Sermons of Rebuke III: Shelach and Father's Day

by Rivka Schwartz

Announcements
The shul has a full-time security guard at the front door. We want to thank Mike. He's been successful at keeping Jews out.
Security is a necessity. Our members should feel safe. Security is here for a reason. After many attacks and board meetings, we've decided to keep the shul in the dangerous neighborhood.

If anybody is wondering why Baruch is smiling so much, the dentist told him he has good teeth. We believe he has shared that news with you all already. He will repeat it again. And he will keep on smiling until somebody tells him his teeth are bad. To be honest, they are good teeth. They're bright and they shine.

We are going to teach the kids how to do Anim Zemirot. It's been taking way too long. For the first lesson, we are going to focus on the dads. It has come to our attention that they're telling their kids to annunciate. Before any other lesson, we're going to teach the kids to keep their dads away from the Bima. The class starts this coming Wednesday, and dads are not allowed to attend.

The Father's Day BBQ will be hosted by the men's club. We're going to get the men out of the house so families can enjoy Father's Day without seeing the dads.

Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts
Shabbat Shalom My Pupils...
'Send people for you...' If we sent out the left front of the shul, that would be a great gift for me. Just to get rid of those members... 

The spies told them, (Bamidbar 13:29) 'The Amalekites dwell in the south land, while the Hittites, the Jebusites, and the Amorites dwell in the mountainous region.' So you move to the north... Yes. The south side is messed up. Housing prices are down.
Is it that hard to not go to The Mountains for the summer?! Are Jews that needy of mountains??? They can't even hike to shul without complaining... 

It's not even Father's Day and you want to go golfing... You went golfing last Father's Day. Was that meaningful?! I'm trying to bring meaning to Father's Day and you're worried about golfing and Hittites... The Hittites at least mowed their lawns.
As Father's Day is here, help your dads on their renovations. Your homes look bad. I wouldn't want to move to the Jewish neighborhood in Topeka. If spies came and told me about the Bergowitz front lawn, I wouldn't move there. With all the stuff on your lawn... It's renovation season. It's fix up season... I know Jews go to The Mountains for the summer. This isn't a bungalow. Clean up your front lawn... You have flipped over tricycles... Your kids are in college...
The members in the front left are spies.

Why would you not go to Israel?! They don't have long Anim Zemirots, or dads standing next to the kids forcing them to make Anim Zemirot long and painful. The land of Israel is flowing with kids that know Hebrew and don't annunciate every word. That's a reason to move...

(Bamidbar 13:27) 'We came to the land you sent us, and it is flowing with milk and honey, and this is its fruit.' They showed them decent fruit...
Scared of fruit?! The grapes are too big?! Everybody loves big grapes. The crunchy kind. Love it... A land flowing with honey and milk, and huge hotel breakfasts.

The spies said decent stuff. Always glass is half empty. Look at the positive... I know it's hard to look at the positive when you have to look at the front left...
If you heard Bryan was running the BBQ, you would all complain. 'We can't go. Bryan doesn't know how to man the grill.' And you would be right. 
And I see this congregation and I mourn. I mourn sadness. The desire to be golfing. I mourn having to see the membership. I also mourn a messed up BBQ with Bryan... The Jebusites knew how to man a grill.

Yehoshua and Calev ripped their clothes and said, (Bamidbar 14:7) 'The land we passed through to scout is an exceedingly good land.' You see the good and you fight for it. And you ruin a decent shirt. You think it was easy to find a shirt back then.
We have to stop being scared and see the good. Yehoshua and Calev were trying to tell the board to hire security... Yes. They had security guards back then.
The shul has a security guard. It's dangerous, but we still come to shul. Because it's good... Without Bernie, it's good... The security guard is a big guy. Probably a Hittite... Security is one prayer H' doesn't answer. We don't depend on Him for that. The dues provide the security...
You rip your clothes when you're mourning. That's why most of my shirts are ripped. I have to deal with you as congregants...

But you see the good, and Baruch has really clean teeth. Baruch has been smiling all morning. And it would appear he just went to the dentist... It's good to see you Baruch. You don't have to smile with all of your teeth. You're not Steve Harvey....
You see the good, and you don't look at the front left of the shul...

There is hope, if the kids learn an Anim Zemirot tune that doesn't take ten minutes, or Tzvi pronouncing every word... The kid doesn't need you. I understand it's Father's Day. This Father's Day, you should know your child doesn't need you...

As Calev said, 'We can take possession.' Take possession of your teeth. This Father's Day... You don't need to take possession of The Mountains. You can go to a bungalow... You don't have to live in The Mountains. You can visit.
When you have possession, you have to take care of it. You mow the lawn. You don't ruin the neighborhood like the Bergowitzs, who think the Fayetteville neighborhood of Topeka is a bungalow... Just flip the bikes upright. It's Father's Day. Help around the house a bit, and retake possession of Anim Zemirot... 

Rivka's Rundwon
The rabbi honored all the fathers by letting them know they don't come to shul enough. 
Bryan truly can't man a grill. Watching him flip a burger is like watching a child trying to put together MagnaTiles that form into a shape that makes sense. He childs the grill. He doesn't mjan it. It's like he's playing with the fire. His burger flipping is pathetic. Burgers come out in eight pieces. To put them on the bun, I have to puzzle it. I don't think he's ever had a full burger scoop. 
The rabbi also reminded the men that they have unkempt houses.

A lot of our membership doesn't show up on Shabbat. Either security is keeping Jews out, or Jews don't like to pray. It might be golf. I don't know what the heretics do. I pray at my shul becaues the heretics at the other shul show up on Shabbis. 
There has been violence in our shul. Sadie attacked Steve at the board meeting. I believe most of the congregation was happy to hear that Steve got hurt.
Why our shul is on the southside when it's the most dangerous neighborhood. I believe it keeps you praying with the true believers in Gd.

Our community seriously needs to do some home fixups. The Bergowitz front lawn is messed up. They've got slides, chairs, clothes. A shirt ended up on a chair. Must've been put out to dry  before the winter. Broken lawn chairs. Like they left them on the curb and took them back to the house. Lego. Lego on the front lawn. It's their living room. The tricycles have been there for fifteen years. Very connected to their youth. Monopoly is laying out on the lawn.
The Bergowitzs are very Frum. Very religious. Their living room is their dining room. That's how you know they're Frum. 

Baruch is really proud of his teeth. The hygienist should've never complimented him. All of Kiddish he was smiling and talking of his teeth. He even had one of those flossing toothpicks. He was constantly picking at his teeth to draw attention to them. He then started picking and sucking in, trying to get the potato kugel strands out.
He took to educating people how to keep their teeth nice. He even started running his tongue over his top teeth, inside his mouth, and then sucking that too. It was disgusting. Very loud and disgusting.
People were examining his teeth. Samantha noted the straightness is extraordinary.

The long Anim Zemirot is because of that Anim Zemirot dad up there. He's making sure his kids annunciate, and I want to hurt him. The dad is the problem. I believe the congregants all know that now. I was happy to see the security guard escort the dad out, when he told his children they have to slow down.
Anybody that tells any Chazin to slow down should be kicked out of shul. These Anim Zemirot dads have to stop.
Dads not being allowed to attend the class was a start. The children learned to say 'no' to their dads when their dads tell them to annunciate, which was their first lesson in honoring the congregation.

The rabbi always talks about the spies and people being scared of big grapes. I love them. Big grapes without pits are amazing. I love food in bulk. I always shop at Cotsco or BJ's, even if they're more expensive. I like my chips in big. If the spies would've brought back a huge bag of Ruffles, I would've run to Israel.
Much of the congregation was inspired to rent bungalows in The Mountains for the summer. They understand that you don't have to mow or clean the front lawn of a bungalow. And they like that. The rabbi announced that he is going to not go away this summer, due to the lack of congregants and his happiness that they won't be around. The rabbi said he will be able to enjoy himself summering in Topeka. He also said he is finally not scared to come to shul, in fear of members.

The rabbi considers the front left spies. He saw them talking to the board.