Summer Acitivities in The Mountains: The Bungalow Experience

by David Kilimnick

This is a built bungalow. Structure is a porch, made of half inch plywood, anchored to the ground by stilts. (photo credit Pinterest and everywhere else)

Other than wearing nightgowns, what do people do in The Mountains, living at the bungalow? 

SHOPPING & EATING
Those are the activities. Eating and shopping for food to eat.

Pizza: You Define a Jewish Town by Pizza
The Woodbourne block gives you the full experience of Jewish New York, and that is what you are looking for when you leave New York to go to The Mountains. The experience includes eating. Pizza shops, knishes, and more eating. There is New York style pizza; thus, Woodbourne is Jewish.
You can now find kosher pizza shops in Monticello. South Fallsburg is loaded with pizza. Pizza all summer. That is the nutrient of The Mountains. Pizza.
What came first? Jews or pizza? Please help me answer this.

Grocery Shopping
They had Shop Rite, but that did not satisfy the full New York Jewish experience of being on vacation outside of New York. Hence, they opened a “Landau’s New York Supermarket”, so the Brooklyn experience of being on vacation away from Brooklyn in The Mountains could be enjoyed.

Amazing Savings
If Amazing Savings did not exist, The Mountains would not be Jewish. All people in bungalows go shopping at Amazing Savings. Jews need to buy tin pans.
Walmart was enjoyed by the Jewish people of The Mountains until they didn’t allow us to return stuff after two months. Talk about chutzpah! I ask you, what am I supposed to do with my purchase of the lawn chairs after the summer?!

PHYSICAL ACTIVITIES IN THE MOUNTAINS
This happen accidently. You're shopping and you can't find your car in the parking lot, you're stuck doing a physical activity. Other than that, you end up in water because it's hot. Here is how these activities work in The Mountains.

Hikes
Allow me to explain how hikes work in The Mountains:
Anytime you walk in The Mountains that is a hike. If there is no sidewalk, that is a hike. Mothers pushing their babies up and down the main roads of Monticello, that is a hike.
Anytime there is a chance of finding a salamander, that is a hike. This includes a salamander you found under your bungalow. You step outside, see an animal that is not a human, that is a hike. It is exercise. Can't find your car, now you're on another hike.
Anytime you have a bottle in a bag, that is a hike. Bottle in your hands, that is a walk. Walking in your nightgown is a hike. Anybody walking to the pizza shop when they could be driving, is hiking and losing weight. If you are from New York and you are surrounded by trees and grass and you go for a walk, that is a hike.

The Lake
There is always a lake nearby. You do not swim there. You swim in the pool that is built right next to the lake. The correct terminology is 'take a dunk.' You take a dunk in the pool. 
I am not sure if there is actual swimming. I have seen people in pools, but I am not sure if they are swimming or standing there.

Hours of swimming
It's important to know and understand these hours.
Men’s Hours- Hours at the Bungalow or Hotel pool that men do not want to show up to. Note: If women show up to these hours, it is tradition to not complain. See Women’s Only Hours for when men want to go.
Women’s Hours- Hours at the pool that women love. Sentence: ‘Thank Gd, B"H, there are no men here. They're disgusting... ’ See Men’s Hours for swimming times that men do not want to be at.
Mixed Hours- When the bad Jews go swimming, and all the other people go to sunbathe. 

Boating
Jews do not use motorboats. They go boating with an oar. It’s all part of the Jewish tradition of reliving slavery.

No Surfing
That is too tiring. If you see anybody outside of the boat, that is a man overboard.

No Fishing
Finding kosher food is time consuming enough. Waiting to catch a fish is not something we have time for, when you're trying to find the right kosher supervision on the tartar sauce package.

Swim with Shirt, Skirt or Dress
This is done either because of modesty or because your one-day South Beach diet did not shed all the extra pounds. Don’t be crazy. Nobody swims in a nightgown.

Sitting
Sitting and watching kids do stuff is the number one activity in The Mountains. Chasing them is not something you do. If your children are running and yelling in the pizza shop, there is no reason to do anything if they're not bothering you.

Shopping and eating are the activities. That's what I've concluded. If you end up walking by accident, that might be another activity. And there's a pool, but a dunk is not an activity. Dunking is only an activity if you're eating french fries. I have seen the people of The Mountains and they sweat when eating fries. They get involved in that activity.
Next time you are looking for the New York City experience, go to The Mountains. Join me for some New York City pizza and hike down the road to Amazing Savings. I am even happy to spend some quality time sitting on the bungalow colony lawn with you, in nightgowns.