Sermons of Rebuke IV: Behar and Lag BOmer

by Rivka Schwartz

Announcements
We ask members of the shul to not drag tables, due to injury. Too many people have got injured by prefab tables that were not built right. Legs are falling and community members are catching injuries. Worst of all, tables setup for the fundraiser had to be reset. Tzuris.
 
The shul dinner was very nice. We only had thirty-four people. It was a pleasure to not have to see the Pearl family and the Mosheloy. It was also appreciated by all to not have to see Bernie.
Nobody is willing to take complaints about the lack of shnitzel size. It turns out the staff also went home starving. The caterer netted eighty dollars a person.
 
Mark needed help with Galila. From now on, please watch members who have a hard time putting a cloth on a scroll. It’s painful to watch. Nobody wants to wait fifteen minutes for inept cloth wrapping. There are some members like Mark who apparently have not been to shul very much and can't figure out how to pull a cloth over a scroll without it getting caught.
 
The Lag BOmer community BBQ will feature hotdogs. We are all very excited they will have hotdogs.
 
Contemporary Halacha Classes: How to Put Together a Prefab Table. Rolling a Scroll, Putting a Cloth On It, And other stuff You Should’ve Learned 50 Years Ago. How to host a BBQ Nobody Wants to Be At... i.e. Advertise Hotdogs.

Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts
Shabbat Shalom My Pupils...
(Vayikra 25:18) ‘... then you will dwell on the land securely.’ We are speaking of Shemitah and Yovel. But what we learn in the Pasuk before, ‘Lo Tonu.’ Do not aggravate your fellow. Speaking in business conduct. When you aggrieve people you will not stay in the land. When you take people’s money unjustly. When a board doesn't pay the rabbi enough... Bernie is just annoying.

Treat the land well. Be a good neighbor. Mow your lawn. Don’t start working at 7am on renovations... I know you’re a contractor. But people are still sleeping. People who don’t have kids. You aggrieve them...

(Vayikra 25:19) 'And the earth will give you fruit and you will eat your fill. And you will dwell securely on it.’ If you keep the Mitzvot, and you don’t bother your neighbors... If you keep the Mitzvot right, you won’t aggravate everybody. Then there will be fruit. If you stop shuckling like a madman. It's crazy. You throw off everybody else's Davening...

(25:21) ‘It will make crops for three years.’ This is the blessing for Shemitah... H' has to let you know, because you don't trust Him. You have a basement full of army rations and MREs.
This is why many Jewish women use the freezer. They're worried food will not be there when they need it.You put up a brisket, you put up three... Leftovers.

Keep the jubilee. That is the lesson. You keep the jubilee and don't worry about food... On holidays, you don't think about leftovers. The shul will have a Kiddish the next Shabbis. You can eat there. H' provides... When you have the Simchavitz family putting together Kidishes with Kichel, you will not be satisfied. It's because our shul has too many members not keeping Mitzvot...

(25:17) ‘... and fear H’...’ You have a choice. Take advantage of people in business or fear Gd. What is your path? I know Michel takes advantage of people. It's more lucrative. My mechanic does the same...

You can’t drag the tables. They fall. Hit somebody and that aggravates them... Because idiots in our shul put them up. Members put them together and they do it wrong... I don’t know how people mess up building a prefab table... Rings. Rings come down. A click. You did not hear a click.

The honoree dinner was amazing... Not having congregants at the shul dinner truly made it a joy. Yet, the board aggravates everybody...
Of course it costs a lot. The board is pulling in big. $250 for a shnitzel... Lo Tonu. Don’t aggravate. It was aggravating to spend $250 on a plate and to get a shnitzel. A tiny piece of shnitzel.
I would spend eight hundred dollars to come to shul and not have to see congregants. Not having to see people there because of the cost was a positive. Not having to see Bernie... Business not doing well is a blessing...

Mark couldn’t figure out how to pull the bottom of the cloth over the front of the scroll... Of course it can’t go over the scroll if the whole cloth is in the back of the scroll. Watching you pull was painful... Aggravation. If we have congregants that can't figure out how to put on a Torah cloth. Kicked out of the land...
If Mark helped with the laundry... If you folded the laundry at home we would not be waiting for this. It was pathetic. What were you doing? How did you get your arm stuck in the cloth?! Your hand was coming out of the scroll holes...
You killed the fabric. Yes, you have to pay. $250.
You should be wishing the other congregants a Yashkoych... They all came up an helped you. It was a true shul crisis. Fifteen congregants trying to figure out how to put on a cloth... They were wishing you a Yashkoych for not being able to accomplish your task... Fifteen people helped...

I'm aggravated just being here.

Rivka's Rundown
My neighbors are annoying. I wouldn’t leave the corner of my field for them.

Leftovers is a Jewish tradition. We always do cook three times the amount. You just don't know if there will be enough food to put on weight on Shabbis. And that is a mitzvah. It's a catch 22.
I am going to start bringing MREs to Kiddish. The way some of these people do Kiddish is pathetic. It's not H's way. It's like a crop that doesn't yield to satisfy a day.

Leah got injured by the table. The thing fell. Got a leg injury. Hit the kneecap as it collapsed and she couldn't show up to the fundraiser.
The prefab table class is given every Sukkot, where they also teach the members how to put together prefab chairs without injuring themselves.
They don't ensure the rings fall down and they don't hear a click. They just flip the tables over and injure other members of the community. One Bat Mitzvah had three tables fall. Food went flying and the Hirshfeld family got injured. They all went to the hospital and didn't even get the chocolate souffle. They still gave Becca the Bat Mitzvah gift and that bothered them.

Even wealthy people didn’t show up to the fundraiser. They were afraid that since they knew were it was they thought it was dangerous. Most members only show up to places now if they have no idea where they are going. That ensures safety.
How they end up in shul ever?! Accident.

These fundraiser dinners are a scam. The amount of shnitzel I got was so little. And then people ordered vegetarian and got an eggplant sliver. They want you to know you’re getting ripped off. These caterers are a scam. Vegans got a slice of eggplant. $250.

It takes a long time for some of these Galilas. Everybody then says great job. It’s like they're encouraging patheticness.
Mark was yelling for help. Then he got mad that not enough people helped. He first threw the cloth at the scroll in anger. Then he started whacking it. Five people came up to help by pulling the front of the cloth over.
After Mark's Galila the joke started spreading, 'How many Beis Knesses Anshei Emes uSefilah congregants does it take to change a lightbulb? If there is a cloth, fifteen.'

For Lag BOmer there are hotdogs. That's an advertisement? Might as well say, everybody is invited for bug juice in Dixie cups. It's pathetic. Almost as pathetic as Mark's Galila.
If they wanted nobody to come, they should've advertised, 'No burgers and no steak. Just the hotdogs you love.' They always try to make the bad cheap stuff sound good. Last year they advertised, 'No fresh pastries. Just the classic Stella D'oros.' The board tried to sell their new idea for flooring with, 'We're getting rid of the carpet. We've decided to go for the rustic look.' If they truly wanted nobody to come to the Lag BOmer event, they should've let people know where it was.