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Shalom. You don't speak Hebrew? We're Kosher here.
I speak Yiddish.
I didn't ask where you're from.
I'll start with the prices. What are your prices?
What do you want?
It depends on the prices.
You tell me what you like. I give you deal.
Why are the prices in your store not listed?
People don't like seeing $23.99 a pound. They won't buy it. If it's in the bag, they buy it. $23.99 and the community is lose weight. I lose business.
They'll pay $250.99 for the bag though.
Who's your favorite customer?
Mr. Bergman. He buys a lot. Never asks the prices.
Do you ever get messed up requests from your customers?
All of them. One guy doesn't want juice. How am I supposed to make money on the ribs?! I sell juice. You're paying for the bones and the juice. I should put prices of bones and juice on the wall.
$23.99 for bones and juice?
One guy wanted my best cut of steak. He said, 'Your best steak.' I don't know what the best steak is. I'm a vegetarian.
Why do you run a butcher shop if you're a vegetarian?
Is it hard for you to be part of the community and their butcher?
Worse than being a doctor. They show up to shul and people ask them about their feet. 'Oh I have heelspur.' I get asked questions about cow's feet. I don't serve that.
They all complain. They even complain to me about their doctor.
What questions do you get about cow's feet?
Are they pigeon toed. If they had pigeon toes, I wouldn't sell it. A cow with pigeon toes is not kosher. It's disgusting.
Who is your favorite customer?
Martha. She orders, says nothing. Just takes it. She doesn't care how much it weighs.
I thought Mr. Bergman was your favorite?
I can't stand him.
Where do you get your food?
So you don't slaughter it?
No. I get it from MealMart and put it on the shelf. People seem to like Meal Mart.
What do you do to the animal?
We take the food out of the package. We put it on the shelf.
Why are you not a grocery then?
The sign outside says I'm a butcher.
I see some nice premade stuff. How do you make the premade food?
We take the MealMart package and open it.
That's the cutter. How many slices do you want?
Isn't that called a slicer?
It's a cutter. We cut the meat in there. It's a cutter. Are you going to buy anything?
No. I'm here to interview you today. I thought you would offer me a taste.
Are you going to pay for it?
I would think that because I am the interviewer...
This is pointless. I thought you were going to buy something. Can we finish this?
I just thought that you would give me a taste.
If I pay for it, it's not a taste.
Who says? You? Ever heard of taster? They charge for those now. It's classy. You want taster platter?
You've mentioned that people complain. What is the number one complaint?
Anything else about the customers?
If they didn't pay for the food, I wouldn't want to see them. Especially Mrs. Gronawitz. She wants triangle cuts. The cutter doesn't cut in triangles.
It's a sli... Thanksgiving is coming up.
How many people need turkey? I can't give turkey to the whole world. Sukkot comes, I get thirty, maybe forty brisket orders. Thanksgiving. 200 turkeys. These Jews can care less about Sukkot, and they hate turkeys. If Jewish food would be turkey, they would celebrate the Chagim.
How much do I have to do for turkey?! She wants one that is hearty. I don't know how it feels Mrs. Goldfarb. I don't know its personality. She wants hearty?! I can give juicy. I don't know turkey feelings. I am a butcher. Not a poultry therapist.
I heard about the turkey shwarma tradition.
Now more turkey?! I can't keep finding turkey. Don't tell anybody of this tradition.
At least Chanukah is coming up. What do your customers buy on Chanukah?
Nothing. I hate Chanukah. You can't slaughter sour cream and potatoes.
But you don't slaughter. You get it from New York... Chanukah Sameach
You're not going to buy anything?
Author's Thoughts on Interview
He was very curt. I believe Micky smiled once. When I asked him about the slicer, he thought I was going to buy some cold cuts. That was the only time he smiled.
He never stopped trying to make a sale. I respect that. His Middle Eastern voice came out everytime he tried to make a sale. He even called me 'my friend' at some point. I would've liked a taste. Even in the shuk, they gave tastes.
I think he's mad because he's a vegetarian.
He wasn't happy about the slicer question. He was very adamant that it's a cutter.
He changed his mind about Mr. Goldberg real fast. He told me later that Mr. Goldberg's business wasn't doing too well, so he doesn't care for him anymore.
He was definitely not happy about Thanksgiving. I didn't even get in the question, before he started getting angry at turkeys. I don't believe he is thanking anybody this holiday season.
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I was going to do Kaparos before Yom Kippur, but I chickened out.
You get it? Kaparos is the tradition of placing your sins on something else, the day before Yom Kippur, traditionally a chicken, and waiving it. He chickened out of the chicken. He might've done it with money in the end. But that would still be without a chicken.
Designated stroller parking area. Something every shul needs, so I can get through the entrance on Yom Kippur... Truth is they should have stroller parking all the time. The entrance is always blocked.
Problem: Merv and Bernie will end up parking there. They already take the disabled parking spots and walk just fine. When it comes to parking, every member of our congregation is disabled.
Side Note: Figured out why so many kids come to shul on Yom Kippur. Because they get to eat in shul on Yom Kippur.