The hotel Pesach Seder in booth, for the authentic exodus experience for two. (Photo: Totally Jewish Travel)
This interview took place when I noticed that all of our congregants that got back from Pesach hotels put on a lot of weight. Dr. Felsenblum must've put on twenty pounds over the week. I had to interview him.
How was the hotel? Expensive. How did you afford it? I'm getting a second job. We're not sending our kids to summer camp. We're only buying store brand cereal now. How much was it? Forty-five thousand for the week. And that was before the kids wanted to leave the hotel to go to Jumpy Palace. How was the hotel? It wasn't our home. That was good. Did you do anything on vacation? We didn't clean. We got away from our house. That was the goal. To not be at home. You hate your home that much? When we have to clean it. I would have given away the place. Let them clean it. The way our kids run around the house... dirty kids. Just the thought of mopping sent my wife to the hospital. How's your wife doing now? She's fine. Once I told her we were going away for Pesach, she got better. It was an immediate recovery. What else did you do at the resort? I ate. Did they have other activities? Yeah. A buffet. You seem a lot bigger. Twenty-eight pounds. I ate as much as I could. I got close to forty-five thousand. What did you eat? Lamb chops. Just lamb chops. A lot of lamb chops. I was trying to get my money's worth. Lamb chops was the only way. Sounds like you were on a mission. I was. Until I get the paycheck for my second job we can't get groceries. Your kids also got bigger. I made them eat lamb chops. Breakfast? Lamb chops. One day they didn't have lamb chops. I had them bring out the lamb chops and I took the lox platter to our room. I told them that lamb chops taste good in the morning too. How were the Seders? The Pinkowitz Seder was very nice. How about yours? Our table was right next to the Pinkowitzs. But yours... Your Seder? We focused on the Pinkowitzs. They were very loud. We listened to their Seder and we to the brisket before them. Once they started with the Hillel Sandwich, we ran to the buffet. They didn't have lamb at the Seder. Brisket was the most expensive meat. Would you go to a hotel next year for Pesach? We won't stay home. What are you going to do to pay for the Pesach hotel? Another mortgage. We're up to three now. What are the three mortgages for? Pesach hotels. Anything else? No. We stopped sending the kids to camp. They're now in public school. Our money is focused on not having to clean. Was it a nice hotel at least? It was a motel. Forty-five thousand dollars for a motel? They cleaned it Then why do they call it a Pesach hotel? It was forty-five thousand dollars. Conclusion People are willing to spend a lot of money to not have to sweep. As we discussed more, I learned they were mad they had to come back to their house after Pesach. Now they have to do spring cleaning and his wife is back in the hospital. They must get real scared when Purim comes around. I saw it on his face. The worry of cleaning. Flashbacks. Pesach preparation trauma from childhood. Dr. Felsenblum was not offended that I told him he put on weight. He told me that each pound he put on is worth three thousand dollars to him. Since they got back, they’ve been eating a lot at Kiddish. The rabbi did a Mishebeyrach for the congregation that Felsenblum's check comes in soon. Tags:
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Why did the Jews working in Jerusalem wear denim? They were Levis. You get it? Levi’s. Levis. Levi’s are jeans, made out of denim. Do Levites wear jeans when working in construction. I would like to think they wear jeans when putting up buildings. 
The plastic Jewish diet spoon. I got it from the caterer who didn’t have enough cake. The spoon did make the souffle look bigger... Since using it for breakfast, I've taken off a lot of weight. I have noticed it now takes longer to eat cereal. And most of the time, the Golden Grahams fall off the spoon, helping with more weight loss. A quite utilitarian utensil.
That other spoon is the old spoon I used to use. It held the cereal and I ate. I'm not going to use that again. 
David Kilimnick - Israel's "Father of Anglo Comedy" (JPost) is not touring with his Israel solidarity show. Bring David to your community, college campus, shul, home, to share laughs of Jewish unity... 585-738-9233 [email protected]
Rambam Hilchot Rotzeyach (11:4-5) teaches that one who puts themselves in danger is violating the positive commandment of (Decarim 4:9) "Beware of yourself and guard your soul." Thus, it is important to not deal with congregants. As they can be very annoying. As with a deep hole, one should put a fence around the congregation, at least ten handbreadths high, so they stay away from you.
One must also not put themselves in a danger when traveling. Thus, one mustn’t travel to date, as that can lead to marriage. Categories
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The Kibbitzer, where we take Jewish comedy seriously!!! If you are offended, it's satire.
A friend of the Off The Wall Comedy Theater, JHF and The Kibbitzer are here to bring unity and Jewish connection for you, in honor of Rabbi Kilimnick ZT"L.
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The Kibbitzer, where we take Jewish comedy seriously!!! If you are offended, it's satire.
A friend of the Off The Wall Comedy Theater, JHF and The Kibbitzer are here to bring unity and Jewish connection for you, in honor of Rabbi Kilimnick ZT"L.
The Kibbitzer is Funded by the JHF (The Jewish Humor Foundation) and you.
Contact us to make a donation and to sponsor Harbatzas Tzchok, the spreading of tradition through laughter, with articles or series in honor and memory of your loved ones.
4/15/2023
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