Sermons of Rebuke III: Shemini

by Rivka Schwartz

Announcements
Due to the heretics at the bakery, the rabbi said you can't buy from them till October. By that time, we're praying the Jews of our community will have bought the bakery's Chametz.
 
We're ending Pesach with a four dayer. Another day of Matzah. I don't know what sins you did to deserve this. Shabbat is one more day of Pesach. No Kosher Jews will have Challah by that time, especially with Heiminstein's Heretical Baked Goods. Eating Matzah means another day.
 
The fire at the shul was not an act of anti-Semitism. It was an act of members doing something. The Biyur Chametz fire was too large. We now have to repaint the outside of the shul.
We ask people not make fires on shul property, even if they are doing a Mitzvah. We ask fires should be contained on shul property. Not just in a forest. Even if we believe in H' the One who made fire.
General request from the board: We ask members not help.
 
Due to the annoyance of most of the membership, and the rabbi not wanting to see them at shul, we're adding another three weeks to Pesach. The rabbi ordered it. He called the hotels. They will take you back for another thirty thousand dollars. It's a deal and it will make the rabbi happy.
 
Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Excerpts
Shabbat Shalom My Pupils...
(Vayikra 9:21) It says, 'As Moshe commanded.' Aaron did as Moshe said. It's good to have people who listen to you... Because then you don't mess up everything.
Sometimes, you listen to your leaders... Why? So, that you don't mess up everything, like burning down the shul's social hall... I told you to not help.
If the bakery would've listened, they would have sold the Chametz and they would've purchased Di Paolo bread and called it Challah... It tastes better than Heimenstein's Heretical bulkies.

This is the beginning of the priestly service. The consecration. Celebrate beginnings. It is from here that all other services will happen... We didn't celebrate the beginning of the new shul president, because he's annoying.
They sacrificed. They didn't burn down a tree... I know you were making a fire to burn Chametz. You burned down the shul's awning, the social hall, the... Self-hating Jews... We almost lost the shul due to your Pesach zealotry... Moshe didn't tell Aaron to burn down a forest. You were burning Chametz. How much wood do you need to burn Chametz?... Somebody else is going to the Lag BOmer bonfire...
They were sacrifices. Moshe didn’t tell Aaron to burn down the Temple.
 
Due to Aaron's doing this the right way, they were able to bless the people. You can't bless the people when you have no bread and the shul is burnt... It's called anti-Semitism Bernie. Your burning of the Chametz was antisemitic...
After he did the services of the offerings, (Vayikra 9:22) Aaron raised his hands towards the people and he blessed them.
They were able to raise their hands and leave the tent of meeting because they didn’t burn everything… We can’t use the back door to the shul now
You’re not a Boy Scout. You’re a shul member. Your practicing Mitzvot is dangerous.
The time you spilled the grape juice… Yes. They slipped. You didn’t clean it.
The time you backed out of your parking spot. The time you approached the Kiddish table with reckless abandon... You doing anything is dangerous. The way you sit. You plop down. You broke Tzachi's arm by sitting next to him... The time your nephew visited, junior congregation was dangerous...

(Vayikra 9:23) Then Aaron and Moshe come out of the tent of meeting and they bless the people 'and the glory of H' appeared to the entire people.'
After stuff is done correctly, the way Moshe said to do it, the way H' wants it, H' can join in the blessing. H's glory is present... Not here. Not when you burned down the place.
There is no blessing at Heimenstein's Heretical Bakery. The bakery made the worst Challah this Shabbis. And it wasn't kosher... I just know it wasn't good.
The service was messed up too. You don't call numbers that fast. You don't say '202, 20...204.' They don't give you time to get to the display. Especially when Sadie is telling you about the grandchildren.
 
The bakery’s Challah is anti-Semitic…
Two days with one day break is a four day Chag. Especially when the bakery doesn't sell Di Paolo…
 
Rivka’s Rundown
The rabbi made it clear that the kosher bakery was anti-Semitic. Thanks to the rabbi, their business skyrocketed after the Chag. Everybody wanted to buy Chametzdik from anti-Semites. That’s a Jewish Chavaya.

Kiddish was held in the back of the chapel. They're still fixing up the social hall after the Biyur Chametz fire. They'll be talking about the Biyur Chametz fire for years. We had a special prayer service for the insurance company to cover the damages. 'Burning of Chametz' was not written into the insurance plan. Though, natural disaster is in our plan. That should include congregants.
Baruch truly is dangerous. Everything he does is a danger to the shul. Especially the way he parks. He takes up two spots.
 
The bakery truly makes bad Challah. The rabbi calls it Heimenstein's Heretical Bakery, as only heretics can make that bad of Challah. The rabbi explained the following week that the Challah wasn't Chametz, as it wasn't 'Raui'i LAchilas Kelev' (not fit for a dog to eat it).
Truth is the whole end of the sermon was confusing to me. The rabbi should've just said their stuff is worse than Entenmann's.
The rabbi said they didn't sell their Chametz. I can't imagine they didn't sell it. I think he just doesn't like their babka and Danish, and can't imagine that any sale they make is legitimate.
Why we have a Kosher bakery that can’t make Challah baffles me. And they truly don't give you enough time. You can only make it if you're the third number called in a sequence. Otherwise, you've got to take another number and pray you're at the window on time. I once missed candle lighting, trying to get a bulkie.