Sermons of Rebuke II: Toldot and Thanksgiving

by Rivka Schwartz

Announcements
We checked with the rabbi. Thanksgiving is on Thursday. Though many Jews celebrate with eating turkey on Friday night, it's not part of the holiday. Even if you are living in Israel, the rabbi said there is no requirement to celebrate two days.
In addition: Contrary to what our community has done, we want to make it clear that cooking turkey is not the same as cooking brisket.

We are going to be sending out a petition to change the name of Black Friday. It sounds like a plague and it is just a matter of time before they blame the Jews for it. Please sign the petition.
 
Shul protests are best done with the walk out. Our congregants have begun a new form of protests and the rabbi is fine with it. As long as there is a Minyin, the rabbi is happy with congregants leaving in anger because they weren't honored with opening the ark. To quote the rabbi, 'Less congregants in shul is better for everybody.'
 
Historical fact: When first in America, the rabbis didn't know if turkey was kosher. Then they found out you can make pastrami out of it.
 
Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Excerpts
Shabbat Shalom...

Yakov tells Esav to sell him his Bechora for the soup… Soup can be quite tasty, if you add soup nuts to it. A good thick soup with soup nuts... Yes. Esav sold it. It was lentil soup. Who doesn’t love lentil soup… If he would’ve understood the importance of the firstborn birthright, the Bechora, he would’ve kept it… Lentil soup is enticing. I know.
It was his attitude. The same kind of attitude I get from the board, and the Kalem family.
He was thirsty, but it was his attitude. Nobody clenches their thirst with lentil soup… We had lentil soup and brisket at Thanksgiving dinner. I still needed Coke… It wasn't gazpacho, Bernie. And you don't clench thirst with gazpacho... I know it's red. You also don't save a parched mouth with Bloody Marys. Tomato soup doesn't clench... Nothing red, other than Kool-Aid clenches thirst.

Esav’s response (Bereishit 25:32) ‘Behold I am going to die. What use is this birthright to me?!’… What is it to me? It’s your birthright… That’s how you see the shul’s halls… It’s nothing to you. You think that once you die, the carpet isn't important. There is more to the shul than you... You're the firstborn. Your family is greater than you. Stuff exists after you're dead.
 
The way the board sold the back hall for eighty dollars… It’s an eighty dollar a month rent and they have a restaurant back there. You sold something important and now it’s not the shul’s anymore… We can’t even park in the lot for Minyin… Their patrons get mad… You know how many congregants we lost because you sold the back of the shul to a fish joint. The shul now smells like fried fish…
‘Oh. The shul is going to die. What is it to us?’ You’re killing the shul…
 
‘What use to me?’ What can I get out of it? No care for anything but himself. No soul. Like the board. That’s why he got rid of the birthright.... Then why did you get rid of the picture of the two religious guys dancing... It's not mocking them. It's a great picture of two religious guys... Yes. It's a cartoon and they have big heads and payis...

We have to care. We have to care about how a turkey comes out. Or it’s not tasty.
We have to care about who’s leading davening… Or everybody will walk out. We’ll have a Chazin like this... You'll kill the shul.
We have to care about Black Friday… Or they’ll blame the plague on Jews… It’s a plague of not caring. It’s a plague of not thinking there will ever be good deals again. It’s a plague of sales dying.
 
Care about the shul… Or it will turn into a restaurant… You killed it. You gave it away.
When you think that death is final, you don’t care… Stuff lasts. The stains on the sofa in the back of the shul from the drunk patrons… No. Not of the shul. Of this sushi joint..
 
Bereishit (25:34) ‘And Esav spurned the birthright’… He couldn’t stand it. He held it in contempt... He was mad. He walked out... Great way to protest. But it's about him. The same way Herman goes off for a half hour with his Misheberyachs. It's about him... Well we now have contempt for Herman, killing our Shabbis with making the Torah reading take an extra hour...
You spurn stuff. A lot of spurning... Who here is a Bachur?... You spurn it.
 
When you get rid of something beautiful, like a good couch, you hate it. This is why so many of you hate the Gabai… The last Gabai was amazing… And the last president was not this president… The president should have no right. Dumb decisions that ruin the shul... You spurn it. You're all about spurn. Because you don't love it. You ruined it, so you spurn it. You gave away the shul to wasabi... Even your kids spurn.
Now the kids hate coming to shul… Candies taste disgusting when you smell fish. They now spurn fish... They used to love gummy fish until they smelled fried fish...

Rashi says Esav didn’t like the birthright because he knew it came with requirements. A higher level of action… It would be nice if the shul president saw it as a calling to do something positive... Well, you do nothing positive. You do stuff like throwing out a great picture and telling everybody about the Black Friday Plague sale...
You run away from responsibility. You care about it, you're just lazy. The same reason none of our membership likes softball... There's a requirement to be decent... That's why we always lose...
To not want to serve H’ is the sin. To mess up the shul with long mishebeyrachs, a fish store and getting rid of the one decent painting... I know it's a print.

The painting was the one good gift given to the shul...
Esav fought his gift. He fought it because it took effort. It got in the way of his enjoyment. 'What is it to me?' When you start thinking about you, there are problems. You start doing long mishebeyrachs and you don't share the armrest. In H's house, that's a sin...
I heard this idea. 'You do you.' What does that mean??? Who is You? And why is You doing You?
Simmy doing Simmy is not good... Simmy messes up everything. Just being Simmy is Bitul Zman (a waste of time)... We need to adopt the phrase, 'Don't do you. You shouldn't do anything that is you.' And no more 'you go girl.' We're not living in the 1997...
Did the storm out. It was a great walk out… It was a protest against the Davener. I get it. Because the Davener, the one leading the service, was doing themselves. Somebody told them, 'When you're up there leading the Musaf, do you. You do you.'

It’s that attitude that life ends... If you didn't think life was ending, then why did you do a half hour of Mishebeyrachs, Herman?... And why do you do you?! You're not even the Chazin...
And why would you get rid of our history? A great painting of guys with payis flying all over, if life doesn't end, and there is a continuation of the soul?... That cartoon is the soul of our people...

Why should I do good? Why should I think about others? Because you don't want to end up with a president who's always thinking about lentil soup... Why are we having lentil soup for Kiddish today? It's not even cold this weekend... No. It does not clench thirst...
'I am going to do me.' That’s why you guys are always sinning...
 
Those kids going to Israel for free never spurned their Birthright... They care about free trips to Israel. No responsibility. That’s why they love it... Esav hated the Birthright because it wasn't free...
 
Do the mothers of the shul ask ‘why my children? Why are my children doing my children?’… Rivka asked why her kids are fighting… They’re fighting right now. In the hall. We can all hear it...
Children are the future. She was worried her kids would end up like congregants... Annoying... Have you ever been to a board meeting? Always fighting...
It's the selfishness of thinking there is nothing after death that leads to people giving up Birthrights and wasting their time, like the congregants of Beis Emes uSefilah, smelling fried fish, throwing away great art... It's not even kosher... It leads to you doing you. And when you do you, we get messed up Thanksgiving dinners with brisket. You get Sushi Palaces with half off on tempura being announced between Mincha and Maariv... We should be announcing learning. But they're coming into Davening to announce sales. We got a guy with a Tzedaka charity box going around, and Jimbo the chef passing out flyers... We know it's half off Wednesdays...
 
Show you care. Protest. Don’t give in. Don’t spurn. Fight for what’s right.
Next time the Chazin messes up, bang the Bima... Banging the table is a good protest too. It scares everybody...
Don't 'DO YOU'...

Yes. Thanksgiving is Jewish. Hoda'ah. Thanks... Just be thankful. If Esav was thankful, he would have understood the birthright... I don't know what that means.
I'm not thankful for the Sushi Palace...
And the Sushi Palace doesn’t even sell lentil soup... Because the Sushi Palace does sushi. Jimbo does Jimbo...
 
Rivka’s Rundown
Why did the board get rid of the dancing Chasidim. I like how that picture hung right by the social hall. It prepared us for the Simchas, showing us 'this is how Jews dance.'

Always brilliant advice from our rabbi. That’s why I come to shul. The rabbi is very correct about the recipes for clenching thirst. Anything with tomatoes doesn’t clench. Daniella thinks spaghetti with sauce helps a dry mouth. She's a fool. Her kids are never well hydrated.
Between us, I am scared of Black Friday now. I don’t want to catch it.

A lot of selfishness in the shul. The rabbi is right about this 'you do you' stupidity. Less and less people have paid their dues doing themselves. The whole community is now doing themselves and I hear the shul doesn't have a Minyin.
And I looked it up. 'You go girl' is from 1997.
 
They took the rabbi’s advice. The next time they protested the Chazin they banged the Bima. It scares people on Rosh Chodesh, when they bang the table. And it scared the Chazin into going faster.
Due to the new walk out protesting method, the rabbi is now supporting the Chazin and calling up people to the Torah that nobody likes. He has very strong mixed feelings about the walk out method. Firstly, it shows discontent and the rabbi agrees with that. Sometimes, they have lost a Minyin, as everybody did themselves, leaving the shul. Secondly, congregants are leaving the shul, and that makes the rabbi happy. He is very happy not seeing them. So he supports the walk out and doesn't support it.
That was a long firstly. That was a firstly and a firstly and a half.

It truly smells like fish when you come into the shul. The restaurant in the shul is a bit much.
They really do push to the congregants. The flyers are a bit much. Jimbo even came over to the women's section.
There's not enough street traffic, as the shul hallway is in the back of the shul and you get there through the parking lot. They have a person standing there with the catch of the day, trying to lure the congregants in for dinner.
They should've thought about the traffic before opening. I think they were hoping to capture business from the shul's membership. They don't even pay their dues.
They want to hang a huge banner in front of the shul. The rabbi is not a big fan of Holy Congregation Beis Emes uSefillah being written on the wall in Biblical style writing, and then to have a huge neon 12 by 18 foot neon sign for Sushi Palace. They figure their slogan also speaks on behalf of the shul. 'We roll your sushi like the Torah scroll.'

The kids in our shul that go on Birthright feel no responsibility. I can tell you. They help with nothing.

The kids in shul were fighting the whole sermon. They were doing themselves.
It was a loud fight over Milk Duds. I think they get the wrong idea of the shul being a place of entertainment, as we got the chairs from the old movie theater that shut down. There's still gum on the seats.
You hear fighting and you smell fish. That's the environment at Beis Emes uSefilah.

People in the shul have to stop doing them. If they keep doing themselves the next Bar Mitzvah's Mishebeyrachs are going to be a good hour and a half.
All issues aside. The Thanksgiving brisket was outstanding.