Sermons of Rebuke II: Shoftim

by Rivka Schwartz

Announcements
From now on, all Onegs have to have everybody from the congregation. We should all share the same amount of communal depression when we delight in Shabbat.
 
Strollers have been covering up the entrance of the shul, people have been complaining they can’t get into shul. This is not the reason there hasn't been a Minyin for the past three weeks. It's just that people who haven't shown up have used that as a complaint. As they haven't been to shul, they needed something to complain about.
To note: We've had more than forty kids showing up on Shabbat morning, as they don't have to join Minyin.

To reiterate. As we have reiterated every few months, we figure to reiterate here, again. There are too many strollers right at the door. We know parents don't care. Otherwise, they would move one of them to the side.
We don't have a stroller parking area. Though, we're trying to figure one out.

Pushing strollers in the sanctuary is wrong, even if the child is crying and you're trying to get your baby to sleep. We've told Mrs. Heimowitz to stop.
Clarification, as parents will complain: We're not saying to not bring kids to shul. We're suggesting there are too many of them. Please choose your decent kids. Many of you have children that are not right. Any kid that attacks other kids for candy, and rips up their Shabbat pants jumping on the floor at a Bar Mitzvah, should be kept away from people. Especially if that kid is coming to shul in a stroller.
 
Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Excerpts
Shabbat Shalom Selfish People with Kids...

(Devarim 16:18) We need Shoftim and Shoftim. We need police and judges in our shul... We have a bouncer guy... I understand he's security, but he scares people. He's a bouncer... Too many arguments with the Gabai recently. We need a judge to ensure that his calling up Binyamin for an Aliyah is not illegal according to Jewish law... I don't think violence against the Gabai is called for. Though, sometimes he deserves... We need policing to ensure baby carriages don't cover up the shul's entrance... Yes. It's dangerous.
If people can't get in, can they get out?! The strollers are a fire safety hazard. 

And no more trying to get your baby to sleep in the middle of shul... I understand the carriage is not in today. That's good. Though, you've been walking around burping the kid the whole Shacharit... Nobody wants to see you bobbing up and down...
You've been bouncing and dancing. Do you not realize what you look like when you are holding your kid... You look like a fool. If you did that bopping dance without a kid in your arms, it would be messed up.
If you did that at any other time... I have never seen that dance... I used to watch Soul Train...
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(Devarim 16:19) 'You shall not pervert judgment.' You pervert... The board perverts everything. Every decision they make is a perversion of Yiddishkeit... Then they're just bad decisions. They're fools...
(16:19 cont.) 'you shall not show favoritism, and you shall not take a bribe, for bribery blinds the eyes of the wise and perverts just words'... There's a lot of perversion in this shul. Just perverts of shul life... I don't know how much the Minkowitz family is giving the shul... There is no reason Sol Minkowitz's picture is placed next to the rabbis of honor row. It is a perversion... You are all led by money. You want to look good for Minkowitz. It's pathetic... You also want to be popular... 
You're going to tell me that Minkowitz getting an Aliyah is not favoritism? He got called up to the Torah... Felsenblum got Galilah. Rolling the Torah is pathetic... That's an anti-honor in shul... Yes. Opening the ark is an honor. Galilah is a task...
Fred doesn't keep Shabbis either. Why doesn't he get an Aliyah?... I know he doesn't have money. That's what the Pasuk is saying...
Jumping at the candies, and yet sitting in strollers... Make them walk to shul. It's a perversion of childcare. Perverted people... If they can whack other kids to get candy, they can walk to shul...
Burping your baby in shul is a perversion.

(16:21) 'You also shall not plant an Asherah. '... Not just idol worship. Even planting this tree. I've seen some of your gardens... Messed up plants growing on your homes... The siding of the house should not be a flower bed... It's horizontal... The front of the shul, messed up now...
(cont.) 'Any tree near the altar of God, you shall not plant for yourself.'  That garden in front of the shul is not for God. God never said, 'Plant me lilacs.'
You don't plant or build on the Temple Mount (Rashi)... Because you would mess it up with lillies... H' doesn't need your bad taste at His place of emenance. Your gardens are messed up... That's why H' says to just leave it brick. No plants...
A little respect for the shul. Can I say that...
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Listen to me???? Why? The Torah says so.
(Devarim 17:9-12) You have to listen to the Kohens, Levis and judges. Everything they teach you, you shall do... 'And you shall guard to do like all that they teach you'... I teach you... Yes. I teach. You don't show up to the classes. How many times have I taught you to put on Tefillin correctly? Every morning, it's off to the side. It looks pathetic, Frank...
What I teach is Torah...
I've taught you where to put the strollers. You don't listen... A perversion of stroller placement...
The man who doesn't listen, 'he shall die, and you shall remove evil from your midst...' Which is why we should get rid of the board.
I am not saying that the mothers that put the strollers in the wrong place should be stoned. Though, it's evil.... Nobody wants to see you burping your kid in shul. It's against what we teach, and it's a perversion...
Did we not learn that we shall not take bribes, because it affects our actions? It affects our decision making?... Taking bribes is a perversion. Against what we taught. Should the board be stoned?...

These candies are a bribe. Coming to shul in a stroller. Can't walk... Your kid jumped out of the stroller and bit other kids for the taffies. No child would show to youth groups without jellies... It's all bribes.
All of you have messed up concepts of what is right and wrong, as you have been bribed. You are trying to do what is right for other people. Not for God. No moral compass. 
You move a stroller like this... And that is why we need Shoftim and Shotrim.
 
Rivka’s Rundown
The rabbi started showing everybody how to move a stroller. He mimed it. He then started miming a fake wall, and a rope pull.

​If the Minkowitzs were burping their kid in shul, everybody would say it was cute. 
Everybody in our shul is a pervert of money and popularity. They all want to be part of the cool crew. That's how the cool crowd gets good seats for the High Holidays. I'm stuck in the bleachers. They cool crew has front row seats. They can hear the Kah Kaylee prayer.

Many congregants would like to remove the strollers from the shul. Others believe the kids are an integral part of Minyin. We had one week with no kids in shul and there were no interruptions.
Kids love coming to shul. The people that chill in the hall also love coming to shul. I think sitting in the sanctuary when you're in shul really kills the shul experience. Many of the board member are trying to reconfigure shul to be a place where there is no shul. They feel it will bring more people to shul.

The rabbi's new method of addressing the annoying people he's going to be speaking to, in the beginning of the sermon, is brilliant. This way, the congregants know he's addressing them.

They really do look like fools, walking around with their kids. with that bobbing dance.

An oneg with all the congregants would be painful.  ​Fran truly depresses people. Inviting all the congregants is the correct thing to do. The same rule holds true for Bar Mitzvahs, Bat Mitzvahs and weddings. Having all members at the Simchas truly helps the congregants feel the exile and the destruction of the Temple.

The rabbi is now working on a Halachik work (Jewish law) to address the issue of Gabais and when physically attacking them is OK.