawn. That's how they know. The longer the grass, the more religious they know you are... Just mow it so the property value doesn't go down. And pay your dues...

We don’t desecrate H’s name when you use our ability to sanctify... In your case, it’s to just stop sinning. Start there. Just don't sin.
How do we bring glory to H’? You don’t mess things up. You keep the Mitzvot. You see what the shul board does and you don't do that. The Pasuk of ‘don’t desecrate’ is flanked by keeping Mitzvot. How about keep Mitzvot and stop sinning, and give the rabbi a raise... And can somebody please take their child away from the Bima right now. Why is this kid up here?!...

Finally nothing this week. But we have a Bat Mitzvah. Oh shoot. Thought I had off. Our dear Bat Mitzvah. Keep Mitzvot and sanctify H'.

Yom HaZikaron and Mother’s Day were last week. Thought you should know...
You can remember now.
Respect your mother. Sanctification of your parents... We are not talking about sacrificing parents. Bernie. That's honoring your parents. You sanctify them. You honor them. You don't do stupid stuff like not mowing your lawn, having people thinking you were raised wrong, killing the neighborhood...
Does anybody get a calendar anymore?! Has the Jewish people stopped giving to non-profits that much that they're not getting calendars anymore?!

You messed up the Omer already. Another desecration... Then give $180 to Chabad and get a calendar... Jewish calendars are very expensive.
Shmuel missed the Omer count from the third day... Fourth day. Same thing. If anybody else in this shul is not a good Jew, I will be saying the blessing for the Omer every night, so you can be Yotzei (fulfill the Mitzvah)... How can you be a good Gabai if you can't count the Omer? You can't just get up and say, 'Do the Omer tonight.'
You forget everything. Shmuel. You forgot your daughter’s birthday. It was her third birthday...
You miss everything. You missed your Aliyah... Shmuel. You are the only Shmuel in the shul. They yelled your name. It was you. You're the Gabai. You yelled your name, Shmuel Ben Simcha... I understand nobody calls you that at work... I also wanted to run out once Michel started reading the Torah. His Layning is painful...
Of course he missed the Yom HaShoa program. They hid the location from us for security reasons. He also didn’t know where it was.... Yom HaZikaron was the board’s fault.

If H' takes me out of here, I will be able to sanctify His Name.

Mazel Tov to Yossi Pinkovitz on your his fourth wedding. I am not buying him gifts this time.

Rivka's Rundown
The rabbi definitely writes the announcements. It appears to be a way for him to share his anger at Bernie, Frank, Michel and the Gabai.
The rabbi blames the shul board for everything. I think he just blamed them for Yom Hashoa Yom HaZikaron.

I don’t know if Bernie felt like he has been taken out of Egypt. He was born in Illinois.

The being decent athletes being sacrilege was a very empowering lesson for our congregation. The members felt empowered. It was something they all felt they can do. With the out of shapeness of our membership, they now all feel they can serve H’ and sanctify His Name.
Weddings are an important time in one's life. I think the class on getting out of marriage will be very helpful to the Baalei Simcha who are getting married this week.
The Bat Mitzvah will be able to glean from the class too. I wish a rabbi warned me at that age.
Many people thanked the rabbi for the class in fiscal responsibility. They said it was the greatest lesson in running a home.

The more religious one is the less their lawn is mowed. That is how you tell a religious person in the neighborhood. I think it's considered Bitul Torah (wasting time from learning Torah) to mow your lawn.
Frank is the rabbi's neighbor. The rabbi brings up the non-mowed lawn at least once a year. The rabbi tried moving last year but he couldn't. The property wouldn't sell because of Frank's grass. And then Frank put a jungle gym on his front lawn. That's the next level of the bungalowing of the neighborhood. Chairs on the front lawn is one thing. But a jungle gym, that's a Chutzpah. I thought Frank had no backyard. He has a huge backyard, he's just planning to build on it. He said religious people extend their homes back. According to Frank, anything people do in Brooklyn is religious.

Yom HaZikaron. The Day of Remembrance. Remembering the soldiers who fought for our people. It's good that we'll be able to show the support next year.
It is such an important day, especially this year with everything going on, and nobody even knows about it. Some people just thought they didn't know where it is, as a Jewish program in these times should be not findable.

The office got a lot of calls about Yom HaZikaron. Nobody ever remembers what day it is. The issue is the calendars. Once Jews stop supporting Jewish organizations nobody will have a calendar. Then what.

Apparently Mothers are not the most important people in the board’s life
Though he talked of Kibud Av vEim, honoring your father and mother, the rabbi also forgot Mother's Day. He suggested people call their moms and tell them they forgot they had mothers that day, to show their mothers they love them. When asked what to do if their dad answers the phone, the rabbi said to tell them, ‘Just put mom on. I want to speak to mom.’ As the rabbi explained, 'You don't honor your fathers on Mother's Day. You don't want to diminish the importance of the day. It's a mother focused Kibud Av vEim day.'

The rabbi just went off on Shmuel. He missed the Omer the third day. I missed the count on day two, when there was no Seder and nobody to remind me there is another Mitzvah I have to keep.
People missed the Omer counting class. They also forgot the class.
The how to read the Torah class was well received by the rabbi himself, who can't stand hearing Michel Layn.

Yossi Pinkovitz gets married a lot. Fourth wedding. Each time the Kiddishes get smaller. He can't expect gifts with those Kiddishes.

Beautiful message to Bat Mitzvah, 'Our dear Bat Mitzvah. Keep Mitzvot and sanctify H".' Our rabbi always makes the point clear and succinct. And then he goes off on Bernie.