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Thanksgiving has much Jewish tradition. There is a lot of food on the table, and that is Jewish to me. Yet, it can be more Jewish. I don't want to feel not connected to my people when celebrating this beautiful day. Let's focus on what we can do to make the holiday more Jewish.
Eat Your Turkey on Friday Night
Any meal you have on Friday night is a Shabbis meal. That's Jewish. Ever tried turkey necks in your choolante? That's a thank you to H' right there.
Eat cold cuts. As my dad always taught me, the rabbis didn't know if turkey was kosher, until they realized you can make pastrami out of it.
Make a sponge pumpkin pie. I don't know how that is done, but make it and it's Jewish. Songecake is Jewish. If you can make a sponge pie, you're a Jewish revolutionary. A pumpkin babka can work too.
Eat A Turkey Shawarma
Mixing Israel into the American celebration allows all the anti-Jewish sceptics to say 'I told you so,' and that makes us feel good. This is the perfect time to lend to the conspiracy that Israel and the US are in cahoots.
What are the US and Israel in collaboration about? Loving turkey. Both Israelis and Americans like to eat turkey.
The food allyship goes further. Israelis don't like cranberry sauce, but I have seen much cranberry crumble over in the Holy Land. It makes you question. If Israelis knew about pumpkin pie, they would eat it. The pumpkin pie conspiracy is there. Israelis just don't know about it yet.
Tell The Story of the Pilgrims
The pilgrims used wagons. So did every rebbe. You would know this if you ever heard a Chassidic story. Turn the Pilgrims into rebbe stories. Tell of how they did Kiruv on the Native people. Make it meaningful, with a sermon of the first Wampanoag Bar Mitzvah celebration.
Better yet, tell the story of the Pilgrims fleeing Europe, running away from Christian persecution. Jews can connect with the Church trying to kill them. Persecution always brings us Simcha.
Thanksgiving is a beautiful holiday, as we give thanks. Thanking Gd is a Jewish thing to do. Just don't do it at the table in English. Definitely not before the meal. Thanking Gd before the meal is not Jewish. And don't say 'Lord.' Jews pray to Gd. Christians pray to the Lord.
Bless Gd before the meal with a Bracha. Thank Gd after the meal with the Birkat Hamazon. That's not meant to be commentary. That's meant to make you a better Jew.
And do not hold hands when praying. This isn't the hora.
Nobody is working on the day. That is very Jewish. We celebrate holidays by letting other people work.
If nothing is forbidden, it's not a Jewish holiday. Make sure you have sins, and Mitzvot.
You can't eat turducken. It's Kilayim. You can't mix animals, and it kills a good turkey.
Forbid showering. After working on the yard and playing football, not showering will bring that second day of Rosh Hashana shul smell to the holiday.
You have to have three meals over the course of the day. On holidays, we have to eat more than once. Why not today? And ask questions like that. 'Why not today?' That brings a Pesach feeling to the holiday.
Have a Fight
A family fight will bring that holiday feeling to the day.
Turn the Thanksgiving Day Parade into a Rally
Jews don't parade. We rally.
Use the Thanksgiving Macy's floats to make political statements. Let it be known that Garfield is pro-turkey, because he loves Israel. He's thinking, 'I would love turkey shawarma right now.'
Remember to eat this Thanksgiving. That will make it a Jewish holiday.
If you want it to be a true Jewish holiday, eat the turkey breast. That's brisket of the turkey. And don't forget to the turkey pastrami sandwich.
I tried to help.
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That is how the punchline of a Jewish joke should look. Like you're questioning something, dealing with serious stomach issues, or giving a sermon.