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I was in a very spiritual mood this year, as the rabbi leading the Seder was talking about his new hybrid vehicle that he was very proud of, which the shul paid for. These are the questions I had last night, which the community did not seem to appreciate. Especially when I called them in the middle of the night to ask about why there are no leaves on my tree in the front yard.
How many times do we have to sing ‘Jerusalem of Gold’ to fulfill the commandments of this holiday? Why are we singing words and not singing the lyrics 'Nay Nay Nay'? Are we not religious? ‘Man is a tree of the field’ (Devarim 20:19)? Why is your dog by the tree right now? Adam comes from the same word “adamah,” which means earth? Are you serious? No. Really. Are you serious? Can somebody please pass another plastic knife and fork? They broke. Why do plastic forks and knives always break? Is that a Psik Reisha on Tu BShvat as well? Why did nobody at the Tu BShvat Seder understand that question? Why is everybody looking at me right now? Why are we using plastic? Does plastic celebrate trees? Are we not supposed to ask questions at the Seder? Did I show up to the wrong Seder? Who added this Seder where there are no questions? And why did I clean my house for this? Are we helping the environment? Why is my stomach killing? Do trees get stomach aches? The Talmud teaches that we should eat all the new fine fruit? Why do are we eating dried fruit? Is the dried fruit new? Yes. That is a new bag. Is it not? Did they dry the apricots yesterday? Should I feel bad? I saw some loquats in the shuk, and I didn’t buy them. Why do they charge so much for loquats when I want to be a good Jew? What are loquats? Why were they not dry? Should I go now? I think the shuk is still open. Why am I calling it the shuk? Is this not a Jewish holiday? It’s freezing outside. How do we get fresh fruit? Do oranges grow here? Should we be celebrating this now? It’s Rochester. Maybe we should wait till June, when we’re sure there won’t be more snow. Is the Prius the vehicle of Gd? Why did we have to push it out of the snow last week? Wait. Is this really a Jewish holiday? No. Really? Is this a Jewish holiday? Why did nobody at the Yeshiva mention it? Why does no religious Jew care about this holiday except for the people at our shul? Is it OK to care about trees as a Frum Jew? Is it religiously fine to care about people? Why did we not move to Israel, where this makes sense? Is it OK if I excuse myself again? Why is my stomach still killing? Really. Whose decision was it to use plastic? The Blog Tags Widget will appear here on the published site.
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A well put together cover page for a Jewish newspaper. I knew I was reading a Frum Jewish newspaper, as they found a way to fit 28 ads on the cover page. And the feature article is an ad for Amor jewelry... A properly written Jewish magazine should be advertisements. I once read a non-religious magazine, and I felt like a sinner when I read an article to only find there was no phone number at the end of it. I felt defiled… It’s a shame the Amor ad is so big. They could’ve got another 20 ads in.
(Shulchan Aurch 568:1) One who eats by accident on a fast must continue fasting. Making for a three hour fast to fully mourn the Churban of the Temples. I believe that break between meals fully calls to heart the true yearning of my soul over the loss of the Batei Mikdash... You can't eat once you remember you sinned, as one who committed a sin can't commit a second by snacking once they're already full.
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1/25/2024
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