Jewish Puns XI: Mordechai's Shivim Panim LaTorah

by Mordechai Stein

How did they travel to Jerusalem to bring sacrifices? In a car-bon. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? Karbon is Hebrew for sacrifice. Sacrifices in the Temple. They traveled there. Carbon is a chemical, and not part of the pun. I can't explain the 'bon' part. A car bomb would be wrong. When delivering this pun, focus on the 'car' part. Draw attention to ‘car.’
 
What Bracha do you make on a boat? Shehakol nehiyeh bidva row-row-row. (Mordechai)
You get it? The Shehakol blessing is the blessing everybody makes on water. A boat is in water. The song 'Row Row Row Your Boat' is about a boat.
 
Why did the entertainer take prisoners? He wanted a captive audience. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? The captive audience joke works every year. So many iterations. It's amazing. Create your own pun about people taken captive. They have to laugh at it. Amazing joke when people are locked up. Great way to start any bit. And all puns are best when done in question form.
 
Why did they visit their friends? They were told to do Bikurim. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? Bikurim is the first fruits. Also means to 'visit with,' if we're talking Hebrew and you split up the word. The Temple didn't see those fruits, as they misunderstood what to do. Some puns are not meant to be funny. They are meant to be educational.

Please remind me to say Hatarat Nedarim before Rosh Hashana. I promised I wouldn't forget it this year. (Mordechai)
You get it? Hatarat Nedarim is annulling vows. He vowed he wouldn't forget to annul the vows. Another vow. He has to annul that too. If he doesn't show up, he's in trouble.
 
I was going to do Kaparos before Yom Kippur, but I chickened out. (Mordechai)​
You get it? Kaparos is the tradition of placing your sins on something else, the day before Yom Kippur, traditionally a chicken, and waiving it. He chickened out of the chicken. He might've done it with money in the end. But that would still be without a chicken.

I paid for a top of the line Etrog, but ended up with a real lemon. (Mordechai)​
You get it? Etrogs are a citrus fruit. They look like lemons. You can't use a lemon as an Etrog on Sukkot. Kids do, because they can't tell the difference. Cars that are lemons are not good. So the Etrog wasn't good. It was a lemon.