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The Chanukiving program was a bit off. Nobody knew what the meaning of the program was. People were giving Pilgrim hats to each other. It felt like I was around a bunch of Hamans. Much of the time, I feel that about the members in this congregation.
The hats were triangles and I couldn't tell the difference between lovers of America and haters of Jews, among the congregants. I do know that they all complained about the program. That's something Haman would've done. Bulletin mistakes have been hard on the congregants recently. I think the secretary messes up the fives and sixes, and sevens and eights, and any letters and numbers that are near each other. She's not good at keyboard finger placement. However, she does type without looking. Now the congregants are getting multiple correction emails for programs. People love getting the new emails, as they feel popular with more emails in their inbox that aren’t from Staples. Staples is very big in our town and they like sending price correction emails, or sales. All I know is that people don’t read the correction emails very well, because nobody showed up on time to any of the Chanukah programs. The rabbi was even asking people why they were showing up late. I don’t think he reads the emails either. I believe the congregants just guess, most of the time. They figure it's Chanukah and something must happen at the shul. Some people showed up on Tuesday. The program was Monday, and the 'T' is nowhere near the 'M' on the computer. I can’t find my coat. It's been two weeks. Maybe, at the end of Shabbat services, I’ll find it in the coatroom. There’s no shame in this shul, people are stealing my coats constantly. I've seen a coat in the coatroom for the past two weeks that has the same belt as mine, but I can't steal that one. Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Shabbat Shalom vChanukah Sameach Yosef dreamed in last week’s Parsha and now Paroh is dreaming. And Rivka is dreaming of a day that her coat won't be stolen from the coatroom... Taken is the same thing. A mistake that you don't return is stealing... She can't take your jacket... That would be stealing... We all have dreams. I have a dream that I won't have to work in this shul. We all dream, but when skinny cows eat big cows, there is a problem… Skinny people should not be eating that much. We ran out of food because Anshel ate twelve latkes… The kid is tiny. And because the skinny kid ate too much, everybody was starving. That’s what Paroh was dreaming about. Skinny people eating too much… It’s an anomaly. Nobody has that good of a metabolism… (Bereishit 41:1) 'After two years, days'… Some things take time. But Yosef didn’t give up… I'm thinking I might be able to do something decent with this congregation… Two years to get the Chazin to finally do a decent tune. I didn't give up. Two weeks to get the correct date on the Chanukiving program... Using the word 'days' to describe years. It should be written 'two years' and that is it. However, Yosef is in jail and you feel those days. Kind of like how it feels in this shul... I've been here for two years. It feels like sixty. I've had some painful years. The past two years I’ve been the leader of this congregation... each day has been felt... All the complaints you guys have....the only family event that the Baal Simcha didn't complain at was the funeral I performed last week… Everybody was happy… I had a nightmare the other day. I dreamt that I would be stuck in this community for another 7 years. Can somebody please translate what that dream means?... Yosef tells Paroh that there will be seven years of famine. However, there is time to prepare. Yosef, in his wisdom, comes up with a plan for saving the necessary foods. Something that couldn't be done when Anshel finished off the latkes... Who finishes the sour cream and applesauce?! You finish that and we have nothing to eat. Famine... Whenever we think about the future, it is a nightmare. It is going to be another painful seven years with the Markowitz family showing up to services. The post-mortem complaints are the worst... How they still complain after they've passed. There was a donation for new seat covers… Simon gave it after he was gone… He was complaining about the seats for years. After he passes, he still finds a way to complain… They're a brownish pantone... When you have time to think. When you prepare for something, it's important. You don't prepare for Shabbat. That's the problem in this shul. You don't prepare. Yosef's plan was to prepare... He went to Paroh looking decent. He cleaned up, Bernie... You clean up well. But none of you clean up... A community of Apikorsim. A community that doesn't prepare. You all care so much about Chanukah, but you didn't prepare the candles early enough... You wanted to light Chanukah candles on Shabbat. You cannot light the Chanukah candles on Shabbat.... Shabbat is more important than Chanukah. It is every week, Bernie, and what is common is more important than not as often... It's holy and you think things that happen once a year are... Your birthday is not as holy as Shabbat... I know you get gifts on it. You do not have the wisdom, so I will not explain these concepts to you.... Mr. Fernanstein, I do love your electric Chanukiah and the Christmas feel it brings to the community.... You prepare for what you have every week, and you will do something decent when that opportunity comes to have a Chanukiving celebration. Yosef felt every day in that jail. You feel it when there's a bad gift. You have dreams. Nightmares... I know you don't get a gift every Shabbat. Do you even like your Chanukah gifts? It’s scary. We have nightmares of getting socks again. We have nightmares of bad times. And it feels like eight days. A whole eight days. We don’t even call it years… Because it’s painful. It’s painful to get socks again… I can't give you the reason for sewn socks being a gift. It doesn't make sense and it can't be translated... If you think about it, each day is painful. Here, it is painful. However, when we look back, we see the good.... The gifts we got, they are now something. A memory of a bad time. Yosef was waiting in that jail for days, for what was rightfully his. Each day, painful, for what was rightfully his, until he was finally summoned by the Paroh... I should’ve gotten something better than headphones… They weren’t even earbuds. They were wired headphones. I was waiting for this Chanukah. For something decent in my life... I spend every day in this shul... As your rabbi, who is rightfully dealing with the painful days, to see the later dream of redemption, when he sees his pension and retirement package from the shul fulfilled..... Do we ever get what is rightfully ours? When does that happen? (Bereishit 41:9-14) The cupbearer finally remembers Yosef... He broke his promise. He was selfish, like Anshel eating all the stuff… But he remembers Yosef’s ability to translate dreams. When people remember your abilities... I should've taken the job in Atlanta. The Mermelbergs remembered me. They know how good the sermons are and they finally remembered how annoying Frank is.... You never get what is rightfully yours, because people don’t remember when you do something good… Are our dreams warnings? I should’ve known it was a bad decision to come here when I dreamt about Bernie being a congregant… How do we translate our dreams?... You’re never going to make the NHL, Bryan…. Yosef is taken from prison… When you’re talented, you can break the law. The real question isn't what is the dream. It is, what do we do with the dream... Dreams are passive, like every one of you during Adon Olam... Then sing already. Join in. The Chanukiving event would've been so much better if you sang Chanukah Oh Chanukah... (Bereishit 41:14) When he finally gets called to Paroh, Yosef ‘shaved and changed his clothes and came to Paroh.’ This is the most unkempt congregation… You have a five o’clock shadow… It's not afternoon. Rashi explains that he shaved out of respect for the king… You respect the throne. You respect the rabbi... You prepare for shul... You bring a coat, Kate. You don't take... That's her coat. She prepared. That's why it's a nice coat... I understand you like it. Geulah starts with respect. I have … Yes. They have to remember you first. The cupbearer finally gave Yosef his due respect... If you were to treat your rabbi the way he deserves, got him the new car and parking spot, redemption could be here... What do we learn from this? Don’t depend on anybody. Don't depend on the Gabai. The sisterhood... It may be two years before anything decent happens. The Simchowitzs haven’t paid their dues for two years… Forget about seven. The real years were those two in prison. Might have been in Topeka... Yes. Each day, I feel that leak in the chapel not being fixed… But you can’t depend on the president or the custodian to remember. It’s two years of waiting… When we finally got the curtain for the ark. You remember that, Sadie… She remembers, because it took two years to get that curtain. And every day, people were wondering why there is no curtain… Yes. It’s painful to open the door to the ark every time... It can't be electric... Shabbis. Nonetheless. When you get it. You respect it. You love it. You kiss it. If the leak is ever fixed, we’ll thank H’ that it finally happened. And we will finally not have to wear rain jackets in shul… I know. Most people wear them in shul, because somebody is stealing them from the coatroom… You can’t switch jackets with people. Trading is stealing… I am doing what I can, which is very hard with Bernie, Rachel and the back left section. Even so, I am happy when the moments come. When I am asked to go to another congregation... When I go to Israel, yes. I will shave. You respect the throne. You respect the kind. You respect the president of the shul, even if he does nothing… Don't depend, but prepare... Yes. I am prepared to get fired... Yosef didn’t complain that he wasn’t remembered. When it was his turn, he came out and showed what he could do. Unlike Anshel at his Bar Mitzvah, who made… It was seven mistakes an Aliyah… Other than showing that he can eat the carving station… It’s not wanting. It’s the actions that lead to Geula. It’s preparing yourself, so that when the time comes… You did not go over that Haftorah Anshel… The Chanukiving program could've been much better attended... If the emails were prepared right... With Black Friday, you all want a deal on dues. It’s what you dream about… It’s what you do with the dreams… I may get a call to work at Beit Knesset Anshim Normalim… Yes. That’s a shul, Bernie. Somewhere… It's not the dream. It's what you do with the understanding of it. Your grandparents dreamed of a beautiful congregation, and now... Rivka’s Notes on Rabbi Mendelchem’s Drasha Most of the congregation showed up the next week not looking very good. The rabbi's message of 'clean yourself up' was for not. They didn't know it meant to get dressed up nicely. Some congregants smelled decent. A bit like Windex and that Swiffer lemon scent. They even said they cleaned their home. We have older members who don't know what it means to 'clean up.' A little side note: I usually end up having to clean up the kiddish. The rabbi is so creative with dues. He works them into every sermon. He called the Kiddish bartender a cupbearer, because they forgot that the rabbi likes Jack and Coke. The rabbi did not want Jim Beam. He blamed the bartender for not preparing correctly, and forgetting. He said, 'You cupbearer.' It was a curse. Not a compliment. If he would've said 'The Cupbearer' it would've been more of a compliment. Adding the word 'you' made it sound very negative. I realized that our congregation is full of a bunch of procrastinators. Kiddish wasn’t even ready this week when we finished Adon Olam. They were just bringing out the cake when we walked in. After last week and this week’s sermons, the congregants stopped dreaming. Hope was looked at as not a good thing. Yankel decided he should be a dream reader. His interpretations weren’t that good, but he made a lot of money. He said he was hoping somebody had a dream with seven in it. He said he could translate that. Wilt’s Neighborly Hardware store started calling their sales ‘price corrections.’ They realize that the sale price should be the regular price. They’re very neighborly and even knock on people’s doors. There's a warmth to a stranger handing out their flyers to let you know about their price cuts. They started marking the sales price on their items, under what they call the ‘Overpriced Cost,’ which is there the rest of the year. Wilt is a good man. He used to have Black Saturday deals, but the Jewish community protested by not buying on Saturdays. So, he changed it to Black Friday. The congregants wanted a Black Friday Deal on dues. Everybody in the congregation wants. It's all about them. Dr. Friedstone wanted his coat back. If anybody translated their dreams better than Yankel, they would forget it. I had a big argument with Fran Bergstein. She refused to give me back my coat. She stole my coat from the coatroom last week and it is now hers. I had to explain to her that even though they are both winter coats, they are not the same. I also had to explain that green doesn’t make the coats the same, especially when she has shrunk six inches. Kate isn't giving me my denim back. I've lost around six coats this past year. Didn't really lose them. I know who has them. That's a chutzpah; to invite me to her home for Shabbat lunch and to see my coat in the closet. I wanted to say something, but the gefilte fish was excellent. The rabbi was right. Nobody remembers the good. Like the time Frank didn't show up for services. That was a great Shabbat. The secretary sent out the dues bills that people owed. It turns out that some of the members got some decent cuts on the dues. One congregant only had to pay $100. It was supposed to be a thousand, but our secretary doesn't edit or look. We now hired an editor, to edit what the secretary does. One board member had the chutzpah to ask why we have a secretary if everything she writes needs correcting. It was explained to him that he needs something to correct. Otherwise, the editor would be pointless to have. We don't want too much pointless staff on the books. The rabbi pulled the singles aside after Kiddish and gave a sermon where he told them that Yosef prepared to meet Paroh. Hence, they should prepare for a date. Yosef shaved and the singles in our congregation are unkempt. He then told the congregants at his Shiur during the week that they should prepare for prayer. He was disgusted with the lack of hygiene, and the singles had no excuse. He told one of the singles that he was kind of like Yosef, as the single girls were gawking at him. He made gawking sounds to bring home his point of how the girls were like Potiphar’s wife. He told the guy that he was like Yosef, with gawks, even though his suit was plane black. The rabbi then exclaimed the point was that Yosef was in jail for many days, which is kind of like being single. It's depressing, so you feel each day. The rabbi made it clear to them that they are in a Shabbis Solitary Confinement. Menachem didn’t seem to feel good about himself after the singles are alone speech. The idea of feeling each day in jail of singledom didn’t bring up his spirits. The rabbi ended taking about Yaakov feeling the years waiting for Rachel like just days. The problem is that none of the singles saw anybody in the congregation that was ‘available and hot,’ as Kimmy said. They also felt like they were being lied to, like Yaakov was with Leah. As Menachem said, 'I have been on many shidduchim. I was she was hot.' Now, there’s a lot of panic of another seven years, waiting for a decent match, and everybody is worried about a famine. The single men didn't understand why the rabbi was telling them to clean up, like Yosef, when the community frowns upon singles being alone in an apartment. The rabbi ended by clearly stating, 'Yosef shaved. When you go on a date, shave. Even if the last date you went on was two years ago, you shave...' Faigel let the rabbi know that each date with Menachem feels like a year. She then went on to ask where her coat was. All were in wonderment, as they thought the singles class was supposed to be on Wednesday. The rabbi didn’t see the correction in the email. 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What did the people of Sedom learn? Gomorrah. You get it? Sedom and Gomorroah. Gemara is what we learn. Gomorrah was wicked with Shechem. They wouldn’t have been wicked if they learned Gemara. This pun doesn’t work in Hebrew, as it’s Amorah. Amorahs are rabbis who wrote the Gemara. A very confusing pun. Sometimes, you have to leave the people not understanding what the point of the pun is. If you don't ask, it's free. They wanted 24nis for a kilo of eggplant. I took it and didn't even have to pay. I've never been so happy shopping at the Shuk. I feel like I got a great deal… With this new shopping technique, I feel like I will save a lot of money.
Visiting the sick takes away 1/60th of their pain (Nedarim 39b). That’s how little it helps. The annoyance of you being there, they feel the 59/60th. They feel that a lot.
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12/3/2021
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