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The shul baseball game will be next week. As the shul's softball team is pathetic, we'll be going to see local a Single-A team. The board felt it's important to see a game where somebody hits a ball. Topeka Torpedo tickets are on sale at the shul website for $35. You can also purchase tickets at the box office for $3. Make reservations through the shul, but buy tickets at the box office just in case the office messes up again.
There will be food. As we’re using the Torpedoes for a shul event, we don’t want to give the Feldsteins an excuse to eat nonKosher hotdogs. Our sponsor, who is not covering anybody’s ticket, wants to ensure there’s a Kiddish feel at the game.
From now on, Anim Zmirot will have security. There is too much violence when the kids open the ark. Too much hairpulling last week. In Sunday school, we’ll be educating the kids on proper shul etiquette, and teach how to scream at the Gabai when they’re mad.
Rabbi Mendelchem’s Sermon Excerpts
Shabbat Shalom My Pupils...
(Bamidbar 30:3) If a person makes a vow or an oath and make something prohibited, 'he shall not desecrate his word. All that comes out of his mouth he shall do.' Be a man of your word, Bernie... Do stuff. You've desecrated the shul, and you've desecrated yourself. A lot of desecration here... You said you would go bowling with me, Bernie. You didn't show.
If you say you're going to donate money... You flipped the appeal card.
Your promises mean nothing. You said 'I swear' and you didn't do it... Let's say you're in court. Can't trust you... Because you lie. You're liars. It's called lying... 'Let's hang out. And then you don't show up. That's called standing people up. Standing people up is Asur... It's forbidden. You should be stoned...
Be a man of your word... Sadie. Your tongue is foul... Rightfully. They're annoying. But you swear a lot. A dirty tongue... No. The Parsha doesn't talk about cursing. But you should watch that. It comes out of your mouth. Desecration...
Stick to your promises.
Why is your child coming to me for the bike? You promised it to him on Pesach... He thinks I'm Pesach Santa... Because you didn't get him the Afikomen bike, Shmuel...
I understand a father or husband may annul an oath. But you don't want to make messed up statements to begin with... They annul it, because they know you're going to mess it up. I've seen it Katie... You mess up everything. You flipped a two thousand on the appeal card last year... You said you were going to give the money, and you didn't.
You said no violence in the shul... Your kids are fighting every time they open the ark.... It's like watching Herman and the Gabai. Any time Herman doesn't get Psicha, he yells at the guy... There are other people in the shul Herman... That wasn't a Neder. The Gabai said he would call you up. That doesn't mean every honor is yours... I understand it was vague. He should've said 'I'll call you up for an Aliyah.' You expect....
I'm trying to say. Parent. Parent. You took the oath of parenthood. There's no reason your kids should be running around in shul, fighting in front of the Aron Kodesh... It's the ark, Bernie. They shouldn't be fighting to serve God together... That's a problem in this congregation. We come together to serve God in battle... Everything is a fight. Even, who gets the honor to say the prayer of peace amongst Israel...
Our coach, Dr. Feinblum, said we would win a game this year. We won nothing... The Torpedoes don't count. They're not the shul team. You say it. So, do it... Stop lying. It's a desecration.
It's the Nine Days. Do what you can for the community... You said you would build the Beit Hamikdash. I don't see the Third Temple...
Show for stuff. You don't show for your Aliyahs either. Gavriel the Gabai calls you up to the Torah and you just sit in your seat. Move. Do something... Then stop sleeping during davening...
Come to the baseball game... Purchasing a ticket is a vow. If you say you're coming to a game. If you say you'll be somewhere... By not showing, you desecrated baseball too...
Don't be like Bernie...
All lies. When you don't live up to your word, you're lying, and that's a desecration. A desecration of yourself... A desecration of your shul. Of your community. A desecration of your family. A desecration of your friends. Your ancestors. Your coworkers... Shabbat too...
When they made this shul, they vowed to make it Jewish... Baseball isn't Jewish... Sandy Koufax did not serve in the Beit HaMidksash... Kosher food doesn't make it a Jewish event.
Nothing Jewish in this shul. The baseball game and the… They’re the only events you go to… We vowed to be a Jewish shul…. Kosher food doesn’t make everything a Jewish event...
The bulletin mentioned nothing but baseball. Might as well put down 'Drinking' for the next event… I know it's an Oneg Shabbat. But everything we do is not Jewish. Why add in the Jewish aspect to the event?... After drinking and baseball, maybe we can go ice skating. Ice skating is Jewish. I think a Jew ice skated before... Shabbat times weren’t even in the announcements. Just baseball...
I understand we’re not getting a Minyin… People don't show to what they've committed to. You're born Jewish, you're committed to...
By not showing. You desecrated baseball too... Living up to your word is Jewish.
You said you would come to the game...
The rabbi spent a very long time explaining who you desecrate.
The rabbi knows how to get people to come to events. Due to this worry of vows, people stopped RSVPing for Simchas.
I don't take anybody for their word in the community.
The rabbi gets offended when the congregants don't hang with him. He really cares about baseball and bowling.
The rabbi holds his congregants to high standards. Building the Temple is one of them. If we ever have a decent handyman in the shul, the rabbi will send him to Israel to build the Third Temple.
People think the appeal cards are a scratch it game. They have no idea that flipping those tags is a pledge. They play with the card, and think that if they flip over the 2k, they've won the money.
They really do fight in shul. They say prayers for peace and join together in prayer to fight with each other. Honors cause the most fights. The rabbi is thinking of running every Aliyah like it's Simchat Torah, calling everybody up as a group.
I disagree with the rabbi regarding what a Jewish event is, as does the rest of the community. You add kosher food to anything and it's Jewish. Kosher food makes it Jewish. The rest of the community just disagrees with the rabbi on everything. So, I figure they disagree with the rabbi about what makes something Jewish too.
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That is how the punchline of a Jewish joke should look. Like you're questioning something, dealing with serious stomach issues, or giving a sermon.