Sermons of Rebuke II: Yitro

by Rivka Schwartz

Announcements
Somebody died. We didn't get the name, but they are related to people that are in the congregation. Whoever it is did not share their name or the name of the deceased. They just asked we announce death. The shul doesn't have information. It's a death and we wish them the best. They were a Tzadik.
 
Leadership is changing next month. The office will be calling people to join the board. Please do not change your phone numbers like last year.
 
Guest speakers will not happen after this week. We thought it would be nice to have guest speakers, but the rabbi still gives his sermon. Until we can figure out a way to not have the rabbi speak, we will stay away from guest speakers.
 
We want to commend all of those that are still wearing masks for ZoomMitzvahs. Showing up to a Bar Mitzvah online with a mask shows how much you care about keeping people safe that you are not in contact with. We commend you for not passing on diseases to yourself.
 
Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Excerpts
Shabbat Shalom Congregation Beis Emes uSefillah...
It is a great honor to be here. Yitro is an amazing father-in-law and you are such an amazing congregation. Yitro would have said that. (Sermon was stopped by the congregants and the rabbi took over. It was nauseating how kind the guest speaker was. They booed her- the rabbi took over here).

Shabbat Shalom My Pupils... I am sorry for that. You all know how annoying you are... You can stop cheering.
Was Moshe an annoying son-in-law? The Torah doesn't say. However, I can tell you that Shmuel is an extremely annoying son-in-law. He's just annoying... (Shemot 18:12) ‘Yitro, the father-in-law of Moshe, took an elevation offering and feast offerings to Gd, and Aharon and all the elders of Israel came to eat bread with the father-in-law of Moshe...' You don't even sponsor a Kiddish. Your father-in-law came, you didn't even have herring... That's why he doesn't like you...
Sacrifices are an excuse to eat. You're in the mood for a decent steak, you thank Gd and you can now enjoy it with the boys... Aharon and the elders came because there was food. They wouldn't have been there if there wasn't decent food... You come to shul for Kiddish. Not for guest speakers (everybody cheered)... Moshe would've at least had a Kiddish for his father-in-law.

The Torah talks about Yitro because he was a good father-in-law... Greg isn't a good father-in-law... That's why the family talks about you. You’re bad... Greg. You come in and tell your son-in-law how to fix everything. You might as well tell him he can't upkeep his house... I know he's a loser...
Yitro told Moshe how to judge a nation. You're telling him how to fix a sink... Yitro didn't care that Moshe had uneven floors...
Let's talk about in-laws. People who hate you... If Yitro was your father-in-law, he wouldn't visit. If I get saved from the shul, my family will visit...
 
Why are you wearing a mask?... Sorry. I didn't know you were allergic to your mother-in-law...

What was the Chazin doing… What were you doing? You went on for eight minutes. You were like a guest speaker (cheers)… It was one word.
I think you lost the whole congregation. Our Chazin is a father-in-law... Then, you're just rude.
The Chazin should’ve been wearing a mask. To stop us from having to listen to him.
 
Worst announcement ever. ‘Death’… You put something personal in there… Then make something up. 'They are survived by people.' Give some information...
They were definitely not a Tzadik... I am just going with percentage of members of our shul. Chances are they weren't a Tzadik. Yitro was a Tzadik... Where is Simmy. I haven't seen him for a while. I know he was very sick. Deathly ill...
You personalize the experience. That’s what happened with Yitro. He connected because it was personal. They had dinner with him… Where is Simmy?!
 
And yes. I am apologizing for the leadership. Yitro was a leader. Moshe was a leader. Kevin is not a leader… How did he get voted to the board?
Shmuel. His father-in-law was so proud of Moshe that he mentions it to everybody. 'I'm Yitro. The fahter-in-law of Moshe'... I didn't even know that was your father-in-law... The Torah doesn't mention him...
 
Rivka’s Rundown
The in-laws’ part of the speech had everybody on edge. Each member of the shul was worried their in-laws were about to visit.
 
Death is a big thing in the shul. People love hearing about it. I think they read the announcements for death. If there weren’t obituaries, half of our congregation would get the local paper. If the New York Times had obituaries, our congregation would read that for the local news.
I think that bringing up death relaxed people, after hearing about their in-laws.
Our rabbi has to visit the sick more. He had no idea Simmy passed away.
Everybody seems to be a Tzadik when they die. No matter what, they're a Tzadik. A total jerk, but when they die, a Tzadik.
 
Our rabbi jumped in and the congregation was relieved to hear how annoying they are. The guest speaker was too positive. The congregants started booing them. She wasn't tough enough to rebuke us. The membership senses weakness. They're animals.
The rabbi literally took over the sermon. I think he even booed the guest speaker for being too kind, along with the congregation.
I don't think that any guest speaker wants to come to our congregation now.
 
I like how the rabbi brought in Kiddish and how that is the same as sacrifices. Tuna salad and Kichel are holy.
Sacrifices are a way to get away from the family. You tell your spouse it's for Gd and you can get a night out. I understand sacrifices now, for the husbands.
 
Beautiful leadership point. Kevin shouldn't be on the board. And his in-laws probably hate him too.
Nobody wanted to join the board. The office couldn’t reach anybody. They tried convincing people in person, when they showed to Minyin. People stopped showing to Minyin. To reach people, the office bought a burner phone. Finally, they guilted Penina and Saul to join the board for this coming year.
 
These people will find any way to wear a mask. I saw somebody in their car, by themselves wearing a mask.
 
The Chazin just went off. No idea. Eyes were closed. He was in his own world. I am sure it was beautiful to the Chazin. All I heard was one note.
The rabbi did get the choir to come. The choir came and sung Motown. They were an evangelical choir. The Jews are now going to R&B concerts for religious inspiration.