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We have heard a lot of complaints about the new windows. To be clear, they're stained glass. They're meant to not be able to used. Not being able to see through them is something the board didn't realize would happen when you stain the glass. Not being able to open them was just a mistake. The contractor stated, 'I thought that since you wanted stained glass, you wanted something not practical.' And that is why the youth lounge has pews in it. We found a Tallis. We are assuming somebody lost it, as it is not wearable. It is a Tallis neck-wrap scarf and we're worried somebody is cold. The shul was broken into. They stole money from the office. Nobody should worry. It was not an act of anti-Semitism. It was just crime. So, everybody should feel comfortable coming to shul. The Sisterhood will have its monthly argument on Wednesday. The class is called off, as the rabbi is sick of teaching you... The rabbi's next series will focus on how to find sources and not bother the rabbi. Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Excerpts Shabbat Shalom my pupils... (Shemot 1:8-10) There’s a ‘new king in Egypt that did know Yosef.’ So, they worry about the Jews becoming greater than them and working with their enemies… The same way the board worries about me working with religious people. A bunch of heretics… (Shemot 1:13) And so they made them build storage cities. ‘And the Egyptians enslaved the Children of Israel with hard work.’ BiFarech. With harshness. Grueling labor. That’s how you work me… Well. Listening to your ideas for shul upgrades and new committees is gruelingly painful… The stained glass window subcommittee... Why did you even have that?! No. You don't get stained glass. Every time I listen to your ideas, it's building a storage city... That's how painful you are... Ever had a boss you hated?! A Mitzri!!! All because Paroh didn’t know Yosef. If he would’ve known Yosef, he would’ve known of commitment. If he would’ve gotten to know our congregants, Paroh would’ve known of how people weasel out of meetings and paying dues… You haven’t donated a thing for… I see not one plaque... Yosef was a decent guy. To know Yosef is to love him... I'm telling you. If you knew Yosef, you would never give him work. When things are harsh, you can’t think of anything else… You’re a slave… I’m a slave to the messed up stained glass windows… Is that a blue bird?! It’s a shul. You do a dove. For crying out loud. A dove… You enslave with harsh work. This job is slave labor... You’re slaves to this guy breaking in… Maybe it’s a woman. There has been enough female chauvinism going on here… You have nothing. Have Bitachon that nobody will steal your stuff… You have nothing of value… No. You lost your Tallis. That wasn’t stolen... Nobody is going to steal a scarf with tassels on it. Other than your Tallis, what are they stealing?... They don’t know what Tefillin are. How are they going to sell that on the black market. It was not somebody who hated Jews. The burglar might have been one of our very own... Not paying dues is the same as stealing. Somebody is not cleaning up... It was lost by your seat, Shlomo. Tallises don’t run. Stop saying your Tallis was stolen... You're wearing it. You misplaced it and blamed the burglar for stealing your Tallis. That's just wrong... You didn’t even tie it right… The string is all wrapped wrong... It’s in the shape of a scarf. Do you wear it under your coat in the winter? He then commanded them to kill all the newborn Jewish males. Is that what the congregants are planning to do to me... If you don’t know, you worry. What I am trying to say is learn a little Torah... If you learn, you'll know something and you won't start killing babies... If you can’t see... They are not windows. You can't see through them… Yes. I worry that this shul is more and more messed up. Can’t see. If you can’t see through the window, it’s not a window. It’s a wall… Maybe a door. You could’ve put up a canvas. It’s just as much of a window as the stained glass… You painted it opaque. If they were to take a second out and to get to know them. They wouldn’t have been worried. They would see how good they were. They would've seen the commitment. The giving nature… If you would’ve thought for a second, you wouldn’t have got the stained glass… You would’ve gotten windows that work as windows. You would have not lost your Tallis… Well. You don’t know your Tallis well? Do you? You couldn’t even spot it in the lost and found… There was no other Tallis there. We put all the other Tallises on the rack. If he knew us, he wouldn’t have broken into the shul. He would’ve asked us kindly for our money, and we would give it. There’s a new president in the shul who doesn’t know me… Then he’s just an idiot… Rivka’s Rundown The rabbi has a right to be paranoid. They didn’t given him a raise last year. The rabbi’s point about the windows not being windows is extremely valid. A lot of debate as to whether the stained glass windows are really windows. The board looked it up, and the Gemara doesn't deal with this topic. It turns out the shul’s lost and found is half full of Michael’s toys. His parents don’t teach him to clean up. The other half is Talli scarves. Some guys in our shul do the French Tallis wrap around the neck. One guy bought his Tallis to keep warm in the winter. Which is why I always suggest the big shawls. A lot of break-ins in the area, and we can't get a Minyin. The rabbi was thinking about trying to ask the burglar to join as a tenth. People are truly not worried. Since the guy didn’t write ‘Jews’ anywhere, everybody was relieved. As long as it’s just a crime against people, everybody is happy coming to shul Shabbis morning. Breaking into cars was wrong. He could’ve just as easily found the keys in the shul over Shabbis. All the men leave their keys there. If he wanted to know, even I can tell him to look behind the books on the fourth shelf. All the keys are there. Behind the books on the modern State of Israel. I like how the rabbi called half the congregation thieves for not paying dues. The congregants don't help with anything the shul needs. The rabbi can't get them to come for Davening. Now, anytime somebody comes to shul for a Minyin, the rabbi considers it a break-in. The shul is full of liberal congregants. Without knowing the rabbi's concerns of getting a quorum, they suggested we invite the burglar to Minyin, so they can give him money. The rabbi and congregants finally agree on something. The rabbi wants a Minyin, and the liberal congregants want to consider the burglar a Jew. It works for everybody. The liberal congregants also want to show the burglar where the Torah is kept. As I have learned, the rabbi has never been sick. Over the course of his tenure, he has been sick of the congregants. Never had a fever. Just a lot of annoyance. And as the rabbi said, 'There is not one Yosef in this congregation... If Paroh would've gotten to know this congregation, he wouldn't have wasted his time. He would've seen how impossible it is to get anybody to lift a finger and help... He would’ve been happy letting you be. Not having to answer your questions…' Tags:
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Why did the Jews working in Jerusalem wear denim? They were Levis. You get it? Levi’s. Levis. Levi’s are jeans, made out of denim. Do Levites wear jeans when working in construction. I would like to think they wear jeans when putting up buildings. 
The plastic Jewish diet spoon. I got it from the caterer who didn’t have enough cake. The spoon did make the souffle look bigger... Since using it for breakfast, I've taken off a lot of weight. I have noticed it now takes longer to eat cereal. And most of the time, the Golden Grahams fall off the spoon, helping with more weight loss. A quite utilitarian utensil.
That other spoon is the old spoon I used to use. It held the cereal and I ate. I'm not going to use that again. 
David Kilimnick - Israel's "Father of Anglo Comedy" (JPost) is not touring with his Israel solidarity show. Bring David to your community, college campus, shul, home, to share laughs of Jewish unity... 585-738-9233 [email protected]
Rambam Hilchot Rotzeyach (11:4-5) teaches that one who puts themselves in danger is violating the positive commandment of (Decarim 4:9) "Beware of yourself and guard your soul." Thus, it is important to not deal with congregants. As they can be very annoying. As with a deep hole, one should put a fence around the congregation, at least ten handbreadths high, so they stay away from you.
One must also not put themselves in a danger when traveling. Thus, one mustn’t travel to date, as that can lead to marriage. Categories
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The Kibbitzer, where we take Jewish comedy seriously!!! If you are offended, it's satire.
A friend of the Off The Wall Comedy Theater, JHF and The Kibbitzer are here to bring unity and Jewish connection for you, in honor of Rabbi Kilimnick ZT"L.
The Kibbitzer is Funded by the JHF (The Jewish Humor Foundation) and you.
Contact us to make a donation and to sponsor Harbatzas Tzchok, the spreading of tradition through laughter, with articles or series in honor and memory of your loved ones.
The Kibbitzer, where we take Jewish comedy seriously!!! If you are offended, it's satire.
A friend of the Off The Wall Comedy Theater, JHF and The Kibbitzer are here to bring unity and Jewish connection for you, in honor of Rabbi Kilimnick ZT"L.
The Kibbitzer is Funded by the JHF (The Jewish Humor Foundation) and you.
Contact us to make a donation and to sponsor Harbatzas Tzchok, the spreading of tradition through laughter, with articles or series in honor and memory of your loved ones.
1/15/2023
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