Sermons of Rebuke III: Vayera

Rivka Schwartz

Announcements
Shul security will be run by Mendel.

The fist Yad is here. The finger will be a fist. Due to the number of ripped Tallises, the rabbi has made the decision to only use fists as fingers. Please show up for the shul’s unveiling of the fist Torah pointer fist. It will not be violent.

The Tallis folding has been off. Placement as well. The rabbi will be giving a class this week on how to fold and place a Tallis properly on a shelf. Also, how to not make a mess of Tallises by throwing them. The rabbi will also teach people how to pick up their plate and put it in the trash, by not leaving their plate out for Rachel Bracha.

No more slowing down Kaddish. People want to stop saying Amen for Mark's dad, due to the bothersome nature of Mark's voice and speed.
 
Kippah clips are now required for funerals on windy days. Too many Kippas have flown into graves this fall.
 
Rabbi Mendelchem’s Drasha Excerpts
Shabbat Shalom My Herd...
(Bereishit 18:18-19) H’ says, ‘All the nations of the world will be blessed through Avraham for I have known that he commands his sons and his daughters and his house after him that they should keep the ways of H’, of righteousness and justice...' Nobody is being blessed through this congregation. Our one Kohen doesn't even know how to split his fingers correctly...

It's about passing on the ideal of righteousness... Mitzvot?! You don't even know how to show up to a funeral correctly. Kippot were flying all over. Learn how to wear a Yarmulke on a windy day. It's like Sedom and Amora...

It's about Tzadikim. That's what brings Bracha to the world. Let's talk about righteous people and passing on righteousness.
Tzadik here?! Would H’ have saved the world if our congregation was the people that were left… No. I don’t believe we have a Tzadik here.
Would Topeka be saved if it was up to our congregation?!
A Tzadik wouldn't make Rachel Bracha clean after them every Kiddish... No. It's not her job. She's just not annoying... You don't even pay dues... That would help pay for cleaning services... Only person who has ever offered to help is Moishe Pinchas. He offered and then left his plate on the table and walked right out... Why? Because Rachel said to him that he can help with cleaning up the plates. He just stood up and walked out. He figured, 'If that's the case, I need to get out of here fast.'
Have you seen the kids' table?!... Her name is Rachel Bracha because she is the only one in this shul that hasn't been a curse...

Mendel is not somebody you want running security. If Mendel was running security in Sedom and Amora, nobody would’ve been saved.
Why is everybody up in arms about a fist pointing to the Torah. It's to protect Tallises... Mendel should see the Yad and learn how to defend himself. The fist is more powerful than the finger. The Torah is our strength... This isn't a Kong Fu movie. Mendel would've never starred as Le Roy in The Last Dragon. He definitely can’t defend the shul...

A Tzadik wouldn't make everybody wait for their Kaddish Mark... No. Everybody loves your dad. It's you. Nobody likes you...

Seichel. That’s what we’re talking about. If you had Seichel, you might act right. Who puts the Tallis on the side of the table?... Of course, it slides off.
Your Kippah flew into the grave… Clips. Seichel. A hat is fine… Your Kippah fell off into the grave. It's in the hole…
No. You shouldn't have jumped in after it... Maybe it was meant to be...
 
Rivka's Rundown
Mendel decided that the best way to run the security team is to have a committee. To quote: ‘You don’t have security without a committee.’ And then nothing happened, and nobody was trained. But they had meetings about how the shul needs security.
So, I question if the shul can have Brachas with Mendel.

The rabbi initiated a windy day funeral dress code. New funeral dress code for windy days includes Kippah clips, hats, and coats that have a working zipper. I don't believe that any member of our congregation has ever fixed a zipper. Nor has anyone every resown a button. Their button breaks and they're walking around with a flapping trench coat connected on the bottom.
​Hats that are not allowed are derbies. Nobody wanted derbies at their funeral. A discussion was had, and nobody in our congregation likes them.
He jumped into the grave. His Kippah flew off and his immediate response was to jump in with the coffin. The rabbi had to stop some of the congregants from shoveling the dirt. We had one guy that was extremely intent on shoveling the stuff fast. His intensity involved in his dirt movement was astonishing. I think he truly did not like Fishel. Fishel was a good man, but that guy was real happy to see him go fast.
Since, the rabbi started giving out Kippah clips and hats to bald people.
​
Got the Fist Yad. All leftwing people left the shul in protest. They left the shul due to the Torah pointer offending them. They said that seeing a fist represented rightwing. Now people are not allowed to close their hands in shul, due to membership sensitivity.
The Torah is our strength was a beautiful lesson. Though the rabbi made clear it is our greatest weapon against evil, thank Gd nobody in our shul is strong enough to lift a Torah as weapon. That guy at Fishel's funeral would've used it on him if he had a chance.

He just left the Tallis on the side of the table and walked. It slipped off before he placed it. There is no way he didn't see it fall. He just figured, he shouldn't have to bend. He shouldn't have to pay dues or bend.
Some people are throwing Tallises. Why people are throwing Tallises is bizarre. I think they're expecting Rachel Bracha to clean them up.

Rachel Bracha ends up cleaning after everybody. They just sit and watch. I have never seen somebody offer to help. Rachel is another girl. Rachel doesn't help. Rachel Bracha, we always use both of her names.
A whole discussion was had with the rabbi about if a cleaning service would pick up Mark's plate after him. Mark has a huge issue with bringing his plate to the trash can. To quote, 'My family did not escape Iran to have to clean up after ourselves.'

Mark was not happy with the love everybody has for his dad, and the hatred for his Kaddish. Kaddish is always a little slower. Why??? I don't know. No matter how slow they go, Mark Sindel goes slower.
I never thought I would be so upset that I wouldn't want to say Amen, but his Kaddish is so long. I feel like smacking Mark and telling him his dad would've left in the middle of his Kaddish.

The rabbi did take the Kohen aside, to teach him how to separate his fingers. He spent months doing finger exercises with the guy. The Kohen is now jacked.