Sermons of Rebuke II: Re'eh

by Rivka Schwartz

​Announcements
The yearly shul kickoff BBQ will take place next Sunday. Our shul begins the Jewish new year with Labor Day. Not Rosh Hashana.
Nobody will help with cleanup at the BBQ. We thought we should put that in the announcements, as that is part of the yearly event. No help from any congregant. To note, we don't consider manning the grill to be a help. That's hanging out. We don't need eighteen people manning the grill again, this year.
 
Members seem to be planning for holidays already. Holidays are a month and a half away. Calm down. The board doesn't seem to care about the holidays. Seats have not been assigned to lifetime members. There wasn't even a Yizkur appeal. Please don't care yourselves. The Lulav and Etrog will come when the holiday starts. Please stop asking about the Hadasim and Aravot now. The willow branches never make it through the first days of Sukkot. They won't last two months.
We are trying to tell everybody to calm down, as the rabbi doesn't want to answer any more questions.
We will not be taking sacrifices. Though we are called a Temple, we are not the Beit Mikdash. All sacrifices must be brought to Jerusalem. Please ask the Israeli government about it when you get there.
To answer any other questions you have, we will be sure to get donation for people who have passed away, around the High Holidays time. Please keep that in mind, if you come to shul.
 
Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Excerpts
Shabbat Shalom My Congregants Who Sin...

Rosh Chodesh Elul is upon us. The month of repentance. And you have a lot to repent for...
Do Mitzvahs. For crying out loud. Do Mitzvot... Why?! You want to get cursed? You want Milka going off on you?...

(Devarim 11:27) A Bracha if you follow the Mitzvot…
Why this has to be spelled out. Have you ever seen a Mitzvah chart? You never see, 'Yankel got Mitzvah points for hitting Esther'... If you sin, you get cursed. You don't get gummies. Why do I have to spell this out every week?
(Devarim 11:29-30) The ‘Bracha on Har Grizim and Klalah on Har Eival... Are they not on the other side of the Jordan????' Why Moshe has to give a geographical lesson. Does nobody know where the Jordan River is?... I just find that none of you study. You look to me for everything... I have to spell out everything for you.
The Bracha comes when you do the Mitzvot... Do something. Try to do a Mitzvah. Just one. Something decent. Something kind. Maybe hold a door open for somebody. Something... Then look back. You open a door. You look back... I know that sometimes you have to stand there for a while. I waited eight minutes for Hymie... It was twelve feet. I didn't know somebody could take so many steps and move so little...
You have a lot of repenting to do.
This shul is full of Eival... The board. The back left... I think the new kid's name is Eival. That's how bad this shul is. One of the families named their kid a curse. They knew that they would bring their kid, and he would have to sit with Bernie… Eival... It's a curse to see him.
 
(Devarim 12:1) 'These are the statues and ordinances that you shall guard to do in the Land God gave you'... All of them. The Mitzvot. Every one of them... Not just the one about not being jealous... We're not negotiating here. You have to keep the Mitzvot... Bracha.
You guard them... You want the Mitzvot flying around or something? You guard them. Take care of them. You don't want them stolen... Stealing is Asur, Bernie. It's forbidden. You guard the Mitzvot... It's all Eival here. Even the community BBQ. Eival. 
You do the Mitzvot right and guard them... You keep them like they're supposed to be kept. Guarded. Without Sharon talking the whole sermon... 
 
(Devarim 12:5) You bring the sacrifices to Jerusalem... It's where H' chose...
Sacrificing in other places is idol worship... There are correct places. You pray in shul. You don't talk the whole time... You don't practice stealing on vacation in Florida... 
That was a BBQ. Not a sacrifice. The shul BBQ was messed up. But that was because nobody helped... Helping is a Mitzvah. The place to do that is at shul...
Yes. You bring cattle to Jerusalem too... You can travel with cattle.
When?
(Devarim 12:7) Eat it there and 'you shall be happy.'
That's how we know it's done on the Rigalim. You're happy on the holidays... Yes. A commandment to be happy on holidays. A commandment to be happy... I know it's hard for you. With these people around, it's not easy. But it's a blessing to be happy... We're Eival here.
Nobody is happy here on holidays. Nobody is happy here ever. I've seen you onegs... The pain you suffer on Shabbis does make it look more religious. But it's painful. It's a curse. Eival
The holidays are coming up... No. I am not happy. I have seen what you guys are planning for the Sukkot decorations. A pumpkin in the Sukkah doesn't make me happy...
And then the Yom Kippur program??? A Yom Kippur program?! It’s called prayer... You don't need a program for prayer, other than prayer. Programs don't draw people. Less prayer does...
 
(Devarim 12:8) 'Don't do like that which we do here today. Every man what is right in his eyes.' Look around the shul. Do nothing like that which you see here... It's not a board, Bernie... Everything. What is right in your eyes.
You guys barely pray. You decorate Sukkahs with carpets on walls. It makes no sense. The shul needs a new carpet... When everybody does what is right in their eyes, we get a community quilt... It's pathetic. It's Eival.
We see what goes on in our shul when people do what they think is right... Right in their eyes? The purple and pink Tallis. It clashes. Our Tish... It is the most messed up Oneg Shabbat. Only harmony. No melody... Because you all do what is right in your eyes... That's the curse. That's Eival… Your ideas are Eival… We are at Eival, singing a messed up harmony... I like to call it 90 solos at the same time....
The BBQ has 18 different style hamburgers. None of which are done well...
Buying Hadasim and Aravot two months before Sukkot... What is right in your eyes, is messed up God's eyes...

I have to sacrifice for this shul. That's why I vacation in Jerusalem.
Don’t do like that which we do here today in our shul… It’s messed up. The Siddurs are all ripped....
It's Rosh CHodesh Elul. Do Teshuva. Do what is right in H's eyes... For a Bracha Bernie. Finally. A blessing...
Bernie is an Eival.
 
Rivka’s Rundown
It was good that the rabbi could give such vivid descriptions of curses and Mount Eival with Bernie. It made the sermon more educational.
I believe the rabbi wants Bracha in the shul, though he considers the shul Eival. I think the rabbi meant to say ‘evil’ the whole time. Eival was his code for calling people evil.
Eival is actually the name of the death metal band the Gabai plays bass for. Them performing at the Purim Seudah last year was a bit much for Sadie.

The rabbi called the congregation a curse. Milka comes to shul and just curses people.
Milka loves cursing people. She usually curses under her breath. I appreciate it more when I hear her curses. The whole sermon, she was cursing out Bernie and the board. She gets into the rabbi's Drashas.

I like how the rabbi called us all sinners to start the sermon. It reminded us how bad we are, as Elul, the month of repentance is coming. The rabbi should start each sermon with telling the members their sinners. It prepares them for the his weekly message. The message is that we're sinners and we have to do Mitzvahs.
I think every sermon is about how we don't do Mitzvahs. Looking back. That is the theme.

The rabbi tried scoring another free trip to Jerusalem.

It does look more religious to be sad and not happy. My first time at Anshei Emes uSefilah, I thought it was extremely orthodox. More than ultra-orthodox. It was extreme. Extreme is more than ultra. Then I realized they're just very mad and not happy. When I found out the Mitzvah of being happy on holidays, I realized the members are not very religious.
I think they get mad around holidays time. They don't like cleaning.
 
That announcement about money for death scared a lot of people away from coming to shul on Yom Kippur this year. I think appeal cards scare people. Though people came to the program.
Due to the rabbi's sermon, the Yom Kippur program this year was no praying. It was a half hour discussion about sinning. Many of the members shined at the discussion. They knew a lot about sinning. Definite sinners.
The 'no prayer' advertisement drew tons of people. It was a huge hit. They got more people than the rabbi had in the sanctuary. To draw more people to the Yom Kippur program next year, they're thinking about serving refreshments. 

The rabbi is right. People doing what is right in their eyes is how we ended up with the messed-up chapel with the ark facing out on the Mexican side. We face Mexico when we pray. I know one couple in the shul is praying for a decent Pesach hotel down there this year.