Laws of Foundations of Torah 1:1-3... All plagiarized from the Rambam
Laws 1-3: We Need a Primary Nonphysical Being
That's how I sum up the first chapter. If my friend Tom was running the world, we would be in trouble. Now let's learn a bissel Torah. The foundation of all knowledge is to know that there is a Primary Being that exists. This is not the old guy in shul who spits on his fingers to turn pages. That is disgusting. That's primeval. Not primary. And that guy should be introduced to tissues. Handkerchiefs just add the disgustingness. The Primary Being is Gd. Gd doesn't spit on fingers. If you think He has fingers, you're a heretic. If you don’t have this knowledge, you will come to conclusions that Dr. Fauci is correct. That is not good. Everything else only exists because of this Being. This Primary Being. That includes badminton and pickleball. Everything else is bound by the physical world, and thus needs this Being. You are physically bound, which means you have limitations. I will be the first inspirational speaker to tell you that you can't accomplish anything you set your mind to. The only thing you have control over is where you sit in shul. And even then, you might end up sitting next to a guy who Chuchs and hocks loogies on his Siddur to turn the pages. The Primary Being does not need anything else to exist. However, nothing else could exist without Him. The world goes around because he causes it to. Gd does not need you. Gd does not need you. And you cannot accomplish anything you set your mind to. I hope that is inspirational. It inspires me. If it helps. If you follow His commandments, H' may want you. Tags:
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Why did the Maror have trouble talking? It was hoarseradish. You get it? It was hoarse. A soar throat. The root is therefore called a horseradish. If you don’t know, the pony’s favorite vegetable is the horseradish. That's also true. 
The drying rack has been tinfoiled. I can now use it on Pesach.
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(Rambam- Hilchot Matzah 7:6-7) We have to lean when eating, to feel like a king. Kings recline. Kings also spill wine and stain their shirts. This is to remember (Deverim 16:3) “Remember the day you left Mitzrayim.” I am assuming we were leaning a lot on that day, and we needed to find water to clean the clothes that got spilled on. Midrash Rabbah learns it from (Shemot 13:18) “And H’ led the people roundabout.” Which means they spilled on their shirts in the desert. Gd found a roundabout way to get us to ruin our clothes. The point of this law is that Gd wanted us to stain our clothes. And thus we lean at the Seder, because kings walked around with wine all over them.
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The Kibbitzer, where we take Jewish comedy seriously!!! If you are offended, it's satire.
A friend of the Off The Wall Comedy Theater, JHF and The Kibbitzer are here to bring unity and Jewish connection for you, in honor of Rabbi Kilimnick ZT"L.
The Kibbitzer is Funded by the JHF (The Jewish Humor Foundation) and you.
Contact us to make a donation and to sponsor Harbatzas Tzchok, the spreading of tradition through laughter, with articles or series in honor and memory of your loved ones.
12/20/2023
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