Sermon of Rebuke: Achrei Mot-Kedoshim

by Rivka Schwartz

​The sermon was twice as long for another Parsha that took twice as long. I think he planned a really long speech to get back at Frank.
People were taking too much liberty in the shul the past few weeks. One person started cooking in the kitchen, with no permission. We had to kick him out before he treifed it up. We had people reupholstering the place. Somebody chose turquoise as the color for the new couch cover. The shul doesn’t have enough money for full reupholstering. We just get the couch covers. We have a lot of old members. They’re fine with it. People have also taken the liberty of calling themselves up to the Torah. One Aliyah had eight men. Max thought it was Simchat Torah. The women took the liberty of making the women’s section bigger. They didn’t want to bother the men, so they broke down a wall. This is what happens when people make decisions without being called on to do them, even with good intention. 
Right now, I am looking at a lot of maimed umbrellas. The lobby is a bumbershoot mortuary. 
The rabbi wasn't happy with people not listening and coming up with their own rules. It leads to lawlessness. I think the rabbi was giving his whole sermon to him. It was a double Parsha again.  
 
My Rabbi Mendelchem's Sermon (Drasha)
Shabbat Shalom in the meantime.

Another double Parsha. Too much. I give up... That was not a Kitel (robe). It was a blanket. I knew Frank was reading... I slept... He's only allowed to read during the week. When people aren't here and it's only part of the portion...
After somebody dies you say positive. That's what it means when you put the names of the three Parshas together... You are all alive here, and it is very hard to speak positive right now...

This week's Parsha kicks off with the piece of advice given to Aaron. Moshe is to tell Aaron, (Vaikra 16:2) 'Do not come to the tent of meeting within the curtain, in front of the cover that is on the ark, and you shall not die, because...' You can’t just go wherever you want all the time… It’s shul. Somebody went into the linen closet. That is where we keep the shul curtains… Your children can’t just jump up on the Bimah (stage where we lead services from)… Because we read the Torah from there, Bernie…
If the Torah drops... Yes. Some people need to take off some weight… 40 days of fasting is too much. Nobody wants the Torah to drop… I am giving a speech right now. Why is Chaim running behind the curtains again… Let the parents know that the kids can’t come behind the ark covers in my speech… Exactly. Or in front of them. The Bimah and the ark are not toys… The kids get up for Anim Zemirot and Hatikva and that’s it… We don’t have a shul choir. There is no need to have everybody up here all the time… Get down. I am giving a sermon. To you... You only come when the Gabai calls you… There are proper times… Somebody may die. We’ll get Mad Dog back here, and start bouncing more Jews out of shul…

This is told to Aaron, right after his sons died (16:1)… Nadav and Avihu shouldn’t have brought that pan without being told to. They did a service they weren't asked to do… You can’t just sacrifice whatever you want… Nobody wants your turtle, Benzi. The nursery school will not benefit from Terach the Turtle… It’s a bit much, after his son’s are killed, but do we want more to go wrong? Do you see the reupholstering job the sisterhood did?…
His sons are killed and Aaron is told to not make the same mistake. Is this not too close?... We have a duty to not mess up, like the Gabai. I have to remind him every time… Even when it is hard. Like right after he led davening and did a bad job. I was the one to let him know he messed up... And then calling up the guest to lead... You audition for leading Mincha... He always calls up Mr. Felsenblum for an Aliyah… It takes him five minutes to get up there, and then he Mi Shebeirachs everybody he’s ever met. By name… Sometimes duty comes first. Emotions are placed aside when you have to sit through 280 Mi Shebeirach blessings for each one of Mr. Felsenblum’s friends and family… No. You don’t wait for a board decision. That’s how you get a shul picnic with no hamburgers… You couldn’t get the Jack’s sausages, at least?... It is a holy decision. It has to be made by the rabbi… That's how you get sausages...

Rashi (16:1) teaches in the name of Rabbi Elazar ben Azariah that it is to caution Aaron. It's more powerful to be told that one will die from cold food, if there is an example of a specific person who died from cold food, then to not have the example… I am not saying that we need examples. But, Mrs. Krynatz's potato kugel was horrific...

It was cold and I had to spit it out... 
You need to be taught. You need to be reminded… You don’t learn from examples… How many times have you used umbrellas in the rain, and poof- it's broken? The metal is out of the cloth? These things arise and arise again. How many times have been warned not to smoke? And yet... 'How dare they stop me from smoking? It is hard times, I need a cigarette to get through it.' And what person has the chutzpah to tell them to stop at that moment? Who does that? H' (Gd) of truth, and a Yeshiva Bachur with no heart… Sometimes those kids come back from Israel and start telling us how to make the shul better… They always come back with the Jerusalem Stone ark theme idea… You can't reupholster a couch in Jerusalem Stone....
‘Don’t smoke yourself…’ You don't say that Bernie... Only H’ can do that… There he goes again… OK, Bernie. You teach H’ and Moshe proper etiquette…
 
There are times when Aaron is invited to come, such as on Yom Kippur. 
There are times to go places and then there are times not to. Times of proper approach, which render the good deed a good deed... You helped him up... He was already standing... Bernie is short... He got shorter... Older... When your child is sick, it is not time to go to the doctor's house. There are times to bother a doctor.  Why? Because it is annoying. How many times does one need to hear the advice '... cough medicine… No. You can’t come over to them in the middle of the Amidah… You approach right in the middle of prayers... I understand they come to shul... It’s not saving a life when your child coughs… She sneezed… You went over to Dr. Edelfort in the middle of the Torah reading…
It’s not a time to be walking around, going behind the curtain…
CORRECT TIMES IS WHAT WE’RE TALKING ABOUT
 
Many members in this congregation love going to the 'Reservation.' 
There are times to gamble, even though it is forbidden... You're not trusted to give testimony. There are times we need to make money, and that is understood. Chavie. How much did you pull in at the slots last week?... $3,000. And that was because she was in the right place at the right time. Good for you Chavie. You should give up babysitting... It’s not about work ethic. It's about following rules… How many people in this congregation should have been killed because of their poor cooking… Mrs. Krynatz's cold potato kugel... It kills... You don’t cook choolante during the week. You cook it for Shabbat… We don’t want to make the same mistakes as Nadav and Avihu…
But, when we take a look at Mr. Kandell, in the back over there. With his head bent down, still saying Viduy (confession). The same did not happen. He lost it all. It was because he went to the Reservation at the wrong time, and he played the wrong machine... Been coming to shule since…
Even so, Mr. Kandell is still broke... H' answers all questions and sometimes the answer is 'You shouldn't have gambled away the home and family'…
Just like Aaron and the Kohens, we all have rules and receive our warnings. As much as those punishments may hurt, Will we heed our warnings and grow through them? Will we become closer to H'? Will we lose everything like Mr. Kandell in the process? Will we bother every doctor, or will we wait till after services- because we don't have to pay when we ask questions at Kiddush?...
 
No. From now on, you wait to get called up to the Torah… Max thought it was SImchat Torah... Yes. And you bring donations… Learn from our mistakes and don’t give dumb speeches at the Shiva house… Bernie is the perfect example...

We didn't mention Kedoshim... It's a double Parsha... I will go on then...
(The rabbi went on for a while. Some people left, as their valet was running out at the hotel they park at three blocks away. I believe the valet wears a Kippah on Shabbat. It brings him better tips.)
It's about treating the shul and our community with holiness.
Aaron (16:23-24) changes his clothes after the sacrifices, in order to enter the Holy of Holies clean and with nice clothes... You change for shul.... Lessons we learn from the Torah about our form of the Holies.... I am just saying that our Gabai can use a nicer suit... A tie... After one dies... They have nicer clothes than our Gabai... Michael in jeans...
Then do your job... And you as a congregation listen... Parshat Kedoshim begins with (19:2) 'Be holy because I am Holy'... like H' we have to be holy... That means keeping Mitzvot... Where you fail is in honoring your parent, keeping Shabbat.... With your shorts in shul on Shabbat, you're not honoring your parents... If you feared them, you would've left their house already... Holy... not losing at the Reservation... Not smoking... Less Mi Shebeirachs.... 
It is about praying right and at the right time... Old stuff is not acceptable. It's Pigul, rejected (19:7). That's why Mi Shebeirachs have to be quicker... After three days, the sacrifice is rejected... After three minutes, the Mi Shebeirachs don't count... After thirty years, you get a new suit...The Torah reading took... It was too long....
Stealing is wrong and don't curse the deaf... You're not deaf Bernie. You're old...
Maybe by Yom Kippur, the congregation will get it right...
 
Rivka’s Notes on Rabbi Mendelchem’s Drasha
Nobody went near the curtain for two weeks after the speech. Nobody opened the ark, lest they die. They were worried about dying if H’ didn’t speak to them specifically, or send a cloud over the shul. Thank Gd that He sent a rainy day. Otherwise, the Torah would still be in the ark and nobody would’ve read Parshat Bahar.
Rabbi Medelchem touched on many points in our congregation about right things being wrong when you lose, like Mr. Kandell. If he just would’ve played the correct slots. I don’t believe that Jewish law supports gambling, but when your children’s college tuition is dependent on it, there must be a loophole. 
The rabbi wrote up a shul rule book, with his extra time allowed by people not showing up, as nobody opened the ark. Some of the Rules:
-No asking doctor’s questions in the middle of davening. The shul lost too many doctors due to too many annoying questions about kids' throats. The go to the new young singles Minyan in town, as they're the only ones without kids and they're the only ones that don’t bother doctors in the middle of services. The shul lost the doctor families money, and they were paying full dues. They were taking out loans to pay the dues. Doctors like to take out loans. The exception is that you’re allowed to ask doctors if it is something where they would make the announcement on a plane. But you have to ask in general, such as, 'Does anybody know CPR?' Many people found a way around this and waited till Kiddush to ask their questions. Which is why doctors don't show up to Kiddush anymore.
The lawyers can’t find one decent Minyan in town. They’re asked questions everywhere.
-No reupholstering any part of the shul, without consent from a professional. They almost ripped up the ark’s façade to add Jerusalem stone to it, thinking that it was a commandment.
-Umbrellas can only be used when it's sunny outside. They always break in the rain.
-Bernie is not allowed to go to Shiva houses, lest he say something offensive that only Gd should be saying.
-Auditions for leading Mincha. Problem with this is that nobody showed up to the auditions. The people figured that if they don't show up to shul, they shouldn't show up for the auditions. 
-No more than five family members mentioned by name in a Mi Shebeirach, or eight minutes. Whichever comes first.
The rabbi definitely brought the lesson home this week, as everybody learned from all the past sins of their families. The Rotensteins and Sadie have a lot to think about.
I think his message is that we all think we know what is right. Though, only the rabbi is right. We should not listen to the board.
The rabbi must’ve taken the lesson to heart, as Aaron was the spiritual leader. The rabbi started changing his clothes between each service. It was the most devaistic rabbinic act the congregation had ever seen. He deemed it holy.
His Drashas are getting longer. I think it was an hour and a half, and the shul air conditioning went out. He did say something nice about the dead people, as he said that they wouldn't have enjoyed such a long sermon in the heat. Or seeing the Gabai's suit.