Jokes We Stole: Shnurers are Businessmen

by David Kilimnick

He was begging for the PEZ dispenser too.

The Shnurer has a skill. A marketable skill to ask for money with no shame. Now, they're even hitting me up with credit card machines in the middle of the Amidah. In the middle of asking Gd for sustenance, this guy is taking my money.  He times it perfectly. And he's hitting me up with a credit card machine. Middle of Davening, I'm bowing so I can reach my credit card and make a purchase.
Getting me to pull out my credit card to pay for nothing, Shnurers are the greatest of Jewish businessmen. Let's take a journey back a few hundred years to see how Rothschild couldn't compete with the business acumen of these beggars.

Rothschild Doesn't Do Business Like a Shnurer
It's not just anti-Semites. Jews also view Rothschilds as wealthy. The difference is that we know all Jews are not Rothschilds. Many of the wealthy Jews we know don't give Tzedakah.
​The Joke: Shnurer says, 'If I was Rothschild, I'd be richer than Rothschild.' His friend asks, 'How?' The Shnurer says, 'I'd beg on the side.'
How all Shnurers have friends, I don't know. They're very popular. Maybe it's because they're outside interacting with people. It's not a bad life.
If we're talking about Rothschild. That's how you lead into another joke. You say something like, 'if we're already talking about this...' And your friend is saying, 'I didn't say anything. You're the one talking. I'm trying to get out of here.'
Next Joke: If we're talking about Rothschild. Rothschild shows up to an inn in Plitskov and asks for eggs. The innkeeper tells him, 'Two eggs is three hundred rubles.' Rothschild asks, 'Are eggs that rare here in Plitskov?' The innkeeper says, 'No. But Rothschilds are.'
You see how I led into the followup joke with, 'If we're talking about Rothschild'? It's all about technique.

Tells Rothschild to Open a Bank
Shnurers are just good businessmen. You saw the brilliance in the Rothschild joke. If you're an entrepreneur your should be learning from Shnurers.
The Joke: Shnurer giving advice to Rothschild, ‘You should open a bank here in Plitskov.’ Rothschild responds, ‘Why? But there is no money here in Plitskov.' The Shnurer tells him, 'Because there is no bank.' ChaCha.
The ChaCha emphasizes the joke is finished. It was used quite well in Coming to America to exentuate the joke.
You use an old town like Plitskov and it sounds good. Also note, 'says' is a very important word when telling any joke or story. As these are Jewish jokes, we're not employing 'they says' as much as an average ninety year old American would in relating a story. Your average American delivery should consist of twelve or so 'and they says.'

Conclusion
If he would've listened to these Shnurers, Rothschild would've been rich.
Antisemitism stems from Jewish jokes. If we would've used other names, like the Shwartzberg family for these jokes, nonJews would know most Jews that go to shul don't pay their dues and are not liked by the Jewish community.