Rambam: Yesodei HaTorah 1:9

by Rabbi David

Laws of Foundations of Torah... All plagiarized from the Rambam

Law 9: Anthropomorphism: Don't be Gullible
Now that we have down the foundation of all knowledge, that we know nothing about Gd. With that knowledge, let us explain Gd.
 
Law 9: The Torah uses physical terms to describe Gd. Gd's feet, hands, eyes and ears. Why is it there? If Gd doesn't have it, why do we attribute this to Gd? Why do not finish the full song with mouth and nose, and head, shoulder, knees and toes? There are many questions we have. None of them will be answered, because we know nothing about Gd.

It's placed there as metaphor and examples, so we can understand. Since we are spiritually dumb, we need physical language to have some idea what's going on. Ask any Kabbalist living in Tzfat in the 16th century, you are an idiot.
We're corporeal. No idea what that means. But it sounds sophisticated.

H's hand is really not His hand. You can't slap H' five. This isn't high school. This isn't a baseball game with a high five.
One thing I know about Gd. Always capitalize anything I write about Him.

Why does it say (Shemot 24:10) 'Beneath His feet,' (31:18) 'Written by H"s finger.' (9:3) 'Gd's hand,' (Bereishit 38:7) 'Gd's eyes,' (Bamidbar 11:1) 'Gd's ears' and so on?
I don't know. I hope that helps. Why do you insist on knowing all of this. To quote Shlomo: 'Are you trying to be better than me?!'
This isn't a game. This is life. This is H'. And you think we're playing Mr. Potato Head.
How did Gd write the tablets with His finger when He doesn't have one? Only Gd can do that. Gd and possibly my rabbi.
Now I must be honest. I am very confused.
I can tell you Shimon Simchovitz didn't write the Torah. I've seen his writing. Very poor penmanship. He couldn't even write a Mezuzah.
Bigger question. Where does 'ibid.' come from? How does that mean 'same place'? If you can answer that, that is a knowledgeable human being. If you can spell knowledgeable without spellcheck, you're smart.

How about these?
(Devarim 32:41) 'I will sharpen my lightning sword.' What does that mean? Does H' have a sword? What's a lightning sword? It does sound cool though. Even The Legend of Zelda doesn't have a sword that cool.
(Daniel 7:9) 'Clothed in snow white.' Who has clothes made out of snow? Snow shirts melt. And they don't keep you warm. Yet. H' has that. And why did they never give H' credit for Snow White? These are all very important questions. And we will not answer any of them, because we have no idea.
And Moshe envisioned H' wrapped in a Tallit. Every morning, I envision myself getting smacked with the tassels of the Tallit the guy is wrapping next to me.

A lot of defining about what we can’t define going on over here.

Lesson: H' can't be understood or grasped by human thought. Therefore, we will keep trying to understand Him and learning Torah.
We need the physical terminology because we're idiots. I'm going to get a drink with Gd right now.