Tu BShvat Seder Questions: The Fruit and Vegetables of Israel

by David Kilimnick

No chance you're walking away from the Seder without an upset stomach. To note, the holiday has turned into a way to pass on gift platters to your friends.

​Seders are about questions. Asking questions is what the Kabbalists had in mind when they created the Tu BShvat Seder.
Here are the questions from my Tu BShvat Seder last year. Use them to make your Seder more meaningful.
 
People Trying to Figure Out Why There is So Much Dried Fruit at the Seder
Why are we only eating dried fruits on this night?
Why are we eating almonds with no salt?
Why on all other nights are our peanuts salted and enjoyable?
Why is my stomach hurting?
Why does this hurt more than milk?
Why do we have a holiday to care for the environment and vegetarians?
Is this holiday about the environment?
Why are we using plastic silverware?
Don’t we do enough for the environment by not driving on Shabbat?
Can we eat one of those apples that’s sitting on the counter?
If I like apples and I don’t like dried fruit, can I please eat an apple?
If it is not tradition, can I please eat an apple?
How does eating fruits and vegetables make you fat?
How can you get fat when eating healthy?
 
People Confused About Israel’s Undergrowth
What are the seven species of Israel?
Can I ask that question again?
Is pomelo not one of the seven fruits of the Holy Land?
Are you sure?
Why is this so confusing?
Then why do they sell it in the shuk?
Yes. Should sunflower seeds not be one of the seven species?
Why are Bamba peanut butter puffs not a specie? Are they not a vegetarian food? Are they not made in Israel?
Why are they so tasty?
If almonds are not one of the seven species of Israel, then can we please pull out the salted ones?
​Why is salt so good?
Will somebody please get me another cup? My plastic cup already has some wine. I want another one for the cola of Israel.
 
Questions About the Environment and the People Who Care
Why did the Jewish National Fund (JNF) take my money for a tree when I was a child?
Where is my tree? Why did The Jewish National Fund take money from me in kindergarten and never tell me where they planted my tree in Israel?
What happened to the Dead Sea?
Is it solidarity with the trees to not sit on chairs?
Why don’t you pay for us to do yoga?
Why is he laying down on our couch?
No, you can’t sleep here. You’re here for the Seder. Why did you just drool on our pillow?
Why don’t you recycle something for once?!!!
Why don’t you take out the garbage every once in a while?!!!
Why are we witnessing a family fight?
Why have you never reused a plastic bag?
Why are you the only guy still shopping without one of the big clothy supermarket bags?
Why do those rip too? I don’t know.
Why are people still driving non-solar cars?
How are we saving the environment on Shabbat when we are leaving on the lights the whole day?
Why am I sitting next to this heretic that just asked that?
Where are the kids?
Are they happy?
Are they eating the rum raisin ice cream?
Why on all other nights do I like food and have a settled stomach?
 
There were a lot of fights at that Seder. I think people got mad so many questions got asked. It extended the Seder real long.
I don’t think any of the questions got answered. Though, at points, people did respond to questions with angrier questions. Hopefully, at your Seder this Tu BShvat, you will be able to answer some of these.