Sermons of Rebuke II: Miketz and Chanukah

by Rivka Schwartz

Announcements
Kids are mad about their gifts again this year. One kid threw his Rubik's Cube and yelled, 'Are we living in the 1980s?!!!' He then went on, 'They didn't buy me a computer for Chanukah because my parents don't love me.'
 
Falafel latkes was a disappointment to all. They tasted exactly like falafel. And they looked like falafel. Now, the community has no idea what to do for the Yom HaAtzmaut celebration this year.
 
It's snowing and windy. We'll see you in shul next week.
 
Shabbis candle lighting times are after Chanukah candle lighting times, whenever that is.
 
Sisterhood meeting will take place at the Sokolich residence. This way Mrs. Sokolich can air her grievances about the flower arrangements and the new head of the sisterhood who she doesn't like. She will also serve tea and coffee to let you know how coffee at Kiddish should taste.
 
Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Excerpts
Shabbat Shalom My Pupils…

If you cared, you'd figure out the Chanukah lighting times... The times are important. But you forgot them...
 
Paroh had a bad dream… I had a bad dream. Killed me. Woke me up. I dreamt I was still working at Beis Kneses Anshei Emes uSefilah in seven years…
I had a second bad dream too. I dreamt Bernie didn’t move down to Florida, and he was still here in seven years.
The Gabai explained my dreams to me. He said it will be seven bad years with annoying congregants and a president you can’t stand… No good years. Just seven bad years. A president who forgets stuff. You forget everything decent... Like Shabbis times and when Minyin is. And when to light Chanukah candles. And whose kid is getting Bar Mitzvahed... You make the wrong announcements.
 
Paroh can’t get anybody to explain his dreams. At least I have the Gabai. And even he can’t explain the president or Bernie to me… It's Paroh. I wanted to reiterate that for the president, so he remembers who had the dreams when he gives announcements...
All the sudden, the Head of Drinks comes and tells Paroh, (Bereishit 41:9-13) ‘My sin, I remember today… me and the Chamberlain of the Bakers… there was a Hebrew youth with us, a slave of the Head of the Butchers, and we told him, and he interpreted our dreams…’
You guys can't even remember your sins... Well let me help you. Not showing to shul. Not visiting the sick. Throwing your parents in nursing homes and never visiting. Do you keep Kosher?... That's another one. Lashon Hara. You all talk bad about everybody... I rebuke you in the sermons. It's to your face. Not educating your kids correctly. Karban Pesach...
 
All the sudden, he remembers Yosef. You didn't remember my raise. There was no all the sudden with that...
The Head of Drinks forgot. Kind of like the time the president forgot to tell me. ‘Ooops. We announced Shabbis for 5:30 instead of 4:30…’ Yes. That’s a big deal. People are starting Shabbis on Shabbis... An Am HaAretz. I don't know why we print the announcements anyways... Just read them. Stop being creative and people will know when to light candles. Am HaAretz...
 
 
His sin Why does he say ‘My sin’? What’s his sin? He forgot the good Yosef did for him.
You don’t forget the good people do for you. Unless if you’re one of my congregants... It's a sin to forget the good people do for you. HaKarat HaTov. Recognize the good... You can't recognize the good if you forget it all the time... It's easy to remember the bad. Just look at Bernie...
If Head of Drinks was in this shul, he would've forgotten the lighting times. You guys light your Chanukah candles at the weirdest hours... I know, because I have to sit in meetings with you people. And the meetings go on. And they go on. You guys don't stop. You talk about nothing... Your definitely not talking about Chanukah lighting times.

You forgot to turn on the heating in the sanctuary today… Yes. It’s a sin. When you forget, people freeze. Yosef suffered because the Drink guy forgot...
You forgot to filter the coffee. You killed Kiddish.
Nobody likes the coffee. Mrs. Sokolich is right… If the Head of the Drinks had made coffee like that, Paroh would’ve killed him too… Yes. The Chamberlain of the Cupbearers. What? Are we living in 15th century England?! Head of Drinks... If he forgot to add creamer like the new head of the sisterhood, Paroh would've killed him...

I had a nightmare that I would eat falafel instead of latkes, and it came true... H' interpreted it for me. The dream meant I would have to attend a really not good Chanukah party...
Yes. I remembered to show up to the shul's Chanukah party, because I care.
Most parents don't care.
If you cared about your kid, you would've gotten him something other than a Rubik's Cube... Yes. That shows you don't love him...

It's good not many people are here today... They didn't forget. They just don't want to come to shul... It's not COVID. You can't use COVID as an excuse anymore...
 
Rivka’s Rundown
A lot of forgetting in our congregation. I think the rabbi has to give the same message each week, because people forget they're wrong.

The rabbi went through everybody's sins. He even brought up Chanan being single and how that's a sin. The single girls in the congregation started crying in the middle of the sermon. They thought they just felt bad about not having kids. They now heard they're sinning too.
I think the rabbi is going to reuse this sermon for the Yom Kippur Yizkur Appeal. He saw people crying and he likes to exude tears with those sermons. Three years back, his Yizkur Appeal was about how singles are losers. They cried then too.

The rabbi wasn't talking to many people. They didn't show up because of the snow. It's amazing how Sakanat Nifashot, danger to life, because the most important law when it comes to going to shul. None of the congregants have ever been worried about their life at the supermarket.
It's cold in shul. Most people wouldn't know that as they don't show up.
They're still using COVID to get out of coming to shul during the summer months. During the winter it's nippy.
 
Kiddish coffee has not been good. I think they're serving decaf now.

Parents are starting to buy more stuff for their kids. They find it easier to not have to talk to them and to express their love with gifts. One parent gave their kid a gift certificate tot he Dollar Tree and said, 'That's eighteen gifts... That's how much I love you. None of your friends got eighteen gifts.'
One of the kids friends got a gaming laptop. To which the mom told their kid, 'But that's only one.'

Like fools, they lit at the end of the Chanukah party. Even at the Chanukah party they couldn't get the lighting right. You light when people come.
A board member said it was too dangerous to light around people, as there are kids. And so nobody saw it. And because the members forgot how to do a Mitzvah, the only miracle of Chanukah the community saw was the bouncy house.