Sermons of Rebuke Year II: Tazriah

by Rivka Schwartz

Announcements
The Freidberg Shiva is over. You missed it. They know you don't care.
 
No holding somebody's arm at Kidddish. We've had too many complaints about Hymie not letting people go in the middle of his jokes. People must be allowed the freedom to escape conversation. There's no need for violence, to get people to listen. Hymie has also caused a 10% drop in membership.
 
We're raising money for Ukraine, cause we found that nobody pays their dues. So, we're supporting another cause. The Ukraine fund won't take pledges. After consulting with our office, they understand that pledges won't work. They're only taking cash. They're also afraid that you will cancel the credit card payment and ask for a refund on your kindness.
 
Selling Chametz means it's not yours, but it is. So sell with the rabbi, who will get rid of it for you, while you keep it in your house.
 
We're hosting a youth convention next month. In preperation, Wednesday, there will be a class in how to lean into a picture properly.
 
Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Excerpts
 
Shabbat Shalom and Rosh Chodesh Tov… Rosh Chodesh. Nobody cares. OK… They should’ve smacked the table louder, so people knew to say ‘Ya’aleh vYavo.' Fear is the only way to get them to say it… They don't remember if they're not scared...
 
Holding people hostage is Asur. It is forbidden to hold them hostage in conversation, Hymie… You trap people in conversation. I’ve seen you do the arm hold… It’s friendly? It’s a felony. You once attacked me with a joke about an imam and a priest… So what if they don’t want to hear the Shabbat Hagadol Drasha. The sermons don’t hold them hostage. Their sins do… I’ve seen it Hymie. Stop. You do the arm hold and say, ‘You’ve got to hear this.’ We’ve seen it.
 
Pesach is coming and we must be pure. Free of sin… Chametz is not pure. Your kitchen is filthy. We’re talking about personal cleanliness. Higiene… The Beit Hamikdash was not dirty... Purity. Go to the Mikvah. And clean yourself before going in the Mikvah…
 
You can’t just do what you want. Even if you’re doing the right thing, you can still be impure. Holy and impure… No. Bernie. You’re just impure...
 
(Vayikra 12:4) After her days of impurity, the mother that gave birth has to sit for extra days. ‘She shall sit in the blood of her purity. She shall not touch anything holy, and to the Sanctuary she shall not come…’ In those days of purity, she cannot come… She didn’t sit in blood. It wasn’t a collected puddle from children who injured themselves at the playground… Watch the kids.
Giving birth is not a sin... That's exactly what I'm saying Benjamin. She did a Mitzvah and she still has to separate herself. Sometimes we have to separate ourselves for good. Some of our members separating would be appreciated. It would be good if Hymie separated himself from prospective members at Kiddish… This way they would want to join… Chametz is good, but we separate from it on Pesach. There are times to separate, even when we are pure...
That is why I am going away for Pesach.
Even in her purity she cannot touch the holy stuff. Even in a good pure and positive state, it is better to not be around Kodesh sometimes… Holy has its right times as well… In our congregation, it’s not the right time for holy… When will it be? I don't believe there will be. Can't think of a holy time... That Bat Mitzvah was messed up. Sucked the holiness right out of the sanctuary... That wedding? I believe there was an annulment before it happened... We don't do annulments, but it was that messed up. Sucked the wedding right out of the hall that day. Couldn't even call it a Simcha...
 
When there is life, we should stay away from Kodesh sometimes. To support the living. To support somebody else who needs our aide… Watch your kids already. It is getting to a point of… You visit the sick. You go to a Shiva house. Show you care... The Friedbergs would've appreciated that. I know you didn't. That's the problem. you also didn't come to shul... Yes. We're in a sanctuary right now... You didn't go to the Shiva house or shul...

There is more to life than being holy… You’re not holy anyways. At times, there is more than Kodesh, holiness. And that is your requirement. Being with this membership brings down my level of holiness, but I do it… To stop you from sinning more, I have to be unholy. That's why I party sometimes. To connect with you all, I have to drink...
The children need their mother. Do they not?... You abandoned your children. Look at Jennifer. She's on the stairs to the Bima, stage, right now... It's a sermon. That's abandonment... Yes. There are times to not be in the sanctuary. Maybe playgroups is a place to be. If you watched them, they wouldn’t be knocking their heads into poles at the jungle gym.
There is a reason you get off of work… It’s not time for a vacation for you. Getting off work itself has a different kind of holiness… Your kids are running around the shul. That's when you don’t come into the Sanctuary. You watch over them. Because they’re loud. There are sharp tables for a reason...
You have a requirement… They wouldn’t be walking around with blood dripping all over if you watched them...
 
Who shouldn’t come into the Sanctuary? Little Pinchas. Running around the shul again… He shouldn’t be in the sanctuary. His parents should be in the sanctuary, to take him out.
If we separated some members, it would be good for our congregation... The softball team. Some people shouldn't be on the baseball field... Nothing to do with holiness. They're just bad. It hurts our chances...
Requirements cause us to separate sometimes… Usually we want people back, but… 
The Friedbergs aren't here because you let them down...
 
We would like to welcome the Janklowitz family to our community. Jayson, Jess, Julie, Jill, Jack, Jake… Jack and Jake are the same. Jillian, Jermey, Joseph. It’s a pleasure to have you… Sorry. We also welcome Jennifer Janklowitz… The Janklowitzs should be here. We're happy to have you...
No. Nobody gave birth. They just don’t come to shul… Stay away from the Janklowitzs. Your staying away makes for greater holiness in our congregation, Hymie. At least more people wanting to be members…
Take that seat. They don’t show.
We welcome them. We spend time welcoming them, even when it takes away time from Davening. We nurture… I nurture. Nothing nurturing in the back left… Nurturing comes before holiness.
 
It's time for repentance. Rosh Chodesh... Nobody cares. We'll talk about repentance on Rosh Hashana... That's Rosh Chodesh too...
Watch the kids for crying out loud. We're about to start Musaf... 
 
And that is the Shabbat Hagadol Drasha. Here's a packet…
 
Rivka’s Rundown
The rabbi gave the Shabbat Hagadol Drasha a week early. A faux pas. The three Torahs that were brought out had everybody in a bit of daze.
The Drasha was great. Many sources. It was good he just handed out the packet and stopped right after that. As long as there are sources. That’s what the congregants want. 
There was also a Nietzsche source and a Freud. They love the nonTorah sources. Anything to do with Torah just lets the congregants down; they don't want that from Judaism. 
 
A beautiful sermon and teachings on the thought of separation being holy in itself, even when it’s separating from holy, for another requirement. The whole idea of not showing to the sanctuary, the rabbi couldn’t get a Minyin the following week.
Parents have to do their job. They take no responsibility. It’s like they come to shul to throw the kids on the congregation. They make it a point to not send them to groups. Groups are the place we throw kids. They come to shul and we relegate them to groups. Kids belong in batches. That's how we educate them, and keep them from bothering us in shul. I believe they had groups in the times of the Temple. I'm not sure. During the summer, there are no groups, as we throw the kids in summer camps.
If the parents don't do send them to groups, we get Shmulik on it. Shmulik scares them enough to want to be with other people, for protection. The problem is Shmulik took his winter vacation last week.
The Janklowitzs showed up. That was a beautiful welcome to their family. It took the rabbi three months to tell them they're not right.
I like that the Janklowitzs kept to the ‘J’ theme. I commend them for sticking to it.
 
After the rabbi said it was Rosh Chodesh, twelve people got up to start redoing the Amidah, the silent prayer. They all realized they forgot to say ‘Ya’aleh vYavo.’ So, the whole congregation waited for them to finish that before the rabbi continued with the Drasha. It was messed up. Nobody remembers to say Ya'aleh vYavo unless if the rabbi scares them into it. I once had to repeat the Amidah eighteen times. I suggested to the board to have a banger, a loud first Ya'aleh vYavo caller, a look given to each congregant from the rabbi (one that exudes guilt), and to have Shmulik walk around and command them to say it. If we cover all the bases, some of the members will remember to say it.
 
People started reporting conversations with Hymie, when he told them a joke. They walked to shul the following week with ‘I’m a victim of conversation’ Tshirts.
 
The rabbi did a great job of justifying his vacation. He didn’t even stay to sell the Chametz for the congregants. He ran and said it was because of their misdeeds. We were all confused. He just wanted out. In the end, he told us to sell it online. He said there's less of a chance of a random person walking into your house if they're online.
 
Finally, a seat was shown and there wasn’t an uncomfortable conversation about sitting in a person’s seat. First time. Usually, new people come and they’re told they can’t sit. Then we have to explain that people have seats. We should tell visitors to carry seats from their homes. That would be more welcoming.
 
People have stopped asking how the kids are doing. The're afraid it will be a conversation. Once people stopped saying ‘good’ and added information as to grandkids and college, we lossed members. Now people can’t show they care anymore.
I couldn't get away from discussion about the sick family member. I hope they're OK. I just don't have the time to listen. I care, I just have to run. I wanted to say, 'I'm out of here. I hope they make it.' Though Hymie never assaulted me, I was a victim of having to care. I joined in solidarity and as a victim the following week. I sported the shirt, 'I am a victim of conversation.'