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They say they Amerikay. Need keep two day Shavuot. Very funny.
We no in Chutz LAretz. We in Israel. How much blintze you need eat? We do one day. It Israel. What you do day two? I do. You do. I don't know. More Blintze? Day two. I go supermarkety. Zey ehhhh eat ehhh. How much Amerkaniy eaty? I say, 'who cook?' You no cook. No Shabbat. They cook. I mistakeee. Holiday you cookie. I say, I go storee. Who you buy food? Zey no buy food. It miracle. Zey haveee all blintze. 2,000 blintze. I put on kilo. They ehhhh, Eight kilo. Two day celebrateee. Eight kilo Amerikay gain. Zis why they fatty. Two day Yom Tov. Two day blintze wisss cherry and cheese. Ehhh eight kilo. Miracle. Ferst day Chag, one kilo. Second day Chag. Second day, ehhhh seven kilo. Zey ehhh want weight. It holy fatyy. I drivy car. I beep, say, 'Chag Sameach.' I say 'happy holiday.' I say English. Israel. One day. It Israel. We know day. In Israel, they still wear suit. Studenties Amerikaneees very funny. We no wear suit all time. On Shavuot, no jacket. We no have suit. Very funny. We no suit. Zey wear suit to Tefilla-pray. I go store. I say 'Shavua Tov.' Amerikay walk to Kotel. Zey walkie to Kotel in suit. I am no suit. I drive. I beep. Zey ehhh sink I antee-Semee. I no antiee-Semite. I Jew. I beep, say 'Shavuot Happy.' I eat meat. Zey ehhh lactoseee no. How Amerikashnazy eat blintze two day? I don't know. Nes. Zis miracle. No lactoseee, but they ehhh eaty blintze ehhh wis cheese two day. Very funny. I beep, I say, 'ehhh I milk man ehhh hereee.' Pesach, they have one more day of Matzah. I haveee stomach BsederOK. Zey eat more Matzah. Zis vhy Amerikanee big heavy ehhh. Then Sukkot. Simchat Torah wrong day. Zey danceee second night. We dance Shmini Atzeret. Zis Simchat Torah. I no dance sevent time around twice. Zey dance second night to be thineee. Zey need lose weight. They dance. Seven more time they dance and in suit. Lose Matzah and blintzeeee. No holiday holiday. Very funny. Ehhhh, I don't know. I say Chag Sameachchchch ***From Kibbitzer Staff: Shmulik wrote this through dictation. We are trying to figure out how 'zey' and 'they' were both picked up. The Blog Tags Widget will appear here on the published site.
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A well put together cover page for a Jewish newspaper. I knew I was reading a Frum Jewish newspaper, as they found a way to fit 28 ads on the cover page. And the feature article is an ad for Amor jewelry... A properly written Jewish magazine should be advertisements. I once read a non-religious magazine, and I felt like a sinner when I read an article to only find there was no phone number at the end of it. I felt defiled… It’s a shame the Amor ad is so big. They could’ve got another 20 ads in.
(Shulchan Aurch 568:1) One who eats by accident on a fast must continue fasting. Making for a three hour fast to fully mourn the Churban of the Temples. I believe that break between meals fully calls to heart the true yearning of my soul over the loss of the Batei Mikdash... You can't eat once you remember you sinned, as one who committed a sin can't commit a second by snacking once they're already full.
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5/16/2021
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