Rambam: Yesodei HaTorah 1:11

by Rabbi David

Laws of Foundations of Torah... All plagiarized from the Rambam

Laws 11: Anthropomorphisms Whatever Those Mean

We have clarified H' doesn't have a body or corporeal being.
Let me repeat. H’ doesn’t have a body, He doesn't have feelings. He doesn't have to work out to keep toned and He does not have body dysmorphia. And that is why many Frum Jews who try to follow in H's ways are very out of shape.
Sticks and stones will not break H's bones, but you will go to Gehenim for calling Him names. That is how I learned the saying.
Note: I use the word corporeal so you can learn something new from here. And it makes me look smart. And I have no idea what corporeal means.

There is no separation. No greater or worse. No going up and no coming down. Gd is Gd. No anger or laughter. Nothing physical is Gd.
H' is One. That's it. Why I keep coming back to the Shema is because you don't get it. 'One is H". One is H". One is H". In the heavens and the earth.' Why the song repeats 'One' three times, I can't tell you. It's very confusing.
What does 'One' mean? Unity, no difference, all playing for the same team, a really boring football game.

H' doesn't sit at a desk all day. He doesn't slouch. H' doesn't have human needs. He doesn't say annoying stuff like Bernie. He doesn't mess up jokes like Max. He doesn't need to shower like Sam who just got here from the gym. Disgusting. In Sam's case, it's 'following in H"s ways to shower.'
Not speech or silence. But we can talk to Him. I pray and I am more confused. And the cabdriver that told me Gd spoke to him was lying to me.
How does Moshe speak to Gd? It's complicated. And it was the bush that spoke. Nowhere do we learn that bushes can't talk.

H' is not found in time. So, H' has no beginning or end. Death and life do not apply to Gd. Nietzsche does not apply to Gd. And don't worry about H'. He finds ways to keep occupied. 
H' doesn't need to keep occupied. Occupation doesn't affect Gd. You see. You and your corporeal being are still stuck on anthropomorphisms, whatever they are.

This is what the rabbi's said, 'Above, there is no sitting, and no standing, and no separation, and no connection.' How do people Daven in Shamaim? I can't tell you. I do know that they do get mad at the Gabai (the sexton). It's a very hard community to be part of. If you can't sit or stand, what are you doing in shul?! 

​H' doesn't get mad or angry. Otherwise, He would always be happy, until He had to deal with congregants.
He doesn't change. Only those bound by physical change. Which is why working out is something you should think about doing.

Lesson: Never trust anybody who says, 'Gd spoke to me.' They're lying or they're a false prophet. If they tell you Gd 'talked' to them, you can listen. They might be telling the truth.