Sermons of Rebuke III: VaYeitzei

by Rivka Schwartz

Announcements
Any misspelling, in all issues of the Kibbitzer, is the Gabai’s fault.

We apologize for the Kristallnacht program last week. The speaker only realized later on that his house catching on fire was not the same as a Germans burning it.
Though he hates Florida, he wants to make it clear. He didn’t mean to blame Ron DeSantis for Kristallnacht.

No more banging the tables for Rosh Chodesh. We have a Yaaleh vYavo sign. That’s enough. Kids are now scared to come to shul because of your Clopping the table.
We are also asking Shlomo to pay for the damages done to the Bima table.

We want to commend all community members that went to the rally for Israel. We also want to thank all of those that stayed here for sharing their excuses for the past two weeks.
For those who went to the rally, the flag blanket Tallis look is beautiful. Howeverץ We are asking you wear a suit on Shabbat.
Proper Shabbat Israel Solidarity Dress: A pin. A Sheytel. A Kippah. A suit. Slacks. A Tallis. A tie would be nice.

Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts
Shabbat Shalom My Herd...
(Bereishit 29:1) ‘Yaakov lifted his feet and went toward the eastern lands...’ You have to put in effort, Yankel. You as well, Sarah Faiga... Pinchas. You will never meet anybody if you stay in Topeka. You have to go East. To New York... Effort. A little effort. You have to work... You have to pick up your feet. Lift them. Everybody. Lift your feet... Don't stand Bernie. Just lift your feet. It's like physical therapy for useless congregants...
I understand that none of the congregants here work. They definitely don’t help... You guys show up to shul so late. You walk so slow. None of you lift your feet. You drag. The problem is you drag...

Rashi says Yaakov was able to move because he felt Gd was with him. So his heart lifted his feet... Changes are hard. Dealing with the board of this shul is hard.
If you saw somebody attractive, you would lift your feet. You would help clean the Mikvah... It’s disgusting. I have yet to have seen Shloimy shower before entering that thing. And you guys put your Keilim in there.. The spoons you stick into your soup, full of Shloimy. The spoons that go into your mouth. It's disgusting. Clean the Mikvah. Effort. And Shloimy. Shower before you go into the thing...

It takes physical effort. Yaakov rolls the rock off the well... He wasn’t lazy. He helped with Kiddish. And he worked out. You guys are so out of shape.
There is a reason you don’t feel Gd is with you. He isn’t...

The only effort you put into anything is hitting the table on Rosh Chodesh. You scare the kids. You put in too much effort... He didn’t hit the rock off the well. It wasn't Rosh Chodesh.
Rosh Chodesh Clopping was scary.
The families ran. They got frightened. They thought there was a fight. Or the Bima broke... You attacked the Bima. You broke the the table...

What are you bringing up the Holocaust for?...
You’re an idiot. You don’t equate anything with the Holocaust.
It wasn't a Kristallnacht event. It was a left-wing political opinion... You took Kristallnacht and turned it against republicans... Are you an idiot? You blamed Ron DeSantis for your house burning and all of the synagogues burning... It wasn’t global warming. This has nothing to do... If Baruch Pichas Clopped your house, it would’ve been destroyed...

You had to lift your feet tot go to the rally for Israel.
Always an excuse. never responsible. You didn’t got to the rally... You say you wanted to. No excuses... Work?! You're an accountant. It's not even tax season...
Pinchas. You probably would’ve met a girl at the rally. A girl from New York...

It's time to fold up the flags... You're in shul. Your solidarity can be holding a flag. You don’t have to wear it...
How do pajamas show solidarity with Israel?! A tie would be nice... I know they don’t wear them in Israel. It would be a way of showing you care. A way of not looking like a shlump...

Rivka's Rundown
People were mad this week when the rabbi started giving sermons again. They shouted, 'We came to shul for Kiddish.' They were still in the Israel rally spirit.
In solidarity with Israel the rabbi gave no speech for Chayei Sarah and Toldot. Chayei Sarah. The rabbi just said, ‘Go to the Rally.’ That's all the rabbi said. It was the most powerful message he ever gave. I think the only one people heard. To be exact, I believe he said, 'You're heretics. Go to the rally or you're not Jewish.'
At Kiddish on Chaeyi Sarah, the rabbi told the single people at our shul to not marry each other. 'As Avraham made Eliezer vow to find a decent wife from Charan, you should not marry anybody from Topeka. Nobody here is decent. It's like living amongst a bunch of Canaanites.'
On Parshat Toldot, he told everybody that when Moshe Stern said Ruchel is his sister he was telling the truth. Finally, the Shadchans stopped trying to set them up.

Our congregants put no effort into anything. Last year's Chanukah party was just sour cream. No latkes to put it on. No latkes. No sufganiot. Just sour cream and jelly. Nobody was willing to fry. Too much work.
I am happy the rabbi called out Sarah Faiga. And Pinchas. It’s pathetic. Stays in Topeka. Is he looking to meet a bubbie.
They're lazy. The truth is the rabbi was going off on all the congregants because he wants a better Kiddish. Only two people help prepare it. And the way things stand, there will be no latkes or sufganiot this year either.
The rabbi would’ve listed everyone in the congregation, but he wanted to get a Shabbis shluf.

The whole Kristallnacht program was offensive. The guy turned Kristallnacht into a chance to go off on Ron DeSantis. I was fine with that. I just don't believe Ron DeSantis burned synagogues or Jewish books. I think the speaker got off track when they started yelling, 'I hate Trump.' I showed up to show respect for our ancestors and to commemorate Kristallnacht. The speaker is now running for town council.
And they shouldn't have called it a program. It's too close to Pogrom. It should be a Kristallnacht ceremony. Even that doesn't sound good. Nobody wants to relive that. A commemoration is the right word. I will tell the Federation.

He broke the Bima with his Clopp. It was vicious. I wouldn’t want to be in that guys house. He definitely wasn’t reminding people to say Yaaleh VYavo, unless if he was trying to remind them to say it under attack. I think Baruch Pinchas is just an angry dad.
Come to think of it, maybe he was mad about having to say Yaaleh VYavo. He probably misses it a lot and has to repeat the Shemonah Esrei (Amida). Each time you forget to say it, you have to repeat it. That can be frustrating. I once did eight Yaaleh VYavos on Rosh Chodesh. He was probably banging the table real hard, saying, 'This is how you remind people, so they don't have to repeat it. I was stuck in shul for three hours last month. Repeating and repeating!!!'

The support for Israel dress code the shul put out was to try to get people to look decent for services. One guy showed up in shorts and sandals and said ‘They do this in Israel.’ The rabbi responded, ‘That is the only form of solidarity you have shown.’ This week they showed up in pajamas again. The rabbi reminded the guy that he could've shown up to the rally in DC.
They're really are lazy. The congregation wants hostages free. But our congregants have a hard time saying Tehillim. They say it's too much work. Most of them can’t even read Hebrew. A bunch of selfish lazy congregants. When it comes to having the congregation sit threw their list of Mishebeyrachs on Shabbat morning... Some of them pull out lists of third cousins. And then they include the officers of the shul. Leave the rabbi and the officers of the shul out. Nobody is saying Amen to the pain you put us through. I say no more Aliyahs to the Torah. If we have to sit threw their Mishebeyrachs. If they did a Mishebeyrach for the hostages, like real Manschim, I would be all in. Instead, it's a blessing for their child doing third grade math in kindergarten at the local Jewish day school that costs twenty-five thousand dollars a year. And I know they're doing third grade math because that got brought into the Mishebeyrach. 'My daughter who is doing third grade math in kindergarten.' We always have to here about Samantha and Tuvi's kids. And why the local day school is twenty-five thousand with only four kids a class. There are things I can't explain.

The Mikvah is disgusting. Hasn’t been cleaned in years.
People are leaving boxes at the Mikvah now. You have boxes and Shloimy's whatever. If somebody isn’t tasked with helping people for money, they don’t do it. Not our congregation.​

They asked the rabbi what 'shlump' means. He pointed to Shloimy.