Jerusalem Tour: The Kotel

by David Kilimnick

I have no idea how that guy snuck past the Chabad guys without putting on Tefillin. You can see he is going incognito, because he is ashamed of his heretical ways. Maybe he is religious, and put on Tefillin earlier that day. That is not the point. He didn’t even look. Shame.

People have a tradition to walk around Jerusalem on Yom Yerushalayim
For those who cannot make it, I will take you on a little virtual tour of the Old City, so you can feel like you are there yourself this Jerusalem Day, even if you've made no effort to visit Israel this year.
Along with Hoshana Rabbah and Tisha BAv, Yom Yerushalayim and Shavuot Night are two days where people flock to the Old City of Jerusalem and the Kotel. In honor of this tradition I will take you on a tour of the Kotel itself and explain what is going on.

The People Walking Fast
The religious men of Jerusalem walk very fast. A religious tradition. A defining attribute of Chasidim, the ability of speedy gait is a gift from Gd. The greater miracle you can see is how the Rebbe is walking slow, and yet he is still in front of his Chasidim who are walking three times faster than their rebbe.

The Kotel
Let's take a step back and speak of the Kotel. The Western Wall, the retaining wall of the Great Temple, which the Divine Presence never left. The Catholic Church also owns this, according to Roman law.
The Temple area is on the other side of the Kotel. The Temple was a house of prayer for all nations ['My house shall be called a house of prayer for all nations' (Yehsaya 56:7)], until around 1,350 when it became a house for all nations but Jews. People who built a dome there around 1,350 years ago get mad when Jews pray there. Many also get mad when Jews pray in Israel.

The Wall in The Back of the Kotel
It's another wall. Just in case.
This separates the main prayer section from the open plaza area. It's there to keep the stalkers away. They call themselves tourists, with the cameras. They're a bunch of stalkers.

The Wall on The Side
Known as a Mechitzah, this is there to separate the men's and women's sections so you know where the ladies are. That's how I always understood it.
The Mechitzah is greatly appreciated by the women. With men praying for wives, we don't want them sitting with women getting the wrong idea thinking girls like them. You will notice men sitting right next to the Mechitzah, they're peeking through the latticework. In Hebrew, the word is 'Klavim.'
You will also notice women looking over the wall. It's obvious. When given the chance, women use Bar Mitzvahs as a chance to stand on chairs and check out the guys' side. They pretend like they're related to the Bar Mitzvah boy, stand on a chair and say it's because they want to hear the Bar Mitzvah boy reading the Torah. The Torah is not read in the afternoon. A bunch of peeping Taliahs.

The Plaza Behind the Wall in the Back
This is there for tour groups, army initiations, sleep on Shavuot, and a bunch of losers or singles to score a Friday night meal with Jeff Seidel.

Tefillin Booth
This is run by Chabad. Chabad likes booths.
That is Hebrew he is speaking.  The black-hatted man is letting them know, 'You can wrap the Tefillin, even if your parents denied you a Jewish education. Just believe in yourself, even if they didn't.' This is why the Tefillin guy is yelling at the young guys and chasing them down with black straps.
You will notice religious people walking fast here. The religious people walk fast because they're trying to get by the Chabad Tefillin guy without him attacking them. They've already put on the Tefillin.

The Guy Screaming at You
He is not angry at you. He is inviting you to join him in prayer. He needs a Minyin/quorum. He is yelling at you for the sake of Gd. That is religious fervor coming out in the way of, 'Minyin!!! Minyin!!!' He is standing right next to us and he is screaming right at us. It appears he needs a Minyin. I don't believe he is leaving. I am going to pray.
I prayed the afternoon prayer eight times the other day. You're only supposed to pray to Gd once in the afternoon. But I was more scared of the guy.

Papers on the Floor
Many people have a tradition of writing notes and then discarding them at the Kotel. Most people have a tradition of sticking the notes in the wall. Other people have a tradition of not cleaning up.
The tradition began back in the days when most people did not have access to Israel. Recycling was not an option at the time, and littering was illegal. So people had their friends bring their papers to the Kotel. This gave a sense of connectedness, knowing that their clutter made its way to Israel.
Right now, you can all stick notes in the Kotel. I suggest to not stick love notes in the wall. Last time I stuck in a love note at the Kotel I was hoping it would make it to the ladies' side of the Mechitzah. That didn't happen. Due to that experience with Shloimy, I am not going to be writing any more notes.
Warning: Sticking notes in the wall can become addictive. I knew I had to stop bringing notes to the Kotel when I found myself caulking my bathtub with little bits of paper.

Next time we will go for a more in-depth tour of the Kotel and and why the people walking backwards are not doing the moonwalk. We will also help you figure out what Minyin to join.